#i prefer ellie using a name thats a little different

[sguidwards-bestfriend]

Young Old Things

I like the thought of a deaged Dan causing a misunderstanding between Danny, Vlad, and the batfam.

TW: sexual assault hinted at

....

Danny, Dan, and Ellie go to see Jazz in Gotham. They've been waiting to "visit" her for weeks since she moved out. Only waiting for her to get a big enough place for all of them. Danny already said he'd share a room with Ellie and Dan, especially now that they found out if she is her true age she'll start to stabilize more permanently with Danny's ecto. Plus, having Dan be the same size helps, or so she says (he might be desperate for a new family and Ellie is trying to help, Danny and Jazz never bring it up in front of him).

The Fenton parents don't know about Danny being Phantom, instead believing that some big ghostly event caused Danny to have a ghost daughter.

And that he tried to clone himself mixed with a ghost to use that body to stabilize her. They may be proud of their scientist son, they are not proud that he won't let them experiment on his ghostly "creations".

Of course they are entirely wrong:

Ellie is one of Vlads' attempts to clone him, the only one that survived.

And Dan is an amalgamation of Danny and Vlad from an alternate timeline. He doesn't know why he's keeping that from his parents. He owes nothing to that scumbag, but Jazz says many victims try to keep their abusers safe from facing consequences. Before Dan was deaged, and much before he met the Fenton parents, he'd pointed out that he'd be scared who his parents would have chosen to believe too.

Jazz gets a full ride scholarship with Gotham U, the Wayne's new massive donation to the psychology department, as well as her well written letter about being the head of her home, helped immensely.

She felt bad using a slightly blurred version of their story to get a good scholarship, but Danny pushed her to go for it.

Hence her, Danny and his 3 year old "twins" were at a gala for the university.

It was being held in the museum after closing hours. The invitation she got had specified that her brother was invited, each with a plus one.

They couldn't exactly get a babysitter for two super-powered toddlers in the city known for hating metas. Besides it wasn't like they had time to get dates anyway.

The night started out fine. There were scholarship students, student council members, some Gotham U staff, and a few rich folk mingling and eating tiny foods that both Ellie and Dan adored.

Ellie fell asleep in Danny's arms almost the second she'd finished eating, and Dan was overly protective of the both of them as always. Of course the dense crowd and constant noise wasn't helping calm him down.

A Wayne, he wasn't sure which one exactly, had brought Danny a plate of food and sat with him as he tried to distract Dan. At first Dan didn't care for him at all, but he mentioned reading about the constellation on Dan's shirt and he loosened up. He never let go of Danny's pant leg though.

The night turned sour when all three's ghost sense went off. There was no immediate threat, but even the Wayne kid noticed them tense and turned to the hallway.

Dan was the first to spot him. "Vad."

"Bad?" The man mimicked.

"He has trouble with his Ls."

"No! I can say Ellie." Dan huffed, poking the side of her sparkly green shoe.

"Vlad, the guy that walked in." Danny said, decidedly looking down into his daughter's sleeping face, squished into his shirt and drooling.

"Vladimir Masters?"

He nodded, before he could continue however Dan spoke up.

"He is bad. He's the reason I was born. And Ellie too." Dan put himself in front of Danny, his little legs going over Danny's feet like a guard dog.

He could see the Wayne's hands tighten into fists, he tapped the inside of his wrist a bit and watched as he squirmed in his seat.

"Hey, Tim." Another dark haired light eyed Wayne and a girl came up to them. "Who's this?"

"Danny, these are my sibilings. Dick and Cass. Guys, this is Danny."

"Hi, nice to meet you Danny. I'd shake your hand but it looks busy." He gestured towards Ellie. As his hand swept nearer, Dan tried to swipe it away. "Oh, and who's this."

"I'm Dan. You can't touch Mommy." His little face contorted into his best toddler attempt at scaring them off.

"I would never do that. No one here would." Dick said as he crouched down to be eye level with his son.

"He would." Dan pointed at Vlad, all three turned to look at the man. Before anyone else noticed, specifically Vlad himself, Danny pushed his arm down.

"Don't point, it's rude."

"He's a rude butt." Danny laughed softly and Dan continued. "It doesn't mater that I'm half of him, I'll never be evil like him." He yawned and laid his face on Danny's leg.

"I think that's enough signs that we should head home. Thank you for talking with me, Tim."

"No problem, it was m-"

Dan grabbed around Danny's legs and whined "I don't wanna gooOOOooo. I want more of the tiny hot dogs."

Danny looked up to see Vlad infront of the food table. The Wayne sibilings followed his gaze "I'm sorry buddy, but-"

Tim stood up, "I'll get you guys a whole mountain of the tiny hot dogs. Why don't you guys wait for me at the door." Ever so softly he heard Tim whisper, "Go with them." To his brother.

"Where are your things? I'll help you get ready." Dick looked around like he didn't know where the coat closet was. He'd probably been to events like this hundreds of times, but Danny appreciated the sentiment.

"Their stroller is at the entrance, I have to get my sister though."

The girl who hadn't said a word hummed and went off, "Cass can find her, I'll help you and we can meet at the entrance."

"Alright, thank you."

It wasn't until they had both kids in the stroller with their coats on and Dan had a bottle of milk (with a lot of ectoplasm in it) that Danny realized he'd never mentioned who his sister was.

Dick waved towrds the end of the hall and saw his sister and the two Waynes he'd met walking with Brucie Wayne himself.

Jazz looked down and pat Cass' hand. "Thank you for getting me."

"Danger." Her voice was soft, but she didn't seem shy like he had expected.

"All four of you seemed to get along well with my kids. Would you like to come by for dinner next week?" Brucie asked as he looked between the four of them.

"I'd love to!" Jazz said enthusiastically. "Would Tuesday ight work?"

Danny could see the gears start to speed up in her head and he huffed a little. "Jazz, I need to get them in bed."

"Right, of course. Thank you again, for everything."

"Tuesday night works perfectly," Brucie Wayne said with a massive smile on his face, "we'll send someone to pick you up. Have a good night."

With that they walked down the ramp and down a few blocks to their two bed room apartment.

"Jazz," She looked over to Danny, "I think they know more than they are letting on."

She lent over the stroller a bit to check if the kids were asleep, before adding, "I agree, I think there is something up with them, but I don't think they're bad."

"Dan was okay with them mostly, and Ellie was fast asleep even with then around."

"I guess we'll just have to find out, then. Besides, it would be good for you to make friends your age and not at the car shop."

"Yeah, alright."

[wolferals]

HURT

herman tømmeraas preference

*

*

-„get out of here! We dont want to see you anymore!“ you hostmom yelled in your face while you were pulling your suitcase through the hallway

-„OUT!“ she screamed and basically pushed you out of the house

-you stumbled backwards and your head hit the ground rather harshly

-it hurt

-your hand shot up to hold the wound on the back of your head

-your host mom didnt even care, she had slammed the door closed and left you there, bleeding

-and all that because of a misunderstanding

-your host sister (who‘s a dumbass bitch) had told her that you were constantly flirting with your host dad

-first of all gross, second of all you lived with them for taking care of a 5 year old girl

-why would you risk getting kicked out

-like now for instance

-after the realization hit you that you had a bleeding wound on your scull you sat up and looked around

-this neighborhood seemed lost, no one near to be seen

-of course there wasnt anyone around right in this exact moment of help needed

-so you slowly stood up, grabbed your suitcase and made your way to the house across the street to ask someone for help

-since you were bleeding, and not too light it took you some time to fully understand your situation

-but you eventually made it to the house and rang the doorbell

-literally a second later a dog shot around the corner and jumped up and down on your leg

-„hey.“ you greeted the fluffy little ball

-„Ellie!“ someone then shouted

-then this guy showed up

-tall, muscular, and damn handsome

-„hallo, hva gjør du her?“ he spoke and walked up to you to pull his dog away from your shaking body

-„sorry i dont speak norwegian. I fell.“ you explained and then showed him your hand covered in blood

-„oh fucking hell! Alright wait here, i‘ll get my keys to take you to the hospital.“

-without waiting for your response he ran inside, his dog right behind him

-it took him not even 30 seconds to come back out the front door you were standing in front of

-he had a towel in his hand

-„press this to the wound to make it stop bleeding“ he then told you and handed you the black towel

-„can you walk? Are you okay?“ he asked and grabbed your arm to help you around the house to his car

-once you were all settled he started the engine and drove you to the nearest hospital

