#it’s great but it’s also terrible but also Marisha and Laura are so GOOD

[batwingsandblackcats]

Y’all I was so emotional last night watching Imogen and Laudna walk around zadash and shop for new clothes because bookshop au parallels, and I went to bed at the break all fuzzy inside

And then I wake up to “why are you looking at me like that? I love you.”

Can’t leave this party alone for THREE S E C O N D S—

[utilitycaster]

You have a good point. It's just weird that there are so many complains/posts/discussions about Orym, FCG or Ashton and on the other hand, the same people will tell you that "...the CR fandom will always care more for male characters" - well, apparently you do too or why else would you write so much about them and not your favorite relationship? It's just so baffling to me.

YEAH. Wow! It's almost as if you're hostile towards people talking about any flaws Imogen and Laudna have, they'll start talking about the men more because at least they can talk about them! It's almost as if, when you attack everyone who's like "I like Imogen because I think she's engaging with selfishness, which is a theme Laura has explored with incredible depth and nuance with her past characters as well," and claim they clearly hate Imogen, and then turn around and say "I LOVE FCG and Orym I think they're incapable of truly connecting to people because I'm projecting my personal feelings about my right-wing Christian upbringing onto 'guy who is worshiping a chaotic good of freedom' and 'guy who was part of the guard for Keyleth, you know, Keyleth, the character you think no one is allowed to ever question because Marisha got hate in 2017' and they should apologize to Laudna for everything they've ever done but I LOVE THEM" everyone will realize you're a massive hypocrite! It's almost as if, when you make any criticism of female characters taboo, even thoughtful analysis (and yes, thoughtful analysis is subjective, but I promise that the misogynist dudebros of yore do not talk about connecting themes across multiple characters in multiple campaigns; they say Shut Up Dumb Cunt), many people will start talking about the men!

Like...look, I think there are a number of reasons why people are targeting Orym right now, but again, before Orym it was FCG. For a while it was Ashton. Occasionally it's Chetney but usually they just forget about him. Briefly, when Laudna died, it was Fearne for the coin flip. Not on Twitter but on Tumblr some poor coward went to an anonymous vent blog and attempted and failed to start rumors of a ship war. In the end, it's totally fine if you enjoy this ship (and I've had great conversations with a number of people who are like 'it's sweet and cute but I also enjoy the other characters', and I support those people!), but it really feels there is a segment of fans who are less interested in enjoying the ship and more interested in screaming about how not everyone enjoys the ship and that, in turn, only makes it worse, because the reason I don't care for the ship is that there isn't really anything to say about it and there's way more interesting things to be said about the characters as individuals, or about literally every relationship, romantic or platonic. Like, I don't think Orym is terribly complicit - I think he's not perfect in that moment, but who is - but it really isn't about Orym, it's about avoiding the fact that there's not enough canon ship content to frost a mini cupcake and maybe if they throw enough discourse pocket sand in the air we won't notice. Except we are noticing that all they have to talk about is Orym.

[darkdisrepair]

cr3e39: why imogen and laudna didn't need a one on one

this is going to be less organized but i've been thinking about imodna, and seeing a lot of people be disappointed in how little they've talked

here's a breakdown of why that might be the case, and also why i don't necessarily think it's a bad thing...

they've both been through a lot, and if one thing is certain, it's that bell's hells all have very different trauma processing methods and perspectives in general (as shown by laudna and imogen and the gnarl rock situation).

and i think, while i love great rp moments and did really want laura and marisha to act their guts out to each other, i don't think either imogen or laudna are the type of person to really want to talk things out like that?

that's more fcg's deal. and it's also clear that laudna's coping mechanisms with trauma are quiet, and reflective, and stoic, as shown by her moments of stillness with the sun tree in whitestone.

her vocal-ness with the rock was about imogen and that's why it was so loud. but with herself, laudna has always been quiet. she's always tried to put on her best face, and this is no different.

and imogen is also dealing with a lot of shit. she clearly blames herself for eshteross's death, and she's also dealing with being terrified of otohan, and her powers, and her dreams, and thinking about whether or not she should message her mother.

to be honest, i don't think she's equipped to help laudna process everything other than being there for her. i think it would be counterproductive to both of them, actually, to lean on each other because one of them would feel the need to shoulder the other's burdens and not express their own.

in this quiet, i think it's a great time for them to take in each other's presence, and reacclimate. i think there's a lot of grief and guilt surrounding how they both look at each other, and that's not an easy wound to heal.

jumping right back in would be an overload for both of them. i think it's beautiful how even without big conversations that they check on each other- imogen's how are you feeling, and marisha breathing "imogen" when the flare started, before they sorted out that laudna wasn't awake-

they still clearly care a lot about each other. but i think they're also being smart (and a little afraid of hurting the other, but that's another problem) about not overwhelming each other.

--

now, on the romance front- i've read a lot of fanfictions about imogen confessing in the immediate aftermaths of these recent episodes and while i do eat that shit up, and love every single writer who does write that, something makes me think they're not ready.

neither of them.

i don't think imogen is ready, because she is carrying a lot of responsibility, and working with a lot of unknowns about herself. i think she's scared of who she is becoming, and how she's impacting the lives around her.

i think she's terribly guilty, and i think she has a lot of self-loathing. it's interesting- the more imogen's powers grow, i think the less she trusts herself.

she's lost a lot of her sense of self, because she's pushed around so much by the circumstances of the world- and that does not make a good romantic partner-

if they were to get together now, i think subconsciously, imogen would be treating laudna as a way to fear herself less, to hate herself less, to tell her who she is.

and that's not healthy.

on the flip side- i don't think laudna is in a romantic headspace at all. she's said as much about yu- which to me suggests she's on the ace spectrum, at least- and she's just died.

and she also has a lot of guilt about all the time and effort the team put into getting her back- and so i don't think her perspective on a relationship with imogen would be right, either- i think she would feel like she was taking up too much of imogen's bandwith.

"you have bigger things to worry about than me" is something i can imagine laudna thinking, on that front, even if imogen did confess.

laudna seems to not really see herself as her own person, yet. she sees herself as a factor in everyone else's lives, but i don't think she's really lived for herself yet.

where imogen has so much magical power that she's lost her sense of self, laudna doesn't have enough empowerment mentally.

if either of them confessed, i think it would be for the wrong reasons- desperation, time pressure- and i don't think, if they got together now, that they would last until the end of the campaign.

so- do i always watch FOR marisha and laura moments? maybe. but i also think the way things are unfolding make for a healthier dynamic, in the long run.

[nochi-quinn]

campaign 3 episode 58: brb flying to la to steal matt's shins

I got sick again today but I'M TRYING

they got him!!

"we really should give all our producers a raise"

marisha that top

I believe the trope is magipunk but obvs I haven't seen it yet

HOWEVER magipunk is one of my favorite tropes so I'm hoping

game now called Taliesin's Baby

I hate literally every second of this

"teeth, tentacles and terror" hate that too

mapphew strikes again

"the trees have bones"

"we had a real estate agent but they ghosted us" BOO

"it's a bit much"

"I think you grabbed the one that was too big"

augh the wolf snouts coming out of it

"six :D"

HATE THAT NOISE

matt's noises are also hurting my brain so this tracks

nobody gets freaked out by legendary actions like travis gets freaked out by legendary actions

"BUT THAT'S METAGAMING"

"he's actually half butts"

matt says Make Expensive Choices

why does laura sound like she's on Old Timey Radio

I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO

it's a Wet Monster it should take double from lightning

Chew Again

BIT IT AND QUIT IT

"how many of its butts fell off"

guiding bolt upp the butt(s)

FEARNE

"matthew how DARE you roll a natural 20"

NINE

FRIDA

somebody curse matt's dice

trade matt's dice with laura's

frida pulling every available feat out to throw at the meat tower

Action Surge Sharpshooter Grit Point is the fighter version of Reckless Great Weapon Master

"please gif that"

"aRe YoU uSiNg ThE sAmE dIcE"

"say parmesan if you want me to hit him" "PARMESAN"

"OKLAHOMA SAFE WORD"

a whole lot of rules just got flung around and I zoned out in self-defense

"a weird divacup for this massive period stain"

AUNT FLOW

"does it have eyes" "occasionally" "you can't SAY THAT"

hey I hate it

"a roll I wish I had failed"

gay

"tree trunk of skin" [lenny]

"it's not the holy grail!" "if you read enough dan brown - kinda!"

liam is here in spirit

AND ON SAM'S GAS CAN APPARENTLY

"GIVE HER BANGS"

"no, we just got the art"

oh hate

oh HATE

please run. please leave.

it is going to Eat You

"I rolled a 1 but it comes out to 23"

this is the closest we've gotten to matt breaking out an hourglass in a while

"paper - not being humanoid - because it's a piece of paper - "

"it's nOT A DILDO"

"frida - take this down"

CHRISTIAN

"and then I burn the notes and leave" okay arkhan

"just be a little smarter, okay?"

and then it WORKED

"this gargamel motherfucker stealing smurfs"

"I've never read a book. I'm actually older than books."

not the dot matrix printer

"be careful, link….the yuck moon rises once again…"

"I only saw her from the back but my god was she beautiful"

"abs for days"

COBOSO

"I don't know why wizards would have abs"

"it was very sad, he died, clearly"

irl gifts IRL GIFTS

SHIRTS

"I invented polyester"

and in the COLOR SCHEMES

"it's segmented, sepratated" sasha nein's mindscape

"you're a mess"

don't chase the rabbit!

if there are stars when you look down -

everybody gets presents

"it's a sweatshirt made out of wood"

YOU ARE WHO YOU CHOOSE TO BE

"one more?" "…….ka-put"

EVERYBODY GETS PRESENTS

eabria come get your smut

their collective quest to get travis to turn into a tomato

I can't believe this is canon

they almost have to swap back now right. right? this is such a good place to wrap up. please return the other half of the table.

thank you for not being That Guy matt

;-;

HEY MATT??

YOU'VE SUFFERED A TERRIBLE FATE HAVEN'T YOU

the RED END

did fcg just become a champion?

IS DEANNA BEING MADE A CHAMPION?

gods going through their whole rolodex sending out SOSes

I forgot how much of a dick pelor is

I'm sorry, the ~dawnfather~

wait is the spider queen freaking out at opal? is this a disaster on both sides of the aisle?

where's opal, I wanna talk to opal

imogen is the kid who grew up secular and heard about every different religion from pop culture osmosis

(imogen is me)

it's a Stuff-Doing-Coin

see in scripted media her giving him the ring would be an enormous death flag. it still kind of is because I'm a paranoid panda but still

you have to give travis the inventory it's the rules

SDKJFLKSD

matt

THE RTA

sam sploded

this is tonight's real lore drop

just throw a dart at the map

it does DAMAGE?

"why does he say it like that"

MATTHOLOMEW MERCER

"WHAT'S NEW JERSEY"

liam's not even here to do the accent

"that's more fun" FOR WHO

NO FUCK YOU

LAURA

MATT

I HATE EVERYONE HERE

"I can't tell if she's doing a bit"

BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WANTED TO FIGHT THEM IN THE PARKING LOT AFTER THE SHOW BUT HERE WE ARE

[sophielovesbooks]

Sophie’s Exhaustive Dark Academia List

For a while now, since my dark academia rec list was such an unexpected success, I’ve wanted to create a list of all the dark academia books I’m personally aware of, regardless of whether I have already read them, as sort of a resource for the community. I have now done just that!

The titles in bold are the ones I have read. The ones I would especially recommend (which, okay, yeah, are almost all of the ones I’ve read) are in bold and italics. Note that this doesn’t mean I loved absolutely everything about the recommended book, just that I think it was good or worth reading overall. 

If anybody is aware of a dark academia read that didn’t make the list, please leave a comment and I’ll update the list! Thank you! And thank you to everyone who has already recommended titles to me, helping me compile this list! :)

Also, just to be clear: My personal definition of dark academia would be a story that is set at a school or university or focuses heavily on academia otherwise (maybe the characters are in a secret book or debate club, discuss academic topics, something like that) and in which something bad or dark happens. This could be a crime (violent or non-violent), an accidental death, something supernatural going on... Note: Some of the books on the list (meaning of those I haven’t read) might only fit a looser definition of dark academia, e.g. maybe they have a dark subject matter and include some intellectual elements, even if the setting isn’t actually an academic institution. 

And now, without further ado, enjoy!! As I said, I hope this will be a good resource for the dark academia community! And I want to update this list regularly so that it’s as exhaustive as possible! :)

A Beautiful Doom (Laura Pohl)

Academy Gothic (James Tate Hill)

Ace of Spades (Faridah Abike-Ayimide)

A Fatal Inversion (Barbara Vine)

A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder (Holly Black)

A Great and Terrible Beauty (Libba Bray)

A Lesson in Vengeance (Victoria Lee)

An Education in Ruin (Alexis Bass)

A Question of Holmes (Brittany Cavallaro)

A Separate Peace (John Knowles)

As Good As Dead (Holly Black)

A Student of History (Nina Revoyr)

A Study in Charlotte (Brittany Cavallaro)

All Summer in a Day (Ray Bradbury)

As I Descended (Robin Talley)

Bad Habits (Amy Gentry)

Black Chalk (Christopher J. Yates)

Brideshead Revisited (Evelyn Waugh)

Bunny (Mona Awad)

Cat Among the Pigeons (Agatha Christie)

Catherine House (Elisabeth Thomas)

Different Class (Joanne Harris)

Dismantled (Jennifer McMahon)

D.O.G.S. (M. A. Bennett)

For Your Own Good (Samantha Downing)

F.O.X.E.S. (M. A. Bennett)

Gaudy Night (Dorothy L. Sayers)

Gentleman and Players (Joanna Harris)

Girlhood (Cat Clarke)

Give Me Your Hand (Megan Abbott)

Good Girl, Bad Blood (Holly Black)

Good Girls Lie (J. T. Ellison)

Hex (Rebecca Dinerstein Knight)

House of Leaves (Mark Z. Danielewski)

How We Fall Apart (Katie Zhao)

If We Were Villains (M. L. Rio)

In My Dreams I Hold A Knife (Ashley Winstead)

Kill All Your Darlings (David Bell)

Killing November (Adriana Mather)

Miss Pym Disposes (Josephine Tey)

Murder Scholastic (Janet Caird)

Ninth House (Leigh Bardugo)

Party Girls Die in Pearls (Plum Sykes)

Peace Breaks Out (John Knowles)

People Like Us (Dana Mele)

Picnic at Hanging Rock (Joan Lindsay)

Private (Kate Brian)

Shadow of the Lions (Christopher Swann)

Sleepwalking (Meg Wolitzer)

Special Topics in Calamity Physics (Marisha Pessl)

S.T.A.G.S. (M.A. Bennett)

Summer Sons (Lee Mandelo)

The Basic Eight (Daniel Handler)

The Bellweather Revival (Benjamin Wood)

The Book and the Brotherhood (Iris Murdoch)

The Case for Jamie (Brittany Cavallaro)

The Chandler Legacies (Abdi Nazemian)

The Club (Takis Würger)

The Deceivers (Kristen Simmons)

The Devil Makes Three (Tori Bovalino)

The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks (E. Lockhart)

The End of Mr. Y (Scarlett Thomas)

The Furies (Katie Lowe)

The Furies (Natalie Haynes)

The Girls Are All So Nice Here (Laurie Elizabeth Flynn)

The Hand on the Wall (Maureen Johnson)

The Ivies (Alexa Donne)

The Lake of Dead Languages (Carol Goodman)

The Last of August (Brittany Cavallaro)

The Lessons (Naomi Alderman)

The Likeness (Tana French)

The Lying Game (Ruth Ware)

The Maidens (Alex Michaelides)

The Mary Shelley Club (Goldy Moldavsky)

The Night Climbers (Ivo Stourton)

The Orchard (David Hopen)

The Secret History (Donna Tartt)

The Secret Place (Tana French)

The Shadow Year (Hannah Richell)

The Swallows (Lisa Lutz)

The Truants (Kate Weinberg)

The Vanishing Stairs (Maureen Johnson)

The Wave (Morton Rhue)

The Wishing Game (Patrick Redmond)

The Wyndham Case (Imogen Quy)

The Year of the Gadfly (Jennifer Miller)

These Violent Delights (Micah Nemerever)

They Never Learn (Layne Fargo)

They Wish They Were Us (Jessica Goodman)

T.I.G.E.R.S. (M. A. Bennett)

Truly Devious (Maureen Johnson)

Trust Exercise (Susan Choi)

Very Bad People (Kit Frick)

White Ivy (Susie Yang)

Without Anette (Jane B. Mason)

[the-punslinger]

Critical Role Quotes and Memorable Moments - Campaign 2 (111/?)

