#“the terrifying ordeal of being known” like hell it's terrifying it's all i've wanted my entire life

[mesaprotector]

this has been a summer of being in love with myself and feeling sad that nobody else worships me like i do

[watashime-ciel]

explaining the reason why some songs were added to some of my RH playlists because i cant just drop that and not elaborate and i have nothing better to do

i believe the title cannot be clearer than that so. yeah

when i quote a lyrics from the song instead of explaining thats because its a piece of lore im not ready to share because its too personal, too explicit, too sad, or i simply dont want to. this can make you think whats going on with the goofy goobers and make your own headcanons or scenarios. maybe. idk. still, huge TW for lyrics touching mental health generally, su1cide, s/h, EDs and s3xual themes

and ocean o'connor rosenberg

STARTING WITH DJ YELLOW because i always follow the same pattern when i talk of rhythm heaven

RAT A TAT WRITER by FAKE TYPE.: one of his favourite electro swing songs, which he forced Red to make a cover of

Valentino by Olly Alexander: "i should've known not to trust Valentino."

Wanna Be Someone by Telehope: a comfort song for his grey days

Toon Bangers by FAKE TYPE.: his first feminine cosplay was DEMONDICE in Toon Bangers, debuting with Connie and Red in a big convention. they performed that song so it has a special place in his heart

Born This Way by Lady Gaga: guess. just guess. because yellow is the straightest person i know /j

Happy Pills by Weathers: "the voices in my right brain are kinda funny. they tell me, take a deep breath. it's always sunny." piece of lore i'm not ready to share, but maybe dj yellow isn't that happy after all

Help! Oh, Well... by I'm Something Else YT: literally the song explains everything. and yes he needs help /hsrs

Poison by Blake Roman: "what's the worst part of this Hell? I can only blame myself", "wish I had something to live for tomorrow"

Empty by Jaiden Animations and BoyInABand: "but it's so overwhelming and i hope no one can tell, cuz the numbers keep decreasing, this ordeal is becoming routine. check; arms, back, neck, thighs. suck it in and pinch my sides. the scales are betraying me, the mirror is a lie! numbers. it all comes down to numbers. i know it's wrong, but just because you know you're colourblind it doesn't means you can't see the colours. fine! i admit i'm addicted! but the hunger feels good, how do i quit this?! i know i could die, i've seen the statistics! but the voices are with me through thick and thin..."

Noel's Lament from Ride The Cyclone: Yellow is like Noel fr and he quotes "GOD DAMMIT WOULD YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR JUST A SECOND YOU HORRIBLE SUCCUBUS!?" everyday

MEGANE by UltraNoob: ...he's a completely different person when he uses his glasses. way different.

Trapped In A Dream by RudyWade: the amount of times he woke up from a dream INSIDE A DREAM is insane, feeling like alive is not something he is during those moments. and he always feels like hes going to be trapped forever, which he hates because "the feeling of not being alive is not like not being alive, that's terrifying..". quote, "the clock is ticking, time's running out. i need to wake up, i need to shout. i need to find my way back to life. [...] wake me up, set me free from this dreaming misery. i need to feel alive again!"

Lagtrain by 稲葉曇: the whole song is one he finds the most melancholic of all. he usually hears Mako sing it, and he just breaks down to tears because its so magestic yet so sad and entertaining and melodic and-

Girls by MARINA: "look like a girl, but i think like a guy. not lady like to behave like a slime.", "is there any possibility you'll quit gossiping about me to hide your insecurities? all you say is blah, blah. girls, they never befriend me cuz i fall asleep when they speak of all the calories they eat! all they say is nanananana."

Magical Doctor by MARETU: literally the heaviest song he uses to vent emotionally. like- he screams along

I/Me/Myself by Will Wood: "i wish i could be a girl! and, really, i'd prefer it if you used 'i/me/myself'. am i pretty enough? am i pretty enough to fucking die!?"

bonus: cardigan by Taylor Swift. "you drew stars around my scars". this is something Blue voluntarely offered Yellow to do as a way of comfort and help with urges, also adding the rainbow breathing technique

the end. probably as i add more i will add more to this explanation list in a separate post

BLUE🗣️🗣️

Descartable by Tronic: a song he animated fully of him and all his friends (and yellow). it was the first time he got out his comfort zone

Space Age Bachelor Man from Ride The Cyclone: his ocs and Ricky are very much the same in terms of... lore. but not Ricky's lore. i mean the space Jesus lore. if you watched the musical you know what i mean

