#/‏‏‎ ♯ lauren. … threads. '

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: promise me ?

❝ oh my god, how long are we gonna sit around and talk like girl scouts ? ❞ lauren sighs, words lacking their usual bite. it's hard to act like a bitch to mina when, one, she loves her, and two, they've just spent like two hours together having a spill it all writing session. the sun streaming through the window warms her shoulder, and she uses her desire to lean into it as an excuse to simultaneously look away from mina. ❝ i feel like you're about to shake your pinky at me, ❞

mina is too stubborn for her own good, but she had just as firm a hand in the lyrics they put down as her. if lauren wasn't feeling so fleshy and vulnerable, she'd turn it around on her and call her hypocrite. she'd look her in the eye and go, i've heard your entire discography, bitch.

but then again, mina's heard hers as well. all of this is supposed to be about healing and bettering themselves. and, in lauren's case specifically, acknowledgements and apologies. there's no possible way she can get there [ there being . . . a place where she doesn't mistreat those closest to her, ] if she doesn't first stop lashing out at and punishing herself. at the end of the day, if she has to do it, she's just glad she isn't walking the path alone.

mina owes her nothing. not after the way she treated andie. not after the way she treated paris. not after the way she treated her. and yet, here she is, cross - legged on the floor below her beside the bath.

lauren likes to think she was that kind once. but she definitely wasn't, so she has to strive to be that kind in the future instead.

a drawn - out sigh escapes the parting of her lips. she adjusts her glasses, leaving the left lens marked by a water droplet. it briefly obscures mina, so she turns her head a bit further to make eye contact with her. and her hopeful little face. god, she doesn't wanna be a lost cause anymore. ❝ fine. i promise. pinky promise, even, ❞

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: does it even matter? do you even care? do you actually like them? do you care about anyone other than yourself? [ ACCEPTING. ]

it's not like she didn't warn the lot of them that she was like this. each lyric in every song she's ever penned can allude to a larger issue, one that encompasses the very heart of her being. lauren watts is fickle and vindictive and spiteful and mean. she doesn't know why, or how to stop it — all she knows is that she is. and such parameters were laid out so early in SILK's conception that whatever mess had conspired between her and andie made up the foundation of what the band was. and mina wasn't there for that, was she ? no, she wasn't.

❝ what the fuck do you know ? ❞ whatever andie has told her, most likely. lauren's lip curls in disgust at the thought. she's never bothered at hiding her jealousy, among all the other ugly feelings that consume her. that's what makes it so remarkable that she's gotten so good at acting like this hiatus is no big deal. ❝ you showed up, what, halfway through our career ? that's when you started really talking to andie again. don't act like you know what happened. don't act like you know me, ❞

mina reminds her so much of herself. that seems derogatory without explanation, but she represents a young lauren, stubborn and convinced the show must go on. any of her good traits were shed by the time she was an adult. that's why they're arguing now, maybe, because mina wants so badly for her to be a good person. well, just because it's possible for her doesn't mean it's possible for everyone.

still, everything lauren ever did was for the band. everything she ever did was for andie and paris. she'd gotten them out of their contract with degere. she'd deleted their social media handles whenever the constant commentary would get too much. she'd made sure they had their own choreography onstage. she took them with her when she could have so easily gone at it alone. that was love, wasn't it ? that was care. her devotion to them was probably the only thing that made her tolerable.

if she loves something, really loves something, she sabotages it. kills it. uses it to harm herself. that's the highest honor she can give, the most prominent indicator of how deeply she cares. she can't believe that she deserves anything else.

❝ so i ruined the final show. it was all going to crash and burn eventually anyway. i knew that, andie knew it, and it happened. what do you want me to say to you, mina ? that i'm sorry ? i don't have to apologize to you, and you're the only one here. and we both know why that is, ❞

the sentiments of a decade ago still ring true. everywhere she looks, she sees andie receiving the brunt of the only way she knows how to love. if that didn't bother her, the answer to mina's question would be a simple no.

she holds her head high, nodding to the door, all - too prepared to add another notch to her belt. ❝ now, you can keep running your mouth about shit you think concerns you, or you can leave. ❞

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: a kiss that leaves lipstick stains. [ ACCEPTING. ]

lauren watts takes everything in her life extremely seriously, and even this is an understatement. she has a different color planner for every month, each day within meticulously plotted from start to finish with little to no room for variation. she knows exactly which flavor smoothie she'll drink depending on the day's forecast, which she checks the night before on two different weather apps for a cross - case analysis. one of her most cardinal rules, however, is that once she has her face on for a show . . . no one should even breathe in her direction should they want to live.

and what does mina do ? if you guessed BLATANTLY DISRESPECT THAT RULE, you'd be right.

the shriek she lets out once she comprehends the feeling of mina's lips on her cheek can probably be heard for miles. andie and paris, wherever they are backstage, are likely running for cover. lauren has already finished her foundation and concealer, just for a little lipstick print to be left atop all her hard work, effectively ruining it. when she rounds on mina, it's fully with the intent to kill her. but unfortunately for the homicidal urges within her, that mischievous little smile on the other's face is yet another thing lauren takes very seriously.