Travis: "If you teleport into a busy place, like a bar, and you pick a location where someone's standing, what happens to them?" Sam: "They disintegrate." Marisha: "That's a good question." Travis: "Is that true?" Matt: "No, they get shunted into the next occupied space." Travis: "I don't like that one." Liam: "There might get a little bit of a head knock and then..." Matt: "And if they can't move, then the teleport fails." Laura: "Ooh!" Travis: "Got it." Marisha: "Like when they send one too many kids down the water slide."

Jester: "Yeah, you remember the last time the three of us wandered off?" Veth: "We're fine. Nobody died horrible deaths." Jester: "It went great." Yasha: "And I can always contact you if we need you." Veth: "That's true. Test it out right now?" Yasha: "I walk 10 feet over on the side of the room." Veth: "I sneak up closer so I can hear her." Yasha: "Hello, Veth. This is me. Can you hear me?" Veth: "I sneak back really fast. Of course I could hear you, every word."

[Jester waking up her parents who are in the same bedroom] Jester: "So are you totally good here? Did you want to come stay at a cemetery instead, maybe, for a week?" The Gentleman: "What?" Jester: "There's this really beautiful cemetery. There's lots of flowers and it's glow-y and there's trees and it's totally isolated. It's like a little cottage-y sort of getaway if you wanted a little week long vacation or something." The Gentleman: "That does sound quite adorable. Is it like a private affair for the two of us?" Laura: "No, there will be a whole family of... And, like, a lot of other like my friends and stuff."

Laura [rolling a check]: "Persuasion... 15, that's honestly not terrible." Travis: "You're not selling him on your roll! Get the fuck outta here!" Marisha: "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Travis: "'That's honestly not terrible.'"

Laura: "Side note. I'm going to go whisper up into my mom's ear: 'I am a registered cleric. If ever you need ceremonies performed or anything like that... Also, I know a really beautiful isla-.'" Matt: "She puts her hand over your mouth and goes: 'Babenon, we're going to just go for a little walk and mother-daughter talk if you don't mind."

[finnskeeper]

Critical Role - Campaign 1 (Thoughts Machina): Episodes 112-115

AKA: THE END IS NIGH

ROFL Scanlan with a 31 Charisma check...God Tier

DO NOT KILL J'MON

Is that a fucking DRACOLICH MATTHEW??

A million plans, none of them work. Peak D&D

ROFL Kiki rolling a 1 on her Stealth check then full on crossed arms Dracula falling into the earth as an earth elemental to escape is so good and I love her for it

VEX YOU HAVE THE GATE STONE. VEX. YOU HAVE THE GATE STONE.

Well that definitely happened

Vax don't go back. If you go back to the door, Vecna will know where the door is!

I love the mental image of ethereal Vex jumping around the sword's location as earth elemental Kiki searches frantically

All of these failed investigation checks - I'm convinced this is why Marisha made a high Int character for C2

Sam what are you wearing on your head?

Cosmic Bear!

Hey there Delilah...

AND SYLAS?

BITCH BYE

Man, Grog seriously needs to stop talking to swords

It's such a trip to hear them talking about Artagan

Marisha in C1: Maybe Artagan will help us! He liked us before! Marisha in C2: If I see Artagan, I'm going to punch him in the face.

"I wish to strangle you until death." Entire table loses it.

"This is so fucked up." MATT YOU DID THIS

Oh god...Liam is doing goodbye stuff.

Oh, this guest PC is cool

Fuck you Delilah!

Hey Sylas got away. Surely that's not going to come back to bite them.

Undead Delilah!! That is terrible and great

Aldor?!?  NOOOOO

Oh god...is Lyra okay? WHAT ABOUT ZAHRA AND KASH?

MATTHOLOMEW

Oh...oh no...Kaylie and Cassandra...that is super fucked up

Laura is a WRECK

MATT YOU ARE EVIL

WE JUST FIXED THAT TEMPLE

Okay, but that sundered map is dope

Oooohhh...poor Velora. We can fix that later.

Travis: "Matt, Matt, let's just...call a truce."

LET'S GOOOOOOO....I'm so glad Kash and Z are okay

Aaaaaand they're gone

WHAT BABY, ZAHRA??

Man, it would have been so cool if Matt could have figured out a way to kaleidoscope all of the season's guest stars into the finale. I know it's not feasible, but my nerd heart can dream.

How in the world is there still an hour and a half to go?

"I was gonna save Vax." awww...Scanlan...bud-dee

LIAM STAHP

ROFL bye Arkhan

Oh Kash...I have missed your quirky sense of humor

Uh...Grog? You maybe wanna put that sword down?

Do we really need to think about Sylas right now? You guys just defeated a god. Take a breather.

Oh god...it's gonna happen soon...I'm not ready

PIKE!

Oh here we go...Marisha is already a mess

Percy no...that's not...

Liam has begun his goodbyes....how long can I maintain composure (it's a trick question, I never had it)

MATT'S CRYING...GODDAMMIT MATT I CANNOT HANDLE THIS ALREADY

"I will tell your mother that you say hello." I am now a blubbering mess.

Level 20 baby

"I know it's arcane. Shut up, it's fine." ROFL I love Allura

GROG

I love Matt's face. He was not prepared for this.

ROFL, you pulled the worst card but it's the last ep so we'll just gloss over that and say you're okay. EPILOGUE TIME

Scanlan and Pike HEA? More likely than you think.

Tary!

ROFL Marisha's face when Grog turned himself in...

Man, I was mostly okay until LIAM started crying...

"And every day that raven comes to visit" is such a badass closing line to this campaign. Well done.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

So much more of the fandom makes sense now, as do some of the C2 jokes. My friend is just starting C2, and she posts all of the jokes and nods to C1 and I totally get them now! All in all, I’m kind of glad I watched C2 first, but I am also glad to have experienced C1. Though I do wonder what my reaction would have been to the Artagan reveal had I known who he was from the beginning.

Next up for me is getting caught up on all of the one-shots and smaller sesh stuff like Undeadwood.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E91 (Jan. 21, 2020)

Good evening, everyone! Sorry about missing last week; @eponymous-rose​ was out of town and I had some other commitments. Regardless, here we are! Brian is looking handsome and cold, as are Sam & Travis on the couch. Everyone is wearing coats. Is the heat broken?

That said, tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham & Sam Riegel.

Brian starts us off asking Sam if he’s remaking the Wire in Beverly Hills. Sam basically embodies that hello fellow kids meme tonight in a hand-knitted beanie from his wife, a bomber jacket, a yellow tee, and skinny jeans. They quickly photoshop in smoke trailing out of his mouth. We’re just a few minutes in and this is off the rails already.

Announcements: The next issue (#5) of Vox Machina comics comes out Wednesday, Feb. 19! It’s also available online at Dark Horse Digital and Comixology. And that’s it! Huh.

Episode 91: Stone to Clay

Brian tells us this is the first time ever to have Sam & Travis alone on Talks. I’m stunned and so are they. Sam says, “between me, Brian, Dani, and Travis right now, there’s four tens on this show right now.”

We’re already into questions less than ten minutes into the show. Truly this is a remarkable night.

63 in game days and 21 episodes passed between Caduceus’s first mention of Stone (episode 71) and Fjord connecting the dots. Travis blames the internet connection and his really bad ADHD night, as that was the night he and Laura remoted in from the hotel.

Brian tells us that when Ashley used to skype in, she could only see Matt & couldn’t see or really hear anyone else.

Travis says there was a huge delay for him between mouths moving and the audio coming through, and then that audio was pretty distorted. Laura could handle it okay, but Travis just heard a jumble and couldn’t parse it.

Sam took a CBD bath the other day and found it exactly as relaxing as a normal bath. Sam & Travis commiserate about taking baths only to have their knees pop out of the water. Tall people problems smh

Caleb & Nott completed the spell in less than a week, including dealing with the Angel of Irons & brokering peace treaties. Travis though the laughter was going to be Helas.

Travis says he definitely didn’t hear the name the first time (he remembered dust but not stone from the lava pits). “Look! Yes! No, I was not listening before! Thursday nights are my times to enjoy my friends and food! Marisha is an amazing note-taker; why would I ever take my own? This is how I got through college!”

Sam says he keeps a mission checklist in his head and has for ages. He has a page in his notebook labeled “To Do” that includes things like visiting Kiri or Shakaste, in case they have downtime and need ideas.

Travis asks if he continues writing in his (apparently) very small handwriting, and Sam says he has to leave room for Laura to draw all her dicks. They all marvel that she is actually a very good artist.

Travis honestly still thinks the Stone name is a huge coincidence, especially since Taliesin didn’t have access to Fjord’s last name when he created Caduceus’s last name and backstory. Sam challenges Travis that even if that were true, doesn’t he think Matt will find a way to tie it together?

Travis says Fjord doesn’t want anything to do with the last name and it’s not even his real name. He’s not convinced this isn’t a coincidence.

Travis did a lot of research into orphanage naming conventions when coming up with Stone. He does have a backstory as to how the orphanage manager picked Stone as his name.

Travis thinks Matt would have emphasized the Stone name more sooner if it had been a true connection and not coincidence.

Brian: “He does like to take credit for coincidences, doesn’t he?”

Nott didn’t think there was a catch in the ritual; Sam was more surprised they were allowed to achieve the milestone at all. He was shocked it happened so soon in the story and that the spell is relatively easy to cast.

He didn’t know it would fail, but there was a moment when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with it. Travis agrees everyone was shocked when it didn’t work.

Fjord’s current stance on faith and destiny hasn’t changed since the last time he discussed it. Faith is a slow thing for Fjord and he really does think the name is a coincidence.

Sam as a player is excited to see what comes next for Nott; “if she had been transformed into Veth at that moment, I would have been excited to see what comes next. The fact that it’s still Nott makes me excited too. I’m excited to see more of Nott since she’s the best character in the M9.” He also confesses he was a bit relieved, in part because it’s delayed the inevitable. At some point she must decide if she is going to stay or go with the M9.

Cosplay of the Week: @kajicosplays​ on instagram of a lovely lady Percy. Brian: “Isn’t it fun when Taliesin’s characters live?”

Deep down, Nott knows she will do the transformation at some point, but at that last moment where she had to make a decision she had to check in with herself to make sure she was ready. Sam Riegel as a D&D player also knows that you have to trust your DM and make choices.

Brian misreads the word “ribbing.” Sam teaches Travis what rimming is. We all learn a lot about each other.

Sam thinks Fjord can realize when the time comes to set jokes aside. He thinks Fjord was very respectful. Travis has honestly forgotten that the conversation took place.

Travis has Dani answer from Fjord’s perspective. It’s actually pretty insightful, talking about how Fjord recognized someone hesitant to give up these newfound powers that have become intrinsically tied to self-worth.

Fjord has always been loyal, and Travis sees his protectiveness of the M9 as a logical extension of this.

Right now, he has found some agency & self-direction and is hopeful to share that sense with everyone else (he especially mentions Yasha).

Sam & Travis start quoting from Half-Baked. This is chaos.

Nott does want to stay with the M9, but she also wants to go home for sure, both of those things. The kiss with Caleb wasn’t necessarily a goodbye; it felt like the closing of a chapter. It felt like something to mark the end of the experience.

Now they’re quoting Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, boy.

“You look like you wrote Pitch Perfect.” When did this turn into a roast?

Fjord has no memories earlier than the orphanage (The Driftwood Asylum). There were a couple dozen kids there aside from him; Travis thinks some of them might have been named Stone. It also operated as a small child-labor workshop for carpentry & woodshop stuff. “It was a terrible place all around.” He has no images of parents or being dropped off.

Sam thought the Nott transformation would be more endgame, though he feels it makes sense that it’s not. “While Nott transforming into Veth was my original goal, what’s great about these long games is that your goals can change two or three times before the end. Now I can explore all these other things: does she want to go back and be a housewife? How does she rectify her obligations to her husband and child to the life that she’s made with the M9? It’s so exciting and interesting.”

Brian asks a hypothetical: if she could transform back but lose all Nott’s memories, would she do it? Sam: “Oh, that’s tough. I don’t know.”

Fanart of the Week: a lovely piece by @pen_draws with everyone in the hot tub.

Travis is very trepidatious about returning to the open ocean after rejecting Uk’otoa. He wants to make sure the third temple is sealed. It feels like it would be too easy for someone not to come and try to collect the job he left half-finished. He also wants to go back to Darktow.

Sam doesn’t know if Nott is still in love with Yeza, although she definitely still loves him. He’s playing with the idea of a high school sweetheart being exposed to the world and then going back home. But Yeza’s amazing, a great guy, perfect. “I guess we’ll find out when/if she turns back into Veth.” Sam feels guilty talking about him. “He’s a fictional character and I feel guilty that he might be watching the show.”

Neither Nott nor Fjord trust Essek. Travis: “He just went from being cold and aloof to being really warm. I know there’s been time and he’s lived an isolated life, but...time will show if he’s being genuine. All of our haunches were up. All of us were on level five alert.” He’s being so helpful that Travis doesn’t trust Mercer with him.

Fjord never ever considered becoming a paladin of the Traveler. “No. Fuck no!” The Wildmother reached out and directly intervened to save him. Travis gets super creepy bad vibes from the Traveler’s relationship with Jester (Sam agrees).

