#[i found myself not wanting to log on u feel]

[kyuujo]

↳ thinkin of u <3

↳ sae itoshi, shidou ryusei, nagi seishiro x fem!reader (separate) ↳ nsfw(ish) ↳ established relationships, nudes, descriptions of masturbation (fem), “sending them nudes/spicy vids while they’re in public”, slight sexting?, contains crack (sorry i can’t help myself), no explicit sex but lots of allusions to it, language, aged up characters, not proof read :x, my writing

↳ 1k words

↳ tbh i’ve thought about this trope for a long time and finally got the creativity and inspiration to write it! i’m not entirely sure of the quality of this as i’ve never written anything like this before, but i hope it’s still enjoyable! thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoy!! <3

“… now that you’ve played alongside japan’s u-20, would you ever reconsider your decision not to join? the people want to know.”

sae sent an icy glare to the reporter across from him; he’d thought he’d made his stance on this vividly clear, but obviously not.

“no.” sae said simply, reveling in the spark of indignation his refusal brought to the man’s eyes.

“well, why not—?”

sae lifted a hand to silence the man when his phone pinged twice — maybe that was rude, but sae had the feeling that whatever had just come through his phone would be a thousand times more entertaining and engaging than the sleaze across from him.

and boy, was sae right.

my wife: seeing you on tv has me all worked up. maybe hurry it along? 😘

my wife: [video attachment]

despite his current surroundings and the many cameras pointed at him, sae opened the attachment — it was a video, one without sound, but the muteness didn’t take away from the sheer tempting nature of it.

you looked so good, back resting against the armrest of the couch and legs spread lazily and slit glistening in the flash of the camera. your fingers teased at your clit lightly, and desire shot through sae’s body as he itched to replace them with his own.

sae didn’t even get halfway through the video before his phone pinged with another message — and then another.

my wife: SAE YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO LOOK YET

my wife: YOURE ON LIVE TV PUT IT DOWN

sae smirked and gave the reporter a lazy wave before standing.

“my deepest apologies, but i’m cutting this short. i have some other business to attend to.”

sae couldn’t give two shits about the way both the reporter and his pr manager sputtered and desperately attempted to flag him back — his woman was waiting on him at home, and that was far more important.

shidou rarely ever felt bored during matches — but so far, this one had simply been a drag. the opposing team didn’t really offer much of a challenge, and shidou had scored more points off of them than he could justly remember.

by the time half-time rolled around, shidou was seething and sweating, feeling incredibly tense and antsy as he whipped into the locker room.

his teammates knew not to bother him when he was in a dip like this, so they cleared a path for him and avoided eye contact at all costs. if shidou weren’t so frustrated he would have found it amusing.

there was only one thing that may make shidou feel the least bit better — messages from you, something he was guaranteed to find at half-time. a trickle of excitement slithered down his body when he pulled his phone from his locker and plopped down on the nearest bench. his phone read ‘3 unread messages’ when he clicked the screen on.

shidou didn’t think twice about tapping open the chat log between the two of you, a smile instantly gracing his lips at your first message.

babygirl💕: hope your match is going well baby!! i know you’re gonna rock it

babygirl💕: but on the slim to none chance that it may not be, i want to give you some motivation ;)

babygirl💕: [video attachment]

shidou probably should have ensured his sound was off before opening it — but your legs were spread open so deliciously and your fingers were working your cunt at a desperate speed, what was shidou supposed to do? think rationally? tough chance.

lewd moans and whines of “shidouuuuu” filled the locker room and ten pairs of shocked eyes met his. shidou’s cheeks warmed and anger sparked in his chest at the knowledge that now his teammates knew how absolutely angelic you sounded in the throes of pleasure.

all it took was a heavy glare and they were clearing out of the room to give him and your video some privacy.

every single tiny box on the shelf looked exactly the same.

what was he even supposed to get again? he’d read over the front of every box at least three times. pearl, radiant, braided… none of those words rung any bells in his head. what was it you had told him before he left?

“maybe it was the pearl…?” nagi murmured to himself, eyes narrowed as if that would somehow help the answer become more clearer to him. he gingerly grabbed a box and examined it before promptly putting it back on the shelf.

nagi didn’t like to admit defeat, but he’d been perusing this shelf for nearly thirty minutes and still didn’t know shit from shat — he’d have to phone a friend, unfortunately.

nagi slipped his phone from his pocket and was just about to tap open his contacts when his phone pinged with a message; ironically, it was from you.

babycake <3: hurry home love. i’m waiting for you 💕

babycake <3: [image attachment]

nagi’s eyes nearly bugged from his skull when he caught sight of the picture you’d sent him — you, sprawled across the lush queen bed, donning nothing but his freshly washed jersey. if he looked close enough, he could see the faintest tease of your nipples perked up beneath the fabric, and the hem of it fell to your mid thighs, hiding the sweet spot between your legs.

nagi sucked in a breath and clicked off his phone screen, willing his half-hard dick to calm down — at least while he was in the store. with furtive glances down each side of the isle nagi powered his screen on and, while avoiding letting his gaze fall to the tempting picture, typed a quick response.

me: omw. don’t move.

your period wasn’t due for another week, anyway. nagi always had time to figure out the pearl-versus-radiant-versus-braided debacle before then.

i genuinely had so much fun cooking these up! thank you so much for reading! likes, comments and reblogs are not at all required but are much appreciated!! <33

[shinyhappysims]

sulsulchatroom.net Conversation Log

xBabyDoll69x: hey babe. tired of ur wife?

MightyThaiger: yes. yes i am.

xBabyDoll69x: u wanna come have a good time with me? ;)

MightyThaiger: no. no i don’t.

xBabyDoll69x: :((( why r u even on here if u don’t want to hook up?

MightyThaiger: i’m a faithful husband. i just need to vent.

xBabyDoll69x: i’m not a therapist cupcake. i jst wanted sum dick

MightyThaiger: please. i have no one.

xBabyDoll69x: ugh omg this is what i get for being so hot and sexy and caring and understanding…what’s wrong?

MightyThaiger: it’s just… im married to this woman who takes our religion very seriously. like of course i believe but i worry about our kids.

xBabyDoll69x: i wld just take them and go. how many kids do u have?

MightyThaiger: …16

xBabyDoll69x: holy shit dude nvm

MightyThaiger: yeah. anyways i converted to christianity when i was in college. growing up my brother was a troublemaker, so my parents left me to my own devices and focused more on him, i guess bc i was mature enough to look out for myself. the church were the first people to let me know that i wasn’t alone. hearing that god having a plan for me made me finally feel like i had a purpose.

xBabyDoll69x: ur parents shouldn’t have done that to u. u might have been mature but u were still a kid with needs.

