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lamiasluck · 5 years ago

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Bittersweet

(This was supposed to be a drabble but it got long. Anyways thank you @alvie-ashgrove for the help! Also, let’s just imagine Dark can feel emotions and not just tear Eric a part immediately. Yeah? Yeah.)

Summary: On a cold winter night, Eric decided to make a big pot of hot chocolate for everyone! A movie night and a warm drink was the ego's plan for tonight. However, the others are skeptical when Eric wants to include a certain grumpy entity. Eric just wants to be hospitable!

Characters: Eric Derekson, Darkiplier, other background egos

Words: 1429

Read on AO3!

The house smelt heavenly today. It made every ego gravitate towards the kitchen, where the distinct smell of chocolate wafted in the air. In the centrepoint of it all was Eric. He stirred a big pot of hot chocolate. The concoction of deliciousness was a mix of all kinds of the finest chocolate, courtesy of Wilford. All Eric had to do was melt it with the milk, and add in extra spices like cinnamon and peppermint to amp up the goodness.

Everyone waited eagerly for a taste. It was getting colder outside so everyone was cooped up indoors. A problem like that could only be solved with a comfy movie night and hot chocolate.

“Can I have some?” Wilford peered over Eric’s shoulder, bouncing in place like a child.

“Um, it-it’s not done yet.” He flinched at Wilford’s disappointed “aw~”. Though this routine has been going on for the past 30 minutes, Eric wasn’t used to constant pestering. “I’m sorry?”

“Alright, alright, let’s ease up there.” Illinois thankfully pried Wilford off Eric’s back. “Christ, you’re the type of guy that would steal candy from a baby.”

Wilford giggled. “Oh, I have! It was marvellous!” He teleported out of Illinois’ grasp and into a chair, now spinning a candy cane on his finger. “Would you like some?”

“I’ll pass…”

Eventually the hot chocolate was ready. Everyone quickly got themselves a serving, adding on toppings accordingly.

“Jims… you’re going to get a sugar high,” Dr. Iplier sighed.

The Jims were already piling on whipped cream and marshmallows on their oversized mugs. “Too late, bye!” And there they go, off to drink their drinks way too quickly and cause a headache for everyone.

Nonetheless, the mood was high for tonight. Eric giggled as he finally got himself a serving. Everyone in the kitchen (excluding the androids) got themselves a drink, however there were still leftovers in the pot. Eric got one last mug and filled it.

“You know we can’t drink, right?” Bing said as he watched. “You made too much, dude.”

Eric still emptied out the pot, his expression now apprehensive. “No, I-I know. There’s enough for… for everyone.”

Immediately the tone shifted. People stared between the mug and Eric’s innocent face, then they exchanged nervous looks amongst each other.

Dr. Iplier cleared his throat. “Eric, are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

“Well… yeah? It-It’d be rude n-not to - not to share!” He pouted to the crowd of skeptics and continued to prepare the extra drink with all the toppings.

Truth be told, not every ego was present in their get together. A certain entity didn’t get the memo apparently, either that or he didn’t care enough. Mostly likely the latter. However, that wasn’t going to stop Eric from being hospitable. He just didn’t want to deliver the hot chocolate himself.

“Um, W-Wilford… he can bring it to Dark,” Eric said, full of hope.

A quick look for the pink clad man only offered grime results. Wilford was already sprawled across the couch, fast asleep after chugging his drink. The sight shocked Eric and the rest of the egos.

“S-So… so does that mean I-I have to-”

A chorus of agreements erupted from the others. He was the one that brought up the idea, after all. Of course the noise didn’t wake Wilford, because apparently fate hated Eric today. Well, when did fate not hate him? Still, he prepared everything and set off to Dark’s office.

There were fast approaching footsteps, a quick knock, then those same footsteps running away.

It made Dark pause his work, pen held still in his hand as he stared at the door. Was someone trying to ding-dong-ditch him? A long drawn out sigh came from the entity. At first, he thought it was the Jims pulling yet another prank that earned them an hour in the void. Yet, he heard only one pair of footsteps.

