#[ Gray you're talking to your mother in law please ]

[erenswife21]

Cold Hearted Chapter 1

Modern AU LawxFem!Black reader

Previous chapters:

1 2 3 (otw)

TW: weed smoking, smoking, the use of N word. (I put the warning in bold, i don’t wanna hear “oh you didn’t put a warning.” yes I did becky look.)

In this chapter you are on your way to Grand Line University.

Law is not in this chapter, I would call this an introduction. You are obviously a black character, it doesn’t matter the way you look ie; skin color, hair, weight, body shape (other than a fat ass lol lemme stop ✋🏽). Please enjoy. I will post chapter 2 later tonight or tomorrow. Thank youuuu!!!!

Ringing is all you could hear as you're standing in the foggy forest. You look around and you feel someone shaking you but, then you hear a voice echo.

"Y/N what did you do? Y/N? Y/N? Y/N what did you do?" *Beep* "Y/N" *Beep* *Beep*.

Your eyes shoot open waking up from your nightmare to your alarm blaring in ear at 4:30am, groaning you turn your alarm off. You give yourself a breather and stare up at the ceiling. You have an early flight because today you are leaving Ping Fort Island to go to Grand Line University. You couldn't wait to get off this bloody island and see the world for yourself.

You finally roll out of bed walking towards your bathroom that you share with your sister, you do your daily routine brush teeth, shower, light skin care something you recently just started doing. As you're about to finish in the bathroom you hear hard knocking from the bathroom door "Y/N!!!!" your sister calls, "Hurry up I gotta pee."

You side eye the door slightly rolling your eyes, and opening the door. She quickly rushes inside, pushing you out and closing the door. "I guess you had to go really bad huh." Letting out a light chuckle at her early morning attitude.

She growls back "Yeah cause you were taking forever slow poke." Your sister Kira who is 16 is not much of a morning person but she got up today because she knows you're leaving for college. She opens the door after finishing in the bathroom.

She decided to follow you into your bedroom. Plopping down on your bed she went on her phone.

"Why are you in here?"

"Because I want to get over it."

You roll your eyes and start putting on your outfit for the airport, you decided to wear a black jumpsuit that you bought off tiktok shop with a brown puffy vest, white ankle socks, and gray new balances. You take off your bonnet revealing the boho braids in your hair that were only a week fresh. You turn around and look at yourself in the mirror looking at your perfect figure and bottom (whatever you think is perfect for a body type hehe), turning back to your sister.

"I know you're gonna miss me."

It was clear that Kira was sad that you were leaving because she has been all up in your business for the last month. But she was acting like she didn't care.

"Whatever, I'm not."

You both continued to talk while you finished getting ready.

Timeskip~

You were downstairs eating because you weren't trying to spend your money on ship port food which you most likely will. You were waiting for your best friend to pick you up, whom you had texted earlier.

Your mom was on the couch moping feeling sad about you leaving. You walk over to sit next to her "Momma are you okay?" You asked with concern in your voice.

She looked like she had been crying and it was hard for you to see because you and your sister were very close with your mother. "Yeah girl, I'll be alright, i'm just sad that my oldest baby is going away." She says making a slight pouty face. "Awe mom."

You hug her, "It's gonna be okay i'm going to text and call almost everyday and check in as much as I can."

She smiles accepting your reassurance and your hug. Before you could finish the conversation your phone starts ringing with a picture of you and your best friend Egypt to take you to the ship port.

"How far is Egypt, it's getting close to the time you need to leave." Your sister asked walking over to peek out the window.

You met Egypt when you got to Ping Fort Island. You guys hit it off right away and used to cause trouble sometimes around the island.

"Actually she is right on time she's pulling up."

You walk outside seeing your best friend already reversed into the driveway popping the trunk. You guys live on a very large island so you had to drive to get to the main port of the island.

She gets out the car "Hey bestie!!" full of excitement because a new chapter of your lives is about to begin.

You smile, "Heyyyyy, you ready for this drive to port'?"

She hugs you, "Hell yeah."

Egypt has brown skin with thick curly hair that she has up in high ponytail. She was wearing black pants, with a black AC/DC graphic tee, and a pair of new balances.

You turn around and run inside grabbing your carry on items while your mom and sister help load up the car. As soon as they finished it was time for you to finally say goodbye.

"We're gonna miss you so much sweetie."

Your mom says with a shaky voice. You give your mom a big hug with tears at the brim of your eyes. You then turn to look at ur sister who had her arms crossed just looking at the ground.

"I'm gonna miss you man, I hope you actually get a boyfriend while you're there."

You first give her a blank annoyed stare cause of course she had to insult you only last time before you go. You were kinda embarrassed cause you've never actually had a boyfriend, just flings from the summer. You let her comment slide and you force her into a hug.

"I'm gonna miss you too man."

She hugs you back giving you probably one of the hardest hugs you've ever had from her. You were both sad but, you both knew you had a dream you want to follow and no one was going to get in the way of that.

Timeskip~

You and Egypt made it to the ship port at a decent time to check in and get chic fil a. You knew you was gonna eat again cause you and best friend smoked a big fat finger before you got to the ship port so you guys were very high.

You and Egypt were at separate gates because surprisingly you booked a flight for the same day and around the same time so that's why you guys rode together to the ship port. However you are going the Grand Line University and Egypt is going to Alabasta State. When you arrived to your gate you said bye to your best friend and you both went your separate ways. However, not so separate cause you were texting each other non stop up until your ship was about to take off.

Another Timeskip~

You finally made it to Grand Line University and finding your dorm was pretty easy. You decided to get a unisex dorm house because it's cheaper for your tuition. Of course you have scholarships and grants that you were given, however, it's still didn't cover the extra fees for room and board.

As you were making your way up the steps you suddenly hear a scream coming from the house that your staying in. You turn around to see an average height boy running out the house with a huge smile on his face, laughing with his black hair bouncing in the wind, and a girl with orange hair runs out.

"Luffy get your skinny ass back here RIGHT NOW!!!" she screams.

Nami grabs Luffys arm only to see him still running while his arm continues to stretch. 'He's rather stretchy hmmm almost like a rubber band'. Letting go of Luffy, Nami stares at you, his arm snaps back and hits him in the face.

"Hey that hurt." he screams, rubbing his face, and now you have a confused look on your face.

'please tell me these aren’t my roommates' you thought.

You get snapped out of your trance, "You must be Y/N, i'm so glad that you finally made it."

She gleams changing her personality like a switch, she runs and gives you a hug you don't hug back because you're not big on being touched by random strangers.

"And you are?" with slight irritation.

"I'm Nami i'm one of your new roommates, that scoundrel over there is Luffy he's our captain." You turn around looking at Luffy surprised "What.”

To be Continued...

[ivorys-back]

Now here's one but with @demonangelgirl134's AU:

Gabriel: But he was right, Venus She showed us demons can improve He saw the light, Venus Checked all the boxes that you said would Prove a person deserves a second chance Now we turn our backs, no second glance?

Venus: It's not as simple as you think Not everything is spelled in ink

Roxy: It's not fair, Venus Devil: Careful, Roxy, keep a cool head Roxy: No! Don't you care, Venus? That just because someone is damned, it doesn't Mean they can't resolve to change their ways Turn the page, escape the eternal flames Venus: I'm sure you wish it could be so But there's a lot that you don't know

Irene: What are we even talkin' about? Some monster who messed up already? He blew his shot, like the fnags in his mouth This discussion is senseless and petty Irene and zekial: There's no question to be posed He's unholy, case closed Did you forget that Hell is forever? Zekial: A man only lives once, we'll see you in one month Gotta say, I can't wait to (Zekial) Come down and exterminate you

Gabriel: Wait! (Shit) What are you saying? Let me get this straight You go down there and kill those poor souls? Roxy: You didn't know? Zekial (Irene): Whoops (Guess the cat's out of the bag) What's the big deal? Gabriel: Mother, tell me that you didn't know

Venus: I thought, since I'm older It's my load to shoulder Gabriel: No! Venus: You have to listen, it was such a hard decision I wanted to save you the anguish it takes to Do what was required Gabriel: To think that I admired you, well I don't need your condescension I'm not a child to protect Was talk of virtue just pretension? Was I too naïve to expect you To heed the morals you're purveying? Devil: That's what the fuck I've been saying!

Devil and Gabriel (Venus): If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie (Gabriel!) His law is "Make one slip up and you'll be banned from the sky" The rules are shades of gray when you are not as you say When you make the outcasts suffer just to kill them again

Roxy: I was told not to trust in angels Zekial: By him? Irene: Ha! She should know Devil: We should go Roxy: No! Don't you see? We've come so close Look at them fighting, they're at each other's throats Zekial: Don't you act all high and mighty Did you ever think your little husband might be a liar? Devil: Don't, Zekial, please! Zekial: Calm your whims Why hide the fact that you're a demon just like him!

If Hell is Forever, Then Heaven Must Be A Lie!

[penwieldingdreamer]

Dante's Prayer - Chapter 3

The 2nd part of the Ball, hope you guys will like it. Let me know what you think about this. A big thanks to my beta @fortheloveoffanfic for keeping me on track with the characters 😉

Warnings: cursing

Words: 2094

"Mrs. Gray, why don't we retreat to the parlour for a drink and leave the men to talk their business." Helene suggested linking her satin gloved arm with Polly's and led her away from Thomas and her husband, nodding at the two men in parting. 

"Lady McCann, please call me Polly, after all, we'll be family soon once the wedding is done." the Shelby matriarch told her nephews soon-to-be mother in law with a smile, the two women nearly gliding over to the smaller parlour of Castletown House. 

Returning the smile, the duchess nodded her head. "By all means, then I'm Helene. We will be family soon, given that my daughter won't bail on us." A soft sigh left her lips, knowing Saoirse could be difficult. "Your nephew will have his work cut out for him, I reckon." 

"Oh he'll learn how to deal with it. I have a good feeling that once they'll get to know each other they'll find common ground." The words were reassuring, yet both women knew that it would take a while for their children - in Polly's case she felt like her brother's children were just like her own - to warm up to the idea of sharing a life together. 

Arriving at the doors separating the sitting room from the grand ballroom, Helene nodded at the butler, who let them enter. They sat down at the round table, plush armchairs providing comfort as the Birmingham resident looked around the room. Polly thought back to the time when she had to work hard to provide for her family and be there for Ada and Finn during the war, and all she could feel was gratefulness toward Tommy who was able to give them the life they led now. 

"Has Thomas told you what he wants his wedding to be like?" the mother of three inquired, nodding at the butler in thanks for bringing them both refreshments and leaned back into the high-backed armchair. "I gather now that it is his second wedding he might want to change a few things." 

