#[ 275 year habit mind you ]

[spiderwarden]

So I was singing along to this song. And I half wondered if all the clerics can sing. Music is part of religion no matter what religion you’re in, and it’s been confirmed Minthara can sing. So like, does this apply to all clerics?? Can Shadowheart sing??

[nitpickrider]

And there you have it. 275 issues of Conan the Barbarian all done and dusted. A comic epic that spanned 23 years. Now let's see what I can find to say. I had never read a Conan comic before, I was aware that the character was deeply integrated into the Marvel Universe (perhaps the first of Marvel's licensed titles to be so which they would make an admirable habit) and of course I had the broad stereotypical outline in my mind's eye but beyond that...nothing.

275 issues later I can tell why the character has persisted for 90 years and counting. A broad sandbox where any idea can be let loose, where read world history and myth mash together, intersecting and sprinkled with small amounts of spiritual science fiction when called for. Conan himself is a character totally apart from any other heroic figure I've ever known. Honorable but cutthroat. Honest but violent. Curious and yet harshly blunt. For every admirable trait he has the story is quick to remind you that he is still a violent thug in a world of violent thugs, he just so happens to be the best of them. My favorite stretch in recollection has to be #52-55, focused around the young acrobat girl Tara and her eventual love story. Crom help me I'm a sucker for ragamuffins learning bad lessons from poor authority figures.

It, like Conan's own journey down the dusty trails of Hyperborea, has been a long road. But make no mistake, like the end of any Conan tale the adventure might always continue. Raise a glass, a toast to see Conan off into the sunset for now. Knowing any day we might see him again. And check back in here for what's next...after I fulfill a promise...

[llovelyclouds]

notes on pyrrha dve

heres all the relevant info i took note of on pyrrha during my tlt reread, in one place!

(you can find all the other posts from this project here!)

PYRRHA DVE

titles:

Gideon’s cavalier, first gen, founded the second

greek mythological orgin of the name pyrrha

also, pyrrhic victory

notes from gideon the ninth:

G1deon & Pyrrha's room in Canaan house includes a drawing of a chimaera that Gideon describes as "familiar" and a picture on the wall of John and his pals (presumably) with everyone's faces scribbled out with a thick black marker. Also guns (gtn. pg. 205)

notes from harrow the ninth:

presumably lead the development of her and G1dieon's trial at Canaan house, as Mercy refers to it as "Pyrrha's trial" (htn. pg. 97)

 The reason G1deon is named the Saint of Duty (htn. pg. 177)

Asked Wake to kill G1deon quickly (htn. pg. 205)

Was most likely the one conscious in G1dieon’s body when Harrow caught her fucking Wake in Cytherea’s body????? (htn. pg. 216)

"I will remember the first time you kissed me- you apologised- you said, I am sorry, destroy me as I am, but I want to kiss you before I am killed, and I said to you why, and you said, because I have only once met someone so utterly willing to burn for what they believed in, and I loved him on sight, and the first time I died I asked of him what I now ask of you / I kissed you and later I would kiss him too before I understood what you were, and all three of us lived to regret it- but when I am in heaven I will remember your mouth, and when you roast down in hell I think you will remember mine" -Wake's note (htn. pg. 252)

All the lyctors and John loved her (and also thought she was super hot) (htn. pg. 274)

Augustine developed his smoking habit to impress her (htn. pg. 275)

Was ten years older than Augustine (htn. Pg. 278)

G1deon & Pyrrha liked Alecto despite the fact that the other lyctors (at least Mercy and Augustine) didn't (htn. pg. 479)

Mattaius Nonius fought G1deon, and seems to owe Pyrrha a debt (htn. pg. 455)

"We compartmentalised from the Eightfold Word, just like you and your girl- though I'm an accident, and he took more from me than got taken from you. I was able to go underground, even from him."- Pyrrha (htn. pg. 494)

notes from nona the ninth:

Used to be a cop, made detective, knew Gideon from "way back" (ntn. pg. 74)

"'You should be draining and replacing her fucking brain fluid,' said Pyrrha. 'When Gideon and I designed that trial, I used to crack his skull and sieve it myself, just as a control variable. It's aggregative. I doubt you're testing her white blood cell count either. The only other people I put through that damn trial were Mercy and Cris, because only Cris didn't mind being trepanned on the regular. Fucking around with souls is the problem, Sextus… you can't ever get data on souls.'" - Pyrrha, discussing when Cam & Pal "overlap" (ntn. pg. 84)

"I visited her hometown back before Anastasia got settled, and it was grim as fuck then. Just spooky caves all the way down…" -Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 86)

"'Do they still do gravid carry where you come from?' 'On the Sixth, only for research,' said Palamedes. 'I helped at a birth once. Theres a lot of noise and run-up before the real thing happens.'" -Pyrrha and Palamedes (ntn. pg. 121)

"P- was great, but like, Ministry ties or no Ministry ties, a big part of her career was going around to the local high schools and telling the drugs kids that they shouldn't be doing drugs. She'd won medals for competition shooting back north in Hamilton, but we're not talking Jesse James. We're talking Hamilton."- john (ntn. pg. 191)

"She chose us that day, not her career. I always loved her for that. She'd adored being a cop." -john (ntn. pg. 191)

"and it was P- of all people who said, First things first. If they're going to let us fix the world, you've got to make them take us seriously. Get some leverage. If they want to make you into a bad wizard, be a bad wizard. We can write the history books to say you were a good wizard. Or at least an okay wizard. They're not going to listen because we talk nicely, they're going to listen because we scare the shit out of them. He said, Which goes to show you that only getting to NCEA Level 2 isnt going to stop you making waves in life, right." (ntn. pg. 271)

"Nona had thrown exactly two tantrums in her entire life. She couldn't remember anything about the first one, but Pyrrha had told her about it. Pyrrha had been laughing with her mouth, but not with her eyes: her eyes had been very brown and distant and uneasy, as though this tantrum had reminded Pyrrha of something her brain didn't want to bring back." (ntn. pg. 275)

She mentions disco?? how does she know what disco is??? (ntn. pg. 362)

"Gideon… G-, you died for nothing." -Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 390)

“I remember P- behind a barricade… not dead yet… telling me, John, run.” (ntn. pg. 406)

Died pretty immediately after Mercy and Augustine, but before G1deon (ntn. Pg. 407)

“Who are you, foreigner, that you know the mysteries of the Anastasian?” “I was here before it was the Anastasian,” said Pyrrha absently. “Painted a nursery. Mint green.” (ntn. pg. 453)

“Cass and Mercy and I worked on cell thanergy- we need thanergy, fresh thanergy, to activate…” - Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 471)

“And Alecto said, Pyrrha, he laid me down as an appeasement to them; he fed you to them as an appeasement to them; but he has never appeased me, and now all he has done was teach me how to die.“ (ntn. Pg. 476)

[omegaremix]

For anyone of you reading this, I’m going to say it right now to all of you here: don’t ever take up music collecting. Each and every one of you. I am not fucking around. I started collecting during the Brentwood era. Like everyone else, cassettes and CDs were given to me as birthday and Christmas gifts, then getting one or two here and there as I got into my favorite artists more. A swirl of radio airplay, word of mouth, and magazines meant there was a new music frontier to discover. It wasn’t until after I graduated that I started getting addicted to it. I'm open-minded in discovering and hearing new artists…and I'm also compulsive. I had to get my hands on everything by every artist - even if I was unemployed and didn’t have the money. Finding lower price tags on what I bought made my habit worse. Then I acquired my driver’s license. I discovered vinyl (which started way before this trendy "boom", no thank you) not just on my own but through my dad who salvaged entire collections after being thrown out. Then came the dawn of the internet which lead me to albums and releases I never knew existed. Napster amplified my tastes in music and acquisitions exponentially, and I had plenty of friends who gifted me mixtapes and mix-CDs. I managed to hold onto stable positions and made more money. And, I discovered college radio, when finding a couple of key artists that forever changed my collecting trajectory. I never looked back. I didn’t care to find a cure. Just a few years ago when I laid in bed recovering from my life-saving shoulder surgery that I had an idea of a ‘record-store victory tour’. I promised myself that when I fully healed, I would hit up each and every music store I could on Long Island and spend hours grabbing anything I missed, heard about, or interested me. Nothing was hands-off and no regrets spending.

Promise fulfilled. 275 titles and $1,500.00 later, I was a new person. I did it again four years later and went for broke. I walked out with 560 titles totaling - drumroll, please - $3,000.00. I was the happiest man I knew walking the Earth whose addiction turned into a fucking crisis mode. You wouldn’t have known it if you saw it. But, like all addictions, they eventually get you into trouble. It’s great having all this music when you’re a radio dee-jay as I am. You’d figure I’d take what I have in my music library and use it for all of my broadcasts. Not quite. It’s my constant every-day involvement of audio-editing, auditioning incoming music finds, maintaining multiple pages (this, Ω+, Ω WUSB, Our Lady Of Ω), and Real-Life Syndrome that makes it almost near-impossible to catch up on what I purchased and yet listened to.

Acquisition has outpaced listening in that sense for years. I bought so much that I had a huge backlog of what I’ve yet to hear. It wasn’t like this before. I, like everyone, had more private time and lesser obligations back then listening to albums and still be caught up. This wasn’t an issue until I posted an INXS single on Ω+. A mutual of mine asked how deep I was into them. Not much, admittedly. Just the radio singles I grew up listening to. What made it sting was that for years I had four INXS tapes as a result from two cassette collections I inherited from my dad’s former auto-insurance agent and my bro-. It was that moment where I felt I should’ve been on top of them from the beginning; like I should’ve with must-have artists like The Cure, Radiohead, and The Smiths, whom most people should know by heart according to popular opinion. The seed was planted, and would grow larger as time went by. I realized I’m throwing money away on hoarding things and not using them. I expressed my frustration in how I’d tackle this new situation. Another mutual told me to take it easy and reach back for them when I could. Sounds great and I thank her for that, but again, I was short of it. I’m always pre-occupied with posting, editing, finding music, and auditioning outside of work. I didn’t have the opportunity to stray away from my constant finds and catch up. That all changed when I found @sheisthesisterofnight. She’s a massive Depeche Mode fan. That’s another band I’ve mostly missed out on. Her obsession with Dave Gahan made me take an initiative to catch up and listen to them. And, I did. I bought Some Great Reward and enjoyed it, then made the effort to grab everything from Ultra and earlier.

If she was the catalyst, then @tewz was the reaction. I never met anyone before her who was as obsessive and eclectic with music as I was, down to specific artists and even habits. She's the one who's given me a real run for my money! Have two friends on the exact same level and watch the trade-offs skyrocket to seraphim levels. I knew acquiring music online for my radio show would go on so long as I have it, and catching up on my purchases would still be on the backburner. Then this happened: our frequency’s program director gave me a one-hour slot down from three. Yes! Now I had only a third of the work to edit a single show and have more time to do other personal projects. Time was starting to open up. Now what to do with all of it? Digitize my entire music library. My cassettes, vinyl records, and discs. All of it. I thought of doing it for a few months. I download and stream music infinitely more than I listen to it physically. So, why do I still buy physical copies? They’re so nice to have, and owning your own copy means you can digitize it for private use. You don’t worry about streaming services taking down albums or deleting your purchases with a snap of a finger over contractual rights.

You do worry, however, about disc rot before CDs become unusable and degradation of chemicals that break down and deteriorate tape. As an archivist, saving my library is a must. But, the biggest reason I’m digitizing it is to offload it and make it more convenient to listen to. I can play catch-up in-between downtime discovering sounds and artists for my show with one click of a button. It took a few weeks to decide what portable storage to buy based on capacity, speed, and reliability. That was Crucial’s 4TB X10 Pro, their best one. It reads at 2,100 MB/s and writes at 2,000 MB/s. I had to go solid state, because there’s no way I’m suffering with hard-disk drive speeds. I’m Italian, impatient like a bull, and hate waiting for anything. Plus, it’s runs through USB-C to ensure I get close to those speeds as possible. I set aside at least two hours a night and take one huge pile of titles (that's either 95 cassettes, 60 discs, or 75 vinyl records) and download everything from SLSK as MP3 at 320kbps. Sources say there’s no difference between that and 196kbps, and most people are not worried about the small quality difference with high-quality MP3s and FLACs, so MP3 wins. Albums are downloaded as folders that can easily be named, and those names are copy-pasted into Excel. There’s a portable LG DVD/CD drive I use to rip discs into 320kbps for those I can’t download at that quality. I also have a Roxio VHS-to-DVD digitizer running from my Yamaha KX-400U to digitize tapes and from the Audio Technic AT-LP60X for vinyl records, too.

