whatsnewalycat
regional cryptid
aly | 30+ | USA she/they | queer | 🔞 masterlist i write things and post nonsense.
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Not gonna lie the way some of y'all put words on a page is....whoagh. there really is magic in this world.
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tumblr is great because no matter how many followers i get it doesn't stop me from being really fucking annoying. other places i will perhaps think before i post. Not here. not here
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Trust me you should watch this
https://twitter.com/nathan_foad/status/1548720837028626432?s=21&t=G9JBcc4L3NzudpyGmcJdwA
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Actually. Re: last nights “cuck max phillips with a werewolf” conversation, here’s a question:
*Dieter might be a little too close to what I have going on in the lipstick universe a-la d is for double penetration and the boys will play, but I am nonetheless willing to entertain the concept
Also, Ezra and Din would be Earth-based AUs lmao
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actually hilarious that colin bridgerton returned to london absolutely determined to be in his slut era. he said if there is one thing i am it is a whore. and then one (1) kiss with penelope later he was like neverMIND i am a MARRIED MAN i am MONOGAMOUS life is about LIFELONG PARTNERSHIP ACTUALLY
#listen this was also me before I kissed my husband for the first time it’s so valid 🥹🥹🥹🥹#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers
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THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPPPPPPYYYY 😭😭😭🖤 you are the fucking sweetest. Thank you so so much it warms my heart. Dieter is my comfort character and I’m so glad he brought you some much needed comfort as well 🖤 LOVE YOOOOOU
“do you believe in aliens?”
Pairing: Dieter Bravo x GN Person
Summary: Meeting DB in a furniture store.
Prompt: “Do you believe in aliens?”
Trope: Meet-cute
Words: 1.4k+ (sorry can’t shut the fuck up)
Rating: Teen (because swearing)
Notes: For the @dieterbravobrainrotclub May Drabble Challege! Also slightly inspired by Broad City when Lincoln said he met Ilana in a foot locker in Times Square and she was just chillin’. First person POV.
—
It was one of those weeks.
The kind of week where you seem to have no patience for anyone or anything. The kind where extra heavy traffic adds an hour to your commute each way. When you find yourself picking fights and reaching for comfort foods and maybe smoking twice as much as you normally do.
You know the kind of week where you come home on Friday after a long day of suffering under capitalism, only to discover that your live-in boyfriend up-and-left with all of his belongings?
Maybe that last one is just a me problem.
Anyways.
After the first sleepless night on the floor of my apartment, I decided I should get a mattress. Maybe even a bed frame if I could find a good deal.
I went to this nearby furniture outlet, and right away I could tell the place was understaffed. The employees wore these bright sunshine yellow polos that made them easy to spot across the open air of the warehouse. They were outnumbered four to one, easy.
This was gonna take up my whole day. I didn’t mind, though. The way I looked at it, I could either go back to my half-empty apartment and cry about the fact that I didn’t have a bed or a tv or a boyfriend, or I could wait my turn to buy a goddamn bed.
I found the cheapest mattress/bedframe combo available, then laid down on the starch-stiff comforter and gave it a few test bounces before deciding it was good enough.
I walked up and down the aisles of sad-looking bedroom furniture sets, trying to catch the attention of a sunshine polo to no avail.
That’s when I heard him.
“They said it might be an hour wait.”
Following the voice, I turned around and saw this guy all stretched out on a king-sized sleigh bed. He radiated the same energy as a sulking teenager waiting for his parents to pick him up, scrolling on his phone with one arm tucked behind his head.
I checked over my shoulders, then asked, “Are you talking to me?”
He looked up from his phone, dark eyes peeking over the rim of his sunglasses, “You’re trying to get a sales person, right?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged, sitting up to bend his legs criss-cross applesauce, “Might as well make yourself at home.”
“Well, what can ya do,” I sighed and looked across the warehouse, confirming the sunshine polos were neck deep in annoyed customers.
“Hey, uhhh… since you’re waiting, would you do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Tell me what you think about this bed.”
I turned to face the furniture in question, tilting my head as I studied the thing, “I don’t know, it’s big, I guess. Looks… sturdy,” I kicked the leg and nodded in approval, “Yeah, that frame is solid as fuck. Is it comfy?”
“Pretty comfy,” he took off his sunglasses, hooking them on the collar of his worn-out shirt before patting the bed beside him, “See for yourself.”
“You know, normally I make a guy buy me a drink before hopping into bed with him,” I teased, raising an eyebrow at him.
He gave me this charming, dimpled smile, big brown eyes all sparkling warm when he shrugged, “I’ll buy you one after, how’s that sound?”
Heat clung to my stomach and I couldn’t even bear to look at him wearing that devilish grin.
Shaking my head, I climbed onto the mattress, “I’m just giving you shit.” I laid back on the pillow and sank down into the plush bedspread, “This is so much better than the one I’m getting, oh my god.”