MightyThaiger: it was really hard for me to not resent my family. dad passed away right after i graduated. i got married two years later and my mom and brother don’t like my wife so it was the perfect excuse to distance myself.

xBabyDoll69x: what abt ur wife and kids? and why tf do u have 16 of them?

MightyThaiger: wife is gung ho abt gender roles. our oldest daughter is so smart. she reminds me of my mom, who’s the strongest person i’ve ever met. but i’m supposed to hate that. i’m supposed to beat all the personality out of my daughter and force her into this little box of being a quiet servant. my wife talks constantly about how much she hates our daughter. it breaks my heart. and we have 16 kids because my wife doesn’t believe in birth control and wants to have as many children as god “blesses�� us with. i want my children to find the same joy i found in god but… not like this.

xBabyDoll69x: what in the sim bob duggar… srsly tho do u think u can convince ur wife to tone it down a bit?

MightyThaiger: heh. that’s funny. i’m supposed to be the head of the household but my wife does whatever she wants. i shouldn’t have ever offered to build that damn church with her and her cousins. i could have probably made up with my family by now, but they won’t talk to me anymore. they assume anytime i try to talk to them i just want to get them to convert.

xBabyDoll69x: i’m so sorry. this is devastating. r u sure u don’t wanna come over and take ur mind off of it?

MightyThaiger: tempting, but no. i made a vow, for better or worse. too bad things probably won’t ever get better.

MightyThaiger has left the chat.

[xmissrogersx]

The Way I Loved You | Joel Miller

my writing is entirely my own. Any adaptation and/or copy is forbidden.

i hope you are enjoying my stories! U help me a lot if you give me a ♡! All the love.

priscila masterlist

-So that's what teenage girls did, they only cared about how pretty they looked to like the boys. That's rubbish —Ellie exclaimed in the back seat.-Please tell me you weren't like that, Payton.

-Ellie, I was only 6 years old when the pandemic started —I replied with a rarched eyebrow.

-I don't know, all my life my home was FEDRA. I don't know how normal children acted.

I layed under my breath to turn to my left and see Joel focused on the road. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen.

Over the past few years I met guys who only caused me repulsion and disappointments. Not because the end of the world had arrived meant that the stupidity of the male gender ceased to exist.

Parties, drugs and easy sex were the menu of the night. I always thought that maybe there would be a flaw in me. A year ago, at Boston QZ, I met a young man named Tim.

Cataloging him as a prince in shining armor would be too old, but I think my mother would call him that way to define him.

We went out for 6 months. We worked in the same area, went for a walk and talked about our tastes.

The time we spent together was pleasant. We enjoyed our afternoon walks, and arrived in time to listen to the distribution of tasks to the population.

He smiled together with his blue eyes, to which I corresponded. Or that's what he wanted me to believe. ¿Why couldn't I love him and look at him the same way he did? ¿Could it be that the love I want to give to Tim I can't experience it?

I sighed frustrated and looked up to my right, to suddenly run out of breath.

There he was again. Tall, brown hair that together with gray nuances, slightly tanned skin due to outdoor work. His look hard and with marks on the side of his brown orbs. Losing myself in them was the longing I had every night when I went to sleep.

He looked like a fucking god with his big arms crossed over his chest.

His face most of the time was rough to push people away, wanting to show that he was not the kind of person to mess with. Joel was not easy to intimidate. But I knew that deep down there was only one wounded man with a past that torments him to this day.

-Hey, are you okay? —I took his voice out of my memory, bringing me back to the present.

-Yes...of course -I vocalized as best I could. He nodded not very convinced. My totally red face must have already been betraying me.

We continued the trip without further talk until it began to get dark. Joel went into the forest so we could rest until the next morning.

I arranged some sleeping bags that we had gotten from Bill's house. Ellie approached shitering a little due to the cold that was beginning to feel in the place. I picked up a blanket and put it on his shoulders.

-Thank you, shit, I feel like I'm going to freeze.

-¿Why don't you try to get some sleep? —I pointed to the improvised bed. She nodded and lay down.

-I can take the first guard —Joel exclaimed, to which I sighed.

-You drove all the way, you have to rest. I can watch about 5 hours at least.

-You have to sleep too —he approached me slightly, to which I held my breath again.

-Joel, please, I can be perfectly awake. Now lie down and get some sleep —I finished to get away from him. He decided to take my advice and lay down next to the chestnut.

I decided to walk away for a moment towards the lake that was meters from us.

I took a seat on a small log and began to write in my little notebook. A small form of escape that made me get out of the reality in which we found ourselves.

-Are you writing again?

-Fuck, you scared me —I turned to the direction of his voice.-¿And wouldn't you have to be sleeping?

He didn't answer my question.

-¿Didn't he get angry? -he suddenly exclaimed, to which I frowned.-The guy who was with you.

-Tim? Why would he be angry with me?

-You decide to go and cross the country to take a girl with me...-he didn't finish the sentence.

-Joel, I felt I had to do it, the decisions I made with my life are only mine.

-I doubt your boyfriend thinks the same.

-He's not my boyfriend. I couldn't reciprocate. I just didn't want it that way.

-I thought it was, because of the way I looked at you.

I advanced towards him, somewhat afraid that he would retreat, but she remained static.

-I could never see him that way, not Tim... I... I'm sure of what you're going to tell me if I let the words come out.

Take a breath of air, and look towards the floor.

-I couldn't see it that way... God, he's not you.

And in the blink of an eye, he cradle my cheeks and put our lips together, silencing myself.

-So perfect for this destroyed world, just like me.

-Don't say that —I spread small kisses on his chin, forehead and cheekbones.-You're a great man, Joel.-No one imagined everything that was going to happen. But here we are, we survive day by day, together.

-25 years of difference between us. You're young, you must look for someone...

-Don't come to me with that stupidity, Miller. I don't care. Whatever people say or think, they just talk more about them. At least... you don't...?

-Shit, Payton. I love you from the moment I saw you in the task distribution row. But I'm complicated, sometimes I don't know how to express myself...

I just nodded with a small smile while he spoke, to which he noticed and frowned.

-I know, but I love you that way. My sexy grumpy old man. I'm not perfect either.

-You are the kindest and sweetest person I know, darlin’ -I smiled at the nickname.-I want to wake up next to you and see your beautiful face. I long for you to be mine.

-I already am, Joel —I exclaimed, clinging to him.-I just want to be with you and Ellie. And I know you want it too.