All those album-folders get shoved into the solid-state drive and that’s it. I estimate I’d be using 40.00% of the Crucial’s capacity after everything gets digitized, but it’s better to have more than get caught with less. (In reality, you get 3.6TB because the manufacturer’s -byte counts are converted and translated through the operating system’s.) It’s been more than a month since I started digitizing and everything is going smoothly, but it'll still take time. I give it by the end of the year when all is said and done.

So, remember when I said I was compulsive in collecting and buying? I was so hasty in buying up everything that I found duplicates. That’s why listing everything I have became a by-product of this project and I won’t buy the same album twice again. Now, guess what I did with those duplicates? I gave them to none other than @tewz, my closest competitor and fellow music aficionado. I took whatever extras I found and sent them to her as a Christmas gift. They now have a new good home where they deserve, just as she deserves it herself. Which CDs did I send her? You’ll have to wait until next Christmas for that. When my current digitization project is over, all of you will be the first to know the final numbers. Try not to piss yourselves while you’re put on hold.

(This is a redux and update of an earlier post we made.)

[eazy-group]

LaKesha lost 129 pounds

New Post has been published on https://eazydiet.net/lakesha-lost-129-pounds/

LaKesha lost 129 pounds

Transformation of the Day: LaKesha shares how she lost 129 pounds. This proud mom is determined to live a long, healthy life for her son. She also wanted to prove to herself that she could reach her wellness goals. She has achieved impressive results by working with her trainer and committing to a healthy lifestyle.

Social Media: Kesha Marie on Facebook @keeshmarie83 on Instagram @mbakeesh on TikTok

What was your motivation? What inspired you to keep going, even when you wanted to give up? My motivation has always been my son. He is the reason why I keep going. I would never want him to have the burden of losing me early in his life. I want to do this for myself as well, to prove to myself that I can do it and overcome the struggle.

How did you change your eating habits?  Sugar has always been a huge problem for me. I love pizza, pasta, and bread. This is not my first time on this journey, so I know what to do. It’s just a matter of telling myself daily that I have to do it. Eating more protein and getting the right amount of healthy foods is still something I find myself struggling with, but I’m better than I was before. That’s what makes me confident that I will reach my goals. 

I know that food intake is the biggest part of weight loss. I realize that my meals have to be filled with fruits, veggies, and lean meats if I want to see real results. 

What is your workout routine?  The first time around, I did it on my own. I lost motivation and found myself regaining 60 lbs of the 80 lbs I lost. 

I realized this time I needed help. I work out with a trainer (Brianna CroMartie of CroMartie Fitness) which was the best decision I made for myself. We come across trainers who are there but not there, if that makes sense. She really cares about every single one of her clients – Not just our physical health but our mental, spiritual, and emotional health. It all plays a part in our success. 

How often did you work out? Bri offers 1:1 sessions online and in person. She also does three weekly boot camps (please get with her if you are ready to change your life). 

I work out six times a week, depending on my schedule and my son’s schedule. I do three 1:1 sessions with Bri and three Bootcamp sessions with her other clients. She recently started offering a Saturday circuit Training session that I attend as well. I also work out at Planet Fitness to get some extra work in sometimes. 

What was your starting weight? What is your current weight? My highest weight was actually 387 pounds. The first time around I lost over 80lbs. I went from 355 lbs to 275 lbs. I gained weight back and found myself back over 300 lbs when I started training with my trainer. I am currently down over 125 pounds and my current weight is 258 pounds. 

What is your height? 5’8″ 1/2 

When did you start your journey? How long did your transformation take? This is my second time at this, so it has been a journey for me. I am years in the game but I’m determined to finish this up in 2024. Losing weight and then gaining it back after a few years was one of the hardest things ever. Putting all that hard work in and then seeing myself slip and gain it back wasn’t easy to accept. 

Is weight loss surgery part of your journey? No, weight loss surgery is not a part of my journey. 

What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far? This is an ongoing process; I have to make a conscious effort daily to make the right choices/decisions. Some days, I pass, and some days, I fail. It’s not about perfection. It’s about progress. That’s the biggest lesson I’m learning as I continue on this journey. 

If I want to truly reach the best version of myself, I have to understand that every day will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

What advice do you have for women who want to lose weight? Get ya mind right! Mind over matter is a huge part of the journey and one of the biggest struggles to overcome. Deep down we know what we need to do to be the healthiest version of ourselves but we have to get our mind to follow. 

Many of us also struggle with self-discipline. Once the motivation to keep going is gone, you have to have self-discipline to carry you through.

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[agrippinaes]

books i read in 2022

so, last year i read 290 books, a statistic i put down to the fact i spent much of 2021 unemployed. this year i was employed all year round and managed to increase that total to 300, admittedly in part due to a concerted effort over christmas to read more.

i set myself three goals this year to read more non-romance, non-fiction, and more physical books. as with 2021, i tracked my reading habits over the year, tracking things such as genre, tropes/plot points, months read, etc.. so with that in mind, i'll go into some statistics:

of the 300 books i read, 275 of them were romance books. I did not read as many non-romance books as i intended - my next most-read genre was mystery/crime/thriller. 12 of the non-romance books i read had romance as a major subgenre. i also only read 3 non-fiction books all year, way, way behind the goal i set myself at the start of the year.

281 books i read were ebooks. i read 18 physical books and 1 audiobook. again, this fell behind the goal i set myself at the start of this year. i owned most of the books i read this year - 146 in total - and i leaned a lot more into reading KU books, having read 88. i also read a lot of ARCs this year - 57 in total. i'm going to be more careful about how many ARCs i take on in 2023 because i found it quite hard to keep up with it, but i did read some interesting things.

my most productive months of reading were april and may - i read 36 books in both months. most of the books were novel-length - 263 - and i read 37 novellas.

as in 2021, i continued to track cover types, based on ongoing debates about illustrated covers on romance novels. as with last year, the vast majority of books i read featured a lone man on the cover (54), closely followed by more traditional - and variations of - a clinch cover, of which i read 52. i read 24 books with the type of "cute" illustrated covers, which was higher than last year.

tracking tropes and content, my most read trope was forced proximity - i read 71 books featuring this trope - followed by hate-to-love (which includes enemies-to-lovers, rivals-to-lovers, etc.), having read 64 books with that trope; this is the reverse of the previous year, where hate-to-love was my most-read genre. These were followed by boss/employee, opposites attract, and age gap tropes.

outside of numbers, i'm quite happy with what i read this year and i definitely read more indulgently. my highlights were no one is talking about this by patricia lockwood (a book that broke my heart!), thirsty by mia hopkins, release by suzanne clay, rules of arrangement by maren mackenzie, and things we never got over by lucy score.

next year i'm going to set myself goals, again, to read more widely - both in terms of genre, type, and format - but i'm going to make them slightly smaller and more realistic. it's hard to deny my reading habits have shifted so much over the last couple of years; i'm a romance reader through and through and generally i'm very happy and comfortable with that. still - it would be nice to broaden my horizons a little!

so, below is a full list of the books i read in 2022. rereads are italicised, and 5-star reads are bolded.

the risk by s.t. abby sidetracked by s.t. abby second best by noelle adams the cheat sheet by sarah adams buck up, buttercup by anna alkire a duke at the door by susanna allen revealing her nine-month secret by natalie anderson her bossy billionaire by natalie anderson nothing but trouble by amy andrews athica lane by brynne asher the fine print by lauren asher terms and conditions by lauren asher the madness of lord ian mackenzie by jennifer ashley lady isabella's scandalous marriage by jennifer ashley the many sins of lord cameron by jennifer ashley the duke's perfect wife by jennifer ashley the untamed mackenzie by jennifer ashley good girl by jana aston good time by jana aston sure thing by jana aston plan b by jana aston wrong by jana aston right by jana aston if you give a jerk a gingerbread by jana aston the one night stand before christmas by jana aston

hook, line, and sinker by tessa bailey protecting what's his by tessa bailey x 2 my killer vacation by tessa bailey in bed with a highlander by maya banks the dark between the trees by fiona barnett hottie on her shelf by christi barth imperfect angel by christi barth a letter to three witches by elizabeth bass mr. bloomsbury by louise bay dr. off limits by louise bay playing dirty in alaska by samanthe beck compromising her position by samanthe beck lover undercover by samanthe beck wicked games by samanthe beck violins and vampires by cee bee wilder with you by serena bell up all night with a good duke by amy rose bennett winning nia by morgana bevan enticing mel by morgana bevan the widow of rose house by diana biller boss(hole) by penelope bloom next of kin by hannah bonam-young catching quinn by jennifer bonds miss understanding by audrey bondurant lovelight farms by b.k. borison the truth about cads and dukes by elisa braden the rigid duke by darcy burke impossible by darcy burke how to catch a viscount by annie burrows married to my boss by laura burton crying wolfe by kerrigan byrne

far cry by kate canterbary out of love by ruth cardello duke gone wrong by christy carlyle praise by sara cate come here often? by ellie center playing for love by jeevani charika sustained by emma chase to kill a kingdom by alexandra christo the billionaire's last minute marriage by amanda cinelli accidentally perfect by marissa clarke release by suzanne clay passionate persuasion by rosemary clement-moore a contracted spouse for the prizefighter by alice coldbreath the warlord wants forever by kresley cole a hunger like no other by kresley cole bold fortune by m.m. crane

do you want to start a scandal? by tessa dare mad for a mate by maryjanice davidson the co-op by tara dewitt when life gives you vampires by gloria duke

the bachelor and the bride by sarah m. eden mistakes not to make when avoiding a rake by fenna edgewood bittersweet by morgan elizabeth strictly business by carrie elks the rake by suzanne enoch stolen kisses by suzanne enoch

fake empire by c.w. farnsworth my mechanical romance by alexene farol follmuth mafia mistress by mila finelli mafia darling by mila finelli gorgeous monster by charity ferrell games in a ballroom by jentry flint mansplainer by avery flynn warm up by cathryn fox boss up by macy fox shattered altar by nicole fox shattered cradle by nicole fox the scoundrel seeks a wife by jemma frost

the wedding by julie garwood crush in the cascades by lisa s. gayle the woman in the library by sulari gentill the forever night stand by katie golding relentless by katie golding side hustle by emily goodwin icebreaker by hannah grace the one who loves you by pippa grant into the storm by rachel grant blood moon by jillian graves proof of their one hot night by emmy grayson the prince's pregnant secretary by emmy grayson screwing mr. scrooge by nichole greene hotshot doc by r.s. grey

before i ever met you by karina halle the appeal by janice hallett ignite by melanie harlow tempt by melanie harlow irresistible by melanie harlow insatiable by melanie harlow a relentless rake by anna harrington a remarkable rogue by anna harrington rule bender by b.j. harvey the shadow in the glass by j.j.a. harwood a ticking time boss by olivia hayle look but don't touch by olivia hayle red hot rebel by olivia hayle oxford heat by hannah haze the duchess hunt by lorraine heath the duke and the lady in red by lorraine heath the earl takes all by lorraine heath falling into bed with a duke by lorraine heath between the devil and desire by lorraine heath lord of wicked intentions by lorraine heath the alias by lena hendrix pie and punishment by jo henny wolf ghosts of the forbidden by leanna renee hieber thirsty by mia hopkins dearest rogue by elizabeth hoyt duke of sin by elizabeth hoyt duke of pleasure by elizabeth hoyt duke of desire by elizabeth hoyt twisted love by ana huang twisted games by ana huang twisted hate by ana huang twisted love by ana huang king of wrath by ana huang stern brunch cinnamon roll by katherine e. hunt ink by elizabeth hunter sin bin by teagan hunter

a lady's guide to fortune-hunting by sophie irwin secrets we hunt by dana isaly dipped in holly by dana isaly claimed by cupid by dana isaly

her dark reflection by hailey jade my american duchess by eloisa james meet me halfway by lilian t. james love me dirty by lilian t. james merry me darling by lilian t. james hex appeal by kate johnson

hate notes by vi keeland and penelope douglas what the fang? by stacey kennedy a botanist's guide to parties and potions by kate khavari it happened one autumn by lisa kleypas the devil in winter by lisa kleypas scandal in spring by lisa kleypas mine till midnight by lisa kleypas tempt me at twilight by lisa kleypas married by morning by lisa kleypas marrying winterborne by lisa kleypas devil in spring by lisa kleypas the werewolf tycoon's baby by celia kyle

