#<- sings “I'm not Okay (I promise)” By MCR horribly

[nixierain]

Another Vent cause I'm in a mood *Shrugs*

Tw: Yk my mental state is warning enough HAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA

SOOOOOOO.... Any one else Feel this craving for attention that can rarely be fed and are always seeking it to the point you develope toxic traits just to get a smither of it or to test if people you love by doing these toxic traits

And also obsessing over people WAY too unhealthily much to the point where you cling to them or just stalk them (Not my greatest moments) And that you cannot for the life of you respect their boundaries and it kills you when they dont like you back. Then iy spirals and you lose them as a friend and you feel worse.

Oh and randomly get different Headmates(?)/other voices in your head? Or talk to spirits a lot of the time. And eventually nothing feels real anymore and lose your identity several times in a year. And all you want to do is go home even though it doesnt exist

Or you dont have motivation so you just sit around all day and be lazy Or perhaps feel this NEED for perfection or else you get frantic. Or you just randomly like to organize and if something is out of the set organization you almost flip out and need to reset it. And if somethings not perfect or your not doing perfect you get stressed and sometimes even feel sick from it?

Does anyone feel like they cant eat? And randomly the thought of food makes ou feel sick and you rarely feel hunger (Its getting better though) But the pangs either are nauseating or just go away after five minuets. Also you can only drink water at certian times of day and you need it to be specific or else it makes you feel sick? So you just avoid it and drink everything but water. So you just are always dehydrated, and you dont eat healthy at all, but your also have this knawing worry about your weight and how you look so intead of working out and exercising (Cause it hurts) you just eat less to the point where your parents comment on it and force you to eat more?

And your medications work, but you still have depression and it hurts and you just get mood swings (Mostly revolving around your cycle.... Woo hoo Genderfluid and trans misadventures -_-) that just make you want to die. ALSO your depression spikes when your bored,and its SO fucking hard to find something to do cause you arent in school yet again.

OH and you hate sleeping a full amount of sleep cause you feel like you oversleep so you deprive yourself... And that could connect to your hallucinations... That also probably connects to BPD.

And you, without school, have lost your social skills and now you overthink EVERYTHING online. and You take EVERYTHING seriously. and you also have turned into that "Erm Ackshually" kid and NEED everything to be right because of your perfectionist problems

Also due to your life you physically cannot comprehend WHY people care about you because your self-esteem has withered and died. You also trust people WAYYYY too easily.

Yeah thats about it for now, I'm also cutting myself off rn