#jaehyun drabble

[jkbabiey]

ᴍɪɴᴇ • ᴊ. ᴊᴀᴇʜʏᴜɴ

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: ~4.6𝘒 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘧𝘸𝘣2𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘹 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴, 𝘶𝘯𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘹, 𝘱𝘪𝘷, 𝘖𝘊 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦 '𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭'

it didn't surprise you when jaehyun's name popped up on your screen.

you two weren't speaking. hadn't spoken at all in the last three weeks due to a less-than-kind exchange of words at the last frat party you had gone to.

that frat party happened in the frat house in which jaehyun lived. you were no stranger to these parties. were no stranger to the smoke, the music, and the lights. you attended most of these parties, your goal being only one - to see him.

and you always did. his eyes always caught yours the minute you stepped inside his house. even among everyone else's gaze, his was always the first one that you noticed.

you and jaehyun had met at uni. you still remember the repetitive sound of his fingers tapping the table next to yours, while you tried to focus on the physiology paper you had to turn in until the next day. jaehyun was incredibly annoying, not stopping even when you politely asked him to, which resulted in you picking up your stuff and leaving the library and jaehyun with a victorious smile on his face. just to find him at the frat party your friend had dragged you to, sporting that same smile.

just to end up in his room. naked and screaming his name.

you always ended up in jaehyun's room. since then frat parties had become a constant in your life - you never stayed in them for too long because jaehyun always managed to drag you away quick enough.

the deal between you two was fairly simple - you slept together. nothing more and nothing less.

there really wasn't anything more to it other than sex. and you never expected more, seeing as the first thing you learned about jaehyun was how unruly he was - the complete opposite of you, the straight-A princess (as he liked to call you).

but you two were used to each other at this point - no one seemed to satisfy jaehyun the way you knew how to and because of that he liked to keep you around.

no one did it for you the way jaehyun could. not only when it came to sex, but in everything else too. you genuinely had a good time whenever you were with him, despite him taking every chance to get on your nerves. you two just got along.

but still, three weeks ago, at one of the frat parties you used to attend, you ended up in mark's room.

you would've never chosen mark over jaehyun. especially because the sole reason you were coming to these parties was to see jaehyun.

but not to see jaehyun's mouth working against a random blonde girl you had never even seen before. they were sitting on a couch, smoke all around them and she was straddling his hips, sitting on his lap. jaehyun's arms were rolled around the girl's waist, pulling her closer. meanwhile, you stood with your back pressed against the wall on the opposite side of the room, head tilted back while mark, who stood by your side, talked your ear off about this awesome new shot mixture he had made up with johnny, trying to talk you into trying it out.

it didn't take long to say yes to that shot (and to the countless shots mark and johnny offered after the first one) after that sight.

after that, you went dancing with mark behind you, absolutely inebriated, and no longer than five minutes after you started making out in the middle of the living room. it didn't shock you a whole lot when you woke up the morning after in a room you weren't familiar with, soft snores coming from beside you that didn't really sound like jaehyun's.

you were light on your feet as you picked up your tight black dress from the floor, squeezing yourself into it, grabbed your heels and walked barefoot out of mark's room, closing the door behind you softly, successfully not waking him up. your way down the stairs was a challenge as the wood squeaked with every step you took. you reached the end of the stairs, thinking you had succeded as no one seemed to have woken up, letting out a soft sigh and running a hand through your messy curls.

"had fun last night?" you heard from the kitchen, just a few steps away. you couldn't see who was inside the kitchen but you could recognize his voice anywhere. you took light steps towards the kitchen door, stopping when jaehyun came to view. you leaned to the side, resting your left hip on the wooden doorframe.

jaehyun looked like he had just stumbled out of bed. he was in the kitchen with a mug full of coffee in his hand, wearing an oversized black t-shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. his hair was messy, and his glasses were on. "yeah," you answered, your voice still heavy with sleep.

"was he any good?" jaehyun asked, and your brows immediately furrowed at his question. he chuckled at your reaction and pressured you, raising his brows in question. his voice had a playful light-hearted tone, but you knew him well enough to sense the hint of aggressiveness underlying it. "was he?"

"yes, he was good," you said and watched jaehyun's head tilt slightly in indifference. "better than you,” you added at that, loud and clear, letting your tongue quickly wet your lips in excitement.

jaehyun had always been the cool, calm, and collected guy who was never bothered by anything. and it stressed you out.

how could you be so indifferent to him?

but one thing jaehyun was, was competitive. both you and jaehyun knew that. jaehyun had a competitive side to him that few people dared to cross. but you... you did it all the time. because it was the only way to get a reaction out of him.

he raised his eyebrows in surprise and let out a giggle - you amused him.

“oh yeah?”

“yeah.”

“well… it doesn’t really take a lot to satisfy you, so i won’t really trust your judgment,” he said, placing his cup of coffee on the marble countertop. he walked to the fridge taking out a box of washed strawberries. he extended the box towards you as if asking if you wanted some, and you let out an ironic chuckle at that.

“and even tho it doesn’t take a lot to satisfy me you’re still at the bottom of the list,” you fought back and jaehyun smiled your way, resting his forearms on the countertop, taking a red strawberry to his lips and biting into it.

“hum,” he hummed as he chewed, wet lips and eyes still fixed on yours, absolutely unbothered, as if your comments didn't faze him in the slightest. “it’s long, that list of yours, isn’t it?”

your breath was quick and heavy in anger, your hands fisted and your jaw clenched. jaehyun knew how to get to you. he knew how to hit you where it stung and he never, ever, hesitated in doing it. never afraid of hurting you.

“i’m leaving,” you muttered, immediately turning your back to him and walking to the door.

“not saying bye to mark?” you heard him ask in a slightly louder voice, followed by a mocking chuckle.

“fucking asshole,” you said back, hoping he’d still hear you, which he did given by the amused laugh he let out after your comment.

three weeks had passed and now here you stood, in the middle of your skincare routine with jaehyun’s name plastered on your screen as he called you at 11:30PM. you didn’t even bother picking up, knowing he’d find another way to contact you.

jaehyun: stop ignoring me

jaehyun: saw your ig

by that, he meant the instagram story you had posted, which was not that special - just you, lying down on your silky pillow, makeup and hair done.

jaehyun: cmon pick up babe

by the time he called you for a second time you had a random vinyl playing, your favorite pink little pajama set thrown on, your curls down, your skin glowing, and your lips glossed. jaehyun was coming over.

you picked up. “can i come over?” was the first thing he said.

“why would i let you come over?”

“we both know you miss me,” he said immediately to which you let out a snort. “you don't? be honest y/n” he asked and you could already hear the teasing smile in his voice.

“are you sure it’s not the other way around?”

“as in me missing you?”

you hummed and he stayed quiet for a while “nope, you just looked cute in your story.”

“yeah right. you can go find some other cute girl then,” you said.

"no one's as cute as you-" and you hung up on him.

ten minutes later your doorbell rang and you knew it was him. you opened the door, greeting jaehyun with an annoyed expression. “i told you not to come over.”

“you still mad at me?” he asked, as his eyes ran over your figure. bare legs and perky nipples on display for him - small and delicate, just the way he likes you.

“was never mad. i don’t get mad at you jaehyun, you’re not that important,” you deadpanned, left brow raised.

“yeah, right,” he hummed and took a few steps forward, coming closer to you and closing the door behind him. he didn’t say a word, just staring down at you as you crossed your arms in front of your chest defensively, while starring back at him.

jaehyund sighed when a minute passed, and you did not look away. a teasing smirk grew on his lips, as he buried his hands in the pockets of his grey sweatpants. “why did you sleep with mark when I was right there?” he said, phrasing the question as if he had been waiting for you to answer it for the past three weeks - almost tiredly, letting out a short breath at the end of it.

“he was also right there,” you shrugged, settled on not telling him that what had really worked you up that night had been his interest in that other girl.

he rolled his eyes in annoyance, and you almost squealed at the sight of jaehyun losing his temper. “c’mon y/n, don’t make me lose my patience with you.”

“maybe that’s what I want,” you teased, raising your head, nearing your face to his to look into his eyes, almost daring him to do something. “you get so fucking boring after a few weeks, jaehyun.” you whispered against jaehyun’s mouth, watching as his tongue poked the inside of his cheek in annoyance. “that whole calm and collected thing you have going on,” you gestured with your hands before placing your pointing finger against the center of his chest. “it gets fucking tedious. that’s why I slept with mark. at least I can see some actual desire in his face.”

jaehyun’s anger was almost pouring out of his eyes. you could see that if he could just pick you up and throw you out the window, he absolutely would. instead, he grabbed your jaw in a tight grip, pulling your face even closer to his. “you don't think I desire you, that’s it?” he asked, an almost sadistic grin growing on his face.

when you slowly nodded your head against his grip, his hands moved to tightly grab both your shoulders, throwing your body against the wall across from him. “gonna show you just how much I want you, then."

and then, his lips were on yours, relentlessly working against them. his tongue parted your lips, invading your mouth as you moaned against him. his hand tightly gripped your ass, signaling for you to jump to his lap, which you did. your legs immediately wrapping around jaehyun's waist, with his hand still squeezing your ass. he pressed your body against the wall, rutting his hips against your clothed core, his mouth still fast and almost aggressive against yours.

you couldn’t keep up. you could never keep up with jaehyun.

“what was it about him that you liked so much, hum?” he asked, heavy breath and ironic tone of voice, while still humping his hips against yours in quick motions, almost desperately. “did he cry? he looks like he’d cry.”

“he could cry and still be better than you,” you moaned and jaehyun laughed at how your body’s reactions to him were so opposite to what your mouth was saying. “feels like I’m fucking a corpse with you,” he let out a burst of genuine laughter at that, and you couldn’t help the affectionate smile that grew on your lips at the sound.

“that’s taking it a bit too far isn’t it, princess?” he asked, and you looked down at him.

“is it tho?” he rolled his eyes, moving one of his arms to your waist to carry you to your bedroom. he had been in your flat so many times that he knew where everything was - even his spot on your bed was already defined (he slept closer to the door).

jaehyun laid your body down under his and stopped to awe at your figure, your face all flushed, long curls perfectly laid out on your mattress. lotioned skin shining under the yellow light of your bedroom, body pliable to his touch when he moved a hand to your knees to spread your legs further. he could feel his heartbeat quicken every time he looked at you.

“you’re so annoying,” he muttered, under his breath, his hands moving to take your tight pink tank top off your body, over your head, your tits coming right into his vision. “god, can’t believe you let mark touch these,” he breathed out, more to himself than to you, as he reached down, pressing his nose against your skin. "always smell so good, baby," he whispered when you rolled your arms around his neck. he moved down to mouth one of your tits, his tongue rolling around your hard nipple, his fingers massaging the other one.

“jaehyun,” you cried and thrust your hips up against his abdomen, as your hands ran through his back, gripping his sweatshirt, signaling him to take it off.

he pulled away from you to take it off and you almost moaned at the sight of his bare torso. he let you run your hands through his skin, your nails scraping against his nipples, to which he hissed and then surged forward to latch his lips to yours again in a messy kiss.

his kisses ran a hot wet path from your neck to the valley between your tits, across your abdomen and then reaching your tight pink pajama shorts. the cotton material was so thin and tight that he could see you weren’t wearing panties underneath it. he let out a loud moan at that, resting his forehead against your pelvis, closing his eyes in restraint trying not to rip the material off your body and fuck you senselessly. he opted to stick out his tongue and lick the whole expanse of your pussy through the pink material.

“oh god,” you gasped, your hands immediately finding purchase in his hair. “d-don’t stop,” you cried as jaehyun messily licked against your already-soaked shorts.

it didn’t take him long to grow tired of the last piece of clothing in your body and get rid of it, throwing it somewhere in your room. he leaned back, to appreciate the sight of your body, completely naked, laid out, and waiting for his touch. you were glowing. “so perfect,” he whispered, and you almost came at that. you extended your leg to his hip, trying to pull him closer again. and jaehyun got back to his previous position with his head between your legs, pressing a quick kiss to your exposed clit, making you breathily curse out his name.

as soon as jaehyun's tongue made contact with your pussy your legs shook against his head. you let out a drawn-out moan and his hands grabbed tightly at your thighs keeping them spread open. you were reduced to a series of gasps and cries of jaehyun’s name as he hummed sounds of pleasure, and repeatedly fucked you open with his tongue, going in and out of your hole, to then run up your pussy and circle your clit in quick motions. “jae, i’m gonna c-“

“you can come, baby, come for me,” he muttered against your pussy, feeling the muscles of your pussy clenching and unclenching repeatedly, his hips already rutting against your bed in search of relief at the sight of your body withering before him. the vibrations of his voice against your pussy were enough to send you over the edge. you threw your head back, your legs shacking against jaehyun’s head, making him let out repeated whimpers. his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as his tongue lapped at your pussy, relentlessly working against your clit. your fingers pulled at his hair, and you cried out loud moans.

if it wasn't for your feet on his shoulder pulling him away, you’re not sure he would ever have stopped the motions of his tongue against you. when he did pull away, with the bottom half of his face covered in your juices, you smiled at him, hazy with lust, and he let out an amused chuckle at your fucked out expression. “mark could never eat you out like that,” he whispered against your lips, his face hovering over yours when his hips settled between your open legs.

he reached down, aligning his tip with your pussy, and immediately thrusted forward, not giving you any time to process the high you had only came down from.

“ah- jaehyun, what the fuck,” you cursed at the sharp pain of his thick girth filling you up in the way that only jaehyun knew how to. you had never felt anyone as big as jaehyun, someone who fit inside you like jaehyun did, satisfying all your needs. "fucking asshole," you hissed.

“stop whining like a fucking bitch and take what I give you,” he groaned through his teeth. “so fucking tight baby,” he said, moving in and out of you in quick motions, causing loud desperate cries to leave your mouth. “hasn’t he been fucking you loose, hum?” he asked as his pace got exponentially faster. “you need to learn that this is my pussy, you hear me?” he growled against your ear when you turned your face away from him, eyes scrunched and furrowed eyebrows. “you’re mine, only I can touch you like this,” he continued, and you let out a loud cry of his name. “say it, say it baby,” he growled again.

"jae, slow down- oh my god-" you gasped when he decided to do the exact opposite, his thrust getting harder.

when you didn’t say what he wanted you to, his hand reached your neck, applying enough pressure on it to cut your breathing short. “fucking say it,” he said and you moaned at the feeling of his hand on your neck. he laughed when your pussy clenched harder. “you like it when i choke you? fucking slut,” he said, chocking you even harder. “my slut-“

“yours,” you screamed. “only yours jaehyun,” you cried as the tears in your eyes ran down your cheeks. he rammed your pussy as you cried, letting out loud desperate moans. he grabbed your jaw, bringing your parted lips to his in a messy kiss, his muscle immediately intruding your mouth. drool was rolling down the side of your mouth, as his tongue and yours fought for dominance.

it was a mess. everything was a mess. you. jaehyun. the sound of jaehyun’s hips slamming the back of your tights. your blanket, covered in the juices of your previous orgasm.

it was when jaehyun let out again breathy whimper against your mouth that you knew he was close. he reached down, rubbing quick harsh circles against you clit. “can i come inside?” he asked against your mouth and you nodded fervently, muttering followed please’s against his lips. “gonna fill you up baby,” he moaned. “that’s all you’re good for isn’t it? just need someone to fuck you dumb don’t you? you don’t even care who it is,” he groaned and you cried, shaking your head in denial, to which jaehyun let out a smile of victory.

“no one fucks me like you do, jaehyun,” you cried and pulled him closer to hide your face in the crook of his neck.

“my baby,” he moaned, his tone suddenly softer than ever. “not mark’s. just mine.”

and with that, you came around his dick. your legs shaking violently against his hips, you threw your head against the bed, arching your back, pulling your chest flushed against jaehyun’s. and at the feeling of your velvety walls pulsing tightly around him, jaehyun’s pace inside you became almost animalistic until white spurts of his cum were filling you up.

he fucked his cum into you until there was nothing left, making you moan in overstimulation. “jae, s’too much,” you whimpered, and he stopped his motions, collapsing on top of your body, his face buried in the crook of your neck.

you ran the tips of your fingers through his spine as he peppered gentle pecks against the skin of your neck. his dick was still inside you when he asked, with his voice still raspy. “why did you sleep with mark?”

you sighed, noting the almost unnoticeable hint of disappointment behind his words. “you were busy.”

“what?” he asked, pulling his face away from your neck to look you in the eye, his brows furrowed. he hissed at the feeling of your sticky center against his. “what do you mean?” he asked while reaching down to get off you, laying by your side and throwing one arm on top of your waist with his palm against your tummy, staring at the side of your face.

“the blonde girl,” you mumbled, mindlessly playing with his fingers resting on your tummy.

he thought back to the party, remembering the blonde girl chasing around him through the party as he searched around the house for you, just for johnny to tell him that you had gone up to mark’s room. then, he thought back to when she was grinding on him as he kissed her mouth. “oh, you saw that?”

“yeah.”

“nothing really happened. we just kissed, then i found out you were in mark’s room and just went up to sulk in my own room,” he explained and you couldn’t help the little chuckle that left your lips at that.

“ i only went to mark's room because you were grinding on someone else! also, how do you say nothing happened and then say you ‘just kissed’” you mimicked. “I literally saw her on your lap. only I get to be on your lap during parties,” you mumbled as jaehyun watched you helplessly ramble from beside.

“we never said we were exclusive, y/n,” he said and you looked to the side, raised eyebrows, and parted lips, watching a teasing smirk grow on his lips.

“I thought it was explicit,” you whispered and jaehyun bit his bottom lip, enjoying your reaction to his teasing remark. "I mean, I wasn't sleeping with anyone else- and I'm not, it was really just that one time with mark, and just because I was angry and drunk." you stopped your rambling, feeling jaehyun's eyes on you and stopped playing with his fingers, building up the courage for your next question. "are you sleeping with other people?"

“I’m not,” he whispered, sighing dreamily and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"you're being weirdly affectionate," you said, laughing at his reaction.

"you literally asked for it. I don't want to be a corpse," he answered making you let out an amused chuckle. "about the blonde girl," he said and you looked at him, your eyes boring into his. "I'm sorry I kissed her. the truth is that the night before, johnny hadn't shut up about how I was so in love with you and you didn't feel the same," your eyes widened in shock, and jaehyun laughed. "I freaked the fuck out and decided to sleep with someone else that night. but when i was about to take her up to my room, i basically just chickened out and went looking for you. and that's when i found out you had gone up with mark."

he explained, honesty overflowing in his voice, his eyes still fixed on yours. you sighed and looked back at the ceiling of your room. “I'm sorry, princess,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to your shoulder, his hands starting to lovingly stroke the skin of your waist.

“are you in love with me?” you asked after a few minutes of silence and his hand stopped it's motions.

"I don't know," he answered. "probably."

you looked over at him. his hair was messy over his forehead, his eyes looked at you, hesitant, and with his bottom lip tucked under his teeth. you rolled around, laying on your side with your chest now pressed to his, and pulled his face closer with one hand behind his neck to gently press your lips together, your lips molding to his in a soft, slow kiss. his arms rolled around your waist as he hummed against your mouth and pulled your body on top of his.

"and what are you gonna do about that?" you asked when your lips parted.

"I don't know, I've never done this before," he whispered against your lips.

it was a known fact to you that jaehyun had never dated before. all his associations with other women were resumed to one-night-stands or one-month-long flings (and that was pushing it). so it was no shock that jaehyun really was clueless about what to do when it came to actual relationships. "you should probably take me on a proper date," you said between chuckles.

"aren't we a bit past that?" he asked, smirking. "I mean, I literally just fucked you," he laughed when you rested your forehead against his chest in faked disappointment. "will you make me the happiest man alive and go out with me?" he said when you moved to rest your chin against the center of his chest.

"oh my god, you're not proposing, jaehyun," you complained and jaehyun burst out laughing again. "try again."

"just let me take you on a date," he said, closing his eyes in annoyance, and you chuckled. "please?" he added, slowly opening his eyes to look down at you. at that, you reached up to press repeated pecks against his lips, unable to control the affection you felt towards the boy. it was endearing how clueless he was.

"how 'bout breakfast tomorrow?" you whispered against his lips and he nodded. "no fucking until then. we can't rush things," you warned and jaehyun laughed loudly, surprised you would even propose that knowing you two had had sex countless times before.

also, he was sleeping over. "you can't be serious," he deadpanned.

"I am! there are rules when it comes to dating, jaehyun!"

jaehyun ended up fucking you twice in the shower and, once again, in bed, before you went to sleep. in the morning, while you were getting ready to go out for breakfast, he fucked you against the wall of your bedroom and then again, with you bent over the bathroom counter. after that, as he was driving you two to the brunch place he had chosen, you argued about how he couldn't keep it in his pants. you argued, really, because he spent the whole ride mocking you. then, he fingered you under the table during brunch and had the guts to blame you for wearing a skirt.

nothing with jaehyun was according to the norm. he didn't believe in rules and he wouldn't ever do anything the way he was told to. you weren't ever sure of anything when it came to jaehyun and it infuriated you, but later that night, about 12 hours after your first date, jaehyun asked you to be his girlfriend, and you couldn't do anything except let out a burst of laughter and mutter an infatuated 'yes'.

and you couldn't be more certain of your answer.

[smileyerim]

right where i left you

jaehyun knew he’d be fine if he never saw you again — until he saw you again. overwhelmed with the realization that you’ve moved on, jaehyun must come to terms with his feelings for you… again.

part 1: in hell there’s heaven

pairing: ex!jeong jaehyun x ex!reader

genre: angst (shocker i know) !!MDNI!!

length: 3k

warnings: adults smoking weed, adults drinking alcohol, mentions of cheating, mentions of vomiting, it’s alluded that a character has a panic attack but not explicitly stated

net tags: @kflixnet

playlist here!

Jaehyun isn’t quite sure why he’s here. The bass feels like it’s thumping deep in his bones in an uncomfortable way, and only other guy in the smoke circle just asked him to Venmo him for the weed. Jaehyun just shrugged and pulled out his iPhone, but in retrospect he feels like he was done dirty. All he can do about it now is shrug and let out a huffed breath.

“You okay?” A very pretty girl sitting a bit too close to Jaehyun asks with a coy smile. Under any other circumstance, or on any other day, Jaehyun would have indulged her. Taken her home, maybe. Certainly wouldn’t have passed up on the opportunity to see what she could do for him.

Except today isn’t just any other day, it’s November 16th. What would’ve been your 2 year anniversary as a couple.

“Yeah.” Jaehyun let’s out with a blunt tone, tearing his hazy eyes away from her equally as hazy ones to stare into the crowd at the party.

His decision to ignore the beautiful blonde to his left brings back the same question that’s been circling in his brain ever since he faked a smile all the way to the stoner corner— why is he here?

He thinks about you in that moment; as he does a lot these days, and especially on days like today. He thinks about how you would’ve hated to be here, that you wouldn’t be caught dead in a scene like this on a Wednesday of all days.

Well, maybe Jaehyun is wrong about that because there you are.

