#[ THAT FINAL SHOT OF ALL FOUR OF THEM IM SO EMOTIONAL ]

[masterfuldoodler]

I went so insane drawing this. I was having the best time ever, I had to pause so often to freak out at my own art xD and then there is the pain. My friends knew everytime I sat down to draw the end (the last five pages) I plagued them dsbknfh

I even made a playlist for specifically this.

The End of All

I've been brainstorming the final confrontation of the keepers. Tehvlar has finished recreating his body into fully chaos and is mostly dead at this point. It starts as Rhyin and Tehvlar's reunion and spirals out of control.

[lovieku]

GOOD LUCK, BABE! #4 ⋆ 정국

what happens when you leave everything behind, only to be faced with it again years later? eunbi is convinced she was given another shot at keeping all she ever wanted, but it’s difficult when that all is her childhood best friend who doesn’t want to do anything with her anymore. how to earn his trust back?

☾ pairing: non idol!jk x fem!oc

☾ genre: childhood friends to strangers, friends to lovers, angst, fluff, smut

☾ word count: 21.8k

☾ warnings: huhhhh. Angst! jeongguk being a pain in the ass for no reason. well sorta kinda! lots of cute fun moments with the group. until jeongguk comes and ruins it all. (no but i love him). unserious banter until it gets serious, again. pov switch! angst angst angst. mentions of blood!!! fluff if you squint. jealousy if you squint, like, really hard.

☾ author’s note: HELLOOOO first of all happy (late) birthday namjoonie <3 second of all IM FINALLY HERE!!! and this chapter is so long omfg. i got carried away and realised way too late. was too deep in! hope you can enjoy, i love love them sm, its worth getting to the end!

ps: if you read this, lmk what u enjoy more between eunbi’s pov and jk’s pov. it wont change the way i write the story, im just curious!! okay bye <3

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four ⋆ good 4 u

Sleep doesn’t find Eunbi that night. Her mind runs from it, busy searching for something else, grasping for answers to questions that don’t have one. And if they do exist, they get lost in a haze of sadness. Anger. Helplessness. Sadness again.

When Dahye joins her in their shared tent, Eunbi’s eyes are hollow, devoid of any emotion. Her ears still ring with a distant noise, struggling to pick up her friend’s passionate reassurances. Still, she lets herself be held, and comforted by words her brain can’t quite grasp, head resting on Dahye’s chest, a gentle hand running through her hair. For a moment, feeling the soft rhythm of her friend’s breath, she clings to the comfort of her presence, hoping it might anchor her in some way, keep her from completely drifting away.

But everything she has been trying to shut out comes crashing down on her fragile figure the moment she feels Dahye’s arms grow weaker around her, and her breaths getting heavier as sleep takes her. Silent tears trace a path down her cheeks, while loud, screaming thoughts make her head throb and keep her awake all night. She regrets being here; regrets naively hoping things could be mended so easily; regrets the way she stayed quiet the first moment she laid eyes on Jeongguk after all those years; knows it’s her fault.

By morning, the sun having climbed its way in the sky for a couple hours already and its rays forcing themselves in their shelter with unwanted light, she can sense Dahye subtly stir under her. Immediately, Eunbi shuts her eyes closed, feigning deep slumber. Instead, her very awake ears perk when she can feel fussing, Dahye sitting up and ultimately shaking the seemingly unconscious girl’s shoulder, “Bibi?”

If all goes wrong, at least Eunbi could win an Oscar for her performance, the way her eyelids flutter open, slow and heavy, only after rubbing them, and a big yawn escapes her mouth. That wasn’t too fake after all, her body weary with the all-nighter. Dahye doesn’t notice, her smile soft, “Did you sleep well? Are you feeling a bit better?”

Eunbi simply nods, her expression void. She barely registers the other girl mentioning something about washing up, and breakfast, “I’ll leave you some time. But if you’re not out by the time I’m done in the bathroom, I’m dragging your ass out.” Just like that, she slips out of the tent.

Left alone once again with silence, Eunbi listens to the faint noises outside— the muffled voices of her roommate greeting Hoseok and Yoongi. At that, the urge to cry returns, and she feels tears sting at her bottom lashes, threatening to spill. But this time, she holds them back. She knows she can’t let herself break down, not now. Not with everyone outside, and especially not with Jeongguk. Still, she doesn’t think the sorrow written all over her features will go unnoticed.

She feels like an outsider, an intruder trespassing on sacred ground. As if the moment she steps out, all eyes will be on her miserable figure, stripping her bare, judging her poor choices, the ones that lead Jeongguk to spit venom in her face hours ago. Making it clear that she doesn't belong there, that she will never be part of what they already have. Of what Jeongguk has built after her.

Last night, she tried to blame him. She wanted to be angry at him, to turn her hurt into something tangible, something outside of herself. But she couldn't. In the end, she could only turn the anger inward, could only blame herself. Being called a bitch by the best person she's ever known, in front of her university friends, was a brutal wake up call. A reminder of how far she has fallen.

The weight of those thoughts paralyses her for a long moment, while a squeaky, high-pitched voice in the back of her brain screams at her to move, if only to avoid the pitying glance she might receive when Dahye returns. Still, her body protests, limbs heavy and muscles tight from the lack of sleep in the small, uncomfortable place.

With a deep breath that quivers in her chest, she forces herself up. For a second, her hand hesitating at the tent’s entrance and hovering over the zipper, she contemplates hiding in here forever, away from the discomfort. But she knows better. The world outside is waiting, and no amount of hesitation will make it disappear. Quickly throwing on a light pink crewneck over her pyjama shorts, she steps out.

Cool air brushes against her skin in a tender manner, gently welcoming her and seemingly easing her nerves. Before she’s forced to acknowledge the others, she moves quickly, her flip flops clad feet making their way to the small wash station. She hopes the freezing water she repeatedly splashes on her face will cleanse away the fog of the sleepless night, and wishes it could also wash away the weight pressing down on her chest. In the mirror, she convinces herself the dark circles under her eyes aren’t that dark after all, and that the unsettling smile she’s practising is convincing enough to finally join Dahye outside.

The makeshift breakfast setup is simple: a few snacks, some bread, fruit. Namjoon, Taehyung and Aera have also joined the small gathering, making it seven of them now, while the others seem to still be asleep in their tents. Eunbi can hear the casual chatter of the group, the way their voices blend together in an easy rhythm that feels foreign to her now.

With her head down, she picks at the small offerings, not really tasting anything, her appetite almost nonexistent. She almost misses Yoongi’s voice beside her, “Did the creams work?”

Eunbi startles slightly, her gaze darting to the older boy, who wears a sweet grin on his lips. She nods, mirroring his smile timidly. Yoongi makes a show of inspecting her nose as he leans closer, without going over the invisible boundary, his eyes squinting with exaggerated seriousness as he impersonates a doctor’s authority, “Yes, yes. They definitely worked. My patient looks so much better now.” His voice mocks a solemn tone, and it makes the girl heartily giggle.

She’s surprised to see this side of the boy, and she briefly wonders if he’s putting on this act just for her sake, because the misery on her features is that obvious even to him, who left the campfire way before the incident had happened. Either way, it works— she feels herself relax, if only a little, sinking back into her chair with a bit more ease.

Then, Aera asks her about the hoodie she’s wearing, going on about how it compliments her complexion perfectly and Dahye chimes in, explaining how it had originally belonged to her, but after the other girl borrowed it once she decided it looked so much better on her friend that she insisted Eunbi kept it. The recalling of those times keep her distracted, the smile on her face growing bigger as Namjoon makes sure she’s refilling her stomach properly, insisting that she needs her strength for the day’s activities, the worry in his furrowed brows making her feel part of something again.

Just as she begins to think she might make it through this, she senses a shift in the atmosphere. Besides her, Dahye tenses, and Aera clears her throat. Eunbi doesn’t have to look up to know why. Jeongguk has joined them. She can feel his presence like a dark cloud hanging over her, suffocating.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, her eyes lift to meet his. His gaze is sharp, eyes shadowed by dark circles that suggest he’s had as restless a night as she has. There’s no trace of warmth, no hint of the familiarity they used to share. Just cold, hard resentment. For a fleeting second, she wills herself to desperately search his face for any sign that she hasn’t lost everything, that there’s still something worth saving. But he quickly diverts his eyes, turning his attention to the others and slipping easily into their conversation. Once again, she feels like a stranger intruding on his world.

As the group’s attention shifts to the boy, Eunbi finds herself spiralling back into her thoughts, struggling to grasp onto anything solid, anything that makes sense. She knows how this will play out: both of them only pretending the other doesn’t exist, but making it clear that same presence is despised, the petty glares and spiteful comments building until one of them finally snaps, just like last night.

To some extent, she understands his frustration. After all, she’s the unwanted guest at his birthday, a painful reminder of a past he’d rather forget. But understanding doesn’t make it hurt any less. She wasn’t expecting to be openly degraded, with such hatred in his face; to feel small and unwelcome in a place that feels as much hers as his. What can she do? It’s not as if she can just get up and disappear. She’s there, he’s there, and they’re stuck in this awkward dance.

He hasn’t tried to make it any less awkward. Her attempts at being civil have been outright dismissed, and the memory of it fills her with the same rage that bubbled up last night. And as she observes him, it only intensifies. She feels herself cycling through the five stages of grief at an inhumane speed and without following its original order, having skipped straight to depression and now bouncing back to anger. When Jeongguk’s eyes meet hers again, the smile he had been giving Jimin fades instantly. She hates that look.

All that heaviness from last night feels like it has been sucked out of her chest, suddenly devoid of any of the previous gloom that had led her to sad tears streaming her cheeks and impending guilt putting her at fault. Nothing’s left, except this tight, burning knot. It’s not sadness anymore, it’s a hot, fierce feeling coiling in her stomach.

It’s Hoseok who breaks the spell, demanding all of their attention on him, his voice taking on a loud and excited tone. Eunbi struggles to make sense of his words through the fog of anger, her slowed down thought process only registering them when the collective holler that follows fully snaps her out of her trance and pulls her back to the present. The first, opening activity of the trip would be trekking. She doesn’t even bother to fake enthusiasm.

It’s only the second day at the campsite, and Eunbi already has a list long enough to fill an entire notebook of reasons why she never should have come. First of all, whatever fragile hope she had about making things right with Jeongguk has probably died a quick death only in those first few hours. And the rest of the trip? It’s packed with outdoor activities that she wouldn’t really proclaim herself a fan of. Did she even consider that before agreeing to this? The small kid still living inside her most likely saw the words “Jeongguk” and “birthday” and hit yes without a second thought. Not paying any mind to the fact that the two of them are no longer those kids in Busan.

When she glances back at said Busan boy, the previous negativity is washed off his face and instead, his eyes are bright and animated, geeking about today’s trek. Her chest tightens, again. It stings. He looks exactly the way he always has, like the Jeongguk she knows, except she’s not the reason for that look on his face, anymore.

It makes her think. Overthink. Weigh her options. Trying to map out the safest way to move around this minefield. Just moments ago, the sight of him had her blood boiling, the fire in his eyes igniting a stronger spark in her own. But she’s also aware her current position doesn’t paint her as the one entitled to put all the blame on him. Especially when this is supposed to be his trip, a way to celebrate with the people he’s building a new life with. She was never part of the equation, and she gets it. A wrong combination led to unwanted results, and now neither of them know how to find the right pieces and put them back together. None of the numbers are adding up.

She doesn’t feel like letting her resentment take over, at least not here and now; last night only went to show emotions are definitely not needed to decode the problem. She’ll carry them quietly, maybe even figure out some kind of solution along the way. Discover different sequences of calculations that could make sense.

For now, she’s set on ignoring him and making sure her presence is ignored back; avoiding a problem and avoiding creating one. Is this the stage of acceptance? If that’s what it can be called, she welcomes it with a long, liberating breath, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Dahye.

Except, several more huffs follow, and Dahye is there to endure all of them: when they’re back in the tent, Eunbi slapping on some concealer to cover her dark circles, then trying to disguise her pallid complexion with blush, ending up groaning and turning to her concerned friend with drawn up eyebrows, “Did I overdo it?”; as she’s zipping up her white tennis skort; rummaging her bag for ages only to slip on the most basic black oversized t-shirt; taking forever to tie her Converses.

Dahye stalls. She’s aware they’re late, can sense it in the way Hoseok is subtly raising his voice outside to make himself heard, “It’s not like we’re totally late on our schedule. Take your sweet time, guys!” He’s sarcastic, if his shaky laughter is anything to go by.

She also knows she doesn’t want to be eaten alive by her best friend, knows better not to rush her right now. She’s had enough experience living with her. So she stays quiet, puts up with her friend’s small crisis and lets her deal with it on her own. Only when it seems like she’s over with it, Dahye calmly asks Eunbi if she feels like she’s ready to go. The answer is uncertain, but Dahye grasps on that small percentuality of sureness and exits the tent either way, before Hoseok turns out to be the one eating her alive.

When they finally step out to join the group, Eunbi releases one last dramatic sigh, and the prolonged sound of it translates into Dahye’s right eyelid twitching. She tries composedly, at first, “Bibi, will you stop doing that?”

”Doing what?”

”Sighing like you’re a damn war veteran!” Her exasperation draws a few chuckles from their friends, including a sneaky giggle from Jimin, observing the interaction and getting Dahye’s attention in the process.

Eunbi mutters a small sorry, the apology dismissed by her now distracted friend, seemingly having forgotten the whole ordeal in a matter of seconds. The other girl seizes the moment to vent, “I’m just getting more stressed by the minute about this whole thing. I told you I shouldn’t have come. What if, I don’t know— I get hurt?” Her eyebrows are raised, dramatic act on, pout displayed, “I’ll blame you.”

Dahye is clearly unimpressed, rolling her eyes amusedly at Eunbi’s efforts, “Bi, you’ll be okay. Just fine.” She faces the shorter one now, hands on her shoulders like a mother sending her child off to summer camp. Well, technically she is about to do that, “Why don’t you try mingling with the others? Let’s pretend I don’t exist. Yeah!”

Dahye’s convincing nods are comically mirrored by Eunbi shaking her head, the desperation on her features going ignored by her taller friend. The last thing she wants right now is exactly mingling with the others. Dahye goes on dissimulating, “Stick next to Namjoon. He, huh— he knows about this kinda stuff. I guess? I’ll catch up with Jimin, okay? Bye, babe!”

Eunbi’s childish protests fall on deaf ears as the other girl slips away. Her one anchor, gone. Not even her best pleading tactics have worked. The muffled curses under her breath are vile, and she wishes Jimin would just make a move on her friend already. Maybe then, all of this would make sense.

Still, she merges with the others. It’s hard to find her place in there, especially with the insecurities plaguing her mind, as everyone splits off into their little duos and trios. Taehyung and Seokjin try to pull her into their usual, weird hypothetical debates, “Let’s say you have a penis. Would you still jack off if when you came your semen was just one big sperm, and afterward you'd have to fight it?”

Despite herself, she enjoys the distraction. Trekking is not so bad when you desperately need your brain to unplug. The trail is not too far from the campsite, circling it and making it ideal for them to wander without getting lost. The summer air is warm, and heavy with the sweet scent of wildflowers and the earthy aroma of sun-warmed pine needles.

With the path gradually climbing uphill, the initially dense forest begins to thin, and with it Eunbi’s thoughts follow, loosening with each step. She’s not sure if it’s the silly joy filling her when colourful butterflies flutter past, or the brief interaction she entertains with a small chipmunk darting across the way, but there’s something calming about the rhythm of it all. The green all around her takes over her spiralling mind.

Eventually, Dahye’s suggestion turns out to be a good one, and soon Eunbi finds herself covering most part of the walk with Namjoon by her side, who’s a walking encyclopedia on the local fauna. His easy conversation and gentle humour slowly start to chip away at the tension in her shoulders. He’s good company— listens well, comes up with just the right responses, and somehow makes her feel less like she’s tagging along and more like she belongs.

Time slips away when being this disconnected to the chaos of the city but so connected to this bubble of green and quiet. Sharing that with her friends doesn’t make her worry about the clock, though. She laughs loudly, and speaks comfortably. And just like that, she’s unaware of the first two hours that go by with walking and chatting, this last part ceasing gradually when the path becomes steeper and more rugged, their breaths getting heavier with each large step. But the effort is worth it when they reach the summit and are rewarded with a breathtaking view. Eunbi’s eyes light up at the sight, even more so when she spots the perfect rock to plop down on and gulp water from her flask.

Before she can, it takes a few other seconds for her eyes to cover the whole scene, and when they do she notices Jeongguk. He’s sitting next to Iseul, his clothes similar to the ones Eunbi is wearing, just colour inverted with a white oversized t-shirt and black gym shorts. He doesn’t seem to be aware of her presence, yet. He’s laughing at something on the girl’s phone. Eunbi silently scoffs.

The attention is brought on her and Namjoon the moment the latter greets his friend, who acts as if she doesn’t exist. Eunbi is not any less of an actor, pretending to be much more interested in the panorama rather than the conversation the two men are having.

While her companion takes some pictures of the scenery, Eunbi drinks as much water as needed to feel hydrated without needing to go to the bathroom in the next 10 seconds. The walk is still long, and the campsite still far. For that reason, and totally not because she can’t stand the sight of Jeongguk sitting next to the short haired girl giggling about one of their inside jokes, she announces, “I’m ready to go again.”

Namjoon looks a bit taken aback, “Already?”

”Yeah. Let’s go.”

”You sure you don’t wanna rest?” Eunbi only shakes her head, fixing the backpack on her shoulders. The taller boy chuckles, “And here I thought you hated trekking.”

Eunbi lets out a genuine laugh. It’s refreshing to hear, even if she can feel the interaction being followed attentively by a pair of curious eyes, and when she gives in and looks their way, they immediately focus on the trees behind her. Whatever.

Just as she starts walking to follow behind Namjoon, her foot trips on a rock and she stumbles. Her first instinct, accompanied by a loud squeal, is to grab Namjoon’s shoulders for support, and luckily the boy promptly catches her. From the corner of her eye, she swears she sees Jeongguk nearly leaping to his feet. His hand twitches before he forces it back to his lap.

”Are you okay?” Namjoon’s eyes are wide with concern, hands steady on her forearms as he checks her foot with his gaze for any sprain, “Wait, your shoe is untied.”

He swiftly drops on his knee and works on the laces of her shoes, delicately inspecting her ankle in the process. Eunbi looks down at him, and she feels her cheeks flare slightly, both because of the embarrassment and the action feeling a little too intimate. She diverts her eyes, and her gaze automatically lands on Jeongguk. His face is immediately wiped from what, for a split second, looked like fright. Worry. He’s back to indifference, looking behind his shoulders, and she figures she must have imagined it.

”Can you walk?” Namjoon’s voice pulls her back, his figure now standing tall in front of her. She nods, shaking off the overwhelment, and assures she’s okay. Namjoon doesn’t believe her until she’s forced to take a walking test, going back and forth for one minute before he’s fully convinced she hasn’t twisted her ankle or anything.

When they set off again, laughter bubbles up between them as Namjoon cheekily makes fun of her squeal and her clumsiness, and Eunbi lightly shoves him. She’s glad she’s going through this with him; it’s making them closer and she finds they have so much more in common than she initially thought.

For a moment, she regrets not even sitting down for a second to rest, her feet protesting in her old Converses, but she quickly realises the other alternative and prefers having her legs hurt over being in the presence of Jeongguk, surrounded by quiet, and nature, and all the possible existent reasons to be kind to each other. Which they’re not really planning on doing, right now.

Even more with Iseul there. Eunbi doesn’t know why, but something about the girl rubs her the wrong way. It’s not like they ever got a chance to bond, but it feels like Iseul hasn’t even tried. They don’t have anything against each other, but the way she’s sticking to Jeongguk’s side after yesterday’s fiasco brings Eunbi to not really contemplate the possibility of them getting closer either.

The trail descends into a different path of the forest, this one denser and cooler, providing the duo with a break from the midday heat. Their pace is slower, and the talking quiets down too in favour of soaking in the tranquillity that surrounds them. Eunbi feels herself recover from the previous slip and sighs, this time contentedly.

The peace doesn’t last for long. Behind her shoulders, her ears pick up hurried footsteps, the cracking of the leaves stronger under them, the unmistakable sound of someone catching up. Eunbi doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is, she can sense his presence like an itch she can’t scratch. Jeongguk reaches her, his voice almost touching her neck, “Can you move out of the way?”

There’s plenty of space. Hell, the path could fit five trucks. Her eyes close momentarily, searching for all the strength she needs to resist the provocation. She steps aside, set on not paying him too much mind. She doesn’t want to be affected by his tone. She’s decided to let him be, and think what he wants of her.

Jeongguk doesn’t seem too fond of the silence he’s met with, though. Was probably expecting her witty impulses to react. But she ignores him. He walks past her, but it looks like his initial aim at surpassing her goes forgotten. His steps are shorter, not covering big distances anymore and keeping him at an arm’s length from her, Iseul beside him oblivious to the tension.

He looks back after Eunbi thought he would limit himself to the snappy tone, but she was wrong, obviously, the glint in his eyes daring her to respond, “Wow, you’re really slow.”

Eunbi tries not to snap, she really tries. Thinks of brushing the comment with a simple dismissing chuckle, pretending it doesn’t make her hand twitch. Her tongue poke her inner cheek. But it’s like the minimal sight of him gets her burning with annoyance.

“Oh, sorry. I wasn’t aware this was a marathon. Good luck winning!” Is this enough of a bitch answer? She hopes so, the smile that accompanies it deathly sarcastic. She just doesn’t want to deal with Jeongguk after last night. Fears the resentment is still too alive for her to handle it better.

Of course, he doesn’t back down from a good childish banter, though, “You’re still slow.”

”Well, I’m trekking.”

”And you’re seriously wearing Converses to do that.” His eyes fall to her feet with a delighted scoff. He’s unbelievable.

”So sorry I couldn’t afford trekking shoes.” The concern is clearly faked, and she hopes she just imagined Jeongguk rolling his eyes subtly.

”That’s why you’re slow.” He has the audacity to raise his eyebrows and shrug at Eunbi’s speechless state, the argument resulting in the dumbest interaction she’s had in days, leaving her pissed nonetheless.

Jeongguk rewinds his fast paced walk, not really considering poor Iseul trying to keep up with him. Both her and Namjoon are left disoriented with the meaningless bickering they found themselves spectators of, but they wisely stay silent to prevent stirring the pot further.

Eunbi, however, doesn’t even notice the sudden quiet, the thoughts screaming in her brain making up for it. She feels completely blindsided. All those times she tried to make even the smallest kind of conversation with him, she was ignored. Her smiles, kind requests and efforts to maintain a friendly demeanour— completely fucking dismissed. And now, just when she’d decided the best thing she could do for both of them was to back off, to give them each the space they needed to avoid any further animosity, what does he do? He searches for it. Purposefully searches for it, as if he wants to provoke some kind of reaction out of her. She’s so fed up. What’s his deal? Why seek out conflict when they were finally starting to find some semblance of peace in their indifference? It’s infuriating. She can’t help the small growl of frustration that escapes her lips. God, what an asshole.

A small scoff from Namjoon pulls her out of her daze, and she glances his way, her face a picture of confusion and irritation. The boy shakes his head, a faint, amused smile playing on his lips, “He can be, sometimes.”

It’s only then that she realises she must have muttered her last thought out loud. She laughs softly at her slip, sheepishly brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “Sorry about that. We’re just… not exactly on good terms, right now.”

