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#[ Harriet: phone ]
dazesanddoodles · 1 year
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bet she’s listening to te quiero conocer
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le-sluagh · 3 months
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#12 Incorrect Batman: Vigilante (My AU)
Penguin: Mad Hatter learned how to fold origami penguins from me the other day. I told him as a joke, “I feel a little bad for the penguins, it’s hot here”, and the next day he put them in the fridge.
*****
Catwoman: It's locked. You got a lock pick?
Riddler: Yeah-
Two Face: *kicks in the door*
*****
Riddler: Hey, check out my Question Mark umbrella!
*Riddler opens his umbrella while indoors*
Mad Hatter: Riddler, that’s bad luck…
Riddler: Chill out, Mad Hatter!
Scarecrow, kicking down the door: WHO SUMMONED ME?!?!
Riddler and Mad Hatter: *screams*
*****
Joker: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium*
Lex Luthor: Joker, what did you think a tiger shark was?
*****
Two Face: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!
Two Face: I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-
Grace Lamont: I did?
Harvey Dent: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today, Grace.
*****
Riddler: I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.
*****
Lex Luthor: Some people say that I have a god complex. I’d like to think that I’m a complex god.
*****
Mad Hatter: I have a bad feeling about this...
Scarecrow: What do you mean?
Mad Hatter: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Scarecrow: No?
Riddler: That actually explains so much.
*****
Computer: Please enter a password.
Joker: *types in Batman*
Computer: Your password is too weak.
Joker: How DARE YOU-
*****
March Harriet: Do you feel any better?
Mad Hatter: I feel much better now that you here with me.
*Music Meister walks in*
Mad Hatter: I feel half better.
*****
Bane: Can I have your number?
Scarecrow, visible texting: I don't have a phone.
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whereonceiwasfire · 7 months
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So yeah, this is just my super sketchy, low effort style, but I had to get this out of my head. I just love the idea that Vlad and Harriet start dating and she has NO IDEA that Vlad and Danny are half ghosts. She's also completely bewildered by their interactions because even on his best behavior Vlad still clearly has some kind of rivalry with this 14 yo. But Harriet thinks Danny is adorable and Danny thinks it's HILARIOUS that Vlad's girlfriend thinks he's adorable, so he keeps inviting himself over. And Danny thinks Harriet is cool but he's baffled and a little nauseated by the fact that she likes Vlad so sometimes crashing date night backfires on him.
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royalarmyofoz · 3 months
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harriet💀
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aron-q · 6 months
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(I know how you feel I haven't got any asks either my blogs dying T-T)
Is any of the koopalings and broodals in relationships? If so with who? And the ones who aren't, would they like to be in one right now)/actively seeking one!
:)
Yup! Quite a few actually, a few of which have already been seen once or twice on the blog, and a few which haven't been mentioned at all!
𝐿𝑢𝑑𝑤𝑖𝑔: Vell I'm currently dating an actress! her name is Katherine, she's really quite a vunderful women~♥︎
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ᥣׁׅ֪ꫀׁׅܻ݊ꩇׁׅ֪݊ ꩇׁׅ֪݊ ᨮׁׅ֮: Well, yeah actually!! I met tio at a spring carnival around the beginning of this year and we started dating recently!
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ꙆᘜᘜƳ: Nope... :]
яσу: Not at the moment... ... ... But there's this guy at my school that seems pretty cool... N-not that I'm nervous to ask him out!!! He just couldn't handle all this~ (he's totally nervous)
ᥕᥱᥒძᥡ: Yeah, I'm dating this girl named Mimi! She is SUCH a sweetheart~
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ოօɾԵօղ: No, but I hope that one day I'll find the love of my dreams~
Larry: Hah, no.
కᩏꫀ᭙ꪖꪹᡶ: No, and I'm not particularly looking for a lover at the moment, I just can't see myself in a relationship with anybody...
𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒕: YEAH!!! Me n viv have been dating for a while now! We're actually having a sleepover right now, say hi viv!...
ʋιʋιαɳ: ... ... ...
𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒕: uhm... ... Or not!!! She's... Not feeling so good right now... ... ...
!!⚠︎Minor blood warning⚠︎!!
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𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒐: I've been in a few relationships before, though they don't usually last very long, and I don't know why.
కᩏꫀ᭙ꪖꪹᡶ: Maybe cus you're a hypocrite...
𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒐: What was that?
కᩏꫀ᭙ꪖꪹᡶ: Nothing.
Topper: No... ... ...
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diana-daphne · 6 months
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I’m glad that being indecisive and panicking while doing simple shopping isn’t a new thing
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camscendants · 1 year
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Evie makes Everyone model for E4H
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the-badger-mole · 1 year
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The entire world has turned into an absurdist comedy😂😂😂I was angry at first, but then when my guy jumped into the water, fully clothed and swam to that guy's defense, I lost it! I love my skinfolk.
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daughterofhecata · 2 years
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...und jetzt, wo ich mit Mord unter Palmen fertig bin, würde ich mich gerne an den Laptop setzen und an meiner Cotta/Victor fic weiterarbeiten. Aber ach ja, der Laptop ist ja noch in Reparatur, weil die irgendeinen Sensor im Akku kaputt gekriegt hatten und ich den erst Montag abholen kann, weil ich gestern arbeiten musste und sie heute geschlossen haben.
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blackthornish · 3 months
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i am reading 💫 emily henry 💫 and life is good !
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angelx1992 · 4 months
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laplacesdevil · 9 months
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forgot i had a second batch i was gonna upload with the prev. oops! it's ok. side chars (ft the founders of tkt + tkp)
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amywritesthings · 4 months
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press four for more options. | part one.
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( Read on AO3 )
Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) Word Count: 4.6k Summary: After seeing your ex with his new girl at a work party, you take the not-so-smart advice from a friend to call a sex hotline to get over him. Your match? A baritone bossy dom named Levi.
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI - alternate universe (modern), slow burn, eventual smut, sex work, phone sex, dirty talk, dom!levi, light dom/sub Credits: dividers by @saradika-graphics
part two. | masterlist
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“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest singles near your area.”
God, even the automated voice sounds porn-y.
A breathy feminine voice straight out of a 1975 VHS tape croons into the dead air of your small apartment bedroom, setting your nerves on edge.
God forbid the noise travels through the walls into your next-door neighbor's bedroom. Harriet and Miro do not need to hear what you’re up to this Friday evening.
Maybe, up to this Friday evening.
You haven’t decided yet, though one could argue that calling was half the battle.
Dressed head-to-toe in an emerald cocktail dress with a face full of tear-stricken makeup, you feel utterly ridiculous sitting at the foot of your bed — not even the edge of the mattress, but the goddamn floor.
Even your black heels, now scuffed from someone stepping on them on your way out to fetch a cab, remain dangling at your toes.
(As non-committal as your last relationship, ironically enough.)
The experts say don’t shit where you eat. Dating someone you work with typically goes up in flames as fast as a rogue wildfire — and you should have listened to all of the warning signs, but Porco Galliard had been so damn charming that you’d forgotten just about everything.
Including your dignity, apparently, since you seemed to conveniently forget the part where he has had an on-again, off-again relationship with Pieck Finger well before you got hired at this place.
Not exactly side chick behavior, since he technically didn’t cheat, but the sting of being second place before the race even started lingered deep.
(Didn’t you know? He always chooses Pieck. It’s just one of those things.)
Well, no missing that now.
Especially since the two of them were so cozy at the annual shareholder event — right in front of your fucking salad.
The event’s slated to end at eleven so you’ve been nursing a wild array of drinks since seven, with little breaks.
In retrospect, the napkin with scribbled chicken scratch that Annie Leonhart, your closest colleague, shoved into your hand in the midst of your brooding at the bar may have been a joke:
You need to loosen up. Call this stupid sex line and get that stick out of your ass.
