#// great self control to the point where he'd never allow himself to go that far. but. situations can exist where that self control | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

everafterkeiji · 4 years ago

Text

Song: drivers license by Olivia Rodrigo

Summary: How the flashing lights in the street bring you to the moment that was once yours and Oikawas.

Parings: Tooru Oikawa x fem! reader

Word count: 7.3k

Genre: angst

A/N: fuck it honestly, self control we don't know her boo, pls be careful with the flashbacks and little details, enjoy pt. 1 <33

"Can't you give me just one more kiss?" Oikawa begs, leaning his arm behind your seat as you see his irresistible pout resting on his lips. You chuckle before leaning close to him and him copying your actions.

Lips lingering with each other, as he removes his arm behind you to ghost upon your cheek. It was so intoxicating, a distance too great that was covered in tension. He glides his finger through your lips before resting it on your chin.

"Run away with me."

He states, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead to yours with a shaky sigh, his hand now running through the hair from the back of your neck. You smile at his words, caressing his arm, shutting your eyes like he did, embracing his warmth in his car.

"And we'd go everywhere?"

"Everywhere, any time, you name it babe." He whispers with desperation in his tone. This close. Why can't he hold you like this forever? A tear nearly escapes his eye as he cherishes your touch. Why did he have to lose contact with his true self?

He opens his eyes to see yours closed and in full serenity. He bites his lip before allowing the tears to cast down his cheeks. He tried not to sniffle so you'd let this moment last without any trace of pain.

"In that case, I'm not driving."

You joked, making him let out a soft laugh as he wipes his tears before you can see. Instead, he leans in finally breaking the distance between you two. You kissed back, not knowing his cheeks were tear stained as he lets his lips tell his apology. This wasn't him, this wasn't a kiss that could last more than once.

He hesitantly pulls away as you caress his cheeks as he leans into your touch, melting in the skin he's adored every inch of. He takes in the way you stared at him, the lights of the passing cars glowing on your face as his hands shakes at the sight of you.

He wished the silence wouldn't give out how painful it was to watch you like this, so with a disguise, he smiles.

"You'll be able to in the future." He says, earning him an ache to surround his heart. You intertwine your hands with his, your thumb assuring him since you've noticed a change in his aura.

"Maybe, but it's still you and me right?"

His eyes wander around his car, reminiscing on each memory that you've made in just a vehicle. Every moment where you'd leave the window open, freedom in your clutch. Every time your voices were close to being gone from furiously shouting the lyrics. All the times you'd rather sleep in his car and run from your problems. Even the random placements of clothes from the two of you, to scattered photographs and snack wrappers.

Just one more, Tooru.

"You and me, love. That's all it takes. "

You let your head rest on his shoulder as he turns on the engine, surprising you with your hands still intertwined with his.

"What'd you say babe? One last drive?"

You nod happily as he chuckles looking at you before driving, his facade weakening with every mile.

One more.

"Pick up, Tooru!" You shout, aggressively clicking the button on your phone as each call was heard with his voice mail. You threw the phone to the floor as you let out a scream, your throat begging you to stop torturing yourself.

"Pick up!" You scream once again before lying down on the bed, not giving a care that your sobs echoed outside his apartment. Your cheeks were warm, with heavy eyes and mascara staining the pillow cases. Tears nonstop with the crumpled paper in your hand. Shaking uncontrollably as you denied what he's done.

Running to your door, the breeze greeting your legs since you wore his hoodie to sleep and little shorts to cover the weather. Frantically turning left and right to reach the entrance of the building.

You let your hand cover your mouth as you see his car nowhere in your sight. You gripped on the handle of the door to steady yourself from falling, with your sob catching the attention of strangers.

"Y/N! Fuck- I'm here- hey I'm here."

Clouded with water, you barely recognize the person who was hugging you tightly. Falling to the rough surface of the ground, he joined you in your downfall and it seemed that nothing made sense anymore. The noise of the world drifted far from you as the only sound that replayed was his words, and you despised it.

How come it was only you?

"Y/N- I got you, it's okay now." Iwaizumi whispers but you shook your head punching his back as you fell into a state you didn't know Oikawa could put you in, solitude.

Iwaizumi hated hearing you cuss at the universe. It still scares him the way the color was drained out of your body when he saw you got out of the apartment looking like an absolute tragedy. Your punches felt numb to him but he couldn't ignore how painful it was to hear you scream Oikawa names, and for him to desperately come back.

"W-why-" You couldn't form the words properly since you were having trouble breathing. Iwaizumi carried you in his arms since he noticed your knee had been scraped, as he tried his hardest not to fall in rage for his best friend.

"I'll be here. C'mon, let's calm you down yeah?" He assures you making you nod, left with no energy but what remained was your heart torn by the person you loved the most.

You woke up to Iwaizumis voice making you shift in the sheets, mistaking him for your Tooru. When you opened your eyes, you didn't see your favorite pair of brown eyes instead you were face to face with the same hue but a different person.

"Y/N- hey I got somewhere to go to today but I made breakfast, is that okay?" He asks softly, a comforting hand to your shoulder. You nod as he smiles standing up to open the curtains now that you were wide awake.

