#!!!!! aside from EVERYTHING ELSE I've mentioned that is gonna fuck up people's mental health SO much

[musical-chick-13]

Maybe I’ve just been Thinking Too Much About the Concept of Justice due to...currently watching....something (Idon’twannatalkaboutit)..........but GENUINELY the way most of y’all talk about the death penalty and about ANYONE who decides to go through law school for ANY reason is terrifying.

[basuralindo]

For the character thing

Malleus, Floyd, Jamil

Ah, I see you want me to be writing for the rest of my life... (jk. thanks for the ask!)

I just finished answering this for Jamil in another ask over here:

As for the other twooooo

Malleus:

What I love about them: Autism creature fr. tbh I've had a long-standing crush on Maleficent, so I just about screamed when I saw him. But also he's so much more endearing than I expected? They really went "let's do tall dark and mysterious but we're gonna make him So Fucking Weird" and I appreciate that. Like all the fairies, I like that they didn't make him just, basically human but kinda fancy, they went all the way with making him very much a different species with different behaviors and culture and everything. I also love that he's the super powerful ancient being, but absolutely not wise. This dude is sheltered to the point of clueless. He has a beloved tamagotchi. He's just so very much a person, with flaws and quirks and issues and curiosity. I just love that they made him realistically overpowered, but not conventionally cool about it in the slightest.

What I hate about them: (prior to book 7, which I haven't read yet) Aside from being lonely and autistic, he hasn't been given much depth that I've seen. And I get that it's hard to show depth with a character who's major issue is being withdrawn and socially stunted, so like, I'm sure it's all in due time, but yeah. Basically he sparks joy, but I'm still left wanting more out of him as a character.

Favorite Moment/Quote: His lab coat vignette. Every moment if that. I love that he's pledged a grand favor to Deuce because he knew how to use a screwdriver.

What I would like to see more focus on: ydxrudut this fucking thing ate my answer and now I've lost steam sorry. I wanna see more focus on interpersonal relationships, more interaction with characters treating him more like a peer. And I wanna see more of his internal thoughts and reasoning (I'm sure we're learning more about him actively in book 7, but again, I haven't read it yet...)

What I would like to see less focus on: I think my biggest issue is that there's not enough focus on him in general. I guess I wanna see less of him being mysterious and estranged while everyone avoids him out of fear. Let this man socialize!!

Favorite pairing with: I don't insert myself much into games like this, so I haven't given the MC any real personality at all? But I really like the setup for him and the MC anyway. Aside from that, my bf has been convincing me to appreciate Malleus/Leona, and I like the idea of Malleus/Idia.

Favorite friendship: Can't not mention Great Uncle Lilia, Grandpappy To All, but that's more mentorship than friendship I guess. At least he talks to him without fear or reverence. I haven't seen much of anyone else really going out of their way to interact with him except Cater, which would be cute. I love the idea of Deuce befriending him just cause he's a ballsy enough mf to face him in a fight on principle, and now that Malleus has pledged peace between their houses, maybe they can have a mutual respect friendship. I love Deuce tbh.

NOTP: Malleus/anyone from diasomnia. Just, one watched him grow up, and he watched the other two grow up. Not my thing.

Favorite headcanon: .....I don't think I have any for him, I'm sorry.

Floyd:

What I love about them: Everything. I love this fucked up noodle of a man. He's cute, he's awful, he's hot, he's funny, he's a menace. He's the one who's hand I took at the start of the game. I have a lot more thoughts on him, but they're hard to articulate. I appreciate the mental illness, I like that it negatively impacts him as well as others, I love that he's very much intelligent and capable but it's clearly nerfed by his mental health. I like that he does actually look out for people at times, like at camp with the mushroom, or trying to protect and advise Epel during beanfest. Also? Also??? He's the fucking, eel on the right from little mermaid. They spun this dude off a fucked up looking eel. Not a talking eel. Just a fucking eel. That's one of my favorite things about him btw, absolute power move. Also morays have been one of my favorite animals since early childhood. Speaking of eels, I'm so so so so so glad they made mermaids monstrous in this story!!! I've been sick to death of sweet pretty mermaids for YEARS, I cannot describe how much I've been craving monster mermaids! And not only that, they gave the eels actual eel traits! I love this stringy motherfucker! (also he reminds me of both the guy who taught me to laugh, and this very tall juggalo who was best friends with a guy I dated in highschool and it brings back fond chaotic memories)

What I hate about them: I... don't.... There's so many terrible things about him but tbh everything that's not endearing makes me laugh. Character of All Time.