She wasn’t kidding. 
Every muscle in your body is too taut, including your brain.
So you took a cab, stumbled into your apartment, and landed — here.
Your phone sits right in front of you next to one of your half-worn heels, on speaker at the lowest setting.
Maybe it’s best to let the pre-recording list the entire numerical menu.
Maybe it’ll deter you from pressing anything at all.
“If you already know your match’s extension, press one.”
Yeah, that wasn’t happening.
You tap the napkin carelessly against the stem of your glass of wine, contemplating exactly how Annie Leonhart managed to find the information for this service to begin with.
Did she already have a match?
Did she regularly call them to blow off some steam?
She's always so chill. It would make sense.
There’s a chance this is a nasty prank at your lowest moment, but you don’t think Annie cares enough about other people to plan such a masterful takedown. 
At the work event, she seemed pretty serious about the legitimacy of Scout Services Hotline, and honestly?
Even if you had been drinking all night at the event, you were going to need way more liquid courage to even consider trying your hand at calling a sex line to quell weekend loneliness.
So naturally, you opened a new bottle of wine.
At the first glass of wine, you still weren’t ready.
The second? The napkin sat adjacent to your laptop as you played compilations of sad break-up songs further aggravating your spiraling depression.
The third was the charm to get you to pick up the fucking phone to see what the fuss was all about.
“If you’re looking for someone specific — whether it’s the man, woman, or person of your dreams — press two.”
Tempting.
Your finger reaches out for the ‘2’ on your screen, but you wait it out.
“If you don’t have a preference for your delicious match, press three.”
“You could’ve done without the delicious part,” you mumble to yourself, picking up the glass of wine to take a generous sip. An involuntary grimace tugs at your cheeks.
“If you’re looking to speak with one of our representatives or need more assistance, press four for more options.”
For a solid five minutes you wait.
Contemplating.
Deciding.
You could press the red circle to hang up and go to bed.
It wouldn’t be the first time you rubbed one out and called it a night.
After all, what’s one more lonely weekend?
The spiel starts up again on a loop with the same seductive, breathy feminine voice.
“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest—”
You smash a button, but you’re not sure which one you’ve clicked.
Before you can lean over to see on your screen, a different feminine voice comes over the speaker.
It’s a little higher pitched than the menu screen voice, but it’s still inviting. Warm.
“Thank you for choosing the Scout Services Hotline. You’re speaking to Petra. May I have the pleasure of knowing the name of the person I’m speaking to this evening?”
A name.
You should give a name that isn’t your real name.
But technically wouldn’t your name be on the credit card if you go through with this anyway?
“You can give a nickname, too, if that makes you feel better,” the woman named Petra adds as if she's a mind reader, breaking the running silence on your end of the line. “A lot of our clients like giving a fake name for security and anonymity.”
“Doesn’t that break once you put in your credit card information?” you blurt, not realizing the thought has spilled on your lips.
Petra laughs musically.
“Technically yes, but if you prefer to be called something, then we’ll be sure to add that to your profile. I take it it's your first time calling.”
Why are you doing this again?
“Painfully obvious, right?” you lament, staring down at the scribble on the napkin. 
Did Annie have a fake name with this service?
“Not painfully at all,” Petra promises. “It’s a learning curve. So what may I call you?”
Real or fake?
Committed or just testing the waters?
“Scarlet?” you suggest, wincing immediately at the on-the-nose literary reference.
Letters, passion, blah blah love — it’s about the only creative thing your wine-addled brain can muster.
“I like Scarlet,” she hums, and immediately your brain is set on fire.
Are you going to be seriously this easy?
“Are you female, male, non-binary, genderfluid, prefer not to say…?”
“Female.”
"Pronouns?"
"Um, she and her."
“And you’re over eighteen?”
“Definitely over eighteen.”
“Perfect. So, Scarlet — did you have a preference on who you wish to speak to today? If you have a fantasy you wish to fulfill, then I can select someone for you.”
You want to scream.
Neurons fire as you try to come up with a cool and collected answer, only to allow the elixir of truth on your tongue to spill the beans.
“Just someone who’s got their shit together, honestly.” You exhale an awkward laugh. “I don’t know. I’m just calling because — I mean, I know you don’t care, but I like… um, deep voices? Stronger voices. Honestly I have no idea what to—”
“I have just the person.”
You pause.
Blink.
But you didn’t even describe anyone, not really.
A voice, maybe, if they cater to kinks of that nature.
You can only imagine they do — it’s a sex hotline, for crying out loud.
“Wait, you do?”
“Mhm!” she perkily states. “Is a man alright for this evening?”
A man with a deep voice who allegedly has his pretend shit together.
Granted it isn’t the opposite of Porco, he’s fairly capable at his job and out living his life just fine, but maybe you were just looking for a copy.
(Or a clue.)
“A man is… fine,�� you hesitate. “Wait, so when do I give you my credit card information? My friend hooked me up with this, um — I don’t know if you have her name or if I should even say it, I know there’s probably some confidentiality—”
“Hold that thought,” Petra interrupts cheerfully. “You get the first fifteen-minute session for free, actually — you called just in time before our first-timer coupon expires.”
You can’t hide your surprise.
“Really?”
“Really!”
Ha, your fucking luck.
“If you're enjoying the call, just tell your match and we can set up your card and keep it going. All we ask is that you take a survey after your session. Then you’ll be in our system with this phone number! We’ll never solicit you for calls, but it’ll make the process faster the next time should you call our hotline again.”
You drop your head back on your mattress, sighing heavily.
“...okay, yeah. That sounds great.”
“Yeah?”
“Sure.”
“Give me one moment, Scarlet,” Petra giggles.
You hear something shift on her side. 
Maybe she’s swiveling her chair. Are they located in an actual office building?
God, an office where people just do this for a living sounds larger than life.
“I’ll connect you with your match in a moment.”
Then the line cuts out to the opening notes to Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On, and you’re pretty sure you’re this close to chugging the rest of this bottle in one gulp.
“Is this seriously what you do on weekends, Annie?” you mumble to yourself, enduring the brutality of the waiting music while Petra connects you to your alleged match.
A man with a deep voice who has his shit together.
Is that even a real kink?
Has the bar really gotten that low?
Should you have described someone’s appearance? It wasn’t like it mattered over the phone.
As soon as it gets to the high note of the song, the line cuts again — silence.
Immediately you scramble to sit up taller, your hands fumbling to grab the phone from the floor.
You bring it up to your face, cupping the device in both palms to muffle the noise if it becomes downright pornographic in seconds.
Moment of truth.
With bated breath you wait — the person on the other line sighs, heavy and deep, before answering with the most nonchalant tone.
“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re speaking with Levi. May I ask whom I have the pleasure of speaking to?”
Holy fuck.
Immediately you forget your own voice listening to the hum of the receiver.
While you’ve only joked in passing that you have a voice kink, it’s screaming in neon lights here and now: this man’s voice may be monotone, but there is a growl to it. 
A rumbling.
At this very moment, you completely forget that this man is on speaker phone and you’ve just returned home from the worst work event in the world.
You don’t have an ex-boyfriend.
You don’t even know your home address.
You’re simply… existing, lips parted, taking in the sheer tingle rolling through your torso.
“You there?”
Right, you’re meant to talk back.
“Huh? Oh — yes! Yeah,” you recover poorly. “Hi. It’s, um, it’s Scarlet.”
“Mm, Scarlet… Scarlet, Scarlet, Scarlet…”
The way the name drags along his tongue nearly makes your mouth water. 
His voice — Levi — is smooth, like the velvet on your dress you’ve yet to take off.
“A pretty name for a pretty thing like you.” Something ruffles and Levi makes a small noise on the other end, likened to a cut-off hum. “Tell me what you look like, Scarlet.”