“Yeah?” He chuckled and laid down beside me, crossing his ankles as he stretched out, “I’ve been trying to find one that’ll put me right to sleep. I keep having these weird fuckin’ dreams and—”
He cut himself off with a sigh, then looked over at me, “Do you believe in aliens?”
The ludicrous question took me by surprise. This big bubbly laugh escaped my throat and I turned to him, lost for words. All I could do was repeat the question: “Do I believe in aliens?”
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
Searching his face, I smirked, “Who are you?”
“Dieter,” he rolled on his side to make eye contact with me, “What’s your name?”
So I gave him my name and then I told him, “You know, when I was a teenager I lived out in the country. I’d always see things in the sky I couldn’t quite explain. These lights that would stay static in one place for minutes before zooming off into the stars, and… and, yeah, Dieter, I do believe in aliens. Why do you ask?”
“Well, ok,” he propped his head up on the heel of his hand, “See, the person I bought my bed from told me they were abducted by aliens. And I keep having these dreams where I’m in some kind of a spacecraft and these little gray fuckers won’t stop doing experiments on me. I dunno if it’s my subconscious or if I’m being abducted, but I gotta get a new fuckin’ bed either way.”
“Why would the bed make them abduct you?”
He frowned as he considered this, looking around before returning back to me, “Maybe they have a tracking device on it. I don’t know how it works. Probably not even real.”
“But just in case, you’re getting a new bed?”
“Yeah.”
I shrugged, “Doesn’t hurt to try, huh?”
He nodded, eyes flicking around my face, then rolled onto his back. We laid there staring up at the steel support beams and ugly lights fixed to the warehouse ceiling. For a little while I wondered whether or not he would think it was strange for me to bring up my own grievances. Then I decided fuck it, why not?
“Yesterday I came home and half my apartment was missing. My boyfriend moved out while I was at work, took the bed and everything.”
“Doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend anymore.”
“No, I guess not.”
“You don’t seem too broken up about it.”
“It was a long time coming,” I shrugged, “It’s… I don’t know, I’ll be fine. Right now I’m mostly upset about the bed. I set up camp on the living room floor last night and could barely sleep.”
He hummed in acknowledgment, then asked, “Are you gonna get this one?”
“I fucking wish. The one I have picked out feels like a cement slab compared to this.”
“Do you want my old one?”
“The one with the alien tracking device?”
“Oh yeah,” he giggled, “I forgot about that.”
Laughter rumbled up from my belly and his, thick and genuine, the kind that can’t be contained no matter how hard you try. It vibrated through my limbs and welled in my eyes as I choked out, “I—I thought we were gonna be friends, but now you’re trying to get me abducted by aliens? What the fuck, man?”
He doubled over on his side, whole body shaking with these gasping giggles that spread like a contagion to me until I could barely breathe.
Once the laughter died down, I looked over at him wiping the tears from his eyes and felt something rare and beautiful spark in my chest.
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard,” I admitted, rolling on my side to face him, unable to wipe the smile from my aching face.
“Me neither.”
From just an arms length away, I met his gaze and the most inexplicable compulsion overtook me. I wanted to kiss him, I realized, and that was truly insane.
His eyes dropped to my lips as though the same thought occurred to him.
“Do you wanna get out of here? Go get a drink?” he asked.
The question bubbled up my spine and made my stomach flip.
I nodded, “I do, but my bed—”
“I’ll take care of it,” he smirked, that devilish smirk that I knew would be trouble, and shrugged, “I’ll have my PA get two of these. Deliver one to your place, how’s that sound?”
“You can do that?”
“Absolutely.”
“How?”
“I’ll explain later,” he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, looking back at me, “You coming?”
Unmistakably, this was a leap of faith. It was insanity. He could have turned out to be any number of terrible things, but he wasn’t. He was a breath of fresh air. A clean break from the funk smothering the light from my life. He was the weirdest and best thing that ever happened to me.
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Thank you 🥹🖤
“do you believe in aliens?”
Pairing: Dieter Bravo x GN Person
Summary: Meeting DB in a furniture store.
Prompt: “Do you believe in aliens?”
Trope: Meet-cute
Words: 1.4k+ (sorry can’t shut the fuck up)
Rating: Teen (because swearing)
Notes: For the @dieterbravobrainrotclub May Drabble Challege! Also slightly inspired by Broad City when Lincoln said he met Ilana in a foot locker in Times Square and she was just chillin’. First person POV.
—
It was one of those weeks.
The kind of week where you seem to have no patience for anyone or anything. The kind where extra heavy traffic adds an hour to your commute each way. When you find yourself picking fights and reaching for comfort foods and maybe smoking twice as much as you normally do.
You know the kind of week where you come home on Friday after a long day of suffering under capitalism, only to discover that your live-in boyfriend up-and-left with all of his belongings?
Maybe that last one is just a me problem.
Anyways.
After the first sleepless night on the floor of my apartment, I decided I should get a mattress. Maybe even a bed frame if I could find a good deal.