Dark cautiously opened the door and looked around. He thought he’d be met with an empty hallway, but he looked down and saw the source of his disruption. By his feet was a mug of hot chocolate, topped with a modest amount of whipped cream and marshmallows. A piece of paper was propped up against the mug. The phrase “Merry Christmas” was hastily scribbled out, instead in its place was the message:

Happy Holidays! (I’m so sorry idk if you celebrate Christmas or not…)

The card wasn’t signed. It wasn’t a prank, at least. Though who knows if it’s poisoned or not? Dark slowly brought the mug to his lips, humming in satisfaction at the taste. Not poisoned either. Wait… then that only leaves one explanation. Dark furrowed his brows at the thought.

Someone genuinely wanted to give him a treat with no strings attached?

Seemed unlikely. Wilford was his first guess on the culprit, but he would have taken the chance to sign his name and take all the credit. Well, he supposed it doesn't matter now. The drink was good and he still had some work to finish. Whether or not someone deserved to be thrown in the void could come later.

The egos were on their second movie. Eric was sandwiched between Randall and Bing, barely paying attention to the tv in favour for resting his head on Bing’s shoulder. Most were falling asleep as it was getting late, or they were crashing from a sugar high. However, a sudden shrill ringing made everyone snap awake.

Dark walked into the living room with an empty mug in hand. Everyone stared in silence as he looked around the room. His expression was unreadable.

“Who gave me this?” He broke the silence, gesturing to the cup. No one spoke up, only staring amongst each other in worry.

Randall glanced at Eric before raising his hand. “I did.”

“No, you didn’t.” All Randall knew involving food was how to order it. Even if the drink was simple, there was no way in hell he made it. “Who did it?”

“U-Um…” Eric lifted his head from Bing’s shoulder and peaked over the couch’s back. Bing, and everyone else, looked like they wanted to grab Eric and run, but stayed put in fear. “I...I did?” Eric admitted, quiet voice managing to pierce through the quiet room. The moment Dark locked eyes, he squeaked and cast his gaze downwards.

“Ah, I see.” Dark ignored everyone’s scared looks and walked over to Eric. “Well then, Eric. You have my gratitude.” He reached over and gently grabbed Eric’s chin, tilting his head upwards to look at him. “I really appreciate your hospitality. It’s not everyday that I get included in your get togethers.”

The others sputtered apologies at his statement, which caused the entity to smile more. He backed away and cast one last look at Eric. The timid ego was rendered speechless, staring awe-struck at him with a faint blush dusting his cheeks. The sight was enough to melt Dark’s cold heart, just a little though.

“Well, you all enjoy the rest of your night, especially you Eric.” He began to dissipate into smoke and gave one final wave. “Until next time.”

Everyone stayed quiet for at least a minute after Dark left. They took what in happened and the fact that Dark didn’t throw anyone into the void. Bing blinked and stared at Eric, then tackling him in a hug.

“Oh my god I thought you were gonna die, dude.”

Eric let the others express their relief at his odd encounter. Truthfully, he wasn't fully aware of how dangerous Dark could be, but he was surprised all the same. Dark was oddly gentle? Yet, people have told him he tore people apart where they stood. Well, maybe the hot chocolate was that good.

After he returned the mug in the kitchen, Dark went to his bedroom. He had finished his work long ago and wanted to rest. As much as he enjoyed watching the fearful looks everyone gave him, he was quite tired from staring at paperwork for hours. A relaxed sigh left his lips as he lay in bed, a small smile forming as well. What happened back there was interesting, to say the least.

Now that he thinks of it, he hasn’t interacted with Eric that much. The timid ego was… cute. He’ll give him that at least. If anything, he reminded him of his past life. Sure, Eric wasn’t as leader-like, but he was just as innocent. And confused, terribly confused. He was welcomed change within the chaos nonetheless. He has certainly sparked the entity's curiosity, too.

#eric derekson #darkiplier #markiplier #markiplier egos #fanfic

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shi-daisy · 5 years ago

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Black Moon Rising Pt. 2

Welcome back everyone! Here's part 2 of this lil' AU fic. It was gonna be longer but I already went pass the deadline for like 40 min. So I'll just continue it in the final prompt it the week. Hope you like!

@ulquihimeweek

Ulquihime Week- Day 6- Sacrifice/Possession

Black Moon Rising (Pt.2)

"Inoue, what have you done?!" Ichigo asked in disbelief.

"I did what I had to. Ulquiorra was going to die, and I saved him. That's all that matters."