Taking a sip from the champagne, the gypsy lightly shook her head. "So far, he hasn't said anything. He only does this out of duty to the family. I told him it was a good deal, but other than that he's not going to object to anything. All I can ask of you is considering a custom my family on my mother's side has partook in every time during a wedding." Polly wasn't too sure, the duchess would agree to traditions of the travelling folks but the soft smile on her face and the light nod gave her hope. 

"I haven't always been a duchess, Polly." the blonde lady started, holding the Flute glas in her hand and watching the champagne sparkle in the soft glow of the lamps. "My mother originated from Germany, her cousin married the emperor of Austria and she was made Empress of Austria and Hungary. I often visited her when I was still a child and Sisi would visit the travelling folks of Hungary. Not all is as it seems, my daughter has the same spirit in her as Elizabeth did. Headstrong, modern, loyal to a fault, kind and with a childish wonder the war has snuffed out in many people. I do hope that Thomas won't try to do what the war hasn't been able to do. Despite me agreeing to this arrangement without her consent, she is still my little angel and I will grant you your customs just like we have ours, but should your nephew hurt her in any way, he will wish for war to take him again."

Nodding her head, Polly grinned at Helene, knowing they would get along splendidly. Protective of her family, just like herself, the Shelby matriarch knew that there was a good future ahead, bright was still to be questioned, but good at least. 

Just then the decorated glass doors of the light coloured parlour flew open, a disheveled looking Arthur standing there, eyes ablaze and his face red from anger. 

"Did ya know, Pol?" he asked storming over to his aunt, hands already grabbing for her arms. "Did ya know 'bout 'er, hm?" 

Polly had never been someone to be frightened or threatened, especially not by her family, so she wouldn't start now and still Arthur always had a soft spot in her heart. Delivering a hard slap, she pushed the eldest of the brothers away from her, regret shining in her eyes. "What the fuck are ya talkin' about, Arthur?" 

"I'm fuckin' talking about Niamh." he glared, his cheeks already turning a darker shade of red from anger and the hit he received. "She's been here all them years, pregnant with ma son, so 'm askin' again: did ya know 'bout it?" 

Wide eyed, Polly felt the wheels in her head turning, remembering the girl Arthur had left behind to marry Linda, the redheaded beauty in the back of the church. "She was at the wedding, didn't say a thing, just left when it was over. That's all I know." 

Letting out a heavy sigh, Arthur stumbled back into the armchair on the other side of his aunt, closing his eyes to order the thoughts in his head flitting about like butterflies. "What am I gonna do now?" Polly moved over to him, pulling Arthur into a tight hug because she knew it was hard on him. 

Even though she wasn't a fan of Linda, her nephew loved her and she had to live with that. Now he needed to make a decision on what to do with the mother of his first child. "You need to talk to her, that much is clear. And get to know him, too." 

Nodding his head against his aunt's belly, Arthur felt a small portion of the weight lifting of his shoulders. Linda would be furious, she already was with him leaving for Ireland to be part of the wedding preparations. Nothing had been decided yet, but the eldest Shelby had a distinct feeling, that Lady McCann would want the ceremony to take place in their home and he already dreaded the day the whole family would again sit on Tommy's side of the church and Linda coming face to face with his former lover and mother of his first son.

"I thought you'd have ta greet guests." he said, a cigarette perched between his lips as he watched his wife-to-be gazing at the sky. 

"And I thought you would talk about business with my father." she replied, a smirk grazing her features and might he say it looked more like a small smile than a smirk. 

Her body leaned against the banister and Tommy couldn't help but let his eyes roam over it, breathing in the smoke of the cigarette he had missed all evening. "There's not much business to talk about when there's a wedding about to take place." 

Nodding her head, Saoirse turned her face towards his own as he leaned against the stone parapet next to her. "I hope Arthur has calmed down again after his encounter with Niamh when I left." she said after a moment of silence.

"Ach, he's fine. Needs to talk to her, though." Tommy shrugged, his stormy blues void of emotion as he stubbed out the cigarette on the banister. "His wife's goin' to have his hide, but he'll get over it." 

Shaking her head, Saoirse looked away from the gang leader, feeling like the little progress they had made went up in smoke just like the cigarette. "You shouldn't be so indifferent to the feelings of others, one day you might not have anyone left to turn to." 

"Often enough you only have yourself to rely on." he replied before he stood again, running a hand through his short hair and holding the other out to her. "We shouldn't make your guests believe that we hate each other, it's bad for business." 

Snorting, the youngest of three took his hand, feeling the warmth of Tommy's skin through the satin of her glove as he led her inside to the ballroom. "Who said anything about me liking you? I don't really care what my guests think, mother's guests on the other hand, that would be a shame. After all, they came all the way from Austria and London." 

"I see, you're not going to make it easy for me, are you?" he wondered, twirling her around so they could dance to the waltz the orchestra started to play. "What is this marriage going to look like, hm?" 

Putting her left hand on his shoulder, Saoirse mentally thanked her mother for making her take the dance lessons in Vienna or else the future bride of Birmingham's most known gangster would have been an embarrassment. Her right hand delicately laid in his left and she couldn't help but wonder if they could do more than just hold a gun and kill. "I believe you'd like me to play the obedient wife, staying at your house and doing nothing, what with your fortune now. I heard you have a son, so probably be a mother to him, while you go out and do whatever you do." 

"So, ya do know something 'bout me." he smirked, leading her across the grand room, unaware of the other dancers and their families. The pair danced in their own world and voiced their opinion on the upcoming union. "And here I thought ya didn't know anything." 

"My sisters talk, Mister Shelby, although I didn't know which one my husband-to-be was, I still heard their opinions on you loud and clear." 

The smirk on his lips widened at the thought of what Amalie and Louise had told their sister. "An' what pray tell did they tell ya?" 

"Oh, you know, that you're a gangster, cold as ice, a former war hero and would do anything to get money." Saoirse shrugged, trying to rile him up as she saw his blue eyes darken. Tommy knew that he had to keep it cool. It wouldn't do him good to drag her off and…no, he wouldn't yell at her and make a scene, that would break the deal he made with her mother. He'd rather enjoy the rest of his life while it lasted. 

Pulling her tighter into his body, he felt a satisfied grin make its way onto his face at her gasp. "You'd do well to keep those comments to a minimum. That money you so kindly brought up will grant you safety among Birmingham and the rest of England and Scotland. I don't want another of me wife killed because she wouldn't listen and had a mind of her own."

"Well then, you'd better look for another wife because I can be just as stubborn as you, Mister Shelby." 

"I'd rather not. You're more than enough." Wincing at the thought of having to go through that process again, Tommy shook his head. The music had changed and another waltz was played. "Besides, finding a good woman that freely accepts my son is quite rare in these times."

Pursing her lips, Saoirse looked up into his stormy blue eyes. "I couldn't imagine someone not liking your son. Judging by what Louise told me about him, I take it he's a ray of sunshine." 

"Are you really trying to make me hate you right now? But yes, Charlie is in fact a ray of sunshine despite having me as his father." Before the youngest daughter of the Duke could say anything, Tommy had twirled her outward, keeping his eyes on her face as he read the delight written all over it. 

He couldn't help but enjoy these moments, couldn't remember the last time he danced like this with anyone that hadn't been Grace. When Saoirse had returned to his arms, she sent him a grin, a genuine one at that. "I'm not trying to make you hate me, I was stating a fact and to be honest I can't wait to meet your son." 

Nodding his head at her answer, he led her around the ballroom for one final dance. "In two weeks you will meet him, so I do hope you won't change your mind about this arrangement." 

"Don't do anything to make me change it and I'll be there." she answered him, her right hand squeezing his left tighter than before and Tommy couldn't help but grin at her attempt to threaten him. Life would be a lot more interesting once the wedding was over. 

tagging

@fortheloveoffanfic @fics-not-tragedies

[everlarkficexchange]

You're Not Alone

My apologies to the anon who submitted this prompt. I wish I could have had it done but like so many others, I find myself busier than ever. I am still working on it and I wanted to at least post part 1.

Prompt 70: Peeta picks up a hitchhiker in the mountains one night, only to find it’s his childhood best friend and now escaped convict Katniss Everdeen. In a panic he calls police but after hearing her side of the story comes to believe she didn’t actually murder anyone. Everlark on the run. [submitted by anonymous]

Written by @sunsetsrmydreams.  

Rated NA

Beta’d by @justajjfan, all mistakes are mine. Subject to change.

It’s dark, so dark that without the bright headlights, you couldn’t see a hand in front of your face…and it’s fucking freezing.   

   Peeta punches the buttons again, trying to force the heater to work a little faster, even though he knows it’s pointless. 

His car rattles with the effort and he prays that the old beast won’t leave him stranded on the side of the road. He’s not sure anyone would be there if he needed help. So, with a calm pat to the dash he stops messing with it and tries to get used to the cold. 

   Mother had put him on the early shifts after graduation and after 4 years, seemed to delight in his exhaustion. He was now too tired to fight back when she started on him about this or that and it made him feel just like his father, worn down and defeated. The thought makes him ill. It almost seems normal for him to feel so much older than his 22 years after working to that kind of daily grind year in, year out.   

All his friends had all gone off to college, far away from this little mountain town…but not him. There was no money for a third son’s education, especially since his brothers were off with their successful careers, leaving the responsibility of the Bakery all to him at 3! FUCKING! AM!  

   Peeta continued to work the double shifts so he could pay for the community college classes he took two towns over and giving up was not an option. Not if it meant he could someday leave the Bakery, his parents, this entirely unsatisfying life, all of it gladly behind him. 

  He sighs tiredly, rounding another corner on the pitch black of the mountain road. His foot hits the brake.

 Shocked. His eyes blink and a figure comes into focus. 

   What the hell? 

   Peeta slows the car and as it crawls closer, he can make out the small form of a woman who has a coat tightly clutched around her form as is limping down the side of the road. 

   Never pick up hitchhikers. That’s what he’d always been told, but Peeta wasn’t about to let this person freeze to death…not on his watch. 

   Pulling up beside her, Peeta rolls down the window and whatever heat the interior managed to accumulate, wafts out of the window and he grits his teeth against the cold. 

  “Miss, are you okay?” he asks, but the woman doesn’t turn to look at him and he notices her posture is rigid and fearful.

“I was just on my way to work so if you need a ride to town, I can drop you somewhere. Or you can come to the Bakery with me and use the landline. I know the cell service is bad out here,” Peeta tacks on the last part because he doesn't want her to think he’s presumptive.  

   She turns towards him, and at the sight of her shadowed features, Peeta starts to babble. “I work at Mellark’s Bakery, have you been there? Our baked goods are pretty popular and it’s not too much further.” 

He finally manages to stop talking and watches as she carefully opens the door and slides into the seat. 

