#/‏‏‎ ♯ andie. … threads. '

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: i don’t who i am from one moment to the next. [ NO LONGER ACCEPTING. ]

❝ i don't think anyone really does. ❞ andie says as they unceremoniously rip the head off of a gummy bear. they're trying to partake in edibles now when they want a fix. management says that smoking can affect their voice, and as much as andie wishes that wasn't true, they know it's a reality they've been ignoring for a long time. teeth gnashing, they continue. ❝ and anyone who says otherwise is like, lying, most likely. ❞

mina's in town for her first batch of shows on the west coast, so this is how they're celebrating: dual existential crises on the venue's fire escape an hour or so after her set. they have practice for SILK's slate of upcoming shows in the afternoon tomorrow, so their night is plenty free for catastrophizing. maybe it'll give them some good songwriting material to use against lauren. god knows it works that way for mina.

they'd congratulated her after the show, obviously. that was first, only to be quickly followed by an ARE YOU OKAY ? because a person writing those kinds of lyrics is probably not. andie can speak from experience, although they lie about their wellbeing all the same.

❝ my mom, y'know, when she's advising her students, always tells them that they're not supposed to know who they are yet. because they're so young, ❞ they take a moment to inspect what remains of their decapitated gummy bear before popping it in their mouth. upon swallowing, they finish their thought. ❝ — we're not much older than they are. i bet she'd tell you the same thing, ❞

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: i just have to meet someone new, that's all. [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ or maybe, at the risk of sounding like a self help book, you should take some time to yourself, ❞ they say, talking as gently as they can while still trying to give their voice some weight from over the phone. having this conversation in - person would be ideal, but that's just not feasible right now. she's clear across the country with a problem that can't wait 'till spring or summer break. ❝ like, yeah, meet someone new in the long run, of course . . . but for now, ❞

see, andie wants more than anything to be blindly supportive of her. she's their best friend in the world and, in the grand scheme of things, can do no wrong in their eyes. however, mina has a knack for scraping the scum from the bottom of her allotted dating pools. what they hoped was just a fluke with victor turned out to be the start of a worrying pattern with joseph bringing up the rear. they tried to keep their celebration to a minimum when she'd called with the news of their split.

they adjust their phone on their desk, eyes returning to the second draft of lauren's newest song they said they'd do instrumentation for as they ponder what to say next. [ they can do chord progression in their sleep . . . but dating advice ? that takes a little more effort. ]

❝ i'm just saying that 'cause if you try and bounce back too fast, you could end up with another joseph. and then i'll have to kill him, ❞

the lack of strained laughter from the receiver tells andie that they're losing her. with no hesitation, they shut their computer and pick up their phone, taking it off speaker and holding it up to their ear. ❝ i know i can't tell you what to do, but i can tell you're hurt, mina. and i really don't want you getting hurt again, ❞

[silkplay]

@bnjmin sent: i could never be with someone who has a boat. [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ okay, okay, i get it. i'm a class traitor and won't be spared when everyone starts eating the rich, ❞ andie takes an empty vinyl sleeve and throws it across the counter at him frisbee - style. then, they dig their hands into their pockets, a damning smile spreading across their face. they've really got it bad. ❝ stop givin' me that look, man. ❞

they've been seeing lauren officially for around . . . three months now. the first photo they happened to have of the two of them together was of them posed in front of her boat. [ most girls get cars for their sweet sixteens, and lauren got a pontoon. ] andie showed that to ben around an hour ago, and he's still not letting them live it down. maybe it's their fault, though, considering they can't stop inserting her into the conversation.

it's not like it's their boat. they're still in - touch with those minimum wage record shop roots. what was that thing about how opposites attract ?

❝ believe it or not, i actually miss this place. ❞ they say after another moment. then, they shrug. ❝ any cute regulars ? ones without boats ? ❞

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: don't get distracted, 'cause we can be fined like $2 for this. [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ uh oh, that's two dollars more than i have on me right now, ❞ andie says as they attempt to get a good grip on the chain link fence mina is currently scaling. god, they need to start lifting weights or something. they feel so scrawny, and there she is, slinking up the thing like a squirrel even though she has noodle arms. ❝ stop waiting for me and just go. i'm right behind you, ❞

if they had to guess, they'd say the fine for trespassing off the grounds owned by the camp is probably a little higher than two dollars. maybe twenty. maybe even fifty or a hundred. still, there's nothing else for them to do, and andie really wants to go swimming in a lake that has considerably less gunk in it than the lake on the grounds. plus, there's a bonfire party being held at that latter lake right now, and the two of them were not invited. if andie had to guess why that is, they'd say they assume everyone else is just jealous of their joint swag.

once they reach the top of the fence, they notice their sneaker is stuck between two rungs. andie weighs their options. said options are . . . stay stuck up here forever and have to pay five hundred dollars in trespassing fines, or go toppling into the mud below and look like a dunce in front of mina.

they take their chances with the second option, because mina is a dunce too.

