#:: debrief

[trashworldblog]

"we're professional ghost hunters now"

"best in the business"

[spacy-snail]

Glad to see Shane living out his dream job of being Ryan’s friend

[il-predestinato]

Max: "Sorry about Turn 1."

Charles: "I would have done the same."

SOBBING - I'm sorry, but I fucking LOVE them.

🎥: Red Bull Racing (2023 United States Grand Prix, post-sprint)

[loveinstreams]

every debrief episode is just shane going “I’m divorcing ryan we’re enemies now” and then proceeds to look at him with warmth and affection the whole time while ryan laughs

[retropopcult]

Aliens (1986)

[littlekingbergara]

Shane in the debriefs: 'ryan 😍 and I are no longer friends 😍🥰 ryan 😍😍😍 is my enemy 🥰😍🥰😍'

HE CAN'T EVEN TURN OFF THE HEART EYES FOR THE BIT! and the way he kicked his foot against ryan's like he was practically Begging him to untie his shoes. he's been right next to him the whole time but he misses him so bad.

[levyfiles]

Somebody's gotta tell Shane Madej that science isn't just establishing what is known. Yeah obviously the pseudoscience of guesswork when it comes to ghosts gets ridiculous and borderline kooky at times but a good skeptic doesn't argue in suppositions that if something has not been seen, means it doesn't exist. In that case, the entire trajectory of biological exploration would be a useless field.

I have argued in the past that their* perspectives on ghosts or spirits is too steeped in the foundation of Biblical myth so we often hit a stopgap when it comes to what we're perceiving as the supernatural and what could eventually be studied within the school of quantum consciousness wherein our lifespans and memories of others could exist beyond matter which we have the capability to perceive with the eyes we evolved with.

I just think that Shane shouldn't sell science so short. And Ryan, well, sometimes it also wouldn't hurt to explore the idea that the lore we "know" about ghosts cannot fully be interacted with if we're assuming that a whole history of conmen and charlatans are the experts. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to start fresh and speculate on just what a ghost is supposed to be if we don't imagine the tenets of Christianity are, well, fact.

[i-am-bella-donna]

Debrief

AO3

Story Summary:

Sir Pentious was not an expert at handling emotions, be it his own or those of others. But he would be damned a second time if he let his doubts prevent him from helping a friend.

Pairings: Platonic Charlie x Sir Pentious

Word Count: 2,125

CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A

A/N: At last, this story is done. It has been in the works since Dad Beat Dad came out.

I wish the fandom gave Sir Pentious more attention. He seems like someone who is well-meaning and compassionate, but very awkward about showing it. Additionally, he was born in the 1800s. He has a lot of life experience, and may be the only main character who can rival Charlie in terms of age (assuming it is still canon that she is 200). My point is, I think he has the potential to be more than just comic relief. Hence—this.