"Thank you, Hajime." You bid him as he sits down on the bed, beside you. You turn to where he is and stare at him, overwhelmed with how he chose to stay.

"I'll be gone for half the day." He states as you sit up slowly, rubbing your eyes.

"I've never seen a birds nest this up close before." He jokes making you glare at him before punching his shoulder as he laughs.

"Says the fucking spikey ass hair." You threw back as he laughs, delighted that your past self was resurfacing every now and then.

"What about you? Don't you have any plans today?" He asks as you check your phone. You sigh as you saw the reminder on your phone as he takes a peak and his heart drops at it.

"It's nothing."

"You have to go. "

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"Okay now put your foot here babe." You obeyed Oikawas words as he pecks your cheek. Before you could insert the key in, he stops you. Questioning him, he turns to you with a smug smirk before leaning close to your lips.

You expected him to kiss you the way that he does but instead he pulls away before strapping you in, putting your safety first before kissing you. He laughs at how you were clearly upset that he lead you on. He strapped himself in as well.

"You'll get that kiss if we make it out here alive." He jokes as you gasp in betrayal, making him stick out his tongue, still taunting you.

"I'm kidding baby! But you will get that kiss when we reach that pole over there." You glanced to where he was pointing as you sighed in relief at how easy it was. Turning on the engine, he smiles at how eager you were to succeed.

"Then I'll get us there."

"Y/N-" he bites his lips before he could throw you something he'd regret. You look to him, wondering why he became silent. Clicking in your mind that he's being careful with his words since Oikawa left, you leaned your head on his arm.

"I know, Iwa. I'm sorry." You apologized so suddenly, surprising him that you'd catch up on his behavior. He shakes his head before wrapping his arm around yours, just like he always would.

"I know how much this means to you. Hate me for saying this, but he'd be proud to see you get it." He says, making you smile at how honest he was. If he were here, he'd immediately bring you to your favorite restaurant and go all out just because you aced it. To others, it'd look like another step into growing up, learning how to drive and how to maintain the quality of the car.

It wouldn't be this important if his words didn't paint you perfect memories.

"You know what makes me so excited?" Oikawa asks as you continued to run your fingers through his brown locks. His head was laid on your lap as he draws constellations in the air, smiling to himself.

"What is it babe?"

"I'll get my drivers license." You whispered as Iwaizumi pats your hair, happy that you managed to push yourself through that cloud of sorrow.

"Okay that is extremely random, Tooru." You chuckled but he shakes his head before sitting up to meet with you. Slowly, he pulls you into his lap as you wrap your arms around his neck as his hand loosely finds its home to your waist.

"We don't have to wait anymore, think about it." He asks making you focus on what he's hinting to. Once he realizes you couldn't figure it out, he chuckles before pulling you to him gently. Your heart beating too quickly for you to even realize that it felt normal for you to be this dangerously close to him.

"We can come home to each other."

At first you questioned why he was so worked up in teaching you how to drive and finally getting your drivers license, but now it was too clear for you and you hated it.

"Call me when you get it ok? Maybe by dinner we can celebrate?" Iwaizumi suggests as you nod, genuinely smiling that he was there to celebrate with you. You immediately wrap your arms around him as he does the same, closing his eyes, proud of you.

"You got this." He whispers as you embraced him longer, desperately wanting to cry at how thankful you were for him. Iwaizumi feels a flush to his cheeks as he pulls away, fearful of the pace of his heart.

"Well don't get my shirt wet with your tears again- I need to look presentable!" He jokes make you wipes your eyes as he smiles when he hears your laugh.

Hajime: I'm sorry I can't make it tonight, Y/N. I'll promise I'll make it up to you by morning.

That was the message that was sent to you hours ago yet here at 11pm, you were staring at the movie in the ceiling. Oikawa insisted buying a projector for the two of you to enjoy movies in the comfort of your own space. So using it now felt nostalgic remembering how much he loved this movie.

Sighing, you sat up as you lift the drink to your lips, relieved at the sensation of alcohol entering your mouth. It's been a while since you've got a hold of it. Iwaizumi being protective of the amount you could consume while he was gone so he kept the alcohol cabinet away from you. He promised that he'd allow you to drink once a month because he was indeed worried for your health if you allowed yourself to drink everyday.

On this day, you chose to ask him if it'd be okay to drink. Understanding the pain that you were in, he agreed. Before he went away, he got the key and unlocked the cabinet handing you your favorite drink. You thanked him as usual, now being satisfied with being alone with a bottle of liquor that could temporarily drown the pain.

Hearing a smack from where the projector was set up, the bright lights of the ending movie flashed through your eyes so you shield yourself from it. You immediately turn your back to the projector that was now facing you since it's lost it balance from your previous angle.

The credits rolled in as you reached for your laptop to stop the screening but then another video plays, making you read the date of the video.

"Hello! Unfortunately I'm still here in the car but I'm making this video as proof if I died, it's because of my girlfriend right here who can't drive properly."

It's him.

Turning your attention to the video playing in front of you. You scoot to the left so your silhouette doesn't create a barrier while you watched.

