#[ohh he isn't even mentioning Lilith's hand in things or Roo in this one - interesting]

[helluva-hazbins]

@lettherebemonsters asked:

" Was anything in Eden real between us? Or did you just use me like everyone else did?" (Adam being real for once o.o)

Oh, Abbadon's endless dismal pit. There was nothing to save him from seeing to this one on one this time. Usually there was some distraction or task the wiley Devil could use to deflect or steer the topic away from this. He really didn't want to have to even try opening up to this.

"...Adam... I... I... I..." it draws out a bit as he stammers and searches for words he's uncertain he has at this time, feeling put on the spot with no easy recourse to slither his way out. Not that he didn't want to be more transparent with the fella, they'd been working through a lot lately but this topic had it's long time barricades surrounding it in place for hundreds of thousands of years!

And although he's mocked and made light of so much of what had gone on in Eden to get the first man's goat and bait him during the battle, he knew just as much as Adam that deep down it was a vulnerable spot, one that despite either of them remained opened like a gaping wound that shouldn't still feel as fresh as it does.

Could be why he'd rather keep it surface level. Left to childish jokes and antics, as to avoid dealing with the unhealed part of it that still causes anguish and guilt.

A few deep inhales and exhales later and his throat is tight, dry, he thinks of pushing past and emotions stir each time, theres an ache twisting and his voice comes out coarse, and his eyes shut tightly, "I..I've said it before, it was real, once." A pause as overwhelming emotions flow past the flood gates and he musters up what he can to continue to push his voice through, "If you felt I used you... Hell, if I did use you...I don't know and well, I've got to make amends for that... I had no intention of leaving you feeling that way. I only saw my own goals back then, I didn't realize the full effects and consequences...well how could I? It was the key to all enlightenment and free will. Someone says hey, here's how to turn on the lights, right? And it seemed so simple, Adam. It seemed so simple." For Satan's sake his heart is racing and sinking to unknown pits he can hardly cope with it as the prickling at his eyes signals streams of uncontrolled tears. Did he feel bad for the consequences? Of course he did. It's a weight that's never left him.