#[ you don't have to match the length i kinda went ham oink oink ]

[penitentbeggar]

A smile wrested the corner of his lips while Eiden processed his thoughts aloud. One thing that he learned from returning to his home world was patience and acceptance. No matter your station, life will always have a curveball. Sometimes, the catcher is able to snag the ball, other times it pelts the catcher in the face. How the catcher responds afterwards defines their character, and after everything he's seen Eiden go through, San knew he was a good person.

"Huh? Oh, no, I didn't take it the wrong way," he chuckled, waving a dismissive hand. The smile fell short. Sun's name echoed in the space between them. He lowers his hand slowly before it dropped limply to his side.

"Yeah."

Retribution, I guess.

No. That wasn't even me, though. Why do I have to feel bad for something I didn't do?

Zhang San grimaced.

Who Sun originally loved wasn't me.

Bile stirred in his stomach, sloshing left and right. The peace pact he made seemed to weaken upon this return. Tang Sanzang has been silent since his arrival. He didn't take that as him giving up, but Zhang San knew Tang always had something in mind.

Zhang San shook his head, forcing smile. "Thanks, Eiden, I appreciate the offer. I'm okay, so you don't have to worry."

Am I okay?

"Sun not being here... it's-- I don't know how to explain it. I miss him--"

It's not that simple. I was lonely. I saw him as my other half. But I wasn't whole to begin with. Am I whole now? No, I can't be. Tang is my other half. No, he's not. Is he? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Zhang San's vision pricked with black dots, and soon his senses suffocated. His body rattled to the drumming beat of his heart. He clutched his eyes closed. The racing heart tremored his entire essence, reducing him to a mere reaction. He forced himself to recall the ocean's surface that shuffled with the wind. He listened to the waves slam against the rocky shore line and smelled the fishermen's habitual bounty. Gradually, his vision returned, and Eiden's welcoming face ushered him back to the present.

"I've got a lot to work out," he finally spoke after a pregnant pause. "And I don't want to hurt him, so him not being here... it helps me, in a way. I can figure out me so I can figure out us. So, I'm okay."

" ...I think I just don't want to miss something good. I already screwed up that whole thing with Quincy here. "

" I'll beat myself up over if I fall into inaction again. And if he rejects me or if he gets send back... I don't know. At least I tried? "

He knew himself well enough to say that. Maybe it'd hurt more if he got close and then got separated. Zhang San was right - if there'd be regrets anyway then might as well pick which one to wrestle with.

He looks at him. San's different now, he can tell as much and from how things changed between them. He's happy for him but at the same time.... He too can feel the absence of certain someone.

" ...you too y'know", Eiden notes, " I won't be forgetting you either -- oh as in like ... come visit if you're lonely, call me... --err, wait, that's sounds off-- "

Eiden frowns in thought.

" ...if you're feeling off, or even just if you feel like hanging out. Whenever's good. I'll make time. "

He hesitates a little but utters the name aloud at the end:

"Sun wouldn't want me leaving you alone either. "