#|| Don't look for sanity I've lost her the moment I started playing with this game. ๐Ÿ˜„
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pixelpaladin24 ยท 2 years ago
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Me: Okay, I'll set up my account on our PS4, and guess who will restart Detroit: Become Human tonight ๐Ÿ–ค (we just finished it yesterday I really can't get it out of my head okay ๐Ÿ˜‚)
Connor: *steps out of the elevator and saves a fish, software instability immediately shows up*
Me: Ahh, now, there's my dose of serotonin ๐Ÿ˜Œ
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slutforsfender ยท 1 year ago
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๐ฌ๐ข๐ฑ๐ญ๐ž๐ž๐ง - ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐๐ง'๐ญ ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฌ๐š๐ข๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ, ๐ฌ๐š๐ฆ ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ง๐๐ž๐ซ
๐€๐ซ๐š๐›๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐š
I woke up the next morning wrapped up in Sam's arms around my body. He was holding onto me tight as if he was scared to let go. My head and heart had a million feelings going through them. Fear, happiness, anger, safety.ย 
I sat for a while staring at the room around while letting my thoughts roam free for a minute trying to come to some sanity. My sixteen year old self was cursing my twenty eight year old self while also being happy at current circumstances.ย 
Sam started to stir next to me as he woke up, bringing me back to reality.ย 
"Morning Rose" He rasped out in his morning voice which almost killed all doubts in me.ย 
"Good morning" I smiled back as he pressed a kiss to my head.ย 
"I'm scared if I wake up fully this will either be a dream or the conversation we will have will end not how I want to" He spoke, making me tense under his touch.
"I think reality was lost last night for both of us" I laughed a little, my nerves playing through.ย 
"It could be reality this, but it isn't that easy is it?" He asked, stroking my hair.
"I've only been home for two weeks and here we are. It feels like a chaotic romance, I mean we are chaotic but I don't think we can just sleep together and forget everything that happened and get back together" I sigh.ย 
"Okay" He says, stopping to think before speaking again. "How about this? We don' forget everything but we don't go back to hating each other either and arguing all the time or being strangers. We try the friend thing?" He says, sitting up and looking me in the eye.ย 
A feeling settled inside me in that moment. A feeling of I don't whether this will end good or bad but I don't want to loose him again and put myself through that heartache.ย 
"We'll try the friend thing" I smile as we sit across from each other for a moment in silence.ย 
"Right I better be going, mam will be skitzing said I was only going for a few" He said causing us to laugh as he gathered his things from the night before.
That conversation was easier than I ever wished yet it left me with a feeling I couldn't even describe. I didn't even want to delve into it as I fell back on my bed and let out the loudest sigh ever.
My mind fell back to one of the first interactions we had back when we were fourteen before there was any romance between us.ย 
I sat in a Science lesson writing away, answering the questions on the board as my friend who was sat between me and the blonde boy was talking away in my ear. Suddenly the teacher spoke to stop writing and get ready for the bell.ย 
"Shut up small person" I spoke to Brandon as he made some stupid comment.ย 
"Oi say that when stood next to Sam" Brandon spoke as he pointed to the tall blonde boy next to him.ย 
For some weird reason we both stepped closer to each other, comparing heights as Brandon laughed.ย 
I looked into his eyes with my arms crossed and I felt some weird feeling that I did not let my brain register.
"Oh wow you are actually tall" I spoke as I walked away to my seat, grabbing my backpack as he copied the same action. Our eyes not quite leaving each other as Brandon talked away.ย 
"Right come on it's break. You need to find your girlfriend and our friends" I said, leading us away as Sam found his friends as well.
My brain came back to reality as I messaged Phoebe, letting her know what happened.ย 
Phoebe: Right well it sounds like we need to have a girls night in, I'm setting off now. love ya.ย 
I smiled at the message and decided to get ready, not letting my brain to think.
It was a bit later now and I was pouring glasses of wine for me and Phoebe as she chose the music to play through the speakers.
"So when are my favourite people coming home?" She asked as we sat at my dining table.ย 
"Tommorow afternoon" I reply.ย 
"Oooh got one more night for more activities then" She said wiggling her eyebrows.ย 
"Okay the wine has hit you straight away" I joked as I ignored the comment.
"No seriously though. Just friends?" She asked, genuine interest.
"Yeah we agreed we couldn't just dive into getting back together after twelve years since our breakup" I spoke, staring at my wine glass.
"Ah so it's an agreement to be just friends until you are bit more less on bad terms" She spoke.ย 
"No no, we aren't getting back together. We can't. It's me and Sam" I spoke as if it was obvious.ย 
"Okay if you say so but I will still be mad at him for the heartbreak he caused you" She says, standing up to turn up the music, causing me to laugh as my phone buzzed.ย 
Sam: Dean was adamant on coming over, thought I'd be a wreck hahaha
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I laughed as I sent a pic back of me and Phoebe, smiling at the picture.ย 
Me and Phoebe enjoyed the free house as we talked over everything that has happened in our friendship with a weird feeling left in the air.ย 
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liked by sam_fender, phoebe_anderson and 643,523 others
arabella_youngย nights with phoebe like the 16 year olds we were once ๐Ÿค
tagged: phoebe_anderson
view all 16, 649 comments
username1ย she's gorgeous wtf!!
username2ย sam's in the likes. how tf does he know herย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ^ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  username3ย probably just finds her attractive like the rest of us or they have worked together, she's a writerย ย 
phoebe_andersonย my gorgeous bestfriendย 
^ ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  arabella_youngย just marry me at this point!
deanedwardthompsonย stunning bella!ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ^ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย 
arabella_youngย thankyou deano xย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย 
^ ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  username4ย anyone else confused by these interactions??ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย ^ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  username5ย me too!!
username7ย god she's gorgeous. to be arabella right now as well with sam and the lads interacting.
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everyhowlmarksthedead ยท 4 years ago
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seeing someone else.
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BISHOP LOSA. MAYANS MC โ”ƒ USEFUL LINKS
โ request by @encounterthepast: Hello lovely Aurora, can I request angst prompt number 7 with Bishop please, thank you, ๐Ÿ’•
โ prompt: โ€œDonโ€™t you dare to lie to me againโ€.
โ request by @arveeee: Hello my dear, so I was thinking, and there is one sentence to that can't go out of my head. So it is: "let me in" with Bishop (I know I'm boring). Well I believe in you, I love you , and I love your writing. Say hello to Arya.
โ request by anon: Hi, Aurora. I love your writing sm ๐Ÿฅบ I was wondering if I could request an imagine with my man Bishop? I was thinking of something like the reader and him being in kinda like a friends with benefits situation, but she decides to break it offf because sheโ€™s really upset. And maybe Bishop doesnโ€™t understand so she eventually explains to him that she wants more out of their relationship and he reassures her they are more and they always have been? Maybe leads to like soft/romantic smut? Thanks so much!
โ request by @meteora-fc: hello hello! so, that new trailer huh?๐Ÿ˜ต would absolutely love if you could write me something for a stressed out bishop with the prompts "Stop ignoring me, itโ€™s driving me crazy!" and "Let me help you make it better." Thank you tons!!๐Ÿ’–
โ words: about 1.4k.
โ a / n: as always, donโ€™t forget to comment and reblog if you liked it!
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Another tequila shot goes down your throat, ripping it off as you almost smash the small glass on the table. Tossing your head back as you rest your back against the sofa, sitting on the floor, you take a look around you. The gloomy has taken over your house as the night has fallen a couple of hours ago. It's the fourth night you are trying to forget about Bishop and whatever you two had. But you can't dismiss from your mind his caresses โ€”his fingers drawing patterns on your back, his lips touring your neck with delicate kisses as if he was afraid of breaking your skin, his mustache tickling your inner thighs, his raspy voice articulating your name in moans. It's the fourth night miserably failing, remembering the last time you spent together, the way he was holding his back pretending he wasn't sad because you were leaving him.
โ€œObispo, it's over. Don't make a big deal. We're just friends who occasionally fucksโ€. You scoffed somewhat annoyed because of him and his interrogation, but how could you tell him you were falling in love with him?
