#[ theres a chance i'll be able to get back on here as soon as im moved in on like sunday / monday ]

[cursedxartist]

Sorry my activity has been so spotty yall,

i'm officially moving across several states this weekend, and its a 10 hour drive. i'll be breaking this drive up into 2 5-hour long trips. so while i finish packing, then drive for two days, then get settled several states away, my activity will continue to be spotty for the foreseeable future.

thank you always for your patience.

[strwberri-milk]

Hi, good morning/ afternoon/ evening. I've probably read all of your work on LnD, and I love them all. If it's not too much, can I request like the boys getting a call/update from MC after a disastrous wanderer attack on the city after not being able to contact them?? If possible, established relationship😅 ... thank you for your time!

im glad you like all my writing for them!! im so aefjaweofaw please give me the next main story update - also theres lots of references/imagery of death so if youre not chill w that i will see you tomorrow [salute] - theres also some very very slight references to their myths!! it feels a little ooc to me but thats bc. i think theyd be a little ooc when faced w a tragedy like this!! i hope you like it anyway <3

Zayne holds his breath every time a new patient is admitted. The hospital is busy with all of the patients that are coming in with the disaster, a mixture of those hanging on and people running up to him because he's the closest doctor in the vicinity to confirm death.

He volunteered himself to do triage because he was convinced that he'd be able to stop you from dying, that if you came in through those doors he'd be able to separate his love for you from the mind that studied all those nights but that's impossible - he only got here because of you.

His mind runs circles around himself, almost separated from his body as he tries to figure out why you weren't there. Hopefully it's because you're fine - you don't need medical attention or the medics on site were enough for you. However, he knows there's an equal chance that it's just because a doctor onsite was able to confirm your death and now you were in some bag, stored away with the others waiting for him to come identify you.

When he finally gets a moment to himself he obsessively checks his phone, praying to something that might take enough pity on him to listen at the very least that you'll call him. Minutes turn to hours as he's called back to work. Silence is a commodity now as he's stuck in the theatre, only able to go home after he's exceeded the legal amount of hours he's allowed to work in one night.

The long turned cold water hits his muscles as his mind wanders in the quiet of his home. You still haven't called - nobody's called. He understands that surely, all of you are busy but he's been there when the calls have had to be made. To hear the sobs on the other side of the phone as a squad captain confirms the death of another hunter as they softly ask if they'd like to see the body. He's also seen the calls when the bodies are far too mangled, a sight that no loved one should have to bear. He's waiting for it, almost falling in his haste to grab his phone once it finally rings.

Your number pops up, the letters of your name taunting him as he tries to answer it. He's about ready to throw his phone on the ground from the water on his hand refusing to make picking up the call an easy feat.

"Hello?" Zayne asks, an uncharacteristic shake in his voice.

"Zayne! I'm okay!" you say, voice sounding a little weak but definitely better than he could have ever anticipated.

"Zayne? Honey? Hello?" you ask when you're met with only silence, now beginning to grow anxious yourself. You knew he must have been busy - you were too - and you thought he was safe. He should have been, you'd heard no reports of the hospital being attacked.

"You're alive," he chokes out, falling to his knees.

"Of course I am! Things have just been chaotic so I haven't had enough time to call you until now," you explain, continuing to talk to him.

You hear rustling on the other side of the phone, trying to get his attention again before he cuts you off.

"Where are you right now? Home?"

"Oh - yeah I'm on leave now. Most of us who were in active duty are to let his recuperate. How come?"

"I'll be there soon."

He hangs up immediately, leaving you a little stunned. You decide to clean up a little, having nothing else to do really until he comes over. Zayne never acts this impulsively so you assume that the day with no contact really wore on him.

Once he arrives you open the door for him, planning to apologise for the lack of contact when he almost throws himself at you. You hold him back just as tightly, a little shaken yourself as you close the door after him. You realise that for whatever reason he's soaking, unsure if you should confront that but you decide to ignore it.

He leads you right to your couch, too exhausted to even find your bedroom as he buries himself against your chest. It's not the normal way he lays with you - typically he likes to hold you - but you know not to bother him now. You can't deny you were worried about him too, knowing he probably put in a bunch of overtime at the hospital.

He holds onto you tightly, measuring out the beat of your heart. It's the only way he can remind himself that you're still alive, that the two of you have one more day together.

Xavier has never felt like he wanted to die more than in this moment. One minute you were running with him, trying to stop the Wanderer from attacking the group of civilians the next you're totally gone. Logically, he knows you're most likely fighting a Wanderer by yourself and you can handle it but somewhere he's convinced you'll die without him at your side. You've proved yourself more than capable but he worries about you all the time - he knows how to fight these things, he's been fighting them for far longer than you have - and if you died here he'd have no more reason for living.

He practically goes beserk, tearing into each and every creature with the hopes that one of them can take him to you. With each failure he starts to spiral, standing atop a pile of rubble as he watches the recovery teams start to spread into the city. It practically took an entire squadron to force him to go home, promising him that he'd be the firs t to hear once they found you.

You were diligently following Xavier when you noticed another Wanderer going after a child. You knew that he'd panic once he couldn't find you but you couldn't just abandon them. You tried to tell him you'd be splitting off but over all the screams and screeches he couldn't hear you and you couldn't waste any more time trying to get his attention.

You were able to defeat the Wanderer but not before sustaining an injury that made it too difficult for you to continue active duty, taking the child to a safe spot and staying with them until help arrived. You ended up passing out from the pain shortly thereafter, waking up a day later to Tara in your face heaving a sigh of relief as she called for a doctor to come check on you.

Your body was simply fatigued and after an extra day of monitoring and ensuring you were receiving everything you needed to make sure you wouldn't collapse again when you get home. You nod, knowing what procedure is at this point. You reach out for your phone once the doctor leaves, knowing that Xavier must be worried out of his mind.

