#{i honestly dont know if this would be a public convo but fuck it why not? i dont feel like doing direct-to-user stuff rn and thats no fun}

[majesticbirdonascooter]

thoughts on hell breaks loose

ok y’all i KNOWWW i’m like a month late but honestly this was a strugglebus for me to read, despite being so short. and normally i whizz through SP books in a day or two, but this was just painful to read. 

tagging @facelessxchurch as i promised to be a massive hater (i hope that’s ok!! :’) and that this lived up to your expectations lolol)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT !!!

starting out with the positives of HBL so i dont look like a COMPLETE hater!! so what i liked:  

the usual SP humour was in there and it’ll never fail to make me laugh

ghastly lore!! finding out about ghastly’s past relationships and his parents!!! 

mev and serpine canonly wearing wigs (& serpine’s wig being snatched) because they may be complete villains but GOD DAMMIT, THEY’RE VILLAINS THAT HAVE AN ✨ AESTHETIC ✨

rima being the best blink-and-you’ll-miss-it new character since phase 1

the saracen vs delicat fight (was hilarious if you look past the chivalry bullshit convo)

seeing mr bliss and meritorious again!!! and just the elders in gen!! they were fucking cool!!

seeing hopeless & him interacting with everyone (we have no choice but to stan) 

dexter vex being dexter vex

now we’re going hater mode and here are all the things i had problems with: 

literally everything else. ok bye

jk 

firstly. where the hell was china/the diablerie???? anyone??? okay now i’ve got that out the way...

terrible writing

Landy’s writing has always been simple but this story is like… simpler than simple. The sentences are also oddly structured and it SEEMS like he tried to give the characters’ speech an old timey vibe but it just comes off as... really awkward sounding.

the battles for this story were unreadable for me, i found myself skipping past them because there was just no substance/detail there, or if there was detail it was just filler (looking at the last fight with the dead men vs mevolent’s gang) 

i just got bored. and i never get bored with an SP book, but 3 chapters in and i left the book for a month before i could read it again, because there seemed to be no plot until the very end.

lack of characterisation

what are the personality traits of ghastly’s mother in this? i couldn’t tell ya. hell, what were the traits of ANY character in this story? what was the point of introducing ghastly’s mum after hyping her up for so many years if you won’t utilise her?

adding onto this, all the characters just read as samey for me, if we took away the names of the characters for dialogue etc i literally would NOT be able to tell who said what, because they all had the same personality.

which brings me to the stone sisters. they had so much potential but they were just SO boring. rapture had 0 personality and i didnt care that ghastly fell in love with her. i don’t even know how he did.

also found it wild that landy is trying to push a (forced) romance between ghastly and rapture. obviously ghastly would have other people he’s interested in before tanith but is it really necessary for a story this short? Like the anselm backstory + his parent’s lore would’ve been enough, the romance didn’t add anything to this shitty story.

valkyrie fuckin’ cain

dear landy, valkyrie cain doesnt have to be in every single story. the plot does not have to revolve around her. this has been a public announcement.

why oh WHY did this bitch rock up out of nowhere halfway through the story? 

in the end it’s not like she even does much. plus if it’s a story ABOUT THE DEAD MEN, keep it about THEM, not her. 

at one part she brags about all of her stupid powers and it’s at this point that i start drinking to forget how awful this story is

most of her conversations are just ripped from the pages of when she spoke to meritorious in the OTHER parallel dimension. what was the point??? 

oh pee pee poo poo angry birds!!!11 

fuck valkyrie cain she should’ve stayed tf out of HBL

other moments from when i live-reacted to this god damn story but can’t be bothered to write about fully:

Already like one page into the book and I feel like the writing is off…? Idk I’ve been reading phase one again recently so mb its just that I forgot what phase 2 writing is like (if HBL is similar writing wise to phase 2?)

Literally two pages in and theres already typos. Someone get this man’s editor an editor.

I dunno I feel like this book is trying too hard but simultaneously not trying AT ALL

Im getting a fucking drink. Maybe that’ll make this bearable.

Im in so much pain reading this book now. And I cant stop cringing. Someone tell me when its over pLEASE

Everyone’s dyng what the fuck

Landy really is obsessed with the “ooo it was all a dream” trope shit and “ooo the timeline that never happened” bullshit huh

And for my final thought:

if the hidden god bullshit is a set up for phase 3 I don’t even WANNA know

[seoafin]

oo yeah, the stark differences in eng fics on ao3 and those that i’ve read in websites like pixiv/ weibo/ lofter/ typesetters is a high-context asian subtle/implicit intimacy vs low-context western loud/explicit intimacy (1)

tho ,, i think the setting (character + environment + time) and the prompt (au? canon? romance? slice of life? epic?) play into it. i think the differences that exist between portrayals of intimacy by east asian authors and by western authors largely stem from cultural philosophy, which could make some things jarring to those unfamiliar with either

tbh i'm the type of person who, when reading lit abt supposedly asian characters, would appreciate the story more if it was also true to the characters' culture, and so i'd also like to see them experience and understand love the same way asians experience and understand love. but that's just me (i know there are diaspora who like to see other things), and that's also for a concept that's more for peaceful romance/character-centric settings. it’d be a different case if the story is plot-driven, or historical, or apocalyptic

i personally prefer the nuance of intimacy in pieces by east asians bc that's what i like to see and what i'm familiar with. but either way, i don't mind the differences exist. it just means that there's a variety to all of our experiences. as long as it's written into the narrative in an organic manner, it will still feel like a love i can appreciate, whether romantic or platonic or anything in between.

the whiplash was intense when i opened a fic bc i was curious or bored (or both rly) and then boom, untagged daddy kink. SHSHS it makes me giggle sumtimes, since he’s a jpnese character, when it comes to gojou, bc personally i just can't imagine him calling anyone any kind of petname unless it means to fuck with them,,, like, for eg, in stsg fic i just can't vibe with gojou calling suguru anything but his name, but that's just me and largely the way i interpret their characters, and it's just nice to know that all the authors of jp/cn/kr fic i've read before feel the same way more or less ,, but that's it HSJJSJS if someone else decides they want gojou calling suguru this or that, then that's like, alright. that's what they want to write and see, yk, and there's nothing wrong with that, i'll just swerve respectfully lmao

also for pdas,, i think it definitely depends on the age of the couple and the setting

like, if they're a campus couple, pda is pretty common. handholding, picking each other up from class, study dates in the library/courtyard/cafe, going to drinking parties together, that sort of thing.

the most common petname i've heard cn campus couples use is "baobao/baobei" (寶寶/寶貝), which means precious/baby/darling. for jp couples, tbrh i've never heard anything ,, my friends and cousins don't use petnames either

honestly,,, if u're cn/jp and u're dating someone ur age or younger, u'd probs call them by their given name or a nickname with an affectionate prefix/suffix (小，阿，兒 etc or the norm ちゃん, くん, さん, 先輩/ 輩先 suffix) and ig u could call that a petname. if u're dating someone older than u, then u'd call them (insert name)-san or senpai/jie/ge if u and they want, and that would show how close u are. some ppl date and call each other by their full names, too, and even with honourifics. and some ppl use just their partner's given names.

for kr,, idk much but i think it’s usually 이,야,아 etc and noona/oppa/unni/hyung ????

for older couples, like married couples or people who are working, pda tends to lean towards petnames. "sweetheart", "honey", "wife/husband", that sort of thing. if they're parents, they'd probably call each other "dad", "mum" (I NEVER HEARD MY OWN PARENTS NAME LEAVING THEIR LIPS WHEN THEY ADDRESS THE OTHER)

but if its pda like,, making out in public, i don't think it's very common. i've never seen it shhsjsjs (arm holding can be rewarded with a stink eye from the conservatives elderly (mostly), from where i came from)

in fic, it's abt the same, which means it would depend on the age/setting/couple's preference with the addition of the author's preference which just,,, uh shows , ig

but then again,, pls cmiiw if anyone else knows more

altho i’m a “respect is earned” type of person ,, when it comes to (conservative) elders, it will just fly out of the window,,, the repercussions....just no 🥰 some of them are so fucking petty and are hellbent to teach u a lesson, its actually embarassing

back when the yo mama jokes were still popular and 24/7 circulating in the internet,, me and some friends were 😃😃 like yall can say this and get away with it? when daylight arrive after i crack this kind of joke in front of my relatives, my mom is done scheduling for my cremation date

even if i dont intend it to mean disrespect in some convos,, the damage is done and my parents would straight up be like : “wtf did u just say? try repeating it once more and lets see if u can still sleep under a roof today.” either that or they’ll smack me before saying it ,, whichever could come first depending on their mood 🥴

my relatives wont ever missed if i ever forgot to address them when we meet or during a phonecall by a simple “uncle/ aunt/ grandfather/ grandmother” (usually my grandfather is the one so uptight abt it 💀) and it will end up into a short lecture abt “young kids these days..../ u havent forgot to eat yet u forgot what respect is?/ ur parents are fine ppl but what happen to u”

cue my mother glaring at me or giving the stink eye like @/&/&2@22 most of the times i’m distracted by sth and just spaced out while organising it in my head b4 it could get out of hand ,,, that and the titles i’ve used for each relative is different and i’m afraid to mixed it up bc again...stink eye ,,, like my father’s younger/ older brother and younger/ older sister and cousins + its another different handful of titles when it comes to my mother’s family 😔 - 🐱 (2)

yes!!!! there’s a lot of reasons why i enjoy stsg fics and it’s because gojo and geto are always treated like people in stsg fics.....i’ve found that in a lot of reader insert fics you could replace gojo and geto with the male lead of those mafia boss stories on wattpad and it wouldn’t make a difference LMAO gojo and geto are often caricatures of themselves and it’s just something i’m personally not interested in.

also....i feel like there’s so much intimacy in how someone calls/says your name that just using pet names 24/7 gives it this superficial sense that i’m not really a fan of but then again, in fwb stories i totally understand.

another thing, I really feel like culture DOES play into it. obviously as asian people ourselves who come from a collectivist culture, our idea of love is different from the western concept of love. i feel like this especially comes into play when we see reader insert stories where the MC is super op and strong just so they can “match” gojo and gojo doesn’t need to worry about them even though it’s not even needed!! in asian cultures it’s not a burden to take care of people. it’s love. and i feel like western people don’t quite grasp that bc it’s such an individualist culture (this is a not nuanced at all / a generalization but u get the point)

yeah full on pda in fics always gets me because in japan???? lmao no honey!!! although gojo would definitely do it, not every character would LOL

gojo would pet names as a joke aka ironically, but i just don’t see him doing it seriously unless it's dear or smt

my mom is so big on respect. she always gets into fights abt with my brother and it’s a generational difference tbh but i digress, it’s not like it’s bad to be polite to your elders, but I do think koreans can take it too far to the point where it’s detrimental!!

[strawberryspeachy]

Lurking around fb and saw the “common friends” on a friends page and seeing the two together reminded me of a conversation i had with one of them

So the dude liked the girl. I met the girl when she first moved to my area in art class and she started talking to me immediately (basically saying ‘hey! Youre the only other not white person ive seen all day’ leaving me like ?????? Weird way to start a convo)

Anyhow fast foward a few years and meeting her when she first arrived came up in convo with the dude. And he was like no i met her first! and just cause i didnt think he knew that I literally met her on her first say in the school i was like - pretty sure i knew her before you

And this dude liked to play argue with people- so he started to do that. And drew me in - until the “argument” devolved into some weird ‘who knows her better’

And i was like

Wait wait.... this is fucking weird. I... dont actually... care that much?