[givemea-dam-break]

babes is back

hello my lovies!!!!!!

i am back!!!! much to your pleasure and simultaneous screaming because yes, if i am back, the fics will be back. and they will be painful.

i thought i’d give you guys a little explanation as to why i kind of randomly stopped coming on tumblr despite my reappearances in december, which were because the lovely @neewtmas had her 12 days of christmas (FIND THAT HERE) and we’re online friends in real life (if that makes any sense at all) and i wanted to support her!!!! my wife!!!!

under the cut below is my little rundown, under a cut simply because i don’t want to take up a million scrolls of your dash if you don’t want to read my reasonings or you are just happy i am back (i luv u)

i have felt terrible since becoming inactive on tumblr since i made so many friends and had so so so many people supporting not only my fanfictions but the edits i also started making, so this is also kind of like my apology to you guys because i went so unexpectedly and without any explanation. so if you want to keep reading, then keep reading!

BOO

scary cut. i know. it’s ok. i am here to protect u.

anyways, like i said, my inactivity on tumblr was a completely out of the blue thing that even i didn’t expect. one day, i just found myself unable to go on the app out of pure dread which i had never felt because it was one of my faves.

and not dread because of anything that had happened here per se, just because my life had been becoming a bit of a mess.

that goes way back, but the crux of it was when me and my boyfriend of 4 years (who i had been staying with after my mum moved away) broke up

i won’t get into details about the breakup itself for both my privacy and his (very unique instances caused it), but basically it got worse and worse, and by october time it was getting to a point where i wasn’t feeling right at all. he was messaging me all the time, begging to get back together, the usual, but he was always wanting to come see me at my dads and for SOME REASON felt as though he had some entitlement to meet my new cats aka my little babies. he was saying creepy things to me (that he didn’t mean as creepy) and by november i blocked him.

i wasn’t feeling safe physically, worried i’d see him on my walks home from the shop in a different town that he comes to often to hang out in with his best friend, but also mentally. i wasn’t in a good mental space at all. i was scared. i was confused. he had pushed all of the blame of the breakup onto me. i was working 35 hours a week while being a student (still am) and my brain had no time for anything but work, studying, and worrying.

tumblr isn’t my job, but the pure guilt i felt when i deleted the app hit me like a tonne of bricks. i felt terrible. one of the only things that gave me solace was something i couldn’t bring myself to go on to. i couldn’t bring myself to write the requests i had piling in, ones i still have huge guilt for never getting around to writing. i couldn’t bring myself to keep answering messages or reblogging things because i didn’t have it in me. i didn’t even write at all october-november because i just had nothing in me, which is so so unlike me.

one thing that did keep me going though, was my emails. “eden ew ur job alert emails? ur period tracker app trying to get u onto premium? the emails from the joint account u had with ur ex for his music career that went kasplut?” no silly. maybe the job alerts - my job has too much drama.

no. 15 year old eden logging back into tumblr and setting email notifs on for comments, tags, and inbox was perhaps the smartest thing she did, and she got all A’s in her exams.

every now and then, i’d get a little tumblr notification. one of those “put this in the inbox of one of your favourite blogs blah blah blah” i luv em. can never get myself to do them because of the 13 year old in me screaming to never do chain mail again after carmen winstead and her creepy voicenote. but i love them, and i appreciate every single person who sent me one.

i could see people commenting on my fics, and absolutely loving them. i could see what my mutuals tagged me in, even if i wasn’t able to react to them.

it gave me peace of mind to keep going with my life while still being able to cling onto the happiness this site brings me while not actually accessing it.

i will always be sorry that i left so suddenly, but it was a spur of the moment thing and something i couldn't even explain myself.

i'm back now, but i likely won't be as active as i used to be. i'm prioritising work and my studies as much as i can while still finding time to write. this being said, i can't promise that all requests sent to my inbox/messages will be answered. part of my leaving was being so overwhelmed by them all (and i thank you all for choosing me to requests fics from, it means a lot!) so if your request doesn't get answered, i truly am sorry and it isn't anything personal! maybe I'll get around to it in the future, but for now i want to bring the joy back to writing for me so i will not be overloading myself like i used to!

i hope you can all understand, and know i love you all so, so dearly! i wouldn't have the friends i do or be where i am in life without all of you!

love u all lots lovies <3

-ur favourite person ever ever ever, eden MWAH

[rotfront-cunt]

Alrighty I am going to use my silly little account to sort of document my attempts at finding these three keys.

I want to preface this by saying that everyone who sees this please be so cool about it and not tell me things I haven’t learned yet or give me hints I want to try this as without help online as possible.

(note) at the bottom of the readmore I have left a single thing I’d want any hints about. If u care please read the last two bullet points after my spiel. Thanks!

That being said here begins what I’ve currently done in this key quest.

I got through the opening sequence on the Penrose, as well as the entry level of the facility. I’m assuming and really hoping that there’s no key in these two areas. My biggest fear for this entire quest is that because these are so hard to find I am going to leave an area too early and in the first area where u really cannot do very much, I am scared that is the case. BUT! I am going to try and put that out of my mind and speak on the worker level of the facility.

I played the game standard style until I got the radio essentially because I couldn’t think of much of anything to do other than reading a lot of numbers on documents along the way. I found it interesting rereading documents it’s been a bit since I checked out like the various gestalt suspected of breaking laws and the interrogation logs.

This time around I have taken special note of the Mensa key.

Like I said it’s been awhile since I’ve been in the earlier parts of the game so my memory fails me as to if more keys have numbers and symbols scrawled on them. The key has a 14 on the front and a large X on the back.

After opening the butterfly box and picking up the plate of eternity I’ve taken down a few things from the memory of arianes quarters in rotfront sector 6. First off *that* song is playing quietly while u are in the apartment and that makes me feel things now lol.

Anyways I immediately checked all the radio frequencies. In the rotfront memory the only two not giving off static were the weather channel and the frequency for opening the door to leave the memory. While weather didn’t exactly seem important I took it down anyways along with the string of numbers that opens said door.

After leaving the memory I immediately saved and turned on the radio once more.

While the radio is populated with the various frequencies needed to open the safes on this and later floors I took note of two other frequencies. I didn’t write them down because I was dumb but I can find them again.

These two frequencies both held very distorted messages, seemingly number stations as well. One station read out an achtung before stating it’s numbers. It was heavily staticy but it didn’t sound like the same numbers as the Penrose achtung message that started it all. I’m hoping to go around the floor and perhaps on later floors and seeing if I can get either of these stations a bit less distorted depending on what room I’m in if not I will try to transpose the numbers anyways. I decided to stop for now because despite how much I love this game for some reason I can’t play it for long periods of time :(

Final notes mostly to myself.

- I think it is important from this point on to have my phone camera out for every cutscene, or begin recording my sessions, in case something comes up that I’d like to look at. I regretted not getting to see the infographic on isa when she is first introduced

- I started this quest on a new profile entirely and I’m worried that that may be the wrong thing to do. The problem with not knowing anything is I don’t know if I need to have completed the game or not in order to find these keys.