❝ uh, look out below. seriously. take a few steps back, ❞ with one jerky, superpowered movement, andie releases their foot from its prison and goes toppling over the edge.

for a moment, they feel the wind fly right out of their lungs. if there was any air to put towards laughter, you can bet they would be cracking up. instead, they make use of what they can do, and smile dopily up at mina as she rushes to their side . . . much more panicked than she needs to be. and even after they get their breath back, all andie can do is smile at her.

[silkplay]

❝ okay, well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. 'cause, like, the buttons do a lot of the work too, ❞ andie can't help but laugh a little at the dramatics. they allow riley to take their hand, looking down at it as she does so, and raise their brows a bit. ❝ thanks for the praise, though. didn't really realize this was gonna practically culminate in a proposal, but y'know, i do what i can. ❞ they won't say it, but they prefer the backstage aspect of their work much more than the front - facing part. the crowd work. even if they're stellar at both, the latter drains them.

riley's amazed , absolutely beaming at the sight of andie , the way they absolutely come to life when talking about what they love and do best . ❛ it's not an ᵉˣᵃᵍᵍᵉʳᵃᵗᶤᵒᶰ to c-call you a god , then .. ❜ she looks down at andie's hands , taking hold of one to further prove her point . ❛ you create . ❜ and as ᵐᵃᵍᶤᶜᵃˡ as the equipment is , it couldn't exist without people like andie . ❛ i mean , i knew you were brilliant b-b-ut this .. this is beyond impressive . ❜

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: i'm playing the long game with her, okay ? [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ oh yeah ? ❞ andie smirks as they shake their pillowcase further onto their pillow. ❝ and how's the long game going for you, tiger ? ❞

it takes about five minutes after mina arrives at camp for her to bring up that girl from home she's infatuated with. andie has been watching her fall in love over the phone for months now only to come to the conclusion that mina's crush is one hundred times more palpable in person. her cheeks are so pink andie can feel the heat from under her bunk, and each sentence, each paris related statement is punctuated with a giggle. they throw their pillow down on their freshly made bed and glance up at her, crossing their arms.

❝ 'cause right now you're at camp and you're bitchless, so, ❞ fortunately for mina, andie doesn't think she has anything to worry about. paris seems . . . largely antisocial. not the type of girl that'll be out taking advantage of the summer by seeing how many times she can play spin the bottle. still, that's no reason for mina to keep twiddling her thumbs considering she's obviously just as into her.

god, forget music. maybe they have a future in sleazy gameshow matchmaking or something.

❝ you should call her tonight after dinner, ❞ so they can talk, yes, but also so andie can eavesdrop. ❝ unless she calls you first. you guys seem like the kinda people who'd break out in hives without each other for longer than a few hours, ❞

[silkplay]

@winterbeheaded sent: you did this all by yourself ? [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ sure did. well, just me and this super expensive mixing booth. but i tell it what to do, so . . . ❞ andie leans back in their seat, arms crossed, a proud smile on their face when they see marvel on riley's. the backing track for one of SILK's earliest hits plays in the background of their conversation. the super expensive mixing booth in question used to belong to lauren's mom way back in the nineties. when it became evident that A) she wasn't going to become a pop star, and B) she had no clue how to produce music, she happily gifted the equipment to her daughter's partner ( at the time. ) to this day, it remains one of the greatest gifts they've ever gotten.

andie doesn't like to brag [ or talk about themselves at all, ] but the music brags for them. they're a prodigy, plain and simple. and they know it. ❝ it's kind of like playing keys if keys were a total wall - to - wall nightmare. but it's pretty sweet when you get an end result like this one, ❞

[silkplay]

@deatheless sent: kissing the top of their head as you hold them. [ ACCEPTING. ]

they don't know where the urge to kiss her comes from. all they know is that it feels like second nature, that it's not the earth - shattering realization it should be. that's the terrifying thing . . . how it just creeps up like that; like its been creeping up for awhile now.

