#[ although who knows maybe i'll get another burst of inspiration ]

[iron-parkr]

The Spaces Between | Chapter Update - Chapter 7: Black Hole Sun

“First of all, I want to thank you for meeting with me,” he said, looking between the two of them. “This isn’t typically customary for new students, but I would consider this to be something of a special case since you’re the first student with your… housing accommodations. How is that working out, May?”

“Great! Maggie is absolutely wonderful,” she assured him. “Generous, respectful, I honestly cannot say enough about how lovely it is having her around. I’m so glad you thought of us, Mr. Morita.”

Maggie’s face burned with May’s praise that she definitely didn’t deserve.

Morita smiled. “I’m truly delighted to hear that. And everything is going well with your — er, with the kids?”

Maggie didn’t notice his hesitation, but she did notice May’s, as well as the pause she took to gather her thoughts.

“Well, you know Peter, he’s always been such a sweet boy. He’s really taken up the mantle of being Maggie’s point guy, wouldn’t you say, hon? Helping her navigate the city and explaining things when she has questions, you know. It’s so great to see them together and I know Peter enjoys being able to help.”

“And… Juliette?”

May’s gaze slid over to meet Maggie’s. She pursed her lips. “Daisy is… not taking it as well.”

Ao3 | FFN

tag list: @juliaswickcrs @witchofinterest @arrthurpendragon @samwilsonns @kingsmakers @damn-daemon @villain-connoisseur @drbobbimorse @nejires-hado @akabluekat @bisexualterror

the spaces between tag: @emiliachrstine

want to be added? want to learn more? let me know!

[cherrycheridarling]

'someday maybe' | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: one swear? fluff and angst? kisses

summary: you're so close to finishing your second album when your manager pushes the deadline, your ex tom helps you write the final track.

{listen to someday by michael bublè and meghan trainor (if you want)}

wc: 2.1k

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey,"

"Yes, yes. I know. You are not being a very helpful manager right now, Noelle." you spoke to your phone as you paced around the living room, "Okay. I'll get working on it. Bye." you huffed and threw your phone against the couch.

Your album was due to be released in two months and you needed one more song to tie it all together. Your manager, Noelle, was pushing you to finish the song so she could start the promo of the album.

You were incredibly grateful for your career, but the pressure weighed down on you everyday. Never ending.

With a final groan you picked up your acoustic guitar and sat on the couch. Picking at the strings, trying to find a melody. You hit record on your voice memo app before strumming away.

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey, we can be in love once more. 'Till then I won't give my love away. Darling, I'm forever only yours." you sang softly.

You and Tom had a joyous relationship. A love that only ever existed in movies and fairytales. The type of love story that gets told for generations and onwards. But alas, all good things must come to an end.

Your breakup was calm, serene and clean. A mutual agreement as if your whole relationship had been a business deal. There were no loose ends or jealous passive aggressive remarks made. Just maturity and respect for one another.

Your pinky still held the promise ring he gave you. A token of appreciation. A reassurance that he'd always be there for you. And he lived up to his word.

Tom walked in and sat across from you, startling you, "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Whatcha writing?"

"Need a final song for the album. Sorry for showing up unannounced. I just get better inspiration here, with all the memories, you know?" you timidly looked back down at the guitar.

Tom nodded, "No need to apologize. We gave you a spare key for a reason."

You couldn't stop yourself from spilling the words from your lips, "That was when we were together."

You could hear the awkward silence start to fill the room before he spoke again, "Still our best friend, Y/L/N."

The pain that crossed your features was instant. Being addressed by your last name felt like a stab to the gut. Especially by Tom.

You nodded before playing again, "Can I help you write it?" Tom asked as he sat next to you.

"Dancer, gymnast, actor and now songwriter. How many hidden talents have you got, Holland?" you teased making him laugh.

He shrugged with a smile, "It's kind of like writing a poem, right?"

You pondered on his analogy before slowly nodding, "Yeah, it kind of is. Give it a go."

You began playing the melody and he listened intently for a few moments before singing, "I love seeing you happy. I miss seeing that smile. It's been such a long time. A– Nope. Nope. Nuh-uh. I can't do it." he shook his head aggressively with a loud laugh as you stopped playing.

"No!" you quickly protested, "That was amazing! Don't leave me hanging, c'mon." you nudged him with your shoulder before strumming again.

"Alright, alright." he ran his hands down his face, "And although I don't have you, I know now that I need to?" he paused and gave you a skeptical look before you nodded again, "Somehow make you mine. Mmm."

"Oh, okay. He's giving ad-libs and all. Get it." you nodded as he laughed.

You were so engrossed on Tom actually writing a song with you that you didn't focus on the lyrics he was singing.

"And I won't lie, it's hard seeing you with him 'cause I know he can't hold you like I can." his mood seemed to drop by a thousand as the words left his lips.

"When can we meet this boyfriend of yours?" Harrison flicked your forehead from across the booth.

You, Harrison, Tom and Tuwaine were all sat in the local pub. Pints of beer in front of each of you as loud music and chatting filled your ears.

You shrugged, "He's picking me up, so possibly tonight."

Tuwaine's eyes lit up, "Fina-fucking-lly. I swear you've kept him hidden for years."

"We've only been together for three months, T." you laughed lightly with the group of boys.

And they met him. It wasn't the smoothest of introductions, but an introduction nonetheless.

"Boys, this is Kai. Kai this is Tom, Harrison and Tuwaine." you gestured to the parties as they all shook hands and gave polite greetings.

"So," Harrison started, "What do you do for a living, Kai?"

Kai cleared his throat, "I'm a Senior Resident at Kingston Hospital. Working towards being Head of Pediatrics."

Tuwaine and Harrison both nodded, impressed by his profession. Tom's face remained expressionless as he stared at Kai with cold eyes.

"Do you have any siblings, Kai? Any psycho ex-girlfriends? Any wacky cousins?" Tuwaine joked making everyone laugh. "'Cause Y/N has a lot of wacky cousins."

"We could be in love once more,"

"Hey!" you gasped with a laugh.

Kai pulled you closer to him as he laughed, "No, no wacky cousins or psycho exes, but I do have an older sister and a younger brother."

This game of ask and answer continued on for a few more minutes. Tom didn't say a word, just sipped his beer and burned holes into Kai with his eyes. If looks could kill, Kai would be six feet under.

Kai was a sweetheart, but you two ended ages ago. His work got too much for him and your job had you touring and travelling every second.

You picked up after him with the chorus before diving into your own verse, "I remember that love song. I sang every word wrong, but you didn't mind, no, no."

"I love the things you do. It's how you do the things you love. Well it's not a love song, not a love song. I love the way you get me, but correct me if I'm wrong. This is not a love song, not a love song!" Tom belted the 'Austin & Ally' song from the top of his lungs.

"Your turn!" he pointed the pretend mic in your direction.

You laughed, not knowing any of the lyrics, but still wanting to participate, "I love that you not a licket! And you own a watch and chicken! We got a car!" you sang with full confidence, making Tom burst with laughter.

"Yes! Sing it, darling!" he cheered you on, "Absolutely butchering the lyrics, but sing it!"

"Being stuck inside a car. If it's not a doe, don't kiss it! I can't hear a missing, when there's a shoe inside the ceiling! If you really need to fart, you can lunch on a pig farm! Love song! Love song!" you couldn't even hear the song in the background, your voice overpowering it.

Tom was hunched over from laughing before he came back up and planted a soft kiss on your lips, "You are one hundred percent ridiculous and I love it."

You brought yourself back to reality and sang again, "And I'll admit that I miss you, but only if you do. 'Cause you know that I'm shy. And I can't lie, it's hard seeing you with her. 'Cause I know she can't love you like I can."

Tom's eyes met yours as the words fell from your gentle lips. His mouth was slightly agape as you continued to strum.

"You are absolute rubbish. Imagine coming in eighth. Embarassing." you laughed as you crushed Harrison in a game of Mario Kart.

He shoved you with his shoulder, "You're such a try ha—"

"—It's always the same, Tom! How can I trust you? You follow gorgeous models on Instagram and expect me to trust you?" Nadia's voice cut Harrison's words off.

You looked at him with wide eyes, his expression matching yours.

"Those women that I follow have been my friends for ages. Who I follow on a stupid app shouldn't effect how much you trust me."

You paused the game, cutting off the theme song, "How long have they been fighting like this?"

Harrison sighed, a long groan following, "A few weeks. I think it started when she saw that he liked your Instagram picture?"

You stammered, "M-my post? She got mad about my post?"

Harrison nodded before opening his mouth to speak, but Nadia cut him off again, "And she practically lives here! How do you think it makes me feel seeing my boyfriend play house with a superstar?!"

"Aw, a superstar? I'm flattered." you joked making Harrison stifle a laugh.

"I've been friends with Y/N since we were in nappies!"

"I can't be with you if you're going to be friends with her."

Your laughter abruptly died at her words. Harrison stiffened beside you.

"Y-you can't be serious. You can't make me choose between you and her."

"Why? Because you're gonna choose her?" you could hear her voice crack.

"I-" Tom couldn't make out a sentence for a few moments, "Yeah. I'm gonna choose her."

