#tss angst

[prodigal-explorer]

“i miss the old you.”

“you killed him.”

[janis-takes-requests]

Janis' Angst Corner

🎄 Christmas Edition 🎄

+ Janus and Remus get left out of Christmas every year. They both claim that they don't care and in fact hate the holiday. But truthfully, they both are extremely hurt by it. So they opt to spend the day together and get each other presents.

+ Patton wants to include Janus and Remus, at the very least in their secret Santa that they do every year. But Virgil and Roman hate the other two so much that he would feel too guilty, like he ruined their Christmas.

+ Logan gets sick of the constant Christmas music and hates how expensive and stressful the season is. He would rather just skip the holiday all together. Oftentimes he'll sneak off after presents to spend time with Janus and Remus since they don't really celebrate the holiday.

[tss-whumper]

christmas when you're alone - i

some lovely roman christmas angst for the soul.

merry christmas eve to all who celebrate! this story is for those who love a bit of sadness during the holidays. or in this case...a LOT of sadness.

2.3k words (i plan on coming out with a part two soon that's based on a request! all you rosleep fans out there will be a big fan of it, wink wink!)

(cws -> emotional/psychological abuse, guilt-tripping, toxic parental figures. also, patton and janus are the main "whumpers" so to speak while logan, remus, and virgil are more like bystanders. this is just a very sad day for roman.)

Christmas was one of Roman's favorite holidays. Everything about it to him was nothing short of spectacular--the lights, the beautiful music, and most of all, the Christmas spirit. The giving and the wishing and the believing. Roman really, really liked the believing. After all, what was Christmas without the magic?

This year, Roman was determined to create the best Christmas yet. After a turbulent year with a lot of hurt feelings, Roman figured that a fantastic Christmas would be the best way to make everything perfect again. So he worked tirelessly on decorating the house, making sure there were elements to the decorations that everybody enjoyed. Sentimental ornaments for Patton, tasteful silver string lights for Logan, golden candlesticks for Janus, a gingerbread graveyard for Virgil, and a creepy-looking inflatable Santa for Remus. While none of it was particularly Roman's taste, it did look cool when it was all put together, like a kaleidoscope of Christmas spirit, aesthetics bumping into each other and mixing together. And besides, it didn't matter if Roman liked it. Christmas was about giving, after all! And Roman would do anything to make the others happy with him.

When the house was finished, Roman started on creating and wrapping his gifts. Being Creativity, he had the entire universe at the tips of his fingers. He could give anybody anything he wanted, as long as it fit in the mindscape. So he tried very hard to give everybody gifts that would be meaningful and sweet, and he wrapped them with gentle care. Roman wasn't particularly good at being gentle or careful, but it didn't matter what Roman was good at. All that mattered was his friends' reactions to his beautiful and thoughtful presents. He desperately wanted to see them happy, but he was also worried about what might happen if they weren't happy.

Thinking about that made Roman's stomach twist, so he distracted himself by blasting "All I Want For Christmas Is You" while taking a shower with hot-chocolate-scented sugar scrub.

---

The month zoomed by faster than anybody had anticipated, and before he knew it, Roman was waking up on Christmas morning. And everything felt perfect. He could smell cinnamon rolls being baked in the kitchen, and the cheerful chatter of his friends. Being a heavy sleeper, Roman was used to being the last one awake, so he was quick to get himself ready so the rest of the group wouldn't have to wait on him for much longer.

After putting on a red sweater, brown pants, brown socks, and a reindeer headband, Roman felt ready to go. He smiled a few times in the mirror, just to make sure that he looked perfect. Then, he walked out, joining all the noise and bustle that his friends were making seamlessly.

The cinnamon rolls were warm, the conversation was silly, and everyone seemed to be getting along. Roman just sank in his chair, taking in all the celebratory atmosphere as if it was more valuable than oxygen. Everything was going so well. It felt too good to be true.

Probably because it was.

"Roman, what took you so long?" Janus asked, "Was getting your hair and makeup perfect more important than having breakfast with us?"

His question was carelessly flung into the air with a teasing attitude. The words stung Roman like a slap.

"I don't have any makeup on," Roman replied, trying his best to keep a smile on his face, "I got ready as fast as I could. I'm sorry, I must have slept in a bit more than usual. You all weren't waiting too long for me, were you?"

Silence hung in the air like a cloud of fog, until finally, Patton spoke up.

"It's okay, buddy! We learned our lesson now. Next year, we'll just start without you! That should motivate you to get up on time."

Roman winced, his cheeks burning as Logan and Virgil chuckled, and Remus dove into another cinnamon roll. His eyes felt hot as Janus stared at him with a cruelly amused expression, his gaze practically boring into Roman.