Nott feels more pressure when her own problems become the focus. It’s hard for her to open up and talk about her feelings. She’d rather pick up on other people’s problems. Sam also acknowledges it’s more pressure on him (and anyone) as a player when the whole table is looking at you.

And that’s that! Is it Thursday yet?

[fivegoldpieces]

Talks Machina at Gen-Con Q&A Highlights

Note: This only has the audience q&a portion. Cast answers are transcribed, side-comments and banter are only included if they are relevant to/answer the question posed. Apologies in advance to mobile-users if the read-more doesn't work - this is tagged as #long post if you want to blacklist it.

[[MORE]]

Q: For Matt; might we expect any possible homebrew releases coming out in the next year or so, like dunamancy?

Matt: I have plans. I can't say anything because I want things to be cool and surprising. But I have plans don't worry. It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't have time, but I'm working on it.

Q: For Taliesin; what would make Caduceus really angry?

Taliesin: I will say that he can get angry. It does happen. Juvenile disrespect does eventually get to him. Not a fan of pranking. I mean, you know, everybody's got some layer - there's some stuff. No one's that serene all the time. No one.

Q: For Taliesin; at the end of the Call of Cthulhu oneshot, you mentioned that you had a lot of mouse traps set up. I was just wondering, were the shadow people the most dangerous thing they could've released, or was there a more dangerous horror waiting that they managed to avoid?

Taliesin: I mean, if the cats had been released first, that would have definitely been an interesting thing. The cats would have been a problem. Also, if somebody had died really early, I was setting up a series of rules for dead players to continue to interact, which would have been really really unhappy and bad. And terrible rules for the things that were living behind the glass, and if you were stuck behind the glass, you were right there with them and they could really mess with you. Thankfully none of that happened.

Q: For Matt; you have the Tal'dorei Campaign Setting - I was wondering if you were going to do one for The Mighty Nein campaign?

Matt: I don't have a lot of time. Campaign settings are extensive. I'd like to eventually do something like that. I have materials, it's just assembling them in a way that can be legible by a non-crazy human being that I am. Hopefully! We'll see as time goes on. At the moment, we're consumed with this animated series that you guys helped make happen. Super excited about that. Keep an eye out as time goes on, because hopefully I'd like to get around to that. That'd be awesome.

Q: For Matt; what the hell was up with the undead vibe on Jamedi Cosko?

Matt: Yeah, that's crazy huh? That's a pretty weird thing. Yeah, there was something about him that gives off an undead vibe. Wonder what that means? I appreciate the question, but I don't know if that'll come back into play in some time. Let's see if it gets explored at some point, and if not at least I could tell you at the campaign wrap-up.

Q: For Travis; for the animated series, a lot of the characters have iconic catchphrases so I was wondering how you're going to translate "I would like to rage"?

Travis: Are we going to "translate" that? I think he's just going to say "I would like to rage". Yeah, we are definitely keeping iconic lines, moments, interactions, all those things will be there just as they were.

Taliesin: I'll also add to that - if you want to see somebody doing that and taking things that shouldn't actually work in-game and making them work in-game, Jody Houser is doing a great job in the comic book series of making you feel like somehow Matt is intertwined in everything that happens, it's kind of cool. Check it out!

Q: For Taliesin; a lot of comparisons have been thrown around between Fjord and Percy, and something that I noticed was Uk'otoa is being much more insistent than Orthax was - do you think if Orthax was as insistent and as keen on punishment, Percy might've gone a similar direction as Fjord?

Taliesin: Honest to God, and this is just from watching, I don't think Percy had nearly as strong a will as Fjord does. Watching Travis play Fjord was definitely like, "I did not have the balls to pull that off, oh my God." Percy was never about the hard choice, it was always about "what's the option C that I haven't figured out yet, there's a way to game my way out of this, if I just keep talking I can get everything to work" until the very end. Like chicken? Percy doesn't play chicken.

Laura (using Vex's voice): From firsthand knowledge, Percy does curtail very easily.

Matt: If you actually recall, Percy didn't even make the choice. Scanlan did for him.

Q: For Laura; when can we get a Caduceus tea set?

Laura: Oh, I heard a lot of "ooh's". Who would buy a Caduceus tea set? [audience applause] Well, shit, maybe I should look into it.

Sam: That's so many more people than who voted for me.

Brian: Not to be That Guy, lets just see how long his character lives, before we start making merchandise around him.

Q: For Sam; you are kind of the king of over-the-top and ostentatious whether it be with your character design, or your flasks, or things like that, and especially your outfits at the live events - how do you come up with these over-the-top creations and also how on earth do you plan on topping last night?

Sam: That last part will be hard. I think next year, I'll either come out totally naked or I'll just be so basic - pleated khakis, a polo shirt, I don't know. That outfit last night, it was pieced together from several different stores, I'm sure CritRoleCloset will figure it out at some point. But it was a challenge putting that together. And then, my fellow cast members, like two weeks after I bought all that weird stuff I wore, they were like, "hey let's go goth". So. Fuck you guys.

Q: For Travis; with Fjord's recent decision, do you see him changing outfits to fit his new or old persona?

Travis: I don't think so. Most of Fjord's armor was very piece-mail stuff that he got either from working on the docks, or stuff that he got from Vandren, or items that he was given just as he sort of accrued time and responsibility where he worked. I think that stuff's very dear to him, especially coming from an orphanage where he didn't have any possessions, so all those things that are actually his are very dear to him. He might add to those things, but I think underneath they'll stay there. He might augment them or change them a little bit, in the same way you would draw on your jeans in school or whatever, but that stuff's his so it means a lot to him.

Q: For Travis; after Fjord severed his pact with Uk'otoa, was there a larger fear in telling Beau and Jester what had happened, since he had been traveling with them the longest out of the Nein, or did his journeys with the Nein make that fear equal across all of the party?

Travis: I think actually he was worried about telling Beau and Jester the least, and maybe Caduceus in there as well. He knew he would hear about it from Nott, and Caleb had already sort of started to call him on his shit and saw through a lot of that stuff. He also regards the group as very powerful, so I think a lot of it is turning to his very powerful and talented friends and saying, "I don't have any of that anymore, I hope I can still play with you guys." Legit though, the response was amazing. It was absolutely incredible. Jester is so gregarious and loving and joyful and exuberant that I don't think he was worried about that, I think he was actually looking forward to telling her as one of the first people to know. And Beau is second-mate, so like ride-or-die or right?

Q: For Taliesin; I can totally be wrong for this, but just reading body language and facial features, there do seem to be moments where you're kind of just like, "I'm done with this" - I just kind of want advice, like how do you keep playing when your energy level might be low or you don't like where the story is going?

Taliesin: Oh, that is never "I'm done with this", what you're seeing is the "I'm trying to make sure no one notices that I'm reading my backstory notes". That's me reading, frantically. I'm a big believer in terror, terror is a great way to keep me up. "Oh God, I don't remember anybody's name, oh God how many siblings do I have oh God."

Marisha: Well, also you write your backstories like the Silmarillion, it's like, so intense. I'm like "my dad was mean to me" like that's my backstory.

Q: For Sam; based on the amazing reaction we've had to your DnDBeyond theme and the Critical Role theme, when can we expect a parody version of the 2010 hit "Like a G6" by Far East Movement as "Like a d6"?

Sam: Oh wow, that's good.

Marisha: Not to be that person, it already exists. The Library Bards did it. So, you should check it out. I mean, do a cover, Sam, I don't know.

Sam: There are more songs incoming, just so you know.

Q: For Matt; you say dunamancy can alter the reality and the fate of the person that wields it - is this an affront to the Raven Queen?

Matt: I would say, given the fact that elements of dunamancy deal with the manipulation of probability, destiny, things like that, the Raven Queen is probably not that cool with dunamancy. Just throwing that out there. One of the few things she's probably like, "Really, guys?" So yeah, I'd say you're on the right track.

Q: For Laura and Travis; do you talk to Ronin about your campaign?

Laura: So, Ronin, every Thursday night he stays with a babysitter at home, but he watches the opening of the show. Like, he loves the theme song so much. I sing it every time I change his diaper.

Travis: Same, like I know there's songs that parents sing to their kids - he's heard the damn theme song every day of his life.

Brian: But do you guys change the lyrics though, like "You shit your pants, I'm cleaning it up now", you know what I mean?

Liam: My kids bust into that song constantly. We cannot play a board game or anything. Someone goes "it's your turn" "TO ROLL" every time.

Q: For Marisha; I'm a huge fan of Jocks Machina and hopefully we'll get to see them on the channel one day - will Beau ever join Jocks Machina?

Marisha: What are the requirements, are there prerequisites for joining Jocks Machina? You're kind of the authority on this.

Travis: Guns. Abs. Likes to lift heavy things. Likes to break a sweat. Likes to whoop that ass.

Marisha: Check. Check. ...Check? Check. Hell yeah.

Q: For Matt; this is a rather involved conspiracy theory question, so excuse me - last year when the party was in Shady Creek Run at the Landlocked Lady Inn, they first arrived and there was a doorman named Champ who Keg knew. The next morning, they went down and there was a new doorman who said he'd been working for the Marduns for a few months and had bright red curly hair and vibrant green eyes and acted rather enigmatic and shady and shifty and was saying they should listen more and that he hoped that whatever they were after, they were on the right path. Later, once they recover everyone, Jester is asking the Traveler where he was, and he says he was always there. So my question is this: was that character the Traveler in disguise?

Matt: [several moments of silence]

Matt: That'd be pretty interesting, huh? That's a unique observation. I will confirm nor deny.

Q: For Matt; now that Fjord has effectively broken up with Uk'otoa, what do you think would be a more compelling storyline, or what are you most interested to see: him continue to take levels in warlock, possibly with an Archfey patron, or paladin...?

Matt: Part of what I really enjoy about this game is how the players continuously surprise me. I'm down to see what journey Travis wants to take. I'm curious to see how he takes this next path in his journey and which elements he wants to maintain, what direction he wants to go - he seems to be really finding interest in the Wildmother and talking to Caduceus about that, and that's kind of been an element of breaking that pact at the time, so I'm curious if he's going to continue down that path or see this as a blank slate to continue to grow. I'm interested to see the different decisions that Fjord takes, and Travis does through Fjord, and kind of adjust and build the narrative for that character around that. I can't say I have a specific path that I'm hoping for, because I have no idea what Travis's direct interest is, beyond just the actions he's taken in the game. Yeah, I'm just excited to see where it goes. I really love the idea of not knowing that as the Dungeon Master. As much as it's me building and world-planning, many of you out there who run games as GM know the most exciting part of the game is after all that prep, coming to the table and the players completely surprise you, and you kind of have to think on your feet and go with it. That's the best part of the game for me.

Q: For Marisha; what inspired you to play Beau a bit more shaken about her near-death than some of the other characters?

Marisha: Well, I was at 2 hit points the whole time - Liam can attest to that. So you know, I was kind of role-playing that. Shit's crazy man.

Q: For Liam; so you play your characters, both Vax and Caleb, very emotionally without any hesitation, and you're an experienced actor. What I wanted to ask was, something that people who try to emulate Critical Role don't realize that can happen when you try to put yourself into the character and get emotionally invested is character bleed. I was wondering how you deal with that, if you do at all. Like, if something really emotionally devastating happens to Vax or to Caleb, how does it affect you and how do you deal with it?

Liam: These feel like synthetic memories, so any time the superimposed fantasy friend gets killed or has to leave or whatever happens - that shit we carry around and get upset about. Every time we leave on a cliffhanger and someone's gonna die, we think about it constantly. Vax helped me sort through things, but made me more loyal and determined and willing to take chances - which in life I generally try to avoid conflict. Caleb, I still kind of drive around and think about him and still go, like "why did you do that?" He's really messed up, if I just think like, fireballs and cats like it's fun, and we can make dick jokes and it's fun. But if I really take a minute, I just go "Oh". I feel bad for him, I feel really bad for him. I have fun playing the game, and I love these guys, and I feel bad for my character.

Follow-up Q: Do you have ways that you learned to process that, like if you're at home feeling bummed about something that happened on a Thursday night, and you're like "man I need to get out of this funk"?

Liam: Yeah, I pull my head out of the game. I'll play a game with my kid, or watch a movie with my wife, or go running. Running is great. Not for your knees, but everything else. Or spend time with these guys out of the game. There's lots of ways. We're really invested in their stories, so it sort of drags along like coattails wherever we go.

Matt: To give you examples too, when he says "hanging out with friends", the group that's there, your friends that are in this game that you trust enough? You should all also support each other when those dark moments happen outside of the game. Whenever we lose a character in the game, we have like a wake. We go to an Irish pub that we go to often in Burbank, and we all get drinks and we have a wake for that character. And it's part of that process too. Even though it's imaginary, there's a part of that experience and journey that's come to an end and that deserves its respect as well, and we're all there to support the player. As a playing group, be there for your friends who may be going through that experience, because even though it is make-believe and it's a game, that is still a loss. And that's not a bad thing either. Loss is an important thing to process, because life comes with loss. Part of the wonderful experiences of role-playing games is that it allows us a safe space to explore very positive and very negative emotions in a healthy way and make us better people for it. So just be there for them, be supportive, and be the best friends and co-players you can be.

Liam: Part of the reason, I think, that we get upset when these fictional characters are killed is because we're playing this game of imagination together, and we form a chemistry together where we're like "we get to do this together, and it's always like this, and you're always funny like that, and you're always intense like this" and we really love that chemistry. Then somebody gets killed and they're gone, and that chemistry, which is something that we're like addicted to and love, that chemistry is gone. Like, when Molly was gone. Beau and Molly had this great "fuck you" "fuck you" butting heads thing - that's gone. We're actors, but anyone who plays this game extensively, you love the sort-of second life that you create for yourself and then when the character is gone, you don't have that unique mix anymore.

Q: For Laura; I really love how you play Vex and Jester, even though as two characters, they're pretty different from each other. But sometimes, you have an instance where like, your Laura shows. So I actually just wanted to ask, what was the biggest disconnect you've ever experienced between player versus character? If you've ever felt like, you as a person, as a player, would never ever make a choice in a situation versus what your character would do in that same situation.

Laura: I feel like everything my characters do, I wouldn't do in real life. Like, especially Jester. Travis and I have had these conversations: the joy of playing a character like Jester or like Grog, where you don't have to filter yourself - everybody, I assume, has these random really stupid things that pop up in your brain and you don't say them because everyone would judge you, and they're weird - and as these characters, you just embrace it, and it is so much fun. Talk about character bleed - it is an issue that I deal with now, because Jester has had that effect on me, and so I tend to say stupider things in real life now. No, but I would never deface anything in public, I would never steal anything.

Travis: You're not gonna attach any dicks on the walls.

Laura: I would not attach a dick to a wall in public. Or anywhere. I do eat a lot of donuts though, that's on me.