Woah, he thinks, eyes nearly bulging out of his skull in shock.

His heart picks up in pace when he focuses his eyes on your figure. You’re really here, holy shit.

There you are.

There you are standing in the archway to the living room scanning the crowd. There you are looking as beautiful as ever, obviously looking for someone.

He frowns, trying to follow your line of sight to whoever it is you’re searching for. He scans the faces in the crowd, hoping to see the familiar faces of your girlfriends.

For a moment he ponders if you’re looking for a man, but he shakes that thought off pretty quickly. There’s no way you’ve moved on, he thinks. Jaehyun still can’t listen to certain songs because they’re attached to memories too painful to relive. You must be as hung up on him as he is on you.

Right?

Jaehyun panics, sitting up straight from where he was sinking deeper and deeper into the old sofa that was once a bright orange, but now a muddy brown in the corner of the room. He leans his elbows on his knees and rests his chin in his palm as he zeroes in on you walking across the floor, and into the sea of people.

Quickly, Jaehyun stands and follows after you into the crowd with just enough time to see a man clad in a leather jacket place a welcomed kiss on your lips. Your own arms are looped around his neck, and Jaehyun can see the shimmer in the man’s eyes as he stares down at you once he pulls away. Which, by the way, seems to be unfavorable for you. Jaehyun thinks as he watches you pull the man closer to chase his lips.

Holy fuck is all his flabbergasted brain can come up with as he stumbles back, hand coming up to his chest.

Thank God nobody in this swarm of bodies is sober enough to notice his odd behavior. He takes full advantage of that as he turns on the heels of his Nike’s to run away from the scene before him. An overwhelming feeling of nausea cloaks him from head to toe at the shock.

Before he even knows it, he’s outside with his hands on his knees as he dry heaves into a half-dead rose bush. When he coughs, they feel an awful lot like painful sobs. When he shuts his eyes to try and equalize his spinning world, all he sees is your lips against those of another man.

He shakes his head, spitting into the dead branches of the bush as he stands up straight with a pained groan.

He sighs, eyes shutting tightly as he lets the scene play over and over in his head. It’s too much, but also not enough to make him cry, so he just sits and swallows back the painful choking feeling in his throat.

All Jaehyun feels is overwhelmed. Uncomfortable, unsure, and overwhelmed. He’s never been all that great with identifying or expressing his emotions, he didn’t even know he loved you as much as he did until you were gone, and today is just like the others.

He wishes he could articulate the thoughts running through his head. He wants nothing more than to call his friends for support, but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know how to tell them what he just encountered. He doesn’t know how to tell them how it made him feel. He doesn’t know how to even build the courage to take his phone out of his back pocket and just do it.

He’s still standing with his eyes screwed shut next to the bush when you find him. Your heart churns when you see how pained he looks, but you quickly shake yourself out of it enough to call his name.

His head whips up at the sound of your voice, and you’d be an idiot not to recognize the look in his eyes as he stands before you.

He then quietly calls out your name back to you, and you aren’t sure if he’s in shock, or trying to confirm that you’re actually here in front of him.

“Hey.” You say and offer him a small smile. You can feel your palms beginning to get clammy and your heart thud in your chest. You hate confrontation. Breaking up with Jaehyun was the hardest and bravest thing you had ever done.

He doesn’t respond, just trailing his eyes up and down your body. Not in a sensual way, but in the way that you can tell he’s attempting to read you but failing. His eyes do stop for a moment more on your lips, and it’s not hard to know why. For the last fifteen minutes all Jaehyun could think about is your lips. Your lips pressed against a man that isn’t him, to be specific.

Ignoring the creeping memories of the last time you stood in front of Jaehyun as he ignored you, you continue on the one sided conversation, “Why are you over here?”

That seems to do the trick with knocking him out of his thoughts. He stands up straighter, looking down at the bush and sniffing back his congestion awkwardly.

“Threw up.” Is all he says. It’s the same nonchalant tone he spoke in during your last fight.

“What? Seriously?” You yelp out, stepping in closer to look at the bush with morbid curiosity.

“Nah,” he says, having watched you step in closer with caution, “almost though.”

He isn’t sure why you’re talking about this, or why he’s even letting you lead the conversation in this direction, but soon the follow up question comes.

“But, why?” You say, frown in between your brows. He looks at you with a disbelieving look on his face before he realizes you weren’t kidding. He wants to laugh at how classic it is, at the fact that you don’t even recognize how much he’s in love with you still.

He shrugs, digging his fingers into the front pockets of his jeans. He pauses for a moment in the silence, distracted by a water spider skimming the surface of a muddy puddle that is just inches away from your foot. He wants to laugh, you would freak out if you knew a spider was this close to you, but he doesn’t point it out to you. If he did, he would just be cruel. He’s not yours to joke around with like that anymore.

With another scrunch of his nose and a sniff, he looks up into your eyes. His heart skips a beat, and that delays his speech, but he gets out his proposal nonetheless with a dry voice.

“Can we talk?”

You smile a sad smile at him and nod, turning on your feet to walk towards an old sun bleached cooler that’s been sitting in the front yard of this house since Jaehyun’s been coming around. Jaehyun wants to urge you not to sit, he doesn’t trust the structural integrity of the cooler, but he doesn’t. Wouldn’t your new boyfriend be weirded out by your ex looking out for you?

It’s a real question that passes through his mind, one that he doesn’t have an answer for.

“So,” is what you say to urge him to speak and it takes Jaehyun by surprise.

His stupidity really blows him away sometimes, he thinks, as he realizes that his total lack of foresight led him to starting a conversation he doesn’t know how to have.

“I don’t know what to say.” He says in honesty, noticing how you have a slight pout on your lips as you stare up at him from your sitting position on the cooler.

He wants to kiss you, of course he does. You’re the most beautiful girl on all of planet Earth and you’re sitting only two feet away from him with your lower lip slightly jutted in a confused pout. Jaehyun is a man after all.

You giggle and look at him with much more grace than he deserves and say, “Tell me how you’re feeling right now.”

“I don’t know, I’m feeling a lot.” He says honestly, and you validate him with a nod before asking your next question.

“Is the party making you anxious? Is that why you were over by the bush?” You ask, choosing to play the long game to get the answers you want out of Jaehyun. It was common practice in your relationship, and you surprise yourself by how quickly you’re able to slip back into that role.

Do you want to be here? You aren’t sure. Usually you’d be too afraid of him abandoning you to even ask yourself such questions.

Jaehyun wants to roll his eyes at how oblivious you’re being to the cause behind his behavior. He’s fed up with you not noticing him.

“Do you know what day it is?” He says, empty eyes piercing into yours. You gulp, your sweaty hands sticking together uncomfortably as you rub them together.

You were hoping he wouldn’t bring it up. You figured he’d be acting too laissez-faire to show his cards in such a way.

“Of course I do.” You say, almost shouting out the phrase.

“Then there’s your fucking answer.” He spits and you detect the creeping feeling of anger climb up your belly and into your chest.

Jaehyun did that a lot while you were together, bottle up all his feelings until they came out in bitter anger. You always had enough grace for him. You never left him without a second chance. You did it to protect him, protect you two together. You were consumed with fear of losing him, so you gave him shot after shot.

But what’s left now? What’s left to protect? Why does he need any more chances?

Suddenly empowered, you stand and look him in the face, “You won’t get away with that now.”

This only fuels his fire, “What the fuck is the point!”

You step into his space and look up into his angered eyes, “Why did you ask me to talk?” Your tone demands more than asks. Your knees are shaking. Confrontation still doesn’t come easy to you.

He breathes out and seems to calm a bit when he answers your question with one of his own, “Who is that dude?”

A knowing look finally crosses your face as you look at him with disappointment, “Why can’t you ever just tell me how you’re feeling, why do you play these… these mind games!?”

You step away from him, frustration overwhelming you as you look up at the moon as you say your next phrase, “Why do I always have to figure it out myself?”

You look at him, pleading eyes. He’s never heard you speak with that tone, you’ve never looked at him like this before. For the countless time this evening, he’s in shock. What did this breakup uncover in you?

He says nothing, finally being brought to silence. He has no answers for you, he wishes he knew himself why he did what he did. Why he could never be fully honest with you— with anyone, for that matter.

That’s one of the reasons he loves you so much, you met him where he was. You never expected him to rise to your level.

“Look, I need to tell you something.” You break the quiet and step closer to him. He meets your gaze with desperate and sad eyes, no longer cold.

You sigh, feeling very small under his gaze, breaking eye contact and shaking your hands by your sides to dry off the sweat. Fighting the anxiety, you look back into his eyes and ignore the way your heart skips a beat.

“I would’ve stayed if you had fought for me out on the porch that night.” You breathe out, the fear of rejection always associated with vulnerability hitting you like a truck. His face morphs into an unreadable one, and your palms start to feel clammy again.

After what felt like hours of eye contact, he finally speaks.

“But I didn’t.” He says very quietly, eyes darting between your two as he attempts to commit them to memory. This is the last time he’ll have you like this, he suspects.

“No,” you sigh, “you didn’t.”

He shuts his eyes tightly with a sharp inhale and he looks like he’s about to cry. Your heart squeezes and you feel your own tear ducts threaten to awaken.

“How about now?” He says with a playful lilt in his voice once he collects himself. It almost makes you giggle, his natural charm shining through and reminding you why you were with him in the first place.

You break eye contact with him for a moment and suck your lips in between your teeth and look down at the distance between your feet.

The ball is in your court. Would you be crazy to consider taking him back? Something deep inside of you urges you to take the leap, which feels terrifying. Logic tells you to run away, but your heart won’t let your feet move back.

Instead, they move forward as you step to wrap your arms around Jaehyun’s middle in a tight hug.

He stiffens for a moment before melting into your embrace, one hand coming up to hold the back of your head with the other arm around your waist. He pulls you in closer. Closing your eyes and letting out a deep breath, it feels exactly as you wished it would.

“I missed you.” You say, and Jaehyun’s heart picks up a beat when he realizes what this means.

Are you giving him a second chance?

“I won’t ever— I… fuck,” Jaehyun stumbles over his words as he attempts to pick the right ones to make you not regret your decision. So many words are bouncing around in his head, he considers just kissing you the way he used to when he got overwhelmed with his feelings for you.

He feels over the moon with joy at this moment, but also weighed down with pressure. His heart is beating a mile a minute and you can hear it, nuzzling in closer to give him time.

He closes his eyes, reveling in the feeling of having you back. He was right. You are the love of his life. He’s never felt this way before, and he’s sure he won’t feel this way ever again.

For the first time tonight, what he says comes easily.

A whisper of “I love you.” Escapes his smiling lips. He’s bouncing with excitement to hear you say it back. You bite your lip and anticipate the giddy feelings to wash over you to urge you to share in his sentiment.

But they don’t.

The feelings never come, in fact, you feel the opposite. A dreadful feeling sweeps over you as you frown, biting your lip until it hurts.

“Say- say it again.” You request with a small voice that Jaehyun is far too love struck to notice sounds a little off.

He pulls you out of the hug this time to hold you by the shoulders and look straight into your eyes. He’s positively beaming with love. He’s never looked at you like this before and it only breaks your heart more at what you know is coming.

He says your name very slowly before speaking, “I never stopped loving you. I love you so much.”

Suddenly, the glass shatters in your heart and a sob escapes your throat, cowering over yourself with tears beginning to flow.

It’s wrong. You can’t describe it any other way. The feeling in your gut and the lack of feeling in your heart are telling you all that you need to know.

This, whatever it is now or once was, is wrong.

You continue to sob as Jaehyun stands before you with a confused frown on his face. Is he supposed to comfort you? His heart has been tugged around like a dog on a leash all evening long, he’s nearing the end of his rope. All he has left to give you is his honestly. All he has left is his love.

But something’s wrong. So wrong that Jaehyun, the most emotionally unintelligent and unaware person you know, notices.

“I— I can’t do it again.” You sob into your hand and Jaehyun quickly attempts to reassure you. He feels a sweeping sense of relief, he still has you.

“Baby, it won’t. I will never cheat on you again.” Jaehyun says with as much sincerity as he can physically muster.

His obliviousness makes you cry harder, shaking your head and directing your teary eyes to his.

“No, Jaehyun. I can’t.” You blink tears out of your eyes and swallow your sobs as confusion paints over his features again.

“I don’t get it.” He says plainly and you frown, taking a shaky deep breath in and out.

“We aren’t getting back together. I’m sorry.” You say before brushing your shoulder past Jaehyun, leaving him speechless in the front lawn alone to run indoors.

Jaehyun feels like he just got the wind knocked out of him as he stands, speechless and unmoving. Each inhale he takes feels more and more shallow, a dry cough escaping his throat. He has to remind himself to blink, counting his breaths as he inhales and exhales rhythmically.

Slowly, Jaehyun trails his gaze up to the full moon shining bright above. It was a full moon the night you first left him too, he remembers.

Unlike last time, though, all Jaehyun does is stare. He doesn’t scream, he doesn’t beg, he doesn’t plead for answers. He just stares.

Just like before, Jaehyun stands with the midnight breeze and the bright full moon. Alone, devastated, confused.

Right where you left him.

a/n: i know you want me to talk about the twist ending but i want to talk about how much i love all you readers <3. this is my first and only fic to ever have a consistently interested reader base. like i have people coming into my inbox with theories. theories!!! y’all are paying THAT much attention? man that means the world to me fr. thank you so much for loving ihth and i hope this fic did it justice, you waited a long time for it.

taglist: (if you responded to in hell there’s heaven i added you<3) @matchahyuck @maliakealoha @the-universe-in-you-jjh @yutanology @peachy-hoya @jinniect @cocopuffcrunch @mint-yooxgi @yuskitty @methneo @lovesuhng @sadchonkks @silcry @cryingforjae @soobsfairy444 @wife-of-tyler

[nczennie]

why won't you love me.

Pairing: Reader x Jaehyun AU: Exes! but it's complicated Genre: Angst, Smut (18+ only) Preview: You shake your head at him before speaking, voice coming out as a quiet whisper, eyes watering as you look at him, "Why won't you love me?"Jaehyun abruptly stands from his seat, slamming his hand against the counter which makes you jump, "Don't!", he's nearly yelling, "Just stop, why would you-how dare you even say that to me!" Words: 5.9k *Warnings under cut

Warnings: Toxic relationship, reader is very lonely and uses sex to cope, mentions of food and eating, mentions of having children, cussing, Smut scenes (oral m. receiving, throat fucking, protected penetrative sex, fingering, unprotected penetrative sex, talk of breeding).

You let out a shaky breath as you set down your glass of wine, staring at the white envelope in front of you. To be fair, you knew it was coming, but that didn't make opening it any easier for you. That's why you were currently on your second glass still working up the courage to look at it's contents. Finally chugging down the last sip, you set your determined gaze on the paper, taking it in your hands. You tear it open carefully, as to not rip it too badly, before taking the small card out. Save the Date it reads in large gold font. You swallow thickly as you take in the appearance of the card, the wedding date set for 9 months from now, and the beautiful picture of Irene, one of your best friends, smiling brightly next to her financé.

Running your hands over the card, you recall getting all the others like this. Joy's, just after college, followed by Wendy and Seulgi some years later. You never really worried until last year when even the youngest of your friend group, Yeri, announced her wedding. And now Irene, the Irene who spent years swearing marriage wasn't for her and wouldn't be in her future, yet you held her announcement in your hands.

You don't even notice you're crying until the tears drop onto the table. Groaning in frustration at your emotions, you move to the kitchen to grab a box of tissues and another bottle of wine. It's hard, to feel like your life is passing by and you're stuck in one place, especially when everyone around you is moving past you as well. You never thought you were one to care about getting married, brushing off the concept of it especially when you first graduated college. But now you find yourself here all these years later, sitting alone in your apartment, no partner, no pet, no nothing whereas your friends were all getting married, buying houses, even Joy caring for her children. You sniffle as your open you second bottle of wine, pouring another glass and trying to think of all of the events of your life that may have led to this moment.

Jaehyun groans as he reaches to turn off his alarm clock. He's been working at his office job for years yet waking up this early is something he has never gotten used to. He takes his time getting out of the warmth of his sheets and makes his way to the bathroom, stopping along the way to grab his phone he left charging on his dresser. Picking it up, he feels confused and a bit worried when he finds there was three missed calls from you at 2:00am. He swallows as he moves to his messages, noticing you texted him merely an hour ago.

I miss you. It reads and he stares at it wondering if you had woken up early or if you stayed awake all night apparently calling and missing him. He lets out a groan, running a hand over his face before moving to reply to you. Dinner tonight at mine? 7pm. He clicks send before throwing his phone on the bed, moving to shower where he can question and regret his decision to invite you over once again.

You and Jaehyun met when you were early on in university. One of the many parties hosted by your mutual friends, you notice him standing alone in the kitchen and you're so taken aback by how handsome he was that you make your way over to him without much thought. Only a couple of months later and he was your boyfriend. To this day he was the best boyfriend you've ever had, the most caring, attentive, supportive man you've ever met. The two of you dated for 4 years, by far your longest relationship. It dwindled apart in the end because of the reality of life after college. Entering the real world gave insight to the differences in views you both had. Jaehyun wanted to take it slow, travel before eventually settling down but you were opposite. You grew up different than Jaehyun, where his parents both had successful jobs, your single mom worked two jobs just to feed you both. Whereas Jaehyun wanted to spend money traveling and relaxing straight after graduation, you knew that reality couldn't include you. You had loans and bills to pay that would require you to start working right away.

This reality is what led to the downfall of your relationship. There was no fighting or arguing, just the sad realization that the end had come. You accepted it quickly, you loved Jaehyun, truly, but you had come to terms with the fact that he would not be apart of your future.

Except that he was. The thing about having mutual friends is that you can't get rid of each other. Every birthday, celebration, holiday, gettogether, you would see each other. It was slightly awkward at first but once you both got used to the fact you would constantly be in each other's life, it was as if you were friends again. It was only a couple years ago that you both started to sleep with each other again. It was a messy night, at a summer bbq where Joy announced to everyone she was pregnant. Everyone celebrated with loads of drinks, minus the mother-to-be, and you even went a step further to celebrate by going home with your ex boyfriend.

You never mentioned it to anyone, keeping it your secret. Even as sleeping with him becomes more regular. You wouldn't compare your situation to that of a friends with benefits, it wasn't that often and you only saw each other during friends gatherings or the rare event you did go by his house. Even pursuing relationships with others but even when they failed, Jaehyun was always there as if you could rely on him to wait for you just in case.

The thing with Jaehyun is that he is comfortable and familiar. You had loved him so much during your time together that even having him now gives you a glimpse at the past. The past where you were loved, where you weren't so lonely.

"Are those snowdrops?", you smile as you take off your coat, taking in the small potted flowers that rest on the table near the entryway. Jaehyun hums, locking the door behind you before turning to take in the flowers as well, "Yeah, they were a gift for my anniversary at the office". He chuckles a bit before walking further into the apartment, rolling up the sleeves of his collared white shirt, clearly not having changed since coming home from work. You follow him into the kitchen, taking in the two plates of food set and ready on the island. Jaehyun moves to grab a couple of wine glasses, bringing them to the counter to pour a glass for you both. "I hope you don't mind pasta," he says, concentrated on serving. "Not at all, it looks delicious". He nods his head back towards the fridge behind him, "Do you mind grabbing the parmesan?" Moving to the fridge you freeze for a moment when you see Irene's announcement held to the fridge with a magnet. You gulp, opening the door and getting the cheese, "You got Irene's save the date too?"

He looks at you as he moves to sit, "Yeah, crazy right? Who would've thought she would be settling down." You take your seat beside him, humming in agreement. You both make small talk while you enjoy the food, talking about work, asking about each other families, catching up as you had not been alone with him in months. "So," he speaks, leaning back while using a napkin to clean his face. "Getting drunk on a weeknight huh? What's up with that?" You grimace, playing around with the leftover food on your plate, "Yeah, yeah. You don't need to make me feel more pathetic than I already do". He chuckles, "What? I just meant it's unlike you. Did something happen?"

No, you want to say, nothing as happened. Nothing at all, while everyone around you has something going on, you have nothing. "Was just having a rough day," You murmur instead, eyes automatically moving to the announcement on the fridge in front of you. You can see out of the corner of your eyes he turns to look at the paper too, so you make an excuse before he can bring it up, "Excuse me, I'm going to use the restroom". You make your way down the hallway and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you with a shaky breath. You wash your hands, staring at yourself in the mirror with annoyance, you came here to forget the feeling that overwhelmed you last night, not relive it all over again.

With a deep breath you make your way back in the kitchen, seeing Jaehyun standing over the sink washing his hands after clearing the dishes. You step forward with a purpose, coming up behind him and wrapping your hands around his waist. He jumps a little, but move to turn the water off, drying his hands before turning to face you, leaning back against the counter as you trap him against it. "You alright?" he asks softly and you give him the best smile you could, nodding before reaching up to put your hands around his neck. You play with the hair on the nape of his neck, pulling him closer to you, "Just want you," you mutter. "Are you sure?" he asks, and you nod without a second thought, "Positive".

He studies you for a moment before giving in, leaning forward to capture your lips with his own. His hands finally moving to hold you waist as you deepen the kiss, your tongue working its way into his mouth. You enjoy the feeling of his lips for some time longer before realizing you were still able to think. You didn't want to think, you only wanted to forget. You break your lips from his, moving to press slow lingering kisses against his jaw before moving to his neck. You know Jaehyun like the back of your hand so you move automatically to the spot just below his ear. Your teeth graze the spot lightly before you run your tongue over it, earning a quiet grown from the man. "Don't leave any marks," he mumbles and you have to agree no matter how tempting it was. You both are adults now and having hickies was no longer the same as when you were in college.

You let your lips wander along his neck a little longer before you drop to your knees in front of him, hands coming to undo his dress slacks. "Here?" he asks you, uncertain of getting a blowjob next to the sink. You pause, already taking in the ache of your knees from the hard tile. "Okay, maybe we can move to your bedroom". You both chuckle as he helps you up and walks you to his room. He takes matters into his own hands, removing his pants and underwear before sitting on the edge of the bed, hands coming up to unbutton his shirt as you move to your knees in front of him. You take him into your hand, he was only slightly hard from your kitchen escapades so you take your time running your hand over him to help him grow.

You look up at him as he finishes removing his shirt, tossing it on the bed behind him before he looks down to you. Upon having his attention solely on you, you meet his eyes moving your mouth downwards. Letting your tongue run over the head of his cock, your mouth comes to close over it as you hum around him. Your hand still works to get him as hard as possible and Jaehyun's own hand comes to tangle in your hair, soft sounds leaving his lips as you begin to take him further into the warmth of your mouth. Working steadily, you make yourself comfortable taking in as much of his length as you can without completely choking. It's easier when you hear the words of encouragement he gives you, taking the final push and lodging all of him in your throat as the shaky exhales of your nose hits against his pelvis. After sleeping with Jaehyun for years now, you know this is what he likes. His cock stuffing your mouth for as long as possible, so you did your best even now to appease him. Not long after your eyes begin to water and you close them in an attempt to focus on your breathing and ignore the sputtering of your throat around him.

