#i love this stupid traumatized vessel so much

[cosmiicchaoss]

do not think, do not speak, do not hope

[m4rs-ex3]

people always make silly little lists of characters' crimes which i love but i'm gonna do smth a lillllll different

tdp character trauma log 🫶✨

callum

lost his father at a Baby age (the perfect age actually; young enough to be very emotional and impressionable but old enough to have to process it)

was thrown into a drastically different + high-key terrifying environment at Baby Age

lost his mother--his comfort person, his only connection to his og life (besides amaya), and also just an amazing individual--leaving him alone in said environment

was constantly belittled for being bad at the thing he never asked to be

lost his stepfather aka his only parent left and experienced an array of regret over what he didn't do while harrow was alive

almost watched his little brother down/freeze to death

was betrayed by his childhood friend

endured a severe dark magic sickness + traumatizing fever dream

almost choked to death

watched his whole world jump off of the highest point in the world

almost died plummeting off of the highest point in the world

was abandoned by Love of His Life for several depressed years

was literally fucking possessed

was taxed with the decision between becoming a vessel for the most dangerous individual in the world to destroy everything and hurt everyone he loves OR essentially ending his life (a conclusion he himself had to come to)

was under the impression that Love of His Life was dead (and he never got to tell her what he wanted to)

almost died pt 3

almost died pt 4-5

bound and brutally beaten + electrocuted (?)

watched the most important person in the world to him mercilessly tortured within an inch of her life

almost lost her AGAIN and had to destroy his entire moral compass in order to save her

tortured

almost died 6: choked pt 2

rayla

where do i begin

well first off grew up in the silvergrove and hey moonshadow elves i love ya but oh dear god -promotes "strength" and stoicism over discussing your feelings and admitting to your weaknesses -so bound (literally) by duty and oaths that faltering results in either being good as dead or dead as dead -ETC

equipped with a debilitating phobia of water--a fear most would see as bizarre and silly and exceptionally irrational--in a culture that as previously mentioned shuns fear to all hell

was left by her parents and (despite them having a perfectly good reason) never really healed

almost drowned which was not helped by the phobia

almost ravaged by an ancient vampire

an ASSASSIN who has to KILL PEOPLE but is a WHOLESOME SWEETHEART

haunted by her "constant" mistakes; her strengths get wholly overshadowed by her weaknesses

told by the father figure she revered that she is a stupid baby useless idiot (roughly)

was flatly told by Father Figure he expected to kill her (to which she's just like "fr prolly" good god girl you are fucked)

had to not only sit and listen to, but conform to horrid stereotypes she's been haunted by since she was a kid

nearly slowly lost a hand (and just straight up accepted like ik this isn't the point but i feel the need to address when she does some insanely broken shit)

saw a person wither to dust before her eyes i feel like we forget about this

almost died like pt 4 ish i literally cannot keep track what counts and whats too minor a near death experience and why do i have to ask these questions

watched the love of her life (shut up harry styles) suffocate in his sleep in her arms

almost died pt 5-8 ?

i once again don't even know where to begin this time with her ghosting. linking this post again but tldr she didn't do anything wrong, she believed she did, her society not only confirmed these suspicions but god they pinned her with so much more, and she was told that actually no and what the fuck is she supposed to do with that u just told her everything she knows is wrong and that she actually has worth and she is not keen on that mindset

almost died 9? i include this one bc soulfangs are terrifying

cooly came to the conclusion that she deserved to die for her parents mistakes (and fully intended on doing so)

almost died jumping off the highest point in the world

suffered from persistent nightmares

almost drowned (the phobia once again did not help)

was nearly killed by the dead former co-workers she feels responsible for killing

forced herself to leave behind Love of Her Life and if you don't think that was the hardest fucking thing in the world for her

spent two, miserable years alone, getting beaten down again and again (mentally and physically,) plagued by her vendetta, haunted by all she lost, never knowing comfort, never knowing love, and probably so much worse that we don't even know woohoo!

