#yeah he just wanted to hear it from an external source to validate his own want but it still sucked

[sixxxer]

nah i didn't like the finale at all im sorry

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

What of a Full Metal Alchemist AU?

“You’re a state alchemist?  You are?”  The shopkeeper turns Marco’s watch over in his hands.  “Aren’t you a little…?”  He looks Marco over.  “A little…”

Marco yanks the watch out of his hands, stuffing it into an inside pocket.  “Who you calling little, huh?”

“Marco,” Tobias says.  “He didn’t say—”

“Your bird just talked!” someone exclaims.

Tobias rolls his eyes, and doesn’t bother responding.  He’s more concerned with Marco, who is working himself into a rage.

“You think I’m tiny, huh?”  Marco jabs a finger into the shopkeeper’s chest.  He’s using his automail hand, so he can’t feel it, but the poor shopkeeper definitely can, and will probably have the bruise to show for it.  “I’m just minuscule, is that it?  A speck on the ground for you to step on?  Is that what you think?”

“I’m sorry,” Tobias tells the shopkeeper, talking loudly over Marco.  “He knows you didn’t mean it, and that you would never disrespect a state alchemist.  We’re going to go now.”

The shopkeeper looks away from Marco for the first time.  “How…?”  He looks Tobias over.  “Is that alchemy?  Is he a homunculus?”

“I’m a bird,” Tobias says.  “Or a human.  Kind of.  We’re going to go now, so… uh, have a nice day.”

“And that’s another thing!”  Marco draws himself up again.  “I’m much taller than lots of people—”

“Marco, let’s go.”

This time, Tobias gets through; Marco’s shoulders slump, and he finally turns away.

Marco stomps away down the street, melodramatic huff only emphasized by the loud clunk of his left leg on the paving stones.  Tobias soars silently after him, flaring to land on his right shoulder.

“Stupid tall asshole,” Marco mutters.

“Uh-huh.”  Tobias doesn’t bother to hide the sarcasm in his tone.  “The nerve of some people, walking around flaunting their tallness.”

Marco huffs, shoving his hair out of his face.

It’s not actually the height thing.  Not really.  Tobias knows Marco well enough to know that.  It’s the fact that no one takes a kid seriously, even a kid with state alchemist certification.  It’s the way that people see Marco’s automail limbs, or Tobias’s entire body, and treat them like freaks of nature or museum curiosities.  It’s the muttered comments about dogs of the law that follow state alchemists everywhere, expressed a lot more boldly in front of Marco because people tend to mistake him for not being a threat.  It’s the way people ask where his parents are, meaning that Marco has to come up with an answer.

“Let’s go check in on the church, huh?” Tobias suggests.  “Maybe they know something about this alleged philosopher’s stone.”

“Yeah, okay.  Might as well.”  Marco turns to give the stink-eye to yet another resident of this dinky little town who has apparently never seen a talking bird before.

Well.  Technically, Tobias isn’t a talking bird.  If you look closely enough at him, it becomes obvious that he’s a talking statue of a bird.  He’s obsidian all the way through, except for the blood-drawn sigil under one wing.  It’s not so bad, really.  He’s survived a lot of things that would have killed his squishy human body.  He can fly now, which is a huge bonus, and he’s far more dangerous than he would be as a human.  The talons aren’t just for show, either; he always lands on Marco’s automail shoulder because he’d rip right through the flesh one if he tried.

The interior of the church is dim and cool after the heat of the desert outside.  It’s empty except for the girl they met earlier on the edge of town.  She runs a rag over the altar, polishing the base of the towering statue of the sun god.

“Hi,” Tobias says softly, careful not to startle her.  “It’s Cassie, right?”

She tucks the rag away, turning to smile at them both.  “Hi.  Come to ask for some guidance?”  She gestures at the altar.

“Yeah.”  Marco sprawls into a pew, fanning himself.  “We’re looking for guidance.  On how your preacher-man can bring people back from the dead.  Allegedly.  In exchange for, what?  A lifetime of sacrifice from you?”

Cassie rolls her eyes.  “I take care of the temple’s birds.  And I’d be happy to do it, even if…”  She looks down, raising a hand to the hollow of her throat.

“You’ll have to forgive Marco,” Tobias says.  “He’s chronically cynical.  About everything.  Pretty sure it’s incurable.”

“It’s okay,” Cassie tells him.  “I don’t need external validation to have faith.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard to bring back, what, your boyfriend?”  Marco raises an eyebrow.  “Parts of him, anyway.”

Internally, Tobias winces.

“Humans are mostly water,” Marco drawls.  “Plus carbon, ammonia, lime, a handful of other substances you can get at any corner store.  If it was his body you were that interested in, I could probably build one for you right now.”

Cassie draws herself up.  “You should leave now.”

“Let him finish,” Tobias says quietly.  Marco’s being unnecessarily harsh about it, but he’s making an important point.

“We’ve done it, you know.”  Marco cocks a thumb at Tobias.  “The spell to bring someone back.”

Cassie gasps.  “You…?”

“It tends to extract a bit of a price.”  Lazily, Marco twists to rap his knuckles against his thigh so that she can hear the ting, ting of metal against metal, even through two layers of fabric.  “I only didn’t die because our next door neighbors are the best automail engineers in the country, and Tobias got me there in time.”

“Did it… work?” Cassie asks.

“Nope.  And now there’s an unholy thing running around with my mom’s face, my best friend’s a soul trapped as a statue, and I have a nasty habit of rusting in rainstorms.”  Marco grins at her.  “So whoever this guy is, I’m not betting on him turning out how you hope.  Unless a pile of disconnected body parts was the goal all along.”

She turns away, breathing harshly.  Fighting tears.

“You didn’t have to say it like that,” Tobias whispers to Marco.

“It’s not my problem if she’s a tree-hugging dumbass.”

Sighing, Tobias turns away.  That’s Marco for you: either he’ll hack off his own right arm at the shoulder to save your life, or he’ll watch in smug indifference as your world crumbles.  There is no in-between.

“If we’re going to find the philosopher’s stone, we should go straight to the source.”  Marco pushes to his feet.  “It’s that or sit around here and keep accumulating sand in my joints.”

Tobias flutters at the dead interior air, trying to get liftoff.  “How much sand?”

Pulling off his glove, Marco wiggles fingers that scrape audibly together.  “So much.”

“Dude.”  Tobias laughs.  “Rachel is going to murder you when she hears that.”

Narrowing his eyes, Marco peers at his hand.  “Do we have to tell her?  We could just…”  He mimes detaching the whole limb.  “Tell her I lost it again.”

“Then she’d kill you even deader.”

“And rant for two hours about all of the beautiful automail that I wasted.”

“And refuse to make you a new one.”

“…for about two hours.  Then my irresistible charm would wear her down.”

“Charm?  What charm?”

“Oh, shut it.”

Marco’s already shoving through the doors, but Tobias circles back.  He doesn’t like how they left things.

She’s still standing at the altar, looking at the ground.

“Cassie?” he says.

She looks up at him.  “Yeah?”

Tobias doesn’t have anything truly kind to say to her, anything she wants to hear.  He wishes that alchemy could just give out the answers, like the magic of legend.  Like he and Marco had believed, three years ago when they’d been kids too smart for their own good and just dumb enough to believe they could change the world.

“Good luck,” he says at last.  “With everything.”

“Yeah.”  She smiles.  “You too.”

[transracialqueer]

Five Potential Side Effects of Transracial Adoption

by Sunny J Reed

A trans- anything nowadays is controversial, but one trans- we don’t hear enough about are transracial adoptees. This small but vocal population got their title from being adopted by families of a different race than theirs — usually whites. But adoption, the so-called #BraveLove, comes with a steep price; often, transracial adoptees grow up with significant challenges, partly due to the fact that their appearance breaks the racially-homogenous nuclear family mold.

I am transracially adopted. My work is an outgrowth of my experience, research, and conversations with other members of the adoption triad; that is, adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. This piece is a response to the misunderstandings and assumptions surrounding transracial adoption, and I hope it brings awareness to some rarely-discussed side-effects of the practice. While this isn’t an exhaustive list, by any means, these are just a few of the struggles that many transracial adoptees grapple with on a daily basis.

1. Racial Identity Crises, or “You Mean I’m Not White?”

Racial identity crises are common among transracial adoptees: what’s in the mirror may not reflect which box you want to check. I grew up in a predominantly white town that barely saw an Asian before — let alone an Asian with white parents. Growing up, I’d forget about my Korean-ness until I’d pass a mirror or someone slanted their eyes down at me, reminding me that oh yeah, I’m not white.

There’s a simple explanation for this confusion: “As members of families that are generally identified as white,” writes Kim Park Nelson, “Korean adoptees are often assimilated into the family as white and subsequently assimilated into racial and cultural identities of whiteness.”

Being raised in an ethnically-diverse area with access to culturally-aware individuals would help keep external reactions in check, but still belies the race-based role you’re expected to play in public. Twila L. Perry relates an anecdote illustrating the complexities of being black but raised in a white family:

“A young man in his personal statement identified himself as having been adopted and reared by white parents, with white siblings and mostly all white friends. He described himself as a Black man in a white middle-class world, reared in it and by it, yet not truly a part of it. His skin told those whom he encountered that he was Black at first glance, before his personality-shaped by his upbringing and experiences-came into play.”

Positive racial identity formation might be transracial adoption’s greatest challenge since much of the dialogue related to race and color begins at home. Multiracial and interracial families sometimes have difficulties finding the language to discuss this problem, so it’s an uphill climb for transracial parents (Same Family, Different Colors is a great study on this).

Parents can begin by talking openly about their child’s race. Acknowledging differences is not racist, nor does it draw negative attention to your child’s unique status in your family. Instead, being honest about it places your child on the path to self-acceptance.

2. Forced Cultural Appreciation (à la “Culture Camps”)

Picture culture camp like band camp (no, not quite the band camp talked about in American Pie). The big difference is that, unlike band camp, culture camp expects you to learn heritage appreciation in the span of just one week instead of how to better tune your trumpet. Sometimes adoption agencies sponsor such programs, designed to immerse an adoptee in an intense week or two of things like ethnic food, adoptee bonding, and talks with real people of your race, as opposed to you, the poseur.

These camps often get the side-eye — and rightfully so. Critics argue that “fostering cultural awareness or ethnic pride does not teach a child how to deal with episodes of racial bias.”

Much like part-time church-going does little in the way of earning your way to the Pearly Gates, once-yearly visits with people that look like you won’t make you a real whatever-you-are. I know culture camps aren’t going away, so a better solution would be using these events as supplements to whatever you’re doing at home with your child, not as the sole source of heritage awareness. And yes, racial self-appreciation should be a lifelong project.

3. Mistaken Identities -aka — “I’m Not the Hired Help”

Transracial adoptees’ obvious racial differences provoke brazen inquiries regarding interfamilial relationships. Having “How much did she cost?” and “Is she really your daughter?” asked over your head while being mistaken for your brother’s girlfriend does not contribute to positive self-image. It publically questions your place in the only family you’ve ever known, setting the stage for insecure attachments and self-doubt.