"Look at me," he says gruffly, hand grasping your hair harshly to get your attention. Your scalp stings but you open your eyes nonetheless, barely seeing Jaehyun through your tears. He moans though, "That's my good girl," before moving your head off of him to finally catch your breath. You take deep breaths while you can, your hand moving once again over him, easier now that it's covered with your spit. Jaehyun uses his grip on your hair to make you face him, hurridley kissing you before running his tongue over yours. "Are you gunna let me fuck your throat?" he whispers against your lips and you whine in reply, nodding your head as best you could with his grip still tight in your hair.

Jaehyun stands from the bed, removing your hand from his cock and replacing it with his own. He jerks it a few times and he repositions you, your hands coming to grasp the back of his thighs to hold yourself steady and to tell him when you've had enough if need be. "There you go," He mutters out from above you as your eagarily take him into your mouth once again. His movements start off slow, getting you used to the intrusion again before he picks up his pace, head of his cock repeatedly hitting the back of your throat.

You close your eyes and focus on the feeling. Hearing Jaehyun's moan's above you, you welcome the stinging and lightness of your brain as you love the feeling of him using you. Of being useful for someone.

He finally pulls out, just barely, causing his cock to rest on your cheek as you turn to catch your breath. Jaehyun releases your hair, hand running over your head to sooth you. He kneels to match your height, moving to kiss you again now that your breathing was less erratic. "I want you to fuck me," You say almost breathlessly. He hums against your lips, helping you up so you both can move atop his bed. He lays you back against his pillows, still hungrily kissing you, hands running down your thighs, but you move to grasp them. "I want you now," you state. He pauses looking at your eyes, "Just like this?" He asks, not used to not preparing you beforehand. You nod, giving him a smile of encouragement, "Wanna feel you now," you say moving to kiss him. He enjoys your kisses for another moment before moving to grab a condom from his nightstand.

You watch in silence as he puts it on himself, your hand moving downwards to slightly rub against your slit as you take him in. You're craving the stretch of him, the burn much like before that lingers in your throat and was so good that it made you forget how to think.

"You sure?" He asks once again as he settles over you, left arm settled on the bed beside you as his right hand takes a hold of his cock as he moves it along your folds. "Positive", you say already breathless from anticipation. Jaehyun pushes inside of you, moving as slow as possible but you encourage him to fill you up completely. Your eyes roll back into your head at the feeling of his cock stretching you, your hands coming to grasp onto his shoulders. Jaehyun's breath deepens as he groans, moving forwards to place kisses along your jaw. He stills once he's in you fully, but you shake your head slightly, "Keep going,". His face stays put near your neck but his hips begin to move slowly, drawing a moan out of you.

You let yourself drown in the pleasure of Jaehyun that night. You hold him close to you the whole time, your chests presses together and he fucks you into his bed. Your arms around his back so you can feel him completely, so you can feel him everywhere. Even as you both cum you grip tightly onto him as your body trembles.

When you finally do release him from your arms, he moves to clean you up, pressing kisses into your forehead. Once you can move, you excuse yourself to the bathroom where you clean up even more and try to hide the fact that you're crying. You feel slightly better so you move to join him in his bed once again, tucking yourself under the blankets as you rest on your back. You close your eyes and take a deep breath but you can sense Jaehyun is looking at you. "You okay?" he finally breaks the silence. Perhaps he heard you in the bathroom, or maybe the redness around your eyes gave it away. Or maybe, he felt your desperation as you held him closely to you that night.

You lay silently for awhile before you answer him, "It's so hard to be lonely".

Jaehyun clearly remembers the party that took place early on in his University days. He was having a bad day, having just got a failing grade on a test so he mostly stuck to himself in the kitchen. He was surprised when you approached him, at first not really in the mood to make conversation but you were persistent and eventually he brightened.

He didn't know at the time how much he would come to love you. Only months later he had spent time making a playlist perfect for you before presenting it to you over your favorite meal and asking you to officially be his girlfriend. He still thinks those were the best 4 years of his life. You two were perfect for each other, loving and supportive, always there for one another. Jaehyun loved you with everything he was so when you both finally graduated he wasn't nervous, but excited about what was to come for your relationship.

He knew he has always been a dreamer whereas you were more set thinking about the present reality. That's why you were already applying to jobs before you graduated when he was planning up destinations he wanted to visit with you. Jaehyun realized it was really over for you both when he couldn't convince you to travel with him. Your whole friend group planned 2 weeks going across Europe to celebrate but you had already accepted a job. He tried his hardest to convince you to come along, traveling would be good for you, having just finished with a stressful degree you deserve some time off. But you refused, already stressed about the expenses of being an adult. He couldn't fault you, knowing the reality of money as a new graduate was daunting, but he truly hoped to spend some more time with you before entering the real world himself. It hurt more than anything to let you go. Jaehyun was a dreamer. In the years that you spent together, Jaehyun only dreamt of countless more. He dreamt of a big wedding, a small cozy house, a daughter that looked just like you. These were the things Jaehyun wanted more than anything. So it pained him to realize you might not be apart of his future at all. Except that you were. It hurt to let you go, but having to continuously see you afterwards may have hurt him even more. He knew it would be inevitable since your circles are intertwined, but having to see you when he was still painfully in love with you was harder than he thought it would be.

He still tried though, traveling when he could, working hard at his job, testing the waters with new people. Then came the fateful bbq where he had somehow let you convince him to go home with you. It was easy honestly, he loved you so much there wasn't much he wouldn't do for you. But when he let it slip to a couple of his closest friends that you were casually sleeping together from time to time, they gave him worried looks. They warned him it wasn't the best idea when he clearly loved you but you were no longer on the same page. They told him it would only hurt him in the end. And it does, it does hurt him every time you reach out and he knows he's just some kind of last resort, only when you're feeling extra lonely.

But the thing with you is that you're comfortable and familiar. Though you're both grown, you're still that girl he fell in love with in University. The one he dreamed of marrying and having kids with. Jaehyun is a dreamer and he dreams that there is still a reality where this future will come true. That he will continue to answer your calls until you're his again because he still loves you the same way he did when you were together.

It was a hot Spring day and Irene's backyard was crowded with her friends. Now that the weather was better she and her fiancé are throwing a small party to celebrate their engagement. Jaehyun stood under the porch, seeking shelter from the burning sun, the cold beer bottle in his hand helping to keep him cool. He stares at you across the way, legs dipped in the pool as you sit besides Joy, holding her daughter in your lap.

His heart aches in moments like these, wishing more than anything that you both were married yourselves and you had a daughter of your own to look after. He takes a longer swig of his drink when he notices Johnny come up beside him. He ignores his friend in favor of his small daughter he was holding, cheeks rosy from the heat and large smile on her face as she sees her favorite uncle. "Hi, baby," he coos to her automatically handing Johnny his drink so he can take the baby into his own arms. He hoists her above his head as she giggles, bringing her back down to place a kiss on her red cheek before settling her safely on his hip.

"Whatcha doing over here all on your own?" Johnny asks as he grabs a drink for himself from the ice chest. Jaehyun hums, attention still mostly on the baby, "Just trying to stay cool". Johnny takes a sip from his drink, "That's good, I thought you were pining over your ex girlfriend for a second". Jaehyun sends his friend a glare before rolling his eyes. "You seeing her again?" he asks and Jaehyun clears his throat, never one to lie to his friends. "Yeah". "Seeing each other or sleeping with each other?" He asks again and Jaehyun huffs, "It doesn't matter. But we've been seeing each other more than usual".

Johnny stomach turns at the hopefulness in Jaehyun's voice, he sighs, "You can't keep doing this yourself Jaehyun". But Jaehyun only starts to tickle the baby's stomach, smiling at her small laughter. "I'm not doing anything". He says plainly, and now Johnny rolls his eyes. "You're holding on to an old relationship when you need to move on. It's not fair she treats you like this, stringing you along only when she wants to have a good time. You don't deserve that, you deserve to move on and find proper, healthy relationship".

Jaehyun doesn't expect Johnny to say such things on a afternoon surrounded by their friends but it sends cold feeling through him. He merely turns to the baby to place a kiss on her soft hair, "Okay Snowdrop, go back with your daddy for now, Uncle Jae has to use the bathroom". He slips Johnny back his daughter before silently heading inside. It hurts to hear those words from his friend, but he thinks it hurts worse because he knows he's right.

Johnny's words stuck with Jaehyun throughout the rest of the week. He was used to these warnings, usually brushing them off to keep his hope for you, but there was something different about this time around. He's already seen you a couple times since Irene's party. In the past this would delight him, give him something to hold onto, but he knows the reality of your situation now. He noticed the way you looked at that announcement that night, the fact that your best friend was getting married is what drove you to him. He hadn't been naive in the past, knowing you only came to him because you were lonely, but for some reason it feels much worse now.

Instead of a hookup call every couple of months, you've been in constant contact with him since you had got drunk and called him. Jaehyun stomach turns when he figures you might be wanting more that just a hookup. You should be happy, he tells himself, this is what you always wanted, get her back. But for once his rational side is stronger realizing the timing of it all, you truly don't want him, you just don't want to be alone.

You were over for dinner once again but Jaehyun was on edge the whole time. The conversation was light and he seemed dazed. "Are you alright?" You ask him as you load the dishwasher for him, sparing him a glance as he twirls the wine around in his glass. He hums sending a nod, looking up at you as you dry your hand on a towel. You send him a small smile, "So I was thinking, my work trip next month is at some fancy resort just outside the city. It's all inclusive, spa, pool, amazing restaurants. And I can have a plus one".

Jaehyun closes his eyes and huffs, "Don't start this shit". He looks at you in time to see your shocked expression, "Excuse me?" you let you, moving to grab the counter. "Don't start acting like we're together," he says your name firmly, "We haven't been together in years. You haven't wanted me in years, don't start acting like you do now". He chugs down the rest of his drink. He can see from your face you're hurt, but he doesn't understand how you could be. You seem to gather yourself before speaking again, "That was the past, Jaehyun. This is now, I thought you knew when I reached out it was for something more. I told you I missed you". He rolls his eyes, thankful he was able to be strong. Perhaps if Johnny hadn't said those words to him this past weekend he would've already agreed to your trip, moving to look at this fancy hotel online, enjoying you before you decided you weren't lonely enough to resort to him anymore.

He says your name softly, "I know that's not true. You don't miss me, you miss having someone to have around". You avert your gaze, maybe ashamed he called you out. "I'm tired of this, I'm tired of being your fucking backup plan". You shake your head at him before speaking, voice coming out as a quiet whisper, eyes watering as you look at him, "Why won't you love me?"

Jaehyun abruptly stands from his seat, slamming his hand against the counter which makes you jump, "Don't!", he's nearly yelling, "Just stop, why would you-how dare you even say that to me!" A couple of tears have made their way down your face but Jaehyun only sees red, "You have no right to say that to me, not when I'm the only one who has shown love in all the years we've known each other". He can tell from your face the sadness is leaving your body as you become angry, "That is not true!" "Since we broke up-" he states but you cut him off, "You don't know anything about how I feel, how I felt for you all this time".

Jaehyun knows it was wrong of him to claim you didn't love him all the years you were together, you were nothing but a loving and caring girlfriend. But the anger get the best of him, especially knowing you haven't truly loved him in years. At least, not the same love he felt for you.

He takes deep breaths, trying to stop himself from speaking anymore. Not wanting to say anything worse while he's so angry, he merely watches as you stand across from him looking sad. Looking sad and beautiful and like his girlfriend he fell in love with.

Anger clouds Jaehyun's head, or possibly his love for you. He takes two steps to reach you before grabbing your face in his hands, pausing for a moment to see if you pull away from him. When you don't, he slams his lips against yours. You kiss him back, both of you sharing your frustrations through your lips. You move to grab onto his shirt to pull him closer to you, his hips slamming against yours, your back pushing almost painfully into the counter. Jaehyun roughly bites on your lips, causing you to whimper but he uses the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You both kiss rushed and messily, hands running along each other's bodies as if you were in a hurry.

Jaehyun uses his knee to push between your legs, making you spread your legs wider. One of his hands makes its way down your body, stopping to grab your thigh roughly before his fingers soothingly run up under your dress, reaching to touch you through your panties. You groan into his mouth as he pushes against your clit, running up and down the cloth a few times before he decides it was enough.

He slips the material to the side to access your wetness, fingers touching you as his tongue still roams your mouth eagerly. He pushes his middle finger into your hole, knowing you were ready for him, yet the tightness he feels still causes a groan to leave his mouth. Jaehyun works a second finger into you, both of them moving against your walls quickly but still hitting all the right spots. Your mouth falls open as you grip his forearm, he can feel your nails digging into his arm and it only urges him to go faster. He moves his mouth to messily kiss along your jaw and down your neck, roughly biting into the soft skin every now and again. "Please, Jaehyun," you call out in a mixture of a whine and a moan causing his heart to pound firmly against his chest.

"C'mon, baby," he huskily says into your ear. His fingers are moving faster and he curls them in order to make your feel the best, his palm just at the right angle to rub against you. "There you go, cum for me" he says as he feels you tightening around him, your head thrown back in pleasure. He slows his pace but keeps moving his fingers inside of you, watching your face until your eyebrows furrow and attempt to stop his hand from moving. He pulls his fingers out, resting them on your thigh before he moves his mouth over to kiss you again. His lips are much slower against your own now. The two of you continue to kiss with this pace, just slow, almost passionate as you move against each other. In the end he can't hold out any longer, so he moves to undo his pants, taking his hard cock out of its confines.

He rubs himself in his hand a few times, the logical part of his brain reminding him he should be smart and run to the bedroom to get a condom really quick. But his brain is still clouded and not using a condom only tempted him. You don't move to object either as he lifts one of your legs up over his hip, pulling your panties to the side once again, before lining up his cock with your entrance. He rubs his tip against you, looking into your eyes to see if you want him to stop, breathing heavily when you merely nod your head to get him to continue. At your encouragement he slowly pushed himself inside of you, both of you emitting sounds of pleasure at the intrusion.

Jaehyun goes back to kissing you as he waits for your to be comfortable around him, enjoying the feeling of your hand running up his arm. When he finally moves it seems like he can't stop, his thrusts becoming faster as he feels your warmth around him without a barrier.

His mind only becomes more clouded as he has you like this, nothing in between you both. He can see your wetness coating his bare cock as he glances down to see where you meet. "Looks so good," he grumbles, "Feels even better". He says it quietly as if he isn't sure if he's telling you or himself. He picks up the pace, hand gripping your thigh tighter, "Can't believe you're letting me fuck you raw like this, huh,". He pushes his forehead against your own but you can barely keep your eyes open at the pleasure.

"Maybe I should fuck a baby into you, what do you think?" He mumbles against your lips and you whine his name in return. Jaehyun knows he shouldn't be saying stuff like this, especially now after fighting over your so-called relationship. Not when it's such a touchy subject for you both. But his head is so filled with desire, desire for you, desire for something more in life with you, that these things are slipping freely past his lips.

"Mm, that's right. Let me cum inside you, baby. I'll fill you up so nicely". His mouth is lose at this point, words tumbling off his lips he knows he will regret later. "Please, Jaehyun," you moan back to him, "Please cum inside". "Shit," he curses as you encourage him, hips knocking into yours as he reaches his end. Spilling his warmth deep inside of you, he feels amazing now, ears ringing and hands roaming your body. He kisses you before he can think too much, before he comes to his senses and realize what he has done. For now he will just bask in the afterglow.

The both of you are now settled onto his couch. A large blanket covers the two of you as you have cleaned up and now lay watching a random movie he found on t.v. You're head is against his chest as he plays with your hair and you feel so tired. Physically and mentally. Tired of holding onto Jaehyun and relying on him as your only source of comfort. He doesn't deserve that and frankly neither do you. Yet neither of you can seem to stop.

"Why do we keep holding onto each other?" you whisper out to him, breaking the long silence between you both.

"You hold onto me because I make you feel less lonely," he speaks back, hand roaming down your arm to play with your fingers, "And I hold onto you because I'm in love with you".

Copyright © 2023 by nczennie. All rights reserved.

🌼 All feedback is appreciated and welcomed 🌼

[moniescove]

Imagine

Once again Jaehyun sat alone on the small cherry wood chair, arms leaned atop the matching table. It never was to his taste, he was more into modern design rather than the mid century interior that currently adorned his dimly lit apartment. The singular lamp hanging above dauntingly bright admist the emptyness around him, shining through the wine bottle reflecting crystal like shimmers onto the table top. He never had it in him to change anything around the house. It was all he had left of you. The same cherry wood set he detested now became one of his prized possessions.

He knew you weren't coming back, you made sure of it in the way you left. Making sure to completely erase him from your life, whether it was as simple as deleting all the photos within your camera roll that shared memories with a smiling Jaehyun or as big as moving out and blocking him from any way he could contact you. You never wanted to see him again and he knew that. Despite it all, he just couldn't wipe the traces of you from his life no mater how much he wished he could. It was all his fault anyway. He had to suffer. That was the only way he felt the weight of his actions could be forgiven.

Jaehyun knew how much he affected you, how all the dismissals only broke you down more. He had to let you go but he couldn't. You're relationship was simply all a fantasy, Jaehyun knew that, you knew that, but neither of you could face the reality. How a fool he was to simply stand around as you slowly crumbled in front of his eyes. How he simply feigned ignorance, not having the patience and love you needed in your darkest times.

He knew you were more than his pervious relationships, he knew a cloud followed you closely casting a shadow onto you diming your light, but you were just the girl of his dreams, at least when you weren't driven by the pain within you. Jaehyun could've never imagined the reality of being in love with a girl like you. He didn't know how to handle it so even when you would cry out to him, he simply averted his gaze.

Always leaving you to wonder when he would finally have the time to listen to you, love even the worst parts of you to the full extent you craved. Everyday hoping Jaehyun could finally prove you wrong after nights of anguish, Jaehyun begging you to stay, telling you he would change, telling you he loved you. Leaving you with a glint of hope, excitement for the possibility of the futures you would share. If only he really did know how to love you as deeply as he wanted to.

The toxic cycle only continued and you had to put an end to it. You finally had enough. Not a single false promise that fell from his lips enough to keep you from slipping away.

So now, he can only sit alone within the darkness of what was once a bright home filled with love, or at least what he wanted to remember as love. He was sure if you met now he would finally have the emotional maturity to love you and care for you the way you deserved, but now that is only just a fantasy.

"Another year spent loving just you, __" Jaehyun said as the fireworks bursted across the sky, shining through his windows celebrating a new year arriving.

[neo-nymph]

having writers block but also thinking about FreeUse!AU where innocent!reader pulls up to BadBoy!Jaehyun's dorm room after a class they have together and he's confused when he see's her behind the door bc he knows her but he's never even heard her speak and she's not saying anything now bc she didn't have a plan, didn't even think she would actually knock on his door when she got here,, so she's just staring at him with watery puppy dog eyes terrified but also pathetically turned on being face to face with the big scary tattooed man she's had a crush on for so many months, fidling with her fingers and squeezing her thighs, and Jaehyun knows why shes here now, subtly smirking at how she looks like she about to cry until she states quietly "i want you to fuck me.. please?"

the please was thrown in out of nervousness bc they both know he doesn't have a choice

grinning to himself Jaehyun moves his body blocking the entrance, pulling the poor shaking girl inside his apartment by her sweating hand so he can manhandle and rail her into his plush bed for a few hours

[kmgkmg]

THE ONE - JUNG JAEHYUN

word count: 1.5k...

pairing: jaehyun x gn!reader

synopsis: you arrive at the crowded party at different times, eventually meeting which makes you both feel relieved.

genre/s: fluff, college!au, non-idol!au, fratboy!jaehyun, bf!jaehyun

warnings: drug (weed) mention, alcohol mention (beer pong mentioned so idk if it counts but just in case)

rating: pg-13

a/n: hiiiiiiii, my first fic omg how exciting!! i’ve done little bullet points on old blogs but never something this structured? i blame it on reading so many fics during fall break. i tried to write jae pretty similar to what i think his personality is but if y’all think it’s inaccurate lmk, constructive criticism is always welcomed! i listened to vanjess while writing this so inspired by the one by vanjess!

Your eyes desperately shifted from one side of the room to the other, unaware of Jaehyun’s presence behind you. His walking quickly fastens as he wants to be with you even sooner seeing your uneasiness. Even with his quickened pace, you were still towards the front of this huge frat house while he was towards the back. Why did this house have to be so damn crowded? Yangyang said this was only supposed to be a chill kickback with friends from campus and work, but Jaehyun could swear there were at least 80 people in the house. He didn’t even want to think about how many more people were outside, conscious and unconscious. Still, he tries to maintain his cool and squeeze past people as fast as he can, even avoiding greetings from friends he hadn’t seen in a long time.

He always seemed to sense when something was wrong. Although you were visibly anxious regarding the unfamiliar environment of this party, he could always tell when you needed to be tended to. Hell, he was the first person in your life to notice one of your most hidden nervous tendencies. 

Back in the course you first met for the first time, you were singled out by a classmate during a class discussion and it happened to be the day you didn’t do the reading. You thought cracking your knuckles had been a pretty ordinary thing to do, but once Jaehyun had noticed you cracking your third knuckle his face wore a worried expression, clearly aware of you being uncomfortable with the spotlight being on you. In what you viewed as an act of idiocy rather than being heroic, Jung Jaehyun proudly raised his hand and decided to sacrifice himself for you. He made up a quick lie about how you had been filling him in on the readings since he was hungover, he elaborated that you had made a great point about the debate that helped him comprehend everything. All your professor could do was ask for confirmation to what Jaehyun was saying and all you could do is mindlessly nod your head, shocked that the frat boy who constantly comes in hungover actually did his readings. The course wasn’t a requirement for Jaehyun’s major of architecture, which was even more of a surprise. Since when were frat boys versed on Gramsci’s theories?

After Jaehyun saved your ass you profusely thanked him after class, asking if there was any way that you could show your gratitude towards him. He chuckled, since your demeanor with him was much more uptight than he had seen you interact with your friends outside of class. “If you’re really thankful towards me, how about a date?” He asks you, patiently waiting for your response. 

You had really painted him in the wrong light by minimizing him to his frat status only and he did help you. You usually would say no to a man asking you out so suddenly, especially since today was your first time talking, but Jaehyun was different. You had a weak spot for pretty men and Jaehyun was the epitome of such. You snap out of your thoughts, suddenly aware again of the man standing in front of you. “Sure, can I have your Instagram so we can decide the details later? I have another class across campus to get to soon.”

You hadn’t expected to like Jaehyun and your guys’ first date as much as you did, but he was full of surprises. He had invited you to his favorite record shop/cafe and selected a vinyl by The Internet to play while you decided what you wanted to order. You got to know each other and realized the absurd amount of things you had in common, from music taste and favorite TV shows to overall philosophies towards life. Gradually you went on more and more dates and now have been a couple for almost three years. Although some of Jaehyun’s frat friends were notorious for being heartbreakers and fuckboys around campus, Jaehyun himself had been labeled the mysterious prince at your university so it was big news when he officially announced you on his Instagram as his significant other.

