#//And now; OOPS; looks like they're MARRIED and they gotta play it through until they divorce or fucken die ig

[dutybcrne]

Getting clown ideas of Kaeya accidentally marrying a fellow captain/Jean or somebody bc he pranked them by sliding a partially filled out marriage app/license onto their desk/into their stack of pending work only for them to just sign it and file it away to be sent off with paperwork they hand over to Noelle to take and it goes through bc Kae kept getting Looney Tooned every time he tried to hunt it down to take it back-

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: Chopping Mall

Hi, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Where We Continue Our Annual Monsterween...

With A Really Bad Slasher Film, I Call Chopping Mall...

I Was Originally Thinking About Talking About Killer Clowns From Outer Space But Since The Happy Death Day Movies Were A Mix Of Slasher/Sci-fi And Comedy I Decided To Not Do It This Year And Instead Make Up For The Lack Of Gore And Blood In Those Films With This Film...

Now, Let Me Ask You Something, With A Name Like Chopping Mall What Would You Expect?

Oh, And Don't Bother Writing Your Answer In The Comments Because I Already Know Everyone's Answer, You Expect A Guy Who Looks Like Jason Voorhees Going Around A Mall, Butchering Unsuspecting Teens...

But No, The Person Who Made This Movie Thought...

(Person 1) "Ha! Who'd Want To See That? No, Instead Let's Do Killer Robots Who Gain Sentience During A Thunderstorm And Decide To Kill Teens Inside Of A Mall During A Late Night Party"

(Person 2) "Late Night Party/Orgy"

(Person 1) "Well, It's The 80's And You Can't Have A Slasher Movie Without Sex, So Why Not"...

But Is This Film As Horrible As I'm Making It Sound? Let's Find Out As We Watch Chopping Mall...

The Film Starts With A Film On The Secure-Tronics Protector 101 Robots Which Is The New Security System At The Plaza Park Mall To Which Their Creator, Dr. Sam Simon Is On Hand To Answer Questions Concerning The Robots...

(Start At 2:00, End At 4:35)

We Get A Title Card As We See The Goings On At The Mall...

Yes, That's Nice, Oh, Look They Got A Scoops Ahoy!...

(Start At 1:44, End At 1:52)

During The Credits We Also Discover That Roger Corman's Wife, Julie Corman Produced The Film...

Oh, I Guess That Explains Why There Are So Many Roger Corman Movie Poster Along The Background Of The Next Scene...

And It's In This Scene We Start Meeting Our Fodder For The Killer Robots Starting With Alison And Suzie (Played By Scream Queen Barbara Crampton) Who Work At A Barbeque Joint But As Suzie Puts It Tonight They're Going To Have Good Times To The Max...

However, Alison Doesn't Want To Show Because She Doesn't Know Anybody Despite Suzie Telling Her That After Tonight She Will, This Probably Leads To The Worst Piece Of Acting In This Film...

Wow, Was It Too Much For You To Put Emotion In That Line, Sir? Did They Not Pay You Enough To Say That Line The Right Way? Or Did You Just Think Eh, No One's Going To See This Movie, So, I'll Just Half-Ass It So, I Can Get A Paycheck...

Meanwhile, While A Storm Is Going On, Lightning Hits The Control Center Causing Alarms To Go Off As The Robots Gain Sentience, Killing The One Man In The Control Room...

But As That Happens We Meet 3 More People On The Robot Killing Fodder List, Named Ferdy (Not Fergie) Mike And Greg Who Are Using Ferdy's Uncle's Store For The Party Tonight With Beers On Hand And Suzie Setting Ferdy Up With Alison...

Meanwhile On The Other Side Of Town 2 More People On The List, Rick And Linda Have Engine Trouble Which Linda Manages To Fix, Most People Believe Them To Be Married But Me, I Don't Think So Because They Mention About Using Their Wedding Money To Fix Their Automotive Business So, That To Me Tells Me They're Not Married But They're Trying To Do So, But I Don't Know If Anyone Has A Definitive Answer For This Write Me In The Comments...