โ€œI ain't making any deal, (Y/N). I just want to know what made you change your mind and keep a wide berthโ€.
โ€œI'm seeing someone elseโ€.
"Don't you dare to lie to meโ€. He growled, taking a step closer towards you with the intention of stopping you from picking up and packing the less stuff you had in his house.
โ€œThink what you wantโ€. You replied, rolling your eyes.
The first tear flows in the left corner of your mouth not appreciably at first, but then, some more until finding yourself crying. You miss him so much. You miss watching him sleep peacefully in the small hours, drifting slightly when you caress his cheek using your fingertips. Flexing your knees to your chest, you wrap your arms around trying to contain the loud sobs, hiding your face between them. How have you been so stupid to fall for him like that? The two of you made it clear from the very first moment. Friends with benefits. But after a couple of weeks, you started to notice that he used to push away any other woman that it wasn't you, he didn't spend much time in the clubhouse preferring to do it in your house โ€”cuddling, watching movies, playing poker; kissing every single inch of flesh covering your anatomy.
Reality hit you the moment he murmured something like you're a miracle, thinking you were calmly sleeping between his strong arms and your back stuck to his chest, no distance among your bodies. You knew it was a thing produced by the alcohol running through your veins and it wasn't fair for you to fantasize about the idea he was catching feelings for you. So you just ran away, like a coward.
Some clumsy knocks on the front door of your house bring you back to reality. At first, you try to ignore them. It's not like you're in the mood for visits, knowing that probably it's Leti at the other side of the place, worried because you haven't replied to her text all day. But she insists and insists. And you know how stubborn she can be sometimes. Serving yourself another shot and drinking it in just one gulp, because you're too sober to endure another of her Ted talks about positivism and what he has lost, you stand up on your bare feet. Everything around you spins dizzyingly for a second until you can react, feeling every knock like a hammer hitting your brain.
โ€œI've heard you the fiโ€”โ€.
Opening the door to receive her, your vocals get frozen as you face Bishop in a deplorable drunk state. Just like you are.
โ€œLet me inโ€. He barks, not being able to look at your eyes, trying to pass you away to the inside, but you stop him.
โ€œGo home, Obisโ€”โ€.
โ€œI'm home, shut the fuck upโ€. He frowns taking a sip from a bottle of whisky you haven't noticed till now. โ€œYou think you can kick my fuckin' ass outta your life by saying you're seeing someone else? You think I'm fuckin' stupid, queriโ€” Were you cryingโ€ฆ?โ€
From anger, his tone of voice falls to one lower and lower, as the concern and the worry cover his annoyance completely. Throwing away his drink to somewhere over the grass of your yard, he holds your face onto his palms. His touch causes you to tremble. His warm touch causes you to break into aching sobs, panting as you can't breathe properly. All this time you've been thinking you have missed him, but you didn't have a real idea of how it feels until his fingers have been laid on your wetted skin.
Bishop comes closer to you, touching the tip of your nose with his. You can smell the mixed scent of cigarettes and whisky emanating from his cracked lips, it doesn't bother you, tho. โ€œDon't kiss me, pleaseโ€.
Until this precise moment, he has loved your begs and pleads to his bones, but now he hates them more than anything he could ever hate in his life. It breaks his heart. He can't deal with your rejection one night more.
โ€œWhyโ€ฆ? Why can't I kiss you?โ€ He asks desperately at the edge of his tears. โ€œPlease, stop ignoring me, it's driving me crazy. I can't even take care of my own shit without you by my sideโ€.
Your knees feel weak at his words, still believing he only says that because you're just a good lover, the best in the sheets, as he told you once.
โ€œIโ€ฆ Iโ€ฆโ€ You babble nervously, trying to not place your hands on the laps of his leather kutte to finally push him into the needed kiss you've been craving for the last four days. โ€œI love youโ€.
And why the confession doesn't take him by surprise? Why doesn't he look confused? Why does it seem like he already knew it? Bishop can't help but draw a fleeting grin across his face.
โ€œDo you think I came here, falling into pieces, just because it feels like being in Heaven when I'm deep inside you?โ€ He whispers, clicking his tongue slightly. โ€œI didn't believe you when you told me you were seeing someone else. But the minimal thought I could have about it made me lose the less sanity I haveโ€.
You blink stupefied at his own confession about his feelings. Your fingers tour his abdomen up in slow motion, starting to have some faith in his words.
โ€œMi amorโ€ฆโ€ Bishop mumbles in soft giggles shaking his head. โ€œI adore you, mi amor. I don't want anything else than to share my life with you, and only with youโ€.
He doesn't wait for a signal from you to kiss your lips, he just takes what it's his. And you can't hold back a painful gasp, expelling in it all the sorrow you've been carrying for the last four days being separated from him. Your hands grip his shirt in two fists, pushing him as much closer as the two of you can be, about to melt in the same figure. All this time you have been trying to not love him, to forget him; and you were just delaying the inevitable. You are made for each other, that's a fact. Your lips fit to perfection โ€”your bodies, your hearts.
โ€œTell me you love meโ€. You whimper against his mouth, causing him to smile because of your need of making it real by these simple three words.
โ€œLove isn't enough to express what you make me feelโ€.
Bishop bends down without prior notice to wrap his huge hands on the back of your thighs, urging you to jump onto him and surround his waist with your legs. You haven't forgotten how good his warmth takes over you when he holds you like that, walking inside your house and kicking the door close. Guiding his steps across your place and its hallways, he reaches your dark dorm barely illuminated by a post light outdoors. He lies you down on your bed โ€”a bed that has welcomed you for the last eight months in every kind of state. Drunk, tired, happy.
Now, you're a mix of them. Drunk in tequila, tired of crying, but happy for having him back for the rest of your life.
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GENERAL TAG LIST: @mayans-sauce @peoniarose @destynelseclipsa @band-psycho @myakai13 @petlaufeyson @-im-fantastic- @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @rocketqueen @rosieposie0624 @ellyseveronica @Jessprins13 @diaryofkali @ravenmoore14 @starrynite7114 @kenbechillin @miahelen @monkeyluver4546 @sheeshgivemeabreak @jadesamhart @rawrlittlepanda-95 @megapeacelovemusic-blog @katsav17 @skits90s @wildsould1221 @littlekittymeow @tenderclio @badame1240 @regalbanshee @greeneyedblondie44 @phoenixhalliwell @codenamewife
MAYANS MC: @multiyfandomgirl40 @countryash345 @skyofficialxx @lovebishoplosamiguelgalindo @bellisperennis0 @chibsytelford @trulysuccubus @purrrrfect @witching-hour @leathercladmenfics @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @queenbeered @sesamepancakes @gemini0410 @pinguinstudiert @oscars-wifeyyy @meteora-fc @lozaa94 @arveee @joupym @hanster1998 @missswritings @arana-alpha
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bunnyhani ยท 6 years ago
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Take A Deep Breath
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Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader
Genre: Fluff and angst
Warnings: Panic attacks!
Summary: You've started getting these attacks, where breathing was difficult, your body shaking and sweating. You're very afraid and concerned, who wouldn't be. You have no idea what could be wrong with you. For some reason, you thought that it was a good idea to hide this piece of information from your boyfriend, Chan. But what if Chan had the solution for your problem?
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When it happened for the first time, you were so afraid. And you didn't know what was wrong at all. They became more regular, mostly happening during the late hours of the dark nights. Yet you still kept quiet. You really didn't want to bother your busy idol boyfriend, Chan. He had 8 other people to look after, you didn't want to add anything more to his already full plate. Only your best friend and mom knew about this. If only you would have known that it would've been a whole lot wiser to just talk about it with Chan...
Your undereyes just kept getting darker and darker. You weren't sleeping much at all, these weird breathing difficulties keeping you up at night. You might be wondering, that why didn't you just ignore it and sleep? Well... Easy answer: these breathing difficulties caused you feeling like you were choking, like there was something in your throat, blocking your breathing. Yet when your mom had monitored your breathing during when you were over at her house, visiting her, she said that nothing sounded out of ordinary, except your slightly shaky breathing. It only caused more worries and you began questioning your sanity. During those "attacks" as you called them, you were afraid of dying. You felt like you were out of your mind, your hands and whole being shaking and you were sweating. And you really thought that you might be dying. Your mom was very worried, so was your besg friend. Anyone would be.