Returning to the party at hand, Jaehyun was originally supposed to pick you up after his work shift, but you got busy with studying for midterms and insisted that he left with his friends and you would meet him at the party. The problem with you guys meeting like originally planned is that he left with Yuta and Jaemin, a duo that basically asks for trouble. Jaehyun likes his friends, he really does, but he should’ve known that they would pregame and have a couple rips from their bong before heading over to the house. Jaemin becomes mush which is never an issue but Yuta’s energy level turns tenfold his regular tension and he thinks that he’s invincible. After Jaehyun pulled out his phone to text you an update that he was in the backyard playing beer pong with some friends, his mistake was not realizing the still very stoned Yuta was next to him and determined to win this round. Yuta grabbed his phone with unremarkable speed and chucked it over Jaehyun’s head, conveniently landing in the pool. 

“Dude, what the actual fuck?” Jaehyun, clearly exasperated, frowns at his friend.

“We’re supposed to win this game, for the pride of our fraaaaaaaat! This isn’t the time to text your precious Y/N,” Yuta slurs, “you neverrrrr hang out with us anymore bro.”

Jaehyun sighs, “Well, can you see why I don’t when you act like this? You know that Y/N is coming by themselves, you know that I’m protective over them. There’s so many peopl- Nevermind, I’m not going to try to reason with you when you’re stoned.” 

Fast forward to now, Jaehyun is continuously calling your name, while you are still busy scanning the room to find someone you know. It didn’t help that the music was blasting so loud the whole house was practically shaking with the bass of the song. You had tried to text Jae with the texts being left on delivered and when you tried to call Jae numerous times, his phone instantly went to voicemail. Of course you were oblivious of Yuta’s destroying of Jae’s phone and your mind automatically went to the worst that he was mad at you for not going with him. While there was a little part in the back of your mind that knew he would never get mad at you over something as trivial as that, especially since you were studying, your mind always resorted to the most unreasonable scenarios. You still hadn’t removed your jacket, giving up hope that this house had anything even slightly resembling a coat room. If anything, they probably made Mark’s room the ‘coat room’, you smiled slightly envisioning Mark being stressed walking into his room and seeing coats piled in his room. Finally, you thought to yourself, my nerves are calming down. Who would’ve thought that thinking about your boyfriend’s younger friend being irritated would make you happy?

“Y/NNNNN!” You hear a familiar voice shout from behind you. You’re pretty certain that if you moved one second faster you would’ve given yourself whiplash at the speed in which you turned your neck to see the source of the sound. As expected, you could see Jaehyun about 10 feet away from you, waving his hand at you to see him. You both break into the biggest grins upon seeing that you finally found each other and wouldn’t have to stay at this house that became way too overpopulated anymore. “Jae!” You continue to grin while making your way to close the distance even sooner. As soon as you’re finally face-to-face with each other, he envelopes you with the biggest hug he could possibly make, “Babe, I’m so sorry Yuta literally drowned my phone and I couldn’t reach you.” You slightly break from his grip to look up at him in a mixture of confusion and amusement that Yuta did that, but soon went back to hugging him just as tight before saying, “It’s okay, I only showed up about 20 minutes ago, but could we maybe leave? It’s way more crowded than Yangyang’s usual parties.” Jaehyun quickly nods in agreement, still smiling that he was able to see you after a long day of work and a chaotic night with Yuta and the rest of his frat. 

“Record shop cafe and some late night snacks?” You propose and rub his back gently as you go from hugging to holding hands and navigating yourselves to leave the party. 

Jaehyun looks at you with love and complete adoration, finding himself at a loss of words for how much he loves you and how lucky he was to be the one to raise his hand and cover for you in class that one day. Probably forever unknowing to you, he had fallen for you on the first day of orientation of your first-year, and you are his first love. In his eyes, you are forever only the one who he sees himself spending the rest of his life with.

Without saying any of this, he simply nods again and lightly squeezes your hand in agreement to the new plans for the night. 

[saturnznct]

d-5; decorating the tree/house | jjh

➸ word count; 678 words

➸ alissa & amelia; aged 9, josh; aged 3

dadmas masterlist | nct masterlist

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

‘Wow!’ Amelia launches her bag onto the sofa, having just arrived home from school to see the Christmas Tree up in the living room.

‘Hey sweetheart,’ you smile, still fluffing the branches out, ‘had a good day?’

‘Alright,’ she heads over to Josh, who’s playing with some toy cards on the floor, ‘hi Joshie.’

Jaehyun and Alissa trail in behind her, Jaehyun tossing his car keys into the pot in the doorway.

‘Oh, cool!’ Alissa marvels at the scale of the tree, which goes all the way up to the ceiling.

‘We’re gonna put the lights on and decorate after dinner, ok? When it’s darker and cosy.’

The girls finish homework and play some multiplayer video games together while you prepare dinner, Jaehyun joining Josh in playing with his toy car garage. Once your dinner of kimchi fried rice is finished, the twins clear away the dishes while you and Jaehyun string up multi-coloured fairy lights across the Christmas Tree.

Christmas songs play from your speaker, and you and Jaehyun hum along, occasionally chucking when Josh starts singing and dancing.

‘Okay kids, lights are on!’ You call, and the three of them quickly gather around, already beginning to rifle through the piles of ornaments and baubles on the floor.

Alissa starts first, grabbing a Tokyo Disneyland ornament from the pile, while Amelia picks up a hanging photo frame of Jaehyun holding a newborn twin in each arm. Josh takes a little longer, the girls having put on three or four baubles each before he’s even chosen one. Jaehyun helps him loop the ribbon over the tree brach, albeit a very low branch due to his height.

‘Good job, buddy,’ Jaehyun pats the back of his head, ‘wanna choose another one?’

He toddles over to the pile once again, returning to Jaehyun with a snowflake ornament.

‘Are you going to try it yourself this time?’ Jaehyun asks, pointing to an empty branch within Josh’s reach. Josh successfully places the ornament on the tree, Jaehyun giving him similar words of praise.

You love seeing Jaehyun like this, being so sweet and caring towards your children, absentminded smile, bare face, fluffy hair, dimples and eye scrunch on full display. It makes your heart all warm and your stomach all fuzzy.

With five of you, the tree fills up with baubles from around the world, various colourful ornaments and pine scent sticks.

‘And for the final touch,’ you produce a silver star, wires intertwining inside the shape with little white lights.

‘Now, since Amelia did it last year, and Alissa the year before,’ Jaehyun says, ‘and now that our Josh is all grown up, it’s his turn to put the star on the tree this year!’

Josh giggles and claps excitedly, making grabby hands for the star.

‘It’s ok, daddy’s gonna lift you up, little man,’ Jaehyun lifts him up from under his armpits, Josh waving the star around in his chubby little hand.

‘Go on, Jaehwan-ie,’ Amelia encourages.

It takes some guidance from Jaehyun, but eventually Josh manages to slot the large ornament onto the top stalk of the tree. The rest of you clap and cheer, much to Josh’s delight, who happily laps up the attention.

The three year old then very quickly loses interest, preferring to watch cartoons on the television rather than help all of you decorate the rest of the house. Alissa volunteers to watch over him (although you suspect she likely just can’t be bothered to help anymore) while the rest of you go through hanging wreaths on doors and wrapping fairy lights and tinsel around the bannisters, as well as placing ceramic ornaments on mantlepieces and tabletops.

Later, when all of the children are in bed asleep, you and Jaehyun enjoy hot chocolates on the sofa, admiring your work.

‘Another Christmas,’ Jaehyun smiles, ‘it’s crazy. The twins will be ten this year.’

‘Josh is old enough to put the star on the tree.’

‘They’re really growing up, huh?’ Jaehyun sighs, a little sadly, ‘anyway, Merry Christmas, love. We’ve had another amazing year.’

‘Merry Christmas, Jae.’

[theficblog]

FORTUITOUS

JEONG JAEHYUN

Prologue: The plan was simple, all you had to do was to pretend to be on a date with this hot stranger, but your heart won’t always listen.

Genre: Fluff + Strangers to lovers + Fake date Jaehyun

Wordcount: 1,203

Warnings: None

The orange sun in the clear sky that the evening offered was about to set as you found yourself standing outside the fine dining of your five-star. Today was the day, it was a Friday night, and this was when the week's most anticipated dinner took place. Staying in a room all alone was barely something you looked forward to, and that's exactly how the last five days went by, alone. 

You stood patiently in line, humming along to random jazz tunes, right before your attention was caught up by something unexpected.

"ONLY COUPLES ALLOWED" The red cushioned board held in all capitalised fonts. 

"Damn it!" You cursed under your breath, the only good thing was slipping out of your fingers like the sand. This could not get any worse, you thought to yourself as you seriously pondered the decision to spend a fortune here if this was all that you were getting.

Just at that time, your eyes landed on one fine man, who also appeared to be sailing on the same boat as you, alone and disappointed. 

"Umm.. Hello there? The guy in the white shirt?" You hesitated at first, but on the inside, your gut told you to give it a go. However, it did not turn out well, for he did not even look behind. Maybe because there were too many men dressed in white this evening.

"Excuse me? Room number 509?" The man immediately turned back to face the source of the call, you.

For a second, you thought he confused you for hotel staff as you read his bland facial expression, but were soon relieved when that turned into a formal smile. 

He must have seen you, after all, he had been staying in the room adjacent to yours for the same amount of time. All you ever saw of him was alone. 

You stepped closer. "Hello" and gave him an awkward smile.

"Hey!" The same awkward smile was reciprocated from the man's side.

A moment or two passed by in silence, trying to comprehend the surrounding environment and focusing on the velvet overcoat of the woman standing in front of you.

"Do you mind pretending to be my fake date? ... They are only allowing couples inside." You blurted out abruptly, making direct eye contact with him.

"Ahhh.." He hummed, nodding his head a few times as if he tried to contemplate it.

"Listen, I know, you too, want to get in. I don't think that there is a better option." You reasoned, trying to somehow get him convinced.

"I mean, it's not a bad idea." He nodded in agreement. 

-

Minutes later, the two of you sat at the table next to the window, as you managed to get inside. The atmosphere of the place was just as you expected, the ambience, the decor, the lighting, and even the picturesque aesthetic of the stone blue river that flew through the city did not disappoint you. 

You diverted your focus to your date.

"Just to clarify, I am only here for the food." You explained yourself, placing your palms on the table. 

"That's totally fine-" His lips stopped mid-sentence, just like his eyes did, to your left. That look of concern on his face automatically made you turn your head in the same direction.

The waiter saw you and put up a questionable face.

"Do you think he heard us?" You whispered, in the terror of being kicked out. All of those previous thoughts dominated your mind again.

"Babe~" Your date whined out of nowhere. "Are you still mad at me about last night? I'm sorry I couldn't make you dinner." He held your hands in his and lowered his eyes. "I know I promised."

"But you know what?" His voice got deeper, bringing your hands even closer. "I'll make up for everything once we get back home."

This was followed by a gentle smile, and his eyes turned into little crescent shapes, almost disappearing. 

You were sure you thought he was attractive in the first place, and this act only accelerated your emotions. You swear you could hear your heartbeats, which were higher than what they usually were.

Eventually, the waiter left, seeing couples involved in these lovey-dovey conversations must have been everyday entertainment to him.

"I'm sorry-" He was in the middle of apologising when you cut him off. "That was smooth!" The compliment turned his skin red, just like tomatoes. The blush on his face spread faster than the speed of light. 

-

The food, the day's main event, soon came to the table. The real couples around you held hands, made cheeky promises, and some of them even excused themselves to the bathrooms, for better privacy. Nobody in the room seemed to be caring for the food, except for the two of you. 

You both did not talk, the only thing you did was exchange glances at regular intervals. 

Never under the sun did you think that you could be so enamoured by some random man you would meet on a vacation.

And it must have been obvious by now, he caught you staring at him a couple of times already. 

-

At last, the fake date came to an end.

The two of you stepped out of the restaurant and into the lobby where you met not too long ago, ready to take your different paths. 

"Thank you for this, though!" You offered him the same awkward yet formal smile.

"Thanks to you!" He nodded, signalling his intention to leave after expressing his gratitude.

"Wait!" You grabbed by the arm, unconsciously. Letting go of it instantly upon realising what you just did.

"What's your name? By the way?" This was the point at which you considered getting his name after having a fruitful two-hour date with him.

He held his hands behind his back. Giving you that cheeky smile, those dimples that were beyond perfection, the ones that you mentally appreciated for the hundredth time now. 

"The guy in the white shirt."

He teased, making you look away, breaking eye contact as you finally let out a giggle out of embarrassment. 

"Jaehyun." His eyes met with yours again, they were deep, and you felt as if you could see way more than the surface.

"Y/N" You smiled.

"Would you like to go on a date with me? Y/N?" He chuckled. "A real one." His glossy eyes were sparkling. 

"Are you asking me out right now?" When things were too good to be true, it was only human nature not to believe them.

"I think I am." He paused and shook his head. "Actually you know what, I am confident. I am asking you out."

"To be honest.." You commenced. The sudden look of fear on Jaehyun's face was evident. Were you going to say no? Even after all of those giggles and stares?

"I was thinking of asking the same, just in case you didn't." You completed your sentence, washing away all the worries like the tides of the ocean.

"So is that a YES?" 

You nodded your head, smiling incessantly at him. "YES."

Now call it destiny or whatever. When love comes to you, it knows just how to make its way. 

LET ME KNOW YOUR VIEWS + ALSO SEE : MASTERLIST

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM PLAGIARIZING ,TRANSLATING, OR POSTING OUTSIDE THIS PLATFORM.  

[mint-yooxgi]

Hey can I request for JAEHYUN YANDERE!!

Both are from rich family but y/n doesn't take marriage as she doesn't have interest but Jae being stubborn he wants it!!

Thank You so much!!!

"Why not?"

"Jaehyun, I've already told you why." You state, turning towards the aforementioned male with an exasperated look on your face.

"I just don't understand," he shakes his head, pout tugging his lips downwards.

"You don't have to understand anything," you sigh. "I just have no desire to get married."

"Yet." He replies, so sure of himself. "You have no desire to get married yet."

"No." You shake your head. "Ever."

"But why?" He whines, hands grabbing your shoulders desperately to get you to look into his eyes. Eyes of which have only ever been set on you.

"I have no problem with other people that want to get married," you reply, shaking off his hold. "It's just not for me. I don't need, nor want, my relationship to be defined by a piece of paper. The meaning and significance should come from between myself and whoever it is I choose to be with. That's all I'll ever need."

Jaehyun blinks, stunned by your words once more.

"If my partner really wanted to officiate out relationship by signing some documents to say that we're legally married, then I'd consider it." You say. "But, they also would have to respect that I would rather us not do such a thing. Besides, if my partner and I ever were to marry, but something happened between us and we wanted to divorce, then we'd have to go through another round of signing papers to legally get that done, too. I wouldn't want that. It's so much easier to just be able to go our separate ways after such a long time together if that's what we agree upon."

Nodding almost absentmindedly, Jaehyun lets your words sink in. Or at least, he appears to.

"So, you're just worried about having to go through a divorce if you ever officially got married?" He tilts his head curiously.

"What? No." Your brow furrows. "Jaehyun, were you even listening to me-"

"Don't worry, baby," he chuckles, pulling you into his arms so that he can whisper into your ear. "Once we're together, I never plan on letting you go again."

[wwtneosay-archived]

time lapse

<a drabble in which jaehyun is in love with reader but they have different love languages>

content: angst, toxic relationship patterns

wc: 651

He tries to forget you, piling on schedules; brand deal after the next, countless studio sessions that went on way longer than they were supposed to, maybe another photoshoot will do the trick.

It doesn’t.

Music doesn’t even sound the same anymore, you’re stitched into every lyric, every melody. Piles of vinyls sit unplayed, collecting dust in the corner of his room. He’s tried his best, but nothing seems to erase the ‘you’ shaped splotch in his mind.

He stirs out of his sleep when his arms reach out to touch your face that isn’t there.

Jaehyun hops out of bed, quickly fishing for anything that’d shield him from the frigid winter air before sprinting towards his door. There’s only one question that slices through his clouded thoughts,

Can we fix it?

To say that Jaehyun didn’t love you would be a complete fabrication, far from the truth. He loved you so much that his heart ached, fingers began to tremble if he didn’t see you for some time. His lungs would only be able to fill to capacity, finally breathing easily once he’d set his sights on you.

How come when looking at something completely ordinary, his brain would find a way to make his thoughts lead back to you? It was too much, no ounce of rationalization could be provided for this behavior. His brain couldn’t comprehend the infiltration so he dropped you, out of sight, out of mind right?

He didn’t know that would make the ache unbearable, render his fingers unusable, air unbreathable.

So off he goes to knock on the door he knows will open up, regardless of time. Arms that will hold him despite the cruel circumstance that he’d set in place.

Some would say your actions are detestable, you like the word devoted instead, it eases the pain.

Harsh knocks summon you to your front door to find a teary eyed Jaehyun, nose and cheeks tickled pink from the cold. The words ‘I’m sorry’ left his mouth like a scratched record. Your body couldn’t do anything but embrace him, the ice that enveloped his skin melted against your hold.

You settle warm palms onto his cold cheeks, peering into his shaky pupils through your tear-blurred vision, “I forgive you.”

Plush lips slam into your own, heavy sighs leave him as he finally satiates the need to taste you.

Fuck, its been so long since he’s felt you so closely. Greedy palms want to see if you’ve changed these past couple of months, smoothing over your skin only to find it exactly as it was before.

“I’ve missed you so much, Jaehyun.”

There’s a blow to his chest at your confession, he pushes out his thoughts through labored breaths, “Please don’t leave me.”

“Never.”

Unfortunately, you can’t. Whether he knows it or not, you do. He’s sunk his teeth into you and you’d rather die in his arms than put up any type of fight.

Instead you’d keep it bottled up, let yourself indulge in any touch or thought he’d offer you tonight.

He silently prays his efforts are enough, that his lips on yours would telepathically transfer all the words he was too adamant in keeping to himself. Desperately hoping his undying desire for you would magically seep into your skin with every touch he’d place on you tonight. Words were futile when he could show you just how much you meant to him.

Maybe that’s what gave you hope,

Peeking into the little window in his heart that would open up briefly after not seeing you for so long. Maybe the few words he did let out after suffering from lack of your presence were the driving force that allowed you to open up your front door well past midnight.

Self loathing never sets in until you wake up to an empty bed.

You fight through it though because you know it won’t be long until he’s back again. And like always, you’ll be right there, waiting to let him in.

[gingrrfrog]

the OFFICIAL chapter one for ivoire is posted right now! And you can read it here! I’m typing this up on my iPad at work so that’s why it looks a little wonky, but let me know what you all think :3c I missed writing about everyone so much I have so many ideas for this rendition

[blu-joons]

Seeing Him After Your Breakup ~ Jeong Yoonoh

A sigh came from you as you walked into the coffee shop, glancing across at your usual table. It felt strange beside you, you were so used to having a presence there, but now there was nothing. Your body couldn’t shake it off, almost as if you were wanting for Yoonoh to be there.

Even as you sat down, your eyes couldn’t help but look across, expecting to see his figure there. Not having conversation, eye contact, or the argument that you constantly had over who would have the biggest half of the cake you bought felt bizarre.

You became lost in your own thoughts as you sat, scrolling through your phone instead. It was something that you knew that you needed to get used to, no matter how strange it felt. As much as you wanted to forget about Yoonoh, you just couldn’t, especially when so much around you seemed to just remind you of him.

You weren’t quite sure what he was doing, or where he was too. Your usual spots together weren’t your spots anymore, you didn’t know if he still felt the same, if he still wanted to be there, without you by his side.

“Y/N?”

The voice you heard sent a shiver down your spine, almost as if the universe had somehow heard the question that you asked yourself in the back of your mind. A tentative glance up confirmed your thoughts, letting go of a sigh.

“You’re still coming here then?”

“You’re still coming here too I see.”

Yoonoh’s head nodded in reply to you, looking down at the chair opposite you. He looked to you before taking a seat, pressing his hands over the top of the table as he found himself lost without the coffee cup that he usually played with.

“Is it good?” Yoonoh asked, pointing at your own coffee, “looks like you’re trying something new?”

A hum came from you as you took a sip from your drink. “I thought it was about time that I changed my order.”

“Because of me?” Yoonoh quizzed, unable to stop himself, “what other things have you decided to change about yourself since I broke up with you?”

There was no reply from you as you felt a lump run down your throat. You couldn’t quite believe that you were finding yourself struggling to know what to say in front of Yoonoh, having spent years hitting the mark every single time.

“I didn’t think you’d want to come here anymore, you know, alone,” Yoonoh spoke up, keeping his eyes glancing across at you. “Doesn’t it feel weird?”

Your head shook, turning your eyes down to look at the floor. “I can still come here without you,” you firmly responded, refusing to let onto Yoonoh just how hard of a time you’d been having without him around.

Despite the forced, weak smile on your face, it had been far from easy for you. The two of you had only split a couple of weeks ago, but your mind just couldn’t shut off as you kept finding things that you used to do with Yoonoh, and now had to do alone.

Opposite you, Yoonoh knew you all too well, knowing that the smile on your face was doing nothing to convince him that you were alright. He still cared about you, was still fond of you, in fact, he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to break up with you.

“How have you been?” Yoonoh pushed as you fell into silence once again, leaning closer towards you. “I bumped into Y/F/N the other day and she said that you weren’t quite yourself, I didn’t really know whether to reach out or not Y/N.”

Your eyes widened as Yoonoh spoke, with your change in mood his responsibility after all. He could tell that he had said the wrong thing straight away, beginning to realise that reaching out was a good thing for him to have not done.

“I wish things didn’t have to be this way Y/N.”

Your head soon began to shake as you realised what sort of direction the conversation was going in. It wasn’t what you wanted, you didn’t need Yoonoh’s sympathies or apologies for deciding to end things with you.

“I’m not usually one to admit when I’ve made a mistake, but I’m beginning to think that I might have done just that,” he added.

Your eyes closed, hoping that somehow you had found yourself in the middle of a dream, but as your eyes opened, Yoonoh’s expectant eyes were still looking across at you.

“Do you think this is it for us?”

A shrug of your shoulders followed in reply to Yoonoh’s question. “You were the one who made that call when you said you were too busy for us. And now you want to change your mind? What else am I supposed to think Yoonoh, I don’t want us to be some sort of game.”

His head nodded understandingly as Yoonoh listened to you, if he hadn’t seen you, he knew that his heart wouldn’t be hurting as much as it was right now for you.

“You still care for me though, don’t you Y/N?”

“We broke up three weeks ago Yoonoh, those feelings don’t switch off straight away.”

You could see the slight smile on Yoonoh’s face, he couldn’t help but feel as if he was getting somewhere. He had tried to switch off himself too but finding you now and being back in a spot that was so important for the two of you had his mind bubbling with thoughts.