Your heart fell from it's place, stopping at your feet. Harrison brought a hand to his mouth, "H-he chose you. He chose you!" he whisper shouted before you shushed him.

"Of course. I don't know why I expected anything different. I think I'll be going now." Nadia's footsteps approached the living room.

You and Harrison scrambled to look as if you weren't eavesdropping on their argument/breakup.

Tom followed close behind her, "I'm sorry. I really am."

She nodded, hand on the doorknob, "I know. Goodbye." she stepped out of the house, slamming the front door shut in the process.

Tom let out a breath of relief before turning to you and Harrison who were staring at the Mario Kart home screen with the infamous tune playing.

"You guys are terrible actors."

"'Till then I won't give my love away,"

"I'm forever only yours." the both of you finished the song in unison.

There was a moment of silence before you reached over and ended the voice recording.

"T-that was really good. You can change what I wrote, I know it isn't as good as anything you would've written, but I tried. And it was actually pretty fun and I never knew how difficult songwriting was un—"

"—Kiss me." you cut Tom's rambling off.

His eyes grew wide, "W-wha—"

"—Kiss me, Holland."

He swallowed, a small smile stretching on his lips, "Thank God."

And with that, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. Interlocking like missing puzzle pieces. Moving in sync like waves in the ocean. Soft and sweet, but filled with passion. You could feel his smile against your lips causing you to grin.

His hand came up to pull your face closer into his. Caressing your jaw, fingertips playing with the hairs on the back of your neck. His other hand holding your hip in a tight grip. Pressing the pads of his digits into your flesh, scared that you might slip through his fingers again.

One of your hands was pressed flat against his chest. Steadying yourself, the heat of the kiss threatening to throw you off of your axis. Your other hand tangled itself into Tom's curls. Pulling and tugging lightly causing small groans to fall from Tom's lips. Your fingernails scratching his scalp. Pulling him impossibly closer to you.

"I want my ten pounds." Harrison's voice snapped you and Tom out of your make out session.

Him and Tuwaine stood in the doorway, shit eating grins on their faces.

Tuwaine laughed before placing a ten pound note in Harrison's palm, "You guys couldn't have waited until next month to get back together?"

"You two were betting on us?" Tom laughed at his mates who nodded.

You shook your head with a smile, "Absolute idiots, all of you."

Harrison let out a happy sigh and pocketed the money, "Today was a good day. Had a sick ass shoot. Got ten pounds. And my best friends are finally together again." he waltzed into the kitchen with Tuwaine, leaving you and Tom alone again.

Tom's shy expression met your gleeful one before he spoke, "Someday came a lot sooner than expected, huh?" he chuckled.

You nodded with a laugh, "It certainly did and I am not complaining."

He sent you a wide grin before cupping your face and connecting your lips to his again.

"Darling, I'm forever only yours."

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑩𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 (𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑱𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒉𝒐) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳)× 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐭! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞)

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐈𝐝𝐨𝐥 𝐀𝐔, 𝐄𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐘/𝐍 𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨'𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠....𝐢𝐟 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.8K

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐤𝐞𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧, 𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐧! 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨, 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐯-𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐛! 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨, 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐱 (𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠), 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐣𝐨𝐛, 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐮𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐢-𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐱 (𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬.), 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭, 𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐱.

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers @multidreams-and-desires @yunhoiseyecandy @cometoceantrenches

𝑪𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒂 𝒃𝒚 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 🖤

★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★

The producer turned off the music which confused the artist that was currently inside the recording booth. Taking off the headphones, she fanned out the hair which stuck in between them and looked towards the two males which were sitting outside watching her intensely.

"Is something wrong?"

The long and frustrated sigh the producer emitted let her know something was most certainly wrong.

"It's all wrong. Everything about your singing is wrong." The producer said.

Y/N's mouth dropped open slightly, confused by the man's voice. Tilting her head, she could see the other male who currently had his arms crossed and was looking at her with a smug grin, probably celebrating that she was about to get scolded.

"What is it? Is it the lyrics? Am I off key? Do you want me to sing in a different tone." She could already feel her anxiety rising up.

"No Y/N. The pitch, the lyrics, all that is fine. It's just....there's no feeling whatsoever. This is supposed to be a love song yet it somehow feels extremely melancholic. It's like.....it's like I'm listening to an extremely talented zombie."

The younger male from behind nearly doubled over, a soft snort coming out his nose that he quickly drowned out by covering his mouth and pretended to cough. The girl in the booth blinked slowly, processing that words the producer just said to her.

"We're done for today. We'll continue recording another day. Just please Y/N, try to find some inspiration to help with the feeling of the song. Think of an idol you're crush on, your pet, your favorite food! I don't care! Just try to sound more convincing, please!"

Without so much as another word, the producer slammed the door behind him. Once the girl stepped out of the booth, her eyes darted over to the male in the couch, who could no longer contain himself and began bursting into laughter.

"Oh shut up you gorilla."

Grabbing one of the pillows, she tossed it at his face in vain as he merely caught it and stuffed it underneath his arm.

"I'm not the one who made the producer angry with that screeching of yours." He shrugged.

Letting out an offended scoff, Y/N placed her hands on her hips.

"I do not screech thank you! As if you did any better Jongho."

"Uh....last time I recall, I got through my first half of the song perfectly fine with no screw ups. You on the other hand have been recording over and over again cause you can't fix that hoarse throat of yours." He teased her.

"My voice is not hoarse!" She cried out.

"Ok sure whatever you say. It's ok, I promise I won't say anything about you sucking dick last night and that's why you can hardly talk let alone sing."

"Excuse me?" She raised an eyebrow at him, not amused with another one of his dirty jokes.

"I mean kind of unprofessional to do such things the night before a schedule, but who am I to judge a nymphomaniac?" Wiggling his eyebrows at her, he snorted loudly.

Y/N was going to retaliate the same way she usually did: strike back with a savage remark, insult him personally or even smack his head just for the fun of it. Although she couldn't deny that she probably deserved him teasing her since she was the one who started every time since they began working on the song together, she still felt like he went too far at times. Almost like an annoying brother who seemed to thrive out of making your life miserable. But this time, she wanted to turn it up a few levels, get Choi Jongho to eat his words and shut up once and for all.

"Oh? So you've heard the rumors then?"

He furrowed his eyebrows.

"What rumors?"

Giggling softly, she began to slowly walk over to him, making sure to put a little sway in her hips.

"The rumors about how I give some of the best blowjobs."

She nearly laughed when Jongho's eyes flung open, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly as he swallowed nervously at her words.

"Oh stop playing coy Jongho and just admit it." She brought her face down at eye level with him, Jongho pulling his gaze away immediately at her close proximity.

"Ad-admit what exactly?" He stuttered cutely.

Smirking down at him, she startled him when she suddenly straddled his lap, his hands clutching the leather material under him.

"Admit that you brought it up cause you want to experience that yourself." She ran her fingers through his soft black hair.

"Experience what exactly?" He shifted uncomfortably underneath her, face reddening as he began to feel a small tent begin to form in his jeans, prompting him to stop moving before she felt it.

But Y/N felt it, she could definitely feel his bulge poking at her ass. Unable to stop herself, she rolled her hips against Jongho's, who had a shocked expression on his face.

"Y/N!" He exclaimed, words caught in his throat as he thought about a way to get out of the situation.

"What? Isn't this what you wanted? All those times you made all those sex jokes, wasn't it just to get me like this? On top of you? Ready to sink myself on your cock and ride you as I want?"

Jongho stumbled over his words, small frustrated whimpers spilling out of his lips as his erection grew harder inside his pants due to the incessant roll off her hips. And the way he was involuntarily bucking his hips up at her wasn't helping at all. Leaning down, she grazed her lips over his, her warm breath ghosting over his mouth.

"Just tell me how you want me Jongho. On my knees, on all fours, on the wall? I bet you'd love showing off your strength as you pound my soaking cunt against the-"

"I'm a virgin!"

Once he yelled out those words, Y/N's movements halted. Her eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as she looked down with extreme surprise at Jongho, whose flushed face and teary eyes told her he wasn't lying to her.

"You're what?!" She quickly got off him, afraid to even be closer than 6 feet from him after his revelation.

"I'm a virgin ok!? I've never done anything with anyone, I haven't even had my first kiss."

He looked utterly ashamed and humiliated having to admit all that, especially when he had a huge problem in between his legs, that Y/N felt really bad for him. She knew she probably took it too far, but how was she supposed to know that he was practically a saint?

"Then why would you always tease me with overly sexual jokes?" She demands to know.

"Because nothing else worked to get you mad. Everything else slid off like butter on you. Besides I had to get back at you for all the times you messed with me. You were the one who started being mean out of nowhere and for no reason."

She definitely couldn't deny that statement. Sighing softly, she leaned back on the chair behind her.

"Ok, I guess I'm sorry about it. I guess I can..... stop pestering you or whatever." She offered.

Jongho's eyes immediately lit up at her words, unable to contain that gummy smile of his.

"Really?"