-„what happened to you?“ he then asked and looked at you for a second

-„i was living with the Hansens. I was their au pair from (wherever you‘re from) but they kicked me out before because of some dumb misunderstanding.“ you told him

-„oh shit. So you got no place to go?“

-„i mean, i got this woman from the agency i traveled with who i could call, but she lives in Oslo, it might take her a while to get here or me to get to hers.“

-„thats fucking shit. What are you gonna do now?“ he asked seriously concerned

-„idk, first i need to get this fixed, i can worry about that later.“

-at the hospital they sewed my wound real quick while the guy, whose name i still dont know was waiting outside

-„it would be good for you to stay here overnight Ms y/l/n, just to make sure it heals the way it should.“ the doctor told you and handed you some disinfectant to clean your hands

-„okay.“ you just spoke and sat up straight

-„do you want us to get your boyfriend in here?“ she then asked making you smirk

-„he‘s not my boyfriend i dont even know him. He just helped me get here.“

-she nodded and then spoke:“Well be glad he did, you were bleeding heavily.“

-„anyway we‘re gonna get your room ready, just wait outside with your... friend.“

-you nodded and slowly walked out of the room

-„hey! Are you okay? Feeling better?“ the guy came up to you

-„yeah i am, thank you for driving me here ... whats your name actually?“ you sat down next to him

-„oh yeah right, I‘m Herman. What about you, stranger?“

-you laughed a little and then spoke:“My name‘s y/n. And thanks again.“

-„I have to stay overnight.“ you then added

-„Yeah i figured since it looked pretty bad.“

-you guys then sat there talking a bit until a nurse took you to your room

-Herman then gave you his number because he insisted on you calling him when he should pick you up the next day

-„you dont have to do this.“

-„no i actually do. You have no one here and im already involved here. I dont mind, really. Ill talk to my parents because I‘m staying with them in quarantine.“

-you thanked him again and then he left so you could get some rest

*next day*

-it was about 9am when you woke up in a strange location

-your head didnt hurt

-other than your back

-you were pretty sensitive when its about sleeping on other mattresses

-„oh good morning ms y/l/n. How are you feeling?“ the nurse came in right after you had sat up and grabbed your phone to check your texts

-you had told your family last night what happened and they just told you to either contact that agency woman or come home right away but you really liked norway

-and the only choice was to stay with Herman‘s family and maybe find a job?

-„I‘m okay. My head doesnt hurt anymore.“

-„Dizzy?“

-you shook your head at her

-„let me check your heart rate.“

-she then also checked on your temperature but it all seemed fine so she wanted to talk to the doctor about when you could leave the hospital

-you then got dressed from some clothes out of your suitcase, brushed your hair as good as you could with the big bandaid on the back of your head

-and obviously brushed your teeth

-when you were about to get back to bed you heard a knock at the door

-„come in.“

-„Hey how are you doing?“ Herman spoke smiling

-he had a small bouquet of flowers in his left hand

„I figured i needed to be a good person so i got you these.“ he said shyly

-„Thank you!“ you took them and looked at the flowers before putting them aside

-„i heard you‘re allowed to leave soon.“ he then said

-„oh really? Who told you?“

-he sat down on the end of your bed and answered:“I heard the nurses talking in the hallway

-„perfect. My back hurts terribly from last night. The mattress is shit.“

-„yeah i know, hospitals suck.“ he grinned

-„By the way, my mom would love to meet you.“

-„What why? She doesnt even know me.“ you laughed

-„I told her about your situation and she really doesnt mind having you stay with us.“ he smiled sweetly

-„you sure?“

-„of course.“

-you leaned forward to give him a hug as a thank you

-he smelled nice

-he had probably showered before he got there

-„thanks.“ you spoke again

-„stop thanking me. Of course.“ he softly stroked your back

-you then let go because you heard the door open

-„Good morning y/n, the results look good, your head seems fine so far. In my opinion there‘s nothing to worry about no. It wasnt quite a concussion so i think you can go home now.“ The doctor said and handed you some paperwork to sign

*

-out in the car Herman smiled at you

-„what?“ you looked away shyly

-„nothing. You‘re just different.“ he laughed

-„that‘s not a good thing.“

-„what? Of course it is. You‘re really interested as far as i can judge from the past 24 hours ive known you for.“

-„well...“ you were so shy you just looked out of the window hiding your face in your sleeve

-„cute.“ herman then murmured

-„ohh right.“ you joked and looked at him for a second

-„you are.“ he defended himself

-„sure.“ you grinned. „you have to know someone to judge.“

-he nodded and spoke:“i guess we‘ll get to know each other pretty damn good in the next time.“

-„pretty damn good.“ you repeated and got some tingles thinking about it

[mechecolomar-archive]

genuinely curious: do you think that the depictions of homophobic abuse and violence towards lgbt characters in tlou2 outweighs the portrayal of their other experiences and happy moments of love/self expression? is it bad representation if the lgbt characters go through strife and pain as well as being happy and allowed to express themselves? i feel like there are valid criticisms to be made, but views on lgbt rep tend to be pretty polarized, either "it's great" or "it's bad" with no nuance

I think a big issue I have with the characters and representation specifically in The Last of Us 2 is that in the game the characters feel like they were created solely to serve a point in the plot, the game’s tone is progressively bleak (and the violence is gratuitous), and the inclusion of bigotry also felt unnecessary.

As a disclaimer, I’m not saying tlou2, Naughtydog, or even Neil Druckmann is simply homophobic because the gay character gets in fights and all that, but for me personally I felt that the treatment of lgbt characters in the game made me uncomfortable and wasn't satisfying. I’m glad they weren't outright stereotypes, but I’d like it if there was a bit kinder treatment of these characters. It just really feels like nd heard they didn’t do diversity well in the first game and just threw in a bunch of poc and lgbt characters without really thinking... I don’t think what happens is homophobic, but it feels very thoughtless.

The characters in tlou2 are not well done, I’m not sure what happened between The Last of Us and tlou2, but they do not feel the same at all. Every character in the game feels very weak and the player themselves cant name 10 facts about each one, even characters like Abby or Dina (I’m excluding Ellie and Joel because they already existed). This applies the most to Jessie imo, but I’ll only discuss Ellie, Dina, and Lev since they are the lgbt characters in the game. in tlou2 Ellie is just the vengeful character and as Neil put it, “the villain.” tlou2 could have been a wonderful opportunity to add more to her story, but here she’s basically just the traumatized girl who likes girls and is playing the guitar to remember Joel. Dina is basically the player’s partner who is randomly benched halfway through and from a narrative point she is something that Ellie can lose, you learn she has some ability with tinkering, she is Jewish, bi, has a sister... and not much else. Finally Lev feels like the main justification to sympathize with Abby, without Abby he is introduced literally being hunted because he is trans. Every character in the game is like this, but with these three very prominent characters, it’s disappointing.

Next, for tlou2 the violence seems to be double what happened in tlou, being much more detailed and forcing you to look at what is happening (Ellie getting her face smashed in and Abby threatening to kill Dina and its good because she is pregnant). Tlou was able to thread the needle concerning this successfully; having Ellie being kidnapped, hunted, and almost being sexually assaulted to immediately having the famous scene where Joel and Ellie pet giraffes. Tlou also (to my knowledge) did not have those shock value moments 2 constantly has, and when there is violence its rarely explicitly shown. Now in tlou2 this is almost the opposite, instead of going back and forth between intense and calm scenes, the sequel seems to steadily go downhill in tone. I know that these specific characters arent being hurt BECAUSE they’re lgbt, but its still not good to see.

The happiest moments are the beginning with Dina and Ellie, but while they're having fun and making out together what’s happening? Joel is currently getting his face caved in by Abby. Halfway through the game after Ellie and Dina are beaten, it seems to go back up in tone, but ooc tommy forces Ellie to turn back to revenge and the whole thing comes crashing back down. “I’m afraid of ending up alone” Ellie chooses to leave Dina and Ellie’s life is now hell going all the way back to Abby. After all this Ellie comes back to their house but her family is no longer there. Ellie is alone. I have a huge issue with the ending and it’s that you are explicitly shown that everything there is sad. Nd doesn't make “letting go” of Joel a relief, and they don’t show any implication of Ellie reuniting with Dina. Our lesbian protagonist is now living her worst fear, even though she did the “right” thing and spared Abby. Lev’s ending is clearly better because he’s affiliated with Abby, but it doesn’t change that throughout the story he’s repeatedly hurt and has a similar fall to Ellie after Abby thinks she finds the fireflies, he is never explicitly shown recovering from being made a literal slave and almost crucified.