You're right, of course. He's laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling as he waits for someone to call him. He saw the scale of disaster this attack was, knows that everything is absolutely awful and he's not the only one waiting for news but every minute that passes is another minute you could be trapped, praying that he's coming there to save you.

He decides to ignore the strict orders he's gotten, suiting up to go help the recovery efforts. He was going bad staying in bed all day, unable to get a wink of sleep as pictures of your suffering flash across his tortured mind. Working on pulling valuables and any remnants of life is depressing on a good day but right now it's downright torturous. He can't help but think that the next thing he pulls out is going to be your hand, severed far from your body.

When his phone rings everything disappears. He quickly picks up, steeling his expression to avoid making things worse should someone look over at him. He doesn't even notice who called him, just hoping that it was someone with news.

"Oh! You picked up fast. Are you just sitting at home then?" you ask casually, so casually he thinks it's almost cruel. How could you act so nonchalant about the fact that you held his life in your hands, that you are the only thing in this world he can bear to wake up for?

"No, I'm helping the recovery efforts despite orders. I...it was too quiet at home," he offers as an explanation and you hum. He can imagine you nodding, tapping your chin as you think to yourself.

"If you missed me you could have just said so," you tease, hoping that the ease in your voice will make him relax.

"Of course I did. Is that even a question? Are you able to take visitors?' You know what, doesn't matter. I'll just wait there until you are. I'll see you soon love."

He hangs up quickly and you know that he'll appear in the hospital within the next two seconds with that uncanny ability of his. You straighten yourself out a little, knowing that you were injured but not wanting to look like a total mess.

You can hear his footsteps running up to your door, slamming it open as he catches his breath. You've never seen him out of breath before - maybe he's much more tired than you initially thought.

"You made it," you laugh, making a slight sound from the impact of him practically jumping at you, holding you tightly as he buries his face into your neck.

"I was worried about you," he says softly, looking up at you. "I thought you'd been hurt, badly. And I wasn't there to protect you."

You sigh, helping him sit down into the chair at your bedside. You offer him your hand which he holds gratefully, never taking his eyes off of you.

"I know. I'm sorry. But look, I'm okay now, aren't I?"

He ignores the pain in his chest, trying not to imagine how heavy your hand would feel in his if you really had drawn your last breath. That weight is far too familiar to him, haunting his every thought in the hours that passed between then and now.

"You are. And I'm going to make sure you stay that way," he promises.

Rafayel didn't even know there was an attack until far after it. He knew you were working and that sometimes, you'd accidentally go MIA. You'd already texted him before your mission anyway and then he got drawn into another project of his and completely lost track of time. It's not until the next day that he finally sees his phone and the message from Thomas telling him not to come into the city for supplies for a day or so.

He immediately starts looking through articles, scouring pages that are constantly updating the death toll in search of your face. He curses himself for not paying attention earlier - every minute he wasted on some stupid was another minute you could have spent at Death's door, all because he allowed himself to forget that nothing matters if it's not you.

It's obsessive the way he looks through all of them, calling your phone non stop all the while. Every time he gets sent to voicemail he feels his breath get knocked out of his lungs, resorting to blowing up your phone with texts. When it's clear you aren't replying he grabs his keys to drive into Linkon despite Thomas' suggestion, knuckles white on the steering wheel as he heads to the hospital.

Even in all the chaos people can't help but stare a little as Rafayel makes his way to the counter, demanding someone tell him where you were. He's really trying not to be a brat, promising you that he'd be nicer to people but when it's your life on the line everything is up for debate. He goes through any and every possibility, figuring out what he can do to guarantee your survival.

Unfortunately for him, he gets escorted out. Jenna tries to calm him down, telling him that he'd be the first to know if they had any updates on you. Right now everything was just far too messy to know anything about anyone and there was a good chance that you were just being treated at a different hospital than usual due to the high causality count. He doesn't take no for an answer and manages to strong arm the name of the other hospitals you could have been sent to, starting up his car again right as his phone lights up with your name.

"What do you think you're doing not answering your phone?!" he yells, making you flinch.

Rafayel's never been mad at you, certainly not to this extent but you know that it's because he's anxious. He immediately catches himself too and you hear it, catching the sound of his hands against his steering wheel as he takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. Just - where are you?" he asks, sounding so exhausted that you feel like crying.

"I'm okay Rafayel," you say instead, adding the name of your hospital. He's immediately driving over as you talk to him, keeping your voice even.

"I was split up from the group is all, then triaged at a different hospital. I'm fine though - I managed to just sprain my wrist from overexertion so I'll have a sling for a bit-"

"You're staying with me then. I'm not having you stay alone with a broken wrist. Knowing you you'd do something dumb and make it worse," he scoffs, trying his best to drive safely to see you again. You don't bother to correct him, knowing that's the least of your worries.

You fall quiet, not sure how to respond. Rafayel has always been good at masking how he feels, rarely showing you what he's hiding behind his mask. Now he's an open book, making it clear that nothing will be okay until he sees you again.

"Okay," you agree, leaning further back into the pillows of your hospital bed. "They wanted me to be released into the care of someone if I could anyway. That's why I was calling you - that, and trying to return all your missed calls."

"Thank you," he says so quietly you barely hear him over the sound of his car.

"Of course my love," you say just as softly. "I knew you'd worry as soon as you saw the news."

Another moment passes between the two of you. Rafayel thinks his heart fell out of his chest - or it would have if it was still his to hold. Instead, it's beating firmly in your palm, only able to do so under your affections.

"Rafayel, I'm really fine, I promise. I'm just hungry. Let's get something for dinner, yeah?" you offer, hoping to redirect his energy.

"Yeah," he replies, exhaling deeply.

"Anything you want my beloved. Just name it and it's yours."

