#[ anyway DAI companion au... Meredith's redemption arc is so... precious to me idc ]

[idolbound]

So re: last reblog, I think that, in the canon setting, Meredith's life is spent devoted to the Chantry and the Templar Order, and normalcy and a "happy ending" in terms of an average life cannot be met because of the constraints placed upon those in servitude to this religious institution.

For one, Meredith has only ever lived in an actual house as a very young child. After her sister's demon possession killed their parents and 70 of their neighbours, Meredith was taken in as a ward of the Chantry, being raised within its walls until she was old enough to become a Templar initiate, serving as Knight-Captain Wentworth Kell as his page, where I imagine she was living in the barracks by then with other initiates. From then on, as part of the Templar Order, she has only ever lived in the Gallows of Kirkwall as a Knight, and even as Captain (though at least then, I imagine Captains have a place to conduct their administrative tasks), until finally when she became Knight-Commander, she earned the right to living in private quarters, with furnishings including a decent queen-sized bed. However, these quarters are still very spartan, for the most part beyond a dresser/wardrobe, mirror, desk, and armour stands. Otherwise, her entire life has been spent in the walls of the Circle, but with the freedom to move outside of it as needed and wanted.

In terms of income, templars are paid by the Chantry as its militant branch, though again, they have their housing and other accommodations covered (food, armour, etc). However, they are not paid that much until in the higher ranks; therefore it would be difficult to save up a lot of money through this over the years, but even more so when some templars choose to indulge what little pay they have (e.g. how templars pay for sex at the Blooming Rose), or to support family members, etc. But much like the real world, living in servitude to a religious order often lays out an expectation to live a simple, pious life with few indulgences. For Meredith, I believe she has spent her pay over the years as Knight-Commander, buying history texts and non-fiction books, the occasional bottle of wine, and casual clothing for when she is invited outside of the Order (e.g. to parties hosted by the nobility), or when in need of casual clothes otherwise. In this sense, I believe she spent most of her "life savings" on the red lyrium idol, in a paranoia-driven desire to gain more power and control over the Circle mages (again, at this stage, she has been Knight-Commander for 15 years or so before Act 3, and therefore would certainly have plenty of coin accumulated to do so).

As I've talked about with regards to having actual relationships, Meredith's devotion to the Templar Order and her position in its ranks does not allow her to openly have a relationship. Again, while templars can be permitted to have external spouses outside of it, provided that said spouse can financially support themselves, this is typically oriented toward male templars, with female partners who can raise a family outside of the Order and have their partners visit. For a female templar in a heterosexual relationship, this is much harder, and for Meredith as a lesbian, wherein marriage is seen primarily as a means for reproduction in Thedas, pursuing a serious relationship to that capacity would be an oddity and would threaten her position as both Knight-Captain and later, Knight-Commander. If she does get involved with someone to a serious capacity beyond casual sexual relations, then there is the difficult factor of it needing to be kept in secrecy, but also the fact that she is always going to put the Order and the Chantry first over a partner, and therefore, she cannot ever experience a truly "normal" relationship in the canon setting.

While housing, income, and relationships are not all there is to a "normal life", these things are what most average people strive to have in order to feel successful. Therefore, the only time that Meredith could ever have these in her given life, is through alternate universes where, surviving in a post-DA2 world in exile, she would strive not only to repair her relationship but to live out the rest of her days with a small home, and to be secure in whatever means necessary. It's why in my DAI companion verse, provided her personal quest is completed, that after the Inquisition is over, she seeks to retire and try to live as normal a life that she can until the effects of lyrium-related dementia inevitably set in. (Which, as she has been using lyrium for all of her adult life, it is essentially unavoidable, and she is well aware of it, especially since she witnessed it happen for Wentworth who was on his death bed for two years before he succumbed to it, hardly remembering who she was by the end). But for Meredith, a few good years are better than none.