thought that, after years of painful wondering, the parents she desperately wanted back were killed right in front of her

almost died pt who even fucking knows

almost died

almost died

almost died

almost died

almost died

was absolutely fucking brutally tortured (within an inch of her life) 😚✌🌸✨✨

almost died horrendously (she rlly couldnt catch a break that day)

had to choose between pushing her trauma to the absolute limit or hating herself for not protecting her friends

almost died

ez

motherless

couldn't make friends (for a reason no one would believe)

that's why yo [daddy] dead. dead as hell. what shoes [he] got on what shoes [he] got on in [his] casket

almost drowned/froze

had the pressure of surviving as an orphan ANDD being a fucking king forced upon him at the same time

felt responsible for thousands of lives

was imprisoned

was almost motherfucking impaled by scary adult

all that? yea he was like 10

therefore

grew up weird like his brother and rayla

probably almost died a lot of times

imprisoned again & was threatened and bared witness to his brother + his closest friend tortured (+ almost murdered)

almost murdered by someone he once trusted

prolly a lot more idk i was gonna include soren n claudia but i am so fucking exhausted THESE KIDS ARE SO FUCKED OML 😭😭

[galacticnova3]

stupid poop crown post got me thinking, what is your headcannon about Magolor’s experience with the crown anyways? or does the fic pretty much summarize it?

Love that “stupid poop crown post got me thinking” is a series of words that have been said now. Language is a weapon and in a collective sense we are simultaneously very good at using it and very unskilled with it.

Anyways, I’d say the fic doesn’t really summarize it much at all, aside from the few explicit details given about what happened. Part of what made it so unnerving and traumatic for Magolor is the simple fact that, during his power trip, he didn’t realize anything was wrong. There was no second voice in his head telling him what to do, there was no immediate forceful possession; the switch from his goal being taking over Halcandra to being world domination just felt natural— indistinguishable from any other time he’d changed his mind about something. The Crown was able to manipulate him so easily, convinced him that its desires were his own, gave no indication that it was anything more than a power source. Sure, his head hurt where it dug its claws in, and not being able to easily take it off was certainly not ideal, but that’s just bad artifact design, not an obvious sign of something more sinister lurking out of sight! If he had infinite power he could just make it not do that.

Only when he had been beaten a little over half to death did he notice it wasn’t just his own mind in his head, because he wanted to stop fighting and try to bargain, but his body wouldn’t listen. That was more or less the point where he realized something was very, very wrong, but the extent to which things were wrong wasn’t immediately obvious then. It was when it wrestled full control away from him that it became clear he’d fucked up immensely, but by that point it was too late for him to really fend it off; it caught him by complete surprise. All he could really do was just try to resist becoming yet another soul lost to it and hope to last long enough for his body that wasn’t really his own anymore to be incapacitated, but that hinged on the very people he’d used as pawns in his scheme being powerful enough to defeat the entity he’d unwittingly allowed to manifest.

Then of course you have the events of the Epilogue, where he was eventually greeted with the unfortunate discovery that the Crown had more or less survived and was seeking out another host. He’d been pretty scared it would try to possess him again, but in not being at full strength he was simultaneously too weak to have been able to maintain himself as a separate person and too weak to be of any interest to it. At that point it was simply operating based on what the strongest magic sources it could reach were so it could have an unbroken vessel once more. Its relation to the Crowned Doomer is very headcanon-y in that I see them as different forms of the same entity. The Master Crown is full of souls bound by corrupted soul magic, but souls in Another Dimension eventually become Doomers once enough magic binds to them, with the strength of the initially formed Doomer being decided by the strength of the soul(magic) they form from. They can become stronger by consuming other sources of magic, be it energy spheres or each other, but that’s a tangent. Point is, the Crown itself was very unstable at that point and briefly became a sort of Grand Doomer, but when Magolor brought forth the gem apple sapling, he basically handed it a very powerful source of magic that it could anchor itself to.

Thus it stabilized, turned the new host into a body more to its liking, set out to kill the one that had resisted it and survived, but was ultimately defeated* by the magic catboy. Except he kinda died of magic overexertion and his injuries afterwards, but also didn’t, and going through the portal to the Dream Kingdom therefore simultaneously did and didn’t happen. Basically, death and dreams in Another Dimension is fucking weird, and the circumstances of his death were such that he basically performed the world’s first recorded soul duplication glitch without actually knowing it. One him successfully went through the portal, which was born of his dream/desire of starting over in a new life where he could try again influenced by his knowledge and experiences, which created a branch of the timeline and the “real” Dream Kingdom. The other him ended up dying, but was found and guided by Morpho Knight, which would lead to him and Lor’s meeting as described in the fic.