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Trophy chapter three

Finally decided where im going with this been mulling it over for a few days toying with a few ideas. Trying to define Henry's character has been a bit difficult for me as i wasnt sure what angle i wanted to highlight more but from here out i think iv settled on Yandere/Daddy Dom/Care Giver so the relationship has taken a more ddlg turn its not going to dive in to ageplay (im not confident enough yet maybe one day) but the reader is slightly childish. I cant stress enough that as this is a yandere themed story its not going to be for everyone all my chapters will have appropriate warnings. If you have read it and think i have missed one out please let me know so i can apologize and correct it. Not much else to say other than i hope you like it

Warning:Adult themes, Dubcon,Controlling Behaviour, Swearing

Masterlist

You find out who it was who handed you over to Henry

Chapter one ,Chapter two Chapter four Chapter five

Trophy chapter three

Waking up the next morning was slow, absolutely exhausted you laid under the soft covers relaxing with your eyes closed ignorant to the world. Turning over trying to get comfy enough to fall asleep again.Frowning as your ears picked up an irritating tapping that moved back and forth. Groggily you identified it as a dog excitedly pacing on a wooden floor.Something that you hadn't heard since your childhood ,with out a thought -still not fully awake- you poked your hand out of the covers and over the side of the mattress to placate the animal,immediately being nudged into stroking a fluffy face and lathered with dog kisses.

"Amy ,stop, go lie down" Your eyes snapped open as the words left your mouth Amy -your German Shepherd from childhood- has been long gone and you haven't had a dog since. You snatched your hand back sitting up groaning as the pain in your ass forced you to flop face first back onto your side. There was a large snout in front of you, literally inches from your nose as the dog has rested its chin on the mattress in front of you letting out an impatient whine.You slowly inched back apprehensive of the large dog.

"H-hey there erm where did you come from boy? girl?" You spoke quietly the dog snorted in response then in one swoop jumped up onto the bed over you landing on the other side. Rolling on your back ignoring the ache in your ass more concerned with the very large canine beside you. Your not scared of dogs not in the slightest, but you didn't know this one.It laid down on the other side of the bed tail thumping away as it looked at you expectantly. Sitting up slowly you pulled yourself to the head board resting against it.Only now really recollecting yesterdays events and just where you were. The dog huffed again and slumping to lie on its side pawing at you.Pet me. The dog didn't seem aggressive actually the opposite, smiling lightly you began giving a belly rub.Male. You looked up as the bathroom door opened revealing a towel clad Henry fresh from the shower rubbing a smaller hand towel on his hair before letting the damp cloth drape around his neck. He smiled knowingly as your eyes trailed down from the towel at his neck drinking in his toned chest that had a complementarity dusting of dark curls across it.You sucked in a deep breath. It really wasn't fair, he knew very well how attractive he was, under different circemstances you might have flirted with him a little after drinking a few glasses of liquid courage. Not that you'd have thought you would have a chance. 

'To bad he's a nut job' you though wistfully. Just your luck that the only man to look your way was a fucking psychopath. You directed you attention to the fingers that were still absentmindedly scratching through the dogs thick fur. Henry approached the bed nodding his head at the dog.

"See you've met Kal" The dog twitched his ears at his name enjoying his belly rub to much to move.

"Kal. It suites him Akita right?" He grinned nodding as he sat on the edge of the bed patting the dogs barreled chest.

"Yep my boy, yours to now" You paused then pulled your hand off kal (to his disappointment) tucking them in your lap as it clicked who you were speaking to. Henry continued looking at you lovingly for a few seconds then his face fell sighing as he watched you pull back into yourself then looked towards the bathroom.

"Go get cleaned up, I have a visitor to take care of after breakfast shouldnt take long then we can spend the day together" He finished his sentence leaning in with a kiss on your cheek before lifting himself up to get ready for the day. You got up holding the bed momentarily to stabilize yourself before taking slow steps towards the bathroom wincing as you movements aggravated your sore backside.

"Theres some comfry cream on the sink bring that out when your finished" For some reason You could hear his grin swallowing Uneasy you nodded before shutting the Bathroom door behind you unsure why you heard him laugh through the heavy wood. Shuffling forward you relished in the warmth of the steam filled room. His bathroom was stylish and sleek, the type of room you'd expect in a five star hotel not that you'd ever stayed in one .Expensive looking black gold veined marble steps leading to a large sunken tub at the far end of the room, before that matching marble splash back on the 'his and hers' sink with a mirror hung above them. The large shower to your left was glass on one side it was big enough to fit four or five people comfortably and had a built in bench seat. The shelves either side of the mirror were fully stocked one side obviously had been pre-prepared for you with hair and make up products all in your preferred brands and colours.

'That cannot be a coincidence' you summarized as you pulled the foundation down inspecting the seal.Brand new as suspected.So he must have planned for your arrival. You shook the thoughts out of your head not wanting to think of how he knew so much about you. After using the loo and brushing your teeth with the new pink toothbrush that'd graciously been provided for you.The power shower was welcome easing your muscles your tension melted away under the powerful spray and also giving you time to think of where you went from here.

'Don't think he's gonna give me a chance to run anytime soon. Gotta find out why he's taken me .Its lot of trouble to go through for no reason, unless he's done it before. Maybe i could be nice to him, play along until his guard drops then scarper. Question was, what then?' If what they say is true it'd be useless going to the police you'd be back here in no time dread to think what he'd do to you then. If you left you'd have to leave town asap. Wouldn't be able to go home and pack a bag it'd be to obvious-or maybe soo obvious they wouldn't even look.' The door opened pulling you from your musings, it was only open enough for kal to slip in who dutifully sat by the shower door Henry didn't follow calling from behind it.

"Are you ok? you've been in here a while" You hadn't realized but he was right as you looked at your pruned fingers.

