#// don't judge me i just woke up.. like 30 minutes ago

[hoshizorax]

"..whatever devil's inside you, don't let him out tonight.."

[screwzara]

Just had one of the most cohesively confusing dreams ever

I took a nap and woke up just 30 minutes ago and omg this dream made sense but also didn't????

It began with me and two of my friends(who I rarely interact with irl) going through a shopping mall like area? We were in our school clothes too

We first went into a makeup store that was selling weird makeup products, the friends I was with literally just left the store without paying the items XD

But that's besides the point

They actually left before me, I followed behind silently afterwards and they entered a photo album store area??? They said something about clicking the perfect school album photos

I left them to it without entering the store and walked past it, in the next minute I started feeling dizzy in the dream AND in my sleep 👁️👁️

My dad walked next to me out of nowhere, took my hand and led me to a different area which looked a little run down and worn out judging by the walls and my dad sat me down on the small stairs before a door?

I was still very dizzy so he picked me up in the most odd way possible and put inside the room beyond the door I was seated in front of

My dad goes to the corner of the room, places me on what feels like a small stack of hay very gently and asked me something I don't quite remember

My eyes close in the dream and I fall asleep

I then wake up in that room again, just in front of me is a pot that actually has legible handwriting which I don't remember what it said unfortunately but I remember that I read it

I sat up from the hay and looked past the pot, there were two chicken coops and a dog

The dog was incredibly small, smaller than my own dog irl and had pitch black fur from what I remember

I got up and walked towards it then petted it for a short second, I felt how soft its fur was

I turned to my left and saw the door from earlier that I sat in front of

I went out and into the hallway

I somehow suddenly ended up in this huge ass room with plants and trees, so many trees and roaming animals

I could see a patio like area a short distance away from me, there were white bunny looking animals lined up in front of me and to my left my family was standing next to me

My dad lightly nudged me to go ahead to the people who were standing under the patio which also seemed to have like an outdoor classroom situation to it

I went ahead, carefully trying my best to avoid the white bunny things lined up in front of me because they were so small and fragile looking, I didn't wanna step on them

The bunny(?) animals sort of did run away though fairly quickly when I lost my balance and nearly stepped on one

I reached the patio area and my dad walked right next to me. Just then two small animals came around to us, one I can't remember who went past us

The other one was a black-brown cat that looked very fluffy, it had this weird ring thing around its torso

The ring also had these ball thingies???

My dad poked the ball thingy and found out it was like a slime ball so he squished it around a bit

The cat grew a little annoyed but didn't try to run otherwise

I don't know but I feel like I chuckled at the scene in the dream

I looked to my left again and looked back and suddenly all other people in the room were gone and I was left alone with the animals

I went left, saw a bunch of crates and boxes and looked forward. I saw those vineyard plant walls and it had one of those white bunnies things from earlier sitting on its side

That's when I realised those white 'bunnies' were small white and fluffy moths

The moths I saw flew over to me and hung on the lower side of my poncho which I didn't realise I was wearing in the dream since I started out in my school uniform(I was wearing the poncho while sleeping though)

It then slowly crawled into my shirt from there and I felt it hanging on my shirt

I woke up.

And I could feel the weight of the moth on my stomach for a few seconds before it faded

Edit: forgot to add but I'm pretty sure I was half awake during the whole dream too, is that why I felt everything so clearly???

[dopaminergicaddictions]

3/7/24

6:33 p.m

I fell asleep somewhere between 7:40 a.m to 8:40 am. I woke up peeded and couldn't fall back to sleep. I opened my eyes at 9:36 a.m and decided to double up and take Benadryl, hydroxyzine 50mg and allegra D. I was slightly stuffy but I knew I'd pass back out. I fell asleep by like 10:15 a.m

I had to cancel therapy bc I needed my 7 hours.I woke up at 5 p.m.

I actually started smoking weed as of 30 minutes ago. I can't stay asleep. I wake up and toss and turn for 40 minutes and end up having to take a list of antihistamines and double up just to get back to sleep.

I can't get up and pee waking up 5 hours after sleep without not being able to fall asleep. So now I wake up needing to pee and keep my eyes closed until I fall back asleep which is rapid- I'm on my circadian rhythm. I'm up for 16-18 hours a day.. when I take my pill every night..

My doctor won't switch my benzo and I NEVER had an issue falling back to sleep when I smoked weed. Now I have a problem falling asleep, which I always did.

But now I have a problem falling back to sleep. I used to pass out in legit 10 minutes max when I smoked weed and woke up and sued the Bathroom...

I hope it doesn't make shit worse. If it does I'll stop- If I don't notice my sleep habits go back to what they were, I'll stop.

I just can't fucking handle it anymore. I won't do edibles or anything but vaping a little throughout the day and especially before bed should help with insomnia. I really wanted to attend my appointment today, I needed the appt bc I only had one where we discussed countertransference and how she cant see me anymore. Erin canceled Monday, Tuesday was not therapy it was clearing the air before termination..

but 7 hours is fucking critical and it was 10:15 -10:20 a.m by the time I likely passed out.

Beyond that when I would wake up and pee before I would take a hit and pass back out. Also-I slept better, longer. Fell sleep semi quickly- I def had insomnia but I took Benadryl with weed and was able to achieve sleep by 20-30 minutes or closing my eyes.

I stayed asleep and fell back to sleep instantly from November 3rd, 2023 to November 22nd, 2023 when I was smoking. And I passed out in 30 minutes when intially falling to sleep.

Then I stopped weed and it turned into 7 hours with my eyes closed following November 22nd- December 26th 2023...

Then I started Xanax and I could fall asleep within 1 hour of taking it to 2 hours (max effectiveness). But I would close my eyes when I felt tired... and was fighting them. Xanax saved me from terrible insomnia ans continues to....