*I just thought I’d have fun and emphasize this bit here for anyone keeping up with the fic, won’t elaborate on why though :) its a secret

Got very ramble-y there and probably off topic, but basically his experience with the Crown was traumatic in a different way than it is in his nightmares. What fucked him up was just that he didn’t even know it was there, he doesn’t know what thoughts were and weren’t his after he put it on, it was able to render him powerless in his own body so easily. It didn’t speak to him, it was manipulative in a manner that was so different and so much more sinister than the way another person might be. It scares him to think about it; he sees himself as someone who doesn’t fall for lies because he’s usually the liar. The Crown not only violently proved he wasn’t immune, it did so flawlessly while literally digging its talons into his head— it hurt him and yet he was willing to make excuses to keep wearing it, and he doesn’t know if those excuses were his own or it telling him what to think.

When you’ve built up your identity around knowing about ancient history and artifacts and thinking you’re a genius who can’t be lied to, and had built up your dreams around being powerful, there are few things that will shake you to your core quite like being made to see you didn’t know what you were getting into, were easily made to believe things you shouldn’t have, and could have your power stripped away by something you sought out for yourself.

[haiihellooo]

I know I talk too much, but I had to get this out, because, like I said, I have nothing better to do. Okay, so, first of all I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!! I don't know why so many things piss me off, like, to the point where I'll be like "I won't think about this tonight" and it keeps me up all night. Idk if this is some childish shit or I'm genuinely gonna burst a blood vessel. Some stupid fucker says something online and I HAVE to respond. Misunderstandings piss me off so much, and with that, I will name shit that's been pissing me off lately. 1. The comic Lydia situation- I LOVE comic Lydia to death, and I'm sure the two people who, yearly, accidentally click on my posts know that too, but these DUMBASS bitches don't know that. Every FUCKING time I see a post about comic Lydia, it's some braindead idiot saying the same thing we've seen a million times. YES, SHE LICKED CARL'S EYE! WE FUCKING GET IT! "I can't believe Lydia would do that 🥺" If it's so traumatizing, DON'T.READ.THE.COMICS! Another thing is how Lydia was 16 and Carl was 13. I've already established that I ONLY ship TV!Carl X Comic!Lydia/TV!+Comic!Carl (whatever fucking fusion I created) X Comic!Lydia, but people be saying shit like "OMG, LYDIA'S SUCH A CREEPY CREEPER FOR THAT 😭😭!" Bffr, bitch, this girl has been to hell and back, AND was taught so much bullshit. 1. That childhood didn't exist, 2. That people could do WHATEVER the hell they want to her, and 3. That she was an animal. What the fuck do you expect? Lollipops and daisies? Open your eyes, brotha. For some reason, people are saying that Lydia SA'd Carl and trauma dumped on him about her situation at camp. Really? That's what we're going with? Dude, she was TAUGHT to DO these THINGS! Holy CRAPPPPAPAPAP!! 2. The SHOW Lydia situation- This girl makes me want to peel the skin off of my nonexistent balls. People will sympathize for TV Lydia SO much! "She didn't deserve what she went through!!" Be so fr. TV Lydia didn't even scratch the surface of what comic Lydia went through. Sure, she was in a shitty situation too, but girl got TWO boyfriends AND two father figures. Comic Lydia got slapped in the fucking face by her mom, and, in the end, didn't even get to be with Carl. Wtf is this? And people say: "Well, she got bullied." I'm not sure being bullied is worse than being r-worded and nearly killed to spite your mother. I see all these FUCKING "TV Lydia >>> Comic Lydia" shit. What did this girl do? They make her seem like a monster for doing WHAT SHE WAS TAUGHT! If someone tells you "Hey, y'know red means go and green means stop" from the time you're 10, I bet you'd get hit by a fucking 18 wheeler. Another thing, that bitch was ANNOYING! Jesus Christ, I don't wanna sound one-sided but HOLY CRAP! Nothing against Cassady, but "WAAA, MY MAMA HATES ME!" Girl, stop. The Chandler Riggs situation- Stfu about this horse shit. It never happened. Kys. Free my man Chandler 💪 Empty fanbase- I can't do it. I can't fucking do it. I have to keep recycling the same comic Lydia images over and over and OVER AGAIN! There's hardly ANY fanart of her, hardly ANY edits, and the ONLY time I see anything with her "Me reacting to Lydia licking Carl's eye 🤓" These pussy baby bitches, bro. I'm literally alone here. Whenever I try to defend my point online, some overweight person behind a computer SHITS on my FUCKING point, leaving me looking like a damn idiot. All because I'm saying you shouldn't label a kid as a creep because she's scared. But NOOOOOOOOOO, one person says something and the fucking hivemind begins. I'm here with my SCRAPS of comic Lydia content. My SHITASS DRAWINGS, all because people, for some reason, want this girl dead. And with that, I will stfu. Idgaf. Suck my ass. Show Lydia sucks ass, (not) respectfully. I will defend comic Lydia 'til this earth blows. My girl deserves better. If comic Lydia has one fan, it's me. If she has zero fans, I'm dead. And, yes, I will keep being dramatic and rant about dumb shit I read online.