Tiempo by Darkar Alatriz (Vete A La Versh): this song hits me way too personally, as i always dedicate it to my deceased pet dog. i really cant get into much detail without hearing the lyrics in my head and thinking of her, but i dont want to keep this song out and act like its not there. i can only say Blue also lost something important to him at an age he considers young. but it wasnt a pet, but two people that are important for a young person whos still growing up

At Atelier by FAKE TYPE.: he sticks to the idea of "imagination has no limits" really well like Miss Atelier, always working hard to improve and finding inspiration everywhere

Candy by Paolo Nutini: okay. i cant act like this story didnt happen. at some point, Blue proposes to Yellow, and he obviously accepts. Candy was playing during Yellow's entrance. but this story happens in the future. waaaaay into the future... but

Cendrillon 10th Anniversary by DiosP: this is the song that replaced the classic waltz music. this song was also Blue and Yellow's debut in a cosplay contest as Cendrillon Miku and Cendrillon KAITO, winning on best performance btw

Alguien Como Tú by Jósean Log: this song is in Spanish, but its about a man in love with a woman. the woman either doesnt knows or doesnt feels the same for him, so he sings asking if she knows someone else with certain qualities she has, saying that if he cant be with her he wants to be with someone like her. during the years where Blue wanted to confess to Yellow but he was scared, he felt very much like this

Keep This To Myself by Casper Caan: the calm and melancholic tune of the song plus the chorus makes him think of the times he repressed his own feelings to help Yellow, as he is the one thats in danger almost everytime, not Blue. "Cuz I have a plan you don't know; i'll keep this to myself"

No Llora by El Cuarteto De Nos: i invite you to translate the lyrics to understand better. this is another song that hits me way too personally so i cant drop the lore. but have this in mind: Blue represses his own feelings so much that he can be a bit emotionless from the outside. now its because he wants to focus on Yellow's health first, but back in the day, he used to do it to prove himself he is strong enough to not cry for everything. although he would go back home and cry on Ann Gler's shoulder (Ann Gler took take of him during his childhood). thats all i can say. i cant quote anything because it burns

J.J

although many of those songs are what he plays on the guitar or sings, there are a few that go beyond that

Get Out The Way by Mother Mother: "i'm not antisocial, i'm just tired of the people. and i'm fine while rolling solo, so get out."

I Can't Handle Change by ROAR: "nothing i do is ever good. nothing i do is ever good enough. nothing i do is ever good. [...] leave me alone, leave me alone..." "i can't help but redeem myself, i know it's not your fault. still, lately i begin to shake for no reason at all."

all Megamasso songs: part of his lore, where he played in the Rhythm Heaven equivalent of Megamasso (Leo [Watashime Slug]'s band before WataSlug) as the second guitar

Christmas Kids by ROAR: "you'll change your name and change your mind, and leave this fucked up place behind, but i'll know, i'll know..." "if you ever try to leave me, i'll find you, Ronnie."

Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: "you gotta see the artistry in tearing the place apart with me, baby. i am unruly in the stands. i am a rock on top of the sand. i am a fist amidst the hands, and i break it just because i can. let's break it just because we can! deface it just because we can! let's break it just because!... just because.... just because, just because..."

Do You Think About Me?: surprisingly, his mental health improved the instant he befriended Cecil, and got even better when they started dating. although, at some point, he got to a downfall. he becane a clingy person towards Cecil, always anxious if Cecil is being honest or not. in the end, they are the only shoulder he can cry on. "there's a fairytale in our song, it brought us together, gave us a new start. i was lost, falling apart. you gave me a spot somewhere in your heart... and act of God? a shooting star? you came from afar, with open arms... it was so dark, as cold as November almost over, i told ya..."

Cecil💥

What The World Needs from Ride The Cyclone: Ocean reminds them of their mother. she, in reality, was a very close minded, mean, homophobic and egocentric. if you didn't do something as she wanted, then the world doesn't needs you. thankfully she changed, but she was a pain in the ass. like Ocean. nobody likes Ocean.

the majority of songs that sound childish, are from kids shows, etc etc, stick to their desire of never growing up and enjoy a happy childhood they really didn't have. i don't know if it's age regression, at least in Cecil's case (but it is for another goofy goober i'm not specifying), but they find the most comfort in a childish environment, ambiented with music

Body by Mother Mother: us genderqueer people have been in that existential crisis where we even question ourselves if we even exist. well, it got to Cecil really fast the moment they let their hair grow enough to look at themself in the mirror and scream in confussion. and somedays it got really bad that they just- well- read the lyrics-