Namjoon is silent as her admission hangs in the air, unpressured. Instead, he just nods, his eyes reflecting a quiet empathy, inviting but not intrusive. He’s giving her the choice, whether she wishes to open up or carry that baggage on her own. It’s not like he’s oblivious to the tension between her and Jeongguk; the whole group would agree it has been evident ever since Eunbi joined. But neither she nor Jeongguk offered any explanations, so there was no choice but to adapt to the hostility. Dahye had only once hinted at the fact that they’d known each other for a long time, letting it slip casually, much to Eunbi’s silent dismay, but beyond that, no other details were ever shared.

Eunbi hesitates. She trusts Namjoon, the way she trusts the others, really— would vomit all her feelings on his t-shirt right now. But it wouldn’t feel right to give only her side of the story, knowing Jeongguk has lived in the dark about certain truths for years. He probably harbours his own complicated feelings, ones he’s kept close to his chest for a long time, feelings that would be overshadowed by her own if she spoke out of turn. She doesn’t think it’s her place to say what happened.

The silence stretches on, and Eunbi is more conflicted with each passing second. Her eyes drift to the figure of Jeongguk moving farther away, his silhouette becoming smaller with every step until he rounds a corner and disappears from view. With him goes the moment, the possibility of Namjoon ever knowing what happened, at least from her. He seems to accept this, doesn’t push her to speak, and she appreciates it when he shifts the conversation, making a light-hearted comment about the trees and their unusual shapes. She smiles.

The afternoon sun beats down on them, making the air thick and sticky. Time drags on, more hours roll by, the trail winding endlessly through the woods. They find spots to sit now and then, taking short breaks to catch their breath. But the further they trek, the more Eunbi grows frustrated. Her calves ache, muscles burning from the climb, and she has to stop every so often to rub at them, cursing under her breath. Namjoon forces himself to not laugh at that, instead keeping his usual calm and patient, assuring her with a grin that they’re almost there. Though she’s pretty sure he’s just saying that to keep her spirits up.

Eventually, their slow pace brings them closer to some of the others who had lagged behind. They all wear the same weary expressions, the exhaustion etched into their features. They try to relieve some of it by distracting themselves from the thought of their feet hurting, one of them starting a game of Guess the Song by humming the melody. It quickly dissolves into a mess of off-key notes and missed beats, their tired brains unable to keep up, and it’s not long before they’re all laughing. The kind of belly laughs that make your sides ache.

Eunbi finds herself genuinely enjoying the moment, forgetting all about asking to sit down every five minutes, even catching herself humming along. She discovers Taehyung has quite a talent for singing, and notices how blatantly obvious Aera’s crush on him is.

By the time they finally reach the campsite, Eunbi feels a wave of relief wash over her, so strong it nearly brings tears to her eyes. The sun has started its descent, casting a golden glow over the clearing, and the heat of the day is beginning to be replaced by a cool, refreshing breeze that lifts the hair from her sweaty neck. She falls into step beside Dahye, who has reappeared after what feels like hours spent with Jimin. They don’t need words; they walk side by side in silence, until the shorter one bumps her shoulder lightly against Dahye’s, a knowing smile on her lips.

“Shut up,” the taller one rolls her eyes at the unspoken tease, though the grin on her face suggests she’s anything but annoyed.

Eunbi’s hands are immediately up in the air, mocking innocence, ”Didn’t say a single word.”

”Sure, you didn’t.” Dahye retorts, but her tone is playful. “Anyways, the others want to hit the lake before dinner. You in?”

”I’ll pass. I need a nap. I’m dead tired from all this. When I catch Hoseok, I swear.” Eunbi’s voice is half-joking, half-serious, her narrowed eyes suggesting she may be even a bit too serious, and Dahye just laughs.

They part ways, Eunbi disappearing in her tent and relishing the thought of a few quiet moments to herself. As much as she loves the company, sometimes it drains her. Sometimes, she just needs a moment to breathe, be with her own self and nobody else. Especially given the amount of times her sanity has been tested during the first two days of this trip.

Sleep comes to her easily, pulling her under as soon as her head hits the small, makeshift pillow. The muffled sounds of her friends outside — splashes from the lake, bursts of laughter — soothe her into a deep, much-needed, dreamless rest.

When she stirs awake, the sun has already dipped below the horizon, and she can feel the noises from the group much closer now. The air is filled with the mouth-watering aroma of roasting meat and vegetables, and it’s said delicious smell that puts her five senses to operate again. Her stomach grumbling wakes her before Dahye can, the tent flaps open just as her friend was about to poke her head inside.

Eunbi blinks awake groggily, stumbling out bleary-eyed, and Dahye mercilessly laughs at her still half-asleep face, “You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”

”Fuck you.”

The teasing is playful, and Eunbi cheekily grins as her friend giggles. She wraps a hoodie around her shoulders to ward off the growing chill and keep some of the warmth from the nap, then makes her way to the fire where the others are gathered. When they take in her sleep-dazed state, they don’t miss a beat and start poking fun at her, pulling her hood up over her head or sneakily tickling her sides until she’s laughing despite herself. The laughter feels good, like a release, and she finds herself slowly waking up, becoming more aware, more present.

A large campfire crackles in the centre of the group, its flames dancing in the cool evening air, Yoongi and Seokjin in charge of dinner. Someone’s turned on a portable speaker, and soft music drifts through the campsite, blending with the sounds of laughter and the sizzle of food. Eunbi sits back, letting the warmth of the fire seep into her skin, content to simply listen, to watch the way the firelight plays across everyone’s faces.

It’s almost too easy to relax into the peaceful rhythm of the evening, her still vulnerable brain unwinding the tension she wasn’t aware of from her shoulders. The heat of the fire, the hum of laughter, and the quiet murmur of conversation blend together, creating a cocoon of comfort she hadn’t realised she needed. It’s as she starts letting herself be taken over by that familiar, soothing calm — the same one she’d found in her tent — that a faint alarm goes off in her brain. Its tiny beep only grows louder until it’s impossible to ignore. Something’s off. Her contentment feels misplaced. Like she’s forgotten a crucial detail that’s only now creeping back into her awareness.

The realisation slams into her like a wave, jolting her fully awake, the moment her gaze lands on Jeongguk. Suddenly, everything snaps back into sharp focus. His face, illuminated by the flickering firelight, is a stark reminder of the reality she had temporarily escaped. The events of the past few days come rushing back. Right, quick recap: she’s on Jeongguk’s birthday trip. Jeongguk, who can’t stand the sight of her. Jeongguk, who had called her a bitch last night. How could she almost forget that minor detail?

So here she is, in the middle of the woods, surrounded by friends and food, but all she can focus on is Jeongguk. The one person here who probably wishes she wasn’t. No sense dwelling on it now, though. She’s there, there’s no going back. Her only aim is to make it through the night. Make it through the night without repeating yesterday, or making things even worse. For that to happen, she just has to ignore the object of her epiphany like she has been trying to ever since the stressful day started. She hopes he’ll be smart enough to do the same.

It seems like it when dinner goes by without any notable tension, which is a small miracle in itself. Jeongguk seems just as engrossed by the food as she is, its hot, comforting and delicious taste being a welcome distraction, especially with that distinct smoky flavour from being cooked over the open fire. Everyone is too busy devouring their meals to talk much, but their sparkling eyes speak with gratitude for their hyungs’ magic hands. Eunbi uses the unusual quiet to gaze up at the sky, the stars slowly coming out to dot its darkening blue.

Though, peace never lasts long with this group. Jimin breaks the silence as he cracks open a beer bottle with a grin that spells mischief, “Let’s play a game.”

Taehyung, already leaning back in his chair with a lazy smile, nods, chiming in, “Since we’ve got alcohol, how about Never Have I Ever?”

”Just don’t ask stupid questions because you want to get drunk,” Dahye warns, her eyes twinkling with amusement. Her comment earns a round of laughter, easing the tension that had settled during the quiet, their voices soon overtaking the crackling of the fire once again.

Jimin hands the beer bottles, making sure everyone has one as he sits back with a teasing glint in his gaze. He locks eyes with Dahye, challenging her, “Okay, I got the perfect one, then. Never have I ever… pooped.”

The absurdity of the statement catches the others off guard, and they all erupt in silly chuckles, taking a sip. Except for Dahye, who sits there with a perfectly straight face. Jimin raises an eyebrow, expectantly waiting for her to drink, but she just shrugs, “Girls don’t poop.”

The girls echo her sentiment with mock seriousness, filling the camp with sarcastic agreements and playful banter, while a debate kicks off between Dahye and Jimin about the biological impossibility of her assertion. It’s cut short when Iseul eagerly starts smacking Jeongguk’s thigh by her side, her excitement palpable and getting everyone’s attention in the process, “Ooh, I got one! Never have I ever stolen something.”

Most of the group drinks at that, Yoongi snorting blatantly, and Iseul frowns in disappointment, expecting a different outcome. Dahye chuckles, “Babe, everyone’s stolen at some point. That was too easy. It’s okay, let’s just keep going. Jeongguk, your turn.”

Next to Iseul, Jeongguk seems to think for a moment, then he grins, “Never have I ever… rode a motorcycle.” He gulps down a big sip from his bottle.

”Are you looking to get drunk tonight, Ggukie?” It’s his best friend teasing him with wiggling eyebrows, and the younger just shrugs with a lazy smirk.

Eunbi drinks too, at that. Now that she thinks of it, the first and only time she was on a bike, Jeongguk was taking her home and she was holding her arms tight around his torso, his helmet secured under her chin and his jacket wrapped around her body. That’s the last nice gesture she’s seen from him, and the thought stirs something complicated in her chest. She glances at him without meaning to, catching his eye for just a second before they both look away.

Hoseok is quick with another question, “Never have I ever gone skinny-dipping.”

Only Seokjin and Sora drink, and the group teases them with a long, exaggerated holler. The two love birds share a sheepish smile, their faces turning a soft shade of pink under the firelight.

”We should all do that right now.” It’s Taehyung proposing it, his tone half-serious, half-challenging.

Dahye pulls a face, “The thought alone is making me want to vomit.” She mutters, and the laughter that follows becomes the soundtrack of their night for what feels like hours, the game stretching on with each question getting weirder and more personal.

The beer flows freely, and Eunbi finds herself relaxing more than she expected, her body sinking comfortably into her chair. She laughs at Hoseok’s ridiculous question about eating bugs and groans at Jimin recalling the time he laughed so hard he pissed his pants as an adult, sipping on her bottle as the group continues to tease one another.

The loop restarts for the nth time, Iseul piping up again, “Never have I ever sneaked out.”

Surprisingly, only Namjoon, Jeongguk and Eunbi drink this time. The reaction is immediate, the group’s interest piqued, Dahye curiously turning to her friend, “When was that, Bibi?”

Eunbi doesn’t register the implications of her light giggle, nor the way her eyes soften as she gets caught up in the memory, “Back when I was in middle school.” Young and restless, desperate for the thrill. Besides her forever best friend.

Always a bit more noisy than he should be, Hoseok chimes in, “Were you with anyone?”

She chuckles, the answer coming to her lips almost instinctively, “Oh, I was with—“ Her gaze flickers to Jeongguk, and suddenly the smile drops from her face. Right. She always seems to forget where they stand now. It’s like the kid inside her is still desperately clinging to those moments, fighting to have him back, to drag him into her orbit.

Jeongguk lets out a small scoff, barely audible over the crackling fire, but she catches it. His expression is closed off, guarded. Eunbi clears her throat, “Huh, it doesn’t matter.”

The air grows thick with tension, the silence that follows almost deafening. Some of them understand the awkwardness, sensing the history that neither Eunbi nor Jeongguk ever fully explained. Others, like Hoseok, are a little clueless. He turns to the other boy, grinning like a cat who caught the canary, “Ooh, Ggukie, you drank too, right? Who was it with?”

Jeongguk shrugs, a dark, unamused smirk spreading across his lips. His eyes don’t leave Eunbi, his tone sarcastic but cold, “Apparently, it doesn’t matter.”

The affronted girl narrows her eyes, trying to mask the sting of his tone. The jab hits deeper than she’d like to admit, even more when they both know exactly why she said that. Why she had to say it. Unspeakable words are plastered on their wounded expressions, but she looks down at her hands before her heart betrays her, fighting its way up her throat to scream them all out.

It’s ironic how the questions that follow feel like one stab after the other, almost purposefully touching a raw nerve from the past, memories she’d rather not revisit now. Never have I ever used someone else’s toothbrush. Never have I ever climbed out a window. It’s small, silly moments that she knows — hopes — Jeongguk remembers too. And she can’t help but search for that sign of recognition in his face. Or anything, at this point. The slightest spark in his eyes. The imperceptible jolt of his hand. She wants to tell him. It matters. It matters. It matters.

But does it matter to him now? Did every single piece of the puzzle get lost in the storm? Did Jeongguk always feel so unreachable? Were his eyes always so devoid of light when he looked at her? She misses stargazing.

When the weight on her heart becomes too much to bear, the weariness from the day and the effects of the sleepless night tangling with the complicated emotions she’s feeling and translating into frustrated tears welling up in her eyes, she gets up muttering a half-hearted excuse about being tired and heads for her tent.

Inside, focusing on the fabric ceiling rather than both her heart and brain exceptionally teaming up only to scream at her to find a way to escape from all this (maybe steal Namjoon’s car keys, or swim her way back to the city), she wills her eyes to close and begs whatever god who might be listening to spare her from more misery. Just for tomorrow. Please.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The divinities Eunbi tried to reach with her desperate pleas must have been terribly busy last night, because tomorrow is here and it’s charged with even more tension and hostility than she thought they could ever harbour for one another.

Today’s activity is canoeing, and with the surprisingly adequate amount of sleep she managed to get, her first approach is even optimistic. She’s decided to start off with the positive mindset that things couldn’t possibly get any worse. Sat in the small two-person canoe, she’s determined to steer the day in a better direction, to navigate the rough waters of their fraught relationship. Even if a new wave of something worse than what already happened is aimed directly at her, she’d be able to handle it.

Only thing she didn’t exactly consider was the counterpart of the clash possibly not sharing the same intentions as hers. Which is exactly what is happening, Jeongguk never backing down from stirring the pot further only to obtain a rank, grisly soup made with pettiness and resentment, spoon-feeding it to her with every chance he gets. Though she can still say she’s tasted worse from him, the bitterness lingers, coating her tongue like bile.

The setting for their little showdown is picturesque, almost mockingly so. The river glimmers under the afternoon sun, its surface reflecting a golden hue that dances across the water, and the hills in the distance are bathed in a soft, amber glow. Nature itself is trying to soothe the tension, yet it only seems to amplify the dissonance. The universe must be testing her. Can you handle this one, Bee?

The group naturally splits off into pairs, reflecting yesterday’s layout, with Eunbi and Namjoon finding themselves navigating together, just as Dahye is with Jimin, and Jeongguk with Iseul. It starts off peacefully enough. They glide slowly along the river, their paddles dipping gently into the water, the only sound the quiet murmurs of conversation and the occasional splash.

Eunbi allows herself to relax. She chuckles at Namjoon’s poor attempts at taking aesthetically pleasing pictures of her, then shows him how it’s done when she points the camera at him, sealing the moment with a lovely shot of her friend enveloped in an ochre light, his dimples sheepishly showing. She grazes the cold water with her finger, getting lost in the simple way it dances with her movements. She closes her eyes and tilts her face up to the sun, letting its warmth seep into her skin.

Though she should have anticipated the serenity being almost surreal, and should have considered herself deranged to even think it could continue like that. She’s pulled out of her moment when the water beside her canoe suddenly churns with agitation.

What she sees on her right is a sight that throws all the optimism and positivity from this morning right in the bin, and replaces it with the effects of Jeongguk’s wicked soup. Said chef shoots past her at an unnecessary, almost reckless speed for what’s supposed to be a leisurely excursion among friends. His canoe slices through the water with aggressive precision, sending ripples crashing against Eunbi’s boat. See, she would keep her composure in any other situation; would continue straight on her path of ignoring him, no matter how unsuccessful the previous attempts had been. She’s afraid she’ll keep failing, though.

And it’s really just because when she sees how he’s paddling with a furious intensity, his muscles straining with effort while Iseul is squealing and screaming in front of him, her hands gripping the sides of the boat as she begs him to slow down, it’s clear Jeongguk is doing it on purpose. Acting out another one of his plans to get a reaction out of her, not caring how down things could go at that point. Why should she, then? It’s when his eyes lock onto hers as he passes, daring to push all her buttons, that she finds her answer.

Eunbi’s blood boils. She’s speechless with the immaturity, but best believe she’s coming on ten times stronger with it. She just can’t wrap her mind around the fact that it seems the more she tries to interact with him, the more she gets pushed away; but the more she keeps her distance, the more he seeks for her reaction. What is he trying to prove? What is he aiming to get out of her? Eunbi doesn’t exactly have time to entertain the moral, rational part of her brain and puzzle over his motives, her own childishness busying her with gripping the paddles tight, her knuckles turning white as she channels all her frustration into rowing. She puts all the strength she can muster to try and catch up to Jeongguk without popping a vein. Namjoon notices the sudden shift in pace, even if minimal with Eunbi’s laughable efforts at moving faster, nonetheless startled by the abrupt burst of energy.

”Bi, what are you—“

”Joon, help me overtake Gguk.” It’s said through gritted teeth and narrowed eyes, fixated only on the target ahead. Namjoon is disoriented. Does she even realise the use of the nickname? It doesn’t look like that as she keeps going undeterred, even with her companion initially not collaborating, too confused to settle on what to do. Eventually, he sighs and grips his own paddle, deciding to help his friend in whatever battle she’s waging. He glances back to see just how far Jeongguk has gotten and shakes his head.

”You two are literal kids, you do know that?” Namjoon mutters, his comment going ignored.

Jeongguk, meanwhile, senses them closing in. A competitive glint flashes in his eyes. He doubles down, paddling harder, sending more water splashing in every direction. Eunbi isn't far behind, and for a moment it feels like they’re the only two on the river, locked in this ridiculous race. They’re both too stubborn to back down, too caught up in their own challenge to notice how idiotic they look.

Namjoon sighs again, raising his voice over the chaos, “Guys, seriously, this is getting out of hand.”

Iseul echoes his concern, a nervous edge to her voice, “Yeah, Joon’s right. Please, Ggukkie? We’re getting too far away from the others. It’s going to be a nightmare rowing back!”

Her whines go unnoticed by Jeongguk, who keeps his gaze straight on Eunbi as she has managed to catch up and is now beside him, mirroring that same flame in her orbs. He distractly acknowledges the two innocent spectators, “I just wanted to go and see… that thing over there.” He calls back, voice strained as he keeps his eyes locked on his rival. He doesn’t even know what he’s pointing at— there’s nothing but more water and distant trees.

”Oh, that… thing,” Eunbi adds, equally unconvincing. They exchange a glance, both wearing narrowed eyes and gritted teeth, determined not to be the first to admit defeat.

Their canoes race neck and neck, the water splashing around them as if reflecting the tension in the air. It’s a childish competition, one that speaks to their unresolved feelings, both wanting to interact, to be noticed by the other, but neither willing to show it’s because they care.

And mostly, it’s messy. Definitely not what two people should be attempting to do on their first time canoeing. On one side, their inexperience comes handy as it doesn’t completely isolate them from the starting point, but it still shouldn’t be happening. And it becomes more and more frantic as shown by their drawn faces and clumsy movements. A disaster of any kind should have been predicted at any second from that only.

It happens when Jeongguk leans too far over the edge, his canoe wobbling dangerously. Iseul lets out a high-pitched scream, gripping the sides of the boat. Eunbi’s heart leaps into her throat, all thoughts of their petty race forgotten in an instant.

“Gguk, careful!” She shouts, her voice thick with concern. Without thinking, she reaches out with her paddle, trying to steady his canoe from a distance. For a moment, everything else falls away— the tension, the bickering, the hurt. All she sees is him, about to fall, and her instinct to protect him kicks in.

Jeongguk manages to regain his balance just in time, his canoe righting itself with a lurch. Everything pauses. He lets out a breath of relief, a small, surprised chuckle escaping his lips. Eunbi exhales too, a soft, almost involuntary smile forming on her face. It lasts a second, but it feels like more when they share a look different from all the others. Relief. I’m glad you’re safe. Recognition. Thank you. Stillness.

But then reality snaps back into place. They both realise what they’re doing, and their expressions harden almost simultaneously. Eunbi quickly looks away, her face flushing with embarrassment. Jeongguk mutters, self-reproaching, “God, this is so stupid.”

The brief moment of softness vanishes the instant Eunbi catches his words, and she snaps, her voice rising childishly with indignation, “You started this!”

Jeongguk scoffs, “Me? You’re the one who wanted to overtake me!”

“You were the one paddling like a maniac!”

“I literally almost fell in the water because of you.”

Eunbi’s eyes get unbelievably wider with disbelief, a sarcastic laugh escaping her, “Oh, that was not because of me. That’s because you are incompetent.”

“Don’t throw big words at me now.”

“Sorry, I’ll lower my vocabulary down for you to understand.”

The childish bickering stretches on for astonishingly long minutes, the volume of their voices rising over the gentle sounds of the river. Namjoon, who had been rowing quietly, finally has enough. With a frustrated sigh, he takes the paddles and makes it his own solo mission to row back toward the others by himself, muttering under his breath, “I can’t believe I have to do this.”

His comment is mostly drowned out by the relentless sparring between Eunbi and Jeongguk, who are too engrossed in their argument to notice that Namjoon is now paddling alone, their strained voices echoing across the water. Jeongguk even goes as far as to row his canoe back behind his hyung’s just so he can have the last word in. It’s ridiculous, really— a silly argument born from a place neither of them is willing to acknowledge.

“Wow, that’s real mature of you, Eunbi. What’s next, you gonna stick your tongue out at me?”

She bristles, her cheeks flushing with the effort the rage is taking out of her, “I might as well if you keep acting like a dick!”

Jeongguk sneers, “Oh, please. I’m not the one who started this whole stupid race.”

Eunbi is aware the more she keeps it going, the more she’ll fall right into his trap but she fears she’s already too deep to back down now, “You were showing off!”

“And you were just so jealous you couldn’t stand it.”

“Enough! Both of you!” It’s Namjoon who finally snaps, his voice cutting through the chaos like a whip. He gives the oars a decisive pull, the canoe cutting through the water with renewed force. His voice is stern, and much different from the calm tone Eunbi has grown accustomed to, his patience had clearly worn thin, “I can’t believe I’m stuck in the middle of this… whatever this is. My ears are bleeding. If you two want to sort out whatever childish feud you’re having, do it on dry land. And away from me.”

The sudden authority in the older guy’s voice silences them both, and the quiet that falls upon them is as much a blessing as deafening. There’s a beat of awkward tension as they both realise how ridiculous they must look. Two grown adults behaving like squabbling children and shut down by their yelling, frustrated father. The reality of the situation finally starts to sink in. They’re too far from the rest of the group, their petty race having pulled them far off, all because of their stubbornness and bruised egos.

What follows is what should have surrounded them right from the beginning, stillness only interrupted by the flushing of the water as it gets caressed by their paddles rowing back to their initial position. Eunbi’s face burns with embarrassment, and with the realisation of how low she’s stooped. The urge to apologise to Namjoon itches at the back of her throat, but pride prevents her from doing it in front of Jeongguk.

No one dares add a word, not even a breath too loud, the tension lingering but now tinged with a sense of shame. Other than the rhythmic splash of their oars and the distant laughter of their friends, the only sound that can be occasionally heard is Namjoon’s bewildered scoffs and muttered comments. The other two know better than to cut the thin thread they’re all clutching onto.

But the chop comes, and it’s Iseul’s voice breaking the silence, soft and tentative, “You know, we’re all here to have fun. Can we just… try to get along for a little while?”