Q: For Matt; we've explored several places in the multiverse in your games, like the City of Brass, the Feywild, places like that - are there any places in the multiverse like the Astral Sea or somewhere that you, either as a player or as a GM, would have liked to have gone but have never had the time or resources to do?

Matt: Interesting. I do have some places that I really would like to explore, whether in this campaign or campaigns down the road. Astral Sea is interesting, it's a really weird amorphous plane, and I just love the prospect of one day throwing an Astral Dreadnought at these poor guys. He's my second to the Tarrasque. Oh they're fun, they're a good time. I've always loved Planescape. The City of Sigil would be great for obvious reasons of course. So I can be like, "no guys, this is where I learned my wrong pronunciation". But the City of Doors is awesome. Lady of Pain is a great element. Those who watched the Search for Bob oneshot, there was a Lady of Pain reference dropped in there. If you missed it, you can go back and look. Maybe there's a few doors in Sigil that lead to Exandria, who knows. Think about that for your home campaigns, huh? I want to go into some deep Abyssal planes too. We've been to the City of Dis, we've seen a little bit of the Nine Hells of Baator, though maybe not the harsher places. There's so many to explore!

Q: For Sam; Matt has said on Twitter that one of the ways you guys handle the pressures of the Kickstarter and the intense dramatic moments in the campaign is by checking in with each other and checking in on each other's mental health. I know you take on a lot of responsibilities with doing the DnDBeyond ads and the songs that you write and also your characters are often joking around with other characters and giving them a hard time so I was wondering, from your perspective, if you could give some details, without giving away anything too personal, on how to properly mentally check-in with your fellow players and just help everybody and check that everybody is doing okay.

Sam: Well, I'm learning from these guys, as we go, how best to do that. I'm weird in that, as weird as I am on-screen, I don't really talk very much when we're off-screen, or I keep my stuff to myself, more than some of these guys do. But they have, in the last few years, helped me sort of connect more with my best friends here. You know, we do check in a lot with each other, thanks to Matt and thanks to all of us. For instance, yesterday morning we all had breakfast together. It was really nice - we just talked about stuff, and it was just great to just sort of reconnect with everybody. I'm not an expert at this in any way, and in fact, on this stage, I am the least good at it, but I have endeavoured to become better at it. Opening yourself up to your friends and feeling comfortable enough to share your past or your worries for the future with your friends and not getting any judgement back is like, the greatest gift. If you have that with one person, it's amazing. If you have that with all of these people? Holy moly, it's the greatest thing in the world. I've tried to be better at sharing my stuff with them and being there for them. That's all I can do.

Q: For Marisha; in campaign one with Vox Machina, there's a lot of powerful badass lady NPCs, so if by chance, it all worked out timewise, who do you think Beau would be most likely to have a crush on?

Marisha: Kima. Yeah. Keyleth very much emulated Allura, and really looked up to her and kind of looked at her as a powerful female figurehead and took notes for leadership through her. Beau would just wanna fuck.

Q: For Liam; what do characters do in the campaign that you find funny no matter how old it gets?

Liam: Everybody throw in on this one. I'll never get over Laura waggling her eyebrow every third word in the game.

Taliesin: Slow snicker every time there's even vaguely a possibility of a dick joke.

Travis: I'd say every time there's a pain reaction out of Nott. It is hysterical to me.

Liam: I like any time, just the concept of death comes up or Molly - anywhere, in the game, out of the game - one of these people would be like, "Like you, you're dead!"

Laura: Uk'otoa.

Q: For Laura; do you think the volcano would be a good spot for Traveler on?

Laura (using Jester's voice): Okay here's the thing. Like, I totally did at first and I need to talk to him, because I think that now it's probably not, because it wasn't very expansive really, as big as I thought it would be, and there wasn't like a lot of beds, and like, no real good food. So, I don't know how many people are coming, but like, even just getting to the nearest hotel was really difficult, you know?

Matt: I love the idea that half of your sketchbook is Jester's tiny Yelp reviews of locations in Wildemount.

Q: For Laura; with all of the throwback to Vox Machina and Whitestone in the week before, how are you feeling with all of it?

Laura: I'm feeling very nostalgic.

Laura (using Vex's voice): Also, I would love for everyone to come visit.

Marisha (using Keyleth's voice): Me as well.

Laura (using Jester's voice): And also, if we did, I think we would cause a lot of problems.

Marisha: New pitch - Travelercon at Whitestone. We know the food is good, lots of lodging and room and board, no dead people in trees anymore.

Laura: All of the residuum that you could ever hope for.

Brian: And endless booze.

[Panel end]

[cameoamalthea]

On DMs, Players, and Trust

“Of all the themes I want to explore, the Traveler-Jester relationship is one that I’m being very careful with. It can go into a dark path, which I don’t want to, and I don’t want it to even lean that way.”

— Matthew Mercer in Talks Machina Episode 146 - Discussing Up to c2e109 (via icouldbeherpocketbacon)

Matt Mercer is a good DM. And I don’t mean that in a he’s a professional actor with years of experience in VO work that makes him especially gifted at portraying NPCs or even a talented DM with years of experience crafting dungeons, building encounters, planning stories and running games. You don’t need that to be a good DM. 

What you do need is to always respect your players and their experience, and try to make sure everyone at the table is having fun. That you’re all having fun together because at the end of the day you’re playing a game.

A couple of weeks ago I saw a take that really bothered me and has been sort of eating at me:

[Artagan is] not a person with whom anyone would start a relationship like Jester has, knowing him as a person. He was her childhood best friend, the one who was there for her when she was alone. And what a brilliant trap Matt has set that Laura is rising to so masterfully- Jester is so determined to stick with him despite everything Laura knows, and she keeps rising to his level over and over again

And now that I can articulate why, I want to talk about it (without hijacking @wellbustmybuffers post. Also this isn’t a call out. But I’m also not gonna vague post or not attribute the points I’m responding to because if you want to want to anything I say, then you should be informed of this post so you can, if you want : ) )

Matt did not trap Laura. A DM should not set ‘traps’ for players that override their agency. 

Literal traps in a dungeon are fine because everyone is sitting down and consenting to play a game where you as players explore dungeons and face dangers, including traps. Your characters can die through bad rolls or poor choices, that’s part of the game everyone agrees to play together. However, a DM should NEVER force a player into a role playing a scenario they did not sign up to play or could make the player uncomfortable.

There are plenty of DND horror stories out there, and a lot of them stem from this kind of behavior. A DM kills a player’s animal companion off screen because they think animal companions are OP, causing a player to leave in tears. Or (TW rape, bigotry, homophobia, sexism, everything) a DM who crosses every line imaginable.  And even outside of worst case horror stories, putting players in a situation where they don’t get to play a game they enjoy or are forced into situations they didn’t anticipate is not good. Of course, players can consent to play whatever type of game. If you want a backstory where you’re a warlock of a mysterious force that you know nothing about and the DM asks, are you cool if the mysterious patron might be evil, then that’s cool. Like whatever the players find cool and interesting is fine. You want to play a drow or a goblin in a world where they are hated and feared and play with having to disguise yourself and deal with hatred - again that’s cool. But you don’t inflict conflicts on the player they didn’t sign up for. If they want to play a goblin for fun and want acceptance/don’t want to rp racism, respect that.

It would not be ok if Matt saw that Laura had a backstory where her god was her mysterious imaginary friend and she loved him and then he sprung it on her that her best friend was actually a terrible guy no one would want for a friend. A DM should not hijack a player’s backstory or railroad them into losing their best friend or having to change their concept.

[Artagan is] not a person with whom anyone would start a relationship like Jester has, knowing him as a person.

Laura Bailey wanted her character to have a relationship like that knowing Artagan as a person because Laura loved him in CR1. 

You can see it in how Vex reacts to Artagan. When they first meet in The Echo Tree:

MATT: “All right. Travel safe. Stay alive. And maybe visit. If you get lonely.” And he gives a deep bow and just vanishes.

LAURA: He was fucking cool.

TALIESIN: Dear god, let’s get out of here before something else happens.

LAURA: I really liked him.

When they meet again in Dark Dealings

LAURA: No, he was great!

MARISHA: He was cool.

SAM: Wasn't he the guy who sketched us and was creepy?

LAURA: Yeah, he was funny, and he also helped us, and he also enjoyed us because we were weird.

 Vex liked him even after he asked if he could strangle her unkillable brother after the party offers him ‘a good time’ in exchange for a favor’ and Vax agrees, so they do). When Vax comes back, Vex invites Artagan to dinner and asked him for help identifying things in The Final Ascent. 

LAURA: Artagan can join us.

MATT: Oh, he does. Don't worry. As soon as you guys begin to eat, at the far end of the table you see the orange mane erupt from the side of table as he takes a seat. "Oh, wondrous. I appreciate this, thank you."

LIAM: So did that live up to your expectations, then?

MATT: "Hello. It was all right."

LIAM: New hobby, or--?

MATT: "I don't know. Have to try when they're not willing. That's a joke; that's a joke."

LAURA: Okay. Hey, Artagan, can you look at this wand?

MATT: It's a war wand. It's a plus one wand. For anyone who's casting a spell through it, it's a plus one modifier to DC.

LAURA: Oh, do you have to attune?

MATT: Generally you have to attune to these, yeah.

LAURA: Okay. Great. All right. Thanks.

Laura liked this character so much that she worked him into her character’s backstory. Before she wanted to play Jester as a cleric, she wanted to play Jester as a character who is best friends with Artagan and they play pranks together. Knowing exactly who Artagan is as a person, Laura wanted her character to be his best friend, Talks Machina Discussing Episode 94

My original plan was to make a warlock, and I was going to make a warlock with the fey pack to Artagan and then I was gonna have the book...There's a thing called the book - the book pact or something like that, and I was like what a way to worship him!  With like a spell book with like lewd drawings and it, that's so perfect. Yeah, and then Travis was like ‘what? Warlock? Oh ok”. And then I was like, oh shit I have to be cleric. And so I asked Matt, can I still have him as my god? And Matt’s like yeah, we can make it work.

This is what a good DM does. They listen to what their player wants to do with a character concept and they make it work because they want their players to have fun. Laura Bailey wanted Artagan and made up a backstory that would allow a relationship with him since there’s a class for that (fey pact Warlock) but when her husband decided to go Warlock she decided to go Cleric and Matt made it work so she could keep her concept and play with the NPC she loved and wanted as her best friend. Matt didn’t trick Laura, Matt didn’t trap Laura, listened to Laura and worked with her to give her the warlock/patron or cleric/deity relationship she wanted to have and play. Because that’s what good DMs do. 

[utilitycaster]

If this isn’t something you’re interested, feel free to ignore this, but I really appreciated your thoughtful exploration of player approach/ play-style of the CR cast.

I’d love to know any similar insights you have on the playstyle of main-season D20 players, or any other actual play group you feel like writing about.

Again, totally understand if that’s not something you’re interested in delving into, just thought I’d ask!

Thanks! (For those wondering this is in reference to this post; this follow-up may also be relevant, and ignore what November 2023 me said, feel free to ask if you're confused). The only other show I could really attempt to do this for is NADDPod: it needs to be something longform (discounts D20), across multiple campaigns but in a similar system (discounts RQG and BCBP for only being one campaign and TAZ for doing a lot of system hopping - TAZ is also just tough because I came into it via MBMBAM so I already had very non-Actual Play perceptions of the McElroy brothers), and have a pretty long body of work (discounts Worlds Beyond Number). D20's explicit genre requirements also make this very difficult, because some of this is informed by the types of characters they make in a similar setting.

Also, and you will see this with NADDPod below: an explicitly comedic vibe (D20, TAZ) makes it harder not because it's not a good way to run an actual play show, but because if you set those genre expectations, I think people gravitate to a different style. For example, everyone in D20 will do Big Red Button stuff because they're comedians; and no one is terribly naturalistic. This is also why incorporating shorter form shows is tough: for example, Sam and Laura went hard in Candela Obscura (and Sam in EXU Calamity), to great and fantastic effect in my opinion, despite being relatively cautious players in the main campaigns; Marisha and Liam, who tend towards big moments, have both shown some wonderful reserve and played background support roles in Candela and in their EXU series.

NADDPod is still tough because the roles one falls into in a three person party are a bit more rigid. Emily, Caldwell, and especially Jake tend to have pretty strong preferences and that informs a lot, but I am going to attempt it:

Emily and Caldwell are rules optimists; Jake is a rules realist. Murph is also a rules realist. (actually, I can answer this specific one for D20 since it's not arc-dependent - Ally is an optimist, Siobhan is like, a realistic optimist, Zac is a realist, and Lou is a realist but he WILL razz you extremely hard if you say he can't do something).

Narrative is tough because with a three person party, everyone has a LOT of screentime. I also think that fundamentally, Murph runs games where everyone has a clear investment in an overarching plot, which is much easier to do in a natural way with three players than with seven. With that said Emily is all over the place - I think Moonshine and Callie have very internal and more background arcs compared to Fia who is much more milestone. Caldwell bounces between Big Red Button and Milestone in that like, as a result of a milestone he will then press the big red button and do something wild. Jake is very big red button to me.

Acting style is particularly difficult here because like, most comedians are going to ham it up on occasion. Caldwell is definitely the most dramatic-leaning and Jake the most naturalistic with Emily in-between.

Themes:

Emily: responsibility especially re: family/mentor expectations; determining what she wants rather than what others want (tied into the above); romantic relationships

Caldwell: also family/mentor relationships; identity but not in an "am I the mask way" and much more in a coming of age/figuring it out way.

Jake: ALSO family/mentor relationships; the mask/insecurity; letting go

[darkdisrepair]

characterization in the legend of vox machina *could contain spoilers*

after watching the most recent episodes here are some more of my general thoughts, which will not be organized very well at all...

the flaws of vex'ahlia

let me begin this analysis by saying in the campaign, vex was my favorite character hands down. she was smart and sassy and charming and hot- but i'm not going to lie, she's really hard to connect with in tlovm.

before people yell at me, i LOVE laura bailey and vex. i'm not hating on her at all- but i think the problem is that laura is such a professional and so good at her voice acting job that the essence of vex has been lost in the high production quality of tlovm.

i think in an effort to bring her into a prominent leadership position, she comes off as extremely controlling and standoffish, especially since laura's voice sounds EXTREMELY well polished. she sounds pretentious sometimes, especially without being able to see laura's playfulness and facial expressions like you can in campaign 1 watching the table.

part of the problem is that the briarwood arc is so emotionally charged and fast-paced that there have been little to no chances to see the light-hearted side of any characters except the ones dubbed comedic relief (scanlan, grog, keyleth sometimes).

as a result, those characters have really come to life in the show (and i've started to adore them more than when i watched campaign 1) but vex, vax, and pike (who have had little to no "fun" plot points and are mostly serious leaders or struggling with faith) come off as more one-dimensional.

percy, since the story revolves around him, has also received great character development. you really understand his angsty moments and grow to appreciate his moments of levity, too.

and honestly, i'm finding non-main characters like archie, keeper yennen, and the briarwoods to have more development than vex, vax, and pike.

what they're missing are some of the more human moments of these three: vax braiding trinket's hair, them drinking together, etc.

while i get that 20 minutes versus the campaign's 4 hours have forced them to cut out a LOT of material, if i hadn't watched the campaign, i would probably think the twins, vex in particular, were stuck up, pretentious, and bossy and really, really dislike them- especially since we haven't the time to explore their backstory at all.

vax isn't quite as bad as vex, as he has his tender moments with keyleth and prank wars/trolling grog, but vex NEEDS something to make her more approachable, or a way for the audience to understand why she acts the way she does.

i'm looking forward to the ziggurat, if they cover it- i think that will be a wonderful chance for them to develop both of the twins, as well as solidify the vox machina bond.

