#˚◞❀˳ 𝒔𝒖𝒈𝒂𝒓 '𝒏 𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒆 ﹕ ꒱ ₊˚⊹

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ a proper farewell

god that title sounds dramatic as fuck so let me just clear things up immediately: no, I'm not leaving tumblr, I will still be very manageable to reach and interact. what I am drifting away from is the tolkien fandom — and since this place, despite my hardships, has meant so much to me - I decided to give it a proper little farewell, to the people who made everything count. along with a little explanation for my decision while shedding light on my experience. ( I'll try to be brief )

I joined the tolkien fandom while writing for thranduil, it's here I gained my following in the fanbase and things went quite smoothly. however, upon beginning to write for mairon, then melkor and then later the ainur — I saw an increase in hate anons. something I have experienced before, natural of a multi fandom blog, but never to this degree. initially I assumed it was because I was simply growing larger as a blog, and perhaps that is the reason — but from what I noticed, I was battling with a bunch of chronically online people who simply could not handle my love for. . . "problematic characters"

I never understood it, really. I never saw other ainur blogs getting the hate I did - I guess I'll truly never know. had I done something? was my writing just not good enough? were my vibes off? over the time I've been called things like two faced, fake, a romanticiser of abuse, lazy for not filing out requests, been told I shouldn't write reader inserts, told to kms and other graphic incidents ( such as people sending death threats and actual gore to my inbox ). this branched from burner accounts to anons, and I could just never understand why me. a quick gander at the #clownon tag and you'll find some of the instances in which I've been harassed.

I genuinely thought my writing was the issue.

which demotivated me from writing for quite some time. could I have turned anon off? sure, but that would have meant that the anons I'd frequently interact with would most likely not come around anymore. it meant a decline in requests, it meant just a crippling factor to my blog in general, so I chose to ignore. but it got hard to eventually. I was bullied for liking a god with big wings just because for crying out loud.

I've tried to fake being okay. fake being strong and unwavering about the hate, but I just couldn't anymore. and that's okay.

it wasn't all tears and hardships though. I have made very good friends through the tolkien fandom, many of which I consider close. from @bluezenzennie to @kiatheinsomniac — @a-contemplation-upon-flowers , @cilil , @someoneinthestars and so so many more. it'd take me forever to tag and honestly my heart is squeezing so much listing these few down already. they made fandom fun, whether it was our silly little play fights or collabs or you name it. those of you that have spent time to tell me about your day on anon or send in the nicest of things. I haven't forgotten them, and I cherish them, but it's time for me to go

am I sad? fucking of course. a part of me found so much comfort here and in these characters. I've spent hours on end developing lore for aus or designing aesthetics for writing — just writing and pumping out content or blogs, everything and anything I could do. and while I don't regret those times - the way I've been treated in response hurts. which is why I've made this decision.

I'm growing as a person too. I'm writing a book now, I've got an oc blog to promote that book that I'm working hard on ( @valentine-cafe ) , things are looking good. does this mean I'm just gonna disappear? of course not. I plan on staying around, getting back into request writing ( for other fandoms ) and still interacting and supporting my tolkien moots and friends. will I be writing or creating content for tolkien? probably not. at least not in the foreseeable future. the characters I once loved and cherished have now been ruined for me. I've been made to feel embarrassed for loving manwe and namo to the degree that I have, and I don't see myself being able to write for ainur without thinking of all the shit I've gotten for doing so.

regardless, I'll be here still. and while I might not be your local valarfucker anymore, I hope to be your rose still 🩷 thank you so much for two and a half years, I love you all dearly

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ I like healthy miguel, I like unhealthy miguel. I like soft miguel, I like rageful miguel. I like stressed miguel who's weighed down by his work, I like miguel who enjoys what he does. I like grey miguel, I like misunderstood miguel. I like miguel who's actually quite chill, I like miguel who's still getting over his past demons. I like fluffy, angsty, smutty and dark miguel.

all of these characterisations are valid because this is a fictional character.

stop telling people how to write him, and other characters for that matter.