I went to this nearby furniture outlet, and right away I could tell the place was understaffed. The employees wore these bright sunshine yellow polos that made them easy to spot across the open air of the warehouse. They were outnumbered four to one, easy.
This was gonna take up my whole day. I didn’t mind, though. The way I looked at it, I could either go back to my half-empty apartment and cry about the fact that I didn’t have a bed or a tv or a boyfriend, or I could wait my turn to buy a goddamn bed.
I found the cheapest mattress/bedframe combo available, then laid down on the starch-stiff comforter and gave it a few test bounces before deciding it was good enough.
I walked up and down the aisles of sad-looking bedroom furniture sets, trying to catch the attention of a sunshine polo to no avail.
That’s when I heard him.
“They said it might be an hour wait.”
Following the voice, I turned around and saw this guy all stretched out on a king-sized sleigh bed. He radiated the same energy as a sulking teenager waiting for his parents to pick him up, scrolling on his phone with one arm tucked behind his head.
I checked over my shoulders, then asked, “Are you talking to me?”
He looked up from his phone, dark eyes peeking over the rim of his sunglasses, “You’re trying to get a sales person, right?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged, sitting up to bend his legs criss-cross applesauce, “Might as well make yourself at home.”
“Well, what can ya do,” I sighed and looked across the warehouse, confirming the sunshine polos were neck deep in annoyed customers.
“Hey, uhhh… since you’re waiting, would you do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Tell me what you think about this bed.”
I turned to face the furniture in question, tilting my head as I studied the thing, “I don’t know, it’s big, I guess. Looks… sturdy,” I kicked the leg and nodded in approval, “Yeah, that frame is solid as fuck. Is it comfy?”
“Pretty comfy,” he took off his sunglasses, hooking them on the collar of his worn-out shirt before patting the bed beside him, “See for yourself.”
“You know, normally I make a guy buy me a drink before hopping into bed with him,” I teased, raising an eyebrow at him.
He gave me this charming, dimpled smile, big brown eyes all sparkling warm when he shrugged, “I’ll buy you one after, how’s that sound?”
Heat clung to my stomach and I couldn’t even bear to look at him wearing that devilish grin.
Shaking my head, I climbed onto the mattress,“I’m just giving you shit.” I laid back on the pillow and sank down into the plush bedspread, “This is so much better than the one I’m getting, oh my god.”
“Yeah?” He chuckled and laid down beside you, crossing his ankles as he stretched out, “I’ve been trying to find one that’ll put me right to sleep. I keep having these weird fuckin’ dreams and—”
He cut himself off with a sigh, then looked over at me, “Do you believe in aliens?”
The ludicrous question took me by surprise. This big bubbly laugh escaped my throat and I turned to him, lost for words. All I could do was repeat the question: “Do I believe in aliens?”
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
Searching his face, I smirked, “Who are you?”
“Dieter,” he rolled on his side to make eye contact with me, “What’s your name?”
So I gave him my name and then I told him, “You know, when I was a teenager I lived out in the country. I’d always see things in the sky I couldn’t quite explain. These lights that would stay static in one place for minutes before zooming off into the stars, and… and, yeah, Dieter, I do believe in aliens. Why do you ask?”
“Well, ok,” he propped his head up on the heel of his hand, “See, the person I bought my bed from told me they were abducted by aliens. And I keep having these dreams where I’m in some kind of a spacecraft and these little gray fuckers won’t stop doing experiments on me. I dunno if it’s my subconscious or if I’m being abducted, but I gotta get a new fuckin’ bed either way.”
“Why would the bed make them abduct you?”
He frowned as he considered this, looking around before returning back to me, “Maybe they have a tracking device on it. I don’t know how it works. Probably not even real.”
“But just in case, you’re getting a new bed?”
“Yeah.”
I shrugged, “Doesn’t hurt to try, huh?”
He nodded, eyes flicking around my face, then rolled onto his back. We laid there staring up at the steel support beams and ugly lights fixed to the warehouse ceiling. For a little while I wondered whether or not he would think it was strange for me to bring up my own grievances. Then I decided fuck it, why not?
“Yesterday I came home and half my apartment was missing. My boyfriend moved out while I was at work, took the bed and everything.”
“Doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend anymore.”
“No, I guess not.”
“You don’t seem too broken up about it.”
“It was a long time coming,” I shrugged, “It’s… I don’t know, I’ll be fine. Right now I’m mostly upset about the bed. I set up camp on the living room floor last night and could barely sleep.”
He hummed in acknowledgment, then asked, “Are you gonna get this one?”
“I fucking wish. The one I have picked out feels like a cement slab compared to this.”
“Do you want my old one?”
“The one with the alien tracking device?”
“Oh yeah,” he giggled, “I forgot about that.”
Laughter rumbled up from my belly and his, thick and genuine, the kind that can’t be contained no matter how hard you try. It vibrated through my limbs and welled in my eyes as I choked out, “I—I thought we were gonna be friends, but now you’re trying to get me abducted by aliens? What the fuck, man?”