I think that memory popped up because i comment on youtube videos time to time and i commented on one a couple months ago about para? Relationships and how thats why people are so invested in influences lives

And i just really take issue when people use words like “everyone” and “all” because not true. Were not all the same

And i dont develop that feeling with strangers - despite my best efforts as a teen to be normal and fangirl - i always lost interest after a couple weeks because i just didnt care

That doesnt mean i dont get excited over SOME celeberties or dont stop to check out new work. Of course.

But honestly the list of people i would wake up early and go wait in line somwhere to see them is very small.

And beyond that theres only another handful where if i happened to see them on the street, i would ask for a picture or something. And that handful are people whose work i genuinely like, not because i think theyre my friends

I didnt write all that. But i am genuinely confused by the interest in “attractive” peoples lives.

And someone commented that i am lying and if i ever saw an influencer id beg for a picture with them

Honestly offended by the idea cause going badk to that convo about my high school friend. I really really really hate talking about random other people in a way thay emulates them. I dont paticipate in it. I get grossed out when people try to drag me into those kinds of conversations. I hate when im with someone and they get really fucking hype over an expensive car or a crowd or a camera crew.

I dont wanna be part of the crowd thats obsessing over some rando with a pretty face or money.

I dont wanna get drug into a crowd obsessing over someones work that i dont care about

One of my college friends told me about a news article she saw about my favorite singers dating life.... and i didn’t know how to reply because they definitely told me expecting me to get excited in some way over it... but i just dont care. Like cook. Hes a talented attractive single dude in his late 40s - makes sense hell wanna settle down with someone sometime and its not gonna be me lol

Also. I do get disturbed when i know too much information about random people i dont actually know

Like celebrities- ones i dont like i rlly try my best to not learn anything about. I dont care

Ones i like - information they wanna put out into the world - sure ill listen from time to time. But i dont rlly care one way or another

“Influencers” aka conventionally attractive people with a camera and no other talent - i wish ppl didnt care so these assholes couldnt just coast by in life on their genetics - suffer like the rest of us.

So i hate them and no. I would not want pictures with them. I dont wanna meet them. I dont get the appeal. I try to pretend they dont exist.

Edit: side note. I stopped getting nauseous and all about talking in front of people after i realized that i dont care about other peoples presentations. I dont care when i see someone do something embarrassing (ill still laugh and enjoy it but.... who cares?) so why do i worry what other people will think of me? The answer is - they wont think of me.

And I seriously have never turned back. I rlly thought i was right until college when i realized - oh actually ppl are overly invested in other peoples lives - luckily for me it didnt revert me back. I just think thats weird

Also key in this is random other people - not ppl im romantically interested in (people i have met and talked to and had back and forth exchanges with) not super close friends or family and not people that affect our every day lives like corporate assholes and government employees.

I very much care about their day to day lives and thoughts and personal lives. Cause theyre important - to me or society or both.

Same with a group of people becoming a monolith which affects public opinion.

Like, There a difference between being annoyed by what the kardashians stand for and do to american society - while also refusing to watch their show or give a fuck about what they do in their day to day lives.

[rosykims]

OTP TWENTY QUESTIONS - TRISS MADDOX / AVA DU MORTAIN

i was tagged by @goblin-deity​​ and @pillarsofeternity​​ thank u both !!! tagging @trvelyans​ @arlathen​ @solasan​ @lvllns​ @abelas​ @noonvvraith​ @lavelans​ @rosebarsoap​ and anybody else who wants to!

who can out drink the other?

who CAN but chooses not to? ava. who WILL but absolutely SHOULDN’T? triss 100%. neither one of them are big drinkers but put triss in a social setting and watch her instantly lose any and all ability to self discipline lmao

who says “i love you” more?

hmm okay so they both have their own individual and specific Issues around relationships, so neither of them rly say it all that much except during intense/intimate moments when it rly matters. but i think after a while (as in like a year or so into the rel when ava is used to it and comfortable) i think ava might say it slightly more than triss does, just in priavte together whilst Doting on her u know.....

who has trouble sleeping alone?

triss ! i mean even before they got together her nightmares were real bad :( but being w ava thru the night helps, to the point where theyre basically a non issue for her anymore. plus she’s a very cuddly person in private just in general and likes BEING cuddled fdjdjfkjf so not having bae w her during the long, cold nights is..... a tragedy luv 

who swears more?

oh triss djdjkffdkjfdk tho shes doesnt swear THAT much and never around ppl she doesnt know. usually just when shes distracted or with fwends having a goof...

who does more of the housework?

probably ava.................. triss is lowkey a messy bitch lol. not DIRTY or anything like her house isnt gross or whatever but she definitely just leaves shit lying around and never tidies lmao. when ava comes around she always ends up cleaning jsut bc shes Like that. as for things like dishes/vaccuuming/etc, mostly triss does that stuff bc its her apartment lmao,, tho ava will always end up helping her anyway bc, again, shes just like that

who forgets their anniversary?

triss :’’’’(((( shes RLY independent and before ava she took a very modern approach to dating so she rly doesnt.... consider those things too much. i like to think ava WOULD remember bc her memory is like. impeccable lol and she’d want to know these things bc shes somewhat old fashioned - but i also dont think she’d care enough to be upset by it. like she IS old fashioned in some ways but like ava of all ppl would probably agree that its not a big deal. regardless triss always wants to do smth together when she does remember lmao

who steals the duvet in their sleep?

TRISS AND SHES SO BAD ABT IT AS WELL. shes the MOST restless sleeper u will ever meet, absolutely throws herself all over ava during the night and if ava was as fuck-off-strong as she is, i have no doubt triss would succeed in pushing her out of their bed on multiple occasions

who keeps the other awake at night with their snoring?

neither, fortunately ! tho on the odd occasion when ava sleeps, she is sometimes woken up by triss sleeptalking during nightmares

who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

honestly neither again, mostly bc triss is so busy and her apartment is too small for anything other than her bird. triss is definitely the type to pick out the ugliest/most feral stray animal she can find and gush abt how cute it is tho!

who usually makes dinner?

triss! she likes cooking even tho she’s not very good at it. she sometimes asks ava to help her in making recipes that ava likes or is more comfortable eating, bc of the whole sensory thing

who plays their music out loud?

triss again ! i have a hc that there is ALWAYS music playing at triss’s apartment, she always has her radio or her speakers playing smth bc she is uncomfy with silence, and also just bc she likes to dance around the house kfdjkdkf

who hogs the bathroom?

okay.........i HONESTLY think ava. idk why but i feel like ava takes rly good care of herself. whereas triss is a rat who will brush her hair and teeth and maybe put a moisurizer on if shes feeling it that day lol. ava at the VERY least spends a lot of time on her hair imo, washing it as well as making it look so damn Iconic

who gives the most compliments?

triss ! shes a very sweet bby and u cant rly get thru a convo with her without being complimented at least once lol

who usually starts/causes arguments between them?

definitely ava, tho i would argue - at least in the context of their relationship - that its actually a good thing, or at least a healthy thing. triss HATES conflict that involves voicing her own issues w something, and much prefers to just bury it down or pretend it doesnt exist. which isnt healthy at all ! so a lot of their arguments usually have to do with ava trying to get triss to have meaningful dialogue with her and not hold back so much.

who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public?

triss.................i feel so damn sorry for ava actually lmao

who gives the other cringe worthy pet names?

hmmmm, ava gives them unironically (like. triss’s cousin once overheard ava call triss “my love” or “my heart” once and NEVER lets triss forget it) but triss absolutely goes out of her way to come up w some truly creative ones. 

who fusses over the other when they get sick?

ava !!!!! i feel like after 900 years she would be Extra worried abt that kind of stuff, and severely catastrophises abt how absurdly fragile/vulnerable she thinks humans are. like triss will get a cold and ava will still partially act like its 1183 or whatever and her gf is literally at deaths door lmao.

who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long

hm both ! ava tends to get frustrated a lot at everybody in general, but triss has an annoying way of cutting thru all of that lol. whereas on the other hand, like i said, triss just doesnt get angry, and even if she does she tends to just move past it as quickly as she can because she doesnt want to argue

who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared?

i think both, but in slightly different ways ! triss always wants comfort from ava, whether shes happy or sad or whatever lol, but i do rly love the idea of ava relying on triss a little more for emotional support once they have been in a relationship for a while, and once and ava feels safe w that kind of thing............like just letting her be vulnerable with someone whom she trusts, just for a little while.... 

who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…)

again i would say both in different ways ! it rly depends on what the q means by passionate. like triss is very handsy and quite physical w her affection, and ava is more into the subtler stuff. but in saying that, when ava does get physical its WAY more intense and ‘passionate’ in that sense!

[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on S10xE8

I just wanna get this over with so here we go. It’s gonna be a roller coaster so don’t read if you’re just gonna come for me after.

THEY WERE GONNA GET SOME FUCKING FLAP JACKS 😭😭😭😭

Who actually says flap jacks?

I’m from Texas and say pancakes? Where are y’all from and what do you call them?

Mickey is so fucking dramatic and Ian is unfazed

Plot twist I pushed Paula

I can just imagine Ian rolling his eyes before going to find his dramatic boyfriend

Mickey is a comedic genius I LOVE HIM

“You kidding that’s extremely funny”

That whole exchange is one of my favorite scenes I think

I wanna keep Mickey safe and away from his fucking “dad”

Tami looked so offended that she couldn’t stay for the convo BITCH GET TF OVER IT

“He’s a psychopath” stfu man gosh

Lip not so secretly loves Mickey I’m crying

And I don’t mean romantically so fuck right off okay?

Ian why are you even questioning if you should lie for Mickey wtf just do it

IAN WORKING OUT A MARRIAGE PLAN IN HIS HEAD WHILE TALKING TO THE COP FUCK RIGHT OFF BEFORE I CRY AGAIN

I FUCKING HATE TERRY WTF

LEAVE HIM ALONE

A show about the Milkovich family would’ve been a lot more interesting than this show

I fucking hate this scene because tbh I actually enjoyed it and I hate myself for it

“Who’s Ian?” Literally me in every episode he’s in without Mickey

My Mickey is so brave IM SO PROUD OF YOU MY SWEET BOY

Okay thank you sandy for standing up for him you’re okay now I guess

Have I mentioned how much I FUCKING HATE TERRY

But Mickey talking about marrying Ian in front of him almost had me in tears thinking about how much he’s grown IM THE PROUDEST MOTHER

I want a proud mom bumper sticker and not even for the baby I’m actually pregnant with why does my husband love me?

I asked my husband this question and he said “honestly I don’t know” BITCH LMAO

He’s kidding obvs he loves me because I’m hilarious

Little lunch date 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Ian just blurting it out because he’s so nervous

MICKEYS FACE

“We fucking love each other that’s why we’re gonna get married” AM I OKAY??? NOPE

ANOTHER I LOVE YOU 😭😭😭😭

AND I TRUST YOU 😩😩😩😩

HOLDING HANDS ACROSS THE TABLE THIS IS ALL IVE EVER WANTED

Thumbs :((((

MICKEYS SMILE STOP

But like never stop

I died when Mickey said “proposing” it’s the little things that kill me

WHYD HE HAVE TO SAY I DO WHY

Am I gonna survive the actual “I do”? Probably not

They both looked genuinely happy

Despite everything this scene was so cute I’m in actual pain

Sweetest public kiss ever

Thumb again 🥺🥺🥺🥺

And the sweetest smiles after

We deserved that before things go to shit

DONT CHECK YOUR PHONE

The bickering 😂

Cam and Noel are so funny! Their chemistry amazes me

And now it’s all downhill from here

I don’t wanna talk about this

HES SO SAD

But Ian does say there’s plenty of reasons but like my heart still hurts

Mickey wants to cry ugh I hate this

Mickey still wanted to get married 😭😭

IAN JUST SIGN IT I DONT WANT MY BABY TO HURT ANYMORE

I can’t even look at mickeys face because it literally breaks my heart

Noel is that fucking good wow

I actually feel bad for Ian when Mickey walks away but I’m also like KEEP WALKING BABY

BUT ALSO JUST TALK IT OUT PLEASE

I wanna hold Mickey so bad

Another I love you and it’s so important

I don’t wanna watch anymore

COMMUICATE DAMMIT!!!