Y/N didn't know what it was, but seeing him smile like that, looking so adorably innocent and naive, it sparked something in her. She looked him up and down, Jongho was certainly very attractive and she'd be lying if she said she had never thought about what he'd look like without clothes on, his physique was astounding to say the least. She didn't know what it was, but she knew she had to have him.

"If........you give me something in return."

Jongho looked at her in confusion wondering what on earth she could possibly want from him.

"And that is?"

Smiling fondly at him she answered:

"I want to take your virginity."

Jongho widened his eyes, his hand trembling softly.

"You want to what?"

"You heard me Jongho. I want to take your virginity."

He looked so appalled and frightened by her words, his eyes looking down at the floor that she immediately regretted having such thought in the first place. How could she possibly ask him to give up something which was possibly important and sacred to him.

"Look Jongho, I was only kidding. Don't worry about-"

"Ok fine."

Now it was her turn to be shocked.

"Wait. Are you serious?" She looked at him in disbelief.

He nodded, all fear and doubt from before gone.

"But I'm holding you to your word. You better start being nice or so help me I'll ruin your career."

She chuckled dryly at his threat.

"Don't worry, I promise I won't annoy you anymore."

They stood quiet for a few moments, unable to think of something else to say. Jongho was the first to speak up.

"So....should I take off my pants then?"

Y/N cringed at his words.

"Not right here right now Jongho. Maybe in a less public place, like I don't know, my apartment." She suggested.

"Oh right....." Jongho realized how dumb he probably sounded right at that moment.

"Let me know when you don't have any schedules, I'm going to be on break anyways for the next weeks after I finish my goodbye stage tomorrow at Music Bank, so I'll be free any day after that."

Jongho nodded.

"So we're really doing this?" He asked more to himself than to her.

"You can always back out at any point if you want." She reminded him.

"No! It's fine. I'll let you know when I'm available."

Getting up, Jongho grabbed his jacket and phone. Before leaving, he scared Y/N when he suddenly cupped her chin with one hand and kissed the top of her head.

"I'll see you soon Y/N. Take care."

★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★

Y/N paced back and forth. One minute she was sitting quietly on her couch then suddenly she got up and grabbed a glass of water in the kitchen. Why was she so nervous? It's not like she wasn't experienced in sex, but for some reason she felt antsy about what was about to happen.

"Calm down. Just get it over with and try not to scare him to much." She mentally told herself.

She couldn't help but stare at her reflection in the mirror she had in the hallway. She looked at her attire consisting of plain black shorts and a dark grey oversized shirt. Should she change into something more cute? Or was she overdressed? She mentally face palmed herself for thinking that.

"I'm going to end up naked in the end, who the fuck cares about what I'm wearing?" She shook her head at her stupidity.

Hearing the doorbell ring, she actually jumped slightly and let out a small shriek. She took a deep breath and sped over to the front door, hesitating for a second or two as her hand hovered over the handle. Wanting to get it over with, she turned it and opened the door in a rather hasty manner.

"Hey." Jongho shyly greeted her, mask still covering his face, his hat pulled down to hide his forehead.

"Hey you." She moved out of the way to let him inside.

Taking off his mask, hat and jacket, Jongho neatly put them on the rack Y/N had on the front door, making sure to also take off his shoes. Turning around, he looked around everywhere but at her, his hands in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"How was your day?" She asked him.

"Ummm tiring. I spent most of the day filming with the Hyungs for the new drama we're going to be in. So yeah....." He answered softly.

"Oh I see. Yeah I remember how acting schedules were. Are you hungry? I can whip up some ramen for you fast."

Not giving him time to answer, she took his hand and led him into the kitchen. She began rummaging through her cabinets, taking out a few packets of ramen, thinking Jongho was no doubt hungry.

"Would you like some water? Juice? I made lemonade this morning that-"

She instantly shut up and dropped the ramen packets on the floor when Jongho's hand gripped her wrist and turned her around to face him. He looked nervous, she could feel how his hand trembled against her wrist, and she knew she was probably also mirroring the same expression as he was. Nevertheless, he was determined in what he was going to do. His eyes were fixed firmly on her lips which looked so soft and delicate. Before he and she knew it, he was leaning down and pressing his lips against hers, giving her a faint whisper of a kiss. If Y/N could she would have giggled at how cute he was being, giving her the exact kiss she expected from someone who was having his first kiss. But she held herself back, letting him enjoy himself.

Pulling back, Jongho pressed his forehead against hers, eyes scanning to see her reaction.

"Was it terrible?"

She shook her head and smiled at him with a warm expression.

"No, on the contrary, I enjoyed it."

Unable to help herself, she wrapped her arms up his neck and began pecking his lips.

"Have I told you you're absolutely adorable?"

Now it was his turn to smile as he began to reciprocate her kisses.

"No. You usually called me a bother, gorilla, oversized panda or something like that."

Y/N hummed softly as she slowly began to deepen their kisses, enclosing her lips over Jongho's, her tongue running itself on his upper lip.

"Open your mouth." She gently told him when he didn't get the hint.

Parting his lips slightly, Jongho let out a tiny muffled whine when he felt her tongue poke against his, swirling around his mouth in slow and slimy movements. He felt so awkward having her practically devour his mouth, pulling his tongue between her lips and giving them a slight suck. Feeling him get really awkward, Y/N pulled back.

"Not a fan so far?" She nuzzled her nose against his.

He let out a groan.

"How can you people enjoy it? Feels like an eel is trying to attack me."

Y/N laughed softly at his comparison, not offended but understanding it would take time for him to get used to certain things.

"Hmmm ok. Then let's try something else."

Starting at his jaw, Y/N placed tiny butterfly kisses across it, lowering them down onto his neck. She concentrated on the way his breath would hitch when she'd kiss a certain place, tongue poking out to test the waters and so far he seemed to be ok with it. But he still hardly made any reaction. Did he also not like neck kisses? Or had she not found the right-

"Oh-oh.." Jongho inhaled sharply, his hands coming over to cling onto her hips when she had placed a lick on top of his neck mole.

"So that's where it was."

She mentally smiled before latching her mouth back on top of the patch of skin, suckling on his sensitive spot which had Jongho mumbling something incoherent.

"...feels good.." She made out a few words.

"Yeah? You like this?"

Letting out a tiny gasp when he felt her bite down on his neck, Jongho's head tilted back so she could have more access, eyes shut tight while his bottom lip was caught between his teeth. He didn't think he'd be that receptive to her suckling, yet here he found himself, pressed against her kitchen counter, barely able to keep his hands away from her as they were now sliding down to cup her ass. Kneading at the soft skin, he didn't notice he had begun to rut himself on her thigh which was currently between his legs until she had pulled back and told him about it.

"You're already this turned on by just a hickey?" She gazed down in between their bodies.

"Oh?......I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

Shutting him up with a kiss, she linked their hands together before pulling him out of the kitchen.

"Don't apologize."

Jongho allowed himself to be lead into her room, letting her guide him to the bed where he obediently layed down on. He was unsure of what to do when he felt her tug at his shirt.

"Off."

It was a simple command yet he found it hard to bring himself to do it. He began to feel self conscious. Although he was proud of his body, would she think the same way? What if she preferred less bulky men? Or what if she didn't think he was that fit? It seemed Y/N knew what he was thinking about since she slipped her hands underneath his shirt, lightly caressing his bare torso.

"Don't be shy. I bet you look fine."

Raising his arms over his head so it'd be easier for her to help him slip his shirt off, he looked at her and blushed slightly when her eyes raked over his arms, his muscles flexing unconsciously.

"Ok well, bet lost. You look better than fine." She fought hard to keep herself from drooling over his large built. Jongho truly was one of the most mesmerizing idols she had ever seen, and she had seen a lot of them since she debuted.

"So think my body looks ok?"

Instead of replying, Y/N opted for hunching over and start giving his chest open mouth kisses. She didn't break eye contact whatsoever as she dragged her tongue down his abs, further flustering the poor boy who was eyeing her every movements very carefully. The further down she got, the more needy he seemed to be getting. Suddenly his jeans felt too confining, too restricting. He got an urgent need in between his legs that he had never felt so intensely as he felt at that moment.

"Y/N....." He called out to her, fingertips grazing her hair.

Retracting her mouth from his stomach, which now had a purple mark forming, Y/N looked up at him with concern.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Jongho shook his head. Bucking his hips up against her body, he licked his lower lip.

"Please do something."

When she still didn't understand what he meant, he took hold of her hand and placed it on his crotch, making her subtly squeeze at the hardness. Getting the hint, Y/N thought it would be a little fun to tease him just once more.

"What? Want me to take you out of these pants?" With a roll of her palm, she had Jongho hissing lightly as she groped at his hard on.

"Yes please. Touch me." He urged her to continue.

Wanting to please him, she began undoing his zipper, opening up his pants before dragging them down his thick thighs along with his underwear. She had to flinch her head back when his girthy cock sprang free and nearly hit against her chin. She had her mouth agape as she took in his size, resting on top of his stomach.

"Jesus, I knew you'd be big but I didn't think you'd be..... that big."

Jongho giggled nervously at her comment.

"Well thanks for that."

