#// i'm rambling i'm having many feelings about him gfjkdkjdh

[weptsorrow]

while ivan's features remained indifferent, there was an undeniable spark of anger boiling beneath the surface. he didn't experience such strong emotions often, let alone allowed them to show, but seeing his best friend be grabbed and mistreated like this was the one thing that never failed to bring them forth. he didn't flinch at the display of blood or bones seemingly cracking, till crying out, even if he hated hearing them. there was nothing he could do.

mizi's pod was right next to his own, and it was the one thing that separated him from till, and he'd noticed that in the last few seconds before the younger had lost consciousness, his eyes were looking for her. not the raven-haired man; no. it was like he was little more than a ghost. it didn't matter— ivan was used to this. he just found it curious that even in his last breath, mizi was the one last hope till tended to cling to.

it didn't take long for the remaining survivors to be taken backstage once more— it was ivan's turn to sing now, and as he entered the dressing room, he found himself... alone. with till knocked out and mizi unwilling to talk to anyone, two other contestants dead, and luka was who knows where, while marty was in the adjacent room rehearsing some lines in these last few moments; he could hear the man singing.

“ ... ” the loneliness didn't bother him; if anything, he found the irony of it amusing. it always came back to this. ivan had no friends, no one rooting for him. he imagined that if he died, unsha would just be mad about all the money he'd lost by betting it all on the wrong dog. and probably couldn't face urak after this; he remembered hearing about their scuffle. what was even more ironic was that ivan had found a liking in his owner's rival's pet. if they knew, they'd probably be even more mad than about the potential lost investments.

he stepped over to the mirrors, fixing his hair, flashing a few smiles with a tilt of his head... but perhaps this wouldn't be neccessary, given the song's nature. perhaps he could be himself, just this once. as he was looking at his reflection, dead eyes with a glint of red, he heard the beginning of the countdown, breaking the white noise— further complaints about till ruining everything again. it was a good thing their guardians were relegated to the audience, so they weren't here to punish their pets by whatever means they deemed neccessary... but somehow, in some way, ivan swore he could hear urak's yelling through all that.

the man sighed, and tugged on each of his gloves and adjusted the belts on his thigh, before shifting his gaze towards his opponent who'd just joined him in the room. ivan said nothing, and simply headed for the elevator. he wasn't nervous as they began to rise up. his eyes were focused on the microphone stand in front of him, allowing for them to close as the first rays of light hit his face with the saturn-inspired stage opening above him. a step forward was taken; he heard the first beats of drums. slender fingers slid up the silver stand before wrapping around the microphone itself, and he pulled it closer to him with one final breath.

the soggy darkness crouched down even if we shake our heads, it's always the same place i can't reach you, so i imagine alone you who shines, i stand next to you

ivan sang for himself; there was no one listening. the crowd didn't matter, his so-called father didn't matter, the remaining contestants didn't matter, and... till, well— he didn't care, ivan knew. the only reason why he needed to sing this well was to ensure that in till's following round, nothing could go wrong and make him lose. he didn't know if he hated this or not— the stage was pretty, he loved the stars. but it oh-so made him remember things. he loved the stars... but he also hated them.

marty sang his part next and... ivan was convinced he could deliver the lyrics much better than that. another breath, and he grasped the microphone with a newfound vigor, singing the next lines of the chorus with something he thought repressed. an emotion he couldn't quite describe; but it left him wanting.

so black, black as it can be the dark sea gets deeper as you approach like a black, black sorrow a story of such woe at the end of this story, there is only a cold spot stained with blood and empty air

memories resurfaced, ones that bitterly reminded him of all the things he'd done in hopes of being noticed, of being liked back... and the anger that came with never receiving it. anger was so easy to pinpoint, so easy to identify. much more than something as vague as love. ivan's voice turned raw with the intensity he was singing; maybe the audience did matter. maybe, just maybe, someone that cared would hear him.

it was then that he noticed the holograms of the stars of this elaborate stage falling— he turned his gaze up towards them, reminiscent of the time he'd almost died, and the time till had turned his back to him.

it was beautiful.

holding the microphone in one hand, the other rose up, reaching out towards that illuminated void, as if he could touch those stars, as if they could possibly bring him some salvation— but they were all far too out of reach... the fact that they were mere projections didn't even cross ivan's mind in that moment. he just wanted. wanted, wanted, wanted.