*This is the one hint I would ask from someone*

I don’t want to try and go through the game this thoroughly again just because I had a false start.

- along these same lines I really hope survival difficulty isn’t part of it. I tried the game on the hardest settings and a single swipe from a eule took Elster down to red health. I am not *that* good at video games lmao. So if the keys must be found on a specific setting this would also be information I’m willing to accept from folks.

This concludes rotcunts broadcast on her terrible key quest. If you’ve read this far ur a real one <3

[sugarpuptard]

waaaaaahhhhhh im gonna go insane i miss my boyfriend too much i need it to be october already so i can have him all to myself again ITS NOT FAIR I NEED HIM!!!!!!!! i keep thinking about earlier this year when i went to his state to visit in person for the first time i wish it was longer 3: i want more pics with him too i don't have enough, one of my favs tho i'll share hehe, i don't think he wants his face here but the pic below is still perfect and cozy >w< leg reveal i guess? xD

i love this pic so much i stare at it every time i miss his touch (pros of too vivid imagination + too much vr training phantom senses = i get to feel it almost enough again yippie! but its not the same) thought i should edit it to look extra cute here <3

i was only there for like 5 days but he's staying longer when he comes for my birthday and im too excited omfg. traveling is much more new to him than me since i've been to plenty of states but he hasn't left his state really so i get to show him new stuff hehehe i like that, imma show him the city!!

i also wish i wasn't a little nervous but i think its just some past trauma with relationships in this situation ( ; w ; ) but i dont actually have anything to worry about since its not like that anymore (reminder to myself: its not like that anymore) and i think its more excited nerves than anything, things will be good!

another thing i am also nervous-excited about is that he's gonna be proposing to me!!! (๑ˊ͈ ॢꇴ ˋ͈)〜♡॰ॱ like HUH??? ME????!!??? u choose my weirdo NEET mentally ill and crippled ass to be yours forever?? ;w; i don't know how i found someone like him he makes me feel so safe and happy and genuinely cared about, he's everything i wanted and everything i didn't realize i needed, and to think we met as middle-schoolers on ROBLOX?? specifically in the robloxian highschool rp game (∘︎＞▽＜。) we had quite a long and intense roleplay over multiple days and weeks possibly we were hella invested, i forgot most of the plot tho my memory of back then is so blurry

we didn't talk for quite a few years because of my mental issues getting me put into places that kept me away from online too much sadly, but he never left my mind so in june of last year i finally messaged him again with the help of some alcohol and my friend saying DO IT DO IT DO IT and thank God i did. he replied pretty quick too because luckily he was still signed into his old account on his phone and he woke up to my texts at like 3am xD oopsies

im just so lucky to have him, i feel so unsafe so much for so fucking long and finally i have someone that gives me that sense of safety and security, i dont have to be scared or stressed i can just love and i love him too much and i'll do anything to have him forever. my journal rambling for today is fitting the theme of my yandere blog posts ngl (￣▽￣;) but i didn't know i was gonna ramble like this and i dont feel like logging out sooooooo this go here instead teehee

i genuinely didn't mean to ramble so much but my new med is a stimulant so i've been a bit wired all day lmao, i gotta get the ramble vibes out somehow, if u read all this damn :o

[legendfinder]

have u seen the new jacob geller video? seems like itd b up your alley. id be curious to hear your thoughts on the philosophy of archival he talks about

Oh it was DEFINITELY up my alley, as an (at the very least) above-average obsessed fan of archiving my life's work to the best of my abilities. Geller brings up a really good point I've had to wrestle with, myself: What's the extent to which I can, well, archive?

Lately I've had to omit archiving multiple versions of my art because there's just... so many. Often I found myself erasing old versions just to put new ones in, only occasionally regretting it months or years later. There's some physical doodles I just haven't been able to archive, some that are probably lost forever. Sometimes I go about my day and check Discord only to find something missing I can't quite put my finger on; another server, deleted. How much do I archive of myself? Every word? Every pen stroke? Every conversation? Every thought, every dream, every morsel of food, every footstep, every blink, every fucking breath I've ever taken? Where does it stop?

The answer is it doesn't stop. At least, if you want a full archive of yourself. Different people have focused on different things, yeah. Some make dream journals, others make food diaries, others digitize their notebooks, others have github repositories or the like. But by god, is it hopeless to do everything.

I've tried to back those servers up, but, well... They get updated every day. I can't make backups of every server, every day. Archiving takes time, immense amounts of time, out of my day. Lately, I've been going to class lectures only to spend the time archiving my mind-boggling collection of notebook doodles from high school, for a purpose that isn't really that important right now. I'm not saying it's a universal experience, but to me, the process and goal of archiving puts me violently in the past and violently in the future, and rarely in the present.

I find myself just scrolling through my Everything Drive aimlessly, taking in the same colors I've already looked at for years, and it just feels like... I'm getting nothing new done. And then I continue building up this Everything Drive, for some unforeseeable unattainable "ideal" state that will never happen. I look back and I look forward constantly and sometimes I forget I can just step back and take in the moment as it is, without having to save an audio log of it, without having to record a video of it, without having to be constantly in fear of the decay of my memories. (Note that I have nothing against recording videos of things. I mean, I do that. A lot. That's why I bring it up. It just gets a bit too much after a while. I have 2000 videos and 2000 audio recordings on my phone. I barely ever check them.)

Callie, you probably have a few art pieces that might not be accessible anymore, because you might have put them in a discord server and just... Never kept a copy on your computer. Even for the art you made that is still accessible... How will you even go through the effort of collecting and archiving them, now? I got lucky to start my Everything Drive project relatively "early", in 2020, because Unus Annus scared lil ol me. Even then, I had a lot of work before me. I can't imagine starting that same project now, 3 years later.

On a slightly related note, sometimes a friend's hard drive just gets wiped. Sometimes someone's art hosting site gets taken down. Sometimes there's even something as mundane as someone quickly deleting their discord message as a joke. Things get deleted all the time, outside of my control.

I try to archive as much of myself as possible, but that's basically where I stop. Just myself. I can't archive everyone else to the extent I do for myself. I just hope they get to archive at least a small piece of themselves, their own way.