You hadn't seen Chan in a few weeks, you of course kept in touch by calling each other and texting. You had some Facetime calls too, but you rather avoided those. Going on a Facetime call usually meant that you had to hide your darkening eyecircels (which were already porminent, thanks to your genetics) and pull a tired smile on your face. That didn't take too much effort, when you saw Chan. A smile would automatically frame your face when you were with him. But hiding this from him felt wrong, but you didn't want to say anything. You didn't have any explanations of what was going on so why would you honestly bother your boyfriend's head too? One night you got a text from Chan, saying that he would be visiting you soon, since they were getting a break. A small one, but you still took it. If it meant spending some time with him, of course. A smile already tugged at your lips. You bit your lip and then smiled gently. You still worried. What about your attacks? Should you talk about them with him? Yes, you definitely should. You started tidying up your apartment in hopes that it would look a bit more presentable. You knew that Chan didn't mind, if there was a small mess, but you still did it anyways.
Before you knew it, the day that Chan was visiting you, arrived. You still got the attacks, but they were easing up a bit. You didn't get one last night, which you considered a win. But at the same time, you knew that it could creep on you during the day then. And that honestly scared you. I really didn't want Chan to see you in that state. He himself would probably panic too. Those thoughts caused you even more anxiety. You truly wished that everything would go fine and you could breathe today. 'Please, body stop for today. Don't come at day, when Chan is here. The least you could do is to come at night', you begged in head, when your dear boyfriend knocked on the door. You ignored your hammering heart in your chest and answered the door. Chan was there, eyes tired but his full lips stretched into a beautiful, bright smile that made your breath hitch and mind blank. Before you even knew it, you were smiling back at him as he wrapped his arns around you eagerly. His body pressed against yours and you could feel his warm breath on your neck. You shivered a bit, but still returned the hug wholeheartedly. You breathed Chan's scent in and you felt so safe. You tucked your head closer to Chan's neck to press your cold nose agaisnt it. Chan whined at the coldness, but refused to let you go.
"Chan, we should get in. The cold is going to get inside", you coaxed, the only response you got back was a sulky 'no.' You chuckled and with that, you two awkwardly waddled together inside, closing the door behind you, not letting go of each other.
You could tell, that Chan was tired. Even your tired brains understood as much. But Chan kept smiling, talking energetically. You honestly had no idea who on earth was he still standing and talking with so much energy. You just felt like sleeping. You yawned for the third time in the span of 15 minutes and Chan glanced at you worriedly.
"Are you okay? Have you been sleeping?" He asked, now actually taking in your appearance. Your body didn't look like it had changed, not lost or gained weight. But your eyes seemed so tired, skin a bit dull and he could see your makeup creasing a bit on the corner of your eyes. Wait... Makeup? You usually never wore makeup, you didn't have much knowlodge on it and you just didn't want to go trough the trouble of putting it on. Chan looked closer and saw that you didn't seem to have any foundation, just covered your eyes. That got him thinking. He knew that you struggled with insomnia quite often, but had it got out of hand? Or was something keeping you up at night?
"Yes, I'm ok. I'm just tired. I've working hard with my school work, you know the usual", you easily gave a reply. It came out so easily, since it wasn't a lie. You truly were busy with school work, but you just had left out an important detail. Chan didn't need to know that though. Your boyfriend nodded in understanding, but you could visibly see the wheels turning in his head, as he racked his mind of any other possible reasons why weren't you sleeping properly.
"Chan... Don't worry ok. I got this. I'm okay", now you were just flat out lying. Again, Chan didn't need to know. Chan nodded, uncertainly but decided to let it go. For now.
The day went on, the converstation seemingly forgotten (it wasn't) and you two just enjoyed company. Neither of you wanted to do anything spontaneous, both feeling a bit dazed by sleep. So you settled with the next best thing: talking. You coudln't comprehend how much and for how long you two could just talk. At one point, you and Chan had been sitting in the kitchen, drinking some tea and talking about everything that you could possibly think of, while gazing each other fondly. Then when tea was all finished, you moved to the living room. You cuddled on the couch, wrapped around each other. You were just talking about something funny, that happened with your friends two days back. You were interrupted by Chan. Chan had just looked at you and he couldn't believe that he could call you his. With that thought, he leaned over and placed a gentle kiss to your lips. You immediately stopped talking and for a moment you didn't even move. However, when you did finally understand that Chan was actually kissing you, you did respond. You brought your cold hands to his neck, he shuddered at the temperature change, but didn't pull away. He deepened the kiss and lifted himself so that he was hovering over your body. He leaned himself down even more, muscles twitching as he held himself up from possibly crushing you.
He pulled away breathlessly. The lack of air made you immediately think of your attacks and you discreetly took a deep breath to test that were you able to breathe. You were and your eyes quickly flickered up to meet Chan's eyes, when you felt his breath hit your face. He was looking at you again in concern. He opened his mouth to say something, you just leaved over to him, putting your hands on his chest, then pushing him gently to lay down on the couch, on his back. He looked so confused. You straddled his hips and just looked at him. He was just so beautiful. You simply loved everything about him; his curly hair, his lips, his expressive eyes, his voice... Everything. Chan was looking up at you, expectantly. You smiled softly, lowered yourself that you were laying on top of him. You pressed your head against his chest and listened to his heart beat. He sighed contently and wrapped his arms around you. This time, no words were exhanged. You just were silent, enjoying each other's presence.
The next time when one of you spoke, it was getting late. Chan poked at your shoulder gently to get your attention. You turned your head to look at him questionably. He smiled at your slightly confused, yet expectant face.
"Would you mind if I'll stay over at your house today? I forgot to mention that I can stay over and it's getting a bit late", he explained, with a sheepish smile playing on his lips. You smiled. Of course you wanted to spend the night with. You coudln't even remember the last time you had slept in his arms. The whole idea seemed so tempting. So you said yes. Chan smiled brightly and pecked your lips. You decided to get ready for bed, like Chan had said, it was getting late. You both were excited to sleep and get some well deserved rest.
Chan and you slipped into your bed and lied there comfortably. Again, you talked about everything. Talking with Chan was one of the most comfortable things you could do. But when Chan fell asleep, you were alone with your thoughts. You tried to shake them off and closed your eyes, trying to sleep. You didn't even know for how long you lied there, awake and the block in your throat felt suffocating. Your breathing started to feel difficult, your body started trembling and sweating. You were painfully gasping for oxygen, but it felt like you just weren't getting enough. You clumsily scrambled off of the bed and stumbled to your bathroom. You locked the door and slid down against the wall. You pulled at your hair helplessly as you tried to breathe. 'Am I going to die?' You asked, as you felt like you were about to lose your mind. Tears started fall from your eyes and panicked feeling inside scared you even more. By now you were sobbing, gasping and panting. You gribbed your throat desperately and squeezed your eyes shut. You heard footsteps on the hallway, you covered your mouth, but your gasps were still were loud. Then there was frantic knocking on the bathroom door and you heard Chan call out to you. You coudln't focus on that at all. As much as you wanted to get up and open the door for him, you physically couldn't. You didn't know how much time passed, it felt like hours while it could have been just 3 minutes, but the bathroom door was thrown open. Chan hurried inside and fell to his knees in front of you.
"Oh my God... Y/N, what's wrong?" He asked as he tried to get your attention. His eyes were wide, his shoulders were shaking from the adrenaline, as he had just woken up.