Mistaken identities aren’t just awkward, they’re insulting. Sara Docan-Morganinterviewed several Korean adoptees regarding what she describes as “intrusive interactions,” and found that “participants reported being mistaken for foreign exchange students, refugees, newly arrived Korean immigrants, and housecleaners. [One adoptee] recalled going to a Christmas party where someone approached her and said, ‘Welcome to America!’”

Obvious racism aside, transracial adoptees often find themselves having to validate their existence, which is something biological children are unlikely to face. Docan-Morgan suggests that parents’ responses to such interactions can either reinforce family bonds or weaken them, so expecting the public’s scrutiny and preparing for it should be a crucial piece in transracial adoptive parent education.

4. Well-Meaning, Yet Unprepared Parents

Sure, they’ll be issued a handy guide (here’s one from the 1980s) on raising a non-white you, but beyond a few educational activities and get-togethers with other transracial families, they’re on their own (unless online forums count as legitimate resources).

Some parents may good-heartedly acknowledge your heritage by providing dolls and books and eating your culture’s food. Others may mistakenly adopt a colorblind attitude, believing they don’t see color; they just see people. But, as Gina Miranda Samuels says, “Having a certain heritage, being given books or dolls that reflect that heritage, or even using a particular racial label to self-identify are alone insufficient for developing a social identity.”

Regarding colorblindness, Samuels explains that it risks “shaming children by signaling that there is something very visible and unchangeable about them (their skin, hair, bodies) that others (including their own parents) must overlook and ignore in order for the child to be accepted, belong, or considered as equal.”

As mentioned in point #1 above, talking about color while acknowledging your child’s race in a genuine, proactive way can counteract these problems. This means white parents must acknowledge their inability to provide the necessary skills for surviving in a racialized world; sure, it might mean admitting a parenting limitation, but working through it together might help your child feel empowered instead of isolated. Talking to transracial adoptees — not just those with rosy perspectives — will be an invaluable investment for your child.

I’d also suggest that white parents admit their privilege. White privilege in transracial adoption is beautifully covered by Marika Lindholm, herself a mother of transracially adopted children. Listening to these stories, despite their rawness, will help you become a better parent. By acknowledging that you may take for granted that being part of a societal majority can come with dominant-culture benefits, you open your mind to the fact that your transracial child may not experience life in the same way as you. It doesn’t mean you love your adopted child any less — but as a parent, you owe it to your child to prepare yourself.

5. Supply and Demand

During the early decades of transracial adoption (1940–1980), racial tensions in the United States were so high that few people considered adopting black babies. People clamored for white babies, leaving many healthy black children aging in the system. (Sadly, this still happens today.) And since adoption criteria limited potential parents to affluent white Christians, blacks encountered near insurmountable adoption roadblocks.

Korea offered an easy solution. “Compared to the controversy over adopting black and Native American children,” says Arissa H. Oh, author of To Save the Children of Korea, “Korean children appeared free of cultural and political baggage…Korean children were also seen as free in another important sense: abandoned or relinquished by faraway birth parents who would not return for their child.”

After the Korean War, adopting Korean babies became a form of parental patriotism — kind of like a bastardized version of rebuilding from within. During this time, intercountry adoption fulfilled a political need as well as a familial one. Eleana H. Kim makes this connection as well: “Christian Americanism, anti-Communism, and adoption were closely tied in the 1950s, a period that witnessed a proliferation of the word “adoption” in appeals for sponsorship and long-distance fostering of Korean waifs and orphans.”

Although we’ve seen marked declines in South Korean adoptions, intercountry and transracial adoptions continue today, retaining some of their politically-motivated roots and humanitarian efforts. We need to keep this history in mind since knee-jerk emotional adoptions — despite the time it takes to process them — have serious repercussions for the children involved.

But we can make it better

None of this implies that transracial adoption is evil. Not at all. Consider this missive as more of a PSA for those considering adoption and a support piece for those who are transracially adopted. I’m aware that I’ll receive a lot of pushback on my work, and that’s okay. I’m writing from the perspective of what I call the “original transracial adoption boom,” and I consider myself part of one the earliest generations of transracial adoptees. Advancements in the field, many spurred by adoptees like myself, have contributed to many positive changes. However, we still have work to do if we’re going to fix an imperfect system based on emotional needs and oftentimes, one-sided decision making.

(source in the notes)

[straane]

yuna & flaws.

this is a subject I briefly kinda hinted at in my tuna post & found myself wanting to properly tackle. I've occasionally seen criticism of Yuna's character dismissing her as "the perfect woman" with no manifest flaws or the sorta faux "acing that job interview" type of flaws such as working too hard, being too selfless, being too kind etc. that are basically strengths masquerading as weaknesses and only really add to her inhuman excellence. and literally there's this one NPC chillin at the Moonflow that gives this highly refined character analysis: "Yuna embodies perfection". well, let's break this thing down, shall we?

and before I start, let it be known that I personally genuinely adore flawed characters, doesn't matter what type of flaws; it's something that to me, recommends a character and gets me invested in their story & struggles so yeah basically the bigger the human disaster and the more varied their range of f**kup the greater my fondness of them – and at the same time I'm a big fan of virtuous, noble-minded, goody-good sorta heroes so it's not really an anti-hero/anti-villain thing either. LOVE the latter lot as well but it's not like they own flaws if you know what I mean

someone'll ask me why i like x and i'm like off the top of my head they're just so dumb and completely obnoxious and  mediocre at everything i love it

so what I'm saying is me talking yuna & flaws is actually a great compliment to her & an expression of my abundant love & adoration

so let's address her

1. workaholic tendencies/excessive selflessness/excessive kindness. so are these real defects or sneaky supplemental strengths or the sly ploys of employee hopefuls? well I might as well fully embrace that metaphor and assert that throughout the pilgrimage, Yuna is actually doing a sort of prolonged large-scale job interview. I mean, she already got the job – business card says 'fully-fledged summoner' – yay – but what she's really shooting for is 'Spira's ray of light', an all-around national hero figure and constant 24/7 source of inspiration, comfort & consolation (not to mention hands-on aid) symbol of hope & salvation etc etc. AND eventual concrete salvation lol. basically, yes, she is aiming for an inhuman standard. there's a lot of internal & external pressure on her, she's constantly hyper-aware of her very demanding role as a summoner and to some extent putting on a performance – not really putting on an act (because damn right this girl is all kinds of compassionate and altruistic and noble and loving) but suppressing her individual rather more free-spirited & fun nature (that we see flashes of in FFX and an entire character arc built around in FFX-2)

perhaps you've met someone like this – some of them get quite good at keeping up the facade of perfection and self-sufficiency. Yuna at least is smart enough to show some transparency every now and then (like when she urges Shelinda not to put herself down, noting she's a beginner too). if she didn't, I don't think we'd like her as much. BUT even when she does, you can tell she's still quite conscious and cautious of her word choices and appearance and behavior and I actually think Hedy Burress's slow and pensive delivery is perfect here and beautifully underlines this aspect of her character. 

2. excessive self-reliance/overconfidence/internal arrogance. her own words, "oh no, I was... overconfident." (btw, I really love it when characters show self-awareness of their faults, subverts a lot of ‘cool’ character tropes) so basically, tho Yuna would have us believe otherwise – I think the whole summoner thing has gotten to her head a tad. not externally – she looks, sounds, feels, smells and tastes all kinds of humble and modest, especially next to the likes of Dona – but is it all just a part of her 'daughter of Braska and future savior and relentless champion of goodness and hope' veneer? consider her actions, and you'll see she often overestimates her own abilities. yuna: "stand back! I'll summon!" seymour: "gurl pls" she outright refuses to share absolutely world-shatteringly important and critical information about Seymour with her guardians; instead lies to their faces, and comes up with a thoughtless plan to confront him herself (and then do what? ‘stop’ him? she fails to send him several times even in the presence of her guardians and when she goes to face him at Macalania Temple he ain't even dead yet lol) and basically starts a domino chain of events that eventually puts them all in extreme danger. now, one might wonder, a) does she truly think so little of her guardians – people mostly older and more experienced than her; whose literal full-time job it is to keep her safe from any and all danger – and their ability to handle unexpected twists and turns (AURON??? LULU??? come ON Yunie) that she would not trust them with this info and thought they'd only get in the way and genuinely thinks her oh-so-thorough-A+++ plans superior to anything they might have to contribute? unlikely. even Auron makes this observation. b) was she only graciously trying to protect said literal professional protectors? that's her own (initial) interpretation of the events, I'm sure. c) is there maybe an element of arrogance/pursuit of heroism/overestimation of own capability involved? glory-seeking might be a bit of a stretch, but seeing as in Spira in general there's this collective image of summoners as heroes and saviors and near superhuman beings... is she starting to, maybe just a little, believe the hype? I'm sorry but it makes me laugh everytime when I think of Yuna telling herself that 'sure i'll just go have a little chat with alleged murderer and maybe marry him if I have to, what could go wrong?? sure I have access to these six trusted friends and capable guardians all ready to jump off a cliff if I asked but this is really no biggie' it’s like that part in Frozen where Kristoff roasts Anna like “that’s your plan? talking to your sister??” except it’s much worse

(also my headcanon is that if that nosy temple attendant hadn't unearthed Jyscal’s sphere, Tidus would've, lol dude knows no shame or boundaries.)  

3. insecurity/craving positive feedback. ok, I'm cheating, these aren't flaws, and we all experience them. but I do think they are oft-overlooked aspects of her character and I also want to bring them up to emphasize that they can and very often do co-exist with overconfidence/extreme self-reliance (pushing us to prove ourselves etc.) 30 seconds into her first ever interaction with Tidus, she has an extremely strong positive response to his throwaway markedly non-expert compliment on her first aeon, and she immediately proceeds to ask this, again, completely clueless outsider whether he thinks she can become High Summoner (lmao that part just kills me he just nods like he just learned the word earlier that day and she's like -deep breath- 'this means so much to me') idk, that scene just always gave me the vibe that she kinda really needed to hear those words and I won't go as far as to say she craves attention/adoration cuz again, clearly she has very altruistic motives behind her chosen profession but that bit is not the only time she shows a sense of insecurity/desire for validation/acknowledgement. her first words after her first sending, to the first person she sees? "hope I did okay"(altho she's not making it all about her given that she is crying too and thus actually breaking her summoner 'pillar of strength' code)

her insecurity also leads to her mimicking others at times, like in the Eternal Calm prologue you get the sense that she feels that the “same as always” Yuna isn’t good enough (Rikku does sorta take the wrong tone there) and this results in her imitating her cousin with all that “oh poopie” silliness and at times kinda trying too hard to act more edgy/assertive (at least that’s my interpretation of her X-2 characterization ALTHO it also leads to very positive and much-needed character development) 

