#// it's a weird coping mechanism I never can just be UPFRONT like “hi I am feeling a certain type of way” without diluting it with nonsense

[ask-team-misfit]

Augh (In a good way)

As some people may have gathered, I'm not the best when it comes to expressing myself. And maybe this is 100% me being extraordinarly eepy and feeling especially sappy, but seeing everyone else say words has made me wanna say words before the year ends. Go figure.

I know towards the end I sorta dipped off the face of the earth only to pop out of nowhere again with Shauna Propaganda(TM), but the engagement throughout this year really has been amazing. Those munday asks are so, so fun, they've certainly grown on me and it makes me happy when I see even one in my inbox.

Ooh boy, Ish is talking about life stuff, batten down the hatches /lh

But outside of Tumblr, to get real for a moment. This year has been an adventure. I learned quite a few things about myself. Am learning, in fact. Some good things, some bad things, some things that simply are. After years of beating myself up and convincing myself I didn't deserve what I have, I find that is beginning to change.

It's not gone, of course not. One cannot erase years of self-deprecating and anxiety through a few months of therapy and mood stabilizers.

But its. Even though things at home are still very bleh, I find that I feel. Optimistic? About things to come?

Really weird time for that, brain, given I'm 'Murican (derogatory)

It is so odd. It's actually very unlike me. New Years has always given that "fuck, go back" feeling to me, but now it feels more. Bearable.

That said I am still scared of people and I am working on that, I promise

But I do find that I am scared of people a little less.

Buh why did you read all that, it was literally word barf /lh

I'm being percieved augh

Wowzers you're still reading this

Happy New Year

[thealphabetmurders]

Soon To Be

(Previous) (Next) 

Chapter 2: Nothing Breaks Like a Heart

Pairings: Analogical and Royality 

Word Count: 1623 (chapter), 4625 (full)

Summary: Everyone had their vices nowadays. Information and ideas are conveyed too fast and quickly for anyone to stay sane without a little outside help. There are healthier coping mechanisms than others, some more effective than not, and Virgil has tried pretty much them all, and he has more shit to deal with than most. So whilst many found solace in sex, Smirnoff, and santa marta, Virgil was still smoking in 2019.

Triggers: Talk of self doubt, smoking, crying

Authors Note: I am suffering right now so I am going to make my characters suffer as well. If you comment then maybe I will post another chapter later this week, thank you. 

(Read on AO3)

Virgil woke up to sunlight creeping in from his window, peaking out at him through his blinds. Virgil looked at his clock and groaned: 6:04. He slept over 12 hours, and didn’t even get started on his project, which he wanted to have done.

The pain and noises from his stomach were too loud to ignore as he made his way to the kitchen and put come chocolate chip waffles in the toaster. He put in two more in the other burner as well, knowing Patton would be awake in just a couple minutes as well.

He went to brush his teeth and when he came back he saw his roommate putting on a pot of coffee and pulling out two mugs and creamer.

“Well, good morning, sleepy head,” Patton chirped and Virgil smiled back softly, “Everything alright, kiddo? You seemed awfully exhausted last night and I didn’t want to wake you,”

Virgil watched him adjust his glasses while tapping on their kitchen counter for their morning susitiance. He sighed and smoothen out his slightly wrinkled clothes. Patton was a florist for a wedding company, so he consistently dress like a gardener. His bosses did not mind, seeing as he always worked behind the scenes.

Virgil shrugged, pulling out the butter and syrup, “I am fine, just a long day at work yesterday,”

Patton hummed, but didn’t say anything more on the subject.

“Though,” Virgil started, making Patton perk up, “Something interesting did happen with a customer yesterday,”

“Interesting how?”

“Well,” Virgil began to move to the other side of the table, his voice trailing upwards, “He tripped and fell and we had kind of a moment. Apparently he is a night regular, and this was the first time we had met. He is really cute, and I thought we had something going on, maybe because he said he left something for me on the table-”

“Was it his number?” Patton smiled, he couldn’t help but chime in.

“No,” He sighed, discontentedly, “It was just a fact about the risks of smoking and lung health,” Virgil muttered.