ensnared by the werewolf by lillian lark stolen hair by sophie lark set on you by amy lea somebody's mother, somebody's daughter: true stories from victims and survivors of the yorkshire ripper by carol ann lee a debt paid in marriage by georgie lee that time i got drunk and yeeted a love potion at a werewolf by kimberly lemming no one is talking about this by patricia lockwood after hours on milagro street by angelina m. lopez untamed by elizabeth lowell taming mr. walker by rosa lucas resisting mr. kane by rosa lucas

sas: rogue heroes by ben macintyre rules of arrangement by maren mackenzie nine rules to break when romancing a rake by sarah maclean tempt the boss by natasha madison a wife for christmas by chloe maine the hardest fall by ella maise purity by skyler mason her best friend by sarah mayberry the stranger times by c.k. mcdonnell buried deception by amanda mckinney midnight, repeated by dani mclean ten rules for marrying a duke by michelle mclean a scandalous deception by lynn messina an infamous betrayal by lynn messina an ominous explosion by lynn messina a lark's tale by lynn messina miss fellingham's rebellion by lynn messina the fellingham minx by lynn messina little bird by tiffany meuret to kiss a king by jess michaels beautiful distraction by lydia michaels knocked up by the ceo by lilian monroe the newspaper nanny by maren moore not betting on forever by natasha moore and away by bob mortimer a million kisses in your lifetime by monica murphy the wrong brother by monica murphy fair game by monica murphy playing hard to get by monica murphy

moon blooded breeding clinic by c.m. nacosta the bribe by willa nash the naughty, the nice and the nanny by willa nash given to the ghoul by desiree m. niccoli

all our hidden gifts by caroline o'donoghue a deal with the devil by elizabeth o'roark the rebel heiress and the knight by melissa oliver kiss me, catalina by priscilla oliveras scotsman in the stacks by alana oxford

mr wrong number by lynn painter hot girl summer by sonia palermo at the bride hunt ball by olivia parker in love and war by kyra parsi juniper hill by devney perry runaway road by devney perry meet me at the anvil by kate prior the orc from the office by kate prior

mistress by amanda quick affair by amanda quick slightly shady by amanda quick don't look back by amanda quick late for the wedding by amanda quick seduction by amanda quick the paid companion by amanda quick ravished by amanda quick i thee wed by amanda quick surrender by amanda quick the viscount who loved me by julia quinn a not so meet cute by meghan quinn

from fake to forever by laila rafi trouble with the guy next door by holly renee trouble with the hotshot boss by holly renee trouble with the fake boyfriend by holly renee electric idol by katee robert gemini divided by lauren kristen roberts the vow by d. rose shy girls can't date billionaires by milly rose

down comes the night by alison saft the replacements by shae sanders hawk by kat savage things we never got over by lucy score heart of hope by lucy score famous in a small town by kylie scott house for sale navy seal included by cora seton archer's voice by mia sheridan passion and ink by naima simone heated by naima simone ravaged by naima simone scoring off the field by naima simone sinners anonymous by somme sketcher sinners condemned by somme sketcher sinners consumed by somme sketcher the devil's keepsake by somme sketcher auld acquaintance by sofia slater one bossy proposal by nicole snow internship with the devil by jaqueline snowe the weekend deal by jaqueline snowe evening the score by jaqueline snowe from the top by jaqueline snowe off the ice by jaqueline snowe phoebe by minerva spencer a haunted love by dakota star grump of cole by sabrina stark her vengeful king by a.n. stauber accidental secret daddy by callie stevens highlander's captive by mariah stone

maid for advertising by susie tate sleet kitten by s.j. tilly man hunt by vanessa vale the baby maker by lili valente the troublemaker by lili valente the heartbreaker by lili valente in which margo halifax earns her shocking reputation by alexandra vasti handle with care by a.n. verebes

tessa ever after by brighton walsh peanut by lucy watson dizzy by cate c. wells nickel's story by cate c. wells roosevelt by cate c. wells forty by cate c. wells heavy by cate c. wells hitting the wall by cate c. wells against the wall by cate c. wells the heir apparent's rejected mate by cate c. wells the lone wolf's rejected mate by cate c. wells nicky the driver by cate c. wells going nowhere fast by kati wilde secret santa by kati wilde

the wall street titan by anna zaires x2 the titan's obession by anna zaires under locke by mariana zapata

[yazthebookish]

Azriel's POV Chapter (Gwyn's scene) ✨

Hello again lovely people,

Here is a Gwynriel post for you all to enjoy. This time, I'm making connections to Azriel's personality and how Gwyn is the person that will open up Azriel for us and we had a glimpse of that in his POV.

So, let's point out a few things about Azriel, these all will be in reference to content in the previous books (including ACOSF) and to portray what is canon and to make accurate assumptions.

Note: if you disagree with it, kindly move on. I'm writing this post to share my perspective on it and not to start an argument. This will be tagged in the Gwyneth Berdara and Gwynriel tag for those fans.

So, let's have a look at Azriel:

"Azriel just shook his head. “I’ll go. The Prison sentries know me—what I am.” I wondered if the shadowsinger was usually the first to throw himself into danger." (ACOMAF, pg. 180).

"Mor gave Azriel a warning glare to tell him not to volunteer this time. The spymaster just gave her an incredulous look in return." (ACOMAF, pg. 207)

• Azriel is reckless, he'd be the first one ready to throw himself into danger.

“I don’t really know where I fit in anymore,” -- “I’ve been alive almost five and a half centuries, and I’m not sure of that, either,” Azriel said." (ACOMAF, pg. 241)

• Despite having the Inner Circle, Azriel does feel like he is unsure of where he fits.

“They can be trusted,” Azriel said with quiet steel, his scarred hands clenching at his leather-clad sides. “We're not taking risks where this is concerned,” Rhys merely said. (ACOMAF, pg. 205)

• Azriel completely trusts his shadows.

"He might have defied and proved those Illyrian pricks wrong at every turn, but it won’t matter if Rhys makes him Prince of Velaris—he’ll see himself as a bastard-born nobody, and not good enough for anyone. Especially me.” (ACOMAF, pg. 511)

• Azriel has no sense of self-worth.

"There was an icy rage in Azriel I had never been able to thaw. In the centuries I’d known him, he’d said little about his life, those years in his father’s keep, locked in darkness." (ACOMAF, pg. 275)

"it seemed, since Azriel had barely managed a polite hello to me before launching into sparring with Rhysand, his face grim and tight." -- "I wondered if it was as much for practice as it was for Rhys to help his spymaster work off his frustration." (ACOMAF pg. 292)

"She told me little of the specifics—even less about how the frustration of not being able to get his spies or himself into those courts took a toll on him. The standards to which he held himself, she confided in me, bordered on sadistic." (ACOMAF, 376)

• Azriel's rage intimidates the others. Not even his brothers know what he went through. He works off his rage through physical fights.

“Does he mind what he does? Not the spying, I mean. What he did to the Attor today.” Rhys loosed a breath. “It’s hard to tell with him— But Azriel … Cassian tries, I try—but I think the only person who ever gets him to admit to any sort of feeling is Mor. And that’s only when she’s pestered him to the point where even his infinite patience has run out." (ACOMAF, pg. 288)

• Azriel is a very very hard person to make him open up. He is not an expressive person, he is secretive.

Azriel shook his head, shadows twining around his wrists. “It’s not the same. When you’re older, the fears, the mental blocks … it’s different.” (ACOWAR, pg. 187).

• Azriel has an understanding of another person's trauma and somehow connects with it.

"Mor didn’t so much as look in his direction. I could have sworn guilt clouded Azriel’s eyes, there and gone in a blink." (ACOWAR, pg. 280)

• Azriel has a habit of hiding reactions and feelings, often wearing a cold mask or a blank expression.

“After Azriel found me with that note nailed to my womb … I tried to explain. But he started to confess what he felt, and I panicked, and … and to get him to stop, to keep him from saying he loved me, I just turned and left, and … and I couldn’t face explaining it after that. To Az, to the others.” (ACOWAR, pg. 590)

• Azriel at one point was overwhelmed by his emotions that he began to express his feelings to Mor who tried to explain to him. His insecurity in romance stems from this moment.

I might've missed some points and there are more scenes that would give more insight to Azriel. But from this we can find that Azriel is a complex character. He is dark, appears to be devoid of emotions even though we know he feels deeply. He reacts to signs of affection visibly and in more than one occasion is seen blushing, but he is not expressive. In many moments, you do not get out of Azriel as much as you'd like because he comes off as stoic. Around people he cares about, he would soften a little but he keeps a veil of shadows around him, metaphorically speaking.

What strikes me about his scenes with Gwyn and we have seen that in a few pages is this:

• Azriel is shown on more than one occasion his need to let out his rage physically.

• He lands in the ring without his shadows warning him who is there. It turned out to be Gwyn.

• He then explains to Gwyn that he is here to retrieve something and leave and here is where Gwyn begins to chat with him. He notices that she smiled at him but it was more directed at his shadows, he may find it peculiar since most people are wary and intimidated by his shadows. It's shown in more than one occasion that Az does not dislike his shadows.

• Their chat begins with questions and then she said "Happy Solstice" though he took it as a dismissal and teased her about it. What's interesting here is Gwyn explains that she want not dismissing him, but she knows that he likes to be alone and then asks him about that's the reason he was in the ring on Solstice.

• Then Gwyn begins to tease him a little, and we see reactions of him such as a twitch of a smile and the fact that Azriel not usually a talkative person, refrained from mentioning details about him having daggers all over his room.

• A big sign to all of us was when Gwyn let it out a clouded breath and one of Az's shadows darted out to dance with it. Something that we have never seen his shadows do, let alone the fact that they interact or move close to someone.

• Their chat resumes by Azriel answering her questions and he conciously realizes that some of his answers are not socially acceptable and then he asks her in return too. Remember, this is Azriel who isn't much a social person and barely says any more words than necessary.

• She takes the chance to ask him a personal question which even catches Azriel off guard that he states that not everyday people took him by surprise. He asks her about her question and she casually asks him again until he chuckles and answers her with a "Yes" he does sing. This is likely a fact no other character knows since we never see them mentioning and I bet they'd tease him like hell about it. He opened up to it to Gwyn.

• He then asks her to try and cut the ribbon. She tries and he notices her movements and takes out one of his daggers to show her using his palm. Remember how very insecure he is about his scarred hands, not only he didn't think of his scarred hands as he showed Gwyn, but he also fought the urge to open her wrist and correct her hold on the dagger until she got it right.

• She jokes about it being Cassian's fault for being too distracted by Nesta, making Azriel laugh. She thanked Azriel with a broad smile and he felt something restless settling in him and his shadows calming, content to lounge on his shoulders and watch. Again, remember that Azriel needs to let out his rage physically to cool down but he didn't even need to with Gwyn there, he calmed down in her presence.

• He wishes her a Happy Solstice and left the ring and as he descended the stairs her heard faint beautiful singing and he swore he could hear his shadows sing in answer.

• The next day after the necklace and snow ball loss fiasco, he finds himself at Clotho's desk even though he had every intention of returning the necklace he got for Elain and which Elain returned back to the shop. He asks Clotho to give it to Gwyn but then a whole discussion about keeping his identity a secret and Clotho not liking to lie but then agreed to say it was from a friend.

• Clotho mentions that Gwyn deserves something as beautiful as this, and thanks him for the joy it will bring her. At this line, something sparks in Azriel's chest. Even as he ascended the stairs, the image of Gwyn's teal eyes lighting up upon seeing the necklace. For some reason, he could see that face. He tucked that thought that he had to consciously erase the slight smile it brought to his face. He did not erase the image of Gwyn's smile, no... he buried the image, that precious image, deep down in him where it glowed quietly.

The significance of Azriel's chapter and his scene with Gwyn is how different Azriel is around Gwyn, how open he is in a way we haven't seen before. We only had these for like around 3-4 pages? Can you imagine how much more we will see in a full book? This is the closed-off Azriel we are talking about, who felt comfortable enough to be himself around Gwyn. Despite her traumatic past, despite him being the one to witness it, he does not walk on eggshells around her, he does not coddle her, he does not feel pity for her. Later on we see them bantering, teasing and challenging each other. Sure we did not have that many scenes, but it was enough to establish a potential.