He doubled over on his side, whole body shaking with these gasping giggles that spread like a contagion to me until I could barely breathe.
Once the laughter died down, I looked over at him wiping the tears from his eyes and felt something rare and beautiful spark in my chest.
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard,” I admitted, rolling on my side to face him, unable to wipe the smile from my aching face.
“Me neither.”
From just an arms length away, I met his gaze and the most inexplicable compulsion overtook me. I wanted to kiss him, I realized, and that was truly insane.
His eyes dropped to my lips as though the same thought occurred to him.
“Do you wanna get out of here? Go get a drink?” he asked.
The question bubbled up my spine and made my stomach flip.
I nodded, “I do, but my bed—”
“I’ll take care of it,” he smirked, that devilish smirk that I knew would be trouble, and shrugged, “I’ll have my PA get two of these. Deliver one to your place, how’s that sound?”
“You can do that?”
“Absolutely.”
“How?”
“I’ll explain later,” he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, looking back at me, “You coming?”
Unmistakably, this was a leap of faith. It was insanity. He could have turned out to be any number of terrible things, but he wasn’t. He was a breath of fresh air. A clean break from the funk smothering the light from my life. He was the weirdest and best thing that ever happened to me.
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Can we talk about how Dieter and Ilana would exist together in one universe because that would be… amazing. And chaotic. I want to see it happen 💀
THANK YOU!!!!
“do you believe in aliens?”
Pairing: Dieter Bravo x GN Person
Summary: Meeting DB in a furniture store.
Prompt: “Do you believe in aliens?”
Trope: Meet-cute
Words: 1.4k+ (sorry can’t shut the fuck up)
Rating: Teen (because swearing)
Notes: For the @dieterbravobrainrotclub May Drabble Challege! Also slightly inspired by Broad City when Lincoln said he met Ilana in a foot locker in Times Square and she was just chillin’. First person POV.
—
It was one of those weeks.
The kind of week where you seem to have no patience for anyone or anything. The kind where extra heavy traffic adds an hour to your commute each way. When you find yourself picking fights and reaching for comfort foods and maybe smoking twice as much as you normally do.
You know the kind of week where you come home on Friday after a long day of suffering under capitalism, only to discover that your live-in boyfriend up-and-left with all of his belongings?
Maybe that last one is just a me problem.
Anyways.
After the first sleepless night on the floor of my apartment, I decided I should get a mattress. Maybe even a bed frame if I could find a good deal.
I went to this nearby furniture outlet, and right away I could tell the place was understaffed. The employees wore these bright sunshine yellow polos that made them easy to spot across the open air of the warehouse. They were outnumbered four to one, easy.
This was gonna take up my whole day. I didn’t mind, though. The way I looked at it, I could either go back to my half-empty apartment and cry about the fact that I didn’t have a bed or a tv or a boyfriend, or I could wait my turn to buy a goddamn bed.
I found the cheapest mattress/bedframe combo available, then laid down on the starch-stiff comforter and gave it a few test bounces before deciding it was good enough.
I walked up and down the aisles of sad-looking bedroom furniture sets, trying to catch the attention of a sunshine polo to no avail.
That’s when I heard him.
“They said it might be an hour wait.”
Following the voice, I turned around and saw this guy all stretched out on a king-sized sleigh bed. He radiated the same energy as a sulking teenager waiting for his parents to pick him up, scrolling on his phone with one arm tucked behind his head.
I checked over my shoulders, then asked, “Are you talking to me?”
He looked up from his phone, dark eyes peeking over the rim of his sunglasses, “You’re trying to get a sales person, right?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged, sitting up to bend his legs criss-cross applesauce, “Might as well make yourself at home.”
“Well, what can ya do,” I sighed and looked across the warehouse, confirming the sunshine polos were neck deep in annoyed customers.
“Hey, uhhh… since you’re waiting, would you do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Tell me what you think about this bed.”
I turned to face the furniture in question, tilting my head as I studied the thing, “I don’t know, it’s big, I guess. Looks… sturdy,” I kicked the leg and nodded in approval, “Yeah, that frame is solid as fuck. Is it comfy?”
“Pretty comfy,” he took off his sunglasses, hooking them on the collar of his worn-out shirt before patting the bed beside him, “See for yourself.”
“You know, normally I make a guy buy me a drink before hopping into bed with him,” I teased, raising an eyebrow at him.
He gave me this charming, dimpled smile, big brown eyes all sparkling warm when he shrugged, “I’ll buy you one after, how’s that sound?”
Heat clung to my stomach and I couldn’t even bear to look at him wearing that devilish grin.
Shaking my head, I climbed onto the mattress,“I’m just giving you shit.” I laid back on the pillow and sank down into the plush bedspread, “This is so much better than the one I’m getting, oh my god.”