Eunbi has to bite her tongue. Otherwise, she fears any words that might leave her lips could permanently push Iseul away from the already slim possibility of them becoming friends. She keeps her eyes closed, a long exhale escaping her lips, irritation flaring up at the simplicity of the comment. As if it hadn’t already crossed her mind that they should be getting along. What a genius idea, truly.

Jeongguk seems to notice the tense silence that follows, especially the tightness in Eunbi’s expression and how Iseul’s well-meaning comment has only added fuel to the fire. He turns to his companion and offers her a reassuring smile, even if it feels a bit forced, “It’s okay, Isu. Let’s just head back.” His tone is gentle, trying to ease the awkward atmosphere, the nod that accompanies it recognising her effort, as well as its effective uselessness.

Taking in Jeongguk’s unnecessary, oversweet tone towards the other girl involuntarily causes Eunbi to scoff audibly, the sound loud and deliberate, followed by nothing. She keeps her gaze fixed on the water, refusing to look at either of them. But she feels Jeongguk’s narrowed eyes on her, “What now?”

”Nothing,” Eunbi mutters, the sarcasm in her tone cutting through the air. “Just love how you can turn on the charm when it suits you.”

Jeongguk’s jaw tightens for what feels like the nth time, fearing a possible cramp soon affecting the muscles of his mouth, but he keeps his response measured, “I’m just trying to not make this worse.”

A fake coo follows, Eunbi’s voice mockingly replicating his sudden calmness, “Oh, how nice of you, Ggukkie.”

“For the love of God, will you two drop it? Please?” Namjoon’s frustrated groan interrupts once again the bickering from stretching on, his patience truly at its limit. He increases the pace of his rowing, as if trying to physically distance himself from the scene.

The uncomfortable silence lingers for the rest of the paddling back, and it stretches on endlessly, mirroring the distance they’ve travelled in their pointless, self-inflicted race. If it isn’t the consequences of their own stupid actions. Eunbi dips her paddle in the water with more intention, fixating on the ripples spread out from each stroke, refusing to meet Namjoon’s annoyed gaze. She’s ashamed of the way she’s let her emotions and bottled up feelings rule a situation that could have been easily avoided, though she stubbornly refuses to fully acknowledge it, let alone admit that she might be in the wrong.

Still, Eunbi uses the time it gets to reach the shore to work on her breathing, counting every pause between her exhales, willing to free her mind from the chaotic flow of thoughts before she regrets letting them cling to her like a shadow and cause a bigger scene. The sight of the land approaching should bring some relief, but instead it only amplifies the sense of urgency gnawing at her. The moment the canoe nudges against the land, the sun beginning its descent, bathing the landscape in a warm light, Eunbi wastes no time making herself aware of her surroundings, as she’s already on her feet, moving with a speed that betrays her desperation to escape the tension that’s been suffocating her.

She’s unsteady as she steps out, the ground feeling oddly solid beneath her after the wobbly rhythm of the canoe. Namjoon notices her haste and instinctively reaches out to steady her, but she’s stepping away, her shoes sinking into the damp shore.

”I’m going back to the campsite,” Eunbi says, her voice clipped, the words barely more than a whisper after the raw shouting followed by complete muteness.

Namjoon, still seated, frowns as he looks up at her. Concern clouds his features, and he’s quick to offer, “Wait for me, I’ll take you back.”

Eunbi shakes her head, her refusal as gentle as it is resolute. A tight-lipped smile plays on her lips, though it doesn’t reach her eyes, “You should stay and enjoy the rest of the day.”

There’s a sheepish, unspoken apology written in her eyes, a fleeting look of regret that she’s too proud to voice. She unconsciously scrunches her nose, a telltale sign of her lingering embarrassment, and doesn’t even register Namjoon’s nod as she turns to start walking, eager to put distance between herself and the situation, but mostly from Jeongguk’s attentive eyes still throwing jabs her way.

As she walks back to the tents, Eunbi’s mind is already racing ahead to dinner. It’s been her biggest concern for a while now, a sinking feeling settling in her stomach, an instinctive dread that tonight will go as badly as she fears. Dinner always seems to bring out the worst in them, the frustration of the day simmering just below the surface until it boils over and erupts in sharp words and bitter exchanges. She can feel that exact feeling brewing dangerously in her stomach, but she knows she’d rather suppress it than have it consume her completely only for more pieces of her heart to break.

Dropping onto one of the deck chairs around the campsite, she waits for it to dissipate with her knees up to her chest. It’s hard at first, the sudden quiet too loud and overwhelming her with the pent up exasperation from today. It only fuels that part of her that still hasn’t moved on from the very first night, the one that set the tone for everything that followed, who harbours anger and spite for what Jeongguk had spat in her face with apparently no remorse. She wants to get back at him, to make him regret those words, to hurt him as much as he’s hurt her. But the bigger, remaining part of her knows she’s already done enough of that.

Would it even be worthy? What would she gain from it? Would getting back at Jeongguk truly bring her any peace, or would it only deepen the rift between them? She knows the answer, but it’s a bitter pill to swallow. Normally, she wouldn’t let any other person get away so easily with such a comment, but with Jeongguk, she’s aware he has lived with worse feelings for years, and that probably isn’t even the worst of what his heart holds. She’s not ready to wake that monster. Doesn’t know if she’s prepared to confront the truth behind the look he gives her. Doesn’t want to know if that truth is dictated by resentment, or if it’s all that’s left of her in Jeongguk’s view. Because if she’s honest with herself, no matter how angry she is, she can’t deny that she understands why he feels this way. And that understanding, more than anything, is what terrifies her the most.

Hours slip by in a blur, Eunbi stilling on her chair and giving space for her thoughts to unleash before it’s too late to put a collar back on again. The sun continues its descent, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink, and when it dips down the horizon, the campfire that has been just a pile of logs earlier is now crackling with life, its warmth spreading through the group as they gather for dinner. The smell of grilled food wafts through the air, mingling with the earthy scent of the forest and the cool breeze.

It’s a comforting atmosphere, one that’s filled with laughter and easy conversation, but Eunbi is yet to be shaken out her trance to realise none of what she fears is reflecting in the reality surrounding her. Only when Dahye finds a spot on the seat next to hers and launches into a breathless retelling of apparently the craziest experience she’s had so far during the trip earlier at the river, Eunbi reconnects with the present, and disconnects from the almost maniac way she’s been analysing her thoughts alone all evening.

As she follows Dahye’s lips moving, acknowledging her with small nods and chuckles that the storytelling gets out of her, she finds she’s been making one huge mistake all this while. She’s always been so wrapped up in her own fears, her need to control the narrative and anticipate the next emotional blow, that she’s missed the simple reality of what’s unfolding around her. The night easily moves forward without the weight of her expectations pressing down on it.

Maybe she doesn’t have to anticipate every move, every subtle shift in the atmosphere. Maybe she doesn’t have to keep trying to predict what Jeongguk might say or how the night might fall apart. For the first time, she lets herself be present— really present. She lets herself feel the warmth of the fire, hear the laughter of her friends without reading too much into it, lets herself stop preparing for a storm that isn’t coming.

There’s a quiet revelation in that. Tonight, she doesn’t want to brace herself for another argument or another disappointment. She can simply allow the peace of the moment to wash over her, instead of waiting for the worse. And by the time the stars are twinkling overhead and her tummy is full, she allows herself to let go of the anger and just be.

It’s when they start another one of their games that she fully lets her guard down and doesn’t focus on anything in particular, just how genuine her laughs resound in her own ears. Once again, it’s Jimin suggesting it, eyes twinkling, “How about a story-telling challenge? We each say one line and keep the story going around the circle.”

Eunbi chuckles and nods, feeling a flicker of excitement at the idea. It’s been a while since she’s done something as silly and spontaneous. They all shuffle closer, forming a tight circle around the fire, the flickering flames dancing in their eyes. Taehyung starts them off, his voice solemn as he leans in, “Once upon a time, in a forest much like this one, there was a squirrel who could sing opera.”

It’s impossible to keep straight faces at first, but they all try. The mock-seriousness in Taehyung’s tone only makes it funnier, and the story takes off from there, spiralling into absurdity. Hoseok follows up, voice filled with faux sorrow, “And this squirrel, right? He had a tragic backstory. He lost his most precious acorn in a dramatic flood.”

The more the tale escalates, the more their giggles can’t be stopped, with the squirrel also being a secret agent for a woodland spy network side by side with his best friend, a tap-dancing raccoon who dreamed of opening a dance studio in the big city. Seokjin adds that the talented animal was also training to perform in a world-renowned animal talent show, but was being sabotaged by a jealous porcupine who could juggle flaming pinecones.

Yoongi, usually the voice of reason, surprisingly leans into the layers of idiocy rather than trying to steer it back to some semblance of order, “The porcupine is actually being helped by an evil ninja rabbit who only speaks in riddles.” His voice carries a playful tone, and Eunbi can’t help but reflect his same look on her own face— unforced, genuine.

The fire crackles louder in response, almost as if laughing along with them and cheering them on. By the time the story comes back around to Jimin, he leans in with a grin caught up in the fun, “And then! The raccoon finally achieves his dream of opening a dance school in the city where all the animals can learn tap-dancing and perform in the biggest talent show ever.”

There’s a beat of silence before they all burst out laughing again, though this time it’s mixed with good-natured teasing. Namjoon chuckles and shakes his head, “Okay, now you’re just projecting.“

Hoseok, grinning from ear to ear, chimes in, “Yeah, come on, you’re turning this into your own personal dream story.”

Taehyung, never missing a beat, adds, “Next thing you know, you’ll have the raccoon choreographing the whole animal kingdom.”

The teasing banter continues, the group’s laughter bouncing off the trees. But Eunbi, still a little out of sync with their inside jokes, blinks in confusion, “Wait, what? What do you mean, reflecting yourself?”

The laughter fades, and Jimin turns to her, a bit of a sheepish grin on his face, “Oh, it’s just… I’ve always loved dancing. It’s been a silly dream of mine to— you know, maybe open a dance studio when I’m older.”

Eunbi’s eyes widen, genuine surprise lighting her features, “Wow, I had no idea. That’s so cool, Jimin! Seriously, I didn’t know that about you.”

There’s a brief, awkward pause, in which Jimin’s smile softens at her reaction, but before he can say anything more, Jeongguk scoffs audibly. The sound cuts through the moment like a sharp blade. He’s leaning back, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes narrowing at Eunbi with something between disdain and frustration but his tone unbothered, “That’s basic Jimin knowledge. Everyone knows that.”

Once again, Eunbi couldn’t have anticipated Jeongguk being on a completely different agenda. She should have known, she’s aware of that. But she hadn’t wanted to. She only wanted to go by the foolish belief that tonight would be different. That just for one evening they could coexist in the same space, be civil, even share a laugh.

It was a naive hope. And now, standing crosshairs of Jeongguk’s fiery glaze, not only with the glow of the flames, she realises just how mistaken she’s been. How stupid it was of her to think Jeongguk wouldn’t jump at the possibility of adding fuel to the fire. Because, right now, she finds herself utterly unprepared to read his clenched jaw, contrasting with the careless, almost indifferent posture he tries to maintain. She struggles to predict how it might develop if she uses a slightly different tone, or takes more time to respond.

She doesn’t remember moving around Jeongguk ever being this difficult. The physical closeness forced upon them by this trip only makes the emotional distance between them more glaring. They might be sitting around the same campfire, but it’s clear from the way he bristles at her every word, every gesture, that in Jeongguk’s mind, she’s universes away. And it’s exactly where he wants her to stay. No spaceship will bring her back. There’s nowhere she can land on his planet.

Eunbi’s exhaustion reaches its breaking point. She’s tired of pretending she’s okay with this. Fed up with letting remorse gnaw at her insides and reduce her to a punching bag for his barely-contained rage. Willing to take every fist thrown her way, rendering her vulnerable to his every attempt at breaking her down. Though what she feels is not resentment. It’s pure, bone-deep weariness. She doesn’t want to take this tug of war any further. If letting go of the idea of fixing things between them is what he wants, she’ll give him that.

With a sigh, she lowers her gaze to her hands for a moment, her fingers twitching unconsciously. Time and time again, she’s the reason why the group can’t go a few hours without being drawn into their venomous war.

Her eyes glisten with shame and helplessness as she looks back up, her voice reflecting anything but that weakness, its sharp and snappy tone overtaking the crackling fire, “What is your problem?”

Differently from the silence that stretched on after the unnecessary jab caught her by surprise, each second going by the ticks of a bomb ready to explode and wipe out the frivolity of the night, Jeongguk doesn’t hesitate. Doesn’t even give her the courtesy of pretending to think it over. His response comes swiftly, harshly, as if he’s been waiting for the question all night, “My problem? My problem is that you’re here.”

Eunbi can’t help but scoff. It’s not meant to be arrogant, nor mocking. It’s almost an instinctive reaction, a defence mechanism against the disbelief that rises in her throat. Her words drip with sarcasm, though her voice remains calm, “Oh, I’m sorry I wanted to do something nice for you with the others.”

Jeongguk’s gaze is steady, unwavering, and his next words land like a punch to the gut, “Well, you shouldn’t have. You shouldn’t be here.”

Though she can say she’s gotten better at enduring, it still stings. None of that shows on her face, unflinching, neutral. A biting smile tugs at her lips, though it doesn’t reach her eyes, “Trust me, I know.”

There’s a pause— one brief, agonising moment where she thinks maybe, just maybe, this is still part of their aimless bickering that has been going on the past two days, a spat that will blow over.

But then Jeongguk speaks again, and his voice is so distant it’s even hard to hear him clearly, “I hope you do. You don’t belong here.”

Silence stretches on, the fire crackling softly the only sound between them. She’s sure everyone has stopped breathing, their exhales stuck up in their throat, afraid of releasing them, of stepping foot into something that doesn’t concern them.

Jeongguk’s eyes never leave hers, the coldness in them piercing through the thin veil of pretence they’ve both been clinging to. He doesn’t stop there, his voice deathly quiet, “Not with me. Not with the others. Can’t you see that?”

Eunbi’s heart lurches. She thinks she would prefer being called every name in the book. Have Jeongguk spit at her for all the pain she put him through. Say anything he wants about her being an awful person. But he knows just how to twist the knife. Still knows how to read her every faltering step, the doubts behind her eyes, the insecurities plaguing her mind. Surely, he also still knows how to be the one feeding her the desperate acceptance she needs, the assurance that none of her fears are true. So many times Jeongguk was there to swear she’s loved; that she wouldn’t be left alone ever again.

But now, he decides to use all that knowledge to spin it against her, to push all the right buttons that he knows will hurt her most. She doesn’t belong here. It’s what her mind has whispered to her over and over again since she stepped foot in his sacred circle, an outsider next to Dahye. She has been good at ignoring those hushed tones, to convince herself they’re lies. That these people are her friends, and they all see her as part of the group. That her fears were unfounded.

The proof her haunting thoughts have been right all along is in front of her though, and it presses down on her chest. It’s too much— too raw, too real. She should have seen it coming, but she’s still speechless. Her throat tight, her eyes burning with unshed tears. Though she refuses to let them fall for eleven pairs of eyes to watch. For his eyes to glow with satisfaction.

Eunbi manages to laugh bitterly, though the sound is hollow, “Right. Well, thanks for making it clear.” With her hands trembling slightly, hiding it by clenching them into fists at her sides, she pushes herself to her feet, “I’ll go now. Enjoy your night. Asshole.”

Her voice wavering on the last word, Eunbi turns and walks away from the fire, the warmth of it barely touching her anymore. She doesn’t let herself falter as she heads toward her tent, her footsteps hurried, the chill of the night settling in around her.

And as she shields herself from the outside world, its sounds accompanied by the group’s muttered voices escalating with agitation, words she won’t try to register, she doesn’t bother giving herself a headache trying to hold the tears in. This time, she lets them spill over freely, each one carrying the weight of every single one of her fears. She keeps the sobs in her chest, whimpering with the signals of panic taking over. And now more than ever, she really wishes she just wasn’t here.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

When it comes to this time of the year, Jeongguk inevitably becomes the worst version of himself. It’s a cruel irony that it all resurfaces right as his birthday approaches. It’s been that way for years now. In the beginning, when he was still in Busan, he found it hard to blow the candles on his cake without his shoulders feeling heavy, his eyes involuntarily searching for someone that was no longer there; with the unanswered questions dulling the sounds around, leaving him desensitised to the love so blatantly in front of him.

It took him a while to accept it, even with a missing spot unfilled. Jeongguk has never been good with changes. Has always lived by an unwavering, straight path on which he walked confidently, jumping over the cracks on the ground and ignoring any turns. The only deviation he allowed was the one that led him to Seoul. It was a long wait before the stoplight turned green, his own doubts plaguing him even with his parents’ encouragement; and when it did, he crossed the road alone reluctantly, glancing back more than once.

Jeongguk found that this lane was a little less preserved and far less predictable than the one he took his very first steps on. It was full of bumps, a lot of them causing him to trip and fall face first into the concrete. So many dead ends that forced him to make a choice, left or right. But on those same streets, he also recognised elements from the previous block: his love for filmography, the very reason he came to the capital; his mom’s goodnight tune, even over the phone; his thick Busan accent, instantly mirrored into Jimin’s own; the creeping dread as his birthday approached.

There are things he never fully got over, and every year, when August rushes to an end and September looms, he becomes highly aware of it. But over time, he’s learned to live with it. The questions that once consumed him have no answers, and he came to terms with the fact that he couldn’t help what happened. What he’s always had control over, however, was the small key to an even smaller room in his brain, where with great effort he locked Eunbi away once he turned 17.

She tried to break free multiple times, banging on the door and begging to be let out. Jeongguk even had to get maintenance on the lock. Eventually she quieted down, and only ever stirred whenever she knew September was coming from the little calendar she had hung up in the cramped space.

Jeongguk learned to handle it. The memories were still alive, but they didn’t hurt him the way they used to. They felt distant, resurfacing only when he himself noticed the final days of August being crossed on his own calendar. Using a red marker to draw those lines, his fingers still tingled with something close to familiar uneasiness. Sometimes, if it managed to spread to his whole body, it would overtake him, and in the days leading up to his birthday he’d snap more easily, feel more irritated.

But he’d gotten better at controlling it. Last year, his first time turning a year older in a place that wasn’t Busan, he didn’t even feel it. It might have been all the new, shiny people surrounding him in the small flat he was renting with Jimin, the fresh adrenaline from making sure he was feeding his friends with a fun time clouding every other thought. Back in that room, Eunbi peacefully slept through the entirety of it. Even forgot to wish him a happy birthday.

With the real Eunbi physically standing in front of him, all of Jeongguk’s efforts to keep her locked away shattered in one, insignificant instant. It only took a snap of the little-version-of-her in his brain for every wall he’d meticulously built to come crashing down. The door he had so carefully sealed off was now flung open, and little Eunbi burst through, running wild, mingling with thoughts she had no business messing with and wreaking havoc on all those parts of his mind that had been closed off, at least until that moment.

Behind her, an unstoppable flood of emotions he’d long buried surged in, filling his mind until it couldn’t hold any more. It spread to his chest, his heart straining under the weight of everything he didn’t want to feel. Little Eunbi, with her hair still short, worn bermudas, and a t-shirt stained with yellow paint, revelled in the chaos she was causing. She jumped and skipped back and forth between his brain and his heart, completely at ease, her presence so familiar yet entirely out of place. She seemed to enjoy every second of it.

And Jeongguk grew more and more unnerved by that. Little Eunbi was different from the Eunbi that avoided his gaze and awkwardly bowed. The latter had her hair longer, with short bangs softly brushing over her brows, her hands neatly manicured and her clothes spotless. She stood there, straight and put-together, a polished version of the girl who once got dirt all over herself and laughed too loud.

But what probably made him madder was that the more Eunbi started to find her place within the group, the more that seemingly dead part of her began to re-emerge, inching its way back into his life. It was like watching a ghost regain its form, piece by piece. The Eunbi he thought he had locked away was starting to blur with the present Eunbi, and every time she laughed it reminded him of how easy things had once been between them, back when her presence hadn’t been a thorn in his side but a constant comfort. Now, that sound twisted something deep in his chest, something he had long buried under layers of hurt and distance.

What frustrated him even more was that Eunbi seemed completely oblivious to it all. The way she eased into the group, gaining their acceptance, was infuriating. It was as if the distance between them meant nothing to her, as if she could waltz back into his life without consequence. The more they welcomed her, the more that old familiarity surfaced. She was becoming Eunbi again— the Eunbi who had once mattered. And that thought made his stomach churn.

It twisted even further when he found himself unconsciously reading into her every move. His knowledge of her, the way she used to be, crept into his mind without his consent, and he began to analyse her behaviour, picking apart her words and actions. It was almost instinctive, the way he could still understand her, still anticipate her moods. It only ended up poisoning him, because he soon realised those smiles — those little moments of reconnection to the past — were never directed at him. He could recognise her in the eyes of his friends, but never in his own.

Did she even care about what had happened between them? Did she think she could simply move on like none of it had affected him? Did she ever realise how deep those cracks still ran, or was he the only one haunted by the weight of their past?

At first, he forced the frustration to only translate into indifference. Bitter coldness. Not paying her presence too much mind, but still making sure she could feel his resentment dangerously tipping over the edge, and threatening to trip at any minute.

But the combination of his birthday approaching and Eunbi wandering around his space as if nothing ever happened caused the explosion. The rancorous version of himself, the one he thought he managed to successfully bury, now fought its way to the surface and dragged him back to square one: a freshly 16 years old Jeongguk with a freshly broken trust.

The intensity of those emotions hit him like a tidal wave, the kind that leaves you breathless, unable to distinguish between up and down. It wasn’t just anger. It was cold betrayal, and the sight of her, standing there so effortlessly among his friends on his birthday trip, made his skin prickle with irritation. Eunbi had slid into their plans with such ease, as if she belonged, and it was ironic considering she hadn’t even wanted to be in the same car as him.

Jeongguk only needed that last, littlest drop to fall, and with it, every ounce of restraint he had left evaporated. The thin thread of control he’d been clinging to snapped. He had thought he’d moved on, convinced himself that enough time had passed for him to handle her presence with maturity.

But he was wrong. Time hadn’t healed him like he’d hoped. Instead, it had just let the bitterness fester until now. He couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t hold himself back. The more he watched her fit in so naturally, laughing at someone’s joke or sharing a quiet moment by the fire, the more the frustration swelled in his chest. It was infuriating that she could act so unfazed, go up to him with a smile he has always recognised too well as if nothing ever was.

He didn’t even realise how tight the grip on his own emotions had been, until they were flooding out of him all at once. Jeongguk felt the words rising in his throat before he could stop them, the resentment spilling over like poison. And now he can feel the control slipping, the pain rushing to the surface like a dam had burst inside him. It’s almost addicting, even when his mind screams at him to stop, to take a breath. But his heart, the part of him still broken from all that time ago, drives him forward.

He needs her to feel it, needs it to be reflected in her eyes. This is what he’d been holding back for so long. This is the pain she’d left him with, and now he’s finally giving it back to her, forcing her to carry some of the weight. He isn’t the only one hurting anymore.

Each word that leaves his mouth is laced with venom, and he watches, wavering between satisfaction and regret, as they hit their target. Her eyes always widen slightly, the smallest flinch in her expression betraying her shock. For a second, he thinks he sees the cracks forming—tiny fissures in that calm, polished exterior she’d put on.

But the more he watches her crumble, the more he feels the bitter taste of victory sour in his mouth. There’s a part of him that hates what he’s doing. Hates that he has become the kind of person who lashes out like this, who takes pleasure in someone else’s pain. Especially hers. It’s like he’s caught in this vicious cycle of wanting to keep his distance but also wanting her attention. And the only way to get that is by hurting her before he himself can process his own hurt through different lenses.