All you can do is stare at a chip in your wooden dresser directly across from you, listening to him speak.
“I’m…” 
What do you even say? 
How come you have to say anything at all? 
Can’t he just read a takeout menu to you and call it a night?
Before you can answer, there’s an amused huff. “Someone’s nervous.”
Your face turns — well, a certain shade of scarlet.
“Ha. Sorry, I’ve—”
“Never done this before?” he finishes for you.
How mortifying. 
“Is it that obvious?”
“It’s cute,” he relents, and you feel your face turn a degree hotter. “Don’t worry — I’ve been told I’m a great teacher, so you’re in good hands.”
“You’ll have your work cut out of you, trust me,” you breathe, feeling like you’ve been injected with an overdose of a truth serum. “Because I just got home from this stupid work event. My ex-boyfriend brought his new girlfriend — who also works with us — as his date — yay, me — except I feel like I was the side-piece-in-waiting for them. So he’s off getting laid and I’m calling a complete stranger on a random Friday because my work colleague recommended this phone sex hotline for a quick solution.”
Silence.
You blink twice as dread settles in your cut. You tap the phone off of speaker and push the device close to your ear, balancing it with your shoulder.
Did you scare him away? 
Was that too much of a depressive dump? 
You suddenly want to crawl under your bed frame and hide there forever.
But then — a gentle chuckle sounds from the other end of the line, and arousal shoots straight to your lower belly.
“Good thing all of the dirty talk is my job, then,” he muses. “You’re supposed to lay back and listen.”
“Listen?”
“Yeah, unless you weren’t looking to get bossed around.”
It isn’t the worst idea you’ve ever heard, that’s for sure.
“If I’m honest with you, Levi, I don’t know what I’m looking for,” you confess, running a hand down your face.
“Then let me figure it out for you. We have time.”
The man calling himself Levi pauses on the other end.
“Did you want to get fucked, Scarlet?”
Well, shit, he didn’t have to say it like that.
“Yes,” you blurt without thinking, then fumbling to recover. “I mean— Sorry, clearly I called thinking about sex, and your voice is extremely lovely and actually very hot—”
“Oh, you think so?” Levi interrupts, honey-smooth voice humming with amusement with that same hum that’s going to make you scream.
“Absolutely. Completely. Are you serious?” you sputter. “You’re like an ASMR wet dream.”
“A what?”
“A wet dream?”
“No, the other thing — ASMR?”
“Um, like when people make really niche quiet noises to a microphone with their mouths, and it gives you the tingly sensation in the back of your head.”
“Interesting,” Levi says. “So are you saying that’s what I do to you?”
For the umpteenth time, your brain blanks.
God, you could scream into your pillow.
If you weren’t so afraid you’d forget to mute your microphone first, then you already would be.
“Yes! — I mean, yes, but — wait, can we just pause this for a second?”
For a moment he doesn’t answer, but the tone of his voice shifts: still just as sultry, but with a hint of confusion and a dash of concern. 
“Of course. Is everything alright?”
No, this entire night is weird.
If you don’t say something, then this is going to just keep looping and wasting his time.
“Okay,” you start, mustering the courage to get through your speech, “I know I’m spoiling the first-caller coupon for a free call and I’m sorry, I’ll totally pay for the session since you’re great and sound insanely hot and I’m sure you’re amazing at your job, but I just…” 
You trail off, collecting your swimming thoughts.
“...I’m something like six or seven drinks in, I am craving potato chips, and I’d really like to just talk to someone for a few minutes.”
There.
It’s out in the open, your confession to the liminal altar.
You half-expect him to hang up rather than wasting his time with someone like you, but to your surprise, there is no click. No call ended. No new automated message.
“Six or seven is a lot,” he comments, and you can picture a brow furrow even if he doesn’t have a face. “Does this mean you handle your liquor, or is this a one-off rager?”
“I think I’m only still functioning because I ate my weight in dinner rolls at the party.”
“Do you have a glass or bottle of water near you?”
The switch up lessens the tension in your shoulder blades in an instant.
His voice is just as crooning, deep and inviting, but it’s nice to simply be asked.
“Nope.”
His voice sharply changes, authoritative and firm. “Then go get one.”
The demand does something to you. 
Without thinking twice you begin to rock up on your heels, standing at full height.
“Okay, Mr. Bossy.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asks with a sprinkle of sarcasm. “Someone who has their shit together, if I read the notes right.”
“They write that stuff down?” you ask genuinely, minding your step as you pad barefoot across your apartment to your fridge.
“It’s your session,” he reminds softly. “We do whatever it is you want to do.”
“Even if it’s just to talk?”
“You’d be amazed at how many people call just to talk. Though I can’t say it’s my specialty.”
“No?”
“No. I’m not much of a small talker.”
The refrigerator door swings wide. “What’s your specialty, then?”
“Kink play, mostly. Dom and Sub. Guided masturbation. Edging. Making decisions for people who want to forget about making them for a while.”
One second the bottle of water is in your hand.
Next it’s on the floor.
“That’s, uh… a wide array of specialties,” you say. “And your rate, it’s…?”
“Not cheap.”
“Got it. So I’m really flubbing this free call.”
It’s small, but you hear a chuckle on the other end. “You said you wanted to talk, Scarlet, so we’re talking.”
Bending to grab your water bottle, you untwist the cap.
“Does this bother you, wasting your time talking?”
“You’re not wasting my time, Scarlet,” he says with such a promise that you almost believe it’s genuine. “You have a pretty voice, and you’re funny.”
“Shut up.”
“You do, and you are.”
“Uh-huh. And do you talk to a lot of people during your shifts?”
“That’s confidential.”
“So a lot.”
“Confidential.”
“And the length of calls,” you test, “are they hypothetically confidential, too?”
“It’s per minute, so.”
“Per minute?” you gawk. “Jesus, I’d go bankrupt talking to you.”
“Well, premium members receive bills per half hour,” he explains. “More bang for your buck.”
“Quite literally," you mumble. "And what’s a premium subscription get you?”
“Didn’t you check out the website before calling?”
“I told you I stumbled out of my cab and called the number on my napkin, Levi,” you chide. “I didn’t exactly do my research in my sexually frustrated state.”
“Fair, can’t blame you there.”
There’s something of a grunt on the other end, like he’s stretching his arms over his head.
Maybe he’s sitting in an office chair, too, going through the motions of his profession the same way the Petra lady had been.
You keep wanting to imagine what he’s doing on the other line, but you realize you haven’t asked the titular question yet.
“Hey, Levi?”
“Yeah, baby?”
It’s breathy, a roll of thunder in his tongue.
Instead of an office chair, you imagine a man lying on his bed.
Maybe his tie is half-done, hanging loosely around his neck.
Button-down open, exposing the planes of his chest; dress trousers unbuttoned and loose around his hips, so he can easily slide a hand—
Whoa.
You stop walking back to your bedroom and blink twice. “Oh, so you like pet names.”
Your face, in miraculous humiliation, grows another degree hotter at how amused he sounds with himself. “I never said that.”
“Sure,” Levi replies with a smirk to the concession. “What is it, Scarlet?”
(Maybe you’ll permanently change your name to Scarlet after tonight if it sounds this good on a man’s lips.)
You finally unzip the side of your dress and wiggle out, before finding a cozy spot in the middle of your mattress.
“How much time do I have left on this freebie?”
“Approximately three minutes.”
Time flies when you’re too busy gawking over someone’s voice, apparently.
“Can I ask what you look like?” you finally decide, playing along.
“I’m surprised it took you this long to ask,” Levi responds, returning to that same seductive tone he’d used when he first picked up the line. “Black hair, guess it’s a little shaggier than usual. Undercut.”
You squint to your ceiling. “I’m thinking of Dimitri from Anastasia right now but with black hair.”