“Yeah?” He chuckled and laid down beside you, crossing his ankles as he stretched out, “I’ve been trying to find one that’ll put me right to sleep. I keep having these weird fuckin’ dreams and—”
He cut himself off with a sigh, then looked over at me, “Do you believe in aliens?”
The ludicrous question took me by surprise. This big bubbly laugh escaped my throat and I turned to him, lost for words. All I could do was repeat the question: “Do I believe in aliens?”
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
Searching his face, I smirked, “Who are you?”
“Dieter,” he rolled on his side to make eye contact with me, “What’s your name?”
So I gave him my name and then I told him, “You know, when I was a teenager I lived out in the country. I’d always see things in the sky I couldn’t quite explain. These lights that would stay static in one place for minutes before zooming off into the stars, and… and, yeah, Dieter, I do believe in aliens. Why do you ask?”
“Well, ok,” he propped his head up on the heel of his hand, “See, the person I bought my bed from told me they were abducted by aliens. And I keep having these dreams where I’m in some kind of a spacecraft and these little gray fuckers won’t stop doing experiments on me. I dunno if it’s my subconscious or if I’m being abducted, but I gotta get a new fuckin’ bed either way.”
“Why would the bed make them abduct you?”
He frowned as he considered this, looking around before returning back to me, “Maybe they have a tracking device on it. I don’t know how it works. Probably not even real.”
“But just in case, you’re getting a new bed?”
“Yeah.”
I shrugged, “Doesn’t hurt to try, huh?”
He nodded, eyes flicking around my face, then rolled onto his back. We laid there staring up at the steel support beams and ugly lights fixed to the warehouse ceiling. For a little while I wondered whether or not he would think it was strange for me to bring up my own grievances. Then I decided fuck it, why not?
“Yesterday I came home and half my apartment was missing. My boyfriend moved out while I was at work, took the bed and everything.”
“Doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend anymore.”
“No, I guess not.”
“You don’t seem too broken up about it.”
“It was a long time coming,” I shrugged, “It’s… I don’t know, I’ll be fine. Right now I’m mostly upset about the bed. I set up camp on the living room floor last night and could barely sleep.”
He hummed in acknowledgment, then asked, “Are you gonna get this one?”
“I fucking wish. The one I have picked out feels like a cement slab compared to this.”
“Do you want my old one?”
“The one with the alien tracking device?”
“Oh yeah,” he giggled, “I forgot about that.”
Laughter rumbled up from my belly and his, thick and genuine, the kind that can’t be contained no matter how hard you try. It vibrated through my limbs and welled in my eyes as I choked out, “I—I thought we were gonna be friends, but now you’re trying to get me abducted by aliens? What the fuck, man?”
He doubled over on his side, whole body shaking with these gasping giggles that spread like a contagion to me until I could barely breathe.
Once the laughter died down, I looked over at him wiping the tears from his eyes and felt something rare and beautiful spark in my chest.
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard,” I admitted, rolling on my side to face him, unable to wipe the smile from my aching face.
“Me neither.”
From just an arms length away, I met his gaze and the most inexplicable compulsion overtook me. I wanted to kiss him, I realized, and that was truly insane.
His eyes dropped to my lips as though the same thought occurred to him.
“Do you wanna get out of here? Go get a drink?” he asked.
The question bubbled up my spine and made my stomach flip.
I nodded, “I do, but my bed—”
“I’ll take care of it,” he smirked, that devilish smirk that I knew would be trouble, and shrugged, “I’ll have my PA get two of these. Deliver one to your place, how’s that sound?”
“You can do that?”
“Absolutely.”
“How?”
“I’ll explain later,” he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, looking back at me, “You coming?”
Unmistakably, this was a leap of faith. It was insanity. He could have turned out to be any number of terrible things, but he wasn’t. He was a breath of fresh air. A clean break from the funk smothering the light from my life. He was the weirdest and best thing that ever happened to me.
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EXCELLENT TURN OUT, FRIENDS, THANK YOU 🥰
Like I know Oberyn has one million kids but I’m not sure that fully qualify him, bc he just be fuckin’ with no birth control. I’m talking like… which of these guys would go fucking feral if you told him to fuck a baby into you. I’m having thots today 🫠
Bonus points if you explain your answer in the tags.
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THANK YOOOOOU 🥹🥹🥹
“do you believe in aliens?”
Pairing: Dieter Bravo x GN Person
Summary: Meeting DB in a furniture store.
Prompt: “Do you believe in aliens?”
Trope: Meet-cute
Words: 1.4k+ (sorry can’t shut the fuck up)
Rating: Teen (because swearing)
Notes: For the @dieterbravobrainrotclub May Drabble Challege! Also slightly inspired by Broad City when Lincoln said he met Ilana in a foot locker in Times Square and she was just chillin’. First person POV.
—
It was one of those weeks.
The kind of week where you seem to have no patience for anyone or anything. The kind where extra heavy traffic adds an hour to your commute each way. When you find yourself picking fights and reaching for comfort foods and maybe smoking twice as much as you normally do.