“It was stupid of me to think that breaking up with you would help me out, I thought I would be able to focus, but truthfully Y/N I can do anything but,” Yoonoh admitted. “All I can say is sorry, and hope that maybe you can understand where I was trying to come from.”

Although you got it, you couldn’t help but be annoyed that you understood it too. When all you had tried to do was help Yoonoh, you were taken aback knowing that he thought that stopping your help would end up being more helpful for him.

“I’m glad that I saw you,” you told Yoonoh, pushing your coffee away from you. “I never quite felt like I got what I needed from you when you walked out the door, but now I think I’ve got what it was that I felt like I was missing out on.”

“What was that?” Yoonoh asked you, placing his head into his hands at the table. “You’re not thinking of maybe giving us another go Y/N, are you?”

“Don’t sound too excited,” you warned him, “this isn’t a your forgiven conversation.”

Yoonoh nodded, he was still finding himself down a deep hole, but slowly it felt as if he was managing to climb his way out of what he had dug himself a little bit.

“Do you want another drink?” Yoonoh asked you.

A slow nod of your head followed, “only if you’re paying, I think buying me a coffee is the least that you could do right now.”

“I’m on it,” Yoonoh smiled, “but you might have to let me know what your new coffee order is.”

“Don’t worry, I think I preferred the old order anyway.”

---

Masterlist

[smileyerim]

loving you is easy

i can say that lovin’ you is easy

i don’t need to prove a single thing

somewhere along the way i guess you got under my skin

inspired by easy by mac ayres

pairing: husband!jeong jaehyun x reader

genre: fluff (tooth rotting if you will) !!MDNI!!

length: 600+

warnings: none

net tags: @neowritingsnet @kflixnet

You’ve heard it said, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”

The parable never connected with you exactly until this morning— the first morning in your first home. You’re lying in bed, the same mattress you’ve had since college, and staring at the ceiling fan as it spins, gradually slowing on each rotation from where Jaehyun flipped the switch on his was out of the room when you complained you were cold. Soon enough the design of the fan blades will be familiar. Soon enough this room will feel like your bedroom. Soon enough, your boxes will be unpacked and you and your things will call this house your home.

“What’s goin’ on?” Jaehyun says, shocking you out of your reverie. Your eyes had been trailing one fan blade for probably far too long, so he’s a bit blurry from your disoriented perspective. Ignoring the fuzziness behind your eyes as you sit up a little too quickly, you smile at your husband.

He smiles back, of course, and takes your grin as an invitation to climb back into bed with you. Soon enough your head is on his bare chest and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Jaehyun always seemed to do that for you, relax you immediately.

His hand that’s stroking on the back of your head stops when he speaks, “I’ll unpack the kitchen today if you can do the master bathroom.” He proposes a compromise, but frankly the only thing you care about is getting him to keep petting your head.

You frown and wrap your fingers around his slim wrist to move it up and down on the back of your hair. He catches on and with a knowing chuckle his hand starts moving independently.

“You’ll fall asleep if I keep doing this, you know.” He sasses and you sigh again, nuzzling your head and squeezing your arm around his neck closer.

“Mm, okay.” You hum, smiling into his chest and landing a kiss just nearly west of his nipple.

He lets out a true laugh this time and squeezes you back a bit tighter.

With a sigh he replies, “I just can’t say no to you, can I?”

You smirk, the hand that was around his neck coming up with your head to look him in the eye and make a whipping movement, mimicking the sound of a whip crashing with your voice to tease him.

He rolls his eye and pulls you down to cuddle into him again, “Shut up.” is all he says with a groan into your hair and the corners of your mouth turn up again.

You don’t say anything for a while, just enjoying the feeling of being held by your husband.

It’s amazing how far you’ve come— and that you’ve done it all together. From being college sweethearts, to the most heart wrenching break up of your life, to getting back together after you realized you needed eachother, all of it led you to here. It is true, the more that things change, the more they stay the same. No matter how many times you move homes, or change jobs, or take a big step in adulthood Jaehyun has stood as the rock through it all. You fall more and more in love with Jaehyun each time he stays by your side through a life change.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” He says softly and the fan has finally stopped its rotations.

Instead of fleshing out all of your complicated emotions, you tell him the same truth very simply.

“Loving you is easy.”

He doesn’t respond verbally, just lands a kiss on your forehead and nuzzles his nose into your hair. You smile, he knew exactly what you meant.

“I’m going to go start breakfast. You want watermelon or apples today?”

You smile again, yeah, you think, this is where I’m meant to be.

[nczennie]

feels like christmas.

Pairing: Reader x Jaehyun AU: Husband!Jaehyun, Dad!Jaehyun, Domestic, Christmas Genre: Fluff Summary: A short peek into the holiday season with Jaehyun and his family. Also an epilogue for these summer lovers.

"There we go, let's place that one right here." You whisper out, helping the little girl place the cookie dough onto the baking sheet.

She furrowed her eyebrows in concentration before breaking out in a bright smile upon seeing her gingerbread safely among the other Christmas shapes. You wipe some flour from her dark hair that's pulled back, "Can I eat the rest of the dough?" She looks at you expectantly.

"Fa la la la la," You both turn to the entrance of the kitchen seeing your husband enter the room singing along to the Christmas music playing on the radio. Bouncing a small baby in his arms he comes closer to look at the baking.

"Daddy," your daughter says, "These are our cookies for Santa." She points excitedly and he gasps to appease her, "How amazing are these." He hovers behind you both looking at the arrangement of trees, reindeer, and gingerbread. You reach to grab your son from his arms, smiling as he yawns, still warm from his bath and cuddled in his Christmas pajamas. Kissing his forehead and tucking him into your arms as your husband helps your daughter off the counter.

Watching as he places the sheet in the oven, you speak up, "Jaehyun, someone wants to eat the rest of the cookie dough." You nod your head to the little girl who gives him a smile she has learned he cannot refuse.

He laughs, reaching for the counter and pulling a piece of dough before handing it to her, "Here lovie, eat this and then let's get you in the bath so we can get ready for bed before Santa comes."

Only an hour later and you were cuddled into the couch, your son sleeping peacefully on your chest as he suckles on his pacifier. Jaehyun and your daughter sat in front of the fireplace, her cuddled into his lap as he reads from a Christmas book.

In quiet moments like these you think how far your life has come. It seems only yesterday you were a young college student falling in love with Jaehyun over summers.

But it's been many years now, and your summer boy is yours year-round; that summer feeling here to stay for good.

Though at the time you craved that feeling of summer that the boy brought, some things have changed. Since those days Jaehyun and you have married and settled down. A cozy house, a determined 4-year daughter, and curious 4 month old son. Your small family seemed to fit together perfectly.

Since your daughter had been born, you started to crave a different feeling. The peacefulness of winter. The calmness of the holidays with your families. Cozy fires, falling snow, Christmas carols, wrapping presents, making traditions. Seeing how magical your kids find the season.

It seems as though time slows for you around Christmas and your heart swells during this time every year.

"Mommy," You break your trance to see your daughter as approached you on the couch, "It's time to sleep before Santa comes," She states with a yawn and you give her a smile, running your hand over her hair. "Go on, I'll be right there."

She scurries down the hall, her pajama dress flowing around her. "You okay?" Jaehyun asks as he folds the blanket and places it back on the couch. You nod, careful of your son, "Yes, was just thinking." He stands over you, running a hand over your son's hair before doing the same to you, "About what?"

"About how happy I am." You whisper out, "I love you. I love our family. I love doing the holidays with you." He smiles at your confession, leaning to kiss your lips softly, "I love you. I love this." He whispers back before standing straight again.

Your kids would go to bed now and you would get to spend the night in your own secret traditions with Jaehyun. Traditions being parents brought to you. Traditions you wouldn't change for the world.

Then you would awake in the morning to see how excited your daughter was Christmas morning. Basking in the magic through her. You would go to spend the rest of the day with your parents, your brother Johnny, and his own family, and Jaehyun's parents.

You couldn't think of anything more perfect, and your heart felt as warm as the fire.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Jaehyun asks, eyes lovingly taking you in. You nod in return, "Yeah, it feels like Christmas."

Copyright © 2023 by nczennie. All rights reserved.

[cigarettesaftersuh]

bf jaehyun ii.

[hwaflms]

HAPPY NOW? ★ [ j.jh ]

your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

———————————————————————

[☆] PAIRING. ex!jaehyun x f!reader

[☆] GENRE. angst, smut, fluff | fake dating?, exes to ??? au

[☆] WC. 19.9k (i don’t even know)

[☆] WARNINGS. angst, reader has anxiety, mentions of anxiety attacks, fighting, reader be lying a lot, reader has a little sister, crying, reader is kind of a dumbass, explicit content (piv smut), unprotected sex (don’t do this gang!), fingering, sex in public kinda, pls lmk if i forgot anything!!

[☆] NOTES. i’m so fucking annoyed with tumblr it’s not letting me insert images properly UGH this took me over 2 hours to upload man 🗣️ im pretty proud of this one ‼️ idek how it got this long but it’s my longest fic yet and it’s been sitting in my drafts for ages until i finally got the inspo to write it :p i want jaehyun so bad it’s not even funny tbh but anyway PLS GIVE ME FEEDBACK/A REBLOG LITERALLY ANYTHING IS APPRECIATED <33

———————————————————————

six months.

you haven't seen this door in six months.

it's funny because, this was a door you used to push open and walk through every other day, yet now you stand on the opposite side of it, unsure as to whether you should even be thinking of knocking.

your hand is raised to the door, shaped like a fist but you make no move to actually knock. you were aware that you still had time to bail out of this, that you could turn on your heel and make your merry way back to your sad little house and go back to pretending you're happy with the choice you made six months ago.

or you could just do what you came all the way here to do.

the weather seems to be in your favour, at least. the sun shines radiantly, making the temperature warm, but not too warm, and a cool breeze travels through the air in short intervals. the summer had begun early, birds chirping in their habitual singsong way and wild bougainvillea already flowering in various shades of pink and lilac. usually when the day starts off with good weather, the rest of it follows suit, and thus your day is made better. hopefully, this is the case for you today.

pausing for a short, morale-boosting intake of air, you tighten your fist and knock, knock, knock on the mahogany door, immediately regretting your decision as you feel your stomach churn and plummet. a good ten seconds pass, and you hear no reply nor movement from the inside of the house, and part of you is relieved because that means he may not be home.

more than happy to do a 180° and skip along joyously back to the metro that would take you home, your feet begin to make for that trip but your mind decides against it. you know that you are being overly dramatic, but even with being aware of this, your heart rate does not slow down one bit. you also know that what you've come here to do is more than just selfish, its pathetic and rather embarrassing. it's also a hugely unsavoury request, and if your roles were reversed, you'd most definitely laugh in his face and shut the door.

finally somewhat making up your mind with a quiet groan, you raise your clenched fist and rap against his front door again in a set of three. you nervously shift your weight from your right to your left foot, then back to your right and then once again to your left, the anxiety and anticipation not allowing you to stand still and relax, thinking that if he doesn't answer this time, you really will just return home.

"hold on, i'm coming!", a hurried, muffled voice calls from inside the house and you don't think your heart has ever beaten this fast in your life. not even during the one time you ran a marathon to prove a point to your friend chenle, and while you did show him that you didn't only run to get away from spiders, your body took its own sweet time to recover from that.

now you hear footsteps approaching the door from the opposite side of it, and you don't think you can handle anymore of this tortuous, build up of a wait because you are quite literally one step away from calling it a day and just sprinting your way out of there, just like you did on the last few metres of the aforementioned marathon, and you know he's nearing the door because the footsteps are getting clearer and clearer, and soon he's going to open the door, take one look at you and just slam the door right in your face, but not before spewing verbal explosives at you, which would be totally deserved since he has every right to just spit on you and tell you how you're a terrible, downright horrible human being completely unworthy of forgiveness and-

"sorry for making you wait so long, i was-"

if your heart rate was at its maximum speed before, now it just stopped.

standing in front of you, in the flesh, was the man who's heart you broke six months ago.

jaehyun had just about opened his door in a way that his body was sticking halfway out of it, but he was now frozen in that position, neither in nor out, just stuck there looking like he was contemplating his next move. he adorned a loose, white shirt that clung to his defined shoulders and chest, paired with a pair of red plaid pants with a patch of some different material stitched just above where his knee was. you'd recognise those pants just about anywhere, having worn them a number of times and being the cause of that strange patch with mismatched material (you'd tried to balance a pot of steaming hot ramen on your knee in order to move something, resulting in it causing a burn in the pant).

his attire tells you that he was either just about to eat breakfast, in the process of eating breakfast, or about to finish breakfast; jaehyun was not an early riser and he liked to take his time getting ready for the day.

apart from his slightly changed hair, jaehyun looks the same as he did before, if not better. his once shorter, straight, brown hair, was now a darker kind of black and longer in a silky, mullet-y, layered sort of way, the mullet part stopping just above where his shirt met his neck and the front bits falling on to his face in thin, soft wisps.

everything about the man was captivating and entrancing, but if you had to pick a specific feature that really takes the cake, it would have to be his eyes. his eyes, deep-set and fierce, always gave the impression that he was cold or unapproachable, whereas in reality, he was the opposite. as striking as they may be, they always carried a certain warmth to them.

while they still held the same intensity to them, the warmth was missing as he looked straight at you now. after the brief moment of confusion when he first opened the door dissipated, the familiarity had sunk in, and his expression now was more or less unreadable, but you still tried to make out what he was thinking and feeling- was it shock? anger? maybe even disgust?

"okay, are you going to just stand there or are you going to say something?"

you think it was largely a combination of the last two. in all your fidgeting and gawking, you'd forgotten to actually speak to the man who's door you'd just knocked on, leaving him standing there wordless and confused, an eyebrow raised as he waited for you to open your mouth.

you try to do so, so many words wanting to tumble out your mouth but an invisible gate seems to block it, so now you're just stood still with your mouth opening and closing soundlessly, looking like an idiot.

c'mon y/n, fucking say something, anything-

"how have you been?", is what you decide to go with to break the silence in the end, an awkward smile plastered on to your face. you realise before the sentence is even fully out of your mouth that that would be a really weird thing to start off with, seeing as you and jaehyun have had absolutely zero contact for six months, and are obviously not on the most wonderful terms.

jaehyun's eyebrows furrow, a look of clear disbelief on his face as he clutches his door handle a little tighter. he looks away with a sarcastic smile, shaking his head before turning back to look you dead in the eye. oh, he's going to slam the door on you, you just know it-

"really? 'how have you been'?", he questions incredulously, licking his bottom lip while an exasperated smile plays at them. funnily enough, his response is somewhat relieving to your pitiful self, because you weren't even expecting to hear a reply to what you said, you figured he'd just walk away. you would've. "we haven't seen each for six months since we broke up and 'how have you been' is the best you've got?"

you wince apologetically and bite your lip, playing with your fingers nervously as he quite literally stares you down, irritation written all over his face.

he waits a couple more beats for you to break the tense silence and speak but you are inwardly (and outwardly) struggling to word your thoughts, so he simply scoffs and backs away to return inside.

"okay wait, i didn't tell my family that we broke up and they keep pressuring me to bring you home for the holidays, so i would really like if you'd pretend you don't hate me and come with me."

you don't even want to open your eyes to witness his reaction to your blurted little confession, so you merely stand, frozen in place with your eyes squeezed shut tightly. a couple seconds pass yet you don't hear a door slam, a good sign, so you take that as an affirmative to open your eyes.

he doesn't say anything, or do anything either really, he just leans against his doorframe with another indecipherable expression. this irks you even though you know you have no right to feel irked, but the fact that you once had the ability to know what he was thinking and now don't bothers you to the core. plus, it leaves you feeling unsure as to whether to continue. he might just start laughing at you manically or angrily tell you to get off his property like some bitter, 60-year-old man, and either of these scenarios would be completely fair of him to do.

the heavy realisation that your request sounded absolutely delusional and conceited dawns upon you, and something about his irksome expression makes you feel like you should keep talking. "you have literally every right to just tell me to fuck off, and i don't even expect an answer, i don't really know why i even came here, oh my god- this is so fucking stupid, i'm so fucking stupid and honestly i don't know why you're still standing here listening to me ramble-"

"i need to get ready then. give me ten minutes."

✧ ──────── ✧ ──────── ✧

the front door you're stood at now holds a very different ambience to the previous one. while jaehyun's was quiet and peaceful, the front door to your parents house reveals that the inside is just bustling with activity. the chorus of kate bush's 'running up that hill' plays faintly from behind the door, so you figured that your dad must have brought out his old record player from the dusty attic.

jaehyun stands beside you, hands shoved into the pockets of his light grey hoodie that you feel he must be boiling in, because you're wearing a black tank top with some loose cargoes that you think you might have drenched with sweat.

the sweat would be from the burning heat, but also from the agitation you're really starting to feel. there are so many different ways this dinner could go. what if jaehyun suddenly tells them the truth? then everyone in the room would hate you, and rightly so. you don't want to have to explain to your parents why you broke up with him; it's a stupid fucking reason, if you can even call it that, and it made you completely miserable. how were you supposed explain to your little sister that you and jaehyun aren't together anymore? you suppose relationships are a totally foreign concept to her young mind, but you were sure that she knew you and jaehyun loved each other very much. and you knew she loved jaehyun very much.

he does not look at you, instead choosing to really focus on the christmas themed welcome mat that your parents put out during the winter of '09 and never bothered to change. how he even agreed to come here with you, you don't know, but to say you're grateful would be an understatement.

"you still have time to back out, you know.", you mumble softly, trying to give him one more chance to escape, but he doesn't even spare you a glance, shaking his head and squinting at the door.

"let's just get this over with."

with a small sigh, your raise your hand to press your parents doorbell, the embarrassingly loud 'ding dong' ringing out from behind the door. "oh, that must be her!", you hear the muffled voice of your father speak from the inside, making a slight smile form on your lips.

within a couple seconds, you hear the sound of the muted metal bolt as your dad struggles to open the door to let you in. a grunt of "this damn door..." makes both you and jaehyun release short giggles, and you peek over at jaehyun to see his lips curl upwards into a smile, a small one but it's still breathtakingly pretty . he clears his throat and it's gone in a flash, but the image doesn't leave your mind, and you're still seeing it when your dad finally manages to open the door. "i really need to start using the new lock", he mutters, shifting his eyes to you with a big grin, leaving against the doorframe with his arms folded. "hello, sweetheart."

you chuckle and throw your arms around him, squeezing him a little as he laughs and pats your back in return. releasing you, he turns to jaehyun with a smile, who promptly sticks his hand out politely. "hello, mr. l/n, long time no see."

your dad ignores his hand, throwing his head back with a gruff laugh. "what's with all the formalities, come here, son.", and with that he gives jaehyun a hug as well, a slightly shorter one albeit, but a hug nonetheless. the word 'son' repeats in your mind like an echo, sounding more and more distorted the longer you focus on it. you can't even begin to think of what was going through jaehyun's mind. this was not your brightest idea.

you notice your mom waiting by the door with her hands behind her back, eyes bright and shiny. "hi, mom.", you beam, and she laughs cheerily, opening her arms for you to run into, which you do. she presses numerous kisses to the crown of your head, making you groan lightheartedly and try to escape her hold, but it only tightens. "oh, how i've missed you."

"i missed you too, mom.", you say but she's already let you go and is making a bee line for jaehyun with her arms open, who falls into the hug so readily and comfortably. "i may have missed you, y/n, but i missed jaehyun ten times more.", she jokes, pinching jaehyun's cheeks affectionately.

jaehyun is turning bright red, but he has a toothy grin on his face, a real one, you can tell. his eyes travel the front room where all of you are stood with a nostalgic smile, having not seen it or your parents in over six months. you watch as they look from the various photo frames hung up on the wall alongside the staircase, to the curtains that they recently changed, finally landing on the record player thay was sitting on the table. "wow, mr. l/n, where did you get this?", jaehyun asks, and you wonder whether he's trying to make conversation or if he's genuinely curious. you think it may be the second one.

while him and your dad engage in small talk about his record player, you turn to your mom to ask of the whereabouts of your little sister, and as if on cue, you hear an excited squeal from the top of the stairs. all four heads turn to see your sister bounding down the stairs hurriedly, paying no mind to your mom's strained shout of "careful!".

"y/n!", she piped, finally reaching the bottom of the stairs and running straight to you, wrapping her arms around your legs. she barely reaches your hip so her hug is really just her face pressed into your thigh with her arms squeezing your legs together, while you pat the top of her head.

somehow managing to pry her off of your legs, you kneel and give her a proper hug in return, now happy that you made the decision to come home for a bit of your holiday. she lets go and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and jutting her hand out to you, urging you to take it.

you smile and furrow your eyebrows with confusion but you take the paper anyway, opening it as carefully as you could so as to not tear it anywhere. smoothing it out flat on your knee, you're greeted with a drawing; two people stand holding hands under a deep blue sky, a large yellow sun shining in one corner along with some "birds" that are really just little 'v's scribbled in black. they're stood on a beach, at least you think they are because there are two shades of blue on the paper, one of them probably being the blue hue of the ocean.

you assume the two people are you and your sister, since one of them has shorter, shoulder length hair and is miniscule compared to the other person, who's hair length and height are similar to yours.

you hold the picture to your chest and pull your sister in for another heartfelt hug, kissing her temple. "is this us?", you ask her, pointing at the two people in the drawing. she gives you a proud nod in return, taking the picture from your hands and holding it in front of her face. "yup! the big girl is you and the small girl is me! we're gonna go swimming.", she informs you, flashing you the toothiest of smiles. "thank you, it's perfect.", you tell her, ruffling her hair a little as she hands you the drawing back.

she clearly doesn't appreciate that, because she whines and swats your hands away, but soon her eyes focus on something behind you and they enlarge, the second excited squeal of the day emerging from her lips. "jae!", she just about screams, completely abandoning you in favour of running off to jaehyun, who has a wide smile on his face and looks equally as happy as her. he scoops her up in his arms and lifts her in front of his face, doing a little spin as peals of laughter escape her.

he finally puts her down but she holds on to his hand, looking at the male with absolute adoration. "hi, cutie.", he boops her nose affectionately to which she giggles, turning to look at you. "you didn't tell me jaehyun was coming!"