4. limited empathy/wanting things her way/and yes, sometimes making it all about her, there i said it. so yeah, if we take empathetic to mean nice and friendly, then yes, Yuna is obviously empathetic. but if we go with the actual definition as in "empathy = the ability to put yourself in another person's position / understand their feelings/experiences" I think she wayyyy struggles. heck, I think Lulu is the more empathetic of the two. let me explain. take any time Yuna & Tidus talk about Jecht. they more or less immediately come to the conclusion that they are in fact referring to the same person (at least she certainly does), yet Yuna never quite appreciates Tidus's perception of/history with Jecht, his own father. she is quick to protest his bashing with her own memory of a "kind and gentle man" (which is no less true/valid) and doesn't really seem to know how to handle the subject in conversation when his experiences so wildly clash with her own. even when she accurately perceives that he's hurting in Luca, she doesn't even try to inquire what's wrong or ask if there's anything she can do, but instead immediately relates his (unspecified and in actuality very specific and severe sort of) pain to her own experiences as a summoner and starts pushing onto him her own somewhat unhealthy if surprisingly fun coping techniques (thank you Yuna, for single-handedly bringing about the Greatest Scene ™ in FF history which I unironically adore). when she pep talks Shelinda (a great display of her kindness and thoughtfulness, as well as inability to understand other people's differing experiences and their nuances), again, she never asks her to elaborate on her situation but instead draws parallels to her own situation as a fledgling summoner. ('people are counting on me. oh and i'm sure they're counting on you too') neither does she ever ask Tidus what he wants to do in Spira, she asks him to be her guardian. even after her wish is granted (to be fair, it's what he found himself wanting as well) she checks with him whether he'll follow her all the way to Zanarkand, and when Tidus gives a very melancholy reply pointing out his own somewhat depressing reasons for the journey ('yea gotta see if my hometown's still there, it's probably not tho'), she makes this happy little noise. like... that's her takeaway. she clearly has a vision of how she wants things to play out and expects people to accommodate, whether she wants them there or not. ('I want him nearby' vs. 'I have to do this crazy stupid thing and I have to do it alone') contrast this with Lulu, who quite unlike Yuna, doesn't immediately become enamored with Tidus and his Zanarkand and his relation to a person she cherishes; but nevertheless starts helping him out immediately by educating him on Spiran customs/history (if that's not empathy/placing self in another person's position, idk what is) 

5. naivete/hesitation to question established truths I think I addressed this one in my MBTI post and my eyes are getting tired. she also eventually manages to completely flip this one around and make it into one of her strengths without losing a sense of idealism and optimism, what a heroine 

so anyway

-exits minefield- 

-immediately returns- basically feel free to disagree and/or point out any factual errors/aspects of her character that I missed, whether positive or negative. basically this is my personal interpretation of the character and as I said, pretty much my love letter to her

OR you could add to these (join the Yuna roast we have cookies bwahahaa)

[gethealthy18-blog]

324: Increasing Immunity Naturally & Skincare From the Inside Out With Four Sigmatic

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/324-increasing-immunity-naturally-skincare-from-the-inside-out-with-four-sigmatic/

324: Increasing Immunity Naturally & Skincare From the Inside Out With Four Sigmatic

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

I am so excited to finally be able to share a top secret project I’ve been working on for years…this episode is sponsored by Wellnesse… a new company I co-founded to create safe, natural and obsessively tested products for families. You’ve heard that much of what you put on your body gets absorbed and goes into your body. We turned this idea on its head, creating products that aren’t just safe to put on your hair, skin and in your mouth, but that are beneficial. We started with the toughest first, creating the first of its kind natural toothpaste that is free of fluoride and glycerin and that contains ingredients like green tea, neem and hydroxyapatite to support the mouth. Our haircare is free of harmful ingredients and contains ingredients like lavender and nettle to support healthy hair! Be the first to try it at Wellnesse.com

This podcast is sponsored by XPT. You might have seen me mention this on Instagram as it’s something I’ve been implementing lately…here’s why. If you’re like most people you set a New Year’s resolution to be healthier, go on a diet or to start working out. We do things like lift weights, run, bike, hike, and watch what we eat. But, MOST of us will overlook the most basic activity of all, BREATHING. Validated by top fitness experts, performance breathing is the most overlooked activity that can do more to help you get active, perform and recover. And I’ve got the easy solution for you in just 5 to 10 minutes per day! It’s the XPT Life app and it will blow your mind.

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Katie: Hello, and welcome to the Wellness Mama podcast. I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com and wellnesse.com, that’s W-E-L-L-N-E-S-S-E.com. It’s my new personal care line that is EWG safe and totally natural. And this episode, I am here with a good friend of mine, Tero Isokauppila, who is a true fun guy, pun intended. So, Tero’s roots, or mycelium in his words, if you will, are in Finland where he grew up foraging for mushrooms and other wild foods on his family farm that they’ve owned since 1619. He later earned a degree in chemistry, business and a certificate in plant-based nutrition from Cornell University. In 2012, he founded Four Sigmatic, which is one of my favorite companies. It’s a company devoted to elevating our daily routines by making every day magical through using revolutionary mushroom-based products, like mushroom coffee, edible skincare, etc.

He’s an expert in all things related to mushrooms, adaptogens, health, startups and punny dad jokes. He’s also the author of two bestselling books, “Healing Mushrooms” and “Santa Sold Shrooms,” which is a children’s book. In this episode, in light of everything going on currently, we go deep not just about natural skincare and how what you put on your body goes into your body, but also about the immune system and how we can support our bodies from the inside out and the outside in, in stressful times and make sure that we are optimally set up to handle whatever life throws at us. So, without further ado, let’s jump right in with Tero.

Tero, welcome, thank you for being here again.

Tero: Thanks for having me on. It’s always a pleasure, especially now in these wild, wild times that we’re living in.

Katie: It has gotten a little wild. I definitely know we both want to talk about that a little bit today and there’s certainly a lot that you can share on a lot of different aspects of this. But to start off, what I was originally bringing you on to talk about today before things got a little wild throughout the country is you have recently launched a skincare line through Four Sigmatic and I’ve also been in development in the personal care world for my toothpaste and shampoo and have done a lot of research in this world over the last year, and so that’s a really important topic to cover. And I know that we will actually tie this into immunity and to some other topics that are very top of mind today. But to start, I’d love to hear about what went into the development of your skincare products, and to the point that, from my understanding, they are actually even not just okay to eat but actually fully edible. So talk about that and how that came about.

Tero: Yeah, we launched our skincare line earlier this year and it’s been a wild ride. It came about a lot through consumer feedback, so a lot of our customers and community was asking for skincare products. They read in my book and other sources how mushrooms and adaptogens can help with skin and they’d seen it in other skincare products more that use mushrooms or adaptogens that otherwise might have not been quite as clean. And so a lot of consumer feedback and just learning from, particularly, the Korean and Japanese cultures, beauty worlds, and how some of these mushrooms can help improve skin quality.

And the problem with me was that I don’t really use skincare and I use like ultra-pure personal care products as well that were hard to find and there’s not a product on the market that fit my personal quality standards. And I wanted more transparency, I wanted more of real food ingredients and that kind of inspired us to launch our first skincare products that are also fully edible. So a face mask that is also hot chocolate using really simple ingredients like cacao, spices, mushrooms, adaptogens but you can also put it in your skin.

Katie: I love that. I am very much on the same page with you about that and I think most people have a passing understanding that what we put on our bodies gets into our bodies to some degree but I think people don’t necessarily always realize the extent to which when we put harmful things on our skin, a lot of that does actually enter the bloodstream, it does enter our body, and also changes our skin microbiome and can impact even through that our gut microbiome and all kinds of things down the road. So let’s talk about some of the common things people need to know and avoid when it comes to traditional skincare products.

Tero: Yeah, just to build off of that, I think a lot of people, like, vaguely know that what gets put in your skin gets into your bloodstream, but like you said, they don’t realize the extent, which to me is a little surprising because when we buy a nicotine patch or something, the nicotine does go into our bloodstream. So we don’t think that these plastics and other harsh chemicals will enter our bloodstream as well, that’s kind of, to me, a little surprising. So one is just getting real good understanding is that a huge part of things that we put in our skin will enter our bloodstream to the extent that if you swim in beer, you get drunk. If you take a bath with magnesium or Epsom salt, you will get that into your bloodstream and relax. And we just don’t take that into account. And a lot of people say that, well, it’s just a small amount, but that small amount every day multiple times builds up so when you use a toothpaste or a skincare serum on a daily basis, if not twice a day, then that’s going to have a big, kind of, compounding effect. So that’s obviously a great starting point.

The other thing is I think understanding the industry is really valuable. We buy really expensive skincare products and also personal care products, realizing how much does it actually cost to make them? And this is all public information but if you go to L’Oreal and Estee Lauder’s website, you realize that they spend 3% to 4% of their sales on the actual product. So it’s very common that you buy a $100 skincare product where it only costs $1 what’s inside the bottle and then $2 to $4 on packaging and the rest is just margin. All those fancy ads that they do and models they pay and luxurious lifestyle, that’s paid by selling you $1 of value for $100 of cost, and I think that’s also pretty sad and frustrating. So those might be two good things to think about when you generally approach skincare and other, kind of, beauty and luxury products.

Katie: I agree, and what I found really interesting as I started researching this world as well is that you’re right, people don’t really acknowledge just how much can enter our body from the outside, but at the same time often will look at any kind of skin problem as a purely external problem. So if it’s acne, they think they need to treat it just with something topical on the skin and they don’t think through the fact that…and we now know from the research so much of that is actually internal. Any skin problem is originating in the body somewhere and we’re just seeing it on the skin as an outward expression of that. So let’s also talk about the nutrition and internal side of how we can improve our skin from the inside out as well.

Tero: Yes. So yes, it would start with what skin is and what does it do? So skin is our largest organ and it’s built from cells like anything else. So if you live healthy or unhealthy and what’s the quality of your mitochondria and your cells will impact including your skin. It’s just a difference between topical skincare and ingestible skincare, ingestible beauty is the time frame. Skin doesn’t rejuvenate itself every day. Depending on how old you are, it could take anywhere from 20 to 40 days, or even longer if you’re older. So when you eat for beauty and have a healthy diet, that really helps you long-term versus topical skincare can solve a problem today, and like many other forms of health, we’re often drawn to the immediate quick fix, right, and that’s kind of a bummer.

But topical skincare can help with, I would say, the symptoms, but if you want to work on the cause, you want to have a healthy body, healthy cells. That also means that when you have a healthy body, healthy cells, healthy skin, you need less product and the product works better. So eating for skin is so so important, and there are specific nutrients that are particularly good for the skin if you think of what the skin does. I think you already partially touched upon it, but the aesthetic element of the skin is just one of pretty much, I would say, 7, 8 functions of the skin, you can even extend it to 10 different functions the skin does, and the aesthetic part is just one.

Our skin will touch, it will protect us from temperature changes, it will protect our absorption of nutrients, even oxygen. People don’t know but the skin absorbs oxygen. But the big thing, I think, to me, is protection. So there’s immunity on our skin. Besides being the first barrier against pathogens, it’s also where a lot of our immunity lives. We’ll always have bacteria, so if you are scared of bacteria, it’s just good to know that no matter how much you scrub your skin with this coronavirus, with soap or others, there will always be bacteria on your skin. you can never out-scrub your bacteria. And wherever there’s bacteria, there’s also going to be mushrooms.