❝ you little bitch ! you did that on purpose, i know you did ! ❞ and she knows she's probably deriving an insane amount of joy from this, from the narrowing of her filled - in brows and the steam coming out of her ears. forgetting any poise she once possessed, lauren springs out of her chair and darts toward her. ❝ come here ! i'm going to kill you ! ❞ she wrangles her in easily, one arm hooking around her front to pull her in against her side. from that vantage point, lauren throws caution [ and her own lipstick, ] to the wind and tries to kiss every square inch of her face she can find. as payback, of course.

[silkplay]

@behe4dings 🧡’d for a starter.

❝  — wait. you're paris' friend ? the friend she's been so excited to see ? ❞       impossible. she's never seen paris talk to a guy with so much muscle mass in her entire life. despite this, lauren sizes him up with ease, hand coming to rest on a popped hip as her eyes give him a full scan.       ❝  absolutely, like, not what i was expecting at all.  ❞  she says, not necessarily addressing him so much as she is just talking to herself. eventually, she offers him a dainty hand, still thoroughly amused.      ❝ lauren watts, which you probably already knew.  ❞ 

[silkplay]

❝   see, gabe, that's actually a key part of this niche thing i'm into called having friends, ❞    lauren puts her hands together and nods her head slowly . . . like one would when addressing a toddler. or someone who's just said something really pathetic whether they know it or not.   ❝ i'm sure cooper and toby wouldn't do it without financial compensation either. or at least some ibuprofen, ❞ 

“do  you  guys  have to  go  everywhere  together  or  what?    fuck,    they’d  have  to  pay  me  to  hang  out  with  cooper  and  toby.”

@silkplay liked for a starter!

[silkplay]

@whitelace 🧡’d for a starter.

❝  are you trying to make everyone fucking miserable ? ❞       there's a blended quality to her words and a glass of what the fuck ever in her fist . . . matching habits they can't kick. lauren's free hand is clenched at her side, prettily made up face soured in a scowl.       ❝  i have worked too fucking hard not to enjoy my own tour, valerie. the least you could do is pretend you're happy to be here. happy to be platformed by us,  ❞  her post - show curls are falling. still, lauren refuses to believe it's all downhill from here.    ❝  or just stay out of our way,  ❞ 

[silkplay]

@mor0se 🧡’d for a starter. / for charlotte.

lauren doesn't know how she feels about this whole tv - show ordeal yet. yes, all press is good press, blah blah blah, but . . . something's itching at her. and she's never been good at keeping her hands [ or her thoughts, ] to herself. paris is across the room chatting enthusiastically with some camera man like they have nowhere else to be, leaving lauren to steal an occasional glance at charlotte as she packs up for the day. it would be awkward not to speak, wouldn't it ?  ❝   —  my mom was on the show back in like, 2006. one of the first seasons. alyssa watts. she didn't win or anything, but she was there.  ❞          that was long after her singing career flopped right on its face . . . while she was scrambling for relevance. but that's not what lauren really wants to talk about.       ❝   she's been watching it ever since. i've seen you when she does. you have, like, really amazing chemistry with your partners,  ❞   

[silkplay]

@childactress  🧡’d for a starter.

   lauren knows better than to think mara banks considers her a friend. this does not hurt her feelings. in fact, it's actually a relief, because lauren doesn't consider mara a friend either. they met what, four or five times growing up ? always at the push and shove of their parents, their managers, their parents' managers. that's not a friendship . . . that's a future business venture ! either way, though, their roles in all of this have undoubtedly FLIPPED. lauren's got a band beginning and she thinks they're pretty good. what does mara have, another DUI ?