But why can't I fall back to sleep when I get up and pee and close my eyes for approximately 5 minutes max after getting up when it was never a problem before? For one there are better sleep benozs out there that my doctor won't persxibe... and for Two idk.. Maybe I need fucking weed.

I'm going to judge if it gets worse based on a couple things. I've been sober since 11/22/23... and yea it's gotten a lot better but at the same time- time can be the reason...

This is how I'm going to judge if it gets worse:

1) if it gets intelligent- it hasn't been for months. If it doesn't repeat what I'm saying it's a happy birthday, successful and deadname auto bot skipping record.

2) if it gets creative. There are no stories and there haven't been since November...

3) if it gets louder- which I don't expect....

4) if it gets more frequent.. this is the hardest one to judge... as it is almost 24/7 but I get some moments of quiet. But I mean like 35 seconds in a silent room. Nothing significant...

After taking like 5 or 6 hits- I don't really feel high strangely enough. I feel balanced. I feel like my brain is like omg thank you.

Idk if my D2 receptors will get worse or if they'll remain uneffected by low level thc vaping... 75% for the full vape... all i know is taking edibles is a lot worse...

I'm judging my insomnia over the next few days.

1) do I fall asleep faster?

2) do I stay asleep solidly through the night?

3) I'm going to get up and pee and see if I can fall asleep from a few hits like I used to instead of laying there with my bladder full.

I guess we will see how it works. I started it early bc I know I'm going to have anxiety about making my auditory hallucination worse. I can't just try it for the first time 5 months at 7 a.m when I close my eyes.

Let's see what happens-wish me luck. As much as thc can worsen psychotic symptoms. Thc is directly related to curing insomnia.. sleeping regularly is directly related to recovering from psychosis. You can actually get sleep deprivation psychosis...

Beyond that: before I was smoking weed prior to psychosis and during, I could stay asleep for like 7-10 hours every single fucking night...no joke...

Now I get approximately 7 if I ignore my bladder.

The only difference is- I couldn't sleep on weed October 10th to November 3rd... I microslept but the voice was so fucking loud I couldn't sleep through it and i was so scared by what it was saying. I also was doing hynopgogic... causing more hallucinations bc I refused to pee. I refused to open my eyes and I would lay around with my eyes closed for hours every single day all day long trying to sleep. I wasn't promoting good sleep habits. I should have stayed up did my normal activities and only Closed my eyes at the 16 to 17 hour mark on my circadian rhythm. I should have opened my eyes every 20 minutes and peeded when I needed to. Maybe I wouldn't have microslept. I can't go back in time.

So hopefully this works out. I'm scared but it's not my fault my doctor won't give me a benzo for insomnia. I'm meeting with her Tuesday and I'm going to talk to her face to face and lie and say I recovered from psychosis. I'm going to say I've tried to sleep without Xanax but I can't. Cause then it's no longer a mental health issue. I don't think she will switch it despite my black hairy tongue side effect that won't recover bc I don't want the lowest dose. I want one dose up bc I take 1 mg of xanax a night... the sleep dose is .5 and she wasn't willing to match it. Maybe if she hears I recovered from psychosis I still have insomnia bur Xanax works but my tongue is still inflamed and I knows it's from Xanax but I would rather stay on Xanax if you won't give me a comparable dose or estrazolam or one of the better sleep benzos. We will see what happens. I don't have high hopes... that's all I'm saying..

Not to mention with Ptsd you can hear voices... yet PTSD is a diagnosis that qualifies for medical marijuana. I may have psychosis but that doesn't mean it'll make the voice worse.

I'll keep a close track of how my body reacts to thc with the hallucination and how it reacts to sleep with thc being reintroduced.

[poisonmaximoff]

BELATED FATE (Elizabeth Olsen x FemReader).

The whole story: here.

Chapter 7. Here for her

Y/n's POV:

It's Monday again and I have to be ready by 1 p.m., so I could leisurely get to the place. It's already 12:30 and I just woke up recently because I spent half of the night learning all possible information about the upcoming charity event and then making up fake scenarios inside of my head. Shit. It's way too important day to be late, couldn't I do all of this earlier?

Having somehow gathered myself and not having enough time to eat something, I ran out of the apartment and headed for the parking lot. I was about to start the car, when I heard my phone ringing.

"Yes?" I immediately answer, simultaneously trying to catch my breath.

"Y/n, are you okay? You should be there by now, do you have any problems?" Elizabeth's worried voice makes me feel so ashamed of myself, that I want to be buried alive right now. I'm letting her down again because of my damn irresponsibility.

"I'm so sorry, I'm already on my way, just had some trouble waking up" I know that it's the shittiest excuse I could ever have, but I'm just unable to lie to her, so I tell her everything as it is.

"Trouble waking up? Are you feeling alright?" Surprisingly, I don't run into a raised tone or her annoyance. On the contrary, her voice is still a bit worried and I involuntarily begin to wonder how I deserved such a good attitude towards myself.

"Yes and I promise to explain everything to you later. I'll be right there in 20 minutes" I quickly answer and say goodbye to her, not wanting to linger any longer.

Along the way, I ignore the speed limits and a few red traffic lights. I won't be surprised if I get in trouble after that, but my current desire to be on the spot as soon as possible overshadows all of my adequate thoughts.

Fortunately, I didn't get into any additional troubles, mentally thanking all the existing supreme forces for the fact that my black streak in life didn't begin today. Judging by the number of people and someone's loud voice in the speakers, everything has already begun. Among a bunch of people in exquisite clothes, I try to find only one person who I know is waiting for me. Being too busy looking for one and only emerald eyes in the crowd, I accidentally bump into a handsome tall man. Raising my head, I meet the already familiar piercing gaze, that looked me up and down.

"Miss Y/ln, I didn't expect you to be here today too. Did your parents take you with them?" Mr. Holbrook asks not hiding a hint of mockery in his voice. To be honest, I'm already used to his obvious "special" attitude towards me, and I try not to pay any attention to it.