"i wasn't sure if he could make it", you reply to her honestly, looking at jaehyun as you speak because only the two of you know what you really mean by that. he holds your eye contact for perhaps a millisecond longer than he did before, but again, it was gone in a flash. he clears his throat a little and straightens up, rocking back on his heels.

sensing a shift in the air but mistaking it for some form of awkwardness, your mother shoos the rest of your family away in the direction of the kitchen. "they probably want to freshen up together, let's let them do that."

once they're gone, it feels like you can finally release your breath, truly seeing this situation going wrong in so many ways. they don't suspect anything yet, but how much longer until they eventually connect the dots? or what if they don't even need to do that, because jaehyun only agreed so he could embarrass you by telling them the whole story? you don't acknowledge the tense silence until jaehyun speaks up. "can i use the guest bathroom? still the second door on the right, yeah?"

you don't respond immediately because you're processing the fact that he still remembers these minute details. you also realise he's only asking because he doesn't want to share your bathroom with you, and that clears your thoughts up a little. you nod in affirmation and he begins climbing up the stairs, and you wait until you hear he's reached the upstairs landing before you move.

it's so tense. the last time you were in this house with jaehyun, you had taken a short road trip to get there. you say road trip, but it was just a couple hours long, but the playlist you and jaehyun had curated said otherwise. you arrived at the house and everyone was all smiles, your parents just happy to have you home and happy to see him as well. you think that part's just as hard as thinking about the two of you together. the fact that your slightly judgemental parents adored him, your little sister looked at him with stars in her eyes– you had lucked out in every department, and you were always aware of it, the joint guilt you felt from breaking it off and lying to your parents really getting to you now.

you swore that after this was over, you would apologise to jaehyun and finally break the truth to your parents.

finishing off in the bathroom, you step out into the hall, only to bump straight into jaehyun. backing up awkwardly, you both try to get past each but keep going in the same direction, resulting in a bunch of 'sorry–'s and 'wait– just–'s being blurted out by the two of you. finally getting past you, he doesn't look back at you again, just walking down the stairs mumbling something about "they're waiting...".

wincing, you make your way down the stairs as well, arriving at the living room to see your mom standing beside your dad with an excited expression on her face. you approach with caution, noting that your dad has his hands behind his back. "so...", your mother starts, raising her shoulders a little out of anticipation. "since we haven't seen the two of you in a while...we got you some presents! nothing too grand but..."

"mom, it's not even christmas", you whine, ready to argue with them because you feel bad that whatever they got was still overpriced, but your mother shakes her head, urging your dad to reveal the presents. "just take a look first..."

in one hand he holds a small, white box, no bigger than his palm, and your mom picks it up, holding it out to you. the print on the box is small and typewriter-like, the material it's made out of just screaming fancy. you narrow your eyes at your parents but take the box in your hand anyway, pushing it open. inside, it reveals maybe the prettiest necklace you've seen; dainty and silver, the chain is simple but it's the pendant that's the real charm– it's an uncut stone of some kind, a pale, translucent white crystal that's pretty much shapeless but it's wrapped in this thin silver wire that forms little loops and hearts over the stone and it makes it so alluring.

"it's a seaglass necklace", your mom speaks, taking the necklace out of its box for you and inclining her head for you to turn around. you're now facing jaehyun, who looks curiously at the new piece of jewellery with the faintest of smiles on his face. pushing your hair to the side, your mother places the necklace around your neck and clasps it (though it takes her a while, squinting and looking at the necklace hook from every angle because she forgot to wear her reading glasses). she leads you to the mirror by the entrance of the hall so you could get a better look at the necklace hanging on top of your collarbones, reaching up to touch it. "you remember? from that lady who owned the fancy place by the beach last summer?"

you do remember. that was the first trip jaehyun had joined you and your family for, under the suggestion of your little sister. when you brought up the fact that jaehyun was going back home to see his parents a little later than he had anticipated, your sister immediately asked if he would want to come with all of you, who were heading to the beach in a day or two for a little family getaway. and much to your surprise, your parents were very warm to the idea of jaehyun accompanying the lot of you. he must have severely impressed them the first time he met them, bringing a bouquet of flowers for your mother and a hearty bottle of whiskey for your dad– it's like he had won their hearts before he had even stepped inside the house.

of course, he had met them a couple more times again after that, but your parents had never raised any issues about your then boyfriend. your dad had claimed that he wanted jaehyun to come along so he could "keep an eye on him" and "see how he treats you in front of us", but you knew all too well he just wanted someone to talk to about his interest in sound systems. the trip had gone so smoothly, so perfectly and you think that it had planted the seeds of doubt in your mind about your relationship.

the position of the window and sun allowed for the light to bleed on to half of your face, the necklace glinting under the rays as you stood in front of the mirror and surveyed it. the last couple drops of the golden hour sun slipped through the windowpane and painted your skin like it was a canvass and the necklace was the cherry on top. you were radiant, and the look in jaehyun's eyes told you that he knew it too. when your eyes meet in the mirror, it's like he tears his eyes away from you, forcing himself to look at his shoes.

snapping out of your soon-to-be miserable thoughts, you fix a smile on to your face so as to not seem ungrateful, turning to hug your mother. "i love it", and you really do, knowing that you wouldn't be wearing a single other piece of jewellery for the next couple months.

jaehyun stands in the doorway soundlessly, just taking in the scene. he had always told you that he wished his family was as close and tight-knit as yours, but due to his dad always being away on some business trip or another and his mother having her own job to attend to, it resulted in a lot of time spent by himself.

you think that might be way he slotted right in with the rest of you, from the very first meet, because his desire to belong worked very well with your family's lively, chaotic home, which welcomed him right away. this was the main reason why couldn’t bring yourself to tell your family that you had broken up him mercilessly. they wouldn’t blame you of course, but you know everyone would be immensely disappointed when they realised that he hadn’t even done anything wrong in the first place; he was so good to you, and they just wanted to see you happy.

while your mom cooed at how pretty the necklace looked on you, your dad faces jaehyun with a wide grin on his face. "you didn't think we'd forget about you, did you?"

he probably wasn't expecting anything for himself, because you weren't either, so you and jaehyun simultaneously furrow your eyebrows. "oh, mr. l/n, you didn't have to–", he starts but your father is quick to cut him off, waving his hands. "what nonsense. of course we had to get you something, it's no big deal", he tries to appear nonchalant but the smile that creeps on to his face is a telltale sign that it is, in fact, a big deal. "besides, if you're family to y/n, you're family to us."

it's as if someone just stuck a large knife into you, the pang you just felt in your stomach. you can't even begin to think about what must be going through jaehyun's head, because even he can't hide the way his eyes soften at your dad's words. watching your sister spring up from the couch, she runs behind your father and plucks whatever he was holding out of his hands, now revealed to be a medium-sized bag. "i wanna give it to jaehyun!", with that, she's running over to him with the toothiest smile plastered on her cheeks, holding the bag out to jaehyun with stretched arms.

he ruffles her hair just like you did, but she makes absolutely zero complaints as he does it– if anything she's revelling in it. this makes you want to scoff, but you smile instead without thinking about it, taking a couple steps away from the mirror and towards them. "are you gonna open it or should i take it back to the store?", your dad jokes and jaehyun chuckles quietly while you don't even bother forcing a laugh, and he takes the bag from your sister's hands, mumbling a soft 'thank you'.

from where you're standing, you can't see what's inside the bag, but you can see jaehyun's eyes widen when he looks inside and back up at everyone. "me and mrs. l/n, i can't take this."

"of course you can", your mother tuts in response, dismissing him with her hand. "if i recall correctly, you had said something about your airpods not working properly?"

realisation dawns on your face when jaehyun pulls the shiny headphones from the bag, turning them over in his hand. "i think i did mention it, yeah...", he nods, eyes scanning over the clear box he holds. you remember that only one of his airpods would function properly, the other deciding whenever it wanted to do its job. you didn't realise your parents remembered, as well. "but these are so expensive, i can't–"

"do you like them or not?", your dad asks, shrugging his shoulders. jaehyun's quick to nod, "yes, i love them but–"

"then end of story." your father's not hearing anyone out, even going so far as to cover his ears jokingly when jaehyun opens his mouth again. after your sister tugs on his pant leg and urges him to try them out, jaehyun slips them over his ears, whipping his phone to connect them to it. he thought it was too expensive to try fixing his airpods so he resorted to listening with just the one ear in, or using your headphones till you broke up.

by the look on his face, they work just fine, and he couldn't be happier. a wide smile is pressed on his face, a real one that doesn't even drop when he makes eye contact with you. you smile back at him slowly, but he doesn't look away immediately, slowly turning to look at your parents. "i don't know what to say. thank you."

you'd had a couple boyfriends before, not none as close to your family as jaehyun had been. none of your previous relationships had lasted very long and you could never pinpoint the exact reason why, you just knew at some point that you had to break it off. your mother always thought that this was a result of your first ever relationship, the first and last man that ever dumped you. it crushed you at the time, though you were able to power through, but since then, relationships were never your strong suit. change seemed promising when you met jaehyun through a mutual friend, however. he was kind, he was smart and he was genuine, three traits that you didn't typically see in guys you dated, but you didn't see any reason to dwell on your biggest fumble yet.

the rest of time until dinner continues in a steadfast manner with all of you sitting in the living room. the scene looked like something out of a corny movie montage, but the beautiful part of it was that it was reality, all the laughs, the eye-smiles, the stupid jokes and conversations, all of it. your parents had recently returned from a holiday together that they took to celebrate their wedding anniversary, which meant that you two deserved to look through all eight hundred and sixty two of the photos they took. super proud of the new projector he had ordered off amazon, your dad had connected his phone to it and was going through his gallery slideshow-style, with your mom making offhand comments about every other photo.

"that's from when we went on a date to this fancy restaurant, that's from the shoe store your dad wanted to go to...oh! that's when your dad just learnt how to take 0.5x pictures on his new phone!"

your mom speaks animatedly while each photo is being shown, pointing out various different things without any prompting. there were badly taken selfies of your parents that made both you and jaehyun laugh, pictures of the different kinds of food they ate, the said 0.5's of your mother taken from the top of her forehead– your dad was slapping his knee even though your mom wasn't too impressed.

after what seemed like years, they ran out of vacation pictures and moved on to pictures and videos taken during your little sister's talent show. this was especially endearing, because your normally high-energy sister was suddenly all shy and avoidant of eye contact in the presence of jaehyun, particularly displeased with a video of her singing on stage.

jaehyun wipes the pout right off her face however, poking her cheek with a smile. "you sound amazing, s/n", he pipes genuinely, and she's back to smiling again, even offering to sing the song for everyone towards the end. no one has the heart to turn down so innocent a request, so for the next couple minutes you are subjected to a very slightly off-key rendition of some song from the movie 'frozen'. everyone cheers when she is done, jaehyun even throwing in a little "whoo!" for good measure, and your sister performs a small curtsey before seating herself between you and jaehyun's legs.

you're situated on the same couch, but only so that things don't look weird. you invited him here to pose as your boyfriend, and he agreed, so you have to play the part too. that part wasn't as hard as you expected, the acting like a couple, no, it was the avoiding questions that was really getting to you. at some point in the conversation, your dad had congenially asked jaehyun when the next time he'd be coming home was. normally, he would congenially reply with something like "as soon as possible", but this time, he just froze. he appeared to attempt a reply, but was cut short at "uh–", the rest of the sentence never following through.

hoping to repair the awkward moment, you start to construct a fib. "jaehyun's been uh– you know, working at one of those um, nursing homes–", this is too out-of-the-box a reply even for jaehyun who turns to you, trying and failing to the hide incredulous look on his face.

"a nursing home? oh, i didn't know you were training to be a nurse!", your mother is surprised but definitely not disappointed, placing her hand on her chest with a sympathetic look on her face as she looks at jaehyun. he looks as if he's trying to speak to you using only his eyes, widening and squinting them at a rapid pace, tilting his head towards you so your parents don't see his expression. there are clear signs of confusion and you're aware he's questioning your decisions, but that's as far as you get with his eye signals and you let him know by shrugging and wincing, so he closes them while sighing inwardly and turns to face your parents, a fake smile stuck on his lips.

"yes! haha, funny story, this one...", he grits his teeth but furthers your stupid concoction of a story, snapping his fingers while trying to think. "i'm not really training to be a nurse, i just volunteer there sometimes. love being around old people, you know, makes me feel full of life–"

you cut him off before he can make this even worse for the both of you, taking in your mother's furrowed eyebrows and your dad's slightly opened mouth. "yes, well, it's hard for him to catch a break, you know, with all the...", you slap your hand over his knee and give it a little squeeze, turning to him with a grin while he smiles tightly back at you, eyes focusing on the hand on his thigh without changing his expression. "...hard work he does."

jaehyun's eyes don't leave your hand, seeing as this is the first act of skinship in six months, albeit casual. your hand feels so hot that you think you might be burning a hole through the material of jaehyun's jeans, finally ripping your hand off of him.

"of course...", your father trails off in confusion, and no one can seem to make head or tails of the situation. in a moment, your mother pauses before clapping her hands, seemingly already forgotten about the strange situation as she chimes "dinner in five!~". your sister scampers off with claims of helping your mother out in the kitchen (and probably to try and secure a spot close to you and jaehyun), and jaehyun stands up and heads to the cupboard containing all your placemats without out even being asked. you offer to help but he shakes his head, and you opt to go sit back down on one of the arm chairs facing the kitchen area, just observing.

this was one of jaehyun's qualities that made you fall in love with him, but also pissed you off to no end. first of all, didn't he ever get tired of just being so good all the time? second of all, why couldn't his own parents see what everyone else saw in him? and thirdly, why did you choose to ruin your life six months ago? as for the last one, you knew why, but the extent of your stupidity was real apparent to you now.

you look away when he meets your eyes and catches you, your heart beating fast when you see out of the corner of your eye that his gaze lingers for a moment or two. underneath all that hatred, was there still a small part of him that cared about you? after you broke up with him, over call that too, he attempted to call you back two or three times, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up. out of fear or maybe even shame, you never answered his calls and since then, you'd had no contact.

it was impossible. with a break-up like that and six month's worth of time to sit and think about it, you imagine that one could hold a surprising amount of hatred for someone–especially after a relationship as real as yours. if you switched the roles, you think you wouldn't feel much different.

at your mom's signal, you heave yourself off the couch and to the dining table, seating yourself next to jaehyun (everyone expected you to sit with him, they left the chair empty on purpose). your sister has already claimed the spot opposite jaehyun and was patiently awaiting the vegetables that she knew your mother was going to pile on her plate, a little pout forming on her lips at the sight of broccoli. "you can't make that face every time, like i'm feeding you dog food", your mother scolds her with a smile, giving her a generous helping of veggies. the pout deepens and she folds her arms with a cross look on her face. "you guys don't have to eat the broccoli. why do i?"

she's got a point, you think, but before you can tell her to just eat them, jaehyun speaks. "that's exactly what my little cousin sungchan said...", jaehyun tells her, looking around the table with a dramatic sigh. "and we all know what happened to him..."

little cousin sungchan? as far as you know, there is no little cousin sungchan, and you know a lot about jaehyun's family, so you put your fork down in favour of listening to his story at the same time your sister curiously asks, "what happened?".

"well, like you, sungchan didn't like eating his veggies", starting off the story with a shrug under your mother's listening ears, he talks in a low voice. "he'd always argue with my aunt till one day, he refused to eat them.

your sister is knocking food around her plate while she listened to jaehyun, and she's not impressed with the story so far. "see! why can't i do that?", she asks indignantly, and your mother shoots jaehyun a look to which he winced and continues. "nothing happened for a while, so sungchan thought he had proved his point. but he hadn't heard of the veggie monster."

the story is heading in such a stupid direction that you almost laugh out loud, but you catch yourself when you notice your sister's expression, guarded and wary. "...the veggie monster? ...that's not real...", she speaks like she's not fully sure of her words herself, pausing her attack on her food.

"sungchan thought that too", jaehyun agrees, lowering his voice like one would when telling a scary story, looking around him like it could be listening before continuing, for the story's sake. "but he didn't know that without veggies, a child's body is weak. their bones don't grow strong, they stay small and their minds aren't sharp at all. that's how the veggie monster chooses his targets."

you hold back a snort at your sister's wide-eyed expression and how serious jaehyun looks, he's even got your dad attempting to look nonchalant as he followed the story. "the less veggies a kid eats, the weaker they get, and that's easy pickings for the veggie monster. he comes late at night, and there's no point in hiding because he knows. he can smell when a kid doesn't have enough vitamins and it makes him hungry."

with your sister, your parents and even you hanging on to every word, jaehyun lowers his voice to almost a whisper, and all of you lean in closer to listen. "legend has it that he looks so scary that you lose the ability to move or speak, so he just takes you. sungchan was never seen again. the police said he was missing but i knew what happened to him."

you have to admit, jaehyun can tell a story. the atmosphere felt more eerie as he concluded the story cryptically, but your sister looks positively gutted. "did he take him?", she questions, face white and voice small. he nods slowly, like he didn't want to be talking about this, and all you can think about is how this man deserved an award after the show he put on. "i had my suspicions. no one believed me, but i'm ninety-nine percent sure that at dinner, i saw a pair of dark, red eyes staring straight into the kitchen from the window."

as if nature was a paid fucking actor, a slight crash sounds from outside the window on cue, like if a cat knocked over a plastic bin, but you're pretty sure your sister shit her pants. you've never seen her shovel vegetables into her mouth at that kind of record speed before, even your parents are looking at her astounded. with her food in her mouth, she pleads with glazed eyes, "please– i'm sorry, i'll have my veggies, don't let him take me!"

it takes all of you a little while to convince your sister that she'd be completely fine if she ate all the veggies given to her and that the veggie monster wouldn't even think of her, but it's safe to say that she'd never leave a bit of stray carrot on her plate ever again. your mom comically mouths 'thank you' to jaehyun which makes you laugh, and you turn to smile at him, and he gives you a nod in return. small steps, you think, because a nod is a whole lot better than a glare.

the rest of the dinner continues as if nothing changed. sure, you and jaehyun knew things were different, but it didn't fully feel like it at the moment. your mom had prepared a lot of nice food for the occasion, and your dad even helped, particularly proud of the way his stir fry turned out. jaehyun made sure to compliment both your parents on their cooking, and they all but melted– he still knew exactly how to talk to them. conversation was easy; you talked about work, you talked about how university was going, you talked about the school play your sister was going to take part in, about jaehyun's parents, nothing was forced.

you'd fall into comfortable silences at times in favour of sitting back and observing, listening, just being a part of the moment. for someone who was so reluctant to be here, jaehyun seems comfortable, the familiarity of the situation helping ease the tension between the two of you. expecting some bumps along the way, you were rather pleased with how things were turning out, but you were also anticipating the end of the lovely evening– where you and jaehyun would eventually go your separate ways. you don't want to think about it just yet, not when everything was going so smoothly, and your opportunity to snap out of your thoughts is presented to you, just not in the way you would have liked.

your mother's question seems to have thrown jaehyun for a loop as well, because his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks blatantly confused. at some point during a lull in the conversation, your mother had politely asked jaehyun how his christmas in japan had gone; the only problem with this question was that he never had a christmas in japan, not to his knowledge anyway. this, was yet another lie you had told your parents, when they had asked why jaehyun hadn't accompanied you home to celebrate christmas, like he had originally planned to. unbeknownst to them, you had already broken up with him prior to the christmas holidays, so jaehyun wasn't exactly going to come along anyway. so, you told them that he had to spend christmas with an aunt in japan, for familial reasons.

you didn't exactly have time to prep jaehyun and give him a run down of every single lie he had to play along with, so he turns to you with a look of uncertainty and desperation in his eyes. "my, uh- christmas? in japan?", he puts emphasis on the two keywords, not blinking when he speaks directly to you in hopes that you would take the hint and help him out.

"yeah, your christmas. in japan. with your aunt", you reply to him with the same tone and expression as he does, trying your best to sound subtle so your parents don't catch on.

"yes, with your aunt! we were so sad to hear that you couldn't make it for christmas", your mother is unknowingly helping jaehyun catch up with the fake story, and he releases a short "ahh" during his moment of 'recollection'. "right, my real aunt who definitely lives in japan."

he grits his teeth when he talks, making you grimace and the fact that your parents look completely puzzled doesn't help. you need to save your dignity anyway, so you try to cut jaehyun off before he can make things worse. "haha, jaehyun of course she's your real aunt, silly", you awkwardly chuckle, feigning nonchalance when you bump his shoulder with your fist, wishing you could telepathically communicate with him right now, but you'd probably only be saying "please, please, please" on repeat.

he sighs but speaks up again, much to your relief. "it was slightly boring, my aunt doesn't do much", he laughs softly, fully back in character. "but you know, it's still nice to spend time with your family."

if your parents are suspicious, they don't say anything, seemingly satisfied with jaehyun's answer. dinner continues with few hitches until jaehyun insists that he washes the dishes. "it's the least i can do, after you both made such delicious food."

your mother at least tries to argue with him for a bit, but your dad is quite happy to not have to wash dishes, patting jaehyun on the back before standing up. what surprises you however, is jaehyun turning to you with the sweetest, most fake smile you've seen in a minute plastered on his face. "you mind helping, y/n?"

smiling tightly, you nod and begin clearing the table. this is done in silence, neither of you even looking at each other as you pick up dishes and carry them to the kitchen. your sister has run off to the living room to watch some t.v with your dad, and it feels like you're finally allowed to breathe when your mother exits the room as you’re picking up the last dirty dish. walking into the kitchen, jaehyun's back is facing you while he washes dishes, the environment and the little tune he's humming making everything seem so domestic in your eyes. this is how dinner used to always go when he came over, with you and him washing the dishes together in the end, taking breaks to splash each other with the soapy water or making out secretly by the counter.

but the air is foreign now, none of the former warmth or softness remaining. he turns to you with a frown when you place the final dish on the side of the sink, and he really doesn't look too happy. "visiting an aunt in japan? really?", he scoffs, looking incredulous while you look sheepish, avoiding his eye contact entirely.

you were expecting something like this but you hated being put on the spot. "i don't know, okay, what else was i supposed to say?", the exasperation in your voice is evident but it only fuels jaehyun, and rightfully so.

"i got an idea, how about 'oh, he can't come because i dumped his ass over call for no reason, sorry'?", he digs snidely, voice laden with scorn. there it is. "or is that too close to the truth for you?"

he doesn’t even let you open your mouth, chucking the cloth he was using to dry the dishes on the counter somewhere, folding his arms while he looks at you in a hostile way. “you wanna know how i really spent my christmas, y/n?”, he sneers sardonically, a sarcastic smile etched on to his lips. “alone in my house. miserable. i wish i had an aunt in fucking japan that i could’ve spent it with.”

you hate to admit it, but his words sting and you are well aware that you deserve it. just asking him to join you for this dinner was a huge reach, a request you really didn't expect him to accept. you don't fully understand why he did, though. he clearly despised you, so many be it was out of love for your family? you know jaehyun cared for them, but doing all this was uncharacteristic even for him. when you don't say anything but wear an agonised expression on your face, jaehyun further questions you.