"Im fine" you heard a sigh of relief as you answered him 

"Good when you didn't answer my calls i was worried that you'd tried something very stupid" He paused contemplating his next words

"Time to get out now i think" You faltered at that stepping from under the spray towards the shower door. 

"But i haven't washed yet"

"Well who's fault is that little one? Besides the amount of time you've been in there the waters probably taken care of any dirt.Next time don't waste so much time." He scolded half hartedly

"Sorry i wasn't aware you were on a water meter" you snapped back at him in temper.

"Excuse me? would you like to try again?" His tone was so ominous you took a step back curseing silently.

"Sorry. I'll be right out"

"Sorry Who?" you didn't reply immediately

"...Sorry daddy" 

"Good don't let it happen again" Calling kal out of the room he shut the door.Defeated you hang your head deciding to try and pacify him at least until you could come up with a plan of action.Twisting off the water and exiting the shower wrapping a large bath sheet around your body uesing a smaller one to wring out your wet hair. Scurrying out of the bathroom finding him sitting up on the bed laptop in hand Kal was nowhere to be seen. Your captor was dressed in a caramel two piece suit with white shirt. He looked over the screen at you.

"Your clothes are here. Did you grab the cream?"

"I forgot, give me a sec." You quickly grabbed the small pot of cream handing it to him then preceded around the bed unfolding the clothes left out for you.

"Y/n come here" He said closing his laptop stopping sliding it off his lap peeking over at him you blinked holding up the sweater that was left out for you. 

"Cant i get dressed first?" A pleading look not trusting his expression or him in general really.

"Not until this has soaked in"

"What?" Nervously twiddling the soft knit fabric already dreading what ever he had in store for you now.Chuckling he waved the pot in the air.

"This is to ease your cute little bottom now come over here" Opening the pot and paced it within reach on the beside table. Fully expecting you to do as your told you covered your back side with one hand.

"M-my bottom is fine really i don't need it"

"Now you and i both know that if i turned you over my knee right now id find a sore red little bottom. Im going to take care of you now could you please come here."

"Please i can do it myself" Ignoring you he dipped his fingers into the thick balm smoothing it between his palms. You took a deep breath deciding that your best option was to grin and bear it. Dragging your feet until you stood in front of the amused man.

"Theres no need to sulk." Lifting you effortlessly to lie on the bed tugging the towel from around you he whistled low 

" Thats a well punished bottom if iv ever seen one" he anounced before running his lathered hands across it massaging in the pain reliefe thoughrly in smooth circles, you tensed under his hands, they felt cool in comparison to your heated flesh.

"Dosnt look like youll bruise which is good.Allmost done now"

You fhuffed letting him get on with it trying to imagine you were anywhere but here as his palms moved lower to graze over your thighs and back up again leaving behind a trail of tingles then he pulled away.

"Just lie there and let it work its magic ,you've been a very good girl." You hated feeling a twinge of pride at his praise quickly beating it down .He left you there for five mineuts or so then signaled to get dressed. Once down stairs you were greeted with an enthusiastic kal whilst being served a light breakfast of toast and juice. Not long after that you found yourself beside him watching the news on a sofa kal chilling out at your feet with an indestructible looking chew A large man clad in all black strolled in stating

"Got a visitor boss said he called last night?" Henry left instructing you to stay put. You strained your ears as you heard his foot steps stopping a few feet behind the door. Hearing a familiar voice from the other side. Getting up you tip toed across the room pressing your ear against it listening to the conversation.

"-Caught on cctv, thats evidence that could implicate me. What am i supposed to tell them? The others were already asking questions last night i told them it was a rota mistake not sure how long i can keep them quiet its out of character,  You said it would be subtle." It was henry who spoke next his voice was deep authoritative and menacing.

"Calm down I have it all taken care of, not my first rodeo.Trust me no one is going to go looking to deep, the paper trails already sorted out  application ,travel, accommodation the lot. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and we're squared up.As agreed"

"I dont know how i feel about it now? I think i made a mistake" The other male frantically replied.

" Your mistake was not keeping up your end I told you to keep an eye on him. I told you what would happen if you cocked it up.Now I have to be the bad guy. You think I wanted to do it this way? Besides its already done you cant go back on your word now. If your having second thoughts thats tough fucking luck I dont do refunds. Now get the fuck out of my house and you best keep that mouth shut cos I can make you dissapear just as easy as her. Lads show Mr Fletcher out" You gasped stepping back quickly mind racing as you sat back down where you were originally. You sat in shock as you realized who it was Henry had been talking to and why theyd sounded familiar. Kyle fletcher owner of the small cafe you worked in your boss of four years.Putting two and two together ,that chat was about you. You felt sick it was kyle who'd asked you close later than usual to deep clean the coffee machine and recount the float , causing you to close up in the dark which was where youd been taken. For some reason he knew what was going to happen he'd been in on it a overcome by a wave of anger you decided come hell or high water you were going to find out exactly what your exboss had done.

[daegall]

HI! nah it’s ok it’s just life be up and down, the usual!! TRIPLE JENO!! ur actually crazy,, mark too?????? sunny u are on my rob list fr ✍️ i am so jealous i want more albums but i need to seriously curve my spending i have no willpower at ALL

ANDJSNS yes praying for u and the new semester, we are going to go in w a slay mentality🙏 i’m just hoping i’ll be able to balance all of my subjects but i guess we’ll find out, how are you feeling about starting??

omg wait that sounds soo fun!!! me and my friends were meant to go ice skating this break but one of them injured their leg so i’m very jealous,, glad you had fun tho!! i’m good tho!! i just finished working from home for a week so going back to the office soon which should be good! i have barely moved in a week so i need to get some walking in me