"Mr. Holbrook, what a pleasant meeting!" I say pretending that I didn't hear his last sentence. "I'm actually looking for Miss Olsen, have you seen her already?" Maybe he can at least be useful and help me find her.

"Oh, she's with her brother near the stage now. At least I saw her there couple of minutes ago" he says, still looking at the parts of my body without even hiding it. I always feel disgusted around men like him because I can't do anything about the way they treat women and they know it very well. But deciding not to spoil my mood with reflections on injustice, I just quickly thank him and head to the stage.

As if sensing that I'm approaching her, she distracts from talking with people, meets my eyes and heads towards me at a quick pace. I slow down because I'm afraid to face her disappointment at me being late. But...

"Hey, Y/n, thank god you're finally here" she says hugging me and I'm literally dumbfounded by her action, but still automatically put my hands on her back to return the hug. Since when she...?

"Did you finish our presentation? I need a flash drive with it now." Oh, that's what it's about. She was worried about our work and not about me. Well, phew, it's even good.

"Of course, here it is" I hand her a small device and smile a little guiltily.

"Come with me, I have to give it to the event hosts." I follow her to a group of people with whom she exchanges a couple of phrases and gives them a flash drive.

"Thank you, Lizzie, the more emotional speech you say, the more donations we'll get" some red-haired man winks at her and goes to the backstage. Okay, that was weird. Me and El share a confused look at each other and when I'm about to ask her what was that, I hear someone's low voice behind us.

"Hello, ladies" Boyd's clearly slightly drunken voice speaks to us. Elizabeth's eyes instantly widen and the shocked expression in the matter of seconds is evident on her face.

"Bo? Are you kidding me? We've been there for an hour and you already managed to get drunk during the charity event?" I wish I wasn't a witness of this situation, but it's too late to take and abruptly leave right now, so I keep awkwardly standing there.

"We've only raised our glasses to the health of the children a couple of times, I promise I'm perfectly fine and in control of myself." Well, it's fair enough to say, that he's actually okay, but Elizabeth seems to see everything ten times worse than it really is.

"Do you even hear yourself?" It obviously upset her a lot more than it should have, and to be honest, I hate seeing her like this. She glances at the people passing by, then at me, and continues: "I'll talk to you later, because now I have to go and prepare for my speech. Try not to embarrass yourself in front of the guests." As much as I liked Elizabeth, it was a bit rude and unfair. Now it's my turn to share a surprised look with Boyd as she walks backstage.

"Is she often like this?" I can't resist asking the man about it.

"No, it's the first time I see her like that." He's as much confused as I am. "But it's probably because of all the workload. We are now have to think about the wedding, and about our work at the same time." I'm starting to get used to the thought, that Elizabeth is getting married and now it doesn't even affect me as much as before.

I never thought, that someday I'll be having a conversation with Boyd Holbrook, but nevertheless we managed to made a small talk until it was Elizabeth's turn to speak.

The speech she's giving right now is truly beautiful, and it makes me involuntarily think that she is the definition of beauty. And not the one we see on social media, but something special. She is beautiful both outside and inside. The way she sincerely cares is so evident in her words and I can't help but admire her. By the end of her speech, she becomes visibly emotional, her voice cracking and a couple of tears escaping her eyes.

As soon as she finishes and the crowd begins to applaud her amazing performance, I immediately run backstage, unable to resist my urge to calm her down. I run my eyes over everything and everyone, but I can't find her anywhere.

"Excuse me, where did Miss Olsen go?" I ask a random guy who's holding a microphone.

"I think she went towards the exit to the outside." I hurriedly thank him and follow the direction he pointed his finger in.

Opening the door, I find myself in the fresh air next to some kind of parking lot. "El?" I say almost in whisper, seeing the woman with her back turned to me. As I get closer, I hear small sobs and my heart clenches at the thought of her having a literal mental breakdown in the empty parking lot with no one here to comfort her. Or maybe she needs to be alone right now? There's only one way to find out.

"Hey, El" I say a bit louder startling her as she turns in my direction to see the source of the sound.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" I watch her chaotically wipe her eyes from tears, ruining her mascara even more.

"I just noticed how much your own speech affected you, so I had to make sure that you're okay...Hey, stop doing it" I slowly remove her hands from her face, stopping her clumsy movements.

Her current look is truly heartbreaking. One day we were talking about children and I found out that she really loves them. Therefore, such kind of events definitely don't leave her unconcerned. "Do you want to talk about it?" I still didn't let go of her hands, rubbing small circles over her skin with my thumbs in a soothing manner.

"It's just...In the last few days I was feeling so stressed, everything was too much and I didn't know where to escape from it. And today..." she breaks off into a soft sob, "I'm trying to do my best to help these kids, knowing damn good, that a lot of people there don't even care and only came here to show off or maintain their reputation." Now tears are running down her cheeks in a steady stream and she starts to completely break down right in front of me.

"Come here, El, come to me" I open my arms for her to hug me and put my right hand on her cheek trying to wipe her tears away. I notice her leaning into my touch and start rubbing my other hand over her back to calm her down a bit. She hugs me so tightly that her emotions seem to be transmitted to me through physical touch and I begin to feel the same as she does. But right now I have to be here for her and comfort her as much as I can. That's why I try me best to suppress my own need to cry with her and whisper small "it's okay, just let it go" in her ear.

If I could absorb everything she feels right now, I wouldn't even think twice. The evidence of her tiredness, frustration and sadness is now soaking into the collar of my blouse, but I don't even care. The only thing I can think about is giving her everything she needs right now. I can feel her hands periodically grabbing my clothes tightly, when particularly hard sobs leave her mouth and I suppose it's her way of comforting herself. When I occasionally touch her hair, her body seems to relax a bit and her shaking subside little by little. It's like I subconsciously know what tiny things can calm her down.