Meeting Our Last Victim In This Movie Leslie At A Clothing Store, She Runs Into Her Boyfriend Mike Who's There To See Her Despite Her Father Being There As They Tell Him That They're Going To A Birthday Party For Suzie Tonight Which I Don't Think He Believes But He Buys The Story Enough So They Can Continue Making Out...

With Alison's Dad Giving Her Permission To Go To The Party, Suzie Is Ecstatic As They Head On Over To Ferdy's Uncle's Store While Another Control Room Attendant Gets Killed By The Robots...

With The Party Underway, Everyone (Except Ferdy And Alison Who Are Introduced To Each Other By Rick And Suzie) Drinks Beers, Dances And Makes Out...

With The Protector Robots Going On Duty, The Teens (Except For Ferdy And Alison Who Are Watching A Roger Corman Movie) Do One Of The Things You're Not Supposed To Do In A Horror Movie...Pork...

(Start At 1:01, End At 1:07)

Meanwhile, A Janitor, Portrayed By Joe Dante Regular, Dick Miller Mops The Floor Only To Get Electrocuted By One Of The Robots...

(End At 1:15)

At Least It's A Better Kill Than How You Died In The Terminator...

His Character Was Also Named After A Character He Played In A Corman Movie Entitled A Bucket Of Blood So, I Guess They Were Honoring Him...

Out Of Cigarettes, Leslie Sends Mike To Get Some But Not Before Offering Him Some Incentive To Hurry Back...

Eventually Finding A Vending Machine, Mike Is Confronted By One Of The Robots Who Asks Him For His Identification But As Mike Shows It To Him, Giving A The Day The Earth Stood Still/Army Of Darkness Reference...

(Start At 0:57, End At 1:03)

It Tranquilizes Mike Only To Kill Him Off Screen (Don't Worry We See The Body Shortly) Wondering Where Mike Is, Leslie Gets A Shirt And Underwear On To Go Look For Him, But Eventually Finding Mike, Who's Throat Was Slit by The Robot...

Confronted By One Of The Robots, Leslie Gets Chased By It As It's Lasers Fire At Her Eventually It Hits Her In The Back And On Her Butt Before Taking The Killshot By Blowing Her Damn Head Off...

With Everyone Watching Leslie Die, The Robot Along With Another Robot Break Into The Store To Go After The Others As They Fire Lasers At Them, Eventually Making It To The Back Storeroom, The Main Mall Doors Are Now Barred Until Six Am And With The Robots Placing Dynamite On The Door To Blow It Open, They Have No Choice But To Separate With The Girls Taking The Vents While The Guys Take The Emergency Exit So They Can Get Some Weapons To Take Down Those Robots...

With A Robot Approaching, The Guys Try Firing Shots At It But Unfortunately All Their Bullets Bounce Off Of It Which Forces Them To Roll In A Propane Tank So They Can Blast At That To Blow The Robot To Kingdom Come, They Manage To Succeed But It Was Only Enough To Deactivate It For A Short Time...

Meanwhile In The Vents, Suzie Quickly Becomes The Worst Character In This Movie Because She's (Acting Like Suzie) Gotta Get Outta Here And She's Gotta Find Greg Because He Needs Her..,

Bullshit, You're In A Safe Place Get Out While You Can! Honestly, Why Do You All Love This Woman When She Plays A Character Who's An Idiot?!?

So, Getting Out Of The Vent, The Girls Land In A Hardware Store Where They Decide That If They're Going To Fight They Might As Well Go Prepared So Grabbing A Few Small Quarts Of Gas, They Molotov Cocktails So They Use Against One Of The Robots While The Boys Set A Propane Tank Trap On The Elevator For One Of The Robots To Fall Into...

With The Robot The Guys Deactivated Coming Back On-Line, Another Robot Starts Chasing The Girls But As They Hide Behind Planters, Alison Throws One Of The Molotovs At A Robot Only For It To Walk Right Through It...