You know, you have your microbiome, also which is your mushroom biome, and not just your gut biome. So both your gut and your skin will always have bacteria and always have mushrooms. It’s just the question becomes what kind of bacteria and what kind of mushrooms does your skin have and are they supporting your immunity and your aesthetic function or are they hurting your immunity and aesthetic function? So it’s just very important to know that topical skincare can help short-term but in order to have long-term good skin, you need this ingestible beauty and you needed to know that no matter how much you scrub your skin, there will always be bacteria and mushrooms in it and that with certain types of nutrients, you can help your skin also internally as well as externally.

Katie: Yeah, absolutely. I think, at the end of the day, that’s the key, it’s not either/or, it’s both and always. And I think that I noticed that when I was a teenager and I struggled with acne, I tried to treat it topically for a long time and it wasn’t until I addressed things like gut health and all the internal factors related to health did that fully resolve itself. So I’m curious, both on a personal level and I know that you do a lot of research in this area for your products, what should we be consuming for good, skin what should we be avoiding for the sake of our skin and our overall health, and how does that work, like what does your actual routine look like for that?

Tero: Yeah, I mean the bad news is that you have to take a lot of things into consideration. The good news is that the same things that you take into consideration to having beautiful skin are also the things you take into consideration to have general longevity, have immunity, have strong cognitive function. So all of these are very much connected. I mentioned one of the things that you have to take into consideration is your gut biome and your microbiome. So your gut health, that’s incredibly important. And this can go both ways. This can be removing things from your diet that might be harmful for your gut as well as adding things like probiotics, prebiotics, good bacteria, good mushrooms into your diet. So gut health is definitely one major factor in skin health.

The other one is inflammation, and I would even say inflammation/stress. Your skin can be all kinds of…have inflammation/stress infections, rashes, and calming down the body overall is really valuable. At the end of the day, probably the best thing you can do for your skin is sleep. The best thing for anything in your health is probably sleep. So just maintaining healthy stress levels and kind of fighting off inflammation, and the gut health is obviously very connected to that inflammation, as you well know. The second one would be stress. It’s very valuable.

And then finally, any types of antioxidants, particularly certain types of polyphenols that you can…and certain color pigments are particularly good for the skin. So we can deep dive on what would be those foods that would be really good for your skin. But to summarize, gut health, stress management/inflammation, and antioxidants, those would be just three, kind of, key things I would keep in mind when eating for your skin.

Katie: Got it. I love that. And yeah, we can definitely go into more specifics within each of those categories. And I think this dovetails perfectly with an area that I want to talk about and I’m so glad I get to talk about with you, which goes along hand-in-hand with this, and that’s immunity. And anybody listening to this, I know there’s a lot of talk about that right now and there’s a lot of, I think, probably overwhelmed and some fear going on. And you’re one of my favorite people to talk to about this because I know that you come from a very level-headed place and a well-researched place and that you’re not going to buy-in to all of the fear, but you’re also probably taking a very practical and research-backed approach. So I’d love to kind of dovetail this now into the area of immunity and how we can all use certain functional foods and products to support our immune systems during this time.

Tero: Yeah, again, taking the 10,000 food perspective first is that immunity, unfortunately, is not top of mind for a lot of people, even really healthy people. They say that nobody buys an umbrella unless it’s raining and that same goes for immunity as well. So very few people focus on immunity unless it’s the “immune season,” which means the flu season. So a lot of people are focused on the flu season. And let’s be honest, a lot of people die of the flu every single year. But the immunity doesn’t take breaks. The immunity doesn’t know that there’s an immune season. It’s just something you should take into consideration all the time and not just because of staying healthy but also because the immune function is so much connected with other areas of our life, including the skin and cognitive function.

But back to the immune function, you will have this internal protection system that starts with your skin. But you will have these internal security officers in your body, natural killer cells, cytokines, white blood cells, and they’re there to protect you. And make no doubt about it, every day there will be intruders in your body. There is no way to, like, protect yourself even if you’re in quarantine of all pathogens. Like, there will always be pathogens trying to enter your body and every day your body is fighting off, that never ends. Sure, at times, those intruders might be stronger and might require more of resistance from your body, and if your internal protection is low, you might get the flu or a cough or prolonged in people with poor immune systems and they might be a little more sensitive to things like cancer.

There’s also another element of this is that if your immune system is hyperactive versus passive, it means that your body is so actively trying to fight off that it can’t even fight off healthy cells and things that are not intruders. This is when allergies and autoimmune disorders can really build up. So our immune system is quite complicated and intelligent but at times it’s either passive or hyperactive and that’s when the daily fight against these pathogens can get really difficult. So, therefore, you should be feeding your immune system on an ongoing basis with good stuff. I mentioned gut health being quite vital for it and for that reason, like not being afraid of bacteria on mushrooms but understanding that those will always be part of yourself and just having good bacteria mushrooms, which kind of takes us to the solutions.

Like, what can you do to improve immunity? Well, again, it’s what you don’t do and what you do. What you don’t do is probably feed off your body with processed foods, sugars, and common allergens. Those might not be the best thing for your body versus what is amazing is things that feed the immune system. And obviously, my big passion is mushrooms and these mushrooms have these particular types of polysaccharides, particularly these beta-D-glucans that are among the most studied things for immunity and they have these immunomodulatory benefits that are able to modulate the immune system either more active or more passive depending on your body is at need. You can also find these beta-D-glucans in small amounts in things like oats and certain berries like goji berries but they are the most prevalent in these mushrooms.

And then the other thing is prebiotics, so good fibers into your body will feed off in your gut, the good types of bacteria and fungi. So adding fibers and prebiotics and adding these mushroom extracts into your diet is one of the best ways. On top of that, there’s more seasonal solutions that you might want to consider if you know that you’re likely to get, in the flu season, hit a little harder such as high dose of vitamin C, certain minerals such as zinc. But you got to be careful with certain nutrients that are promoted for immune function such as echinacea, even garlic. If you consume them on an ongoing basis, they are immunostimulants, they stimulate the immune system, but if you use them on a prolonged basis, your immune system might get overstimulated. So you want to look for both seasonal solutions that might work great for a few months of the year. You also want to be mindful, which one of those you want to use year-round, and mushrooms are great just because these reishi mushrooms, and shiitakes, and chagas, you can consume year-round.

Katie: That’s a great point. Yeah, I’m a big fan of cycling most supplements for that reason of not letting the body ever adapt to it and because then they can have opposite consequences, like you said, at some point and I love that mushrooms are one of the ones that we can safely consume every day, and I certainly do. I know that you do as well as. Are there any specific recommendations when it comes to mushrooms that you’re especially focused on right now just in the interest of supporting your body and your immune system?

Tero: Yeah, I would look at these mushroom polysaccharides and beta-D-glucans like chlorophyll. You probably want to consume chlorophyll on a daily basis into your body, but it doesn’t mean you eat spinach every day. You probably want to have arugula, you probably want to have nettle or dandelion. You want to, kind of, rotate the types of chlorophylls that you’re consuming the same way you want to probably rotate a little bit of these mushrooms. But for the sake of immunity purposes alone, all the top mushrooms have these beta-D-glucans for immunomodulatory purposes, but if there is one superstar for immunity particularly, it’s the chaga mushroom, C-H-A-G-A, and it’s getting a lot of attention now considering where the world is on just the unique functions that that chaga mushroom has and then its ability to support the immune system.

So if people are looking for solutions for immunity, I either recommend a blend of multiple mushrooms, you know, anywhere from like 5 to 10 of the top mushrooms in extract form, so try to find products that have a fruiting body, that are extracted, and they’re organic, those would be the three quality factors, and taking a blend of 5 to 10 mushrooms daily. Or if you really want to have a bazooka effect for immune system, then I would really look for chaga mushroom particularly, like a high dose, over 1000 mg of wildcrafted chaga extract would probably be a solution I would consider, and combining that with a high dose of vitamin C, both for absorption of the actives in the mushroom but also general immune support. So that would be my recommended protocol.

Katie: I love it. And I know also that you live a very holistic life and focus on a lot of other factors as well. So separate of just foods and supplements and things that we should definitely all be focused on, I’m curious if there’s any other things you are changing or optimizing right now? For instance, I’m making sure that we’re spending time outdoors and getting movement every day, which we do anyway, but making sure that’s a focus, same with sunlight, proper hydration, sauna use, which of course, I know that you’re also a big fan of. Are there other things that you’re ramping up or implementing right now?

Tero: Yeah, I think this is a great point. I think when we travel, for example, we often don’t adjust our behavior even though our external world is changing. So we have this thing where a lot of us don’t have a seasonal routine. We always kind of try to live year-round in a similar way, and I don’t think that’s really the ideal. Obviously, you visited Finland, you see how the differences in the winter and summer. So we have to live seasonally and I look at this is a beautiful thing even if I don’t have to today. So I try to look at the external world and also my internal schedule is like, how is my internal schedule and how do I need to adjust my behavior? And right now, obviously, the external world has gone upside down and things like immunity are at a higher value. So I’m trying to adjust my behavior to more be in line with where the world is right now and how is my daily routine?

So there’s certain things I do all the time such as resting to making sure that I’m not overly stressing my body anyway, so maybe extra sleep or a nap is something very valuable right now not to…If you push your body too hard, you are also putting your immunity in jeopardy more. So extra rest is something I’m mindful of. You mentioned the other one, which is sweating in the form of movement and in the form of sauna is also quite, quite valuable right now. So that’s another way how you can remove toxins but also support the body with this beautiful kind of soft hormetic stressors. So that’s something I would be more mindful of now. People love to stay indoors in this current situation, which makes sense, but just so you know that even the cleanest indoor air will not be better than outside air. So having maybe your windows open, doors open, going for a walk, whatever you can do to get fresh air is particularly valuable. So even well-purified indoor air will probably always lose to outside air. So those are things that I definitely keep in mind.

The other thing that I’ve been really ramping up is spices. I think spices are some of the most underrated things in health and wellness, plus they often taste great. They’re something that everybody can afford, whatever your budget is, take high amounts of spices. They’re good for your gut health. They also contain these like quite immune-supporting benefits. So ramping up ginger, turmeric, cinnamon, cardamon, clove, they’re quite protective of the body, and finding ways how you can start adding spices to daily life is one of the easiest ways. And right now, in the winter, I anyway add more spices but given the situation, I’m just like doubling down on more and more spices and various peppers might be something fun to experiment with. If you want to kind of get crazy, various kind of spicy, hot peppers might be something worth exploring.

And then yeah, I’m just doubling down on my adaptogen mushroom usage right now on top of that. But having that seasonal outlook in life, in general, is probably going to serve you well, not trying to live all the time the same way and having courage to go over normal dosages. So whatever is your dosage in vitamin D or vitamin C, this might be a time when you go over those normal recommendations and having the courage…especially with those water-soluble vitamins, having the courage to take higher dosages.