My last issue is that the bigotry is entirely uncalled for, especially in a world that is as already violent as they’ve made tlou2. One of the most striking moments to me in tlou2 is Dina saying, “What’s this” referring to lgbt flags, indicating she has no concept of pride for being bisexual. Ellie also has no clue and they joke about the erotica and thats the end of that. Later Ellie is called a slur. The man who does it isnt exactly punished and Ellie is forced to make up with him later. That scene and the scene at the end somehow included Ellie, but clearly were about Joel. The last flashback is used as a tragic “Ellie could have forgiven Joel but he was killed :(” scene, there’s very little focus about her sexuality positively. Ellie and Dina are also never openly gay, the one time they are (in a room full of maybe 50 people) Ellie is called a d*ke. Ellie’s previous gf is scrapped except for subtle concept art and notes and she only has one conversation in the beginning mentioning a her.

Then on the opposite side of characters, Lev’s entire story outside of and before Abby is being hunted simply because he is trans. He’s deadnamed multiple times and even Abby cluelessly says it (??). There’s endless reasons why he could have been hunted (hell, just simply wanting to leave the cult because theyre so violent), but nd went with this... for some reason. Him being trans is also never discussed in a positive way other than Abby’s weird attempt to make him feel better by giving him a toy (”Hey, I know your group you grew up with and family literally wants you dead, but uh, would a toy help?”). Lev THEN goes BACK to the people who wants him dead, and we’re shown that his mother has viciously attacked him and he accidentally kills her due to this. Him being trans is never mentioned again... I don’t think we have to exactly hide homophobia in fiction, but I personally do not play a game to get called a slur, I can find that irl. Also if these things were to be included, they could have at least shown comfort after, but they don’t. The scenes are simply more shocking violence and are never mentioned again, simply skipped over. Nd used these characters being lgbt as an excuse for them to be discriminated against for it instead of anything positive.

Their advertising of Ellie kissing a girl in 2018 and in 2020 having her be called a slur instantly after what was shown to us is just SO jarring... Nd and their stans like to say, “Well if you don’t like The Last of Us 2, you’re just homophobic.” but that’s honestly so ridiculous. There simply can’t be more instances of oppression than acceptance and think you're doing something good?? Revealing Lev’s deadname gives people an opportunity to be transphobic, having Ellie be called a slur and lash out at Joel after gives people a reason to be angry at her there. You simply can’t include these things if it can do the opposite thing that you want. The point of including minorities in fiction should be so people can related and identify with these characters, not as some virtual reminder that people will hate you specifically for these reasons. It should not be too much to ask for a character you are like to be treated well and nd not listening to fans critique the game is sad,

I suppose I appreciate the attempt at inclusion, but it feels like a failed one that I preferred would not have happened, or at least had been strongly corrected. It would have been different if maybe Ellie had reunited with Dina apologizing, Abby telling Lev she supports him, Joel saying he loves Ellie, or even Dina and Ellie talking about being gay in some way thats anything other than making out and calling each other “babe”, but idk... that didn’t happen. Dina and Ellie are clearly supposed to be the main rep, but I feel like they really missed things they could have mentioned. This rep really reminds me of Life is Strange, but I can’t decide if dying or ending up alone and depressed at the end is worse. I’m probably missing more things but yeah... It would be cool if my lesbian protagonist did not have to be traumatized for an overdone, useless story.

[youeverfeelcursed]

On the Narrative of Last of Us Part 2 (3/3)

So this should be the last part on the narrative but I’ll probably post more thoughts on characters, representation, maybe on some details of the gameplay that just made me wish I could design something like this and most likely a text on where do I think this franchise is going to. 

I will also check and fix the previous posts as I know there’s typos and some mismatched data and maybe some timelines confusing. Logically, it comes with posting at my 3am and working from memory and not notes. 

That said, lets just move onto what I hope is interesting enough for people to read these old woman’s ramblings. For anyone still reading, thank you very much for your attention, it’s been a while since I truly enjoyed analizing an art piece.

(Note: I’m marking this post for rechecking as I feel its a bit convoluted. I blame it being 4am.) 

We ended the previous Act 3 (Abby’s Act) with a overhead shot (or aerial if you prefer) of Ellie and Dina on different sides of the shot, close but separated with Ellie being bathed by a red light and both represented in a descending oblique line from Dina to Ellie. 

I find it a wonderful shot that represents Ellie’s story in few and simple details. 

(For those interested, the name in the screenshot is from MkIceAndFire a No commentary channel I follow, go check him out!) 

From here, we jump to what I called the respise intermission, a short part but full of important details for the understanding of the next and final act. 

Like a moth to the flame, or how living sometimes is harder than dying.

The next part of Ellie’s story is as bittersweet as the best coffee you’ll ever have. We find her reminiscencing over Joel’s watch on hers and Dina’s bedroom. Putting it away we get to finally hold in our arms the cutest potatoe I’ve ever seen: JJ! Jesus that child is cute. And it’s obvious that Ellie loves him with all her heart. 

During this time we get to explore the beautiful they both probably restored to live in, in which it specially caught my attention how Ellie surprinsingly gets a full room for herself, whereas Dina seems to have a small space in the living room , where the photo of her sister sits.

I loved this part so much but I could feel that something was wrong, and it is. If we read Ellie’s diary we find out that she’s having trouble sleeping and dealing with people, needing to hide and what’s most likely profound PTSD thats later shown with her breaking down after herding all the sheep. 

A detail that I found important is the fact that she breaks down while having JJ in her arms, which has to be removed by Dina in case she hurts him during her seizure. Because remember that for Ellie protecting those she cares for is very important, so, does she feel she can protect them now?

Stop for a minute and think of how hard is for nowadays soldier to treat PTSD even with psychological support and meds, and how many of those war survivors end commiting suicide anyway. Now imagine that same in a world where violence is constant - yes they live peacefully in the farm but do you really think they don’t have to deal with any straggler? - and there’s basically zero to none mental health support.

Thats where it is important to pay attention to the moment when Ellie is coming back from hunting, how she cleans her face and takes a deep breath and puts her mask on - an obvious referal to her words in her diary - just before going back to Dina and JJ. 

I mean this is not the face of a person fully happy, its the face of a person thats putting her best front but catastrophically failing her inner battle. 

Tommy’s visit manages to break any remainer of the mask she tried to maintain so hard. It is obvious how while he tells her how he found information about Abby that with every word she breaks a little bit more. The trembling, tight shut lips and her open wide eyes that look as hopeful as they look lost. 

If this were another world, one in which I believe Ellie could get help, I would have hated that she left. But she says it herself, she doesn’t sleep, she doesn’t eat, she has a full room for herself so she can have space and even so she leaves for long times alone. She’s not really living, she’s riding the waves as they come but never truly enjoying it because by now her trauma is so deep I would have been surprised that she stayed. 

Because when Tommy talks about Abby, she feels a light, a hope of being able to just pour all of this shit out of her. Abby is not even important anymore, shes just a barrier for Ellie for her own liberation from her demons. Or thats what she thinks. 

She truly does JJ and Dina, but she’s completely broken inside. She’s missing pieces and for her, this is a chance of regaining them. It’s not even about vengeance anymore, it’s about rest. An end. Closure. 

What comes around, goes around. Or how Santa Barbara was the so needed eye opening. 

I was truly happy to see Abby and Lev being kind of silly and well, happy. They are the example of how you can heal when you learn to forgive both yourself and others. A extreme image compared to what we’ll see from Abby next time.

Fast-forward to Ellie after leaving the Rattlers village. Look at Ellie, she’s slightly delirious - Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby... - completely battered, skinny, with a fucked up side, half limping and pulling through out of sheer desesperation. She needs to do this, because if she doesn’t everything she left behind - Dina, JJ, Jackson - will be for nothing. She says it herself in her diary, she cannot think of that. 

And it’s funny. It’s funny there she goes. She helps Abby down and follows both of them to two small boats where she makes a scranny and completely eaten up Abby battle with her in exchange of not hurting Lev. 

The battle is sad. Abby contrary to Ellie had started healing so she didn’t want to battle. But it’s sad, these two beautiful human beings battling against each other as shadows of what they used to be, eaten away by life, hate and stupid decisions. You just feel like being over it because by this point it just feels completely stupid to keep warring. 