Pretty soon, his pants were also discarded on the floor. Y/N took in the sight of Jongho fully naked on her bed, chest slowly rising up and lowering back down, anxious to find out what she was going to do next. Settling herself between his legs, she hummed softly before taking a hold of his base, that action alone making him tense up.

"Just relax ok? I know it'll probably feel awkward for you at first but just try not to think too much." She encouraged him.

Jongho nodded and decided to not look down at her, instead choosing to gaze up at the ceiling above him. He grimaced slightly when he heard and felt her spit on his dick, feeling odd about having her saliva ooze down his length. But soon after, he let out a sighed softly as he felt what he assumed was her hand running up and down his shaft. He couldn't help but close his eyes as he began to get lost in the euphoric feeling. He would occasionally inhale sharply everytime her thumb would run itself along his slit, hips rolling up to match the strokes she placed on his cock. Jongho already felt a blissful sensation that he thought couldn't get any better.....and then he felt something warm wrap around his head.

"Oh- fuck!" Jongho's eyes shot up as he stared down to find Y/N giving his tip the most subtle of sucks yet it was more than enough to make him go wild.

"Sorry. You just looked too irresistible that I just had to. Hope you don't mind." She winked at him before sinking more of him into her mouth.

His cock twitched when he felt himself hit the back of her throat, the gagging sound she made making him worry momentarily, but it was obvious it didn't bother her as she just dragged her tongue down to his base before coming back up and taking all of him inside her mouth once more. Her head began bobbing up and down as lewd slurping noises spilled from her mouth. Sloppily, she'd swirl her tongue around him, sometimes even dipping it into his slit when she would pull back before going back down until her nose touched his pubic bone. Meanwhile Jongho had his hands fisting the blanket underneath him, his hips trying to hold back from grinding up against Y/N's mouth in fear of accidentally hurting her. When she gave him a particularly harsh suck, his hips jerked up and he was immediately pushing her face away.

"Stop! T-too much!" He gasped out, already looking out of breath with sweat beads forming along his hairline.

"I'm sorry, guess I got a little carried away." She wiped some of the drool and precum that collected around her chin.

While he layed there trying to collect himself, Y/N took the opportunity to begin stripping herself out of her clothes. Throwing her shirt over her head, Jongho whimpered when he saw that she had worn no bra underneath her garment, her bare chest greeting him out of nowhere. He couldn't peel his eyes from her, looking up at her in amazement and admiration as she sat on top of him completely nude.

"You're beautiful..." He didn't realize he said it out loud.

"Really? You think so? I was a little worried since I gained a bit of weight during my hiatus." She pouted slightly.

"Oh trust me, you have nothing to be worried about. You're gorgeous." He couldn't help himself but praise her, feeling himself fall deeper into her charms.

Pulling him up, Y/N wrapped her arms around him, lips coming down to kiss him tenderly, making sure not to slip any tongue in his mouth since he obviously didn't enjoy it very much. Jongho seemed to have gained a little more confidence, his hands coming up to caress her back, before fully embracing her with his arms, pulling her closer against him. As he shifted underneath her, his cock made contact with her wet core, making them both moan into each other's mouths before pulling away, their breaths getting caught in their throats.

Looking at him one last time, Y/N had to ask.

"Are you completely sure you still wanna go through with this?"

Jongho didn't hesitate, instead laying back down as he looked up at her.

"Yes I'm sure. Just please.....be gentle." He begged her.

Fighting back her urges to just ruin him completely, Y/N took a hold of his base and lined him up against her opening. Wanting to take it slow, she first slipped his head inside.

"You doing ok so far?"

He nodded reassuringly.

"Yeah....feels kinda like having your mouth around it, only it's a lot warmer and more tighter."

Slowly and slowly, Y/N began to sink lower onto his length before fully sitting on top of him. Jongho let out a choked out gasp as her hole covered him entirely, squeezing him all around.

"H-holy!" He cried out in a raspy tone, fingers reaching out to grip at her thighs to help him stabilize himself.

Y/N waited a few seconds to let him adjust to the newfound feeling, smiling to herself whenever she felt his cock twitch inside of her.

"I'm going to pull back out now ok?" She explained.

Pushing herself off him she then lowered herself back onto him, moaning softly as he stretched her walls out deliciously. She kept a steady pace, making sure to slow back down whenever he seemed to get agitated or overwhelmed her strokes which she noticed by the way his breathing became more erratic or how his nails began digging into her flesh. Taking his hands off her thighs, she held them in her own, bringing one of them up to place a kiss on the back of it.

"You're doing great so far Jongho."

Hearing her praise him sent his heart fluttering, his eyes locked on where their bodies were connected, breathing and panting heavily everytime he watched himself disappear inside her folds before reappearing again, only to be safely enveloped once more by her velvet like walls. He felt an unfamiliar feeling begin to build up in his core, it felt like one of the many times he had secretly jerked off back in the dorms, but this one felt stronger and more intense. He couldn't keep himself from squirming as he began to shudder against his will underneath Y/N.

"Y/N! It's- oh my!" He couldn't fully comprehend what was happening to him, he just felt himself spiraling down into some hazy state.

"It's ok baby, just let it go. You're about to cum, it's ok. Just cum for me, show me how good you're feeling." She cooed at him lovingly.

Through shivering and stuttered whimpers, Jongho came inside her, his cum spurting out in heavy pumps as he coated her insides entirely. Y/N made sure to slow down so as to not overstimulate him, the orgasm he was going through probably already being too much for him. She just watched as his eyebrows were furrowed, a tiny vein protruding out from his forehead, mouth hanging open as his entire features were illuminated by extreme pleasure and euphoria. Her movements completely stilled after a while, taking a minute or two before pulling out of him entirely, a tiny trail of his cum leaking out and dripping down one of her thighs. Brushing some of his hair out of his face, she kissed his cute button nose.

"How are you feeling?" She studied his features.

Through hooded eyes, he smiled shyly up at her.

"Like I'm in heaven."

She chuckled at his answer, her hand stroking his cheek in a gentle motion, making him melt even further into her touch.

"I wish we could spend more time like this....just cuddled up together like this. Touching each other like this." He confessed, eyes staring deeply into hers.

"Who says we can't?" She arched an eyebrow.

"I mean...... but like.... you don't like me in that way do you?" He braced himself for what he expected to be rejection, but surprisingly Y/N simply kissed his cheek.

"I'm actually growing quite fond of you Jongho... I think I would really enjoy spending more time alone like this with you."

Once again his gummy smile overtook his features, making him look even more handsome than what he already was. Jongho felt absolutely happy to hold her in his arms, have her smile at him with that breathtaking smile of hers. Then suddenly he realized something.

"Ummm.... you didn't cum did you?"

He felt so bad when she shook her head, his head slumping back on the pillow as he let out a dissatisfied groan. Y/N however didn't seemed too bothered by it.

"Jongho, it was your first time. I knew you were probably going to cum before me. It's perfectly normal."

Her words didn't give him much assurance.

"Still, I feel bad. Do you want me to do something?" He offered.

"Well actually...."

With a mischievous grin, she spread his legs and ran her hands along his firm and toned thighs, eyeing them as if they were some exotic dessert. Jongho gave her a puzzled look when she straddled one of them, her juices already soaking his bare skin.

"Just stay still and let me introduce you to a little something called thigh riding."

[tsumuniri]

━━━ Atsumu Miya is a free-loader. Living inside his twin brother's home as if it was his, he would bring home girls and annoy Osamu most of the time. Y/N L/N is quite the opposite apparently because she's a virgin loser. Being the popular anonymous BL mangaka known as Yamazaki, she stays in the homey abode of her parents and watches boys from afar for references (not for admiration sadly).

Now what will happen if fate decided to tie these two idiots together and made them live across each other in one apartment?

。m.list ❯❯ prev┃next

ONE ━━ THE TWIN BROTHER’S DECISION

"SO THAT'S THE TEA?"

You nodded dejectedly and raised the Tuna Mayo Onigiri in the direction of your mouth. You bit into the delicious rice snack, humming in delight as the saucy and sweet flavors of tuna cheered you up just for a slight bit. "They said that a girl my age shouldn't be living with her parents and should finally get a guy instead of drawing an imaginary one. You know that they're old school, Mai." You said, mouth full of rice bits and tuna.

The female ran her fingers through her short bright red hair. "Well, you are 25 now, and you haven't got a boyfriend since middle school," She propped her elbow on top of the round wooden table, resting her chin on her palm. "But they should've told you beforehand, right? How are you supposed to look for a residence in a short span of time?" She asked and watched you devour the onigiri meal with such ease. Her black-colored eyes held an uncertain expression as Mai was concerned for her colleague and friend.

After hearing the unfortunate news directly from your loving parents, your mind had to process the sudden information for two solid minutes. The first person you thought of to call is your closest friend, Mai, your roommate back at art school and a mangaka in the shounen industry. Although the two genres have completely different backgrounds, you two are stuck together like peas in a pod through the grace and glory of fawning over 2d men.

Ain't that great?

"They said I could stay back for two weeks until I could find a place to move in. I still have nine days to move out. And as for the residence part..."