Also, I have missed writing hurt/comfort. Enjoy!

~~~

Sir Pentious would be the first to admit it—emotions were not his strong suit.

He experienced them, of course. He had yet to meet a Sinner who lacked emotions—even Alastor was prone to bouts of irritation whenever the subject of his television rival arose.

But having emotions was one thing. Talking about them was another thing entirely.

Five months ago, he would not have dared. But those past five months had made all the difference.

So here he was.

Squaring his shoulders, Pentious summoned his courage and knocked on the door.

Only a few beats passed before it flew open, and Charlie grinned up at him brightly. “Hello, Pentious! Did you need something?”

Her smile was contagious, as it had been since Lucifer departed earlier that day, and Pentious found himself returning the expression when he replied, “Actually, dear, I was hoping to speak with you. Do you have a moment to chat?”

Charlie was stepping aside and ushering him into the room before he could even finish his sentence. “Of course!”

He followed her inside and was instantly greeted by an explosion of belongings scattered about. Following his gaze, Charlie laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of her neck. “Sorry about the mess—I was just packing for Heaven.”

“So soon?”

“Well, yeah!” She bounced on her toes. “We don’t know when the meeting will be yet, so it’s better to be prepared. I just can’t believe this is really happening!” Charlie laughed, equal parts excited and disbelieving. “I can’t believe most of today, actually.”

For just a second, Charlie stilled, her normally bottomless energy coming to a halt and her smile slipping off her face before being immediately plastered back on. It was so quick, Pentious almost thought he had imagined it.

Almost.

“So!” Charlie exclaimed as though nothing had happened. She sat on her bed with a bounce and gestured for him to join her at one of the chairs. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Actually,” Pentious began, taking a seat and a moment to steel his nerves. “You already brought it up.”

There it was again—for less than a heartbeat, Charlie faltered.

Pentious was an engineer, first and foremost. Machines and gadgets were his domain. On the contrary, people confused him greatly. A flicker of emotion could mean anything, with tells varying from person to person like favorite colors or coffee preferences. That being said, he was an expert at gathering evidence—and regardless of its meaning, the expression on her face when Charlie froze was an obvious sign that something was wrong.

Probably.

Maybe he should have pushed harder for Angel to come up here instead.

“What do you mean?” Charlie asked, and Pentious internally winced at the note of caution in her tone. It was barely there—he might not have recognized it at all, had he not already seen the same glimmer of emotion that morning. When Charlie had been on the phone with her father, no less—the last person who should have inspired such caution in her.

It was sad at first. It was even sadder now.

But instead of voicing his thoughts, he decided to start with a simple question. “How are you feeling, Charlie?”

Charlie blinked.

Pentious waited.

He could be patient, far more than the others gave him credit for—if he had been one to give up easily, his beloved Egg Bois would never have progressed past the stage of yellow gunk on his laboratory floor.

Finally, Charlie pulled together an answer. “I’m happy.”

Despite the cheery tone, it was a testament to her exhaustion that Charlie did not punctuate the statement with her usual exclamation points and verbal emojis. She now bore a closer resemblance to the anxious demon doing Lucifer knows what in the Hotel lobby that morning.

Perhaps he should have brought his concerns to Vaggie instead of approaching Charlie directly. What if his involvement only made the situation worse?

Well, it was too late to turn back now.

“Of course,” he said nervously. “Just…”

What was it that Charlie always said about healthy relationships?

Be honest.

Pentious took a deep breath and tried again. “I noticed you seemed incredibly worried when we were preparing the Hotel this morning. More nervous than any young lady should be at the thought of seeing her father.”

Charlie laughed awkwardly, turning away from him slightly and tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “I don’t think I really count as young, Pentious—”

“And the two of you improved your relationship today—which is truly wonderful!” He continued at a hurried pace, averting his eyes as he spoke. “But, dear—you can’t deny that you’ve had quite a day. So…” He swallowed. “After all of that, how are you feeling?”

Charlie stared.

Before he could react, she was lunging from her seat and wrapping her arms around him.

Pentious startled but returned the embrace, worry morphing into something more akin to alarm. “Are you…all right?” he asked her tentatively.

She pulled away, both her smile and eyes bright. “Sorry!” she said with a laugh, swiping at her eyes. “Sorry, just—that’s so sweet!” Her smile softened. “I’m so proud to see how far you’ve come, Pentious.”

Had the circumstances been any different, Pentious would have taken the opportunity to bask under the praise. However, he had come here with a mission, and he could not help but notice….

“You’re deflecting, dear,” he pointed out gently.

Charlie stiffened, her smile growing sheepish, and Pentious watched with an internal wince as she all but deflated at the callout. “Is it that obvious?”

“You were a bit of a wreck this morning,” he admitted, watching her carefully. “Both Angel and I have been quite concerned.”

“Angel?”

“Of course!” Was she really so surprised to learn that they had been worried about her? “He would have come here himself, had he not needed to check on Husk.”

Charlie blinked, back straightening. “Wait, Husk? What’s wrong with Husk?”

Shit.

“Nothing, dear!” he quickly backtracked, trying to steer away from that precarious topic. Now was not the time. “Husk is fine—Angel just needed to speak with him about something.” It was technically true. A little more firmly, Pentious continued. “And we aren’t talking about Husk right now. We’re talking about you.”