You had a hand to your mouth, lost at words for this unexpected video to play. His voice immediately brought you to tears as you gripped the pillow beside you as your laughter in the video echoed in the background.

"For the record- I'm learning so get this camera away from me, Tooru!" You defended yourself as Oikawa looks at the camera before rolling his eyes.

"On this episode, I'm teaching her how to park! So wish me good luck- maybe prepare a casket for my car." You immediately slap his shoulder as he lets a loud laugh. He sets the camera in a better landscape angle.

You smiled at his teases. It struck you how much you missed his little remarks that would always make your day. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you watched the way he looks at you as you tried to figure out which direction to turn to. His stare was one of the things many people wished they could experience.

A look as if you were the reason they believed in love and how endless it was.

Surprisingly, in your last drive, he still looked at you the same way.

Your chest tightens as you fell for his illusion. It felt like it'd be an eternity for you to move on from how he looked that night. You should've asked him why a tear landed on your clothes, why was his fingers cold and trembling? You thought that his kiss felt like the one you'd receive when you finally hear the priest bid you two as husband and wife but it was a kiss that held farewell in secret.

"Would you look at that! I'm alive and barely a scratch on my car so far- good job baby!" He cheers engulfing you in his arms. You swarmed him in sweet and tiny kisses as he giggles at each one before placing a delicate to your lips, closing his eyes as you pull him closer placing your hand on his cheek.

You wondered if there was something that could hold you back from how much you allowed yourself to endure the pain this long. Moving closer to the wall, your chest heavily coming up and down, difficulty in finding a way to breathe properly.

Kneeling to reach him, you let your hand touch the wall as your hand lands in Oikawas face as he laughs at something you said in the video. You felt how you closed your eyes and reminiscing on what it felt like to hold him in your hands again. His soft lips, his skin that warms you up during your cuddles, his hair that would be snuggled in your neck when he embraced you.

"I love you, Y/N."

He says, leading you to sob as you turned away from the wall, the light of the projector passing through you as you dropped to the bed with knees to your chest, the walls of the room was familiarized with your cries again.

You felt every part of you crumble as you continued to scream, having another miserable night. You'd rise from your knee from time to time to gasp for air from the unstable breathing.

You felt like a stranger to him.

That alone was enough for you to be swallowed by darkness once again.

How careless was he to assume you'd give him a call?

You're probably out with Iwaizumi celebrating and driving freely with him. Oikawa sighs as he removes the reminder from his phone as he takes another punch to the steering wheel as he feels the irony hit him that he's jealous of his best friend.

For someone who has been with you since you went to Aoba Johsai, Iwaizumi would've been perfect for you, Oikawa thinks. To keep you grounded, to take his position in making you the happiest.

He's everything Oikawa is but the difference is that Iwaizumi was the one who could give you more, and importantly, he stayed.

And nothing scared the setter more than to lose you to a person that can truly love you more than he ever could.

Though it feels like he's defeated already.

"Sir! Good morning, this is Oikawa from room 104?" He greets through the phone as the man smiles fondly at the sweet boy who he's seen chasing around in the hallway with his girlfriend.

"Ah! Mr. Oikawa! I barely see you nowadays what happened?" Oikawa sighs, running a hand through his hair, debating on what answer to give to the landlord.

"I've been okay sir, I just called to ask about the payment due-"

"No worries Oikawa-kun, the man took care of it for this month!"

Man?

"E-excuse me sir?"

His heart was beating too loudly at the sudden information. What man? He feels sweat rushing to him, heavily anxious of what happened to you and his apartment.

"Hajime was it? Ah anyway he's covered it this time!"

Iwaizumi?

It felt as if he was struck down by force as he drops to his couch with his mouth agape and eyes widened with his heart raging too fast for his liking. He let out a gasp, putting each piece into its place as he feels a swift of the threatening atmosphere surround him, along with anger.

"H-he's my friend sir- does he stop by often?" He asks, biting his fingers in anxiousness. With his other hand, he reaches for a pillow, gripping it tightly like he'd want it to collapse in his hand.

"Often? He lives there silly. I was honestly surprised you'd let him but I guess young love isn't for everyone, son."

He didn't even notice that he's thrown the pillow all the way across the room as he stands up, his phone held tightly in his hands, wanting nothing more than to be slammed to the floor but with sourness in his tone, regret in his heart then he replies.

"You're right."

After that day, even if it's been months since he was informed, he chose to feel numb but there was a tug on his heart at the thought of Iwaizumi taking care of you. You deserved every ounce of effort that the ace gives you. Oikawa is more than thankful that Iwaizumi was there to wipe your tears and embrace you since he was the one to cause you this overwhelming amount of pain.

But he didn't expect this.

"Iwa-chan, how are you?" He asks with envy hidden from his true intentions of calling him. Iwaizumi stretches, tired from the workout as he answers the boy.

"I'm tired. What about you?" Oikawa lets out a mocking laugh as he leans on the couch, hands behind his head but both hands were formed into fists as he converses with him.

"I'm sure Y/N is there to patch you up huh?" He exclaims making Iwaizumi sit up, nervous at the outburst but then he looks at the apartment, seeing your sleeping state on the couch, and he sighs. Oikawa was bound to know sooner or later.

