#&&. 'write it in ink or in blood its the same either way.' || kat.

[havencfear]

for spot: thoughts on every member of the newsies? uncensored and honest?

“ Crutchie is one of my oldest friends… I hate that he got dragged into my mess, but I’m doing everything I can to make things right before he finds out. Jack is my other oldest friend, and I trust him with everything. Kat… Her talent’s wasted on those shitty fluff pieces. She should be covering things she likes and are important, but y’know, capitalism and all that bullshit. Sarah and Les I’m not very close to but are quite honestly two people I’m most afraid of ( and I’m in a gang ) simply because… ” He paused, not wanting to continue. “ Davey’s the most important person to me and they could probably stop him from talking to me. ”

@crxtchiemorris, @defyingrcvity, @kingofnxwyxrk, @thatjacobsgirl, @dimplcsandcurls, @seizethxdavey

[aka-ashi-keiji]

“the words I couldn’t say” 

Bakugou Katsuki

Angst, One shot

tw: character death, description of hospital.

a/n: no idea how i had the strength to write this but i did cry while doing so, i hope you do too ;)

Bakugou Katsuki. Your best friend, your neighbor, your classmate, the “fire” to your ice, and unknowingly your first love. Looking back on all the years you spent with him, all the plans you made together for the rest of your life, you never thought you’d be put in this position. 

For months, this was the routine. School, hospital, Bakugou, home. Then repeat. But after today, there wasn’t going to be a “repeat”. The explosive light that once ran through his blood colored irises, was now fading and slipping through your fingertips. The fingertips that gripped the sleeve of the hospital gown that would soon be the last piece of fabric to grace his skin. 

The same eyes that glared at you with jealousy and admiration of your growth as a child, now only displayed the bare minimum of life. But you could see it, you could see in the way his forearm flexed under your grip that he still had thoughts to voice. Although you knew he couldn’t, you also knew what he was trying to say. 

Each visit to him was sealed with an ‘i love you’ from your lips, and an ‘i know’ from his. Bakugou was finally ready to reciprocate your farewell, but the barrier of a sickness restricted his ability to. While you silently burned this last image of him into your consciousness, you could feel the presence of the paper folded thrice in you pocket, the power of its presence burning into the side of your thigh. That paper, the paper you had taken hours to write, only to erase the words and start over once more. The final words you had written that stayed, were the ones you hoped Katsuki would die holding close to his heart. 

Don’t cry. 

That’s what you promised yourself. You wouldn’t cry until he was actually gone, you prayed those tears would never come. Your grip on his sleeve moved down to his pale hand. You fingers wrapped around the side of his palm, your hand half the size of his. His hands built like an iron fist, made to withstand those beautiful explosions that were meant to save the world. You focused on the feeling of his calloused skin against your trembling fingers, shaken by the fear of what was coming. And to your dismay, it looked as if it were already here. 

His breathing became more rapid and his chest stuttered, his body flexed with pain and his eyes shut with discomfort. You wanted to force them back open, afraid to let go of the sight of the eyes that frightened others, but soothed you. His hand relaxed out of your grip, but you connected yourselves once more. You didn't have the strength to let go yet, you couldn’t let go of the hands that trained you into the hero you are, the hands that warmed themselves to heal your muscles. The hand you clutched every time you were scared, just like you had now. Before, it was out of fear of monsters in the dark. Now. it was out of fear of the monsters taking your protector. 

You knew what the time was, and you knew it was time to say your goodbye. You had it all written out, but you didn’t want him to hear it. Not only because you didn’t want to accept his fate, but because you knew he wouldn’t be able to respond to the words you poured your lifeline into. That silence alone would break your heart before his departure could. Regardless, you stood, his weary eyes followed your stance. You smiled with every intention of pushing down the aching sadness that racked the inside of your body. As if Bakugou could sense the agony you were enduring, he smiled faintly back. His smile was more of a smug smirk, but that’s what made it special. That small sign was enough to remind you that he was still there. 

You were never good with words when you had to speak them off the top of your head, but you were a damn good writer. Katsuki knew this and his expression seemed brighten just a bit as he watched you remove the paper from your pocket. A few deep breaths were taken before you found yourself unfolding the letter you whole heartedly wanted to burn to ash. But you knew that if you never voiced what it conveyed, you wouldn’t ever feel as if you said a proper goodbye. And after everything Bakugou had done for you, this goodbye was well deserved. 