Charlie blinked again. “What about me?”

“Are you okay, Charlie?”

She smiled.

Pentious returned the gesture with a tentative smile of his own.

Her smile fell.

Pentious silently extended a hand, allowing her to collect herself as she set her hand in his. She blinked rapidly, taking a shuddering breath before she spoke.

“I’m happy Dad and I made up,” she finally tried. Her voice was high, as though she was asking a question. “Really, I am! But it’s also…”

Charlie faltered, eyes darting around.

After a moment, Pentious offered, “Bittersweet?”

“I…yeah.”

Her eyes were glistening slightly, but she did not seem to notice, and Pentious squeezed her hand lightly. When she did not continue, he cleared his throat and decided to try a different approach. “Did you know I was a father in life?”

Now that got her attention.

Her head snapped up. “You were?”

Pentious smiled fondly at both her reaction and the memories. “I was,” he said. “I had two beautiful children—a son and a daughter. In Heaven now, hopefully.”

Almost certainly—he had spent the majority of his afterlife scouring Hell for a sign of them. Over a century after his own death, Pentious could finally rest easy with the knowledge that his children had most likely made it past the pearly gates.

“I may not have been the best man, but I like to believe I was a good father.” His children had both adored him. After his wife died, he did his best to keep a roof over their head and food on the table—no matter the cost. “And…” His voice grew more serious. “Even after all these decades in Hell, if my daughter ever worried about interacting with me as much as you worried about interacting with your own father, I would know I had failed as a parent.”

Charlie froze.

And then she erupted.

“It’s not like—it’s nothing like that!” she blurted out.

“Charlie—”

“My dad was never exactly a bad parent—and he’s already doing better, too—”

“Charlie—”

“And I really didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea! Really, it’s fine—”

“Charlie,” Pentious interrupted, and she miraculously fell silent.

He swallowed hard, regret twisting his gut. Why had he decided to lead this conversation? Why could he not leave well enough alone?

Unfortunately, it was too late to have doubts—and Pentious was not a quitter.

“Charlie,” he tried again, speaking more calmly this time. “I…I am not trying to say that you shouldn’t love your father. And I’m not calling him a bad man.” Even if Pentious really wanted to judge his parenting skills. “Watching you two reconcile was heartwarming. What I am trying to say is…your relationship improving doesn’t mean it has to be fine just yet. If…if you have mixed feelings, that is completely understandable.”

Was he explaining himself correctly?

Despite the temptation to backtrack, Pentious swallowed and focused on Charlie as she mulled over his words. It was a testament to her doubt that she did not meet his eyes when she spoke. “I want to move on from the past.”

“And you can,” he promised, his heart aching for her. “You and your father can have a genuinely happy relationship. He clearly adores you.” He hesitated. “But…well, it’s like you’ve said before: communication and trust are the most important parts of a relationship. Right?”

Was he remembering that correctly? After all the speeches Charlie had given on the topic, he certainly hoped so.

“Things may not be okay right now, but they can improve. You just need to talk to him more. Have an…an open conversation about the past.”

With his thoughts finally out, Pentious let out a breath. There—he had finally said it.

Charlie was silent as she chewed on her lower lip. It was a far cry from her usual optimism. Pentious was sad to see her looking so lost. So…young.

He knew Charlie was technically older than him—but Hellborn demons aged at a different rate, did they not? In some matters, he was more experienced than her, and that realization hit him like a train.

Charlie hesitantly broke the silence, drawing him from his thoughts. “What if I only make things worse?”

She appeared visibly embarrassed by the question. Still, this was one question Pentious could answer with certainty.

“If your father loves you—and we both know he does—then he’ll be willing to listen to you,” he reassured her, setting both of his hands on her shoulders. “And he’ll be willing to put in the effort to fix your relationship.”

Despite his attempt at encouragement, Charlie still watched him with wide-eyed worry, and Pentious itched with the urge to do something to help. Without thinking about it, he moved forward and hugged her tightly, and any fears of overstepping dissolved when she immediately returned the hug tenfold, slumping against him.

Pentious let out a breath through his nose, ignoring the memories of a young girl with dark hair hugging him with the same fierce desperation, well over a century ago. Now was not the time to get lost in his head—not when he had a goal to achieve.

And if the way her previous tension was practically falling away Charlie in waves, he was well on his way.

You’ll be okay, Charlie. I promise.

Finally, Charlie moved to pull back, and Pentious released her, clearing his throat.

“Now then,” he said awkwardly, averting his eyes and straightening his clothing. “I’m very glad we had this talk.” An uncomfortable beat of silence. “I should let you finish packing! Goodbye!”

Having completed his task and reached his emotional limit for the day, Pentious was ready to leave and spend the rest of his day hiding out in his room. However, a hand on his wrist stopped him from bolting, Charlie staring up at him with earnest eyes.

“Thank you,” she said, full of sincerity. Her smile was calmer than before—now that Pentious could see the difference, he wondered how he had not noticed it before. “If—if this was the kind of father you used to be, then your kids are gonna be so happy to see you again in Heaven.”

He returned the smile with one of his own, ignoring the way his eyes welled up just slightly.

Did she know how much it meant to hear those words?

“Of course, dear. Anytime.”

Realistically, he doubted he would ever reach the pearly gates. But as long as Charlie believed in him, he was willing to give redemption a try.