"do you not have anything to say for yourself?", he tries again, his voice a little softer and more hopeful than before but you look like you're fighting some internal battle that doesn't involve him. he exhales deeply, clearly disappointed in your lack of an explanation and just walks past you and out of the kitchen.

you remain in the kitchen for a couple beats more, trying your level best to collect yourself. you can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes and your breathing is quicker, but this is the absolute worst time to have a little panic attack in the kitchen. how you wished the two of you could just forget about everything for a minute so you could wrap your arms around his figure and fall into his embrace, feeling like that would solve all your problems. it's selfish and wrong, but you know that you're not getting over jaehyun anytime soon.

you'd come to that conclusion a couple months back. the first month after you broke things off with him was possibly the worst time of your life, struggling to eat, sleep or even get out of bed. your friends urged you to reach out to him like they knew you wanted to, but you remained stubborn, convinced at the time that you had made the right decision that would hurt the least for the both of you. you were wrong, you could see that now, but you knew it was much too late. you'd already gone through all the stages of grief, but seeing jaehyun again in this environment had really gone and thrown a spanner in the works for you, all because of your terrible decision-making skills.

any hopes you had of the two of you at least being on semi-friendly terms had just flown out the window as well, and you suddenly think that this might've been the reason why jaehyun even agreed to come. an explanation. a well-deserved one at that. you don't know why you find it so hard to give him one, but you suspect it's because you're not ready to face all that yourself.

upon hearing your mother faintly call out your name, you realise how long you've been standing in the kitchen, taking a couple more deep breaths before you join the rest of them. it's clear that everyone's winding down, your sister curled up on your dad's lap, trying to blink away her sleepiness, while everyone else mutedly watched the television. "didn't mean to keep you all up past your bedtime", you try to joke lightheartedly because your parents look like they're about to hit the hay themselves, but it's really so that no one suspects you were having a little breakdown in the kitchen; especially jaehyun.

"you're not wrong", your dad agrees gruffly, stretching a little before tapping on your sister's cheek to wake her, much to her displeasure. "it's technically your mama's turn to put you to bed, isn't it?", he attempts, but is quickly shot down by your mother, pinching his arm after claiming it was certainly not her turn. after their grand performance, both of them comically turn to look at you with a suspiciously bright look in their eyes. you don't even have time to argue, because the second the hint of a sigh leaves your mouth, they're saying "thank you" and "how nice of you to offer", urging your sister to wake up to let her know that you'll be tucking her in tonight.

she perks up a little at this, nodding with a little glint in her eyes. hopping off your dad's lap, she sleepily totters over to you. "can jae come too?", her voice is hopeful and small, and she yawns in the middle of her sentence but she just has this certain charm that makes everyone unable to say 'no' to her. this includes jaehyun, because one look from her with her arms raised and he's picking her up, pretending to complain about it. you can't help but smile at the whole interaction.

"oh quick! before i forget...", your mom gasps in remembrance, picking her phone up from the coffee table with a tired smile. "don't know when i'll get to see the two of you again so, pictures!"

this may be the only part you were slightly prepared for. your mother had a special affinity for taking photos; not that she was any good at it, she just enjoyed capturing these little moments and treating her gallery like a scrapbook. she had more or less documented the entirety of you and jaehyun's relationship, from the first few months where all the photos were cheesy smiles and awkward poses, to when you had grown more comfortable around each other. in fact, a photo she had taken of jaehyun was your wallpaper for quite some time (it took a lot of effort and explaining to help your mom airdrop you the picture)– it was a shot of jaehyun and your sister grinning from ear to ear, both adorning aprons that were covered in flour after a failed attempt at baking cookies.

the point being, you're pretty sure jaehyun was also expecting the pictures, so it didn't really surprise you when he plastered a smile on his face and came to stand beside you. his hand finds the small of your back soon enough and it makes your body stiffen while simultaneously sending a jolt through it, and jaehyun feels it. mistaking the action for uneasiness, he immediately lifts his warm hand off you so that it's now hovering awkwardly over your body, though no one can see that from the front. while you are disappointed, you lean into him anyway, clasping your hands together behind your back as you both give the camera wide smiles. you're so close you can smell his cologne and it's making you dizzy, not because the scent is overpowering but because it's just so familiar and you can't get enough of it.

the moment is gone in a flash because your mother takes three to four photos while cooing at the two of you before she decides to call it a night, and then jaehyun is ripping himself from you. you don't think anyone else recognises it, the way he seems to want to be as far from you as possible because he's so good at masking these things, but you can feel it. you can feel this heat radiating off of his body whenever he's near you and it's not the warm, fuzzy kind of heat. the spot on your back where his hand rested still burns a little.

your parents are exhausted and look more than happy to be able to jump straight into bed, but not before thanking you and jaehyun. you hug and kiss them goodnight, promising that your next visit will be sooner than this one before they exchange pleasantries with jaehyun, making him promise the same. you know this has to be hard on him, making a mental note to apologise profusely before you part ways. with a reminder that the door now locks from the inside, they bid you goodnight and goodbye, trudging off to their room while your sister scampers up the stairs to hers, suddenly full of life.

you understand why your parents were more than happy to hand over bedtime duties to you and your "boyfriend", because putting your little sister to bed turned out to be a piece of work. she started off by blatantly refusing to brush her teeth, but jaehyun had that one sorted when he reminded her that the veggie monster had a lot of friends, so that was done. she changed into her pyjamas all on her own which was a relief, but you were at a loss over how to actually get her into bed.

you both humoured her for a bit, understanding that she was just happy to have her big sister and her big sister's nice boyfriend home again, so a little excitement was expected. jaehyun played along with her, which was a sight to see, following along with the characters she assigned him in her imaginary games. but when bouncing on her bed turned into running around the room like a crazed bunny, it was a little harder to convince her that she needed to sleep now. "look at me, i'm wide awake", she insists, widening her eyes with her fingers to show you both just how awake she was. jaehyun tried a couple times to catch her, but you're both taken by surprise at her remarkable speed and agility. in the end, you had to resort to just sitting down and hoping that she'll tire herself out, which eventually does happen.

she climbs into bed of her own accord, rubbing at her eyes while you pull the duvet over her body, up to her shoulders. "when are you coming next?", she mumbles curiously while you sit on the edge of her bed, jaehyun standing close by. "soon", you reply honestly, knowing that you'll always have a safe place to come to whenever you need. "maybe i'll even stay for a whole weekend next time."

she likes the sound of this, smiling tiredly with her hands peeking over the edge of her cover, holding it closer to her. "will you come too?", this question is directed towards jaehyun, who looks defeated when he opens his mouth to answer. it's not fair, expecting him to lie to your family like this, but you know you've gotta come clean soon. you'd made up your mind at this point and come up with a plan; you'd explain yourself to jaehyun and apologise after which you'll go your separate ways, then you'll tell your family the truth after tonight, or at least make up a more recent break up, and that's that.

when jaehyun looks to you for help, you play with your hands a little, not fully knowing what to say. "if the old ladies at the nursing home let him go, maybe...", is what you decide is the safest option to go with, and your sister seems satisfied enough, giggling drowsily. you know she's close to falling asleep, and you're about to inwardly celebrate a job well done when she pops her next, unexpected question. "will you both be together forever?"

oh. there's a hint of teasing behind her voice, but everything else about the question is innocent and genuine, blinking her eyes open so she can look at the both of you when you answer. though you're not touching him, you can feel jaehyun stiffen next to you, his voice sounding more than a little awkward when he lets out an involuntary "uhh".

"what do you mean, cutie?"

you don't know why he asks that, because it's a pretty straightforward question; will the two of you be together forever? you want to laugh at the irony because you know that if she had asked the same question last time jaehyun came home, you both would have exchanged knowing smiles, giggling shyly while you tried to answer. the answer would've been 'yes', and you know deep down that it still should be.

she clicks her tongue like it's the most obvious and easy question in the world, shrugging her shoulders when she speaks. "you know, that's what people do when they're in love,", she answers with no hesitation, and you want to roll your eyes because who kidnapped your little sister and replaced her with dhar mann? "just like mommy and daddy!"

"daddy and mommy are married, sweetie, it's a little different–"

"i know that", she cuts off your little improvised answer in a deadpan voice that almost makes you feel stupid, but all her questions have your heart thudding against your rib cage, and you're praying to god that jaehyun can't hear it too. "but still, they love each other, and that's why they're together forever. don't you love each other?"

you're pretty sure the world stopped spinning and your heart stopped beating simultaneously, most definitely not expecting these kinds of questions from your sister. how do you even prepare an answer for this kind of situation? you know for a fact that your cheeks are coated in a dark sheen of red, and out of the corner of your eye (because you refuse to look at him), you’re pretty sure you can see the distinct pink colour paint the tips of jaehyun's ears, like they always do when he's shy or embarrassed. you can't not give her an answer, because that looks weird and she's clearly waiting for one, but answering meant that you either tell her the truth, that no, you will not be together forever because your dumbass went and ruined everything for the both of you six months ago, or you can lie and say that she's right, which would be admitting a lot of things that you didn't want to admit–

"nothing's for sure, but you're right, if two people really do love each other...", jaehyun's deep voice brings all your spiralling thoughts to a halt, and you look at him for the first time in a bit, only to find that he's already looking at you, gaze raw and piercing. you hold your breath when he speaks, because you don't trust yourself at the moment. "...they'll end up together forever."

you hear your sister make some kind of a reply, but the heartbeat in your ears is so loud that you don't quite catch it, the eye contact you're holding with jaehyun so intense that it feels wrong to look away. what could he have possibly meant by that? or was it just some half-assed answer to get your sister to go to sleep? you realise that staring at him while trying to use your sixth sense to nonverbally convey these questions to him isn't going to work, but you can feel the lump forming in your throat, needing to get out of this situation quickly.

it takes everything in you to break the eye contact in favour of pressing a quick peck to your sister's temple, and she looks about ten seconds away from just crashing. "night y/n, night jae...", and with that she's out like a light, and you two wait wordlessly until her breathing evens out before silently exiting the room.

once her bedroom door is shut, you make a beeline for the front door, way too scared and vulnerable right now to look at jaehyun. he doesn't say anything, so neither do you, making sure the door is actually locked before taking your phone out of your pocket. the time on your phone screen reads '11:43', and you know it's too late to try and catch the metro or a bus, but you're too stubborn and embarrassed to ask jaehyun to drop you.

the air is cold outside, much colder than it was inside your warm house. at the current moment, there is no breeze either, the trees are still and there are only a few lights on around the street, and it just makes everything seem so still and loud. you look out at the road, eyes zeroing in on this one lamp post where you shared one of your first few kisses with the man standing beside you. it's crazy how time can change things, you think, because never would you have believed in the moment that jaehyun called you "the most beautiful girl in the world" before leaning in to sweetly connect your lips that he could ever be something so close to a stranger within months.

ultimately opting to look at him, you're once again unable to read the expression on his face as you try your best to speak your mind to him. "um, i'm gonna book a cab, so you're officially free to go. thanks again for tonight, you really didn't have to come with me, so i owe you one. or i don't have to owe you one, because we're not going to see each other again- anything's good with me, just uh...thanks."

he waits patiently for you to finish, and aside from the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes, you're at a loss over what he's really thinking, but his face is so stupidly handsome that you're feeling angry and a little awkward, choosing to look around, and at the floor, playing with your fingers as you spoke.

"you're so dramatic y/n, i can drop you home, it's no big deal", he's already walking towards the road and biting his lip, and you can't tell whether it's out of habit or if he's trying to hide a smile, yet something tells you that it might be the latter.

"so you just let me say all that even though you were gonna offer to drop me? dude..."

the initial ten minutes of the drive are uncommunicative, both of you choosing to look at the dark road instead of acknowledging the awkward silence that was swallowing the car up whole. you don’t talk about your argument in the kitchen, you don’t make small talk about dinner, you don’t talk. you'd normally play some music in the background and you know that your phone is definitely still connected to his car's bluetooth, but somehow it just doesn't feel right– punishing yourself by sitting in this impenetrable silence should do you better.

the roads are more or less empty, save for the lone car or bike that speeds past you. jaehyun knows the way to your house from your parent's because of the amount of times you've driven back and forth, so you don't feel the need to tell him to turn right or to keep going down a certain road, making for even more silence.

part of you is still a little thankful that it isn't the most short drive, even though you aren't even speaking to each other. all it takes is picturing your empty house, devoid of the homely domestic feeling it used to carry when jaehyun was a frequent visitor. what would you even do when you got home? wallow in self-pity over your life choices? play 'sweet' by cigarettes after sex because it reminds you of him, then put on his hoodie that doesn't even smell like him anymore, just so you can curl up in bed and have a good cry while you reminisce? you're starting to think that maybe attempting to talk to him isn't the worst idea, at least it'll give you something to cry about later.

you're going crazy wracking your brain, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make the atmosphere even more uneasy, but all you got was "hey, thanks again for coming" and "hey, sorry for breaking up with you, what's good though?". you can't even help the wince creeping on your face, finally choosing to go with the former before you have a heart attack and die in jaehyun's front seat.

"thanks again for agreeing to come", you start, absolutely hating the break in your voice from not talking for some time. "you really didn't have to do that. and for dropping me."

he offers you a quick nod in your general direction and fixes his eyes on the road ahead like he was zipping through a crowded highway, though you're sure there isn't a car in sight. "like i said, it's cool", is all you get in return, and you have to remind yourself that he has every right to be short with you.

but still, you try again. "and you don't have to worry about my parents", chewing on your bottom lip, you actually look at him this time, hoping it'll prompt him to do the same, but it doesn't. "i'm gonna tell them the truth."

he releases a short breath from his nose like he finds your statement funny, but continues to not really say anything, just nodding to indicate that he heard you. you subconsciously clench and unclench your jaw at that, because god, he's so fucking annoying, but you swear you don't mean to release the slightly irritated sigh that you do. if you hadn't seen his knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping the steering wheel, you might not have known that your little sigh pissed him off, because you can't tell it from his face, save from the barely-there eyebrow twitch.

you don't know what it is about car rides with only one other person that make you feel so vulnerable, but you think paired with this kind of silence, you could potentially confess to murder in this setting. it's infuriating, how unresponsive he is, and part of you thinks you're jealous of the control he's exerting, because you're dead sure that if you were in his position, you'd have a fair amount to say. it must be satisfying for him in a way, watching you squirm like this out of guilt and discomfort, but you know in your heart that jaehyun simply isn't like that.

"look, jaehyun", your mouth is working faster than your brain, the silence proving to be too much for you to handle. "i know i fucked things up a bit. with how i ended it and everything..."

perhaps you should've taken a little more time to properly articulate your thoughts, because even jaehyun can't control the astounded scoff that slips out of his mouth. you yourself can't believe that you chose to deliver your words like that and it makes you sound so self-righteous, but they're out, and now you're bracing yourself to finally hear what jaehyun really has to say.

"fucked things up a bit? are you serious?", you can hear it in his voice that he's holding back, but he chooses to laugh in disbelief instead, which you think is actually worse than him straight up screaming at you. "y/n, you didn't even bother telling me in person. you dumped me over the fucking phone, saying it wasn't working."

you now kind of wish that you had just kept quiet and sat in his awkward car, and exchanged awkward niceties when you reach home, never to see him again. but this is your final chance at some form of redemption, and now that jaehyun was actually speaking his mind instead of giving you tight nods, you tried to explain yourself.

"jaehyun, i know, i just–"

"i called you a bunch of times. i tried to come see you and everything, but you went and changed your lock and all your friends were saying you didn't want to see me?"

there goes trying to explain yourself. so you sat and listened instead, and it was the least you could do. jaehyun's voice became more and more strained as he talked, the emotions he was feeling now a lot more evident. he was angry, but more importantly, he was confused, and sad.

"i just- i didn't know what went wrong, you know? we were completely fine as far as i knew", he continues on in a laboured way and he's not looking for you speak right now, so you don't. "fuck i- i thought we were in love."

the little laugh he lets out in between his words more or less breaks your heart, the whole scenario sounding all too familiar. those exact words were the last thing you'd heard from jaehyun before you fully and cruelly broke things off, letting him know the decision was final before cutting the call. you remember that day so clearly. you had meant to go see him and explain all this in person, that’s the whole reason you were in the car, but for some reason, you just couldn’t do it. you remember how much your hands were shaking as you waited for him to pick up the call, sitting in the car by yourself in the middle of your driveway. how long you sat and cried after you ended the call, tears falling until there weren't any left. how it began raining the very second you stepped out of your car to go back inside.

the weather was a funny thing, choosing to mirror your mood only when it saw fit. it was warm and sunny on the day you broke up with him, gentle breeze and wispy clouds all around. it was warm and sunny this morning, the weather ever so pleasant as you plucked up the courage to walk to his door. it was still unusually warm and sunny for the couple months following your break up, feeling sour as ever that the weather was so lovely and all you could do was sit in your room and feel sorry.

you took note of all these occasions because it always used to piss you off. though you shiver now in the car, you think it's kind of satisfying in a way, because the only two times your mood and the weather lined up was right after the break up, and the second you stepped outside your house with jaehyun; it feels like a premonition, or a revelation of sorts. the grey of the stormy sky matched the absolute devastation you felt after breaking up with him, rain pouring from the heavy clouds like they were crying for you. now, the cold, still air feels like baited breath, awaiting your next move.

"and nothing, i hear nothing from you for six fucking months until you're suddenly on my doorstep, asking me to pretend to be your boyfriend for a night. that's fucking insane!", he sounds a little wild now, very exasperated, but you figure it's probably better to just let him get it all out of his system, and you'd do good to listen to him as well. everything he's saying makes complete sense, all the emotions he dealt with akin to what you would've gone through had it been you in his place. "and you know what's more insane? i agreed. after all that, i agreed."

that’s the part you don’t understand. your heart is racing listening to him and you have so many thoughts swimming around in your head, it's difficult to filter them. you feel similar to how you felt back in the kitchen, although this time you can't take a minute by yourself to get over it. you absolutely refuse to cry in this moment, not wanting to seem like you're trying to victimise yourself when you are aware you're the problem. but you can feel your heart breaking all over again.

"why did you agree?", you physically can't raise your voice to louder than a whisper, the tension too thick to try and overpower it.

"why did you dump me?", he counters like a child, and while you were expecting the question, it still makes you freeze up a little. he huffs in annoyance when you don't say anything, inclining his head while he waits expectantly for you to answer. "you wanted to talk? let's talk, y/n. you don't get to just waltz back into my life like it's nothing. it's not fair,"  it's so cold, the way he says your name, but you try your best not to let it further shake you, mustering up the courage to finally speak. "it's so stupid, jaehyun."

he looks like he's about two seconds away from just combusting, the only sound piercing the cold air being the gentle hum of the engine. "don't you think i deserve to know?", he urges, voice edged with hurt and frustration. "i spent the whole day with you and your family, pretending like everything was happy and normal when it's not."

"i know, jaehyun-"

"then, tell me."

you shift uncomfortably in your seat, teeth toying with your bottom lip as you avoid looking at him. "i don't know," you murmur, your voice barely audible to yourself over the pounding of your heart.

"you don't know?", he repeats incredulously, his tone tinged with disbelief. "after everything, you don't know? don't lie to me, y/n."

your throat tightens as guilt washes over you, but you try to stand your ground. "i just... i couldn't do it anymore," you confess, voice trembling with emotion.

"couldn't do what?", he presses, his frustration mounting with each passing moment. you know he doesn't believe you, dead set on getting the answers he deserves. he's driving slowly now, allowing him to turn his head in your direction more often.

"this!", you exclaim but immediately recoil when you see the look of hurt flash in his eyes. "no! not this, i mean- me! it's my fault, you did nothing wrong." you're saying all the wrong things, but you're too overcome with emotion to attempt to form a coherent sentence. still, you know it's time that the truth came out, so you continue to explain with a heavy heart.

"i didn't mean to hurt you," you choke out, and your voice is so thick you have to swallow before you carry on. he looks indignant and rightfully so, but you go on before he can interrupt you again. "but i was so scared, jaehyun."

his expression softens at your state, replaced with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "scared of what?", he asks quietly, his words hanging heavy in the air. you feel the need to pause for a moment, hands balled into tight fists as you try to regulate your breathing. you really didn't take into account how debilitating the night would be on yourself. sure, you knew it was going to be tough seeing jaehyun again, especially if he agreed to pretend to be together, but you weren't really expecting to hash it out like this, the weight of your decision pressing down on your like a leaden blanket.

the car moves so slow it may as well be still but  when you turn to him, you can feel the burn of jaehyun's gaze, his eyes searching for some semblance of understanding. "i loved you", he whispers, voice cracking with the intensity of his words. "i would've done anything for you."

you're still, you're so so still. tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you struggle to find the right words to say, but he's completely thrown you off. the car has slowed to a stop, engine idling before he eventually turns it off in favour of turning to you.

"that's exactly why," you reply weakly, your voice a fraction of the volume it normally is. he surveys you intently, his expression a mix of confusion and hurt, eyes reflecting the very same sadness you feel.

"what do you mean?"

"i was scared of hurting you," your confession does nothing to ease his confusion, but you can see he looks more shocked than anything now. "scared of hurting me?," he echoes, his uncertainty and disbelief palpable. "this is so ironic, it's almost funny..."

you think hearing any more of what he has to say is actually going to kill you internally, so you know you have to rush to explain before he starts giving you a piece of his mind again. "i know, it's so fucking stupid, jaehyun", your voice is trembling from the sheer guilt you feel, bottom lip quivering so much you have to bite it to get it to stop. "everything was going so perfectly, you were so perfect, and it scared me so much."

he falls silent, much to your relief, his expression even softening minutely as he processes your words and this gives you the encouragement to continue. "remember that night on the beach? on the trip last year?", you speak tentatively, wanting him to understand your thought process and the tangled mess of emotions swirling inside you at the time, though it's not much of a defense. the memory floods into your mind so vividly, and you can see it all; the salt in the air, the gentle breeze, the feeling of the sand, your intertwined hands swinging. it was so serene and you'd give anything to be there in that moment again, though it's nothing but a distant dream now.

he nods slowly without speaking, and you release a wet sort of laugh, feeling like you'd choke on the lump in your throat. "we talked about everything that night, our families, our childhoods, our futures...and then you brought up what would happen after we graduated college."

you know he remembers because his eyes light up with recognition and he looks like he's replaying that exact moment in his head, and you hope he remembers it with the same soft, gushy feeling you do. "you said you wanted to move in together, and don't get me wrong, i was thrilled, but it made me realise how...serious everything was, you know?", your voice catches in your throat and you're talking to yourself as much as you're talking to him and he seems to understand that, because he makes no attempt to stop you.

it's silent again for a bit as you two reminisce, but you break it again. "i just knew i was going to fuck up, jaehyun. maybe not right away, but eventually, and the thought terrified me," you sniffle a little, not being able to bring yourself to look up from your hands to meet his gaze. "that feeling never really went away, and it was eating me up from the inside. it got so bad that i had convinced myself that you were going to leave me, so i had to do it first, before i fucked up."

your sorrowful confession hangs in the air like an echo and you finally give in to the urge to look at him, and you're shocked– he looks at you so carefully, his expression soft, much, much softer than before. you couldn't stop the tears from finally falling if you tried , the soft glow of the dashboard illuminating the contours of your now wet face. your shared eye contact makes you feel nervous, but not in the way you were expecting– it's too gentle, too raw and it makes you feel a certain way.