~

celebrating keyleth

on the other hand, i think keyleth (and marisha by extension) have really shone in the show. i think they did a great job of balancing her awkwardness with her power, and even though they only briefly touched on her trial that moment gave a great insight into her motivations, too.

as a result, she's likeable and you root for her because you know she's wrestling with the burdens of leadership. even when she fails, you want her to do well. you understand why she's so stressed about succeeding- firstly because of the ashari and secondly because pike literally passed the torch of taking care of the group to her.

i also think marisha has done a GREAT job at holding on to keyleth's voice despite the higher recording quality of tlovm. i think laura (who is an AMAZING voice actress) has so much experience and has so much power that she elevates vex to a place that the character hasn't actually gotten to yet. vex at this point in campaign 1 is still terribly insecure, even though she attempts to hide it. but you can TELL that laura is very, very comfortable in the booth, so vex sounds confident, too.

whereas marisha's keyleth has stayed grounded. this isn't saying marisha is inexperienced- but i think she might put less pressure on herself because she hasn't won a billion voice acting awards.

let's be clear- i'm not pitting the two characters or actresses against each other. i think keyleth has been given a LOT more character moments than vex, and i think the story isn't in the place where vex's character opportunities arrive quite yet.

~

also, loving the matt cameos (even though it's starting to feel like whitestone is just full of matt mercer sounding guards hehe)... it's also awkward that a matt mercer steward and matt mercer sylas were in the same scene just seconds apart? that was an interesting choice on their part... even though he sounds a little different i feel like having the two characters back to back could come across as confusing.

mad props to grey griffin for her portrayal of lady briarwood... the sexiest villain to exist. the flashback to her trying to save sylas was almost enough to make me team briarwood not gonna lie, they're both so sexy

i'll close with reiterating that i'm loving the show! it's engaging and interesting- and i'm so excited to see what happens next!

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Episode #100 Highlights!

That’s right: 100 EPISODES. That’s a lot of great questions, greater answers, questionable pronunciations of usernames, even more questionable uses of overlays, and a++++ excellent dogs. 

The entire cast is answering questions this week!

Max runs an (adorable) intro in the above puppet theater, and each cast member gets a title. Laura is The Heart, Sam is The “Funny Guy”, Travis is The Brawn, Liam is The Actor, Matt is The Brains, Marisha is The Face, Taliesin is The Pyramid, Brian is The Convict, and Ashley is The Favorite.

The cast’s entrance is majestic. There are balloons, sashes, tiaras, and champagne. Henry has a tiara too!

The Search for Grog will air this Friday, February 22 at 7 PM Pacific on twitch.tv/criticalrole. If you miss the stream, it’ll be available Saturday morning on CR’s YouTube channel!

Talks Machina and CR will air on CR’s official channels starting today! Starting next episode, TM will be available on CR’s YouTube channel on Thursday at 7 Pacific, and also in podcast form!

Stats: in 100 episodes of TM, there’s been 81 episodes of Brian’s glorious beard. There have been 9 Skype/FaceTime call-ins! There were 244 guest misnomers before that well ran dry. 93 episodes of pre-show hijinks (thanks to Max James!). 95 episodes of Arsequeef. 826 days of being on the internet!

Brian: "The concept of creating a talk show about a D&D campaign has always been absurd to me, so we wanted to embrace that terribleness.”

There’s now a Steve Cam (quietly reading, meal prepping, and ignoring the show), and a Zach Cam (staring at a monitor that’s all just Liam’s chest hair and the Fjord bust), and a Max Cam (dancing in a stripper cop outfit), Lockey Cam (practicing with a sword in front of a mirror and then charging at Daniel for filming it - Brian: “Hopefully Daniel’s non-union.”), Ed Cam (drinking scotch and counting down the days until football returns, and also lint rolling his new goatee), Chris Cam (rapping in the VO booth), Brittany Cam (dancing with a unicorn blanket, huffing compressed air - Brian: “You can’t show that on Twitch!”).

Matt is asked how his DMing style has evolved with campaign 2. “Well... I’ve been forced to embrace a little more of the tragedy in the characters’ backstories.” The internal and external conflict has been really interesting for him to watch and react to. “I’ve learned to be very proud of my players for mucking up my perception of where things are going to go.”

Coming to Xhorhas, Nott’s thrilled to no longer have to worry about the mask. Sam’s excited about the City of Beasts “to see what kind of fucked-up individuals we’re going to find and seeing how Nott will react to that.”

Yasha definitely sympathizes with Nott trying to save her spouse, but “there’s a lot going on with her going back to Xhorhas. It’s definitely triggering for her, but she understands the need to want to go back. I wish I could go to Xhorhas. We’ll see what happens.” Travis: “I’m pretty sure once we go to a place we can never go back.”

Favorite item on the Talks shelves? Taliesin mentions a magnetic Percy mini, Sam likes the tiny Sams (”It looks like my bedroom!”), Ashley and Brian are partial to the Sully painting, Laura loves the Pike painting, Marisha loves all the stuff the cast bought on a hungover voyage to the flea market when they were first building the set, Matt loves a very cool dice tower. Brian likes the Vecna with Marisha’s face. Matt: “I don’t know if I like that one.”

Laura doesn’t like the party using the derogatory term for the Krynn, because she wants people to be happy even if she doesn’t know them. Sam: “I haven’t been the best for that, but if Jester wants me to... I guess I’ll change.”

There are new wipe transitions featuring the Matt pillow and the Fjord bust. It’s glorious.

Gif of the week: Sam calling Travis “studly” for catching the candy. Laura: “...I like that I’ve been cut out of it completely.”

Arsequeef gets the Lifetime Achievement Award for Gif of the Week. He wins Max’s 2006 Honda Accord.

On Caleb taking off his bandages because there’s nothing to hide anymore: “Was that terrifying for him, or a relief?” Liam: “Yes!” He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it feels good. He’s got f...r...iends?” Marisha: “I love that sitcom. (weakly) F...r...iends?”

Caduceus being a source of comfort, insight, and advice was built into the character. Taliesin looked at low INT high WIS, and Matt immediately started laughing and told Taliesin he’d do well with that. Taliesin: “There’s plenty of things that will eventually flap that, but we haven’t hit them yet.”

As a player, Travis doesn’t like to weigh things carefully all the time, so a lot of Fjord’s leardership has been a bit about pressing fast-forward. Marisha: “So what you’re saying is that your Grog’s poking through.” Matt points out that if both characters have a trait, it’s probably just Travis. 

Liam: “I’ve got a little Travis poking me from behind.” Marisha, musing: “So many conflicting beards...”

Beau’s prayer to Ioun mostly came from a “couldn’t hurt” perspective. “I’ll try it out. Give it a spin.” When Travis asks, Marisha clarifies that it was Ioun specifically because of the Cobalt Soul. Travis: “Oh yeah, I totally knew the relationship there. I just wanted to make sure the audience did.”

Bugbear friend or bugbear foe? Sam: “He speaks goblin, he seems cool, his name’s Gluzo. He has a hard-to-pin-down accent, but it’s amazing.” Taliesin: “You have a hard-to-pin-down accent, too. It’s something you have in common.” Taliesin gets asked if his insight check revealed that the bugbear is secretly pretending to be someone else. “Yes, he’s just pretending to be a bugbear. He’s actually Matt Mercer.” Laura: “I like him. ‘Cause he’s cute and he let me give him a tattoo.”

Sam: “Nott trusts her friends to be as strong as they can be, and at this point, I don’t know if she’s as concerned with one of them dying as just getting to her husband in time before he dies. If we lose one along the way, Nott will probably cry a little, but will move on.” What if it were Fjord? “Fjord’s expjendable.”

Matt: “I’ve reached a point where Travis controls Yasha in combat, but I don’t consider any of his roleplay canon.” Ashley: “I trust Travis. Barbarian respect.” Laura: “Don’t give him that.” Ashley: “Travis himself is like a Deck of Many things. This is risky, but it’s kind of fun!”

Sam: “That dunamancy shit is lit.” Liam: “And it’s tied up in everything that Caleb wants, so if he can get on the entropy shit and the gravity shit, you know he’s going to go back in time, motherfucker.” Sam is so excited to have these mystery spells because they’re so new, and they’re inherently something they don’t know how to counter or prepare for. Travis: “It’s almost like every time we play D&D.”

Fanart of the Week: a spectacular group shot.

Everyone freaks out over how good Travis looks with glasses. He takes them off and puts them back on sexily for a while. I was too slow grabbing a screencap, but don’t worry, the gifs will be everywhere.

Laura: “Jester hasn’t experienced a lot of emotions. She hasn’t experienced a lot of anything, really. She’s definitely dealt with sadness in her life, but I don’t think it’s been so in-your-face constantly, just the trauma of it all.” Liam: “Yeah, she’s with some very terrible people.” Laura: “While it is traumatic, it’s also been a great adventure, and she’s enjoying being out and doing things. Even if it might hurt her, it’s so much better than reading about it, drawing it, just imagining how it would be.”

Caleb’s still feeling out the shift in his relationship with Nott, but there’s no question that everything they’ve gone through can’t be forgotten or overlooked. “He sees her as an absolute ally no matter what, and will do anything for her. In a weird way, he feels like they’re even more alike than he thought they were, and he loves her and wants her to succeed in what she’s doing, and hopes that the things that he wants don’t fuck it up entirely.” Sam: “Are you talking about Liam and Sam right now?”

Caduceus’ thoughts on Xhorhas? “A new environment, certainly, and a new aspect of nature that he’s unfamiliar with. This is just more terrain to him at this point. He’s also very unaware of the political realities. He’s vaguely aware there is war. He’s still not sure why we can’t just go up and ask for directions from everyone.”

Brian: “That tiara is the most blessed image.”

Travis on the Captain Tusktooth tattoo: “Brand recognition is huge in Xhorhas.” Taliesin: “Viral marketing.” Laura confirms that it’s not likely to change apart from some small differences from tattoo to tattoo. “Each person gets a special google.”

Laura on fans actually getting this tattoo: “I am ALL ABOUT IT.”

Marisha: “Guys! How about instead of M9 tattoos...” Sam: “We let Laura tattoo us? I would legitimately be down with that!” Ashley: “I’m kind of into it.” Liam: “This is what splits us apart.” Laura: “Everybody gets a dick.” Travis: “How would we explain that to our kid? ‘What’s that?’ ‘Your mom did that.’”

Beau is holding back a bit since her impulsiveness started having negative repercussions. “I think it’s about accountability. She’s started to learn--- especially when she first joined M9, she didn’t have friends, really. I think you had to learn, oh, my actions do affect others around me. I think that’s something you can learn and you can grow in, but yeah, she is trying to not be a total fuckwad anymore. Trying. But old habits...”

Favorite TM moments? Travis: “Do you remember that episode where Brian wasn’t the host?” Brian remembers Travis throwing the card that almost took him out. Ashley fondly remembers PullOutKing. Laura remembers Taliesin saying the phrase “I love teenage assholes” (referring to Percy acting immature), and Taliesin is super glad someone brought that up again just when the tweets were finally starting to die down. 

Ashley talks about how proud she is about how far Brian’s come, and how great he’s doing at this. Everyone has an uncharacteristically sincere moment of applause for Brian. Liam: “Everyone take 30 seconds to drop the bit that we think you’re a total fucking weirdo. You’re so good at this, and you’re such a good friend, and we’re so glad you’re part of this family.”

Marisha pitches the idea of trying to sell TM syndicated on LifeTime now that they have 100 episodes.

Brian remembers having food poisoning that led to him running off-screen, throwing up in the middle of the show, and then having to come back. Marisha remembers Travis texting everyone that night with “lol, did Brian just yarf on TV?”

Matt talks about how proud he is of Brian for going from zero tabletop experience to co-running his own game.

Talks Machina After Dog ft. Sleepy Boi Henry

“This is the best dog-petting show ever.”

Liam was skeptical about TM initially, because he was worried it would take away from what would be shared in-game. Marisha: “I was stoked for it, not gonna lie. I was very misunderstood and people hated my character, so I was kind of stoked to just get to explain it.” Travis was sold once they picked the name.

Marisha: “It also set the precedent for really dumb, punny names.” Brian points out that, as a channel, they now can’t stick with serious names as their final choice.

Laura’s sister has been watching the show, and she texted Laura after the show to ask what the whisper was, so Laura’s going to tell her and no one else. Liam: “You’re gonna tell your real sibling?”

There’s a horrified discussion about giraffe fighting. Some segues happened in there.

What’s something their characters have done that’s made them proud? Liam: Caleb using the Wall of Fire. Marisha: the Plank King execution episode as a whole (everyone agrees). Travis: “I was proud of hooking up with an NPC when my wife wasn’t here to threaten me with death.” (he immediately turns to Taliesin: “Help.” Taliesin: “No god can help you now.”) Taliesin: “I sunk a boat.” Laura: Proud of not getting caught with Nott in the Platinum Dragon sanctuary. Sam: Taking the blow for Jester so she could escape. Liam: “Molly showing his dick covered in eggs.”

Matt: “I’m proud of you guys not entirely descending into evil madness. I’m proud of the character arcs of being broken, terrible people, and finding out that it’s okay to be broken; you’re not necessarily terrible.” Liam: “The entire cast went, ‘He’s talking about everyone but me’.” Matt thought it was going to be very hard to keep the group together, but the party turned it into character growth moments. “I’m proud of you.” Laura: “Thanks, Dad.”

Yasha loved the arm wrestling. “Oh man, it’s so fun to be the tank.”

Laura: “I’m really proud of us for saving Kiri!”

Everyone has Liam’s chest hair:

Wishes for the next 100 episodes? More Ashley. 

Brian: “I hate this coffee table more than anything in the whole, entire world.”

What’s something that should never change about the show? How ridiculous it is, the barrel, Dani. Also always have a dog. They fundamentally do the show for themselves, still, and that’s made it a really good environment for them to open up about the show and their characters.

Liam: “There’s a lot of beauty to what we do, but it’s also inherently silly. And to deny that is silly.”

Matt likes that it’s unpolished and imperfect. “Things are going to go wrong regardless, and you can either get angry and frustrated about the lack of control, or you can embrace it.” Sam: “None of this is real anyway.” 

Brian points out that this is not an excuse to stop paying him.