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳  just a small reminder that I am waayyy more active on my new blog @valentine-cafe ! a blog full of characters ( x reader ) — where I am also promoting my soon to be book 🩷 I would really like to see some familiar faces over there, miss you all!

if you'd like to support some of my writing or just see me there it would be nice !

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ I as a writer need to grasp the reader's attention in the first five minutes, but also not provide over exposition. I need to follow a list of rules, yet also not write like a robot and have a unique style. need to create in-depth characters all around and realistic relationships — but also not make anything hyper realistic because that's also an issue. I need to keep a good pace but also not add filler. I need to make sure my reader is not confused but also not over-explain anything. I need to be good at dialogue, world building, character motives, plot devices, narratives etc.

I need to do all of these things in perfect unison and if I cannot, I'm a bad writer.

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ psa for tolkien fandom!

I'm sure all of you have noticed but I am slowly drifting away from the tolkien fandom. recently I have thought about giving away my side blogs ( @dirty-ainur-confessions , @ainur-confessions , @ainur-interactions and @yandere-ainur-confessions )

if any of you would like to take ownership of any of these blogs, private message me so that I can give you all the html of the admin posts. I'll be sure to promote your new account on the old ones, the only thing we will have to change are the names of course. which we will discuss in private 🩷

I'm doing this because while I am not too into the fandom anymore, but I know how hard it was to come across ainur blogs like these. I want to keep it alive in some way and in a way, think of it as the one final present of the ainur and manwefucker — please dm if you are interest 🩷

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ might be coming back. . . keyword on the might — I'm really busy with my book but I do low-key miss being here 🩷

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ WHAT SPOILER DID I JUST SEE. TOWER OF GOD WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ PSA

hello all, I'm sure you've noticed my hiatus ( again ) so I thought I'd make a little announcement on this because I have seen that a few of you are becoming worried. firstly, I would like to apologise for any concern that I elicited. it was never my intention.

now that that's out of the way — I have not been doing good these past couple of weeks. past few months, in actuality. a lot has happened, both with family and just my general mental health. a lot of traumatic experiences have occured this year and my mind is struggling to get over them all at once — which has thus landed me in this position of being clogged up with so many negative emotions and feelings that it is genuinely difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning. this year hasn't been my year at all and honestly I am in need of professional help that is a bit difficult to obtain at the moment.

I will be trying my hardest to crawl out of this slump. I might not be as active anymore but I will try my hardest to at least pop around here and there. in regards to this blog I am still going to keep it up and hopefully get back into the swing of things soon.

thank you all, and I love you so much. please take care ❤️

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ “oh this monsterfucking with miguel doesn't need to be too long! probably 600 words max. it's your first writing for him after a —”

2.1k words and ongoing later

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ maybe I have a thing for possessive men in fiction because I'm always hyper aware of infidelity due to past wounds and just the idea of someone being so obsessed and madly in love with you scratches that fear away

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ beeeee patient with me — what are these mean jabs in my comments and ask box 😭

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ y'all need to realise that miguel becomes spider-man in 2099 in his universe ( or something, idk, all that you need to know is that he's way in the future ), he's gonna perceive most spider teens' humour and language as "old" and "boomer level"

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ SO earlier today I scraped my finger on the grater while making my breakfast but I didn't think too much on it BUT while I was happily eating my cheese and crackers I saw a specks of red and wondered to myself did I somehow get jam on here?? only to take a closer look and realise NO I am in fact pouring with blood from my second knuckle

so I clean everything up, go back to eating my food, then get up from my bed but WHOOPS! I scraped my injury against the sheets and it didn't like that so it started pouring even MORE blood and I was like ough that's a lot, so I patch myself up again and go on with my day

now I have made myself some more food but I slammed the cupboard door shut on the injury and eh it hurt but I go on with my food only to see specks of red all over my biryani and here I am asking myself — did I somehow get jam on here??

[edensrose]

I have no idea why I'm eating so much recently, people say it might be a growth spurt. . . fingers crossed

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳ I'm so indecisive, please help me pick writing aesthetics. should I have my writing aesthetics as the same colour as my theme or should I make them colours that complement my theme? ( like bubblegum blue, some variations of purple )

[edensrose]

˚◞❀˳  *crawls out of hole* hi :D