Gwyn's scene in Azriel's POV was as if someone was loosening the tight chains wrapped around Azriel and letting him let out a long breath.

[heliads]

Neighbour

Bucky first moves into the apartment building because it’ll provide him a safe home away from the dangers of his work as an Avenger. He doesn’t plan on meeting Y/N, the girl down the hall.

masterlist

The apartment building is the perfect fit. It’s four blocks across and three blocks down from the Avengers Tower in New York City, far enough away that Bucky can easily walk to the building and close enough that the tower’s shadow still chills his back. It’s nice to be able to have a place to live that isn’t a part of the Avengers, like almost every other aspect of Bucky’s existence. 

It also doesn’t hurt that it seems to calm Tony down to have Bucky away from him- he supposes the Civil War situation and the unmentionable crimes he’d committed as the Winter Soldier still tighten an invisible noose around Tony’s neck whenever the billionaire looks at him. The more time Bucky has away from the entire Avengers world, the better. The separation of church and state; except, in his case, more like the separation of government secrets and any potential relaxation at home. Although Bucky’s never been one for relaxation.

His few meager possessions have finally been moved into this new apartment building, and they decorate a few sparse shelves. The rooms aren’t quite luxurious, nor bare, more somewhere along the lines of furnished. This isn’t due to lack of funding- no, Steve and everyone else had made sure Bucky had more than enough money to support himself. This was all his choice- maybe born from a habit of only needing a few things so he could pack up easily for a life on the run, maybe even from before then, when scrimping and saving for wartime efforts were commonplace.

Money didn’t form the decision as to why Bucky chose to live in an apartment building, though. That was purely for protection. The thoughts had spiraled into his head as soon as Bucky had begun considering a future living situation. A house by himself was no good- even with neighbours, he would still be easily targeted. And if he lived alone, with few neighbours? Even worse- he could be singled out and killed by any decent strike team. Living without anyone around would cause Bucky to be a lone wolf, separated from the protection of the pack and left to the mercy of a none too benevolent world.

An apartment complex, on the other hand, would do nicely. There are 15 stories, about 275 total apartments but only 260 in use. There are enough people in the building to hide Bucky, enough inhabitants coming and going to ensure that one war-worn soldier in particular would be disguised in the crowd. No sniper, no matter how well trained, would risk firing into the building at him. No strike team could excuse a raid on his room, and thus Bucky ensures his safety as best he can by living here.

This being said, Bucky still flinches at the sound of a knock at the door. No one should know he was there, and any coworkers would only speak to him at the Avengers Tower or some other S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters to guarantee no suspicions were raised as a result of high-profile government agents coming to his apartment. Bucky walks slowly over to the door, back hand moving silently to grab a knife hidden in a discreet pocket on his belt. His hand closes around the ridged rubber handle and the blade shines in the light from an open window. Bucky glances once in the peephole in the door, then groans under his breath, putting his knife away hurriedly before opening the door.

Standing before him is a cheerful young woman, holding a cloth covered plate in her hands. When she sees him, her smile grows even broader, if that was possible. “Ah, you must be Mr. Barnes. I’m Y/N, your neighbour from down the hall. The door next to the window?” Bucky forces a smile, still confused as to why she was there. “Bucky. Uh, I go by Bucky.” The woman nods. “Bucky it is. Well, I always bring new neighbours some freshly baked cookies. I figure it’s a nice way to start off your first few days here, right?”

She carefully unwraps the cloth from around the plate, revealing a small mound of chocolate chip cookies, still warm from the oven based on the steam just beginning to emanate from the plate. Bucky tries not to stare- he hasn’t had homemade cookies in what feels like years. Could be decades.

He takes the plate from her after standing there for a moment. “Thanks, Y/N. I appreciate it.” Y/N smiles at him again. “No problem! Hey, if you ever need something, even just someone to talk to, I’m right down the hall. Apartment on the left of that window there. Just knock.” Bucky nods slowly. “I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” The woman waves goodbye, then heads back down the hallway once more, leaving Bucky standing in his doorway holding the plate of cookies. So that was his neighbour.

After Bucky manages to make it back inside, he sits down in one of his newly purchased chairs, thinking. He hadn’t planned on speaking to any of the other inhabitants of the apartment building- he’s always been taught that friendships with non-Avengers or other agents were risky. Too big of a chance of them being double agents or hurt because of him, so Bucky had decided not to talk to anyone else in the building. Yet here he was, already telling Y/N his name. Hey, at least her cookies were good. 

Bucky finds himself stumbling up to his apartment building after a long, rough day. The problem with his line of work is that it constantly left him questioning everything he did. When he helped use his skills to track someone down, was it worth it? When he had to go in on missions and infiltrate HYDRA bases, who was benefiting from it? When he looked into someone’s eyes and pulled the trigger, was he killing a criminal or murdering an innocent?

Bucky’s head is a swirling mess by the time he finally gets to his floor, and his feet drag him out of the elevator without being directed by a single thought. His eyes latch on the shape of his front door, but Bucky realizes that the last thing he wants right now is to be alone. Unconsciously, his head turns to face another door, one near him. It’s bathed in a light from the window right next to it. 

Y/N.

Her words rise, unbidden, from some unknown depths of his memory. If you ever need something, even just someone to talk to, I’m right down the hall. He doesn’t know why he stops by her door, doesn’t know why his hand rises to knock twice on the hard wood, doesn’t know why the door knob twists open under the guide of his fingers when she calls for him to come in.

Y/N’s apartment looks a lot like his. It faces the bustling streets of the city, the junctures of the streets. She has art hung around the walls, and tall bookcases are wedged in the corners. A faded blanket is draped across a pale green couch, and light from an antique lamp paints the room in a bright coat of gold. After a second, Bucky’s eyes find Y/N, bent over her kitchen counter. He can see now why she couldn’t answer the door herself- her hands are covered in flour, busily kneading a mound of dough in front of her.

She smiles when she sees him approach. “Hey, Bucky! Sorry about this- I’m just finishing a loaf of bread.” Bucky chuckles softly in spite of himself. “Didn’t realize you like baking this much.” Y/N laughs, a soft sound like the chiming of bells. “It’s a habit.” Her hands methodically fold the dough in front of her, pushing it forward only to pull it back over itself once more. Light motes of flour occasionally drift up from the counter.

It takes Bucky a moment to realize she’s looking at him expectantly, and he clears his throat. “Right. I just wanted to- I remembered you said something about-” Y/N glances up at him with her lips curving into a smile, and he suddenly can’t finish his sentence. She reaches into a tall plastic container next to her, and dusts her dough with a pinch more of flour. “Well, no matter the reason, I’m glad you stopped by. I’ve been meaning to ask someone about this program I’m supposed to be reviewing for work. It’s not that long, only ten or so minutes. If you don’t mind, I’ll put it on while I finish up the bread and you can tell me your thoughts.”

She crosses the kitchen to rinse off her flour-powdered hands, and after dashing a towel about them, pulls up a short video on her TV. It’s actually quite interesting, some overview of a project regarding city planning. Towards the end, Y/N puts her bread in some warm drawer (“to proof so it will rise!” or whatever that means) and cleans her hands once more before perching on a chair next to him.

Once the screen fades to black, she turns to him. “So, what do you think? I’ve got to decide in a few days whether or not to support this guy and his project, but I’m not sure. I mean, more space for the hospitals would definitely be useful, but if it keeps encroaching on park land like that, it won’t be great for the environment.” Bucky frowns. “What if he extended it in the other direction instead? He’s got more room around the east side of the building.” Y/N furrows her brow in concentration, playing back the video so she can see what he’s talking about.

He ends up staying for half an hour more, spending almost the entire time discussing the proposed project. He didn’t mean to stay that long, but it’s so easy to talk to Y/N that he barely felt any time pass at all. When he eventually heads out, after promising to drop by again soon, he closes the door behind him with more reluctance than he had realized. His chest feels strangely light, and there’s an odd expression on his face. A smile.

The weeks fly by in his new apartment, coming and going far faster than Bucky had expected. He ends up visiting Y/N often, and they quickly become fast friends. For someone who’s not supposed to be engaging with civilians, Bucky’s breaking his own rules quite easily. 

He’s at work at the Avengers Tower when he first hears about it. Bucky had noticed a sudden increase in commotion outside of his station, and he hadn’t considered it much before Steve had come bursting into the room. All his friend had to do was hold out the case file in his hand and Bucky’s heart rate had gone through the roof.

Y/N was missing. No, Y/N was captured. By HYDRA agents. Because of him. There were photos of her in some cell, hands tied behind her back. She was being held ransom to hurt him, to punish him for defecting from his title as HYDRA’s Winter Soldier. It hadn’t taken long for Bucky to put together a team and find out where she was being held, but the entire time he was preparing Bucky felt a constant twist in his stomach, a pain like a knife being slowly stabbed through him.

The HYDRA outpost where Y/N is being held is small, barely large enough to trigger S.H.I.E.L.D. sensors. Yet there it is, guards posted outside the door and everything. Bucky barely says a word to his team, already taking out the guards and storming inside. It’s strange- enemy soldiers in the halls look terrified at the sight of him, and Bucky doesn’t realize why until he comes face to face with his own reflection in a polished metal door. He looks like a wild animal, emotionless and cold, seconds away from a kill. He looks angry- no, furious. Beyond furious. What was dear to him had been taken away, and he was ready to do anything to get her back.

The HYDRA structure is small, and so it doesn’t take long for Bucky to find Y/N. She looks up when she sees him, and he can see the confusion and relief warring in her eyes when he walks through the door. He doesn’t say a word while they’re leaving the building, and neither does she. It’s only when they’re both alone in a closed off room on a Quinjet leaving the HYDRA compound that Bucky finally opens his mouth to speak.

“I’m leaving the apartment building. I’ll probably never see you again.” Y/N jerks her head up, shocked. “Because of the attack? Why wouldn’t you see me?” Bucky methodically takes off his armor, removing mics and thick pieces of armored uniform. “It’s not safe for you. I’m not putting you in any position when you can get hurt.”

Y/N laughs harshly, a strange, discordant contrast to the bubbly laugh he’s used to hearing. “Bucky, you not seeing me won’t make a difference. I knew that when I first met you, and I decided to get to know you anyway. I was the first one to take this risk, and I’m not letting you walk away from me because the consequences have been made real.” Bucky looks at her, confused. “What are you talking about? You knew who I was?”

Y/N nods, turning her head away so Bucky can’t see her face. “I knew you were the Winter Soldier. James Buchanan Barnes. I knew that being anywhere remotely near you would be dangerous to me, but I stayed because you were important to me. Please, don’t give up on me because of what might happen.”

Bucky throws his hands in the air, frustrated. “What might happen? Y/N, it already did happen. You could have been killed-or worse- all because of me. This is for the best. Don’t think I want this to happen, because I don’t. I just-” His voice cracks on the last word. “I just need you to be safe.” Y/N walks over to him, gently taking his hands in hers. “I will be safe. If you’re there with me. Bucky, we both know they won’t try something like this again, not for a while. Not after their first attempt went so badly. It’s alright to be worried, but please, don’t leave me.”

Bucky looks at her, earnest eyes meeting his tense ones, then sighs. “Fine. I won’t go. Just promise me you’ll be careful? You’ll contact me if anything seems wrong?” Y/N smiles at him. “Of course I will. As long as I’ve got you, I know I’ll be alright.”

[kinghazycrazies]

I posted 740 times in 2021

65 posts created (9%)

675 posts reblogged (91%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 10.4 posts.

I added 80 tags in 2021

#disney - 16 posts

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Longest Tag: 130 characters

#honestly you know when everything major is going wrong and then one small thing happens and suddenly it’s the biggest issue of all

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I like to think that since returning, Bruno still talks quite quietly. I know he spoke sometimes to do his rat performances and stuff but this dude was practically silent for 10 YEARS.

Like maybe sometimes he whispers to people out of habit or just doesn’t speak at all in large gatherings. I’m kinda surprised by how loud he was when mirabel first talks to him in his room.