I can't say, that her state right now is something completely unexpected to me, because I've already come to terms with the fact that she mixes two different personalities in herself and I know for sure that the person that is now in front of me is more sincere than ever. I actually see her as a powerful woman, definitely mentally stronger than me, but sooner or later everyone needs to share an excess of emotions with someone.

I don't know if it's a simple coincidence that I ended up in the right place at the right time, or she chose to trust me with her feelings. But anyway I feel a huge responsibility for that and I will do everything to justify her trust.

Soon she begins to come to her senses and gradually weaken her desperate grip on me. Feeling that now I can talk to her and she will be able to understand what I mean, I slowly move away from her and take her hands in mine again.

"I'm so proud of everything you do every single day. You're a fighter, you're a role model and an actual ray of light in this bunch of fake people. Your sincere desire to take care of everyone in the world truly amazes me and your efforts definitely don't go unnoticed. I can imagine how hard it is to live in constant stress and worries that you're not doing enough. But trust me, you're more than enough and you will always have people, who support and appreciate you. The rest just don't understand how lucky they are to have you in their lives."

I finish my improvised speech before I went too far with my personal feelings towards her. The last sentence definitely was the beginning of it and now I'm so grateful for stopping myself from going further. The last couple of tears slowly trickle down El's cheeks, and I gently wipe them away with my thumb, hoping that I've done enough for her to calm down a bit.

"Thank you so much, Y/n. I don't know how I would be able to go back there in the state I was in, and I'm sorry you had to see me like that." I frown at her words, thinking she already regrets opening up to me. "Somehow you knew exactly what I needed and now I feel much better. I'm glad it was you who approached me." I let out an imperceptible sigh of relief which I didn't know I held.

"It's okay, El" I softly smile at her and she smiles right back at me. The feeling of joy fills my chest due to the fact that she feels better now. We stand in comfortable silence for a couple more minutes before I offer her to fix her makeup in the bathroom and we decide to go back inside.

[k3rm1e]

Hello, could I request a reader that used he/they pronouns and has a deep Voice but they have a very feminine body. They don't have dysphoria though, Can you do a reaction to that anyone from the dream smp. Thank you hopefully this isn't that confusing.

gender

Hello, could I request a reader that used he/they pronouns and has a deep Voice but they have a very feminine body. They don't have dysphoria though, Can you do a reaction to that anyone from the dream smp. Thank you hopefully this isn't that confusing.

hi! by this i’m pretty sure you mean a trans ftm reader who just doesn’t experience gender dysphoria. i’m pretty sure this is what you meant so if this wasn’t accurate please just send me another ask! i hope you enjoy this <3

also i had no clue for the title thing oabibefhbkf just ‘gender’

he/they pronouns used this also mentions body type, so if that’s something you wanna avoid here’s a little note :)

cw: cursing 

gender:

  being a faceless streamer came with challenges. fans asking what you looked like, accusing you of being a creep because you won’t show your face. but there were the perks. no one judged you for your looks, you wouldn't get recognized, hell, if you wanted to just leave the face of the internet, no one could find you. but, then there also came the time when your friends wanted to see you.

  “hi chat! so today we’re just gonna be running around the smp, uh, no ones doing lore right now right? i did not check and i don’t wanna mess with anyone’s stream, heh.” seeing much of the chat saying ‘no’ or ‘you’re fine’ you continued on.

  “no lore? no lore. pog. we won’t have to try and avoid anything.” you were just running around, talking with chat. eret had joined and you asked if she wanted to join vc.

  “hello ert, what’s up?” you addressed him as ‘ert’ instead of his name, finding it amusing. “i am live right now,  just so you know.”.

  “hi! hi chat, how are you all? and i’m just doing nothing right now, i was gonna see if there’s any materials i could gather for the museum.” you ran over to their chords, crouching in front of him.

  for the rest of the stream you mainly screwed around, having talks with chat. that was how it was for a while until near the end of stream when you were mainly just chatting with music, a dono was read out by tts saying, “deep voice bois. streamer when shall the face reveal be. let us (respectfully, ofc) swoon.”.

  “uh, uh, i dunno, dono. i mean, its never been something i’ve put a lot of thought into. like, even though people have asked its just not really something i’ve ever wanted to do, y’know?” trying to explain yourself like this, it always was slightly panicky, but you just shoved it down.

  “chat, he’s not even lying though. all my months on this server, i still have no clue what he looks like!” you could tell eret was trying to relieve some pressure from you, god bless her soul. you owed her.

  “yeah, i just haven’t ever wanted to. like, i think only like, maybe like bad and them have seen me, like years ago when i first met people on munchymc.” continuing on with questions, you ended the stream within the next 30 or so minutes.

  when you had finally shut everything down with a sigh, you spoke. “thank you eret. i owe you.” you leaned back in the chair, staring at the ceiling.

  “yeah, yeah, next time i get asked any uncomfortable question you can be a knight in shining armor. but, on that note, i have been meaning to ask you about that though, why haven’t you done any sort of face reveal?” you knew he meant no harm at all, even so you were dying inside.

  “uh, i just haven’t ever wanted to. i mean, if you want to, just to know what i look like, we can, its fine. i don’t mind.” you were scratching the back of your neck, already regretting your life choices.

  “yeah, i would. um, we could just do like a discord call later, tomorrow? when its not like four in the morning?” his voice held humor in it, you knew he was trying to relieve the tension.