Favorite Moment/Quote: Well, I have a bit of a shipping fixation involving this man, so I'm never gonna be over the beanfest moment of telling Jamil that he's the best part of the event before proceeding to hunt him for sport. I also loved pretty much everything in the camp event. Floyd brings me joy every time he's on screen lbr.

What I would like to see more focus on: I want to see more emotional depth, like thoughts and hobbies and less manic moments around the people he actually cares about. I wanna delve into every possible facet of this guy.

What I would like to see less focus on: Make him less Random XD. They've shown that he DOES have reasoning and pattern to his seemingly chaotic behavior, I want more exploration of that somehow.

Favorite pairing with: Jamiiiiiilllll. Also Azul. If I had to depart from my ot4, I guess it'd be Idia? And that is exclusively for the joy of terrorizing Idia.

Favorite friendship: I really like his friendship with Vil, I enjoy seeing him interact with people who won't be intimidated into taking any of his shit. And, of course, I love the dynamic between him and Jade.

NOTP: Riddle does not spark joy.

Favorite headcanon: I choose to believe he has bipolarII, I can't remember what else is headcanon vs actual canon rip

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

WARNING DRAMA AHEAD

(Which is crazy because I try to actively have a drama free lifestyle)

So, awhile back I wrote about some issues in a friend group containing A & Em. Summary: I chatted with Em about A unintentionally making me feel shitty for FINALLY accepting my limitations & making lifestyle & wardrobe changes to reflect that. Em said she'd talk to A because if I did it, A might feel attacked & get defensive.

Day before yesterday, Em dropped by to hang, help me put together a shoerack, and go to a local costume shop that does rentals and serves all the theater departments & dance companies in a 70 mile radius. This shop is amazing, been around since I was little, almost everything is hand made with amazing care and detail, and the decor in their shop is ever changing, detailed, and super fucking cool. ANYWAY, we got on the subject of A, whom I've only seen once or twice since talking to Em about it & seemed ok both times aside from getting legit pissed that I'm better at macrame plant holders than she is. Apparently A currently thinks I dislike her or like her less or something. So I asked Em if I should gently talk to her about it and see if we can reach an understanding. She said she thought it was a good idea h really, I don't like one of my friends thinking I dislike them. So yesterday I pulled together some courage and messaged her. The following is the conversation that occured:

Me: So, I've heard that you are upset and under the impression that I don't like you anymore or like you less or something. So I'm gonna clear the air, but I'm gonna be blunt and honest with you because I'm not down for lying. K? (And let me go ahead and flat out say, I don't dislike you or like you any less)

A:I've just been feeling some reservations toward me lately. Go ahead I can take blunt.

(Spoiler: she cannot take even sugarcoated gentle level blunt)

ME: So here is the deal. My illness is eternal and is only ever going to get worse. In fact, it is constantly getting worse in small, large, and sometimes interesting & unexpected ways. Sometimes it creeps on slowly, sometimes it hits like an anvil was dropped on me. Therefore I am constantly having to adjust my lifestyle, activities, wardrobe... EVERYTHING. Very recently, I realized that I have spent the last 3 years trying to live my old life and just cope so my quality of life has been SHIT. I've finally truly accepted the shithole that is my health for what it is and have started to truly make real adjustments to my lifestyle, hobbies, wardrobe, ect. Because I will never get better and live in about 400 sq ft (at best) that means when I realize something doesn't fit my abilities or needs anymore, I get rid of it. However, I always offer those things to the kids & my friends first before donating them. But here's the thing, when I offer these things to you, I get a load of questions & comments that end up making me feel like I have failed as a person for realizing what has taken me 3 years to realize. For example: when I told you that Julia's candles were my last batch ever, there were loads of 'have you tried...' and 'I'm sure you can find a way.' I know you mean well, but if I'm giving something up, I've truly tried ever avenue to make it work within my limits and it just doesn't. Even after I quit candles in May, I kept the stuff (which took up massive space) until August because I doubted myself and was reluctant to lose another hobby. But I need to face facts and be realistic. Same with the sweater. I am drastically altering my wardrobe for whatever the upcoming season is to fit the fact that I need my cane at all times now (POCKETS) and the fact that my clothes need to be comfy enough for me to get dressed every day not just days I'm leaving the house. I've lived in PJs for the last year and a half and it's not good for my mental health. So all things that don't fit that criteria or my new altered lifestyle must go. And it's going to be a constant process because I'm constantly getting worse. The jewelry making stuff, I genuinely forgot you wanted it because honestly i don't even remember what happened yesterday, so I'm sorry. (I had jewelry making supplies that I can't use anymore due to -15 hand strength, which I gave to Em.)