 Her bones seem to creak from the cold and as soon as the doors closes, he starts pushing buttons again trying hard not to stare at the woman in the passenger seat beside him as they continue the drive to town. 

   “Are you new here?” Peeta asks just to break the silence, “I’ve lived here my whole life. My brothers left years ago but I’ll probably be stuck here since I’m the baby–” 

   “Peeta?”  

   His name, whispered like a question causes him to jolt and swerve slightly and he’s lucky no one is on the roads at this early hour. 

   “Yeah. Do I know you?” He sneaks a quick glance at her. He can’t see much but he can tell she’s pretty.

   “It’s me…Katniss.” 

Tires screech as he slams on the brakes, once they’re at a full stop at the side on the road Peeta switches on the dome light and takes a good look at her.

  Katniss Everdeen. His childhood best friend and first love. Her entire family disappeared from town the year they both turned fifteen. There were rumors that the family was relocated due to Mr. Everdeen’s job but that had never sat right with Peeta. There were no calls, no notes, nothing from her to let him know she was okay. She was just…gone.

  Peeta was depressed for months, but his mother repeatedly assured him that Katniss was probably just happy to be rid of the chubby bumbling boy he was back then.He had never stopped wondering about her though.

  “Katniss?” He tests her name as his eyes move over sharp cheekbones and pale skin. She looks frail, not at all the healthy, olive skinned girl he knew when he was younger. Her hair was still dark as a raven’s wing, but it was her eyes that made him believe. 

  Light gray and impossible to forget. 

  “Oh my god, Katniss! Where have you been!?”  Peeta didn’t expect her to break down at his words and was horrified when tears began to pour from her eyes. Shuddered sobs shook her frame as he watched helplessly from the driver’s seat.

  “We don’t have to talk about it now.” Pulling back on to the main road, he sped towards the Bakery. He could fix this..she just needed a warm drink and a cheese bun, those had always been her favorite.

“It’s going to be okay, Katniss.”

Distraction made the drive seem fast. They were pulling up to the side door of the Bakery in no time. Peeta shut the car off, moving carefully so he didn’t startle her.  She was half asleep and shaking so he kept his voice low and calm. 

  “I’m going to come around and help you get inside, okay? Then we’re going to figure all this out.” At her weak nod, he gets out and walks quickly around to the passenger side and opens the door. She spills into his arms. He helps her stand, bracing her against his side for the short walk, holding Katniss securely with one arm as he unlocks the door and flings it open. 

After half dragging Katniss to the office, and slowly shifting her onto the overstuffed leather couch, he races in to make a hot cocoa and warm a few of yesterday’s pastries. When Peeta returns he finds her unconscious and panic sets in.   

It takes her a couple minutes to come around with him shaking her shoulder and saying her name repeatedly, finally a  slow blink and then two and he lifts the cup under her nose.

  “You need to drink this, it’ll warm you up.” Katniss looks at the cup suspiciously and it makes him wonder what has happened to his friend in the years she was away. 

  “It’s hot cocoa.” Her eyes brighten slightly and Peeta smiles. “And I brought some pastries too.” he offers and her eyes widen.

  “Is that…are those cheese buns?”

  “You remember them?”

  “I remember everything about this place. I was happy here.”

  “What…what happened to you? Why were you out there?”

  Katniss looks down. Peeta follows her eyes and lands on the bright orange of a prison jumpsuit.

  He struggles to understand why she would be wearing it and it must show because with a shuddered breath, Katniss speaks.

  “If I told you I was in prison for killing a man, what would you do?” She asks.

  “I’d ask what he did to you. The Katniss I knew, would never do something like that unless it were life or death.”

  “People change, Peeta.” 

  “Yes. But not you…not that way. Please, I know it’s been years but I…know you Katniss. I care about you. And I’ll help if you’ll let me.”

  “It’s not safe. I can’t….it’s not safe.” She starts to panic, trying to stand but her muscles quake and she falls back. “There are people after me. Powerful, dangerous people.”

  “I know someone who can help but you’re not going to like it given what you’re wearing.” 

  She pales, afraid to ask the question.

  “I want to call the Sheriff.”

  “Are you crazy! You think the law is going to help me?” She grits.

  “You’re obviously terrified Katniss! We need someone on our side!”

  “Why do you think anyone would be on my side ,Peeta?”

  “I’m on your side and he has known us both since we were in diapers. He’ll believe you, I know it.”

  “No.” 

  Her voice was still ringing in his ears and hour later. Their short conversation had zapped what little energy she had left. Her eyes sliding shut against her will. 

Peeta sits quietly and contemplates her situation. She needs protection and he might not be enough. He stands and moves to cover her with a blanket before walking haltingly over to the phone, taking one last look at her sleeping face…he dials.

  “Sheriff Abernathy, it’s Peeta. I need your help.”

[ourimpavidheroine]

So I take it you're not looking forward to the new Kuvira-centric comic?

Short answer? No.

Long answer? Honestly, I’ve been very, very underwhelmed by all of the ATLA/TLOK comics thus far. I mean…I suppose the new one could redeem itself by being really good, sure. But I’m not holding my breath or anything. 

I’m not a Kuvira-stan. You people know this. I think she’s an extremely compelling villain! In fact, I loved her as a villain. That being said, I am wholly uninterested in a redemption arc for her, especially as it looks like her redemption is going to be based on Suyin Beifong’s a mean old soccer mom and it’s all her fault and Oh look there’s the Avatarverse version of Mengele over there and he’s so much worse than me, he’s the real bad guy here.

I’m really fucking skittish about Su being framed as a villain. I do not think Bryke EVER got it right when it came to mothers in the Avatarverse. Either they were dead (Sokka and Katara’s mother, Mako and Bolin’s mother, Asami’s mother) or we had no idea if they were dead or alive or what the fuck during the actual story (Zuko and Azula’s mother, Eska and Desna’s mother, Izumi’s mother) or they were in the story but were basically there as scenery (Korra’s mother, Toph’s mother, Bumi, Kya and Tenzin’s mother, Mai’s mother, Noatak and Tarrlok’s mother). The only fleshed out mothers we get are Su and Toph Beifong, and Toph is really pushing it. I mean, we know canonically that Toph was a lousy mother. And while I do sincerely applaud Bryke for allowing Toph to be a lousy mother instead of some idealized 1950′s super mom that would be a wholly unbelievable character arc for her that only leaves us with Su as the sole mother who is a)actually in the show and b)has more than two lines.

Su Beifong, much as I loved her - and oh my god, did I love her - was a morally gray character. No doubt about it. She was a Slytherin Mom for damn sure.

Was she a perfect mother? I don’t think that exists. Good Mom? You know, I think she was, all things considered. I do not think anyone can argue that Su didn’t love her kids. She didn’t raise her sons with toxic masculinity - look at their father, for one thing, and we see the twins openly crying and that’s fine - and she’s proud of Huan’s ugly sculptures and there’s never any pressure on him to bend offensively (that includes in the train tunnels as Kuvira is attacking Republic City and he never bends at all). The moment Opal tells her parents she wants to leave Zaofu and go and train with the other airbenders Su and Baatar let her go - and they don’t bring her home even after the Red Lotus attack, despite how hard that must have been for them as parents. 

(We’ve got no idea about Junior, but the whole shy bumbling dork with no lines at all somehow turns into primo evil mad scientist thing comes out of nowhere and is not only not set up at all in the narrative but is never explained either. That’s on Bryke, however, and not Su and Baatar. It’s bad writing, for sure.)

And sure, Su as a mother has her moments. I mean…she also takes her teenage sons with her to assassinate someone, for the love of god. And she tells her oldest son, the war criminal, that everything will be just fine and all will be forgiven which is…neither reasonable nor realistic. She expects Tenzin, one of only five airbenders in the world (including the Avatar!) to drop everything and come and train her daughter on site. Which is just nuts. She has a truthseer who is always following her about, spying on people, which is super creepy. That’s Su for you. 

But, and I have said this again and again, but I have NEVER seen it addressed anywhere else - not in the show, not in any critiques I’ve read, etc. - there are TWO parents in Zaofu. Baatar may be mild-mannered, yes. But he’s there. He’s clearly an involved parent - we see him with his kids! We see him with his wife! We see him interact with his mother-in-law, we see him in the cage with the rest of his family, we see him in the tunnels with Huan, hell, we see him at the wedding in Republic City. He’s in the courtroom in the comic! 

So can someone PLEASE tell me why it always, always comes down to Su? That no one ever talks about her husband? Do not get me wrong, Su is clearly a dominant force; she’s a Beifong, for crying out loud. But Baatar has a backbone. He openly defies Junior and Kuvira without any hesitation whatsoever, fuck the consequences. He’s there when Opal tells her parents - not her mother, but her parents - that she wants to leave Zaofu to train. He’s clearly part of that decision. Does he leave the fighting to his wife? Yes, and rightly so. Does he let her carry on with the running of the city while he focuses on the building of it? Clearly. But he’s not scenery, not in the way that Senna is, for example, or Poppy Beifong.

Ever heard Kuvira mention Baatar Sr at all, never mind as someone who might have had a say in her upbringing? Never.

So to take Kuvira and reduce all of her megalomania, all of her madness, all of her destructiveness down into (foster) mommy issues? That is always going to feel like a cheap cop-out to me. I don’t care how you frame it. I cried bullshit all over that last conversation with Korra where Korra was like…oh, I get it, you felt insecure and your abandonment issues with parental figures made you want to wholesale kill people, cool cool cool cool cool, like I relate. 

Me, during that scene:

And the worst part of it is that they never did that with Amon. Yakone fucked up his kids but good; we know this. He was a legit criminal who only had kids as a means of getting revenge on those whom he felt had wronged him. He raised his sons as weapons. He was, beyond a doubt, an evil person and an appalling father. He had zero redeeming qualities. And yet…Amon is never given a pass for that. It’s there, it’s part of the story, we are horrified by it, but the narrative tells us that Amon is 100% responsible and culpable for his crimes despite his upbringing. The end.

The same is true for Zuko, by the way. The narrative makes it explicitly true that Zuko is responsible for his own shit despite what Ozai (and Ursa!!!) did to him. (The difference with Zuko is that he was still a child, whereas Amon and Kuvira are clearly adults. And even at that Zuko isn’t given a pass!)

So if the story, as told, is that in order to find redemption Kuvira needs to accept responsibility for what she did and stop blaming parental figures for all of the really appalling shit she should be in prison for the rest of her fucking life and not swanning around the former Earth Kingdom in snazzy Asami Sato hand-me-downs, then fine. I mean, been there done that already in this Verse and I’m not personally interested in following a rehashed redemption arc, but fine. It works.