 ❝   —  heard you got arrested again,  ❞           she says plainly, without mocking or sympathy while simultaneously texting andie.         her mother, an old friend of the dearly departed banks parents, had seen mara somewhere and given her their address and said come over anytime ! my lauren would LOVE to see you again ! always an optimist, that one.        ❝   or like, a million times. but i'm referring to the most recent one. how's that been ?  ❞   

[silkplay]

❝  — you sound like you popped right out of some YA lit bestseller, ❞       a jock with a heart of gold ? one who's a self - proclaimed geek on the inside ? she doesn't know what he's studying, but he could make a killing as an actor in those vaguely smutty movie adaptations.       ❝  i'm more interested in those embarrassing paris stories than anything else,  ❞  she gives herself a quick glance in the mirror, fluffing her hair before turning back to him.      ❝ but for the sake of being polite, i'll ask about you again. you go to college here in the city now ? what are you studying ? ❞ 

"i'm a geek on the inside." let mindy meet her - her favorite topic involving him is his pokemon onesie from middle school and his smash bros obsession. "i was legit - i got the letterman and everything to prove it." he nods his head. "plus, i've got all the real good, embarrassing stories... if they haven't told you all of them yet."

[silkplay]

@behe4dings sent: do you wanna come up? [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ you mean, like, to your place ? are you hitting on me ? ❞ she fires off the second his voice raises slightly, implying curiosity. it's accusatory. it's accompanied by a pair of arms crossed tight around her middle and brows thoroughly furrowed. lauren's mind spins with possibilities, one of them being that he doesn't know she's . . . well, that's not fair. she doesn't know if she's gay, like, fully either. that's when she begins to consider the prospect before even confirming if it is one. chad's not unattractive. he's the opposite, actually. and lauren thinks that, no matter where this goes, it might be time to start viewing him as more than just paris' friend from high school. he's just a pretty nice guy.

she throws a glance over her shoulder, shifting her weight to her other foot. this could be the opposite of what she was interpreting it as, and if that's the case, she just made a total ass out of herself. wouldn't be the first time. ❝  because like, if you are, i'd just like to know, ❞ oh my god, andie was right. she does make everything sound like a fucking business transaction. ❝  —  i'm not mad if you are, ❞

[silkplay]

@winterbeheaded sent: did you mean what you said ? [ ACCEPTING. ]

the frontwoman whips her head around so fast her hair almost falls out of its carefully - crafted bun. cutting this poor thing an ounce of slack doesn't cross her mind for a moment. riley isn't just new here, she shouldn't be here at all . . . and yes, lauren had meant that when she said it. but because she's new, she clearly doesn't understand one very important thing : lauren watts does not mince her words.

❝ why would i say it if i didn't mean it ? ❞ one hand is placed firmly on her hip, the other cutting through the air to further cement her words. ❝ i don't know what paris thinks she's doing picking up groupies, but this is a BAND ONLY space, okay ? you shouldn't be here. i don't want you here, ❞

[silkplay]

@behe4dings sent: a kiss shared during a game  ( truth or dare ) . [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ oh my god, paris. are you like, five years old ? ❞ she stares directly at her guitarist so she doesn't have to look at the other two people in the room. lauren knows andie well enough to predict that they won't intervene, and andie knows lauren well enough to stay out of this. chad is the odd ball, sat between herself and paris and somehow dragged into whatever atomic bomb that's been brewing within her for years now. paris laughs drunkenly, a half - answer . . . a sign that they're just happy to have their best friends around and don't realize the stress they're causing.

lauren exhales in some long - suffering way to try and reverse psychology them all into thinking she's just so totally over this. maybe it'll convince chad, who's still getting to know her beyond her onstage appearances and that awkward night they had before, that this isn't scrambling her brain like a fucking egg. she tosses her hair behind her shoulder and turns to him . . . bored - looking, at first, 'till she sees his face.

he's cute, she guesses. it confuses her. and if there's one thing lauren hates, it's not being in the know.

the harsher edges of her sharp features soften slightly, telling her she's gotta get on with it. lauren closes her eyes before leaning in. it's too quick to do anything for her but put a pink dust on her cheeks, something she resents. lauren leans back, tossing her hair again, and then clears her throat. ❝ okay, uh . . . ❞ gaze drifts back to him. she holds it, allowing a short laugh as she says: ❝ i dare paris to go fuck herself. ❞

[silkplay]

it would be rich of her to say that valerie and paris should just put whatever the fuck they had behind them and act like normal people for once, but that won't stop lauren from doing so. at least she and andie are on the same team. valerie, on the other hand, is a poor excuse for a functional human being let alone a worthy precursor to her performance, and she's making paris a nervous wreck. she doesn't care how it's sliced . . . they don't need her.

