#[tbh this post has been brewing inside of me since the beginning]

[magpie-69]

I put this up yesterday (26/11/18) and I was a bit brief about what's being going on in my life. I'd like to explain in more detail. Be prepared for a long waffling story, but with a D's twist at the end. Are you all sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin....

I work a physically hard, but mostly enjoyable, full-time job, (at least 40 hours per week unless I get a day off in lieu for extra hours worked). Then I come home to whatever awaits me there. I'm a single mum to 2 teenage boys, 14 and 16, and I have a cat, lol. My job demands a lot from me. Mostly because I've been there for over 7 years now, I know the place inside out, and there are only 3 others there, inc. the 2 bosses. 1 boss is 100% involved in the office side of things. The other used to do a lot of production stuff, but over the last several months has had to spend more and more time in the office too. I'm naturally proactive, hard working and efficient. I don't know how to work slowly. I just can't, lol. It's fair to say that the bosses rely an awful lot on me to keep things going on the production side. The other employee is great at the brewing side of things, which I have yet to learn, but not great at finding the fast paced rhythm which production requires. Therefore I do much more to keep things going. I also have the much greater share of the harder physical stuff to do than my colleague does. I mind and I don't mind. Or at least I wouldn't mind as much if I was paid a decent wage, (I get paid minimum wage which brings its own worries). So, last August I plucked up the courage to ask for a pay rise. To my surprise the bosses said that they'd been thinking upon the same lines and would set about getting a new pay package in place for me. I also asked them to encourage a better work ethic from my colleague which they agreed was needed. Fast forward to now. Still no pay rise. Still carrying my colleague. And a proposal from the bosses to change our work practices which suggested I was going to end up paying for my own pay rise. And on top of that I've been dealing with an ever increasing problem with my youngest. Truancy, not doing homework, detentions galore, non attendance of said detentions, and a mental state that has concerned me greatly. And of course, I take his problems to work with me. I try my best not to let them impact on my abilities there but it's hard when you're stressed to the max. My head has been a mess of overthinking and worry whilst trying to hold everything together. Tbh, my bosses have only just become aware of my personal problems in the last few days because I didn't tell them until last Fri, when I became extremely concerned that my kid would do something to harm himself. They have been incredibly supportive since. In the 24 hours since I put up the hiatus post a lot has changed. My son's mental state has improved. Time will tell on that one. The bosses have explained the change they 'might' implement in a better way and it's not as bad as I thought. And they have promised that my pay rise will happen very soon, but I won't be holding my breath on that one.

I had today off work. In amongst kicking my son's school into touch for not supporting him like they should, I've done a lot of thinking. And just like I am both mum and dad to my kids, I've decided that I need to be both sub and Dom to myself. I've thought a lot about what rules a Dom would want to put in place to help me. There aren't that many really, but adhering to them won't be easy.

1) My kids come first. That doesn't mean spoiling them or allowing them to run rings around me, but rather that their problems come before anything else, inc. work.

2) Less Tumblr during the working week. Less during the evening and, after tonight, no posting or interacting after 10pm. The only exception to this is if someone desperately needs my help/advice. Like, life or death desperate. Oh and, no more regular good morning and goodnight posts. If they happen, they happen. They probably will, but they might not, lol.

3) I can't please everyone all of the time. Allow myself to miss tags, etc without beating myself up about it.

4) Stop trying to do everything at work by myself. If it doesn't get done because it's a ridiculous ask then it doesn't get done. Tomorrow is another day.

5) Allow myself some time just for me. A bath without interruptions. A walk. Sit down with a book. Meditation. Music. Learning. Whatever. It just needs to be me time.

6) When I start to feel overly stressed take time to breathe. Go outside for a minute or two and take in the nature around me.

7) Bed by 11pm during the working week. I can read or watch TV til midnight if I wish to. A point to note is that I like my bed and I'm usually in it long before then 😊

8) Pet my cat more. It benefits us both 😹

So there you have it. Simples! 😁

You guys can help me too if you wouldn't mind?...During the working week I ask that if anyone wants to contact me they do that via asks or PM's, but remember that asks go public unless you request them not to. If you want me to comment on a post or re-blog it, it would help me immensely if you could send it to my PM box. Or my submit box maybe? I don't know if that works as I've never received anything that way. Tagging is great but right now I don't have the time to scroll through what can be lots and lots of notifications to find you. This happens when I've been at work all day and have only been able to glance at my phone every now and then for 9+ hours. By all means keep tagging me if you wish to. Know that I will probably see the tag, but may not always be able to respond to it. Don't think I'm ignoring you if I don't. I would never do that on purpose. There's no problem whatsoever with weekend tags. After all this I sincerely hope that I don't end up with no tags at all 🤣 If you're still reading this ramble, well done and thank you, lol 🤗😘💜

Magpie'69 💜☠️🍒

27/11/18

All that will go up is queued stuff. Til it runs out that is 💜