“I have no idea what that is.”
“You’ve seriously never seen Anastasia?”
“It’s a movie?”
“Oh my god, Levi, I’m so sorry for your childhood.”
“It’s an animated movie?” he scoffs. “Even worse.”
“You wound me,” you joke, pressing a hand over the cup of your beige bra. “What color are your eyes?”
“A gray-ish blue,” he tells you. “Sharp nose. High cheekbones. I’m a daily gym go-er, so I’m mostly lean muscle. I can probably pick you up, easily.”
So a fit man with an undercut hairstyle with gray-blue eyes and a relatively sharp face. 
Now you have a face to the image of a man lying on his bed, still in that button-down shirt and dress trousers.
His happy trail is probably dark, too, disappearing just under the waistband of his boxer briefs.
Or boxers?
Maybe nothing.
Your hand moves on its own accord to the waistband of your panties, toying with the fabric.
Contemplating.
Wondering if it’s wrong — when it really shouldn’t be wrong at all.
“You sound handsome,” you murmur. “I wouldn’t mind being picked up.”
“Wouldn’t be the only thing I’d do to you,” he flippantly states, and your brain blanks to pure putty. “You sound a little more winded than before. Doing alright over there, party animal?”
“It’s late,” you lie even when you damn well know you don’t have to lie. “Lots of drinking, first water of the night, lying down…”
“Better make it two waters before you fall asleep,” Levi states. “That’s an order, Scarlet.”
“Uh-huh.”
Your hand dips under your underwear, testing the waters.
But—
“Final sixty seconds,” he adds. “Any last words you want to get in before the line disconnects?”
“Only one minute left?” you protest, ripping your hand out of your underwear to pull the phone away from your ear.
14:02
So it really had been a fifteen-minute call.
God damnit.
Tapping the speaker icon once more, you stare at your phone and press your tongue against the inside of your cheek.
“What’s your extension?”
Because you have to know.
Even if you don’t call again, it’s a comfort to have it on hand.
Levi waits a moment before responding.
“Two-five-one-two.”
2512.
You swipe away from the call to quickly pull up your notes app, tapping the number down with a noted reminder: the guy with the hot voice!
“Are you going to call me again, Scarlet?”
You open your mouth, but you struggle with an answer.
(You only have a few seconds! Think, idiot, think!)
“I’m not sure if—”
Click.
“Hello? Levi?”
“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. Please stay on the line for a quick two-minute survey so we can better serve your fantasies in the future.”
Out of time.
You drop your phone to your stomach and groan.
Instead of calling back, you close your eyes — and, not before long, fall asleep to a dream of only one voice.
.
.
— —
.
.
    Saturday is a wash.
You wake late, missing an invitation to brunch.
For the better half of the day, you wonder about him.
Levi.
Your arbitrary match that doesn't feel so arbitrary anymore.
(It's placebo effect, you tell yourself. They're supposed to make you feel wanted.)
Punishing yourself for your excessive liquor and stupid plans, you trudge to your local gym and do your best to stay focused on your workout.
Every nameless person with dark hair that walks past you on the sidewalk from your apartment; anyone could be him.
The man waiting in line at the coffee shop.
The man who accidentally walked into you while you were switching the song on your playlist at the crosswalk.
The man weight training in the corner of the room, fringe cascading down his face as he drips sweat.
You keep the napkin in your gym bag, then transfer it to your purse as you run errands.
You could call.
It isn’t like you’re strapped for cash at the moment.
Granted it’s very wish fulfillment and it isn’t like he’s actually into you, but the attention is nice.
Besides — you haven’t thought of your ex once since you woke up.
Annie texts you twice within ten minutes of each message, which is unheard for her.
 [A. LEONHART]: So? Did you call?
[A. LEONHART]: Hello, earth to moron. At least like my message to tell me you’re alive. I’m not being interviewed by Dateline for you.
(Ah, there she is. Classic Annie.)
 [YOU]: Yeah, I called. Not sure if it’s my thing.
[A. LEONHART]: Sometimes they match you with a dud. 2nd time’s the charm ;)
[YOU]: Do you ever use someone’s extension?
[A. LEONHART]: Duh. I’m a regular of one guy.
Okay, so she talks to a guy. Something grips your stomach as you type your reply.
 [YOU]: Can I ask his name?
[A. LEONHART]: Why, so we don’t eiffel tower this?
[YOU]: jfc annie
[A. LEONHART]: lmao his name is Bert
    So not Levi.
For some odd reason, you breathe a sigh of relief as you close out of your messages.
Maybe you're one of a million, but at least you're not sharing with Annie.
Once you return home from your errands, it's close to dinnertime.
You cook something simple for yourself, occasionally glancing over at your purse like you can x-ray vision through the fabric to see the napkin.
Then again, it isn’t like you actually need the napkin.
The number is already in your phone.
Pulling out your device, you set it on the kitchen counter and draw a slow, calculative inhale.
One more call can’t hurt.
Levi may not even be working.
Hell, he could be talking to someone else. 
A regular.
Several regulars.
For over five minutes you stare down at your most recent calls list, willing yourself to just get brave for one second to press the button.
(It isn’t like Porco’s going to call you.)
The soured thought propels your hand without thinking, fingertip pressing the green phone icon faster than you can think. 
You brace for the ringtone, fists balled tight on the cool kitchen surface.
“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest singles near your area. If you already know your match’s extension, press one.”
You continue staring.
Are you really doing this?
It isn’t like it means anything, which is exactly what you need with the upcoming work week.
A distraction.
A very expensive distraction, but hey — you’ll avoid takeout for a few weeks.
How bad can it get?
“If you’re looking for someone specific —”
You press one.
.
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Author's Note:
Thank you for reading part one of my zany little 'Sleepless in Seattle' modern au! This has been a bluesky idea for a while now, and I needed a little reprieve from my other angsty Levi longfic silver underground, so I hope you enjoyed the ride.
There will be actual smut in part two, but as a Reader!Writer I had the thought of 'would I be suave enough to do the first phone call flawlessly or totally waste my free coupon'? and this chapter was born, lol. I promise this is not Porco slander.
Thank you for likes, and even more love to those who choose to reblog this to help spread the word of this new series or reply in the comments. ilu xo
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Text
Elementary, Chapter Two
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pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x teacher!reader
chapter rating: M (no explicit smut but my blog is always 18+ ONLY, just one steamy makeout but the smut show begins next chapter so strap in 😎 as always, i cannot force myself to reread my own writing so this isn’t proofread)
word count: 4.9k
series masterlist | joel masterlist | joel playlist
It was Saturday afternoon, your book club meeting nearly wrapped for the day. You were delighted to see Sarah’s face, half-expecting both her and her father to forget about the meeting, but she was one of the first ones here.
Joel greeted you with a shy wave and a smile as he walked her into the small room in the corner of the library, his grey t-shirt and jeans fitting him far too well.
“Mornin’,” he greeted, both of your eyes trailing away to watch Sarah make a bee-line for the snack table. “That’s my fault, I forgot to make a grocery run.”
“That’s what they’re there for,��� you waved off his worry and fixed your eyes on his again.
“I, uh, tried to keep up,” he held up his copy of Sense and Sensibility, surprising you with how far into the book his bookmark rested, not quite where the rest of you were but not too far off. “I don’t know about that Willoughby guy…somethin’ seems off.”
“Oh, yeah?” you chuckled, shifting your weight onto one hip and crossing your arms over your chest as you eagerly waited his assessment. Joel cracked a charming half smirk and nodded confidently.
“Yeah. No man is that perfect.” You snorted a laugh and eagerly agreed. “So I got it, then? He’s a bad guy?”
“No comment,” you replied with an untamable grin, something about his presence filling you with a girlish giddiness you hadn’t felt in years.
