#// her joy is being referred to as Lord of the Feast inheriting her twin's crown
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It’s interesting because while Nanami was suffering in the corporate hellscape, Sayuri was learning to run && manage her own business without the guidance of the Kobayashi Clan. She was not a well known daughter or someone who came from deep prestige in Tokyo, essentially, she was no one. Tsubaki Cafe is nestled into a small crevice one would never think of, they wouldn’t imagine a cafe with an odd woman was there, though she tried. Haibara’s death was such a catalyst, she essentially could not handle anything emotionally draining anymore, Sayuri couldn’t stand it. She hated the newfound name after exorcizing the deity, she hated knowing that to fulfill his dream, she would endure the agony his sister would show && anonymously continue to support her financially, most of all, she hated knowing that someone so pure was offered up for butchering.
One could argue, she should have been hardened to it, coming from a lineage with famed assassins, it seems strange she would be upset. Though, in actuality, she was just a girl experiencing the world for the first time without the watchful eye of her family. Sayuri always felt separate from the rest of the first years, she knew her existence in Tokyo was a political bargaining chip, she in term, was a political hostage who must adhere or face execution. After graduation, she suffered with the knowledge of returning to Kyoto which she declined, no one would listen to her there, even for a Kobayashi - she is a pariah. Too sharp when she spoke, now full of the moonlight && heavily traumatized, scarred, she would not accept obedience. There are a few times after JJK0 she strongly hints, Gakuganji rarely listens to her or acknowledges her existence.
She wished she had reached out to Yaga in order to stay at Tokyo Tech - maybe, she would be a different person though she wouldn’t grow. Anyway, her life in the fast paced metropoliatian was vastly different, she learned how to become more independent while financially successful in her own right. The grief she carried turned into that everlasting love, the knowledge she would carry the memory of someone so kind, who once made her believe she could radiate just like the sun. Her ascension to Godhood did not transpire in her teen years, Sayuri clawed her way to it, with teeth bared && furious in her nature. Though, at this point in her life, she is learning to walk while utilizing the usage of RCT in order to master Miyako Odori. Not for the pride of her clan, not for anyone, but for herself. Truthfully, she would even explain she has no reason on why she wanted so badly to inherit her family’s acclaimed technique, maybe out of spite, maybe out of validation, or her own will.
#// tsukuyomi is still a curse one who was bound / divided thus his body is not retrieved#// so it's not a shock sayuri too faced a harsh punishment for harboring him#// I do cry a lot about how she mourns the light leaving her when it never has#// she's always been the sun hence them being celestial siblings#// a reminder in the bowels of shibuya while she was aflame all sayuri saw was her scared child self#// then tsukuyomi encouraging her if they deem you a god - the become one#// she hates being referred to as the god hand sorcerer with a fury#// it's a cool AF name that plays on her iron body but she LOATHES it#// her joy is being referred to as Lord of the Feast inheriting her twin's crown#––– ❛ headcanons 【 shoganai 】#// haibara being her conscious kills me all the time because when she wants to let go his voice steadies her#// imagine tormenting a small girl she thinks of herself as dead or curse when really she is just a girl#// and her friends reminded her she wasn't scary - a little odd but very kind
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