Jeongguk knows he’s being unfair, but something in him can’t let it go. He‘s still simmering with unresolved anger, but there’s also a gnawing guilt, a nagging voice in his head telling him he’s pushing her too far, too hard. Last night, her eyes glossy with tears, he felt the pang that usually followed unleashing his poisonous words hit harder in his chest. He had picked his script with purpose, knowing exactly where to aim, only to shoot hard and leave her lifeless. She fought through the end to get her breaths out, until she couldn’t. Jeongguk waited for the sense of triumph to wash over him, but it never did.

Instead, her fragile figure retreating only after a weak attempt at returning even the smallest amount of the hurt she felt, Jeongguk still felt heavy. Heavy with remorse and guilt. Heavy with the pressure reflected in his friends’ eyes. And he couldn’t handle that. He stood up shortly after Eunbi left, his brain refusing to internalise Dahye’s affront and the group’s deafening silence.

Hours later, Jeongguk lies wide awake, his eyes staring into the void of the tent. He hasn’t been able to keep them shut for more than a minute, his mind a battlefield. He finds it’s impossible to resonate between the insatiable desire for revenge and the exhaustion rendering him numb to any possibility of feeding that need. There’s a part of him that just wants peace.

Glancing to his side, Jimin and Taehyung sleep soundly in the cramped space, blissfully unaware of the storm raging inside him. Neither of them had wanted to dive too deep into what happened, the spat words, the irrational rage constantly taking over their younger friend and keeping him stuck between fight and flight with no escape. Jimin only offered a soft pat on the shoulder and his warmest smile, “It’ll be okay, Jeonggukkie. Let’s just sleep now, hm?”

Jeongguk wishes it could have been as simple as Jimin made it sound. For his friends, it was. They both fell asleep without trouble, and Jeongguk is grateful for that. At least two out of three of them were getting the rest they deserved. Still, he’s careful not to wake them while he quietly slips out of the tent.

The early morning air is crisp, biting at his skin, but the sensation is grounding. Dawn is just beginning to break, soft light spilling over the horizon and casting everything in a faint glow. The quiet sounds of nature surround him, and though they don’t quite ease the weight in his chest, they provide a temporary lull. It’s the cool air caressing his face and threading through his hair that brings some sort of order.

His thoughts start to settle. They don’t feel like a stadium of shouting voices anymore. The yells quiet down and he’s able to sift through them now, picking each one apart, giving himself the space to breathe. It’s not perfect, but it’s better. He feels like he can move past this— if not for his own sake, then for the sake of the others.

Still, there’s one thought that refuses to be silenced. One question that lingers just beneath the surface, gnawing at the edges of his justified anger. It’s persistent, creeping into his mind with every inhale. Why does hurting her hurt him too?

It seems like the simplest of questions, but Jeongguk refuses to accept what appears to be the answer. It sits there, plain as day, yet he pushes it away. He doesn’t want to keep dissecting it, turning it over and over in his mind, trying to find any other plausible way out, but he can’t help himself. His thoughts spiral, stretching the minutes into what feels like eternity, until he loses track of time altogether. He zones out so deeply that when he finally snaps back, it’s only because the quiet sound of a tent zipper reaches his ears, followed by Hoseok’s hesitant head poking out.

Jeongguk blinks, suddenly aware that he’s been sitting in the same spot, on the same chair, staring at the same patch of dirt for who knows how long. Hours, at least. His body feels stiff, his mind trapped in an endless loop. He wonders if he’s lost his ability to pull himself out of this mental prison, if this is it. He’s stuck. His birthday is less than 24 hours away, and he’s more miserable than he’s been in months.

His chest tightens when he sees Hoseok walking toward him. Panic rises swiftly, because Hoseok had witnessed last night’s disaster. They all had. His hands clench into fists, his orbs trembling as doubt swarms his mind. Did he ruin the entire trip for everyone? Is the tension in the air his fault? Is he the cause of the awkward silence that lingered after he tore Eunbi apart with his words? Do they hate—

“Jeonggukkie? You okay?”

The softness in Hoseok’s tone almost makes Jeongguk flinch. It’s so gentle, filled with concern, and for a moment he questions everything he’s been telling himself. If Hoseok hated him, if any of them did, he wouldn’t be standing here now, looking at him with such care in his eyes.

Jeongguk only nods in response, the tension in his shoulders unwinding just a little as his older friend’s face softens into a sweet smile. There’s no judgement, no condemnation. Just quiet understanding. He waits in the lingering silence as Hoseok moves to freshen up. The moment he returns, settling into one of the chairs nearby, Jeongguk feels a sudden urge to speak clawing at his throat. He knows if he doesn’t start talking, the weight of the trap of his own mind will tighten around him again. So he talks, talks and talks about anything that doesn’t resemble the doom he was slipping into.

He’s a fugitive from his thoughts, and he keeps running even when more of the others join the small circle in the middle of the campsite. None of them seem to look at Jeongguk differently, the jokes flowing naturally as small laughs fill the quiet morning. It’s as if everything is as it should be, and he feels himself ease back into composure. Though, the guilt still lingers, heavy and unshakable. He ignores it.

The sun climbs higher in the sky, casting light above them and providing Jeongguk with warmth that he stores in his chest. He gets more of that from his friends’ smiles and the excitement flowing energetically out of them as Hoseok explains they’ll be cycling today, crossing scenic paths that round the campsite.

He watches as they all gather, geeking about today’s activity and stuffing their faces with as much food as they can get their hands on. The topic soon shifts to his birthday, which Jeongguk is particularly dreading. They’re already planning to get him wasted tonight, and the boy chuckles softly, though his laughter is hesitant, distracted.

His gaze keeps drifting to the one tent that hasn’t opened yet, the only place that remains closed off to the rest of the group. The only two people missing from their little circle haven’t joined yet, and it’s hard for Jeongguk to ignore that. To ignore her.

With more minutes going by and the tent unmoving, remaining still and almost mocking in its silence, he finds it even harder to focus on the laughter and the lightness of the morning. The world outside his head seems to move on without him, blissfully unaware of the turmoil inside him. On one side, he’s relieved that the attention has shifted away from him, that the day can unfold even without him being fully present. But that same realisation makes him feel like he’s teetering on the edge, dangerously close to falling back into the prison of his own thoughts.

Oblivious to it, his inner struggle is written all over his face, clear as day to anyone who cares enough to look. And Jimin notices right away. He doesn’t say anything at first, just reaches out to gently caress Jeongguk’s shoulder, the touch so light that the brown haired boy startles slightly before meeting his friend’s gaze. Jimin’s face is soft, a sweet smile tugging at his lips as he tilts his head, “Something on your mind?”

His tone is gentle, almost knowing. Jeongguk shakes his head, brushing off the concern, but his eyes flicker, and his own body betrays him when he instinctively turns once again to check for any movement from the tent. The subtle action doesn’t go unnoticed by the blonde, who hums and makes the other boy sigh wearily, an excuse ready on his lips, “I just haven’t had much sleep.”

“Why don’t you go call Eunbi and Dahye? They probably won’t get to have breakfast if we’re leaving soon.” Jimin’s suggestion comes with caution but it strikes a chord.

Jeongguk stares at his friend, though it feels more like he’s staring through him. The words hang in the air as he zones out, weighing his options. He doesn’t want them to miss breakfast, sure. And part of him just wants to check on them, to make sure they’re okay. Breathing, alive. Yeah, that’s it.

But a question lingers: is he ready to face Eunbi so directly? The task sounds simple enough—just call them over, remind them they’ll have to leave soon for the day’s plans. But the weight of last night still clings to him. What if he hasn’t recovered from the poison he spat? What if that anger rises up, unprovoked, and spills out again? Worse, what if he can’t say anything at all? Or what if Eunbi sees him and returns all the evil, even stronger and sharper? What if she hits back harder and he’s left bleeding on the ground?

The furious speed at which his thoughts churn makes Jeongguk’s head spin, a relentless loop that threatens to overtake him, before the weight on his lap pulls him back. He glances down to see a plate of food resting there—some leftovers from breakfast. When he looks back at his friend, Jimin’s gaze is comforting, “You could bring them this and check if they’re okay with leaving in 30 minutes, hm?”

Jimin is crouching beside him, eyes soft but knowing, not pushing or pressing for anything, but somehow encouraging him all the same. The reassurance he finds in his gaze is enough for Jeongguk. His rushed thought process slows down, and he has room to realise he was only letting irrational panic speak. There’s no reason why any of those scenarios and possible outcomes could roll out only from calling his friends (well, his friend and… Eunbi) over for breakfast.

Jeongguk nods as he stands, his movements stiff at first, his hands clutching the plate tightly. Even with the knowledge he doesn’t have to necessarily address Eunbi, each step toward the tent feels like he’s carrying the weight of the world. The ground beneath him crunches softly, and his heart unreasonably picks up. The idea of simply facing her makes him sick to his stomach. He doesn’t want to accept it, but it’s guilt that’s causing that.

He’s so consumed by trying to chase away his own thoughts he doesn’t immediately register he’s close enough now that he can see the outline of the closed tent flap. It takes him even more to discern the sounds coming from inside. At first, it’s just a faint noise—muffled, almost unintelligible.

But as he draws closer, it becomes clearer. His steps falter. Another second goes by before he places it, and then it hits him like a punch to the gut. Eunbi is crying.

Jeongguk’s body tenses. No, she’s sobbing. It feels like someone’s wrapped a hand around his heart and squeezed. Her words are barely comprehensible, choked-out syllables and pleading whispers. He can make out enough to know that she’s begging, almost desperately, for Dahye to take her away from here.

Jeongguk freezes, paralyzed by the intensity of each of her desperate gasps. The world around him fades. The raw sound of her pain consumes him, and it cuts through him in ways he didn’t anticipate. He had wanted this, hadn’t he? He had wanted to hurt her, to see her broken, see her exactly like this. He had succeeded. He thought it would somehow bring him peace, make things right. Then why does each sob that escapes her build a shattering pressure in his chest?

It all ended up feeling wrong. As if he’s the one falling apart, the one who can’t catch his breath. Her grief echoes in him, breaking pieces inside he thought were long buried. There’s that gnawing guilt, eating away at the anger he had used to justify everything.

With the cries growing louder in his ears, he finds an answer as to why it hurts to hurt her. And it’s a persistent whisper he can no longer ignore.

Jeongguk struggles. He struggles to process it all, his senses slow. He doesn’t know whether to walk away or step closer. His head is screaming at him to move, to do something, but his body won’t listen.

It takes him another moment to realise that Dahye is moving inside the tent, her voice low and soothing as she tries to comfort Eunbi. Then, the tent flap rustles, and Dahye steps out. The moment her eyes land on him, her expression shifts, hardening with disappointment that sends a new wave of guilt crashing into him.

“You really fucked up this time.” She doesn’t bother to hide what seemed to only paint her features seconds ago. Jeongguk is left momentarily stunned, even more with her shoulder brushing against his as she walks past him. It’s suddenly too fast, and he can’t bring himself to respond, can’t find the words to defend himself or apologise.

His gaze falls down in an attempt to regain control over his actions, but as he searches for something, anything, to ground him he notices that the tent is left slightly open. Through the small gap, he can only see darkness and make out the quiet sniffles coming from Eunbi. His body stills, the sound only worsening the mess of thoughts crashing into each other.

One realisation sends a fresh wave of panic through him. Eunbi can see him. She knows he’s there, standing. Doing nothing, even while she cries. The jolt rushes all through his muscles this time, travelling from his brain, and it’s enough to finally get him to move.

Jeongguk takes a shaky step back, only to turn around fast when he’s met with a possibility he doesn’t want to confront. If he sees her face — red, tear-streaked, her eyes swollen from crying — he doubts he’d be able to handle it. Handle the sight of the pain that he caused. He’s sure he’d lose whatever fragile control he has left. He’s already on the brink of breaking just from hearing her. Seeing her like that would undo him completely.

As he retreats, the weight of everything he’s done settles in. He wonders if they’ve reached a point of no coming back. The hurt is too deep, the damage too irreversible. And for the first time, even the foolish kid inside him, the one that still craves for his Dal, wonders if they’ll ever be able to find their way back to each other. The bridge between them feels burned, reduced to ashes, and he’s terrified that there’s no rebuilding it. It’s falling apart for good.

It’s impossible for Jeongguk to keep the dread eating at his insides from showing on his face. It betrays him, every ounce of regret etched plainly across his features. He reluctantly lifts up his gaze. Especially when he’s met with Jimin’s concerned one, the pity there making his stomach twist even tighter, and Dahye’s flaring eyes cutting through him like daggers.

Eunbi steps out shortly after. She moves quietly, almost too quietly, as if she’s trying to blend and disappear into the air. He can immediately tell that she’s made an effort to mask the misery, the makeup she’s wearing is heavier than usual. Too much in places that don’t need it. A shield against him.

But he refuses to let himself look at her for too long. His eyes flit away before he’s forced to see too much. Before the truths he runs from hit him square in the face, before he’s able to discern the words that should be spoken but remain unsaid.

Once again, he lets his doubts speak louder than reason. He convinces himself that all of his friends are against him, that they’re watching him with eyes full of judgement. They’re at his throat, ready to pounce, ready to pin all the blame on him. He can almost feel their fingers pointing in his direction, like they’ve already made up their minds. He’s the guilty one. He’s the tainted, selfish asshole who ruins everything.

That’s why Jeongguk cycles slowly, deliberately hanging back, lagging behind the rest of the group. He can’t bear to meet their eyes, to force himself into their light-hearted mood. He doesn’t feel like belonging there, right now. It feels like he’s on the outside looking in, like he’s forgotten what it means to just feel at peace.

So, he keeps his distance. It’s easier to stay where it’s quiet. Where he doesn’t have to put up an act or force himself to be present. The silence feels more like a refuge than loneliness, a momentary escape from the relentless noise in his mind.

In front of him, Eunbi cycles just as slowly. They’re both drifting behind the group, caught in their own separate orbits, not really blending with the others. Jeongguk unconsciously fixates on the steady rhythm of her bike wheels, the way they spin effortlessly, guiding her along the path. It’s a repeated, ceaseless action that serves as a temporary anchor to avoid sinking under.

Without meaning to, he finds himself mimicking their speed, gradually inching closer to her, his bike mirroring the pace of her wheels. The space between them narrows, and when he notices it, he pulls back slightly. Only to repeat the same motion moments later, closing the gap again. And again. It’s like he’s automatically attracted to the movement, which unintentionally draws him to her.

It’s Eunbi’s weary sigh cutting through the soft hum of the tires against the ground that snaps him out of that mindless trance, the one that had briefly distracted him from the darker thoughts creeping at the edges of his brain, “Can you stop doing that?”

Her voice, edged with irritation, breaks through the fog in his head. Jeongguk stills, confused, not even realising what she meant. He hums questioningly, his brows furrowing.

“I’m not in the mood for a race,” she mutters, not even looking back at him, her tone flat but tinged with weariness.

Jeongguk blinks, caught off guard, and he feels a flash of defensiveness rise up before he can stop it, “I— I wasn’t—”

“Whatever.” She cuts him off, sounding more tired than angry, “I just feel... anxious knowing you’re— there. Behind me. Please, just go ahead.”

The words strike him harder than they should, hitting him in a place he doesn’t want to acknowledge. They settle deep, mingling with guilt and frustration. Her voice, so casual yet heavy with discomfort, only stirs up the irrational anger that always seems to bubble up whenever they interact, the same one that brought them to this breaking point.

Before he can stop himself, he bites back, “Oh, now you’re the one feeling anxious.”

Eunbi’s shoulders stiffen, and her words shake with fatigue, begging once again, “Please, I don’t wanna start this again.”

“We’re not starting anything,” Jeongguk snaps back, his tone biting despite himself. Even he doesn’t believe it. It always feels like they’re on the verge of starting something, like every word is a match waiting to spark.

This time, she whips her head to look at him over her shoulder, her voice rising as her patience thins, “Oh, really? Then what is th—”

The words die in her throat as her bike catches on something, and in an instant, she’s thrown forward. She’s sent tumbling on the ground, her body skidding against the rocky surface, the harsh sound of scraping skin filling the air as her hands and knees are victim to the fall.

Jeongguk’s heart drops. The fragile tension between them shatters, and his breath catches in his throat. He doesn’t think—he just reacts. “Dal!”

Before he knows it, panic overtakes him and he’s off his bike in a flash, letting it crash behind him as he rushes to her side. His voice shakes when he kneels beside her, the name escaping him again, raw and urgent.

Eunbi is sprawled on the ground, dirt smudged across her skin, her hands trembling as they try to push her own body up. Jeongguk immediately detects the blood seeping from the cuts on her knees, then scans through her face contorted in pain. He searches her whole body for more wounds with wide, desperate eyes and he notices her palms are also bleeding.

His hands hover uselessly, unsure where to touch or how to help without hurting her more. His heart is racing, pounding in his chest as the sight of her like this rips through him. It feels like the ground has been yanked out from beneath his feet.

When he speaks again, his voice is rough with fright, “Are you okay?” It’s the first thing he manages to blurt out, while helping her turn on her back. But it’s a stupid question—he can see she’s not okay. He can see the ache written all over her features, more blood dripping from her cuts.

Eunbi doesn’t respond immediately. Her breath comes out in sharp, shaky gasps. Jeongguk can see the shock of it all settling into her body and he watches as she tries to pull herself together, her face pale. Eunbi mutters, her voice small but strained, attempting to sit up in slow movements, “I’m fine.”

Jeongguk feels himself spiralling. The terror in her eyes is reflected in his, but it seems to hit him ten times stronger than what the bruised girl has to deal with right now. His orbs widen impossibly more as the seconds go by, and when her eyes seem to mist over with tears he can’t help his own palms from framing her face and searching for possible scratches he couldn’t spot with his attentive gaze, then grasps her arms.

This isn’t how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to make her feel the hurt he carried, make her understand how deep his pain went. But now, as he looks at her, all he can think is how wrong that is. The sight of her suffering doesn’t give him any satisfaction. Only a pang deep in his chest, something ugly that he doesn’t know how to deal with.

“I’m fine,” Eunbi repeats again, this time with a little more conviction, a small, forced smile barely reaching her lips. But Jeongguk can see right through it. He hopes she can feel the intention seeping from his contact, his hold rough but warm over her goosebumps-covered skin.

The rushed moment gives no space for the resentment they had grown accustomed to these past days, and it wraps them up in a bubble from which the present is locked out. They’re outside Jeongguk’s porch, and Eunbi just fell on her hands and knees trying to learn how to roller skate. Her best friend sits beside her, taking care of her pain.

Even with their friends now hovering above them, throwing concerned questions at her, Jeongguk’s entire focus is on Eunbi. He follows her every slight movement, every shift of her body as she tries to mask the discomfort. His eyes study the way her face scrunches in pain, his heart aching in time with her every wince. And every time she looks at him, silently seeking reassurance, he’s right there, offering it in the softening of his gaze.

As the group’s voices become a chaotic hum around them, Eunbi’s low murmur slips past the noise, meant only for him, “Gguk. Maybe I don’t feel so fine.”

Her sheepish smile doesn’t reach her eyes, and the worry in her eyebrows betrays her light-hearted attempt. Jeongguk doesn’t hesitate. He immediately reacts, delicately leading her upper body down again. Seated on his heels, he lays her head on his lap and keeps her eyes on his face, his voice soothing, “It’s okay, Bee. Look at me. You’re going to be fine.”

Eunbi nods, trying to will herself into trusting him, but Jeongguk sees the uncertainty etched into every line of her face. Her eyes, wide with panic, keep darting down to her legs, where Namjoon holds them up steady, and Dahye works carefully to clean her wounds. There’s terror in her eyes every time she follows the blood trickling down her skin and notices how it keeps flowing out furiously. Jeongguk knows that look all too well. He’s seen it before, is aware of how blood unsettles her, how easily fear grips her in moments like these.

He acts instinctively, gently covering her eyes with one of his hands, the thumb subtly caressing her forehead, “Don’t look, Dal. Close your eyes, hm?”

Jeongguk can feel the hesitancy radiating from the group, their confusion practically tangible as they watch the scene unfold. They’ve seen him and Eunbi at each other’s throats, and now this tenderness feels foreign. But to him, it’s more familiar than any of the anger he’s harboured towards her. It’s like something pulling at the edges of his consciousness, reminding him of how it always has been, and should have been.

He refuses to linger on that thought now. Rational explanations and consequences can wait for later. Right now, all he cares about is making sure Eunbi is okay.

Her fall wasn’t severe, not by any medical standard, but the sight of her pale face and the cold sweat clinging to her skin keeps his nerves taut. He can't relax, not when he can still feel the tremble in her body and see the fright in her eyes. The panic washing over her features only makes him grip her a little tighter.

Namjoon breaks through the haze of Jeongguk’s focus, his voice concerned as he lowers Eunbi’s legs gently to the ground. “I need a shirt or something. Tissues won’t be enough here.”

It seems more as if he’s muttering to himself than anyone else, because he instantly moves to search in his backpack. Jeongguk is quicker, reacting without hesitation, still making sure Eunbi is shielded from the view of her knee scratched and raw with blood, “There’s one in my backpack. You can rip it if you need to.”

Namjoon pauses for a moment, looking at Jeongguk with doubt and something else he can’t quite place. But after a beat, he nods, unzipping the bag and pulling out the t-shirt.

The older boy calls Eunbi’s attention on him, and Jeongguk’s hand reluctantly slips away from her face, settling in her hair instead. Namjoon’s tone is gentle, keeping the girl grounded, “Okay Bi. I’m going to press very hard now. It’ll hurt a bit, but I need to stop the bleeding. You okay?”

Eunbi nods, her expression tight with fear but determined to stay calm. She focuses solely on Namjoon’s face, deliberately avoiding the sight of her knee, where blood continues to drip down, relentless and vivid against her skin. The second Namjoon applies pressure, she lets out a sharp squeal, her brows knitting together as soft whimpers follow, each sound striking Jeongguk with a deep sense of helplessness.

And it’s more than he can bear. Without thinking, he reaches for Namjoon’s wrist, halting his movement, his voice tight and edged with a protectiveness he can’t suppress, “Yo, you’re hurting her. Don’t press so hard.”

The other boy meets his eyes, a small scoff escaping his lips without going unnoticed, his expression steady, “I’m studying to be a doctor. I think I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re studying to be a vet, that’s not a fucking doctor.” The comment slips past him before he can do anything about it, sharper than intended, fueled by frustration and anxiety. The unnecessary weight of his words reflect in the surprised reactions from his friends and the slight arch of Namjoon’s brow.

“Bibi kinda looks like a deer. I’d say it’s quite appropriate,” Dahye’s voice slices through the small, sudden moment of tension, and it’s sweet but tinged with humour, her light-hearted tone meant to ease some of her friend’s nerves. Eunbi chuckles, light and genuine, for the first time that morning. She searches for the taller girl’s gaze and finds her crouching next to Jeongguk, close to her.

Jeongguk notices the shift in her immediately, the way her features relax, the calm that briefly washes over her. He scrutinises every subtle change, searching for the girl he’d spent years knowing. But as he looks down at her, still resting in his lap, her gaze lingering on Dahye before quickly finding his and then returning to Namjoon, he spots something that twists in his gut.

There’s a shift in her eyes. Uncertainty. It all comes rushing back. It’s not just the physical pain that’s pulling her away. The brief connection they had shared slips through his fingers. It’s like a switch has been flipped, and they’re back where they always end up, strangers that know everything about the other, even when they’re this close. The softness in her eyes is not directed at him, and it’s then replaced by doubt. The image causes an obnoxious alarm to go off in his head. He doesn’t know how to restore the moment. Doesn’t want it to end.