But considering that they’ve got this new general dude outside of Gaoling that’s clearly set up to be Mengele and thus even worse than Kuvira? Oh man. I just…let Kuvira be a villain, okay? Redeem her if that’s what you want, but then REDEEM HER. Stop trying to make her somehow the lesser evil, here. This character was clearly created to make her seem the lesser evil; he wasn’t even alluded to in the show itself. I will lay cash that part of the Kuvira redemption arc is that OH NO she realizes that Megele dude is THE WORST and she is obligated to STOP HIM. Hey, here’s an idea…maybe you should have stopped him three years ago, how about that? You don’t get a goddamn pass for an unprovoked attack on a foreign nation with a weapon of mass destruction because some other guy in your army was conducting human experimentation. That’s not how this works. There’s no pass. 

But I’m never going to stop being super fucking salty that you take the ONE mother in this show that is actually a fully-fleshed out character on screen and let her take the blame - all alone, never mind her husband - for being a crap mother to her foster kid that decided to grow up and become a fascist. Fuck that noise. Sincerely.

[the-land-of-eternal-winter-novel]

Chapter 17 - The New Year

As in almost every other morning, Anatoliy woke up with many regrets, which he bottled up. Once his feet felt less sore, he formed the habit of going to the bathroom just to wash his face in the morning, hoping it would dissipate his sickly sleepiness. As the previous days, he frowned at the figure in the mirror. He had bags under his eyes, shadowed by deep, dark circles, and red rashes contrasted his discolored skin. His lips were cracked and had a white-purplish tone, and his fingernails were darkened. His messy and unevenly cut hair framed his scarred cheeks. His otherwise silver blue eyes looked empty and terrifying, as if made of glass and lead. He let the water drip down his chin, and he looked at himself in the mirror, sneering in disgust:

"You're a worthless piece of scum!"

He went back to his bed, but he met Radek again.

"Why are you talking like that about yourself?"

"Why are you listening?"

"I happened to be in front of the bathroom door... You shouldn't say such things about yourself. Nobody is worthless. If you need to get something off your chest, I'll listen."

"I don't want to talk about anything!" he said even before Radek finished his sentences, but he paused for a few moments. "...How can I not hate myself? Look at what I've become! I used to care about justice and righteousness, and I used to have faith. I used to be very preoccupied with living a moral life. Actually, I was the most scrupulous person I knew, and I would tell people my thoughts in disturbing details, lest I be "dishonest", and many other ridiculous things, just to avoid minor wrongdoings. In a way, it felt safe to have rules about the smallest of things, because then I didn't feel confused or guilty over what would normally be considered a gray area... I jumped straight into the darkest black. Somehow, I managed to justify my petty revenge as some act of maintaining true justice. It wasn't long until I realized I was now the very type of person I hated with all of my being. I used to read a lot of true crime, and old newspapers; I was eerily drawn to these morbid stories. They made me feel better about myself, compared to such vile men. So often have I said I would never do such a thing!... I turned into a monster!"

Radek tried to interrupt him, but unsuccessfully.

"Just look at me! I don't even seem human anymore. It's like the ugliness of my soul is seeping into the outside. Maybe it would've been better if I was never born; that would've saved everybody a lot of grief. I made even my own family suffer so much, I wouldn't be surprised to hear they're glad I'm finally gone."

"Please don't say that!"

"You prompted me to speak, otherwise I would've kept it to myself! You can't control what I think: I can't either..."

"I'm sorry, I wanted to help. Please remember that the people in your family love you very much. They don't see you how you see yourself, to them you're their dear husband or father or brother or nephew."

"Stop making me sound like a good person."

"Alright, I agree. You are a bad person."

Anatoliy was slightly taken aback by his confident response.

"...But we all are. See, nobody is an inherently 'good person' - we're all sinners, our human nature is corrupt. That's why we all need a Saviour."

"...But I feel like I reached the point of no return..."

"Nobody is beyond forgiveness."

Anatoliy deeply doubted that. The discussion ended fruitlessly, but Radek at least managed to convince him to come to the chapel on Christmas morning.

Such a privilege was not extended to the women who had been imprisoned for more than a month. Although Grigoriy had ordered the guards to ease the restrictions, they still kept them inside the same room at all cost. While Svetlana was somewhat able to keep her calm, Ingrid was growing resentful. Being locked in constantly reminded her of the horrible treatment from her own mother. She fervently debated, both in her thoughts, and in conversation with her sister-in-law, the topic of forgiveness and how she felt justified in hating her mother.

"You know that hate can only lead to evil."

"I won't harm her, therefore any negative feelings I harbour cannot affect her even if I wanted to."

"Don't they affect you, though?"

"Yes, but they're merely a natural reaction to the suffering I've been put through."

"It's been many years since you got away from her..."

"It's easy for you to say: you never had to be haunted by memories!"

Svetlana wanted to contradict her, but she refrained as she understood what she really meant.

"I didn't want to offend you, I just wished to help you understand..."

It was finally Christmas. Anatoliy reluctantly followed Radek to the chapel, feeling guilty for not taking part in the others' cheer. He tried paying attention to the service, but many doubts, as well as the impression that he was out of place, overcame his mind. There was a stark contrast between the message being preached, full of hope and joy, and the turmoil inside of his soul. Try as he might, he was unable to concentrate, though he kept the appearance of doing so. He joined the others in song, but he felt as if he was about to suffocate, so he still tried to whisper the lyrics, so as not to draw attention to himself. He felt the urge to cry, but he stopped, for the same reasons. Before he knew it, the service was over, and he realized he hadn't remembered one word of what had been said or sung. Seeing that he couldn't respect even the Christmas service, he became convinced he was already too far gone to ever be forgiven.

Unable to attend church, Ingrid and Sveta read the Scriptures, prayed and sung carols with the children, to recreate the atmosphere at least somewhat. Back home, Grigoriy did attend the service, but he felt lonely, as he realized he used to be surrounded by family members during these Holidays.

Žydras and Gintarė camped in one of the many tunnels, and remained in place until after the new year. From the scraps they found, they managed to craft little presents for eachother, as well as cook new foods, however unusual. For a taste of familiarity, Gintarė also made fir cone syrup. As they were drinking, they reminisced about the more pleasant aspects of their childhoods. Žydras recalled many good times he had had with his father and his half-sister, and he began to wonder why he refused to see him again, especially considering his efforts to reconnect. Žydras, however, refused to forgive him for having left his mother, and then he spiralled into doubt, imagining that all of his father's attempts at being friendly were nothing more than manipulation. Despite his thoughts, he told Gintarė he should reconcile with him as soon as he got home. She, while opposing the idea at first, thought she might go search her own father, if only to learn what he had been thinking. She took another sip of her drink, trying to avoid dwelling on that subject.

"Since the New Year is in a week, have you already thought of your wishes?"

"I don't think so; is this a tradition from the countryside?"

"Shouldn't have expected a city boy to know."

"Then teach me."

"You divide the number of the new year by your age, then you write that many wishes in a letter. At your age, you will have roughly a wish for each day. Then, you catch a bird and you tie the folded letter to its leg, and let it fly away."

"I might try it, but it's going to be difficult to think of hundreds of wishes, though."

"They don't need to be special. You can just write: 'new shoes, a vacation to the mountainside, a bottle of wine', you name it. According to this tradition, though, any wish you don't write down now will not come true."

"I'm not superstitious."

In the meantime, Ingrid still tried to debate Sveta, holding onto her opnion that, even compared to what Anatoliy had done, her mother's behaviour was unforgiveable.

"You only say this because it affected you personally. Bear in mind, however, that, by your logic, Kęstas, and Radek even, would be justified in never forgiving Anatoliy, or even you, for insisting on defending him."

"I'm not 'defending' his actions. I'm only trying to say that the two situations are not even remotely similar. Forgiving something that directly affects you is always harder, and you can only be indirectly affected by a loved one's death. You can't forgive somebody for killing you... unless you came back to life somehow."

"Well that is exactly what our Saviour did. It was His birth day that we just celebrated, wasn't it? And didn't He teach us to pray like so: "...forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."¹? I understand that you would find it hard to reconcile with your mother, considering she never even wanted to apologize, but at least forgive her in your heart. Remember that we have a loving and forgiving God."

Ingrid wished to find a counterargument, but she couldn't. She deeply pondered upon Svetlana's words, and, even as she resumed her daily activities, she could not help but come back to the same thoughts, doubts and feelings.

A week had passed, and, still early in the night, people began the New Year's celebrations. Gintarė and Žydras wrote their wish lists and they managed to catch two birds, which they were to release at midnight. Svetlana and Ingrid were playing games with the children. Elena and Kęstas were having a party, and they managed to enjoy themselves despite his mother's frequent nagging. Even Radek got a hold of a small bottle of wine for the occasion.

"I never drink." Anatoliy told him dryly.

"It's not wrong to drink wine in moderation. It's a special occasion."

"My mind is already in quite the dark place, I don't want to muddle it further."

Radek didn't insist, and he saved the bottle for the midnight. Seeing that his brother-in-law was very troubled, he tried to encourage him.

"This was the worst year of my life..."

"Maybe next year will be better."

"You know that's not true. Nothing will be the same again. I've already ruined my chances at improving anything... Only a miracle could solve the mess I dragged everybody in, but I won't get one, because I don't deserve it. "

"None of us deserve them, otherwise they wouldn't be called as such."

After a long pause, Anatoliy muttered words with great difficulty, feeling as if his chest was crumbling in on itself.

"...I fear that, if I close my eyes, I will die. And if I do, I will wake up in hell, like in those nightmares of mine. I know that my deeds are unforgiveable, but there's nothing I can do to fix them..."

"How are you so sure that you're beyond forgiveness?"

"Is there anything worse than murder itself?!"

"I say it's not helpful to compare one crime to another. The only important thing to remember is that our God is The God of Forgiveness."

"...and of Justice!"

Radek took him aside and began reading from The Scriptures, so as to remind him truths he had known, but had ignored or forgotten due to the burden he felt.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."²

The young man sat silently, not daring to say another word, though he wished to, and he listened on. Radek noticed his confused look and went back several chapters.

"Do you doubt that 'whoever' includes you?"

Anatoliy bowed his head in shame.

"Remember that, when The Saviour was hanging on the cross, there were also two criminals. We don't know what the two did exactly, but it warranted the death penalty. The important thing, however, is that one of them believed. Do you know what The Saviour told him? 'Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.'³"

After pondering about what they had read and after praying, the two went to other patients to celebrate with them. Anatoliy knew he had to make a monumental decision, but, for the moment, he only paid attention to the others, as they waited for the year to turn.

Alone in the dark, endless hall in the palace, Grigoriy looked longingly out the window. Feeling hopeless, he began praying.