I’m so frustrated

Like I get why Mickey is trying to run but baby please

Now I’m only gonna talk about this once and them I’m gonna pretend it didn’t happen

S10 Mickey would never hit Ian no matter how much he was hurting

I fucking hate the writers so much

Need a way to write in Cam’s broken leg?

Here’s an idea: Mickey walks away, Ian goes to chase him and slips on one of the stairs

Wanna add some comedy to it? He barrels into Mickey and knocks him down too

Jesus Christ

Who fucking thought that was a good idea?

Okay I’m done talking about it

Sneak peak of next week

Ian calling Mickey a punk because he’s dating was so childish but cute and I actually giggled because he’s so jealous

And hey Ian has called him worse so this is nothing

Oh gosh this Byron guy? Really Mickey?

Okay so I actually really enjoyed the episode and don’t mind the angst one bit. The only reason I’m was so angry is because of the thing that I said I would never mention again. Everything else was so good. I’ve read fics with worse angst than that. We all know they get married so don’t let the angst get to you too much.

I always like to end these on a positive note so let me just say Noel and Cam were phenomenal! I mean they always are but this episode was a stand out to me. I’m proud. I’ve never seen my husband this into the show before and for him to enjoy it with me? I’m shook

Alright I’m done. Like always let me know your thoughts if you want. I know some of you have no one to really talk about the show with so I’m my asks are open.

[sagittariusboyfriend]

lmao oh man. ok ive been talking to a guy who from the start knew i wasnt interested in any romantic stuff - i told him up front, he told me he wasnt either. cool cool. so we met for a coffee and yeah im not attracted to him, but he is intellectually stimulating u know. like where you can have many hours of conversation because hes really communicative and blunt and honest and has a very different view on life than me etc. which i like about him. i learn so much from direct opposites. we become friends. well, flirty friends, but honestly he is the only one doing the flirting during this entire time. ive been very specific not to as to not send any mixed signals, and have had to dodge some straight-forward sexual stuff a few times. not at all because i dont want to talk sex, we have absolutely talked sex, but not with each other, and i just really dont want him to think im attracted.

however he turned out to be a pretty... petty and unchill person. at times, anyway. as i said i like talking to him and do so quite often, or did so anyway, up until recently. a while ago he started to get very contrarian, like, edgy? rude, but at first in a playful way. i dont have a problem with rude when its in a playful/comunicative way, im amused by that and i indulge in dishing it back playfully from time to time. but it was very obvious he was doing it because i mentioned i was into "rude" guys, maybe once, when we were talking about my former love interests. and by rude i definitely dont mean as in someone whos all high and mighty, self-entitled, or stuff like personal attacks, im talking about a kind of humor, or in a charming, charismatic and mischievous way. and maybe that is my fault for not specifying what that actually meant, idk. its still kind of strange completely rearranging your personality based on something i said once, you know? it all felt very contrived to me.

but anyway, he also started to get pissed off that i would see my friends but couldnt see him (he lives in a different city...) and about how i could afford to go drink beer with my friends and not drink tea at his place (he also doesnt drink and, again, lives in a different city) and im like... ok first, im not even that into you in comparison, i will always pick my friends over others, i prioritize my money (i am by NO MEANS wealthy omfg) the way i want and on what is proportional to what i get out of the experience. im not going to put out a lot of money on a train ticket to sit at home with you, a guy ive met in public ONCE, when i have all of my biggest friend groups in this city, here, where i live, and we enjoy drinking beer, watching soccer, going to the beach, hanging out in parks, having game nights and hosting and going to parties etc etc. heck yes im going to spend my last money on being with them. and i have told him this, and also that if i had more of a disposable income right now i would obviously be freer to do whatever. ive never been against going to his place to hang out and not having it involve any alcohol, thats all cool, but right now i just cant afford it, and i would prefer to hang out in public some more. but hes not into my scene, so what am i gonna do. and i dont think its strange to think like, i know my last bucks will get me two beers at the cheapest bar, but two beers are still not the price of a (one-way) train ticket. but he just... gets mad about it. in a very childish way. and i keep a very open an honest discussion with him, and most of the time he gets it. hes not dumb or socially awkward, i know hes not, but hes kind of... hard to deal with, i guess is the right word, when there is a personal relationship. in a not so charming way. where he can come off as uncertain, distristful(!) and a bit egocentrical. a classic "ive been hurt by hierarchy for most of my life so now im always on high alert and im going to be as obtuse and snarky as possible so i can feel like i have some sort of control and i WILL take up space and society WILL give me what i feel ive been cheated of my entire life also emotionally im a scared child and really really need validation but im never ever going to admit that". most of the time hes not, but when he started "demanding" to know why i couldnt hang out, or what my expenses were(!!) i immediately got turned off. having to motivate or explain your life and choices to a person youve met once and that you, sure, appreciate, but that you dont really know? no thanks. people not trusting me or my reasons makes me angry, because i put so much value in honesty, so i got angry at him (which is VERY not my character). and he kind of took a step back.

we havent spoken as intensely since then, maybe two weeks ago, and i honestly dont mind except for i like to write and communicate with a lot of people about a lot of stuff to keep myself occupied and he is now one less person to do that with i guess. but now he casually struck up a convo on my snapchat on a post "where i looked hot". i was like heh thanks! and he went on saying "i need to remind myself of how good-looking you are sometimes... kind of stupid actually"

so im like... uhuh... why would you need to remind yourself of that? already finding it a bit cringey

and he says "because i forget about you? xD"

aaaand im rolling my eyes trying not to gag. he is obviously looking for a reaction and im like wtf are we 15

then he fucking says, all philosophical like: "sometimes we need to be reminded why we start talking to/hitting on someone in the first place" and i was just like...... ok stop... what a fucking backhanded compliment. that actually was you telling me that i havent been paying attention to you that much and you want my attention.

god.

again, so turned off by this kind of personality. and i dont mean that only sexually, i mean... i dont think we can be friends, man. youre acting kinda gross. "we" as in, people of the earth, dont need to be reminded of that. that is not a universal truth. this is cringyness, a wounded ego on a high horse.

idk maybe he was trying to be nice or trying to say hes sorry because he was out of line earlier, but i genuinely dont think he thinks so himself, but... ugh. i am not into this. i am not into him. i have been doing my best not to string him along by the way, by being veeeery open about the fact that i sleep with different people, and not just guys, and that i like being single right now and that i have many issues to take care of and heal, so i hope he doesnt feel like ive been doing that to him for some reason.

im just very over this guy. i basically answered him that it sounded more like a backhanded compliment than anything else and that i know ive been bad at ~paying attention~ to him in that way lately, and that im aware of that because im just not interested in paying that kind of attention to anyone at all right now. lets see what his response is. i bet on either a douche guy "lmao ok i was just giving you a compliment chill" or a niceguy/neckbeard "wow youre not better than me". or perhaps hell be an adult about it. i feel like i do have some faith in him still.

but jesus christ the cringe

update: this was a while ago and i dont remember what he answered but it surprisingly wasnt any of the above. we stopped talking for a few months tho and now im in love with a gorgeous person that i recently became exclusive with. this guy is still someone i talk to now and then on snapchat. he semi-regularly drops compliments on my selfies and i guess thats just fine, but his snaps are very very bitter and sometimes i can tell he wants to get my attention. 🤷‍♂️

[mieczyhale]

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post::  #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op 

my tags on this post::   #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them 

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings 

my tags on this post::   #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories. 

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them   

[bigskydreaming]

Tbh, my policy on pirating is pretty simple. I honestly dont give a fuck one way or another w/movies, TV shows and even comic books, bc the former two have managed to account for pirating in the way they pad their expenses and tbqh they dont really hurt for it. And with comic books, okay if you pirate indie or creator owned content you kinda suck, not gonna lie, you have NO idea the kind of effort and upfront costs that go into producing comic books without Marvel or DC backing you up, not until you actually try it. Its obscene. Especially if you’re not able to do all the art AND story AND inking/lettering/coloring yourself, and have to either pay other members of your self-assembled creative team upfront or on the backend. 

And this includes comic books published by Image (at least the ones without big name creators attached), because contrary to popular belief, Image has nothing to do with assembling the creative teams of most of their creator owned books, and they certainly don’t pay them any kind of wages or salaries. The way Image is set up is creators basically submit a complete first issue, all the art, inking, lettering, coloring, everything already done, to see if they’re interested in publishing. 

(Technically, you only have to submit the first eight pages in order to get a response, and theoretically its possible that Image has in the past greenlit books based on the first eight pages of the book, which then allows the creators some leverage in convincing the entirety of their creative team to put in the upfront work to complete the rest of the first issue still without payment, but at least trusting now that their work will see publication, but like, this doesn’t really happen much from anything I’ve ever seen or heard or experienced).

Anyway, point being, Image takes submissions and then greenlights the books they see as potentially profitable, but again....they in no way ever pay creators themselves. Creators only make money via the actual sales of their books, once published and distributed by Image...and only AFTER Image takes their cut, which is a flat fee deducted from the sales of individual issues. Its actually a good thing in some ways, that they only take a flat fee (their cut is for publishing and distribution costs, Image NEVER owns any part of the intellectual property they publish, unless they’re part of their ‘shared Image universe’ which tbh is just like, publisher Erik Larsen’s little sandbox for him and his friends and who even cares, those books suck, Savage Dragon is lame, Erik, and everyone knows Shadowhawk was a blatant rip-off of Darkhawk, and look, I love Darkhawk with all my New Warriors fanboying heart, but of all the characters in the world to rip-off, who the fuck considers Darkhawk worth being derivative of? So weird. BUT I DIGRESS. ANYWAY.) 

So in some senses the fact that they only ever take a flat rate is good, because in the rare cases of runaway books that really take off, the way Invincible and The Walking Dead were back when Robert Kirkman was still a no-name indie creator, like...the creator has the potential to make BANK. Which is exactly what Kirkman did, and why he’s now every-fucking-where, ruining all our other faves like who the fuck thought HIM producing a Chronicles of Amber show was a good idea, ewww. He’s gonna dial up the incest to 100, isn’t he? Sigh. UGH WHOOPS ANOTHER DIGRESSION, LOL YOU SEE WHY MY ADHD MEDS ARE ESSENTIAL, I ASSUME. 

Ahem. 

BUT in most cases, the fact that Image takes a flat fee off the top is like....shitty, because the last I heard - and tbf, this was years ago so its probably not the same anymore, but that means it could be worse - it was something like $2000 per issue. Which means the vast majority of indie creators you’ve never heard of before or after they published a six issue mini or whatever through Image never saw a cent. I’ve never heard of Image putting anyone in debt, like that’s not how they work at least - if your book doesn’t even make up to $2000, its not like you owe them for the remainder, but again, you just....never make a cent off it. So like....the reason a fuckton of Image books never make it past issue #6, if they even make it that far, is that the creators literally just can’t afford to keep producing out of pocket, financing the actual creative production costs of each issue themselves without making any profit on the backend, if they’re not ending up selling more than $2000 worth of issues once on the shelves, physical or digital).