[shallowrambles]

Ben and Lisa and Lisa's devastating pursuit of normal

Ben is on the nose. He's literally named "son," and he acts like adult!performing!Dean, rather than a nuaced 3D person at first. Like Ben doesn't act like a real child. In fact, Ben seems awkwardly, gleefully wrought, like a bad red herring. I mean, a kid loving AC/DC? Leather jacket? Not even Dean liked these things. He aped them from John. Kids from this time are into Spiderman. Ninja-Turtles. Ben is sketched obnoxiously, even by SPN writing standards.

Lisa's weird, impulsive clingy behavior is best explained by either thinking Dean's the father for real or needing him to be, in order to sell a lie to herself. There's some weird stuff about her. Lisa looks loaded, financially wise. There's family money or at least help on the downpayment. She rented a bounce house for a kids' party. That $100-200 even by today's standards. Yikes!

My girl was a young yoga instructor with an unexpected pregnancy...kinda hard to make things work without some help. We know her sister is in the picture, but is she estranged from her parents? The grandparents are nowhere to be seen. Something is off about her family life. There's no Ben-with-grandparents photos. Dean played golf, but not with his father-in-law? Weird. They look like a golf-with-granpa family. That looks like a golf-with-granpa house.

So, taking it further than that, Lisa looks like a gal who knows how to use BC and condoms, and she'd def use that with a rando stranger. Unless she couldn't afford BC, which means... hmm. So, how did she get pregnant? Coykd it have been potentially traumatic? Maybe she knows who the actusl father is. That's what the stammering blood test is about. She needs to convince herself that the real father...isn't. Because it's shameful. She'd rather it be Dean instead. Perhaps? It's an interesting thought.

On a strategical front, even Cas knew to use Claire against Jimmy. Michael would have absolutely jumped into Ben, rather than dig up Adam. Frankly, Dean and Cas erasing Ben's memories when he's a potential vessel would be strategical suicide, dooming Ben to live in a world as a vessel but without any warning/protection about avoiding angelic manipulation.

So that leaves options:

If you say yes, Ben is Dean's kid, you have to then consider that A, Michael is just stupid (unlikely), or B, he's kind and wouldn't use a kid (even more unlikely)

If you say Ben isn't, then either A, Lisa is tragically fixated on Dean (not unusual for cool!girl writing in SPN), B, Lisa is using Dean to cover her own trauma (thematically consistent), or Lisa and Ben were mind-whammied beforehand to fit a particular aesthetic for Dean (ick).

The second scenario looks more likely. I prefer option 2. And furthermore, if we're going to harp on AC/DC and leather jackets being "heritable," that's all Lisa. It's Ben who shares Lisa's tastes. She introduced him to leather jackets and AC/DC, because Lisa also apes what she looks for in a man. If a single weekend was her best after a near decade, and a year with a paranoid was that good for her, something's up with her life. She needs "normal" too much. Tldr; Lisa desperately wanted normal more than even Dean did because her life was already broken.