Towards The Sun by Rihanna: no their favourite movie is not Home. its more of the melancholic tune that they like. it also helps them release more tears when crying becomes a hard task, and even need help with that

we fell in love in october by girl in red: J.J AND CECIL STARTED DATING IN OCTOBER. I REPEAT, J.J AND CECIL STARTED DA-

i wanna be your girlfriend: the day before Cecil confessed felt like that for them

Empty by Jaiden Animations and BoyInABand: they struggle to eat. simple as that. maybe it's the colour, the shape, the smell, the taste... they just struggle and need time to finish a few bites. they're in their way tho, trying new foods everyday with J.J's help. the song is not directly on their playlist, it's just like a character soundtrack, as much of the lyrics can be connected to Cez

Last Effect by last note.: berore playing the guitar, they played the violin, and this song is one they played last before switching completely to the guitar. coincidently, both violin and guitar are essential on that song

with this we conclude the goofy goobers songs that have a reason to be in the playlists i made. yes i know their stories are sad. no i dont regret anything. yes much of those headcanons were made for my own comfort. no i dont give a shit whatchu think🫂

im cold guys its like 7° outside thats too cold

anyways GOOD NEWS i got a job (yippee) so i will finally get money to buy that one compilation visual kei album with watashime slug's kyo x batsu japanese version omfg im- guys. guys its a dream come true

bye guys drink wotah plz dont get dehidrated

[rhymingtree]

As promised. Here I aaaam! I vow never to be late for any more releases (at least until the break ends). I'm just so glad school is over and I get to do fun things without worrying over deadlines. 😌😌

Time for my cathartic suffering to recommence.

They’d planned on closing her in, tightening their circle until she was trapped in their line of sight.

She's gotten very good at squeezing her way out of tight circles. I thought they'd know that by now.

Literally it doesn't matter how much tighter the circle gets, she has either squeezed out of it or she just cuts through.

— “You wanted to play a game of death and destruction, eh, Doc?” — Bucky flinched, the voice shooting through his head at the same time a headache pierced behind his eyes. A wince rocked through him at the sound. He bowed his head, avoiding the sun as it broke over buildings.

hmmmm what

Now is a very not good time for good ol Soldat to be making himself known

Who the hell was that?

bro its your giiiirl

“You need some sleep.”

you don't get to tell him what he needs and doesn't need, oliver

Ooh Nat is doing some very stressed out detective work

I mean, she's always doing stressed out detective work, but now she's super stressed

this whole ordeal is giving me trust issues too. Which is a lot considering I already have trust issues.

I love how absolutely oblivious Sam is.

And everyone bullies him for it. It's okay though. he'll get there.

oooh they're figuring something out

 “Where are you going?” “Away from you,” Sam said, “You’re gonna get me in trouble. Again.”

Im sorry Nat I laughed at your expense

Yes Nat, you're onto something.

Come on and figure it out, the more the merrier.

If merrier was the right feeling.

YEAAAH SPIDERMAN

And... the New York... Shadow?

Omg I forgot his name

His smile widened as he knelt to unlace his boots before he silently kicked them off and crossed the room in a pair of strides as he tossed off his mask. He was under the blanket before he could blink, wrapping his arms around his husband as he slept.

They're so fucking cute.

“You’re back late,” Duke croaked through half-lidded eyes. A smile curled to his lips as Jack pressed a kiss to his jawline. “Early,” he hummed lowly, “It’s early.”

My excuse when I go to bed an hour before sunrise

“I’ve missed your eyes. Fuck me, they’re beautiful.”

I'm going insane about this

Am I envious and awed by the connection and unmoving love and affection these two share with each other that is a perfectly kept constant in the entire series? Yes. My jaw is on the fucking floor.

Am I terrified that all of this is going to amount to one of them dying or getting hurt or getting brainwashed (as you have threatened to do you devil) and tainting every happy memory I (and they themselves) have with blood and pain and destruction? YES ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

These two make me cry.

When I finish this chapter I'm going back to their wedding so I can have a proper weep.

The sticky one EW

“You’re Spider-Man’s sidekick?”

Yes, Jack the full grown, adult, married, taxpaying(???) man is the 15 year old's sidekick. Ain't the craziest thing I've heard.

He was older…But Spider-Man had been a superhero for longer…right?

Bro you've been fighting bad guys in New Orleans and beyond before Peter even lost his Uncle Ben. 😐 You've got seniority. It's fine.

