#|| ✵ I'm a loser baby { ;self promo } ✵ ||

[wouldnti]

you know it never hit me until reading this that hank is a catholic, lmfao. now it's like oh, i'm sure...

remember that promo photo with a portrait of mia (and karen and becca) looming above him. like oh of course you're haunted. fucking loser

if i had to describe californication with a central theme, it wouldn't be temptation, nor faith, nor love. it's about guilt. sure, there's a lot of love* in the show, but it's not the same kind of we love that perseveres through all trials and tribulations. that's what hank wishes would apply to him--that the love he has for karen and becca will somehow outweigh and make up for each stain he has caused on their family dynamic, on their reputations (thinking of "i thought you said your dad wasn't really in your life..." when he's standing literally right there), and their lives. it returns to the central question of HIMSELF even SAYING TO HIS OWN DAUGHTER "how many times can i say 'i'm sorry' until it doesn't mean so much anymore?" as if she could even answer that. the audacity. hank is so painfully self aware that it cycles back to being dense.

re: his dreams. his dreams tells us everything we need to know about what's actually going on in his head despite them often being whimsical. the nun represents unavailable women he can't attain. water and (in turn,) drowning represents succumbing to his vices. we see it in mia culpa when he lets the women in his drunken stupor drag him into the water. mind you, he's sitting in a pool floatie while drinking prior to this--he can't even keep his head above water on his own. and then later, during his attempt, it's now the ocean, representing a greater, more powerful force taking him away (Death).

but omg that's such a good observation. the dreams in s1 are goofy but still representative of something greater, and they do become darker as the show progress. the dream of becca flinging herself off over a bridge they used to take walks on together. he lost his baby girl.

ps. looking at the promo image i brought up above^ it's actually so crazy. i think i said this before somewhere else but the red paint on the floor with the implication he surrounded himself with it...? um guys.... is anybody else seeing this or............ why look its the consequences of our own actions and being unable to escape them without tracking red paint with our bare feet

*edit: and temptation and faith as well

please enlighten us on your thoughts about hank moody re: religion and it's relation to his sorta-kinda death. there is so much god and jesus imagery in the show and yet i have to wonder what the through-line is

canonically haunted in a religious sense...............remember in california son when hank was like hey i think you SHOULD feel bad for being a serial adulterer and hitting me when i was a kid and his dad said "your mother was into all that catholic guilt shit, not me."

and the thing is that hank may not "be accountable" to anything but he does know right and wrong and he does feel guilt, so much guilt he has to drown it. so much guilt that there's grief in it, that there's lost time in it.

that's really what's being portrayed throughout the religious imagery, which is predominantly realized in hank's dream sequences. the very first scene of the show is (famously...) hank in a church, walking up to the giant statue of literal jesus up on the cross, "okay, big guy, you and me." before getting distracted by the hot nun ("hank is going to hell.") (and then he wakes up)

then there's another dream sequence that's almost identical 4 episodes later, with bill as the priest and karen as the nun. and my favorite thing about these underlying hauntings is that eventually, hank's dream sequences become nightmare sequences. it starts out with sex, lewd secret acts, whispered love confessions. by the end it's drowning. slit wrists. premonitions, and warnings from lost lovers. the repetition through the last few seasons of hank on a barstool in hell, all the different ways his family could follow him there, the different responsibilities. the way it's kind of death over and over.

[misteraziraphale-blog1]

Aziraphale froze. "And you'll enjoy it," Crowley said relentlessly. "You really will." "My dear boy-" "You won't have a choice." "Listen-" "Heaven has no taste." "Now-" "And not one single sushi restaurant." A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face. 

[misteraziraphale-blog1]

                             'Oh, FUCK,' he said. 

                                                There was a melodious twang, and the blue glow vanished. So did Aziraphale.

ind. AZIRAPHALE of gaiman’s Good Omens

loved by finn