Maybe she needed a weekend where a man wanted her for her, not for money or whatever. Maybe it was the LACK of lindness in her life that made Dean sooooo special and the "best night of my life" shit is a smokescreen she uses to ward off this truth? Maybe it was she who desperately needed a normal apple pie family life w/o shame. Any man would do so long as they tried to make it work; so long as they were kind; anything to make Lisa appear normal.

That's a good argument as any why Lisa needed to play house so badly.

Being a cool!girl is an act. You put up with shit because you know it's the only way to get table scraps.

Lisa is the superior pretender, and Dean had no idea because he was young and perceived normal folks as "having all their shit together." Lisa's pretending is beaten only by Bela Talbot imho

P.S. Ben's not John's either for same angelic reasons as above. However, he might be Arthur Ketch's.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑨𝒃𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕 (𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒂𝒏) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒂𝒏 (𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛)× 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 (𝑭𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆)

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝑺𝒎𝒖𝒕, 𝑭𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇, 𝑳𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕, 𝑫𝒂𝒅 𝑨𝑼

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 3K+

𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: 𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕-𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒎 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚, 𝑺𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓.

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔, 𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒍 (𝒇𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈), 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚, 𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒌, 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒌, 𝒖𝒏𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒆𝒙 (𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏)

𝑻𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕: @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers @multidreams-and-desires @yunhoiseyecandy

𝑪𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒂 𝒃𝒚 @vocalyunho 's diamond anon.

ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ

San let out a small cooing sound as he watched the baby in his arms gobble down the milk in his bottle at an increasingly fast speed. Gently, he pulled the bottle away to give the infant time to swallow what he had without having any sort of accidents occur. The baby, not appreciating having his dinner taken away from him, let out a displeased squeal, fist raising up in the air while his legs began to kick out in frustration. Chuckling softly, San adjusted him so he wouldn't accidentally drop him or the bottle, the latter which would probably conclude in the child throwing a full blown tantrum.

"There there. I know you're a little glutton, but I can't let you drink all the milk in one go. I'm still traumatized from the time it all went to your lungs."

Whimpering softly, the boy's fist relaxed and began to clasp and unclasp itself as it tried to reach for the bottle. With a small pout forming on his face, San gave in and once again placed the rubber sucker near his son's mouth, which immediately opened and began gurgling down the lactose contents in the bottle. Withing seconds, the baby finished his meal. Holding him up, San began to pat him on the back, a satisfied smile on his face when his son emitted the faintest burp out of his throat.

"Ok, you're fed, your diaper was changed 15 minutes ago, am I missing something?"

The baby remained quiet as usual, unable to yet respond to his father's inquiry.

"I'll take that as a no then."

Kissing the top of his head and nuzzling his nose against the baby's, San moved over to where the crib was, ready to put the baby inside it so he could sleep. He carefully layed him down and pulled the blue Eeyore blanket Yeosang had gotten for him. Grabbing one of the tiny stuffed plushies, San tucked it under the baby's arm.

"Now you have a sleeping buddy."

Looking at the plush with a grimace, the baby threw the plush rather hard, hitting San on the side of his face.

"Damn son. A simple I don't like it would have sufficed."

He looked around, searching for something that he would like, but unlike himself who adored any plushie, his son was rather picky about his sleeping companions. As he was bending down to look in the treasure chest containing all his toys, he immediately shot up when he heard the baby let out a tiny shriek, nearly tripping on himself as he went to inspect what was the problem. San blinked slowly as the baby currently had his arms latched around Byeol's neck, rubbing his cheek on the top of her furry head, mouth opening up in a squealing giggle when her ears tickled along his nose. The siamese seemed completely unbothered by this, her eyes closing as her paw rested on the infant's tummy, a soft and low purr barely audible unless one payed close attention. Scratching under her chin, San smiled down at the heart fluttering image.

"Thank you for taking over babygirl."