After weeks of chaos in his head and physically around him, it was like he’d finally figured out how to find peace. Even if his brain was going a million miles a minute—even if all his senses were picking up things he never knew existed—the instant he was with his husband, it all slowed down. And everything made sense. Even in the unfathomable, unpredictable world they had been thrown into, they made sense.

Right yeah I'm full on crying now.

Fuck you Darke.

Oh no... Sleepy Boone's a cockblock.

“I don’t know if she will.” “You did.”

Y'all are being wonderfully optimistic about this.

He still didn’t understand how that worked.

Does anyone really get how it works, though...

This may be because I haven't read BS:A in a month and I might have forgotten some things, but I have never related to Sam more than I do in this moment.

He’d been confused for the past month and a half. And, once he’d thought they’d figured something out, he was confused again.

Same bro.

Maybe everyone was simply stressed. Or sleep deprived.

This is either a high-stakes confidential investigation into a suspected HYDRA spy... or a day in my life trying to survive exams season.

SHE'S NOT A NAZI OH MY GOD

I love how close everyone is getting to answers but then it all blows up in their faces just before they could come to a solid conclusion...

Are all these trust issues going to lead to a Civil War-esque conflict

because if it is, I'm excited

And maybe that was what someone was counting on.

YEAH 👀👀👀👀👀 You could say that again

No really say it again, a bit louder this time so some ginger asshole 😐👀👀👀👀 prancing around Europe 👀👀👀👀 can FUCKIN HEAR IT

You know what I never understood about Peter Parker

He's a conventionally attractive intelligent kid in a science school. And yet he's getting bullied and isn't getting any attention from anyone (except probably MJ)

Sure he's scrawny and a bit awkward but I'd have thought that would be endearing and attractive.

I mean, I'd have a crush on him if he went to my school... to be fair, if you were to put him in my school, the bar would be so fucking low.

But STILL

And now he was dismantling the weapon himself. Mr. Stark wouldn’t mind. Peter would just do most of the work himself and then take the pieces to Stark. If anything went wrong…he’d say that he’d found it like that. Yeah…that’s it.

Wow. That's really fucking stupid, Peter. Congrats, you've reached the first of many lows.

“Some guy tried to vaporize me with it.” “Seriously?” “Yeah.” “Awesome,” 

Never change, Ned.

Okay, so he was called Shadow ok.

I still can't get over how serial killer-y the New York Shadow sounds to me

Yes, Ned should meet the Shadow.

i think the Shadow would like him.

Anyone in the right mind would like Ned. And the Shadow.... is not necessarily in the right mind right now but that's okay he'd still like him.

“Ned!” he whisper-yelled at his friend as Ned looked around in confusion. He waved him closer, “Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.” Ned raised a brow in bewilderment, shuffling slowly toward him as he glanced between Peter and the two men that were sneaking down the hall.

Never change.

He swallowed thickly, reaching for his web shooter and switching the settings from shooting web fluid to a tracking device he’d gotten from Agent Romanoff after the fiasco in Colombia.

I never really thought about how or why Peter got all this cool stuff in his suit that he knew how to use before he disabled the trainwing wheels protocol but now I know.

It's not canon in the actual MCU but not even MCU writers gives a fuck about what's canon in the MCU now.

What Darke says goes. Her will is final.

The Shadow was definitely right. He was gonna need some help with this one.

The delinquent teeager with a growing hero complex admits to needing an adult supervisor. Fun.

Yay time for Ghostie and her psychopathic buddies fun trip through Europe again woohoo

I think we can safely say that Ghost is displaying signs of a personality disorder that is definitely trauma-related and it gets my gears turning.

It's also so daunting to see her fall apart mentally like this, contrasting her with Ghost from the flashbacks and especially Ghost from Origins.

And, when they did decide to shut up, Athena decided that you needed to be informed of something.

Hehehe ok that's funny. She's an instigator.

Travel Trip number god-only-knows-what-number: make time to rest and eat... also maybe don't stray too far away from your planned accommodations because now you're trapped in the middle of Europe being chased down by a rat and your very persistent boyfriend.

Doctor Novak has impeccable timing... don't tell me he was just watching her have a breakdown in the corner like the creep that he is.

Omg that mental image reminds me of the baby lizard in the corner of my room that was staring at me at 3am while I was crying.

He is now baby lizard. A very evil, coldhearted lizard.

Oof, I'm now imagining him as Silco. Not a friendly mental image.

 A large binder was set on the table, marked with an array of tabs and spattered with red pen.