You know the kind of week where you come home on Friday after a long day of suffering under capitalism, only to discover that your live-in boyfriend up-and-left with all of his belongings?
Maybe that last one is just a me problem.
Anyways.
After the first sleepless night on the floor of my apartment, I decided I should get a mattress. Maybe even a bed frame if I could find a good deal.
I went to this nearby furniture outlet, and right away I could tell the place was understaffed. The employees wore these bright sunshine yellow polos that made them easy to spot across the open air of the warehouse. They were outnumbered four to one, easy.
This was gonna take up my whole day. I didn’t mind, though. The way I looked at it, I could either go back to my half-empty apartment and cry about the fact that I didn’t have a bed or a tv or a boyfriend, or I could wait my turn to buy a goddamn bed.
I found the cheapest mattress/bedframe combo available, then laid down on the starch-stiff comforter and gave it a few test bounces before deciding it was good enough.
I walked up and down the aisles of sad-looking bedroom furniture sets, trying to catch the attention of a sunshine polo to no avail.
That’s when I heard him.
“They said it might be an hour wait.”
Following the voice, I turned around and saw this guy all stretched out on a king-sized sleigh bed. He radiated the same energy as a sulking teenager waiting for his parents to pick him up, scrolling on his phone with one arm tucked behind his head.
I checked over my shoulders, then asked, “Are you talking to me?”
He looked up from his phone, dark eyes peeking over the rim of his sunglasses, “You’re trying to get a sales person, right?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged, sitting up to bend his legs criss-cross applesauce, “Might as well make yourself at home.”
“Well, what can ya do,” I sighed and looked across the warehouse, confirming the sunshine polos were neck deep in annoyed customers.
“Hey, uhhh… since you’re waiting, would you do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Tell me what you think about this bed.”
I turned to face the furniture in question, tilting my head as I studied the thing, “I don’t know, it’s big, I guess. Looks… sturdy,” I kicked the leg and nodded in approval, “Yeah, that frame is solid as fuck. Is it comfy?”
“Pretty comfy,” he took off his sunglasses, hooking them on the collar of his worn-out shirt before patting the bed beside him, “See for yourself.”
“You know, normally I make a guy buy me a drink before hopping into bed with him,” I teased, raising an eyebrow at him.
He gave me this charming, dimpled smile, big brown eyes all sparkling warm when he shrugged, “I’ll buy you one after, how’s that sound?”
Heat clung to my stomach and I couldn’t even bear to look at him wearing that devilish grin.
Shaking my head, I climbed onto the mattress,“I’m just giving you shit.” I laid back on the pillow and sank down into the plush bedspread, “This is so much better than the one I’m getting, oh my god.”
“Yeah?” He chuckled and laid down beside you, crossing his ankles as he stretched out, “I’ve been trying to find one that’ll put me right to sleep. I keep having these weird fuckin’ dreams and—”
He cut himself off with a sigh, then looked over at me, “Do you believe in aliens?”
The ludicrous question took me by surprise. This big bubbly laugh escaped my throat and I turned to him, lost for words. All I could do was repeat the question: “Do I believe in aliens?”
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
Searching his face, I smirked, “Who are you?”
“Dieter,” he rolled on his side to make eye contact with me, “What’s your name?”
So I gave him my name and then I told him, “You know, when I was a teenager I lived out in the country. I’d always see things in the sky I couldn’t quite explain. These lights that would stay static in one place for minutes before zooming off into the stars, and… and, yeah, Dieter, I do believe in aliens. Why do you ask?”
“Well, ok,” he propped his head up on the heel of his hand, “See, the person I bought my bed from told me they were abducted by aliens. And I keep having these dreams where I’m in some kind of a spacecraft and these little gray fuckers won’t stop doing experiments on me. I dunno if it’s my subconscious or if I’m being abducted, but I gotta get a new fuckin’ bed either way.”
“Why would the bed make them abduct you?”
He frowned as he considered this, looking around before returning back to me, “Maybe they have a tracking device on it. I don’t know how it works. Probably not even real.”
“But just in case, you’re getting a new bed?”
“Yeah.”
I shrugged, “Doesn’t hurt to try, huh?”
He nodded, eyes flicking around my face, then rolled onto his back. We laid there staring up at the steel support beams and ugly lights fixed to the warehouse ceiling. For a little while I wondered whether or not he would think it was strange for me to bring up my own grievances. Then I decided fuck it, why not?
“Yesterday I came home and half my apartment was missing. My boyfriend moved out while I was at work, took the bed and everything.”
“Doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend anymore.”
“No, I guess not.”
“You don’t seem too broken up about it.”
“It was a long time coming,” I shrugged, “It’s… I don’t know, I’ll be fine. Right now I’m mostly upset about the bed. I set up camp on the living room floor last night and could barely sleep.”
He hummed in acknowledgment, then asked, “Are you gonna get this one?”
“I fucking wish. The one I have picked out feels like a cement slab compared to this.”
