#// file this one under the tab of “musings which will some day get me fired from PR” I guess

[msmc-796-official]

...I've been thinking a lot about what Morse said recently. Maybe it's because of all the stress, maybe it's because Upper Management has been keeping a closer eye on our squad in the wake of... well, everything that's been happening lately. I don't know.

Being a mercenary, especially in this current state of the galaxy, especially working for a company like MSMC... you're really never able to go home again, are you? You sign your life away to a future of uncertain work and violence, and the only manna you have to your name is forever soaked in the blood of those you kill. Friends and squadmates come and go and live and die at the barrel of a gun. Even if you can go home again (which many mercenaries can't) - it's not really home, is it. Not the one you left. Not the one you remember. Not the one you wanted to come back to.

MSMC's corporate policy of "neutrality" aside, you're always going to have people who despise you for being a merc. Double-crossers, here-for-nows, garbage men, rent-a-guns - all sorts of insults get tossed around when describing us. All accurate terms, I suppose, depending on what particular crime we're being accused of that day, but hurtful nonetheless. Just because we fight for a paycheck rather than some abstract "purpose" (as if by getting paid, we somehow lack our own reasons for fighting), we are demonized, scorned, belittled; all for walking away from battle with someone else's money lining our pockets. (At least we know where our manna comes from when we get paid. Even if we don't always like the answer.)

Since becoming a PR Representative for the company, I have come to learn that many among Upper Management do not take kindly to what they refer to as this squadron's "philanthropic efforts". At the risk of losing my job, I will openly say that I disagree - it is not a poor business decision to assist one's allies. The net worth of community-building and owed favors is, admittedly, a bit hard to put actual monetary value to compared to the demographics of recruitment and contract assignments, but our squadron would not be success story it is today without the support of our friends.

Mercenary work is seldom an honest business. MSMC may specialize in so-called "grayspace contracts", but the truth is, we are but one of many who exploit the loopholes left for us in the wake of SecCom. Where there are state actors who do not wish to bloody their hands, there will always be non-state actors willing to do the dirty work for them, so long as the price is right. It's a fact of the business.

…I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, really. I was told exactly what I was getting into when I signed on with MSMC (the benefits of having a legal team to your company's name, I suppose), and I agreed to the terms which were presented. While I'd like to hope that my fellow mercenaries across the galaxy can say the same, the truth is more likely that many were coerced, deceived, or otherwise betrayed when they signed their contracts. This does not sit well with my conscience, but it is a burden I must grieve in silence.

Maybe there is still a way home for me, if I ever give up this life. For Kennedi and Slipshod... I fear I cannot say the same. For me, joining MSMC was but a choice among many choices; for them, it was a last resort, a way out of a situation that had become untenable. If our squadron ever falls apart... no. I owe it to them to never let that happen. I speak for PR alone, after all - the fault lies with me.

-- Angel