Your voice seemed to cease as you read the first line, your eyes flicking back and fourth from your hands back to where Bakugou laid. You nearly ripped the sheet of words from how hard you gripped it, restraining yourself from destroying it. Maybe if you destroyed the goodbye, you would never have to let go. That was your thought process in that moment. And in that moment, all you wanted was to be held in the arms kept you safe from the world, even when Katsuki refused to hug you. All you wanted for that moment, was to simply forget that soon, all of it was going to be gone. 

“I’m terrible with my emotions, and even worse with putting them into words.” 

You started to read, Bakugou turned his head ever so slightly against the pillow to show you that you had his full attention. Or, what was left of his consciousness. You continued.

“But for you Bakugou Katsuki I will try. I will try to help you understand how much you made my life a living hell, but I also feared the thought of living it without you. I never thought that I would be so bothered by your silence. I never thought I would miss your explosive outbursts and the way you would yell my name when I didn’t pick up after yourself. I never knew that I would be standing here, right now, saying goodbye to your forever.” 

By this point in your speech, tears started to cloud your vision, the words becoming a pool of ink. You stole a glace at Katsuki over the top of the page, and his smile still remained. He was listening to every word, taking in the sound of your voice. He was keeping himself attached for you, one last time he would stay and listen. 

“I never told you this and I should’ve, because i thought about it way too much. But you’re beautiful Katsuki.” 

A soft chuckle barely audible rang through your ears. The small sound relaxing your senses and allowing you to push forward. 

“I always thought every part and detail about you was beautiful. From the way your blood colored eyes softened at the sound of rain hitting your window, to the way you trace over the scars on your hands when you’re nervous. Your hunched stance, and the disgusted grimace that’s always plastered to your face, it was all always beautiful to me. and I hate that the most beautiful thing in my life is being stripped out of existence.” 

A single tear rolled down your cheek, cursing the weakness of your eyes. Bakugou’s smile had faded, but he was still listening. Waiting for what you had to say next. But he wasn’t waiting, he was ready. 

“I want you to know that I’m not upset that you’re leaving. But I’m sad that I can't go with you. Thinking about going back to a home without you is terrifying. I want to give up, I want so badly to stop my life right here. It doesn’t feel fair to live the life that was meant for both of us. But I know damn well that if I don’t, you’d come down and haunt my ass.” 

You laughed breathlessly and your tears came much quicker now, trying to find a way to make this speech end, but also last forever. 

“So i’ll live my life. I’ll make sure to live it so vividly that it’s as if the life was led by two people. I promise I’ll push through the pain that’s coming. I promise to live out all of our dreams together. I swear to you that I will become the hero you wanted to be. I’ll do it all for you, because you deserved for the world to know your name. I’ll make it known, I swear your presence on this earth will never die.” 

You paused, you weren’t sure if you could get through the next line. You lungs weren’t expanding enough to allow oxygen to flow, the tears and congestion only building on your face. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him. You could see Katsuki, he was crying, just as much as you. His arm trembled as it reached out for you, calling you closer to him. You took his hand once more and seated yourself to allow his arm to rest against the bed. He nodded his head, smiling through the tears that dripped down his cheeks and onto his neck. You shook your head, rejecting his permission to continue. You couldn’t. You weren’t ready to stop holding on. 

“Please. y/n, please.” 

the sounds of your sniffles nearly overpowered the soft spoken words. Your crying came to a halt, the urgency and pain in such a small voice pulling at you to continue. He needed to hear the end of it. He was ready to let go, he was in so much pain. But here he was holding onto the pain, just so he could ease yours. You brought the paper up once more, and began. 

“And even if the world somehow forgets how astounding you are, your memory will never die in me. A day will never pass where I won’t think of what it would’ve been like if you were still here. Damnit Kat, you’re not gonna graduate with me, you won’t see me off to my first day on hero patrol, you won’t be at my wedding either. Birthdays won’t be the same, I’ll never look at spicy food with a whole heart ever again. But I know, that even though you have to leave right now, I know deep down that you’ll be watching and guiding me through every step. I know you’d never leave me behind, and I wouldn’t dream of leaving you.” 

He squeezed your hand lightly, letting you know he heard every word. He would be there in every moment for you. He was listening, and silently promising. 

“And you know why I’ll never forget you Kat? Because I love you. I’ve told you everyday, because I’m scared I’ll never have another chance to. That time has- the time has finally come where- whe- where I won’t get another chance after today!” 

Your voice was becoming rough and you stumbled over your words as you approached the last sentences. You were close to a scream, angry at the world for making you do this. You were mad Katsuki had to go through this. But no matter the rage, you had to keep going. As if on que, Bakugou tugged on your hand and your gaze flew to meet his eyes. 