After she let out a tiny meow, San now made his way out of the nursery to go into the adjoining room next to it, making sure to leave the door cracked open a little in case anything happened. He made so little noise as he entered the bedroom that his wife didn't even notice him as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, her hands poking around her belly area, a dissatisfied look on her face. San breathed out a disheartened sigh through his nose as he knew very well what was probably going through her mind. Slowly he came up behind her, startling her when he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Hey beautiful." He greeted her with a kiss to her temple, a light giggle coming out from him.

Forcing a small smile onto her face, she gently moved his hands away from where they were, looking down embarrassingly.

"Let's go to sleep."

Saying those 4 words, Y/N crossed her arms protectively across her chest. Getting into the bed, she layed on her side, facing away from San yet again as she had been doing the past few days. Laying next to her, he scooted his body closer to hers. When she tried to shrink away from his touch, he merely pulled her against him, fingers brushing some of her fallen hair out of her shoulder. His lips began to pepper tiny butterfly kisses across her bare skin, starting from the top of her shoulder and working his way to her neck. Y/N shifted slightly, all those months of not being touched like that since she got pregnant and after having the baby suddenly made her aware how needy she was, how much she craved for San to touch her, hold her, fill her up once again.

But when he moved his hand back towards her stomach, she felt self conscious and pulled away from him.

"San .....please don't." She pleaded at him, her eyes already brimming with tears.

Shocked by her refusal, San sat up.

"Darling what's wrong? Please tell me." He asked her.

Y/N let out a tiny huff.

"Just forget about it....it's stupid anyways."

Frowning slightly, San reached a hand out to stroke his wife's cheek. His stroke was extremely delicate, as if he was caressing a fragile and valuable vessel that could break at any moment. In a way, that's what Y/N was to him.

"Is it cause you don't love your body? Are you self conscious after having the baby?"

Whipping her head around, she wiped some of the fallen tears off her eyes.

"How did you..?"

"I'm not dumb or oblivious Y/N. I see the way you look at yourself in the mirror sometimes." He answered her.

Feeling even worse, Y/N sank back down on the bed, lip quivering in an attempt to stop herself from crying.

"I'm fat and ugly aren't I?"

Hearing her talk about herself with such disdainful comments broke San's heart. Moving himself so he was hovering above her body, he cupped both of her cheeks and looked her straight in the eye.

"You're not fat and you're certainly not ugly. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life and will ever see. And I'm sorry that I failed in not letting you believe that..."

Stooping his face down, he captured her lips in a yearning kiss that had both of their hearts fluttering like the first time they had ever kissed each other. San did not pull away for a long time and when he did, it was only to peck her lips a couple times as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"So let me do that right now."

As he began to kiss along her jawline, Y/N tilted her head back and ran her fingers through his hair.

"San-Sannie? Could you please turn off the light though?" She hesitantly asked.

Letting out a smug laugh, San pushed himself up so he could pull the blankets off their bodies.

"Sorry darling. Tonight I want to see all of you with no covers and in full light. Let me see your entire beauty."

San's hands worked quickly to remove all the articles of clothing that covered Y/N's body. Once her panties were discarded onto the pile on the floor, he looked back at his wife and took in the sight of her naked. Harshly sucking in a breath, he bit down on his lower lip and released a low moan.

"Fuck it's been way too long. Far too long if you ask me."

Tilting her head to allow him easier access, Y/N was already melting from San's kisses across her neck. His hands were already groping down on her breasts, feeling squishier and more tender due to all the milk they had been producing since pregnancy. As soon as his thumbs began tweaking at her nipples, she arched her back and stifled back a whimper, but San's ears still caught it.

"They're really sensitive aren't they love?" His eyes looked up at her as his tongue teasingly swiped across one of her sensitive buds.

Y/N's head nodded in a needy way. Her hands cupped San's chin to press his face against her chest, her swollen breast nearly smothering him. Letting out a heavy groan, San squished her boobs together, watching them jiggle against each other. He'd release them to watch as they bounced against her body before picking them up again.

"Fucking hell, they got so damn huge." He licked his lips.

Taking hold of his hands, Y/N guided his movements so he could massage them as she wanted him to. As Y/N looked up at her husband, she felt shy about what she was about for ask him to do. Seeing her bite down on her lip, San knew there was something on her mind. Bending over to kiss along the sides of her neck, his warm breath ghosted near her ear.