“Sarah!” Sarah’s new friend, Jessie, squealed when she entered the classroom and spotted her, causing both you and Joel to look over with proud smiles.
“This was a good idea,” Joel turned back to you. “Hadn’t realized how sheltered she was. It’s nice to see her have a friend.”
“We all deserve friends,” you noted.
“You know, if you ever need a friend…I’m right here,” he offered with a shrug, busying his eyes by looking down at the book he was holding.
“Would Sarah be okay with her dad and teacher being friends?” you asked, Sarah’s well-being your ultimate responsibility and priority over whatever you happened to be feeling for her father.
“Yeah, we, uh, talked about it…I may have made a comment about how pretty you are,” he chuckled in embarrassment and rubbed the back of his neck. “And she’s been teasin’ me about it since.”
“Pretty, huh?” you smirked and relished in the blush you brought to his face, his eyes rolling as a husky chuckle slipped from his lips. “Well, Joel, if I ever need a friend, how can I go about getting in touch with you?”
“Right,” he nodded, frantically reaching into his pocket to pull out his flip phone, your lip caught between your teeth as you watched him struggle to find his phone number—of course he didn’t know it by heart. “Alright, you ready?”
You clicked your pen and pulled out your post-it note/bookmark, jotting down his number as he read it out to you.
“Are we gonna start or what?” Harriet snapped from her wheelchair, making both you and Joel laugh.
“I’ll be back to pick Sarah up at eleven,” he tapped his book with yours before walking out of the room, only stopping to place a kiss on his daughter’s forehead before disappearing, leaving your heart longing for more.
Taking a deep, necessary breath, you turned to the group and smiled. “Alright, how far did everybody get this week?”
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“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look at your phone so goddamn much since you got the damn thing,” Tommy teased his older brother as they walked around their favorite H-E-B supermarket, Joel determined to surprise Sarah with a fully stocked fridge and pantry for once.
“Yeah,” Joel mumbled as he swore he felt a buzz in his pocket, tugging his flip phone out for the twentieth time since stepping inside the store, hoping to see a message or an incoming call from you.
“That the plummer for the project on 15th Street?” Tommy asked as he loaded a case of Gatorade into the bottom of the cart.
“No, it’s, uh—“ Joel was nervous, having gone so long without having a romantic life that he started to feel like a teenager again, too embarrassed by the weight of his crush to tell anybody. “Sarah’s at her book club so I’m just makin’ sure I don’t miss her call if she needs me to pick her up early.”
“And her ‘pretty’ teacher ain’t got nothin’ to do with that?” Tommy teased with a grin, amused by the look of betrayal and embarrassment on his older brother’s face.
“Sarah told ya, huh?”
“Yep,” Tommy laughed and took over pushing the cart. “You ask her out yet?”
“Not yet,” Joel sighed, the idea of going on a first date at his stage in life seeming ridiculous. What would they even do? Go to a movie? Go out to dinner? It all seemed too…cliche. “What do people even do for dates anymore?”
“Take her to Lady Bird Lake or a museum or somethin’. She’s a teacher, she’ll be into all that,” Tommy suggested. Joel nodded at the advice, making a mental note of it before being interrupted by the first actual ring of his phone all morning.
“Hello?” Joel answered the unsaved number with a hopeful heart.
“Joel?” your voice responded, bringing a smile to his face.
“Hey,” he greeted, sounding more like himself. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, yeah,” you chirped, but he could tell there was something you were holding back.
“Sarah’s okay, right?”
“Yes! Sarah’s alright, she’s waiting here with me—“Joel heard his daughter greet him in the background. “The meeting ended a bit early, and I was trying to start my car, but it looks like I have a dead battery. Is there anyway I could get a jumpstart?”
“Oh—yeah,” he mouthed to Tommy that they needed to go checkout, Tommy pushing the cart towards the registers without needing any further instruction. “We’re just checkin’ out at H-E-B, but I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”
“Sounds good, thank you,” you breathed a sigh of relief.
“No need to thank me. It’s what friends are for,” he hoped his attempt at playfulness didn’t fall flat, and judging by your chuckle, it hadn’t.
“That and lots of other things.” Joel’s heart sped up as he contemplated the other things. “See ya in a bit.”
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“So,” Sarah started as she sat beside you in your well-used Ford Focus, the two of you reading as you waited for Joel to arrive. “You married?”
You laughed at her bluntness, looking over at her only to see her deadpanning. “No, I’m not married. Not anything.”
“Why not?” You laughed again, this time incredulously.
“I’ve been wondering that myself.” She didn’t seem satisfied with that answer, making you shrug and giggle again as you tossed your hands up. “I don’t know, maybe it’s the men I go after.”
“Like my dad?” You blushed and turned back to your book, finally pulling a laugh from the girl much wider than her years. “I think it would be cool if you two started to go out.”
“What makes you think we want to go out?” you challenged with a smirk, trying and failing to erase it from your face.
“I haven’t seen my dad try this hard since…well, ever,” she chuckled. “And both of you always have this stupid smile on your face after you see eachother. I’d say that’s a pretty big tell.”
“You’re too observant for your own good,” you noted as you felt your cheeks creep with heat, embarrassed that she’d caught you.
A few quick honks cut off the conversation, both of you stepping out of the hot car to greet Joel as he and another man pulled up in front of where you were parked. Joel climbed out of the passenger seat with a smile, striding over to both of you with two water bottles in hand, giving you each one.
“Drink up, it’s hot as hell today,” he commanded and both of you obeyed.
“Hey,” his companion stepped out of the drivers side and joined the three of you, giving you a nod. “I’m Tommy, Sarah’s uncle.”
“Oh, yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you,” you held your hand out for him to shake and he grinned mischievously.
“Likewise.” Your cheeks heated again despite the cold water bottle cooling you down.
“Mind if I pop the hood?” Joel pointed at your car, your head eagerly nodding in response. You watched him closely as he walked over to the drivers side, bending down to find the hood release. His shirt stretched over the broadness of his back, a line of sweat darkening the gray fabric down his spine. With a sudden thirst, you took a healthy chug of your water, hoping it would soothe the fire burning inside of you.
“Thank you guys,” you started as you turned to Tommy, needing to distract yourself from Joel.
“It’s no problem,” Tommy assured, his arm draped around Sarah’s shoulder. “How was, uh, book club?”
“Oh!” Sarah chimed, earning a furrowed brow look from her father as he walked over to the bed of the truck to grab some jumper cables. “Can I go over to Jessie’s house tonight? She’s having a sleepover—“
“I don’t know,” Joel exhaled as he returned. “I need to talk to her parents first.”
“I have their number,” you offered, pulling your phone out of your purse. “If you want it.”
“Sure,” he gave you a tired smile and trailed his eyes over your form properly for the first time since he arrived. Your hair that was once freely falling had now been put up, the sweat on the back of your neck causing your hair to stick to your skin in a way that bugged you. Your makeup was probably well into oily territory, your mascara smudged the last time you checked it in the car’s rearview mirror. The only thing half-presentable about you was the sundress you were wearing, it’s floral, cotton fabric flowing in the warm April breeze. “Uh,” he caught himself staring and quickly turned his gaze back to his daughter as he fished out his cellphone. “Here—you can type it in.”
After giving Sarah the phone number, she and Tommy retired back to the cool a/c in his truck, leaving you and Joel alone. An irresponsible thing for the two of you to be.
“Care to show me how it’s done,” you asked, unable to stop yourself from wanting more from him—more attention, more of his voice, more…everything. Being around him made you feel like you were burning alive, and yet strangely enough, the only time relief came to you was when you got closer to him.
“No one ever taught you how to jumpstart a car?” he teased with a smile, glancing over at you as he clamped the metal prongs onto the negative and positive sides.
“Not really,” you chuckled, pointing at the opposite colors. “So black goes on negative and red goes on positive?”