Back to Geller's video, though. I wanna say, The Internet Archive isn't fully a forever archive. People can try, yeah, and with enough people, something could very well last forever. But with individual items, it's a different story. I used to be very into the Archie Sonic comics, all for one specific character (if you want to know, it's Shard the Metal Sonic). Internet Archive, at that time, had a collection of pretty much every archie sonic comic, neatly organized and easily accessible straight from the website. It was a beautiful thing. Months later, trying to find a panel of a comic to take a screenshot of, I realized the collection had been taken down for copyright reasons. Sure, there's other collections of Archie Sonic comics, but those often fail to capture... Everything. Even the one I was looking at probably failed to capture everything. Some only have the early era of the comics, some only have the comics from Ian Flynn onwards. Some omit the spinoffs, others omit the end pages of the comics with fan mail and whatnot. One collection appears to be the most substantial, but seems to have forgotten a few pages in a few issues. It's just... Impossible, really. To get everything, and make it out in one piece.

I can't capture my paper doodles as accurately as they appear; in the Everything Drive, you zoom in enough, and you see pixels. There aren't pixels in real life. If I were to preserve every page of my high school notebooks, the scale of the collection would become gargantuan and completely inaccessible; just like Borges' map. I don't currently have the resources to download every video I've ever put on youtube or every stream I've done on twitch, and keep them on some external hard drives. I certainly don't have the space or even the time to preserve everything I love, everything I wish could stay just a little bit longer on this Earth. We all have our times to go, and all we can do is move just a few centimeters higher on this sinking ship.

So here I am, carving out my own corner, displaying only a select few categories of what I wish to preserve about myself. And in this corner, I'm happy.

Sorry if this rant is unhinged. I'm not deleting any of it. Guess I'm staying true to this topic, lmao.

I want to end by saying that if anyone wants to scroll through my Everything Drive (a google drive collection of as many digital + physical things ive made as im able to find and archive), I can send you a link! Just dm me if you wanna. Haven't fully finished organizing some recent art projects and a vast majority of my notebook doodles, but there's still already a fuck ton of shit in there.

Also my music streaming platform of choice is VLC Media Player

[ramayantika]

Random free gyan for chotus here

I took time off from social media, news, everything for a while. I logged out of my main insta page. I used the internet only to watch lectures, dance and writing. I have come back but I no longer login to tumblr like I used to nor do I use my other accounts for Instagram that much. My main account is still logged out since 27th August. Hence, here are some few things I discovered/realized

1. Navigating through loneliness, FOMO, and restlessness about your work/future/friends etc

I took a drop year in 2022, gave entrance exams till July and I have now secured a college. All this while I barely talked to my school friends who themselves were busy in their courses and college activities. So it does feel sad and a little depressing seeing everyone do other stuff while you are here in a small room studying the same 11th 12th books.

Then I made a new insta account once again after my exam dates neared so I would reconnect with everyone again. Does it happen so easily? Not at all. I was still alone. I would like reels, stories and posts but apart from that nothing except a few calls from friends.

That did give me a desperation to share everything about myself. No one to talk to, no friend nearby and you have so much to talk. I remember staying late up and writing god knows what on my closed stories, ranting about my crying episodes every damn thing. Then after getting a college I was still feeling lost, thinking what to do ahead regarding my career plans. I would then chat with whoever I found from school groups or online friends groupchats late at night but a lot of it was just shallow interaction because I wanted to pass time and not utilize time. We all write about the strange cringe feeling we get after oversharing about ourselves, put up memes for it, but do we ever work on it.

Yes, you can shitpost on tumblr, reblog those relatable posts but you have to put in work to control yourself. And after a while I was fed up. I knew I needed to change it. I needed to put a line over myself which made me disable and log out social media accounts. I came back home after completing my admission related work at my college, finally deciding to find my own worth, fix my restless hopeless personality for wanting to share everything on the first online app I get. This doesn't mean that you stop posting on tumblr. I literally wrote in all caps about savitha Sastry, dance stuff, college, yes. But if you are someone who is alone preparing for exams, away from friends, do not give in to that strong desperate urge to put up everything for everyone to read; to share every bit of it to the new person you made friends online.

I have had my own share of FOMO. Not knowing what I am doing with myself while seeing others doing internships, attending competitions, fests and trips while I sit here scrolling right to left. We are all online most of the time, but it is really necessary to not attach your sense of worth to social media.

Some of you are younger to me, still in school, and maybe you all aren't at that stage now, you all can be tomorrow for preparing for entrances or other stuff that will demand you to be away from social events for a while, to have a rigorous academic schedules. It's sad, but that's how it is. Maybe some change can be brought later for young minds to still have a healthy routine that combines studies as well as other activities.

If you all ever get this dreadful feeling wondering where you are, what are you doing, is it all even worth it. I need you all to take a deep breath. Yes, it is worth it. Yes, you are at the right place, and yes you are learning at this age so you are doing good. It's okay. Your attempts, your hardwork will always get you 'success.' failure is a path to success, and all that disappointment, sadness etc will exist. You will have endless doubts over yourself but please remember that all of it was worthy. You will definitely see in some later period that whatever you underwent was all worth it.

But what about my lost time, lost friends didi?

You know little ones, friends change with age. Some stay intact for a long time while some move away and sometimes you grow out of it. Sometimes you will also reconnect with those friends from class with whom you barely had any conversation but later you see them talking with you and you realize that they are fun too.

And about lost time... I did this mistake too. You all never lose time. You aren't ahead in the race nor are you behind. You are where you have to be. You will get your desired friends, colleges and life. But to reach there, that 'lost' time teaches you patience. And to learn patience, one needs to learn how to wait through hopeless situations and endless moments of despair where you want to give up. But that's the catch, if you give up, you don't learn it anymore.

This is why for every thing that sometimes goes wrong in your life at this delicate stage where you all are growing up, I want you all to be kind to yourself. Take a deep breath, and indulge yourself in your favourite activity or close your eyes and actually meditate or just listen to music depending on your mood. Yes, the same advice everyone gives, but it works. You all, me, everyone needs discipline bacha. Wherever you see yourself, be it career, financial stuff or relationships, one needs to learn discipline and patience. You need to learn how to control the mind because it's going to be very easy to fall into a mindless scrolling session, or giving in to other distracting temptations.

The mind loves chaos. It easily jumps to doubtful thoughts. In the end, from this age you need to learn to control the mind and take steps to be your best self, best adult figure for your younger self to look upto. Jin posts ko reblog karte ho ki I want to be the woman, my 10 year self would look upto etc uske liye effort time sab lagana padega.

Meine bhi voh memes pinterest posts like reblog ki hai that were about existential crisis, the absolute dread of not doing anything in life and other stuff that are actually problematic in the long run for the mind. Kahin na kahin tum jab inko like reblog karte ho they do retain inside your head and tum vaise hi mind ko train karte ho.

Aaj jee neet cuet ke liye akele sabse durr rehna hai, kal badme masters ke liye wait karna padega ek saal ya phir baki exams. Uske liye vapas doston se durr, ek room mein padhai, phone kamm, shaadiyan trips band hoti rahegi. We all need to take life in a simple and easy way too. And sometimes these problems have solutions that you all know deep inside but choose to procrastinate or not take a step towards it.