Frantic, he keeps combing his fingers through her hair, desperate to hold onto any remains. His movements are absentminded, mechanical almost, as if he’s afraid to let go completely. Then, the need to hear her voice becomes almost overwhelming, and his words come out soft, tentative, “You okay?”

When she only nods, he frowns. It does little to ease his mounting anxiety.

Namjoon resumes his work diligently, and Eunbi eventually sits up, the warmth of her body now gone from Jeongguk’s lap. It only leads him to further seek for a way to bridge the gap, forcing a gentle smile, “Dal, it’s not even bleeding anymore. See?”

“Oh god, is she dying? She’s gonna bleed out.” It’s Hoseok’s dramatic outburst shattering the moment and Jeongguk’s every possible attempt at mending it, as the boy crouches down to inspect the stained shirt wrapped around Eunbi’s leg with a grimace.

Eunbi, who had just started to calm down, now feels her breath quicken. She instinctively looks at Jeongguk, her eyes pleading for reassurance, but before he can offer his comfort, Hoseok’s over-the-top concern strikes again, “Bi, what’s your blood type? Just in case we might need to give you a blood transfusion.”

“What? Is he serious?” Her eyes widen in disbelief as she searches for the bloodstain but finds Jeongguk quickly pulling her shoulder to keep her still, “He’s just—”

"Actually, I once watched a tutorial on YouTube on how to do that. It’s not that hard. We just need to find someone with your same blood type and you’re set." Jimin’s sudden comment adds to the absurdity, and Jeongguk groans, his frustration mingling with the ridiculousness of the situation.

”You two, shut up and help me clean these,” rolling her eyes, Dahye puts an end to the foolish interaction and urges them to take care of the cuts on Eunbi’s palms, still unattended. Hoseok tries, he does, but he feels like facing blood this close will probably result in him fainting. He doesn’t think having another person on the verge of passing out would help. So, he calls for Taehyung to take over while he just resolves by trying to distract Eunbi, “I was just kidding, doesn’t look so bad. Where did you get this top, by the way?”

Jeongguk hesitates. He can’t focus on the banter. His anxiety is slowly eating at his insides, and he knows he should let go of whatever bubble he found himself trapped into. Should burst it with the slightest nudge of his finger, the mocking plop! sound eventually bringing him back to the present and making the sounds clearer, closer. But he can’t. He’s feverish as Eunbi seems to avoid his gaze further, only offering small smiles when he attempts to comfort her like he did while she was laying on his legs, her eyes trained on his and seemingly the only thing able to keep her stable. The chaos makes his head spin, but what’s worse is the feeling that she’s slipping away, again. Even if it was just an illusion to begin with.

Deep in the spiral of his thoughts, it takes him a moment to notice that Eunbi is being helped up by Namjoon, and that she’s holding onto his forearms while taking small, hesitant steps without applying too much pressure on the bruised knee. Namjoon hums in concern, then looks behind his shoulders, “Hey, my bike has a seat behind. I’m taking Eunbi back to the campsite.”

The words snap Jeongguk out of his daze, making him stand up and instantly pulling him back from whatever other mental trap he had fallen right into. Even if it seems to be too late now, Eunbi restoring the wall between them brick by brick, his heart kicks into overdrive, and before he even knows what he’s doing, he blurts out with more urgency than necessary, “I’ll come with you!”

The response is immediate, and not in the way he expects. All eyes land on him, doubtful, surprised. He can feel the shift in the air, a tension settling around him as his friends exchange glances, unsure of where this sudden burst of energy came from. The awkwardness of the moment seeps into his skin, and Jeongguk clears his throat, feeling the heat rise to his face, “I’ll— I’ll help take Eunbi’s bike back.”

Dahye pats him on the shoulder reassuringly, and Jeongguk is momentarily taken aback considering their earlier interaction and how she had looked at him with murderous intents. This time, she sports a soft smile, “Don’t worry, Gguk. I’ll do it.”

Jeongguk opens his mouth to argue, but Namjoon cuts in, his expression equally puzzled by the younger’s outburst, “Yeah, man. You should stay here and enjoy the day. It’s your birthday, after all.”

“But—“

”You did enough already, Gguk. Stay with the others, we’ll take care of her.” After throwing him a convincing nod, Dahye is already pulling Eunbi’s bike up and steadying it, quickly collecting her own that had stopped not too far away.

Jeongguk frantically searches for Eunbi’s gaze, for any sign that he should push further, that she needs him with her. But as they lock eyes, the weight of his earlier actions come crashing down on him, like a bucket of cold water. He let himself get carried away in a distant fantasy that doesn’t belong in his reality, that shouldn’t have unfolded in their present. It only led him to try and force his way into a situation where he wasn’t needed. No, where he wasn’t wanted. The thought stings more than he cares to admit.

He seeks for confirmation either way, hanging on the last remaining thin thread, the name slipping from his tongue again, tentative, “Are you sure, Bee?”

Eunbi hesitates, her arms wrapping around her figure, shielding herself from him. She also seems to be realising the unfamiliarity of the moment, of his sweet tone, his eyes never once hardening when they land on her. And it’s weird, because she should be accepting this version of him with much more ease. But instead, she finds support in their distance right now, and she lowers her gaze, “Yes, Jeongguk. I don’t want to bother you further.”

A small gasp fights its way up his throat, but he stops it. He tries to argue, stuttering, “You— You’re not— Whatever. Huh, call if anything happens?”

His eyes are still trained on Eunbi, but she doesn’t react. Dahye chuckles softly to try and soothe the air, “Hey, she’s okay. It’s just a few scratches. Right, Bibi?”

The oddly silent girl nods, her head up again and now meeting Jeongguk with confidence, firmly holding his gaze, the smallest remains of whatever they got caught into scattered to the ground. He mirrors her nodding, attempting to smooth some of her certainty in himself, failing, “Huh— okay. I’m just— okay. I’ll see you later, then.”

Later comes, and Jeongguk barely sees Eunbi. The night grows louder, he’s surrounded by friends, their energy infectious as they prepare for his birthday, now just a few hours away. They’re bubbling with excitement, eyes bright with anticipation, instilling that nervous buzz that always hits him just before midnight. Jeongguk smiles along with them, but his heart isn’t quite in it.

Despite the laughter and the way the campfire crackles as they pass around bottles of alcohol, Jeongguk feels distant, like he's watching it all through a fog. His friends are trying, he can tell. They’re making every effort to keep him distracted, to drown out the noise in his head with their joy. Jokes fly around the fire, and every few minutes someone checks the time, gasping excitedly as midnight draws nearer. It’s sweet, thoughtful, and he genuinely appreciates it. But no matter how much he tries to focus on them, on the present moment, his mind keeps drifting. His eyes wander, searching for Eunbi.

She’s always just out of sight. There, but not fully. Lingering at the edges, sticking close to Dahye. Laughing quietly, but never wholly engaging with the group like she usually would, despite everything. It’s just enough to not raise suspicion, but it’s clear she’s retreating. Closing herself off from the rest of them, from him.

Jeongguk tells himself he’s reading too much into it. That she’s probably still finding it hard to recover from the earlier incident, her bruises still visible. But he also knows this feeling too well. He felt it after that ride on his motorcycle, Eunbi seeking for something in his eyes, the moment so tender but broken in an instant. He’s acquainted with the slow drift, the wall quietly being rebuilt between them. Taller, sturdier.

The campfire crackles, and his friends’ voices rise around him, but he’s only half there. Jeongguk wishes he could stop his mind from racing, wishes he could just fall into the rhythm of the celebration like everyone else.

And then midnight comes. With it, a burst of chaos. His friends spring to life, hoisting him up into the air, passing him between them like a beloved trophy. Their spark is contagious, and for a moment, Jeongguk lets himself be burnt by it. The joy, the love surrounding him. They sing him happy birthday, off-key and loud, pouring drinks and making ridiculous toasts. He allows himself to be showered by that affection. It’s not perfect, but it’s enough.

As the hours drag on, the celebration settles into a steady hum. They stay by the fire, some leaning into one another, others still joking around, the alcohol loosening their tongues. The earlier buzz mellows into something softer, more intimate, and Jeongguk feels himself unwind, even a little. He laughs more freely now, the weight of the night starting to lift as he becomes wrapped up in their warmth.

Eventually, exhaustion begins to creep in. One by one, his friends start to peel away, calling it a night and retreating to their tents with promises to continue the celebration tomorrow. They ruffle Jeongguk’s hair, poking at him one last time before bidding him goodnight, the warmth of their presence lingering even as they disappear. Jimin and Taehyung make sure he’s okay before heading to their tent, only after throwing final teases laced with affection at him. Jeongguk sports a boyish grin as he watches them go.

Then it’s just him, the fire crackling softly and the bright stars above him. They whisper something to him, but he can’t decipher it. It makes his skin prickle with the chill and his eyelids shut heavier, slower with every flutter. He doesn’t hear his thoughts so strongly, now. Maybe he chooses not to. He’s been dealing with them all day long, seeking for even one of the millions to lighten him with something he actually needs. Does he even know what he needs? The ache in his heart that refuses to settle hints at a negative answer.

Jeongguk knows there’s something he wants, though. He badly wants these first hours of his birthday to be blessed by a certain someone’s wishes. He completely lost sight of her in the earlier chaos. Didn’t get to check if a smile, even a forced one, was painting her lips when midnight struck.

Perhaps it’s the universe pitying him, reserving him with a gift that could or could not change his misery. But he soon realises he’s not alone when a soft clearing of a throat breaks the silence.

He turns and finds Eunbi standing there, hesitant. She visibly struggles with what to do, her legs refusing to bring her closer to him but her brain willing to, sheepishly taking the seat next to him, “Um. Happy birthday, I guess.”

Jeongguk recognises it instantly, the way she says it, her subtle, small, playful smile not lost on him. It mirrors the same tone he’d used when he had blurted it out awkwardly at her own birthday not too long ago, the first time they’d really spoken one-on-one. A small chuckle escapes him, unsure but undeniably warm, “Huh. Thanks.”

And then there’s silence. It stretches between them, heavy but not uncomfortable, like there’s something waiting beneath it, something unspoken. The two are deep in their thoughts, words they want to say hovering on the tip of their tongues, but neither quite ready to let them loose. The crackling of the fire fills the space, the occasional pop of embers the only sound as they sit side by side, both not used to the feeling.

Jeongguk hesitates, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. “Do you… feel better?”

Eunbi hums.

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

It goes quiet again, air thick and pregnant with everything left unsaid. Jeongguk hesitates, his mind swirling with the urge to say something, anything, but the fear of breaking whatever fragile truce they have keeps him quiet. He wants to ask her if she’s okay — really okay — but the words feel inadequate.

Eventually, it’s Eunbi who takes a deep breath, as if drawing in strength from the fire, from the quiet of the night around them, “I— I feel like… we should talk. Do— do you want to?”

Jeongguk’s chest tightens, his heart pounding, but then he nods.

“Yeah.”

[candy8448]

Nothing like opening my eyes to a new linked universe update

Dawn pt8

My occasional source of dopamine XD

Its very satisfying seeing how all the traveling layers are put on. You can really imagine this scene animated

So a lot of important things were discussed, stuff the fandom have noticed before but its good that jojo finally mentioned them herself:

Shadow is the only this associated with the portals (pg1)

I LOVE how so many traits and experiences of the characters are shown here!!

Wild taking the blame first, he's got one heck a guilt complex (pg2)

We are just hit with everyone's emotions right off the bat and i love that!

I kinda like how blunt Time is

Wars talking about how "helping the wound isn't an option," things they must consider during war (pg3)

Legend trying to lighten the mood again like he always does (pg4)

I like to see how what they think of wolfie has changed now that they know it was twilight. Wars thinking its fine if the animal goes off alone cuz it doesnt understand but now making it clear that he doesn't like it

Secrets are getting in the way (such as wolfie) and hindering their process. Maybe it wouldn't have been so clunky if tgey knew exactly who wolfie is

WARS' SCARF IS BACK BABY! I got so excited when i saw it that page, dont worry guys, he has it back now!

Legend with his puzzle mind :))) my legend-centric brain is happy (pg5)

But his teasing almost boastfullness ("it just got lucky") but then turning in to actual contemplation, i love that he is also taking things seriously

Its actively seeking them out, Hyrule is wary that it will find them, like in his adventure (pg6)

They need to get better at teamwork

Four bringing in the joke about friendly fire. He definetly knows a lot about that (im reading the four swords manga for the first time and am near the begining sooo)

They need to use their arsenal

I just gotta say that i love this shot, very pleasing to my eye for some reason. But im so excited to see how everything goes with this! Im guessing in the near future, they will be taking these but to the extreme that it hinders them so they need to practice or something

Oof poor hyrule so tired of strong monsters, his games were HARD (pg7)

The power up on the sword! Ive seen a post about it before so its cool that they are noticing it, very important too!

I like the firmness with sky and time's ideas of the sword. Even though time says nothing about her we can see it, and the fact that she still sees him as her master (obviously!) It seems like they both need to sort out this dissagreement in order to not impact them even more (Pg8)

I love this especially because i just made a fic about exploring sky's and others' relationship with the master sword

I can't help but think that sky is thinking about more than just this quest in this update and back to his own adventure and maybe ghirahim. More bits in this update also make me think that ("he wants to fight" "yeah, 'cause he wont")

Wind being the one most eagre to fight! And Hyrule being the one most ready to go! I love that!

I was just thinking a few bays ago about what happened to those letters, i guess we get to see now! It seems like it might be one more update before we set off properly again (pg9)

Sky looking so happy about the mail at the end :)))

We really do get a piece of everyone and their personalities in this one

Im so excited for them to be on the road again!

[reyanfia]

the warrior and his healer — neteyam x reader ☄. *. ⋆➢ part four!

other chapters are up! read it here -> chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3 (give this chap and part 3 some love guys)

setting: awa'atlu, pandora.

pairing: neteyam x fem!metkayina!reader

warnings: teensy bit of angst, emotions i guess, mentions of drinking (honestly dunno if that's a thing with the na'vi) aaand they kiss! cuties

summary: neteyam survives and it is all thanks to your stubbornness. you and your friends go out to celebrate after ronal chooses you as one of the healers. maybe this is where your feelings unravel.

a/n: i'm kinda wondering why chapter 1 is going up and the latest chapters are kinda slow but that's probably just how tumblr works. and lets pretend spider just doesn't exist. anyway i think this is the last chapter so enjoy! by the way the ending is to die for so make sure you read it okay im squealing

after that disastrous day, you, with the help of your friends had brought neteyam to an empty marui nearer to where most of the healers lived.

for those 4 days he was resting, you were willing to walk far to reach that marui, just to check up on him. his wounds were already stitched up, so he was healing in a stable condition.

the elder healers would find you asleep by him in the marui. the bond between both of you warmed their hearts — so they'd leave you alone with him.

the sully siblings also visit him a lot, accompanying you for a lot of the time. tsireya, ao'nung and rotxo also came to visit. the sullies, as well as jake and neytiri, couldn't stop thanking you for what you did — if you hadn't left the village, he would've been... gone.

it was clear to many people now, your affection for neteyam.

— ☄. . ⋆✧ .

you grumbled softly, a little impatient on when neteyam would finally wake up so you could talk to him again.

the village now has healed a little, but many were still closed off due to the shock of the battle. a lot were injured, some were shot, too. but luckily, they all ended up alright with the help of the tsahìk, the healers, alongside with you and a few other girls.

you gazed at the sleeping boy in front of you. "come on now, teyam. you promised you'd come back." you whispered, as if he could somehow hear you. you hoped he did. he looked peaceful, as if he wasn't just shot 4 days ago.

his usual azure blue colour turned into somewhat of a sky blue. he was a little pale, due to dehydration and not eating for the past 4 days.

you heard soft footsteps from behind you, turning around to find kiri and tuk smiling gently at you. "still waiting, i see." kiri started, nodding over to neteyam.

you turned back to look at him, bringing an arm around tuk's shoulders who sat down right next to you. "i can't miss the moment he wakes up."

kiri sits beside you. she glances over — your right hand was holding onto her brother's. she can't help but smile at the sight. you both were definitely made for each other, she noticed how your eyes were filled with care and warmth as you watched him.

there was a time during training when you had asked her, if neteyam had anyone that he liked. there was, and as we all could guess, it was you.

on some nights, before going to sleep, neteyam would talk to her about you. he would tell her what's happened when you both were out, how you were like when you were studying. it was no doubt really, that he shared your feelings.

you may have thought that he treated you like everyone else because he saw you as nothing more than a friend, but kiri noticed how he'd purposely give you the ripest fruit out of the bunch that he had collected. how he would hesitate to meet your eyes when he talked to you, but would stare at them when you weren't looking.

he cared more for you than you thought he did. he always has.

a little later, you could feel the hand you held moving slightly. your eyes that was once on the people outside snapped towards him, startling tuk and kiri a little.

your eyes scanned his face to check whether he was actually waking up or if it was just your imaginations.

"neteyam?" tuk was starting to see it too.

the world seemed a little brighter when you saw him trying to open his eyes, his brows furrowing because of the brightness that was coming in from a window.

"uh, kiri—" she caught on before you could finish and went up to shut the blinds, then came running back to your side with the hugest smile you've ever seen on her.

you couldn't help but smile yourself. "tuk! go call the others and tell them." tuk nods hurriedly and bolts out the marui. you could hear her happy giggles, and it warmed your heart even more.

"oh teyam, you're finally awake," your voice came out as a whisper, only kiri could hear you. you resisted crashing into him with a hug, knowing he needs time to — re-awaken himself? whatever it was. you let him take his time.

"______. kiri. where are the others?" there was that incredibly hoarse voice again, due to the disuse. it reminded you of how his voice was the first time tsireya brought him to your marui.

"they're coming. tuk is calling them." kiri replied for you.

the more you looked at him, finally awake and moving, the more overcome of emotion you became to be. your dear best friend — he was finally here.

he wanted to sit up, and though with your objections saying that he should lie down for a few more minutes, he shook his head, attempting to do it on his own. he couldn't though, so you and kiri helped him.

"i'd fall back asleep if i were to just lie down." he mumbled lowly, with that familiar grin on his face. you only gave him a poker-face in disbelief. "you're really joking at a time like this?"

"oh come on. you know you love me for that." he teased, giving you a full smile this time.

and you did love him for it. he was way too optimistic during troubling times, but it was exceptionally endearing to be annoyed at.

you grumbled, rolling your eyes at him. you couldn't stay mad though, it ended up in you chuckling at him with kiri. "you absolute dork."

heavy stomps from behind you caught your attention. you three looked to the entrance — and there was tsireya, ao'nung, rotxo, the other sully kids, with jake and neytiri. the look of intense relief instantly replaced their out-of-breath ones, running towards neteyam.

neytiri was the first to be kneeling beside him, immediately bringing him into an embrace. "oh, neteyam, thank eywa," she croaked out, squeezing her eyes shut.

the other sullys gathered around him, while your metkayina friends gathered behind you, smiling warmly at the re-united family in front of you.

happy tears found their way to your eyes, so then there you were, crying. you covered your mouth so you wouldn't disturb their moment.

but neteyam saw you, and brought you into their hug as well.

— ☄. . ⋆✧ .

a few days after neteyam woke up, he stayed in his family's marui to recover and regain strength. he earned it back in just a short amount of time, with you coming over a few times to give him medicines for any sort of aches. it was mostly muscle aches, meaning he insisted on you being the only one massaging him. he didn't want anybody else doing it.

this boy's gonna be the death of you. (not that you were complaining.)

then, comes a day when he was all recovered and healthy again. it happened to be the day you were finally going to take the dreaded test. neteyam came over to your marui at dawn, wanting to help you prepare for it before it starts in the morning. you really wanted him to rest a little more, but you could use some reassurance, so you let him in.

you, however, went ahead to not accept his words of consolation.

he watched you go over all the plant names, their uses, their side effects, everything that you had learnt and everything you could think of.

most of the time, you were pacing around the entire marui, and i mean entire — it was a cycle. you'd start reading the facts out on your sleeping hammock, and then you'd end up sitting under it. after that you'd roam the area where you'd prepare food, then moving across the marui to your shelves.

you only ever stopped your pacing whenever neteyam said something to try and help you. it wasn't helping though. not one bit.

this was the longest you went with rambling. and neteyam had had enough.

"_____. stop it."

"stop what?"

"that." you examined yourself. you weren't doing anything? you were walking around the entire place like a maniac, that's all. why should that be a problem?

"what about no?" you deadpanned him. he returned the same expression back to you.

he got up rigidly from where he was sitting walked towards you and placed his hands on your shoulders. "you. ______. ever since tsireya brought me to you that day, all i've ever seen you do was study, eat, train, sleep. that was all. i've seen how you would be on the verge of tears when you couldn't understand something. but then you proceed to understand it anyway. you know more than you think you do."

you gulped, shaking your head. "no. neteyam, that's different. today's the test—"

"could you listen to me? like, for once? eywa give me strength." his arms dropped to your hands, holding them with a solid grip. your eyes narrowed, "i would but the last time you wanted me to do that, would've ended up with you dying."

"but you didn't! because you saved me, for eywa's sake. you, managed to save me from a weapon that you've never ever seen in your life. do you realize that? you know enough. so could you please, please stop stumbling around like you're drugged and finally take a break. at least let's go and have food or something?"

you said nothing.

"pull yourself together now. talk to me." he pleaded with you, searching your eyes for an answer.

you averted your gaze to the ground, speechless. after all, he was right. no, not that 'you know enough since you saved me' part, but because you did seem like you were drugged. eyes and ears droopy, tail flicking around nonstop.

okay, we're kidding. you did find truth in his words, you could answer any question he asked about medicine and healing right off the bat. you were just immensely paranoid.

you gave in, sighing. "fine. let's go have breakfast." you grumbled.

he smiled softly at you, and you could swear though your heart was kind of angry at him, it skipped a beat.

he did not let go of your hand as you both walked to the eating area. didn't even let go as he walked you to the healer's test area after that.

"i know you hate me for dragging you out your misery bubble, but i know, and i swear on a million suns, you are going to do just fine."

neteyam brought his hand up from your shoulder to your face. he caressed it gently, and you were aching to lean into his touch. thankfully he pulled away his hand at the last second, giving you a smile of reassurance before he started to walk off.

you can hear some of the girls who were participating in the test swoon over his action, stopping at the second you turned around with your unintentional tired death glare.

you sat by them, waiting for the tsahìk to come and commence the assessment.

you stared at your hands that he held all morning. his touch on your face lingered, and you dwelled on it. does that mean something?

well, obviously. how are you this blind?

— ☄. . ⋆✧ .

the test was done. you exhaled sharply, being the last getting up to leave.

a hold on your wrist stopped you in your tracks. turning around, you met eyes with ronal, the tsahìk.

you had spoken to her a few times, when you were over at her marui to hang around with tsireya and ao'nung. she had an unreadable expression on her face most of the time, but in this moment, she had a glint of proudness in her eyes.

"_____. neytiri has told me how you had saved that eldest son of hers. from a sky demon's weapon. is that true?"

"uh— yes. i did do that." you nodded at her words, hesitantly meeting her eyes.

this was worse than all those study sessions. "how impressive." the tsahìk finally responded, after a few seconds of unnerving silence.

when she let go of your wrist to let you go back, you could swear you saw a pleased smile on her face.

you made the tsahìk smile. now that's something to remember.

—

the next day, you were done. the pressure on you was lifted when you completed that test, allowing yourself to finally give yourself a much needed break. so you slept in.

however, you were a light sleeper. when you heard your mother calling your name, you opened your tired eyes and got up from the hammock, scratching your head.