And there, Ellie doesn’t kill Abby. We get a flashback of Joel playing the guitar that stops her from killing her. 

And it’s funny, it’s funny because without Ellie both Lev and Abby would be rotting in those pillars. She left her home to kill a woman and ends saving both their lives! Why would she do that? 

We end this Act 4 with Ellie alone, watching the last remains of her flame disappear into the nothing. Rock bottom. You cannot go down further. That’s what it means. She left her family, Tommy is crippled and kind of hates her, Jesse is death, Joel is death, Ryley is death.

 And yet she left Abby leave. But why? 

The answer to all this crazyness is in the last flashback of her and Joel and a few words that are thrown into the night. 

“I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would’ve fucking mattered. But you took it from me!”

Purpose. 

Yes, purpose. A meaning to her life. A meaning that has been ripped from her hands multiples times in situations out of her control. Is this what she really wants? Her life to revolve around vengeance? Is this what she’s choosing? 

So for once, she decides for herself and she decides that no. She doesn’t want that path. It’s not enough anymore. 

Ellie was supposed to die with Riley, but she survived and found out that’s she’s immune. 

Ellie traveled from one side to another of USA to be the solution to humanity’s problem. To help create a vaccine, whatever the cost. She was ready for it, she was ok with it. But it was ripped from her and lied about it multiple times. 

Imagine thinking you’re immune but that it means absolutely nothing. After getting yourself mentally ready for whatever it would happen, you are told that you’re useless. That you cannot help. That you’re worthless. 

Worthless. 

She ends in Jackson, And learns she’s been betrayed by the person she trusted most, that she could have meant something instead of just living taking care of cows and patrolling. 

It was impossible for Ellie to remain the same even before Joel’s death. Because Ellie is a very complicated character made of survivor guilt, a need to have a purpose in life, too many personal loses and self hating. Not only that, but all of this happens during her adolescence, a time which is hard to deal already without all these traumas piling up. 

Joel’s killing is what makes the bomb explode. Suddenly she can do something, she can leave Jackson and she can revenge him. Again, purpose. She can feel alive because she’s got finally a direction. It’s just not the correct one, because we all know that hate is a terrible guide but for her, is the only guide amids the fog. 

Ellie is a character that has been lost from the moment she learned she could have helped humanity. Chasing Abby was literally the easy path to take to give some meaning to her life. 

When she was with her family at the ranch, I truly believe she wanted her purpose to be to protect her family, but it was something impossible for her to do in her condition. She tried hard, but she couldn’t do it. Her diary again sheds some light on these, on how she feels she has nothing else to give to them. 

We know that, if Joel hadn’t been killed, she could have healed given enough time. She could have forgotten him. She could have find a motivation in Jackson. But there’s so much you can push something until it completely breaks. 

I think that, at the end of the game, when she walks from the ranch she realizes she cannot keep going like this. That if she wants her life to mean something, she has to do it herself instead of just waiting for it to happen. And I feel I know which way she will take next and why. 

Although the ending might seem sad, I found it strangely positive. The circle comes to a end, the guitar that Joel cleaned in the first seconds of the game, is put down by an Ellie lacking two of her left hand fingers impossible, to play it again that way. It is an act of moving on, but not of forgetting. 

Of finally attaining peace of mind, and the chance of recovering herself. 

[peacheenie]

hl1/2 gordon scentric hc time

im rly feeling half life in this chillis tonight so....some....hc’s about everyones favourite free man, i have a lot so enjoy

-he’s actually mute and uses sign language but only about 50% of the time cuz people either don’t know what he’s saying or he can’t do it whilst holding like 20 different guns/weapons to protect himself so instead he makes big gestures a lot or writes down what hes trying to say (pretty much everyone at black mesa could understand him via sign language so he was very comfortable using it, during hl2 however he has to keep reminding himself not everyone is fluent and it frustrates him to no end)

-when he tries to speak it hurts and the most sound he can make is mumbles or little sqeaks so if theres ever a time he needs to alert someone to dangers reeeal quick he ends up hurting his throat a lot to try and make some kind of warning noise thats loud enough, he can hum tho and enjoys humming along to music as well as when he’s signing to try and convey some kind of emotion along with his facial features of which he emotes a LOT

-his hand writing looks like that of an actual dotors and its neat cursive but very hard to read so if he’s trying to write as a form of communication he just defaults to caps with big spaces inbetween and people (barney) tease him about it constantly (barney)

- hes incredibly short sighted without his glasses and ends up squinting a lot without them on and since he’s usualy default bitch facing he just looks very angry all the time when really he just cant see anything please dont be offended sir he didnt mean to upset you

-is actually very scared all the time abt like everything, hes literally just a scientist who just happened to be “the right man in the wrong place” and was just so determined to try and save those around him during the cascade that he pushed thorough his fears and anxiety to try and get the job done but he def has some form of ptsd after it all, barnicles specifically really freak him out because getting strangled and slowly lifted off of the ground into a row of razor sharp teeth is fucking TERRIFYING and he wouldnt wish it on anyone

-only reason he knows how to use guns is because barney would regularly take him down to the shooting range during their breaks and they’d see who could shoot straightest after a few drinks, barney would always win.

-after hl1 when he was put into stasis and he wakes up in hl2 hes lost like 20 years of his life and hates that fact terribly, all his friends have aged around him but hes still in his 20′s when he shouldnt be and he hates it so fucking much

-he also finds himself missing the feeling of the HEV suit terribly during the begining of his re-awakening in city 17, he’d grown so used to the feeling of it on him and keeping him safe that it makes him anxious without it and the cold air on his hands is also uncomfortable so he prefers wearing gloves all the time, when he finally gets the HEV suit back it feels like a weight has been lifted and he can finally stop worrying, the suits voice is also a comforting sound beccause its familiar and a sign that he’s not alone, same goes with the healing station and suit charging noises; they’re a comforting sound to hear and he enjoys humming along to the vrwwwrrrr vrrwwrrr vrwrrrrwr the machine makes when he plugs into the port

-he worries about overdosing on the healing stations a lot though; the morphone they give out is indefinite and once during the casade he’d passed out from taking to much and woken up to a zombie very slowly approaching him from down a corridoor but with how drowzy he was it was it was a horrible struggle to lift the gun and fire between dozing in and out

-he gets attached to people quickly since also during the cascade days he’d regularly meet people in danger who only had him to keep them safe so he tries his absolute hardest to make sure he can protect people even if that means he gets shot in the process, the suit usually protects him/heals him anyway so he’s used to it and if theres danger he almost default/automatically moves infront of people to make sure they’re okay without any concern for his own safety

-he also reeeally likes antlions and will pet them any chance he gets, he tried to do it when he first saw them and almost lost a hand so it makes him upset he has to kill them but when he finally gets the bug bite from the vorts? ohhhhohohoh he pets so many antlions, it again makes him sad he has to use them as like fodder for turrets and stuff but if an antlion comes back to him after taking down a turret or killing a combine he gives them extra pets and becomes a very proud papa

-since hes technically in his 30′s (and would be nearing his 40′s had he not been in stasis) he feels more of a big brother/fatherly bond toward Alyx since he’d also met her as a baby and finds any romantic involvement with her awkward, (so Elli’s comment on him “wanting grandkids” he ends up slapping the man on the arm with a frown to which Eli just laughs) this doesn’t help his attachment issue though so when they have to seperate to do things away from the other he worries for her safety even though she constantly assures him she can take care of herself and he KNOWS she can. he still really can’t help but worry though...

after hl2 ep2:

-when eli dies i dont like to think they all straight away go to mossman and instead get to spend some time mourning at the base, this gives gordon some time to finally sit down and relax for a little bit but he finds it incredibly hard to even take off the HEV suit at first because to him there was no passage of time between being put into stasis and waking up in city 17 all those years later; he’d closed his eyes, went into the portal and then the next second awakened in a completely unfamiliar place, in unfamiliar clothes with unfamiliar people (he definitely had a panic attack before geting off that very first train) and the thought of that happening again when he’s not prepared is terrifying.