"I'm sorry Oikawa but-"

"Hajime that's my apartment!"

"And she was your girl wasn't she? But where are you right now!"

He was at lost for words, like the life of him was knocked out of him, deeply taking in Iwaizumis words. It was unhealthy with how much he was shaking and how he felt so cold and empty. On the other end, Hajime bites his lip, suddenly regretting his words but he can't turn back knowing it struck a nerve to Oikawa.

"Oikawa, listen to me." Iwaizumi starts as the setter was left to no other option then to obey since he couldn't think of anything else to respond to him.

"I know you love her but you're never going to be there for her. You asked me to go to her when you left and it's been a year. I know it's a dick move to move in with her but I don't trust her when she's alone. If you ask her, it feels like it's been forever so I'm just- being there for her cause she needs me."

He hated how right he was. If he would be honest, leaving you alone would be the least appropriate thing to do. All he can hear was your screams and imagining the way you look made his heart throb with too many emotions.

What made him lose was the fact that he can come back with hundreds of medals, but he'll never have you.

And Iwaizumi was more than ready to win.

He was surprised to see you awake at 12am but seeing how distraught you were, he couldn't help but want to end the day with you smiling or at least a reaction where he'd feel his heart flutter at the sight of it so he sighs before asking.

"Wanna go for a drive?"

The question that left you with so much trauma, sounded so soft when Hajime said it bringing a new feeling to it. It didn't sound like an unfulfilled promise and you nod to him knowing he could never hurt you the way Oikawa did.

Maybe it was best for you to escape the apartment.

Spending time with Iwaizumi as you drove around made you realize that there was a world where you can enjoy life without wondering about him.

Or maybe because it was suffocating.

Being in your apartment and Iwaizumi moving in with you was something your heart can never handle. To this day, you couldn't put into words how you despised that Iwaizumi had to care for you so much, even letting him living with you for a year. You admired the way he's known you since high school and now that you all had to choose different paths but he still took the one that had you in it since Tooru left you stranded.

With every tear that left your eyes, he was one step ahead to wipe them away and comfort you with his embrace. His patience when he sees you passed out on the couch from binge watching a series you were never really interested in, even to bringing you to random events just to spark your interest like you had back in school. Taking the time for you to fully open yourself to him by sharing your memories with Oikawa and why you've gained an attachment to his white car that held too many memories for you to just let go instantly.

At first, Iwaizumi wanted to laugh at how simple it was. What was so special about these late night drives and basic driving lessons from him? Wasn't that just one of the little things included in a relationship?

But then he sees the way you'd always ask him to put the windows down and how you preferred driving at night, driving without a specific location. Even when you'd clung to the seatbelt when he'd drive in the rain. He was more than curious. There were so many questions in his head but he had to give you some space knowing these memories course through your heart and mind everyday.

Now looking at you as you leaned on the seat with a solemn look on your face, he realizes how heavy it was for you to drive like this, without him by your side.

"He's proud of you, you know?" Iwaizumi whispers as you shift your body to face him, leaning your head on the seat.

"If only that was true." You whispered as he shakes his head before hesitantly sets his hand on your knee as a way of reassurance.

"I never understood it at first but now I guess it makes a fuck lot of sense why you didn't wanna get your drivers license." He comments, making you nod drunkenly.

"Because what's a journey without him?"

Iwaizumi then shifts his body like you did, fully invested in whatever you had to say feeling like this was finally the moment where you'd let him just how bad were those memories embedded in you.

"He used to say- that the best part of getting my license was that distance can never be a problem but says the asshole who's fucking miles away huh?" Iwaizumi knew that even if it was a joke, you held nothing but the truth. He sees the way your eyes didn't hold a sparkle anymore when Oikawas name was mentioned or just the sight of him. You didn't look like the lovesick fool back in high school, that made Iwaizumi realize how love makes such an impact on a person.

"I don't even know who to come home to anymore."

"You have me."

Iwaizumi boldly confesses as your eyes gaze at him, wide eyed at his statement. How come it held something that you could never figure out? Realizing that he held his heart in his hands, he switches the tone of his voice, finding it hard to fight the urge to be real with himself.

"As your friend, idiot. Plus, I don't trust you around cup noodles." He adds, trying to clear the tension that surrounded the two of you. Smiling at him, you close your eyes, wondering why it felt right to be in this moment. You felt your self drown in intoxication as you took him by surprise as you let your hand rest on his cheek as Iwaizumi flinches at the sudden contact but finds himself accepting it, ignoring the pleas of his thoughts to back away.

"Don't fall in love with my broken pieces, Hajime. You deserve someone who is- complete."

You let a tear slip from your eyes as it mixed with exhaustion as Iwaizumi lets out an anxious breath as he takes in every word you said.

Yet there he was picking every piece of you wherever you went, admiring each of them.

Before he could answer, he felt your hand slip away from his skin and he turns to see you asleep. He gently puts you back in your seat, putting on your seatbelt as he frustratedly runs his fingers through his dark hair as he feels the trembling of his fingers. Hands to the steering wheel, gripping it knowing he's betrayed his own promise.

