#^ goes for former girls and late girls too btw it's a formative experience

[sapphire-knight]

Oh yeah I forgot abt this one, I had heard abt It like a long time ago when stuff got leaked

Holding out Hope for my childhood IP for real, I have no idea what I might do if they ruin Techna again. I'll physically die.

god does anybody remember winx club i used to wathc that shit for hours i wonder if it still holds up. does anyone remember how they literally had a new fairy form for every fucking antagonist on the show and then by hte end of the run theyd b like omg it's raining! guess we need raincoatrix, time to spend half the episode on new magical girl sequences so we can sell dolls!

[doctorcolubra]

This is a day late for International Women’s Day but under the cut, please enjoy me telling my wife about two Byzantine empresses (sisters!) who hated each other but hated men and/or the world even more: Zoe and Theodora Porphyrogenita. Pretend it’s a transcript from your favourite podcast hosts!

(That’s Zoe on the right, pictured with her very good friend Jesus and one of her useless husbands)

Tal: so the sisters are Zoe (the hot one) and Theodora (the ugly one), and their dad keeps trying to marry them off to other rulers but nothing's working out, and he eventually just gives up and leaves them to rot in the women's quarters together for like, most of their adult life Tal: no one really knows why but they started to haaaaaaate each other Tal: Dad dies, and the two sisters are the only heirs to the dynasty, so now the whole court is trying to marry them off to local Byzantine aristocrats Clare: "NO FUCK YOU" Tal: the mayor of Constantinople is the big pick, but Theo is like "a) he's already married and b) he's my third cousin, so no" and Zoe says "yeah whatever I'll marry him" Tal: the mayor (Romanos Argyros) has his wife have an "accident" and he's free Clare: oh fuckin what Clare: this clown over here like "idk what happened, she just slipped and fell down forty-seven flights of my steps that are inset with jewels" Tal: Zoe now accuses Theo of conspiring against her, and has her dragged off into a monastery against her will Clare: WAIT A MONASTERY FOR A WOMAN WHAT Tal: but Zoe is like, almost 50, and she's trying to conceive but she CAN'T, she's trying potions and charms and shit, OH YEAH monastery is the term for both men and women in the East, a lot of the time Tal: Byzantines loooved to force people into taking vows Clare: OKAY CONTINUE Clare: (I know next to nothing about the Byzantine Empire actually so this is great) Tal: so Zoe can't get pregnant and Romanos is tired of her, so she's furious and starts fucking a servant, really flagrantly in front of everybody Clare: ride 'em cowboy Tal: Romanos goes "k" and takes his own mistress Clare: well at least he didn't "accident" Zoe I guess (YET) Tal: but then people start saying (correctly) that Zoe and her new boytoy want to kill him, and he is "concerned" but doesn't really do anything about it, he's kind of a weak dude Clare: he sounds like a real champ from what you've said, defs Tal: so Zoe and her lover drown him in the bathtub Clare: YESSSS Clare: GET SOME ZOE Tal: NOW plot twist, the servant loverboy's eunuch brother is the chamberlain of the palace, and he's this Machiavellian character, John Orphanotrophos Tal: with his brother fucking the empress, John is like OH BOY HERE'S MY CHANCE Tal: so as soon as his brother (Michael) is married to Zoe, John's like "okay uh let's...put her somewhere, she is not the most reliable lady" Clare: in a monastery Tal: NOT YET Michael puts her back in the women's quarters for now, where she conspires against the dudes in vain Clare: Michael u dum Tal: BUT Michael is epileptic and pretty soon his health is failing, John's basically running the empire from behind the scenes Clare: jesus christ Tal: his brother's dying, so John gets his nephew lined up to be the next emperor, and when Zoe protests, boom, monastery Clare: (WHERE IS THEO IN ALL THIS) Tal: THEO'S COMIN Tal: so Zoe's been sworn in at the monastery on an island, but the people of Constantinople decide they don't care for that, and they fuckin RIOT Clare: YEAAAAHHHHHH Tal: the mob dethrones John's relative and demands ZOE AND THEODORA BACK IN TOWN Clare: i just wanna imagine all of them screaming like frat dudes, YEAAAAHHHHHHH Tal: Zoe tries to make it all about her and send Theo back to HER monastery Tal: but the people ain't having it Clare: EXCUSE YOU LADY YOU JUST GOT A REPRIEVE HDU Tal: Theo demands that the emperor be blinded (Byzantines loooved to blind