"I-I... I can't breathe! I'm.. So scared!" You finally managed to stutter out with difficulty. Chan quickly observed your state and it finally clicked. He calmed down, when he realized that you were not in danger and asked in a calm voice:
"Can I touch you?" You took some time process the words, but when you did, you nodded hastily. Chan took a hold of your shoulders and said:
"You are okay, Y/N. You are not dying or choking. I need you to inhale, through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 5 seconds and exhale for seven seconds through your mouth. Come on, start with me." You did as he told, but you questioned it. How could a breathing exercise help you now. Chan encouraged you and praised you for doing so well. If you panicked again, he reminded that he was there and that you weren't alone, while keeping his hands on your shoulders without making you feel suffocated. To your surprise, your breathing slowly but surely became easier and the block in your throat decreased. Your body didn't stop shaking and yiu were still sweating, but your mind wasn't clouded by panic anymore and you could finally focus.
When your breathing finally normalized, you were exhausted. You leaned your head tiredly against your wall's cold tiles as you savored the feeling of being able to breathe normally again, without any suffocating feeling in your throat. For a moment, you forgot that Chan was even there.
"Are you okay now? Can you breathe?" Chan asked, breaking the silence and you jumped at the sound of his voice. He was silent, while waiting for your reply.
"Yeah... Thank you. How did you know that a breathing exercise would help?" You asked, while fiddling with the hem of your fluffy nightdress.
"Because... It seemed like you were having a panic attack and breathing exercises help get you through them", he replied. You felt your jaw drop open.
"These... These are panic attacks? These two weeks that I've been having these were panic attacks? How on earth I didn't realize this before? I've helped my friends with these yet-", you cut of your ranting and leaned your head against your knees. Now that you thought about it, you remembered every symptom. Almost all of them matched with yours. How could you've been so stupid?
"You've had these for two weeks? How often? Why didn't you tell me?" Chan asked, expression now between hurt and concerned. You bit your lip, but refused to lift your head up.
"I started getting these out of nowhere two weeks ago. I was staying at Jisoo's place and I got this.. Panic attack. We just thought that it was because of the cat. But then... I started getting these every night. If I didn't get one at night, I got one during the day", you said. Your shoulders didn't feel as heavy anymore, but then guilt started pressing on. You heard Chan sidling closer to you and he tapped gently on your head. You lifted your head shamefully and met his gaze. He started stroking your cheeks with his thumb, his hand supporting the weight of your head. You leaned your head against his hand and let yourself just stare at your boyfriend.
"Is this what's been keeping you up at night?" He asked. You just nodded in reply and Chan let his eyes sweep over your face again. Now that the makeup was off, he could see how dark your undereyes had become. He wasn't even surprised. After all, you hadn't slept properly in two weeks.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered. You lowered your eyes to the floor and whispered a reply:
"I didn't want to bother you. You have so much on your mind already!" Chan shook his head.
"You're never a bother. Never. What gave such an idea?" He asked, while his other hand started carding through your hair ever so softly.
"I just felt like it. I mean... What was I supposed to say? I didn't even know what was wrong with me", you responded helpessly. You gribbed Chan's arm and stared at his brown eyes. Chan sighed, but nodded. He understood. Of course he did.
"Well... What is done is done now. But if you ever get any kind of troubles, please tell me. I want to help you. You're still my girlfriend", he said and kissed your temple. You nodded, without saying anything. You glanced at his eyes lips and leaned forward to kiss his lips softly. After the short kiss, you leaned your forehead against his, your breaths mixing together.
"Thank you."
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punkscowardschampions ยท 5 years ago
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Jimmy & Janis
Jimmy: never seen a kid ๐Ÿ˜ข at a haircut Jimmy: before you say owt, it ain't even done yet so it don't look shit Janis: Poor Bobs Janis: bribe him with sweets after like it's the dentist Janis: I can get some on my way back Jimmy: throw him at your family pinging and well mad fer the party ๐Ÿ˜‚ Jimmy: tah for the invite lads Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘ Janis: you know Janis: can't get him on the pre drinks so Jimmy: I'll set him up with a shot glass full of fizzy pop Jimmy: sorted Janis: ๐Ÿ™Œ Janis: party don't stop Janis: what about Twix Janis: she'll feel left out Jimmy: ๐ŸŽถ or start til you walk in, babe #obvs Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿถ๐ŸŽป Jimmy: I'd reckon on letting her trash the place but that's any day she's left alone for 1 sec Janis: Naturally Janis: why else would I need to be there so bad Janis: she's just bored #relatable Jimmy: life and soul, my dear Jimmy: you and your true love wasted on this place Janis: sad but #truthbomb Janis: [sends him socials of the decor that are already up] Janis: I know I've been telling you but seriously Janis: see and believe and prepare Jimmy: fucking hell Jimmy: too late to ask ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‘‘ to be your date instead or what? Janis: hmm Janis: would probably be my easy ticket out Janis: and she'd be thrilled for so many reasons Jimmy: crack on then Janis: ๐Ÿ˜’ Jimmy: come on, no challenge in it Janis: only a further challenge on my sanity, like Jimmy: turn round, I've sent the orchestra after you Jimmy: Bob's gonna save you a tissue an' all Janis: lovely Janis: just one he's not blown his nose in, tah Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘Œ Jimmy: buy us ๐Ÿšฌ when you're at the shop Jimmy: ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€ Janis: sure Janis: death pact sounds good rn Jimmy: right there next to you, Juliet Jimmy: headfirst off the balcony if nowt else Janis: honestly Janis: love to fuck up their marble floor Jimmy: least if you play up enough you might get a new pony out of it Jimmy: fuck knows where we'll put it but the kids will be #buzzing Janis: piss off Janis: don't even like horses Janis: or you Jimmy: I know that's bollocks, rich girl Janis: glue factory, both of yous Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿด Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜Ž Jimmy: I'll buy you a heart shaped locket when our #truelove turns 1 Jimmy: space with pics for all your faves Janis: ๐Ÿ˜’ Janis: I'll throw it into the ocean Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’” Jimmy: gonna make me ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ข too Janis: s'alright, draw a masterpiece and I'll share the door Janis: don't hate you either, not completely Jimmy: every bit's a masterpiece with you as my muse, baby Jimmy: ๐Ÿฅ‡๐ŸŽจ Janis: gonna get whiplash if you keep doing these 180s boy Jimmy: get you out of this party, won't it? ๐Ÿ˜˜ Janis: your plan all along Janis: ๐Ÿ’” me so I've got a get out of jail free card Janis: not worked for Gracie, like Jimmy: gotta be ๐Ÿ’• to get ๐Ÿ’” Janis: she was Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: our fake was realer than that Janis: not with him, obviously Janis: ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ’• Jimmy: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Janis: you know it's real Janis: as real as she gets Jimmy: a love story to rival me and my ex that one Jimmy: bout as many break and make ups as we had too, like Janis: I wouldn't try and console her Janis: never get away Janis: more ๐Ÿ˜ญ than the kid Jimmy: I can't ๐Ÿ’ช and ๐Ÿค you said Jimmy: I ain't cuddling her Janis: better not Jimmy: not in my ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ฐ party clothes, tah Jimmy: wouldn't be ๐Ÿ’‹ on my collar, it'd be half her face Janis: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: I'm not trying to find out what she #wakesuplike or owt else Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’” Gracie I know Janis: ๐Ÿ˜ reckon she's over it, babe Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘ Janis: ๐Ÿ’” I know Jimmy: ๐ŸŽป๐ŸŽป Jimmy: [sends selfies that Bobby has taken of himself post haircut] Jimmy: heartbreaker not heartbroken now he is Jimmy: he needed you to see ALL 23 of them identical pics so he reckoned Janis: He looks so good Janis: very ๐Ÿ˜Ž Jimmy: using every bit of my ๐Ÿ’ช to stop him taking my phone to give you