Opening his phone to check the time, what flashes before him was a photo of the three of you when you graduated. He sees Oikawa with a hand to your waist, grinning brightly at the camera while you had your eyes closed with a smile, holding out a peace sign. His eyes linger on Oikawa before he watches over your figure on the passenger seat.

Lastly, he throws his head back before glancing at Oikawa in the picture, closing his eyes before painfully whispering to himself.

"I've never felt this way for no one."

He then shuts his phone as he turns on the engine, hoping that this isn't the night where he'll regret leaving his heart open.

"Don't overthink it." Iwaizumi whispers as you sniffle in his arms, he let his hands play with your hair as he removes the phone from your hands. Why did it have to be so early? It's 10am, both of you were utterly exhausted from the night before, one of you experiencing a heavy hang over, and the other just extremely tired from his racing thoughts.

Unfortunately, Hajime found you sat up frantically on the bed as he quickly stepped in just to see an image of a post from one of Oikawas fan pages. Spotted in multiple places were the one and only Oikawa Tooru, accompanied by a certain blonde. Captured in photos were segments of them in a café holding hands, smiles plastered on either lips. Which lead him to sit beside you and embrace you, seeing that your luck was purely running out.

You hated how in each photo, he looked painfully happy. Even if you were meant to skip the photo, how could you when this was real evidence that he's promises were turning into thin air the more you look at it. After a year of constant aches and wasted tears, here he was smiling, which you envied until the end.

"God- she's tall, gorgeous, I can never-" Iwaizumi shushes you as you wiped you tears as they continuously ran through his sweats. Iwaizumi leans his head on yours, sighing as he prepares himself, wishing that you'd realize that not enough words were there to describe how beautiful you were.

"Don't try to tell yourself that you can't compare to her- because you're all he could ever want. "

"Shit, I'm so sorry. " Iwaizumi says as he watches a figure pick up the ball that landed next to her, a ball that was spiked by him, almost hitting her directly. You turn around, the ball in your hands with a smile.

"No it's fine!" You say but Iwaizumi was struck with the view of you. You hand the ball to him but the beating of his heart was as loud as fireworks during New Years. He knows you, of course he does. Oikawa never stops ranting about you anyway, showing him multiple photos of you, completely bragging about the fact that he's got you to himself.

And fuck- you were prettier than what the pixels display you in the setters phone, you had the ace momentarily blank at your presence.

How lucky. He thinks.

"Iwaizumi was it? I'm Y/N!" You reach your hand out as he smiles at you, taking in your hand shaking it lightly, as he stared at your eyes and admired the way your lips were tugged in a beautiful smile.

So this is her. He says to himself and the feeling washes away when Oikawa walks up to greet you with a kiss to your cheek. Turning away, he shrugs his shoulders returning to play.

She's his.

"Believe me that Oikawa can never look at anyone else the way he does with you." He puts your face in between his hands, wiping your tears as you sobbed holding onto his him. Iwaizumi wanted to scream at how the world kept pushing you through your limit.

Seeing the images felt like the universe added salt to your open wounded heart. It felt like your heart was progressively being tossed around like it was nothing. How come everyday felt like you weren't given a chance to be at peace? How come the moment you felt the tiniest amount of calmness was being in the car with Iwaizumi and then the next day you were back to zero all over again.

The image of yourself was already broken when you let yourself completely fall for the insecurities, but how can you rise from all of it? When it was clear that she was all you ever wanted to be.

"Hey, why don't we take a break? For real now, Y/N. Let's just put the phone down and- rest." Iwaizumi whispers, caressing your cheek as you closed your eyes, desperate to remove all trace of emotion. You wanted to blur out the world even for a second and Iwaizumi could promise you a silence worth more than you could ever want.

Your lungs were giving out, every muscle in your body, every function. It felt like any time you could collapse from the lack of sleep, the lack of proper nutrients, the lack of a smile. Your confidence was down to one as you held onto Iwaizumis words, drifting off into what he said before about Oikawa.

If all that he could ever want was you, how come you didn't feel like you weren't what he needed?

"You know that you're just being an asshole at this point, Tooru." Iwaizumi says as Oikawa sighs at the other end of the line. The blonde casually looks over to the setter as she takes a sip of her coffee. Oikawa leans on the pillow as he chooses his words wisely.

"How is she?" He asks, he can imagine the way Iwaizumi would roll his eyes, followed by a disappointed scoff. Oikawa knew the way your mind would work, and it never grew on him how every motion of his would bring destruction to you in any shape or form.

"What do you think? She's fucking crying again."

Even if there was a pinch to his heart, he simply took a deep breath to sustain how painful it was.

"Who is she, Oikawa?" Iwaizumi asks desperately. Oikawa turns to the girl sat in the dinner table as she meekly smiles unknowing she was the certain topic of the two best friends. The setter tiredly runs his hand over his face, wondering if there could be a way that he can exit without stepping on you and Iwaizumis heart.

"You owe me at least one explanation. If you can't give me one, then I'll be-"

"I'm ready. I'll tell you who she is."

And with the following sentences, the ace felt his ears ring along with a ruined heart.