“Yep,” he nodded before pointing at the inside of the car. “Go on and try to start it up.”
“Just start it?” you asked, worried about messing up.
“Yep, like you normally do,” he encouraged you with a smile, watching you as you sat down in the driver’s seat and turned the ignition. Both of you gasped at the sight and sound of your battery sparking and then smoking. “Shit.” He walked over to the now ruined battery and investigated as you came out to join him. “Wasn’t your fault, my cords must be fucked or somethin’. I’m sorry—just ruined your battery.” He sighed and gave you an apologetic look, but you were quick to brush it off.
“Don’t worry about it,” you placed your hand on his arm and watched as his head turned to look at the contact before locking his eyes with yours. You fought the urge to worship his biceps like your celibate and cavewoman-like hormones were urging you to and pulled your hand away. “I’ll just call a tow truck and have them tow me to an auto-shop.”
“They’ll take you for all you got.” He shook his head and gestured back at the truck. “We can take ya to go get a new battery for almost free.”
“Almost?” you chuckled, quirking an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah, the only payment I ask for is maybe…a date?” He gave you a bashful but hopeful smile as he tucked his hands in his front pockets. “Maybe tonight?”
You stared at him with a widening grin, pleasantly surprised by his proposition. You hadn’t thought he’d make the first move, at least not this soon. Throwing caution to the wind, you nodded, your stomach fluttering as you watched him sigh in relief.
“Alright, well, let’s work on gettin’ you a new battery and go from there.” Joel waited for you as you locked your car up and joined him again, following him over to the backseat of his truck. He opened the door for you, giving you that warm smile that was beginning to feel like a drug as you climbed in beside Sarah.
Joel remained outside as he unhooked the cables from their working battery to your dead one, shutting the hood of the truck with a firm slam. He ungracefully hopped into the passenger seat, looking over at his brother.
“Take us down to the Autozone,” he ordered, Tommy glancing back at you with a raised brow and smile as he waited for his brother to use his manners. Joel sighed, “Please.”
“That’s better.”
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It took under an hour to go get your new battery, bring it back to your car, and have Joel install it. As he bid you goodbye, he let you know he’d give you a call once he figures out a time for your date tonight, and you couldn’t help but beam with excitement.
The entire rest of the afternoon was spent going through your closet, taking the longest shower of your life, and fussing with your hair, wanting to be ready if Joel chose to be last minute with your plans—which normally would thoroughly turn you off, but you were weak when it came to Joel.
Thankfully, Joel called at three, asking if you’d like to join him for a walk at Lady Bird Lake. You eagerly accepted the offer, mildly surprised by the unconventional choice in date but not disappointed with it.
As you sat in the living room, you heard a car approach your house and moved to peek through your window, the same dark pick-up truck from earlier rolling into your driveway. You grinned as you watched him hop out of the drivers seat, dressed in a crisp white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. He looked so masculine and broad, but there was something in the warmth of his smile, the deepness of his eyes, that showed he was soft, too.
Quickly heading to your front door, you opened it before he could knock, his look of surprise when you swung the door open turning into a smile as he took you in—a sage green wrap dress that fell between your ankles and knees, your makeup soft and complimentary, your smile knee-weakening.
“You look so pretty,” he complimented softly, as though you weren’t meant to hear it. “Uh, got these for you.”
Joel handed you a bouquet of yellow daisies and you gave him a touched frown, kissing your teeth as you pressed the petals to your nose.
“This is very sweet,” you gave him a smitten grin and gestured back into your house. “Let me just go put these in some water. You’re welcome to come in.”
“Alright,” he followed you into your house and down the hall to your kitchen, his eyes scanning the scene as though your home would reveal some hidden secret about you. “This is a nice place.”
“Thanks,” you replied as you filled a vase with water at the sink. “I found it for a really good price last summer, and now the owner’s gonna sell it to me.”
“Take it you like Austin then. You from around here?” He asked, leaning his hip against the counter.
“Nope,” you continued to tell him where you were from. “But I do love it here. Besides, I’m getting older. Seems like a good investment.”
“Old,” he repeated with a smirk. “You ain’t nowhere near old. Me on the other hand—“
“You’re what, mid-thirties?”
“33,” he corrected. “But my body is pushin’ seventy.”
“You haven’t heard the way my bones crack when I get up every morning,” you joked, earning a laugh.
“We’ll just have to be gentle with each other, then,” Joel quipped, not taking much time to think before he spoke. He internally cringed at the way you looked away and chuckled awkwardly, scolding himself for his stupid joke.
“Hopefully not too gently.” You shot him a wink and every worry of his faded into oblivion. “Alright, then, shall we?”
“Yeah,” Joel swallowed his desire and walked you out to the truck, helping you into your side before seating himself. “You ever been to the lake?”
“Nope,” you shook your head. “Is it pretty out there?”
“It’s pretty, but you’re gonna give it a run for it’s money in that dress,” he flirted, shooting you a glance and a peek at the smile he was wearing proudly. Your cheeks turned hot at his compliment and you rolled your eyes, grinning like a lovesick teenager.
“You’re a flirt,” you pointed out.
“Me?” He laughed. “I haven’t flirted in…shit, I don’t know how long it’s been.”
“Well, you’re a natural, then,” you nudged his arm with your elbow and felt dizzy by the sparks shooting through your nerves by the simple contact.
“Sarah gave me a run down of things I should and shouldn’t do tonight,” he filled you in.
“Oh yeah? What are the do’s?” you implored with an amused smile, watching his profile as he drove.
“Pay, open doors, and ask questions,” he replied.
“And dont’s?” Joel chuckled and shook his head.
“She said I’m not supposed to kiss you until the second date.” You scoffed and waved that thought away. “You disagree?”
“Strongly,” you answered him with a laugh, Joel laughing along with you.
“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind, then.” He shot you a wink and you felt like your heart was being shocked back to life. “I haven’t been on a date in so long. You gotta let me know if I’m fuckin’ this up.”
“You’re doing just fine, trust me,” you assured. “I can’t tell you the amount of shitty dates I’ve gone on, so the bar isn’t very high for you tonight.”
“Well, that’s sad,” he chuckled and shot you a lingering look as he stopped at a red light. “Hopefully I can break this streak of shitty dates.”
“I think you’ve already done it,” you laughed. “I mean, I can’t think of a first date that sacrificed hours of his life to replace my car battery on a Saturday afternoon.”
“You’re right, I’m setting the bar high,” he chuckled and shrugged. “Gonna have to change your oil next time just to keep up my reputation, then for the third date maybe rotate your tires—“
“Are these euphemisms?” you asked with mischief in your smile, not knowing the way you made his heart speed up with it.
“You make me nervous,” he admitted with a smile, his cheeks flushed pink. When he turned to look at you, he saw a bitten smirk, his head shaking. “That amuse you?”
“A little,” you nodded.
“Callin’ me a flirt,” he shook his head in mock scolding. “Look at you.”
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After your leisurely walk in the park—the green of the grass and array of colors from the flowers and butterflies swarming in the air just as beautiful as Joel attempted to describe it on the way over—you and Joel found yourselves outside of an ice cream shop, sharing a chocolate and strawberry sundae.
“How are you not terrified every day? I only have Sarah to look out for and I can hardly manage, I can’t imagine a class full of ‘em,” Joel spoke, watching you as you spooned the last bit of the ice cream into your mouth.
“It’s scary at first, but then you develop this sort of bond with them—it just happens naturally, and it makes you feel responsible for them. You know? It’s just like…I feel a responsibility to show them some peace and understanding, because who knows what they have going on at home. I show up for them because I might be the only person that’s doing that, you know?” You shrugged, trying not to read into the way he was looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky, his posture relaxed as he sat back in the metal patio chair. “You gotta stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” He chuckled, amused by your fluster.