"_____! hurry up and get yourself ready. the tsahìk has made her choice."

your sleepy eyes widened in full alert when you heard your mother say those words. "what? already?"

you didn't wait for any other response, you ran straight to the springs to bathe yourself.

you took only a few minutes to bathe, and you neatened your hair after that.

you didn't want to bring up your hopes. if you weren't chosen, you'd only be disappointed. your entire head was absolutely blank with no expectations, on auto-pilot as you got yourself ready.

when you were done, you walked out of your marui, seeing your parents already waiting for you outside. "hurry now! the people have gathered by the shores. your friends are all waiting for you."

a small smile crept up your lips as you walked to the spot with them both. it was getting pretty exciting, at this point.

"_____!" you heard tsireya calling out for you, so you weaved through the crowd looking for her. she was near to the center of the gathering, alongside all your other friends.

your smile got even wider when you saw her. you ran over to them, tsireya jumping animatedly like a child. "i'm confident that you'll be chosen. i know you will, that's what i've always said! don't try to deny me." a beaming smile was plastered on her face. you tried to find words to respond with, but the tsahìk had already came to announce her choices.

she stood on a bed of black stone, which acted as a stage. you looked up to her, seeing a proud smile on her face. it was a rare expression to see, so you were wondering who among her choices earned so much of her approval.

"people! i'm sure we have all been waiting for this day. i will be announcing the young ladies that i have chosen to help out the healers. this is a high position, as you all may know. this work, it is a matter of life and death." she started, the crowd going silent as they took in her words.

"we'll lengthen this event no further. i have chosen 4 girls who will become healers, alongside my tsakarem, tsireya."

people around you cheered. they quickly settled down though, anticipating the tsahìk's choices.

your heart started to race faster. "the first in line, is _____!"

all eyes were on you now, and you were smiling so much your cheeks were starting to hurt. the people cheered once again, and your friends were all tugging on you. the joyous looks on their faces made your face heat up, that sense of accomplishment filling through your entire body. this was the happiest you'd been in months.

"oh, i told you! i told you, _____! i knew you'd be chosen!" tsireya was shouting so much, you were starting to worry for her throat.

you looked back to ronal, and she beckoned you to come and stand beside her.

all those sleepless nights were so worth it.

you looked into the crowd, still smiling as ronal announced the names of the 3 other girls. you didn't really know them well, but you applauded for them and smiled at them when they stood beside you. they shared that same look of glee that you had.

you couldn't quite hear what ronal had said next, because as you focused into the crowd, you found neteyam and zeroed in on his face.

he's got that gleaming smile on him that you've always found yourself weak for. he's waving at you, and cheering for you. your smile reached up to your eyes as you subtly waved back at him, your hand by your hip, hoping he'd see it. he did.

"meet us all by the cove at night." he signed, and you nodded slowly at his message. you watched as they all retreat from the crowd.

you shook your head, casting your eyes down to the ground, smiling.

you weren't exactly sure what they were planning. but what you were sure of, was that it was going to be one hell of a night.

— ☄. . ⋆✧ .

after a long day of celebrating your victory with your family members, you told your parents that you were going out to celebrate with your friends. they allowed you, but told you to not come home too late.

you skipped happily toward the cove, where it was prettiest at night. the waters surrounding it would shine, so you often went there on nights when you couldn't fall asleep.

you turned a corner and there they all were. except for tuk though. poor girl's got a bedtime.

"ah! there's my girl. see what i told you?" neteyam began, once you were in his line of sight. you hid your face behind your hands, getting all bashful at what he said. my girl. it rolled off his tongue so easily.

he guided you by your waist to where they were all sitting at — around the fire, chatting and drinking without a care in the world.

"_____! congrats on becoming a healer, seems like you'll have more guys coming to you. careful, neteyam might get jealous— ow!" ao'nung hissed, at neteyam who swatted him behind the head. "let's not go there. why would i be jealous?" you felt your heart drop a little at those last words. he seemed pretty sure about it too.

you sat in between tsireya and neteyam. you were sitting normally beside them at first, but tsireya inched closer to lo'ak, and you with neteyam. an hour later, your head was laid on his shoulder, while his head rested on yours. he had an arm around your shoulders, and you were holding his hand that was hanging off of it.

you knew everybody could see this. how both of you seemed to be too close for comfort. it certainly did not look like friendly touching either. this was some next level shit. you didn't care though, you missed him. you missed this feeling.

you took another swig of the bottle, the sour taste of fruit running down your throat. you seemed to be just fine, no dizziness or out-of-character mannerisms, you looked as normal as usual. so, you continued drinking from it.

neteyam turned his head to look at you. "might wanna calm down on that, hm?" his hand reached out to take it away from you, but you stopped it by pushing it away with your free hand. "ah-ah. this tastes nice, so i'll keep drinking."

he chuckled down at you. "you sure you won't get drunk, love?"

you were about the take another sip, but your arm stopped its own movements when you heard that name he called you. he never called you that.

you sat up straight now, looking right at him. "hm. i don't think im the drunk one here," you studied his face to check for any signs of him being tipsy, but he looked fully sober and alert.

it hit you then, so hard as if a boulder came falling from the sky. you took a deep breath in. "teyam, is there something you need to tell me?"

that voice of yours, eywa, how it affected him. and that nickname you had for him, he feels like he'd melt into the ground everytime you said it. and the way you looked at him. he ran a hand down his face before taking you by the hand, away from the others.

he brought you behind the rocky walls, taking a look behind him to be sure that no one was following you two. impatient and overcome with a wave of confidence, you tugged on his hand. "you alright?"

his jaw went slack. if you listened close enough. you could hear the gears turning in his head, thinking about what to say. after a few seconds, something finally come out of him. "i really can't pretend anymore."

ah. there it was, what you've been waiting to hear for months now. but it's not fully out yet. you decided to act oblivious and maybe, tease him. "what's happened? have i done something wrong?"

he was quick to deny it, shaking his head. "no. no, not at all. i um— gosh, don't make me say it. i can't say them."

there was the shy neteyam that you first met. unable to meet your eyes, staring at the ground.

"fine. i'll say it then," you grinned, a hand of yours reaching up to cup his face. "look at me, neteyam." you whispered, hoping he'll look at you properly. it took a second, but he's looking at you now. right into your soul.

"i see you."

those three words that left your lips — it made both of you shiver. but he was looking at you in disbelief, and it kind of scared you, fearing you said something wrong. you anxiously scanned his face for any signs, something that would tell you how he's feeling.

"please say something, teyam."

oh, you really knew what you were doing with that tone, messing with his heart like that.

"can you say that again? please?"

so there was nothing to be worried about. your stomach was doing somersaults as your eyes roamed his face, his bioluminescent freckles painted him, only making him look so much more stunning. has he been this beautiful this whole time?

with a shy smile, you placed both your hands on his shoulders, repeating the words. "i see you, neteyam. i've felt like this for the past few months now, you've really got me weak, y'know?"

he's speechless and stumped. you've got his entire heart now, right in your hands. this could've been a dream, some sick joke you were playing — but it wasn't. you loved him, and this was real.

he's brought your hands from his shoulders and into his. smiling softly down at you, he says, "yawne, you have no idea how long i've wanted to hear that."

both your hearts beat as one now that the truth was out. his hands traveled to your waist to pull you closer, and yours around his neck.

you both gave in at once.

©ronalsgirl

AND SHE'S DONE! so sorry how i didn't give more kithy kithy details but im super tired right now LMFAO

tagging: @azaleaniath @theycallmesia @saturnheartz @mirikusashes @thesecretsoftheuniverse @fanboyluvr @neteyamforlife @xaoxin @naynay2808 @parrotpeggy

tags that won't work: @amortencjja @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367 @goatmilkaddict @erenjaegerwifee [help im actually confused are these "not working tags" working or nah? cus when i type the user in after the @ it doesn't show up but it still links to your guys' accounts somehow]

thank you to everybody who's supported this miniseries. im absolutely grateful to every single one of you. <333

[dm me if you spot any errors!]

[avielex]

i noticed rat man doesn't have an ask yet where's vernie when you need em to simp /jj

anwyays! 🍀🧠✂️💀 for MURIEL‼️‼️‼️‼️

FOUR ASKS. omg. Yeah youre right where's vernie when you need em? Im surprised they haven't asked about Muriel much lol

🍀 What originally inspired your OC?

So I had drafts before...

Yeah, this was Muriel! Originally he was just gonna be some third OC who was friends with Jordan in class, but then came the idea of getting SHREW involved. (It's a cult about "breaking the limits and reaching the skies" — aka ego shit)

I knew I wanted some sort of sweet polite guy who acted all cold and suspicious in secret, reading people like books (Snape will hate me for saying this) and not much else, just getting info for when he needs to use them. His finalized design didn't come around until someone else did, though, and even now his story is still on progress.

🧠 What do you like most about the OC?

HIS DEMEANOR. And how it breaks when he gets stressed and emotional! ahahaha angst writer things

He acts like a gentleman in public, this polite guy with poise and chivalry (but he's Hufflepuff), and then the facade just breaks when he couldn't handle things anymore. And when he lets his hair down (figuratively, but later on, literally), he's just a bit of an awkward guy with an impatient streak, and he isn't trying too hard to appear mature and well-put anymore.

vernie im typing all this for you.

✂️ What's one of your OC's worst memories?

There's this little short fic I wrote in Muriel's perspective, and according to him, meeting Jordan and not being able to read them was the start of everything that made him feel that something was wrong.

His actual worst memory is a spoiler scene, and I want to write/draw it properly when I can! But you can have this as a hint.

A quote from that scene: "You only have one shot."

💀 Does your OC have any phobias?

The hard part here: Does Muriel think he really does have these phobias, or does he think he's just acting squeamish? Either way, he's sure the fear of seeing it can just go away...

His uncertainty definitely makes identifying his phobia harder, but as a cook / barista, he definitely has an irrational fear of insects crawling all over the stuff he uses to make food and drinks. (The two-storey SHREW operates in is quite snug and clean, though, so even his mother wonders where he picked this up.) Thus, he always washes his stuff extra well before use and covers the utensil tray with a cloth or a towel when he isn't using them. (A bit much? Maybe, but he's not serving dirty shit to anybody!)

[quodekash]

FINALLY IM WATCHING THE ABAAB EPISODE 

i was so busy the last couple of days and the only moments i wasnt busy i was exhausted and fell asleep unwillingly (either that or i was having a mental breakdown but thats neither here nor there) 

ANYWAY IM HERE NOW, FOUR DAYS LATE BUT IM HERE 

note from the future: i mention how pretty everyone is a LOT in this episode. so take a shot of water every time i mention someone (or perhaps their hair) being pretty. stay hydrated, kids. 

now the question is. what the hell happened last episode because i have, once again, forgotten everything 

there was the thing that happened with thoop’s sister that i dont rly want to put in words because it disgusts me 

thoop apologised for what he said to/about guncher 

umm.... guncher had a sexy sexy scene at the end 

jack is still pretty and his hair is still pretty 

OH AND THREEZO KISSED, I REMEMBER THAT 

okay im all caught up, let’s get to it 

bro what the hell 

“i just love you” awwww 

“you love me every time you do me” noW HOL’ UP A SEC 

“come on cher, have sympathy for me” “Why would i do that?” “because im cute and adorable” he’s got me there. he is, in fact, very cute and adorable 

and pretty 

theyre all pretty 

why is everyone pretty 

guys im pan i cant deal with this rn 

AWWWW THE CHEEK KISSSSSS 

guys im a sucker for affectionate cheek kisses. i think akkayan broke me bc that cheek kiss in episode 10? jeez i am not okay. i think about that scene more than i am willing to admit. 

actually no, im willing to admit it 

i love akayan so much 

anyway, we’re not akkayaning rn, we’re abaabing 

NOOOO IT’S CHER’S LAST DAY AT WORKKKKK im almost certainly gonna cry 

weLL NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS SOUNDWIN 

EVERY TIME I TRY TO FOCUS ON WHAT’S HAPPENING ON THE SCREEN MY BRAIN IS LIKE ‘ooo look at the brainrot hyperfixation people’ and im like BRO CONCENTRATE ON T H I S BRAINROT and my brain is like ‘nahhhhhhh we can focus on it laterrrrr, like when youre trying to do something important but realise you havent watched the episode yet and its been days, how about then!’ 

anyway 

i keep getting sidetracked 

sorry 

the adhd meds wore off hours ago and ive had two cups of hot chocolate today (one which i just had) so the brain thoughts are more everywhere than usual 

anyway 

anD NOW IM THINKING ABOUT YAK FROM MSP 

WILL I EVER GET A MOMENT OF PEACE 

JUST LET ME WATCH THE FREAKING EPISODE 

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS BRAIN 

i got distracted for an hour and a half. whoops. (raise your hand if youre surprised? that’s right, no one raised their hands. anyway lets get back into this.) 

“can i join you” BRO IS SO HORNY RN, JEEZ 

GUYS WE FINALLY MADE IT TO THE INTRO, IT ONLY TOOK LIKE TWO HOURS 

okay so i just started crying 

i havent seen his hair on my screen in literally 11 days 

this is a really emotional moment for me 

i love his hair so much 

jack your hair is perfection 

someone needs to tell mike chinnarat that his hair is perfection 

i love him so much 

help 

hes also so pretty 

look at his prettiness 

hes so pretty 

anyway 

i love how he’s walking in on them gossiping about his best friend, he’s gonna talk them down 

(but also i can totally see him squealing and giggling and getting his nails done with them and gossiping a bunch about chergun (just not the mean kind of gossip)) 

HE’S SO PRETTY IM LITERALLY SOBBING 

HE’S SO PRETTY AND HES SO AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 

AND HIS HAIR

hes so freaking perfect. holy hell. 

i love him 

i cannot express in words how much i love him 

HES SO ICONIC 

HES SO FREAKING ICONIC 

HIS HAIR AMPLIFIES HIS PERSUASIVENESS 

HE IS AMAZING 

HOLY FREAKING HELL 

“is anyone troubled much by our gossip?” FREAKING YES??? 

HIS SARCASM 

HIS SASS 

HIS PASSIVE AGGRESSION 

IDK IF ANY OF THOSE WERE THE RIGHT WORDS BUT ANYWAY 

I LOVE HIM 

i want to stare at him forever please 

PLEEEAAASEEE HE’S SO ICONIC 

how is he so pretty 

how is this man so pretty 

i love him 

hes so pretty 

hes so freaking pretty 

okay back to guncher 

i love them 

theyre so sweet 

JACK TIME AGAIN 

LOOK AT HIS HAIR 

ITS PERFECTION 

ILYSM JACK 

jack and aoi are amazing i love them 

they point the guncher moments out to each other 

also HIM CALLING HER SIS??? IM CRYING I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH 

“i mean the behavior report and the feedback field. i wrote a lot.” I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHES SO ICONIC PLEASE LET ME BE YOUR FRIEND AOI 

^D^ HE SMILEEEE 

“you kept the promise to him so well. you also promised me you wouldnt tell the boss that day. such a double standard” hes so dramatic i love him so much 

shes so pretty 

and hes also so pretty 

why is everyone pretty 

is that allowed 

are they allowed to be that pretty 

i love them all so much 

im too pan for this freaking show 

i love you ink 

COFFEE TIMEEEEE 

OH YEAH THEYRE GOING TO GO BUY COFFEE I FORGOT ABOUT THAT 

hes so confused and so pretty and so happy and so in love and i cant deal with this 

HEY 

NO 

BAD 

*sprays him with water* BAD 

GO WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND TO BUY COFFEE 

please 

“and why wont you be around?” lmao he desperately wants to hire him 

“yes boss” UM- 

k-kinky? 

“or should i call you babe” thATS THE NAME OF THE SHOW! 

i know nothing about this man but i think everyone loves him 

his name is yacht?? i think thats it 

anyway i know nothing about him but i agree. i love him. 

hes very pretty. 

and his hair is a pretty shade of blue 

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW PRETTY 

AND LIKE A SPECIFIC TYPE OF PRETTY THAT MAKES ME SPECIFICALLY WEAK 

WHOEVER CASTED THIS FREAKING SHOW WAS OUT TO GET ME AND ME SPECIFICALLY 

PRETTY 

i may need to make a second post of commentary for this episode if i cant get myself under control 

im screenshotting too many pretty people because there are too many pretty people 

at this rate i will certainly go over the 30 image limit 

to me. please. just chill and appreciate and screenshot WITHOUT needing to put them on this tumblr post. you can do it. itll be hard but i believe in you. sincerely, me. (buTISHOULDTELLYOUTHATITHINKOFYOUEACHNIGHT. IRUBMYNIPPL- sorry) 

“see? ordering coffee is a piece of cake” well now i want cake 

WHY DOES CHER HAVE TO GO 

IM GONNA CRY 

I HATE GOODBYES 

OH HEY THAT RHYMED 

i wanna see thyme 

yes mentioning thyme was just an excuse to rhyme again, but i rly do miss seeing drake laedeke’s face. and also eyebrows. i love his eyebrows so much. 

PLEASE HES SO FREAKING PRETTY JACK IS SO PRETTY AND HIS HAIR IS SO PRETTY 

THE HUG 

I AM EMOTIONAL 

MY EMOTIONS ARE BIG 

WHY 

gun appearing out of nowhere and jack’s nervous smile- omg 

GHREKDBG ITS SO FUNNY WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY 

i have never seen less food on a fork before 

THE LOOKS THAT JACK AND AOI SHARE- OMG 

EVERYONES REACTIONS TO “both” PLEASEEE 

i know im tryna dial it down on the screenshots a little bit but his hair was at a great angle in this shot and i just had to share this 

you can see all the curls 

all the sections of his hair 

the messy curly perfection 

the fluffy poofy wonderfulness 

GUN SMILES SO MUCH NOW, HE’S SO SMILEY 

“i will not get to visit for a while” WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN 

everyone’s little “aoeeeee” when cher fed gun- i love this group so much 

CELEBRATING THE END OF THE INTERNSHIP WITH BBQ PORK WITH THE SQUAD, HELL YES, THAT MEANS THREEZO, IMMA TRY TO NOT COMMENTATE UNTIL THAT PART BC I WANT THREEZO ON MY SCREEN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, I MISSED THEM DEEPLY 

“can i take a quick nap” bro its your last day 

cher why do you keep looking sad 

what are you not telling us 

and can you please tell us 

please 

and thank you 

HELL YES OKAY ITS ALREADY BBQ PORK TIME WITH THE SQUAD 

AND THEYRE ALL SO PRETTY 

I LVOE JACK’S FACE IN THIS ONE FRAME 

I WONT PUT THE SCREENSHOT HERE THO BC I DONT WANNA WASTE MY LIMITED PHOTO SPACE 

BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH 

THREEZO 

“we didnt think he was gonna make it!” honestly, fair 

I LOVE SEEING HOW SMILEY JACK IS NOW 

it really brings out his hair 

(im kidding) 

HE MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN HE IS HAPPY 

seriously how is he so pretty 

jack how are you pretty 

and why are you pretty 

hes pretty while drinking a cup of water 

what the hell 

FHBFHBFHBFHFBHFBFHBFHBF I AM SUPRESSING THE SOUNDS OF DYING BECAUSE ITS 10:30 AND MY FAMILY ARE GOING TO SLEEP NOW BUT GOSH DARNNIT THREEZO ARE TOO CUTE 

“im drunk” “but you just had plain water” “im drunk in LOVE” GIUJEBRDNGOIREHNDL 

man has never seen a vegetable in his entire life 

THE WAY ZO SMILES AT THREE 

IM DYING, SOBBING, CRYING 

THEY’RE THE WORST 

I LOVE THEM 

“boss, if you’re shaped by our society, you’ll be great. no worries. you will do so great.” i wholeheartedly agree, their group is perfection 

I WANT TO IMPLANT THIS SCENE ON MY SKULL 

literally all i can think about rn is jack’s hair 

I LOVE CHERJACK’S FRIENDSHIP SO FREAKING MUCH 

MY BOYS 

GHRKDBGRHKDBG 

chergun are so pretty 

theyre both so pretty 

i love them 

theyre so pretty 

no i will not stop mentioning how pretty people are 

AWWW THE LITELL KISE 

“your latest kiss and every kiss from now until forever. im the only one allowed to kiss you.” GUERJDHJOB 

i love all the litell kisez 

look, i know all the translations say the same thing. but somehow it just feels like the the italian translations of it are always so much more beautiful and poetic than the english translations. 

im gonna go on a bit of a languages rant for a sec so if you dont care, ill end it by saying COCKADOODLEDOO in all caps like that so look for that and read from there 

anyway 

in english it’s “you’re my happiness, cher”, which, yeah, that’s super sweet 

but then the italian translation is “tu per me sei la felicità, cher” which means ‘you for me are the happiness, cher’ 

and then he says “the happiness that ive never had before” which is just all the feels at once 

but then it’s “quella felicità che non avevo mai raggiunto prima” 

which is ‘that happiness that i never had reached before’ WHICH IS JUST- 

its the way its worded 

i cant explain it 

its just better 

and then cher says “remember this.... if im your happiness, boss, it will never be gone” 

OR IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, HE SAYS “tieni a mente questo... se io per sono la felicità, capo, niente potrà portatela via” 

in other words, ‘hold in mind this... if i for i am the happiness, boss, nothing will be able to take it away’ 

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN NOW??? 

"i will be your happiness forever” BORINGGG 

“io sarò per sempre la tua felicità” AWESOME 

‘i will be for always your happiness’ DUDE 

(also obviously these are all very literal translations, i havent bothered to switch around the order of words to fit the english language because you know what the english option is, i need you to understand just how poetic it is in italian) 

i freaking love it so much 

anyway COCKADOODLEDOO 

NOOOOOO WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THATTTT 

guys i think the bed is still on an angle 

theyre not listening to me 

its a safety hazard 

seriously 

fix the freaking mattress ITS NOT THAT HARD JUST SCOOT IT OVER A LITTLE BIT 

gun wakes up to cher gone and his intern badge thingy on the pillow 

i sure hope cher sent him a text or something 

cos otherwise hes gonna be real worried 

ive seen how this plays out in too many bls 

before you know it, gun’s gonna call his closest friends and eventually cher will show up, only to reveal that he put their friend’s nephew in a children’s home on the other side of the country, and they all freak out and it turns out cher was messing with them 

hypothetically of course 

just a situation i randomly pulled out of my head 

PHEW OKAY he left him a note 

gosh freaking darnnit its 11:15pm already (how did that happen), i started at 8pm (how did THAT happen), and im literally only halfway through the episode (HOW DID THAT HAPPEN), and im way too exhausted to continue. ill have to finish it tomorrow. 

BYE BYE FOLKS, I LOVE YOU, HAVE A WONDERFUL EVENING/DAY/WHATEVER, ILL SEE YOU TOMORROW FOR MORE REALLY BAD COMMENTARY WHERE I JUST SAY HOW PRETTY EVERYONE IS 

(btw i rly hope everyone managed to stay hydrated) 

[scolek]

Scolek's Pripara OC Digest 2k23: Spreadsheet and Idol Land Hype Edition

the anime that saved my life is gonna be on my phone in literally a week.

THE SPREADSHEET:

obviously there is more data i can enter but for now it was sorting out the mychara parts situation.

UNIT: GLOWING MILE

Two college freshmen still wet behind the ears from their days at Paprika and an English teacher from Avocado somehow end up in a unit together.

LEADER: HIKARU

legally blind, can play 4 different instruments, and a total party pooper. hikaru used to be a big shot in pripara, but when his partner, hotaru, disappeared, he quit. until, in his final year of highschool, suna showed up.

SUNA

extremely popular and elegant, so it's very gap moe that she's an easily excitable nerd who has never met a bad idea in her life (this is not due to her own good fortune but rather her own poor judgement). latched onto the rather serious hikaru like a baby bird imprinting, and dragged him back to pripara where she accidentally became a kami idol after entering pripara in porocco, wandering around, and somehow exiting in parajuku.