Driving has never felt so rueful before but with every passing mile, all Oikawa wanted to do was stop and turn to where you were.

With a stab to his heart, he promised himself that he can never come back until he's found the silence in his mind.

"This is for us. I'll be better, Y/N. I'll come home to you- and I hope you can wait."

Those words may seem like they were directed to you but Tooru can feel himself stand small to his own declaration. He knows you're willing to wait for god knows how long, but he's indecisive if he has the power to wait for this emptiness that surrounds him.

He couldn't allow the rage in his soul to sit around and act like he's deaf to the screams of it. He needed to stop the sensation of his hands missing the way the ball was placed in it and how each serve leaves a breathtaking reaction on any crowd. The hole in his heart was too big enough for him to ignore, and he'd allow anyone to call him selfish knowing it was the inescapable truth.

Hearing all your voice messages to him the following morning had his heart begging for release. Every crack in your voice had him tipping over the edge. He deserved it- god he deserved it more than anyone else because he would have never heard such pain if he didn't book a flight to Argentina.

"Tooru, baby what happened? Please tell me this is a joke."

"Please fucking answer I need you- god Oikawa please!"

"Come back to me, Tooru- I'll do anything please."

"I love y-you, but I guess you've changed your mind huh?"

"Tooru, let's go home yeah?" A soft voice calls out for him as he averts his gaze to her. He sees how his bags were packed as well her tiny suitcase next to her, all dressed up to go. He stands up from where he is, gripping the handle of the luggage as the girl turns to him with such worry.

It was usual for the girl to awake him from his thoughts and he was thankful that she was brought to him, helping him in ways he could never imagine. She was a mere light in his street, a guide in his moonlight trips, and this was finally the moment to stop the waiting.

He takes a look at his apartment, before landing his eyes on the blonde girl who was tying her hair. He smiles fondly as he's felt the adrenaline to finally move again.

"Yeah, let's go."

TWO DAYS LATER ; 9:16PM

"Hajime, stop fucking around!" You laughed as you continued to drive. What a breather it was, to drive with somebody who brought warmth to the passenger seat. Previously, Iwaizumi tested your so called driving skills as he purposely flicks your forehead from time to time for no absolute reason.

You two were on your way home from a movie and Iwaizumi was the star that had grabbed your heart the entire night. He was pulling these jokes, making you cackle to no extent, threatening you that if you'd lose the arcade game one of you will have to forcefully wash the dishes for a week, of course both wouldn't back down.

Maybe for the first time, Oikawa has never visited your mind.

And damn did it feel good.

The part that you found pieces of yourself slowly gathering as you were introduced into a new way of light, it felt too good to be true. Felt like each piece was slowly coming all back together because Iwaizumi was the glue that got you together, it may take a long time to fully be fixed, but the ace proved to you his promise.

You're finally resting.

After the anger that rose above you, Iwaizumi stayed confident to his promise of finally giving you a break you well deserved. He fulfilled you days without technology to shield yourself from any knives from the social world, got you out of bed to watch the sunrise with you, left you places to visit while he was out for his internship. This was more than you could ever ask for.

It felt like flowers were decorating your lungs, heart was slowly being treated with a smile, and laughter that radiated growth.

All because of Iwaizumi.

Now there's a new feeling that has unlocked in your heart and you could feel the burn of it when you noticed how everything felt so light. Unlike before where every step felt too heavy for you to carry on, now that weight is being lifted off by Hajime.

And nothing feels better than that.

Inserting your hands into the pocket of your hoodie, you shivered in the nights embrace. Once Hajime has fallen asleep on the couch, you decided to take a stroll and your feet lead you to a place you've yet to visit in a year.

It was a walk meant for you to clear your head, to settle if everything was going to be permanent because you had to know which part of the moments you wanted to hold onto.

This was entirely a mistake- to stroll around his neighborhood like it was always welcoming you with open arms. All the things you wanted to decide on felt like it vanished once you became familiar with the turns of his car when it drove to this place.

This is where it all began. The lessons, the confessions, the blossoming of love, everything. It doesn't matter how many times you try to deny it, this place will always make your heart bleed at how noxious it was. You can never hate the way chills ran up your spine because of how they all rushed to your mind as fast as light.

It's truly a crime to despise how love is formed.

With the sight of his house, a smile creeps on your face remembering your last interaction in this household.

"This is my lovely, Y/N." He sweetly introduces you as you respectfully bowed but you were taken by surprise when you were hugged by his mom, making your boyfriend laugh at your crazed expression. You lose this tenseness when you felt how endearing she was as you gained courage to gently wrap your arms around her too.

"Welcome honey! I've been wanting to meet you so badly since this twat never shuts up about you." She says earning a pout from your boyfriend and a giggle from you. You turn to his dad smiling softly, as he reciprocates your gesture.

"Might as well get used to the house babe, you'll be an Oikawa soon."

You felt your heart clench with his words and you avert your eyes on the road instead. Finding it hard to sustain the bite of how it all turned into a pile of lies.

"No, mom! Please don't embarrass me like that."

You hear a voice shout out making you jolt from your previous stance.