“Like that.” You gestured at his head. “You know exactly what you’re doing, giving me those pretty brown eyes—“
Joel’s laugh cut you off, his head shaking. “I’m just listening to you talk, I have no control over my pretty brown eyes.”
“Mmhm,” you rolled your eyes and chuckled. “Whatever you say.”
“I, uh—Sarah’s away tonight. If you wanted to come over—“ Joel watched as you lifted an eyebrow. “Not for that—well, I mean—but I just meant to continue talking. We have a pool—“
“Why didn’t you start with that?” You stood upright and snapped your fingers at him, earning a grin. “Chop, chop, Mr. Miller.”
Joel made a pit stop at your place so that you could change into a swimsuit, throwing your dress back on over it before hurrying back out to the truck. Once inside his house, you found yourself studying the scene much like he had earlier at yours. It felt almost unreal to be in his space, the intimacy of walking the same halls he walked every morning and night turning you drunk.
“Pools out back, I’m gonna grab us some beers.” You nodded at him as he broke off towards the kitchen while you kept forward towards the sliding glass door to his patio.
Pulling the door open, you were surprised to see a rather nice little backyard set up. He draped yellow string lantern lights in zig zags from fence to fence, illuminating the pool and patio table.
“Here you go,” Joel appeared from behind you, handing you a beer before walking over to the table and taking a seat. You joined him, giving him an expectant but playful smirk as you entered a staring match. “What’s got you smilin’ like that?”
“Nothing,” you shrugged, turning your grin towards the pool. “I’m just having a good time.”
Joel’s chest swole with pride at your confession.
“You wanna get in? It’s heated.” You gave him an impressed up and down, making him chuckle.
“Fancy,” you teased as you stood up, avoiding his eyes as your hands found the knot holding your wrap dress together. Before you could move to untie the knot, Joel’s hands rested over yours, his body now standing tall in front of you. Your eyes shot up to meet his and your breath faltered, his lips just a few inches away.
“May I?” Joel asked for permission as he replaced your fingers on the knot with his own. You gave him a quick nod, your lips parting as you waited with bated breath for him to undress you. Joel slipped the knot undone, the dress falling open. His eyes traveled from your face down the front of your body as he slid the dress off your shoulders, leaving you in just your swimsuit. His hands were quick to touch your skin, a soft gasp spilling from your lips at the fire his skin on yours caused. “You’re too beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful,” you praised, lifting your hand to cup his bearded cheek. Joel’s lips curled up at the sound of your compliment, his hands giving your waist a squeeze. “Remember that rule we talked about breaking earlier?”
“Uh-huh,” Joel nodded, leaning in to fill the gap between your lips until he was crashing into you, your fingers threading into his hair as you accepted the attack. Joel moaned as you tugged on his hair, walking you back against the table and hoisting you onto the metal. “You taste so sweet, baby.”
“I want you,” you whined, earning a growl of desperation as he licked and sucked his way down to your neck, fighting the urge to leave his mark on you.
“Hey, neighbor?” Joel’s older neighbor called from over the fence, interrupted their heated makeout. He sighed and rested his forehead on your shoulder as he tried to gather his composure enough to form a response.
“Yep?” Joel called back.
“Your girl’s locked out, just came knockin’ on our door.” Joel’s brows furrowed and he immediately straightened up, his eyes apologetic as he handed you your dress.
“Thanks,” he called back before placing a kiss on your cheek. “Sorry, baby.”
“It’s okay,” you assured as you tied your dress, the throbbing between your thighs persistent but the sound of him calling you baby was a more-than sufficient distraction, filling your stomach with butterflies.
You sat back down at the table and waited until Joel came back out, your fingers drawing hearts on the dust covering the table. When you caught yourself, you scoffed, disgusted by the cutesy feelings filling you to the brim, and wiped the table with your palm. Walking over to the edge of the pool, you rinsed the dust off and listened as the glass door slid open.
“Hey,” Sarah greeted, her voice nearly making you fall into the water as you weren’t expecting it. “How was the date?”
You stood up and chuckled, ignoring her question by changing the subject. “How was it at Jessie’s?”
“It was good, just didn’t want to spend the night,” she informed as she sat on one of the patio chairs, swinging her feet.
“Where’s your dad?” You weren’t sure what to say to her and desperately wanted Joel to come out to help carry the burden of this awkward tension.
“Using the bathro—“
“Nope,” he interrupted as he stepped outside, mouthing an apology to you as he walked over to her and kissed her head. “Can you go inside for a second?”
“Sure thing,” Sarah gave you a knowing smile as she left the two of you alone, closing the glass door behind her.
“Sorry,” he stepped to you, placing his hands on either side of you face. “Don’t think we’re gonna get to continue that tonight.”
“It’s alright,” you rubbed his chest.
“When can I see you again?” he asked, eyes full of reverence as he looked at you.
“Whenever,” you shrugged, pinching his chin. “I’m free after five every night.”
“I’ll try to talk Tommy into babysitting on Friday.” You grinned at his suggestion and nodded your head. “Lemme grab Sarah and we’ll drive you home.”
“Wait—“ You stopped him before he could get too far, tugging him down for a deep kiss, his arms wrapping around you and squeezing you so tight that you hoped it would last all week until you saw him next, but the minute he let go of you, you already missed him. “One more kiss.”
“One more,” he repeated as he kissed you again, slow, deep, and lingering, the two of you procrastinating. Finally, you gathered the will to pull away, chuckling at your breathlessness. “Alright, if we don’t stop now, I’m just gonna keep on torturin’ myself.”
“Not into that?” you quipped seductively, tilting your head at him as you tucked your hands into the back pockets of his jeans to pull him closer. Joel chuckled and shook his head at you as though you were testing every ounce of his strength.
“I’m gonna have my hands full with you, aren’t I?” he husked, leaning back in to place a feather-light kiss to your lips as you responded with a grin.
“Your hands are already pretty full, wouldn’t you say?” Joel laughed against you and gave your ass a squeeze, his palms having already been firmly planted there.
“Oh, I like you,” Joel hummed, pecking your lips once more before pulling away. “Here,” Joel handed you his keys before pinching your chin. “Start the truck up and I’ll go get Sarah.”
“Sure thing,” you beamed as you watched him start towards the house, stopping him once more with your voice. “Joel?”
“Yeah?”
“I like you too.” You and Joel stood there lovestruck, a chuckle slipping from his lips as he struggled to find the strength to take you back home, not ready for the night to be over. But knowing that the best things come to those who wait, Joel took a breath of patience and smiled.
“Glad we’re on the same page.”
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mossdogs · 3 months
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my takes on the clones (+ scudworth and mr b) in the future :)
yapping under the cut
joan works as a director on her experimental arthouse films, which she shows at festivals. even though they aren't very successful, they managed to attract a few niche audiences. when she isn't working on her movies, she makes ends meet at hot topic. in senior year of high school, she and confucius decided to try things again, and both got married a few decades later (oh and also, she got her psylly legs cured!)
abe got a degree in history and works as a high school history teacher. he tried to get into law school in an attempt to live up to his clonefather but dropped out as soon as he realized that it wasn't for him. he gained a lot more confidence that his teen self, and even fixed his posture (would you look at that!)
jfk was at his peak when he played college football, managing to get into a few amateur yet prestigious leagues. now he works as a coach to younger (and sometimes irritatingly inexperienced) teams. he moved with abe to big city usa after they got married.
cleo began working as a model taking advantage of the fact that she's a clone of queen cleopatra (although people don't think it's literal). she went through a few plastic surgeries because she couldn't bear the thought of aging, even if they aren't that noticeable (still). she goes as far as dyeing her hair at least twice a week (grey hairs are for ugly old people, which she isn't!) and follows the same skincare routine she did as a teen, hence why she looks like she hasn't aged that much.
