#[harley: UGH FINE I'LL EXPLAIN]

[jokersdiamond]

Jus' wanted ta make sure that if I write this. It won't be in searches or anythin'... That said-

First a' all. Sayin' I/Quinzel shouldn't be in tha' new movie?? Are you fuuuuuckin' for REAL?! "It shoulda been Punchline!" ARE YOU. FOR REAL???

Like. I hate tha' bitch, personally (but no hate ta fictives; ya didn't choose this shit, an' I'm sorry to fickin, too, I jus'... Tha' folks that created her...... Ooooogh, I'm forevah livid), but-! That's kinda my own beef? This is wit' people who think they "know" me.

That I sexualized myself, cause- whoop!- trauma! That I played at being a dumb bimbo, cause- newsflash- it fuckin' works on idiots who see a pretty woman an' get stupid. I can be smart AND sexy. Holy fuck, that doesn't get erased on tha' whole??? Both are true??

An' J... Sssshut the fuck up. You didn't fuckin' know us. Ya sure as shit didn't know HIM. An' I'm sick an' tired a' seein' people act like they do!!!

Even fuckin' PAMMY hurt me!!! Are ya fuckin'-!!! She hurt me too, dipshits!! An' I still love her!!!! She wasn't any bettah than J, jus' had some extra good days. (For SERIOUS, didja not remembah tha' bit where she wanted to turn EVERYONE ON EARTH inta' plants? Multiple times??? It woulda killed ME?!? I'm not tha' fuckin' special sunshine, innocent gf ya seem ta think I am to her??? Holy FUCK!)

(An' don't even get me STARTED on ignorin' tha' fact I'm fuckin' bisexual. I could fuckin' cry ovah that alone. Pisses me off sooooo much, but'cha only wanna focus on my relationships wit' tha' other women...)

...Look. End a' tha' day, I'm a Harl of many others. Meetin' my J, we talked ovah how Harleys who wanna hang around a Joker are a dyin' breed; p much everyone wants ta get away from him. Be free an' untethered to it all, move on wit' Pammy.

Fine. Okay. I'm not dissin' it...

I just fuckin' wish y'all wouldn't also leave someone like me ta tha' dust.

I loved him. An' still do. Pammy is always gonna be near an' dear ta my heart, too. (An' then, like. A bazillion otha' crushes that eitha' make sense or don't... LOL! I got a storied history, ovah here. It's complicated an' fun.)

Jus'... Man. Fandom won, tonight. An' I've got a birthday ta enjoy, not spend it so upset.

So. Dunno. Jus' needed ta vent this out, I guess. It actually fuckin' hurt, this time. Can't be mad forevah, I guess. Ugh.

I'll recover. Got a whole rest a' tha' day ta do it!!! Jus'...dunno.

Give some folks some grace.

(An' don't make them explain shit, 'cause I sure as shit won't be goin' inta' any otha' details. LMAO! I said what I needed ta say. An' will only evah say what I wanna.)

.........I didn't think a' how ta end this... Thanks for readin'? If ya did? Ehehe.

Auuugh. This might be tha' final straw. (As far as me hangin' around tha' greater fan groups an' whatnot.) Loooove tha' ego from seein' "myself" in fanart an' official shit, an' blah-blah...blah.

Finally saw shit that's just. I'm soooo fuckin' done. I can't do it anymore. :)

[the-winter-smoulder]

What The Hell...

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Series Word Count:  1,880

Warnings: Language! Mentions of Death, CLIMB ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN... followed by the Fluff caboose!!

Seriously... What the HELL?!

Since the defeat of Thanos, nothing has really been the same, especially not for Sam and Bucky.

Read Chapter 9 Here

Chapter 10: What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do Now?

God, she’s amazing. Why did I tell her that? What’s the matter with me?

Bucky was silently chastising himself as he quickly showered and dressed. He thought about how effortlessly she moved, how her instincts matched, no, surpassed his own when it came to fighting. He thought about how cute she looked with that triumphant smirk on her face when she pinned him down.

Sexy smirk... NO! Bucky! Stop it! You can’t think of her that way!

He scowled at himself in the bathroom mirror. He trudged toward his bed, flopping himself down as he sighed. “Shit,” he whispered, staring up at the ceiling. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

Don’t fall in love with her – that's weird. Unless she’s into it? AH! Bucky, stop! You’re disgusting.

He sat up, pulling his boots on, still thinking and over thinking.

Ask her to go out for something to eat. It’s harmless. Get out of the compound for a little while.

Bucky stood, grabbed his wallet, keys, and took one final look at himself in the mirror by the door. He ran his fingers through his short, damp hair. Sleeves of his black button-down shirt rolled up to his mid forearms, dark blue jeans, tight around his bulging thighs.