So don’t fucking pirate Image comic books, plz. Just don’t do it. Unless they’re Erik Larsen’s. Pirate away, who gives a fuck, I hate that guy. LOLOLOL I’m such a petty asshole, ugh. Whatever. I blame my childhood.

ANYWAY. As I was saying, I don’t really give a shit about pirating from Marvel or DC, which maybe is bad of me because its not like those creators necessarily make bank either, unless they’re one of Marvel/DC’s faves and like, have their pick of titles at any given moment. But the way most of them are paid is Marvel and DC pay their creators actual salaries based on rates per page, and then Marvel/DC keep all the actual royalties themselves. The only exceptions to this are when issues sell more than 50,000 copies - that’s 50,000 individual copies of physical or digital issues, not $50,000 worth of sales like with Image. Once a creative team’s book sells more than 50,000 copies of a single issue however, THEN they start getting a cut of the royalties, as like a bonus incentive type thingie. But tbh, its pretty rare in today’s market for a book to move that many issues monthly, and only the top sellers of both companies end up in that rarefied air....and most of those books’ creative teams are the favored writers/artists anyway, the ones who have a degree of job security and never tend to lack for titles to shift to after ending a run on one book. Sooooo, they’re kinda the reverse of the creators who could actually use a cut of their books’ back end profits, but whatever.

So like I said, fuck Marvel and DC, like...corporately or whatever. Of course there’s no doubt that pirating has some definite correlation to how few books are able to move 50,000 issues monthly, but both companies have always been notoriously shitty to creators, and that’s not pirating’s fault, and less pirating honestly isn’t going to change that b/c the ones to benefit from less pirating first and foremost are still going to be the same ones who aren’t really that hurt by it currently....loooooooong before the lower rung creators start to see an uptick in profits as a result. And let’s be real, if Marvel & DC suddenly started seeing a surge in profits due to a marked reduction in piracy, they’d find some excuse to shift payment structures around again in order to still keep a lion’s share of the new profits while cutting the lower rung creators (read: new/just starting out/niche/lacking leverage creators) out of seeing much additional profits. Because the problem with creators making money off Marvel and DC IPs isn’t really pirating, its Marvel and DC not wanting to share the money made off their IPs, even with the people most responsible for those IPs generating revenue.

That’s the part of the pirating convo that most people miss, IMO....a rising tide just DOESN’T lift all boats, if one or two boats in particular are specially designed to make the most of any tiny uptick in a rising tide while all the other boats are made of the leftover shoddy materials and are undermanned or understaffed or whatever and can’t actually DO anything productive with any of the lift generated by the rising tide.

And if that made no sense, eh, idk, don’t blame me. Its not my metaphor.

ANYWAY. So that’s why I don’t really give a shit about pirated movies or TV shows or Marvel or DC books, though I do still think you suck if you pirate indie content including lesser known Image creators. You guys have srsly no idea how much harder indie comic book creators have to work compared to like, any other medium. It makes me wanna cry. Its ridiculous. It would take too long to explain just WHY its so much more of an ordeal/effort to produce indie comic book content than just about any other form of indie content save like, running an entire webshow with one or two people wearing all the hats while funding everything out of pocket and overseeing everything production wise and also being a key creator involved in creating the actual content.

BUT as I was saying in the last post, pirating novels is an ENTIRELY different thing, and I have vastly more opinions there than I do with other mediums. Because the publishing industry was designed to exploit and capitalize off the intellectual properties of INDIVIDUALS, unlike all those other mediums that are inherently collaborative and thus usually involve the combined efforts of several to dozens of people.

So at the end of the day, individual authors will ALWAYS suffer more from pirating, looooooong before publishing companies ever feel a ding in their profits. Because they designed it that way. Specifically SO that they, the big companies, would be protected. Its set up so that individual creatives, the authors, NEED publishing companies more than publishers need any singular author. Obviously the rise of indie publishing has changed this somewhat, but not as much as you might think.....because the thing is, indie authors are really only successful and profitable by the grace of Amazon. By the fact that Amazon can afford to pay authors 70 percent royalties on any sale as opposed to traditionally published authors who are lucky to get a ten to fifteen percent royalty rate on sales, with them not even seeing a cent of those royalties until AFTER their advance has already been paid back, if they ever even sell enough to make that happen at all.

And so like....its a very dangerous, precarious, and not at all trustworthy situation that allows for indie authors to CURRENTLY be profitable in ways or to degrees that a lot of traditionally published authors can’t be. 

But that’s only because Amazon is taking a loss on most of the books they publish, due to this payment model. Because Amazon CAN. They can afford it. They make enough from all their other departments and revenue streams to buttress those losses. And Amazon has been using this, and using indie authors, to leverage traditional publishers into giving up more and more of THEIR profits from THEIR books, by giving Amazon even steeper discounts on the books they distribute to them, to be sold to consumers by Amazon.

And again, like I said before, its the individual creators, the bottom rung authors, who take the hits here first and in the biggest ways, because it remains true that the publishers have designed their payment structures so as to use the profits of individual authors to compensate for their own dip in profits.

And Amazon isn’t doing any of this for the little guy’s benefit. They don’t care about giving indie authors a leg up, an alternative to tradition publishers. They only care about CURRENTLY making indie authors need traditional publishers less than trad publishers need them, for a change.....but ONLY so that Amazon can rake in the increase in profits first and foremost.

Because here’s the kicker. The thing I worry too many indie authors and readers don’t account for.

INDIE AUTHORS STILL NEED AMAZON MORE THAN AMAZON NEEDS THEM.

Amazon is VOLUNTARILY taking losses on their book sales, and have been almost from the start. Because they don’t NEED that department in particular to be profitable for them NOW. They’ve been angling for a long time to get as close to an actual monopoly on the book market as is possible under current free market laws. So the thing is....unlike traditional publishers....Amazon doesn’t need ANY indie authors OR sales. Like, AT ALL. They could shut down their entire indie book model tomorrow, and not really be any worse off for it.

And the second Amazon doesn’t need indie authors even as LEVERAGE to pry more profits out of traditional publishers....you better believe that 70 percent royalty rate is going to vanish literally overnight. Because there’s absolutely nothing in Amazon’s business model or legal obligations to indie authors that requires they maintain it, or protects indie authors from having it suddenly dropped to a five percent royalty rate at Amazon’s whim.

So the second the scales tip far enough that Amazon decides they really don’t need or want to milk anything else out of traditional publishers, they’ve gotten as much of a price cut or a monopoly as they’re going to get or want to get without forcing publishers (and by extension their own ready made product that Amazon then distributes) out of business.....Amazon is going to quite happily STOP taking a loss on the sales of all these indie titles, and say well, we don’t need you as much now, so we’re gonna just give you ten percent royalties, take it or leave it. Its not like you have any better options at this point.

So whether traditionally published or indie published, pirating books hurts individual creators in very real, tangible ways that creators in other mediums aren’t affected, or are supplemented or buttressed against.

I say all this not to guilt anyone, but simply to provide information. Because there’s always so much discourse going back and forth around legality of pirating and ethics of pirating and so much stuff that’s not even consequential or relevant if people don’t even understand the MECHANICS of how pirating affects various mediums. So they can then make INFORMED choices on how they feel about pirating certain content versus other content.

As I was saying at the start of all of this....I have my own personal stance on pirating, and I don’t expect it or need it to be anyone else’s personal model. Like I said, I don’t really care about other mediums, and when it comes to novels, I’m against it as much as possible, but with caveats. Lots of people, including authors, describe novels as luxury items, and as such say that nobody’s justified in taking one for their own personal entertainment just because they WANT it. I differ from that POV because I honestly don’t consider books a luxury. I consider them to be absofuckinglutely as essential to the survival and THRIVING of the human condition as food or rest. Far more so than TV or movies, which not everyone has access to, or finds as easily accessible. Bottom line.....I fall in the category of arguing that its not enough just to survive. People have to have reason to survive, to live. Things to look forward to. Things to enjoy. Feeding the human spirit, as cheesy or whatthefuckever as that sounds, is every bit as essential as feeding the body. I would not have survived my childhood without books. I would not have survived my twenties without books. Hell, I would not have survived this YEAR without books.

So, even as an author myself, and yes, I have written stuff that’s been pirated (I made a fairly decent living for a couple years as a self-published indie author of m/m erotica and m/m erotic romance short stories, novellas and novels, and those particular genres/markets get the SHIT pirated out of them. So trust me, I am VERY much putting my money where my mouth is on this subject).

But yes, even as an author myself, I have zero problem with people pirating stuff because they honestly, truly legit can not afford it otherwise. Its not a lost sale. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. It doesn’t mean you still don’t need, let alone deserve, to have something to take your mind off your poverty, your stresses, your issues. And even if you technically have the money to afford a book, I’m well aware that doesn’t always mean you ACTUALLY have the money to afford it in any meaningful way. If you have five bucks to spend for the day, and a choice between a book and a bagel, or like, an actual sandwich and drink, that’s not a fucking choice that ANYONE should have to make. Use that five dollars to buy yourself a fucking sandwich and just pirate the book, I say. You can pay it forward when you get the chance. You find yourself with more money at a later point, by all means, go back and buy a legit copy of that book, your money’s still good then, and having had that book to enjoy at an earlier, more stressful time in your life might very well have contributed in even the tiniest of ways to you getting to a place where you had better finances and more spending money.

Yes, obviously, I am a big fan and proponent of libraries, and I think you should always go there first, if possible, to get your free literary content. Libraries are great, and they have a LOT more content, and more of a range of content, then a lot of people realize.

I am however aware that libraries are not necessarily practical for everyone. Sometimes you just plain can’t get to one, you have transportation or mobility issues or live in a household where your reading habits or interests are frowned upon or even penalized, because sometimes, parents are awful. Sometimes libraries just don’t have the content you’re looking for. Content is subjective, depends on staff, geography, community. LGBTQ+ kids shouldn’t have to risk being seen looking through the LGBTQ+ section of the library or checking out a book, if they’re not out at home or school or in their community. By all means, I would much rather a kid in that situation pirate the fuck out of their comforting, soul-sustaining LGBTQ+ themed books than risk upsetting a currently safe and secure status quo. Again, just pay it forward when and if you can, at a later date. And so on and so forward.

BUT, again, there’s caveats there, because with books, I consider it a case by case basis, and the case in question is the individual consumer. The above scenarios IMO are based entirely on the genuine, sincere situation of not being able to afford a book in any practical way, and not having a library as a valid option for getting that or any book.

This is an entirely different situation from HAVING the spending money, and being perfectly capable of dropping five bucks on a book versus five bucks on one of those much-talked-about-in-pirating-convos Starbucks’ lattes that you don’t NEED any more than anyone supposedly NEEDS to read a particular book. 

If you CAN afford to pay full price for a book without dipping into funds intended for other practical necessities or hurting or even inconveniencing you in any meaningful way, if you CHOOSE to pirate a book you can access or download through legal channels with just as much ease as you can pirate it...(again, I’m aware that due to bullshit territory laws, not all content is legally available in all areas at all times, and this isn’t what I’m talking about).