people) and have HIM sent to a monastery, and I think at the same time they also get rid of John by blinding him and castrating all his male relatives Clare: I KNEW THE BLINDING THING WEIRDLY ENOUGH Clare: that shit made it into [Mormon] scripture someplace or something, I knew that one BUT JESUS Y'ALL ARE SO SAVAGE Tal: HELLA so the Orthodox have a rule that you can only marry twice, you can't be a black widow for too long over there Tal: Zoe and Theo need husbands for heirs and they don't want to fuck it up this time Clare: oh god I'm so afraid Tal: Zoe wants this one dude who she had a broken engagement with yeeeeears ago, but then she meets him again and she's like "you know what I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE" and scratches him off the list Tal: she tries another former fling, but he gets mysteriously poisoned by his wife, like "NOT GONNA DIVORCE ME FOR THE EMPRESS, BITCH" Clare: and then Zoe marries that wife Clare: because they would rule Clare: ...sorry I just made that up GO ON Tal: she finally finds a guy who's supposed to have been "handsome and urbane", and at this point I want to mention that all three of these men were named Constantine Clare: JESUS ZOE Clare: BRANCH OUT Tal: she marries him, he becomes Emperor, Zoe is still Empress but also so is Theo, and there are already court factions breaking out between them Clare: also she over 50, whh Clare: how is babby formed Tal: right, like girl IT AIN'T HAPPENING Tal: HOWEVER Constantine #3 wants to bring a fourth into their polycule Clare: k ya big weirdo Tal: he has a long-standing mistress named Maria and he demands that she be allowed to go everywhere with them and have a title of her own and all this shit Clare: "this isn't enough drama I WANT MORE OF IT MORE OF THE DRAMA" Tal: "The 64-year-old Zoë did not object to sharing her bed and her throne with Maria Skleraina." Clare: the 64-year-old Zoe had a li'l boner for Maria Skleraina neh Tal: so idk maybe she was cool with it but the public thought it was kinda weird, so now there are rumours that Maria wants to poison BOTH Zoe and Theo Tal: so there is another riot Tal: Constantinople does not take shit lying down Clare: that's what we do in our spare time btw, all of us women with husbands and no jobs Clare: we think about poisoning Clare: everything Clare: everyone Tal: I mean I get it Clare: (poisoning someone is the bitchiest move in history and I love it every time GO ON) Tal: that was basically it for Zoe, she let her husband have the power and she focused herself on developing a line of beauty products Clare: ....you're fucking with me Tal: “Zoë recognised her own beauty and its use as a tool of statecraft. Attempting to maximise and prolong its effect she had a variety of creams and treatments prepared in the gynaeceum, and was said to have carried out experiments attempting to improve their efficacy. She operated a cosmetics laboratory in her rooms in the palace, where perfumes and unguents were constantly being prepared. Psellus reports that her face looked youthful into her sixties.” Clare: YOU WERE NOT FUCKING WITH ME Clare: I'M SCREAMING Tal: RIGHT Tal: now after Zoe died, Theo wasn't done yet Clare: you know what I want tho, you know what I want Clare: I want Theo to be poisoned by one of Zoe's neck creams Tal: IT DID NOT HAPPEN, ALAS Clare: just standing over her as she dies like THIS IS THE LONG CON, SISTER MINE Tal: Zoe died first (of presumably natural causes) and Theo basically made the dudes recognise her not as empress but as EMPEROR Clare: oh gosh I like her Tal: she got the senate and the imperial guard on her side Clare: oh I like her so much Tal: and then SHE PURGED Clare: that is such a power move that is such a Cersei Lannister move oh my god Tal: all the officials she didn't trust, all the guys that were being suggested for her position instead of her, DISMISSED AND EXILED Clare: BOOOOOM Tal: she was 76 but she gathered all the power in her own hands as much as she could, she showed up in the senate every day and judged cases herself, she was not here to play Clare: that is fucking fantastic Clare: I wanna marry her Tal: she did finally die but she refused to get married and refused to even name an heir because she knew THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU, and only on her deathbed did she kind of nod like "I guess" to appoint some civil servant as emperor Tal: who nobody liked but they thought he was easy to control Clare: BOSS ASS BITCH Tal: YUP Clare: aaaaaaamazing Tal: and that is the story of Zoe and Theo, the end Clare: I LOVE THEM