"All that matters?! Have you looked at yourself?! You're a hollow now!"

"And so were you."

Ichigo looked hurt, but she didn't care. Back at Karakura, she had the same expression whenever they pushed her out of the fight. This time the tables were turned.

"That's not the same, and you know it."

"Is it now? Because if I recall correctly you brutalized Ulquiorra in ways far more horrifying than any of us could imagine, you tried to desecrate his body, you stabbed Ishida-kun when he stopped you, and you were about to kill me before Ulquiorra broke your mask and redirected the cero onto himself.

That's quite different from holding a conversation like we are doing now." She smiled venomously. This change seemed to be bringing out all of the negative emotions that she kept hidden for years. It was relishing.

"I went into that form to protect you! You called for help, I couldn't do anything so my hollow took over."

Orihime rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, you're everyone's hero!" she sarcastically imitated her old self. "Spare me Ichigo, you didn't go into your hollow form to protect us, you did it because you lost, and you can't endure a loss!"

That got a rise out of the redhead, Uryu held him back. "Inoue, we all came here to save you! What happened wasn't ideal, but Kurosaki was just trying to help."

"Funny how you defend him after almost getting cut open, Ishida-kun.

I didn't ask anyone to come for me, the sole reason I came to Hueco Mundo was to protect everyone! But you couldn't understand that, could you? Inoue's the defenseless princess in the tower, so she must be rescued! We need to step into enemy territory without a plan, and fight everything in a ten-mile radius to save Inoue!

Well, that's done. We've all had our fights and your brushes with death, but I am finally safe. I won't return to Karakura, this form is now permanent, and I have no doubts that the shinigami will have me executed. The Orihime Inoue you knew is gone forever. Leave, tell the others I am dead, and don't return to Hueco Mundo. I won't ask nicely again."

Ichigo's anger was redirected at Ulquiorra. "You! You did this to Inoue!"

"I'm afraid you're mistaken Kurosaki. This transformation was the woman's choice, not mine. Unlike you, I believe she's wise enough to choose what's best for herself."

The shinigami prepared to attack him, but instead of clashing his blade with Ulquiorra's he was stopped by Orihime.

Upon transforming, she'd also gained a zanpakuto, her Rikka's powers had been transferred into it, and the shape of the hilt matched that of her hairpins.

“Don’t you dare touch him!” she growled.

“I’m not going to let darkness take you, Orihime. I’ll defeat whatever took possession of you and we’ll all go back home together.”

“You don’t get to decide for me. Not anymore.” From the moment she woke up, Orihime felt a shift taking place within her. Her body and soul had both changed, and this final disregard for her desires was the final nail in the coffin.’ All anyone ever saw me as was the damsel in distress, not even capable of choosing my own fate. Those days are now over.’

“Woman, do you require my assistance?”Ulquiorra asked her.

She smiled at him. “I shall fight alone, If it’s not too much trouble, could you please take Ishida-kun somewhere safe? I don’t intend to hold back.”

“Understood.”

She teleported both herself and Ichigo away from the scene. The shinigami looked ready to fight, but the moment she attacked he restored to blocking. Ichigo didn’t attack her.

‘The moron still thinks I can’t fight.’

Her eyes darkened, now gold over onyx, Orihime charged a cero into her sword. One strike of her blade all it took to break Ichigo’s zanpakuto.

“You’re out of weapons Kurosaki. I’ll let you go if you swear to leave me be.”

Instead of retreating Ichigo stood his ground. “I won’t leave you.I swore to bring you back home safe, and that’s what I’ll do!"

“You really can’t take a fucking hint, can you?!"

She raised her palm towards him, firing a golden cero. Ichigo tried to evade it, but without his Bankai, he was not fast enough. Ichigo kneeled, half of his body was bloody and mangled due to the blast, but he could survive those injuries.

“Last warning. Surrender or I will detach your head from your body.”

“I won’t! I won’t let Ulquiorra get away with what he did to you! I will save you even if I have to kill him again!"

Orihime would have just rendered him unconscious, had it not been for the threat he made against Ulquiorra, Orihime looked him in the eye directly, her gaze was steel and it seemed like in his final moments Ichigo finally understood she did this out of her own accord. Sadly, it was too late, A delicate strike of her blade cut through him, his eyes remained opened, full of realization, but also lifeless.