Katie: Yeah, I absolutely agree. Even things like vitamin D, I know normally, I would recommend getting that tested, which might be difficult to do with all of the current things going on, or there might be a delay in getting tested but we know from the research, for instance, that if you have low vitamin D levels in your body, you’re actually more at risk for respiratory complications and all kinds of problems. And so that’s one that I’ve been giving my family just to make sure all of our vitamin D levels are in good ranges because right now, we’re not getting as much sun as we would be in the summer months. Like you said, same with vitamin C, there’s some really strong data on that for the immune system and that’s something that’s water-soluble that we can all increase at times like this.

I also love that you’ve touched on the mindset side because I think that is an area that hopefully we are all working to optimize our diets and our sleep is a huge one, like you said, things like that. But if we’re also living in a state of sympathetic nervous system because we’re overwhelmed and fearful and panicking, that’s also really not good for the immune system and I think that’s one thing that’s on my mind so much right now is just the idea, that encouragement of taking a deep breath, still having gratitude, still finding calm, still focusing on those that we love and community and mindset even if the next few weeks continue to get a little bit crazy but keeping those things, supporting each other within whatever way we’re able to at this point, and just still focusing on the gratitude and the good. And I know that’s often your mindset as well and that you continue to remain in a positive mindset through this as well. Any mindset tips as we face all this uncertainty right now?

Tero: Yeah, actually, a friend of mine was asking like, “How are you so calm in this whole situation?” Like, I’m going to get to the massages at some Asian massage place, and he was like, “How are you so calm about it?” And I was saying, well, A, I take care of my immunity all the time so I feel pretty confident about that part. The other part is I know that like the importance of your mind and how that also impacts your physiology, for example, your endocrine system if you’re constantly in a mode of fear, in fight or flight, how that actually decreases sleep quality, hurts your immunity. So there’s a compounding effect of the mind that impacts our stress, sleep, and immunity, so that’s why I think it’s so, so valuable.

And just to make it ultra-specific is, for example, people are right now obsessed with washing their hands and particularly hand sanitizers. And I think this can potentially backfire if you overdo this. Not to say that good hygiene is not important, it is, but if you’re constantly sanitizing your hands with harsh alcohol or hand sanitizers, it can have a pretty big impact on your skin and your biome on your skin, and that’s why I think, like, soap is so amazing because of those, kind of, like, friendlier fats to our skin and using fats, in general, is a good tip in these difficult times. Just the constant worry about washing your hands will double down on cortisol that will further then hurt your sleep quality, and poor sleep quality will lower your immunity. It’s a vicious circle.

So I think this moment is a great opportunity to practice your Zen behavior and practice things like gratitude becomes even more important. So when things are crazy and seems like it’s been a rough 2020 so far, what can you do to be grateful, what can you be grateful of? And finding those moments of beauty in your life right now, and then if you’re really stressed, adding practice like meditation, or what I love is cold exposure and breathwork. So maybe a breathwork session can actually help mitigate some of that stress that you have. But just so you know is that taking precautions is smart but stressing about it is going to hurt you more than helps you.

So this is a great time to find gratitude and joy and beauty around you and not to dwell on fear that much. And it’s obviously easier said than done and there’s a lot of concerns about us, our health, and our loved ones, but knowing that control what you can control and you don’t always control what happens around you but you control the reaction it has on you. That’s just something both will help, and also happiness, it’s good to be mindful and meditate a little bit on.

Katie: I absolutely agree. I am a big fan of a lot of the stoic philosophers and a phrase that comes up a lot with them is “amor fati,” which means basically love your fate or love what is, and I think that’s easy to do when things are easy or good or prosperous or times are easy, and I think that’s even more important to do at times like this when things are uncertain or seem crazy or out of control. And so that’s been something I’ve tried to focus on. I love your tips about breathing and meditation and cold exposure. Certainly, I know not everyone has access to saunas or cold plunges but you can do a lot of that at home in your shower and your bathtub, and breathing we can all do everywhere.

And just like you said, focus on keeping stress levels down and keeping focus on the positive. I think that goes such a long way toward staying healthy and not panicking and realizing that for many people who even if we get the virus, hopefully, it may be very uncomfortable but our immune system will be able to handle it, especially if we can optimize all these factors. Like you said, rest, get sunlight, get ways to support our immune system. Until then, I know that even as a company, you guys are making sure that you’re keeping up with products and getting things out to people, all of these immune-supporting products that you guys carry. So for anyone who’s new to you guys or to your products, where would you recommend them starting, especially right now with all of this going on, with trying mushroom products?

Tero: Yeah. So for me, the big thing has always been compliance. Health and wellness, both you and I probably do 17 things every hour for our health, right? I know when you travel, you’re a little pharmacy yourself with all these supplements. And if somebody who’s new to it looks at that, that can feel very overwhelming, you’re like, “Wow, that’s a lot of things you do,” and it doesn’t have to be complicated. So there is an 80-20 rule to health and wellness as well and we do the rest because we live the lifestyle, we enjoy it. But if there’s some things where you start…I always recommend first upgrading an existing ritual versus trying to invent a new ritual, and it’s just a more sustainable way of improving and upgrading your health and wellness.

So for us, a big part of where most people start is our coffee products that also include, by the way, the chaga mushroom that I mentioned for immunity. So taking a mushroom coffee, either an instant coffee or ground coffee format is probably where most people start. The mushroom coffee gives you a normal coffee experience that tastes similar to your cup of coffee but it doesn’t give you the jitters or the heartburn. It’s kind of more comfortable for your gut. And then on top of it, without even thinking about it, you get this immune support on top of the deal. If you don’t drink coffee, we also make things like hot chocolate, that might be a good starting point.

And we just try and take things like skincare, protein powders, other things that you might already be doing for your health and try to find ways how to make it cleaner and better for you, you know, not that different from what you are building on the personal care side. It’s like, okay, you’re going to brush your teeth anyway, let’s make sure that you’re doing that in a conscious way, and the same what we’re doing with coffee, tea, cocoa, protein, skincare is just trying to upgrade your existing products and rituals by containing the world’s most nutrient-dense, you know, ingredients and none of the harmful, bad things that often get included in these products that are not necessary. So that’s, kind of, it. So coffee is, for most people, the starting point or something like a morning smoothie with our protein powder.

Katie: I love it. And I should have mentioned it earlier in the episode, but I do have a special landing page with you guys at foursigmatic.com/wellnessmama and I know you’ve also graciously given us a discount code, wellnessmama, to save 15%. And like I mentioned, these are products that are very much part of my daily routine and part of my life and my family’s life regularly so I’m a big fan of the lion’s mane coffee in the morning and I do that many mornings, or your matcha, and then throughout the day, especially right now, I’m loading up on the chaga and cordyceps and lion’s mane, and then almost every evening before bed, my husband I drink reishi together.

So I feel like not just are we friends but you are, through your company, so, so much a part of my daily life and I’m grateful to have access to these products, right now especially, with the added focus on immune support.

I am so excited to finally be able to share a top secret project I’ve been working on for years…this episode is sponsored by Wellnesse… a new company I co-founded to create safe, natural and obsessively tested products for families. You’ve heard that much of what you put on your body gets absorbed and goes into your body. We turned this idea on its head, creating products that aren’t just safe to put on your hair, skin and in your mouth, but that are beneficial. We started with the toughest first, creating the first of its kind natural toothpaste that is free of fluoride and glycerin and that contains ingredients like green tea, neem and hydroxyapatite to support the mouth. Our haircare is free of harmful ingredients and contains ingredients like lavender and nettle to support healthy hair! Be the first to try it at Wellnesse.com

This podcast is sponsored by XPT. You might have seen me mention this on Instagram as it’s something I’ve been implementing lately…here’s why. If you’re like most people you set a New Year’s resolution to be healthier, go on a diet or to start working out. We do things like lift weights, run, bike, hike, and watch what we eat. But, MOST of us will overlook the most basic activity of all, BREATHING. Validated by top fitness experts, performance breathing is the most overlooked activity that can do more to help you get active, perform and recover. And I’ve got the easy solution for you in just 5 to 10 minutes per day! It’s the XPT Life app and it will blow your mind. Inspired by the training techniques and lifestyle habits of big wave surfer, Laird Hamilton and former Pro-Athlete, Gabrielle Reece. The XPT Life App is rooted in the most basic, yet powerful human trait: your need to breathe. It’s that simple. The average human takes 23,040 breaths per day, so wouldn’t it make sense that we should learn to breathe the best way we can to perform the best you can? It brings together best techniques from around the world to improve recovery, resilience and performance in both mind and body. XPT is offering you access to this revolutionary program for FREE. With the new XPT Life App, you will quickly feel less stress, more focus and improved performance. Just go to XPTLife.com/wellnessmama to download the app. Many health and wellness experts are predicting XPT Life and performance breathing to become one of the hottest new trends in 2020.

Let’s loop back to the skincare just a little bit before we wrap up because I know a lot of people that these are new products for you guys, a lot of people may not have tried them yet. So just walk us through the products that you have and how they work.

Tero: Yeah, so we launched our first three products. We have a superfood serum that gives you additional glow. We use real fruits that are anyway good for skin internally and externally such as olive oil and avocado oil. So again, fats are your friend both internally and topically. So if you want to get that, you know, island skin, avocado is a great source, that Mediterranean skin, olive has been used for a long time, and then we add good oils such a grapefruit, frankincense, and there’s no preservatives so we use natural things like honeysuckle and the frankincense to provide stability to the product. So a serum, which is a pretty affordable organic serum, $55 for a bottle, and it comes in Miron glass, all our products come in Miron glass. If you’re not familiar with Miron glass, it’s like the best possible glass to prevent sunlight from entering it. So when you use these good oils, it’s important to make sure that sunlight doesn’t penetrate or oxidize those. But the serum is probably where most people start on the skincare side.

We also have a face mask that I mentioned, but it also doubles as a hot chocolate. It’s a powdered face mask that purifies the skin. It contains these mushrooms like chaga and reishi, adaptogens like ashwagandha and gotu kola, and it comes in these convenient individual packets, you can just easily travel with them or on the go, just add a little bit of water, put it on your face. And you can also eat it and it tastes like brownie batter. But it’s full of amazing cleansing things like ashwagandha, reishi, but also bentonite clay that is kind of cooling yet cleansing for the skin.

And then we have a body butter, which is the Swiss army knife of our skincare products at this point. So you can use that on your nails and your hair. Again, it comes in Miron glass and it uses things like cacao, like kind of organic plant butters and oils, so just cacao butter. It has organic mango seed butter, which is amazing. Again, olive oil, walnut oil, so these healthy fatty acids is something your skin can use and what’s cool about the body butter is that you can also…I use it when I travel to make a butter coffee. So I just take a little bit of my body butter and put in a cup and profit. So these are really so clean that you can eat them. They’re meant topically but if you want to put them in your body, they’re made out of food.

Katie: I love it. I love that. I’ve tried them all and they’re awesome and I definitely would recommend them. I’m, like you, a big fan of not putting anything on your body that you wouldn’t be willing to eat or put in your body, and that was my focus with the toothpaste and hair care as well. So I will make sure there are links to everything we’ve talked about in the show notes at wellnesmama.fm. And of course, if you’re listening, the link will be there but also make sure to check out foursigmatic.com/wellnessmama to get the discount on any of these products. I just stocked majorly up on several months’ worth of all of them in case we need extra, and it’s hard to get them so I’m well stocked and I would encourage you guys too as well. But Tero, thank you for the time today and for all the work you put into these products and into education and into just spreading positivity in the world.