I’m talking about if you’re NOT in a bad - not just slightly uncomfortable - but BAD, financially tight, thrifty, constantly stressed situation where its honestly a Sophie’s fucking Choice trying to decide if you’re gonna shell out your money for the sequel you’ve been waiting on pins and needles for for a fucking year and its been the only thing getting you through some days....or if you’re gonna like, eat today....

THAT’S when I have no patience for your piracy, specifically. Not when it comes to novels and the bottom lines of individual, hard-working authors, most of whom have to spend their lunch hours or come home after work to soak their blood, sweat and tears into the manuscript that becomes the book you just pirated. I know what I said about indie comic book creators having it so much more fucking tough than anyone else knows or realizes, but that doesn’t mean that midlist and lower than that authors don’t work DAMN fucking hard on their product, even after working forty hour weeks at some minimum wage job that’s every bit as soul-crushing as the worst job you’ve ever held.

And you’re not a fucking rebel or revolutionary if you’re taking money out of THEIR pocket, when you don’t need it yourself, just because you can. You’re not sticking it to the man, or teaching greedy capitalist publishing pigs the error of their ways. They don’t care, and you’re just being a dick.

Entitlement isn’t always a bad thing, I believe, because we ARE all entitled to certain things. A broke, disabled person with transportation issues and disability benefits that aren’t even enough to cover their actual living expenses is IMO every bit as ENTITLED as anyone else to a nice, stress-free, enjoyable read they picked out because it was precisely what they were looking for and not because it was the only thing out of ten available options that looked halfway decent. I will never ever judge or condemn or disparage someone for pirating in a scenario even REMOTELY close to that.

But that doesn’t mean that gratuitous entitlement doesn’t always exist, and isn’t obnoxious as fuuuuuuuuuuck. You’re not entitled to whatever you want, whenever you want, for as little as you feel like paying for it, just because you WANT it. And just because you can GET it, consequence free. If THAT’S the defining motivation or influence behind pirating the debut novel of a single mom working sixty hours a week to support her kids PLUS hanging onto her dreams and pounding out her novel over the course of a year and a half on her lunch hour.....then yeah, you fucking suck, and you know it, you whiny little shit who identifies with this paragraph and goes "who me? YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE!” Yeah, I do. We all know someone like you. You’re not special.

Just like I know that author profile I just described there was not grabbed out of my ass, but describes someone very real and not at all embellished, and she’s not even the author I know in the most stressful scenario-whilst-writing. She certainly wouldn’t even consider herself in the Top Ten. And her publisher passed on the option for her sophomore novel, because her much-pirated book never made back the $25,000 advance she was paid over the course of three installments, which meant after taxes, she got an extra $10,000 bucks spread out among three eight month intervals, or just under two years.

So yeah. That’s where I fall. Soundly in the same camp I fall in most things: Actions have consequences, and you should always make an effort to be informed on what those consequences are before deciding whether or not you take action.

Let’s be real, no one’s effectively policing whether or not every individual consumer on the web pirates casually, extensively, or religiously, if at all. Its not likely EVER going to be an issue for you. That someone can actually keep you from pirating because you’re genuinely afraid of legal consequences.

But you shouldn’t need the threat of legal consequences, the question of can I get away with this or not, to police your own actions.

And at the risk of giving anyone whiplash, I for sure don’t give a fuck about the legality of taking away from the bottom line of massive, multi-million dollar corporate interests if I can get away with it. I’m just as entitled to keeping my five bucks that I worked DAMN FUCKING HARD FOR, as the people most likely to see that money even though they didn’t log a single actual hour on producing the content they’re charging five bucks for, IMO. I’m perfectly aware there’s a shit ton of people who’d call that rationale self-serving bullshit and hypocritical, but bite my lily-white Irish ass, I don’t give a fuck. I’m comfortable with my own morality.

But part of the reason I’m comfortable with my own morality, is that it tells me that even though there are times when I think I’m entitled to certain things I can’t necessarily afford, there are also times when I know I’m NOT entitled to things I may just not WANT to afford. Any time you’re able to justify ALWAYS having things your way without it ever costing you any kind of concession, I think that’s usually a good sign it might be time to stop and take a second look at yourself. Nobody gets to have everything their own way, to their best liking, all of the time.

But the flip side of that coin IMO, is that nobody should be penalized to NEVER having anything their own way, to their liking, ANY of the time. And if that’s the situation you’re in at some point in your life, and pirating’s the only available option to giving yourself a break from your regular monotony or currently-shitty-reality? Like, who the fuck am I to tell you not to pirate that feel good book or movie that has the chance to let you go to bed later with an actual smile on your face for a change? Who the fuck is anybody to tell you that?

*Shrugs*

There’s my two cents: The Ten Volume and Unnecessarily Long Saga.

[beepsrichie]

psa: grab your fucking tea.

alright, so this week has been fucking wild but i’m tired of seeing people believing shit without having any proof. seriously, learn to ask before aimlessly follow someone around like so god damn lost puppy.

a couple days ago my friend did a shitpost alright and it was all fun and games, trust me! but a few people really took it seriously and started asking questions and even reblogged it wondering if we were actually in a fight or not. to prove that it was all fake i sent my friend a message which can be found under here. just a heads up guys, if we [eddiesghost and i] were ever in a huge fight i wouldn’t make a call out post or even mention it to the public because, the fuck, what do i get out of that?

the point is, this big mistake actually turned out to be good. the night when people thought we were in a fight we all decided to turn anon off and just call it a day. the next morning i woke up to find a message asking for me to privately message them.

side note: you see that url in the pic? wolfhardgrazerstruth? mm, fucking report them please. you’ll see why soon.

this person started off casual, asking me questions about eddiesghost and what happened between us. i hate lying, but i just had a hunch that this was the anon that has been harassing me and my friends for almost a month now, so i played their game. i fed them bullshit saying stuff about eddiesghost just to get on their side and it worked for some time until said person introduced me to someone else. oh, by the way, these people are fucking massive fack shippers.

this is when she introduced me to the other person, on the same fucking account.

me @ them. its a fucking cult, you guys. i aint joking.

lets just get down to business now. you tell me your thoughts if this shit ain’t unsettling and fucked.

oh wow. apparently only having 1k means you are pathetic and you cant defend yourself. shucks. thanks for the fucking tip. ill shove that advice up my ass.

oh wait- but lets bring out the big guns now.

she wanted me to make a call out post about eddiesghost.

sigh. more of the ‘prove yourself’ bullshit.

this person wanted me to write a call out post about eddiesghost. im sure a few of you saw me post one last night, but i deleted it a couple of hours later after i reported and blocked the person.

but the twisted thing is- she wanted me to be nasty as fuck in my call out post. she wanted it to do eddiesghost bad, to ruin her image to the point she just deactivates and vanishes from tumblr. the actual fuck? i was speaking to satan himself. lord.

also, this bish gave me a fucking time limit. jfc. she gave me two hours.

first copy i sent to her, she said it wasnt mean enough and how it could improve.

make it up if you must. hmm.

when i sent her a another copy of what i wrote, she offered a few suggestions to improve the post.

huh, thats strange. “the only reason shes so very against fack is because shes actually interested in jack”

do me a favorite and just-

seems familiar? check out this post.

when things started getting uncomfortable she noticed my hesitation and was getting upset at the fact the call out post wasnt getting enough attention. she thought it was because of the lack of information i added. i would just like to add i didnt mention any of the jack shit she wanted me to add. thats just so fucking wrong. my response to her asking me if i still had feelings for eddiesghost was this:

eventually i reported the blog and blocked them, but she still reached out to me since before heading to bed i turned my anon back on knowing she was gonna message me.

the underlined things in red are stuff that are considered as threats and to show you that this person, is not in the right. honestly, she sounds like an adult, whoever this may be. and the fact shes a fack shipper is concerning. even if i am wrong, kid or not, its still fucked up what shes been doing for the past couple of weeks. 

anon, if you are reading this, i just wanted to say you are delusional as fuck. spreading false information everywhere is just childish and fucking disgusting. grow the hell up. you’re lucky that my friend eddiesghost is one strong motherfucker. keep it up, we’ll just go on with our day. but i’m hoping this fucking post shines a fucking light on your stupidity and people can wake the fuck up and learn to take take information seriously without proof.

if you guys want more information, just message me. i’ll be turning my anon off for a while cause i dont wanna deal with anymore of this shit. if you are curious, dont be a coward and just message me for the stuff. want the entire convo, including what i said? sure, just ask. i dont give a damn! i got nothing to hide. i was taking one for the team to try and figure out who were these people.

by the way, their ‘group’ has around five members apparently. but theres a fucking bigger cult of them somewhere on twitter and insta probably. also this person has been following eddiesghost, eddiesbadbreak and me for a while now, according to this person. they been doing so to keep an eye on us which is fucking creepy if you ask me. if you guys have more information about this, please do enlighten me cause its just...yeah. 

oh, by the way- lets take a closer look at something.

huh- whats that?

[impala-dreamer]

You went to NJ con this year right? Did you ask any questions? I watched the entire J2 panel and was literally the entire time just listening for someone to say "My name is Beka" I dont even know why but I wanted to hear and see them respond to you so badly so if you did ask a question then tell me! WHAT WAS IT? AND WHICH PANELS???

LOL! Yes, I was at NJCon. But no, I didn’t ask any questions in the panels. I did have some nice convos with a few people... Jake Able comes to mind, when I looked him in the eye and said “You sir, are charming as fuck! Keep it up” and he laughed. lol. 

I honestly had no desire to ask a question. I wouldn’t know what to say! I did wait on line with @frenchybell to ask something during Kim & Bri’s panel, but we never got up. April was also on line for J2 and was going to announce to them and everyone that it was our 1 year Friendaversary that day and hopefully get some hugs from the guys, but she never made it to the mic. oh well, prob for the best as I would have died. 

If I was going to ask a question, I would have probably just stammered into the mic and asked something dumb like “What’s Dean’s middle name, because I call him Dean SexyAssMotherfucker Winchester, and that’s a bit long” lol

I honestly don’t know. I’m not an ‘ask people stuff in public” kinda girl. ;) 

[mythological-survivor-no-mikoto]

Episode 1.1 - This Game is Rigged Against People Who Can’t Read - Vi

The two tribes, Awashima and Hiroku were pitted against each other in a game of Hostile Harai. After a relatively close battle, Hiroku pulled ahead and won a 10% challenge multiplier in the next immunity challenge.

At the immunity challenge, the tribes battle each other in a game of Semantris that led to victory for Hiroku, beating the other tribe even without the score multiplier needed.

At Hiroku, the winning tribe, they celebrated their win and continued to form relationships, though no alliances had yet formed. Emma ventured into the expeditions and found the Awashima hidden immunity idol and was given the option between leaving the idol in place or gifting it to a member of Awashima. Emma opted to gift the idol to Adam with the note: “Can’t wait for merge! (heart) PH.”

At Awashima, bonds began to form and take control of the vote. Katie, Rachael, Rodrigo and Josh in particular began to formulate a plan to vote out Lauren for being the most inactive member of the tribe. Lauren had other plans, wanting to target Adam for similar reasons. After some discussion of idols with Rodrigo, Katie and Rachael opted to vote for Adam as well. At tribal council, Lauren was voted out 7-3 against Adam, who kept his immunity idol in his pocket.

PART 1

“im either first boot or i win no in between”

“Omfg VI IS PLAYING I LOVE HER SO MUCH THE LOML. Also nikias has such a cool energy”

“All of my chats so far are with the men, I think I’m too intimidated by the pretty girls??”