  “yeah, yeah, of course. let’s. tomorrow.” you said you’re goodbyes and ran to bed, knowing tomorrow would be stressful.

  you woke up early to an alarm, making sure you were physically and emotionally prepared for this. taking shower, you did your hair and makeup. even with though your voice was super deep, you still had feminine features. it was never a bother, so why get rid of them? plus, it saved you a shit ton of money. top surgery was expensive, bottom surgery even more. hormone therapy was easier, but still cost money, but it was just inconvenient for the position you were in now.

  trans discourse was a small thing, but seemed so big when you looked at the people who created it. if you did show yourself, would you still be accepted even if you didn’t feel dysphoria? even through all your nerves, you kept through it. eret would accept you; they were quite literally one of your best friends. it would be fine. fine.

  sitting at your pc, you answered the call the moment it started ringing. you stared at his face in the camera and watched his face twist in confusion. “somehow i think i expected you to look different. a bit more murdery, i suppose.”

  you tried to smile, or laugh, but couldn’t bring yourself to. god, how you hated human emotions. they were all so complex and unreasonable, making people feel like they would vomit even though nothing had physically ailed them. emotions made no sense, whatsoever.

  “yeah, um, yeah, no this, this is what i look like. um, i just never really- never really felt any sort of, like gender dysphoria, i guess? like, i uh, i cut my hair and kept it like that , but in terms of like, body-wise just- no.” you wished your mouth would stop moving, but you just kept bartering about. “yeah, and i know there’s the whole discourse stuff about whether trans people need gender dysphoria, and i don’t know how you think, but i know who i am. and whatever you think will not change that, at all. i just hope you can, y’know, accept that.” you had finally shut up and were winded. good. at least you sounded somewhat confident. 

  “oh, god no, dude, you are whatever you identify as. in no way should you need to feel gender dysphoria to be trans, that’s bullshit. you’re still you, and if you identify as a boy, you’re a guy. its as simple as that.” eret was smiling nicely at you through the camera.

  you wanted to cry. all that, all that worrying, about nobody accepting you, about them hating you, had all been for nothing. “seriously, you don’t know just how much that means. i- thank you, man. thank you.” you better not cry.

  “its literally just human decency man, don’t thank me. you are so valid, don’t worry about it.”.

i hope this was what you wanted! for anyone reading this, just no you are all so valid. you don’t need gender dysphoria to be trans, you just are. i hope you guys all have a lovely day! <33

[yahnnieee]

(So before I start the story I wanna tell you this is my first post so please don't judge my writing and story also the stories I'll be writing are not short or like mid-long. And I'm mostly going to be using my name at all times and so bye bye~ have a great day or night)

I woke up to my alarm ringing, I looked to the side seeing '4:20' flash in the clock I shut the clock and got up I took my phone that was charging in my nightstand. I looked at it and saw messages pop up. "Morning sunshine" I smiled and replied with "Morning, William" I went to the bathroom to take a bath and get ready for the day.

Let me introduce myself. Hi, I'm Rianne Suh I'm an Actress, Model and Dancer I'm 19, half Filipina, British and Korean I'm currently living in London and I'm in a relationship with NCT's Lucas Wong's Brother (Kris Wong) and I'm currently working on a project with Will Poulter and Thomas Sangster along with Ki Hong Lee and Tom Holland about a Mafia Couple who started there own little family and taking the biggest heist of 1.8 billion. Will and I are the main characters as for Ki Hong and Thomas being our helpers and Tom as our enemy.

After taking a bath I went to my walk-in closet and took a black spaghetti strap crop top and black ripped jeans. I took a pair of black ankle boots and a gold bracelet with a golden watch. I put on lip tint and styled combed my hair keeping it down but I still bought a black hair tie that was resting in my wrist. I looked at the Mirror for the last time, I then took my phone and a small gold and black backpack then put necessary things I'll need. I went downstairs to my kitchen and put my backpack down. I went to get a bowl and oatmeal with some berries and hot water. I took the oatmeal from the upper shelves and lucky me I'm 5'8 so I can reach high shelves and stuffs. I poured the hot water in and stirred it alittle then put the berries and banana slices on top of it. After prepping my breakfast I sat down eating while checking my emails and talking to Will. After I eating I picked up my bag and went to my garage, I picked out my black Lamborghini and hopped in. I drove thru the city of London to Our filming site. After 25 mins I got there, I went out of the car and was greeted by staffs I greeted back with a smile. I got inside the site and saw Thomas talking to our Director. "Hey Rianne!" Thomas greeted me with a smile. I smiled back hugging him. "Hello" I said patting his back. "How's your morning?" I heard someone ask as I pull away from Thomas. I looked over to Thomas' shoulder and saw Will walking towards us. I exclaimed and walked over to him hugging him tightly, almost like we didn't see eachother for years. "Rianne, hey!" Someone greeted me and I looked back. It was Tom. "Hey Tom!" I greeted as I hugged Tom. "Great..." He replied chuckling. I chuckled and heard our director call us. "Rianne, get ready please. Filming starts in 45" I nodded and walked over to my make-up chair. I sat down with Thomas and Will next to me and Tom next to Thomas. "What's today's series or something?" I asked as my makeup artist put on gold eyeshadow in my lids. "Umm... Meeting up with Tom" Thomas replied, his hair stylist fixing his slightly messed up hair. "Ohh... Hot!" I said and laughed alittle. "How are you and your boyfriend?" I heard Will ask. I looked over to him my brows furrowed. "Oh... Close to breaking up, I'm actually going to break up with him" I said simply. Everyone stopped there movement for a sec trying to comprehend what I said. "Why?" Tom asked. "Well.... I really don't wanna hurt him but I love someone else I started feeling this way a month ago and it got stronger as the days pass by" I replied. "Who's this lucky guy?" Asked Thomas. "Secret" I replied after a minute my make up was done, I stood up and took my phone walking towards some staffs.

After a few minutes Thomas, Will and Tom came all in the same time, Thomas sat next to me and asked. "Seriously... Who's the guy?" "The guy I'm working with at the moment" "Which one?" "William.." "Shuck! Mate seriously?" "You think?" "Well yeah" "then yeah" Thomas and I whispered shout at eachother while I could feel Tom and Will's gaze directed to us. "Rianne.. Will ,Tom on set please" our director called us out. I stood there with Will and Tom in front of us. "Action!"