"i know it's not an excuse," you're blubbering so much that your cheeks feel hot, you're practically falling apart in the passenger seat of jaehyun's car while he watches and lets you pour all your miseries out onto him. "you don't know how much i regretted it...but i thought i did the right thing. for the both of us. even though i just ended up doing what i was trying to avoid by hurting you."

it's too much now, jaehyun's too silent, and too not-angry for your liking; why is he looking at you in a way that makes you feel like he doesn't think you're the worst person in the world? you can't hold back the sob that's building in your chest, doubling over in favour of pressing your hands against your face and bawling into them. you're not too loud a cryer, but the tremors of emotion you feel are making your shoulders shake, so you're crying silently into your hands while trembling. however guarded he tries to be, the gentleness of his voice overpowers it as he speaks. "i know, shh...," he murmurs and you can't believe your ears, that the man you thought hated you is actually attempting to comfort you after everything. "breathe, y/n."

like it's second nature to him, his hand travels to your back as the sobs wrack through your body, immediately drawing soothing circles on to your covered skin with his thumb. you don't know how but this almost makes you feel worse, the fact that he's still so caring towards you. you pluck up the strength to lift your face from your moist hands, and you're sure it's not a pretty sight that greets him. your nose feels unbelievably stuffy, and your face is on fire when you meet his sympathetic eyes, the warmth from his gaze and hand spreading throughout you, even though he's now removed it. "i'm sorry," you manage through sniffles, but you think you almost flatline when he reaches his hand towards your face, ever so gently caressing it. his thumb juts out and sweeps across the skin under your eye, wiping away at the wetness. "i know."

"shh, it's okay. you're okay", he coos gently and slowly takes his hand back in favour of imitating slow breaths for you, helping you relax a little as you copy him. "why would you think i'd leave you?", he asks carefully once you've calmed down a bit and wiped your tear-streaked face, simply surveying you now. all you can offer him is a defeated shrug, attempting to collect your thoughts. "remember i told you about my ex? the very first one?"

he nods.

"i moved on obviously, like ages ago, but since then i think i've always had this idea that getting dumped is inevitable", you try to explain, voice small as he listens patiently. "it was either leave them or get left, and i was so scared that it would happen with you, that i'd fuck up so bad that you would leave. i couldn't do it."

he frowns and calls out your name in a way that sounds like he's about to lecture you, but you know he can't tell you anything that you haven't already told yourself. "i know, jae, it was so stupid, i know. i don't regret anything more", you sigh, giving him a tight, small smile when you lock eyes. "i'm sorry."

you notice his eyes soften at the nickname, releasing a quiet huff before he runs a hand through his hair. his body language doesn't carry the same anger it did before when he was ranting, now looking subdued and reflective. "i understand why you did what you did. it was stupid, but i understand", he murmurs, his voice impossibly soft when meeting your gaze, the eye contact so intense that you have to physically remind yourself not to cry again by digging your fingernails into your palms. "i would've never left you."

you nod slowly at his admission, his words hanging in the air. "i should've just talked to you...", you concluded in a sullen way and he doesn't reply in full, just mumbling a soft "yeah" under his breath. you don't mind the silence that fills the car this time, the underlying tension more or less dissipated, but you do notice the time, realising that jaehyun still needs to go back home after dropping you.

"should we, uh...", you gesture towards the road and he jumps up in his seat, as though he forgot that he was driving you somewhere in the first place, muttering "sorry" before twisting the key to start the car. this makes you let out an involuntary giggle and jaehyun shoots you a quick glare which immediately shuts you up, a certain warmth blooming in your chest when you see a small smile creep on to his face out of the corner of your eye.

it's quiet for a bit, jaehyun focusing on the road while you gaze out the window. much to your dismay, both the road and the various buildings and shops start to look a lot more familiar, indicating that you are nearing your home. you shouldn't be dismayed really, because this wasn't the most congenial of car rides, but it means that your time with jaehyun is coming to an end. you don't know what the conversation that took place means for you and him however, because unless you're alarmingly stupid, you feel that he may not hate you as much as he once did. does this mean you might even be able to see him again sometime? in a setting where you're not sweating and shaking at just the thought of seeing him?

you think it might be a bit audacious of you to ask that, so you don't. instead, you turn to him with a light grin, playing with the necklace clasped around your neck. "hey, at least you got some new headphones out of all of this", you joke lightheartedly, eyeing the package sitting on the backseat. he lets out a heartwarming chuckle at your comment, glancing at the bag through his rear view mirror. "i can't believe your parents bought that for me. you think they'll make me return it when they find out we aren't together?", he remarks, and you do your best to ignore the little pang you feel at the reminder of your situation. his comment does make you snort though, and you nod along with him. "nah, you need it more than anyone. your airpods have seen better days."

he laughs again, and you wouldn't believe that you two were arguing back and forth like madmen some twenty minutes back. this feels familiar and comfortable, and you cross your fingers in case you jinx it. "do you remember that time when we planned a picnic..." jaehyun begins, a sense of nostalgia shining through his cheeks. "and you forgot to bring the speakers? and we tried blasting music through my one airpod?"

you can't stop the peals of laughter that escape from your mouth as you nod, covering your mouth when your snort makes him laugh as well. "remind me why we didn't just play the music straight from your phone?", you question, replaying the memory in your mind like it was recent. he pauses to think for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck while he hums. "yeah, what the fuck? why didn't we just do that?"

you're laughing in unison as you take this trip down memory lane together, the next few minutes of the car ride consisting of exclamations of "oh! remember when..." and "that time when...", both of you adding on to the memories with your own perspectives and insights. the fact that the conclusion of your little dispute remains ambiguous doesn't bother you too much at the moment, happy to just enjoy the warm atmosphere while you can.

jaehyun's animatedly recounting a story about your sister downloading a game on his phone when you face him, and the last thing you remember paying attention to was that she had somehow managed to spend a large amount of his actual money on it. your eyes are focused on him now, just studying him, and he seems to realise that you aren't listening to his story when he glances at you.

"what?", he questions, the corner of his eyes crinkling when he narrows them at you in an playful manner, taking one hand off the steering wheel to drum absentmindedly on his thigh. "nothing, i just...", you trail off, scanning his features. "you changed your hair. it's...nice. i wanted to tell you that earlier."

he clearly wasn't expecting the compliment, mouth opening and then closing as he tries to think of an admissible reply. "you like it?", he then asks, a shy smile tugging at his lips when he consciously cards his fingers through the longer bit at the back. at your reaffirming nod and heavy gaze, the expected pink sheen dusts his cheeks and though you can't see them, you know the tips of his ears are pink too. he mumbles something of a timid "thank you", both of you smiling like idiots while he trains his eyes on the road.

not too soon after, his car is pulling into your dark driveway. you can't help the sinking feeling in your chest, lips curved slightly downwards. none of the lights are on, save for the streetlight, illuminating the street in a ghostly, dim way. your house looks just like it had for the past many months, gloomy and lonely, and you're absolutely dreading the idea of moping around once again. if this day spent with jaehyun has showed you anything, it's that you're a 100% sure you've not moved on, and that you won't for a long, long time. simply put, you're still in love with him, and you'll have to carry the cross of your mistake for some time to come.

he switches the ignition off but neither of you move. you're sat in your dull driveway on an otherwise empty street, all the other lights of your neighbouring houses off. neither of you say anything, mostly because you're not sure what one is supposed to say in this situation, so everything is still.

"so–"

"well–"

you let out a nervous chuckle while he smiles a bit, both of you mumbling apologies for interrupting each other. "you go first", jaehyun compels you, but now you don't know what to say because you were just going to make it up as you speak. your mouth has a way of working faster than your brain sometimes, but neither seem to be too functional at the present moment. "no, you go", is all you got, and jaehyun has the nerve to roll his eyes, twisting in his seat a little so he's facing you.

"i was just going to say that we uh, reached your place", he claims in a deadpanned manner, but your car door is still locked and your seatbelt is still locked in. you think you must have lost your mind, hoping that he'd tell you to stay with him forever and never leave (which you would have agreed to in a heartbeat). "i guess we have...", you nod, looking out the window and observing your home. maybe it was the dread of going back to your old routine that gave you the sudden boost of confidence, but you realise he never answered your question from before.

"jaehyun...", you begin but falter when you think you might be overstepping, ultimately deciding to just ask anyway when he looks at you expectantly. "why did you agree to come today? we both know you didn't have to."

he looks like he was dreading the very question you asked for some time, shutting his eyes when he leans his head back against the headrest and sighs. "i don't know", is the answer he gives you, voice muffled through the palms of his hands that are rubbing his face tiredly. biting your lip, you have to hold back a similar sigh because you should've known he's not going to just tell you like that. you have no right to press, but yet you do, one more time. "jaehyun, please?"

maybe it's because you sound so meek, but he drops his hands in favour of looking at you, really looking at you, like he's searching your eyes. "why do you think?", he turns it back on you, but you know this is just his way of avoiding the question. "if i knew, i wouldn't be asking. i know you don't have to tell me, you don't owe me a single thing, i just–", you speak desperately with all of the confidence you can muster, worried that your bottom lip would start trembling again. "please, i need to know."

you're looking each other dead in the eye, and while your voice isn't strong, it's honest and raw, and jaehyun can sense that. you can see that there's a million thoughts running in his mind just by the pained look in his eye and your own heartbeat has picked up, the sound deafening in your ears.

"if you haven't figured it out by now, i don't know what to tell you."

thud. thud. thud. you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat over the sound of his, but the blood pumping through your veins is making your ears ring, because what did he mean by that? you hope it means what you want it to mean, but you can't just assume you know everything because you're delusional at this point. "jaehyun, what are you sayi–"

"i agreed because i'm still in love with you."

there it is. the silence after his confession is positively deafening, your mouth agape as your try to register what you just heard. your eyes flicker between his, searching for any signs that he's just messing you and that it's some cruel joke, though it would be completely in his right to fuck with you if he wanted. he's never looked more vulnerable, eyes trained on you in an almost frantic way, like he himself can't believe what he just said. the way he just blurted it out makes you think that he didn't fully mean to admit that, but it's out, nothing he could do to take it back.

"what?", your own voice sounds like an echo and you wish you had something else to say because you heard him loud and clear, but there's a burning ache in your chest that claws all the way up to your throat. the shock is evident in your voice, not knowing what to do with yourself as you visibly process his words. "tell me you're joking", you plead in a pained way, words barely above a whisper. he doesn't say anything, looking lost in his own thoughts as his eyes scan your face. "you don't hate me?"

"hate you?", he scoffs disconsolately, shaking his head slowly. "i couldn't hate you if i tried. and believe me, i tried."

you can hardly believe your ears. you know your heart shouldn't be pounding the way it is, it feels wrong almost for you to be feeling as relieved as you are. "after everything?", you insist dumbfoundedly, but the longing in your voice is palpable, even if you're trying to give him a way out. "i was so horrible to you, jaehyun." you hate the way your voice cracks, but jaehyun just sighs and offers you a sad smile.

"there's nothing you could do to make me hate you."

it's heartbreaking, how defeated he sounds, but he's also looking at you like you could do no wrong in his eyes. "i never moved on", you whisper, hesitance clear as you tell him the truth. "i couldn't delete any of our pictures, i still have all your clothes, sometimes i accidentally set the table for two when it's just me..."

he's blinking quickly, and if you didn't know any better, you'd say he was trying to hold back tears. your break-up did nothing but cause immense amounts of pain for the both of you, and you'd give anything in the world to make up the time lost. his wide-eyed and nearly motionless expression urges you to continue, ready to pour out your heart to the man you loved.

"i still have your number memorised", your face mirrors his, voice growing stronger by the minute. "all the gifts and letters you've ever given me, they're all still there in that shoebox in my cupboard."

"i thought about you everyday", his whisper is raspy, speaking right after you do. "every party i went to, i looked for you even though i knew you wouldn't be there. you know johnny tried setting me up with people?"

you try to suppress the little sting, but you feel it deep inside you. "he did?", you have to clear your throat, and you almost don't want to ask but you do anyway. he releases a sad little chuckle and nods, toying with his fingers. "yeah. i knew i was doomed when the whole date, i wished she was you."

the smile finds its way on to your face against your will, feeling that familiar lump make its way to your throat. "she could've made you happy, jae", you argue anyway because at the end of the day, you want the best for him, and you know you're far from the best.

"no one could make me feel the way you do, y/n", he replied honestly, and there's a sense of finality to his words, like he'd had this same argument with himself time and time again, only to come to this conclusion. “the thought of anyone else touching you made me sick”, he croaked, not missing the way his eyes ghost over your frame.

his words bring about a noticeable shift in the air, followed by silence. he watches you, and you watch him, breathing slow as your eyes dart across his face.”i don’t want anyone but you”, you confess slowly, and a few beats pass before you find it in you to speak again. "i love you, jaehyun."

silence.

you expected disapproval, maybe even a malicious scoff, but you certainly weren't expecting to feel a soft pair of lips against yours as he suddenly lurches forward.

you're stunned, so stunned that you don't even reciprocate the kiss, lips unmoving against his. it's only when he takes this as a sign of discomfort and breaks the kiss that you find yourself reacting, hands immediately making their way to caress his cheeks, leaning forward to chase his lips and close the distance between you. he lets out a sound of surprise against your lips but kisses you back right away, a hand wrapping around your neck from the back, tangling itself in your hair. the kiss is heated and so long overdue, tangible through the way his lips meld furiously together with yours, teeth clashing every now and then.

your hands make their way to his broad shoulders, one wrapping around them while the other comes to rest on his chest, gripping the material of his hoodie. you have the urge to be impossibly close to him, trying to lean forward to kiss him more fully but you're restricted by your seatbelt. it's almost as if he can read your mind, because the hand placed against your face now moves to press on the buckle to release you without breaking the kiss. "fucking seatbelt...", he mumbles disgruntedly against your lips, fiddling with the button until you hear it click, finally separating yourself from him to slip it over you. "there we go."

you don't stay separated for long because jaehyun uses the hand behind your head to pull you towards him again, capturing your lips in a way that makes all the air leave your lungs. "come here", he grunts, using his long arms to pull you clumsily over the gearshift and straight on to his lap. you settle yourself in to the somewhat awkward position in the enclosed space, but that's the last thing on your mind when all your thoughts consist of jaehyun, jaehyun, jaehyun. his lips are back on yours in a instance, tongue sweeping across your bottom lip messily and you gladly allow it to explore your mouth.

the air is impossibly thick, heavily contrasting to the cold weather outside the car, even his lips and hands feel warm against your hot body. you feel his hands grip your waist easily in this position, lips leaving your own to drag across the expanse of your jaw. you whine quietly at the feeling of his mouth sucking a particular spot on your neck, tilting your head back as you wrap your arms around his neck. "missed this", he muses, tongue peeking out to kitten lick at your neck, breath hot against your sensitive skin. "missed you."

the feeling in your chest when his hands find their way under your shirt and on to your bare skin is inexplicable, unable to stop the soft moan from tumbling from your lips when his big hands glide over your stomach, back and finally your breasts. everything about the way he's touching you and kissing you is greedy and urgent, like he's afraid you'll disappear from his arms if he loosens his grip even by a little bit. you'd be a fool to not match this energy, pressing into him while you squeeze your hands over his. "need you so bad, jae."

you're subconsciously grinding down against him needily, hips stuttering against his lap like you've never been touched before. "fuck", your eyes widen at the groan that leaves his throat, sounding absolutely guttural as he grips the skin of your hip harshly.

he's barely done anything and you're coming undone right in front of his watchful eyes, your panties dampening at the look on his face. "jae..", you whine when his fingers dip past the waistband of your pants, gently cupping your clothed core as you rut against it. "shit, baby", he marvels at the stickiness of your panties, feeling your wetness on his fingers just through the material. "you really missed me, huh?"

you don't even have the time to respond to his cocky remark before his fingers are slipping beneath the band of your panties to circle your clit, spreading the wetness around your folds. a breathy sigh escapes your lips, throwing your head back as he experimentally prods at your entrance and eventually slips a finger inside. "still so tight for me", he all but groans, pumping his finger in and out of you languidly, drinking in the sounds of your pleasure. he feels so blissfully familiar, and though you haven't been touched by him, or anyone for that matter for months, the stretch of his second finger feels the same kind of intimate as it did before, if not more.

you lean forward and press your lips against his once again, kissing him like you might never get the chance to again, all while you're grinding back down on his hand that's fingering you steadily with a thumb circling your clit at the same time. his free hand moves to bunch your top up above your breasts, peppering kisses over the tops of them. he wastes no time in pulling your breasts free from from their cups, attaching his lips to one nipple and swirling his tongue around it in a way that makes you cry out. "my pretty girl", he mumbles almost to himself while cupping your other breast, making a show out of it as his tongue flicks over your hardened bud over and over until your arching your back and pressing it further into his face. “thought about this all the time.”

keeping in mind that you're still technically in a public place, you bite your lip to contain the sounds of your pleasure, though jaehyun doesn't make it easy when he notices this and increases the pace of his fingers. the hand fondling your breast leaves it unattended for a moment to release your bottom lip from your teeth, smoothing his thumb over the swollen skin. "i've waited months to hear these sounds. let me hear you, baby", he all but purrs and that's all it takes for a moan to tumble out of your mouth, pressing your forehead against the side of his face while you screw your eyes shut out of pleasure.

with his attack on your sensitive buds and his fingers pistoning inside of you, you know you aren't going to last long. "already?", jaehyun chides with a small smirk, and it's embarrassing how well he knows your body, grazing his teeth against your nipple in a way that feels painful and heavenly at the same time. you can feel his rock hard bulge against you, and with the untimely grinding of your hips against him, you're sure this is torturous for him. "don't wanna come like this", you whine against his cheek, your entire body feeling sticky from the heat inside the closed vehicle. your puckered lips leave wet kisses all over the expanse of his cheek, and the boyish giggle that leaves his mouth makes your heart flutter. "wanna feel you, jae."

his head is thrown back against the headrest and his eyes are shut tightly, jaw clenched as he slowly slips his fingers out of you. though you whine at the loss of contact and you're almost grinding against the air, you want nothing more than to make him feel good as well. "want you to fill me up", you coo at him, softly linking your hands behind his neck as you test the waters with your words. it's clear they have an effect on him, both hands placed on your hips as he helps you lazily grind against his erection. "don't– have a condom", he grits out, hips bucking up to meet yours. "don't need one", you murmured immediately, knowing he wants this as bad as you do.

his eyes flicker open at that, one hand leaving your hip to brush some stray hairs away from your face, gently tucking some behind your ear. you could melt at the way he's looking at you, so tender and loving, a warmth spreading all over you until you feel like you have to look away. he doesn't let you however, hand quickly coming you to cup your cheek before leaning in place a small peck against your lips. "are you sure?", he sounds breathless, but still firm as his eyes glance between yours like he's reading them.

if he can read them, he'll know that you can't nod fast enough, dragging your hips across his needily to show him. "i'm sure. i want you, jae.", you're so needy that you don't even bother to take your pants or panties off fully, fingers fumbling with the waistband as you shimmy them down a little, leaving your underwear on. you swear your mouth waters when he unbuttons his pants and lets his cock spring out against his stomach, lustful eyes taking in the way he keeps his shirt up with his teeth. if this weren't such an awkward position, you'd have taken him in your mouth in an instant, knowing exactly what to do to hear the man in front of you whimper.

nudging your panties to the side, he focuses on collecting your wetness all over the tip of his dick, hissing at the contact. "please", you whine, not wanting to waste another moment, finally sighing in relief when he begins to press his cock inside you. he swears under his breath at the feeling, and you're feeling so stretched out just from him slipping it in even though you're still so wet that you just go lax in his arms until he bottoms out. "that's it", he grunts like he's holding back. "taking me so well, angel."

you preen at his praise, finally beginning to move your hips a little at his coaxing. sighing against the shell of his ear, he picks up the pace for you, not warning you before thrusting upwards to meet your movements with a groan. you can feel your mind going blank at the sensation, your moans sounding more like cries whenever he snaps his hips into yours, the obscene sounds filling the car. you're just so full, his hands gliding up and down your sides as he fucks deep inside you, making up for all the lost time. "you feel so good, baby", he barely gets his words out, but it gives you the encouragement to bounce up and down on his thick cock a little faster than before, his eyes widening at the feeling. "just like that."

he's kissing and sucking all over your neck again, lips ghosting over whatever skin he can reach and it's all so much, feeling a single tear stream down your face. he almost slows down for a second when he feels the tear drop on to his own face, eyebrows raised in surprise because he thinks he's hurting you, but he's even more shocked when you let out the high-pitched whine. "what's wrong, angel?", he mumbles into your neck, peering up at you carefully. you shake your head profusely, continuing to grind down on his cock. "i just- just love you so much, jae", you blabber incoherently, so wet that you're practically gushing around his dick.

"aw, baby", he shushes you sweetly, pressing his forehead against yours as his thrusts become more and more erratic. "i'm here. not going anywhere." the coil in your stomach is tightening and you can feel every inch of him inside you, more tears threatening to spill from your eyes before he's kissing them away. "i'm here."

he's hitting all the right spots inside you in this position, and he's basically doing all the work because you're like putty in his strong arms, all you can do is moan and cry out against him weakly. "i'm close", you warn him, but you know he already knows that, and you know he is too, slipping your hand down to where his rests on your hip and interlacing your fingers. "me too, pretty", he sputters through his teeth, giving your hand a tight squeeze as you start to come undone. “want you to cum. can you do that for me?”

"oh my god", you're crying out as you cum around his cock, body and mind going numb and ears ringing as the coil finally snaps. "cum inside me, jae, please", his eyes go wide at the way you're begging him, and he doesn't look like he can hold back much longer. "fuck angel, you- you sure–"

"yes, please, need you to fill me up", you cut him off, too sensitive from the way he's helping you ride out your high to move anymore. with a few more sloppy thrusts, his cock is twitching inside you before you lets out a guttural groan, his warm cum filling you up. you go limp against him, face nuzzled into the crook of his neck as the both of you try to regulate your heartbeats.

the sounds of your heavy breathing fills up the car along with jaehyun's soft murmurs of "so perfect" and "did so well for me". any doubts you had in your mind of this being a mistake in jaehyun's eyes are wiped away when he begins petting your head, gently smoothing your messy hair as he presses firm kisses to your head. his cock softens inside of you but he makes no move to pull out, wrapping his arms around your waist while you do the same around his neck, simply sitting in each other's presence silently.

you struggle but finally pick yourself up, gazing at his moonlit face from your place on his lap. “you okay? was that okay?”, he murmurs softly, his voice thick and eyes hazy as he traces little shapes on your back. “more than okay”, you reply tiredly, pressing your lips against his once again because you feel you’re in a dream-like state right now. you're sure he's the most beautiful man you're ever had the privilege of looking at, feeling incredibly vulnerable when you speak again even though he's looking at you with nothing but love in his eyes. "now what?", you question, suddenly feeling like you've jumped the gun when he opens his mouth to say something but stays silent. "never mind, don't answer that, we'll talk about it later", you shake your head, laughing a little breathlessly when he grins at you, pecking his forehead sweetly.

you look away from him and at your lifeless house, mouth working faster than your brain once again. "would you...want to come in?", you wince, feeling kind of stupid for asking but meaning it anyway. you're both comforted and thrilled when a large grin is plastered on to his face, feeling like maybe your home won't be as lifeless anymore.

"i think i'd love to come in."