SAMII

it's me but its also not. like, im not an english teacher at avocado. im not an anything teacher at anywhere. but that doesnt matter its pripara time bitches.

UNIT: ROYAL LOVE BUG

childhood friends otome and kinoko have a yuri moment in pripara on their first day of middle school and accidentally birth a vocal doll during said yuri moment.

LEADER: OTOME

a naive and out of touch rich girl who always sees the bright side and wont let an injustice slide, ever. she prefers sitting in the gazebo and drinking tea, but will without hesitation get down in the mud and dig with kinoko.

KINOKO

kinoko loved to go camping with her sister hotaru, but then hotaru disappeared, so she went camping by herself. kinoko spends a lot of time alone in the woods, foraging for her namesake and looking for beetles. but as close as she has been with otome, and as close are they will become, she has never thought to invite otome to go camping with her. in her mind, it is not an option. shes curious to a fault, except for when it comes to her own emotions.

VALALA A MORE

valala was in the process of being born for decades, maybe even centuries. the sheer amount of girls who found love with other girls in pripara, each unknowingly adding their own spark of life to what would eventually become a fully fledged vocal doll, cannot be understated. it was just coincidence that otome and kinoko's first kiss was the final straw, but being birthed into existence in front of it was, to valala, destiny. she wants so very much to rise to the top with her moms, hand in hand, the very manifestation of love.

UNIT: ETERNAL OMEN

LEADER: RYUU

the 3000 year old azure dragon whose domain of pangri-la exists deep within the woods of pripara. they are evil. they kidnapped hotaru because she had a very strong prism voice, and has kept her captive for years.

HOTARU

there is not much point in describing who hotaru was before. a wonderful sister to kinoko, a perfect match in her duo with hikaru, talented, shining, destined for great things. that was four years ago. hotaru's prism voice hasnt waned, a testament to her will, but her will is all thats left. its a comfortable prison, a gilded cage, but a prison nonetheless.

KURORO

danpri has a lot of shadows. dark alleys and dimly lit corners. kuroro is a manifestation of them. his personality is muted, as all aspects of him are, but the darkness is not merely a place where monsters lurk. it is somethimes that, which is why he has no qualms about working with ryuu, but the darkness can also be a haven, a quiet place where wonder, mystery, and even hope can flourish without tyranny to stamp them out. he's too awkward to give hotaru real hope, but he's trying.

expect to see more of these fuckers.......extremely soon!!!

[rindomness]

1, 8, 12, 15, 19, and 29? :O?

Or just however many of them you want to do if you don't want to answer all of them, I know that's a lot lol ~Gab/liltaz-asatreat

hi sorry this took a minute i posted the game and then had a bit of a Moment you know how it is during finals time

1: how many words have you written?

I CANNOT FIND A SOLID NUMBER. because all my writing is across like. three different programs. and i cant just go by ao3 because i think i actually posted One (1) thing this year? But it is at LEAST 50k-55k. most of that is a homestuck wip that spiraled wildly out of control and which i am in theory still working on

8: pairing you wrote the most for this year?

davekat ;alfkdsfd listen there's just something about them. it makes me a little batty. remember the homestuck wip that spiraled wildly out of control from the paragraph above? yeah thats the davekat wip. unintentional davekat wip. this is the first time ive written romance in five years

12: how many wips do you have in your docs for next year?

HMMM. let's call it ttttthr- four and a half. that's a normal number for wips

15: what wip are you taking into the next year with you?

ALL OF EM BAYBIE in seriousness though i am like. two and a half chapters from finishing my a hat in time longfic and i do not know if i will finish meteorfic (lovingly titled 'a cool guy's guide to emotions' in the gdoc) but im gonna give it my best shot. also i have a million taz ideas STARTING WITH. the davenport character study i have rattling in my brain im gonna do as soon as finals are over. as a treat for me and also the sudden taz following i now have

19: What's one pairing you want to explore next year?

here's the thing: im not usually a romfic writer. THAT BEING SAID: davekat and blupjeans makes everything in my little brain light up so PROBABLY THOSE. (more, in the case of davekat).

29: Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

HOLD ON LEMMMME FIND. oh no i have to pick only one??? UMHHHH. okay . i cant pick only one. so you get two

(When the Bell Rings, Ch. 17)

(Meteorfic Ch. who the fuck knows not me)

thank you, gab! i don't have much taz stuff (yet. yet!) but im so excited to start writing some :)

(I am still doing the game- find it here :) )

[lucysmuse]

september 21, 2023 //

hello again.

ive decided to stop ignoring my pain, my depression, my emotion. i have tried for years to shut this down and turn it off, ive tried to only be angry and sharp-edged and self destructive. im only self destructive now. and pitiful. im ready to just start feeling these saturated, vivid things and if i die from it so be it. at least i felt something.

my appetite can be ravenous some days. this month i had my first day with three separate 'meals' (nothing big but i called them meals all the same. half a sandwich is a meal for me and god damn thats a huge fuhking improvement) and i cried openly in j's arms and he just gave me so much encouragement and support

and j and i are maybe still honeymooning after these months but i really. i really fucking think we have something good going. i finally feel like im fully comfortable to be myself in every way with someone. i do not hide how im feeling. i tell him how im feeling, and i explain how i would like to respond to that, and j either agrees or starts offering compromise.

i dont ever. EVER. feel like i cant speak my opinion in any way. its not even that i couldnt do that with others in the past, it just is so palpable that i dont usually second guess myself, which would lead to insecurity or self hatred or both

and the sex. holy shit the sex. i never realized how incompatible i was with previous partners (AGAIN, not to anyones blame, just a mismatch unfortunately and i didnt understand how to tell or not) in that realm. were an open relationship and it can hurt a little every once in a while when i catch a glimpse of his texts with random people but hes very understanding, patient, kind, he just wants me to be happy too and i believe that

i feel like i am just. cut open and bleeding every time im with him. i feel like my blood is brighter. hes sunshine thats shot into my veins and im radioactive and glowing in his arms

i ate four dino nuggets today and its only 930 pm. i think i can eat more !!

i had my first therapy session since i dont even know when. it left me crying on and off the next 2 days and i cant afford the current frequency but i needed it so badly. im also finally on sleep meds that actually work. its fuhkin surreal the difference

i get tested for adhd next week. i need it so badly. jesus christ i need it badly. even if they tell me i dont have it, i just need to know something concrete. i need to know if i sound like an idiot in my head when im reading something about adhd and i just resonate more than a zildjian cymbal at a gwar show

im losing weight. im getting more active. i went on a hike last week, and ive been cooking a lot. i have a new job on monday after this absolutely hell gig. full time with benefits. i hope i can handle it. i really fuhking do.

im saving up to leave my house. but my student loans are estimated to be about a quarter of my wage so i really need to strike gold or some shit.

cest la vie

souhaite-moi bonne chance

song: dragon slayer by ninja sex party

[moveslikejaggeria]

tumblr deleted the end of my post and i have Know idea what my mad ramblings were but i lied when i said that was just the first half. that was the majority because we only have four episodes left and three of them are the finale. i will recover my rant about martha in a second.

episode ten: i have ranted and raved about the daleks but my least favorite reoccurring doctor who antagonist by a long shot is those bloody weeping angels. why? because “don’t blink” is such stupid advice. here is my advice alright: wink. always keep one eye open but close the other so it doesnt dry out and get irritated. because eventually you are gonna fuck up and blink. its inevitable. im so smart

otherwise this is a really cool episode. what a panic attack i would have if i would keep getting visited by people in my life but they’ve suddenly aged fifty to a hundred years. bizarre. and Whoo, that lady who got stuck in 1920 sure made the best of it, but world war ii is coming, flu outbreak, the great depression, not to mention the lack of modern medicine and Birth control. could she vote? jeez

another problem i have is like. the doctor sacrifices all these people to save himself. you see, timelines or whatever, he could’ve gone back and saved them at some point. sure, he can’t go back to the exact timepoint, but goodheroesdeservekidneys is right: why can’t he go back a year after that? ignoring time laws (which the doctor points out and the does the exact same), he needs them there to pass on notes and stuff to rescue himself and martha. and if he went back and saved them, there would be no notes to pass on and thus we are stuck in an endless loop. does This make any sense?

episode eleven: im separating this one out because it’s part of the finale and not; it sets up the finale beautiful. also this episode is good while the finale is shite. you see the Eh season had no choice but to go out with a whimper rather than a bang; that’s impossible.

captain jack harkness is back!! that’s right: he’s a man who can’t die. and the doctor is mean to him because that’s “”weird”” or whatever. when rose was holding the time vortex or heart of the tardis or whatever, she brought him back to life but brought him back to life forever, or something. it’s interesting. but there’s an emotional moment between jack and the doctor where he asks jack if jack wants to die, and jack doesn’t know. but seeing humanity at the end of the world inspires him.

oh yes!! we are at the end of the universe!! everything collapses in and such. humans are here though, which is inspiring and sad. here, there’s a professor and his assistant trying to help the humans reach “Utopia” and so naturally the doctor steps in to help. and remember how that two part was plot important?? well this professor guy has got a pocket watch that looks exactly like the doctor’s from back then, and he’s also acting weird since the doctor showed up. and the tardis

turns out the professor is the master!! he opens the watch, regains his timelord consciousness, and goes on a killing spree. the doctor and gang race back to stop him—the doctor realizing who the professor truly is—but it’s too late! the master has stolen the tardis. the assistant, who the master shot, shoots him back and the master regenerates. the doctor gets in just in time to witness the regeneration but can’t do much else. the master starts to rush off, but the doctor locks the tardis so that she can only visit where it is right now (the year fifty billion) and the last place it was (2007, give or take). he runs off regardless, leaving the doctor and gang stranded. alas

episode twelve and thirteen: ooo unlucky number. that is because—as i stated before—this finale sucks balls. not even balls. it sucks the fingers of a man who just scratched his sweaty, hairy balls (sorry). of course doctor and gang escape using jack’s time vortex manipulator. they get back to london, 21st century, and realize the master has become the prime minister (dun dun duhhhhhhh)

jack has been working for torchwood (queue spinoff music or whatever. i have not seen torchwood, but should i?? im not a big spinoff person) but magically they have all disappeared. the actor who plays regenerated master is So good. in a creepy way, but a creepy good way. yada yada yada, martha’s family gets kidnapped and the doctor and gang manage to get on the spaceship the master is one. you see he is welcoming peaceful aliens to earth but the american president is like “nuh uh uh, i get to do that” but then the spheres (the claimed aliens, but they’re not actually aliens) assassinate him on tv and the master reveals his plan.

when the doctor and gang are on the ship, they find the tardis, but it has been turned into a paradox machine. IMPORTANTLY, the doctor can’t do anything about it until he knows what it’s meant to do because otherwise he could explode the galaxy or whatever. store this information in your brain. the gang gets caught, the master rapidly ages the doctor 100 years and so david tennant is old now. the master is like “the girl and the freak. but who is who” about martha and jack and i laughed bc Homophobia (i mean, poor jack. he’s from the future where people don’t really care anymore [except for cat people i suppose] and he has to put up with this?) but in what way is martha a freak?? bc she’s black? a female doctor? what. weird. the master constantly kills jack so he comes back to life and they do this over and over again, but martha escapes.

let’s see. it’s a year later martha is pretending to assemble this gun and she meets this cool old lady and they kill and dissect a sphere together. it turns out that the spheres are made from those humans from the end of the universe. there was no utopia and so they got turned into spheres ig. the paradox machine is there and essential because if the human race goes back and time to kill itself, then who goes on billions of years later to become the sphere who do the killing?? does any of this make sense, because i promise it does. the cool old lady reports martha to the master to get her son back and so the master takes her back to the ship.

in this time, the master stopped regeneration or whatever so that the doctor actually looks his age of 900 and God Damn are the effects god awful. there’s a little dwarf gnome davis tennant and it’s Terrible. the doctor seems to have something he wants to tell the master, but the master won’t have it. martha’s here now and here comes the good part—the heartwarming part—where i went “really?? this is what they went with?” (the beautiful thing about writing, and the Lovely thing about writing science fiction or fantasy, is that you get to really do whatever you want. Within Reason)

the master destroys the gun and martha is like “really?? you think this gun really exists “ and the doctor is like “like i would ask her to kill” bc he’s a pacifist and all and then martha’s like “dont you wanna know what i spent a year doing?” and get ready folks. she went around telling stories of the doctor so that they would all think about him at this exact time at this exact date, and they do it (like they have much better to do during the apocalypse) and then the doctor starts Floating. with a Force Field around him. and he reverts back to Normal David Tennant and that thing he wanted to say? he tells the master that he forgives him. whatever

jack escapes and remember that thing i told you to remember? yeah? he goes guns blazing into the tardis and just shoots the paradox machine. and then time goes backwards exactly one year and a day. so why didn’t they do that before?? they didn’t know they could just shoot it? and then the doctor is ready to take the master prisoner when the master’s wife shoots him and he refuses to regenerate (which is something a time lord can do i gues???) and he dies in the doctors arms. and the doctor Burns his body. but don’t worry, the master comes back later, not regenerated. so…how this happened i dont know.

the wise is made out to be completely and utterly loyal to the master so this seems really random, but upon second watch, perhaps she was just afraid the whole time?? maybe she was just compliant out of fear? but then why did she marry him?? ig it depends on when the master revealed his true self to her. weird

everything is back to normal and i cant remember if jack comes back. maybe in the next season finale??? its revealed that jack is/will become the face of boe which is so stupid because the face of boe was pregnant!!! multiple times!! so unless jack has a uterus or acquires one. and then they reference Boe Kind, which implies that there are other boes, like a species. his children perhaps?? so stupid. seems like such a bandaid explanation on an absolute gaping and squirting gash. whatever

martha refuses to continue traveling with the doctor partially to help her family recover (no one else remembers the Year That Didn’t Happen or whatever, but doctor and gang and martha’s family do because they were “in the eye of the storm”. whatever) but also because she is tired of having a crush on the doctor (its also revealed that jack has a crush on the doctor??? maybe i should watch torthwood…) and wants to move on. good on martha

you see the reason why i didn’t like martha’s character the first time round is because she is so weakened by her crush on the doctor. the doctor is recovering from rose, the fact that he’s never gonna see her again, and he’s bot looking for a rebound. but martha seems to be head over heels for the doctor but also simultaneously a smart, clever, badass medical professional. it sort of undermines everything. and the whole time i was screaming “YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! LET HIM GO” and she finally does. and the doctor doesnt even seem to care other than the loss of companionship. because even when martha Demands respect or friendship from the doctor, all she gets is pity emotion. she gets the bare minimum friendship from him. always compared to rose and never able to live up to her. although to be fair, how do you live up to billie piper and rose tyler?? (donna noble, that’s how!! but we gotta wait one more christmas special. hehehehehe)

it’s a shortened analysis of martha’s character but it’ll have to do. she’ll be back anyway for next season finale (as will mickey, rose, and jack?? possibly). in fact, she starts dating mickey i believe. weird. i’m glad they didn’t get rid of her entirely and she finally stood up for herself and did what’s best. she really really deserved a better season and better character writing

i have been inspired by @becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys to rewatch Doctor Who because I find their chronological journey endlessly intriguing and endearing and has reminded me of my favorite episodes

going into it i have to say that my favorite doctors probably go 10-9-12-11 (even though im aware they’ve messed a bit with the numerics?? i mean tennant-eccleston-capaldi-smith) and my favorite companion by far is donna. her relationship and banter with the doctor is So perfect (esp post rose). rose is always great and she is an excellent foil to both 9 and 10. martha wouldve been so good!! if not for her crush on the doctor!! ruins her character and im so glad she eventually moves on and fulfills her badass-ery (although im not pleased it was the military -_-). amy was…i think a wet sock is truly a great description and rory is…worse. i think they did clara just as dirty as martha and i remember disliking her, but i dont remember much or why so maybe its just bc she was so poorly utilized. and bill. bill my beloved. she, too, deserved so much better.

anyway i watched episode one and. eccleston’s doctor is meaner than i remember. i think he needs more time to warm up to rose. and the reason i didnt like mickey is bc. he is useless and also treats rose poorly (which i think he improves as the series continues but, he is Awful in this episode). there are so many episodes i vaguely remember and get so excited to watch again!!

[forsworned]

Heya, Isekai Anon here, nice to see you again! I hope everything is going well for you! If it’s not too much trouble, can you make a part 2 for the Isekai please? Take your time and thank you if you end up doing it!

+warnings. none, ur just shot into another era for zero reason jk there is mentionings of violence

+word count. 2.6k

+categories. f/m, yes reader is no longer gender neutral srry

+relationships. hashira x reader

+characters. hashira, guest appearance(s): sumi, naho, kiyo

+author’s note. apparently this is a series now :') im not crying ur crying also i am going to be redoing chapter one as it had just started off as headcanons and then led down a path to hell that i have created myself so there is no one to blame unfortunately for the turn of events that has made this monster of an isekai series

+summary. reader is having a clusterfuck of emotions after discovering the existence of demons and gets overstimulated at the piqueing interest of the hashira. they are quite curious as to why oyakata-sama is letting her stay and maybe even a little more than that...

+chapter(s). one one(rework) three four five

「chapter two: commotion & confusion」

The more you tried to force yourself to relax the more you anxious you became. The thought of demons was running rampant through your head and you couldn't stop yourself from the intrusive thoughts clouding your mind. Maybe they were nice demons?

Very wishful thinking, [name]. Very wishful thinking.

"I need to get out of here." You grumbled to yourself as you got out of the water and felt the water trickling down your body.

"Oh, [surname]-san you're already leaving? Kocho-san and I were just going to join you!" Mitsuri popped into the bathhouse with the ravenette beside her.

They didn't seem to mind you standing there completely bare, but you definitely did, though you were slow to react.

"Oh, [name]-kun, you don't have to cover yourself we're all girls here!" Shinobu giggled as she slipped off her towel and headed into the water.

You turned around immediately clinging to the towel that was the only thing keeping you from flashing them again, but they didn't seem to mind doing that to you.

You only stood there watching as their naked forms entered the steaming body. The cool fall air was starting to nip at your body so you only sighed as you dropped your towel and joined them begrudgingly.

"How nice of you to finally join us, [name]-kun." Shinobu teased with her body fully submerged now.

You ignored her snide comment as you slid into the water, still keeping your distance mostly out of embarrassment. You weren't used to bathing with other people...

"It's such a nice bath, isn't?" Mitsuri cheered as she began to wade in the water.

"...I guess so." You muttered as you looked down at your hands get distorted under the the steaming water.

"So, you've never seen a demon before?" Shinobu finally asked you. You felt yourself stiffen at her question.

"N-no, they're not from my era. At least I'm not aware of any."

"Interesting...If my theory is correct than, maybe Muzan is dead in the future so with that every demon is eradicated." Shinobu mused as she put her finger to her bottom lip in deep thought. The water that lapped at her collarbones damped the loose ends of hair that she fell out of her bun that was messily placed at the top of her head with a hair pin.

"Muzan?" The name piqued your interest.

"Yes, Muzan is the very first demon who created all the demons we have today. You can become a demon if he gives you his blood. It is apparently a very painful process."

"S-so, how old is this guy exactly." Somehow you knew the answer to this question.

"Muzan is about a thousand years old for all we know! Also demons are immortal except for in sunlight and they regrow their limbs if they're cut off. For the most part, demons usually die if we cut their heads off." Mitsuri piped in trying not to splash water on the both of you but failed.

"Kanroji-san! You got water all over my hair!" Shinobu giggled as you had a complete meltdown thinking about an immortal demons who can regenerate their missing limbs and their only weakness was the sunlight.

"W-what do you mean usually?"

The both paused to look at you. They could sense that you were overwhelmed and terrified.

"Hey," You felt both of their hands on either sides of your shoulders.

"We're here to protect you." Mitsuri said with a reassuring smile.

"The Hashira are the most powerful demon slayers and no harm will come to you." Shinobu added. "I'll also make sure to give you a wysteria tablet and incense in case you find yourself alone. It wards off demons."

You sighed. It was a sigh of relief. It was slight, but still relieving knowing that you were in good hands, probably.

After you three had finished up your baths, you had dressed into your sleeping yukata that was laid out probably while you were bathing. It was a simple teal color that fit you perfectly as you slid into it.

"Do you like your yukata, [surname]-san?" Mitsuri's head peeped through the doorway that escaped into for a moment of privacy.

You turned around and you were in awe at how cute Mitsuri and Shinobu were in their own yukatas. They were simple yet elegant. You never wore anything like this before. Usually, it was just sweats and an old tee, but this felt different...in a good way, of course. It felt almost luxurious.

"You look so cute!!" Mitsuri gushed while Shinobu giggled.

"You do look adorable." She agreed, eyeing you up and down. Her hair was now down and just grazed over her delicate shoulders. If you hadn't known any better you'd think she looked like a nymph.

You felt yourself getting a little warm around the face as you fidgeted with the tie. "Oh, t-thank you. You guys look really pretty, too."

"Oh, this old thing." Mitsuri gestured to you in a "it's nothing" kind of way. "I've had it for years. It's nothing special. But this! It's absolutely so cute and fitting to you."

"I agree. The girls got your measurements pretty well for just simply eyeing them." Shinobu took her thumb and held it up in front of her with one eye shut as she scaled out your form.

"Your bed is ready!" You heard a small voice call out.

You saw three girls peer out from the corner all smiling.

"Thank you, girls." Shinobu smiled at them and then turned to you. "You must be exhausted after the day you've had. We'll be happy to answer any of your questions tomorrow morning."

"Oh, right. We have a bit of a break so we can all do something together if you'd like." The rosette was beaming at you now. You didn't think there was ever a time she wasn't smiling.

"Alright, then. Thank you for everything. Good night." You bowed to them.

The three small girls lead you to your room as they giggled whispering to one another.

Mentionings of your name along with the other Hashira caught your attention. But their hushed voices were too low for you to understand and at this point you were too tired to even try to listen.

"This will be your room." The girl in the braids spoke as she slid the door open to your new room.

It was a beautifully decorated tatami room with a futon laid out and in front of it was a low desk with a lamp and ink and paper. Did they think you wanted to document your time here? Well, they were damn right.

"Thank you." You bowed to them. "I never got your names. Or wait," You put your hand to your chin. "Naho."

You pointed to the girl with the green waist tie on and she nodded.

"Sumi." You pointed to the one with pink one and then to the one in blue. "Kiyo?"

"Very close!" The girl in the pink waist tie spoke up. "I'm Kiyo and this is Sumi." She pointed to her counterpart with the blue waist tie.

"Ahh, I see." You smiled at them. "Well, thank you Sumi, Kiyo and Naho. I'll be sure to get it correct next time."

"Well get some rest, [surname]-san!" They all chorused as they bowed and made their way down the hallway gossiping once again. You shook your head as you made your way to the futon and laid down on it. It felt extremely comfortable and soft. So comfortable and soft that you literally could've slept right then and there but you heard voices from outside of your door that caught your attention.

"I'm not going in there." You heard a gruff voice say.

"We're just checking on her!" A loud voice basically announcing their presences. That voice you could very much tell who they were.

"Rengoku-san, you're very loud." A monotone voice spoke.

"She literally already knows we're here thanks to you." A might I say flamboyant voice interjected. "We're coming in!"

Just then the door slid open and your body jolted up and for some reason went to covering yourself up even though you were fully covered. This, unfortunately, made you look rather...suspicious if you catch my drift.

Sanemi and Giyuu immediately turning around in embarrassment, Kyoujurou was completely oblivious and well, Tengen was even more intrigued.