Dude, you look like you’re going on a date. Change your shirt. Something more casual.

He cocked his head to the side, looking himself over again.

“You look fine. It’s not a date... it’s a meal with a friend,” he convinced himself out loud before grabbing his leather jacket.

Yeah, just a friend... nothing more.

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“Shit!” Y/n cursed as she tore through her closet, trying to find something – anything – to wear.

She looked at her reflection in the window, and she cocked her head to the side.

Damn butterflies! Calm down! It’s not like it’s a date. It’s a meal... with a friend... in the kitchen.

“Shit, Y/n, calm the fuck down!” she quietly yelled to herself.

What if he wants to go out though? Should I wear jeans? Leggings? A dress?

“But he’s not. He’s a different Bucky,” she reminds herself out loud.

What was that twinkle in his eye? Was it even a twinkle? He’s your dead fiancé's Grandfather for fuck’s sake!

She huffed as she pushed her hair from her eyes, stilling herself for a moment as she took a deep breath.

It’s gross. Or is it? Ugh! Shut up, Y/n!

“Jeans. T-shirt. Boots. Go.”

She checked herself in the mirror. Dark blue jeans that hugged her curves, crimson t-shirt, black boots that zipped up to her knees. Neutral eye makeup, little bit of mascara and slightly tinted Chapstick.

Good choices. Harmless. Casual. Not a date.

“Casual, right?” she asked her reflection as she checked out her ass.

Only if you want to give the old man a heart attack, Y/n.

She sighed again, grabbed her wallet and leather coat.

“Just in case,” she replied to her reflection as she grabbed for the door handle.

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Bucky and Y/n bumped into each other in the hallway – literally.

“Oof! Sorry!” Y/n said.

“My fault! I was just going to knock,” Bucky replied.

“So,” Y/n said, eyeing his jacket, “We’re going out?”

“Um... if you want. I thought maybe we could get some pizza and talk somewhere not around everyone here. Maybe show you around town a little. If that’s okay, of course!”

“Yeah! For sure... Let’s go! I’m starving!” Y/n smiled, clamping her hand down on his shoulder.

As they walked down the hall together, Wanda was walking toward them. She didn’t say anything, just smiled and gave a little nod. Bucky’s cheeks flushed slightly, and while he hoped Wanda hadn’t noticed, he knew full well that she did.

“Um, so, we can take my bike if you want. Or we can grab one of the cars if you not comfortable with motorcycles.”

“Bike’s fine. I love riding bitch on a bike!”

Bucky laughed as he opened the door to the garage for Y/n. They walked toward the big Harley Davidson Road King, and Bucky grabbed a helmet for Y/n from the locker on the wall. He grabbed his own from his saddle bag, and they hopped on.

“I like the flames on the gas tank,” Y/n said, wrapping her arms around Bucky’s waist.

Bucky’s breath hitched slightly at her touch. Y/n’s heart began to beat quickly as they rode down the driveway. She wasn’t sure if it was from the bike, or from Bucky.

As they were winding down the road into the city, Y/n relaxed, leaning her head on Bucky’s muscular back. The smell of leather, and what she assumed was his cologne, black pepper and sandalwood, was intoxicating.

The bike slowed as Bucky found a place to park in front of the little Italian restaurant.

“Mmm! I can smell it from here!” Y/n said as Bucky helped her off the bike.

“Best pizza in town, I promise!”

“It better be, I’m fucking starving!”

Bucky opened the door for her and she looked around the place – red and white checkered table cloths, chianti bottles with taper candles dripping wax – the quintessential mom & pop owned Italian eatery. It was perfect.

“James!” the old man behind the counter smiled, his Italian accent as thick as his mustache. “I haven’t seen you in a while! Who’s this lovely young lady?”  

“Giovanni, this is Y/n. She’s new in town, and I wanted to bring her to the best place in town for some pizza.”

“Oh! You are too kind, James! What will you be having tonight, kids?”

“Y/n? What are you in the mood for?”

“I’m a simple girl with simple tastes... how about cheese, sausage, mushroom and onion?”

“Large Giovanni Special coming right up! I'll bring you some cheesy garlic bread too. Wine or beer?”

“Beer for me – Peroni. Y/n?”

“I’ll have the same.”

“Thank you, Giovanni!” Bucky smiled.

“Yes, yes! I’ll leave you kids to chat. So good to see you, James!”

“James?” Y/n whispered.

“Yeah - he’s always called me that. He knows who I am. I think he does it so other people leave me alone, actually.”

“That’s sweet,” Y/n smiled.

They walked over to a table in the corner, Bucky pulled out a chair for Y/n, then sat across from her. Awkward silence while they both smiled at each other.