In the end all of you chotus, just understand one thing ki life badi hai. Aaj yeh nahi hai kuch mahine baad sab milega vapas. Phir kuch pal baad tumhe vapas se akele rehna padega yeh phase sabka hota rehta hai. Rona aarha hai ro lo, akelapan lagega but iske liye jaisa meine pehle kaha tumhe hi khudko kehna hoga ki mujhe apne life mein abhi bahut kuch karna hai yeh sab usi laksh tak le jayegi. I know you all are wonderful, and capable of so many things. You all need to wait for a while, and work hard. Tumhare friends sab tumhe badme milenge humesha aisa boring akela phase zindagi bhar nahi rehta aur nahi hai humesha Bunny from yjhd types happening hogi.

Jab yeh sab permanent nahi hai toh bas mann ko samjhao ki apne kaam pe dhyan do. Tumblr pe bhadas nikaldi kabhi ek baar kisiko overshare kar diya theek hai chalta hai par isse apni personality mein pura entwine nahi kar daalo.

You all are made for so much for. There's so much in life that you all will slowly experience, good and bad everything. You all are growing up and I wish you all the best for it.

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-02-2023 9:15pm

9:15 - today i am annoyed and frustrated. my roommates have been getting bolder and i am still unable to confront them. today i returned to my dorm and found the fairy lights from my box from angie turned off. i thought this was odd bc they dont turn off bc the switch is broken and u have to use a safety pin or something similar. anyways after inspection it appeared that the battery case of the lights had been broken into and a battery taken out so that the lights would turn off. theyre not even that bright and ive seen my roommates literally sleep with their laptops on playing shows out loud all night. anyways the battery thing was extra annoying bc the panel that comes off to change the batteries was missing the little pieces that keep it attached so they literally broke it im very upset. also i only ate like ten caramel things from the bag that was in there and now its a lot less full. i am very upset but i dont know how to confront them. i also think they ate the rest of my trader joe takis idk why they think i wont notice if they just leave a few left. there were like ten left in there when i brought it back and then i opened it again and there were two. who is such a glutton that they go through someones stuff just to take like eight pieces. i have begun to take before and after pictures of all my stuff so i will know if they have gone through it. i think they also ate my granola bc the bag was resealed differently than how i do it. i would never clip it back so ugly. i also think they ate my pretzels and peanut butter cups and i know they ate my chocolate pretzels last week. and they definitely ate my chips too i dont understand why they dont just go buy it themselves theyre literally all international and out of state and have expensive unnecessary products. my tissue box that i only used three tissues from was empty too do they really think if they leave two left that i will gaslight myself into thinking i used a hundred tissues in half a week when i literally wasnt even in the dorm for more than like an hour total. also i started to feel a pimple forming on my nose so i went to get one of my pimple patches and the box that i know there were at least 12 left an entire whole sheet was left and it was just the packaging i am very upset especially because they are twice as expensive at the westwood target. whose disgusting face needs to use that many pimple patches i am very upset. i am going to start using their olaplex and kerastase hair products in the shower and using their expensive face products i do not care anymore. i am very upset. i am going to ask my ra friend for advice and tell him that next time they throw in the dorm he should go yell at them. he should also tell them that youre violating our roommate agreement by having unannounced guests over half the week sleeping in the living room. i want to start leaving my food to spoil on purpose so that when they eat it they get food poisoning or something i am very upset. i dont understand why they feel the need to take my stuff im literally going to keep a log of everything missing and charge them at the end of the quarter. they broke my fridge and the freezer part has no door anymore and is covered in like an inch of ice. and i swear i had another two bags of frozen stuff in there that is now gone so they probably ate that too. literally whenever i open anything they take it upon themselves to eat half of whatevers in there and leave like a tiny bit left wtf. but i am very bad at confrontation but i prob need to try by myself before going to the ra. i am very upset. literally what did i do to them. i am very upset. oh yeah today i got like six hours of sleep and ate grilled cheese and tomato soup from kerckhoff cafe and then got boba from sharetea and then i had ramen from feast for dinner and i got cafe 1919 for dessert. everything was so good. after my laundry which i have time to do for the first time in three weeks ! after i finish i am going on a topgolf date w my friend lol. hes paying ahaha. i hope i still have time to meet my club friends after.

10:53 - we are not going to topgolf anymore bc the waitlist is full. oh well lol i feel like he did this on purpose so that i would have to pay for it next time bc we agreed to alternate paying for dates. we are still going somewhere though i guess.

[fuglyjeans]

Thinking about Alexis Moore (@artbyalexis/@alexisparade ) she was always my favorite artist on here, found her work almost 10 yrs ago now while searching up Tokyo Mew Mew fanart. I'm kind of sad bc both her tumblr accounts have gone quiet since 2020, her website shows con dates from spring 2020 (before the pandemic wrecked those plans I'm sure.) Her Etsy is closed with several reviews from customers who say they never got their order and couldn't get in contact.

Her Instagram has been updated maybe once per year since 2020, the last post from January '23, and those final posts suggest to me that she's moving on from art, maybe suffering some burnout.

Alexis if you're reading this I just wanna say thank u for the gorgeous art you've already put into the world. Idk what you're going through personally or artistically and I hope this isn't weird of me to say. But I just wish you the best sincerely. Wherever you are. I wish you healing if you need it. And thank you again. You could never make another drawing again in your life, and I'd still be so grateful.

I've stopped making art myself over the past few years, not because I didn't want to but because I felt so burnt out and inadequate and overwhelmed with everything else in life. It kind of feels like losing your whole identity. Again idk if that's how you feel too, but if so, ig I just want to offer you solidarity.

Anyway, idk if you even log into tumblr at all anymore 😭 but this is the place I found your art, this is the place I always saw you and felt inspired by the colorful artwork you posted. So this seems appropriate for an open letter message in a bottle I guess. 🩷

[rollercoasterwords]

i’ve been thing about your second point on the goodreads fanfic post for like two days now and the ways that capitalism is effecting peoples relationship with reading and you were so right. like i had never thought about why so many people feel the need to log every single page they read and meet some kind of goal to feel like what their hobby is productive. and how it is so looked down upon to read slower than average because is it even worth your time if you gonna take x hours to read just one book.

i feel like what you get out of reading should simply come from like the content you are reading rather than the fact that you can mark another book as ‘read’. like that’s got to take at least some of the joy out of reading if you constantly feel like you are just trying to meet some quota you set for yourself.

i’m not saying that it’s like entirely a bad thing to read just to Have Read and to meet your quota of reading x amount of books because obviously people will still read and enjoy books within those circumstances regardless of motivation. but long term i feel like that will just turn reading into another Capitalism Task and you will start to view it in the same way that you would view any other chore, rather than something fun or enjoyable or whatever other reasons people may have for reading, if that makes any sense at all.

i have definitely been influenced by this and genuinely had not realised so thank you for bringing it to my attention that capitalism has infiltrated my relationship with reading which i will now try to unlearn!