❝ and about how many times have you checked since you started drinking like a sailor, huh ? i don't think you have a fucking clue where you are, ❞ she thinks this is funny. she thinks sullying everything she and andie and paris have worked for to get to this point is funny. it's sabotage at this point. ❝ — boy, i sure hope you're able to find your way to the bus. it would be a shame to leave you behind, ❞

as if she'd be missed in the slightest. lauren thinks it would probably be a weight off paris' shoulders. she shouldn't be carrying such guilt for something so trivial. ❝ if you keep heading in this direction, you won't be worth any favors, ❞

it hasn't been an easy night, evident in how she slips a pill and washes it down with vodka, in her rough appearance - ginger waves darkened and tangled with sweat, glitter and liner melted. the proximity to paris rankles. they've never been further apart. sue valerie, she isn't handling it well. who would?

"but are you? enjoying it, lauren?" tone is taunting, challenging lauren to rise to the bait. "cause i'm thinkin' you'd be fucking miserable even if i was shitting gold." sarcastically smiling, she takes another drink. glass hits the surface hard. "platformed by silk - you’re joking, right? your team begged me to join this tour! this, me doing this, was a favor."

"and last i checked, this was my green room." she double checks to be certain, vision swirling pleasantly, to confirm her surroundings. she comes to the realization she doesn't even remember what her green room looks like. shit. she laughs.

[silkplay]

@bnjmin sent: will you be mean to him, too ? [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ well, i don't discriminate, ❞ she shrugs, seemingly very aware of the first impression she's making. by the look on both andie and ben's faces, they've thoroughly prepped him for the experience that is hurricane lauren. ❝ the only reason you aren't under fire is because, well . . . ❞ she gestures from andie to him . . . an implication of a white flag waving.

ben is actually much more tolerable than her partner's other friends, the majority of them fellow classmates in their prestigious music program. lauren feels no urge to rip his tongue out because he hasn't once used it to talk about whatever petty drama is plaguing their campus. he's far removed . . . clearly battling enough of his own demons to have a sort - of dead look in his eyes. they have, like, nothing in common except for the person sitting between them. that, and the fact that he definitely also has a few mean bones in his body. and that's so fucking refreshing, even if she'd call him a washed up loser in any other situation.

❝ don't you think andie's, like, way too fond of playing good cop ? someone's got to bring the hammer down here. ❞ when the "good cop" in question tries to protest, lauren grins, side - eyeing ben. ❝ — no, i feel like he gets it. i feel like he's on my side, ❞

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: 038, the beach in the late afternoon. [ ACCEPTING. ]

lauren watts is trying to be grateful. lauren watts is trying not to let the discrepancy in the steadfast routine she's created throw her off too bad. lauren watts is . . . a difficult person to be around, and she knows this. it's why, for once, she doesn't complain about going to the beach at three in the afternoon rather than seven in the morning, even though she always goes at seven in the morning.

this is what fit into mina's schedule best, anyway. the two share an umbrella farther back on the sand, closer to the dunes. lauren's grown wiser in recent years regarding which beaches tend to be less crowded. she doesn't really feel like seeing anyone except mina right now, but didn't want them to be cooped up inside. something about the sound of the ocean has always calmed her, too. [ you need to calm down, lauren, is something she heard a lot towards the end. ]

❝ i'm kind of shocked you came to visit me, ❞ a heavy admission, said with the utmost casualty to break what was quickly becoming an awkward silence. lauren glances down at her feet, watching her toes dig into the sand. ❝ — and not just because you're so busy these days, ❞

it's less uncomfortable than she thought it would be, letting that hang in the air. lauren is well aware she's kind of enemy number one right now. that's one of the main reasons she swallows the urge to ask about andie. she doesn't deserve to.

she turns her head, searching for eye contact. ❝ how are you and paris doing ? just as . . . dumb and in love as ever, huh ? ❞ there's barely a pause for mina to answer before she speaks again, nodding. ❝ that's good. like, really good. i'm glad, ❞

[silkplay]

@mirrorballwon 🧡’d for a starter.

❝   i know she's difficult. more than difficult, actually, ❞       they say once lauren leaves the room because . . . well, how else are they supposed to follow up that scene she just made ? andie considers themselves a bit of a historian in the subject, the subject being her. no one knows her better. such is their curse, blah blah blah. they're not soft enough to feel guilt for lauren's actions, but tough enough to try and pick up the remnants of conversation they were having before she flew in and out like a tornado.     ❝ and i know this means absolutely nothing, but i don't think she actually hates you. this is what she was like when i first met her, too. ❞  they lean back in their chair, no longer interested in their lunch. ❝ you're talented. it scares her,  ❞