275 notes • Posted 2021-12-13 16:18:01 GMT

#4

Sometimes I remember neurotypicals exist and it scares me

Like y’all.. function normally? You can look folks in the eyes? You don’t stim..? Can’t even imagine it 😰

349 notes • Posted 2021-12-18 12:52:04 GMT

#3

This will never NOT be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

542 notes • Posted 2021-12-13 00:23:18 GMT

#2

Oh don’t mind me just calling venom the best romcom of 2021 in front of straight men.. testing them…

I have the comics and Tom hardy on my side you LOSE sir

631 notes • Posted 2021-10-24 09:18:49 GMT

#1

1370 notes • Posted 2021-06-26 00:04:39 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[orthodoxydaily]

Icon,Saints&Reading:Tue.Sep.152020

Commemorated on September 2 ( OldJuian calendar

The Holy Martyr Mamant of Caesare (275)

     The Holy Martyr Mamant was born in Paphlagonia of pious and illustrious parents, the Christians Theodotos and Ruphina. For their open confession of their faith, the parents of the saint were arrested by the pagans and locked up in prison in Caesarea Cappadocia. Knowing his own bodily weaknesses, Theodotos prayed, that the Lord would take him before being martyred. The Lord heard his prayer and he died in prison. Saint Ruphina died also after him, having given birth to a premature son, whom she prayerfully entrusted to God, beseeching that He be the Protector and Defender of the orphaned infant. God hearkened to the death-bed prayer of Saint Ruphina: a rich Christian widow named Ammea reverently buried the bodies of Saints Theodotos and Ruphina, and she took the boy into her own home and surrounded him with motherly care. Saint Mamant grew up in the Christian faith. His foster mother concerned herself with the developing of his natural abilities and early on she sent him off to study his grammar. The boy learned easily and willingly. He was not of an age of mature judgement but distinguished himself by maturity of mind and of heart. By means of prudent conversations and personal example young Mamant converted many of his own peers to Christianity. There was a denunciation about this to the governor, named Democritus, and the youth was arrested and brought to trial. In deference to his illustrious parentage Democritus decided not to subject him to torture, but instead sent him off to the emperor Aurelian (270-275). The emperor tried at first kindly, but then with threats to turn Saint Mamant back to the pagan faith, but all in vain: the saint bravely confessed himself a Christian and pointed out the madness of the pagans in their worship of mindless idols. Infuriated, the emperor subjected the youth to cruel tortures. They eventually wanted to drown the saint, but an Angel of the Lord saved Saint Mamant and bid him live on an high mountain in the wilderness, located not far from Caesarea. Bowing to the will of God, the saint built there a small church and began to lead a life of strict temperance, in exploits of fasting and prayer.      Soon he received a remarkable power over the forces of nature: wild beasts inhabiting the surrounding wilderness gathered at his abode and listened to the reading of the Holy Gospel. Saint Mamant nourished himself on the milk of wild goats and deer.      The saint did not ignore the needs of his neighbours: preparing cheese from this milk, he gave it away freely to the poor. Soon the fame of Saint Mamant's life spread throughout all of Caesarea. The governor in concern sent a detachment of soldiers to arrest him. Coming across Saint Mamant on the mountain, the soldiers did not recognise him, and mistook him for a simple shepherd. The saint then invited them to his dwelling, gave them a drink of milk and then told them his name, knowing that a suffering death for Christ awaited him. In surrendering himself over into the hands of the torturers, Saint Mamant was brought to trial under a deputy governor named Alexander, who subjected him to intensive and prolonged tortures. But they did not break the Christian will of the saint. He was strengthened by the words addressed to him from above: "Be strong and take courage, Mamant". When they gave Saint Mamant over for devouring by wild beasts, these creatures would not touch him. Finally, one of the pagan-priests struck at him with a trident-spear. Mortally wounded, Saint Mamant went out beyond the city limits. There, in a small stone cave, he offered up his spirit to God, Who in the hearing of all summoned the holy Martyr Mamant into the habitation on high (+ 275). He was buried by believers at the place of his death.      Christians soon began to receive from him blessings of help in their afflictions and sorrows. Saint Basil the Great speaks thus about the holy Martyr Mamant in a sermon to the people: "Commemorate ye the holy martyr: those, who saw him in a vision, who from amongst the living here have him as an helper, those whom in calling on his name he hath helped in some matter, those whom he hath guided out of a prodigal life, those whom he hath healed of infirmity, those whose children already dead he hath restored to life, those whose life he hath prolonged – all of ye, gathered as one, praise ye the martyr".

© 1996-2001 by translator Fr. S. Janos.

Kaluga Icon of the Mother of God (1771)

The Appearance of the Kaluzhsk Icon of the Mother of God

Commemorated on September 2, October 12, July 18 and on the first Sunday of the Apostles' Fast.

     The Appearance of the Kaluzhsk Icon of the Mother of God occurred in 1748 in the village of Tinkova, near Kaluga, at the home of the landowner Vasilii Kondrat'evich Khitrov. Two servants of Khitrov were examining old things in the attic of his home. One of them, Evdokia, noted for her unconstrained temper, was given to rough and even indecorous language. Her companion began to admonish her and while arguing she discovered a large package covered in a grimy sackcloth. Undoing it, the girl saw the picture of a woman in dark garments with a book in her hands. Considering it to be the portrait of a woman monastic and wanting to bring Evdokia to her senses, she accused her of being disrespectful to the hegumeness. Evdokia answered the scolding words of her companion, and becoming increasingly angry, she spit at the picture. Immediately she became convulsed and fell down senseless. Her frightened companion reported about what had happened throughout the household. The next night, The Queen of Heaven appeared to Evdokia's parents and told them, that their daughter had jeered at Her blasphemously and She ordered them to make a molieben before the insulted icon, and to sprinkle the invalid with holy water at the molieben. After the molieben Evdokia recovered, and Khitrov took the wonderworking icon into his own home, where abundantly issued forth healings to those approaching it with faith. Afterwards they conveyed the icon to the parish temple in honour of the Nativity of the MostHoly Mother of God in the village of Kaluzhka. A copy of it was dispatched to Kaluga. At the present time it is situated in the cathedral church of Kaluga.      Through this icon the Mother of God has repeatedly manifest Her protection of the Russian Land during its difficult times. The celebration of the Kaluga Icon on 2 September was established in remembrance of the deliverance from an ulcerous plague in 1771. A second celebration was established 12 October, in memory of the saving of Kaluga from the French invasion of 1812. In 1898 there was established a celebration on 18 July in gratitude to the Mother of God for safe-guarding against cholera. Celebration is made likewise on the 1st Sunday of the Peter fast.

© 1996-2001 by translator Fr. S. Janos.

Galatians 2:21-3:7

21I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.1O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you that you should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed among you as crucified?2This only I want to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?3Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?4Have you suffered so many things in vain-if indeed it was in vain?5Therefore He who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you, does He do it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?-6just as Abraham "believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness."7Therefore know that only those who are of faith are sons of Abraham.

Galatians 2:11-16

11Now when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed;12for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision.13And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy.14But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, "If you, being a Jew, live in the manner of Gentiles and not as the Jews, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews?15We who are Jews by nature, and not sinners of the Gentiles,16knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified.

Mark 5:24-34

24So Jesus went with him, and a great multitude followed Him and thronged Him.25Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years,26and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse.27When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment.28For she said, "If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well."29Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction.30And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, "Who touched My clothes?"31But His disciples said to Him, "You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, 'Who touched Me?' "32And He looked around to see her who had done this thing.33But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth.34And He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction."

[llovelyclouds]

notes on augustine

my section for augustine (and mercymorn) are pretty brief, since for the others I was taking down any information that hinted at their personality, but we know them! so i didn't have to do that! nonetheless, here are all my notes on what seemed like relevant information about augustine during my reread:

(you can find links to the other posts in this project here!)

AUGUSTINE

titles:

First saint to ascend, first gen, founded the fifth, saint of patience (from BOE) source piotra

name origin and meaning (from wikipedia lol)

notes:

Spirit magic generalist (htn. pg. 173)

John says that Cristabel's name would upset Augustine (htn. pg. 177)

Augustine doesn't mind talking about Cristabel though, and says: "A total delight. Effervescent. Kind to animals and children. A master of the sword. Did not have the intellect you'd ordinarily find in a sandwich or an orange, and was a sickening twerp into the bargain. The Eighth House will never see her like again." (htn. pg. 177)

G1deon has caused Augustine a lot of trouble in the last 40 years (htn. pg. 268)

Augustine developed his smoking habit to impress Pyrrha (htn. pg. 275)

Extremely proficient in river based magic. Not as proficient as Cassiopiea, but enough that John thinks he could bring an RB’s brain and body into the river (htn. pg. 337)

John says that G1deon doesn’t talk about her (alecto), but Augustine and Mercy still feel guilty about what happened (htn. pg. 345)

Gideon & Pyrrha liked Alecto despite the fact that the other lyctors (at least Mercy and Augustine) didn't (htn. pg. 479)

"you picked the wrong man to enter a suicide pact with. I hate 'em. Cristabel might have undone all my good work with Alfred, but here comes the reckoning." - Augustine (htn. pg. 487)

was brought on John's team because he was a "glycerol-6 genius" (ntn. pg. 13)

“I remember A- and M-... they were alive… we all hid behind a kitchen table. I remember their hands in my hands… I remember A- telling me something, and M- saying, We’re together. We’ll go together. But they found us, they were already there. They shot A- right in front of us… hauled me out… M- said, Take John alive. He’s worth more to you alive. And they shot her.” (ntn. pg. 406)

[ineffably-good]

Tell Me Lies (3/4)

Summary: A long needed discussion, a surprising list, and a poorly conceived vow 

Status: complete! Go read the whole thing if you would like on AO3!

Side note: I really love angst. But you’ll be laughing by the end of chapter three, I promise. I wrote this because it has been weighing on my mind that Aziraphale’s rather loose relationship with the truth has never been fully addressed between him and Crowley. 

Second side note: this is part of a long running series in which they have been living together for about two years in the bookshop. So definitely established relationship. If you’re interested, here’s the series page.

Ok enough notes. 

__

Chapter Three

“Stop it with the flower languages,” Crowley said, “before I beat you over the head with a stem of each of them.”

Aziraphale tried to process that and came up with nothing.

Crowley waited as the angel got to his feet, and then stood back and made a choppy gesture at the door.

“Coming in?”

Why yes, of course he was. He followed Crowley into the apartment and immediately noted with a burst of hope that each of his vases were lined up on the kitchen island, each flower looking well cared for. None of them appeared to have been fed to the garbage disposal for mulch.

“Did you know that white carnations are said to repel snakes?” Crowley asked. “Thanksss for not including those in one of these little telegrams.”

“You’re welcome?” Aziraphale said, feeling unsure of what to say or do.

They stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments, until Crowley motioned Aziraphale to have a seat at one of the stools at the kitchen counter. When Aziraphale sat, he moved to the other side of the open counter and leaned against it, facing the angel, arms loosely crossed. His body language, Aziraphale noted, was guarded and his face was unreadable. He wished, achingly, that he could reach over and pull the demon’s glasses off, but he knew better than to try.

“You wanted to talk to me?” Crowley said coolly.

Right then, Aziraphale breathed. Get on with the pleading. 

“I did, my dear. There are so many things I want to tell you. But first and foremost, I want you to know that you’re right, of course. My not telling you when I found Adam was a profound betrayal, and not confessing to it sooner was foolish and self-serving. I should have told you then what I’d done.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I suppose,” the angel said, “that I wasn’t sure you’d forgive me.”

The demon made a neutral noise and Aziraphale felt his stomach clench.

“If it matters, though,” he added carefully, “I didn’t. Run off to heaven with the information, I mean. Share it with them instead of you.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“No. I lied to them too,” Aziraphale said, and immediately flushed. “Not that that puts me in any better light, but still. I told them I had no idea where the boy was. And then I came home and spoke to the Metatron, hoping he would take on the work of killing the boy instead of us – which of course went over like, what was it? A lead balloon. And immediately after that didn’t work I called you. To tell you. You remember, I called when Hastur and Ligur were with you. Told you I had found him, but you cut me off.”

Crowley thought this over for a moment, and found a dim memory of hearing the words through the phone line before he stopped the angel mid-sentence. His attention, he had to admit, had been elsewhere at the time.

“You didn’t want to kill him,” he said slowly.

“I didn’t want either of us to kill him!” Aziraphale protested. “It would have been disastrous, even if it worked. Imagine the retribution if it had been you who did it!”

Crowley stared at him, one eyebrow raised.  

Aziraphale laid his hands flat on the counter in front of him, beseechingly. “Crowley,” he said, voice nearly broken. “In the end, you were the only one I told. You were the only being in the universe I chose to trust with the information. You must know that.”