[bisexualpirateheart]

Okay, so, weird question, feel free to ignore this! But I've been trying to figure out if I'm lesbian or bisexual for a long time, and I don't know anyone who's bisexual to compare my experiences to, so I thought I'd try and ask you, if that's something you're comfortable with: how do you know for sure that you're attracted to men, too? Like, possible tmi, I really enjoy a lot of m/m fic with blowjob scenes, etc, and I think about men often when I'm fantasizing -- I think mostly just because 1/2

2/2 I have a submission kink and I like the idea of penetration that’s also directly physically stimulating for the person doing the penetrating, but maybe that’s my brain making excuses? (Also quite probably internalized sexism, which I’m embarrassed about.) And I feel like Toby Stephens is really attractive, but on the other hand pictures of naked men like the Tom gifset you posted do absolutely nothing for me. I tried once, with a guy, and I just kept like petting his equipment literally 2/3

3/3 but then didn’t want to do any more than that. But maybe that’s just because I didn’t like him all that much? Anyway I realise this is such a weird tmi inappropriate question to ask. I don’t have anybody irl to ask and I’m embarrassed not to have figured this stuff out in my early thirties. I think I’m a lesbian, but like, maybe I’m fooling myself? A real lesbian wouldn’t fantasize about men? How did you know you were really attracted to them and not just imagining it?

Okay so my response got pretty lengthy so I am putting it behind a cut. 

Tldr: there is no wrong way for you to identify and only you get to decide what works for you.

For starters, it’snever too late to figure stuff out, Anon! Just because you’re in your thirtiesand still figuring this out, doesn’t make that any less true. If there’s onething I’ve learned as I get older, there’s always more stuff to figure out. It’show life goes, which is unfortunate in some ways (it would be easier if we had everythingalready figured out obviously) and all right in others. I was in mymid-twenties when I realized I was bisexual and while on the one hand, I wouldhave liked to have figured that out sooner, it would have been hell at thatpoint in time, where I was in life. Mostly the realization just made sense, anda lot of things fell into place and just clicked in my brain.

Also I’ve dealt withkinda the same thing as you, but in reverse. Am I not really bisexual because Igrew up thinking I was straight, attracted solely to men, etc. How do I know ifI’m really attracted to women or do I just think they’re pretty and I’mpretending that admiration is more? I haven’t kissed as many women as I’vekissed men and so forth, am I just faking this?

I unpacked it when Irealized that I felt the same about Sarah Connor that I did about DeanWinchester. I found them attractive I wanted to be like them, I wanted to do them. While that doesn’t work for everyone (especially in real life, obviously) butit did help me put my feelings into perspective.

Attraction is weird,it’s fickle, it often doesn’t happen when we think it should. You can be on adate with the nicest person and not be attracted to them. You can’t forcesomething like that. Sometimes it comes along after awhile, sometimes it neverdoes. I’m not attracted to every man I see, just as I’m not attracted to everywoman I see.

If you’re notattracted to men you see on a daily basis, irl, on the street, etc, that isokay! If you’re attracted to actors sometimes, that is also okay! I think aboutthis a lot actually because it can be easier to allow an attraction to an actordevelop because you don’t have to deal with the pressure/nerves of getting toknow someone in person, and plus they’re just *there*. They play roles youlike, characters you’re interested in, it’s easy to allow attraction to grow inthat space because it’s a safe environment to let it happen.

Regardingcelebrities/actors/musicians, all of that taste and attraction is entirely subjective.Nobody is attractive to everyone. I know that when people are like ‘oh man,This Guy is just the hottest’ and you’re like ‘…..I see where you’re coming from,but he just doesn’t do it for me.’ That can make you feel like you don’t fitin, you don’t understand other people, and so forth.  That is okay. I know it feels false, but itis! Just because other people find someone attractive doesn’t mean you’restrange for not doing so. The things that appeal to us, that make up the thingsthat form attraction are just random.