And that’s a wrap! This is the last After Dark for a while, but there are some big ideas in the works for the coming weeks!

[otdderamin]

Transcript: Fjord's inner fears – TM for CR C2 Ep61

This is the longest Talks Machina transcript I’ve put together (it’s 14 pages), and it’s only half the good stuff: Beau’s answers were also excellent. This is the absolute best of what Talks can be: Travis spilled absolutely everything about the subtext of Fjord and what’s been going on in his mind as he panics. All the things we’ve been speculating about are laid bare. This is the subtext to everything going on in Ep61 and Ep62.

Scenes run:

1. How stressed was Fjord losing his powers?  0:26:34 to 0:13:07

2. Fjord is scared of losing both his friends and connection to Vandran 0:16:56 to 0:20:10

3. Maybe we’ve misjudged Uk’otoa 0:23:29 to 0:24:41

4. Fjord didn’t want to see Wursh, it was an excuse for a crisis walkabout 0:24:41 to 0:26:59

5. Fjords powers are defining who he is 0:33:40 to 0:34:23

6. Everyone needs to pull their weight or they’re out 0:35:16 to 0:38:52

7. Fjord’s fallen in love with this version of himself 0:42:31 to 0:44:42

8. Uk’otoa is a connection to Vandran and now 0:46:55 to 0:48:34

9. Fjord doesn’t care about Avantika 0:52:09 to 0:52:55

10. Home is a big-ass maybe 0:54:30 to 0:58:10

1. How stressed was Fjord losing his powers?

0:10:06 Brian: “Travis, Vega_The_Fool wants to know, ‘On a scale of one to being dumped in a room alone with a blue dragon, how stressful was it for Fjord to wake up and find he’s been depowered? On the same scale, how stressful was it for Travis Willingham to realize Fjord had been depowered?'”

0:10:25 Travis, passionately: “Yeah, look, they’re one in the same, bitches! Okay? It was a ten! A fucking ten! A ten! It was terrible. It was awful. In the moment I was looking at Matt like, ‘What are you…?’ I just- I thought maybe I was just getting, like, I don’t know, nerfed or something, but to conjure nothing… I’m a guy with a sword. I’m a guy with a sword…”

Marisha: “I’m convinced there’s a 20-minute time period after that happened to you that you didn’t hear a word said at the table.”

Brian: “Yeah, you might have to watch that back.”

Travis, shaking his head: “Nope. Nope.”

Marisha: “I could tell just…” she mimics stressfully changing positions.

Brian: “That blankness, yeah.”

Travis: “Uh-huh. I’m pretty sure I was movie breathing, too.”

Marisha: “Yeah.”

Travis: “Like,” he breathes loudly and heavily. “During the endgame Laura tapped me and she was like, ‘Stop fucking breaking so loud.'”

Brian: “Yeah yeah yeah.”

Travis: “Something I do. Big ass no.”

Brian: “I almost broke Ashley’s hand. I was holding her hand and five minutes into the movie I was squeezing it so hard she, like, peeled her fingers off and was like, ‘Can you chill for a sec?’ And I realized it was because she had a Milk Dud stuck in there that I really wanted. Were you going to say, Travis?”

0:11:29 Travis: “I was gonna say, blue dragon was like, ‘Oh god, I might die. thank god people are coming.’ But the… Not having any powers and Travis having a character that has no powers, yeah, not good! It’s no good.”

Brian: “I have been in haunted house situations with you before, I’ve been in scary situations with you before, and I know when you sound terrified. And I was sitting there on my laptop watching the show, and when you ran out in the street and were like, ‘Oh fuck, oh fuck,’ I was like, ‘Oh no, oh no, oh no!’ It’s cool. It’s cool. I like it. I like it when you’re going off a little bit.”

0:12:03 Travis: “It’s okay. I’m sure because, because, thanks to CritRoleStats, it’s only been 35 days since, you know, since the last eye was placed that I have another 35 days before my next warning.”

Brian: “No, you don’t know that’s the case.”

Travis: “Yes. That is exactly what they said.”

Dani: “Really it’s been like 5 days since your last warning.”

Marisha: “It’s like a 90-day default period.”

Travis: “There’s a verbal warning, and then there’s a shot across the bow, okay? That was a shot. That was a physical…”

Dani: “So do you think they’re just going to escalate, or do you think he’s going to go back to verbal warnings?”

Travis: “Look, I’m sure there’s like, there’s gonna be a flier that comes in the mailbox that’ll be like, ‘You have 90 days to reply to this. Your interest is…'”

Brian: “Yes. It’s going to be so gentle.”

Travis: “You’ll be sent to collections if you don’t reply.”

Brian: “It’s going to have a big thing on the front that says,” Uk’otoa voice, “‘Reply.'”

Travis, laughing: “Open it up and it’s just one word.”

Dani, quietly under Travis: “Uk’otoa I feel is actually the IRS.”

Brian: “Say it one more time, Dani.”

Dani: “Uk’otoa is exactly the IRS. Never trust a phone call. They only send letters.”

Travis: “That’s why they sealed him away.”

Brian: “More like the IRIS.”

Marisha, after a pause: “Oh, iris, I get it. With it. Hip.”

Dani: “Oh no.”

Brian: “Okay, because it’s an eye and an eye has a-“

0:13:07

2. Fjord is scared of losing both his friends and connection to Vandran

0:16:56 Brian: “Travis, CalicoJill, ‘Fjord’s fear of losing his powers is palpable, where does that fear lie? Is he worried he couldn’t travel with his friends if he couldn’t hold his own or that he’d lose his last tangible connection to Vandran?'”

Travis: “God, these fans and their fucking good questions.”

Marisha: “I know, man.”

0:17:21Travis: “Yes. Both. I mean, yeah, he is temporarily satiated by the fact that Vandran seemed to be okay in Caduceus’ vision, or that he is well and trying to atone for past mistakes. I’d still really like to see the guy that, you know, treated him decent for the first time in his fucking life. Just say, ‘Hey, what the hell happened? Glad you’re okay. I’m okay if you were wondering?”

Dani, mournfully: “Oh-hoho.”

0:17:52 Travis: “Well yeah, you know. And then two, yeah, y’all- we’re some fucking dragon killing, like, badass 9th level motherfuckers. I’m not if I don’t have my shit! Right? If I just have a sword, I’m a half-orc with a strength of 11. I’m like a +1 with a sharp thing. It sucks! Yeah, nuh-uh.”

Brian: “Do you regret picking your class?”

0:18:21 Travis, animated: “I regret all of it! It’s all regerts all day every day! I just want out! Trade with me! Do it right now, shake on it. Let’s [exercise this demon]. Do it!”

Brian: “I just want out! Trade with me!”

Marisha: “No! I’d rather be a basic bitch than deal with some sort of demon.”

Travis, pleading: “Please. Look, look I could do it, watch!” He double punches the air. “Pap pap!

Dani: “Trade that!?”

Marisha: “No!

Travis, double punching the air again: “See: pap pap! Flurry of blows!”

Marisha: “Yeah, isn’t that great.

Dani: “Did you say, ‘Pap pap?'”

Travis, undercutting the air twice: “Stunning strike! Ba bap!”

Marisha: “You see that has nothing beholden to my fists.”

Travis, quietly stress and defeated: “Shit.”

Brian: “Nah dude.”

0:18:49 Marisha: “I felt really bad because as soon as the cameras went off, and I could see Travis’s like freaking out and I’m like the worst friend ’cause my first response was, ‘This is why I’ve never fucked with warlocks.”

Dani: “Yeah.”

Travis, laughing: “That happened!”

Brian: “Wow. Wow.”

Marisha: “And I was like,” she looks at him. “And he was just like,” she braces herself with both hands on the coffee table and slowly looks back at him in disbelief.

Travis, slapping his leg laughing: “That was what you said! I looked over at Taliesin for some guidance, like, bro, like, I mean, we kicked Orthax out of your body and then killed it. I got no Orthax, I got nothing to kill, I got no nothing.”

Brian: “I have no fire.”

Laughter.

Travis: “Yeah. Hey Korben my man.”

Laughter.

Travis: “Yeah, yeah no it’s panic around here.”

Brian: “I love that that was your reaction. Like, yeah.”

Travis: “Yes, yeah.”

Marisha: “Your choice, eh.” She throws up her hands.

0:19:32 Travis: “He cannot hang. He cannot hang. He would die real quick. If middle of the day, not like after a rest, I don’t know if the wisdom check the night before had anything to do with it. If it’s just like we’re getting ready to ambush some people and all of a sudden, like, my sword just falls out of the air at my feet right as we’re getting ready to go? I’m’a sit my ass right where we are and wish everyone good fortune.”

Dani: “Good fjortune?”

Travis: “Good fjortune? Oh, good- oh fjork you, Dani.”

Dani cackles.

Brian: “Oh boy. Oh boy.”

Travis: “Need my powers, man.”

0:20:10

3. Maybe we’ve misjudged Uk’otoa

0:23:29 Travis: “Listen, maybe we’re being too judgmental of poor, misunderstood Uk’otoa, right?”

Brian: “Okay, that line of thinking is bound to get you in a world of shit.”

Travis: “Maybe we just go, and we drop that third sphere, we let the little, the little snake guy out of his cage he just…” He makes a slithering motion.

Brian: “No. You’ve seen Prometheus.”

Travis: “No. Nobody saw that.”

Dani: “I was about to say, I was like, ‘Did you?'”

Brian: “Steve, you saw Prometheus?”

Steve: “Yeah, yeah.”

Brian: “You yeah, yeah?”

Marisha: “If you, like, suck another eyeball inside of you, and we kill him, though, do you get to keep his powers?”

0:24:01 Travis, stress laughing: “I don’t know! I didn’t read the contract! There wasn’t one!”

Dani: “I have a question.”

Travis: “Yeah?”

Dani: “Was there a contract? Or did you just wake up and you suddenly fucking had powers.”

Brian: “I think there was some nasty shit in this.”

0:24:13 Travis: “It was the latter as far as I know.”

Brian: “You woke up?”

Dani: “So you just don’t- so you also- so it’s like what y’all were talking about with those memory loss- memory-“

0:24:22 Travis: “Yeah, I was drowning. and it hurt like a motherfucker, and the next thing I knew I was awake on a shore and there’s a sword just washing up in the waves.”

Brian: “Should have had gills, man. Should have had gills like that Sea Quest character. You would be fine. This one’s for Travis.”

Marisha and Travis, laughing: “Sea Quest?”

Brian: “Here comes Lockey to remind us.”

4. Fjord didn’t want to see Wursh, it was an excuse for a crisis walkabout

0:24:41 Brian: Micawindow, Fjord seemed anxious to leave the herbalist’s and talk to Wursh. If he hadn’t learned his powers returned when he created a minor illusion, would the conversation with Wursh have gone differently?”

0:24:59 Travis: “Uh yeah. I only went to talk to Wursh ’cause fucking Yasha wouldn’t leave me alone.”

Brian: “It’s true. Yeah.”

Travis: “I was trying to fucking-

Marisha: “Wait, what, really?”

0:25:09 Travis: “Yeah! I don’t give a fuck about Wursh! I was trying to amscray!”

Brian: “You forgot about Wursh. Forgot about Wursh.”

0:25:14 Travis: “No, I was gonna ask- Yasha was like, ‘I’m gonna follow Fjord.’ And I’m like, ‘Fuck!’ ‘I’m going to talk to Wursh right now. That is my only intention.'”

Marisha, laughing: “You were trying to have a crisis walkabout and…”

0:25:28 Travis: “Yeah! That’s why I was getting so impatient! Shit is going down, alright!? The clock is ticking! I don’t need to share it with you guys! I can resolve it, but I need to do it on my own time, my own terms!”

Dani: “Ooo. That is not a healthy way of thinking, Fjord.”

Travis: “Did you, are you saying that to Fjord, right? Travis is a very responsible person and a good friend.”

Marisha: “I was about to…”

Brian: “What?”

Marisha: “Nothing”

[They gently browbeat Marisha into talking.]

Marisha: “Just didn’t know if we were talking to Travis of Fjord.”

Brian: “I know, he’s got more accents than Liam’s character has names.”

0:26:26 Travis: “Well, and listen, half of it was I was asking about what was in the town because as we walk through, we’ve just kind of been moving to one place and the other, not really taking inventory of what’s around. I don’t know if there were temples or other things that maybe I could pop in and go like, ‘Hey, do you guys know anything about a giant snake dude called Uk’otoa?'”

Marisha: “Can I get a B12 shot?”

Travis, laughing: “Yeah, seriously!”

Marisha: “Just real quick.”

Brian: “Is this the tent where they’re doing the B12?”

Travis: “Do you ever reckon that wellness shot? Can we get some…”

Marisha: “Universal healthcare, right?”

Travis: “Yep.”

0:26:59

5. Fjords powers are defining who he is

0:33:40 Travis: “I mean, okay, I can say that Fjord’s not an open- like, just a straight-up open book. He’s… yeah. All these powers, when he has them, are defining who he is, right. It was really not anything close to that before. So yeah, he keeps it super close to the chest. Plus, people look to him in a… looked to him in a leadership role for a while. That’s new to him, too. So, he thinks that, probably from his experiences with Vandran, that, like, stoic, quiet, calm leaders that don’t show, you know, that don’t blush in the face of adversity are how it’s supposed to be. Not knowing that you can do it however the fuck you want to. there’s no right way to lead.”

0:34:23

6. Everyone needs to pull their weight or they’re out

0:35:16 Brian: “Travis, Dikemon asks, I’m going to skip some of this, ‘How much of his abilities does Fjord tie into his identity? Is he scares that the Nein might think less of him if he becomes powerless?'”

[Full question: Travis: We’ve seen Fjord grow more confident as his powers grew. 61 episodes in and those powers are threatened to be taken away. ‘How much of his abilities does Fjord tie into his identity? Is he scares that the Nein might think less of him if he becomes powerless?]

0:35:26 Travis: “The guy shouts ‘Eldritch Blast’ when he doesn’t have to. Yeah, it’s, uh, yes. I see the bottom half of the question. Yeah, they’ll think less of him. Who wouldn’t, right? Everybody needs to be able to- No, Dani, they would! You’ve gotta pull your own weight in this group. If you are the weak link, they’re gonna hold auditions for The Mighty Eight.”

Brian: “The Might Eight?”

Travis: “Yeah. That’s what’s happening.”

Marisha, looking confused and concerned: “No, we wouldn’t, though. You know that.”

Travis: “No. Nope.”

Marisha: “You know that, but Fjord doesn’t know that.”

Brian: “I don’t know. No, Fjord doesn’t know that.”

Travis: “Don’t know. Caleb is… I mean, listen, I think Caleb evaluates all the group members, and because they can each contribute something to keeping each other safe, then it’s a zero-sum game that everybody can, you know, they can take care of each other. If one person is going, ‘I’ve got a sword over here if any of you need it,’ like a fucking ball boy,” he slightly shakes his head.

Marisha: “Well, look, you could have been our Caddy Shack for a few episodes, and we would have gone and got your powers back. We just quest for powers.”