-when he does finally take off the suit (after a lot of helping and reasuring from alyx, kleiner and barney a LOT from barney; theyre very good friends (;) he takes to wearing very comfy and heavy clothes such as jumpers, ponchos etc as well as a bullet proof vest because it makes him feel safe, the HEV suit gloves he retires entirely cuz theyre gross, definitely covered in his own blood and have been through hell so instead he has a bunch of different pairs he cycles through depending on how he feels that people around the base give him after learning about his fondness towards them

-he secretly carries a gun around with him even when they’re not in any danger becaus it’s another added layer of security and becaus he literally can’t trust things to not go bad EVER; now though nothing will go wrong again on his watch because he’ll be ready for it!! this really doesn’t help with his nerves though since he’s constantly looking for something to go wrong

scene specific hc’s:

-i always think abt that one specific sene in the train that gets derailed where alyx is trapped by a stalker and gordon has to pull it away with his gravity gun and i always imagine him franticly pulling it away with so much alarm on his face and such panic, when shes free though and has to stop to catch her breath gordon would give her a hug and make sure she’s okay cuz it must have been terrifying to have that thing screaming inches from ur face, gordon just instantly  goes into protect mode

-another scene that always comes to mind is when you first encounter an advisor and it makes that horrid loud noise where alyx is holding her head; i imagine gordon almost dropping the gravity gun in a panic to try and cover his ears because he doesn’t handle loud noises too well and it freaks him out so much alyx has to help him get out of the room since he kind of locks up on hearing it

-same goes when you get trapped by an advisor in a barn and almost become food for it; gordon is absolutely terrified at getting so up and close without being able to move that when it finally does drop him he starts hyperventilating and alyx has to protect him from the oncoming combine for a little while before he can catch his breath

-last scenes but some of my favorites are the ENTIRE sections of gordon being up close with breen, 

first being the teleporter malfunctioning and when gordons heavy breathing i imagine hes trying super hard not to start freaking out/hyperventilating and when breens doing his “i want that twink obliterated” spiel and then looks up and says his name, gordon almost looses it and internally is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

second is when youre trapped in that like...metal contraption thing the stalkers are carried in and brought to breens officce and that entire section where breen is talking directly TO YOU i just adore it becausee gordon would have been looking away awkwardly unable to actually respond and furrowing his eyebrows at the nerve breen has upon thinking you would ever agree to any such terms and would definitely also spit in breens face as a response just like alyx did since he can’t use words

okay that is all, if you read all of these you’re amazing and i love u and also gordon hes an amazing “character” because i can insert as many of my own quirks into him as i please because valve literally never gave him a personallity :^)

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 2 - "I DON'T WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE" - Ellie

At the tribal, Ping was voted out of the Pendragon Tribe nearly unamimously. Tribal immunity for this round is Pictionary.

I bet all these bitches know i voted for Keith and now they are going to come kill me in my sleep if i die i blame dylan

yass round 2 i either think im in the best position on this tribe or theyre all secretly coming for me thats all

Tribal went as well as I expected it to go. No major drama. It seems like Keith is in real trouble if we do go to tribal again though which would put me in a very tricky spot. For now, though, I will be trying my best in the upcoming challenge. The problem is, however, timezones and schedules. Jon is going to be our drawer, but he can only do it tonight or in the early afternoon tomorrow which I will not be there for. Additionally, Keith is asleep so we have no idea what his schedule is going to be so we basically had to schedule the challenge without him. And Nya could only do right before the deadline tomorrow which Jon cannot do. I hate this for us, truly. I just hope that Moth and I can rub our brain cells together for this one so that we can pull out a win. OR somehow the other tribes fail horribly. On the bright side, I am finally starting to catch up on Duolingo exercises. They're a lot easier than I thought, but it is still going to be tedious af to save up enough coins for some of the higher end products at the shop. As a final note, I am going to work with Nya in the long term as we promised each other to. Hopefully that actually works out. Time to actually be loyal and be a hero this time around. Need to try something different.

If we lose this challenge, I will be very upset. We went so hard on this challenge!!! I believe that we can at least get second place, but I don't know how crazy the other tribes are. So, let's see what goes on

Ayyyyy soooooooo looks like the four, Colin, me, Ava, and Brayden are officially in an alliance!? I’m really hyped to be working with everybody and already have sights on who should go if we have to go to tribal 👀 but like I’m gonna feel so bad if we go to tribal and I orchestrate a whole plan to take someone out I gotta do it when I’m not in my feels and the planets aren’t fucking with my emotions too heavy. But go alliance ! This means I’ll be able to stay safe until hopefully a merge and hopefully we can avoid a tribe swap till then which I get those vibe from it !! But I’ll be here to survive two more tribals just in case which is pretty rad. Other then that hopefully me offering to draw doesn’t end us up in the bottom and we can keep killing ! But anyways that is it as off know hopefully I have a lot more coins tomorrow morning and I get hit the hat shop bright and motherfucking early.

Just got asked to be apart of an alliance <33333 the besties in the group trust me which maybe ain't the right move but for now we gotta love the bonding. exciting!!!

YAY FOR ROUND 2! Okay, so I meet once again with the Hat Shop and... third times the charm! Except,,, the charm is getting nothing AGAIN lmao I'm not complaining though, still got that extra vote :P I stayed up at 1 AM for this challenge, and I honestly think our team popped off. Anastasia was guessing a ton, and Riley was amazing at drawing real quick! I have a relatively good feeling about our performance, so I hope I wake up to the news of our tribe being immune :D

so yesterday I set myself on a mission to get an alliance. I wanted Ava + Brayden + Toph + me as a majority alliance. it was our day off from tribal so I thought it was the perfect day to do it!! I talked to Brayden about it first because he's the person I feel the most comfortable with, and then after a lot of coordination and careful communication I was able to pull it together!! I think the most important thing when making alliances is making everyone feel like they're a big part in it. So I was careful to ask each person how they feel about the others, about the game, and made a point to say that I wanted to work with them specifically. Some may call that a little manipulative, but I wanna make sure that I'm an essential part of the alliance!! i need everyone to feel like they need/want me there.

all of this happening so soon into the game is a testament to how aggressive I'm playing this time around. I usually like to lay low and just rely solely on my social game in the start, but I'm trying this out to establish myself early on! I wanted to play the tribe leader and I think I'm doing that in a smart and subtle way!!

so yes now we have a 4 person majority alliance named "duolingo owl hate club" because fuck that guy. I think we're the 4 most active and present people on the tribe so it's only natural for us to work together, but I think it's definitely worth noting that I was the one that was pulling the strings here.

We just did the pictionary challenge, I have a good feeling about it!! Toph was an amazing artist, and if we win, all credit rightfully goes to him!! I think the guessers also did great of course, but like come on, the artist has to be the mvp. I'm really hoping we pull through!! I don't mind going to tribal, but I genuinely don't wanna vote anyone out yet. I'm fine just playing the game in a precautionary way. I know I'm in a great position if we do go to tribal, but it's always preferred that we don't go.

Everyone else on my tribe: doing the challenge and kicking ass

Me: I’m sleep

Riley (Tumblr has once again chosen violence so only the first 10 get banners 🥲)

I think our challenge went pretty well! My team were good guessers. Feeling like I've established some Integrity now. Hope it keeps me safe later!

Toph Soooooo we finished the challenge with 32 points and like wig !! I was a quick as drawer for 32pts expect when my internet lagged, but still ! I think we whooped some ass and if we do go to tribal I know it won’t be me going, thanks to Duolingo owl hate club but I’m also worried same could have and advantage because they seem pretty kean on learning a lot in like 3 hours and then tried to cover that statement to not seem so threatening but like babs s a huge threat too apparently they love Duolingo and know 5 laugnes ? This is from brayden but If so go babs ! That’s absolutely iconic for real Life but fucking scary in this game ! I gotta be buddy buddy with them so hopefully if they do have something it won’t be them going home first and it will be Ava. But I’m thinking we might get second place again unless someone is a fucking wizard at this.

Dennis hmm i think we did well enough in the challenge to not see tribal tomorrow but who knows i guess we shall find out tn

the way ellie was so on top of stuff yesterday only to oversleep the challenge makes me giggle maybe shes freaking out about it which makes me also giggle but i dont think its really a big deal

anastasia asked me to call yesterday and i was like sure lets talk but it is damn near impossible to hold a conversation with her idk i tried BUT she did tell me “yeah i just got off a call with ellie” im like i see. she says shes down to work with ellie but that quickly switched from ellie being ~experienced~ but good to know ellie is also playing hard. anastasia also mentioned that she talks to riley a fair amount who i still have yet to connect to well. but dat makes me think ellie is def talking to riley too miss debate team is definitely a talker. but good on her for the social game i guess

kenneth keeps being like haha we’re the same person and im like yeah👁 i bet we are👁

i just wanna win and not think about tribal just keep it slow and chill for now keep learnin my welsh i guess

Ava Second challenge was Pictionary and I had a ton of fun playing. The tea is: toph did a great job. He was pretty vocal about not being a great artist but really I think he did great. However, Babs was super inactive yesterday and ~too late~ said they were a great artist and should've been picked to draw. It was kind of like.... k babs thanks for the belated "help". They did do great guessing which scored a point in my book. Brayden was supposed to play but last minute logged off without saying anything so we did the challenge without him :/ sorta a bummer. Anyway the lack of participation from Sam is kind of popping off so we'll see where that leads them... Overall a fun game and fingers crossed we did well!