You rummaged through the leather bag slung over your shoulder and took out a creased brochure of a newly built apartment based in the heart of east Osaka with its breathtaking cherry blossom conifers and pious shrines. The leaflet's minimalistic design delineated the idiosyncratic architectural structure of the tall building on the front page. Anybody could tell that this jointly owned establishment may settle for tenants with stable incomes.

For someone who changed the BL archives with her plot-driven works, Y/N could provide the fees to rent a homey room on the clabber-plastered apartment complex.

Mai shifted on her seat and studied the brochure on the table with interest— crossing her legs and leaning her torso forward to get a full view of the given pamphlet. "The building does seem promising. You could even check out your works in the Manga Shops at the city." She remarked as her eyes skimmed through the brochure, taking note of the facilities and rooms for the future tenants.

"Right? I already checked the place out yesterday, and coincidentally, the studio office is close by," The H/C-haired female pushed back the tiny strands of baby hair tickling her forehead as it was annoying her smooth skin. "They even allow pets. The apartment buildings I visited mostly don't allow pets, and the others who do, they have weird-ass tenants whom I don't really wanna be neighbors with." She ended, scratching the back of her neck.

"Soooooo, that's the apartment you're planning to move in."

You nodded your head, "I prepared the papers and told my parents about it. Maybe you can help me move my things out?" You suggested to your friend as your leg overlapped with the other, biting into another piece of onigiri from the porcelain plate.

Tilting her head to the side, Mai let out a light scoff from the BL mangaka's proposition as she gestured her hand downwards. "I'm offended, Y/N! Of course, I'll help you." She expressed her whimsical disbelief through her words. "I thought we were best of friends." The young lady teased.

"After all those collab fan arts of the Akatsuki, why wouldn't we be at this point?" You joked; however, the shinobi anime reference wasn't technically a gag as you both had a history of fangirling over the smexy criminal organization— even if you both had a peculiar taste in men. "By the way, why did you choose this place? Isn't this sort of far away from your workplace?" You questioned the red-haired female, a bit curious on why she decided to meet up with you in this Onigiri Restaurant.

Mai's lips turned up into a smirk as she motioned her finger for you to move closer. "My assistants and I decided to eat here after a hard day's work. By the time we were all seated, our eyes got blessed when the restaurant's owner catered to our table!" She whispered with excitement dipped on her tongue.

"Oh boy, if you had seen him, you would've gotten the inspiration to make a character from his well-sculpted face."

You raised a brow and let out a snortle, "We went here because a hot owner caught your attention? I should've gone with you then." You played along and couldn't help but laugh at your friend's reason for dining out a distance away from her studio office.

Like middle schoolers, you both giggled as Mai continued her story of the dashing Onigiri restaurant owner with her witty play of words. You never had any interest in dating; however, you still bid no mind to your friend's fawning over pretty men who would unlikely pay attention to either of them.

"That owner you're talking about might not visit his restaurant, Mai."

"I know, silly! But I do wonder what that work of art does outside his work."

Osamu is a very patient man. May it be through his responsibility of running an Onigiri business, or may it be just a simple waiting in line at the subway station of Tokyo, the male wouldn't lose his temper nor be frustrated over such trivial things.

But when his exhausted figure slugged inside the comforts of his home and found the living room all trashed with empty bottles of energy drinks and bags of chips, Osamu was finally at his breaking point.

"Atsumu, you mother-fucker... COME DOWNSTAIRS THIS INSTANT!" He burst out, calling out his twin brother's name as he began picking up the trashes scattered throughout his coffee table and his lawson couch. His ears caught the sound of loud footsteps thumping on the wooden-tiled floor as he could immediately tell that it was a certain someone who came down the stairs.

A bed of ruffled blonde hair popped out of the stairway as a certain setter casually jumps into the scene of the untidy crime, walking towards the other twin with open arms.

"Welcome home, Samu! Did your staff make a mistake in the newly-opened shop back at Shinjuku? You look a bit frustrated right now-"

Atsumu stopped himself once he noticed his twin brother standing over the mess he forgot to clean up. His arms dropped to the side while his chocolate eyes shifted over to Osamu's annoyed expression, "Okay. This time, I absolutely forgot to clean up." The male tried to explain himself.

The quiet one of the two shook his head in disapproval, sighing out and pinching the bridge of his nose to calm his fiery nerves. "I found this apartment, Tsumu. I think it's best for the both of us if you could finally get your own place." He stated, hearing the slight choke coming from his brother's throat.

"WHAT?! What made you think that this would be the best for the both of us, Samu?" Atsumu protested, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion as to why his brother would suggest that sort of idea.

Osamu raised his hand and lifted three of his fingers to his twin's eye level. "First, you sometimes disrupt my sleep whenever you'd bring your flings at home," He stated and didn't bother to let the other speak their mind about the issue at hand as he continued his statement of reasons. "Second, you'd sometimes forget to do your lists of chores and often lie that you didn't do them because you were tired from training." He paused for a moment, thinking of a third reason until it clicked in the back of his mind.

"Lastly, you're a 23 professional athlete, who makes a lot of money than what I usually make, and yet, you're living with your twin brother."

Atsumu stared at Osamu as he crossed his arms, "So? You'll kick me out if I don't move out of your place?" He derided, his voice mostly holding a hint of teasing as he knew his brother wouldn't act so rashly over those reasons.

Oh, was the male so wrong.

"Yes, Tsumu. I'm kicking you out."

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Anon Asks ! (+one NSFW one below)

1. Awe, you're not selfish. I completely understand why you feel left out. Unfortunately, people already read my SFW stuff at such a lower rate that I'm afraid a SFW Series would totally bomb. Unless I was extremely motivated, I don't see myself being able to do it.

Do me a favor and send me another Anon about SFW Series recommendations. I just asked my Discord, but I want to give them some time to respond!

2. You are so wonderful. Thank you for sending me such a lovely message not once, but twice. I appreciate you taking your time to read my work and then go even further and tell me about it.

I hope you have the best day ever 😭

3. They've been friends since they were teenagers! Las Vegas is a surprisingly small place, all things considered. They promised him back then they would let him direct a music video if they ever made it big. It's very cute.

4. Who, me? Naaah, I'm just a worm 😉 (does anyone recognize this reference? or do I just look silly?)

5. I'm assuming this is about Quid Pro Quo (although it could also be about Fuzzy Pants, lol), and I'm so happy you think so! I was worried it'd be a bit too niche, but it's great to see people enjoying it 🤗

6. I don't think I'll be able to swing a whole series of that, but I do have a couple Virgin Post-Prison Spencer WIPs. I also plan on writing a Virgin Spencer mini-series after TB&TB (called Centerfold), but it takes place when he's in graduate school/ten years later.

7. Ah, you are so sweet. And yes, I have been writing quite a lot of that lanky fucker, huh... The truth is, my answer is very simple and can be summed up in a very funny way. How do I keep writing him?

✨ a u t i s m ✨

I can honestly say I have never, ever bored myself out of anything. Other things just became more interesting for a little while. Matthew was one of my first ever special interests as a young teen. I cycle through mine for periods of a couple years at a time (I popped in here hot off my Naruto re-emergence).

Whereas a lot of people go through interests in much shorter bursts (especially those with ADHD), autistic people have a tendency to fixate for much, much longer periods. There is nothing wrong with you, we are just different ☺️

I use the "Other" MGG characters to grant myself the freedom to do other things. I honestly really wanted this to be a multi-fandom blog, but I was immediately inundated with Spencer requests that never stopped.

Maybe one day I'll introduce another obsession, but I don't see it in my immediate future. I usually have a pretty good warning that I'm slipping out of the fandom. Right now I'm mostly just sad people are leaving. I'm still going strong though, lmao!

8. I'm a firm believer in the idea that Laziness Does Not Exist, but I totally understand. You're actually describing something experienced by ALL writers, although having ADHD will no doubt exacerbate the problems. I do not have ADHD, but the good news is that ADHD has a large number of treatment options (both pharmaceutical and otherwise).

I think you can talk to a trusted adult about it if you'd like. I know very little about the diagnostic process of ADHD, but I do know that it's significantly more straightforward than most autistic testing. A number of my friends got a diagnosis in less than a month (granted, they are all adults, and their parents were willing to cooperate).

A diagnosis won't make your parents (or anyone else) believe you, though. It's just one of those things you have to learn to deal with. But with the case of ADHD specifically, because there are pharmaceutical treatments, it might be worth it. I personally absolutely abhor stimulants (and am also medically contraindicated). But I'm autistic, so they don't help me, lol!

As for being more motivated generally, I think a lot of it is literally just forcing yourself to do it. You have to get over this idea of writing it perfect and just start writing SOMETHING, even if it's garbage. You can always edit it.

Fanfiction is so much easier with this because it doesn't have to be perfect, or even good (lol). It's just for fun! It's not an easy thing to do, but it is so rewarding. I know a lot of people in my Discord like utilizing our Writer Bot to have writing "sprints" where you are timed and see how many words you can write in short bursts.

Not how I function, but it works for some people! We are all different, and that's what makes us wonderful 🥰

9. Awwwe, I have so many Hozier songs on their playlist! I listen to him whenever I need general inspiration. Like most basic white bitches, I do love me some Hozier. Also, I am honored.