Orihime cleaned the blood off her sword with one stroke. ‘At long last, It’s over.’

***

There were many outcomes he had expected from the battle, seeing Orihime return to las Noches with the head of Kurosaki Ichigo was not one of them. Soon after arriving she had fainted and he took her to his room and had one of the medics look at her.

As predicted, Orihime woke up a day later. Her wounds were fully healed, and she was happy to see him as well.

“What happened after the battle?” she asked.

"Lord Aizen has won. He's the new Soul King, but I'm afraid your old town has been destroyed."

She looked sad, but didn't weep. "I see."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. This was bound to happen."

"If you feel rested enough, we were summoned to the throne room. It's urgent."

"Okay. Let's go."

The walk to the throne room was silent, yet pleasant. Orihime held his hand, and he returned the gesture. It seemed she was fond of the gesture.

Before coming into the throne room he ran into the medic that examined Orihime.

"Hello Cuarta, I see Inoue-sama is healthy." The blue haired woman extended her hand to Orihime. "Nice to meet you, my name's Jeanne Dae, I was your medic."

"Nice to meet you too, Jeanne-san. Thanks for taking care of me."

"My pleasure, I must warn you both, Lady Anna has asked for you specifically and she's slightly stressed. Best not to piss her off."

"Um, I hate to come of as ignorant but who is Anna?"

"Lord Aizen's wife. She's his second in command now and also Soul Queen. Just be polite and you'll be fine. Best of luck!"

Once the medic Arrancar left, they stepped into the throne room. He was surprised to see Halibel and her fracción there resting. Nnoitra was also there talking to Anna. She looked to be angry.

"Nnoitra, I swear, if keep pestering me I shall rip out your remaining eyeball and make you eat it!"

That made the whole room grow silent.

Orihime was slightly intimidated. Anna was six feet tall, with pale skin, black curly hair, and cold blue eyes. Those worries subsided when the woman spotted both her and Ulquiorra.

"Cuarta! You're still as handsome as ever! And you must be Orihime Inoue. I'm Anna María, it's nice to finally meet ya."

"Hello Lady Anna, it's nice to meet you too."

"I'll be quick since I'm sure you both want to rest. Now that Sosuke has finally achieved his goals we won't be returning to Las Noches. I want the both of you to rule over Hueco Mundo."

They were both surprised. Ulquiorra spoke first. "With all due respect, why would you chose us out of the remaining Arrancar?"

"Simple. You and Inoue-san were the ones who finally took down Kurosaki. He was Soul Society's triumph card and I'm certain that if he had lived the outcome of our plans would've changed. The two of you are the most powerful among our ranks and took down our greatest foe. It's only natural to have you take over. What do you say?"

Orihime felt a little uncertain, she had never taken a leadership role before, but the offer was tempting.

Ulquiorra was indifferent to the offer, still he would accept if only to keep order in Las Noches. Without Aizen some of the Arrancar might go unhinged again.

"I'm willing to accept the offer, but I'd like insurance that you, or Lord Aizen will provide us with assistance if necessary."

"You have my word, Cuarta. Inoue-san, what about you?"

"I never considered myself a leader, yet this is an opportunity I don't want to waste. I'll give it my all."

"Excellent! I knew I could count on you both. Now, there's a slightly more personal matter I must address.

Some of your friends for Karakura survived, I can relocate then to Naruki City and give them fake memories of a nuclear explosion occuring in Karakura. This way they'll safe and fully taken care of. Is that alright."

Anna handed her a tablet with pictures. She recognized Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Chizuru, Michiru, Ryuuken, and Don Kannonji. Those were the only survivors.

"Yes. Please make sure they're taken care of, just...don't let them know I am alive. I'd prefer it if they all thought of me as dead."

"Consider it done. Finally, Yasutora Sado and Uryu Ishida are locked up in the dungeons, if you authorize it, I shall free them and get them the aforementioned services in Naruki City."

"Yes please do so."

"Alrighty then, I think that's everything. I'll be returning to my other duties, you're dismissed."

With that the tall woman left them and went back to her duties. Ulquiorra noticed she was holding her zanpakuto. 'No doubt she's been ordered to carry out executions.'

