#//Instead I'm just sad/miserable/angry/anxious.

[kingspuppet]

Send me good vibes so hopefully I can actually get writing and responding to things done this weekend. 🙏

[thechangeling4]

Fanfiction recommendation:

I just need to gush about a fic for a moment. I don't have a profile(yet) so I can't comment on it on ao3, but I've read this fic 8 times now since i found it in late august, and while it's far from unusual for me to read a fic more than once in the same month, 4 times in 1 month doesn't happen often. It's The Risk in the Kiss by NotEvenCloseToStraight, 50+k, harringrove, a/b/o, E-rated, but unless you hate one of these it should be considered a must-read

There're many good things about this fic

• main thing that made it stand out to me is the descriptivness and missing unnecessary filler words. i'm pretty sure it's not grammaticaly correct but i'm also pretty sure that sensory and emotional impressions don't use the same grammer as spoken/written language, which is why it's so damn hard to express them right that way. now, i've never had problems putting myself in a character's pov, but this fic made it easy;

"....Steve’s voice dropped a register commanding...."

"It was nice to feel red tinted angry for a change, instead of always blue shaded lonely miserable sick...."

"....could only take being pushed away, rejected, dismissed, unwanted for so long...."

"The Alpha’s scent crackled thrilled, cherry bright and bittersweet chocolate pleased...."

"....protectively comforting in a way that tinted his rose scent purple...."

"....Steve wrinkled his nose when the Alpha’s scent plummeted sympathetic...."

"....Billy cursed cursed cursed his way through the front door of the school...."

"....leaning in anxious and looming over protective and staring at him worried...."

• one of the advantege of tropes like a/b/o is that you don't just relay words and body language, you can also use smell ect. to communicate, but this fic doesn't just use it form smut, no no. people growl, show teeth, click and trill, they basicly behave like cats, and it's for everyday non-sexual interaction.

• animaniacs reference, in the 80's

• fangs

• everybody's bullshit being pointed and often called out.

• fluff. there's SO MUCH fluff and softness and cuddles in this fic and it is wonderful

• max and billy being siblings

• pining. SO MUCH PINING

• billy starting a foodfight because he can't deal with how much he's pining and that's after they get together

• steve threatning neil with the bat

• alphas having stretch marks from getting muscle fast

• semi grafic reference to omegas maiming alphas who enter their heat space uninvited or don't act corretly and isn't that just a refreshing take!

it's stated that billy's car, in the 80's, needs to be turned on in order for the windows to be rolled down and it's during a fairly serious scene but, apologies NotEvenCloseToStraight, but that always makes me laugh.

could have called nancy out harder, but i'm a die hard nancy critic, and the gorgeous happy ending skips right over s3 so there's a sad sad sad lack of robin, but those ARE my only critisisms of this fic.

@not-close-to-straight

[animeyanderelover]

Another person who wanted to stay anonymous. Angelina deserved better😢.

Request: 41 with Madame Red please?

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, pregnancy, possessiveness, obsessiveness, overprotectiveness, paranoia

Prompt 41: “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll look cute with a swollen stomach carrying our child.”

It seemed to be early afternoon when you finally woke up, bright sunlight hitting you right in your face and making you pull the sheets over your head, whining something about it being too bright in here. You had for once a morning where you didn't have a terrible morning sickness which had more than just once kept you from just enjoying the warmth of the bed and not having to lean over the toilet and feeling miserable. You didn't blame it on the child though.

Angelina wasn't next to you, the place next to you was already cold which must have meant that she had left a while ago, as quietly as possible so she wouldn't wake you up. She had been so happy when you had agreed that you wanted to have children as well and were ready for a test-tube fertilization as well. You knew from Angelina's terrible backstory and how she had lost in a horrible accident her husband, her baby and her ability to have children. And you knew just as much with how much sadness and envy she always looked at other people who were playing with their children. There had been so much pain in those red eyes.

But all of that had seemed to disappear when both of you had received the news that the fertilization had been a success and that you were pregnant. Angelina had cried tears of joy when hearing the news and the rest of the day you had been showered with kisses and praises, the joy and hope in her face had made you feel like you had just done the best thing that you could have done for her, next to having come into her life in the first place of course.

Since both of you had received the news, about one month had passed by and currently you were, according to An herself, in your eleventh week of pregnancy and you were sure that your stomach had already started to swell the tiniest bit, you knew in the following weeks it would continue growing and growing and you knew that it would lead An to being even more touchy than she was already.