"Lord, I know I didn't live right, I lied and manipulated, I treated my family poorly throughout my life. I barely even went to church twice this year. Forgive me for all of this. I don't know how to pray, and I know I don't deserve any wish of mine to come true. However, there's only one thing I will ever ask of You. Please let me see my son just one more time, if he has to come here or I have to go overseas. Even if I can only meet him once, on my deathbed, I will still be forever grateful!..."

The clocks struck midnight.

___________

¹ Matthew 6:12

² John 3:16

³ Luke 23:43

[unqueenlybiscuits]

Criminently.

KAZAKHSTANMINISTRY OF INFORMATION PRESENTSA KAZAKHSTANTELEVISION PRODUCTIONIN ASSOCIATION WITHBAGATOV FILMSMy name Borat.I like you. I like sex.It's nice.This my country of Kazakhstan.It locate between Tajikistanand Kyrgyzstan......and assholes Uzbekistan.This my town of Kuzcek.This Urkin, the town rapist.Naughty, naughty.Over here, our town kindergarten.And here live Mukhtar Sakanov......town mechanic and abortionist.This my house. Entry, please.He is my neighbor,Nursultan Tulyakbay.He is pain in my assholes.I get a window from a glass,he must get a window from a glass.I get a step, he must get a step.I get a clock radio, he cannot afford.Great success.This is Natalya.She is my sister.She is number four prostitutein all of Kazakhstan.Nice.This is my mother.She oldest womanin whole of Kuzcek.She is 43. I love her.And this my wife, Oxana.She's boring.What you say about me,you skinny piece of shit?Not now, please.Why don't you do somethingusefuI and dig your mother a grave.Come in here, please. Ignore.This is where I lives. My bed.This is a VCR recorder.And this play cassettes.Now I show you outsidefrom my houses.My hobbies, Ping-Pong......sunbathe......disco dance......and on weekends,I traveI to capitaI city......and watch ladieswhile they make toilet.My profession, work as atelevision reporter for Kazakhstan.Please, you see.THE RUNNING OF THE JEW 2004Here comes the Jew.It's a big one this year.Whoaaa...He nearly got the money there.Wait, here comes Mrs. Jew.She's stopped.Is she? Is she?Here it comes.She's laid a Jew egg.Go kids! Crush thatJew chick before he hatches!Although Kazakhstan glorious country,it have problem too.Economic, sociaI and Jew.This why Ministry of Informationhave decide to send me to U.S. and A......greatest country in the world,to learn lessons for Kazakhstan.I will traveI with most venerableproducer, Azamat Bagatov.Azamat.No, not film me!Film him.Urkin, not too much raping...Humans only.Doltan, I'll get youa new arm in America.I go to America!America!Wave goodbye to yourclock radio, asshole!If you cheat on me,I will come over there......and snap off your cock.JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPOR New York CityI arrived in America's airportwith clothings, U.S. dollars......and a jar of Gypsy tearsto protect me from AIDS.Stand clear of the closing doors,please.Hello, my name Borat.I not American. I new in town.Nice to meet you.Hello, nice meet you.Hey, what your name?My name is mind your ownfucking business.Stand clear of the closing doors,please.Oh, hello. Nice meet you.My name Borat.- What's happening?- Nice meet you.Get the fuck out of herebefore I break your jaw, bro.- Yo, step the fuck off, bro.- Okay. Okay.- You're fucking with the wrong one, man.- Okay. Sorry.Oh, shit.Okay, okay, wait.I get it. Please, relax.I'll get him! CarefuI, he bite.- Hey, man, what are you doing?- Okay, relax.Okay. Okay.Okay, okay, relax.Okay. Okay, wait.Okay, no problem. Sorry.Welcome to the Wellington HoteI.GUY BORGES,Manager, Wellington HoteIDo you want to pay for the entire stay now?- I pay for one night. How much?- Fine.One night is $ 117.13.We'll call it 85.No, we can call it 117.Let me get the door for you.Come on in.Very nice.Very nice room.We're not in the room yet, sir.Hold on.You might wanna repack.We're gonna be moving again shortly.I will not move to a smaller room.Sir, this is your floor.I'm gonna take you to your room.- This is not my room?- This is the elevator.It takes you to the floorwhere your room is.Nice. Nice.King in the castle.King in the castle.I have a chair. I have a chair.Oh, go do this. Go do this.King in the castle.Hello, nice meet you.My name Borat.I am new in town.- Get away from me.- I just- I kiss you, say hello.It arrive.Hello, my name Borat.I am new in town.- I say hello and I-- Do not touch me.- Do not get near my face.- I kiss you.Yeah, you kiss me,I'll pop you in the fucking balls.What mean, "balls"?Very nice.Very nice. How much?Hello, nice meet you. My name Borat.Get away!What are you doing?Wait, I want to say hello.What is the problem?This has beenmost happiest day of my lifes.I was very exciteto start my reportings.America is known for itssense of humor.UN survey say Kazakhstanhave 98th lowest humor.We must improve.Hurry, hurry.Just dry him, no hand relief.How is my back pussy?Not bad. Moist.So what time this interview?Soon, my friend.Gently.Enough!- Hello. My name's Pat Haggerty."PAT HAGGERTY - Humor Coach"- Nice meet you. Borat.- Nice to meet you.Should I make a jokeabout my mother-in-law?Yes. In America,that's a very popular joke.- Do you have a mother-in-law joke?- Yes.I had sexy-timewith my mother-in-law.- A what time?- Sexy-time.I made sexy-timewith my mother-in-law.- You had sex with your mother-in-law?- Yes.I don't think that Americanswould find that funny.- No, it is not a joke.- Yeah.We're talking about humor.Yes, you asked me aboutmy mother-in-law.Do you have a joke about her?No, why make a jokeon a mother-in-law?Do you ever laugh on peoplewith a retardation?Here in Americawe try not to make fun of......or be funny with thingsthat people don't choose.But perhaps you have not seensomeone with a very funny retardation.My brother, Bilo,have a very funny retardation.MentaI retardation causes a lot of painand hardship for a lot of families.Sometime my sister, she show hervagina to my brother, Bilo, and say:"You will never get this!You will never get this! "He behind his cage, crazy, crazy.Everybody laugh.She go, "You never get this! "But one time, he break cageand he get this.And then we all laugh.High five!Now...No, that would not be funnyin America, okay?What is "not" jokes?A "not" joke is when we're tryingto make fun of something......and what we do is we makea statement that we pretend is true......but, at the end, we say, "Not,"which means it's not true.So teach me how to make one.- All right, what color is your suit?- This suit is gray.Gray, I would call it blue, okay?- It's gray.- All right, it's blue-gray.But it's certainlynot black, right?- Let's say it's gray, but-- It is gray.Okay, so a "not" joke,I would say:"That suit is black. Not! "This suit is not black.- No, no, "not" has to be the end.- Oh, okay.This suit is black not.This suit is black, pause-You know what a pause is?- Yes.- This suit is black. Not!This suit is black. Pause. Not.No, you don't say "pause. "This suit is black.That's a pause. Not!This suit is black.Okay...- I don't- I'm not-- Not!Everybody say U.S.A. televisionmuch better......but this I watch for three hours,do not change.There's a remote controI here.Push these two arrowsto change the channeI.I got him, I got him, I got him!I have the urge tobury something else.Yes!- I love you.- Oh, I love you too, Jamie.I love you.- Do you believe in magic, Miss-?- Parker, C.J.It's a pleasure to meet you, C.J.Be carefuI! Be carefuI, C.J.!This C.J. was like no Kazakh womanI had ever seen.She had golden hairs,teeth as white as pearls......and the asshole of a 7-year-old.For the first time in my lifes......I was in love.Get up! Get up!Why aren't you ready!We have people to interview today.I understand.Learn what you can fromthis women's group.My hair?It's beautifuI. Don't worry.In Kazakhstan it is illegaI for more thanfive woman to be in the same place......except for in brotheI or in grave.In the U.S. and A., many womens meetin groups called Feminists.I find more."VETERAN FEMINISTS OF AMERICA"So, what means this feminism?It's the theory that womenshould be equaI to men......in matters economic, sociaI-- Now you are laughing.- Yes.That is the problem.Do you think a womanshould be educate?Definitely.But is it not a problem that a womanhave a smaller brain than a man?That is wrong.But the government scientist,Dr. Yamak,prove it's the size of squirreI.Your government's scientist?- Yes, Dr. Yamak.- He's wrong. He's wrong.Give me a smile, baby.Why angry face?Well, what you're sayingis very demeaning.- Do you know the word "demeaning"?- No.We are saying to you...I could not concentrate on whatthis old man was saying.All I could think about was thislovely woman in her red water-panties.Who was this C.J.?Last night I see in my hoteI room......a woman called C.J.on the television.- Do you know her?- No.She from a towncalled Baywatches.- She's just on television.- Her name is Pamela.- Do she live here in New York City?- She lives in California.- In the California.- He's gonna look her up.Okay, can we finish now?Listen, pussycat, smile a bit.- All right. That's it. I'm done.- We're finished. We have to leave.Although I was obsessed by this C.J.,I could not pursue her......or else my wifewould snap off my cock.Mr. Sagdiyev?- Yes?- I have a telegram for you.- You can read?- Yes, I can."Dear Borat Sagdiyev......your wife, Oxna......was walking your retarded Biloin the woods......when a bear attackedand violated and break her.She is now dead. "You say my wife is dead?This is what it's...Yes, sir. I'm sorry to inform you,but that's what the telegram says.High five! Great!What do you mean, California?I have arranged all our filmingfor New York.But we need to leave New Yorkto find the reaI America:Rodeos, cowboys...It will be better for our documentary.But why California?What's there?PearI Harbor is there...And so is Texas.Eventually, I persuade Azamatthat we would travel to California......and make our reportingsalong the way.He insists we not fly in case the Jewsrepeated their attack of 9-11.Okay, I'll find another wayfor us to get there.My name is Mike.I'm gonna be your driving instructor."MICHAEL PSENICSKA,Perry Hall Driving SchooI"Welcome to our country, okay.- My name Borat.- Okay, okay. Good, good.Well, I'm not used to that,but that's fine.Now, you do knowhow to drive a little bit?- Yes.- Yes. Put it in D.- What?- Drive.Now, wait a second. Wait a second.- Have you driven a car before?- Yes, many times.All right, let's go this way.I don't want you hitting anybody.Use two hands, now.- What?- Two hands.But then it look like I am holdinga Gypsy while he eat my chram.I don't care. You use two handswhen you drive, okay?Okay.- Okay.- Watch the children.Okay, no problem.You must not hit the children.Look, there is a woman in a car.Can we follow her?- And maybe make sexy-time with her?- No, no, no.- Let's get her. Why not?- No, no, no.Because a woman has a rightto choose who she has sex with.- What? You joke?- How about that? Isn't that amazing?There must be consent.How about that?That's good, huh?- Is not good for me.- It is good.- Steer the car.- Okay.- You want have a drink?- You can't drink that.- Why not? What?- It's against the law.Who is this car that follow us?I wish it didn't follow us.- I don't know.- Maybe we'll lose them.No, we better not lose them.Hey, don't look at me.Eat my tits!We'll make a right turn up here.Don't look at me like that.I will eat your shit.- Hey, you fuck my mother!- Hey, hey.- No, he do before. He look on me.- You can't do that.They're gonna throw us in jaiI,me with you.Why in a jaiI? He look on me.- Behind.- You can't say that.I like you, do you like me?- I do like you.- You are my friend?You're nice and I am your friend.You will be my boyfriend?- I won't be your boyfriend.- Why not? You do not like me?I could be. It depends.Well, boyfriend, yeah, I can.Great success.Now time to make purchaseof motorcars.I want to have a car that attracta woman with a shave down below.Well, that would be a Corvetteor a Hummer.JIM SELL GM Salesman Well, thatwould be a Corvette or a Hummer.JIM SELLGM SalesmanJIM SELL GM Salesman We willtry to help you out here.We will try to help you out here.A man yesterday tell meif I buy a car......I must buy onewith a pussy magnet.He means a car that women will like.Yes, but where you keepthis magnet?No, there's no magnet. That was just-He means the vehicle.Women love the Hummers.- Do this have a pussy magnet?- No.The vehicle itself will be a magnet.If I give you good price,will you please put in pussy magnet?Yeah, but there's no such thingin this country as a magnet.If this car drive intoa group of Gypsy......will there be any damage to the car?- It depends on how hard you hit them.- Hard.Yeah, hard. You might......if somebody rolls on the windshield,crack your windshield.How fast do I need to goto guarantee I kill him?Let me tell you something,with this vehicle, probably doing 35...- ... 40 miles an hour would do it.- Great.When I buy my wife......at the start,she was cook good.....her vagina work welland she strong on plow.But after three years,when she was 15......then she become weak, her voicebecome deep, "Borat, Borat. "She receive hair on chest......and her vaginahang like sleeve of wizard.How do I know thatthis will not happen with a car?Chevrolet guarantees thatwith a warranty.I like very much buy this Hummers.- How much is it?- Fifty-two thousand.I am looking for something between$600 to $650.We don't have any cars for 650that you can buy.I might be able to sell youa wholesale car.A car with a lot of miles for 700with no warranty.- Okay.