“I’m ready. It’s okay.” He whispered, a faint a genuine smile following. He was ready to let go, it was time for you to let him. You wanted to shake your head no and tell him he couldn’t leave, but you knew that wasn’t fair. How could you force someone who protected you with everything, how could you force them to fight through the pain he felt now. So, finally, you let go. 

“I love you, I love you Kat. For the last time, I love you. I love you over and over, and I’ll never stop. You never said it back, but I know you know that I love you. And that’s enough for me... This is our goodbye, our final ‘see ya later’.  But I love you Katsuki.” 

You sank into your chair, your head pressed against the back of Katsuki’s hand you gripped so tightly. Your tears rolled from your cheeks onto his hand and down to the bed. You sobs shook your body, not taking a chance to look back up. Not ready to see him slip away. But you had done it, your goodbye was complete. But you felt as if a piece of you had been taken, you felt incomplete. The words on that paper dismantling your ability to hold on. Maybe that’s what it was meant to do, maybe this was your way of letting go. Breaking yourself was the only way to ease him of his pain. 

You felt the bed shift, a weight change. Slowly your eyes trailed to Katsuki’s. Tears still ran freely from his eyes, but he was smiling. That genuine smile still pieced him together. You’d never seen him smile for so long, you’d never seen him smile with such sweetness. No smirk, no smugness, just pure ecstasy and joy. and even though you knew it wouldn’t last much longer, you were happy you had the chance to see it. 

His free hand lifted from his side, and shakily crossed his body to hold it out to you. It was balled into a fist, and you took this as he had something to give to you. You held an open palm underneath, and he dropped his gift into it. A small piece of paper, your name scribbled out in Katsuki’s bold, but neat handwriting. Strong but beautiful, just like him. 

You looked down at it, not entirely sure how to feel. You wanted to know what it was, but at the same time you didn't want to ruin the last piece of evidence that Bakugou was in your life. Reading this letter was almost as if sealing his departure. But, with all of these doubts, with a wide smile and a small nod from Kat, you opened it and you read. Oh how you wish you didn’t.

“Emotions suck, they’re a pain in my ass and I hate talking about them. But I know that if I don’t now, I’ll never get to. And I’m terrible with words, and I think by the time I give this to you, I won’t even have the option to voice this to you directly. So, here it goes.

Don’t be sad forever okay? I know it’s kinda shitty and I wouldn’t ever wanna leave you in this terrible world, but I’m really not that far. I’ll be there, I’ll protect your clumsy ass and make sure you don’t join me too soon. I want you to live the life we both dreamed of, live the life I know you’ve always wanted. And as dumb and sappy as it sounds, I want you to be happy. I’m your best friend and crap yeah, but don’t you dare let me take away that beautiful perspective you have on the world. 

I never said it back, and yknow I kinda feel bad. I always said “I know” because i did know that you loved me. It felt good knowing, and I was hoping the validation of me acknowledging it would be enough. That was pretty fucking dumb of me. So I guess what I’m saying is that, I know you love me. But, I love you too. Don’t you ever forget it y/n. Don’t ever forget how much you are loved. it’s your turn to say ‘I know’. If you ever forget, just remember the words are right here.

These are all the words I couldn’t say, hold on to ‘em would ya?

from, kat.” 

As you read the last line, the line on the heart monitor went flat. And that was that. 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••🌸

[blue-eyedraven]

Hope is a Fickle Thing~

((Following Bared and Stolen Souls & Return to the End. This is Riley’s perspective, Aly’s dialogue is once more in {brackets}!))

With preparations largely out of the way, Riley poured herself a drink and slipped into the welcoming embrace of a plush armchair with a wince; her ribs were still tender from the previous encounter, and that sudden reminder prompted a swift emptying of the glass in her hand before it was once again filled. As her head began swimming in the warm comfort of alcohol, she plucked up the dagger from the nearby table and pulled it from its sheathe. The plan had been to catch Alyssa up on the goings-on of the outside world, however, as was becoming a theme, even that simple plan managed to go awry.

{"Riley?}  Alyssa opened, reaching out the next time she sensed contact with the dagger; her tone and emotions both felt a bit lost, which Riley picked up on immediately.  {I don't have good news."} Notes of hesitant energy radiated from Riley's end of the link, despite her best efforts to mask them. Silence settled for a moment. Then another. When she finally did speak, it was with the voice of a woman bracing herself for what was to come.