andie still can't wrap their head around the fact that they almost lost her two days ago. mina has been one of the most consistent things in their life since they were thirteen. a mere week without her is unimaginable let alone a whole world void of her. this must be a side effect of that, among eight hundred other things. they're so beyond happy with ennea, but they did expect lauren to show up, didn't they ? and paris . . . oh, paris, and the way they were holding mina in that hospital bed much like they are now. the way they are so beyond in love that it doesn't even feel fair to compare.

they give their head a quick, vigorous shake to rid it of any other names that may pop up and complicate things. it's a moment of weakness, it's the part of them that loves her inching a little too close to the part of them that wants to be loved.

( but she loves them, doesn't she ? that's what she just said. how many different kinds of love exist, and how many are inside them right now ? )

❝ love you too, ❞ and they kiss her forehead, because they really do. because it would be too grand a gesture to kiss her where they feel they want to. ❝ y'know, this kind of takes me back to camp . . . ❞

[silkplay]

@behe4dings 🧡’d for a starter.

❝  — wait. you're paris' friend ? the friend she's been so excited to see ? ❞       impossible. she's never seen paris talk to a guy with so much muscle mass in her entire life. despite this, lauren sizes him up with ease, hand coming to rest on a popped hip as her eyes give him a full scan.       ❝  absolutely, like, not what i was expecting at all.  ❞  she says, not necessarily addressing him so much as she is just talking to herself. eventually, she offers him a dainty hand, still thoroughly amused.      ❝ lauren watts, which you probably already knew.  ❞ 

[silkplay]

@winterbeheaded 🧡’d for a starter.

❝   come on. we're gonna step outside, ❞         it's not a request. andie has been surveying the situation for a few minutes now, and riley, like them, is clearly uncomfortable. [ andie didn't really want to go to the club anyway, but that's beside the point.  ] their hand snakes gently around her wrist, and they use their height and status to their advantage to part the crowd. from there, it's a straight shot to some side door where the smokers hang. andie almost wishes they had a cigarette to light . . . an aesthetic based urge they've resisted for awhile 'cause, well, that's just not them. once they're outside, they turn to her, leaning against a wall. their face is impossible to read under their shades, but their voice is steady, calm.       ❝  just take a second to breathe. paris will understand,  ❞ 

[silkplay]

@loetise sent: 📞 . . . for a drunk phone call . [ ACCEPTING. ]

hi al. this is andie, but i guess you could probably already tell that, huh ? okay, [ they would sound so calm, so collected if it weren't for the way the edges of their words blended ever so slightly together. ] i wanted to call because— paris got drunk and dropped her phone and broke it, but still wanted to say goodnight. so i'm calling for her to say goodnight. so . . . goodnight. [ . . . silence for a few seconds. then, a sigh, and a sense of greater urgency. ]

actually, uh . . . how are you doing ? are you doing well ? i hope you're doing well. we just went to an afterparty for some guy who helped produce the record. i should probably remember his name, but . . . [ another pause. ] i wish you were here. i kind of want to kiss you. i kind of wish you didn't kiss other people and only kissed me, but that's kind of my own fault, isn't it ? yeah, it is.

[silkplay]

@winterbeheaded sent: i see the good only because someone needs to. [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ and i think that's a pretty noble mindset to have, ❞ andie says, choosing their words carefully. riley is someone who very much wears her heart on her sleeve . . . maybe even beyond it, smacking it square into her palm. they are very much the opposite. and that means they won't give up too much of their own feelings regarding the whole debacle unfolding. ❝ leads to a lot of disappointment, though. ❞

it's a healthy balance you have to strike. that's what andie's learned, at least. being in the industry has made that lesson a hard one, but they believed it even before then, growing up as someone with, well, their wits about them. they lean back in their chair and continue whatever it was they were doing before this conversation . . . not revealing anything else.

[silkplay]

@behe4dings sent: 039, a dressing room after a big performance. [ ACCEPTING. ]

they linger longer than lauren and paris do, not as eager to greet the gaggle of fans waiting outside the venue. they'll get out there eventually when the crowd dies down . . . when the feet of the weak begin to hurt too much to stay standing a moment longer. andie likes to keep them all on their toes, both literally and figuratively, as to when they'll make an appearance. for now, they untie their tie and prepare to trade their stage shoes for a pair of ugg slippers they've had since high school. just to be a dick, they scoot across the room in their chair and hit chad on the knee with the tie.