- Come on.California, I coming!First stops on our journeywas Washington, D. C......home of mighty U.S. warlord,Premier Bush.Look who has an embassy here!Uzbekistan. Fuck you, motherfuckers!Look who has an embassy here!Uzbekistan.Fuck you, motherfuckers!We arrive here to learnfrom American politic.Azamat arrange interviewwith Party official from ruling regime.BOB BARR Former Georgia Congressman Azamat arrangeinterview with Party official from ruling regime.- We are good friend, Bob Barr, yes?- I hope so. "BOB BARR,Former Georgia Congressman"It is a custom have cheeseat the start.Thank you.My wife, she make this cheese.Very nice.She make it from milk from her tit.After interview, I encounterstraditional American street festival.GAY PRIDE PARADEPeople here were much more friendlythan in New York.Next morning, I interview politicianwho is a genuine chocolate-face.No makeup.On Sunday,I arrive in Washington."ALAN KEYES,2x Republican PresidentiaI Candidate"On Sunday,I arrive in Washington.There was a parade.I make two friendsfrom this parade.I invite them backmy hoteI room.We drink like normalin Kazakhstan.We wrestle like normalin Kazakhstan.Then they say,"I wash you in a shower,"and he wash me in a shower.It sounds likeyou met somebody who is from......what is called in America,the gay community.- What it mean, "gay," this word?- HomosexuaI.A homosexuaI? You mean...?Are you telling me the man who tryto put a rubber fist in my anus......was a homosexuaI?Even though my anus was broken......I knew that rest of our journeywould be great success.We left Washingtonand continued towards California.Howdy, partners!Yes, minister, we're on schedule.Yes, I'm standing inthe middle of Times Square.It's time to prepare for yourTV appearance.Remember to talk of singingnationaI anthem at rodeo.Don't worry, I am a Tv professionaI.Now, building our station around you.This is 16 WAPT News This Morning......named best newscast in the stateby the Associated Press.This morning we havea speciaI guest here in the studio.This is Borhat Sagadiyev.He is traveling across America to getthe taste of life here in the United States.He spent the last few days here.- Good morning to you.- Hello, my name Borat. Hello.Hello. Thank you.Before we start, can you tell me,because I want make urines......then I come back here and...If you tell meone minute before we start-We started. We are actually liveon the air right now.- I am very excite.- Yes.Hello, U.S. and A.! Hello, U.S. and A.!I'm very excite!I'm very excite to be here.And hello!Hello to you as well.Now, reaI quickly, why are you herein the United States?Because I want to learnfrom U.S. and A......your culture, and to understandfrom how a thing happen......and to take this lessonback to my country.- All right. Would you like to have a seat?- Yes.Please sit, please sit, please sit.Now, one of the thingsthat you've enjoyed so much about-Can I have a microphoneso people can hear me?They can hear you right now.You are miked up.This right here,that's the microphone.Hello. Hello, nice meet you.Well, welcome to the United States.Thank you very much for coming on.When you come to Kazakhstan...- ... you can stay in my house.- Well, thank you so much.You can sleep my houseand you can use my sister.Meteorologist Ken Johnsonwill have the latest......on tropicaI storm Emilywhen we return.Ten seconds, stand by.This is 16 WAPT News This Morning.Traffic is flowing along smoothlyalong Interstate 55.Dry conditions.If you're heading to the north......not too far away from Attala County,there's some showers there.Check that out onthe radar this morning and-Thank you, very nice for have me.What your name?We're on air right nowdoing the weather.- What your name?- We're doing the weather right now.Go over here with Adrian.She's calling you to go over here.- It is a she?- Yes.- Very nice.- Yeah, go. Go-- Go over here with-- What is your name?I'm the weather guy.Okay...Let's go over to the weather.You can see the radar, right now......showing some showersand storms up to the north-Okay. All right, let me-Nice to meet you.Showers and storms north ofYazoo City up towards Kosciusko-Thank you, bye-bye.You're singing at a rodeo tonight!Why didn't you mention it?What can I do, they are notprofessionaI.Get a move on, we haveWe welcome you to the 38th annualKroger Valleydale Championship Rodeo.Of course, every picturethat we get back......from the terrorists or anything else,the Muslims, they look like you...- ... black hair and a black mustache.- Yes.Shave that dadgummed mustache offso you're not so conspicuous.So you look like maybe an Italianor something......as far as when peoplelooking at you.I see a lot of people and I think,"There's a dadgummed Muslim.I wonder what kind of bombhe's got strapped to him. "- Yes.- And you probably aren't a Muslim.- Maybe that's not your religion.- No, I am a Kazakh. I follow the hawk.But you look like one of them.This thing gets over withand when we win it......and kick the butts over there......and all of them son-of-a-buckshanging from the gallows......by that time,you will have proven yourself......and you'll be accepted.- Take care.- Thank you.- I ain't gonna kiss you.- Why not?The people that do the kissingare the ones that float around like that.- Are they all...?- Yeah. Stay away from them that kiss.- Okay.- You don't want nobody kissing.In my country they take them to jaiIand finish them.- Take them and hang them.- Yes.- That's what we're trying to get done.- High five.Ladies and gentlemenof Salem, Virginia......would you please give a warm,American welcome......to a gentleman who has comeall the way from Kazakhstan......and we are honoredto have singing our nationaI anthem.Ladies and gentlemen,Borat Sagdiyev.My name Borat.I come from Kazakhstan.Can I say first,we support your war of terror.May we show our supportto our boys in Iraq.May U.S. and A.kill every single terrorist.May your George Bushdrink the blood......of every single man, womanand child of Iraq.Yeah!May you destroy their countryso that for the next thousand years......not even a single lizardwill survive in their desert.To show our friendship......I now will singour Kazakh nationaI anthem......to the tune ofyour nationaI anthem.Please stand.We nearly died last night.This journey is cursed.We should have stayed in New York.I was sad.The rodeo peoplesdid not like me.What if Pamela didnot like me too?We needed somethingto change our fortunes.Look, Azamat, a Gypsy village.Let us extract some of their tearsso we can remove the curse.Do not fear me, Gypsy,all I want from you is your tears.Please give them to meor I will take them.I'm not a Gypsy.I'm a Midwestern farmer's daughter.Americana.You have many treasures.Who did you rob for this?We didn't rob them.They came from the house.I will look in your treasures, Gypsy.Is this understood?I will look on them.Please do.Who is this lady you have shrunk?Was she the owner of this housethat you camp in front of?There's a couple more child's dolls.Do not try and shrink me, Gypsy.I serious.- These are your spells?- No.There's a good one,The Millionaire Mindset.There you go.- Baywatch.- Baywatch?It means she love me.Azamat!Azamat, great success!I've got the tears.Onwards to California!Let's go.What's that you've got there?It's nothing. Don't worry about it.Are we going the right way?I don't know, this map is from 1917.Where the hell are we?Hey, stop that goddamn van!Hey, baby, wanna go out?Wanna go out, honey?I'm going to stop and ask.No, no, no, keep going. Keep going.I need the directionto California, please.- To California?- You a long way from home.Who you with, man?Who you with, who you with?I traveI with my friend, Azamat Bagatov.We traveI across the country.You can't be talking all that.You gotta be talking English right here.You look like MichaeI Jackson, "Beat It. "Man, you better-I like you peoples.Can you teach me how to dress?How can I be like you?You need to let them jeans down.Pull them down?Don't pull them down like-- Like a ho?- No, no, no.- Like a this?- Yeah.But don't showyour Huggies though, man.What the hell? Is that fishnet?No, no, no, these are my antipants.- What kind of music you listen to?- I like very much Corky Bucek.You know Corky Bucek?Can you teach me speak like you?What you trying to say?- How you say, "How do you do?"- What's up with it?- What's that with it?- Yeah.Pull over and let's seeif we can stay here.What's up with it, vanilla-face?Me and my homey, Azamat,just parked our slab outside.Please.We are looking for somewhere topost up our black asses for the night.So bang-bang, skeet-skeet, nigga.We just a couple of pimps, no ho's.- Sir, you gotta leave.- Okay.Leave now or we're gonna call the copsand we'll have you taken out.We can't stay here,they are 'player haters. '- Hi. Hello.- You have a room for tonight?Oh, yes. Yes, definitely.- Come on in.- Great.Your friend also.A beautifuI house, this.All the paintingsin the house, I did.What is this man?This is a Yemenite Jew andhe's working on a piece of jewelry.They, Yemenites,were also jewelers.Why you have a picture of a Jew?Because I'm Jewish, so Ihave lots of pictures of Jews.This is the room and...- Do you need two pillows?- Yes.Great. Thank you. Lovely place.They're Jews.I know that now.They'll kill us.We need to escape.- Wait, wait.- Okay.Hello.- How are you?- Great.You guys getting settled in?This is a speciaI sandwich for you.I not so hungry.He can eat this.He fat.No, no.- You gonna eat, because-- Take a half.- Take a half and then you'll see.- Take a half.Yeah. I not so hungry.You eat a little bit.Go ahead and eat somethingbecause you're hungry.Yes.I don't want to see you go hungry.What is this picture over here?Okay...It is 3 in the morning.I am in a nest of Jews.They have cleverly shiftedtheir shapes.One of them has taken the formof a little old woman.You can barely see her horns.She have tried topoison me already.These rats are very clever.Look, the Jews haveshifted their shapes.OK, OK. How much shallI give them?I don't know...More. Give them more.Go. Go.Let's go back to New York,at least there's no Jews there.Calm down.We'll keep heading to California.Why California?What's so speciaI about California?We are going to California!And get killed on the way?!Relax, Azamat!I will get us protection.What is the best gunto defend from a Jew?I would recommendeither a 9 millimeter or a. 45.Very nice.It like I movie star, Dirty Harold.- Yes, sir.- Come on and make my day, Jew.But he would not sell me gunsince I not American.So I look for other protection.MUNCH RANCHExotic AnimaI Dealer- What type of dog is this?- This is a tortoise.Is this a cat in a hat?No, it's a tortoise in a shell.Yes.I need animaI for protection.What you have for me?We're safe.Now we continue to California.High five!Great! Nice.Switch it off.It so annoying!Ice cream!Happy times. We were safeand well on our way to Pamela.It was time to get back to work.Kazakhstan needs to learnabout American fine dining.First, a lady willteach you southern manners.How long have I got?An hour. Then you havedinner date with high society.Hello and nice meet you."KATHIE B.MARTIN-Etiquette Coach"Hello, it's so nice to meet you.Welcome to America.Will you please teach mehow to dine like gentleman?Of course, I'll be happy to.Is it polite to greet peoplewhen I make entry?"THE MAGNOLIA MANSION-Dining Society"Yes, it is.- Let me introduce you around.- Yes.- You're gonna have to-- I'm Mike. Mike Jared.Hello, I'm Bethany Weston.- Lovely to see you.- Nice.- How you do?- How do you do? My name's Ben.Should I pay interest in peoplesaround the table-sides?Yes.And, if it is a big table,a very long table......you might want to restrictyour conversation...- Yes.- ... to people right in your vicinity.- Very nice.- So you are not yelling.What do you do?- I'm the pastor of a church.- Yes.- What do you do?- I have spent years in construction.I'm recently retired.- You are retard?- Yes.PhysicaI or mentaI?- Retired.- No, no, not retarded.- I don't work anymore.- Stopped working.It's very good you allow retard......to eat with you in the same place.That's not what we're sayingabout this man.He is not whatyou would refer to as retard.- No.- No, no. Not at all.Do you have a telephonein this village?Of course.Should I show photos of my family?You have photos of your family?WonderfuI.This my favorite son, Huey Lewis.- Okay.- Yes.- He looks happy.- Yes.He very strong.- My goodness, is that him holding you?- Yes. Very strong.He grow three centimeter.He now 17 centimeter long.I'm not sure I would show thesephotos of him without clothes on.Should I pay complimentsto the peoples?Yes, but only if you truly agreewith that compliment.You have a very gentle face...- ... and a very erotic physique.- Thank you.- You're correct.- Yes.That's a very good observation.She is your wife?Nope. That's my wife.In my country,they would go crazy for these two.Not so much.What should I say ifI need to go to the shit hole?You mean to the restroom?- To the place to make the shit.- The bathroom? Okay. What you-Not to bath. To make dirt from anus.- Not a bath, right. The toilet.- The brown-- Where you make- You understand?- Yes. Yes.- Bad? Bad thing from it.- Yes.- What you do is you say:- Brown."Excuse me,I need to go to the restroom. "Excuse me, is it possibleto go and do a, you know...- To be excused?- How you say in the, you know...Upstairs.Just say, "Excuse me a moment. "- I need to go, what you say...- That works. Thank you.- Can you go upstairs?- Yes, thank you.I think that the culturaI differencesare vast...- Exactly.- ... and I think he's a delightfuI man.....and it wouldn't take very much timefor him to really become Americanized.Thank you very much.I feeI much better.- Cindy, where shall I put this?