“Do you want my old one?”
“The one with the alien tracking device?”
“Oh yeah,” he giggled, “I forgot about that.”
Laughter rumbled up from my belly and his, thick and genuine, the kind that can’t be contained no matter how hard you try. It vibrated through my limbs and welled in my eyes as I choked out, “I—I thought we were gonna be friends, but now you’re trying to get me abducted by aliens? What the fuck, man?”
He doubled over on his side, whole body shaking with these gasping giggles that spread like a contagion to me until I could barely breathe.
Once the laughter died down, I looked over at him wiping the tears from his eyes and felt something rare and beautiful spark in my chest.
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard,” I admitted, rolling on my side to face him, unable to wipe the smile from my aching face.
“Me neither.”
From just an arms length away, I met his gaze and the most inexplicable compulsion overtook me. I wanted to kiss him, I realized, and that was truly insane.
His eyes dropped to my lips as though the same thought occurred to him.
“Do you wanna get out of here? Go get a drink?” he asked.
The question bubbled up my spine and made my stomach flip.
I nodded, “I do, but my bed—”
“I’ll take care of it,” he smirked, that devilish smirk that I knew would be trouble, and shrugged, “I’ll have my PA get two of these. Deliver one to your place, how’s that sound?”
“You can do that?”
“Absolutely.”
“How?”
“I’ll explain later,” he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, looking back at me, “You coming?”
Unmistakably, this was a leap of faith. It was insanity. He could have turned out to be any number of terrible things, but he wasn’t. He was a breath of fresh air. A clean break from the funk smothering the light from my life. He was the weirdest and best thing that ever happened to me.
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Me when I go outside and mosquitos are also outside
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Thank you!!!! 🥰 I agreeee oh to have a handsome stranger buy me a bed
“do you believe in aliens?”
Pairing: Dieter Bravo x GN Person
Summary: Meeting DB in a furniture store.
Prompt: “Do you believe in aliens?”
Trope: Meet-cute
Words: 1.4k+ (sorry can’t shut the fuck up)
Rating: Teen (because swearing)
Notes: For the @dieterbravobrainrotclub May Drabble Challege! Also slightly inspired by Broad City when Lincoln said he met Ilana in a foot locker in Times Square and she was just chillin’. First person POV.
—
It was one of those weeks.
The kind of week where you seem to have no patience for anyone or anything. The kind where extra heavy traffic adds an hour to your commute each way. When you find yourself picking fights and reaching for comfort foods and maybe smoking twice as much as you normally do.
You know the kind of week where you come home on Friday after a long day of suffering under capitalism, only to discover that your live-in boyfriend up-and-left with all of his belongings?
Maybe that last one is just a me problem.
Anyways.
After the first sleepless night on the floor of my apartment, I decided I should get a mattress. Maybe even a bed frame if I could find a good deal.
I went to this nearby furniture outlet, and right away I could tell the place was understaffed. The employees wore these bright sunshine yellow polos that made them easy to spot across the open air of the warehouse. They were outnumbered four to one, easy.
This was gonna take up my whole day. I didn’t mind, though. The way I looked at it, I could either go back to my half-empty apartment and cry about the fact that I didn’t have a bed or a tv or a boyfriend, or I could wait my turn to buy a goddamn bed.
I found the cheapest mattress/bedframe combo available, then laid down on the starch-stiff comforter and gave it a few test bounces before deciding it was good enough.
I walked up and down the aisles of sad-looking bedroom furniture sets, trying to catch the attention of a sunshine polo to no avail.
That’s when I heard him.
“They said it might be an hour wait.”
Following the voice, I turned around and saw this guy all stretched out on a king-sized sleigh bed. He radiated the same energy as a sulking teenager waiting for his parents to pick him up, scrolling on his phone with one arm tucked behind his head.
I checked over my shoulders, then asked, “Are you talking to me?”
He looked up from his phone, dark eyes peeking over the rim of his sunglasses, “You’re trying to get a sales person, right?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged, sitting up to bend his legs criss-cross applesauce, “Might as well make yourself at home.”
“Well, what can ya do,” I sighed and looked across the warehouse, confirming the sunshine polos were neck deep in annoyed customers.
“Hey, uhhh… since you’re waiting, would you do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Tell me what you think about this bed.”
I turned to face the furniture in question, tilting my head as I studied the thing, “I don’t know, it’s big, I guess. Looks… sturdy,” I kicked the leg and nodded in approval, “Yeah, that frame is solid as fuck. Is it comfy?”
“Pretty comfy,” he took off his sunglasses, hooking them on the collar of his worn-out shirt before patting the bed beside him, “See for yourself.”
“You know, normally I make a guy buy me a drink before hopping into bed with him,” I teased, raising an eyebrow at him.
He gave me this charming, dimpled smile, big brown eyes all sparkling warm when he shrugged, “I’ll buy you one after, how’s that sound?”
Heat clung to my stomach and I couldn’t even bear to look at him wearing that devilish grin.
