#“can't you just manually start the song you want again” yeah that's the problem

[justsomeonenamedskyla]

sometimes when i'm listening to a single song on repeat on spotify after an ad break it just plays the next song instead of the one i'm trying to repeat AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR APART A PILLOW OR SOMETHING SO BADLY!?!?!? LIKE PLEASE SPOTIFY I GET THAT OTHER SONGS ARE COOL TOO BUT I'M HAVING A MOMENT (let me have this PLEASEEE) (half serious) it's probably only my problem though

[renticat]

WIPED OUT!

I am back and forth I think I am going crazy...

I don't wanna let you down, so promise you won't let me drown.

I don't wanna be alone

I don't wanna be in love, no I want to but it seems that people just have many interpretations of love anyway and mine is not considered as I am an ace. Okay another topic for another day.

This blog is so old. Trust me but I wiped out if for several times, and I almost did it again because I feel I change now and I should just erase all my history and start a new.

But I feel little sad as I don't know, there is some people reading it, even maybe they're just couldn't find me back then. Ugh, is so slow typing on this phone, not to mention the risk of losing it all, I mean sometimes my google just crash and then gone all my writing. Yeah I should just write it on note then copy paste it but back then tumblr is never neat either unless you're doing the writing on the website or app, but the app is huge for my old small phone. 😭

See, I try to make paragraph but the gap is like twice big like the gap of me and him now 😔. Fuck what am I talking about? It's my own fault and yeah I need to take shower instead of rambling about this craziness again.

𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙?

Yeah, you can't but I keep trying to make you understand and somehow it only made you feel sick about me and now I am sad.

Because I am afraid to lose you, while losing itself sometimes is inevitable. Oh yeah English is not my mother tongue so if this notes sounds stupid to you it probably is. I wish my English writing skill is improving so I can just rant as good as my Indonesian (even though in my Indonesian, I tend to jump from ideas to ideas because there's just too much on my mind; feels like I am exploding and yeah I need to chill) . Fuck I can't chill.—please babe take me away from here, yeah but I am stuck and brokie huhu.

As someone said one or two times talking bout your problem is okay but if you keep ruminating it without looking for the real solution, it'll only makes you go crazy. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? IS THIS WHO YOU ARE?

Nope, i don't even know who am I, but I know what I want. Yeah and the upper capital it's something new here because back then I have to type manually big letter for each sentence after period. Gosh, and yeah I sometimes not using commas properly because in Indonesian, if there's conjunction that comes after main clause it's actually not needed; well I tend to write in long manners also like I sm someone who born at 60s. Yeah I wish it will be much easier as text is killing me and I am bad texter.

Cause I know you wanna reach me, but I am a bad texter. No kidding this is the lyrics Bad Texter by Ryan Woods and I kinda dig in to this song too much back then in 2021 as I miss someone who doesn't even miss me back. Isn't that always the case of you Ren? yeah yeah. Like right now I am dying.

Dying for love, but knowing new person is another problem and again I feel bad for lying, saying that everything is OK, when I am NOT OK. I should've done that from the beginning. Fuck. Fuck me. Oh yeah is not that I am vulgar, is just is not my language, so I feel less bad. It's alien to me but not in my Javanese, i don't do that often so I AM SO SORRY. I need to tone down on swearing. LOVE. LOVE ME. HAHAJAA

Writing is fun, is like I can think of what I want to say not like speaking. Yeah I am shy at first but when you already know me, you'll gonna be the one who will embarrassed like how the hell I know this person? I don't know it's full of surprises, congratulations it means i trust you. If I don't speak that much to you, we're not that close (we are though in this blog of mine as I said sooo many freaking things).

Maybe it's because I am hiding for too long now I am going crazy. Well I can't also safely publicly stated my situation right now, right here but goddammit I am too naive and honest that I can't lie for goodness sake. I wish I learnt many things from people whom I talked in the internet, how they're so cunning and crafty with their words even though they never meant it. It's amazing, astonishing and breaking my heart at the same time.

Oh, I don't know I tried to make this blog neat but instead the archive page is fading in one words? The color? Yeah it's strange because I have another tumblr (which I don't open it anymore) but it looks okay. Yeah this one is my favorite because it's the first and back then this theme is available now I can't download it anymore— even though I am planning to just make a new one and save myself time to edit all my past nonsense but I am too old for this. Not tech savvy. 70 years old what do you expect? Hahaha

Old as hell. In this crazy world full of Instagram. I have it back then but then I am bored because I can't afford new outfit or going to cool places. Like people only post their highlight of life and not misery unless it's in form of art that I wish I could draw it out.

Sometimes is like what I am trying to say with all of this things but because in reality I have no spot to be heard as I am already wrong by default it hurts. And I know I don't own explanation to anyone but then I thought love is sharing about everything but then maybe i am mistaken their lust for love.