- Just-Where should I put this?Maybe in the other restroomdown here.In the-Excuse me-Excuse me for just a moment, please.You roll off like this......and you wipe your bottomand you put the paper- Look.- You, wipe mine?- No, I don't. You do.- This is a very private thing.- The host cleans the anus of the other?No, no, no.Nobody touches you, except you.Can I bring a guest to dinner?If you have been invitedto a home or to a party...- Yes.- ... it is acceptable to bring a guest...- ... if you ask your host in advance.- Yes.GeneraI Stonewall Jackson,Robert E. Lee.I think this my friend.- Hello?- Hi, I'm looking for Borat.- Yes, it's me.- Oh, hi, honey.- I'm Luenell. Hi, hi.- Hello, nice to meet you.- This my friend, Luenell.- Hi.Oh, okay...You all having a dinner party.Well, we were. I don't know exactlywhat all that we're doing-It is getting very, very late.Excuse me, I'm going to have to go.- Okay. Very nice.- It's getting very, very late......and it's time that, you know......we were endingour dinner party and everything.- I apologize-- But can't she come for desserts?Absolutely not,and neither can you.- The sheriff is on his way.- I hope so.I've already called them.Why you call police?Have the retard escaped?I want say I very sorryhow they treat you in this house.Thank you.I was thinkingmaybe I'd just take the night off.Why don't we just go outand have some fun?What do you think about that?You want to come with us?Up yours!Hi! My name Borat.- This my friend, Luenell.- Hi, Luenell.She is a prostitute.You were funny on that bull.Everybody almostsee your underpants.I never rode a bull before.Well, you wanna-?You wanna come in for a little while?I would like very much......but I in lovewith a woman in Malibu.It would not be nice to herfor me to...Okay, well, if you're ever in town again,this way, you know, look me up.If I ever in town again, Luenell......I would very much liketo pay you for sex.Good night, Luenells.Good night, Borat.You say my name right. Borat.People say Borakor Billy or Bob.Bye."Pamela is a fairly simple girI,she recently explained.'There's not a whole lot of logicin the way I live my life.I am very spontaneous. ' "I'm very spontaneous too.I needed a gift to give to Pamela......so that she would grant meentry into her vagina.Therefore, I convinced Azamat to let mefilm a report in an American store.Don't spend more than $3.We're low on money.This your shops?Right, this is my antique shop.Why do you have so many thingswith a flag?We're honoring our heritage.Now, what in here? What is this?These are a number of collectibles.I mean, this is a lamp that, you know,you would use in your home.This is a Chinese cloisonn bell.And this is a littledecorative duck.And do you think, you know,when they-?I'm sorry. Wait, wait, wait.- We need help, baby.- No, it's okay.I sorry.Sorry. I will repair all of this.Don't worry. My friend,he can make glue and-I don't think you're gonna be able toglue it. You're gonna have to pay for it.Okay, I have a digitaI watchfrom the future.I will give you.Is worth more than all of this.You broke $425 worth of stuff.Hundred and sixty, 170, 180.- That's not enough.- Do you want hair-?No, I don't want any damn hair.This is best hair in Kazakhstan.FeeI the quality.I don't want your damn hair.This is hair from pubis.I can get 2000 bags by next Friday.We don't use that stuffin this country.Have you offered them pubic hair?Yes!Just give me another 20.It was a mistake.You screwed up again.I didn't see the truck.I slipped on it and that was it.Only an idiot could do this.Would you have believed this if Ihad told you? All right. Go. Go. Go.You've ruined this documentaryand almost bankrupt us.So call the ministryand get more money.What?! If I did that,they would kill us!California had better be as goodas you say, or we're finished.You bastard.What's the matter with you?How dare you makehand-party over Pamela.Why do you care who Ipleasure myself to?Because I love this woman.She's the reasonwe traveI to California!What?You lied to me!You lied about California!Eat my asshole!Holy...Okay.We have a speciaI guest herethis evening. Ruth Feiner is here."MORTGAGE BROKERS - ANNUAL BANQUET"Get the fuck out of here!So bad news.Azamat have leave.I wake up, he disappear......and he take Oxana, my bear.Our bear.And he also decideto take all money......and also my passport.And he leave me......only this bag, with a hen......and ticket to Kazakhstan.But no passport.But at least he is......man enough to leave me......my beautifuI.Which I have cleanedsince last night.And I have decide to......continue making documentary.Make it without Azamat.I think it will be better......and we will have moresuccess without him.I only want 17 cents, please.I had no car, no moneyand no Azamat.The only thing keep me going......was my dream of one dayholding Pamela in my arms......and then making romance explosionon her stomach.Eventually, I managed to hike a hitchingswith group of young scholars......also traveling across country.CHI PSI FRATERNITY BROTHERUniv. of S. Carolina- How you doing? How you doing?- Where the fuck are you from, baby?I am from Kazakhstan.- Welcome to fucking America!- Hey, have a seat. Let's go.- What's your name?- Anthony.- Anthony?- Yes.- Anthony.- And Justin.- Justin.- And David.- David.- Bartender Dave.Very nice.- Can you open this, please?- Oh, sure.Thank you very much.So you like the bitches out therein the fucking old Russia, there?- What?- The bitches in old Russia.How are the women?The fucking ho's, baby!The fucking girls!- You fuck the shit out of them!- Yes!Then you never call them again.Why you don't call them? Becausethey do not have a telephone, yes?No, not because of that.They don't have my respect,you know? I mean...So, what are you doinghere in America?They film me traveIacross U.S. and A.I don't know what you'resaying, man, but that's cooI!Let's get drunk!- Yes! High five!- High five!This is America in a bottle.- Oh, baby!- Oh, baby!- Borat, let me hear it. Oh, baby!- Oh, the baby!Suck, suck, suck!Let me tell you game we play.Can I hear a game you play?We play a game called"When the snake eat the pig. "- When the snake eat the huh?- The snake eat the pig.- You get a baby mouse, very small...- Baby mouse?...and you put a bit of cheese inhole of your chram,untiI it go inside.That is too crazy for me.I'll do it. I don't give a fuck,I'll do it.Let me ask you this.Are woman-?Are women your slaves in Russia?No. Do you have slaves here?- We wish. We wish.- No slaves.- It is a shame.- Hey, Borat.Big shame. Big shame.It would be better country if...Yes, it'd be better country.We should have slaves.Our country,the minorities actually have more power.Anyone that is minorityhas the upper hand.We have the Jews. We have anybodythat's against the mainstream.- Do you want to see my new wife?- Yes!This my new wife.- Pamela!- You know her?Pamela! I know of Pamela.I will take her virginfor the first time.- I am going to put this shit on.- Put it on.Borat, Borat.We have a lot to talk about.I will take her virgin.I will uncork her.Borat, Borat.She is no virgin, Borat.- Is not true.- She is no virgin, buddy.Is not true. Liar!Liar, liar, your panties on fire.Borat, shut up.Small Jacuzzi ona fucking small yacht.What she do?- She's sucking some dick, man.- You see her sucking dick?This is not her.I guarantee you that shit'sgonna happen. Don't worry about it.- That's her, Borat. Sorry.- Borat, that's her.This is not her.It's her. I'm sorry.- I'm sure it's her.- I go.- No, no, no.- Titty bar.Come here.You're my man. You're my man.I do not know whyshe is trying to do this.- Come on, Borat. Stay with us, buddy.- We love you.We'll remember you always.Like I taught you.Wait.You're in America now.You'll make it.You- You keep going, okay?You are bigger than a woman.You are better than a woman.We will always be behind you.- Do not let a woman ever, ever...- We'll always be-...make you who you are.- Goodbye, my friends.- Goodbye.My ticket.How will I get home?I sorry, my friend.Go.Go.Run to freedom.Go! Go and live your life!Come on!CHARLES "CHIP" PICKERING U.S.CongressmanIt is good to be here.This is my 1 Oth PentecostaIcamp meeting. A decade.The bottom line is,we're a Christian nation now...JIM SMITH,Chief Justice,State Supreme CourtThe bottom line is,we're a Christian nation now......we were one in the beginning.....and we gonna always be a Christiannation untiI the good Lord returns. Amen.I didn't evolve out of a monkey.I didn't use to be a tadpole.I is what I is.Praise you, Jesus.The Bible says that Godwas manifest in the flesh......and believed on in the world.I got good news.Jesus is God in the flesh.I don't care what the deviI's doneto you or what he's trying to do.All you gotta dois step out of that aisle now......and make your waydown to this altar.Let's have a littleold-time church right now.I need somebody to pray withme right now. Come on, sir!The blood over my neighbor.I bleed the blood over my church.I want you to help me,save me, please.Ladies and gentlemen,the gentleman here......standing right next to me,his name is Bolak.Would you greet him with a great bigJesus name for just a couple of minutes?Thank you.I have no friends.I am alone in this country.Nobody like me.My only friend, Azamat......he take my money and my bearand he leave me alone.Not only this.The woman I love, the reasonI traveI across the country......she have do something terribleon a boat...- ... and now I can never forgive her.- You have to.Is there anybody who can help me?Yes. The one that can help youis who we preached about tonight.- Jesus.- Do Jesus like me?Absolutely, Jesus loves you.Do Jesus like my sons?Jesus loves your sons.Do Jesus lovemy retard brother, Bilo?He loves your brother, Bilo.Do Jesus love my neighbor,Nursultan Tulyakbay?Yes. He loves everybody.Nobody love my neighbor,Nursultan Tulyakbay.Can Jesus heaI the painthat is in my heart?Jesus can heaI your painin your heart.Make him heaI the painthat is in my heart.- Lift your hands and begin to worship.- Lift your hands.Would you lift your hands with himas we pray in the name of Jesus.- God, forgive me of my sins.- God, forgive me-- Forgive me, God. Cleanse me.- Cleanse me.Cleanse me, Lord,in the name of Jesus.Yeah, let that tongue go.Here it comes.We're gonna speak in other tongues.Let that tongue go.Yes, God. Yes, God. Yes, God.Yes! Yes!I will forgive Pamelaand I will go to California.I will go to Malibu with meand my friend, Mr. Jesus......and together we will take her!I took a bus to Los Angeles......with some friends of Mr. Jesus.Finally, I had arrived.Happy times.Marilyn.Azamat?You traitor!Look, I can explain.You attack me. My moustachestill taste of your testes!Calm down.Let me explain.What did you do with the bear?She ran off. I'm sorry,I'm sorry.Hey! Fuck off, Death!You need to calm yourself!You have to calm down!Well, that's another finemess you've gotten me into.I had not come to Hollywoodto fight a man dressed as Hitler.I had come to makePamela Andersons my wife.So I forgave Azamat.I knew you'd make it here, Borat.I felt so bad thatI prepare this for you.It's everything I couldfind on Pamela.Last Friday she appeared for a groupwho are against cruelty to animals.Against cruelty to animals?And tomorrow she'sdoing a signing.She wrote a book.What? A woman has written a book?Dr. Yamak would never believe this.I know.We will go to thishistoricaI event......and I will marry Pamela there......but in the traditionaIKazakhi way.Azamat, let's prepare thewedding sack.You forgive me, yes?Yes.Having learned many lessonsfrom U.S. and A......I will now teach America howto have a wedding Kazakhi-style.You find more.PAMELA ANDERSONAUTOGRAPH SIGNING, Orange, CAVery excite. Very excite.Hi. Hi, everyone.I love you.It is me, Borat.- Well, thanks for coming, you guys.- Thank you!I love Pamela Anderson.- Really?- Yes.Go ahead.- Hi.- Hello.Make it out to someone?My name Borat Sagdiyev.I son of Asimbala Sagdiyev......and Boltak, the rapist.I former husband of Oxana Sagdiyev......who was daughter ofMiriam Tulyakbay......and Boltak, the rapist.I make this for you, this...There are our name.My name- Your name,Pamela Anderson and Borat Sagdiyev.Here's today's date.And this say that it is today's date,our wedding......and then this inside is silk.Pamela, will you marry me?No, thanks. I'm sorry.No. Agreement not necessary.Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Get off!- Get your own wife!- Fucking shit!Come on, get her!Wait, Pamela.Don't worry, I nervous too!Pamela, wait.Pamela, I will give youyour own plow.Get out of the way!Watch out, watch out.- Get on the ground.- Hands behind your back.- Okay. Pamela...- We're gonna stand you up.- Bring your knees up.- All right.Pamela,I am not attracted to you anymore!Not!I was humiliated.It was time for meto return to New York......where a ticket was waiting for meto fly back home.While I sat on the bus, I thought ofmy journey over the past three weeks.The great times.The good times.And the shit times.Mainly, they were shit times.I had come to Americato learn lessons for Kazakhstan......but what had I learned?Suddenly, I realized.I had learned thatif you chase a dream......especially one with plastic chests......you can miss the real beautyin front of your eyes.Hi.Welcome back in my town of Kuzcek.Since I return,there have been much improvements.We no longer haveRunning of the Jew.It's crueI.We Christians now.Doltan improve too.Hey, Doltan. High five!Great.Come my house.There Nursultan Tulyakbay.He still asshole.I get iPod.He only get iPod Mini.Everybody know it for girls.Come.And this my beautifuI wife.Thank you for watch my film.I hope you like.You’re such a slug, gtfo