such black, black sorrow to me you are to me, you are my black sorrow you are my black sorrow you are my black sorrow

the score board had then settled on a distinct score difference of 90—68, and amidst the last few chords of the piano, ivan could hear the piercing sound of a bullet; and the bull thud of a body hitting the floor right next to him. he didn't look marty's way, solely staring down onto the audience cheering. in the front row, he could make out unsha and his ever-present bodyguards. and ivan didn't feel anything. no sense of pride nor accomplishment. it was just a deed done; a neccessity. there was no revelling for him in their cheers and applause, before he turned his back to them all to make space for the final round of the night.

  ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she  had  remained  unresponsive  since  the  end  of  her  round,  her  body  still  as  a  statue,  golden  hues  dull  and  vacant,  reflecting  none  of  the  light  that  had  once  danced  in  them  —  the  exact  thing  till  had  been  playing.  even  after  her  face  had  been  meticulously  cleaned,  she  gave  no  sign  of  acknowledgment,  her  features  eerily  serene.  deposited  unceremoniously  in  the  observation  pods,  she  found  herself  an  unwilling  spectator,  bound  to  watch  a  spectacle  she  no  longer  wished  to  be  part  of.  the  muffled  strains  of  another  song  floated  effortlessly  into  the  room  —  but  mizi  didn’t  listen.  she  couldn’t.

‎ ‎ ‎it’s  only  when  the  large  screen  suddenly  flickers,  illuminating  the  room  in  harsh  flashes  of  red  and  as  it  cuts  to  till  that  her  head  sluggishly  lolls  upward.  her  eyes,  still  unfocused,  take  in  the  image  of  the  younger  man  —  his  guitar  raised  high  above  his  head  like  a  weapon.  she  watches,  detached,  as  he  brings  it  crashing  down  with  a  ferocity  that  makes  the  instrument  splinter  organs  spilling  out.

  ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ — a  cacophony  of  voices  erupts  in  the  room,  a  discordant  symphony  of  anger  and  disgust.  a  colourful  array  of  curses  fills  the  air,  each  word  shouted  venomously,  slurs  spat  with  unfiltered  hatred  against  non-human  beings.  robotic  hands  descend  swiftly,  their  cold,  metallic  grip  unyielding  as  they  shove  till  toward  the  exit.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎he  kicks  out  hard,  barefoot  smashing  against  metal,  but  his  resistance  is  brief.  another  claw  latches  onto  his  arm,  twisting  painfully,  while  a  third  seizes  his  leg,  forcing  him  to  stumble.  a  sickening  pop  echoes  through  the  room  as  his  shoulder  is  wrenched  too  far  back,  and  a  sharp  cry  escapes  his  lips.  still,  the  limbs  are  relentless,  pinning  his  arms  tightly  against  his  sides  as  a  bulky  restraint  is  slammed  around  his  torso,  cinching  him  inescapably.  a  muzzle  follows,  clamped  over  his  mouth  with  a  brutal  efficiency  that  leaves  no  room  for  protest.

  ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎teal  hues  flash  with  fury,  darting  around  wildly,  searching  for  any  way  to  keep  fighting.  but  before  he  can  find  one,  his  head  is  shoved  unceremoniously  against  the  glass  of  his  observation  pod,  the  faint  green  glow  casting  shadows  across  bloodied  features.  through  the  haze  of  pain,  he  catches  a  glimpse  of  movement  —  long,  pink  hair  shimmering  like  silk  under  the  lights.  his  gaze  freezes  momentarily,  and  he  almost  sees  her  face.  she’s  looking  his  way,  he’s  sure  of  it  —  but  the  connection  slips  away  as  quickly  as  it  comes.

‎ ‎the  door  to  the  pod  hisses  open,  and  till  is  thrust  inside  with  a  force  that  hits  him  against  the  front  of  the  glass.  his  head  pounds,  thoughts  spiralling  in  dizzying  loops,  each  one  more  fragmented  than  the  last.  his  body  feels  too  heavy, strength  drained,  and  though  he  knows  she’s  there,  watching  him  from  across  the  divide,  he  can’t  muster  the  will  to  lift  his  head.