Making A Run For It The Robot Starts Firing It's Lasers At The Girls As The Guys Try To Find Them But When Suzie Gets Hit In The Leg, The Robot Fires At The Molotov In Her Hand Which Sets Her On Fire, Killing Her...

Honestly, When People Are On Fire In Horror Movies Why Don't They Stop, Drop And Roll Instead Of Screaming Your Head Off Like A Moron Before You Die Either That Or Run For The Nearest Lake Of Water?

With The Guys Arriving, Linda And Alison Manage To Get Away While The Guys Hold The Robot Off But Eventually Reaching The Elevator, The Robot Goes In While Everyone Attempts To Fire At The Propane Tanks On Top Of The Elevator With No Luck But One Shot From Alison And Kaboom! Both The Elevator And The Robot Go Down...

(Imitating Rod Serling) The Next Time You Check Yourself Into Your Neighborhood Malls Elevator Be Sure You Know Exactly What You're Getting Into Otherwise You May End Up A Permanent Resident Of The Twilight Zone.,,

Hiding Out In The Restaurant Where Alison And Suzie (When She Was Alive) Works, We Get A Small Scene Of Character Development I Guess, Before Ferdy Tells Them That The Robot's Master Computer is On The 3rd Floor And If They Blow It Up, It'll Shut Down The Robots...

But When They Try To Go To The 3rd Level, Greg Goes Up The Escalator Only To Be Thrown Over The Railing By One Of The Robots

To His Death...

But As They Try To Make A Run For It To Another Escalator Another Robot Confronts Them Which Forces Them To Take Shelter Inside Of Another Store...

Taking An Escalator Inside Of The Store To Level 3, One Robot Tries To Laser His Way In While The Other One Goes To Level 3..

Relaxing, For The Moment They Come Up With A Plan To Use The Mannequins As Bait While They Shoot At The Robot...

No, Wait You Might Hit Kim Catrall!

Oops!

Firing His Laser At Them, They Eventually Reveal A Few Mirrors Behind The Mannequins Thus When The Robot Fires At The Mannequins It Causes One Of The Laser Blasts To Fire Right Back At It...

(Robot) Malfunction, Malfunction, Need Input...

But As The Robot Begins Firing Crazily One Of The Blasts Hits Linda, Killing Her, Mad About This Of Course, Rick Boards A Vehicle And Rams It Into The Robot Blowing It Up And Electrocuting Rick At The Same Time...

So, With Ferdy And Alison Being The Only Ones Left They Decide To Go Find That Computer By Splitting Up To Try To Find It, But As Alison Goes Down A Long Corridor, She Enters A Room Full Of Junk Only To Be Confronted By One Of The Robots, Ferdy Comes To Alison's Rescue As She Screams And Knocks Out The Robot's Laser...

Chasing Ferdy, He Tosses A Fire Hydrant At The Robot When He Runs Out Of Bullets Only For The Robot To Toss The Fire Hydrant Right Back At Him Supposedly Killing Him But..

(Start At 0:43, End At 0:51)

With Alison As The Only One Left, She Loses The Robot Inside Of A Pet Store Only For It To Find Her Again Once She Get Out But Climbing Down Only To Fall On A Tent, She Heads Toward A Paint Shop Where She Dumps A Bunch Of Paints And Thinners So She Can Lure The Robot Inside So She Can Blow It Up With A Flare She Got From The Hardware Shop And...

(Start At 1:38, End At 1:59)

It Works!

So, With The Robot Gone, We Discover That Ferdy Is Alive So, Him And Alison Can Live Happily Ever After And Get Our End Credits...

And That's Chopping Mall And Well, It's Bad But It's Good Slasher Fun...

I'm Not Going To Lie, Folks The Acting In This Is Horrible And The Title Is Definitely Misleading But The Kills Can Go From Dull To Freaking Awesome And Because Of That I Say See It And To Have A Nice Day While Doing It...

Until Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...