This was going to be another hard day, wasn't it?

---

Things started to go even more downhill when presents were being opened. Roman struggled to stay still, so excited about both his gifts, and the gifts that others were receiving, that he found himself constantly squirming in his spot on the floor, surrounded by crumpled up wrapping paper and shiny new items.

"That one's from me!" Roman exclaimed eagerly as Virgil opened up a new pair of black Converse. "They're high-tops, see? And they're platform, because you said you wish you could grow taller for Christmas. Now you can! And look, there's spiderwebs on the bottoms! I painted them myself!"

"Wow..." Virgil said, putting on the shoes and walking around in them. "Cool. Thanks, Roman."

The air turned cold, and Roman started to feel very, very uncomfortable. Virgil seemed happy with his gift, but everybody else seemed upset. Roman didn't understand. Was something wrong with Virgil's shoes?

"Roman, do you- really think that was a sensitive choice?" Patton asked, "How would you feel if someone got you a gift targeting something you're insecure about?"

"Insecure about?" Roman asked, his heart leaping out of his throat, "What- what do you mean? I didn't mean to do anything wrong!"

"Stop attacking Patton and answer the question," Janus hissed, his eyes narrowing.

"I-" Roman choked, looking around the room for any semblance of support. He didn't understand. Why was this happening? He thought he'd gotten Virgil the perfect gift. He looked at his list and picked the one thing that seemed impossible. The one wish that Virgil added, but didn't expect to receive. What was so bad about that?

"Are you just going to sit there and look stupid, or are you going to apologize?"

Even Logan was doing this now?? Roman tensed up. His heart started to pound, and his hands trembled against his will. He slid them under his knees so nobody else would see how afraid he was. After all, that would probably make everyone madder.

"I'm sorry, Virgil," Roman whispered, his voice too watery to speak any louder. "I didn't mean to do anything wrong. I just wanted to get you something thoughtful."

"Thoughtful," Janus muttered under his breath with a short laugh, exchanging a glance with Patton, who quietly giggled. "Is he even capable of thought?"

"It's...whatever, Roman," Virgil said awkwardly, "They're cool shoes. Can we just move on to the next person?"

Everybody else carried on, perfectly normally, as if nothing had happened. But Roman just couldn't. Tears stung the corners of his eyes, and he repeatedly squeezed them shut and opened them, trying as hard as he could not to cry in front of all of his friends on Christmas.

When it was his turn to open a gift, Roman smiled when he saw that it was from Janus. The past gifts Janus had given were lavish and extravagant, and Roman loved things that made him feel even more like royalty. He carefully unwrapped the golden paper, and tried to mask his confusion as he held up a very, very large book. It was incredibly heavy, to the point where his muscles were straining while he tried to read the cover. And when he did, he felt like he was going to die.

A Comprehensive Guide to Manners and Etiquette.

As everyone else read the title, they started to laugh. Remus high-fived Janus, and Patton snorted, hiding his smile behind his hands.

"Look, Roman, it's extra convenient for you," Janus said, "See? It's almost as big as your ego."

This caused the rest of the group to howl with laughter, and Roman to bow his head, quickly swiping a hand over his cheek before anybody could catch a glimpse of the tear that had fallen as his heart broke on what was supposed to be the most magical day of the year.

But no matter how Roman felt about it, this was a present. He had to do the polite thing.

"Thank you, Janus," he said, cringing at how choked up he sounded.

"Aww, you're welcome, Roman," Janus cooed, "Merry Christmas."

He patted Roman on the head patronizingly, and Roman felt like he was going to suffocate. He was only able to breathe again when the attention was off him, as Patton opened his next present.

Roman tried to steady his breathing, focusing on what everyone else was receiving. He laughed at their jokes, marveled at their presents, and pretended like everything was perfect. It really wasn't much different from performing onstage. All he had to do was play a character. He just had to be the happy, indestructible Princey that everyone wanted him to be.

But that was much easier said than done. Even when Roman stopped speaking, the insults and cruel remarks continued.

"A megaphone! Better not let Roman have it."

"I love this poetry book. It's way better than all the sappy shit Roman writes."

"Roman, aren't you happy with your gift? Now when you feel like being an attention whore, you can write in this diary instead of whining to us about how the lipgloss you ordered is the wrong color."

"This is the last time we let Roman decorate. Look at how gaudy this room is. It's almost as loud as him."

It.

Didn't.

Stop.