NSFW WARNING, MINORS DNI

Hahah, good news is I have a number of fics about that premise! H2M, Different Kind of Daddy, Big Bad Wolf, Protege, sections of the NSFW Alphabet, Thimble of Honey, aaand... Spoiled. I think that's most of them.

It will come up VERY briefly in TB&TB. I'm positive I have other Spencer WIPs that include it, but I couldn't tell you which ones. It's requested of me very often 😅 which is fine, it is a kink I have IRL!

I agree, though. It makes me feel things.

[keepholdingontobooks]

BOOK REVIEW: DARK RISE (DARK RISE #1) BY C.S. PACAT (LIGHT SPOILERS)

REVIEW:

“When the past is forgotten, then it can return. Only those who remember have the chance to stave it off. For the dark is never truly gone; it only waits for the world to forget, so that it may rise again.”

-Excerpt from Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat from Uncorrected Proof

Set against the backdrop of a magic-less 1821 London, Dark Rise starts with a sense of urgency. Things half-told, and hinting at what’s to come. Details that should be kept in mind for when the inevitable comes, make all the more sense.

“Long ago,” said Justice, “there was a world of wonders—of what you and I might call magic. Great towers and palaces, fragrant gardens, and marvelous creatures.”

-Excerpt from Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat from Uncorrected Proof

Will Kempen has been on the run since they murdered his mom and her last words to him were run and a promise forged as her dying wish.

Told from multiple points of view, all the characters in place add to the layers of this complex and dark story.

Will, a boy on the run after his mother was killed

Violet, a girl forced to turn against the only family that she’s ever known

Cyprian, a powerful Steward-in-training who is searching for his lost brother

Katherine, a girl whose aspirations to secure an auspicious marriage put her right in the heart of danger.

James, whose dark magic and ruthless cunning make him a foe to fear and admire

(Excerpt from Edelweiss)

Usually, I’m not a fan of stories told from multiple points of view (more precisely, 2+ POVS). Only because I find myself invested in a certain character and want to know about their POV and storyline, and adding so many different perspectives loses that connection. It waters down my connection and makes it harder to root for someone if I’m constantly being shifted. With Dark Rise, although I didn’t absolutely love or particularly bid my time for all the different POVs, I will say that they lent themselves screen time.

“—Sarcean, the Dark King; the final eclipse; the endless night, whose dark reign will bring about the end of our world.”

-Excerpt from Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat from Uncorrected Proof

We follow along with Will’s journey in learning about the Old World where heroes and villains grappled in a war between Light and Dark. Magic, secrets, betrayals, control, were things that went hand in hand in this old world. Little by little, Will is introduced to this old and new world. Where descendants from the Light, have had a long vigil for the day that the Dark King returns with his evil beings, weapons, and his reign come again.

“I think what people were is less important than what they are. And what people are is less important than what they could be.”

-Excerpt from Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat from Uncorrected Proof

In the middle of all this history, he begins to question his place in the legend. What he must do, and why everyone seems to be looking for him.

Readers aren’t ready for the Dark Rise trilogy.

One thing with reading advance copies so far out of release day is that not only do you have to wait for release day for other readers to join you in a journey, but then you have to wait even longer for the next installment. And here I thought it was a duology and that everything will be laid out within the next book, so I didn’t have to worry that much. Yeah…somehow I missed the word trilogy and just jumped into the synopsis.

If you’re wondering if C.S. Pacat will hold back being a young adult novel, you really don’t have to worry about anything. When the dust settled, I was left kind of shocked that she would have gone there. For what she did to the characters in every sense of that statement. I’ll get a bit spoilery later on and will tag it. For now, I will say that although the characters are teens, readers have to keep in mind that this is a story that spans centuries. Though the characters are in a new time, there are old times at play here. A lot of secrets and revelations that I think don’t even scratch the surface.

“Was this how it had been in those ancient days? The lights in the world going out, one by one, as the Dark King’s forces marched toward victory?”

-Excerpt from Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat from Uncorrected Proof

Now, if you are waiting for another Captive Prince, you will not find Damen and Laurent within this story. Does James remind me of Laurent? Yes, maybe, perhaps. The similarities run in the shallowness of blonde hair, and in the veneer of calculating demeanor. Yet, there is a softness, a vulnerability that makes itself known until the last chapter. So no, this isn’t another story of Damen and Laurent. This is something entirely new, but with the cleverness of something dark and twisted that looms at every chapter.

“He was beautiful. A golden beauty, he might have been carved from fine marble by some master, but there was no one in the world who looked like this.”

-Excerpt from Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat from Uncorrected Proof

Will harbors a cleverness that quickly surmises the actions and unfolding of things and those around him. He holds a type of magnetism with his genuine and rightness that people come to him and believe he can be the hero they’ve been waiting for….

He harbors cleverness and quickly adds up the information

That last sentence in Dark Rise? Imminent.

Throughout the 464 pages, I felt like I was bracing for something. Like I was being kept from something. Although, I kinda deduced it still doesn’t take away from anything that happens later on.

“Later he would think back on it as the moment when he had understood, all the pieces fitting together into a picture he didn’t want to see.”

-Excerpt from Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat from Uncorrected Proof

Since I had a bit of a theory whilst reading, I looked at the details and the information through that lens. Pacat has said that she likes an unreliable character, and that comes through here as well. I do wonder how this trilogy will play out since I can’t see a good way out of it.

It almost hurts for everyone when some of the truth is unraveled (for some characters, and some of the truth because there has to be more to it). The last pages are even bittersweet. That dance of one knowing and the other believing in one thing whilst the opposite is being played out to the unsuspecting (this makes sense once you read it). And then when you take in the different players and how this truth changes everything.

There are some things that still don’t make sense, especially from Will’s involvement and knowledge that I hope is cleared up in book two.

As for romance, I would say in this regard we can look at the blueprint of a slow burn. Of things at a realistic pace. The connections in this book are…transcending and interwoven. There is a lot to unpack and theorize. If anything, it speaks to Pacat writing in introducing characters, situations, and consequences that are complex and can’t be predictably resolved.

I’m really looking forward to how everything will progress from book one to book two, and to its conclusion. There are just too many questions, and too many theories swirling around right now. Obviously with nowhere to go because the first book isn’t even out yet.

If you’re looking for that romance across enemies lines, the tension between a hero and a villain…Pacat heard you but one-upped you.

“There’s one thing I do know so well that it’s part of me. Him. The fact of him. The feel of him. It’s deeper than memory, deeper than self, carved into my bones. And I can tell you this. “Simon isn’t a tenth of him. Simon’s plans, his power, his ambitions are nothing. Simon can’t comprehend him, as the warmth of a single day can’t comprehend a night that lasts for ten thousand years.”

-Excerpt from Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat from Uncorrected Proof

This is where I get SPOILERY, so please do not read on.

It should have been a clue when Pacat cited Lord of the Rings as her main inspiration for the series, but wanted to focus on the “enemy within.” Because what do you do when the biggest enemy is out there but within you?

Again, spoiler—but, though I don’t know how there will be a good outcome, say that you’re told a big villain who wants to bring chaos, destruction, darkness to the world. That it wants to subjugate humans, and only those with powers, magic, having a place in the world, will one day come. That you must defeat it. Only to find out that that person is actually within you.

The way I see it is that Will, like James, is a Reborn, and although they’re from that time they don’t remember what happened during that time. Will has the Dark King within him but perhaps is awake yet. Will he develop different personalities, of sorts, when the Dark King is awakened? Will it take over Will (does Will want what the Dark King wants, will he fight to not be like the Dark King?), the door waiting to burst open, and for him to claim his throne? How do Reborns work in this world

One thing I will say is that sometimes with reincarnation and descendants I’m a bit unsure with logic. This might be what Pacat meant to do in the narrative, but at one point, it feels like we’re supposed to be feeling that Will might have a romance between Katherine and/or James. My problem with the logic is that just because someone is a descendant of a person you might have loved, doesn’t mean you’ll feel a connection/spark/passion/love with a descendant. You mean to tell me that the great granddaughter/son is going to give you a connection just because you loved their great grandmother? What if they have multiple siblings, who will you feel a connection with? Reborn, I get.

I’m intrigued with how Pacat will develop James and Will’s connection (I’m trying to be vague here), but damn. Pacat really loved the complications. THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

SPOILER END.

Dark Rise though rich in details, secrets, magic, and darkness, it’s really just the beginning. There is a lot to come, of that I’m sure.  The sense of something wrong remained through the entire novel until slowly, things start to unravel and slot to start the bigger picture.

In conclusion: C.S. Pacat is back.

(I highlighted so many passages/quotes, but I'll post after release day.)

[fantasiesandbooks]

Hello writer I love Hearts Don’t Break Round Here! I'm a fan of the story since I will celebrate my 23rd birthday on sunday can you make a scenario for me w/ Chanyeol please?? wherein he and y/n are both doctor but they have aren't in good terms but Chanyeol has a hidden feelings for her? Can you write it for me? pretty please I'll be happy if you write one for me! Thank you and take care!

