#& also its the malaise too & also it's particularly bad today on account of seeing someone for five seconds at mass this
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#been thinking abt redacted a lot lately. or like. i keep finding myself at the edges of the pieces i remember and not pushing too hard#because i fucking Cannot deal with the shit i can't remember. and it fucking sucks and i keep fucking feeling like im putting my hand on a#hot burner for fun. & like obviously i know it's because it's winter & because so much of the everything is wrapped up in northern winters#& also its the malaise too & also it's particularly bad today on account of seeing someone for five seconds at mass this#morning & beelining away from them and feeling nauseous all day etc. but like. i fucking hate it. guy whos walking around with big open#wounds hes gonna get contaminants and infection in those. its bad and i hate it.#and also i keep thinking about [dial tone bleep] & like. idk. i'm glad thats not [bleeeep] anymore. jesus fucking christ i'm glad im not.#them. her. & that they don't. need? to be here?like that anymore. idk. other thing that feels like touching a hot burner to think about and#other thing thats inextricably wrapped up in redacted etc!!!!#idk. im nevr going 2 be cruel 2 myself frm those years it was like. it was necessary. they did what they fucking had to to get us through#that shit. im glad im not that anymore though. i dont think the person i saw recognized me which was wonderful & good. idk. bleughh.#going 2 get back to. friebds at the table n pokemon x.#mandatory seasonal bloodletting weird feelings negpost. this is ur fault for bein on my damn blog! <3#txt#neg
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