0:36:37 Travis: “How do you do that? How do you do that? How do you think you do that?”

Marisha: “We…”

Travis: “Where is Uk’otoa to you?”

Marisha: “We toss you in some salt water.”

Travis: “Uh-huh.” His body language says, “I don’t know.”

Marisha: “Let you get a little…”

Travis: “Briny?”

Marisha: “Uh-huh.”

Travis: “Uh-huh.”

Marisha: “See what happens, go from there.”

Travis: “How long do we wait while I’m in the ocean before you realize it’s not doing shit?”

Marisha: “Mm, you know…”

Travis: “A fortnight?”

Marisha: “Not beyond the threshold of a Revivify.”

Laughter.

Travis: “Oh god!”

Brian: “Oh wow.”

Travis: “You’re trying to reset the hard drive? Like, you’re just going to- okay. Okay cool.”

Brian: “You’re thinking just like… You’re thinking reformat disk. Reformat disk.”

Dani: “Turn him off and tuning him back on!”

Travis: “Yeah, you’re turning the computer off and holding the power button down factory settings.”

Marisha: “Fuck you guys. He’s blue screened.”

Brian: “Disk utility. Yikes.”

Dani: “Aw, think how much Beau loves Fjord that she would be willing to factory reset him.”

Travis: “Wow.”

Dani: “Aw, I think it’s sweet.”

Travis: “Wow, that is some…”

Dani: “We’re just going to throw you in the water, buddy.”

Brian: “I can’t wait.”

Marisha: “Look, this was a 60-second plan. This has had no R&D. Okay? I’m not saying we go with our first draft. We think about it. I was just tossing it out.”

Brian: “Campaign 2: now with more Eternal Sunshine on a Spotless Mind.”

0:37:51 Travis: “Yeah. this is what I was doing in the game in the moments where my head was exploding. Like, none of us in the group have any idea how to approach or solve that problem. Nobody.”

Brian: “Yeah. Nobody.”

Marisha: “I mean, we’re going to have to figure it out though.”

Dani: “Only if he tells y’all! Fjord.”

Travis: “I’ll take care of it. It’ll be fine. I’ll take care of it.”

Marisha: “You know when your- you know when your check engine light goes on?”

Brian: “Ew. I don’t think that one bit.”

Dani: “That’s weird.”

Marisha: “Start counting down the days. My check engine light has been on for nine days, you guy.”

Travis: “Yeah, I’ll get it, it’s fine. And then you take it into the shop they’re like, ‘How long’s this been on?”

Marisha: “Uh… a few days.”

Travis: “November?”

Marisha: “Pop the hood, I don’t smell burning, we’re good. We’re good.”

Travis: “Right.”

Dani: “The freakiest days are the ones where the check engine light turns off. And then you’re like, ‘Eh, that’s weird. That’s worse.'”

Marisha: “Yeah. Those are the days I say someone’s looking out for you.”

Brian: “It gave up. The check engine light gives up, that car’s going to explode.”

Travis: “Yep.”

Brian: “Speaking from experience.”

0:38:52

7. Fjord’s fallen in love with this version of himself

0:42:31 Brian: “The only person that could save us now is Skidrule316. ‘Travis, what is Fjord’s apprehension about telling his friends about his dreams and the consequences of ignoring his patron?'”

0:42:46 Travis: “I mean… I think Fjord has fallen in love a little bit with the idea of who this new version of himself is. And being vulnerable and telling people what your biggest fear is and admitting all the ways that you suck, in addition to all the new reasons that you reallysuck, it’s like one step too far. Plus, I mean, he gave it a day, right? He didn’t just up and fucking run out in the middle of the night, although I was on the razor’s edge of just tearing off into the darkness. I don’t know. I didn’t know what the fuck was going to happen. So, conjuring that bird was a real good sign. But he’s motivated to fix it. What was the back half of that question, the back part?”

Brian: “It was about, ‘Fjord’s apprehension about telling his friends about his dreams and the consequences of ignoring his patron.’

Travis: “Oh, the patron, yeah. I mean, that I have no- I don’t have any idea about. I was looking for a temple. I don’t know if anyone would have any idea of what Uk’otoa is, or if they know how to break whatever agreement this thing is, if it is an agreement. I don’t even remember it happening, so I don’t know if he is…”

Brian: “What happens if the agreement is broken though, dude?”

Travis: “I don’t know. I mean…”

Brian: “We don’t know that that’s good.”

Travis: “No, we don’t.”

Brian: “But we don’t know that you’re good, but now I’m thinking you might turn good because this one’s evil.”

Travis: “No, yeah. I mean, from the day that happened until now, everything has been different and awesome because I can shoot shit out of my hands, and jump between planes, and change the way I look, and all of that. If you told me I’m just going back to being who I was before…”

Marisha: “Normal?”

Travis: “Yeah. That’s not awesome. It’s not great.”

Marisha: “Yeah. Yeah, that would suck.”

Travis: “Yeah. He still has work to do, too.”

Brian: “Normal sucks. Right, Max?”

Max: “Yep.”

Laughter

0:44:42

8. Uk’otoa is a connection to Vandran and now

0:46:55 Brian: “Let’s see, Travis, let’s see if you- let’s see what you can answer of this question from GracelessKnight. ‘Fjord’s accent dropped during his nervous breakdown outside. Is there a significant attachment of his accent with his pact with Uk’otoa? Is it heightened knowing that Vandran was also a chosen? If so, how’s he coping with those connection momentarily lost?'”

Travis: “I don’t know anything about an accent drop.”

Dani: “I fucking knew that’s what you were gonna fucking say! Goddamn it!”

Brian: “I told you. I told you he was gonna say it. I told you, but we decided to leave this question in anyway.”

0:47:30 Travis: “Yeah, I mean, it’s definitely heightened with Vandran also being a chosen. I mean, we think. We think, right? I mean, from everything that Avantika said about Vandran, it sounded like he brought her into it. I don’t know if he was a chosen or if he was brought into it the same way he brought her in; I don’t know. But yeah, that’s a huge connection to his past life and now. I mean how the hell is he even supposed to address finding him if he doesn’t have the abilities or the thing that is the link to the last moment that he saw him in? I mean, we’re on the other side of the fucking map. We’re not even on the map, anymore.”

Dani: “That’s true.”

Travis: “We are upper north east adjacent. We are out of bounds. For the moment.”

Brian: “Yeah, out of bounds. Return to gameplay please.”

Travis: “Yeah, he is far from home, yeah.”

Brian: “Return to the combat zone, please.”

Marisha: “Yeah. Sixty seconds.”

Dani: “Aw, just like Spider-Man. He’s far from home.”

Travis: “Yeah, that’s right.”

Brian: “Oh, Dani, oh…”

Travis: “Spoilers.”

Dani: “That’s the name of the movie!”

Travis: “I’m not sure.”

Brian: “Yeah, but some of us…”

0:48:34

9. Fjord doesn’t care about Avantika

0:52:09 Brian: “Yettinim wants to know, ‘How does Fjord feel about Beau wearing one of Avantika’s coats?'”

Travis, singing: ♪ Get it girl. Get it get it girl. Get it girl. Get it get it girl. ♪

Marisha, dancing: “I’m fly.”

Travis: “I mean, sorry. He doesn’t care. Nah.”

Brian: “Doesn’t care.”

Travis, shrugging: “Nah.”

Dani: “Hit it and quit it, man.”

Brain: ‘Yeah, it wasn’t the coat.”

Marisha: “It’s mine now, bitch!”

Travis: “Keep your enemies close.”

Brian: “Yeah.”

Marisha: “It looks good, too.”

Brian: “It wasn’t the coat he had a wonderful evening with.”

Travis: “That’s right, yeah.”

Dani: “I mean it might have been. What?”

Marisha: “It’s fur lined now, fits real nice, shows off my figure.”

0:52:45 Travis: “Yeah, both Fjord and Travis don’t put a lot of stock in new clothes.”

Brian: “Yeah, we can tell there.”

Dani: “He’s probably like, ‘Oh, is that Avantika’s coat?'”

Travis: “I bought this in 2004, so…”

Brian: “You did?

Travis: “Yeah.”

Brian: “Yeah yeah yeah.”

0:52:55

10. Home is a big-ass maybe

0:54:30 Brian: “Lalalyssh wants to know, ‘Fjord grew up an orphan and Beau was ostracized from her family. How do these characters feel now that they have been offered a home to share with their found family?’ So, you guys have this home now. You know, it’s not a house, as you said earlier. You corrected me.”

Travis: “A dwelling? A homestead?”

Brian: “You have a dwelling.”

0:54:49 Travis: “I don’t know. I- He- I feel… I feel good about it. As long as things stay the way they are he’s pretty comfortable with this new life and family. But shit changes sometimes.” He stares at Marisha helplessly.

Marisha, growing more concerned: “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah?”

Travis: “Not in a bad way, I mean, I’m just speaking in a reference to my warlock abilities.”

Brian: “Yeah.”

Brian: “How does Beau feel- Wait, you seem so suspicious all the sudden.”

Marisha: “Uhh…” She nudges her head at Travis.

0:55:24 Brian: “A lot’s going on up there, isn’t it?”

[…]

0:57:08 Travis: “Yeah. I mean, genuinely Fjord is all about moving in solidifying things, embracing this new life. There is a big-ass maybe just floating out there though, now. Like, all of a sudden one morning nothing was like it was the night before, so I don’t know what that means.”

Marisha: “Well, and it feels like you also had your found family before with Vandran.”

0:57:31 Travis: “Yeah, and that shit ripped away.”

Marisha: “And that shit got ripped away.”

0:57:34 Travis: “Yeah, totally. This is the third version of himself.”

Marisha: “So, right. I can understand that through line of, well, you have this by blood, and theoretically they’re not supposed to be able to be like ‘nah’ to you. Theoretically.”

Dani: “Theoretically.”

Brian: “Theoretically. Yeah.”

Marisha: “I don’t know.”

Travis, wincing: “Yeah. Yeah. Oh god.”

Dani: “There’s just so much good character work.”

Travis: “I’m sure Mercer will take it away. It’ll be fine.”

Brian: “There’s a lot of deep character work going on. I like it. I want more.”

Travis: “I’ll be fine.”

Dani: “It’s all so tasty. Omnomnom.”

0:58:10

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[boudicathebrave]

Rewatching the discussion about Molly’s backstory, which is very interesting by the way. Under the cut because I’m doing a breakdown of the scene and it’s very long (thanks to crtranscript so I don’t have to retype everything). I went with mostly referring to everyone by the actors’ names because I was talking about the expressions they were making so much and just wanted it a little more consistent but I probably did some switching back and forth: just ignore that.

Taliesin said, “I woke up without any names, or any past, buried in the ground two years ago.” Sam’s face just went slackjawed and he was staring into the middle distance, thinking hard and then he said, urgently, “Were you dead?” (Taliesin: “Obviously not.” Sam gets sidetracked looking through Jester’s spells and then makes Jester cast zone of truth (because Laura wasn’t there). Nott and Molly both fail their charisma saving throws.)

Travis asks what Molly remembers before waking up in the dirt. Taliesin: “There is no before. Whatever happened before is not me. It’s not part of anything–” Sam asks, loudly and kind of in the manner of one speaking deliberately like they’re telling a pun or laying down a clue, “Like your life reset somehow? ... Or you just don’t remember?”

Sam watches with a look of intense concentration as Taliesin replies, “Some asshole got buried in the dirt. Fuck him. I am enjoying what I’m doing; I want nothing to do with that. Anything that came before, I was happy to just leave it be.” Liam then asks “ Yeah, but do you have any theories for what happened before?” Taliesin says “No” and Sam kind of nods his head like “okay then.”

Sam takes a break to take a big swig from his flask and as Marisha asks “ Did you look the same, or did you come back---?” he *seems* to lower the flask more slowly than one would expect.

TALIESIN: How would I know?

SAM: Everything before two years ago is nothing to you. Black.

TALIESIN: That’s somebody else.

(Sam mutters “Okay”)

TRAVIS: Two years ago, did you have all those tattoos? (Sam looks at Taliesin with an absolute laser focus. His look is more serious as he continues to listen.)

TALIESIN: No, not exactly.

SAM: Any of them?

TALIESIN: Some of them, yes.

LIAM: How much time passed between waking up in a dirt box and the circus?

TALIESIN: Days. (Sam looks forward like “holy shit”.) I was a bit out of it.

The conversation goes on for a bit with some interesting tidbits, but Sam’s face is really hard to read during it.

Then Sam asks a very loaded, slow and deliberate question: “ Do you really not want to know your past? Answer truthfully.” Taliesin replies, “I really don’t. Whoever that was came to that end, and I want nothing to do with that.Whatever it was, it doesn’t feel good when I– the moment when something creeps through, I don’t like it. I don’t want anything to do with it. I was happy! I liked the circus! The circus was great!” Meanwhile Sam had that contemplative, slightly skeptical look on his face and you could practically see the math fly around as he mulled it all over.

The conversation goes on for a bit and then Sam says, insistently, “I’m sorry to belabor this, but what if you had a good life before this? What if you were famous or rich or had friends or family?”

Taliesin replies, a little annoyed, “Okay, here’s the thing that you’re not catching. (Sam watches very intently, a little guardedly.) That wasn’t me. This is mine. I don’t want anything from that other person anymore. That person is someone else. I don’t want anything to do with it. I did not feel good coming out of that. It was– I’m in for a penny, might as well. I’m told, although I don’t entirely remember this part, that I only said the word empty over and over again for the first week.”

Sam looks shocked at the word “empty” kind of stricken. People talk a bit and Sam repeats, “Empty” softly and sadly. He then starts to say something but Taliesin cuts him off by continuing, “That sounds terrible. I don’t want to remember anything. I don’t want to anybody else’s baggage in my head and I don’t want anybody else’s problems, thoughts, ideas. I like this person,right now is a good person. Is a fine person. Is a happy person.” Sam is just focused and attentive.

They talk for a bit, about maybe finding the book and such, and Taliesin says, “Can you imagine what it would feel like to not feel anything about anything that had happened to you so far?” Sam says very resolutely and quickly, “No.”

Marisha says “Yes.” And Sam looks at her like “what the fuck did you just say?” and quickly says, “What do you mean yes? You can imagine what it’s like what it’s like to not feel anything before this moment? Have you died before?“ Sam listens intently.

MARISHA: No. Doesn’t mean you have to find meaning in meaningless things.

TALIESIN: It’s very freeing. It’s the best thing– it’s the thing that happened to me. It’s not the best thing that happened to me, it’s the thing that happened to me. I found peace in building a new person. The Moonweaver–

MARISHA: You know just because you know about your past doesn’t mean you have to be beholden to it.

SAM: (nods) That’s true.

MARISHA: If you–

TALIESIN: What if it feels that I owe it something?

MARISHA: You don’t owe your past shit. If I don’t feel anything about my past, but I still remember it and I still don’t give a fuck about where I came from then, why should you care about shit that you don’t even remember?