A: I'm sorry that I've been putting you down and making you feel shity. That's never been my intention. If I ask a ton of questions it's not because I don't understand the severity and challenges in your daily life. I ask so many questions because I often find unconventional wacky solutions to peoples problems all the time and if I can be in the slightest bit helpful in finding a loophole or a way you might not have seen, I thought that would be better than just saying "I'm so sorry to hear that" I figured you hear that enough but idk how often you hear people actually trying to find a way. Like the sweater example, I would have been happy to take you shopping for a fun print material the made you some pockets. Outside like a cool patchwork with awesome prints, or inside like a bond detective. But you were so quick to snap at me and explain your whole situation like I am not taking you seriously. I ask because I want to hear your needs and maybe just maybe be able to help out. But if all I do is make you feel like your grandma did then I'll do you a favor and stop inviting myself over to make you feel shitty. I'm glad Emma always knows just what to say.

Now at this point, I stopped replying. I was kind of shocked at her response. Like, I expected her to explain her intentions, despite me making it clear I knew her intentions were good, because that's what people do. I expected us to discuss how things should be moving forward so I don't continue to feel like a failure. I considered maybe mentioning somewhere in there that if I want help or advice or solutions, I'll fucking ask. But I did NOT expect those last couple sentences where she basically stomped her feet and said well since this isn't going how I want, I'm not playing with you guys anymore.

After careful thought, writing & editing over a 5 hr period, I sent this (which are screenshots from my notes because typing is rough, I wanted to convey what I wanted just right, and now you have to click on them to see the full thing. I'm sorry I've failed you, the reader of this normal convo turned melodrama, in such a fashion.):

She responded at like 2 am (when I was asleep) so I saw there was a response when I woke up, but given the history of her behavior in situations like this (conveyed via Em, who has known her MUCH longer) I decided not to open it just yet, as I'd like to relax and enjoy my day. This shit stresses me out. I don't do drama and tantrums. I don't tolerate it from my teenage Spawn, much less fucking adults. I get the feeling that the response is going to be just as melodramatic & tantrum filled. If this is how she handles her intentions not aligning with the result of her actions that were driven by said intentions, then she's in for a real shock when she leaves the cuddlebox of college and enters the real world. Your boss isn't going to care about how good your intentions were when you accidentally burned down the kitchen of the bakery you work in. They will just care that you burned down their fucking business.

Welp, may as well rip off the bandaid. For you, my dear reader, to have closure I will read the response. Back in a sec.

OMG IT WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THAN I EXPECTED.

A:I understand. And I told you where I stand. I am the type of friend that instinctually tries to help those she cares deeply about. I'm not the friend to just sit and feel bad when there's something I can do. But I have been feeling for a while now unwanted and you have confirmed it by not saying anything then, just talking about it to my former close friend, and then throwing it in my face that you have been holding on to a box cuz of me. And like the adult i am, I don't see why I should change the type of friend I am just because some one is ungrateful for it. I'll go help someone else leave their abusive boyfriend's in the middle of the night. for the people I care about I'd do anything, anything except sit and do nothing while I'm told how much worse I make things when I try and help. I will just take my good intentions elsewhere. I have had the worst year of my life but I don't remember you asking me once anyway. I wish you the best buy obviously your life is better without me and my negativity in it. I truly am sorry I hurt your feelings and I never ever wanted to. I cherished your friendship more than you'll ever know and you can ask anyone. But because I can't see myself sitting by biting my tongue around you and waking on eggshells because I clearly can't see the bounty between helpful conversion and being a cunt. Since I respect you so much I'll go ahead and remove that stupid cunt from your life so you won't be put down again.

HOOOLY SHIT. I'm not responding to that giant fucking dramatic pity party. She legit needs to grow the fuck up. Good god.