[friguxcor]

"I see... so do your pants have a habit of doing the same thing? Nothing wrong with it, but by your own expression you don't enjoy it. Or is it how other people mention it to you?"

       ❛  —— Sometimes they do. Not to be rude but is the sight of flesh so forbidden for you? otherwise i would recommend turning around instead of glaring my way. ❜

[automotive-industry-individuals]

This is amusing so he claimed that i got my daughter Annabelle taken away.

What transpired is on open court documents and you just have to request a copy. And NHRA President did And showed him the case was closed without default nor prejudice against me however 3 red marks on my ex husband for his lies.

I think Tanner Gray owes me an apology or an explanation because the only times my daughter was taken away from me was once in labor and 2x by kidnapping.

Which is all,recorded in police journals. Some FBI and of course CIA and the Air Force and Coast Guard and the Marines and Navy Seals all have records of the attempted abductions hours after she was born in the hospital and then when she was 3 and 4 years old.

So does he owe me an explanation because he knows about those events and he was involved or should he just had shut up and apologized?

And she is Alex's kid. Its on DNA record since she was born.

And i was in hiding with my ex that ended up proving to be evil and non human.

Because she had been murdered several times before and so we had to hide and protect her identity because reincarnation failed over 50 times and this was the only way to keep her Alive -- to hide her in plain sight of aliens that wanted to keep us both alive.

For their take over solutions.

But i had to stay married 15 years. We only lived together for 7. And i couldn't handle nor,stand him.

So we divorced later...

But point why is it anyone's business?

Anyway i was just cruising YouTube and this popped up...

It isn't anyone's business.

But to say I got my kid taken away for being a worthless mom is bull shit.

Because of the dangerous people i was aware of, i quit publishing my daughter on the internet.

So no one knows what she looks like to cut down the liability of me putting her in danger to be kidnapped.

If people know what she looks like it's because they're in her life or stalking us.

It was that simple.

Live in my world for 12.5 seconds and you'll see simplicity

If Tanner Gray had kids and not a tube may be he would know something Human and Real.

Alex calls me mom to a lot of kids i taught and pulled out of bunkers. They're not literally my kids but technicality in some ways they are.

I've loved them as a mom should. Every single one. Billions.

He spoke specifically of Annabelle. And she's never been taken away from me by any legal means.

Except a few times where temporary custody was granted because I was hospitalized for heart attacks on 2 seperate occasions

A divorce solved those problems.

My ex wasn't allowed to take her on his own So i said give the custody to HIS mom.

Luckily both times were in summer and she was off from working at Head Start -- a day care for low income parents.

So she worked in a day care and pre school which is why i signed custody on her. Because she has no other kids in her home just her and her husband.

So it was best in My eyes for my child.

And it lasted up to 4 weeks after I was released from the hospital and they were all in my home. Her husband too. They were never more than 40 miles from me except when i gave permission for my mother in law to take her to her house. 2x each heart attack. To go to church and get some stuff from her house.. The most they were gone was 4 days.

And CIA followed. She's CIA.

So.

Tanner Gray was actually removed from the NHRA roster. For his behavior and shit talking me.

It went down to a vote and he was voted out for being irresponsible with his mouthy gossip.

We all know Tanner...

So what is it you owe? An explanation or apology?

I mean it doesn't matter cause you're not staying on the planet... So i would not even bother about

But you can take this as a lesson and learn or find out what they do to shit talkers on your planet. Especially when they come from Earth.

There's a whole mighty list of rules because home planets are not pleased.

I made sure of that.