"Next on the list it's that Kuchiki Captain...Hmm maybe I'll choke him with that dumb scarf of his." Anna was walking away towards the cells. A reckless idea crossed Orihime's mind.

"Wait Anna-san! May I be granted permission to visit Ishida and Sado?"

Anna was skeptical but allowed it anyway. "Yes, of course. I'll escort you."

***

Ulquiorra waited in the entrance to the dungeons. He knew Inoue was capable of handling herself yet he felt uneasy.

"You're jealous the princesa wants to visit those other men."

Grimmjow appeared from the shadows, it seemed Anna had him as a guard.

"What do you want Sexta?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just heard you and Orihime are the new rulers of Hueco Mundo. I'd congratulate ya but I don't think you find that new role appealing."

"That's unimportant. I took the task because it clear that the others wouldn't be able to properly carry it out."

Grimmjow grinned. "Uh-huh, and what about your mate? She probably did it so that Anna wouldn't chop her human friends to pieces."

Those words bothered him. "The woman isn't my mate."

"She turned into a hollow to save ya, and even ripped Kurosaki to pieces. That screams protective mate to me.

Yer' right though, it's not my business what you two do. Just pray she doesn't change her mind. The girl is too far gone to go back."

***

Orihime let them rage and yell before saying a single thing. After their anger faded she spoke.

"I need you both to stay calm. Ishida-kun your father is alive and will be given proper housing and employment in Naruki City as will most of your friends and as will you. Just let Anna escort you there and do not tell the others of my real fate. For all they know, Kurosaki and I were victims of the fake accident."

"...I don't believe this! You expect us to keep quiet?! Tatsuki was a wreck over losing you, she won't accept it, she'll know it's a lie!"

"Then make her believe it! You're a smart guy Uryu, she will listen to you, the memories are better than..."

"Than knowing what you turned into and what you did to Kurosaki?" Chad asked.

Orihime hit the wall in frustration, it almost fell apart. "He threatened to kill Ulquiorra!" she yelled. "I wasn't going to kill him, I was going to leave him slightly messed up and let him go home when the war ended, but he threatened Ulquiorra. I couldn't let him kill him again. I just... couldn't."

Her friends demeanor changed to a more sympathetic one. "You love him, don't you?"

She couldn't answer. That possibility didn't cross her mind until now. Her silence was all the answer they needed.

"Kurosaki is doing alright. His soul went to the Soul Society and is reunited with his family, Anna made sure of it. She also brought Masaki to them, the Kurosaki's be living in the Shiba house."

"It's true. She came to tell us that before bringing you here."

"I see." In a way she felt freed. While there was no guilt for what she did, knowing Ichigo was well off somehow helped her close that cycle.

"I know you won't forgive me, I won't ask for that, but I will ask you, to have a good life. Take care of the others, follow your dreams and live long and happy. I will do the same, even if we are in separate world's. Just do that in the memory of the Inoue you once loved."

"I promise."

"I promise too"

Both Chad and Uryu gave her a tight hug. This would be the last time they saw eachother.

"Goodbye."

***

He didn't say anything. Not on their way back to the room, and not when he locked himself in the washroom.

Orihime knew something was amiss. Ulquiorra looked tense, angry even. She decided to speak with him.

'What am I doing? This isn't right. I'm acting just like Kurosaki did.'

Ulquiorra had ran himself a hot bath in an effort to calm down. As much as he dreaded to admit it he was enraged by Grimmjow's words. When Orihime returned from her talk with the humans, she had tears running down her face and a faint sad smile.

'She's regretting it. She regrets giving up her life for me. That was a sacrifice that should've never taken place.'

Still, it was wrong of him to act so cold towards her. Instead he should offer her solace. 'I'm all she had left.'

Before he could get out of the marble pool and go back into his room, he saw her standing in the doorway. "Can I join you?" she asked shyly.

Ulquiorra swallowed hard. Orihime had nothing but a towel on, and her pretty face was adorned with a faint pink blush.

"Yes, you may join me." He finally answered with a raspy voice.

He turned away as she uncovered herself, only facing her once she was covered up to her chest by water. Even so, her curves didn't leave anything to the imagination.

"Ulquiorra. We need to talk."

"What do you wish to talk about?"

"What happened down at the dungeons."