Tero: Thanks, Katie, and thanks for having me on, and thanks for also doing the education work you do. I come across people all the time who follow you and said you’ve made an impact on their life and obviously, it’s a very difficult and stressful time so taking a common sense approach to health, wellness, and immunity is so valuable. So thanks for the work you do as well.

Katie: Well, thank you. And thanks to all of you for listening and for joining us today. We’re so grateful that you did and we’re grateful for you sharing your most valuable asset, which is your time, and I hope that you all stay healthy and safe and calm during this crazy time and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the “Wellness Mama” podcast.

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/four-sigmatic/

[strivingscribe]

ILIC ~ Ch 26

It’s Lost Its Charm by  MsMoon

Chapter 26 ~ Take me to Church

Chapters: 26/?

Chapter Navigation: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15,16, 17, 18,19,20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26,

Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age,

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Violence,

Relationships: I feel like it’s a little early for that…

Summary: As dreams went, she supposed being inside Dragon Age wasn’t too bad… At least she wasn’t the Herald (again). Or the Warden (again). Or Hawke (again).

Notes: I always want to apologize so much for not cranking chapters out at a consistent pace. But then I feel bad for keeping you guys from the new chapter, so go! Go on! We have time for all this later!

As always, prompts, links, and tidbits are always available here on Striving Scribe. Hey :) If you like what I’m about, and you want to help me navigate an Ikea warehouse, you could totally follow my tumblr and heart some entries :3 That’d be cool of you.

And hey…thanks :)

Solas did not sulk or stomp because such methods of expression were beneath him. However… he was in quite the sour mood, and no amount matured grace could disrupt that. He was only moderately irritated to find the two new elves—Magpie’s long lost clansmen—sitting inside the quarters they’d all been sharing while tending to Amy. “Solas?” Magpie, ever the keen eyes on her, focused on him for all but two seconds before realizing he was not quite as content as usual. She did not elaborate her question, only letting it hang in the air. Allowing him the option of an out… “Forgive me. I hope I am not interrupting. I must pack.” “Pack?” A continuation of the previous question, further focused. Solas drew a settling breath before reporting back. “I have been informed that Samuel along with myself, Sera, and the Iron Bull will be leaving tomorrow morning before first light.” He crossed the room, retrieving his pack from beneath the bed frame where he usually kept it when he was back in Haven. There was a beat of silence as he began placing items, mostly clothing, into the pack. “Does Amy know?” Of course, that would be Magpie’s first question. “I am not in charge of that.” Solas murmured, something he had heard Amy say at one point which Magpie had parroted. “Is there anything you’d like us to do while you’re away?” this came from the male elf—Tunan, Magpie had called him earlier. Solas half turned to stare back at him, expecting that to be some sort of glib form of sass…. but looking between the two newcomers, he saw only sincerity. He blinked rapidly before looking to Magpie who seemed… smug. “Yes, Hahren.” Magpie cooed, looking far too pleased with this circumstance. “Isn’t there anything you might want us to do?” He narrowed his eyes, still not sure what any of this was about. “Other than keeping Amy safe? There’s little more that I could ask for.” “The little lady in the tavern that everyone gathers around?” Tunan asked with a neutral look on his face. He nodded. “It shouldn’t be too difficult.” “You might be surprised.” Magpie half grumbled. “Especially with the mood she’s been in lately.” “She has been relatively compliant, all things considered.” Solas reminded. He had expected opposition from Amy, same as the Commander, but… the breakaway to the stables notwithstanding, she had been a diligent patient. Even he couldn’t fault her for wanting to take care of her animal. “Yeah, maybe.” Magpie still seemed reluctant. “What?” Solas’s focus sharpened on her. “Have you noticed any inconsistencies?” Magpie’s mouth skewed sideways before she finally confessed. “It’s just… that song of her’s has gotten so much more aggressive.” “She’s been singing?” Solas couldn’t keep the surprise (and the twinge of betrayal) out of his tone. “No!” Magpie was quick to rebut his question. “I mean…” she lay her palm out on her chest and thumped it twice. “Her song.” He felt himself straighten, his arms go slack. Magpie’s eyes remained on him, pinning him in place. “You know what I mean.” He blinked rapidly, trying to think of some way to plausibly explain away the implausible. “You mean that weird music that just follows her around?” this came from the female sibling—Tunen. “I mean, it’s not really common...but some mages with really strong magic can do something like that. I remember one of the old mothers used to do that around the littles—” “She isn’t a mage, though.” Magpie confided. “Or at least, she wasn’t till...before this whole mess with the breach.” “It’s also not something that everyone can hear.” Solas continued. “This...this music is unique to Amy. It is not entirely auditory, and…” he shook his head. “What?” Magpie asked. “What is it that you keep trying not to say, that you want so badly to say to someone?” He sighed, looking at her. “I thought only mages could hear it.” Solas confessed. “Siheta, Elossa, Baxtien, they’ve all experienced it, and while you have responded to it.. I theorized that perhaps it wasn’t because you heard it so much as you were...reacting to it subliminally.” Magpie scrunched her lips up in a pout, glaring at him...though there was less anger and more resentment. “You could make that argument for Elossa with ease. She’s even sung with Amy, but anytime you ask her where she knows the song from she just says that it’s a song she’s always known, or some other absent minded dismissal.” Solas’s eyes dart between the two twins. “And the two of you hear it as well?” They nodded. “And you are not mages either.” “That’s assuming a lot.” Tunen said with a smirk. Solas met her eyes before looking to the bow slung on her back and the many throwing daggers on her belt. Tunan had propped the enormous sword he’d come in with against the wall, but there was no denying his muscular biceps. The boy's was wider than most elves Solas had seen... though if that had to do with training or nutrition, he could not tell. Still, the evidence of a swordsman was right in front of him. “Let people make their assumptions.” Tunan replied. “The best skill to have is the one that’s hidden.” He returned to his seated position against the wall, half reclining there. “So. Watch out for the woman. That all?” “And each other.” Solas murmured, letting them think they had effectively changed the subject. “That goes without saying.” Tunan murmured. “This music business is strange though. It’s fairly rare in magic-users, and someone who has no magic?” He shook his head. “...yet... to find that others can hear it or respond to it.” “Siheta says that where Amy’s from, magic is different. It’s all internal, with no external source, like…” she shrugged. “Like there’s no Fade….or, if there is, it’s locked away behind an internal veil.” she shook her head. “She explains it better than I do, but they have her running so many errands for Flissa and Adan just to justify her mobility as a mage that it’s hard to have a sit-down with her like we used to.” “Where is this woman from, exactly?” Tunen asked, confused and a touch repulsed by Magpie’s description of where Amy is from. “Don’t know. Not here.” was all she said, though Solas got the sneaking suspicion that she knew more than she was letting on. “That explains certain things…” Solas murmured, returning to stuffing his pack. “It also seems… that the concept of the self-renewing system would be more valid.” he relented begrudgingly. Magpie cocked her head just slightly before slowly murmuring. “Which means...observation would be better than abstinence…” she suggested. “Especially if it’s the sort of thing that helps to sustain her…” Magpie’s eye sharpened as Solas looked away. “What? What is it that keeps you from agreeing with Siheta?” Magpie felt her molars grind before muttering, “I swear, Solas, if this is a point of pride…” Tunan snickered and mumbled. “Solas. A point of pride.” Tunen joined in with her brother, the two of them giggling like four year-olds. Still, Magpie couldn’t quite fault the humor in the statement and even Solas was fighting a smirk. “It isn’t that...entirely.” Solas finally relented. “However…” he searched for the right words to say even as he began folding clothes for packing. “However, I am reluctant to relent my position with a subject so delicate.” “Please…” Magpie pleaded. “Don’t let Amy hear you refer to her as ‘delicate’.” “What sort of fool do you take me for?” Solas joked. “Firstly, I’ve no intention of taking you at all. Not until you clean up your act, at least.” she sniffed, attempting a haughty air. “And Secondly, the sort that might divert attention onto something else just to see how another would weather a storm.” Magpie put her hands on her hips. “Like how you happened to tell Sam and Cullen where Amy and I would be eating.” Solas’s eyes flickered in Magpie’s general direction before returning to the task of packing. Magpie let that continue without comment or confrontation for a moment before sighing. Her shoulders relaxed a touch, and she mentally reminded herself that this wasn’t a fight she wanted. “Still, I know that you’re genuinely worried. I just wish you wouldn’t deflect so much, because then we could address the actual problem.” Solas stalled, taking perhaps a touch too long to evaluate one pair of breeches that were very nearly ready to fall apart and crawl away on their own. “I’m just saying, when you’re concerned, I’m concerned.” Magpie continued, finally gaining a glance from him. “Mostly because you’re so damn slippery.” she grumbled. “I can peg the others and all that they’re concerned about.” “Can you now?” Solas asked, only a touch skeptical. Her insight had been fairly accurate. He had been able to semantically feint in order to throw her off here and there, but… it never worked for very long. Magpie shrugged. “Sam’s worried about Amy getting hurt. Cullen too, for the most part. Leliana’s worried about that, but mostly because she sees Amy as a resource. Sure, she wants to exploit Amy, but she'd rather keep her alive, and she's willing to fight to do it.” she let out a slow huff. “Josephine’s worried about how Amy will translate in a more grand arena. Bull… Bull’s worried that Amy’s gonna break his world… and Varric’s worried that the world will break Amy.” Her eyes narrowed. "Blackwall's harder to peg. He doesn't spend as much time around Amy as the others... He's worried about something..." Solas took a deep breath. “I like to worry about things from multiple angles. Suffice to say… There are many variables concerning Amy’s circumstance.” Magpie’s eyebrows twitched up. “Well… you’re not wrong.” Her eyes trained on the wooden wall to her left, as though she could map out her problems in the wood grain. It possessed no secrets as far as Solas was concerned, but whatever she saw there seemed to decide her. “Come on, Tues.” she said, looking between her twin friends. “Haven isn’t big, but you still need to know the in’s and out’s. Besides,” she smirked back at Solas. “the old man probably needs his rest.” “Always so thoughtful.” Solas muttered, raising a single eyebrow. She only wore a half smile, but it shined in her eyes in a way that...he wasn’t quite used to. Not that he hadn’t noticed it before now… It has been present more often than not lately. That look softened her taunts significantly. Magpie half sauntered-half skipped through the doorway like the precocious child she often was, while the twins seemed more befuddled. Their rounded eyes slipped back and forth between Magpie and Solas, regarding their clan-mate with shock and Solas with a strange form of...reverence? Their regard was new to him, as though they were waiting for instruction or permission of some sort. The male twin reacted first. With a shrug, he hefted himself up and took up space by the doorway, holding it open while his sister darted out after Magpie. He then hurried through himself, closing the door behind them. Leaving Solas to ponder this strange change between his and Magpie’s typically frigid encounters. Once the door was shut, Solas surveyed his traveling pack. He’d find no answers there, but it wasn’t going to fill itself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The room did not smell bad. The scent was odd because there was so little in the way of scent. It was absence of scent, only cold stone...which wasn’t fragrant in the least. Even so, Amy knew that this train of thought was most persistent because she was trying to convince herself of it. Perhaps the facts were more important at this stage. The room was longer than it was wide. Standing in the center of the room with her arms stretched out, Amy couldn’t quite touch the walls...but one hard lean to one side or the other, and she’d definitely have contact. Still, she could probably get away with a cartwheel and a half from the back of the room to the doorway. “As I said, it is rather small.” Mother Giselle reminded, in the way that matronly figures say ‘I told you so’ without actually having to say the phrase. Amy smiled. “Don’t nehheed space.” Amy said. The summons to the chantry had been a bit of a shock for her since her movements had been so closely guarded of late. It turned out Mother Giselle had rolled high on initiative, and was addressing the need for Amy to have a distinct space in the chantry. She had spoken at length about a place where Amy might stay, now that she was going to be there for most of her time. Somewhere out of the way, where she could be found and consulted privately... Amy had felt shell shocked upon hearing it. She knew this discussion would happen, of course, but any planning had been left to the four winds. With no concrete plans in place, it felt like a vague and distant wave, looming before it crashes into a beach all Day-After-Tomorrow-style. And so, Amy had felt detached when Mother Giselle began to discuss places she could stay during the day. Of course, Amy assumed she would need to be both accessible and out of the way. In the game, companions were just… around. They were usually in places they’d probably linger anyway. Of all the options given, Mother Giselle had mentioned this small room in the hall between the kitchens and linen wash in an absent fashion. Amy had seized upon this. Like any good Hufflepuff, Amy would be just beside the kitchens! It was perfect! Well… not perfect, but honestly. Being upset was one thing, but refusing to make the best of the situation you have is ridiculous. Mother Giselle had seemed somewhat surprised, but not at all taken aback enough that she didn’t simply nod and commit to making that room as presentable as it could be. “I did warn you…” Mother Giselle was saying from the doorway. “It is not as grand as… well, shall we say, Madame Vivienne’s area. Or even Josephine’s offices really. It’s about half that size.” “S’ perfect.” she’d assured. She stared up the length of the walls. “Don’t need much.” She reminded. Amy looked back to Mother Giselle, hovering just inside the doorway. “Sleep here?” she asked, pointing down. The woman laughed, albeit abruptly. “Of course not, child.” she shook her head. “You’d freeze!” Amy shrugged, “Been thru worse.” “I have spoken to Lady Montilyet concerning your sleeping quarters.” she paused, evaluating the words she chooses next carefully. “Evidently, it is Sister Leliana’s wish that you remain very close.” Amy hummed in acknowledgment. That was...well. Understandable, she supposed. “What sort of furnishings would you like?” Mother Giselle queried. Amy thought about it for a moment before signing. “Chair… sihm-pal table or desk…” she eyed the long walls. “Sheeeelves.” she shook her head. “Sparse.” “You’re not worried about offending chantry sensibilities, I hope.” Mother Giselle said with a small smile. “You know that you don’t have to adopt an austere taste simply because you reside inside the chantry?” that smile seemed almost coy. Amy smirked. “Sim-pel best for now.” Amy shrugged before opening the door and keeping it open for Mother Giselle to walk though. “ ‘Specially since… I still don’t know...what I’m doing.” Mother Giselle’s smile was sympathetic. “New roles take some adjustment. I’m sure everyone will understand.” As Amy closed the door to her new space, she felt a strange fluttery feeling in her stomach. It made her vision sway, and she found herself leaning rather heavily against the now-closed door. She felt Mother Giselle’s hand delicately rest against her shoulder. “You are still unwell.” “Comes and goes.” Amy murmured, closing her eyes for a moment before reopening them. She was hoping that she could focus on a single point to reorient herself. There was a pause as one of the servants, Amy couldn't tell which at the moment (from this vantage point especially) it was.