a bell Janis: n'awh he can if he wants Janis: am at the shop so get your order in Jimmy: [cute little phone call moment including Jimmy telling Bobby to ask her to buy all kinds of silly stuff cos nerd] Janis: [so cute, when they'd all be used to each other now and like a mini fam soz ian not soz] Jimmy: [even Cass would like Janis by now, such a squad, fuck off Ian] Janis: [get her something for dinner just in case 'cos too cool for this party obvs] Jimmy: [and we know Ian ain't gonna give a shit as long as he's okay himself so] Janis: actually ๐Ÿ˜ Jimmy: how soon can we palm him off though? Jimmy: doing my head in if he ain't yours Janis: so mean, you Janis: go 'head and wish for this party to start tho Jimmy: you're alright Janis: mhmm Janis: this is gonna be a disaster, not even a funny one Jimmy: what's the scale? Janis: you wanna hear about the worst party this family has ever, like? Janis: 'cos you need to give me like 3-5 working days to work that out Jimmy: just working out if today's the day for us to say yeah to drugs instead of nah or if decimating Ian's drink supply before he gets back will do Janis: no doubt they'll have it out like hors d'oeuvres Janis: rich people Jimmy: what the fuck are them? Jimmy: I know that weren't paddy lingo but you still lost me Janis: party food Janis: pineapple and cheese on a stick but make it ๐Ÿ’ธ Jimmy: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Jimmy: brush some edible gold leaf on it Janis: exactly Janis: make some poor cunt in a tux hand it out Janis: they aren't quite that level, well Janis: I don't think they'll have 'staff' anyway or ๐Ÿคข Jimmy: could've had a word for me, babe Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: missing out on a lot of tips to be there Janis: if you really wanna make it weird, I'll pay you myself Janis: idiot Jimmy: I've been waiting ages to unlock that final kink of yours Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ† Janis: There you go then Janis: all comes out Janis: ๐Ÿ™„ Jimmy: ๐Ÿฅ‡ Jimmy: really cheered me that has Janis: you'll forgive me for the hors d'oeuvres then Janis: so glad Jimmy: put a bit more work in and I might Janis: you work, I pay Janis: silly Jimmy: ๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค Jimmy: keep giving them orders, girl Janis: ๐Ÿ˜ Janis: if we didn't have somewhere to be Jimmy: we don't yet Janis: no, but you can't actually ditch bobs Jimmy: I'll throw him at Cass for a bit when we get back, she's getting time off later Janis: True Janis: not above it but not ideal getting drunk enough to deal in front of him, like Jimmy: I'm texting her now Jimmy: and we're on the bus Jimmy: be home well soon Janis: ๐Ÿ‘ Janis: race you there Jimmy: piss off I ain't driving the bus Jimmy: that ain't fair Janis: if you ain't up to the challenge Janis: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Jimmy: leave it out or you ain't getting your present Janis: locket? Jimmy: not what I've got in my pocket right now but I love that you're thinking long term Jimmy: very keen you Janis: ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๐Ÿ‘€ Jimmy: you gonna guess or what? Janis: ๐Ÿพ Janis: umm Janis: did you get some shampoo Janis: idk Jimmy: my subtle hint that you need to sort yourself out, like Jimmy: not that much of a dickhead Janis: I've got no clue Jimmy: Are you telling me you wanna shower with me? 'Cause not fuming about it Janis: I was thinking where you was last but you know Janis: can't show up stinking can we Jimmy: If getting kicked out is the goal, probably should Jimmy: but I Janis: wanna give me my present Janis: I get it Jimmy: and you want it off me Janis: yeah Janis: I do Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Jimmy: [sends her a fire sext because always and any opportunity] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: what? Janis: just Janis: be here now Jimmy: just wait for me Jimmy: won't be as long as it feels Janis: I miss you Jimmy: I want you Janis: as soon as you're back Janis: 'til the last possible minute Jimmy: Yeah Janis: didn't want to go but now I really, really don't wanna go anywhere but the shower, like Jimmy: Ian ain't there to bang on the door, it's alright Janis: ๐Ÿ˜ maybe he's just trying to keep us in time Janis: helpful, really Jimmy: sounds proper fake that Janis: probably Janis: just tryna spread those posi vibes Janis: you know me, babe Jimmy: such a ray of sunshine you Jimmy: what I'm always telling people that is Janis: awh, who you talkin' 'bout me to, boy? Jimmy: the ๐ŸŒ babe Janis: ๐Ÿ˜ #thatdemotho Janis: you spoil me Janis: that my gift, yeah? #freepromo Jimmy: you got me Jimmy: know the way to your ๐Ÿ’˜ Janis: just can't quit being goals, can you Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’• Janis: be here now Janis: I'm done waiting Jimmy: Hang on, I'll throw the driver off Jimmy: only a few stops Janis: probably distracted with his ๐Ÿ˜ Jimmy: if the kid weren't here everyone on this bus would be Janis: ๐Ÿ’” that Janis: actually Jimmy: has Cass shown up at ours yet? Jimmy: I told her to take him out Janis: yeah Janis: her mates here too they're raiding the cupboards Jimmy: that lad again? ๐Ÿ™„ Janis: alright, dad Janis: nice of you to pop in ๐Ÿ˜‚ Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're so cute Jimmy: you're a dickhead Janis: don't get aggy with me Janis: I ain't got my mans over Jimmy: Mia be round any sec though, will she? Jimmy: make myself scarce for a bit then Janis: ๐Ÿ–• Janis: so funny, you Jimmy: save that for her Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’• Janis: the fakery? Janis: sure Janis: I'm a pro now Jimmy: that and the hand gestures Janis: easy now Janis: not tossing her off Janis: and it's a different gesture, anyway Jimmy: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Jimmy: trying to tell me I've been doing it wrong, are you? Jimmy: first I've heard Jimmy: and very subtle of you, mate Janis: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Janis: you know Janis: been thinking how to bring it up and now seemed like the perfect opportunity tbh Jimmy: you'll have a perfect opportunity to show me how I can do better in a bit Janis: it's a date, loser Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘Œ Jimmy: [showing up cos why not do a lil skip lol] Janis: just chilling in the kitchen with cass and her mate like hey] Jimmy: [100% her mate is the Tyler kid in my head lol but yeah don't be rude and kick them out immediately, do pass the sweets Janis got round tho shameless bribe which reminds me her gift was a lollipop he swiped from the hairdresser for well behaved kids cos drunken throwback they don't remember but we do so he can give her that too like] Jimmy: [Bobby showing everyone his hair and loving life P.S] Janis: [love that, being shamelessly buzzing 'cos about those nerdy gestures forever and you get to be #seductive on the low] Janis: [get it bab, you look fresh] Jimmy: [could not resist and never will bye] Jimmy: [that little kiddo being less shy fuck me up] Janis: [get your confidence live your life bb] Jimmy: [making everyone a cuppa even though you want them to fuck off #northern] Janis: [when you're rood (but not really) so you're like we've got to get ready bye] Jimmy: [only so much eye fucking and accidental touching and seduction via lolly you can handle before you g2g] Janis: [truly, in that shower boys] Jimmy: [casually really long shower soz not soz Ian] Janis: enjoy that waterbill] Jimmy: [then actually get dressed and get drinking but it's obvs still flirty af] Janis: [the vibe, 'cos don't need to dwell on what a non mood this party is] Jimmy: [literally he'd be distracting her so hard, so many kisses it'd be a miracle that anything else gets done, lowkey helping each other dress just so you can keep touching and being soft] Janis: ['you look good' 'cos he did despite the dresscode] Jimmy: [does a drinks cheers because thanks and also she does too we know it] Janis: [cheersing with glee 'cos a few drinks in and being with the bae you don't feel completely like kms] Janis: ['not as good as Bobby but you know, you'll do'] Jimmy: [runs his hands through his hair dramatically cos got a lil trim but nothing worth mentioning and doing a pouty face for the pisstake 'take him then, I'll stay here'] Janis: [hugging him tight like no] Jimmy: [hugging her back as tight just because and hands in her hair likewise and more kisses just because] Janis: ['I promise I'll make it fun' 'cos sorry to be dragging him into this mess but gotta lol] Jimmy: ['If I'm with you, I'm having a good one' cos true even in this instance ultimately] Janis: [literal sincere hearteyes] Jimmy: [give them right back so its a moment] Janis: [just snuggling like 'let's run away okay'] Jimmy: ['alright, we're decently dressed for life on the run' but being soft with your touches cos you want to as well] Janis: [sniffs, 'yeah, new identity ready, like'] Jimmy: ['forgot your former