There was a beat, and then he heard giggling from the older man across the table. Giggling which turned into squealing, which is not something you would expect from a 27 year old man. Virgil rolled his eyes as Patton began to dance a little (for unknown reasons to Virgil) while he was pouring coffee and plating the waffles.

“That is honestly so cute, Virge!” Patton clapped, sitting down, and Virgil just raised an eyebrow at him.

“Cute how?”  

“Okay, look, how many people do you know that smoke at Hume’s, cigarettes or otherwise?”

Virgil scoffed, “Almost all the kids that work weekends do, and I know our owner does. Also the night manager who relieves Roman is a bigger cigarette smoker than me,”

Patton’s smile grew wider, “This guy is a regular and I am sure he doesn’t put down facts for every server at your workplace. He wrote that just for you. He wants your attention but doesn’t know how!”

Virgil snorted, “Not everything is that convoluted, Pat, I hate to tell ya. People don’t just do dumb stuff like that for someone’s attention?”

“Really?” Patton asked, sass laced in his voice.

“Yea,”

“Well, let me ask you this,” He took a sip of his coffee and set it down on the counter, “You know I know how to use Photoshop, hm?”

“Of course,” Virgil said, “You minored in graphic design in college, that’s how we met,”

“But Roman doesn’t know that,” Patton smirked back at his counterpart, “Any time I have a “problem” or “question”, Roman is always just too happy to offer me pointers and give me advice,”

“And that works?”

Patton giggled, “I learned Photoshop inside and out in 6 weeks, I have been getting Roman to help me for 4 months,”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Roman is obviously into you, you don’t have to make excuses to be around him,”

Patton slammed his hands on the table, “But why won’t he say that to me!” He whined.

“Not the point, the point is: what do I do?”

Patton shrugged, “Well, I suppose there are two ways you could go about this,” Patton got up with his coffee mug to open the blinds and windows, letting their house plant infested living room to receive light, “For one, you could just have a slow burn romance like Roman and I and just let these napkins pile up until he makes a bold move when he knows your interested,”

Patton set down his coffee and grabbed the watering can and began to water their jungle. Virgil frowned, following Patton around with his head, “That sounds awful,”

“Oh, uh, it is,” Patton sighed, gently caressing the spores on their Aloe Vera plant, “But it is also fun in a way. I feel like my life is a fanfiction,”

“What is the second way?”

Patton giggled, accidentally hitting himself in the face with the leaves off the Kentia palm while watering their cactus, “Just be upfront and honest about your intentions and make this guy feel special. If he isn’t interested, at least you know, right? You don’t deserve to be pining after a guy who may just be really passionate about lung health.” Patton stopped water for a moment and looked at Virgil, gesturing at him with the water can, “Virgil, your lungs may not be right as rain, but your heart's too big and wonderful to be broken. You deserve all the love in the world, you are a smart, and intelligent, and funny guy. Just be totally truthfully and if Mr. Doctor doesn’t want you, you don’t need him.”

“Patton…” Virgil said softly, “That is really astute. But it would never work for me, I cannot just be honest,”

Patton chuckled, moving onto the pink Cordyline, “That is what Emile told me to do about Roman, and I told him it would never work. When has being honest with your feelings ever been beneficial?” Patton spoke with a tone too cheery for the topic of the situation being discussed.

“Pat…” Virgil said slowly, “Remember, you have to tell me things…”

He sighed, putting down the water can. Patton moved over to the windows and looked out the tall glass, their small 2 bedroom apartment looked over their town quiet nicely. At first, Patton looked as happy and as youthful as ever, the sunlight dancing over his honey colored curls and freckles dotting his face like seeing stars in the morning sky. However, his expression then turned more solemn, more grim. Not quite melancholy yet, but the bittersweetness was sure to taste like lemon juice on your tongue. He fiddled with the front pocket of his baby blue overalls and pushed up his round glasses.

“I dunno Virgey,” He started, still looking out the window, “Does Roman not like me like I like him? It is fun; the flirting and the blushing and all that but,” He looked down at his shoes, “I dunno. Maybe… I am just something to keep Roman entertained for a while until he finds someone… Better,”

If it weren’t for the fan whirring in the living room and the traffic noises from outside, one may have been able to hear Virgil’s heart quietly fall to the floor and shatter. “Patton… You can’t really think that, can you?”