(also just to confirm i was not one of the people reviewing or logging fics on goodreads. i fundamentally disagree with doing that and always have. your post just made me thing about reading and capitalism in general, not like regarding that situation specifically)

ahhh this message made me so happy!! it's definitely one of those insidious things where like. i think it's very easy for this emphasis on "productivity" to just creep into your hobbies without even realizing, and i think it's important to try to be aware of the ways capitalism is influencing our mindsets bc when it DOES creep in like that i think it often sucks the joy away!

like i am very much a person who likes to keep track of things; i use letterboxd and storygraphs and make spotify playlists etc etc, but the key is like. it shouldn't be a chore to be keeping track of this stuff, y'know? like i'm not gonna beat myself up or get anxious if i forget to log a movie in letterboxd after watching it, and when i do set reading goals it's not something i'm really worrying about strictly adhering to.

and especially with reading...yeah i feel like. even if you want to keep track of what you read. it's really easy in this day and age to get sucked into this obsessive need to track every single page of every single thing you read, but it's like....why? to what end? so your handful of friends or followers know you Read A Lot? you're not being graded. you're not being paid for it. there's no reward for reading a certain number of pages in a year. and i think it can be easy to get so focused on reaching this arbitrary number that you've set for yourself that you start trying to just like. read as fast as possible without giving yourself time to really sit and enjoy a story. or you might start reading books you don't really care about or don't particularly enjoy just so you can Add It To Your List. and once things get to that point i really think it's just kinda sad more than anything, because i think this obsession with always being productive is starting to erode what should be a joyful and stress-free hobby.

anyway, i'm glad that u found my point on that post helpful!! at the end of the day i think if ur reading as a hobby it should always primarily be something that's bringing u joy, so if reading is ever causing you stress or if ur feeling guilty for not reading enough pages/not reading fast enough/not completing a reading goal etc etc it's always worthwhile to stop and reflect and ask where those feelings are coming from!

[tired-biscuit]

I hope you’re doing okay after all the flagging has been going on 🤍 You deserve better! You mentioned things in your personal life are rough, so I hope you can still use writing as an outlet or as something enjoyable when you’re ready to again.

Sending good vibes to you biccy 🥺🤍

thank you, i appreciate you for reaching out.

mild trauma dump under the cut, feel free to not click cos the last thing i want is to make people sad.

to be completely honest with you, i haven't been doing okay as of late. i found out that my oldest sister has cancer and ngl it's been hard. coping with the knowledge of her having it alone has been hard. finding out just a while ago that it got worse has been ever harder. i'm scared for her, and for my mom, and my entire family. i feel lost and helpless because i can't do anything other than worry and provide a shoulder to cry on.

i'm just confused. tired.

logging on here and writing silly little drabbles and answering asks and playing ask games and reblogging amazing art and fics and whatnot has helped me not think about it as much. idk who understands when i say that i love to write so much; it's insane how much i love to do it. i put so much effort and time into it that i cherish my stories deeply even if i sometimes don't like them all that much. i put my heart into them even if it's smut, ya know??

so idk, i guess that's the reason as to why i've taken this entire thing to heart so much. i'm sensitive atm enough as it is and it was basically the last straw. it feels like someone is actively trying to chase me away from the platform and it hurts. it makes me feel like i should just stick to writing for myself and not share my stories anymore. it makes me even more tired than i already am.

idk i guess i'm just disappointed that my corner of the web has been tarnished. all i wanted to do was to write and obsessively simp over a measly side character from naruto that almost nobody cares about. the fact that someone repeatedly feels the need to basically shadowban my writings (cos let's be honest, a community label literally stops almost all interaction with your post) has just put me at my lowest cos even this place has become ruined for me now as a result.

whatever, ik it's a silly thing to fuss about but i care about it........ anyways, i'm sorry for putting all of this here, i just had to let it out, but you don't even have to respond cos i know it's heavy and depressing.

thank u again <3

[qwizzers]

so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

[thisdreamplace]

hi. i wish i had the courage to come off anon but im not comfortable with it. but i just had a good cry while scrolling through your blog. thank you. honestly, life has been so sad for years. in 2020, i found out about the law. life has been rough & i just want softness. all of these rules that have been thrown at me do not make me feel good. i’m even afraid to type this at this point bc it may “mess up my manifestation”. but all this forcing is not worth it. does anyone ever stop and say “is all this worth it”? not about being god but all the rules & methods & techniques. does anyone ever want to live in peace? i feel like all of it isn’t peace. at least for me. in my head, god is stress free. but i can’t even wake up or go to sleep without the constant thought of negativity. i wake up “man, my 3d is still this way ugh, let me ignore & force these affirmations down my throat” and repeat the next day. i haven’t enjoy my life for 2 years. is anyone not tired like me??? 😭 it’s all supposed to be simple. i’m not the type to repeat forced affirmation & analyze every damn thing. i just want to eat ice cream & chill. lol. after scrolling through your blog, i see it’s ok. it’s okay to do whatever feels right for me. i hate that i had to see your blog to understand that. i wish i believed in myself the way i believed in others. i was already thinking i should just do my own thing but i didn’t trust it. i had to see a blog say it. 🥲 no more of that tho. i trust me. if we think about it, someone had to discover this law themselves. who’s to say we can’t just come up with something our self. there is no limit. blogs & loa related people don’t resonate with me anymore (no hate at all, i’ve just evolved in some way). i believe the true feeling is what brings you peace within. what truly resonates with me is creating my own thing. so that’s what i’ll do. so this is my official goodbye to the community.

ty beautiful blog that i just so happened to come across a second ago. 😂💞

hi <3

awe anon. tbh i think a lot of people are tired. i think its morseo frightening to let it all go though. the scary thing is once you learn about this law, there is no turning back. there is always that voice bugging you that says, "you caused this, its your fault, change it ! fix it now !" the sort of peace our past ignorance used to bring is no longer an option. we cant forget everything we know. but how can we move forward from here, branching off with all we know now ? its honestly terrifying when you put so much time and energy and faith into this for so long.