Meanwhile, Iwaizumi awakens with a groan as his phone dings with every second. As he grumpily opens his phone, he was greeted by a flood of messages coming from a certain setter making him sit up and frantic to reach for you. Seeing your door that was wide open, he lets out a gasp as he fidgets for the door, cussing himself at the situation.

"Fuck, Y/N please no."

You suppressed your sobs with a tight hand to your mouth as you felt your feet gain the urge to ran away but your mind demanded you to stay to finally awaken you in this false hope you've been holding onto.

A silhouette of his tall now much more bulky figure was stood next to more of a petite on with hair tied in a ponytail. Wiping your eyes to sharpen your vision, it hit you like a grenade at war.

There he was, proudly introducing the girl that's haunted your dreams.

Oikawa was smiling brightly at her as you watched her look at him with the same expression.

He's right there with someone who isn't you and can never be you.

"You and me, love. That's all it takes."

"Tooru." You whispered as if you'd ever get the chance to let him notice your cries. God, it was unbearable. No words came to your mind, no beating of your heart, it was all gone because the only thing that will forever linger in your mind is the sight of the person you waited so long to come home to, has gone and found the perfect replacement.

Her.

Another glance meant like a sword heading straight to your heart in one swing so you finally decide to turn your back on something you knew you had to forget.

Love.

"Tooru, who is she?" His mom asks softly, not wanting to let the curiosity lace her tone knowing the smile on his sons face was an exact look he had when he had you.

"This is Himari." He glances to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, with his lips tugged into a smile, a genuine one that's been kept a secret for too long.

"My dear little helper." Oikawa jokes as Himari rolls her eyes as his parents grew more in confusion at the sight of this stranger.

"Help with what Tooru?"

"To get Y/N to live with me in Argentina."

#haikyu x reader #oikawa x you #oikawa angst #iwaizumi x y/n #hajime iwaizumi #oikawa tooru #haikyuu iwaizumi #haikyuu!!#hq oikawa #hq iwaizumi #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi x you #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa torū

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ty-talks-comics · 5 years ago

Text

Best of DC: Week of January 1st, 2019

Best of this Week: The Flash #85 - Joshua Williamson, Christian Duce, Luis Guerrero and Steve Wands

Amidst everything going on in the DC Universe right now from Year of the Villain to the end of Doomsday Clock, there’s been a lot of really underrated books that DC’s been publishing and Flash Definitely falls into that category for me. Of course, Flash is no low-tier character, but as it stands, there’s not a big conversation surrounding Joshua Williamson’s run with the character like there is for the up and down runs of Batman and Superman, but there should be!

Joshua Williamson and his revolving art team of Christian Duce, Scott Kolins, Rafa Sandoval and Carmine di Giandomenico have pulled off some of the most consistently fantastic Flash storytelling in recent years. From the Speed Force Storm to Flash’s ��Final Showdown” with Captain Cold and finally here with Rogues’ Reign, these stories have only seen Flash become an even better character with depth after he’s been tested over and over with insurmountable odds and overpowered enemies while still being riddled with doubt.

This issue of Flash acts as the penultimate issue to the Rogues’ Reign storyline and sees us learning a bit more about some of the Rogues as individuals while at the same time, breaking them apart even further. This book is less centered on the various speedsters, but more around their lack of control over their powers and Flash continuing his rivalry with King Cold to the bitterest end.

The book begins with four panels of King Cold, Leonard Snart, monologuing to himself. We get a great big focus of the Symbol of Doom in the sky as Snart says that it’s the end of the world, but at least he’s going out like a winner, unlike his loser of a father. One of the many defining characteristics of Cold up to this point and in other stories has been his hatred of his father and his aversion to become anything like him. However, he’s become nothing more than a self-fulfilling prophecy because his life is nothing more than misery because of the sacrifices he made to get to where he is.

Cold helped Luthor’s ascension and the rise of Doom by accepting Luthor’s Gift and allowing himself and his Rogues to become ultra powered, but in doing so, has alienated himself from his friends and family now that they all have what they want. Duce frames all of this excellently by first placing Cold in shadow before he looks at his glasses, as if reminiscing about his old life before putting them on and looking towards his death at the end of the world.

Soon after, we cut to Kid Flash and Avery receiving training from two unlikely sources; Heatwave and Weather Wizard. Though they were seen as reporting in to King Cold a few issues ago, it was brief and mostly to air some small grievances that they had with the way that Cold was running things. Here, we get the reveal that they’d been working with Golden Glider since she broke off from her brother and Mirror Master under their noses. In a brilliant double page spread by Duce and Guererro, we see that they’ve been helping the speedsters keep their speed under control.

It’s a pretty warmhearted scene followed by more where Gold Glider comforts Flash about their presence. Williamson makes Heatwave and Weather Wizard come off as two men that have suffered hardships in their lives, leading them to the life of crime, but still managing to have hearts. Glider tells Flash how Weather Wizard wanted to escape the life of crime that his family was involved in when he was a kid, but never could which lead to him hurting people he loved. Heatwave suffers similarly from his pyromania being the reason his parents died, but it’s painted more as him having a sickness he can’t control. Glider tells Flash that they want to stop Cold so that things can go back to the way that they were.