"I'm afraid to ask..." {"It won't hold the energy."} The news could be worse. It could also be a lot better. "Of course..." Riley muttered under her breath and exhaled a long, deep sigh of begrudging acceptance, eyes clamping shut as she reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose and rub. It wasn't that she always expected the worst-case scenario, but, in her experience, that sure seemed to be the case more often than not. Still, the disappointment wasn't directed at Alyssa herself. {"There was some reaction, but then it simply burned off what I put in and we're... back to where we were.  Maybe more power?  But I don't know how long we have to keep trying things.  Best to just find her."} The lack of defeat in Alyssa's tone and energy helped to combat Riley's growing pessimism, if only temporarily. "Alright." Riley rose to her feet and began pacing around the shop as she sorted through her thoughts, dagger in-hand. "Alright- at least we know now, yeah?" She paused, letting that small sliver of reassurance hang by a thread for a moment. "We'll stick with the plan. Get to Uldum, find her, and... whatever comes after that. If an opportunity arises between now and then to try for something a little stronger..?" Shoulders rolled in an idle shrug. "Well, I've never been one to pass up a good opportunity..." {"That all suits."} Confidence began to waiver on either end of the link; both women had been hoping for a breakthrough, and the lack of one left them standing on increasingly uneven ground. {"Yes, if we get the chance at something stronger, we can take it.  Otherwise... well if we find Kat we will go from there? I have no idea what to do, Riley."}

"We just need to focus on what we do know." Admittedly, that wasn't a lot. "Take this whirlwind of shit one step at a time..." Once again, she seemed to be making an attempt at convincing herself just as much as she was Aly, and her steps halted as she peered down at the faintly-glowing weapon in her hand. "Hey... are you alright..?" The news itself was a let-down, certainly, but Riley had no way of knowing exactly what Alyssa had gone through during the process of breaking down a soul, or how deeply the end result might have effected her; she'd never met the woman while she was part of the physical world, but there was a sense of concern for her well-being, just the same. "I'm just about packed and ready to go, but... are you ready for this?" {"I appreciate you asking.  I'm as alright as I can be.  No harm done, I'm recharged a bit off what I took from that person if anything.  I'm just...tired emotionally."} Riley nodded; that much had been obvious, given their connection.  "At least something good came from all of that..." The sentiment in Riley's words lacked her usual brand of sarcasm, leaning instead towards sincerity that the effort hadn't been entirely for nothing. {"You?  How are those injuries?"} "I'm fine." Her initial reply was followed by a nod. "I don't want to come off as a prick with the whole 'I've had it so much worse' routine, but... I really have had worse. Just a couple bruised ribs and a whopper of a headache." It was true enough - she'd returned home wheezing, clutching her side while blood trickled from a split brow, but downing half a bottle of her favored vice while soaking in an ice water bath seemed to set her right. Right enough, anyway. {"I actually don't think I can say that right now."} Amusement flickered briefly across the link, and Riley felt a smile tug at the corner of her mouth.  {"Surviving the end of Gilneas was close, but I think my current situation is about as bad as I've gotten."}

"Alright. I think you win this one..." An attempt at a lighthearted tease to add to their brief moment of levity before they refocused. {"I'm ready as I will be.  I think it's on you now, I don't know what else I can do beyond supporting you until she's found."} To this, Riley nodded, unseen, and sat back down at her desk to pull out an inkwell and quill to write with. "I've got everything squared away here. All that's left to do is lock up and head out - with any luck, I'll be ankle-deep in sand within the hour." Despite her phrasing, she didn't seem particularly pleased with the last statement - though, anyone who had ever tried to get sand out of their leathers would surely understand. {"Going to have to go see Uldum for real some day, if I ever get out of this.  I've only ever been as a kitchen accessory."} "Hey, for what it's worth, you make a good-looking knife - these engravings are gorgeous." Riley fell into a pattern of light banter as though it was second-nature. Perhaps it was.

{"Thanks. Good genetics."} Aly’s retort earned a soft chuckle from the dark-haired woman, though no one was around to hear it. {"I'm here.  We'll get through this."} "Hold tight in there, Alyssa. I'll see you on the other side..." Maybe a poor choice of words, given what they're about to walk into, but as soon as the dagger was returned to its sheathe, Riley promptly shifted her attention to tracking down some parchment.

~

With her own personal preparations out of the way, Riley set to completing the one task Alyssa had asked of her before departing the city. It didn't take her long to locate the residence in question, and despite the fact that leaving an anonymous letter wasn’t exactly illegal, she waited until the street was clear before making the drop-off. The note was scrawled out in ink on a small roll of parchment, which was then tied with twine and left hanging on the doorknob to the intended's town home in Old Town. No identifying marks could be found, if anyone cared to look - just a simple letter, bearing a message that was anything but. 

(( Relevant: @alyssa-ward​ @kat-hawke​ @dardillien-ward​ ))

[havencfear]

– &&. TAG DUMP : Spot Conlon.