WAAAAAIT 1K ?!?!?!!!!??!;,)),:4? AAAAAAAAAAAA CONGRATULATIONS WTF?!?! GO GRAB A CAKEE WE ARE CELEBRATING FRRR 🎂🎂 I’M SOO PROUD - PROUD NO SLEEP ANON <3

hi bby!!!! but frr i am ready to literally punt life if it hurts you again i swear to god >:(((( TRIPLE JENO INDEED!!!!!!!! and MARK YEAH IM IN MY JENO MARK PHASE ACTUALLY AHAHAHHA (ft. hyuck)

rob me idc if it were you i wouldnt mind tee hee (BUT THERE WILL BE A PRICE OF A TRIPLE HYUCK TRADE . i will wait.) i want more albums too but!!!! i think im gonna save up for a camera this time tee hee ^^ theres this one i foudn in an instagram store and its !!!! WATERPROOF!!!! and so cheap too omgomgogmogm

so true slay mentality we must have that mindset FRR tbh i'm a bit worried bc of my social anxiety and the fact that the school speaks a language i barely know (pretty sad that i dont know my own language....) BUT MY OLD SCHOOL FRIENDS WILL BE THERE ALOG WTHA A COUPLE OF CURRENT CLASSMATES SO ITHINK I'LL BE FINE

i think (AND HOPE TO GOD) that we'll be online for a while,,, not only bc of my nervousness but bc covid cases are actually rising here !!!! im not taking any chances after getting it twice </3

NOOOO IS YOUR FRIEND OKAY PLS TELL ME THEYRE OKAY </3 its okay bby!!!! yous till have a long time to hang out with your friends ^^ ooo bakc to the office!!! good luck with that, im sure it's goign to be great :)

YEAH YEAH OGMGMOMOGMOG 1K CAN YOU BELEIVE IT I LTIERALLY SHAT MY PANTS WHEN I SAW IT HAHHAHAHA

i actually made an event for my 1k milestone,,, but am lowkey nervous if nobody is going to participate LOL and its just gonna be me T^T nonetheless i'm glad i made an event!!! im pretty proud of it and the whole concept :)

ANW HOW AR EYOU TODAY BBYYYY TELL MW EVERYTHING ABOTU YORU WEEK WHATEVER MADE YOU HAPPY WHATEVER YOURE FRUSTRATED ABOUT TELL ME !!!!

[pokefanbri]

When you feel the world has turned its back on you, or you turn your back on the world.

I promise will never, I will never make you feel like you're alone, that you cant come to me at your weakest because I would do what I can to help you be strong & help you up when you're down. That I'll take care of you, You're pain is my pain & I will help you the best of my ability to see it through with you. You will never have to worry of my locality or trust fading, because if I love you, you won't ever have to question how much & I will do everything in my power to do right by you. But my forgiveness shouldn't be abused or taken for granted to where my respect & love fades, just makes it harder when trust is being built & the taken away...its really not hard to show worthiness just dont be shitty to people.

Just know if you need me,I'll be there, I truly mean it, just don't walk all over me & lie to me makes things so much worse then it has to be, do right from the start. My heart is pure, but it's been hurt so much because it cares so much about the people that have broken & taken advantage of it, and even when destroyed, let down, & weakened its still loves with a passion..not completely broken but puts on another bandaid & keeps going.

Men are more complex than it seems. But I know they love & care of those that love them the most. I just don't know how he'd feel if he lost me too, if it would hurt just as much. If he loves & cares about me like he says, why hurt me at all, its unfair 😔 If im to really love somebody fully, they just have to be the sword to my shield, & fight along side me, by a good rock to get through things with. Hopefully reach a true purpose & something bigger than ourselves. Care for eachother & have our backs, because who else is gonna look after us when nobody else can. We have to look out for eachother. I'd much rather not lose hope, & not lose a dear friend over foolish things or whatever lost in translation when we're so much better than that, it's not worth the pain that comes with it, & beats having to lose somebody that means so much. With equal understanding & validation of our feelings I know we can overcome things if we believe we can, doubting ourselves & being so full of guilt & regret gets nowhere, & we punish ourselves cuz we don't know what we're doing or how to handle it. It's just how do we come to terms with everything that happened, find peace..to forgive ourselves so we can forgive eachother for the mistakes we've made & how alone we felt when together & worse now that we're apart..all of if that got us to where we are now...its a whole mess. Whats the point in breaking somebodys heart that had nothing but good intentions for you. Its hard enouph to find someone who genuinely cares about you. We're both pretty strong willed, strong when things are tough & only even stronger together.

I hate to admit it, but he did drastically shaped me into who I am now & where I currently am life. Which makes me feel my life was formed to this point, directed & led to him for a reason, he helped shape me, make me better, something did..because I'd do anything for him & be there for him if he needed me even if I was hurt which is so fucked & im worth so much more but he still for whatever reason is worth it to me..& cause we had a messed up beginning to something that could've been greater there's alot left unfinished. I feel so damn empty & lost without him, I feel stuck & trapped with nowhere else to go & I'm just waiting to be saved. I just want to see his face again, hug him tight, be his best friend again & show him as much light as I can. Really look into his eyes & show him how much he means to me. Because he's the best person I've ever met & he has no idea what my heart goes through for him. I miss him so much & it hurts that he's not here. He became a purpose & priority the moment I laid eyes on him & its so hard to let him go, I feel like I can't when theres supposed to be more than what I was I given & chances that have been blown without understanding why or how to fix it 😭. I can't go on with my soul somewhere else. Honestly my heart hasn't felt anything like this for anyone before, which makes the pain of the loss even more dreadful to bear. I don't want to lose him, he was the world to me, we were good to eachother the best we could but fell short, it happens..I know it in my heart we could do even better if we just try. But I also know it'll take time, even space to get a grasp on things & I just have to be patient.