Moth I think we did okay at the challenge. Today I am dying from the heatwave so I’m not thinking too straight! Stay cool everyone

Ellie So yesterday Anastasia and I called for about an hour!!! I’d say we’re definitely way closer, she’s someone I really wanna work with although the idea of her and Brayden eventually being on the same tribe is kinda scary cause I know how close they are. Still she’s so fun to talk to and I just love her energy so much!

Pictionary challenge results: Jenkins Tribe wins with Penadragon second, Hatter Tribe has to go to tribal council on the following day.

Ava Well well well seems our bob ross, toph, didn't pull through (y'all think babs would've pulled it out for us or slept through our challenge like they said they almost did?) I can't wait for tribal. I'm in it for the drama. I'm hashtag voting Sam off - didn't even bother to be apart of our challenge and not too sure they've even been online for a full 24 hours. Weed out the weak.....

Anastasia

Brayden https://imgur.com/n60Lz0c

guys i dont know what to do someone help me out

Dennis i hope damn brayden gets the boot

Raffy Woo! We don't have to go to tribal again! We stan!

Ellie So I figured I’d go idol hunting today cause the shop was about to close and I just wanted to see what had been bought and what possible hats there were, I see that there’s a hat I have enough for that hasn’t been bought and I decide fuck it let’s get it

APPARENTLY ITS SOMETHING THAT IM NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS OR HOW TO USE IT YET???? THEY SAID ILL FIND OUT ABOUT IT LATER

I DONT WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE

Sam Well you see. I like all my tribe people. And I think we did real good on that music video! So, I think rather than voting anyone else off, I think I should just vote myself off if that is possible! Ahhh

Babs So sad to see Sam not only go but go through what they're going through :( same w Toph :( they all seem so lovely

Keith Not sure if i submitted a confession after the last tribal. But if I didnt here it is.

Happy I made it out of that tribal. I had raffy backing me with whom I played. Last time we played. We were at odds. We didnt work together but whats worse that we were against each other. It was either him or me goin out. Hopefully thats the past n we can work together. I jus need to keep things calm n show that Im not here itching to make big moves. So they dont feel threatened by me. N its easy cause right now. I havnt made that kind og bond with anyone on my tribe. To even think of such moves. Lets see what round two holds for me.

Colin so uh

we lost! :(

I was really bummed tbh. Like I thought we did well but circumstances with the challenge were just really unfortunate, from conflict about who wanted to be the artist to people disappearing the moment the challenge started, I think we did well despite all of that. Except we did kinda get stomped anyway. Oh well!! The game moves on. Tribal has to happen.

Initially I was gonna push for Babs, just because I feel like I don't wanna attach myself to them too early on. I've seen how much of a bitter player they can be, and lets just say I'm not the most loyal ally to have. however! 9 minutes after we lost, Ava announces to our alliance that she's voting Sam. I wasn't surprised, Sam has been the one not really pulling their weight. But I had some good connections with her!! we both did colorguard and shes so sweet and easy to talk to. I was really conflicted for a little bit, debating on whether or not to actually push for Babs. I think brayden sensed my hesitance but we both knew there was nothing really I could do to stop Sam from being the vote. At first tribal, the initial name always spreads like wildfire.

However, my mess was stopped abruptly by Sam asking to be voted out. welp!! okay then!! babs stays i guess!! i'm not too bothered. I'll never turn down an easy vote hehe.

Pretty sure there's a swap tonight. I'm kinda scared of that

uwu

Brayden

i almost forgot to upload this but dont worry i just remembered

Colin screams

Toph So we’re going to tribal in 20 and all I have to say right now is if there is a tribe swap after I’m gonna so scared but I ducking called I had a vibe and it was right that’s what is gonna win me this game trusting my intuition. I’m holding on now and gonna be the biggest comp beast next challenge in case I get fucked on this swap !!!! Or at least if it is a swap 🤔

Riley I don't know what this announcement's gonna be I'm worriedddd... Ginny said it probably means we're swapping teams but I don't wannaaaa I like our team.

Toph Sam self sacrificing made this the easiest vote ever and me being safe is a plus I guess 😎

[theactualobama-blog]

Help please

I don't know what to do. I'm confused and scared. Ok let me start from the beginning. A couple years ago, when I identified as lesbian, I came out to a couple friends, (for identity safety reasons I'm using different names) Marlene and Abby. I don't even remember coming out to Marlene, but I guess I did. Today I went to a sleepover with a couple of my really good dance friends, Me, Marlene, Abby, Kate, Kylie, and Ellie. My demigirlfriend and I had been dating for a couple days. I already had their picture as my screensaver because we had dated before and I never stopped liking them and apparently they felt the same. We picked up right where we left, so I kind of felt my other friends could know just if they wanted to (most of them didn't at first). Sorry, I got a little off track. Anyway, Ellie thought my screensaver was a picture of me, and said nice job. Of course I tried to say it's not me, but one of my best friends Kate had already gotten to it. "Oh that's her friend, ******." (Thats their birthname I just don't have permission to say it.) I smiled awkwardly at Abby, who I knew knew about the person on my screen being my significant other. but for some ,at the time unknown reason, Marlene started giggling too. Neither Abby nor I knew that she knew. Abby suspiciously pulled Marlene into the hallway and started talking to her mysteriously. A couple minutes later all the confusion of me trying to figure out what she was talking to Marlene about in the hallway without saying any names or keywords became too confusing and now it was Abby and me in the hallway talking. She explained that Marlene knew about my previous sexuality, and she just assumed that the girl (she used girl because Marlene nor Abby knows about ******'s preferred gender) on my phone was my girlfriend. When we got back in there was tension in the air. Poor sweet Ellie just wanted all the secrecy to end so nobody was left out. Kylie was literally in the closet face timing someone and missed the whole thing, and Kate just was confused but didn't really want to know. I finally said ok I'll tell y'all, and immediately the tension softened. I explained what happened and everything Got T e n s e But then I changed the subject pretty awkwardly and it got a little better. We played games, it came up a couple more times, but it was fine. (By the way before I could even explained the whole story Ellie and Kylie had already guessed what it was, but Kate did not) So then in the middle of hide and seek, Kate's mom shows up. I ask her why she's leaving and she excuses it with some lame excuse that doesn't make sense. I didn't think much of it Ok important thing: when I was in the bathroom (after Kate left) Abby went downstairs after her mom called her to "come see") So I was getting ready to paint and Abby's mom calls me into her room She says Abby told her about "the girlfriend" and that "my mom was here when Kate left" and that "you're safe here" but asked if Kate leaving may have had anything to do with my "girlfriend" and I said yeah it had crossed my mind and she responded by saying I should "just not bring up the girlfriend thing" Guys Why I'm so scared. I know this story might make Kate sound like a monster, but we're really close friends and I love her (platonically of course) I have dance with her tomorrow with her and I'm so scared. What do I do if it's awkward? I really want to keep being friends. The thing is I knew it would make her feel uncomfortable and I did it anyway. I can't help liking my "girlfriend", but I can help how I tell people and who and how. I did it not so gently and pretty harshly for being the only one there who didn't got to a catholic private school. They thought I was normal and just out of the blue I wasn't. I feel just awful that I made her feel so uncomfortable that she had to text her mom and leave. I love her as a friend and would never do anything I thought might hurt her... except for this... help. What should I do?

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 2 - “I will not be a little tea pot this time” - Ellie

dylan r

OKAY! New game! I’m excited to start! I’m just kinda trying my best to socialize, I’m horrible at talking to other people, my plan early is usually to just win tribals and form small connections with people 

Although I flopped SO HARD during that challenge it’s unbelievable I literally tried that for hours & I couldn’t do it like literally 

Not much else, I’m just kinda vibing. 