Happy belayed birthday! Hope you had a great day :). I had to take some inspiration from the tv shows related to medicine that I watch, therefore I apologize if it is not as accurate as it should have been. Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think of it.

Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Angst. Romance. Kind of fluff

Word Count: 2.7k

Everything in the operation room started to get quiet. Some nurses were grabbing all the instruments they have used to clean them. Some of the doctors were starting to take out their robes as the monitor beeped, indicating the man who was lying on the table had died.

“We could have save him if you had listened to me” You said reproachfully as you rubbed your wet fingers against your cheek in order to remove the droplets of blood.

“I’m in no mood for your complains” He said without turning to look at you.

You scoffed loudly “Yeah, you are never in the mood for recognizing when you’re wrong”.

Chanyeol closed the sink faucet harshly and looked at you. “If you had done your job properly, he would have had a better chance of living in the first place. I was trying fix your mistake”. He said upset.

There were a couple of people looking at your discussion when the hospital’s Chief arrived and yelled at you and Chanyeol.

“You two”. He approached with furious eyes and stood in front of you. “To my office. Now” He muttered angrily as he gestured to follow him.

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Once the three of you arrived at your boss’s office, he shut the door harshly and went to stood behind his desk.

“Have you lost your minds?.“ The man raised his voice. “A pacient have just died and you two cannot wait for your childish discussions?” Rage was visible on his face.

“If you want to do that, do it at your offices or somewhere private. You don’t need public for that kind of stupid behavior”.

“She was the” Chanyeol was beginning to say when the other man cut him off.

“Next time I’m going to suspend you both. Understand?” The Chief said firmly.

“Yes” Chanyeol said reluctantly.

“Y/n?” The Chief turned to look at you.

“Yeah” You muttered.

The man across from you was looking through some files and said “You are going to stay here and solve whatever problem there is between the two of you”. He grabbed one of the folders piled up on his desk and walked towards the door “And it better be quick because someone has to go talk to that man’s wife and that ain’t me“.

You and Chanyeol looked at the door as it shut with a loud thud.

“What is wrong with you?” You huffed.

“What is wrong with me?” Chanyeol scoffed incredulously. “What is wrong with you. You were the one who started it. Since you came into the OR you were doing nothing more than to question all my decisions in front of all the doctors, nurses and residents”.

“That’s because you didn’t listen to me when I told you that procedure was too invasive”. You pointed out.

“And thanks to that it was that we could notice the internal bleeding he had” Chanyeol said defensively.

“Yes, but I told you I could have made the suction and stitched him up and you ignored me.” You raised your voice. “You have been ignoring my contributions and my help every time we enter the operating room. And this was my patient. He arrived at my area and therefore you shouldn't have overlook my authority“. You were panting from the rage that was burning inside of you.

“And what about my authority,huh?” Chanyeol was looking at you with the same intensity. “You might be the ER’s head but I am in charge of the Cardiology unit and once the person enters my operating room what I say, goes.” “I can’t believe you are so full of yourself that you can’t admit you have messed it up” You snorted.

“If we are going to talk about mistakes then we should start with yours” He pointed at you. “If you had taken the x-rays, you would have noticed that he had a lump in his lung that could had burst at any time“.

“I didn’t do the x-rays because when I checked him, his vital signs were within the normal range. He said he felt a slight pain in his chest but we thought it was due to the bruise that had been formed on it due to the impact of the accident“ You explained.

“You should have done it anyway considering how bad the accident was” The man said matter of factly.

“Chanyeol, there were another 32 injured people on the ER and only 10 of us, including the interns, to look out for them” You said, trying to find some kind of comfort in your words as you knew you had made a big mistake.

“Maybe you wouldn't be so short of time if you stopped screwing with Billy and use that time to take a better care of your patients” Chanyeol said harshly.

You looked at him weirded out. “What the hell are you talking about? You said angrily.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw you entering the rest room a few hours before the surgery and Billy walking in right after you“. Chanyeol glared at you.

“You know what, Fuck off!” You countered back “I don’t have to give you any explanations and You don’t even know what you are talking about”. You opened the door and stormed out of the office.

Chanyeol watched you go as he grabbed his hair in frustration and slammed his fist against the desk.

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You entered the ER unit and saw that the chaos of the accident - paramedics arriving with more wounded people, nurses and doctors running from one place to another in order to check on them, their families flooding the reception in search of them - had diminished. You spotted Mr. Stevens wife -the man who had died in the OR- in the corner of the room, sitting above one of the beds. She had a broken arm and a minor head concussion. She had been conscious when her husband had been admitted to the operating room.

“He’s going to be ok, right?” She had asked you with a trembling voice. “We will make sure he will be fine” You assured her.

Now, you didn’t know how to break the news about Mr. Stevens' death but, as the unit’s Chief and doctor, you also had to deal with the difficult parts of the job. You took a deep breath and strode towards her.

“Mrs. Stevens” you said and the lady turned to look at you.

“How is Fred?” She asked, referring to her husband “Is he all right? Did you take him to a room?”. You looked at her with sadness but managed to stay composed “There was a lump on the back of Fred's lung. It was so small that at first we thought the blood that was coming from it was from the organ we were operating. He had an internal bleeding and although we did everything we could, his organs collapsed quickly.” You explained.

The woman’s eyes were filled with tears as she understood what you were saying. “No” She said.

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Stevens” You said remorsefully.

“No no” She cried in denial. “You said we didn't have to worry. You checked on him”.

“I know but…” you were saying but she cut you off.

“You are responsible for his death” She spat and grabbed you by your coat.

“Ma’am, tried to calm down” You said as you put your hands above hers trying to release from her grip.

Almost immediately, the residents who were nearby approached to get the woman off of you.

“If you had done your job properly, he wouldn't be dead“ She screamed as some of the nurses restrained her so they could sedate her.

You looked around and saw some of the pacients and colleagues staring at you. Your gaze landed on Chanyeol. He was looking at you, although you couldn’t tell what was the meaning of his stare.

Was is sadness? Pity perhaps? You didn’t know what to think. You felt so overwhelmed. Mrs. Stevens words were almost the same as Chanyeol’s.

“You shouldn’t be a doctor” She said angrily “Doctors care. You didn’t even knew he was injured”. There was a knot in your throat. You wanted to be alone so the best thing you could come up with in that moment was exited through the back door.

Chanyeol was exiting the building and going towards the parking lot. His shift had just ended and the only thing he wanted was to get home, have a nice shower and sleep until he could see the next day’s rays of sunshine through his window. He was walking through the sidewalk went he spotted you sitting in one of the benches near the main entrance. Your hands were resting on the wooden board and your eyes were closed. Tiredness clearly reflected on your face. For a moment he considered if he should talk to you or ignored the fact that he saw you there with a miserable aura. Nevertheless, He walked towards you, only stopping when we was standing in front of you.

You inhaled deeply and when you opened your eyes, you saw him standing a few centimeters away from you.

“I have had enough of today’s fight” You said tiredly as you rubbed your eyes.

“Me too” The man said in the same tone as yours as he plopped down next to you.

You let of a big sigh “So, why are you here then?” you looked at him.

“I heard what that woman said to you. It’s not true”. He said.

“Which part?” You asked “Because some of her words were the exact ones you said to me in the OR”.

“I know and I want to apologize for that” Chanyeol said. There wasn’t a hint of mockery or false remorse in his features. He sounded sincere.

"Well, I'm sorry too for taking out my anger on you" You said and Chanyeol nodded.

You turned your face to looked at the front and sighed “You weren’t wrong about it“ You said.

“It was my responsibility to give him a good checkup before ruling out he didn’t have another serious injury” you admitted.

“How could you have known if it wasn’t until several hours later that he began to complain about the pain” Chanyeol said.

“Isn’t that our duty? To prevent that kind of things before our pacients suffer?” You said.

“Yes, when there are signs of things we could prevent.” He answered. “We admitted him into surgery because there was a blocked artery that could cause him a heart attack if it had stayed like that. You found out about the lump on his lung at the end, when it bursts”.

“You know, tonight I treated 23 pacients. Out of them 12 had serious injuries and they are stable now.” You turned your gaze towards the floor. “Guess there will always be a patient who makes you question yourself if you really are good at this or not”.

“Ever since I was an intern up until now, I can tell you that question never leaves you”. Chanyeol said. “Our career is married with saving lives as much as it is with accepting death”. You look at him straight in the eyes. There was true in his words.

“I had not thought about it that way” You said honestly.

He gave you a little smile. Both of you stayed quiet, the whistle of the air and some people walking near the benches were the only sounds filling it. You wondered why he hadn’t left yet. He had his bag with him, which you assumed it meant he was leaving the hospital. Maybe he was keeping you company as a way of showing you you weren’t  the only one that felt like that every time a pacient dies. That in a certain way, it was comforting having a person who could understand all the questions and feelings that come with it.

You remembered the last thing he had said to you at the Chief’s office and said “It wasn’t me”.

Chanyeol turned to looked at you confused “What?”.

“You said I was wasting my time screwing with Billy” you said.

Chanyeol’s cheeks turned pink. “Ah! You don’t need to give me any explanations. It’s your life” He scratched the back of his neck.