Duce draws these scenes with a surprising intimacy. Amidst all of the intense action, Duce draws Heatwave with a sense of pride as he watches Kid Flash control his speed better, Weather Wizard stare in his lonesome because of everything going on and shows the kids eating with their teachers after a long day. On top of all of this, Flash has a nice scene where Golden Glider teaches him how to ice skate after he asks her to get back into what was one her hobby. Guererro colors all of these scenes with warm tones, even in the ice which is primarily blue and white. Flash and Glider’s colors give off something of a happy feeling.

One of the recurring themes of this run has been relating to the Rogues in meaningful ways and Williamson does an excellent job here of contrasting all of them to an amazing degree.

After Flash makes a bad joke to Golden Glider, causing her to become morose, Weather Wizard steps in and tells them that they’ve found where Mirror Master has been hiding and the entire crew go to find the last two pieces of his great mirror. Kid Flash asks Golden Glider if she used to date him and she confirms this, stating that she didn’t know why, but that she knew all of his tricks.

Mirror Master has always been one of the Rogues of lesser renown because well… he's an idiot. Only in the sense that he's never used his powers to a degree where people needed to be afraid of him, but thanks to his upgrade they need to. In actuality, his access to an entire Mirror Dimension makes him one of the most dangerous people in the DC Universe as a potential spy or thief because A LOT OF SURFACES REFLECT. Flash and the other Rogues learn this the hard way when Mirror Master springs a trap on them, revealing that he knew that Glider and the others betrayed Cold.

When the Rogues and Speedsters finally encountered Mirror Master, he looks absolutely devious with a wide grin and his wide grin as they did everything they could to stop him. Duce’s poses were dynamic and captured how intense the fight was, the furious facial expressions were very well done and crystalline backgrounds were beautiful. Guerrero’s colors stood out in how distinct each of them were. Mirror Master’s glossy white clashed with the other characters, especially Flash’s vibrant reds and Weather Wizard’s dark greens. By easily besting all of them, he showed just how dangerous he could be.

He teleports them all to the King and Snart notes how disappointed he is and how the Rogues could have ruled the world together. This causes Glider to snap at him, saying that he never told the Rogues what that would entail - the end of the world under Luthor. At this point Captain Cold is so far gone that he just doesn't care anymore and Williamson has been leading him down this path since the beginning.

In Rogues Reloaded, Cold had the idea for the Rogues to get one more heist over on The Flash before retiring completely and that was foiled with all of the Rogues being defeated. In Welcome to Iron Heights, Snart decided he'd run an operation from prison but Barry Allen and his former ally, Godspeed foiled that plan too. Because Cold had murdered another inmate to throw off the scent, this led to a fist fight between Cold and Flash which saw Cold's defeat and transfer to Belle Reve Penitentiary. Obviously the defeat had an adverse effect on Cold because he was so sure that he would overcome, but didn’t. He lost again.

Captain Cold has always been one to hold family in high regard since he's never quite had a functioning one side from the Rogues, so his time on the Suicide Squad was devastating to him. I mentioned in past Flash reviews that watching teammates die mission after mission must have done something to his psyche and Lex Luthor took advantage of that when offering him and his actual friends a way to win against The Flash. All of that led to this.

King Cold, feeling betrayed and pissed off, freezes his former friends and sister, leaving only The Flash to fight him one on one again. In their last fight, Cold wanted it to be one on one without any powers, but he lost that fight because of Flash’s iron will. As he removes his cold weather clothes, he reveals that Luthor’s Gift wasn’t just improved gear, but it was a supercharge of power implanted into him. Their final face off will be hand to hand with powers.

This final shot is absolutely poster worthy. Duce conveys the rage emanating from both of them with jaws wide as if they were yelling at each other. Fists are cocked back, ready to pummel their opponent into the ground, especially Cold as he has frozen his arms up to the elbow for maximum impact. What makes this even better is the Symbol of Doom hanging over them in the background like a terrible omen. Guerrero manages o make so many colors fit together in a brilliant display. Flash and his signature red and bright yellow makes him look heroic, the underdog in a fight shrouded in dark greens and cold greys. Cold is paler, his normally blonde hair turned completely white and his arms as blue as his cold blood.

I absolutely loved this.

Duce and Guerrero killed the art in this issue. On the scale of Flash artists for me, Duce is high up there. They manage to blend high intensity action with nice character moments to get the reader invested in character’s emotional states through visuals. Guerrero accentuates this by coloring scenes so that they fit each individual mood and can blend these all together when there’s a clash of ideology or character. Of course, Steve Wands is the glue that holds all of this together his letters are perfectly placed, distinct for each character and give every situation the proper weight to individual lines.

The Flash is an underrated hit that everyone should be reading, especially in regards to the Flash/Captain Cold saga. Their rivalry has been a grand center point on the level of Batman and Bane’s right now or Superman and good storytelling (zing!) I can only wonder where things go from here and what will happen to Captain Cold after this because this is probably the highest he’s ever flown, so how will he fall?

#the flash #barry allen #captain cold #leonard snart #golden glider #year of the villain #dc comics #comics #joshua williamson #christian duce #luis guerrero

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