name already, me'] Janis: [lols 'be more believable if you hadn't been saying it so much in the shower, boy' ๐Ÿ˜] Jimmy: ['soz, I thought you only wanted me mute at the party, like' ๐Ÿ˜ Janis: [makes face like no and a 'n'awh' sound 'I don't want you like that, you just ain't gonna have nothing to say to 'em, me either, like'] Jimmy: ['I don't wanna say nowt to 'em, just you' no offense fam but that's the tea] Janis: [nods 'cos same and not like she's that bitch to say you must lmao] Jimmy: [tops both their drinks up because that speaks for itself] Janis: [drinking and snuggling] Jimmy: [enjoy the alone time while you can kids] Janis: [just telling him about the 'decent' (bit rude) kids that'll be there for bobby to play with] Jimmy: [he'll be having a lovely time at least] Janis: [and at least as bouj as they are it's not like they're most fancy house 'cos he's still in school so can't be living fully lavish] Jimmy: [makes me lol god bless those extra bitches] Jimmy: [let's say he puts music on for them cos kids could be back any time and wanna stay in their own bubble as long as they can] Janis: [throwback to all those times, appreciated] Jimmy: [casual playlist of all those van hook ups lol] Janis: [if anything is gonna get you in the mood tbh] Jimmy: [enjoy it kids] Janis: [in your new bed bowchicka] Jimmy: [that for once isn't full of a pup and a kid so it still feels as small as a single usually #rude] Janis: [hope you've not put your fancy clothes on yet lol] Jimmy: [dressed and undressed haha priorities] Jimmy: [Jimmy'd be like me and not put them on til the last min in case they get messed up] Janis: [sensible, better than turning up all awry like what you been up to ๐Ÿ˜] Jimmy: [they don't need the pisstaking today fam they're trying to stay in a good mood] Janis: [just like 'fucking obvs wbu'] Jimmy: [don't ask if you don't wanna know tbh] Janis: [truly, how long are we giving you lads before Ian's back being a hoe] Jimmy: [give 'em long enough to enjoy that new bed and be a few more drinks in but yeah he should probably appear soon to give him the most time to be a knob before they get be like oh bye Ian lowkey maybe they think it's the kids coming back so they're like alright cool they're earlier than we expected so loads of time to get Bobs ready but then no, it's that fool Janis: [when you're lowkey like should I stay in here 'til we're ready to go 'cos Ian hates you lol] Jimmy: [she should if only so they can type to each other for a bit] Jimmy: ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ™„ Janis: real life and soul has arrived Jimmy: can you hear us celebrating down here? Jimmy: ๐ŸŽ‰ keep it down, knobhead ๐Ÿพ Janis: been to plenty parties like that Janis: but Ian, the vibe is ๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’‹๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŽ€ Janis: get with it Jimmy: ๐Ÿ€ standard fare that, be why he fits right in on this street Jimmy: you don't wanna take him in my place then? Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‘‘ gonna be thrilled to still be ๐Ÿฅ‡ like Janis: they should date Janis: start an anti-fan club for me Janis: cute ๐Ÿ’• Jimmy: stop trying to make me vom Jimmy: so kinky you Janis: tryna save you, babe Janis: sure she's dead distracting Janis: soz sue or whoever it is rn Jimmy: I'll take her over Mia as my new mum tah Janis: she will find her in Janis: stop fighting it, boy Jimmy: Take your own advice before you hand it out to me, mate Janis: ๐Ÿค shh Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’• Janis: she's coming for his ๐Ÿ‘‘ in the dickhead stakes though so maybe it won't work Janis: too much competition ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ‘Ž Jimmy: what like there can only be 1? ๐Ÿ€ town's full of twats Janis: ask her, she'd tell you Janis: don't share the throne, babes Jimmy: hang on, I'll slide in her DMs for a change Jimmy: shock might ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‘ป Janis: ๐Ÿคž Janis: needs distracting from her story rampage Jimmy: ? Janis: ugh, usual Janis: now her and gracie aren't bffs forever she don't have to hold back with slaggin on her and spilling all that tea, sis Jimmy: ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„ Jimmy: rather have this twat in my ๐Ÿ‘‚ than eyes on that bollocks Jimmy: tah Ian Janis: tell him it's his turn to say something nice now Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘ Janis: ๐Ÿ”Š I'm waiting Jimmy: take your turn, he's skipping his Janis: About Ian? Janis: Hmm Janis: he makes cute kids Janis: I guess Jimmy: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Jimmy: come and get the little one, he needs to get ready not hear this shit Janis: ๐Ÿ‘ Janis: [does and gives him a subtle shoulder squeeze as she goes] Jimmy: [runs away as soon as he can cos you know Cass is good for making Ian kick off/taking his full attention so they could just get Bobby ready and be cute though you can tell Jimothy is forlorn]] Janis: [not saying anything but keeping Bobby chatting and hyped about this party and showing him pics of relevant kids so he won't be as shy to meet them] Jimmy: [just ๐Ÿ˜ cos that's so nice and so cute and he is full of love] Janis: [just smiling at him and doing lots of subtle small reassuring touches] Jimmy: I love you Janis: I love you Janis: fuck the rest, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: [gives him a sneaky kiss 'cos kids be like ewwww lol] Jimmy: let's just go Jimmy: if not to the party yet just Janis: 'course, all dressed up like Janis: kid needs an audience rn ๐Ÿ˜Ž Jimmy: bit rude if our kid's just taken 1000s of pics of you on that old camera I let him have Jimmy: my muse not his Janis: there's enough inspo to go around baby Jimmy: weren't a challenge but take it as one any time you like, girl Janis: [posing for Bobby and pulling all kinds of faces whilst getting one of his jackets on like let's ride] Janis: what challenge Jimmy: [counts how many poses/faces she's doing casually] Jimmy: you owe me a photoshoot later Jimmy: see what you reckon then Janis: see what you reckon when I hit you with my hourly rate Janis: owes me so many sweets, that one Jimmy: Nah, rich girl, I work and you pay Jimmy: your words them Jimmy: [we on the move though fuck you Ian and good luck being stuck with that Cass] Janis: [seriously that'll be fun for you both lowkey] Janis: you think I'm gonna pay for the pleasure? Jimmy: as long as you feel it I don't give a fuck if you don't get the cash out Jimmy: but we can keep that between us Jimmy: #golddigger if anyone asks obvs Janis: 'course Janis: why else would you be with me Janis: just keep that off the 'gram, naturally Janis: [walking and talking with Bobs, obvs, sneaky convos ftw] Jimmy: I'll put the list on the 'gram in a bit Jimmy: let you know, like Janis: how very goals of you Janis: even if you're gonna have to ignore me to write it, like ๐Ÿ˜ Jimmy: fuck that, it basically writes itself Jimmy: [a look cos so in love bitch] Janis: you look good Janis: did I tell you Jimmy: might've done Jimmy: I need to tell you Jimmy: come here Janis: [moves closer like hello] Jimmy: [whispering all these compliments and generally hot af things in her ear like] Janis: [when you nudge him like excuse me but it's just an excuse to snuggle into his side, we see you] Jimmy: [soz baby bobs but we gotta do another sneaky kiss here that may or may not be that sneaky soz again] Janis: [he'd be less grossed than cass and we all know it] Jimmy: [yeah and he's probs using his camera on himself/the scenery as they walk along anyways so] Janis: ['how's it feel having a mini-me?'] Jimmy: [shrugs cos used to it 'better than it'd feel Ian having one' cos that's the tea] Janis: [nods like ain't that the truth] Jimmy: [when you openly snuggle into her side without any excuse cos ugh he's the worst and you know he's been saying shit as standard] Janis: [taking your hand out of the pocket to hold his 'another pro of Mia, she's definitely infertile, no more Ians ever'] Jimmy: [little lol because you can't even help it] Jimmy: ['imagine the school lunch she'd pack, tah mum'] Janis: ['those appetite-suppressing lollipops are well kid-friendly'] Jimmy: ['do need this kid off my hands to have a smoke though so if you could give her a bell now that'd be decent'] Janis: ['um, cigarettes are the OG appetite-supressors, HELLO!' taps his head like think on but gestures like, you want me to go ahead with him or] Jimmy: [pulls her closer to him and holds onto her dramatically because no #bantsbutalsotherealest] Janis: [doing that half walk half dance you have to do when you're holding onto each other and still moving for a while 'cos not going] Jimmy: [giving her the realest intense don't leave me look before you can stop yourself because the neediest softest boy ever bye] Janis: [just looking back not faltering 'I ain't gonna leave you alone with 'em, if only for the purely selfish reason I don't