He braced himself, and spoke as calmly as possible. "You wish to return to you original form. It's understandable as your sacrifice shouldn't have happened so I shall do what's in my power to help you-"

Orihime placed her fingers on his lips, silencing him. It was then when he felt tears forming in his eyes

Orihime chuckled. "No, you're mistaken. I don't want to go back and I don't regret what I did.

Ulquiorra, I didn't hesitate to sacrifice my humanity for you. I knew what the consequences would be and didn't care. You matter more to me than anything or anyone else, and I don't ever want you to doubt that. I want to be with you forever, Ulquiorra Schiffer."

He felt the tears spilling. Never in his life did he think he could find anyone that would truly love him, yet here she was. From the moment they met he felt drawn. It was as if an otherworldly force took possession of him, and urged him to keep her at his side. Yet when Kurosaki almost killed her, he didn't hesitate to sacrifice himself for her. Now she had done the same for him, and they could be together for all eternity.

"Forgive me for my embarrassing behavior. I shouldn't have doubted you.

I shall confess that I didn't care for much before meeting you, my life was nothing but a dark endless void, until you filled it with light. Your optimistic nature, your melodic voice, your bravery, it is all very enticing. I thought our story would end when Kurosaki turned me into ash, yet it didn't.

You wouldn't let us have a bitter end, regardless of the cost. And I vow to prove your sacrifice to be worth it, every single day."

Orihime smiled wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. "It's a promise, my dear Ulquiorra."

She crashed their lips together into a lustful kiss. Ulquiorra had never considered himself to be a lustful man, until that moment. He wanted nothing more than to ravish Orihime until they were both exhausted.

"Let's go back to our room, darling. There's a lot I want to do with you."

#uhweek2019 #orihime x ulquiorra #ulquiorra schiffer #orihime inoue #Dark! Roads AU

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tarmairons · 6 years ago

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alright!!!! here’s part 1 of the extensive (book & netflix) masterpost of all my fave eslaf moments!!!! this is a very long post so i apologize in advance to anyone who opens the read more 😘

this is more or less organized in chronological order but features a lot of me rambling incoherently so you have been warned

let’s start with esmé being massively horny on main and nearly blowing her whole cover in TEE part 1

to be fair, any interaction between them in the TEE eps is valid and amazing and showstopping so yeah

and then we have them carrying an unconscious body!!!! and i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again… this is not the first time they’ve been in this situation. other bodies they’ve carried together may or may not have been dead or otherwise incapacitated

my fave thing is them being absolutely awful together okay i love that. this whole post is gonna be full of them being awful. look at that. look at them. look at jerome’s life flashing before his eyes bc his wife is eye fucking this random stranger in the back of their limo

now, this scene… olaf wasn’t here in the book and i’m extremely glad that they added him in in the show. it increases the sexy factor

a blessing. and the maniacal laughter…….. peak romance

this is probably my #1 fave screenshot of them. soft. very soft

now listen. the most important part. they f*cked in the penthouse and the dance scene in the netflix version was just one massive innuendo for a sex scene no i will not be taking criticism

i mean. god. GODDD

T H E M

+ also this innuendo that netflix somehow got away with is just. wow

next up we have book esmé being horny on main

and then another example of them being shady bitches together… bc evil couples with zero morals who commit heinous crimes together stay together ya know

this is just wholesome:

and this again is peak romance. there’s nothing quite like running through an underground tunnel with your significant other, wearing fancy clothes, having just committed unspeakable crimes

MOVING ON…. TVV

first of all, esmé is Small so jot that down

second of all, i would die for this whole saloon scene, but then again i would die for every eslaf scene so

this speaks for itself:

and then we have esmé thinking with her pussy heart and not her brain and leaving her whole life behind for illegal shenanigans with olaf

i’m uwu

i appreciate that the netflix series gave us an insight into how the villains act behind closed doors (even if half the time it’s not at all how their relationship is described in the books but okay i’ll suck it up and deal, at least we have oodles of footage of esmé being extremely horny on main)

next up we have one of my favorite genres of eslaf content: Their One Shared Brain Cell

ex. in this scene it was clearly esmé’s turn

and then we have esmé suggesting violent murder and olaf looking at her like the world’s most supportive bf so that’s wholesome

netflix got a LOT wrong but i really need to send them a thank you card for the innuendos

this isn’t even subtle, his hand is on her ass

and then we have Couples Murder again. love that. nothing quite as romantic as killing an old friend and then going upstairs to f*ck and then cuddle on some shitty fold out sofa or whatever

i don’t even know who has the brain cell in this scene. maybe the brain cell was taking a break

and these…… i need to print these out and carry them in a locket and tell people those are my biological parents. look at them having fun

this post is gonna be extremely long because as you see, every eslaf scene is my favorite eslaf scene.