When I love with a full & unimaginably heavy heart it doesn't care about getting hurt, it's the risk it takes to try & find somewhere it belongs. It has to hurt so that it knows the depth of how it can really love. And for intended purposes, I feel it's reached its cap when it comes to him. But is weaker & lost without him. Sorry to say but it's the God honest truth.

I have to let this out & say this now at my emotions peek while I can, cuz im a tired wreck rn that's literally crying out in anguish for him to hear her. There's no way to contact & I need him so much right now. I know he's around.. so where ever you are babe I hope you're hearing me somehow. I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be a nonstop wreckless talking idiot but I need to be heard just as much u know. Im probably too blunt & brutally honest sometimes for my own good too, but take with a grain of salt I don't mean to trouble you or cause you anxiety too or anything I miss things if I don't pay attention to every text give.. me a break? I have regrets & worry when anything I could say could mess things up when I mean well. Please don't be scared or hide,take all the time you need but plz dont leave me hanging again, the chance wasn't ruined it's okay. Hurts so much but I don't hold it against you just talk to me, where do we go from here, the things we've said we meant them..they can't just be taken back we've been through this before with unfulfilled promises...how do u say good heartwarming things without real meaning to it, just gets lost & forgotten, brushed aside like they meant nothing. Mean whats said & give me more credit where it's due, meet me in the middle,communicate, i can't do 1 sided decisions in general or relationship wise I need to be heard too.. understand me too & help me understand you more. Im just trying the best I can. We're grown as people we should be able & mature enough to not do the same dumb things over again when it should've been better. Idk pave a good path not destroy it right? Is this a minor setback or can we actually make a major comeback? Please forgive me,you know you can trust me. Just tell me it's gonna be okay, we'll be okay, reassure but be able to back it up. You must know how scared I am to lose you I just can't babe you're 1 in a million to me. Please don't give up before we even start. I still care about you nomatter what. Realistically, u know as well as I how shitty of a situation this is, we're besides ourselves, & can be a pain in eachothers butts...but we can make it through I just know it. I promise I will be there for you. Always

I hope you miss me too. I love you

I hope you're okay & well, & are eating well.

Take care of yourself, Hopefully talk soon if you're up for it

[worldofsurvivortibet-blog]

EPISODE 1 (Part 2) - “I'll be sharpening my knife just in case” - Eddie

SEB

I'll be happy if I never have to see another fucking Robot Unicorn for the rest of my life...

NICHOLAS

Hey guys! So I am going to send it here so it's easier, but I already LOVE my tribe! Everyone is so sweet and easy to talk to (something that isn't always the case in these games). I am really trying to be super active and friendly and supportive towards people so that they feel like they should keep me around,,,, and i think it's working well since I got added to that fun alliance! I'm working hard for this reward challenge so I can prove my worth to all of these people on my tribe! That's about it for now! xoxoxoxo Nicholas

AMANDA

OK i have found that i hate this unicorn game. Like HATE IT.  I am so over it. everyone seems cool so far. there is some people that i am already kind of nervous  about because they just seem like they are already trying to play games and stuff. IDK but they just have me on edge but oh well. I think i am going to try to become close with them but idk i don't really want to be close with hem bc i don't trust them.

JARED

Honestly I am PISSED I was not put with Daniella or Trysten, and I’m stuck with the damn furry! But this will not bring me down, I am here to WIN and I will do whatever it takes to do that. Right now my goal is to just be social and try my best to talk to everyone, because god knows I do not want to be the first one voted out!

CHRISSA

we won that reward which is cool there's a reason i like that game, I hope we win immunity too so nervous still. I am hoping i am safe if we don't win either though. Voting if we had to, would be so hard.

ELENA

I am so happy that we won reward! I am a little bit confused about what exactly they are able to do at "the summit" but hopefully Dani and Darian will share with us when they get back! So far as tribe relations go, I haven't had a chance to speak with everyone yet, but I have made a couple of friends it seems in Seb and Darian. I hope to speak with everyone at least once before Immunity challenge is over.

DANI

I WANTED THAT GODDAMN IDOL CLUE! ME! I did! But my freaking Papa Jabari or whatever that dish was called didn't have jack SHIT! Grrrr.... I Didnt even eat that shit it tasted like acc trash! So I'm starving and now I'm stuck on a fucking mountain peak with a furry, someone who plays the victim all the time, a photographer piece of shit who I'm targeting, and a few other assclowns I haven't had the privilege of conversing with. GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!

MATT

My lord Seamus got angry over something I called toast. I need to do that more *eyes emoji*

CHRISSA

flag challenges are ugly but I am here for it and the summit twist is cool that's all

JARED

Honestly, I’m mad.  I wanted to go to the summit because I wanted to talk to Daniella… *starts sobbing* I just feel so ALONE! It’s not fair….

TRYSTEN

I'm not going to lie. I feel defeated a little. I just feel like the weakest link, and I'm not going to be surprised if they vote me out.

KENDALL

Okay I just found out newlyf's name, it's Ally. I was right the first time, which is weird because I am usually never right at all. So chances are we are in the Matrix, sorry to shatter your fragile reality :/. Now on to more substantial things: 1. The Reward Challenge Yeah fuck that challenge man. I'm not going to lie, for the first ten minutes it was sort of fun. I like addicting things and the music was pretty good but everything went down hill and it went down hill fast. I still have the bloody song stuck in my head. :( 2. Summit Interesting concept and I like the idea of having an excuse for not being as social. Unfortunately I couldn't jump at the opportunity because that would be stupid. It would put a target on my back if I did, as the possibility of me having an idol would increase. Plus the odds of someone from my group going was very high considering we make up 4/7. And low and behold I was right. Two of the people I trust the most went to the Summit and I got to keep my hands clean. I guess this also means that the idol thing was fake which leads me to say, really guys, really? I stressed out about this.  3. The Immunity Challenge Flag making challenge, I volunteered because nobody else knew how to use photoshop and I am really good at drawing. I'm no Picasso (early Picasso, not late Picasso, I could do that shit) but I think it will work. Not to mention I hate relying on other people because people are gross and that I need to prove myself of some use. If I'm not careful, they'll catch on that I am virtually worthless in most scenarios. Like I wouldn't even be good bait for the wild animals, I taste too much like arsenic.  Anyway that's all folks, I'll be back with more scheming, paranoid ramblings and zombies. Well, maybe not those first two.   