“Does this happen often?” Mother Giselle asked, her voice low. It was then that Amy realized she was keeping her voice down so that they wouldn't draw attention to themselves. A nice thought, but servants saw everything. It wasn't as if they wouldn't know her situation was rapidly changing, what with all the gossip and her routine changing so drastically. 

“Hazn’… not since…” Amy took a deep breath, feeling her ribcage expand to the point near pain. She held it for a scant second before letting that air filter out slow. “Since.. beeee-for tavern.” She took another breath before pushing away from the wall and willing her body to cooperate. Mother Giselle kept pace, giving her a surveying look from the corner of her eye. “That’s right. You were often given over to fits of weakness or dizziness before you began working regularly in the tavern.” Mother Giselle thought that over. “Is that something that typically happens to you when you are sick?” Amy considered her past life, restricting her memories to a simple survey of the facts before nostalgia and melancholy could pull her down. Typically, Amy slept a lot when she was sick… but even when she had to push herself, she tended to run fevers and need frequent breaks for water and to gulp in oxygen. She’d never had any sort of vertigo… and even when she had experienced vomiting, it had been swift and not lingering. This sickness, if that’s what it was, was a different animal. “No.” she said simply. Mother Giselle hummed thoughtfully at that. “Then perhaps there is something here, something unique, that you’re reacting to.” Mother Giselle shrugged as they reentered the Chantry proper. “It could be a great number of things.” Amy didn’t make eye contact or comment on this. The last thing that she wanted was another person diagnosing her. Jaga only knew what a chantry mother would think of her. “And to think, your health had improved so much.” Mother Giselle sighed. “Even your speech was strengthening.” She was right, of course, and that was so disappointing. Amy’s physical condition before this attack had been damn near prime. Her speech, while still impaired was vastly improving as well. True, long words and vowel sounds still got her at times… but she could speak small words in short bursts all together and sound out the rest. She only hoped that she could recover any physicality she’d lost quickly. “Ah. Chancellor Roderick.” Mother Giselle said by way of greeting when the chancellor happened to walk by. He paused, clearly in a huff on his way to or from somewhere. “Mother Giselle.” His eyes landed on Amy, narrowing before surveying her carefully. “Miss Amy.” Amy had met the good Chancellor in passing twice before now, and both times he had regarded her with what she interpreted as… confused disdain. She nodded her head, dutiful in her regard for his position if not for his attitude. “Chan-sel-or.” “I am overseeing Amy’s permanent transition to the Chantry.” Mother Giselle informed him with a smile. Amy had to wonder why. It wasn’t as if Mother Giselle approved of Roderick’s position, or that she was beholden to dole out information to him. Still, at her words, the Chancellor’s chin tilted just to the left. A strange smile settled on his face; 'strange' for the simple fact that it was odd because Amy wasn’t used to seeing it. “That is a relief to hear.” he said, his posture relaxing if only a touch. “The incident on the field is irreprehensible, and the long hours you work..” he shook his head. “It’s a pity this Inquisition,” he spat the word, “has done little in the way of providing for its workers, and the rumors spreading about you are absolutely vile.” Amy winced. “You cannot possibly blame the Inquisition for that, Chancellor.” Mother Giselle chided in an almost grandmotherly fashion. “Any young lady who spends her nights in a tavern is bound to garner a bit of ill repute.” That wasn’t news. Chancellor Roderick’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “Not that. Those rumors are infantile in comparison.” “What old bone are you guarding now, Roderick?” Sam grumbled as he sauntered up to them. He winked at Amy as a substitute for a greeting. “The heretical blasphemy your organization is spewing.” “Isn’t most blasphemy heretical by nature?” Sam poked with a smirk that only made Roderick’s scowl more severe. “This poor child has worked herself to the bone, first with the servants and then in your tavern, and for what? For you to parade her about as a false prophet!” “Haaah?” Amy looked between the two of them in horror. “She doesn’t even know what you’ve done, does she!” Sam had the good sense to look sheepish for a moment, but it changed to an almost begrudging humor as his eyes found Amy. “Well.. you have to admit, Charmer, there was another figure whose song changed the hearts and minds of the people.” A sheepish smile spread over his face. “Someone with power in her song...” his eyes wandered to one of the effigies of Andraste before meeting hers again. Amy stared at him, not quite understanding...until she did.