Crowley swallowed hard and appeared to consider this. “Still took you a long way round to actually do so.”

“It did. I’m so sorry. I failed you in so many ways back then,” Aziraphale said quietly. “I’m still failing you now. I want to be better for you.”

“Angel…” Crowley groaned, his voice more gentle.

They sat quietly for a few minutes before something occurred to Aziraphale.

“Oh!” the angel said, snapping and making a large notepad appear in front of him. “This is for you.”

Crowley unbent himself from his current position and walked around to sit on the stool next to Aziraphale, who found himself almost knocked over with a rush of longing at the demon’s proximity. Crowley’s face was still guarded when he looked up, but he let his glasses slip down a little so the angel could see his eyes for the first time. They looked red and tired, and there were dark circles beneath them. It made his chest ache to see them.

Crowley gave the notepad a cursory examination. It was crammed full of tiny writing, elaborate and neat, and appeared to be a numbered list that went on for an unfathomable number of pages.

“What is this?” he asked, not yet prepared to dive in and read it.

“It’s a list,” Aziraphale said. He cleared his throat. “Of everything I can ever remember lying to you about.”

Crowley blinked at him. “Excuse me?”

Aziraphale blushed a little. “Starts at the very beginning, right after the garden,” he said. “I’ve believe most everything is accounted for.”

“Why would you think I would want this?” Crowley growled.

“Because!” Aziraphale cried. “Because I have spent too much time bending the truth! It’s become a terrible and shameful habit. I spent days making this list, Crowley, looking back over each and every interaction I can remember between us. I’m sorry there are so many! I don’t know how to help with that, but I thought perhaps the act of admitting to all of them might, I don’t know, have meaning. Show remorse. Help, somehow.”

Crowley blinked a few more times at him and then trailed a finger down the page to a random entry. “Item 3: Mesopotamia – told Crowley I liked the date wine he brought me. I did not care for it.”

Aziraphale nodded. “It was wretched,” he said quietly.

Crowley snorted and flipped a couple pages.

“Item 21: Jerusalem - Pretended I had not noticed that Crowley was present at the wedding when I ran into him;” Crowley read aloud. “Actually noticed him immediately.”

Crowley looked up. “This is hardly earth-shattering stuff, angel.”

Aziraphale shrugged. “I wanted to be thorough.”

Crowley grimaced and continued to read at random.

Item 40: Wessex: Told Crowley I had not missed him since I last saw him. Actually missed him terribly.

Item 51: Dublin: Told Crowley I did not know where the last of the ale had gone. Drank it while he was out and hid the flagon.

Item 117:Dublin: Told Crowley I didn’t undo his temptation with the clan chief. Very much did. He seemed to know it anyway. But still.

Item 144: London: acted like I walked in front of the carriage on purpose to thwart an evil plan. Actually just distracted by hand pie. Nearly died if not for Crowley’s intervention. Denied it vociferously.

Item 223: Moscow: Denied my feelings.

Item 275: Berlin: Denied my feelings.

Item 323: London: Denied my feelings.

Item 325: London: Denied my feelings.

Item 329: London: Denied my feelings.

Crowley put the pages down and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Aziraphale, heart wide open and aching, simply watched him.

“Aziraphale,” Crowley said, bemused. “This has to be the most humiliating list of misdeeds anyone has ever put together in the history of the world. Why would you do this to yourself, expose six thousand years of embarrassing moments and mistakes?”

“Because I love you,” Aziraphale said. “And if I can’t mortify myself to you, then who? Besides, I don’t mind humbling myself for you. Not if there’s any chance that doing so might make you understand that I love you so desperately, and that I will do anything for you. Including change.”

Crowley huffed out a whoof of air and wordlessly pulled Aziraphale off his stool towards where the demon was seated, until the angel was standing between his legs. He wrapped his arms around him so tightly that the angel could barely breathe. Not that he needed to. Aziraphale, stunned, simply allowed it for a moment, before bending his head forward to rest his forehead against Crowley’s.

“My love,” he whispered.

“Yeah, I know,” Crowley mumbled back. “Love you too. Still mad at you, but I love you.”

They clung to each other, unmoving, for quite some time, and when Crowley finally pulled back to look Aziraphale in the face, both their eyes and cheeks were wet.

“Forgive me, love,” Aziraphale said, reaching up to gently brush a piece of hair back out of Crowley’s forehead. Crowley leaned into the touch a little, and Aziraphale felt glad he could still offer comfort to the demon. “Eventually, I mean. I know it might take some time.”

“You have to be honest with me,” Crowley said gruffly. “From here on out, I mean.”

“I plan to be,” Aziraphale said. “I will. I do.”

Aziraphale kissed him gently and then drew back and carefully pulled Crowley’s hands off his shoulders so the demon was no longer touching him. Crowley watched in confusion as the angel concentrated for a moment and began to emit a diffuse, golden glow. His brow furrowed as he tried to understand what he was seeing. He didn’t realize until the angel began to speak; his voice was richer and with layers of echoes and it took the demon a moment to realize that the bloody idiot was speaking Enochian. The language of angels. Of making and unmaking, creation and destruction. Of oaths, serious oaths with life and death consequences.

“By the word of the ancient and the timeless, I bind myself to –”

Crowley grabbed Aziraphale by the shoulders and shook him, hard, then snatched his hands back as the golden light stung him. “What are you doing, you absolute fool?” he snarled, shaking out his fingertips. “Stop that right now! Have you lost your mind?”

Aziraphale blinked but did let the last of the light go for the moment. “I was going to make a vow to you that I wouldn’t lie again.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Aziraphale you were making a holy, binding oath.”

“Yes, that’s the general idea,” Aziraphale said, slowly, as if speaking to a child.

“An oath that would destroy you if you broke it.”

“Well, technically, yes,” Aziraphale said. “But I just won’t break it. Not ever.”

Crowley shook him again, just for good measure, and then gripped him tightly by the shoulders. “You can’t PROMISE to never lie to me again EVER in your life with a binding oath that will reduce you to CINDERS, you bleeding idiot. Do you think I want to watch you burn to ashes some morning simply because you politely tell me that the brand of tea I picked up at the market is just fine when actually you hate it and you’re too sleepy to realize the consequences?”

Aziraphale blinked.

“Or, alternatively, do you think I actually want to hear the truth from you every single time you actually don’t like one of my shirts, or have you tell me exactly what’s got you in a snit every single time you’re in a bad mood when maybe you’d rather just tell me it’s nothing? IS THAT WORTH DYING OVER?”

Aziraphale blinked again, and then visibly crumbled. “Oh my dear,” he sniffled. “I’m… I was just… I would do, for you. If it helped.”

Crowley scowled at him a moment longer, then gave up and kissed him hard, full on the mouth, one hand coiling around to grab him by the hair and pull. Aziraphale melted into the kiss, tasting salt and whiskey and smoke.

“Just do better,” Crowley said, when they finally broke apart. “No one tells the truth all the time. But if we’re going to be married, I need to know that you won’t hide the big things from me. We’re in this together.”

“Together,” Aziraphale repeats. “Until the very end. I promise.”

“Let’s go home, angel,” Crowley said, and Aziraphale beamed at him with a watery smile so bright it was almost painful.  

“Please,” Aziraphale said. “Gather your things and let’s go.”

Crowley pulled random clothing into a bag, snapped his fingers to send most of the flowers directly to the shop, and laced his hand together with Aziraphale’s as they head towards the door.

“Oh, hang on,” he said at the door. “Forgot something.” He turned back to the kitchen and Aziraphale watched as he picked up the notepad and tucked it into the top of his bag.

“Forgot my reading material,” he said with a wry grin. “You didn’t think I was going to leave that behind, did you?”

Aziraphale sighed. “Oh, no, I was pretty sure you wouldn’t.”

“Oh yes, I’m going to pore over this one,” Crowley said, teasingly. “Might even memorize some sections of it. Arrange a dramatic recitation or an interpretative dance.” He bumped a hip lightly against Aziraphale, who blushed even further than he already had. “Might even put my favorite ones on a tee shirt.”

“Yes, yes,” Aziraphale said, blithely. “I’m sure I deserve that. Go ahead, my dear.”

Crowley pulled the door closed behind him with a definitive click as they headed out into the snow.

[circlecast]

I Have A Confession

The Question of the Week - Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men

Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Do you feel that you are appreciated as a father? on Quora

Question by Roderick Wrenn

The topic of the week

Hey men, This week is sort of a confessional that I want to get started and out in the open. Now I could start with an excuse and say that the problems I had this year were all because of 2020. Yet we both know that is an excuse and crap. Everything I talk about this week is my fault and I take full responsibility for the shortcoming I have had.

I have failed this year in many ways. I have failed you. I failed friends and Family, and I have failed myself. How? Well, I will be jumping into that.

For us to be relaxed men we have to have integrity, and for this year, I left integrity in the dirt. I seemed to have dropped it time and time again. Thinking that I was going to do better only to throw it harder into the dirt.

There are 4 pillars to being a relaxed male, and if I am going to have you follow this path I need to be on this path too, and I have not been on it at all. There were a few times that I danced around like I was on it but if I'm being honest I wasn't. Those pillars are the Man's Mind Man's Body, Man's Soul, and the Man's Community. Want to know which ones I failed in? All of them.

The Man's Body

How much exercise and upkeep have I done this year? None. I walked 3 miles one day while I was on vacation. That wasn't walking around a town that was an intentional walk. I had a hole where I was going to walk at least 15 minutes each day and I didn't do that. I started out well. but about 3 weeks into the year I was forced to sleep on a highway exit and I didn't feel safe walking on the side of the road. Yet because I stopped that I completely stopped. Didn't try to go walking again.

I did lose about 25 pounds but that was because I got back into another habit that I kicked about 8 years ago. that habit was smoking. I smoked from pretty much the start of the year till Dec 8 at 11:15 am. I ran out of cigarettes and decided today was as good as any to quit and so I did.

Starting back up was me thinking I was going to be able to control it. Yet also knowing that it is uncontrollable. It took no time at all for me to fall back into the habit of lighting up after meals. driving, sex, all those times that smoking is very satisfactory. The drawbacks also showed back up very fast. The sore lungs. The smoker's cough and phlegm you cough up in the morning. The shame I felt of letting myself down, and worse realizing that I was not living up to the standards I need to be.

I did learn why smoking is so nice and I have set my jaw to never have one of those items again. I see why other addicts can fall back into their own ways so easily because we lie to ourselves. We say we can handle it this time and that is not true.

So I haven't been working on my Body infact I have been abusing that body this year. That is going to stop.

How am I going to stop that?

Well, I am going to start doing exercises one I can do in the truck or on the trailer bed. I am knocking smoking out of my lungs. I am stopping the do as I say not as I do actions that have never brought anybody any integrity and start taking steps to get healthy. Eating right and tackling overeating. I have to do that or I will balloon back up to 275-280. I am going to start loving myself for who I am. I am going to start honoring my body instead of cursing it.

These are some of what I will be working on in relation to my body.

Man's Mind

Now I have probably listened to more books than I have ever listened to books in the past. The problem I have noticed is that I don't read. The addiction to electronics in my life is as much out of control as ever. I haven't addressed this till now. I have to get back into reading physical books. There are some key points that I need to understand by reading physical hard copies of books.

I have also fallen out of a couple of my mastermind groups. I was making great headway but my motivation has slipped. So I will be looking fr a couple of new Mastermind groups that are for me and some other people who are wanting to get their business off the ground. I need help and people to push me. I lack the needed accountability to fully get up to the speed I need. I realize that this also requires self-discipline and that is something I am going to be fighting through. I will become better at self-disciplined this year.

Man's Soul

When it comes to my soul it is this calling I have. I have questioned whether coaching is my calling or just a dream. Yet I find myself time again called to help people who see things in a scarcity mindset or in the pits of victimhood. Now I have yet to really get people to make changes that will help them and that is because they are people that I know and I haven't really given them any reason to believe in the power of change because again I have no integrity. SO I have to learn that I have to step back and let them suffer and decide when to come to me. How do I get them to come to me? I have to make the needed changes in myself to show them and you that change is possible. I believe it but I have yet to display or apply those changes.

Man's Community

This is the hard one. I like staying home and working on the blog and planning videos and such, but the lack of meeting people is what is truly holding me back. I have to get out of my comfort zone and start putting myself out there. How? Well, that is the rub ain't it? I believe the best place I can find people who would like to accept me and maybe be able to help them in return is for me to join a church. The church is the only gathering I can think of that goes on during the weekend.