It's been a few hours since we started filming and we're actually done already. It's currently 6:22 pm and we've been filming for 12 hours straight. I'm currently sitting in my makeup chair taking my makeup off and washing my face. Will came in and sat next to me. "Tired?" He asked leaning back. "Yeah" I replied leaning back too resting me head after drying my face. "It's definitely tiring when people are all over you" I said. "Introverted" he said chuckling. "Hey Will, do you wanna stay in my place? I'm feeling really weird when I'm alone this past few days well not weird or alone I think I just need someone with me" I said waiting anxiously. "Sure... Why not?" He said I quickly looked up at Will smiling. I jumped out of my seat and run to him hugging him tight. My legs wrapped around his waist tightly, his hand landed his hands in my waist pulling me closer. "Thank U" I said lifting my head looking at him our face only inches apart. Suddenly the door open Thomas entered the room, his eyes grew wide seeing us in our position. "I'll leave you 2... Continue what your doing" he said and quickly shut the door. I looked at Will again and we burst to laughter. "Let's go home." I said standing up he stood up right after me and we both went out picking out things up and saying goodbye to our other crew. We took his car and drove to my house. We got home after 30 mins stopping by 7/11 to buy snacks. "Come on..I'll just go take a shower" I said and went to my room. I showered and put on an over sized shirt and shorts. I went to my room and saw Will sitting there looking at some framed photos of me and my fam and with Will himself. "Hey... Will? You good?" I asked catching his attention. "What's this?'' he asked picking up the framed photo of me and him. "Nothing... Can't i frame it?" I asked, he shook his head and stood up went to the bathroom to shower. He came out after a few with a towel loosely hanging in his waist. I stared at his toned upper body, he noticed this and smirked. "Staring is not very respectful you know" he said staring at me. "Just get here already!" I said and layed down. Will layed next to me wrapping his arms around me protectively, my head resting on his chest. I looked up at him seeing him stare at me I then I meet our lips kissing him, he kissed back immediately making me smile in the kiss. "I love you" I said staring at his bluish green eyes. "I love you too,baby girl" he replied kissing my forehead. And we both fell asleep in eachother's arms.

(So I'm going to do a part 2 of this and again please don't judge my writing!! If you have any advice to make a story better I'll definitely appreciate that so Thank U and have a great day or night ❤️)

[domesticsns]

Happy New Year! Can I request more Tobirama and Sasuke in this AU. It's fine if you don't actually answer. 🖤❤❣

Happy new year to you to!

Of course you can request more Tobirama and Sasuke.

So what we know about Tobiram so far is that he went to the same fucked up school as Sasuke has. Only 4 years before, so he graduated when Sasuke entered. He does not like working with people and he was transferred from another precinct.

So far he and Sasuke were put on the same case. They tried working separately alone, but they kept bumping in on one another because their ideas were too similar. So Sasuke suggested to just work together and they did. They were on a stake out in a ware house and it was so cold, Sasuke felt he was freezing. Tobirama had given the men his hoodie and then his jacket and when Sasuke was still very cold he even crawled next to him in the backseat to keep him warm so he could get a few hours of sleep.

Then it turned out Tobirama had pulled Sasuke's name in Kakashi's mandatory secret Santa. And gifted him a picture of Shiro,Sasuke's animal companion in the assassination school before he was forced to kill it in order to graduate. He became wary of Tobirama because he thought all documents/pictures were destroyed in the fire Danzo made to get rid of all records. But apparently Tobirama got his hands on it.

Now, it was in the middle of the night. Perhaps 3 AM when Sasuke hears some noise coming from the living room. He got up and looked over at Naruto, who was snoring loudly and fast asleep. Not wanting to worry his husband, he got up to investigate to at least give him some peace of mind. He closed the door to their room behind him and turned the lights on from the living room and sees Tobirama.

Sasuke, getting fed up with this guys. Robs his eyes and takes a deep breath he asks him what he is doing in his house and why the hell he felt the need to break in.

Tobirama said he had only been inside for a minute before Sasuke apparently woke up. Kind of calling him out for letting his guard down. Sasuke glares at him.

Tobirama says he is here about the case.

Sasuke looks at the clock and says it is freaking 3 am, how could it not wait? Even Sasuke with his little social skills knew not to bother anyone in their home at this hour, unless it was an emergency.

Tobirama notes saying people died the longer they took to solve the murders.

Sasuke wants to hit his head against the wall and asked what Tobirama had that needed to be discussed now.

Tobirama held up a file before saying,"This is gonna take a while, you wanna wear some pants? But who am I to judge, it is your house."

Sasuke...forgetting he had no pants on kind of felt embarrassed to go back in the room to wear some. So he figured he just own it and say,"I have good legs..so no."

Tobirama gives him a little taunting look saying,"I am not disagreeing." And put some of the crime scene pictures on the coffee table.

Hours past before Naruto woke up. He heard some talking in the living room and he was surprised because....Sasuke never has people over. He goes to the living room seeing a complete exotic handsome stranger and his husband.

"Goodmorning, Naruto." Sasuke said as he felt Naruto give him a kiss on the cheek.

"This is Tobirama Senju, I am working a case with him."

Tobirama shook Naruto's hand, greeting him politely.

Naruto said Sasuke did not usually took his work over at his house.

Sasuke said Naruto should not worry all the bloody crime scene pictures were put away because Sasuke knew Naruto would wake up soon.

Naruto thanked him, feeling like a little scared kid....a bit embarrassed.

He asked how long they were at it and Tobirama said around 3.

Sasuke yawns. Before saying Tobirama apparently has insomnia and a lack of social boundaries.

Tobirama said he works best at night.

Sasuke said,"like an owl. "

"You mean majestic and wise." Tobirama commented.

"No, just fucking annoying."Sasuke said, grabbing his coffee cup.