He laughed bitterly, finally being able to look at Virgil, tears welling up in Patton’s eyes, “Can’t I?”

“Look, Patton,” Virgil started, “I gotta tell you, Roman is absolutely smitten with you. I cannot tell you what he says about you half the time. I actually can’t, because he says them in Spanish!” This made Patton giggle and Virgil moved off his stool and held his hands in the other’s, “Look, I know Roman a bit better than you. He likes to be all Mr. Confident, but I am sure he is just as nervous as you are, waiting for when you’re going to make a move. I know you love him, but he is an idiot,”

Patton sniffled a bit, not making Virgil gaze. Virgil frowned and tilted Patton chin to meet his eyes level, “Hey, c’mon now. Whatever you are feeling right now is valid, I get it, you know I do, but tears are not worth it over baseless speculation,” He rubbed slightly at the circles under Patton’s eyes where the tears started to fall, “Call him, text him, invite him to dinner, whatever. I can guarantee you he will say yes,”

“What if he doesn’t?”

Virgil sighed, “Well, if that happens, I’ll just have to kill him over it,” Virgil said, matter-of-factly, dropping his hands to his side.

Patton frowned, a ghost of a smile present on his face, “Roman looks like he has 3% body fat and also has 6 inches on you. He would beat you up in a fight,”

“Not if I brought a knife,” Virgil cracking a smile, eyes widened at the last emphasis. Whatever weird face he pulled, it must’ve worked, because Patton started laughing and smiling once again, “Nice, there’s that smile,”

Patton giggled once more and Virgil held out his arms slightly, which Patton gladly took into (Virgil not normally one of doling out hugs). The shorter man melted into Virgil chest a bit. Patton was 6 inches shorter than Virgil, which made him a foot shorter than Roman. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that, it was almost too adorable.

Virgil pulled away from the other, gripping him by the shoulders, “C’mon Pop-Star, you got this,” He smiled. Patton nodded back at him and Virgil pulled in for another hug, hoping to mend Patton’s broken heart.

[scurvgirl]

Walk of Shame

I was listening to some music and “Walk of Shame” by P!nk came on and well...this idea happened. 

How Felasel and Katra met! Or how my brain thought of them meeting this afternoon.

Felasel belongs to @selenelavellan.

Frat AU

In retrospect, going “home” with a guy who lived in the fifteenth floor of a freshman high-rise dorm was probably not the best idea.

Katra moves her leg and the futon makes no noise – good. Bit by bit she inches off and away from the still naked nameless guy she met last night. He seemed decent enough, well, decent enough to give her an orgasm. She has no clue about the rest of him. She rummages as quietly as she can for her panties. She’s still wearing her bra thankfully, that’s ultimately more integral to her leaving her decent. She finds the frilly lacy things under a CD…right! The guy’s mixtape or something. Music major.

She grabs her skirt and matching crop top, then laces up her boots. She finds her purse and checks her phone.

6:45 AM.

Well. It’s not the earliest she’s ever left a one-night stand.

No messages thankfully, though she sees there’s a new email from her mother. Katra resists a groan and shimmies as quietly as she can out the door. The hallway is absolutely trashed and there’s a naked guy passed out in front of the communal bathroom. There’s a nearby blanket that she tosses over the guy because she’s just a good person that way.

The elevator. Where is the elevator?

She steps over Naked Guy and starts on her epic search for the elevator.

It’s…somewhere back, she thinks. Through the alcohol haze she thinks it’s in the far right…but it could also be left...or the other left. Oh boy. She sucks her bottom lip under her teeth and puts her hands on her hips. Well, shit. Why are there three hallways? Do they all lead to the place? Why isn’t there a fucking map?

A door clicks open just behind her and she turns to see a tall guy carefully step out of the room. He’s…an elf, which is a little surprising considering the height. But whatever.

“Hey, hey you,” she whispers. He turns to her and narrows his eyes.

“What?”

“Where’s the elevator?” She hisses. He raises an eyebrow at her and crosses his arms.

“Did you not come up on it?” He asks and she rolls his eyes.

“What? You want me to admit to my drunken slutty ways? Fine, yeah, I was drunk and a little distracted by the tail I was trying to snag. Now help a girl out? Elevator?” A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do and if that involves being upfront about her sleeping around –

“Felasel?” Comes a muffled voiced from the other side of the door. The guy’s eyes widen briefly and he starts walking at a brisk pace down the left-left hall.

