#// i said 'time to retcon anything ive ever said about her brother for the sake of angst whoops'

[enchantedjordan]

♫♪ Don't you disrespect me little man, don't you derogate or deride ♫♪

Jordan relished the time she got alone in the library. The late nights hunched over laptop, either catching up on whatever fanfiction she had bookmarked or writing up her own. It calmed her, made her feel warm inside. Despite the fact it was still writing, it wasn’t writing she had to follow rules for, she was working with pre-made characters in a pre-made world.

All Jordan had to do was write.

But tonight was different. Annisa, a girl from Indonesia Jordan had been talking to online for a few months had totally ghosted. No contact for nearly a week and no reasoning why. It was driving her insane. Had she done something wrong?

Her face lit blue from her screen, Jordan tried to push her shoulders down, relieve some of the stress that sat up there.

And then her brother had posted those old pictures on Facebook, of Jordan in the pool. Days before her accident. The caption saying how cool she was, how graceful she was, how much potential she had. Past tense. What was she to him now? Her family didn’t even pretend to care about her writing anymore, they just smiled and nodded. And, God, it hurt.

Her hands gripping tight around the edge of the table and eyes clenched shut as if preparing for some kind of blow, Jordan’s heart leaped.

A sound rang in her ears, not the music that seemed to be everywhere nowadays, but voices, deep in the back of her head. Her family pretending to care about the things she liked, all the other girls on the swim team blocking on her Instagram when she turned ‘weird’, her coach sounding so disappointed that she’d never swim again.

She just wanted something that was hers. Jordan wasn’t a person; she was an interest. What was she without Harry Potter? Who had she been without swimming? What neurotic obsession was going to be next? Why couldn’t she just be person, why was she always something?

And her brother always told her that. How before she was stronger, smarter,cooler, better.

He’d laugh it off, frame it as some kind of sibling banter. But Jordan never laughed.

Something hot ran up her spine, all the way behind her eyes.

“Don’t you disrespect me, little man! Don’t you derogate or deride,” shehissed, shooting up from her seat. The room was cold, empty. She could feeleyes on her. Her parents. Her brother. Her classmates. Herself.

“You’re in my world now, not your world. And I got friends on the other side.”

Jordan turned on her heels, facing blackness as if she was facing an endless corridor. Something she’d find in Hogwarts.

‘She’s got friends on the other side,’ someone echoed from the nothingness and Jordan couldn’t help but swallow hard. “A little parlor trick, don’t worry,” she mumbled to no one.

Shaking herself out of her stupor, Jordan walked, nothing appearing around her no matter how much she moved.

Then, suddenly, there was something else in the back of her mind.

“The cards, the cards, the cards will tell…” the nothingness called.

“The past, the present and the future as well,” Jordan sang back, eyes racing around in hopes something, someone, anything would appear.

“The cards, the cards, just take three. Take a little trip into your future with me…”

________________

Jordan faced a young man. He was tall, his dirty blonde hair pushed off his face and wearing a well-worn Ohio Bobcats uniform. She

“Now you, young man, are from across the sea, you come from two long lines of royalty.” She circled the man, translating the words in American Sign Language as she did.

“Your lifestyle’s high but your funds are low.” Jordan stopped in front of him, dragging out the sign for ‘low’ as long as she could, watching his eyes follow her hands down. His face remained emotionless.

“You need to marry a little honey who’s daddy got dough.”

Jordan cocked an eyebrow. “Mom and dad cut you off, huh, playboy?”

Something flashed in front of Jordan’s eyes, filling up the dark. Her brother, the fights he’d get into with their parents, the girl from the hockey team, the engagement, the threats of deterring his application to Ohio University, the shotgun wedding. All while Jordan had locked herself in her room and moped and read herself away into a new personality.

She could’ve done something to help.

Or he could’ve gone to her. He could’ve asked how she was. No one did anything.

Jordan shook the image away as quickly as it came.

“Now y'all better get hitched but hitching ties you down. You just want to be free, hop from place to place.”

Turning away from her not-quite-brother, Jordan found herself in front of another blank yet familiar face. Her own.

“But in your future the you I see,” Jordan sang out to the mirror image of her face, hand extended, “Is exactly the you you always wanted to be…”

________________

“Hey! Kid!”

Jordan startled forward, turning herself around as quick as she could. It was just the librarian. That’s right, she was finishing up that chapter…

“The library is meant to be a quiet place, if you want to sing and monologue you can go to the choir rooms,” the librarian scolded before turning back to the shelf across from her.

Jordan scurried to pick up her things as quickly as she could, her heart racing fast. She did her best to stay positive as much as she could. And she loved her brother, and he loved her. The Stern family were ride of die. Where the hell did all of that come from?

It was just late, that was all. And she was over thinking things. It was stupid.

As she headed out of the room, the strange echo in the back of her head faded away with a final cry.

“You got what you wanted. What you want’s what you get.”