"We just wanted to check up on you before you left, but you look a little busy." Tengen spoke up raising his eyebrows at you.

You immediately scrambled throwing your arms up. "T-that's not what was happening! I just thought I was indecent and--"

Kyoujurou's expression had shown that the light bulb in his head had finally flickered on. If you hadn't been looking at him before he turned around in embarrassment you wouldn't have caught the healthy blush on his cheeks. Tengen, God Bless his heart, did not give a fuck and this only fueled his curiousity.

"What do you mean by indecent?"

"Your curiousity is what is going to get you slapped across the face." Giyuu's voice was even as he spoke. He was unmoving beside the quiet Sanemi. Poor, poor Sanemi. If only you saw how red his face was. If you looked close enough you could see how red his neck was getting.

"[surname]-san," Kyoujurou interrupted Tengen's intrusive interrogation which you thanked God for.

"Y-yes." You slowly let go of the collar to your yukata and readjusted your body.

"As we mentioned before, we just wanted to check on your health before you went to bed tonight." He said in a clear and serious tone.How, seemingly uncharacteristic of him. Hmmm.

"I'm fine, thank you for checking up on me."

You felt, how do I say this, very walked in on?"Apologies, for walking in on you like this. Sometimes, Uzui doesn't think before he does things."

Tengen rubbed the back of his neck apologetically. "Yeah, that was my bad. We definitely should've given you more time before coming in."

"Don't lump us into together, idiot." Sanemi's gruff voice was soft as he spoke.

"Well, to be fair. You're all pretty loud so I kind of prepared for the worst..." You took a deep breath and sighed outwardly.

"Sorry, about that. It won't happen again. We--" Tengen began to say, but Gyomei's large and looming figure stood at the doorway.

"It's very late to be in a lady's room, don't you think?" His voice was powerful.

"We were just leaving." Sanemi replied immediately as he swiftly exited the room and Giyuu followed closely behind. You could faintly hear Sanemi call him a "fucking weirdo" for following him out while Giyuu stayed silent.

"Right, we just wanted to check on her before bed time." Tengen spoke up.

"But, we realized that it was late and we were on our way out. Right, Uzui?" Kyoujurou turned around to face him and Tengen nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, we've gotta go now. It was nice seeing you again, [surname]-san." Tengen waved to you.

"Sleep well, [surname]-san. We'll be sure to see you bright and early!" Kyoujurou cheered in his more typical heartiness.

"G-good night." You murmured bowing to them as they left.

Gyomei stood there tall and glorious as every one left and was out of ear shot. "I hope they didn't disturb you too much. It's not every day someone falls out of the sky with a large bolt of lighting following it."

"Huh, is that how I came down?" You pondered for a moment.

You heard him chuckle. "You don't remember?"

"Well, it happened all so quickly and the next thing I knew I was bound up face down. So no, I don't really remember falling out of the sky with a bolt of lightning." You replied sarcastically in a playful tone.

The smile on his face was even more apparent now as he stepped into the soft light from your desk lamp. "Well, I hope you know that you're safe now. We won't let any harm come to you. Oyakata-sama trusts that you're not of the enemy, so I trust the judgement he has passed upon you."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "Well, thank Oyakata-sama for denouncing me as a threat."

"He's an amazing man."

"I bet. Is he blind by the way?" You asked thinking about his face being covered in what looked like a disease taking over his features.

Gyomei frowned remembering Kagaya's face. "Almost."

"I see." Was all you said sensing that it was a sensitive subject. You didn't want to pry too much. Maybe you could just ask the man himself.

"If you need anything, I'm just a crow away." A soft smile was on his usual stone like face.

"Crow?" You tilted your head in confusion.

"Yes, we communicate through crows. I'm sure when the time comes Oyakata-sama will allow you to send us messages when we're out in the field."

"Slaying demons..." You murmured quietly in a pensive tone.

"Yes, I'm sure Kanroji-san and Kocho-san informed you a little more about their existence. I can only imagine what's going through your mind considering that you are from another era where they are supposedly eradicated." He stood there waiting for your response.

"Did Kocho-san relay that information to you that quickly?" God, she was fast.

"Yes, it's important that all of us are up to date with any information. That's a rather significant bit of information, don't you think?"

"Yeah, sorry. This is all just very new to me." You scratched at your forehead feeling slightly uncomfortable.

You hadn't realized until now that Gyomei's eyes were completely white. Was he a blind demon slayer and a Hashira at that?

"There's no need to apologize. Oyakata-sama will summon you tomorrow and will ask you a series of questions pertaining to you and your era. There we can try and find some answers."

For some reason, even though Gyomei was almost stoic as he spoke, you could sense that he was trying his best to be soft with you. All you could see when you looked at him was just a gentle giant.

"Hopefully." You smiled at him.

Unbeknownst to you, your smile had probably just made his whole day as it had been a rough one for him. While you were bathing, Gyomei had made a quick mission in which a lot of lives were lost. He still hadn't even washed up yet and there was bits of dried blood strung along the back of his haori.

Most of them were not apparent to you at all and he wanted to keep it that way for now.His first thought upon coming back was to check on you, but stumbling upon those goons that were supposedly Hashira were already bombarding you and that was the last thing he needed. He didn't know why he felt the need to check on you but it was probably for the same reason as the others.

"Well, get some rest. Good night, [surname]-san." The corners of his lips curved up as he spoke and made his way out the door and slid it shut.

"What a fucking day. Maybe if I shut my eyes I'll wake up in my room again. I'll forget about this all ever happening like a distance dream or memory." You muttered to yourself as you felt sleep take you away into a subconscious universe.

Gyomei sighed closing his eyes as he leaned up against the otherside of the door overhearing your quiet words that you thought were only heard by yourself.

"Oh, [surname]-san...If only it was a dream."

He opened them after a moment and then readjusted his posture and made his way to get himsefl cleaned off from the tragic day he had to prepare for the next. Perhaps, tomorrow would be better...

[candy8448]

Photo (for the one word prompt)

Used a fic idea i had since i basically joined this fandom but never wrote so i got carried away and wrote 1580 words 0.0

This fic idea came to me when playing totk for the first time when it first came out, i took a photo of the old champions photo and put it in the gallery of my new house

Get ready for some fluff! (From me? I know, shocking!)

Send me a one word writing prompt

"And this room, i actually made with you guys in mind... i didn't have space for full beds but those mattresses are a lot comfier than a sleeping roll. Sometimes i even prefered sleeping in here than in my own bedroom," imagining that i was still with you lot, he left out. Wild turned back to the chain as he finished showing them around his new home. Twilight glanced around, noting something,

"Where is the champions photo? I thought of all things you would want to bring, it would be that?"

Wild tried to hide his upset expression, "well, Zelda kept it... and she is the one with all the real memories of them... so its okay"

He tried not to think about losing the champions photo, but he couldnt help but think it was like loosing them all over again. Still, nothing would come from burdening the chain with his emotions.

---------------------

The next day, while Wild was out running errands, Legend burst into their shared room on the top floor, canvas and paints in his arms, dumping them on the table in the center of the room,

"We're painting him a new one."

"What?"

"You saw how sad he looked when he didn't have the champion's photo; we are repainting him a new one"

Warriors grinned at the vet, "wow, didn't know you were soft, collector."

That earned a glare, "You never know when you could lose someone, sometimes you need something to keep their memory alive, like a song, or a picture."

A few of them nodded in agreement.

"Right, who's doing what?" Time said as they all gathered around the table.

Wind's hand shot up first, "ooh, OOH! I can draw! Let me draw it!"

Legend looked at him, "okay, you do the sketch and i do the painting, BUT im gonna check over the sketch before we're done" ever the perfectionist.

Sky nudged Four, "bet we can make a pretty good frame eh?" Four grinned back and nodded, running off to find somewhere he could start.

Roles were assigned to each member: Four and Sky would work on a frame, Wind would sketch and Legend would paint, Warriors would find Flora and ask to borrow the original photo as reference, Time would also go with him to learn more about the champions, and finally, Hyrule and Twilight, having no artistic skill and being the closest to their cook would distract Wild until the painting was finished. It was a good plan, and they began too work.

---------------------

Legend and Wind sat in the top room all day, Wind was getting frustrated at how the sketch was just not looking right, Legend came to pull the pencil away,

"No you do it like this!" He said, rubbing out a piece of the drawing and sketching it on himself. Wind's eyes widened in understanding, and he grabbed the pencil again, fixing up other similar mistakes. Legend noted that the rito happened to look the best and he had to wonder if that was because it was the only race outside of hylians he had a lot of experience with. Wind noticed the same thing. He almost felt the spirit of the rito looking smug as he pridefully gloated on the others, and Wind giggled.

---------------------

"It's really nice you're doing this for him, i wasn't aware that he would feel upset that i kept the photo. I thought he would come and tell me if something was upsetting him," Flora said as they sat around the table in her own house in Hateno village. Warriors and Time had told Wild that they wanted to speak to her and Wild, being unsuspecting at the two 'leaders' of the group wanting to gather information, called Zelda over with the Purah Pad. She had teleported to them with the old Sheika Slate and Warriors couldn't help but gape at the glowing blue antlers and her purple and blue eyes. Zelda then proceded to take them to her house once they told her they wanted to speak to her in private, much to the displeasure of Wild, who wanted her nearby to make sure she was safe, not that anyone could blame him.

Time smiled at her, "well, hiding one's emotions do seem to come with the hero's spirit"

She nodded uncertainly.

Wars drew the girl's attention, "Can you tell us about the champions? Our friends Sky and Four would like to make a frame and were hoping to make it something special."

---------------------

Wild excitedly showed them around Tarrey town and was pulling Twilight and Hyrule along with him. When wild came running back to the house, Twilight first asked to have help with Epona, but because the house stable was already occupied, they had to go to the nearest stable. Hyrule also tagged along, hoping to use up time exploring once Wild's attention would eventually shift from horses to something else. Twilight was currently just following behind them, trying to catch up to the duo and making sure they didn't get hurt.

Wild had decided that it was a good idea to dive off the side of the town and into the water to reach the construction grounds. Twilight tried to stop him but the champion, as slippery as he is, got past him, already with his shirt off and shouting as he went down, followed by a massive splash that almost reached up to them. Twilight sighed and turned around, only to see Hyrule missing from his side. The traveler's laughter joined Wild's own as he knelt on the moving tracks platform and waved at him, Wild waving back as he swam to shore. Twilight sighed harder but smiled, at least his brother seemed in a better mood.

---------------------

Sky hummed to the rythm of Four's hammer hitting metal. The skyloftian had decided to join the smithy in the forge to spend time with him. The carving in his hands would theoretically slot into what four was making, the metal to hold the canvas in place and the wood for the details. Sky used what Warriors and the old man had relayed to them from Flora to create intricate markings which he hoped represented the champions. Four hammered away, joining his humming with his own layer to the tune until he stopped hammering and looked at his work, "how does that look?" He asked, sky stood up, halfing his unfinished piece nearby and comparing the two, looking at the but where the two would slide in together, "it looks great!"

---------------------

Hyrule excitedly dragged Wild to the top room by his arms. When the champion saw everyone in the room he looked confused, waiting for an answer. "We made something for you" Wind said, ushering him to the table.

Wild walked up to the table to see a canvas resting on it, one with a very familiar image. His breath hitched in his throat as he silently.

It was almost identical to the original image, the champions photo, but newer. Everone in the image looked perfect, careful strokes of paint marking out their individual features. Wild sniffled as he inspected the frame. Wood and metal worked into eachother. The metal sides of the frame had the words "champions ballad" indented in his hylian. The wooden sides had carvings, depicting the four regions the champions came from, it also had things which he knew the champions loved from his scattered memories. There were indentations of more things, and Wild wondered where they got this information from. The frame was detailed, he could also see where the wood and metal intertwined with one another. There were no carvings of the divine beasts, Wild noticed suddenly, no marks of duty; just six friends, together and happy.

Wild worlessly looked up at his traveling companions, and only now noticed the river of tears running down his face.

Twilight stepped forwards, offering Wild a tissue, "legend was the one who suggested we do this because we saw how sad you were about not having the original. He and Wind sketched and painted it. Wars and Time got the original image from Flora and learned about the champions for the details on the frame, which Sky and Four both made. Hyrule and I were distracting you so it could be a surprise"

Wild sniffed, happy tears overflowing him, "th-thank you guys, it really means a lot" his voice cracked, "i-um... can we take a new one? With all of us? If you dont mind" he stuttered.

---------------------

Flora held the Purah Pad, looking through the lens. She called out, telling everyone to move around and making sure they were in shot, "Time, move down, yeah like Warriors, you might not be that tall but you are still out of shot" laugheter errupted out of the others, the old man deadpanned before his face returned to his smile. Flora decided to take advantage of everyone's laughing faces, "Ready?" She giggled, borrowing Purah's iconic phrase "Click-" Twilight grinned mischieviously, "-snap!" And pulled everyone in suddenly with his strong arms.

The image was put up next to the champions painting on the top floor where they all slept. Wild took a step back, smiling softly. Everyone had a mixture of shocked and laughing faces, Wild himself, in the middle with a beaming smile and a tear running down his cheek...

Ao3 (oneshot collection)

Ao3 (the fic on its own)

I have notes and headcanons featured in this fic in the end notes of both of the Ao3 versions

Hope you enjoyed! :)

[imaginethatimaginethis]

Hello, dear :) I hope u r okay. Can I request quote 19 from your recent list? With Changkyun, please. I would like a little angst with a fluffy ending. Tysm for your work ❤️❤️❤️

Hi my love, thank you so much for your request! i hope, you like this im sorry for this not having a fluffy ending i was so immersed so if you don’t like it please let me know and i will write you another one.. (feedback is very much appreciated, if you don’t like it and if you like it)

im really unsure about this so i hope it’s good

i never proof read what i write bc as soon as i re read what i wrote, i immediately hate it and delete it. so scusi for any typos.

19. “If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets.” - Changkyun

it was too cold to even say a word as the piercingly pain shot through your body. it felt like a thousand knives hitting the thousands of emotions that were inside you as they started to bleed.

your voice was even too sore to scream but all the energy left inside you made you take control of what was left for you.

“please, i’m begging you, please, he’s all that i have” you sobbed and with the last strength you tried to pull him out of the officers tight hands.

“miss please let go before we have to escort you out as well”

your arms were strongly grabbed by an police man that was coming behind you, holding you while they escorted your boyfriend into the car.

“miss we have to take you with us for a few questions” you pulled yourself away from the police man and ran to the car, trying to open the door and hitting the glass.

“please open, please please i’m begging you. he did nothing wrong please”

the engine of the car turned on and the only thing you saw was changkyun mouthing ‚i love you‘ before the car started driving away. you tried your best as you run behind it, falling on your knees as you cried out.

that was the only memory you had on this day, and you still don’t know what exactly happened until this date. so fast but so slow.

you opened an envelope, the fifth one this week as you scanned over it.

‚my dearest‘ this is how the letter started. unable to continue you placed the letter back on the table next to your coffee.

you sighed, rubbing over your face once more and when you eyes fell on the small box filled with letters you started crying softly.

3 years and 7 month, that’s how long you’ve kept the very first letter that’s in the box and from this, the letters piled up from week to week.

grabbing the letter from the table you started reading again.

‚my dearest, my love, the only thing that’s in my mind,

i don’t know how to start this letter, even though i always have something to write about that happened in my day. but i feel like this time i don’t really want to tell you about my day.

all these years have felt like a bad dream that i am just not waking up to. no matter what i’m doing it’s always the same bed, the same cell, the same people around me, the same four walls.

i cannot describe you how empty i’m feeling that this has gotten out of control. this was never something i wanted you to see. this was never the life for you, my love.

i feel like this is even to late but i’ve come to the realization that i am ruining your life with this. almost 4 years, and you cannot even visit me. the letters i write to you, the only thing that’s still keeping us from ending it all. i know that you’re reading them and i know that your reading this as well with the strength that’s left in you. i know.

i just wish i could stop your pain and hold you again. smell your sweet perfume and finally feel whole again. finally feel like a human who has his life together and you by my side. but i will probably never have the chance to. it’s not my right to mentally hold you hostage in my heart.

please understand that i would still, with my whole being, do everything and anything for you. i’d shake the world for you but my love, my dearest this has to stop.

i can not longer go to sleep knowing that you would wait another 10 years for me, ruining your life for someone like me. this is not how you are supposed to live. this is not the fate that was destined for you.

i will, maybe one day, come out of here and continue with my life but i will be another man. a man that was forgotten by the world, a forgotten soul. and i do not want you to wait at the gate for me. i do not want you to have my outcome as a goal in your life.

that’s why this will be my last letter to you.

so baby, go ahead, live your life, be the greatest person you already are and strive to be better, enjoy the life that was designed for your heart.

i will still have you in my heart but you will be free and i know, i know that it’s not going to be easy for you. but i want you to try. i know this is hard but please promise me to keep me next to your heart as well.

because if you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets.

forever your heart,

changkyun‘

the letter fell from your hands as you pushed your knees further to your face and sobbed harder, wondering how much more you would have to cry until you’re dried out and pass out on the floor.

and once again it felt like a thousand knives hitting the thousands of emotions that were inside you as you felt your body started to bleed this time, it tried to bleed all of your sadness away.

[squireofgeekdom]

im watching more tos because it is my right to be weird and feral about star trek and occasionally i run across things that’s like ‘gosh, was this just nice serendipity or were the folks writing on discovery and snw looking back at spock in these episodes and thinking about the fact that he’d served with pike for eleven years four months and five days and pike earned spock’s noted intense loyalty to him and how therefore who he is as an officer is shaped by that service’ 

like, obviously, the menagerie is an intentional call forward, but there are things that could just be serendipity that i really appreciate

i just watched the Galileo Seven and a) im gonna fight everyone who is mean to Spock and b) there are two things that Spock does that either he says are illogical or others frame as something illogical / emotional / human. (both of them make perfect sense but) 

He and the six officers he’s in command of are crash landed and stranded on a planet with large men in hairy sasquatch outfits who are of course meant to be aliens. One of the aliens has killed one of the officers, and the rest of the shuttle crew are insisting that they should go and kill the alien to get the aliens to leave them alone. Spock says this is logical, but he cannot move forward with such disregard for life, and oh man. It’s certainly a Vulcan value but contextually that is also so so very Pike, to have this unknown quantity that’s attacked you and to still say, no, we give them a chance, we don’t just go an eye for an eye and kill in return even if that might be strategic. So he gives orders to only use warning shots to scare them off, ‘fear will be sufficient for our purposes’.

(Then of course when the aliens do come back and attack again spock is like ‘that’s illogical, they should have recognized our superior weaponry and stayed away’ and everyone else is like ‘well this could have been prEdiCteD by anyone with fEeEEeeLIngs they got Angry and came back to attack us’ and like im sorry would they not have gotten ANGRIER if you had killed one of them. were you emotional lot not the ones arguing for the killing. hmm. you’re just going to get mad at spock for not being your narrow definition of sufficiently human no matter what he does aren’t you. fuckers.)

The second thing is when they finally manage to get the shuttle back up in orbit, but they don’t have enough power to stay in orbit long. Their comms are still not working, and after they’re in orbit there’s no indication that the Enterprise has seen them, so spock ejects a portion of their fuel and ignites it as a signal flare, to the anger of everyone else in the shuttle. which. which. guys.

ejecting bits of much needed fuel when a shuttle is in an emergency situation is what pike does in the time rift (to the anger of the other person in the shuttle) - an old test pilot trick, the kind of trick pike would feasibly have talked about. 

guys. he got it from pike. guys.

(and it makes perfect sense as a move when you’re out of options! everyone is like ‘that’s a human emotional move and you won’t admit it and we’re all going to laugh at you’ and i’d fight them just for laughing at him but also They’re Wrong.) 

Just. it just. they’ve done what seems to me to be so far a really good job, down to little maybe-just-serendipitous details, of building out pike as a character in discovery and snw where it makes sense that he was the officer spock served with for eleven years four months and five days. and im emotional about it.

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their  children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

no

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・∀・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

[hazzabeeforlou]

Hi, I’m Toni.

Got a slew of new followers and I’ve been almost inactive the last half a year (at least) so wanted to do an update/intro so you know who I am LOL and so my long suffering fandom besties know what the fuck’s been going on (if anyone still cares rip sorry it’s been forever)

Currently writing this from my sick bed of ear cellulitis? That I got from wearing my mask? It would literally only happen to me. Had to go to urgent care and get a butt shot of antibiotics so it didn’t, you know, spread to my bloodstream :)

Anyways I say that to say that I probably got sick in the first place because I’m incredibly run down right now. The classical music world (im a professional musician) FINALLY opened up again, and to meet gig demands I only work my pandemic retail job once a week. I have been traveling the last four weekends in a ROW, which, due to my chronic pain (which has seen SOME improvement over the last year!!) makes me super duper exhausted and I have to admit tik tok has been getting most of my brain numbing time.

Life post-happy drugs has been tough. I’ve seen improvement in the areas I wanted to, physically, but mentally god. Drugs were nice. Anywho, I’ve done a ton of witchy/ancestral connecting/herbalist kinda things the last six months, and I now have an alter and a spiritual practice that has really brought me a lot of growth and meaning. It’s hard healing from your past when you’re still living IN it… and there’s no improvement with my parents. They’re still homophobic as hell and Republican as fuck, despite screaming matches. The threats of physical violence prevent me from confronting my dad any further. I’ve kind of given up hoping they will ever change.

It’s funny though, I would classify this year as the year I started to “feel” things, and of course that happened physically post the drugs, but also emotionally once I started to let myself FEEL emotions, god what a train wreck. Who knew humans could CRY so much? That emotional revelation led to the probably overdue realization that I’m likely Autistic and high masking, and have been suffering from that classic 30’s wall that “gifted girl high masking autistic children” eventually hit wherein they are no longer able to just push through and ignore. That’s been tough.

Writing has always been how I process and understand emotions, and now that I’ve started to actually FEEL them, it hasn’t become as essential to my functioning as it had been the last six or so years. I miss it, and I plan on finishing all my projects I left behind… as I’ve said many time The Garden part 3 IS coming I promise lol. But! Hopefully. And no promises. But I have the most delightful Christmas fic tucked into my head that I would love to publish this year, if I can find the time to get it on paper.

Okay as for fandom… I did a “growth thing” earlier this year and deleted all the bbygate stuff I’d been saving for the inevitable end. I just can’t anymore. All the photoshop, the blatant exploitation of it all… yeah I think the best option is just not to care. If they’re gonna drag this out for the rest of my life then I’m going to ignore the shit out of it. Speaking of ignoring, I also noped out of the H and O nonsense. God. What a MESS. I liked HH, truly, but the fave for me was Matilda. To be honest with you all, I listened until I grew naturally full of the album and I moved on with my life, it wasn’t world changing to me the way FL was. HOWEVER. FITF? Lord save me i didn’t even know it was coming out and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m fucking obsessed. I’m planning a MP. I genuinely think it’s Louis’ finest work and I can’t get enough of it. Every time I listen I like it MORE. I theorize it’s going to be a slow blooming album that smacks everyone’s expectations in the face. I’m so fucking proud of Louis. I bawled real ugly tears at Common People.

And lastly as always, I believe the boys were in love but I make no claims about their lives now. I enjoy the hints and speculation and love larrying along, but I think they’ve established these personas that are bulletproof to fan speculation these days, and I feel that’s how they truly want it. And that’s cool, won’t stop me from writing Larry because it was the truest gayest baby Star crossed lovers story out there and still makes the best fan fic.

Apologies for the novel but nice to meet you if you’re new HI I’M TRYING TO BE BACK to my old chums, and feel free as always to talk to me, my ask box is always open ❤️