~~~

A/N: The short mentions of Angel and Husk are references to another story I am working on. While Pentious is speaking with Charlie in this story, Angel is speaking with Husk regarding his interaction with Alastor. The latter story will be linked here when it is complete.

[cottagecorrosive]

In these specific shots of the new Mystery Files episode, the projector light makes it look like Shane is wearing short-shorts

[suntreehq]

Maintenance Week - Debrief

Summary of Learnings

When I decide to eat at maintenance, I tend to stop being mindful of what I am eating, and stop tracking my food properly.

I fail to properly plan what I am eating, going into a mode of immediate gratification and sensory stimulation.

I have an idea of how enjoyable I will find some foods… and the idea is not matched by reality.

Debrief

I managed to stay within my maintenance calories 4 days of the week.

And I binged epically on 2 days.

Everyone has a plan until they… decide to stuff their face!

Going in to the week I had thought eating at maintenance calories would be easy. That I would just eat a bit more of what I normally eat on my cutting diet.

Instead I learnt that just the idea of not being in a calorie deficit was enough to put me in a YOLO mode, loosen almost all restraint, and just stop thinking about tracking. I’d tell myself “I can make this work” without really having a proper intention of making it work.

And on the days when I decided to go full YOLO, I’d just stop tracking - not even taking pictures of what I’m eating.

The Idea of Junk Food vs The Reality

I sometimes found myself eating things I thought would be a lot more enjoyable/tasty than they actually were. This list included:

Ritter Sport Chocolate

Tastes too sweet (even the dark chocolate), and I end up eating an entire bar in one go.

Lemon Italian cookies

I bought these instead of the cocoa ones I know I like, thinking I would be able to show more restraint with these. Nope - ate the entire packet in a day AND I didn’t even really like them.

Cakes

Quality matters! I had cake at one of the coffee shops I go to, and it was predictably mediocre. Neither worth the calories nor the monetary price.

I did enjoy the cake from the cake shop though. No surprises there though - the cake shop is excellent.

Bread

I love bread. The problem is I can eat a LOT of it without feeling full. And that’s exactly what I end up doing. For whatever reason, I don’t find bread satiating.

Post Maintenance Week Thoughts & Feelings

Obviously my weight went up during maintenance week. I’m not phased by this at all, because I think the learnings have been well worth it.

I don’t think I have any negative feelings about how maintenance week went or the fact I gained weight rather than keeping it where it was.

I also feel recharged and ready to continue with my cut.

Has it put the time I hit my target weight back? Yes.

Has it taught me some valuable lessons I will need to keep the weight off? Yes.

Onwards.

[modern-inheritance]

Debrief snippet, #who the hell knows

“I’ll answer to the best of my ability.” Arya confirmed with a short nod. She couldn’t help the sly creep up at the corner of her lips with the dry addition of, “Though, to be honest, recent events have shown me that I am…rather bad, at answering questions.”

The silence was distinctly uncomfortable for the gathered lords. 

Däthedr’s eyes flared wide a handful of seconds after Arya’s comment, quickly hidden again behind the cool, controlling mask of his station. Islanzadí, though, openly pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed softly. 

“Was that a torture joke, Major?” Her voice dripped with tired exasperation, both unsurprised by the equivoque and yet completely unprepared for the unfathomable depths of her daughter’s apparent lack of taste. 

Arya smiled, wolfish and eyes gleaming. “Yes, ma’am.”