wanna be alone with 'em either'] Jimmy: [a hug moment that he really needs and is made cuter by Bobby joining in cos they a lil fam] Janis: [love a group hug moment, live your best life, ain't no one stop you, especially not Ian bye] Jimmy: [shakes his head at himself like get your shit together now boy] Janis: [puts Bobby's shades down for him 'cos cool kid and mimics the same at him like you got this babe] Jimmy: [a wonderful hand squeeze of thanks and hand holding the rest of the way] Janis: [squad roll up honey] Jimmy: [let's do this lads, take a deep breath before the pink hits you but] Janis: [literal deep breath as if you're not gonna do your best to do the bare minimum of socializing before finding a cosy corner] Jimmy: [god bless, can't even shade you two cos its gonna be so awks, I can so clearly hear and see Venus' dad's extraness like] Janis: [as much as she's ๐Ÿ˜’ at least he's met cali enough for that to not be unbearable just keep rio away lowkey lol] Jimmy: [we all know they are gonna take a smoke break the first chance they get full offense everybody but could be worse cos grace is lowkey tipsy af already so] Janis: [just exchanging a look but not a sexy look with him like okay and we were pre-drinking] Jimmy: #whitegirlwasted Jimmy: you might've taught me that but she's reminding me Janis: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Janis: she's an education in all things white alright Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ Jimmy: [okay but Jimmy chatting to Indie cos she's brought Astrid and he's got Bobs and remember when he was like 10/10 would bang lol] Janis: [just off securing that bitch vodka] Jimmy: [take it girl you're gonna want it] Janis: [talking to Rio (and Buster and Venus' dad etc) without him 'cos you wanna keep her away 'cos embarrassing] Jimmy: [he's just settling Bobs in but he's got loads of kids and hippie brother so he's buzzing unlike most of these guests] Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘ Janis: all good? Jimmy: you alright? Janis: you know Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ† Janis: that's about the gist of it, yeah Jimmy: what are you drinking, girl? Janis: that's a poor excuse for chat, boy Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: do you want one or what? Janis: obviously Jimmy: ๐Ÿƒ me Jimmy: hang on Janis: you offered Jimmy: [brings her that beverage and knocks their glasses together] Janis: ['careful, wouldn't wanna spill anything'] Jimmy: [gives her a look because she wanted to spill their blood on the marble not that long ago lol] Janis: [shrugs like what] Jimmy: [shrugs back like what cos always] Janis: [๐Ÿ™„ and dranking] Jimmy: [we all drinking] Janis: this is so ugly Jimmy: it's ๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’‹๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŽ€ Jimmy: get it right babes Janis: my point still stands Jimmy: smack me, I'll get a clashing colour nosebleed and we'll have to leave Janis: alright, sounds fun Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: you wish Jimmy: when I blow out the kid's candles in a bit you'll have to do it ๐Ÿ‘ธ Janis: [does mini lol] Jimmy: ๐Ÿšฌ? Janis: [starts heading out in response] Jimmy: [following the bae] Janis: ['we shoulda got another pack' as she's tapping two out, like no time for sharing] Jimmy: [gives her a playful look like literally you had one job 'I'll go in a bit' but obvs he means on the way back he's not just gonna leave her lol] Janis: ['I'm an optimist, I didn't think it'd be this bad, sue me' ๐Ÿ˜] Jimmy: [little lol 'why we're such a good match, duh'] Janis: ['for now, anyway'] Jimmy: [๐Ÿ’” with his hands] Janis: ['believable'] Janis: [does ๐Ÿ‘Ž] Jimmy: [does OTT sad face and fake crying like is that better?] Janis: ['if you want sympathy you gotta aim it at your new, not your old' taps her head, like Jimmy: [๐Ÿ‘ IRL like tah for that] Janis: ['in you go' shoos 'cos so polite] Jimmy: [playfight moment cos oi] Janis: ['stop it' but a LOOk obvs] Jimmy: [a look back like make me cos distract yourselves with being flirty af kids] Janis: [shakes her head 'I'm busy' takes pause to inhale to prove point then exhales 'ask your friend instead'] Jimmy: ['which one, got so many friends, me'] Janis: [just makes face like you know] Jimmy: [makes a face back like no I don't] Janis: [rolls her eyes but not agressively so add the smirky face, like, 'good job you're pretty, babe'] Jimmy: [bats his eyelashes at her in an OTT way and makes a kissy face, it's almost like Grace is in the room lol] Janis: [makes a vom face and pushes him away 'no, you're dumped, get out'] Jimmy: [hair flip and walk away but not far away thanks] Janis: ['technically, half of these are yours' and shakes the cigs at him] Jimmy: ['not til you say yeah to tying the knot, babe, today the day?'] Janis: ['obviously, this-' gestures around '-is all I really want'] Jimmy: ['obviously'] Janis: [shakes head and sighs, 'least bobby's having fun, like'] Jimmy: [nods because that's the best he could expect as an outcome tbh] Janis: [kicks at his shins but softly not actual 'cheer up'] Jimmy: [is all like oi cos fancy clothes but not actually mad obvs 'alright, challenge accepted'] Janis: [looks at him expectantly] Jimmy: [hits her with a 'what?' as standard] Janis: ['come here, idiot'] Jimmy: [does of course] Janis: [sneaky garden makeouts forever] Jimmy: [take what you can get kids, probably gonna have to go back in before too long] Janis: [Astrid probably having a meltdown so you gotta go in to check on the kid you brought lol] Jimmy: [Indie just gotta leave with her so the numbers are dwindling #awks] Janis: ๐Ÿ’” Jimmy: ๐ŸŽป๐ŸŽป๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐ŸŽป๐ŸŽป Janis: really should've scaled this back, all things considered Jimmy: but the ๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’‹๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŽ€ Jimmy: actually would be ๐Ÿ’” Jimmy: it's a 3 ๐Ÿ’Ž event, girl Janis: for who Jimmy: everyone #obvs Janis: I repeat Janis: who Jimmy: your horse would be feeling it if you'd brought her along ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿด๐Ÿ’• Janis: can't bring a horse for a date Janis: not that kind of horse girl Jimmy: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Janis: gutting, I know Janis: not even afer the honeymoon Jimmy: might be a challenge too far competing with ๐Ÿด๐Ÿ†like, ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ† as I am Jimmy: so you're alright Janis: ๐Ÿ˜‚ Janis: no amount of ๐Ÿ€ gonna help you Janis: ๐Ÿคท soz Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’• meant to help me, Juliet Jimmy: choose me ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’˜ Janis: you've always said how much I love horses so Janis: how could I Jimmy: ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€ Jimmy: on you go then Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘‹ Janis: Missed a perfect opportunity to go with fuck you and the horse you rode in on Janis: which is why I already dumped you so Jimmy: missed a perfect opportunity to leave with Indie an' all but I've still got the orchestra to see me out Janis: ๐ŸŽบ 'cos you're not funny Jimmy: bit rude Janis: have we met Jimmy: dunno, my mrs does have a very different #aesthetic Janis: lucky her Jimmy: she's going out with me, she's well lucky #duh Janis: mhmm Janis: I'm gonna politely smile 'til you go away now Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘ Janis: can I trust you not to spike my drink, creeper Janis: too many of my family members are congregating and I can't Jimmy: no need, give it a bit and you'll do the work of being gone yourself, lightweight Janis: fuck off Janis: how you gonna say that when she's stood right there Janis: barely Jimmy: you want me to start comparing you and her? Jimmy: not that thick or ready to ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€ tah Janis: Changed your tune Jimmy: so fickle me Janis: clearly Jimmy: keeping up with you, I reckon Jimmy: am I dumped or your #goals boyfriend bringing you drinks and whatever else your heart desires? Janis: you wanted the gig Janis: tux sadly not included Jimmy: [obvs brings her drinks tho cos needs them himself anyway] Janis: ['cheers'] Jimmy: slรกinte pisshead ๐Ÿ’• Janis: be nice Jimmy: you Janis: I am Janis: so nice Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘Œ Jimmy: where? Janis: [๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ] Jimmy: go on, get your #receipts out Janis: why are you being a dick for Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: [๐Ÿ˜’ and an actual pout not the emoji kind] Jimmy: [gotta kiss that pout soz fam] Janis: [not soz, claim this corner lads] Jimmy: [being really nice to her rn like come back to meeeeeeeee and be my friend again] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Grace being a salty single from afar] Janis: [when you're so over this