Shaking my head, I climbed onto the mattress,“I’m just giving you shit.” I laid back on the pillow and sank down into the plush bedspread, “This is so much better than the one I’m getting, oh my god.”
“Yeah?” He chuckled and laid down beside you, crossing his ankles as he stretched out, “I’ve been trying to find one that’ll put me right to sleep. I keep having these weird fuckin’ dreams and—”
He cut himself off with a sigh, then looked over at me, “Do you believe in aliens?”
The ludicrous question took me by surprise. This big bubbly laugh escaped my throat and I turned to him, lost for words. All I could do was repeat the question: “Do I believe in aliens?”
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
Searching his face, I smirked, “Who are you?”
“Dieter,” he rolled on his side to make eye contact with me, “What’s your name?”
So I gave him my name and then I told him, “You know, when I was a teenager I lived out in the country. I’d always see things in the sky I couldn’t quite explain. These lights that would stay static in one place for minutes before zooming off into the stars, and… and, yeah, Dieter, I do believe in aliens. Why do you ask?”
“Well, ok,” he propped his head up on the heel of his hand, “See, the person I bought my bed from told me they were abducted by aliens. And I keep having these dreams where I’m in some kind of a spacecraft and these little gray fuckers won’t stop doing experiments on me. I dunno if it’s my subconscious or if I’m being abducted, but I gotta get a new fuckin’ bed either way.”
“Why would the bed make them abduct you?”
He frowned as he considered this, looking around before returning back to me, “Maybe they have a tracking device on it. I don’t know how it works. Probably not even real.”
“But just in case, you’re getting a new bed?”
“Yeah.”
I shrugged, “Doesn’t hurt to try, huh?”
He nodded, eyes flicking around my face, then rolled onto his back. We laid there staring up at the steel support beams and ugly lights fixed to the warehouse ceiling. For a little while I wondered whether or not he would think it was strange for me to bring up my own grievances. Then I decided fuck it, why not?
“Yesterday I came home and half my apartment was missing. My boyfriend moved out while I was at work, took the bed and everything.”
“Doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend anymore.”
“No, I guess not.”
“You don’t seem too broken up about it.”
“It was a long time coming,” I shrugged, “It’s… I don’t know, I’ll be fine. Right now I’m mostly upset about the bed. I set up camp on the living room floor last night and could barely sleep.”
He hummed in acknowledgment, then asked, “Are you gonna get this one?”
“I fucking wish. The one I have picked out feels like a cement slab compared to this.”
“Do you want my old one?”
“The one with the alien tracking device?”
“Oh yeah,” he giggled, “I forgot about that.”
Laughter rumbled up from my belly and his, thick and genuine, the kind that can’t be contained no matter how hard you try. It vibrated through my limbs and welled in my eyes as I choked out, “I—I thought we were gonna be friends, but now you’re trying to get me abducted by aliens? What the fuck, man?”
He doubled over on his side, whole body shaking with these gasping giggles that spread like a contagion to me until I could barely breathe.
Once the laughter died down, I looked over at him wiping the tears from his eyes and felt something rare and beautiful spark in my chest.
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard,” I admitted, rolling on my side to face him, unable to wipe the smile from my aching face.
“Me neither.”
From just an arms length away, I met his gaze and the most inexplicable compulsion overtook me. I wanted to kiss him, I realized, and that was truly insane.
His eyes dropped to my lips as though the same thought occurred to him.
“Do you wanna get out of here? Go get a drink?” he asked.
The question bubbled up my spine and made my stomach flip.
I nodded, “I do, but my bed—”
“I’ll take care of it,” he smirked, that devilish smirk that I knew would be trouble, and shrugged, “I’ll have my PA get two of these. Deliver one to your place, how’s that sound?”
“You can do that?”
“Absolutely.”
“How?”
“I’ll explain later,” he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, looking back at me, “You coming?”
Unmistakably, this was a leap of faith. It was insanity. He could have turned out to be any number of terrible things, but he wasn’t. He was a breath of fresh air. A clean break from the funk smothering the light from my life. He was the weirdest and best thing that ever happened to me.
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Thank you for recommending my baby Psychomanteum 🥹🖤✨
Hey, i absolutely loved your ‘Touch’ fic! Do you have a master list with other fics/ tlou fic recommendations? Xx
Hi Anon, thanks so much! Touch is the only thing I've written so far in my Pedro era but I will do a proper masterlist for myself once I've put up a few more things.
I should also do a fic rec thingy. For right now, I repeatedly read @auteurdelabre 'Something to Fight For', @netherfeildren 'Fear of God', @whatsnewalycat 'Psychomanteum' (this is Dieter Bravo but its incredible) and @ezrasbirdie Catalyst verse.
I think angsty sad hard on the outside soft on the inside latent sexual deviant Joel might just be my jam?
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Orville Peck & Willie Nelson
Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond Of Each Other (2024)
dir. Ben Prince
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