TRAVIS: That’s a layered question.

Sam mutters really quietly either “I don’t know about that” or “You would know about that.” He looks intent, skeptical, and like he’s disagreeing during Taliesin’s next reply.

TALIESIN: I spent two years before I met you all cajoling people, occasionally ripping them off, occasionally doing a good turn here or there. Never trust the truth. The truth is vicious. The truth thinks you owe it something. None of that. I like my bullshit. It’s good. It’s happy. It makes other people happy.

SAM: But it’s not who you are. (Sam says this kind of like “Oh come on Molly that’s not good enough”. The tone is kinda hard to describe here)

TALIESIN: It is exactly who I am. (Sam looks a bit like he disagrees)

They talk about the Moonweaver and Molly’s swords.

Sam asks, very genuinely, “If you always lie and bullshit, how are we ever going to believe you?”

Taliesin replies, “Because I always lie and bullshit.” Sam looks very disatisfied with that answer.

MARISHA: I can kind of agree with that. Cheers to bullshit. (Sam looks at them in distaste)

TALIESIN: I may be a liar but I’m never a betrayer. I’m honest in my work, and I believe in doing a good turn. (Sam gives a little nod) I’ve never cheated you out of money. I’ve never robbed from you. I stayed with that circus for two years, I know how people treat each other. It’s important. (Sam crosses his arms and gives Taliesin a side eye.) And all that stuff you told me before? I’ve got to admit, I didn’t even listen to any bit of it. (Sam looks somewhat stonefaced) I was just trying to teach you a lesson. I don’t care where you’ve been. I don’t care what terrible things any of you have done. You’re here now. This is how it works.

They talk for a bit. Then Sam says, “But I will say this: Lucien?” Like he’s not sure if Molly wants to go by Lucien or not.

Taliesin says fiercely, “Let me make this abundantly clear. My name is Molly. That person is dead and not me.It’s just a person who had this body. They abandoned it, it’s mine now.”

Sam replies, calmly but insistently, “ I think that you need to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going and I respect your feelings– “

Taliesin, cutting in brusquely, irritated a bit: And I feel---

Sam: But I feel---

Taliesin: ---that you’re fretfully ignorant and filled with platitudes. But I still like you regardless. (He sounds fond by the end)

Sam, still calm and insistent: I feel like when you’re ready to know your past, I would support that and I would help you find it.

Taliesin muses, threateningly, getting more aggressive as he goes on: Maybe he killed goblins. Maybe he was a goblin hunter. Maybe he ate them. Raw. (Sam meanwhile has on a “you don’t know me. your words aren’t affecting me” kind of expression. Sam mutters “As long as he [something something]” but the rest is lost in crosstalk.)

Marisha closes out by saying “ For what it’s worth, I like you a little better now.” And Sam follows up with a quick “Me too.”

That’s about it for Nott’s reactions to Molly’s backstory. There was also some interesting stuff in there about Beau hounding Molly about fortunetellers who “set people on a wrong path” and Yasha saying she finds multiple people attractive and charming but wouldn’t pursue it. Gosh ep. 49 was so illuminating about Nott’s insistence, which I at first thought was really rude but now see she was speaking from her own perspective and relating to Molly deeply, and just couldn’t imagine accepting herself as the goblin she is now and not caring about being Veth. Molly’s words at the end “And I feel that you’re fretfully ignorant and full of platitudes” were so so cutting now that we understand Nott better. Obviously Molly saying them is understandable and I’m not condemning him, but ouch.

I also really liked how Nott kept asking everyone “but did you die though” and how the context of that question has changed.

Matt’s face is basically so unreadable to me that idk if I caught any tells or anything. I wasn’t paying super attention to it because he’s got a great stoneface but I think he might’ve made some slight expressions at the beginning of the conversation and when Nott asked Molly if he’d died.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e30 (I’m very late and I know it but here it is anyway)

I’m almost a week late but hey that’s fine let’s do this!

Still miss Ashley but I’m gad Travis and Laura are back!

I also miss Keg

I’m so glad they fucked Lorenzo up. I’m sorry for Matt’s plans but fuck that guy.

“Enduring it silently” Yasha my girl

“Case closed” cool make me cry again that’s fine

Nott just has no fucks to give for Fjord xD

Oh, Yasha, my girl.

"I have healing I have healing who are you I have healing" oh sure Jester NOW you wanna heal

“Where’s Molly?” FUCK it’s fine I’m fine

“is he waiting upstairs?”

“He didn’t make it.”

“To… this dungeon? Cause he’s waiting upstairs?”

IT’S FINE IM NOT CRYING

Fjord sounds so exhausted someone hug him

Everyone’s sad I’m sad I don’t wanna live with this again

Fjord. Honey. It’s not your fault.

God Fjord and Jester and Yasha are going to have such a rough time healing and moving on…

This is really hard… like. My heart hurts.

“We learned for the future. This won’t happen again, understand me?”

“Nothing this good ever happens, this is great.” I love him. He’s sweet and he tries.

Jester and Beau back at the cute BFF banter already

B: “I would have laid down my life for you guys.”

J: “I would have tried to heal you back.”

Oh lord guys you can’t just make butt jokes in the middle of my crying.

Oh damn, I forgot Molly and Fjord shared a room the most often. Poor Fjord.

“It’s probably stolen.”

“People need killin’ if that happens.”

Them talking about Molly possibly coming back like that’s what we’re all still hoping for please don’t pull my heartstrings like this.

And the Fjord/Jester train rolls on again. They wasted no time.

“Oooooo, ooooo! That’s all I need to know.”

“INSIGHT CHECK”

oh my god Sam xD

WHISPERS

“Fuck human traffickers, ammiright?” You are so right.

“Please bring me any books” Caleb’s priorities back in place again

Cad cooking food I love him

Matt plz chill with the torture stuff

I love how they’re always finding random potions

Godddd Lorenzo’s chamber…

“Some young creature” it’s a baby Matt just say it

Bag of holding?? IT IS A BAG OF HOLDING?

YAAAS

Please no body parts please no body parts…

Fjord checking the room for books <3

I want Fjord and Caleb to get back to being bros man I miss that so hard

Fuck I forgot Caleb was still injured Jester plz heal him

I adore Cad you guys. Adore him.

“Roots.”

“Do I smell anything…? Nah it smells like breakfast fuck it I go back down” xD Travis

A long rest sounds like a good idea, but is the fortress safe?

“WHAT’S THAT NEW MAGIC YOU USED?” SAAAAM LOL

Cad is gonna be the weird uncle of the team who keeps them all fed and relatively healthy

I’m curious about the bag and what all it can do and stuff

lol Fjord just spilled everything out

“I have deep arcane abilities” lol Fjord

101 PLATINUM NICE

Ooooo a gem!

Oh daaaamn wax sealed envelope

AN ACTUAL ENVELOPE

okay what is it….

omg could they collect anyone 101 platinum?

Oooo Wayfairer’s Cove? Is it Pirates?? Please be pirates.

Also does that mean they’ll go to Nicodranus?

OH.

OH SHIT.

FJORD HAS ONE. IN HIS STOMACH.

“You have 50 rings, do you have a glass bead?”

Nott has the most amazing collection of stuff

Ouch, 5 intelligence check

Fjord my darling why are you collecting a tusk?

Also guys i’m over my annoyance with Fjord I missed him so much he’s back to being one of my faves

“HEY LOOK WHAT I MADE :D” Caleb my son he’s so proud and happy look at him

He’s been working on it so he can protect his friends I’m crying

Cad just makes me smile every time he speaks. Taliesin just knows how to cheer me up with every character he makes.

I can’t believe Caleb actually managed to make them a small “home” they can move just like he wanted I’m so proud of him

NOTT PLZ

Jester dragging Yasha in lol

Niiiice magic potion and magic red gem

bad magic manacles no

C: “This has great power.”

N: “What is it?”

C: “It’s a meat hook.”

300 bolts nice

Beau looking for something throwable

Those are creepy manacles 0/10

Caleb please stop being weird about fire YOU’RE SCARING ME

“It’s not my thing” hnnn

Beau honey please keep it for him he doesn’t need it right now

Fjord using Molly’s sword is good

DON’T EAT THE GODDAMN SWORD

PLEASE

Fjord’s actual identity is a bag of holding I’ve solved it

BEAU

BEAU NO

beau plz

Oh Jester… oh honey… I’m crying again

“Why didn’t you come?” IT’S FINE

I’m fine

it’s not fine

Bye Keg WE’LL MISS YOU

Letter for Nott I cry

“Oh, a note… It’s really badly written…” Nott plz

That letter I’M CRRRYYYYYING

“p.s. if anyone hurts you I will kill them” <3<3<3<3

Marisha’s face when she looked at the letter I’m crying

Ashley B is the best I miss her so much

Fjord keeping the glaive for Yasha. <3

Cad offering to help dye the bag pink xD

He and Jester are going to be good buddies

C: “I need to head east at some point.”

Cad: “What is east?”

C: “I don’t know. But I’d like to find out.”

—

B: “He makes dead people tea.”

F: “He makes what?!”

Hmmm okay so what’s making the illusion. the cart itself?

MAGIC ILLUSION CART that could be great

Stealth cart yessss

Happy (late) birthday, Ashley!

Cad should stay with the cart maybe?

They’re very touchy about the cart xD

Ophelia is classy as hell and I don’t trust her but I like her

Oooo smart to remember to bring the glaive Fjord good job

My boy with the Nat20 persuasion ayyyyyyy

No wait we’re keeping it for Yasha

Nice okay good she let them have it

Oh dang I forgot they were supposed to escort her back to Zadesh

“I think ‘hot fuck’ is accurate on a few levels” Beau continues to be THE disaster lesbian

Fjord is creeped out by Cad and I’m loving it

Oh no who’s coming…

Oh okay it’s just the carriages lol I was worried

Stealth check for giggles lol

Money says Beau will try to sleep with Ophelia before the trip is over

SAM NAMED THEM AFTER ABBA SONGS omg I’m crying

Oh oh oh a crick person. What were they called?

J: “Shady deals happening!”

Cad: “Oh is that what that is? I’ve never seen one before.”

Okay we’re in the slums this is where something is going to happen

Driving through slums in fancy carriages is bad

Frumpkin is gone sadly

Oooo Jester has a fancy new spell? Nice

“Next time you use it maybe it will have a purpose” xD harsh, Nott.

Oooo some Beau and Caleb talk! It’s been a few weeks. And yesss give us some Beau backstory!

“Why are you running around with criminals? And me?” Caleb you are just as much a criminal as the rest of them

Beau and Caleb’s friendship and their conversations are my fave

I SAW SPOILERS ABOUT WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN AND IM NOT OKAY

is his coat there

HIS COAT IS THERE

thank god

I’m not ready for this

Taliesin looks like he might cry, I’m gonna cry, everyone’s gonna cry

Letting Taliesin choose which card Jester pulled I’m weeping

the same card she pulled when they met I’m sobbing now

Fjord with Summer Dance I’m just. A wreck.

Yasha wakes up AT MOLLY’S GRAVE THIS ISN’T OKAY

“What’s going on” noPE MATT HOW DARE

Oh Yasha my dear oh god

“It happened again” stop please I beg you

She didn’t even get to help kill Lorenzo

Oh, oh, Yasha…

Oh fuck.

Oh. Oh, my heart.

She doesn’t even have her sword.

Caleb and Nott please don’t make me cry either

TALIESIN DONT

IM

I CANNOT

He’s gone.

He’s really, forever, never coming back, gone.

“I made the earth remember him. Something will be here.”

Like… like I had this vague hope that somehow he’d come back, ten, twenty episodes from now. Hell, maybe close to the end, he’d just come back. He’d return to life and maybe he wouldn’t remember at first, but they’d help remind him who he is. But no… he’s gone. Tal gave him the best goodbye he could.

C: “Come, everyone. Molly wanted us to keep living.”

B: “And make things better.”

I’m glad they all got to say goodbye but my god, none of them had ever die, because I can’t handle anything like this ever again.

Goodbye, Molly. For real this time.

“Those ideas I had have come to fruition” oh god what does that mean

Caleb worries me

New feat is cool but he still worries me

Ophelia and the Gentleman, huh?

PFFF SHE BIT HIM. kinky.

I like Ophelia more and more tbh

Cad just grins

also the Gentleman doesn’t have Cad’s blood that’s probably good

Hey @ the Gentleman don’t be a dick “that’s just the way of it” i’m gonna kick you

LOL Nott and the moisture thing again I’m cackling

How much money? I don’t remember

“mostly platinum” O_O

600 platinum NICE

250 gold

6250 alksjdlaksjflkjsdhfkjasdhg

+50 platinum for the loss of Molly HE WAS WORTH SO MUCH MORE HE WAS PRICELESS

Nott explaining “money” to Cad lol

“I can’t think of four things I’d like to get, that’s nice.”

A tea set, a skillet, more cups.

Fuck okay he’s gonna get his blood sigh

WHISPERRRSSSSS

Cad and his bugs alksjdlkas

I’m actually glad that Caleb lied about Molly… I’m not sure why but I’m just glad. Molly didn’t want to be tied to Lucien, even in death.

Metagaming pigeon lol

GO SEE PUMAT SOL I just want him to meet Cad desperately

Tal rolling to determine how Cad feels about milk lol

Tal wants to strangle Sam/Nott for their tragic lack of knowledge (r their total deception) about how whiskey is made lol

Introducing Cad to alcohol lol

Fjord is so baffled whenever people flirt with him I love it

“Here is to fucking making it work” <3

Beau I don’t think he wants to talk about it, darling

Alright Fjord needs a goddamn hug. Like a big one.

They think Jester is fine but guys she’s not fine keep an eye on her. This is how she copes but she’s gonna fall apart. There are cracks.

Caleb is right about her. She’s suffering.

Cad: “I’ve had six drinks. I’m in the biggest city I’ve ever been in. Everything tastes TERRIBLE.”

—

N: “Have you not thrown up yet?”

Cad: “Is that part of the—are you supposed to?”

—

Oh boy intruding Jester to alcohol too let her be sweet and innocent and not a useless drunk like all of you smh

Jester is going to have so much fun introducing Cad to pastries

“What’s a smut shop?” Oh lord.

C: “To that purple devil. To Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

B: “And now to our new… tea leaf…”

Travis just suggested shopping the world must be ending

Matt just keeps ducking his head and giggling I love him

Nott my dear you are not subtle

I’m so glad they all back together (minus Yasha—come back soon, Ashley!!). I missed these happy nights of goofiness.

And I’ll always miss you, Mollymauk.

“FOR MOLLY!”

Goblight lol

“Caduceus Clay, we are your destiny!!” xD Caleb

Oooo some downtime episodes coming! Some time to get to know Cad, that’ll be nice.

THEY EACH HAEV OVER 1000 GOLD

amazing

“Just one 10 hour Critical Role episode, please.” Someday, Liam, someday.

Good episode. Good, good episode.