“It’s this way,” he says in a dry tone.

She sucks in a breath and follows after him, “Ha! You’re just like me!”

“Excuse me?” He replies as he rounds another corner, jeez this thing is like a labyrinth – who designed this thing anyways?

“Don’t try to deny it – going to parties, getting drunk, sleeping around,” she says, skipping after him as quickly as she can. Him and his long legs carrying him farther than she can manage reasonably in her heals.

He sighs, “Don’t project your own coping mechanisms on me.”

“Oh ow, low blow mister literally running away from his one night stand,” she snipes back.

“I am walking.”

“Metaphorically running. He said your name and vroom vroom, off you go.” They finally make it to the elevator and she slams the button, summoning it from its depths.

“I am uninterested in the awkward ‘so that was nice,’ ‘yeah, um,’ – there’s no point,” he informs her and she nods.

“Yep. That and I couldn’t remember my guy’s name.” The elevator dings and they step into it. It makes a weird warbling noise and she frowns at it.

“Alright, if I had been sober I would not have gotten in this thing.”

“It’s fine, just old,” he says then presses the button to close the doors. The elevator begins its slow descent down and she fishes through her purse. Where is it, where is – aha!

“Huzzah!” She pulls out a pack of emergency toothbrushes with the little bead in the center for cleaning. It’s a new pack, never been opened and she quickly tears into it.

“There’s two, if you’d like one,” she offers. He looks down at the package, noting how it’s only just been opened. He takes the toothbrush and she stuffs the plastic back her purse before beginning to scrub at her teeth. It’s one of the first lessons she learned about sleeping around. Bring a toothbrush, your mouth is going to feel horrendously skunky and you won’t have a thing to alleviate it.

The elevator dings for a floor that is not the ground floor and she undoes it with the flick of her wrist and some well positioned magic.

She turns to see him scrubbing away at his teeth too. Good, she’s glad to help a fellow slut out, even if he is on the taciturn side. The elevator stops with a small jolt and the doors drag open on a screechy wheel. Honestly, who built this thing?

She makes her way to the water fountain visible from the elevator, quickly rinsing her mouth out. He joins her and makes a face of distaste as he cleans himself up. She adjusts her bra, not bothering to hide it. The thing hasn’t been on right all night and now it’s starting to really hurt. She fluffs her hair and checks her makeup in the compact in her purse. Not…horrible, though definitely sporting a more raccoon look than is attractive.

She looks over to the stranger, or…Felasel she guesses.

“Were you at the Omega Tau party last night?” She asks.

“Yes, briefly,” he answers coming up dripping and frowning.

Perfect!

“Awesome!” She exclaims, taking out a post-it note and pen. She quickly writes down her name and number and sticks it to shirt.

“Katra, call me! I can be your wingman, I’m awesome at getting people laid. Also, just a great friend in general, hit me up.” She wiggles her fingers at him, dons her sunglasses and strides out of the dorm and into the horrible sunlight. Yick.

Come Monday, classes start up with a sort of sickening glee. Yay learning but ugh, the homework involved. Another ignored voicemail from her mother and she bounds off to first class of the day. She skips by a coffee cart manned by an exceptionally handsome man and she winks at him as she passes.

Note to fucking self – wake up earlier to get hot coffee from hot hot man.

She finds her classroom without too much trouble thankfully and arrives a few minutes early. And lo! She strikes gold! In the corner sits a familiar face, dressed similarly to how he’d dressed that night.

“Felasel!” She waves and his head snaps up. She’s not sure if it’s panic or surprise on his face but it’s not a good expression.

She snags the seat next to him, plopping down with a wide smile.

“What a delight to see you again – in fresh clothing too!” She chuckles then pulls out a Tupperware filled with doughnuts left over from the night before. The bonus of being rich being and able to treat all your neighbors with doughnuts in the middle of the night. She holds it out to him.

“Hungry?”

He eyes the pastry before reaching in and taking one. He takes a bite then gestures at her.

“We’re not friends.”

“We’re going to be the best of friends,” she corrects and nibbles on her own doughnut. Oh college is going to be the best.