its actually very beautiful that this blog gave you a sense of light ! i love that ! this is literally why i love people and interaction and experiences. because we can move forward and grow in such positive ways thanks to the light of someone else ! thats literally so beautiful to me ! its why we are here together !!! omg

i'm glad that youre finally setting urself free. take it moment by moment n be patient with yourself as you find what feels best, and learn what its like to really listen to yourself. i remember during my break how i went throught this process and i told one of my friends it felt like i was literally recovering from addiction. bc thats essentially what its become for many. logging into whatever platform everyday, getting their daily high from all the motivational content and success stories, just to crash again later when the world just isnt seemingly bending to their will like the top accounts promised. its really an addicting doomloop. so take it easy and be okay with wherever you are at a moment.

if u ever feel comfortable to come off anon, i would love to be friends <3 sending all the love and sunshine to u on ur new journey ! xo

[pb-dot]

Film Friday Halloween Special: Dear David

Now today isn't Friday, but it is Halloween, and in tending my yearly tradition of lounging around watching horror movies, I stumbled across this mystifying thing. Now for people who are better at the internet than me this apparently started as a creepypasta-style Twitter thread, and I can imagine this context might explain a couple of things. Regardless of the internett-ness of it, though, I found this film fascinating through the lens of the "writing about writing"-meta aspect of the whole thing, which is good, because the scares were pretty mediocre.

For the uninitiated, Dear David is the story of comic artist Adam Ellis, whose comics you undoubtedly have seen shared around somewhere on social media on account of how acutely relatable his comics aim to be. Many jokes have been made by Ellis himself and the other "relatable comics guys" of the world of the faint whiff of existential terror producing such content might instill, the so called "Garfield Effect," I like to call it.

Rather than take the bland-by-design in the direction of say, Garfield Minus Garfield, Lasagna Cat or the "I'm Sorry Jon" subsubgenre (it is still wild to me that three so distinctly different projects have formed to pry meaning out of Garfield, but that's another story for another day,) Ellis goes for contrast. This tale starts with the assumption that churning out hashtag relatable hashtag content is a kind of soul-draining irony-poisoning kind of status quo to live in, and then throws a wrench into this (arguably unhealthy) stability in the form of an internet ghost really deciding to fuck with it all.

It is somewhat unclear how the ghost known as David, or Dear David, zeroes in on the content creator, other than being attracted to people being jerks online, in which case I have to assume Mr. DD is a very busy ghost. Once he has zeroed in on Adam, though, he finds the artist a fertile ground to hoe, starting with sleep paralysis, and escalating to delusions and digital fuckery to really separate Adam from his support network, not exactly oversized to begin with, as is the Milennial's lot.

If I have one main problem with the movie apart from the scares not being all that, it's the digital fuckery. I get that the ghost needs to have some control of devices Adam uses to connect to the internet, and that he might employ these to fuck with the hapless comic artist further. So, sending DMs in Adams name, yeah sure, that makes sense, redownloading Grindr to make Adam's boyfriend think he's being unfaithful, yeah that's fine, but when we see that the ghost has even provided spectral chat logs with randos, something about that seems to cross the line from believable to unbelievable for yours truly. Like how deep did this whole thing go? Did the ghost actually send out a bunch of messages? Did he send out a bunch of u up messages and then, pardon the terrible pun here, ghost them? Idk, I feel like the grindr bit kind of stretched the story a touch, as if there was an IRL infidelity here that the scriptwriters don't want to get into. Not flinging any accusations mind, it's just a very specific fracture in the suspension of disbelief.

The movie has a decent understanding of The Internet in how it portrays it, although I do find myself wondering if using a MSN Messenger lookalike as a medium for the trolls of yesteryear was the best choice. I'd have gone for a forum or, god forbid a chan-like. Granted, 4chan was not invented in 1996 when the ghostening were to occur, but Messenger didn't come online before 2000 either. I suppose it was a big ask to show the audience the mean streets of mIRC, although I would have liked that quite a lot, personally.

Now, where the movie gets interesting to me is in the character of Adam. Being irony-poisoned and Over It on the internet isn't exactly an unique ailment to have, but I do like the things the story does with plunging Adam into a highly subjective story. Literally nobody else sees the things that he sees when the ghost is fucking with him, and try as he might to communicate this in a way that he communicates most things gets met with cynical "pics or it didn't happen" type of a response. This is an idea I wish so dearly that the movie held on to all the way to the end. Sure, I can watch people possessed by ghosts turn the tables on their spectral foe through willpower or the will to live or the power of love all day, but just once it'd be cool to see genuine connection and empathy be the thing that saved the day. The movie does hint at this as Adam realizes David was a budding artist before disaster and/or The Internet Devil got its hold of him, but it doesn't really add up to anything.

Anyway, as I constantly have to remind myself, we review the movie we watched and not the one we wanted. As it is, it's an "artist confronted with his demons/the people he have hurt" type of story, and it does get a bit self-indulgent with it in a way that I feel a lot of creepypasta-adjacent media often get. Of course this whole big thing turns out to revolve around the POV character's neuroses and character, odds are good he's writing the damn thing. However indulgent it may be, though, I can't lie, it is heartening to see our protagonist realize that while he has hurt people and been kind of a dick, he shouldn't have to die for it.

In the end, Dear David is an OK movie, not great, but certainly good enough to give a watch. As far as "getting" the internet you may get better results watching Cam (2018,) and Host (2020) and Unfriended (2014) might have better scares. On the other hand, it is kind of nice to see a horror movie with a MLM protagonist and the gay bit not being this huge pivotal thing (yes I know Grindr is a plot point, if it was het it'd be Ashley Madison, nbd.) Overall, I'm not mad I watched it, but I'm going to have to cue up some classics to get the spook percentages up while I finish off these boops.

[ddreamteamies]

its up to u but i could not recommend deleting twitter enough, i'd been on and off it since drituation (november/december 2023) but march was what finally made me delete it and stay off permanently - not because of the situation but because of peoples REACTIONS too it. it just felt like a giant mob of angry hateful reactionary ppl with a moral superiority complex and it hurt to see that shit everywhere even from within the fandom :/ ive honestly never been happier as a dteam stan since i permanently moved to tumblr bc its just way more peaceful here i remember when stuff was going down on twt tumblr was just omegaverse truthing in their own bubble lmao 😭 twitter just feels so not worth it anymore bc of the whole environment there thriving off negativity and rage in general, i like it here much better bc theres so much less judgement for doing what u want :')

one thing i’ve found from twitter users is that they very much follow a crowd. i find that one person will share their opinion and people will see that it has a bunch of likes and they’ll be thinking “this must be how i should feel too” and then they’ll share that same opinion and it just goes on and so out of proportion 😭 that is what happened in march and it fuelled such a disgusting outcome before george even got to talk about anything

i will say i have tried to distance myself from twitter. i have a personal account that i use and im currently logged out of my stan account but i used to use my personal as my main so im still seeing the odd dteam related tweet. eventually i think i will delete twitter but its how i talk to most of my friends 😭