gandhi got thawed out approximately 30 years after the others did when one of the janitors accidentally broke the thermostat of the meat locker. if adapting to the 2020's was hard for the clones then 2053 is no easy task either. what happens after he gets out? i have no idea
harriet was an actress in a few plays for a while and even got to stage twister: the game: the musical at a local theatre, which recieved mixed reviews but got people talking for a while nonetheless. she lost touch with pretty much everybody else except for joan and frida: the three still hang out whenever they can.
confucius pretty much had his whole life sorted out after graduation: he was going to enjoy his foster parents' fortune and not go to college. however, his plans quickly went south when jernice and archibald were tragically mauled by a bear while attempting to hunt it, leaving their inheritance to confucius' foster sister. he works as a computer technician and sometimes helps his wife with her films. he occasionally phones jfk to chat for a bit, since the two remained pretty close.
frida went to art school and works as a painter, doing commissions and selling her art. she had a band on her youth with her college friends, where she was the lead singer and guitarist. after she and cleo moved out from exclamation, they adopted two cats and a xoloitzcuintle dog named señor xólotl, who is like a child to them
topher and the bleacher creatures became incredibly popular after cloney island was destroyed, given that villain village was a success. they received offers to perform in movies, series and attend interviews: people were fascinated by them. their fame was quickly cut short when a brand new, much better texas themed park was build where cloney island once was a few years later, stealing all the attention from them. topher now works as a janitor in clone high. when he isn't removing gum from under tables or unclogging toilet pipes, he spends time on his computer accompanied by his four therapy possums. he still hangs out with the bleacher creatures and they all make the lives of the most insufferable students miserable, just to lighten up his work a bit. some students who were littering reported snakes coming out of their lockers and biting them, and they never knew why.
scudworth and mr b live in a retirement home. the only one who visits them is joan, who sometimes phones or visits them whenever she's in town. because of this, scudworth has developed some resignation towards the others, which he spills out to mr b on an almost daily basis. despite this, deep down he misses them a lot and wishes he could see them.
the first pic's quality is dogshit on mobile for some reason so here's some closeups:
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raina-at · 4 months
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Bakers, again.
----
Hospital tea is awful. Hospital food is worse. Sometimes Sherlock thinks hospitals provide awful food on purpose, to keep patients motivated to get well as soon as possible just to escape the food.
He knows it’s not true, of course. Hospital kitchens cook for the lowest common denominator, and more often than not, sick people don’t have the most refined palette anyway.
Still, there is no excuse for this croissant. It’s dry, tasteless, hard as a rock, and the jam inside is present on a molecular level at best. This pastry could be qualified as a hate crime against the French, or a human rights violation.
Or, Sherlock is angry and trying to take it out on the croissant instead of yelling at the person lying in the hospital bed he’s currently sitting next to. 
Or maybe both.
It’s fuck o’clock in the morning, as John would say, and quite honestly, Sherlock would rather be anywhere else. If he has to be here, the least this hospital could do for him is a decent cup of tea and a mediocre pastry, instead of distilled bathwater and this abomination. 
There’s an audible groan from the bed. Blue eyes blink open and look blearily at Sherlock.
“What the actual fuck…” 
“Good bloody morning to you too, I hope you feel like shit,” Sherlock says, his voice as brittle as his smile.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Harry groans, closing her eyes against the dim light. “And where the fuck is here?”
“Glad you asked,” Sherlock says in a mockingly cheerful tone. “We just had a thoroughly delightful night together, you, me, and your brother, who’s just stepped out to phone your work and make up some bullshit excuse why you can’t be in today. See, it all started at one on the bloody morning, when your neighbour phoned John to inform him that he heard a loud bump and crash from your flat. Your brother decided he couldn’t just wait until morning to see whether you’d actually managed to off yourself this time, and so we went to check on you. We found you delightfully unconscious, lying in a pool of your own blood from a nasty head wound.”
“I must have tripped and fallen,” Harry mutters rebelliously. 
“We found this next to you.” Sherlock holds up an empty vodka bottle. “Coincidence? Probably not.”
Harry looks away, turns her head towards the window. “Fuck off,” she mutters, quietly defiant like always. 
“Oh, believe me, I would love to. But as long as you insist on dragging your brother through hell, I’m along for the ride, I’m afraid.”
“I didn’t phone him! I never asked for his help! Why does he always have to stick his fucking nose into my business? Who asked him?” Harry’s voice is raspy and raw from the alcohol and emotion, and she’s glaring daggers at Sherlock.
“Would you rather he let you die?” Sherlock asks acerbically. “Is that how selfish you are? Don’t you realise what that would do to him?”
“Yes, and who the fuck cares what it does to me,” she mutters.
“You are an adult,” Sherlock says, leaning closer and holding Harry’s angry gaze. “And furthermore, you are not my responsibility. But your brother damned well is, and it’s my job to protect and support him to the best of my ability. And quite frankly, he’s at the end of his tether, Harriet. I’m not sure how much more of this he can take.”
“You’re such a fucking hypocrite, you know that, right?” she whispers, tears gathering in her eyes. “You act all high and mighty, like you’re so much better than me, when you’re one fucking weak moment away from ending up right down here next to me.”
Sherlock rubs a tired hand over his face. She’s right, of course. He’s a junkie. A sober junkie, but there is no cure for addiction. He will always be tempted. He will always be one needle prick away from the abyss. But that is very much not the point.
“You’re right, of course. I understand the rock bottom you’re hitting every time you disappear into that bottle better than most people. And I’ve been where you are. I’ve bitten the hand that tried to help me up, again and again. I regarded it as entirely my brother’s problem that he didn’t just wash his hands of me when I was at my lowest. But if he’d done that, I would be dead. And he would have to carry that guilt for the rest of his life. I don’t want that for John. Do you?”
She looks away, tears now streaming freely down her face. He has little sympathy, because he suspects she mainly feels sorry for herself, not for anyone else. 
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she mutters. 
Sherlock sighs, feeling his anger slowly drain out of him. This is pointless. Addiction is complicated, nobody knows this better than him. No rousing speech will change the grip the bottle has on her. And all the love she has for her brother—and she does love him, as much as she resents him at times—won’t make her get sober. He can’t articulate, to this day, why he managed to drag himself out of that black hole. Resources helped, sure. But he doesn’t know what changed, what shifted within himself, to make it possible for him to accept the help that was offered to him. 
And nothing will keep John from extending a hand, again and again, until she’s ready to take it.
“I don’t know,” he finally admits. “I…” he looks down at his hands, then admits quietly, “I can’t fix this for him. I want to, and I can’t.” 
“I’m trying, Sherlock. I’ll keep trying. I’ll probably fail again, but believe me, I am trying,” she says quietly. 
Sherlock doesn’t answer, but he gives her a short nod as acknowledgement, because he believes her. It doesn’t necessarily make a difference, and he hates how much she keeps hurting John, but he does believe her. 
She’s trying. She’ll keep trying. They all will keep trying.
And maybe someday, they can break this vicious circle. Maybe someday, she’ll stop hurting John and Sherlock can forgive her. 
Until then, he’s here, because John needs him to be. And as much as he would like to fight and slay all of John’s dragons for him, that’s never going to happen. Life doesn’t work that way. But what he can do is fight alongside him. And that’s what they’ll do. They’ll fight this dragon together until they slay it. 
“Don’t eat the croissants,” he tells her, as close to forgiveness as he will get as long as she keeps hurting John. “I’ll make you some topfengloatschen later.”
“Five years in, and you still can’t fucking pronounce golatsche,” Harry says, but she’s smiling at him in silent gratitude. 
“Shut up,” he says, returning the smile.
Truce restored, he thinks. I wonder when we will finally have peace.
----
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