Jack

So Ellie totally spilled that she's gonna send stuff to our tribe so i'm telling my tribe that. I think raffy is gonna do the same. Also im thinking everyone on one so that we mess with them.

Jack

My audio is going crazy and cutting out and im like AM I BEING SPOKEN TO????!?!?

Jack

I'm chatting with maynor and stephen and thats going good. but also Raffy is cool but imma try to put some false ideas about the cookie game on him 

Raffy

There was one hinky vote for me which tells me that people think I am push-y and a leader on this tribe which is not ok. I mean I want to win challenges, but I don't want to be seen as aggressive. However, I guess I cannot help it. I need to get into an alliance soon. Otherwise, I'll find myself not within a majority. I guess my social game isn't strong enough so I need to rely on my strategic game.

Keith John

Well, its been about three days since the game began, It's going okay for me. We won Immunity so game talk has been on the low. The time difference really screwed me over, I wasn't part of the latest immunity challenge discussion. Even though I wouldn't have contributed much in that convo, Having no input or talk during such moments puts me on the back foot (socially). The saving grace is that I was able to connect to four others through one on one convos. That has helped me built a sort of majority alliance, But as a thumb rule of survivor, unless we don't through a vote together. U cant trust anyone. Hopefully, it sticks and I am able to get through the first few votes. I don't know why but I keep getting a feeling that maybe John and Cormac are telling me what I wanna hear and make me feel comfortable. I hope that isn't true and the alliance is genuine. Cause I feel I really get along with them and can really work with them for a long time.  I think both of them are awesome. The only other person I trust is Zoe, we just connected quick. Sierra though in my alliance I haven't yet had a strong one on one conversation with her. let's see what's in store in the coming days 

Jack

Were planning to fuck with the other tribe by sending a spy to seed some accidental plan spillage. John’s a smart cookie. MaynorJay. I am slightly sad you split me and Timmy up. The cast reveal and seeing Timmy in that tribe i was like :0. But you did make it one world so i could still talk game with him 😊. Plus i missed being hosted by you. ❤️

John

this plan i concocted could either be really good or really bad. all we gotta do is throw the other side off their scent. but can we do it and make it believable? i guess we will find out tonight.

Ellie

Cookies is chaotic: more detail coming later

Jack

I took a risk for the idol hunt that might cost me my vote at the next tribal. I'm both regretting this decision and thinking it'll probably maybe be worth it...?

John

ok my plan dissolved like an alka seltzer. that’s fun. we love that. i just hope we win at this point. if we lose, that’s going to make things quite interesting.

Ellie

K so lack of communication has officially reached another level, this would be easier if people spoke???? Even Joseph did and he had finals!!!!! Some people have time to try to get on my good side and strategize but not to fucking talk about the challenge???? Some of yall👀👀

Sierra

Sitting out of this challenge was agonizing! I couldn’t be a part of any of the strategy talk for the challenge itself... so I had little to no clue what to expect as I watched. I really don’t want to go to Tribal Council, either. I’m hoping that we can pull out a win and I won’t have to stir the pot and potentially show my cards alliance-wise this early in the game.

Dylan C

I haven't been talking to people enough today and should probably do some of that. Well, I certainly will if we go to tribal but I'm hoping we don't

Jack

Cromac and I chatted for a bit and agreed on a sort of alliance, so that's a thing. Other than that I have fingers crossed for us winning this challenge!

Sierra

So we lost immunity, and I’m PISSED. We fully expected Keith to get 60 cookies from our tribe alone, but he only ended up with 55. That means that somebody on our tribe did not play into the tribe’s strategy. Now my butt could be on the line and I didn’t even have a chance to play in the immunity challenge! I feel relatively safe with my alliance, but anything could happen between now and tribal. Here’s hoping my five stick together!

Timmy

We won!! There was strategy used on the tribe but also people just tried to take control of what everyone else was doing. Like if they try to do that for the challenge they’ll try to do that for votes and that’s not how I’m trying to roll. It kind of sucks that the people I want to work with are on the other tribe. I want to message jack bc they seem chill based on the call last night after tribal. Also there is no way I’ll get an idol bc these slide puzzles are ridiculous.

Sierra

Right now it looks like the votes will be heading towards Stephen. I really like him and think he could be a good ally... but the numbers are against him right now, and that makes it difficult to save him. I don’t want to sink my game attempting to save his... so it looks like Stephen will be the first one voted off of our tribe. I’ll really miss having another literature lover on the tribe, and I’ll miss having some intercontinental diversity, but I’d rather save my own neck right now.

Maynor

So I am now in an alliance with Cormac, Zoe, Sierra, and John. And it is called Maynor’s lovers for some reason. But it now got changed to Maynor’s Angels. 👀 jay came to my host chat and was like ___ is shook. And i died as well. So far the target seems like it might be Stephen that was brought up by John. But we still have until tomorrow so who knows. As long as im safe that is all that matters.

John

hi. i’m john, i’m 20 years old, and i’m absolutely worried stephen has an idol. he just...doesn’t connect. and it puts me on edge. so i want the vote to be somewhat split. we need to put the majority of them on stephen, but have one or two of us worms put down someone else’s name just in case stephen pulls out an idol. no matter what, us 4 (me, cormac, sierra, and zoe) need to get through this vote so we have the majority.

Jack

WOW. Okay so Cormac and I a pretty tight rn. Plan is to vote either Maynor or Stephen. Cormac is closer with Zoe, who i haven'y heard from much. Sierra and I have had some banter with Sierra and opened up private channels with them. Imma check that they're good with Stephen or Maynor, and which they'd prefer. 

Jack

Sierra seems to want to keep Maynor around more than Stephen while I'm feeling the other way. I'm down with either so hopefully things work out.

Dylan C

https://cnet2.cbsistatic.com/img/tcQaSg5LL_0-HBuWFPxpguK71TM=/1092x0/2019/06/06/b11ccfac-685e-4cb2-a239-b09af07b1baf/toriflynn2.jpg

Jack

IDOLS EXSIST. And hopefully Stephen and maynor dont have any

Jack

I MADE A DUMB CRAZY PLAN. Like I said to the others it basically, we make a chat with Stephen, tell him heyyyyy lets vote Maynor, then go and actually vote Stephen. I feel a little bit evil but also i totally get the reason blindsides are so popular. I FEEL LIKE A SPY!

Dylan C

I love you, Jay

Jack

The trap has been set, hopefully Stephen falls for the it and nothing goes to shit. And also that Cormac's not pulling a con on me. I doubt he is but pArAnOiA.  

Jack

STEPHEN RESPONDED AND HE SEEMS DOWN WITH VOTING MAYNOR AND BELIEVES CORMAC AND ME AND I CHATTED WITH JOHN AND HES DOWN WITH VOTING STEPHEN BUT O MY GOD IM SO NERVOUS. sorry bout the caps lock, I feel like it was needed to covey my FEELiNGS

Jack

All the gears are locked in. Everyone's voting Stephen; Stephen seems to be on board with voting Maynor; Maynor will hopefully stick with going for Stephen; and Keith will maybe hopefully I hope go with what me and Cormac are going for. 

That started off so confident and turned into "Hm maybe I'm not sure I hope"

John

ok so here’s the tea sisters. our original target was stephen. he’s more reserved, kinda quiet, but he’s going after less active players (ironic, right), and apparently he is targeting keith. so if an idol is played, it might be him. so the worms are talking to jack and trying to get him to come on board for our plan. jack goes into complete paranoia mode between all of us, and we’re concerned he’s a flight risk. so the vote is shifting to jack. being erratic is more dangerous in this game than silence is.

John

lmao if this blindside on jack completely backfires and i go to EOE, i’d actually scream over how much work is going into it. this is so messy and complex for literally day 4 of this game that it perplexes me. it’s either gonna be 4/3/1 or 5/2/1, i’m not sure yet. but strap in folks, we’re experiencing turbulence. the plane may be going down.

Jack

Other than Keith everyone's locked in to vote for Stephen, even Maynor. Me and Stephen chatted and he complimented me saying that i don't seem like a new player cause I'm so comfortable in chat and I'm here like "hahahah yeah so weird not like in acting all calm and collected at you so you don't know I'm voting for you." I do feel a bit bad voting out Stephen now that I've got a better vibe on him, and I've been leaving little hints of "sorry for voting you out" and "hope you come back from the edge" at him, but doing them as me saying "Oh I feel so bad for voting out Maynor" so that I don't blow my cover but yeah. Here's all my guilt dude ^ 

Joseph Collins

We got an immunity win which was nice. Apparently Malarkey (Melrakki) played with some type of strategy. And Ulfur went coocoo for coco puffs and won. So I’m happy about that. Putting a plan in motion to get some threats out soon. Need a really good numbers advantage first. 