You felt like she had gotten ever since more careful with you, more than she had been already. You couldn't blame her, you guessed that after what had happened to her, she was a bit paranoid over you. It wasn't like she treated you bad, she did everything for you and you didn't really have to move a muscle, especially know that you were carrying. But maybe she was a bit too suffocating since you needed your space from time to time too and now that you were pregnant your hormones would start the one day or another to go crazy which meant mood swings.

Still, you weren't angry with her. Your anger always faded away the moment you saw her sincere and joyful smile, exposing her true beauty. And you looked forward to having a small baby as well, you had confidence that the baby would have a good life and would be treated with much love, Angelina would never let anything harm the baby or you.

Maybe you were the tiniest bit nervous about all the months to come, but that was normal. Pregnancy was not something to take lightly and you had already heard so many stories about labor pain that had managed to make you anxious, not wanting to experience the waves of agony washing over you for hours straight. It was in the nature of a human that they feared pain and wanted to avoid it. It made you feel scared as well, but you had to be couragous now. Currently you weren't only taking responsibility for yourself, but for the life inside of you as well.

A soft knock was suddenly heard on the door, causing you to turn around in bed, still wrapped up in the sheets like a caterpillar in a cocoon. It was delightfully warm and you were lazy, your body had slowly started to feel more heavy and tired recently and An had explained to you that this was completely normal whilst carrying a child since it took a lot of energy.

The door was slowly slid open, Angelina's face peeking in, wanting to look whether you were already awake or not. She smiled softly when she saw you neing burried in the sheets, only the upper part of your face being visible, the rest hidden under the blanket. "So you finally woke up. Did you sleep well?", she asked, closing the door behind her and walking over to you, sitting down next to you and carressing your hair.

"I didn't storm this morning to the toilet so I slept well, it is already afternoon after all.", you replied, sitting slowly up and letting a yawn out. "That's good to hear that the little one didn't make too much troubles today." She had a warm look in her eyes when saying this, one of her hands placing itself on your stomach and rubbing over it slightly.

"What do you think it will be? A boy or a girl?", she asked in a mellow tone. You let out a small huff. "How should I know? Is there something you would prefer?", you asked her, looking with a fond look down your stomach as well. "No. I will love them, no matter gender.", she responded and you knew that she meant it. "But I feel like it might be a girl."

You tilted your head a bit, giving her a surprised look. "Why do you think so?" Angelina shrugged her shoulders a bit, looking like she didn't know herself. "It is just my intuition telling me that it will be a girl." The thought of a little daughter filled you with a warm tingling, already imagining how much An would love the little princess.

"If you are already that sure that it will be a girl, what do you think would be a good name for her?", you asked, starting to think about possible names that you could name the little one. You wanted a name that had a meaning, something unique and special, just like the girl. When you said this, the woman suddenly seemed to hesitate for a bit, telling you that something was bothering her. "An, what is it?", you asked worriedly, grabbing her one hand that was still resting on your stomach.

"I...was thinking of naming her...Rachel.", she replied after a while slowly, the words seeming to cause her pain. And your eyes widened shocked when you heard the name she had thought about, knowing instantly what this was all about. "Rachel after your dead sister?" Her red eyes met yours, a unsure, but also decided look in them and she gave you a short nod.

"Rachel...", you murmured the name, glancing shortly down at your still flat stomach before you returned your gaze to hers, giving he a reassuring grin and nodding. "Why not? It is a pretty name. Fitting for a pretty girl. But what if it is a boy?"

"I will let you choose the name for a boy since I already suggested one for a girl. Any ideas?" You let out a sigh, chewing on your lips a bit whilst listening in your head all possible names that you could think off in that moment. But not one seemed to amaze you. "I don't know. There are so many, but not one of them seems to be to my liking.", you whined, making An laugh a bit. "You still got time darling. No need to stress out. I'm sure you'll choose a name befitting for a handsome young boy."

A short moment of silence came over you two, but it wasn't awkward in the least bit, it was relaxing and soothing, Angelina pulling her closer to you and you pressed yourself gladly against her, enjoying the closeness to her. A feint scent of tea and food was hanging on her clothes, you guessed she had prepared breakfast for you downstairs. "Do you think everything will be fine?", you decided to ask her after a while, needing to let this question finally out of your mind.