“Fuuuuuck Katie is playing?!?!?! 😭😭😭😭 SHES TOO GOOD SHE GOTTA GO”

“Minding my own business and praying these people never witnessed Svalbard🙃”

“When you rejected Katie for prom and she comes for you in your DMs”

“Katie is gr8. Josh is gr8. Really just vibing tbh”

“I'm so glad that on my tribe I already have previous good relationships with Regan, Katie, and Vi. Marc is pretty great too. I feel good so far woooo. also prayer circle for Olivia I hope I get to see her in a tribe swap or something”

After receiving a bonus in the immunity challenge: “guys look at me win!”

“im going to see if i can trick jay into thinking i want to work with him till f2”

“whyyyy am I so awkward hahahahaha ha ah ha abaaghhhhhhhhh”

“this game is rigged against people who can’t read. Someone save me”

Olivia goes on an expedition to Mt. Ishizuchi, where she must climb 100 steps to reach the top. After 15 minutes she completes the task that reveals no reward with this to say:

“Are you fuckin kidding me 🤬 Wtf guys 😐😑”

“I legit message every single person on this tribe and i tried to communicate with them, however nobody messaged me first which makes me low key a little paranoid. Is it the fact that i am too excited to get to know every one? or could it be that some people feeling comfortable alliance? we shall see, at thee moment i don't really believe there is one or if it is there would be of players that have play together before, but i haven't notice any one who would know someone else in my tribe. At the moment, i have 0 game talks i am trying to talk to people but i don't wanna approach people and make them feel that i am playing too hard too fast so i just wanna get to the first steps of getting to know them and then build of an alliance. I feel like the people that i would like to bring in a potential alliance at the moment would be Olivia, Abby, Zach (so hot btw) and there are people that i wanna work with based on interviews ( Cori and Ally) but they haven't give me anything yet too to make them feel that i could work with them, idk i don't really enjoy being the only one who is asking questions and try to lead a convo and that's why at the moment i haven't be able to see if i could potential work with them. My biggest concern mark is Constance, i enjoy talking with him and he seems like a gamer and i would like to work with a gamer but there is something in me that feels that he could make a move later on very unexpectenly”

“Ok so I’m doing well with aly, nikias, em, and corinda. Abrielle too but I’m more wary of her bc of her Svalbard connections. Hopefully I can make a ladies alliance happen within the next couple of days naturally. Odd and Sam aren’t giving me anything and Constance is a wildcard bc I know his history”

“Also I forgot to say I also know jay from the other tribe I hosted an org that he won : o. Him and Vi were close so I imagine they’ll be paired up by now. So that either gives me an opportunity to join them as a third wheel or it could take away vi as my potential closest ally. Vi played my first ever org with me :’)”

Abrielle went to Mt. Tsurumi in Kyushu where she received the voting coin for boiling water 

Olivia goes on another expedition to the Kojima Shrine. She luckily went during low tide, and was able to claim the Protective Crystal which blocks the next vote cast against her. “Oh fuck yeah”

“forgot about the great soybean massacre of 1586″

“So far I feel as though I’ve made some decent connections on this tribe even if they are minimal. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know so many fresh faces but depending on how we do in this challenge, connections unfortunately can not overlook performance as a tribe unless you work it to a certain degree. I do hope that several of my tribe members can help us pull the win for this challenge because I am not doing so hot!”

“The only concerns I have on my tribe are Em and Olivia because they know me from Tumblr and didn’t really like me all that much but I won’t say anything and just let life work it’s course. If I don’t delve into the past and let it linger it’ll only fall into their blame if they use that as their leverage if they target me later down the line. My main goal is to ultimately create friendships in this game and even if they decide to speak with me (Em hasn’t) that’s all that truly matters to me. Because ultimately, I don’t dislike anyone regardless of what anyone says. 💘”

“Honestly having immunity is really important, we get a taste of the twist be with zero affection towards us and it could allow us to be more prepare in the a future tribal council. Also you need time in this game and especially at the beginning, i am hoping for the win at the moment.”

“Here u can start seeing Rodrigo in his natural habitat: Forming relationships, talking to people. This is what Rodrigos gameplay is about. He creates relationships strong enough quickly to be able to slip by. Now Rodrigo plans, this season, to take his game one step further and actually transition from a social game only to a strategic game too. Is it too early to rock the boat? We shall see next time in... MYTHOLOGICAL SURVIVOR NO MIKOTO!!! also I find it really funny that I already told like what 5 people I have their back: Josh, Rach, Vi, Katie, Marc. tobe honest this 5 are kind of an ideal 5 for me to align with but with Marc wanting to bring Jay and Reegan idk tbh but the way things are looking it may come down to Adam or Lauren but tribal is only on Monday so theres a lot to play out. Well something else I do feel kinda bad throwing Adam udner the bus to Katie and it really has nothing to do with our past history its just how the convo developed that led to me saying tha”

After being exiled Rodrigo sent this: 

“I don't like who i'm with. I want to be carried but with almost all new people to me, I gotta try”

Olivia goes on an expedition to the Sado light house, rewarding her with a 3 hour exile from her tribe. Her tribe is not notified of why she was removed from the chat, prompting speculation about what happened. 

“captain’s log #49. Fred the squirrel has crafted a boat and left the lighthouse sooner than I. I feel defeat creeping over me. I’ve been here for 10 minutes and I’ve tried every which way to let my tribe know I didn’t desert them, IM NOT A TRAITOR. I even changed my pfp in the hopes someone would catch on. Guess we shall see. IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE”

“Catch me taking down notes on who sweetly tried to contact me. That’s who imma vibe with in this game. Constance, nikias, corinda, Abby :]”

Emma took an expedition to Honshu where she completed a challenge to find the Awashima hidden immunity idol. 

Chose to gift the idol to Adam with the note: “Can’t wait for merge (heart)! PH.”

“I JUST REALIZE I CANT BRING OLIVIA INTO MY CHAT AS A GUEST. Life sucks”

After being given the idol by Emma, his only response was: 

 “PH hmm”

“also heres a thought. I'd LOVE to get rid of like Reegan next if we go to tribal but the thing is the following: with us voting Lauren this vote I kinda need to play it up for the public. I dont want people thinking I am a meninist. Because I am not. so if Lauren does go this round. I think a MAN will need to suffer the consequences. Its what they deserve to be honest. Peace.”

“Going great! I got a little advantage and we’re immune. I think im making good connections? I’m trying not to be too much like I usually am like I’m holding back”

Olivia went on another expedition to Lake Kamo on Sado where she broke a fishermans oyster trap, resulting in her being exiled from her tribe until she had collected four buckets of oysters. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. IM GONNA KERMIT WHAT THE FUCK. I’m literally crying whyyyy. expeditions are the worst fucking thing I’m gonna Kermit IM GONNA KERMIT. CAPTAINS LOG #926 I AM ONCE AGAIN EXILED AND SOBBING AS I HAVE TO FUCKING COUNT OYSTERS WHAT IS THIS CRUEL WORLD WHAT THE FUCK WHY ME”

After almost 40 minutes, Olivia completed the task and was allowed back to her tribe. 

“I don’t even get a reward for all that 😭 I’m just sad now”

“I have really been trying to up my social game more than any other game I have been involved in. It may seem like a little too much, but at the same time, I really want to emphasize what I said I would do and that is make genuine friendships with people and do what I can in order to move myself forward in this game. Even if it may cost me my opportunity to win, I at least know that I went out of this game knowing I created a connection with each and every person in someway. 

With that said, I think that the idol searching mechanic shows how hard someone is trying to find something because it ultimately catches everyone’s attention if you get something negative like being exiled from your tribe or whatnot.

I’m not quite sure what this game has in store for me and I don’t expect to accomplish much when it comes to challenges so I hope to bring my socially adaptable techniques into my strategy for the long haul.”

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

[crazykendal]

Bored, Single, and Dead

1. What was on your mind mostly today? MOVING ON from some people and why my right arm feels fucking wierd

2. If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? oh shit idkk

3. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? im going to Tahoe

4. Are you nice to everyone? no

5. Is it possible to be single and happy? for me, no

6. Is it easy for people to make you cry? no but once someone made me cry when I heard them SING for the first time YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

7. Did you sleep alone last night? I had a sleepover with my sister

8. Do you play with dead bugs? ew no wtf

9. Honestly, are you dating two people? im not even dating one person wth

10. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? yeah, im going to be dead ass lonely or dead

11. Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family?   nooo

12. Do you want to see somebody right now? yeaahhhh

13. What if you had a baby with the person you like? that's not physically possibly

14. Are you happy? not right now nope

15. Have you ever tripped in public? trippin is my game

16. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? I sometimes think everone secretly hates me

17. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? nope

18. Are you stubborn? veRY

19. Do you tend to hold a grudge? yeah, and it can get baddd

20. What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?   oh, well.. they're a scammer

21. Has anyone called you perfect before? nope

22. Where is the biggest scar on your body? my left ankle. I shaved a huge chunk of my skin off and it was baddddd haha

23. Have you ever been told you were amazing? no

24. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?

immediate no

25. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? well guess what YES and its killlling me

26. Do you trust all your friends? no I cant trust any of them 27. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? haha well yeah

28. What pissed you off today? my sister scratches up my arms and it looks like ive tried to cut myself or something

29. What was the last thing you cried about? this one person

30. Who was the last girl you talked to? ^^ same person as ^^

31. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? no

32. Who sits next to you in English? SCHOOLS OUT BITCHES

33. Ever talked to someone who was drunk? no

34. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes everything is about them and its driving me crazy

35. How late did you stay up last night and why? I stayed up til 12:30 reenacting Stranger Things scenes with gummy bears with my sister.

36. Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence?   kinda? 37. Are your parents very protective of you? yeah

38. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? I fukin wish

39. How many drugs are in your system?   can a Capri Sun count

40. The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? bitch no

41. Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? yeah, I do it every day

42. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? uh that was my dad, so sure

43. Do you think you are a good person? oh god no, if hell existed i’d be going there

44. What do you want right this second? I WANT A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE

45. Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? no

46. Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? yeah

47. Could you last in a relationship for over a year?   yes

48. Who were you with on your birthday? i don't really remember or care 49. Have you ever crawled through a window? I feel like I have but don't remember

50. First person to talk to you in 2014? how the fuck am I supposed to remember that, it was 3 years ago

51. Do you miss your past? Not really but I dont regret meeting some sweet ass people

52. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? a telemarketer, I have like no friends so no one ever checks up on me, by the time someone does I might be dead.

53. Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? VIDCON I get to meet Sara Rubin, Ashly Perez, Allison Raskin, Gaby Dunn, Stephanie Frosch, and Bria and Crissy and maybe Simply Nailogical haha

54. Who was the last person to text you?

scammmmmmmmer

55. What were you doing 4 hours ago? i dont remember

56. Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? Secrets by The Weeknd

57. Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. well well well I cant say

58. What is something that people often give to you as a gift? honestly nothing

59. Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? yeah then a month later I can get rid of it

60. What is something that reminds you of your ex?

well guess what i havent even dated at all so nop

61. Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? my cat Bub has not cried in my arms

62. Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? chocolate

63. When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? I took a shower like 2 hours ago, yeah I was my hair every time.

64. Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? yep

65. Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? yeahh

66. Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? staying in listening to Alone by halsey because it’s relatable.

67. How many times have you been in love? ONCE and maybe I still am but I need to fix it BECAUSE SOMEONE ISNT GOING TO MY HIGH SCHOOL NEXT YEAR and im going to be so fcked and messed up so pray for me

68. If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? ususally myself of this one friend I have she’s cool and she bacically proved I was bi. No it’s not you olivia sorry dude

69. Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? no

70. How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? I’d give them a chance but idk Ive nvr fcking dated at all so whaat

71. Did you sleep well last night? sure

72. Is your bedroom big enough for you? sure

72. Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? imexited to see Sara Rubin on Friday because she actually screwed up my love life and I dont even want to get started with that because it’s actually funny but will make me cry.