She recoiled. “No.” she growled. She put up both of her arms and crossed them like an X in front of her face. “No, no, no-no-no!” Chancellor Roderick’s posture straightened noticeably as he nodded in her direction. As though he were seconding the motion. “Ok, first off,” he pointed to the Chancellor who was opening his mouth, most likely to issue some furiously righteous rant. “this,” he made a circular motion to their surroundings, “isn’t my anything. Not Haven, nor the Inquisition. If anything, I have been sequestered by madmen.” he took a deep breath. “And secondly, literally no one in the Inquisition instigated those rumors. Certainly none of the advisors, or myself, or Seeker Pentaghast.” “Sam.” Amy commanded, demanded, unyielding and furious though in a very quiet sort of way. Her mother would be so proud. Sam, for his part, seemed to hold his breath for a second before finally letting it out and deflating with it. “Charmer, I swear, the Inquisition had no intention of drawing any parallels between you and Andraste—” Amy’s mouth fell open, hearing it nearly made her head spin. “geeeh.” she breethed in disgust. “but! But, when it did surface… well, it’s better that people think of you as saintly than as a whore, right?” “No!” Amy crowed. “Whore’s are...are honest! Is oldest pro-fess-shun! Straight for-ward! Most saints are...are...char-let-tons!” she pointed at him. “I… am an honest...girl!” Sam smirked, sheepish now that he was good and scolded. “Better an honest whore than a sideways saint?” Amy nodded. “Just...just cuz I’m diff-rent…” she shook her head, looking down as she crossed her arms tightly. “Don’t know whu-why I am, but I am… and just cuz I am, doesn’t mean… I’m touched or speh-shial or sig-nif-ih-cant.” “You’re right.” Sam smiled. “You’re significant and touched and special for a lot of other reasons.” Amy stomped a foot (which her mother would not have endorsed). “Don’t be nice wah-hen I’mad at’chu.” she grumbled, making him chuckle. “Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.” Sam said, tossing his head back like the muscles in his name had just given out. “Look…” he grumbled. “I don’t know why you think this is an ‘Inquisition’ issue.” he said to Roderick. “The rumors started in the chantry, here, that day when Charmer was singing.” Amy winced, remembering the song she’d sung for Sam. Amazing Grace had been an emotional memory as well as a fragile wish that Sam would garner some inspiration from the words of the song. Amy had been right about the acoustics of the chantry, and because of those acoustics, she’d been heard by many in the building. “So, this concept of her returning to the chantry for shelter from rumors started by my sinister organization is a complete load of crap.” Sam crossed his arms over his chest. “Even you can’t deny Amy’s words and songs are powerful, because you certainly didn’t the entire time those rumors began brewing here, in-house as it were.” Chancel Roderick looked somewhat chastised, though his face puckered in a begrudging scowl. “I will not deny that the Maker has given her a great gift.” he said, and Amy marveled over how easily he surrendered those words. “What is so troublesome is the Inquisitions dash to allow those rumors to spread beyond this Chantry.” Sam rolled his eyes. “Because rumors are so easily controlled.” “They are, when your Nightengale decides they are detrimental and slanderous against your cause.” Chancellor Roderick growled evenly. “Is too late now.” Amy grumbled, lifting a hand to her forehead. The crown of her head felt tense and heavy now. It made for a tightness around her eyes that caused her vision to blur slightly. “You ok, Charmer?” Sam asked, his tone softening as he took his focus off of Roderick. She sighed, the breath puffing her chest and shoulders up before they fell in a dramatic slouch. “Fine.” “Hm.” he murmured, not convinced. “Well. I wanted to let you know that we’d be leaving tomorrow.” Amy blinked up at him. “At first light, Bull, Sera, Solas, and I are… gonna be hiking up the Frostbacks a bit.” he said, a clever glint in his eyes. “Seeing about those precautions you mentioned, to better strengthen fortifications and all.” That sounded like a more casual parroting of something Cullen had said. So, they were scouting for Skyhold… “How looohng?” Sam shrugged. “Solas seems to think it shouldn’t take too long, since we’re such a small scouting party. Maybe two days. Three tops.” Amy’s eyebrows rose. “Guess he’d know.” she mumbled. There hadn’t been a lot in-game to gauge exactly how long the trek from Haven to Skyhold was… One source she’d read surmised that it’d taken the freshly-attacked fledgling Inquisition an entire month to get there on account of unprepared civilians and pack animals being in tow. At the same time, the Inquisitor had seen Corephyus reopen the breach and gotten down the mountain in what seemed like no time at all… though… there was really no telling how much of that was just a game mechanic. “Oi. Stop pouting.” Sam snipped. “We’ll remember to be careful and drink water and take breaks.” he overly exaggerated the list, dulling his voice a ‘yes mom’ sort of tone. She scowled at him. “An’ be kind. Solas doesn’t ...get on well wif Bull’n’Sera.” “No, he really does not.” “We hafta re-mem-ber t’be kind… to each other.” Amy reminded, sighing heavily. “World is so un-kind.” Sam looked directly at Chancellor Roderick. “It really is.” While this didn’t do anything to lessen Chancellor Roderick’s scowl, it didn’t mean the expression didn’t change at all. In fact, a strange sort of pensiveness settled on the Chancellor’s face. His eyes seemed to drift sideways. Sam had the softest smirk on his face that Amy had ever seen. It was at once teasing and comforting. In moments like these, he reminded her so much of Connor… Wretched beauties, those memories. Happy little glimmers that brought a tightness to her chest that she had to chase away before it rooted in too deeply. “And when you return, we will no doubt have Amy well settled.” Mother Giselle assured, stepping forward. With all of Sam and Chancellor Roderick’s posturing, Amy had very nearly forgotten about her. “Good to hear.” Sam said with a nod. His eyes rose towards the daunting chasm that was the chantry’s ceiling. “Guess I should pack and rest up for tomorrow.” he said, his voice both measured and forlorn. Chancellor Roderick sniffed. “A Herald’s work is never done.” Sam blinked, looking over at him with confusion puckering his brow. “Did you just make a joke?” Amy chuckled, more at the ridiculousness of the scenario than anything Roderick had said. Sam looked somewhere between curious and almost frightened, and Roderick, though still stiff, looked almost smug! “Sick. Burn.” Amy grunted. And somehow the tension was gone. Amy understood what it meant, because it had been one of the biggest parts of her life. She had been a mediator between her brothers, between her parents, between her parents and siblings, even between classmates. She knew what it was to hear about both sides and sap the tension with a touch of perspective. “We still have much work to do.” Mother Giselle reminded in that gentle way she had. “Indeed.” Chancellor Roderick agreed, though Amy still wasn’t sure exactly how the Chancellor occupied his time here. And before she could think of how to politely ask him this, he had left. Sam shrugged, waved goodbye before backing away, and then took his weary eyes with him to pack. “No rest for the weary.” Amy half sang the words, and was instantly disappointed and relieved. It was the strangest sensation. She felt guilty for singing against Solas’s instructions, and at the same time, there was an almost flash of comfort in her muscles. ...curious. A million facts about placebo effects and psychosomatic coping mechanisms ran through her mind. All things she didn't want to stop and squint at… “Go and gather your things, child.” Mother Giselle instructed before starting off on her own tasks. Amy didn’t have much in the way of things, really. But she could take the time to find Solas and Magpie and Varric and let them know that she was being moved. She found Solas staring at his own packed bag, though it appeared the bag had been taken care of for quite a while. Solas was simply staring at the receptacle as though he could somehow scry through it. His attention snapped to her as she entered the room. "Amy." It was more of a greeting or acknowledgment of her presence really. He took a breath, and she waited. It was the perfect definition of their relationship, really

“Solas.” Amy prompted, at last garnering some much-needed eye contact. “Say it.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upward before he began. “I have been considering your condition, both what I know now and anything I can garner of your previous state…” Amy held her breath waiting for whatever travesty waited just around the river bend. “While I will continuously advise caution in all things, I do not think it would be terribly detrimental to your health if you were to sing again.” 

Amy felt her eyes grow wide, while tears stung at the edges of her vision. She let out a tiny half sob of breath before hiding her face in her hands.

Before Thedas, music had been a constant in her life. She woke up to it, she lived her life to it, she went to sleep to it. Driving to and from work, at the dojo, even alone in her home… music was constantly part of her environment.  To the point that she had no idea how crucial it was to her reality.

If you would’ve asked if Amy fancied herself much of a singer, she would’ve laughed off her response. The truth was, she sang constantly, she embraced music in every eternal spec of her essence… But Bridget McManus’s utilitarian world view had skewed her daughter's estimations. Singing was not what she did on a professional level, and she was not acknowledged by any peers, therefore it wasn’t a factor.

Not there. Not back home. But in Thedas...

“Amy.” Solas’s voice was tentative. A careful hand on her shoulder, his concern making her face him even with tears in her eyes.

The door creaked open, Varric barging his way in—and it was his place too, so why shouldn’t he?

“Whoa, there, Chuckles. What’d you say to her?” he worried, drawing close.

Amy huffed out a laugh as best she could, shaking her head.

“Only that she should not feel a need to constrain herself...if she desires to sing.”

Varric’s smile held a hint of, ‘what are we going to do with you?’. “Been holding it in there, eh, Charmer?”

Amy took a deep breath and let it out in a near whistle. “So luk-ee. Movin’ bak to chant-ry today. Woulda eh’noyed the piss outta ya.”

Varric chuckled. “Seems like a small price to pay.” he said with a smirk. “Come on. Chuckles and I can walk you back.”

“Will we?” Solas asked, with an arched eyebrow. He didn’t offer any resistance when Varric placed a gentle hand at the small of her back to lead her outside again.

He could be that way...compliant but still salty about.

… Maybe he wasn’t Canadian...maybe he was English.

“You complain, but you know…” Varric began, with his best shit-eating grin. “It’s a nice day for a song.

Solas rolled his eyes but was still grinning.

“How ‘bout it, Charmer? You got a good song in you?”

Amy knew a good prompt when she heard one.

“There's a line where the sky meets the sea and it calls me! But no one kno~ows, how far it go~oes.” she was only too happy to belt that to the open sky.“All the time wondering where I need to be is behind me. I'm on my ow~wn, to worlds unknow~wn.” Amy did a happy little twirl before half skipping forward. “Every turn I take, every trail I track, is a choice I make, now I can't turn back, from the great unknown where I go alone, where I long to be…” She took a deep breath, scanning the horizon and finding the lazy moon on the horizon. “See her light up the night in the sea, she calls me! And yes I kno~ow that I can go!” It felt so good to breathe deep, like a much-needed stretch. “There's a moon in the sky and the wind is behind me, soon I'll know how far I'll go~o!” For a moment, there was nothing but the echo of her voice as it rang out into the open sky.

“Well, well, well, sounds like someone’s got a bit of her own back.”

Amy knew her smile was radiant through the warmth of the blush on her cheeks and the responding smile Magpie gave her.

“I thought you were taking your clan mates on a tour.” Solas queried in a way that was both a statement and a question.

“She did. Turns out Haven is tiny.” Tunen said with a shrug. Her brother only smirked at this. “It was worth it to come, even if all we were to receive was that song.”

“Indeed.” Tunan droned in a husky timbre. “Your voice is a marvel.”

Amy felt her blush intensify at their genuine praise. She bent slightly at the waist in a modest bow. “Thank. You.”

Magpie smirked and the twins exchanged baffled looks. Amy was oblivious to this interaction, but Varric and Solas could tell Amy’s behavior confused them. The girl flinched back, a sour expression on her face but her brother shook his head, before cocking it to the side. They looked to Magpie, who gave them both a smug grin. The twins weren't used to shows of respect, especially not from humans. While Tunen thought it could be a joke, Tunan was certain that wasn't it...but was still perplexed to see such behavior at all.

Amy came upright at this point, reaching for Magpie. The slip of an elf darted forward, looping her arm with Amy’s as if she’d done it all her life. “Where are we off to now?”

“Chant-tree.”

“Amy is being moved there.” Solas informed, his voice staid.

“Really…?” Magpie sounded… hesitant.

“No worries.” Amy said. “Weh...wheel… we will… find a place.” she comforted.

“All four of us?” this was Tunan, the brother, who asked.

“Whoa...all three of you elves are just going to shadow her now?” Varric asked.

“That is our intention.” Tunan responded, seemingly so nonchalant. “We’ve little desire to be separated from Magpie after so long, and...after everything..” he heaved a sigh.

Amy’s free hand patted at her own throat as she felt a lump swell there. Magpie had never spoken of the party of hunters she had come here with, and no one asked her about it. Ever. As Amy felt Magpie’s forehead brush against her shoulder, she made a show of combing her bangs back before nodding.

“All four.” she announced as if it were obvious. Of course. That had been the plan all along.

“I wonder how the Chantry will feel about that.” Solas mused.

“No in-tent-shun to ask.” Amy murmured, making Magpie chuckled.

“That’s what I like about our Charmer.” she said, seeming significantly brighter than she had only seconds ago. It was easy to assume that she had been referring to Amy’s blatant disregard for the Chantry… but really it was more ambiguous. Really… Magpie just liked how much better she felt after speaking with Amy. She just had a way of making things feel… “Consistently better.”

End Notes: Finally! 

Oh, this is such a relief! I swear, I've been sitting on bits of this chapter for what feels like ages. And it has been! It's been ages. But first finals, and then moving, and struggling with financial aid, and physical therapy, and family visits, and D&D, and I just... I just got out of the habit of writing. And I'm really sorry about that guys. 

And every time, every time! I would look at this chapter and feel like it wasn't good enough to post. And the longer I went without posting, the more pressure I put on myself to do more with this chapter =..= My self-esteem might be self-defeating, but at least there's someone out there I can defeat. 

And I feel really horrible if I don't reply to your comments before I post a chapter. I honestly just don't feel like I deserve the love I get for this fic, and that really stops me from writing... and it just won't do. So, I'm doing things a little differently now. 

I have a steady schedule now. I'm going to keep to it. So... hopefully, it won't be too long before I pop my head back up again :|