Islanzadí did not raise her gaze, eyes still shut and imperceptibly massaging the headache she was sure was going to form before this was over. “Please refrain from such things. I remind you, this is an official debriefing.” 

“Again, I can only do so to the best of my ability.”

[trashworldblog]

"we're professional ghost hunters now"

"best in the business"

[chippedmoon]

I just love Ryan Madej ☺️

[il-predestinato]

Max: "Uh… yeah, I mean it was not fantastic. But I wasn't losing - let's say - too much to you, you know?"

Private debrief flirtation 🤭

Max Verstappen & Charles Leclerc | post-race | 2023 Austrian Grand Prix 🎥: F1TV

[sophia-sol]

I want to request Debrief for yuletide, and in preparation for that I thought it long past time that I actually post about it here. Because DEBRIEF! What a game!!! It is a one-hour roleplay game for two players, with very little in the way of game mechanics, and an extensive character sheet for each player. You only get to see your character's sheet, and not the other. It's played over zoom or some other video-conferencing software, and the one hour is a hard time limit built into the conceit of the game, and that hour just WHIZZES by in a maelstrom of emotions!

I was introduced to Debrief via a post about the game from @ryfkah, which includes a spoiler-free description and explanation, plus spoilers for three different runs of the game hidden in rot13. You too can play Debrief if you want, by picking it up for free on the creators' website: Debrief at Paracelsus Games. I highly recommend it!

As the official description goes, Debrief is "a tale of espionage, friendship, betrayal, and necromancy. As the Cold War rages, a British spirit medium working for MI6 must conjure up the ghost of his best friend — now revealed to be a double agent working for the Soviet Union — for one final debriefing."

The game is that final conversation between these two men, George Russell and Robert Alderidge, and holy shit I have so many emotions about the two of them. The way things play out can vary widely from game to game, depending on how the roleplayers play things, but there are some things that are fundamental to them no matter what, and no matter the iteration, I AM THERE.

And now below the cut I'm going to get into the spoilery description of how my run of the game went. I'm not usually a person who worries about spoilers much, but I do want to make note that if you have the slightest idea that you may want to play Debrief yourself at some point in the future, I found the experience of going into the game unspoiled to be enormously good. But I bet you could also have fun playing a version where you and your RP partner agree to both know everything going into it together! It would play out differently, I'm sure, but I think it could lead to some neat places.

I played Russell, the spirit medium, and A. played Alderidge, the double agent. This undoubtedly affects my approach to how I am writing this up, and how I think of the whole story, because I was embedded in Russell's headspace while playing it all out.

Our Alderidge: Genuinely earnestly working on behalf of greater ideals, in love with his ideals because he doesn't have anyone else in his life with whom who he can be fully himself. Our Russell: Just earnest. Trying to be a good guy. Doesn't understand having different approaches to what being good might mean.

Throughout the game, the conversation kept on circling around ideas of whether the broken system which had hurt both of of them when they were younger could be fixed only by incremental means (Russell) or by overthrowing the system entirely (Alderidge) and all of their disagreements came down to that fundamental difference.

As these discussions went on, Alderidge expanded his goal from asking for the ectoplasm disruptor to be given to the Russians, to asking for it to be given openly to everyone, because then it could be used to calm the suffering of all the unquiet ghosts haunting the world. And although Russell was not open to Alderidge's intellectual discussion of the ethics of how to address suffering, in the end Russell WAS open to learning that Alderidge truly cared as deeply for him as he did for Alderidge. Though of course Alderidge was more than a bit allergic to saying anything emotional lol. Alderidge had a mission and he was super embarrassed by the notion that any feelings might take precedence over his ideals; if he were a better person he would have no feelings at all, is what he thinks!

Russel couldn't bring himself to be mean to Alderidge despite Alderidge's treason, though he sure tried in the beginning. He tried to act as if he couldn't trust Alderidge anymore, but on a bone-deep level he still did. He still tried to engage with Alderidge on the level of believing what Alderidge told him. And at the same time, Alderidge really talked a big game of ideals over everything, but ultimately could never help acting out of very personal care for Russell.

And so learning the fact that Alderidge's death happened in consequence of Alderidge refusing to betray Russell personally by sharing the disruptor plans, it really broke Russell.