The world was spinning. Everything was going wrong, and Roman couldn't understand why. He had tried so hard. He did everything he could to make the others happy, putting in hours to prove that he was more than the selfish, egotistical, bratty caricature that they berated him constantly for being. Maybe Roman was being stupid, thinking that things would be different today just because it was Christmas. But now, Roman was experiencing his very first Christmas in which his biggest wish didn't come true.

He just wanted a day where he wasn't being berated and teased for every move he made. If it was really that hard for the others to resist pulling their tricks and humiliating him, then maybe Roman was the problem. Maybe he had messed up too many times, and was now irredeemable. He would always be the evil twin. The stupid one. The bratty bitch who always ruined every room he walked into. The egotistical one who needed to be knocked down a peg. It wasn't fair. Couldn't they see he was trying? What more did he have to do to prove that he was more than his past mistakes? If groveling and changing everything about himself to the best of his ability wasn't enough, maybe it was time for Roman to give up. Maybe he was going to have to resign himself to being the first punching bag in history to wear a crown and a sash.

"Roman, what are you doing?"

Roman blinked as he heard Patton's voice, stopping his zoning out as he realized something dreadful. His shoulders were rising and falling sporadically against his will, and his breathing was audibly stuttered. Everybody was staring at him with wide eyes, and something salty and wet settled in the groove between his lips.

He was crying. Not just crying--sobbing. Uncontrollably.

"Oh, great, here we go again," Remus sneered, "Little Princey didn't get exactly what he wanted on Christmas."

"That's not why I'm crying!" Roman choked, "I have to go-"

Hands tightly grasped onto his shoulders, pushing Roman back down into his sitting position before he was able to get far off the ground. Janus smirked at Roman as the creative side flinched.

"You're not going anywhere," Janus said, "On a family holiday? What would Patton think?"

"Ro, I just don't understand," Patton cut in, "Why do you always have to make everything about yourself?"

"You totally just killed the vibe," Virgil added quietly.

"We were having fun before you had to go and put a damper on everything," Patton added, "You're ruining Christmas, Roman."

As Roman gazed around the room, he saw not a shred of sympathy. Not even a hint of curiosity or recognition pertaining to why he was feeling this way. Why he was choking on his own tears instead of laughing and having fun like everyone else. Nobody cared. Nobody wanted to keep Roman around except to further embarrass him.

His tears were funny to the others. To them, he was nothing but a sad clown.

"Please let me go," he begged, "Please. I'm sorry. I just need some time in my room, and then I won't do anything wrong for the rest of the day."

"Maybe you should go to your room," Logan said.

"But maybe you shouldn't come out," Janus added, "What do you think, Patton? Is it too harsh to give him a time-out on Christmas?"

"The better question is, can we trust him not to be a whiny little bitch for the rest of the day?" Remus chirped.

As the group deliberated over whether or not Roman had a right to celebrate his favorite holiday with his dearest loved ones, the prince shut down. He closed his eyes and stopped fighting for air through his gasps and sobs. What was the point? What was the use of doing anything if every day was going to be like this?

Roman didn't even push back when Janus carried him to his room, placing him on his bed and locking the door behind him with a magic seal.

How did the fun sound so much louder when Roman was far away from it?

As Roman curled up under his blankets, he let himself cry fully, knowing that nobody would be able to see him and ridicule him anymore. His sobs echoed off his walls, dissonant with the joyous laughter that taunted Roman outside his door.

He really was all alone, wasn't he?

---

taglist -> @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @amazon-me-bitches @izaachehim

(let me know if you want to be tagged in the second part!)

[the-girl-with-the-glass-heart]

Au where Remus is five and Roman is eighteen and they lost their parents recently so Roman's had to start taking care of Remus all by himself. It's really hard, they had to sell their childhood home since they couldn't afford it anymore and now the money is being all put towards an apartment/rainy funds while Roman has to quit drama club to make time for a part time job he hates. As if all that wasn't bad enough their shitty uncle Patton is trying to insert himself into their lives with the sole goal to take Remus away. Patton actually has alot of money but instead of just letting them move in he insists that he should have custody of Remus and that Roman could never providd for him the safe, healthy, financially stable, god fearing home he deserves. At one point hee even tries to bribe Roman by offering to pay for his college tuition but Roman doesn't believe Patton actually cares about Remus.

When their parents were alive they didn't even like Patton, they tried to keep the kids away from him as often as possible. Remus certainly doesn't wanna go, he thinks Patton smells weird and talks funny, when Patton comes by to visit Remus hides behind Roman the whole time. Patton will even buy him super expensive toys and games but Remus still clings to Roman. Patton doesn't really have any big grand scheme or anything, he's just a very toxic manipulative person who think he automatically knows what's best. What's so sad though is even though Roman knows deep down that Remus would hate it and Patton isn't a great person, a little voice in the back of his head still thinks maybe Patton is right.

