#/gen like I'm not above vagueposting but like. i don't vaguepost about my friends. getting better at constructive confrontation

[dogin8]

I have always joked about being a person who sounds guilty when I'm telling the truth and sounds like I'm telling the truth when I'm lying

And that's funny but I want to talk about how Genuinely terrifying this shit is.

I go through so many interactions where it feels like I have absolutely no impact on anything, No matter what I say or how I word it, nothing about the direction of conversation, the other persons opinions or their perception of me, is even Lightly accessible.

And then as soon as I start lying they believe every word.

I hate it so fucking much, I sit here knowing that this person could think ANYTHING about me EXCEPT what I am. And I understand it's important to give up on trying to control what everybody thinks of you, but when I want to tell somebody any earnest thing about how I feel, I want to be believed SO BAD

I told somebody a joke "I'm going to bed.... Cause I hate you guys" then followed it up with "That was a joke" and immediately hear back "It didn't sound like a joke" fine, I should be more sensitive

Somebody apologises for something because they think they upset me I tell them "I'm not mad" they continue to apologise, ignoring what I said completely. I press further "You have to believe me because I can't control tone" they say "I just didn't want to upset you"

Why the fuck are my lies and jokes believed immediately but I feel like no matter how much work I do to tell the truth it doesn't affect anything (in these specific interactions) anyway

I go into a conversation knowing for a fact that this person has an opinion of me, and the ONLY affect I can ever have on that is by lying and making it further from my actuality, because any truth that doesn't reinforce their established belief will be immediately disregarded