"Are you scared?" You hummed a bit, feeling the doubts in you stirring up now that you had finally spoken up about it. "It's normal to be unsure about the pregnancy, no matter if it's the first time or not. Nevertheless, I will ensure personally that everything will be alright. You don't have to worry, I will protect you and the child. I won't let anything harm you two. I won't."

When she said the last sentence, you felt her body tensing up slightly and her grip tightening a bit around you, flashbacks filling her mind and mixing bad feelings and old pain up in her. But you trusted her when she said those words, feeling like you shouldn't be so down and insecure about all of this. Especially since An had already gone through so much you felt like you shouldn't make her worry because you were scared.

"What about my belly and the way my body will change?" You meant to change the topic a bit, but you were surprised by how insecure you sounded when hearing you saying this, taking not only Agelina by surprise. "(y/n)...do you worry about how you will look these following months?"

You blinked a bit, forming an answer in your head before letting out a small sigh. "Maybe a bit. I'm just worried that I might become a bit too hard to deal with during the next few months. I truly don't want to make you worry since you already do so much for me. I...kind of feel like I might become a burden."

"Then I want you to know here and now that this couldn't be more wrong. You are anything, but a burden for me.", she protested, sounding a bit angered that you were thinking like this. "I do all of this gladly and whatever troubles I will go through, I'll do it to make sure that both you and the baby will be fine. I will protect my family with everything I can and can't do. Understood?"

The passion and emotions in her voice struck your heart in a painfully touching way which led you to tear up a bit, but maybe these were already your hormones making you more sensible. "Sure, sorry for saying stuff like this. Instead of worrying about such things, I should start feeling more happy and thankful for all I have."

"It's alright. You're just being a bit anxious. But I'll be here for you whenever you need me," , she reassured you with a gentle voice, pressing a kiss against your temple. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll look cute with a swollen stomach carrying our child."

[opheliac]

I really wish my mother would acknowledge and understand her part (or rather, lack of) in my upbringing in an abusive hyper-religious community (also sickeningly homo/transphobic, misogynistic and xenophobic). I wish she would actually listen to me for once and hear me out instead of shutting me up to tell me she's broken and I need to feel bad for her because I fucking don't. She's done nothing to make her situation better, she has had so many chances and she has done nothing. And she has done nothing for me, or my siblings in actually helping us learn. She claims she's the one who taught me about my body? She never spoke a word about it to me. My grandmothers and aunts never let me lift my skirt or cross my legs. I did not ever understand that masturbation was normal (and something girls could do) until I was 15. She beat me and called me a whore and humiliated me in front of my father when I was raped. I was 13. She never even asked what really happened, she actually fucking assumed a 13 year old girl wanted to have sex. She denied this memory to this day and also frequently says, "If you had told us what happened we could have help you." I resent my mother so much. So fucking much. What she has done, has not done, her absolute sad excuse for mothering. How she just let me be raised by a handful of people that rotated week by week and I did not run to her when I scraped my knee, I ran to whoever was closest. I just fucking hate it all so much. I don't want anything bad to happen to my family but fuck I hate living with them and seeing them everyday. If I lived elsewhere, I think out relationship would be better. I am so angry about everything. And the other day, my mother shut me up as I finally started opening up about my abusive relationship and the sexual abuse and she told me I have to forgive him to heal and I say fuck her and fuck that. She really fucking said that after I explained why I can't forgive. She's really so fucking daft that she says that to me and then tells me to stop crying. As I've gotten older, I've had more freedom and I've become able to make my life better, more bearable while in this home but it's so painful. I want to escape. I feel so trapped in this family. Invasive, invalidating, manipulative, loud, angry. And I hate I HATE when my best friend (who's traditional in comparison to me) tells me to look on the bright side that I have a home, that I have someone who loves me and yes that is true but please don't tell me to stop being in pain, to stop being upset. I am so fucking tired of it. Everyone keeps telling me that and I want them to shut the fuck up. They don't know what my family did to me, they don't know what they let happen. They don't know! I am just so fucking sad and tired and quarantine has been miserable in regards to this, spending so much time with my family. The family that doesn't live here too, always calling, always facetiming, always fucking there. I just want to be able to talk on the phone and listen to music without being anxious of someone listening in. This is just a rant, I'm just so angry, and I'm in an important period of my life so I'm really trying to break free from the hold the church, the community and my family has had on me my whole life. I am okay, I know I will be okay someday because 10 years ago I prayed to be able to have less than I do now. So I know I'll make it out and I'll create a life free from all this.