DARIAN

SHIT HIT THE FAN kinda. I got an idol on my first try today. But it wasn't for my tribe... I know..Im sooooo lucky that I find someone else idol. So I was than told that I had 45 min to decide who I was going to give it to. Instantly I had two ideas in my head Keyonjay or Ally. Keyonjay- He clearly is decent in challenges and would be a string partner to attempt to align myself with. He has also agreed that if he finds my idol that he will give it to me. So theres a win win there for me.. maybe Ally- She did really bad in the first challenge and that honestly puts a huge target on her back because she is the easy vote. The team stays strong and no one gets butt hurt. But if she has the idol she can make a move and take out a big player EARLY... Like Keyonjay hahaha. After talking it out with keyonjay and getting his opinions and than a little self reflection I decided to give Keyonjay the idol in hopes that he could be the one to find my idol and maybe even become a strong alliance member!! Ahhhh so stressed!!!!

KEYONJAY

Okay so a couple things. I got the best score on the first challenge out of pure luck. Like just somehow I literally got to like 55k on level two when the previous times i played i couldn't get over 10k on all three levels. Unfortunately we still didn't win which fucking sucks because I didn't wanna go to the goddamn summit at all, but the other tribe chose me because i got the best score apparently. Didn't really wanna be away from my tribe for anything to change with my alliances, and really didn't wanna be put in a position that complicates my game. Ofc immediately that changes because Darian just gave me an idol. like dsfsdsf wtf. I just met the kid. It's really nice though and obviously from my last game I see that you can't abuse people's kindness like that so I'm not gonna use it against him or anything or brag and call him dumb (I'm sorry Mitchy D:) but this definitely complicates things because if I had an idol, I'd rather be the only person that knows about it and now I have to contend with the fact that this idol is basically mine AND Darian's and I have to use it in a way that benefits both of us or risk a pissed off juror. God. DONT GIVE ME IDOLS! I DONT WANT THEM! THEY COMPLICATE THINGS! He wants me to use it on Ally if my tribe loses the first immunity, but hopefully I can protect her and make that not happen regardless, or we can win, which I doubt since it's a flag challenge and I fucking suck at these.

ACE

Alright we got 2nd on the challenge which is decent. And then the next chall is a flag making competition and considering Kendall and Jared know of my abilities hopefully they can leave it up to me. I'm gonna make a wicked gif. Anyways the Summit twist is kinda cool, I got food that gave me an idol clue but it at least told me where NOT to look. I'm probably gonna stick to mountainside since random.org told me to. The Summit is Me and Keyonjay, Matt, Darian, Dani, and Johnny. I already know Dani and Matt, Darian talked with me a bit and they seem alright. They use phone emojis a lot and Im not use to seein those on my computer so its weird a bittttt! Johnny isn't online yet so idk about them just yet. Before I left Jared wanted me to talk to Keyonjay about making an alliance with them. When I heard keyonjay would be at Summit I decided to volunteer myself so I could get the question in. Keyonjay said they were ok with Jared and wanted him to join the alliance with Kendall and Nicholas... uhh no I think we just meant something between us 3 we don't need that big of an alliance even though our tribe is amazing and we'll probably barely lose anybody =') Also Kendall and I sorta already settled Jared as our possible first tribe boot so that'd just make things a bit harder maybe? WHo's even left? Ally and Amanda... that's it rofl also I don't think Ally is Mega anymore lol delete it

JOHNNY

Since joining the game, I’ve found it really difficult to legitimately communicate with people. I can’t help but think a lot of these people are dweebs, who just sit behind the computer all day blogging on tumblr and obsessing over Survivor games online I’m sure, and there’s no way I can compete with no lifes who do nothing but scratch their ballsacks all day. Any who, I do kinda know Dani, who is in the Summit with me right now, and i recognize Jared from a few other games I’ve played, but I’ve yet to approach him yet about the game, but I’m glad I have that in my back pocket. I’ve really gotta start forming some bonds with people, because the conversations I’m having with most of these people are not strong, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these try hard motherfuckers already have a majority alliance, but all I can do is contribute in challenges and hope for the best since my social game isn’t going to be too strong this early on. I’ve made a bond with Crimson on my team because we have a mutual friend, so hopefully that can take me a long way for now. My plan is to just bond with Matt since he’s the only one from my tribe I can talk to, maybe strike a deal, let him think he can do anything with me in this game, when tbh I’ll probably slit his neck soon enough anyways

tbh I get the very scary feeling that a lot of people know each other in this game, and I honestly don’t have anyone in this game that I can truly rely on like some do, and I’m never going to know who is friends with who. Now I know what it feels like to kinda be a newb in the games I play when I just target the people I don’t know… Guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine here

DANI

Darian is getting on my nerves so badly. Like ugh, shut up for like two seconds nobody cares if you're a photographer. 

So Darian's dumbass comes up to me saying Carson/Julia have an idol in the game. Do I believe him? Yeah. Do I not wanna believe him? Yeah... But that's just how the game works. Oh how I wish I had that idol... *licks lips* Oh the things I would do to it... Grrr....