Zoe

GOD okay wow this is so much. We lost the immunity challenge, which is funny because I said that I was pretty confident we were going to win. I'm not concerned about being sent home, I'm almost positive Cormac would tell me if he knew, and I have good relationships with people in my tribe. And very good news: Well, after literally teaching myself how to do a slide puzzle, wrestling with the god-host herself over reference images and website dysfunctionality, I finally reached the end of the idol hunt and located a very beautiful advantage, which is to call a blind vote and then see what people vote even though nobody else can. I read it a few times and then facetimed with Cormac to tell him the good news, and we agreed we would keep it until swap or merge and use it to see where peoples' loyalties lie. We discussed all of our options, our relationships with different people, and who we want to keep close until later. I have a good relationship with Timmy and Maynor, and I think Dylan C as well, so that will come in handy when we swap and after the merge. We also solidified an alliance with us and Keith. FUCKING MEANWHILE, over in tribe Machievelli, the "oh, worm?" alliance has gone absolutely nuts strategizing over this vote. Jack has made everyone very paranoid by asking every person in the tribe who they were voting for. He had never messaged me individually before, and then just popped up and said he wanted to make sure I was voting for Stephen, which is who "oh, worm?" was originally going to vote for. I think it was Cormac who brought it up because Jack keeps info-dumping all of his thoughts onto him, but we all agreed to vote for Jack. Cormac and I discussed how to tell each person, one of those resulting in a final three deal with Keith, entitled "Zoe and the boys" as well as a yet to be titled final four alliance with me, Cormac, John, and Keith, yet to be named, that neither John nor Keith know about. Ultimately we said that we'd check back in in the morning and determine if anything had blown up overnight with Jack, since he seems to be very paranoid.

Jack

MWAHAHAAHHA Stephen believes out plan to vote maynoris genuine but it is a TRICK. Hope he doesn't hate me tho, seems like a nice guy. Those read receipts are just real sus being off man. but he tots believes me, Cormac, and Sierra.

Zoe

It's been more of a quiet morning, though we are all tense about what is going to happen at tribal. We don't think there is anything crazy happening with Jack, and ultimately we aren't telling Stephen about the plan in case he ends up telling a person he isn't supposed to. It should turn out to be a 6-1-1 vote, hopefully none of those going to me. I want to play a low key game here: I want to be making the decisions with Cormac, making tight alliances with other players, and then having them go out and do the dirty work. John seems like a good guy and a good player, and I also feel like he thinks he's the leader of our little group. It's definitely in our best interest to stay tight with him, but we have to be wary of him making alliances on the other side as well.

Maynor

I’m so fucken nervous and I swear if im voted out second. Ugh. Jack can go home. Like i did nothing to you and you just decide to come for me for no reason? Like wow. Jacks the target and I hope the people ive been talking to and aligned with are telling me the truth cuz it would totally suck if they are lying to me. There is really no reason to take me out who is active instead of jack who isnt active and just barely coming on. Fuuuuuuck me. Im be paranoid the whole fucken day arent I. 

Stephen

So this tribe is kinda dull, so theyve chosen a dull vote. Maynor. I like maynor but he has been a little silent. The big question is: is there a majority alliance out there? The answer is yes, of course there is, there always is. I make my survivor career on not being in majority alliance then tearing them apart when the tea gets spilled. See: Tashirojima.

Jack

Made a bit of a conection with Ellie from the other tribe, and she seems pretty open to working together if we make it to the merge or if theres a tibe swap

Raffy

I am happy that we do not have to go to tribal. It allows me to be more social with people on my tribe without the threat of a vote looming over our heads. 

Justin

This round was a lot more chill. Mostly cuz we won immunity, but I'm still keeping my relations with everyone good. I realized this round that Cormac, whom I have been talking to since last round, is on the other tribe lol. Luckily, I didn't tell him any compromising information, and now I have a connection to the other tribe. Plus, Keith from the other tribe reached out to me and we had a really good conversation. I like him a lot and I see myself working with him in a swap or merge. He is from Pakistan so he is also in the eastern hemisphere as well as Stephen. So, I was thinking I could possibly make an Old World alliance because we are closer to each other in times. However, Cormac has told me that his tribe is most likely voting out Stephen so that won't work out. I would say the only alliance I have so far is with Cormac, so I need to make something official with a player in my tribe before other people get them. Specifically, I want to ask Timmy to be in an alliance. 

Maynor

Today has been really quiet. I really hope the people telling me im good are telling the truth. I hope my connections are strong enough to let me survive this first round. Im so nervous and ugh i hate this feeling. Id be extremely sad if I go over an inactive. 

Raffy

Truly. Honestly. I'm so lazy. I don't want to do the idol hunt lmao

Jack

I can't remember if i already did a confessional about this but in case i didn't: Ellie and i chatted a bit and she seems open to working together later in the game and Cormac seems down with that plan too. Idk if i cant /trust/ Raffy but he also seems cool too

Ellie

So I feel like Raffy is a tiny bit annoyed with me sometimes cause I do share a lot, but I will not be a little tea pot this time. Raffy and I talk strategy all the time and he’s my closest ally but it honestly feels like I barely know him while my other close ally, Dylan, I have bonded with a lot and know a lot about them while still strategizing with them. It’s weird but I’m not going to push. He told me to stop talking about past games, and I’m like ? If I don’t mention you we’ll be chill

Ellie

Also we bonded with jack 👀

Maynor

Tonight, i may be leaving. Ill just be really sad. Mad at first cuz i tried my hardest in first immunity and then someone decides to mess up in the 2nd if by accident or on purpose. Mostly ill be sad cuz i wont be able to play with Timmy. I finally got to retalking with dylan and really miss them. Mostly ill be sad cuz let jay down for giving me a 3rd chance after my performance in rotuma. Ily Jay. Hopefully i stay. ❤️❤️❤️

Dylan C

I have to choose whether or not to do a part of the idol hunt where if I do it, I risk losing my vote at the next tribal I attend, and if I don't do it then I start the idol hunt over. Heck. I'll probably do it tbh.

Maynor messaged me a few minutes ago to say that he thinks he's getting voted out tonight, and that he enjoyed talking to me again. I don't want to see him go, in part bc I wanted to try to ally with him at some point and also just because I like him. Also I don't know what's going on on the other tribe but? Y'all are gonna vote out the guy who held a cup over his head for over two hours for your tribe? Smh

Jack

I really like Dylan C's vibe. Imma PM them later some more and see if that's a thing

Sierra

The vote switched when Jack started getting paranoid — his name wasn’t even coming up until he started asking everyone if they were SURE that they were down with the plan. It felt really awkward to have to reiterate over and over again that we were on his side... and it made it difficult to believe that HE was really with US. I’m really grateful that Stephen gets to stay around for another few days!

Dylan R

Ok so I did all of the puzzles for the idol hunt & then I FLOPPED on the challenge so: I have my clown outfit on. 

I’m trying to make friends but it’s hard 🥺 I think if we go to tribal Joseph will go before be but I got some serious catch up to do if I wanna win 

John

i know keith was originally our fifth, but i’m kinda wanting to work with maynor the more i talk to him. i want a fifth that will side with me if needed. and idk if keith could be that fifth that would benefit ME. it’s also just a thought. not tied to the idea yet. stay tuned kids.

cormac marek

Alrighty very eventful times leading up to our first tribal. I have been involved in like 13 alliance chats. Me and Zoe had an hour call last night on how she found an advantage to be kept between the two of us. It was amazing! Keith seems on board for anything. He has a "as long as its not me" gameplay. The core worm alliance was going to vote out Stephen but switched it to Jack after he became insane. It was sad because we were going to include Jack in on the deals. Maynor was told that Jack was gunning for him so that's a vote for Chaos Kass. If all goes smooth it will be unanimous. Stephen asked me right before tribal and I told him Jack was gunning for him and that majority was going for him. Hopefully this means he will be with us. It is really tricky. Let's see how the blood rolls

Joseph Collins

Patiently waiting on next immunityyyyyyy. 

Timmy

Jack is trying to get maynor out...so jack can go.