He's just getting help for his research thesis is all.

Trying to make light of the situation right before reading a really graphic torture flashback made my stomach churn and I'm sorry.

A little too… Obedient.

I'm gonna puke.

No but I'm actually gonna love this scene aren't I

I am I definitely am

“You look perfect.”

Knowing how emaciated and downright ghoulish she proabbly looks right now, that's just... disturbing.

Even if he saw her as a weapon, she isn't in her prime right now. His idea of her being perfect is when she's close to breaking down, inches away from dying because of self-inflicted damage, which in this case was still being inflicted by him. All of what she is now is just the long term effects of his handiwork.

Ew. But also woah.

Oh he bought her coffee?? Novak knows his way to a psychopathic woman's heart.

Or at least my heart but I don't wanna think about that.

As you…A-As you did what you were told.

Darke what the fuck...

“And you think you can control me?” “No, no. Of course, not. Even I cannot control you, Ghostie,” 

The thing is, he is in a way, still controlling her. He knows it. She's in denial about it. He's enjoying it.

But your fingers couldn’t wrap around the object. You couldn’t reach it…even if it was within your reach. A pained gasp left your lips as you tried again, “What are you doing?” The words came out in a panicked huff as you began to shake. “I am doing nothing,” he said, watching you carefully as he lifted his pen and began jotting down notes.

Ooh the first thing that came to mind is the pheromone lock thing that Dreykov put in the Widows, but I don't think that's what's happening here.

The second thing that came to mind was that scene in Moon Knight when Steven was trying to hand the scarab to Arthur Harrow, and one of the other alters (probably Jake) was physically stopping him from handing it over.

You could kill Ollie before he even knew you were there. You could kill him and everything would go back to normal. Then you could go home.

But it never ends with going home, does it?

Darke, that was one of the best scenes I ever read.

What the fuck are you doing to your poor protagonist

The Shadowman 😭😭 What, is he some washed up magician in Las Vegas now?

If Mr. Stark was so busy, Peter would take care of it himself.

PETER NO

NO NO NO NO NO

🙂

If this was a very persistent canon event unfolding, at least Miguel would be happy about it.

Ugh I hate that I'm now annoyed reading Bucky's POV because Ollie IS ALWAYS NEXT TO HIM AND HE KEEPS OPENING HIS FUCKING MOUTH

Oh no

She didn’t move, staring at their car as it came ever closer. “Move. Move. Move,” he whispered under his breath, the word coming out like a prayer. She stayed where she was, staring them down without any emotion. No. No. No.

oh wow...

“Maybe she has someone inside Aftermath,” he cut him off with a shrug, ignoring the glare he got from the man. “What—” “She’s been one step ahead of us from Colombia.” He licked his lips nervously, “Maybe you need to check your seals.”

Yes well about that...

“She was aiming at you. And, to be fair, you kinda deserve it.” “Who’s side are you on?” “At this point? It’s varying.”

This would be a really funny fight if I wasn't so stressed out

She wasn’t thinking. She was following orders.

Well, they're figuring this out, at least.

All this stress is making me miss Wakanda even more...

Oh Peter... you child.

Honestly, Jack, what did you think was gonna happen, trusting a kid to hand over a highly hazardous alien technology to a very busy sleep-deprived old billionaire who's got a lot on his plate

Before Jack could get away from the kid, a shot of white webbing went hurling at him. It wrapped around his wrist and sent it into the wall, trapping him there. A growl echoed through Jack’s chest as he pulled against the webbing and it didn’t give, “Seriously?”

HAHAHAHA

What makes it funnier is that it takes hours for webbing to dissolve so if Pete leaves him there, he's really not going anywhere

HAHAHA

aw dang super soldier got out of the webbing too fast. What a killjoy.

Oh no... now Peter thinks he's one of Ollie's guys

Which means he could tell Ollie about the Shadow guy... who's trying to help him take down the people providing Ollie with weapons...

Oh. No.

“Spider-Man and the Shadowman ride again!” “I already regret this.”

Oh god if this becomes a mentor/mentee thing...

Darke, you know what happens to Spidey's father figures!

IT'S A CANON EVENT

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

“I-I don’t know!” You cried, “I-I don’t miss. I-I never miss. I can't miss. I didn’t miss. I swear.”

So.... Jinx?

Psychosis?

Borderline insanity?

Hmmmm

He was your mission. And you weren’t going to fuck it up again.

Girl I'm scared.

I'm feeling a lot of emotions right now but scared is the overwhelming feeling.