73. Ever had a one-night stand? nope

74. Is anyone flirting with you? I wish

75. Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? all the time, like when the teacher tells us to do homework like wth hahahahahahaahaha idk

76. Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? no im really stupid and can have absolutely no common sense its actually really funny

77. Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? Ashley Nicolette Frangipane

78. Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? oh my god yeah like the chick who plays Enid in the walking dead, and like my whole school.

79. When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? pff what lemme look... a hour and a half ago ahahahahahah

80. Have you ever seen your father cry? no

81. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? well i dont know because I dont really want kids

82. Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? sure

83. If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? Bub is a mean cat to my other cats and I wouldnt believe it

84. What was the highlight of your summer? cant rememeber

85. The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? idk

86. Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? never heard of it

87. Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? some people and their lies

88. If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? no haha

89. Who was the last person that invited you to their house? honeslty scammer because I have no other friends

90. Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? ASHLEY

91. Are you friends with any of your exes? n/a

92. Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call?

no

93. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? *cries*

94. What language do you like the sound of? english ;)

95. Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? ew no wtf

96. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? idk

97. What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? HA I’d rather not write an essay right now

98. Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? .kindaaa?

99. Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. just convos

100. What are you doing tomorrow? Im going to tahoe

[saintkimora]

well here is how my date w caleb went yesterday and i also included the stuff i found out about alex and my thoughts on beauty and the beast

ok so ill start w the alex stuff since it happened a few days ago. first alex messaged caleb on fb asking if him and i were together (prob bc he saw the insta post caleb made about me) and caleb was like yeah and alex never responded so caleb was like why do you ask? and alex just responded with “...” so then a few days later caleb and his friend anny were shopping at the mall and they were in the store where alex works. they were talking about their old job and then the convo somehow shifted to me. apparently alex said that it shouldve been him (to be in a relationship w me) and also that i lead him on! like uh literally HOW is completely ignoring someone and never talking to them leading them on????? anyways. alex is messy

so then i had a date w caleb last night. i drove to his house to pick him up bc we were going to the movies and i drove him all the way to the theater which was like 25 min away. this was my first time being the one driving and it was sooooo much fun bc he kept making fun of my driving skills the whole time! i was laughing like the whole time

then we got there and the movie was sold out rip so we were just sitting in the car trying to figure out what we wanna do but it took forever bc he kept fooling around with me! it was so weird to be like doing sexual stuff in a car in a parking lot bc we had to stop every time someone walked by. it felt like i was in one of those public porn videos lol it was nice enough i guess but i wouldve preferred to not be constantly interrupted bc people were walking by 

so then we decided to get dinner at cozymels and this is where the thing i didnt like happened. some other driver was being bad at driving and caleb said s/t along the lines of “what is this *n word* doing” and i was MAD. i was like “i better not hear that word come out of your fucking mouth again. im serious. im honestly about to kick you out of this car” and he apologized. we discussed the issue a little bit but idk if he really understood or not. but that was his only warning though if he says it again im breaking up with him. so that was the really bad thing i mentioned in last nights post and the thing he was referencing in that snap of me on my story. also hes not black obv like if he was i wouldnt have been mad about him saying it. i didnt want to post this bc i thought it would seem like im trying to pat myself on the back or something but it was really bugging me so i needed to at least say it somewhere

we got there and had dinner and it was nice enough. it was fun at first but then towards the middle the convo started dying down and i was starting to feel bad bc i knew i was lacking in the personality department again. so that was the more general issue i mentioned in last nights post. but then things got better when we had desert bc part of it had ice cream and he wanted to feed me but every time i got my mouth near the spoon he would move it up suddenly to get ice cream on my nose or he would pull it away and like tease me with it. it was v fun and extra and then i looked and this guy who was sitting at a table with this girl was watching it happen and laughing! smh so do with that what you will

then we got to the theater and we saw beauty and the beast. so i dont really enjoy going to the movies but doing it on a date is sooooooooo nice! it was my enjoyable to be like leaning on him and putting my arm around him and exchanging quick kisses throughout the movie and all the other things. also he saw his friend steven that he used to have a crush on and he saw sitting a few rows behind us rip. but yeah it was a v good experience. now for my thoughts on the movie

so i came in knowing that all the people on here were being super critical about this movie but it literally was not that bad at ALL. it was a cute movie! idk why yall were being so negative about a childrens film but it literally is not that serious. the only thing i will agree with is the criticism of belles yellow dress. like seeing the pics online i was like “it isnt THAT bad” but it looks way worse when its actually in motion so yeah that dress was a mistake lol but its not like it ruined the experience for me

i remember seeing that post w like not even 2 seconds of le fou dancing w another guy saying that that was the big gay scene and i thought they were joking and that there would be something else but nope! that was literally it LMAO everyone was making such a big deal about le fou being the first gay character but he wasnt even like explicitly gay! like at one point gaston asked why le fou why he wasnt w any women and i thought this was where there would be like a gay joke or s/t to show that he was gay but no lol he was just like “ive been told im too clingy” and also yall were acting like he was hopelessly in love w gaston but he wasnt? he was v conflicted when he tried to kill belles dad and during the fight scene he literally switched sides after gaston didnt help him. so yeah literally the only gay part was le fou dancing w some random guy at the end if you blinked you wouldve missed it so idk why people were so pressed about it! i dont even see how this is like ~disneys first official gay character~ or whatever its like that post thats like “queer representation in media” and then that pic of spongebob pointing to the top of his head in the background of the krusty crab video being like “thats me!”

so yeah. it was fine i liked all the singing and stuff lol it really was not that bad at all

then i drove caleb home then went home myself. we were together for like 7 hours or so. i paid for both the dinner and the movie and i was doing all the driving and it felt nice! i liked being able to be like “dont worry ill pay” esp since hes paid and driven for our previous dates. so thats p much it lol overall it was a good night except for the 2 issues i had w him

[survivor-kalymnos]

Ep. 10 - “I need ice cream. I need a quesadilla. I need a hug.” - Lenny

Frank

I swear I have a heart. I end up getting caught in so many fights in orgs nowadays and honestly it’s not something I enjoy but I’m also not just going to sit back while I’m being attacked. What hurts the most is reading about not holding a conversation. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard it in orgs and not even the first time I’ve heard it in life and it hurts and sucks. I’m like on the verge of tears because of shit like that, I’m a person I have feelings and I try to be good at speaking to people but I fall short so many times. It’s one of my biggest fears, losing people because of my social ineptness (don’t think that’s a word but here we are). What I can do is move on and move forward with the people who seem to enjoy talking to me and have actually not just left me on read and put effort into getting to know a person and how they communicate. And them worm is just sitting here doing absolutely nothing but nobody is calling them out on it so fuck me i guess. I’m gonna be sad about it for a little bit but it’s not like I feel like it was a personal attack since truly it wasn’t. 

lenny

eliza went home. SO MUCH DRAMA! I am just watching rn. new alliance chat formed called "invisibles". makes me feel very superhero like. 

lenny

People are yelling. People are fighting. People are calling each other snakes and rats. I just want to munch. I need ice cream. I need a quesadilla. I need a hug. 

Frank

Me to Franco: that's why i just said ok, at least i read messages, wanted to let you know you've been heard....not listened to, but heard Michele Learned to see the game from an outside. No longer taking everything personally. Excited to leap back into this, but might try to hide around for a few rounds and let them take out bigger threats.

Frank

So it’s like 2am and I have some thoughts. It’s been a roller coaster tonight in this game and I’m actually really proud of how I handled things. I’m in an actual alliance now which is calming and amazing since it’s a majority and I feel I can trust some of these people. That tribal definitely drew some lines in the sand but I’m pretty happy about it. Like I said in my last confessionals, I don’t always like to fight, but it happened. I think I defended myself well. Nothing really got solved but I saw how Rain feels about me. I didn’t even know they had a problem with me because they just never responded to my messages. Why they decided to join the fight is anyone’s guess since it didn’t involve them nor did it need to. I didn’t have a problem with Rain, but I guess I do now. I guess moving forward I need to become a better speaker in one on one conversations but that’s a bigger issue. Who knew dusty would be my closest ally now but here we are. Dusty and Sasha, but like I doubt I can take dusty to f3 but who knows what will happen in the future, f3 is so far away.

Michele

I’m mostly certain that my brother is Frank and wow I could have taken him out for bragging rights but tbh starting to trust him so he might need to stay. Really starting to watch out for Dusty tho👀

Franco

Day 1 of missing Eliza. I'm SO PISSED. I knew eliza giving her idol would bite us in the ass, I wish I could have done something to stop it. If I had known eliza was the target i would have played my idol on her in a HEARTBEAT. Im kicking myself because theres so much we could've done. We shouldn't have tried to split last minute. If I kept my vote on Frank, he would have left. Michele is a rat. Dusty is a snake. Frank is basically a nonentity in this game but somehow also is the biggest annoyance in the game. I want them all gone. I need to reevaluate my game. Hopefully they move onto other targets now that my number 1 is gone, but I dont trust that enough. Dusty is now in control of 2 idols, and I wasted my own. I don't know how to come back from this, but there is a fire under my ass and renewed rage, and I am going to do EVERYTHING i can to win this fucking game

Michele

After talking to other people I don’t think I’m going to win immunity. It’s probably better for my game anyway given the fact that I won the last 2 public comps. I hope I can fly under the radar at tribal and send franco packing but the tables have turned and once again there might be bigger fish to fry. Unfortunately that fish might be me...

Franco

Day 2 of missing Eliza God this is actually.... So depressing.  5 out of the 7 people left in this game left me on read yesterday when I was trying to talk game to them.  Multiple people flat out told me I was on the bottom and Im probably going next.   Yesterday I said I had a fire under my ass and I was ready to take back this game but today that is... Gone. Like I feel so defeated. I feel like I'm putting in so much effort to talk to everyone and figure out what to do but I'm just hitting brick walls. This challenge is easy and I can easily win with effort, but that is effort I dont have the capacity to put in right now. And even though I have hundreds of pictures, I have a feeling someone is just going to come in and blow that out of the water. I don't see a path to the end. Im going to put in as much work as I can for the rest of this round, hoping I find one. But right now theres nothing. I really hope that changes. 

lenny

I am so exhausted from this challenge. I worked really hard at it and my mom got upset with me for dojng it because I should be doing work for class lol. I'd really like to win this challenge. For me, winning is more than immunity. It shows that I am a strong competitor and deserve to be here. I know I am not the loudest person in the tribe or the sneakiest, but, I am still here and that means something right?

Sasha

uhhhh I'm going to make this as comprehensive as possible  but also my brain is fried so I'm gonna see how it goes last round: bunch of us voted out eliza, which really only worked because she and franco were had turned on some people to blindside cranjes before. also the 5 of us who did that have a chat now, called "the invisibles" (it's dusty, lenny, michele, frank, and I) we're planning on going for franco this round, assuming he doesn't in this challenge (I don't think he will) speaking of franco, he approached me yesterday to have a convo about the game so far. he basically explained his involvement in a bunch of stuff to me and was saying that even though people perceived him to be running the game, he felt as though he'd been floundering these past few rounds. he also said that he respected my game and I was like "lol what game" then he asked how likely it was that he'd go this round and I said fairly. he also asked if I'd consider not voting for him. I said maybe. I probably will; I'm actually in an alliance and I'd like to stick with it asdfgknj also this challenge? I have a good feeling about. I've taken so many pictures that my brain hurts. also I knew I'd have a good edge since I own about 300 books so that's a good chunk of pictures right there.