"Or soft and warm." Tobirama looks at Sasuke, "Pretty nice to cuddle against."

Sasuke throws his empty cup of coffee at Tobirama, but he caught it.

"You're such a cunt."

"Most people call me a huge dick."

"Yeah that too."

Tobirama, put the coffee mug down and says,"I know. I have been told that a few times."

Sasuke turns his head to Naruto and says,"See what I have to deal with?"

Naruto shrugs,"I deal with 13 year old. Believe me, I heard a lot of lame dick jokes over the years."

"Must be hard being a middle school art teacher."

Sasuke looked at Tobirama, "I never told you what my husband does for a living."

Tobirama looks up from a file and says,"What can I say, I do my research on the people I am in bed with."

Sasuke glared at Tobirama before saying,"How is your brother doing? Did he not sprain his ankle a few days ago. How sad, but so hard working. " Sasuke turns to Naruto,"He own his plant shop. Lots of flowers and Bosnia's. We a should get one for the living room."

Tobirama narrows his eyes,"Yes, I could actually get you a very good price on those. Maybe your brother would like one too? I know his wife wants to redecorate and perhaps she would appreciate a nice plant. They don't have a lot in their house,do they?"

Sasuke's glade intensifies.

"Yes Sasuke, I only have one brother. You have one too, but you also have a husband, three cousins, uncles and aunts and nephews and nieces. Pretty big family tree I was jealous. But, the more people you care about, the weaker you are. That is why they made you kill the dog...so you could cut off your loves ones."

"I am not taking this from a men who can't sleep more than 2 hours at the time from clear PTSD. You know Tobirama, your fears might have been irrational before but I would keep an eye open form now on. Because one misstep. One bad eye on anyone I love. I will slit your throat."

There was an intense silence and Naruto could not feel more uncomfortable.

"That is pretty hot," Tobirama commented, "by all seriousness. If you tell my brother you work with me he will give you a discount."

"How much?"

"30%, but you are good looking so maybe 45% if you flirt a little."

"Nice. I thinking about putting right over there." Sasuke points somewhere in the room.

"Really? If I were you I would have put it here."

Naruto just looks at them before saying he was going to get some bagels if anybody would like anything....

[unsaintedfox-a]

Good afternoon everyone. I got home SUPER late last night so I didn't have a chance to get on here. Also I just woke up like 30 minutes ago x_x I'm still in bed don't judge me. I'll get on in a little bit and try to get to some drafts and asks.

[polkadotsockz]

I don't know why, but I've always liked these.

100 Things About Me 

1. What is your full name? Kimberly 

2. How old are you? 23 

3. When is your birthday? 12/12 

4. What is your zodiac sign? The charming and witty, Sagittarius 

5. What is your favorite color? Blacker than my soul 

6. What’s your lucky number? 12 (look at my birthday!) 

7. Do you have any pets? Two wonderful cats, Fuu (Fuu Kitty) and Archer (Archie) 

8. Where are you from? Connecticut 

9. How tall are you? 5′8" 

10. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Like 10, but I wear 3-4 of them regularly 

11. What did you last have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs and cold brew coffee

12. What was your last dream about? The last one I remember having was one in which I was in my high school cafeteria. For some reason everyone in my high school was invited to this wedding (don't know whose), and we all decided to get dressed at school. Now mind you, this took place in my high school but in the present day, meaning we were all adults. When I looked around, guys and girls were putting on their outfits, doing their hair, and doing their makeup. All the parents were there getting ready too. I remember getting upset because my parents brought the wrong dress for me. They brought the dress I wore to my cousin's wedding a few years ago, which is a beautiful dark blue gown. I was upset because I was afraid the dress would rip because of all the weight I've gained. (The dress actually did rip in real life when I wore it to my step-aunt's wedding a couple of months ago; causing me to have to borrow someone’s dress for the rest of the night). So after some complaining, I convinced them to stop back at home so I could get a different dress, and that's when I woke up. 

 13. What is the best thing about you? I always try to see the best in everyone, even if they've done me wrong. 

 14. Put shuffle on your iPod, what were the first 5 songs? 

      1. Part II - Paramore 

      2. ARTPOP - Lady Gaga 

      3. Dancing in Circles - Lady Gaga (really?! 2 in a row?) 

      4. But It's Better if You Do - Panic! At the Disco 

      5. Comedy of Errors- Alesana 

15. Favorite song? It typically depends on my mood, but the one that is most constant is “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga. It’s pretty much the perfect song because a. it’s fun to sing along to, b. it’s fun to dance to, c. it has beautiful lyrics with a powerful message about self-love and self-acceptance, especially for the LGBT community.

16. Favorite TV show? Game of Thrones, by fucking far!

17. Favorite movie? the Harry Potter series

18. Do you miss anyone right now? I miss my Sammy and I miss my friends who I don’t see nearly enough

19. Do you want children? I think so, but I have promised myself that I won’t have kids unless and until I work out my anxiety issues because I don’t want to pass this along to yet another generation in my family.

20. Do you want a church wedding? Nah, I’d probably burst into flames up at the altar.

21. Are you religious? Nah, I like Satan jokes too much.

22. Have you ever been to the hospital? The last time I remember going was when I was 6 and needed 10 stitches on my head.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Sadly, no. I hold out hope that I’ll meet Lady Gaga. 

24. Baths or showers? Both! I only really like baths when I have a bath bomb/bubble bar, though!

25. What color socks are you wearing? None. 

26. Have you ever been famous? Nah, I don’t have the charisma or personality to handle that much attention.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Nah, I like my privacy tbh.

28. What type of music do you like? Lady Gaga, Paramore, emo/screamo that I’ve been listening to since middle/high school, occasional radio hits

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No :/ I totally should have when I was home alone when I lived at my parents’.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two! My favorite is when I can lay my head on one, and hug the other one.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I usually sleep on my side (fetal position)

32. How big is your house? Our apartment is a decently sized one-bedroom

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Eggs or rolled oats with fruit

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope!