❝ want to know a fun fact ? ❞ they say, a tell - tale sign that they're about to share something personal. a rare and momentous occasion. with a deep sigh, andie runs a hand through their hair, staring off at the floor where a discarded tube of lipstick sits. ❝ tonight was the first time we've ever performed this started as a voicemail live . . . ❞

this started as a voicemail, a hidden gem off their cult classic debut Stay Soft. widely known to be a track born from the period of time where they and lauren didn't talk for months post - breaking up and breaking down. they didn't think it would have such an impact on them so many years later.

❝ i don't think i can go out there tonight, ❞ they say simply, a bit quieter . . . still staring off into space. suddenly, they become all too aware of what lauren has been trying to sort through regarding chad. and they don't want to end up resenting him for an unfair reason. [ that would be a very lauren move. ] so, they grab their tie and scoot across the room once more to pack it away until tomorrow.

[silkplay]

@behe4dings sent: thanks for taking me out to dinner. [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ thanks for wanting to go to dinner, ❞ andie salutes him as they step off the curb and into the car they've called for them both. ❝ it's not that i don't love going out with lauren and paris, but they're not as into the rush that is being home by ten as i am. and i can only do the club so many nights in a row. i'm the geriatric of the group, ❞

they also consider chad as much of a friend of theirs as they do paris' by this point. he's a nice addition to the SILK dynamic, which isn't an easy feat to pull off by any means. sure, he's got the power of history and shared experiences and whatnot on his side, but that's not strong enough to save just anyone. many a significant other or childhood friend have come along only to smack against the pale of lauren's palm . . . or the bottom of their shoe.

❝ . . . which begs the question, by the way: are you a fellow old man at heart, or are you just entertaining me ? ❞

[silkplay]

@behe4dings sent: a kiss shared during a game  ( truth or dare ) . [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ oh my god, paris. are you like, five years old ? ❞ she stares directly at her guitarist so she doesn't have to look at the other two people in the room. lauren knows andie well enough to predict that they won't intervene, and andie knows lauren well enough to stay out of this. chad is the odd ball, sat between herself and paris and somehow dragged into whatever atomic bomb that's been brewing within her for years now. paris laughs drunkenly, a half - answer . . . a sign that they're just happy to have their best friends around and don't realize the stress they're causing.

lauren exhales in some long - suffering way to try and reverse psychology them all into thinking she's just so totally over this. maybe it'll convince chad, who's still getting to know her beyond her onstage appearances and that awkward night they had before, that this isn't scrambling her brain like a fucking egg. she tosses her hair behind her shoulder and turns to him . . . bored - looking, at first, 'till she sees his face.

he's cute, she guesses. it confuses her. and if there's one thing lauren hates, it's not being in the know.

the harsher edges of her sharp features soften slightly, telling her she's gotta get on with it. lauren closes her eyes before leaning in. it's too quick to do anything for her but put a pink dust on her cheeks, something she resents. lauren leans back, tossing her hair again, and then clears her throat. ❝ okay, uh . . . ❞ gaze drifts back to him. she holds it, allowing a short laugh as she says: ❝ i dare paris to go fuck herself. ❞

[silkplay]

@behe4dings sent: i hope you haven't been standing out in the cold this whole time, [ ACCEPTING. ]

❝ don't worry, dude, it's nothing like that, ❞ andie appreciates the concern. whether he actually meant to follow them or just happened to stumble out the side door of the building is up for debate, but the genuineness of his voice is indisputable. they smile as they pull a tin of altoids from their oversized blazer pocket. ❝  i've only been out here a minute, actually. didn't realize it was so cold in the big apple this time of year, but that's my west coast brain doing all the thinking. ❞     altoid is then popped in their mouth . . . the cinnamon pleasantly overwhelming in a way the crowds inside just aren't.

this is where they find they differ from lauren, paris, and maybe even chad . . . though they don't know him quite well enough to make an assumption like that yet. there's only so long they can sit and sign vinyls before they begin to feel like the product extends from the pressing into their hands, commodifying them. in less poetic terms, they just need a break from the chaos of their growing fame. ❝  thanks for coming with us, by the way. you like, totally made paris' day. and i think some of the fans think you're our bodyguard. ❞