But despite the degree to which the two of them cared about each other, they fundamentally couldn't agree on how to proceed with the matter of the disruptor.

And although Russell was supposed to be interrogating Alderidge for information, from the start Alderidge was the one controlling the entire conversation. Alderidge could talk circles around anyone and he did his level best to! He did NOT let up, and it was so much fun for me to play against. In one of my favourite moments, Alderidge had been going on for quite a while about whatever point he was trying to prove at the time, and when Alderidge paused briefly, Russell didn't even try to respond to the substance of what Alderidge was saying, and just said in fond despair, "You always were a talker."

As the time limit on their conversation began to threaten, Alderidge let out the fact that he had always loved Russell, and Russell had one of those "replaying my entire life in front of my eyes to recontextualise it" moments and was like, "oh I think I've always loved you too."

And this was what Russell needed in the end, for him to be able move forward out of trust in Alderidge's vision for a better world. Russell agreed to share the disruptor plans with the world, and then planned go on a personal journey of misery to all the battlefields he could make it to (as a traitor then himself) to use the disruptor to bring peace to all the unquiet dead he could. And live the rest of his life wondering if he could have done anything differently in earlier days with Alderidge so that things didn't have to end as they ended.

Russell and Alderidge, both in tears, were able to say goodbye, and Alderidge was able to go peacefully into the light at the last moment. And Russell will never know a day of peace again, because although Alderidge cannot haunt him anymore, Alderidge will haunt him forever.

This is perhaps the closest thing to a happy ending that this game can achieve, and yet it is still agony. They cannot be happy! You can SEE the possible happiness for them but it will ALWAYS be out of reach because of who they are and the situations they're in!

One fun detail I was delighted to learn after playing is that from every game of Debrief I'm aware of any details of, at least once Alderidge pulls out a threat to haunt Russell forever if Russell doesn't do what he wants, and Russell is just like, you think that's a threat?

This is something that came up regularly throughout the conversation in our game! It was a threat that Alderidge repeatedly used to try to convince Russell to give up the disruptor plans, but Russell kind of wanted that haunting. Together forever! No chance of being separated no matter what happens! Being followed by an angry ghost Alderidge for the rest of his life is better than never seeing Alderidge again! Divorce where you still live together is so good.

And there are so many different ways for Russell and Alderidge to love each other and to be miserable.

What if the two of them had gone to the same university? I'm sure they still would have found other ways to agonizingly fail to communicate! There's a small chance things might have been very slightly better, but also it's very possible everything would be somehow even worse!

What if, of the two of them, it was Russell who was the dead ghost traitor instead of Alderidge? That is definitely ALSO not a story with a happy ending!

After I finished playing the game, I felt hesitant to read Alderidge's character sheet because it felt so invasive of his privacy, and it made me think about an au that involved telepathy. Accidental mind bonding would ALSO be agony, of an exciting new flavour!

I want all the AU's showing all the ways they can fail to have a happy ending together!

One of the (many, exquisitely done) things the game is about is what gets in the way of people being able to actually communicate with each other, and to understand each other, and to understand their selves. Both Alderidge and Russell have built up idealizations of each other inside their own heads, and have completely different understandings of what the dynamic between them is.

Even after Alderidge's death, when everything should be over, they still can't manage to talk in complete openness -- even in my playthrough, which is the most successful-at-communicating version I know. There's always a barrier between them, and nothing can actually change that, and love doesn't actually solve all problems.

In talking about Debrief with Becca afterwards, one of the things we discussed was how the various iterations of Debrief that get played are like an awful timeloop of how if Alderidge had ever trusted Russell with any of what was happening while he was alive, he could almost certainly have convinced him to give up the disruptor. But that level of trust was never actually an option! And so it plays out again and again in different games and in different ways, and in each iteration, Alderidge and Russell fail once again to successfully figure out how to break free of the cycle and make things actually work for a change. Agonizing regret is always waiting in the wings for them.

There are so many layers of different things one could discuss about Debrief, and about these characters, and the world they live in, and the people around them. But I think I've gone on long enough at this point!

If you've played Debrief, TALK TO ME! If you haven't played Debrief, can I make a sincere recommendation you give it a try!

[loveinstreams]

what I was not prepared for in the new debrief episode is shane calling ryan big boy