I have many different arguments in my head about getting out and meeting people and I understand what those arguments are. It is fear and comfort. I have to fight against those thoughts that are keeping me small. Follow the fear and use it as a compass. So I believe the church is the best place to start. From there maybe I can Find out exactly what men are looking for when it comes to helping their sons.

What am I going to do?

This is where I am making some major changes. Those changes are I am stepping away from the normal goal setting that I used to use. I am seeing that I need systems in place to help me make those goals. I will use goals but I will not just make goals and trying for them. I am making goals and then set up systems so that I am getting closer each time.

Much like my 100 visitors a day goal. This year I have gotten even closer to my goals than I have ever before. I am averaging 30-40 visitors a day. My system is to put out 3 pieces of content each week. I then make sure those pieces of content are shared on as many different social media sites as possible.

As you can see my appearance in search engines is getting better.

So I will share what my systems are going to be for each goal in the next episode.

Newest podcast episode to change your Mindset

[newsztv]

5 MOST AFFORDABLE CONVERTIBLES YOU CAN BUY

Fiat 124 Spider

2020 Starting Price (MSRP + dest. expense): $26,935

Standard motor: Turbocharged 1.4-liter 4-chamber

The 124 Spider is the most economical new convertible you can purchase today. In light of a similar stage as the happy Mazda Miata, the 124 Spider includes its own motor and interesting suspension tuning. The outcome is a two-traveler convertible that is somewhat more agreeable and less quick than the super sharp driving habits you get with the Miata. A few people will like its more loosened up nature, yet everything relies upon individual driving taste.

The Fiat's turbocharged 1.4-liter four-chamber sends 160 strength to the back tires, and its exhibition is energetic however not overwhelming. In sportier Abarth trim, the pull ticks up to 164. The super 4-chamber motor can be combined with a 6-speed manual or 6-speed programmed transmission.

Mazda Miata

2020 Starting Price: $27,525

Standard motor: 2.0-liter 4-chamber

The Miata is one of the most affordable convertibles accessible today, and it likewise turns out to be perhaps the best worth. Its controlling is inconceivably exact, letting drivers place this 2-traveler convertible into the littlest hole in rush hour gridlock, or indulgence it around a course with certainty. The 181-strength 4-chamber motor can be matched with a 6-speed programmed or 6-speed manual transmission.

Numerous drivers may be hesitant to pick a stick move, however the Miata's is sublime. The tosses are light and exact and the grip is anything but difficult to balance. Not exclusively is the Miata economical to purchase, however it likewise has gained notoriety for dependability and tastes fuel. In spite of its indecent nature, the Miata restores an EPA-assessed 30 mpg in joined city and expressway driving (with the manual gearbox). There is a retractable hardtop variant accessible, in the event that you need a little added security and car like style, however it'll cost you more than $6,000.

Smaller than expected Cooper

2020 Starting Price: $30,600

Standard motor: Turbocharged 1.5-liter 3-chamber

With regards to picking a convertible that is city-accommodating and simple to stop, there's no halting the Mini Cooper. This unimposing roadster is deft and has the brand's go-kart-like controlling feel heated into all renditions. This beginnings with the Classic trim that comes controlled by a 134-drive super 3-chamber motor and a 7-speed double grasp programmed gearbox. Try not to be killed by the chamber check, since this motor has character and is pleasantly coordinated to the Mini's carefree nature. It hustles the Cooper from zero to 60 mph in about 8.2 seconds, while restoring an EPA-assessed 31 consolidated mpg.

Nothing unexpected, the back seats are small, and payload space gauges in at just 5.6 cubic feet. For long travels, you'll need to discard additional travelers and consider the second line an outside trunk. There is the discretionary Cooper S trim, which includes a 189-drive super four, or the wild John Cooper Works model. This extreme Mini Cooper is humorous to drive, because of its 228-torque turbocharged 4-chamber motor, however the beginning cost is almost $40,000.

Chevrolet Camaro

2020 Starting Price: $32,495

Standard motor: Turbocharged 2.0-liter 4-chamber

The Camaro is offered in both hardtop roadster and convertible configuration. The base motor is a 275-drive turbocharged 4-chamber motor that works in collaboration with a 6-speed manual or a discretionary 8-speed programmed transmission. There is a decision of three motors: a 335-torque V6, a 455-hp V8, or a reach beating 650-hp supercharged V8. That last motor transforms the Camaro into a genuine beast, one that is equipped for tearing its way from zero to 60 mph in just 3.5 seconds. Obviously, the more remarkable the motor decision, the more costly the vehicle.

The Camaro offers a secondary lounge that is usable by (adaptable) grown-ups, however just for short distances. Freight room gauges in at 7.3 cubic feet, which is parsimonious in any event, for a muscle vehicle. It's smarter to zero in on the Camaro's fast guiding, planted ride, and simple to-utilize infotainment framework.

Portage Mustang

2020 Starting Price: $33,365

Standard motor: Turbocharged 2.3-liter 4-chamber

What's superior to spending warm late spring days in the driver's seat of America's unique horse vehicle? The Mustang is an exhibition symbol and the current model's retro-themed outside obtains intensely from the vehicle's legacy. Its long hood, etched sides, and squat tail give the Mustang a feeling of intensity and forward movement. The base motor is a turbocharged 2.3-liter 4-chamber that sends 310 strength to the back tires. For more punch, you can get a snarling 5.0-liter V8 found in the GT model. That motor conveys 460 strength, alongside a soundtrack that is unadulterated old fashioned muscle vehicle. It will cost you more, obviously.

Inside, the lodge has space for four grown-ups, however trips in the back seat should be kept short in case you're pulling grown-ups. There is a decision of a 6-speed manual transmission with a fire up coordinating capacity or a discretionary 10-speed programmed.

What better approach to appreciate the mid year than from in the driver's seat of a shiny new convertible. Feeling the breeze in your hair is probably the most ideal approaches to appreciate a drive, particularly when the vehicle you're guiding has exact controlling, bunches of intensity, and possibly a bit of regular common sense.

A few vehicles on this rundown of convertibles put more accentuation on lively driving, be that as it may. Vehicles like the Mazda Miata, Porsche Boxster, and Fiat 124 Spider are exacting two-seaters with space for just an end of the week escape of baggage. Different models, including the Ford Mustang and Chevrolet Camaro, convey a usable secondary lounge (at any rate for short journeys) and discretionary V8s with huge loads of pull.

Keep in mind, a few vehicles included here may have been on special in to a great extent similar design for quite a while. Take some additional time and you may locate that ideal vehicle and ideal deal by utilizing Carfax's broad Used Car Listings, every one of which accompanies a free Vehicle History Report. Those are critical to twofold check: A carefree Affordable convertible could transform into a wallet-depleting, four-wheeled strainer of a poorly conceived notion in the event that it hasn't been appropriately kept up.

[libralita]

Title: The Diviners

Author: Libba Bray

Summary:

Do you believe there are ghosts and demons and Diviners among us?

Evie O'Neill has been exiled from her boring old hometown and shipped off to the bustling streets of New York City--and she is pos-i-tute-ly ecstatic. It's 1926, and New York is filled with speakeasies, Ziegfeld girls, and rakish pickpockets. The only catch is that she has to live with her uncle Will and his unhealthy obsession with the occult.

Evie worries he'll discover her darkest secret: a supernatural power that has only brought her trouble so far. But when the police find a murdered girl branded with a cryptic symbol and Will is called to the scene, Evie realizes her gift could help catch a serial killer.

As Evie jumps headlong into a dance with a murderer, other stories unfurl in the city that never sleeps. And unknown to all, something dark and evil has awakened....

Rating: ★★★★★

Review:

This was a really enjoyable book. It was so post-twilight/early twenty-tens so it was a real nostalgia trip. Speaking of blasts from the pasts, the 1920s setting really felt alive. I could tell that Bray put a lot of effort into creating a realistic setting. Silly things like the slang that always made me laugh. To some really heavy shit.

I’ve seen some reviews saying that they didn’t like the main character Evie and personally I thought she was a pretty decent Main Character. She did some stupid thing but honestly I’ve seen much worse.

The one problem I did have for this book is how convenient everything is. Like everyone that Evie meets just happens to be a Diviner or has something to do with it. Or has something to do with the murder case. Like at points I just wanted Small World to start playing.

Apparently this book is spooky!

“[But] she’s heard he has a habit of inviting girls into his rumble seat for a petting party.”—Page 3

What an interesting sentence.

“Finally, there is movement on the board. ‘I…will…teach…you…fear,’ the hostess reads aloud.”—Page 4

Oh, really?

“Harold Brodie is a louse and a lothario who cheats at cards and has a different girl in his rumble seat every week. That coupe of his is a pos-i-tute-ly a petting palace. And he’s a terrible kisser to boot.”—Page 12

This old-timey speak is just the best.

“[A] distant shore upon which I hope to land.”—Page 13

1920’s sex talk is hilarious.

“Sister Benito Mussolini Facisti?”—Page 33

Okay, I Googled it and apparently 20 dollars is $269.76 in today’s money. So Evie basically just flashed 250 bucks. No wonder Sam stole it. Also $10 is about $134.88.

Jericho is cute. I also love that name.

So, Evie’s not going to tell her Uncle Will that she’s probably a Diviner.

All spoopy books must have creepy old ladies.

Poor Ruta.

“Isaiah sat very still, staring into the dark. ‘I am the dragon. The beast of old,’ he said.”—Page 82

Oh shit!

They’re putting $40 bucks on her doing her hair? Damn…

The cat’s particulars…interesting.

So, is everyone a Diviner?

“Darling girl, I’d be your fool, if I could only pass this stool, oh the curse of CON-STI-PAAA-TION!”—Page 145

This book is weird.

You can tell that this is a post-twilight/Shadowhunters era book because every male character clearly wants bone the female protagonist.

“In the museum’s musty lavatory, Sam washed his hands and left the tap running. Whistling, he sat on the cracked title floor and watched the shadow of Evie’s feet under the slit of the door as she paced. She’d get bored eventually. He opened Jericho’s wallet, which he had lifted while the blond giant was occupied in the stacks.”—Page 149

Such a dick.

“Soloman’s Comet. An event of heavenly significance.”—Page 154

I’m sure this has nothing to do with anything.

“She is the elephant’s eyebrows,”—Page 155

My god, sometimes I can’t take this book seriously.

A golden alter? Sacrifices to spirits? This show is a bit on the nose.

“The duck’s quake”, this is so weird.

“Isaiah stared straight ahead. ‘Anoint thy flesh and prepare ye the walls of your houses. The Lord will brook no weakness in his chosen.’ ‘Ice Man?’ ‘And the sixth offering shall be an offering of obedience.’”—Page 165

You are one creepy kid.

“Diviners.”—Page 166

Can’t be good.

So has Naughty John corrupted Isaiah?

“I once helped bring charges against the Grand Dragon of the Klan out there. I’m known to them.”—Page 181

Wait, Naughty John has referred to himself as the dragon. So is this like some evil Klanman spirit?

“Jericho cleared his throat. ‘Would you like to take first shift, or shall I?’ he asked, as if at any moment they’d be flooded with visitors. ‘Where’s Sam?’ Evie asked. ‘He went to call a friend about a motorcar.’ ‘I’ll bet he did,’ Evie scoffed. ‘I could take first shift, if you like,’ Jericho offered. ‘No, I will,’”—Page 183

Man, Jericho is crushing on Evie hard.

So Liberty’s brother built a mansion and it turns out to be Evie’s uncle’s museum. SMALL WORLD!

“‘What was started long ago will now be finished when the fire burns in the sky,’ he said. Repent, for the Beast is come.’”—Page 203

Weird.

“The Sacrifice of the Faithful. The Tribute of the ten Servants of the Master. The Pale Horseman Riding Death Before the Stars. The Death of the Virgin. The Harlot Adorned and Cast upon the Sea. The Sacrifice of the Idle Son. The Turning Out of the Deceitful Brethren from the Temple of Solomon. The Veneration of the Angelic Herald. The Destruction of the Golden Idol.  The Lamentation of the Widow. The Marriage of the Beast and the Woman Clothed in the Sun.”—Pages 211-212

These are all the things to come signaling the end is neigh. If I had to guess, the last one is going to be Evie.

“‘You said that the Brethren is a vanished cult. What happened to them?’ ‘The entire sect burned to death in 1848.’”—Page 213

The first thing to happen was “The Sacrifice of the Faithful.”