Rain

I’m defeated. I’m angry. Literally nobody but franco and Lenny is putting in the effort to speak to me. It’s fucking painful. I’d rather go home this round than see Franco leave. Franco deserves to be here. You know who doesn’t? Frank. Frank continues to be on borrowed time hiding underneath allies that play better than him. My cat has a better social game than frank and she hisses at anyone who comes close to her. I’m pissed. We could have the numbers to stay but Lenny won’t keep franco. What the fuck. Take me to jury. I’m done with these “only speak to my allies” shit players. 

Franco

I don't know what to do. 

Michele

When I first started this game I did it for the sole purpose of beating my brother. My mindset has changed as I’ve gotten so far. I *really* want to win now!! It’s going to be really rough but I think I can do it?

Sashah

i im still bitter 3 hours later that I went ham on this challenge, fried my brain, and got second

Franco

Day 3 of missing Eliza I AM ABSOLUTELY SHITTING MYSELF. GOD MY DEVELOPMENT ARC FOR THIS ROUND IS SO CRAZY. I know I'm probably the target tonight, yesterday I was so sad all day and literally just felt like giving up. But TODAY. I found???? Idol????? AGAIN???? That fire has been RE LIT SIS. My ass ain't going anywhere tonight

Michele

Getting the invisibles to come to a decision is almost as frustrating as when I tried with og nera. Lack of communication is why I am almost a free agent. Trying to BB17 Steve my way to the top.

Frank

I’m hoping it’s an easy round and we just get rid of Franco. This alliance was made after the vote last time so it would be really dumb and sad if we can’t even vote together once.

Michele

I think of all tribals in the game so far tonights will be the most impactful to my game personally. As far as I know it seems like my vote is the deciding factor. I’m down between rain and frank, but I don’t personally want frank gone. I’m weighing the pros and cons going forward and its so even.

MicheleJ

ust a rat looking for her Linguini

Dusty

Alright!!!!! Now this vote would appear simple, take out Franco, who's all alone and blown up his game. Worm and Rain were working with him before but they’ve both expressed to me that they would vote of Franco if it were to help further there game. And of course this is a smart decision but my my brain gets on caffeine I just get to thinking!! If I were to give my idol to Franco, then he uses the idol and gets to decide who goes home. Now ultimately this is a mess because he could decide to vote of someone that I don’t want to go home. So as much as it sounds fun and dramatic I don’t really think that’s a smart move. Now back to Rain and Worm...they’ve both presented me with an opportunity. At this point in he game I think whoever goes into final 7 tribal with the power will really have influence over the rest of the game. If I stick with this alliance of 5 (Sasha, Frank, Lenny, Michele, and myself) then we go into 7 with majority, but it also creates a situation where Sasha and Frank are a duo and then Lenny, Michele, and I are more than individuals but less than a trio and at this point in the game that’s not a solid ground to stand on. Talking to Worm they saw Michele and I were a tight duo, and while talking to Rain they saw Lenny and I as a tight duo. Now this was NEWS to me because I always thought Michele was close to Worm, and same with Lenny and Rain. This gives me the opportunity next round to decide who i want to work with and hopefully stick with that group until the end. Obviously things could happen very differently, I’m unsure if I will go to Michele or Lenny to propose sticking together until the end, but who knows what could happen in this game. 

Worm

This game is with out a doubt the wildest ride I have ever been on in an org. I have changed my path to the end so many times, and I feel like a majority of that is because of how chaotic some of the other people are playing. So with everything going on I just need to keep my head down and make sure  that no matter how many people I betray, I need to make sure I still have that bridge built to work with them. I'm putting a lot of faith this round in Michele because its all up to her to vote for Frank. I don't why Im trusting Franco to take the reins with this vote, especially after HE TOLD MICHELLE ABOUT HIS IDOL. Like I'm flabbergasted. What is this cast problem with not telling every living soul about them having an idol. i'm just hoping everything work out because if it doesn't, then I'm not too sure of my chances of staying are. I wounder if people would go after larger targets or someone else. There is too many questions right now that I can't answer. So until then I will focus on what I can try and control. So the plan for the rest of this game will hopefully go as follows: this round we flush dusty's idol and get rid of frank. After that i would like to either get rid of Rain. I think out of everyone left they are the most likely to win. They are well-spoken, smart, and has a great relationship with everyone. I think if they make it to the end then they would have the best chances of winning. I think my best bet would be to work with Michele, Dusty, and maybe Lenny. That third person is kind of a mystery to me but if I can get Michele and Dusty on board then I think we can pull in a third. Maybe if Franco doesn't find another idol and he thinks that his back is against the wall then maybe he would flip. Only time would tell. After that at final 6 I would like to target Sasha. She seems like a wild card and I'm not sure where her head sits in this game. I also know that her and Franco are getting closer so that could leave Franco with no allies. I think after that, Dusty would be the best person to target. I think he also as a very high chance of winning and having someone so close with such a good chance of winning is a big threat. At final 4 I would want either Michele or Lenny out. Preferably Lenny because I think she has better social bonds and with Michele becoming more and more quiet it seems that will be my choice. I think Franco is one person I want in the end because even though he is making "big moves", many of  them seem erratic and without logic to me. I don't think he has the foresight to see what consequences have occurred from his decisions. I know this isn't how the game is gonna go but I sure hope it does lol

Franco

OKAY so i spent a LOT of today mulling over options and plans and votes and allies. This might be the last chance i have to make a HUGE move with an idol so I have to make it work. Not gonna lie, I got messy. I slipped and told Michele, Rain, and Worm about my idol. But i don't think it blew up in my face, surprisingly. I'm lying to almost everyone. There are four different plans going on but only one is true. The plan is to get Dusty to use an idol AND ensure someone I don't trust goes home. I know Dusty, Lenny, and Frank are voting me, but my idol will ensure it does not matter. Rain, Worm and I are voting Dusty. He needs to have the most votes so he's forced to use the super idol and we don't have to worry about it anymore. I really trust Sasha. Like Rain and Sasha are my biggest allies right now, but unfortunately I had to lie to Sasha to ensure there weren't any leaks. I told her that the vote was going to Michele. So that's who she should be voting for. Michele knows about the plan to use my idol and flush Dustys, so she is going to vote Frank. SO if all goes according to plan, it will be a tie between Michele and Frank and it will go to a revote. Michele is an absolute rat and a snake and I can't trust her anymore. I want her GONE. After the first vote im going to campaign my ass off in those couple minutes to get her to go. SO YEAH. Me and all of my allies should be safe. FrancoAlso. Can i just say how SHOOK I am at this game? This round has been a rollercoaster, and this vote is so intense. There are so many intricacies and internal connections and ideas going on that is all cohesive in the grand scheme of whats actually going on. This is why I love Survivor and I love this game. Truly i think this is the most I've ever played from a strategic standpoint. 

Sasha

in a twist of events, I'm voting with franco rather than for him why? well, bold of you to assume /I/ understand my own actions serious answer: because I realized that I talk the most to him and I'm closer to him than anyone else as a result. not even just game talk. just vibing and chatting about stuff, like shouting about the witcher for instance also I'm just vibing and not caring about Game(tm) so what do I have to lose by turning on the invisibles anyway rain was telling me that they were thinking of voting for franco and I was like "ok but first consider this new information: I'm not voting for him" and so they said that they won't vote for him franco decided to target michele instead, because she keeps flipping around to whatever benefits her, which makes sense. I guess I'm just chilling until the vote since, in theory, the invisibles decided to vote franco (I didn't try to convince them to vote for someone else just in case, because it would look highkey sus if I started to try to get the vote off franco after trying to vote for him three goddamn times)

Frank

It’s very quite and that makes me concerned for some reason bc I just don’t do well with quiet anymore I guess. I know survivor is on and I’m watching it too but like it’s been quiet for most of the day. I just hope that’s because it’s an easy round, but obviously I’m never going to feel comfortable.

Sasha

This is the second time I'm voting with someone who's engaging in a last ditch effort to save themselves. Hopefully it goes better this time

Sasha

WAIT FRANCO JUST USED AN IDOL SDFGHJK

Sasha

this tribal, man franco and I assume worm and rain, voted dusty to flush his super idol so then it was a tie between michele and frank I got 3 dms, one from michele just saying "please!!!" which is the only thing that kept me from confirming my vote for her immediately one from franco elaborating on the plan to flush the idol and one from dusty asking if I wanted to keep frank. I said yes and he confirmed. That was a surprise

Sasha

FUCK IT'S ROCKS BETWEEN ME, WORM, AND RAIN

Sasha

well shit

[blackgirl-fabulous-blog]

really didnt want toccone here but mt mind is going crazy. i literally dont know whst tocsay. im so embarrassed that im even coning on here to vent about him but at the same tine, i have ti be honest with ny feelings and ny emotions rn and as much as i would love tmfor this nit to ve a thing, the fact is that it is.

i akso reminisce about this guy. pretend his by my side in bed. imagine our future, our wedding our weddings song, our kids everything. i do it in public even sonetimes im having sex and hell come to my mind. see a couple, he come to my mind. i dont ecen want to know hoe much he cones ti ny mind in a day.. a week. 😞 but with all that beibg said, yoid think me seeing him in real life would have me thinking this is my shot and lowkey try use it as a reason to talk to him, see where this goes. this boy fucking called my namr! he called my name to come back and i instantly shook my head, i didnt thibk about for a second. it wasnt a fake reaction, it was as serious as they come and since it was first reaction, it must be how i feel. even at peckham level, just replied to him as lol. didnt think, again, just my instinct reaction. si im basically confused. what do i want. i feel like i have ny walls uo which is why i reject any chance for convo but at thr same i would lyong if i said it didnt hurt bad and im overthinkibg everything. i passed by him the ckub and acted like i didnt know he was there, i heard him whisoer about ne ti to his boy. they know about me first of all. wow. but i feel like his boy was like which one, and i saw from the corber of my eye, hin point or do something towards my direction. dunno what he said to him, how he introduced me or talked about me but i just feel like im a laughibg stock amongst his friend, one gried to buss jokes. bruh i was thinking the most horrible thoughts about mysekf in my head of how they probably thoights about me. even what i was wesring was very revealing, i just was sayibg the nost horribke thibgs about myself and its so annoying how im aklowing this ti get ne, i feel like it annoying me how i havent done the wirk on myself aboit him. i really havent. i fantisise about him every sibgke day without faik subconciously. its so ingrained in my head to think abiut him, even when i was on my way here, i feared he would be there because one of his boys is in... . even hin im just thibking this is going to be interesting when i see hin for... . bruh i was ecen thinking hes on culturr natters and when i eventually help.... out, well talk abf get to know each other and hell tell t how grrat i am. bruv my mind is so fucked rn.

~~~interlude~~~

just got home. yeah.. i dunno what i was saying, dunno what to say. just gonna try and sleep it off. gonna take of mg makeup and make myself comfortable. planmy week ahead because its the first week of my diary. new years in 24 hrs. my nee years resolution for this month is ti stop talking to myself. everything i ever talk about to myself is regard to him anyway so lets try and succeed at this resolution. i honestly just need to put him ti back of my head and eventually just kick him out my mrntal. its for the best. protect your heart mk. put yourself first! discipline = self love, your doing for the future you. whatever happens will happen but for right now, do what is right for you.