Also, Only You Get ToDecide If You’re A Real Lesbian. That is a thing that you are in control of. Doyou like the identity of lesbian? Does it feel the most natural? Has it feltright until someone told you were a fake for thinking about men? Do you want tocontinue identifying as a lesbian or does bisexual truly seem a more applicableterm? Do you feel like you’re betraying lesbians if you do decide you’re bi?You’re not, by the way. Sexuality is far more fluid than people like to thinkand as we get older, we come to know ourselves better. You are not betrayingone side if you decide something else fits you better now. You get to decidewhat label works for you. No one else gets to say you’re not a real lesbianbecause you enjoy fantasizing about men from time to time, if that label feelscomfortable for you. That’s not how it works.

On the subject of dicks,it’s not weird or wrong to consider or discuss the differences between whethera guy’s doing the penetrating or a woman and what that’s like/how it feels forthat partner. (Women can get physical pleasure from being the partner penetrating btw. Possibly you might be interested in pegging?) Also dicks are a lot of fun in fantasies and fiction and often muchmore frustrating in real life. It’s not wrong to not be into them (but it could be that that particular guy justwasn’t the one for you. It doesn’t mean you have to keep touching dicks untilyou find one that interests you. It also doesn’t mean you can’t touch anotherdick if you feel like it. With the dick owner’s consent, obviously. I do notadvocate just going around touching dicks at will. People frown on that.) Alsowe all have internalized sexism, because unfortunately that shit is ingrainedin us when we’re young, which sucks, but as long as we’re aware of it and dealwith it, things do get easier on that front. (Also obviously not all men havedicks, not all women have vaginas, that’s not how we define gender etc butanyway.)

When it comes down to figuringout if you’re genuinely attracted to men, I guess, think about the men you havebeen attracted to and find attractive (smiles at Toby Stephens), the men whoshow up in your fantasies. Think about what it is that makes that appealing. Isit a fictional aspect? Is it that particular character in a show? Is it reallygood hair? The curve of their jaw? A good sense of humor? The way they smile? Thereare no wrong answers and like I said, attraction is a strange fickle thing. Whenyou find something in particular like that, that works for you, how does itmake you feel? Good? Aroused? Interested to see what would happen if you twowere in a room together? This is literally different for every person you willmeet in your life or see on a screen, but for me my stomach gets a littletight, like I’m nervous, but it’s not bad, it’s more just edge of the precipiceexcited, like if the person stands close to you and all you can think is ‘youare standing so close to me, and your shirt is unbuttoned and I can see yourthroat and chest and I recognize you are saying words, but you are standing soclose to me.’ THINGS LIKE THAT. (Again, this is different for everyone, butrecognizing your own responses, how does your body react, etc, that’s all partof recognizing attraction.)

Also the first chart on this post here helps break down different kinds of attraction for what it’s worth and maybe that’ll be helpful for you too.

There is no cleardivided line in bisexuality unfortunately. It’s not like half of you is interested in men,half of you is interested in women. It’s more shifting percentages I’ve found.I started out thinking ‘oh yeah, I’m definitely like 95% straight but there isa 5% that is interested in girls.’ And that 5% shifted to 10% and more, andmore and slowly I was like ‘welllllllllllll…..here we are.’ A lot of days Ifeel I’m at a 60/40 range, mostly because I know how to identify my attractionto a dude more immediately than to a woman. (Is she just nice? She’s pretty butis she pretty in I want to kiss her or I just want to look at her??? How do Iknow for sure? And sometimes it’s one and sometimes it’s the other.)

What it really comesdown to, you get to decide what works for you. Basically, if you want toidentify as bisexual, you can do that. If you want to identify as a lesbian,you can also do that. The latter doesn’t mean you have to stop fantasizingabout men, and the former doesn’t mean you have to engage in sexual activities withmen irl you’re not really that interested in. There is nothing wrong with beinga lesbian who has fantasies about men, or bisexual who doesn’t want to touch themajority of dicks out there.

I know this isn’t areal definitive answer to your question, and I’m sorry about that. I wish Icould give you one. I wish I could make this all easier and tomorrow you wouldn’thave to wake up thinking ‘oh god, which one is right?’

There is no right one.There is only you and how you feel about things and what works for you.

But I want you to know that I think you’re greatjust as you are, and I hope you have a lovely life with people you enjoy. Allthe best