CARSON

Ok so I'm pretty sure Darian just exposed that he has the idol by trying to give me a fake clue. On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > I got a clue to an idol On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > It wasn't much but it's something On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > omg On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Don't search the Forrest On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Or the mountainside On 1/4/17, at 7:27 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > I guess that can be kind of helpful lol So apparently you get clues to the idol at the Summit. Hell, there could even be an idol at the Summit. But regardless he got a clue... but he should have quoted it if it was real. Plus I went to the mountainside already and got THIS: On 1/3/17, at 9:24 PM, carson (tibet host) wrote: > You come to the spot where an idol looks to have been hidden, but there's nothing here! https://media.tenor.co/images/fb3f2d1e814190100a4ae401b1660d5b/tenor.gif He told me not to go to the mountainside because he already went there and got it and he didn't want me to find out its gone! And I guess its safe to say he's working with Dani now, who I also wanted to work with. I would go to her about it, but idk if she'd leak to Darian that I'm onto him. Right now, I'm just going to lay low with this until I need to use it. It sounds to me like Dani, Seb and Elena already know each other, and if Darian goes with them, they'll have majority. I wanted to work with Julia (and by extension Chrissa), but idk if it'll work out. Once again, I don't want to pry at all because no one really has a target yet. There isn't an easy first boot, so one slip up could cost me the game. OK THE PLOT JUST THICKENED Apparently, the Namtso idol is gone... which means all the tribes are searching the same area. So maybe Darian doesn't have it... but he could be protecting someone that does. I mean he's probably in cahoots with the ppl at the summit, And we can find the other tribe's idols. I'm so fucking shook.

JULIA RAE

ok so right now i dont know what im doing bc i dont really play survivor ,,, but i think im doing alright. i talked to everyone and i rly like carson and darian but that just my opinion! also darian told me that he'd be willing to get rid of seb if it came down to it ,,,, which is ok with me idk that dude and he kinda weird ngl! hopefully we win immunity bc if we dont idk what to do!! hehe love survivor!!

TRYSTEN

Holy Shit! I fucking did not expect us to get first, but thank yoouuu Johnny! *blows a kiss to the camera* moi!

CHRISSA

I am so glad we are not going to tribal, fuck the people who said those things lol just kidding it's their opinion honestly we just don't know who will judge and what they will like. it sucks.

DANI

I feel good I feel nice I've never felt so Satisfied I'm in love I'm alive Intoxicated Flying high It feels like a dream When you touch me tenderly I don't know if it's real But I like the way I feel Inside

DARIAN

Yasss we won immunity! No tribal! Which is great because no one really is on the outs rn so no one can really be an easy vote and that's scary! But I don't have to worry about that so yay!

KEYONJAY

So we lost the first immunity challenge and this really sucks, but luckily I'm in the majority alliance and then we kinda have Jared as an extra number even though he's not really IN the alliance or the alliance chat. I still have my idol that nobody knows about so I could make some kind of move if I wanted. Darian wanted me to use it to "take out a power-player" but I'm like, not gonna do that. It's WAY too early to make a big move like that and it would be completely illogical and senseless. It's better to just go with the numbers right now and not rock the boat. Plus I don't really see anyone on our tribe as a power-player necessarily. Kendall is definitely the leader of our alliance but I wanted it that way so I can continue flying UTR and focus on my social game. Now to see who will be the first to go from our tribe. :( Sucks because I really like everybody.

MATT

Well damn. Johnny is actually the MVP for this one. We can literally just relax and pretend like we give a shit about who's leaving only because it's none of us lmao.

ACE

I'm sad we lost, I like everybody on this tribe. I don't feel like bringing Jared down just yet, I brought up that Ally had the lowest score on the Reward challenge so we could possibly just go with her. Everyone in the Mofos alliance said they wanna keep me and Kendall for doing good work in the challenge but we'll see about that. I think I'm good with mostly everybody except for Amanda and Ally. I just spoke to Amanda and she said she'll vote Ally bc they haven't spoken at allll. Amanda doesn't seem to be in any alliance whatsoever. Kendall is a strong leader in the Mofos and I like that she's more leading than I am even tho I'm the one who suggested Ally. Hopefully that'll keep the target more on her than me later on in the game. Kendall just told me Keyonjay gave her an idol clue and it's the same one I got. So that didn't help any. I guess I gotta continue filling up that mountainside grid.

ELENA

I am so happy that we aren't going to Tribal Council because I really like everyone on our tribe right now! It will be sad if we lose any time soon because they are all just very nice and interesting people. I am so greatful for Carson for doing the most of the work on the flag, I do wish he had somehow incorporated the Yaks since I did the research on Tibet, it felt like my idea was ignored a little bit. But what matters the most is that it was a very good outcome! I can't wait for the next challenge!!

KENDALL

Welp, I might have fucked myself. Why did I volunteer? Why did I think that combining two mediums is a good idea? Dear lord, what have I done? Well anyway, here's a quick recap: Ace and Keyonjay went to the summit and when they came back Keyonjay told me he had an idol clue. He gave it to me because he really didn't want an idol, apparently they are more trouble than there worth. Ace didn't tell me anything about the summit and only talked about making the flag. She only brought it up when I revealed my idol clue. This proves to me that my loyalties should lie more with Keyonjay than Ace. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway after we lost the challenge I typed in the alliance chat "well at least we know it's either me or Ace". I meant it as a joke but they freaked out and thought I was pulling a Zane. I managed to clear up the misconception but I am still not sure if they still doubt me. In order to repair some sort of relationship with her, I showed Ace the idol clue which was the same clue she got. And now I'm nervous maybe she will show receipts of the conversation to Keyonjay and shift the target on to me. It wouldn't be too difficult, I'm a bit of an unusual person to talk to and I mostly hogged the challenge that we failed. Though chances are I'm being irrational so I'm not going to risk it. If I do start panicking and try to get my alliance mates out, I'll end up putting the target on my back that I've been trying to avoid. God I hate feeling fear, it's very gross. Well, all feelings are gross... it's just this one is inconveniencing me the most currently.