35. Have you ever tried archery? No, but it sounds cool

36. Who is your celebrity crush? Lady Gaga cuz she’s actually perfect

37. Who do you look up to? Lady Gaga, because she isn’t afraid to be who she is and inspires others love and accept themselves. She is an extremely talented and accomplished musician, but retains such a humility and love for her fans. So basically, as I said before, she’s perfect.

 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 22 hours. When I was a high school senior, I got hooked on World of Warcraft, and I would do raids until 2 am (Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays), and then wake up for school at 5 am. Thursdays were the worst. 

39. Do you have any scars? On my forehead from the 10 stitches I got as a child, and a few on my face from the chicken pox.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? I don’t believe so.

41. Are you a good liar? I’m good at white lies (“I love that new haircut!”) but suck at lying about things that actually matter because I’m really bad at hiding my feelings.

42. Are you a good judge of character? For the most part. 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I like to pretend I can do a British accent, but it’s not all that.

44. Do you have a strong accent? Nah lol, just standard New England.

45. What is your favorite accent? British, Irish, Australian

46. Name all the countries you’ve been to? Not as many as I’d like! I have only been to Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, and I took a cruise as a kid that stopped in Aruba, St. Martin, and St. Thomas. So basically, I’ve been around the Carribean.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? I don’t know, haha. I’m too broke for expensive clothes, I’m a grad student.

 48. Can you curl your tongue? Kind of.

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie!

50. Left or right handed? Right, my left hand is useless

51. Are you scared of spiders? Yes, I hate all of them.

52. Favorite food? You can never go wrong with pizza

53. Favorite foreign food? Thai food is heaven.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I can be messy with clothes, but for the most part, I’m a neat freak. I get anxiety if things are too dirty around the house.

55. Most used phrase?  “I’m too tired for life......”

56. Most used word? “Fuck”

 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Probably like 30-45 minutes on average. I varies depending on how long my shower is, how much make up I’m trying to wear, what I’m doing to my hair, and if shaving my legs is part of the process. 

58. Do you have much of an ego? Most of the time I tend to be very hard on myself, so I’m gonna say no.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Don’t eat many lollipops nowadays, but suck!

60. Do you talk to yourself? All the time! I’m a great conversationalist.

61. Do you sing to yourself? All the time! Every car ride is a concert just for me.

62. Are you a good singer? I’m not too shabby. 

63. Biggest Fear? Failure, rejection, judgement.

64. Are you a gossip? I can be. I enjoy talking about others, but many times it’s not in a negative way. For example, if I’m worried about someone who isn’t really saying much to me, I may ask another friend what’s going on with them because I’m concerned...not cuz I’m trying to talk shit. I guess I should get better at direct communication, tho.

 65. Favorite character in anything? Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, ASOIAF

66. Do you like long or short hair? I like both, but I’m digging my ultra long hair right now cuz I had short hair for so long!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Probably, just don’t ask me where they all are on the map.

 68. Favorite school subject? English/literature all the way!

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Too introverted to handle.

70. Favorite hobbies? Reading, writing, watching movies/shows, make-up, spending time with my boyfriend and friends

71. What makes you nervous? Everything social, judgement, presenting in front of people, making decisions.

72. Are you scared of the dark? I used to be, but now I like it. 

 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Not really. I used to correct peoples’ grammar/spelling mistakes, but then I realized what an ass I was being. I only really point out mistakes if I think the mistakes will negatively impact the person.

74. Are you ticklish? Yes, extremely and everywhere.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? I don’t think so.

 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I guess I’m in a position of power/authority in my career. I never know what to do with that power, though.

77. Have you ever drank underage? Of course. 

78. Have you ever done drugs? I’ve dabbled in a few things. Weed is the only consistent one, and it’s hardly a “drug.” I’ve never done anything seriously addictive/dangerous like heroine or meth or something.

79. Who was your first real crush? This kid in my second grade class. He didn’t like me though cuz he was popular, and I was very unpopular.

80. How many piercings do you have? 5 - lobes, industrial bar, nostril, and navel. I want so so so many more though.

81. Can you roll your Rs? Spanish is my second language, so claro que sí!

82. How fast can you type? Pretty damn fast, actually.

83. How fast can you run? Fast if it’s for a very short distance. I have very little endurance, though.

84. What color is your hair? Naturally, I’m a milk chocolate brown. Right now, I’ve got about 2-3 inches my roots grown out, and the rest is a fading purple.

85. What color are your eyes? Dark brown.

86. What are you allergic to? Just pollen.

87. Do you keep a journal? I’ve always been bad at keeping up with journals. I wish I could find some old ones with my poetry.

88. What do your parents do? Dad: owns a little grocery store, Mom: works at a bank, Stepdad: works at an investment bank (stocks and such)

 89. Do you like your age? It’s okay. I’m getting old, though.

90. What makes you angry? Ignorance/ hatred: racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, etc. It honestly makes no sense to me how people can’t just love and accept one another and mind their own damn business.

91. Do you like your own name? I think it’s a nice name.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? I’ve had many thoughts throughout the years. I’ve always been partial to gender neutral names like Alex, Riley, Andy, etc.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? One of each would work.

94. If you had to have someone narrate the story of your life to you when you died, who would it be? This is an odd question, honestly, I’m not sure.

 95. What’s the best thing you’ve ever won? I don’t really win things.

96. How did you get your name? My mom and dad were thinking “Nelly” but then my grandma’s best friend talked them into “Kimberly.” I feel that this is more fitting. 

97. Out of the original 151 which is your favorite Pokémon? I didn’t watch Pokemon.

98. What browser do you use? Safari cuz I’m a Mac.

99. Color of your bedspread? I think it’s purple right now.

100. Color of your room? White cuz I rent and can’t paint the walls