whole mood you ain't even arsed about the attention your PDA will get either way] Jimmy: [likewise only care about the bae and making this more bearable for her so soz but not soz at all actually] Janis: ['sorry' when you take a sec 'cos actual] Jimmy: ['it's alright' cos it is and not just saying it] Janis: ['it's stupid but' shrugs 'cos what can you do 'soon as they cut the cake, I swear'] Jimmy: [just snuggling her cos he'll be here as long as it takes and so much love] Janis: [just forgetting your rep and being soft for a sec] Jimmy: [#ultimategoals 5eva nobody else exists bye] Janis: ['I actually fucking love you, you know'] Jimmy: [when you're kissing her but you can't stop smiling the whole time because always gonna get you when she says that] Janis: ['I mean it' not like she doesn't think he believes her but 'cos she do and that's crazy if you ever stop and think about it which they clearly don't #nochill] Jimmy: [giving her the most intense heart eyes cos he knows and it's so mutual] Janis: [just snuggling] Jimmy: [let them have all the moments I am unrepentant af] Jimmy: [just whispering all the nice things to her like how much he loves her and how important all of this is to him etc because he could be saying anything fam its not for you] Janis: [when your face probably looks like you're #scandalized but really it's 'cos it's not saucy and that gets you harder] Jimmy: [if you didn't wanna leave before you really do now so you can just be properly alone gdi] Janis: [gonna have someone cockblock, probably one of your parents trying to talk to you like now lads okay lol] Jimmy: [rude but real] Jimmy: do you wanna just fuck off for a bit after this? Jimmy: catch a train or a lift like Janis: yes Janis: always, like Jimmy: nobody'll be at the caravan if they've all had to come here Jimmy: don't have to be there though Janis: a good base if nothing else Janis: but we can go anywhere Jimmy: ๐Ÿ‘ Jimmy: have to drop the kid back first, change out of this shit Jimmy: can grab the dog if you're both gonna be ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’” Janis: can't you bring the braces ๐Ÿ˜ Janis: hmm, maybe Janis: the less responsibilities we leave for Cass/Ian, the less arsed everyone will be Jimmy: depends, are you taking the piss or what? Jimmy: and yeah but that don't mean I'm taking the kids meaning he'll still need me to leave classic FM blasting for him Janis: Would I do a thing like that Janis: you know you still look fit Janis: ๐ŸŽป obvs Janis: don't want him to enjoy himself ever Janis: just not ban me and ๐Ÿ’€you Jimmy: stop looking at me like that or you'll ๐Ÿ’€ me Janis: I can't help it Janis: not my fault everything else in here is offensively ๐ŸŽ€๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’Ž๐Ÿ’‹ Jimmy: ๐Ÿ’• Jimmy: love you too Jimmy: and how impressively you backhand them compliments Janis: gotta keep you grounded, babe Jimmy: then, as I said, stop looking at me like that, babe Jimmy: #groundednotintheground Janis: you're so Janis: make everyone go away Jimmy: how many bathrooms does this place have? Jimmy: let's hide in one for a bit Janis: more than one Janis: and there ain't enough guests here that they need to be queuing Janis: come interrupt so I can show you Jimmy: [does and can because has never been here before so legit wouldn't know where to go] Janis: [off you run children] Jimmy: [someone'll come find you if they need you for birthday things and you aren't back so take all the moments] Janis: [also none of you are stupid you know what's happening so leave 'em for a hot sec tbh] Jimmy: [mhmm all of y'all have pull these same tricks at some point and we know it] Janis: [exactly dr phil] Jimmy: [do we want skerries again or somewhere different?] Janis: [should go somewhere different why not] Jimmy: [yeah I'm thinking get the train/hitchhike until they are fed up and then just get out cos destination ain't the important bit] Janis: [a mood] Jimmy: [feels real even they come back tomorrow, being gone long isn't the point either really] Janis: [exactly, it's just about leaving]
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see-the-stars-with-me ยท 5 years ago
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The parallels between Catra and Azula: the portrait of corrupted power
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Disclaimer: I love ATLA and SPOP, I've seen multiple posts about Zuko's and Catra's arcs resemblance but none of them about Azula and Catra. This post is an analysis in my personal point of view about the parallels and comparatives in the character arc that Catra and Azula had.
First of all, let me make some points that you will need to understand my point of view.
Azula was pretty merciles, but she still was just a bit human-like at the beginning of book 3, spending time with Ty Lee and Mai, trying to socialize, conquering cities, normal teen stuff. She was really damaged from not being loved by her mother, she, sadly, got her father as her role model or primarily parental figure. She made her friends fear her, she thought that the loyalty based in fear was a kind of love.
In the other hand, Catra was being extremely abused by the only parental figure available. Shadow Weaver made her believe she was useless and flawed, and that Catra only distracted Adora from being the successful soldier she was destined to be. Catra had the same mindset of ruling with fear.
The parallels of Zuko/Azula and Catra/Adora
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In the first pair, Zuko was loved by her mother for being kind and sweet, Azula was the prodigy firebender of the Firelord, but none of them had the favour of both their parents, both siblings disliked and were jealous of each other. They ended their childhood with just one parent.
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In the Catra/Adora case, there was only one parent since the beginning, Shadow Weaver, who was extremely biased to the one she considered the golden child. At least, Adora and Catra had a close friendship based in patience and trust, they had each others back.
Being established these points, here is where the redemption of Catra was a majestic "Azula combined with Zuko" coming-of-age story.
Catra was betrayed multiple times. First of all, her only unconditional friend left her, Shadow Weaber started being obsessed for taking back Adora home, ending with SW using Catra to escape and get reunited with Adora in the other band. Without SW, Hordak starts being the abusive figure and starts preferring Entrapta over Catra, the story repeats, just with different people. At the end, Catra just had Scorpia to be her partner in crime and she started trusting her. When Scorpia left, that's the moment when Catra hit rock bottom.
In Azula's case, her brother joined the avatar and her only two friends betrayed her, resulting in the fire princess losing the little sanity she still had.
The two situations were triggered by betray.
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It's really interesting how after that, Azula's and Catra's reaction where so similar, that even when both of them had the breakdown, it was in front of a mirror. Don't like what you see, sweetheart? As Catra said, "I thought winning would be different".
Both of them lost all trust in their friends/soldiers, and established a stronger bond with the authorities figures (Hordak/Ozai), they started being paranoid. Catra started treating her soldiers as disposable and making them feel overworked, Azula started firing all her soldiers because she had fear of being betrayed. Resulting in them being isolated.
They did and excellent portrait of how power can consume us and take us to madness. Catra and Azula served a point to the narrative they were part of.
A key point to the Catra journey that sets a difference from the one of our fire princess, it's that she had the fortune of having someone who called her out in her behavior, our precious Double Trouble told her what we all knew, and made Catra face her reality. It looks like something small, but played a big role in the final development of the character. Catra started questioning every decision and choice she has made, her utter motive and if that was the road she wanted to ride.
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After this moment, her redemption arc started, and it took tones of the redemption that Zuko had. Ending in a portrait parallel to both Azula and Zuko in different phases of the story.
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Catra could have took the path of Azula, but just one person ignited the flame of change in her. And I think that is something really important to acknowledge about the narrative in SPOP.
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Also, here is and extremely good analysis I found about Catra's character that inspired me to do this post.
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