He's working multiple dead end jobs just to make ends meet on crappy apartment and often has to skip valuable time he could be studying or working to attend parent teacher meetings for Remus. He can't even take Remus to the park with out strangers offering unsolicited parenting advice (they live in kind of a small town so unfortunately EVERYONE knows about the kids who's parents died) or pitying him. If only he could give Remus all his attention or at least have some one to help, he can't even afford a sitter most of the time. :(

[entity9silvergen]

Posting links to old fics. This one is DLAMP angst. Basically Sanders Sides in the future, when Thomas and the sides have grown old.

[emo-nightmares]

Me when Roceit angst

[zu-is-here]

Fall

Aftermare Week by @bluepallilworld

Geno by loverofpiggies

Nightmare by jokublog

[logan-the-artist]

‘cause no one knows what you know that you feel

no one knows who you are…

[let-roman-bite-someone]

see, both logan and janus wants to be listened to and respected by thomas. but while janus’s reasoning is just “you’re gonna end up unhealthy and unhappy and lonely if you don’t listen to what i say, you fool”, logan’s is more “the only purpose i have ever known is to serve thomas and keep him healthy and alive. if thomas doesn’t acknowledge me, that’s a failure on my part. if something happens to thomas because he didn’t listen to me, i will never forgive myself for the rest of my life.”

[nandysparadox]

[ID: A full body digital drawing of Roman Sanders falling from the sky. He reaches out to the sun with one arm, his hand stretched out. Sun rays hit him from above and he looks up with a wide-eyed anguished expression. There are tears in his eyes. His wings, which are fastened to his arms, are falling apart, and loose feathers surround him. He wears his usual prince outfit. His sash is blowing with the wind, along with his hair. A golden crown has fallen from his head. On the background there are huge clouds, painted in golden, orange and brown tones. Warm yellow light comes from above. /End ID]

"Strap the wing to me Death trap clad happily With wax melted, I'd meet the sea Under sunlight, sunlight, sunlight" - Sunlight, Hozier

roman with icarus imagery is literally everything to me <33 i loved working on this

♡ reblogs are very appreciated ^_^ ♡

[royall-ass]

happy callback/wedding/just svs redux day take some roman art thats rushed <33

[acornshell]

"Where is MY happy ending?"

───── ╴ ╴ ╴ ╴ ╴ ╴ ╴ ╴ ╴

It’s sad Roman hours y’all🥲💔

I decided to indulge into my love for dolls imagery/concept for this one!!

Got heavily inspired after re-watching the Sanders Asides episode, [The Sides Need A Nice Day] !! :D

Also I absolutely love how Thomas did his hair!! I tried my best to make it look pretty as the real one!💖

It’s always such a joy to be able to make art for Sanders sides again!🥰

Hope you like it!!✨

[Reblogs are deeply appreciated!💖]

[d00msd4y]

May I interest you in some sonadow fluff angst

[radar-chaos]

A version without text for those of you who want to focus on the art.

[imhere-imqueer-ilikedeer]

Logan doesn't repress because he was taught to.

He represses because he feel like he needs to.

Hw feels emotion, but it's kind of muted to very dull, small emotions. He's sure he's sure he has deeper emotions, but he's repressed so thoroughly that even he can't feel them.

He's felt big emotions before. A few times, if it got too much. All that emotion, when you aren't used to it, gets overwhelming. It's easier to just not feel it, than to bring it out an deal with it.

Because if he acknowledge it, it gets bigger. And the bigger it gets, the more it shows. The more it shows, the more he hates it.

He can't stand people's comfort. Just let him be sad, and ignore him while he does it. Let him sit there, let him lick his wounds in private. But that is not human nature. Human nature is to comfort.

He despise comforting people. They tell him something is wrong, they tell him it is ok, they tell him to feel the emotion. Then the emotion gets bigger, and he feels it more. He shows it more.

When he show it, he gets a kind of emotion hangover. Two hours later, two days later, he remembers the emotion he showed. And that is an embarrassment he never wants to feel again.

he'd rather stay on top of the emotion. Press it down. Nip it in the bud. Just avoid that spiral all together.

Because sharing his emotion doesn't make it better. It only leads to more emotion. It only gets worse.

He doesn't repress emotion because he was taught to.

He represses emotion because he needs to.

[prodigal-explorer]

no fucking way somebody tried to tell me that roman and logan are narcissists…

when they are the two sides who have sacrificed the most for the sake of thomas and the other sides.

no fucking way.