Oh, well how convenient that the page we need is missing.

“Please, can you help? They took my sister from the factory.”—Page 223

Next victim?

“[Why] start with the fifth offering? It doesn’t make sense.”—Page 227

They happened hundreds of years ago. The offering, dammit. Please don’t take the entire book to figure this out.

“He thought about going to the Hotsy Totsy or the Tomb of the Fallen Angels”—Page 236

There’s your tomb.

“It’s very nice of your uncle to take you girls to a poetry reading. It’s important to tend to your education rather than fritter away time in bourgeois, immoral pastimes such as dancing in nightclubs.”—Page 249

I think poetry readings are pretty bourgeois.

“One of his bullets passed through the book of poetry in Memphis’s hand. Memphis stuck his finger through the hole. ‘That was a library book,’ he said, gasping.”—Page 268

Me.

“His words were a choke whisper: ‘Oh, my son, my son. What have you done?’”—Page 275

Chills.

Oh, I’m sure that Evie will be sent back to Ohio. I guess it’ll be Mabel’s story.

“Evie sat forward, hopeful. ‘It was just like sitting at the picture show, but a picture show where the projector light isn’t terribly strong. It was only a moment. I could see Mother sitting at her dressing table, and I could feel what she had been feeling when she’d worn the brooch.’ ‘What was that?’ Evie looked him in the eyes. ‘She wished I’d been the one to die instead of James.’”—Page 294

Oh shit.

“Are there others like me?”—Page 295

Everyone is this damn book.

Looks like Gabe is the Angelic Herald.

So there’s some agency that’s collecting Diviners. Of course, there always is.

“Theta let out the breath she’d been holding.”—Page 323

This is an early 2010s book!

I’m suddenly very grateful for Google. All hail our evil overlord.

Memphis, don’t you fucking leave! Ugh…

Poor Jericho has a giant crush on Evie and he’s just completely ignored by her.

“Jericho came to sit beside her. ‘Murnau’s Faust is playing at the Palace.’ ‘Swell,’ Evie said, still turning things over in her mind. ‘I was just wondering if you might—’ there was a knock at the door. ‘I’ll go,’ Evie said, sighing. ‘Probably another reporter.’ ‘Wanted to go with me,’ Jericho finished as he watched Evie walk away.”—Page 361

Poor Jericho…

“‘This is happening pretty fast, isn’t it?’ Memphis said. He could not remember a time when he didn’t know Theta, a time when she didn’t occupy his thoughts and dreams.”—Page 370

Uh, guys, you’ve seen each other like 3 times.

“Come, come play with us….”—Page 372

That’s some Shining shit.

And Gabe is dead.

And Mabel and Evie are friends again.

“I believe this may be the lair of the Pentacle Killer.”—Page 380

Which is why we’re going in it.

“Theta was right to nickname you Evil. I believe you need the services of Sigmund Freud. He’s the only person who could possibly understand the workings of your very healthy mind.”—Page 380

Something about penises?

“But Evie’s attention was drawn to a door slowly creaking open at the far end of the corridor behind her.”—Page 385

Nopenopenopenopenopenope! N-O-P-E NOPE! DO NOT GO IN THAT ROOM EVIE.

This diary is super interesting. I wonder if Hobbes was always supernatural.

I wonder if we’ll see Ida Knowles’s spirit.

Gabe’s death is really sad.

“Memphis turned to her, his face gone hard. ‘I want to help you find Gabe’s killer.’”—Page 399

Yay, they’re working together! Will Fitzgerald’s School for Gifted Youngsters is being realized!

How can Will keep her safe?

“Evie thought of the small patch of cloth stuck on the laundry chute. It was so small—too small to be of note. Wasn’t it?”—Page 410

UGHHH!

Theta is getting an abortion. Well, that just got heavy.

“‘Talking to Gabriel.’ Isaiah’s teeth chattered. His eyes had the fixed, unseeing quality of a trance. ‘Memphis, brother,’ Isaiah whispered. ‘The storm is coming…the storm is coming…’”—Page 429

The everstorm? No but oh shit, I’m really concerned about Isaiah.

Did Theta or did Hobbes take the skin? Also is it that annoying girl?

Oh shit, Mary White is alive!

“‘You want to know about my John,’ she said in a voice weak with labored breathing.”—Page 441

And I wish she wasn’t.

Grave robbing time!

“I see you,”—Page 454

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

HE’S IN THE MUSEUM FUCK!!

…sweet pickles…?

They’re looking for Diviners. “Fitter Families For Future Firesides”.

“Making America strong through the science of eugenics.”—Page 469

Oh fuck. Wait, they were totally looking for Diviners. So do people who believed in eugenics are also in on this? I guess that makes sense since the Klan also has something to do with the Beast.

That pendant is going to be gone.

Oh, Mary is going to be the next victim, good luck.

Jericho is a cyborg!

Sometimes this story just gets really freaking dark.

Hobbes left Ruta’s shoe buckle in the museum. Dammit!

“No. We stay together.”—Page 525

Jericho Jones wins the prize for being the most intelligent YA character ever.

“‘I’ll hate you forever,’ she whispered, losing the battle against the tears. ‘I know,’ Will said softly.”—Page 553

Ow, that hit me hard.

I…don’t know if showing your supernatural abilities to reports is wisest idea.

I’ve never trusted Blind Bill….

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT CAT???

Here’s hoping my ship keeps sailing.

[surveysonfleek]

350.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 3 201. Put these creatures in order from what you would least like to be reincarnated as (1), to what you would most like to be reincarnated as (10) assuming reincarnation ended up existing AND you were given a choice. caterpillar, house dog, wild dog, vulture, male human, female human, oak tree, rock, manta ray, dolphin rock, caterpillar, oak tree, vulture, wild dog, house dog, manta ray, dolphin, male human, female human. 202. What do you feel unworthy of? success. 203. Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person? can’t i do both? 204. Which do you value more: science or intuition? intuition. 205. Your best friend and your significant other are in the hospital at the same time with the same ailment. Who do you visit first? it’s the same person.

206. Does the universe revolve around human beings? we definitely think so. 207. If you are no longer a virgin, do you wish you still were? nope. 208. Who is your favorite poet of those who are alive right now? i don’t know any poets that are alive :( 209. What is your favorite song from the 90's? ugh there’s so many.  210. If you were in alphabet soup what letter would you be? d. 211. Do you believe in fairies, ghosts, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc.? haha i have no idea.  212. What makes you want to be someone’s friend? if i find some goodness in them. 213. Do you troll around the Internet harassing people anonymously for fun? hell no. i’m not 12. 214. Have you ever seen the movie A Man Who Fell to Earth? nope. 215. What is your favorite line from a movie? - 216. What's your favorite video game? the sims. 217. Have you ever taken something that wasn't yours? yeah, but nothing of sentiment or whatever. 218. What is one phrase people say that irritates you? yolo. 219. You allow strangers to read your diary, but would you let your parents read it? i don’t have a diary. 220. Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower? depends. there’s a time for both. 221. Are you allergic to anything? pollen. 222. What is your favorite Terminator movie? i don’t remember any of them. 223. What is your favorite fast food? burger king. 224. What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to him or her again? do something bad to me, my friends or family. 225. Would (or have) you ever whip someone or be whipped by someone in bed? haha no thanks. 226. Have you ever said 'I hate everyone' and really meant it literally? yes. well, people in general. 227. Why do some people want to get more money than they could ever spend? idk. greed. 228. Have you ever won a carnival fish? nope. 229. Did it live more than a week? - 230. What's the best sounding accent a person can have? spanish. 231. What's the most boring thing you've ever read? text books from uni. 232. Do you prefer buttons or touch screens? touch screens. 233. Do you think there is a lot of similarity between the Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings series? i didn’t follow the lord of the rings series. 234. Would you consider yourself to be naive? sometimes. 235. Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail? at this rate, phi. 236. What is the smallest amount of money that could be in a public toilet that would make you reach in and grab it? $10 lol. so gross i know, but money’s money. 237. Would you ever wear real fur? probably not. 238. Arachnophobia or Eight Legged Freaks? first one. 239. What are your feelings about police officers? i’m sure there’s good cops out there. 240. what is your favorite line from a song? idk. 241. Is fifty dollars a lot of money? yes, it can be. it can buy food for a week. 242. Do you like the band Front 242 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Front_242)? idk them. 243. Would you rather have fame, money, or self-satisfaction? self satisfaction. 244. What's your middle name? haha i’d rather not say. 245. What is the absolute limit, the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars? shave my head? idk. 246. Are you good, evil or neutral? i’d like to say good. 247. Should ebonics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebonics) be considered a language? hmm. idk about this one. 248. What color is your bedroom? What color would you like it to be? it’s grey and turquoise. i like it. 249. When are you planning to move to a new home? no idea, maybe when i get my life together. 250. If you added up the cost of everything in the room with you, approximately what would it come out to be? omg i have no idea. 15k? it could honestly be more or less, i’m just guessing. 251. Do you blow your nose in public? if i have to, yes. i’ll try do it subtly though. 252. Do you want to follow in your parent's footsteps? somewhat yes. i want their drive and motivation. 253. What is the coolest web site you know of? idk lol. 254. Which cartoon would you most like to see turned into a movie? none that i can think of. 255. Of the following, which word best describes you: enthusiastic, fair minded, generous, helpful fair minded. 256. Can you eat with chopsticks? yeah i prefer not to. 257. Could you tell real money from counterfeit? yeah, we’ve been taught how to at work. 258. What do you think about school uniforms? it’s good in a way, everyone’s seen as equal. 259. What ancient civilization would you most like to visit? medieval times. 260. What would make a great new Crayola color? i’m sure it’s already been made. 261. If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does that cast doubt over its significance as a work of art? yeah it does, but it’s still art. 262. If you became president, whom would you invite to sing at your inauguration? beyonce. 263. Who is the greatest philosopher of your country? idk haha. 264. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? idk. 265. Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child? no, i was easy to please as a kid. 266. Who knows more...you, or your parents? more about what? if life, definitely my parents. 267. What instrument would you like to be famous for playing? guitar. 268. Children fill its lungs completely with air. Adults breathe in a more shallow way, not filling their lungs completely. Why the change? i have no idea. 269. Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars? with protection yeah. 270. Are you completely in control of your body? Are you completely in control of your mind? yes and yes. 271. Which is more romantic: an expensive, glittering bouquet OR flowers that were hand picked as they grew beside the parkway? definitely the hand picked ones haha. 272. Do you know yourself well enough to understand why you feel the way you do? ye[. 273. Which do you do more often: let movies, songs and books put your feelings into words for you or put your feelings into words by yourself? put feelings into words myself. 274. Do you believe celebrities when they are endorsing a product? haha noooo. especially these damn instagram models and youtubers. 275. What kind of movies do you wish were made more often? idk. 276. Does fashion matter to you? yes and no.  277. Should politicians be held to the same legal standards as everyone else? of course. 278. What do you get in trouble for the most? being lazy. 279. Should parents spank their kids? i wasn’t spanked as a kid and turned out fine tbh. 280. What is your worst daily habit? smoking. 281. If you had your choice which one TV show would you have canceled? big bang theory. 282. Do you like the taste of sweet or salt? salt. 283. Are you very precise about what words you use to describe your feelings and thoughts? yeah i’d say so. 284. What do you feel the most guilty about? idk, letting myself do nothing productive for the last year. 285. Do you meditate? no. 286. Can dreams be visions, or do you feel they are always random images? random images in the subconscious. 287. Do you try to write/say what you are feeling in a true and simple way? yes. 288. The thief _______ that everyone steals. What verb would you fill in the blank with? snatches? idk. 289. What's the most incredible experience you ever had? traveling. 290. Are you ever afraid to write/say/think how you feel? not really. 291. Do you write/say/think it anyway or become intimidated and try to avoid it? idk. 292. What is one thing you can't do? a cartwheel. 293. Do you like movies starring Charleton Heston (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charleton_Heston)? idk him. 294. Are you gentle? not really. 295. When do you feel the most raw and vulnerable? when i’m naked. 296. Are you trying to find yourself? yes, definitely. 297. Where are you looking? my future i guess. 298. Are you sometimes afraid of being honest because you are afraid of hurting people's feelings? yes but there’s better ways to go about in sharing it. 299. What would make you a stronger person? having more discipline. 300. What book would you like to read sometime soon? anything. it’s been awhile.