#“anybody have thoughts? would be interested in hearing how you've navigated similar things”

[weirdo-with-a-nametag]

Told my dad about something to ask his advice (I don't talk to him very much, this is kinda a show of trust) and now he's following up and. I don't like it.

Maybe I don't want this kind of relationship with him right now? Think I feel like he's gonna criticize how I'm addressing this problem, and I don't want to let him think he gets to do that. It's like, raising my hackles that he's asking about it at all. I want it all to be on my terms

Like, benefit of the doubt he very well may be trying to connect, following up on something I brought up so we can chat and so he can be involved in something in my life. But the way he tends to do that is to take control and tell me that any departure from what he thinks is the Right Way makes me a bad person and bad at the skill and basically it's my fault if something goes wrong. And I don't want that in my life.

I want to initiate and model a different way of talking about things, but I'm having trouble coming up with one. I want to say 'I'm dealing with this in my own way, I want your thoughts on this specific aspect but that doesn't carry a guarantee that I'll do it your way' or..something? But it's kinda an approach to advice that I'm only starting to understand - I'm used to it being all or nothing, if you ask for advice you take it 100% or you decide that person isn't worth listening to - and that's because it's what he taught me. So I'm not sure how he'll take something like that.

He's asking if there's any progress. I could go 'yeah, this happened, here's the next thing I'm gonna do, thanks for your thoughts before' and like change the subject, ask a question about something else, maybe? That might tell him I'm handling it and don't want more input, hopefully without making him defensive

I don't want to have to shut him down if he goes into more advice (we're both stubborn and telling him no once he's picked a course tends to end in anger) and I don't want to pretend to take it (and encourage him to do that again next time) but I'm not sure the above response - or any response - will sidestep that. He might have it locked and ready.

And I know he wants to fix things between us, but it's gotta be different. So I've got to show him how I want to build something new