“It was Tatiana” you cut him off.

He looked at you baffled “Tatiana?. The Neurology resident?” He remembered.

You nodded. “I felt exhausted so I went to the rest room because I wanted to take a nap. The lights were turned off and I laid on one the beds. I heard someone entering the room but I assumed they were there to sleep too. That was until I heard them kissing. She was already waiting for him inside.” You explained.

“Oh!” Chanyeol said. Right now he felt so dumb for accusing you.

He cleared his throat “I’m sorry for that too” He said embarrassed.

“It’s ok” you said.

“Why are you telling me this, though?. You don’t have to”. He asked you curiously.

You felt nervous all of the sudden “I know... but I wanted to clear things up with you”. You said. “Besides I don’t like rumors going around about me and you saying I’m with Billy would be a horrible one.” You made a disgusted face and he laughed.

“So Billy is not your type” Chanyeol asked quizzically at you.

“Of course not! He has a nice body, I’ll give him that. But you know there are people who think they are funny and try so hard in doing so, when in reality they aren’t?. Well, Billy is one of them”. You said surely and the tall man sneered.

“Ok then. So, what kind of guy is your type?” He asked you.

“Young, rich, smarty pants. Nothing fancy” you joked and both of you chuckled. You looked at your watch and stood up. Chanyeol lifted his gaze to look at you.

“Well I think is time to go back inside“ You announced. “Thank you Chanyeol” you smiled at him.

“Sure” He smiled back. You turned around and started walking when he called you.

“Hey Y/n!” Chanyeol yelled and you looked at him.

“Would you like to go and have dinner?” He asked you hesitantly.

“I thought you were leaving” you said and gestured towards his bag.

He looked at it and said “Ah yeah, but first I want to eat something. I’m starving”.

You couldn’t help but smile at his awkwardness. You reached out your hand for him to grab it. Chanyeol looked at it for a second before his eyes met yours.

“Come on then. I’m starving too” You said. He took your hand and smiled back as you pulled him to get him up.

He grabbed his bag from the bench and the two of you started walking.

“So, where are you taking me?“ you asked as you tucked your hands into the jacket’s pockets.

“There’s a good restaurant three blocks from here” Chanyeol said.

“It better be good if you are making me walk that far” You said and he laughed.

“I promise” He said solemnly.

You two kept chattering all the way as you were walking away from the hospital and into the lonely street.

[thoughtstokeepmeupatnight]

I was going through a pretty insane manic episode a month ago. I'm looking back at it now and I feel pretty embarrassed it is really cringe. I don't know how in control or just completely unhinged I was. I literally thought the whole world revolved around me. The TV shows the movies the music all old and new. I do just want to move past it but I keep finding things from then and honestly like it is intriguing I know it's insane but I felt like I had some sort of power I was so inspired by everything all at once but I was so engulfed in everything so personally eventually it got too much. Too hard to discern reality from fantasy. I watched dance videos and it was like I had known the choreography before I had even seen the video. I was watching videos on beat making and it felt like I was in the room interacting collaborating. I know that sounds crazy I know it is but I was so excited and inspired and it was fun. I started listening to just random dj sets and I thought it was aimed at me. I don't know where I got this delusion from. Hey it could have been a mixture of the drugs the tab or whatever I took.

Either way.. it ended, I calmed down etc. I'm back at work back into a routine etc. And although yes, I am glad I'm not so insane anymore, not all over the place, hypersensitive, talkative, high energetic, reckless, no racing thoughts etc. I'm now just so uncontrollably depressed, not sad per say, just hopeless no motivation no excitement etc. There's just no will anymore. Nothing excites me these days, not like it did and I haven't been able to find a healthy middle ground.

I still get a weird sense of euphoria maybe a little mania in the early hours of the morning, as I'm just waking up. I get these insane thoughts like "see you're not in control of your own life you're wasting your days going to a job you don't even like anymore how much longer are you going to stay in this hell, coming home doesn't even do anything for you anymore all you do is go to work then back to your room and watch mindless shows or documentaries while you play sudoku and then you wake up and do the same thing all over again.

I don't even socialize at work anymore let alone go to any other social events. This is getting out of hand I'm actually so disappointed in myself. I know I miss him but I can't be this weak person who's happiness relies on the presence of another person. I was never this I gotta get back to me.

I know I'm not alone I'm lonely but I can't relate to anyone these days and it feels like too much energy to socialize. It really is if I go back to medicating it's a fucking trade off.

I'll gain motivation to like live and be happier and social but I'll lose the authenticity the creativity. Its just, at this point what does it matter anyway? What have I been doing with this "creativity" other than writing on this Tumblr. I have dreams I never take it further than dreaming. I wanted to make clothes I wanted to write, lately I wanted to start making music or composing or something I do wanna edit etc. Fuck I want to do a lot of things but I never actually do anything.

It really is just perfect potential wasted. I have these manic bursts: lack of sleep for sure and then obviously over the holiday period I get all this motivation and energy and hope for the future and inspiration etc. And then just as I get to making something of it I'm back in a fucking slump and I can barely leave my room this is getting tiresome.

I don't want to lean on anyone like that again I know that. I thought we were getting to a point of like mutual support mutual growth etc. I think we were and then we both went through pretty intense things I know that.

I get to these places where I don't see a foreseeable future and in the moment I'm all wtf are we doing life is too short I love him he loves me right this is stupid and then I realize that's actually super stupid and selfish of me.

Cause I should trust the process. I trust him I've just been incredibly weak but I'll get there.

As for right now I'm just trying to focus on not being so hard on myself.

[melecmelec]

Reading Music:

Hey. What I'm about to say might only be true for me because it's my opinion and I'm all messed up inside too. The truth is that all of us are lost in some way or another. And each of us are so intrinsically complicated that it's hopeless to find somebody who understands every single experience you've had in life the same way you do. We've got 20 years of history in our lives yknow. So I realize that there's nothing I could ever hope to say that would magically brighten up your day or make you feel better inside and see a glimpse of that happiness we all want. But I will say that you don't need those skincare products. You're one of the most, perhaps if not then, THE MOST beautiful woman I have ever had the grace of meeting in my entire life.

Seriously.

You're a cool cat 😎

You're the chillest 👍

You got the moves 💃

You're fun to hang out with and you're a wonderfully amazing person inside and out ^.^

Don't let those negative thoughts get to you! If there's anybody that I know could get through this, it's definitely you. You got this!

But at the same time... Don't feel too pressured about making changes. A sudden burst of hope and expectations will lead to dissapointment when results take too long to show. Change will come naturally with time and patience. You can (and probably will) fail. And that's okay. It happens to everybody, and it's actually a normal part of getting better. Everybody has limits and eventually you'll find yours and you'll make a mistake again, but afterwards, you'll find that your limits have grown a little. And with every attempt you grow just a little stronger and you find yourself at heights you never knew you could reach.

Along with that... You'll surprise yourself by discovering the things you can live without, and the things that might have been holding you back. Personally, I don't believe in cutting people off. I always try to believe that eventually all things can be forgiven and there will always be a chance to try again, and throughout my entire life that has been true... With an exception to two people. People who I had in my life for years, who I spoke to every day, who I considered friends. However, spending time with them constantly led to bad moments. They would harass me, stress me, hurt me, and more, but in the end we would always make up and continue on to be friends the next day. One day a series of chaotic events led to me finally making the decision to completely cut them off. I felt absolutely fucking horrible. These people made my life a living hell but I missed them and cried anyways. I never really realized it, but my life improved drastically without them in the picture. Nothing specifically happened, but looking back on the experiences I had and the moments I lived, not having their existence shadow over me has made everything a million times better. It's surprising at to how getting rid of one constant toxic factor can significantly improve your happiness, however small it may be. I'm not trying to say it's good to lose friends, especially those who are close to us... But maybe you'll look back one day and realize how much more breathing room you had once they left.

As somebody who I think understands how it is to choose to be alone... I'll tell you now that there will be moments when you feel indescribably empowered and inspired, absolutely sure that you could take on the world and all of its challenges solely through your own will. You'll discover things about yourself you never took the time to recognize. A form a happiness you've never experienced before and an appreciation for yourself.

And there will be moments when you feel alone.

Truly... Alone.

You will feel despaired. You will lose hope. It'll be fucking shitty. You will plunge into a bottomless abyss and feel like there won't be anybody there to catch you, but you'll be fine with that, because you won't want anybody to catch you anyways. You might be falling for days, weeks, or months. Eventually you'll reach out and catch yourself. You'll come out and be a different person, stronger, smarter, and wiser. And that's all a part of being alone.

Although sometimes... there will be somebody there to catch you. I said that you'll never find someone who understands every part of you as you do. As bad as it sounds, fortunately it's what makes each of us who we are. It's what makes each and every person we will ever meet completely unique, and its what makes us worth caring so much about. Despite however mediocre you might feel, you're special. You're worth caring for, and you'll make people feel a way about themselves that nobody else will ever be able to inspire. And you'll find that other people will try to do the same for you. As lonely as we might feel, we're never truly alone.

I know I wasn't supposed to reply, but I will always be here to support you every step of the way, wherever you might end up.