“Hi, James,” a small voice called out, little footsteps coming closer.

“Hi Beth! Wow! You’ve gotten so big!”

Bucky leaned over to a little curly-haired girl a hug. Her dark hair and big brown eyes suggested she was related to Giovanni.

“Who is this lady?” she asked, pointing curiously to Y/n.

“This is Y/n. Y/n, this is little Miss Elizabeth.”

“So nice to meet you, sweetheart,” Y/n smiled.

“Is she your girlfriend, James?” the little angel sing-songed, staring right into his eyes.

“Uh, well, she...”

“Elizabeth Angeline! You get over here this instant!”

“Oops!” she looked at them and giggled, “Gotta go!”

A younger woman with a stern look on her face came over with their drinks, shooting the little girl a “mom look,” Beth skipping and disappearing into the back room.

“I am so sorry about that!” she exclaimed.

“It’s okay, Nikki,” Bucky chuckled.

“I swear, that girl is getting bolder every day,” she said, putting down the glasses and beer.

“How old is she?” Y/n asked.

“Just turned five. I’m Domenica, but you can call me Nikki.”

“Y/n. She’s adorable!”

“Thanks! Nice to meet you! James doesn’t usually bring company,” she winked. “Your cheese bread should be out in a few minutes.” Nikki smiled as she walked away.

“So?” Y/n laughed, “Am I?”

“Are you what?” Bucky asked, a sly smile forming across his lips.

“Ha!” Y/n laughed. “Well, I'm the first person you’ve brought here, so I'm sure they’re whispering about that in the back. Actually, I know they are. I can hear them.”

“So can I,” Bucky said, taking a sip of beer.

“Okay! Let’s change the subject!” Y/n said, grabbing her beer.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Y/n’s face dropped slightly. “We should probably talk about last night.”

“Only if you want to.”

“I do, I want you to know... I just... it’s hard.”

“I know. You were yelling his name,” Bucky placed his hand gently on hers, encouraging her to continue.

“Yeah. It was Vormir. I watched him... all over again. I'm really sorry I woke you, Bucky. It must have freaked you out.”

“I’m used to my own nightmares. It didn't freak me out – not really. It’s okay.”

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you stay? I mean, I know I asked you to, but why did you stay all night?”

“Y/n, I couldn’t just leave. You were so shaken, and, if I'm being honest, I feel... protective of you. I can’t explain why. I just... I needed to make sure you were okay. And, once you relaxed, I was relaxed, and I fell asleep. I’m sorry if I scared you being there this morning. I... I won’t do that again if you don’t want me to.”

“Cheesy bread!” Beth yelled, running over to the table with the basket.

“Well, thank you so much, angel!” Y/n smiled, patting Beth on the head.

“Welcome!” Beth yelled, running away.

“Cute,” Y/n smiled, watching the little girl disappear into the back room again.

“Yeah,” Bucky said, smiling and looking at Y/n, grabbing for his beer before she turned back toward him.

“God! This smells so good!” Y/n said as she grabbed a piece, taking a bite. “And it’s okay. I wasn’t scared. Just a little confused for a second. I... well... I didn’t mind at all, to be honest. I... I kinda liked it. Waking up with you holding me,” Y/n’s cheeks blushed as she took another bite.

“Oh! Really?” Bucky asked, putting his beer down, grabbing some bread.

“Um, yeah. I guess that’s probably something we should talk about too, huh?” she said, mouth full of cheese and bread.

Bucky laughed, swallowing, “I suppose so. I, uh, I do have some things I should tell you about that.”

“Do you, now?” Y/n questioned, arching an eyebrow.

“I do, but probably not here. That little spy is going to tell the family everything she sees and hears,” he pointed to the little head peeking out from behind the door jamb.

“Beth? Would you like some of your Grampa’s delicious cheesy bread?” Y/n asked.

Her little eyes wend wide, and she said, “Can I, Momma? Please?!”

“She can join us, Nikki. She’s clearly curious about Y/n here.” Bucky got up and pulled a chair over for the little one.

“Really, James? Are you sure?” Nikki asked.

“Well, she is usually my date. Don’t want to make her jealous,” he winked.

“Okay, baby. I’ll bring you some milk. You can sit with James and Y/n.”

“YAY!” she screeched as she ran over to the table, climbing on the chair.

“Do you need a booster?” Y/n asked.

“No! I’m a big girl. I can sit on my knees.”

“Oh! My mistake... here you go, sweetie,” Y/n said as she placed a piece of bread onto a plate. “So, Beth. Tell me, what do you think of my friend James here?”

“He’s nice,” she smiled, taking a huge bite.

“Yes, he is, isn’t he?”

Chapter 11

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