i mean. look. look at them. UWU

and once again we have olaf using the forbidden L word… i’m just saying. there’s definitely some sort of feelings there. at least 1 (one) feeling between them

nothing screams romance like buying your gf a dangerous weapon huh

and then complimenting her shooting skills

and we were rudely robbed of them on a motorcycle together, with esmé disregarding safety regulations, and putting a label on their relationship (which netflix olaf allegedly isn’t a fan of or whatever)

ya know as i’m typing this i’m realizing just how long this post is gonna be….. i’ve only covered 2 books so far…… i’m so sorry

this is random but i’m a big fan of how handsy esmé always is. she always has her claws on olaf 24/7 all the time

kidnapping people together ~just couple things~

and this is just them sitting in a room together but naturally it’s one of my fave eslaf scenes because they’re sitting in a room together

i mean let’s be real, they could be yelling at each other and it’s still gonna be on this list. they’re always 0.04 seconds away from murdering each other and you know what, i support them

next up we have an iconic cinematic parallel:

and then some more Couples Kidnapping

and we were ROBBED of this line

and then we have olaf being a supportive bf again

so i’m gonna take a moment to be fake deep now: olaf clearly doesn’t mind esmé’s whole Fashion thing and whatever their breakup is caused by later on, it sure af isn’t her outfits. “i’m tired of having a gf obsessed with fashion” is a fake excuse, they were just frustrated at everything and everyone by the events of TPP and took it out on each other thx bye

here we have another example of esmé’s turn on their shared brain cell:

and then more wholesome content (i mean, yeah, they’re in the middle of a kidnapping scheme right but for them it’s wholesome)

and then interactions like these… peak romance

fake deep time AGAIN: people often criticize this ship bc olaf has a tendecy to leave esmé in burning buildings and i’m like. okay, in the hotel they were broken up so it’d be illogical for olaf to interrupt his scheme to worry about his ex-gf whom he was NOT on good terms with at the moment????? so, not a good reason to criticize their relationship bc they weren’t in a relationship at the time

and in THH olaf being like “hurry up or i’ll leave you behind” when the hospital is burning… it’s like sure maybe they do care about each other but deep down they’re both egoists and they WILL focus on self-interest and self-preservation first… is that a healthy dynamic? of course not. are they both fully aware that the other will run and save themselves? yeah, and they accept that bc that’s how they both roll. no hard feelings

ANYWAY

this is the only time they sit next to each other in the front seat without anyone between them and i firmly believe we deserved more of this

i MEAN

another Trope i enjoy is esmé reacting to awful things olaf says like

she loses her shit when he bullies children or plans to set a circus on fire etc… and that’s cute

next up this scene speaks for itself:

i have nothing to add. my uwus have rendered me speechless

HOWEVER my main complaint is that the netflix version cut literally all of their soft affectionate scenes and FOR WHAT

or that time they went to f*ck in a tent

we got this tho.... iconic!!!

and more snarky domestic content thank you for that netflix

and then here we have another example of their shared brain cell going on vacation bc clearly it’s not in the picture

and (not pictured) but them watching madame lulu get eaten by lions was their idea of a romantic night out i guess so good for them

AND NOW BACK TO SCENES WE WERE ROBBED OF

like yeah we got a variation of that scene but NOWHERE NEAR AS SOFT

WHERE IS THE AFFECTION, NETFLIX? THE KISSES? THE HUGS?? HAIR STROKING??

like all i wanted was one scene of my batshit arsonist parents being mushy but netflix looked me dead in the eye and flipped me off

and that’s all for season 2!!! i wanted to squeeze season 3 into the same post but tumblr kindly informed me i hit a size limit oops

[part 2]

#a series of unfortunate events #asoue #eslaf

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