#;; uhmmmm hey lia hope this is okay to share i was just feelin it y'know

[dcvilgrams]

❝I'm Not Human❞

featuring: Barbatos & my m!MC (Xhura Kusumoto) [he/him] written by: @houselamentation & myself rating: general (w/ language)

notes: i was initially going to convert this into an actual story-prose format but some of the nuances got a little lost along the way so i've decided to keep it as it is for the sake of the quality this is an excerpt from The Disaster Duo Chronicles' Second Arc: Our Endless Summer & details the events of when Barbatos revealed to Xhura that their pact allowed Xhura to turn himself into a demon [summarized here]

Xhura is written by me obviously; & Barbatos is fantastically written by Lia

BARBATOS

"Xhura, Xhura." Barbatos hates when force is necessary but has to pull Xhura's hands away from his hair— as gently as possible but quickly too, before more damage can be done. He holds on to both of them longer than necessary and implores him to listen, to understand,

"Sit down, please. I promised I would help you adapt. I promised that it would be possible for you to thrive in this world. I mean that."

—

XHURA

Xhura stumbles and falls back into his seat because he doesn’t know what else to do. Because Barbatos’ voice is as soothing as always and grounds him like nothing else but…

“You… you said…”

He said it…

“You said I’m not… it’s not all in my head…?”

Because that’s been his biggest worry. All the things they told him in the Human Realm were coming true. He was losing it. It was all in his head. He was being entertained to be made complacent.

Say it again.

“I’m not human.”

—

BARBATOS

"You are not human," Barbatos confirms. Xhura has drawn that conclusion on his own. It's possible he only needs a little more prompting and comfort every step of the way in order to piece the rest together. It is worth a try. Barbatos will help regardless.

He returns to his own seat and refills their teacups. "It is not in your head, Xhura. You were born a human and until very recently, you were a human." He pauses, not to make Xhura worry but to recognize that everything will change as soon as his next point is realized.

"In much the same way that Lucifer was once an angel."

—

XHURA

Much in the same way…

Xhura sniffles, but feels the words rip themselves from his throat as unbidden as they were the night he spoke them.

”’They faded from brilliant white to obsidian the whole time you…’”

The whole time he…

When he…

When they all…

”’What did it feel like… to…’”

“I fell.” That’s not possible. “How did I… I’m not… but I…” Frightened, confused eyes flicker up to Barbatos’ emerald gaze.

“How. Please tell me how.”

—

BARBATOS

Nodding graciously, Barbatos tries to put a previously unimaginable concept into the right words. "Don't think of it exactly like Lucifer's fall," he advises. "He was cast out, banished from the Celestial Realm. You— essentially, Xhura, you banished yourself, or tried to. You don't belong to the Human Realm anymore— you wanted, you needed to be a part of this one so badly you…"

He shakes his head. There is no making sense of this, only deciding what to do next. "You should not be able to but you are making it happen. It may be due to a part of my power I did not intend to give you and there is also the fact that a human needs a soul and some certainty in the life they lead."

All of this on top of the fact Xhura is still learning to control his access to Barbatos' power, to cope with what is left of his soul… it is not an enviable time in the former-human's life. But beginning to accept and understand it remains the first and most important step.

—

XHURA

“I’m manifesting… unimaginable demonic bullshit on myself. I’m literally faking it until I make it.”

To put it in as eloquent simple terms as possible. Maybe it’s their shared bond but he gets what Barbatos is saying even though he’s really not saying all that much. He just… gets it.

“…The angel blood Ayla and I share. Our connection to Lilith. Whatever part of me… that was… chose to… do what my brothers did?”

My brothers. It’s his first time saying it aloud to someone not in the family. Yet he doesn’t do it as a conscious thought, nor does he consider changing his phrasing. It’s right.

It really is.

—

BARBATOS

In the [equally tense] kitchen, Barbatos nods. He still hopes Xhura can find this truth mostly on his own, supported but not led to anything before he's ready for it but that point deserves acknowledgment.

"Lucifer and the others fell when they realized what they were willing to sacrifice for Lilith's safety and autonomy, perhaps that they would all do the same for each other. And you fell when you accepted the truth of what was most important to you— the home, the love, and life you wanted, and what you'd be willing to give up to achieve and keep it."

—

XHURA

Now that he’s sort of not really calming down from his panic, Xhura reaches for his hip for comfort. Can’t help the way he thinks what if I could give him a similar mark, my version of a pact…

“So what happens now? Or going forward? Any of it?”

—

BARBATOS

"Going forward…" Barbatos nods to himself and then to indicate Xhura's teacup. It should still be warm enough and the relaxing properties certainly won't hurt him now.

"I can tell you now that I am seeing you and your future more clearly than I was earlier. My part in helping you is still in teaching you more about the power and how to use it— it bears repeating that you are accessing more of it than I ever believed possible —and keeping your knowledge in check.

“We can continue regular checkups once you're back in school to make sure the horns are not hurting you and to see how you are adapting emotionally. It's been a long day for you Xhura. My offer for tea is good for tomorrow as well but I suggest you get some sleep in the meantime."

—

XHURA

Xhura holds up a finger. “Pardon my French… but can we back the fuck up a few steps?” He says it comically, almost cheerily.

“Why would the horns hurt me? They’re clips.”

—

BARBATOS

"I see." Barbatos does not retract statements even when they are misunderstood or shared a bit too early. If the fallen-human is feeling any sensations of attachment where the clips are placed, he is not ready to accept or admit it.

This time, at least, it is simple enough to validate Xhura's concern. "Prolonged exposure. If you're wearing them in the same place daily, it'll take getting used to and there might be a little pain." Maybe he'll explain the truth later.