You write her breakdown so well though... the way she's scared of what she's becoming, of how she reacted to Novak. It's great. I love it. I'm terrified.

The stress you're putting your characters under... oh my god.

Bucky's persistence to getting to Ghost and helping her, even though he's thought of all the possibilities of what's going on, why she's doing this; like, he's considered that she was genuinely a sleeper agent and he's still trying to help her... where do I find a man that dedicated?

WHERE!? I need one!

And the Homecoming Arc is going so well!! I love it!! I love how now that the Avengers are genuinely busy and stressed out trying to find Ghost, them not paying as much attention to Peter and the concerning shit he's getting into doesn't feel like them being assholes towards him.

Like we know what they're going through. They're not just ignoring him and sweeping him under the rug for no reason. Idk, that kinda bugged me watching Homecoming, because Tony's not that busy in the movie. Now, he's got valid priorities.

I'm just scared you'll hurt Jack now. I can hear Miguel's theme in the back of my head.

I'm heading into ch93 nowwww woohoo

Still scared though.

CHAPTER 92: SINS OF THE FATHER

To all my live reactors,

Please, please, please, hide your reactions under a Read More cut. I don’t want any spoilers floating around. 

&

To all my Anonymous Avengers, 

If you want to react in my asks, feel free. However, I won’t be answering any of them until at least Wednesday if they contain spoilers. 

Thank you,

Darke

┍━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━┑

No. No. No. No. No.

It couldn’t be him. No.

Athena would have told you if he was in the city.

He wouldn’t come anywhere near you. Not when you were like this. He was smarter than that.

Your chest tightened as the crowd around you brushed past you and you slowly turned to face the man in the window. His dark, nearly black, eyes met your and, in an instant, your mouth went dry. Your body went rigid. Your breath was caught in your throat as your stomach tightened in endless knots.

— “You think he is going to save you?” he asked, staring down at you as you fought against your restraints, “You think he is going to be the one to release you?” —

— A screech tore through your throat as the Soldier simply watched the blade slip across your shoulders. He didn’t move. Didn’t react to your pleas for help. —

— “He is not a hero,” the Doctor whispered, slashing the blade through more skin, “He is a weapon. And weapons, my dear, they do not weep. They do not scream. They do as they are told.” —

┕━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━┙

» CHAPTER 92: SINS OF THE FATHER

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[loregoddess]

I just wanted you to know I appreciate your comments on my head canon posts!

I'll admit it's always a bit ... well, it gives me jitters to put my imagination out there. "The mortifying idea of being known" and all.

That being said, positive feedback sure makes it feel easier on me.

I'm glad to hear that! And, also, thank you for sharing despite the nervousness that surrounds sharing a part of oneself.

I really feel what you mean about putting things from the imagination out there, like, it's terrifying in a way. I think this is because there's a part of ourself so caught up in the things we produce from our imagination that it feels like sharing something deeply personal even if the thing we're sharing is "headcanons of this piece of media from someone else's imagination that I shouldn't be self-conscious about but am anyhow". There's something terrifying about that because, I think, there's a fear of being hurt by how others will respond to the things we've woven so much of our hearts into.

Which is strange, because when I'm consuming content created by others (whether fan-content or an original work), I don't feel whatever the reverse of that trepidation is--like, I know that this is a part of someone else, that bits and pieces of another human are woven into this creative work in ways I don't know and can't fathom, but when I'm engeged with work itself that's not the thought in my head. I always just end up swept away in the narrative.

I have no idea if this makes any sense or not, but in my attempts to waltz around my anxiety about sharing my creative work, I've tried to understand where the fear of sharing works come from, and how to negotiate and navigate around that anxiety and fear. I still haven't really found a good answer, but trying to understand it makes me very thankful for the people who do have the courage to go ahead and put their little (or sometimes very large) creative works and thoughts out there, because I have come across some of the most delightful and fascinating headcanons and theories and so on, and I love reading them. And yet for stuff I think of writing, I'm always like "nah, I don't want to deal with potential drama on something made for me, even if I want to share it bc of some innate human desire to create things" so it's...an interesting ordeal, to be sure.

I guess the long and short of it is that sharing creative works, even stuff like headcanons and whatnot, is a ridiculous sliding scale of "this is made for me and to hell with what others think" to "I have Thoughts and I wish to share them but my fear is stronger than my peacock desire to show off".

In any case, I'm glad my little bit of positive feedback lessened some of the strain of this anxiety for you, and I do look forward to any future headcanons or thoughts you may share in the future!