#// ooc. no shut your damn mouth i'm replying KJFDHASLKJ

[crystalmarred]

Never has he ever seen Alisaie like this, so wrought with grief and a certain kind of guilt and specific sort of anger that stems from the injustice of a loss that should never have happened. She grappled for his shoulders, a feat that would have been barely manageable with their height difference, were they both standing up straight.

There is no denying she needs to cry. Scream, perhaps, to the heavens above and this godsforsaken shard for crumbling very nearly beneath their feet. He would never speak the words, never dare breathe that he was glad in some small, selfish way, that it had been Tesleen.

X'kijin was no fool. It had happened with Moenbryda and Haurchefaunt both: Normal people with no great blessing giving their lives for whatever cause they deem fit. Normal people like Tesleen—and like Alisaie.

He was grateful it was Tesleen, in some small part. How easily it could have been Alisaie instead, had she moved only a bit quicker, had she drawn her blade before Tesleen could brandish her own.

It was a thought that made him hold her all the tighter, resting his head against the top of her own in a gesture few had received from him, save for his own sister. What a small comfort it was for the loss of a woman Alisaie had considered a friend, perhaps even a sister.

His thumb rubs circles into her back, knowing that it is barely a comfort. Little would be, after what he witnessed. She calls it horrible, but X'kijin would call it more. It had made his stomach churn, a cold icy grip around his heart, the horror of watching someone warp into something, like it had been ripped out of his worst nightmare.

X'kijin wishes now that he'd found the wherewithal to shield Alisaie from it, though he knows better than to think she would have allowed it.

When she finally speaks, more words this time than how briefly she described what happened to Tesleen, Alisaie brings up owing him and that gives him pause.

"You know as well as I do that you don't owe me that," he says, gentle in the way he lays a hand atop her head, ruffles her hair only slightly, not nearly enough to muss her ponytail. X'kijin isn't so sure she would care much in this moment, even if he did.

"You can taste-test a dish I've been working on when we get back instead."

It was more of a treat for her—he'd already tasted it numerous times, after all, as chefs often did—but he words it as a favor to him as a means of convincing her. She sniffs as she pulls away and her puffy, red eyes make him wonder if he should let go at all. But he does, Alisaie seemingly done for the moment, even managing a smile.

"It isn't childish," he asserts when she claims otherwise. Verging on twice her age, he almost wants to remind her that she is a childish. She should be 'childish' when her friends very form is rent asunder before her very eyes. How many people would lose their minds to it? Or have ever last wisp of their will sucked from them?

How many other people would have seen what happened to Tesleen and wondered if there was a reason to continue fighting at all, if there was not a better, easier way to go than to wait for... that?

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Alisaie," he says, gently, words familiar. He'd spoken similar enough to Naiha when last he'd seen her, when she'd burst into tears when he was leaving. She'd been mortified—it had been a surprise, but not because she was too old for such things. "None of us are above being upset. I've cried plenty over lesser things."

But such discussions were not getting her out of here, they were not giving her a break from being in the immediate area of where something horrifically traumatic had occurred to her. It would be better when they returned to the Crystarium, when she could see her brother.

... Although the poor boy was still in... Eulmore, was it?

"Come on, let me give you a hand. The Amaro aren't getting any shorter."

She was so damned unsteady when he put his arms around her. There was some hidden need in the way he'd gone about it. No hesitation, but no invasive action throughout. It was as though X'kijin had picked the more prime of opportunities, or maybe he was good at reading the minds of those around him.

Must've been a healer thing. . .

Alisaie could feel his heartbeat through the clothing, steady and unwavering. An unheard of calm in the midst of the chaos, but maybe the very grounding in which she needed.

At first, she couldn't find a position to place her hands. His upper back? Lower back? Who put their arms around others' waists anyway? Her arms rose and trembled, searching for a spot to place its purchase.

Finally she settled on weaving them under his own and grasping desperately to his shoulders, nails tightening into the clothing only briefly. If he was going to ground her here, might as well accept it with as much intensity as she could allow even herself.

Mourn, he said, there was time for her to do it. It was now.

While she would've wailed when she were younger, screaming and shaking her head and grabbing for her hair, here it was different. She simply shook, letting every ounce of tears she had to spend soak into his garments without remorse. Who was looking? The guards? The tamers of the amaro? Nobody.

Just her, and a friend. A dear, dear friend who knew this was what she needed. Her reaction, though different from his, in his eyes ( and in her assumptions ) didn't make her any less of a strong willed individual like the one before her.

"It was horrible, horrible," she whimpered, lowering her head slightly so her forehead could rest against his shoulder. They remained there for some time. The trembles that racked Alisaie had since slowed. Fingers loosening but her hold on the Miqo'te ever strong. "Seven hells I owe you too much right now. When we get out of this cursed area, you can pick a place. I'll . . . I'll feed you until you're too tired to move."

A sniff, then she pulled away. Her cheeks reddened from tears, eyes rung in crimson, but a smile to forget it all.

How long had she remained in his arms? Ten minutes, if she had to wager a guess. "Thank you, Kijin. I - . . . I'd have gone mad without you with me. As childish as that is I - . . . I truly do thank you. Now," another sniff, her body finally regaining composure as she stood upright, albeit a little weaker and torn than before. "By your leave."