"Tell me what you want babygirl, I want to fulfill your desires." His voice lowered significantly, making her pool even more in between her thighs.

"Sannie...please suck my tits."

Pulling back, he looked at her with a worried expression, no doubt wondering if it would be ok. Pecking his lips, she began to calm his worries.

"It'll be fine, just please, wanna feel your mouth around them."

Not needing any further coercion, San dipped his face and buried his face in her breasts. First paying attention to one, he began kissing it as the other hands fondled the other one. Slowly he opened his mouth and latched it down onto her nipple, giving it an experimental suckle before going any further. Noticing the way she inhaled deeply and pushed her chest more outwards, he then took more of her of in his mouth. Relaxing his jaw, he continued a pattern of flicking and swiping his tongue around her areolas before gripping in his palms and fingertips as sucking sounds come out of his mouth. Soon enough, he felt a thin, watery liquid start to come out of her. Y/N couldn't help but giggle as her husband moaned out an 'oh my god' before his mouth began pumping more of her breast milk out of her body. His oral ministrations on her nipple became more languidly as he was savoring the sweet fluid that he gulped down his throat. Not just San, Y/N's breathing became more ragged and she felt more aroused than she wanted to admit.

"Sannie, don't forget to pay attention to the other one." She reminded as she petted his hair.

Switching over to the other side, this time the latching of his lips was more sloppy and his suckling more desperate. It seemed he couldn't get enough of her milk. Muffled grunts and moans could be heard whenever he gave a particular long suck at her skin. He never imagined that feeding on Y/N's lactating milk could turn him on so much. Releasing her nipple with a loud popping sound, he panted as some of the white liquid trickled down his chin.

"Now I understand why our son is always hungry."

They both couldn't help but laugh softly at his cute little joke. Even as he began peppering kisses down her sternum to her stomach, he was still a giggling mess. Once he got to her lower abdomen, he took his time to trace each and every stretch mark that adorned it. Although he knew she hated them, he thought they were remarkably beautiful, even more so since he knew how she got them. He made sure to kiss all around that part of her body with tenderness and adoration.

"I don't know why you hide them. They're gorgeous...."

Pausing, he looked back up at her, a light twinkle in his eyes as he smiled fondly to her.

"You're gorgeous. Absolutely stunning."

Blushing intensely, Y/N couldn't help but hide her face with her hands

"Really?" She piped out.

Stooping down once again, San dragged his mouth along her hips bones.

"Yes. Even more so now. I still can't believe that you actually carried our son in here, I'm still amazed you did. And these scars..."

Tracing along the lines, he couldn't keep the stupid grin off his face.

"Are a reminder that you did. And everytime I see them, I'll remember all those months of waiting and taking care of you until you gave me the greatest present you could give me. Thank you love."

Feeling overcome with emotions, Y/N couldn't help but let tears fall down her cheeks at her husband's words. Not yet finished with his praises, San now began kissing up her inner thighs, teeth grazing along the most sensitive parts of her skin.

"You have no idea how crazy I am about you. Even after all this time, I still want you like the first day I saw you. Hell I think I desire you even more now than back then love. I go insane every time I look at you. I can't believe you're all mine."

Pushing her legs up, his hands firmly gripped the back of her thighs as his face began to dive into her glistening cavern.

"All mine."

Y/N couldn't keep her body from jolting up when San's tongue licked up her folds. Every swipe of his tongue along her slit had her toes curling. She couldn't remember the last time he had eaten her out this way. She couldn't help but buck her hips up against his face whenever his mouth opened and closed over her clit, the humming sounds he was making sending waves of shock up her body. San didn't mind at all when her fingers began to harshly tug at his hair, it only made him smile in satisfaction against her mound. By the way her thighs were trying to close around his head, he knew she was definitely enjoying herself. The lewd whimpering she was releasing was further indication that she was about to spill herself onto him at any moment and although San would have loved nothing more than to have her cum all over his face, he really preferred something else right now.

With great effort, he detached his mouth from her core, chuckling in a teasing manner when Y/N's mouth dropped open, looking somewhat pissed by the fact he denied her the much anticipated orgasm she hadn't felt in a long time. Pulling his shirt over his head, San licked his lips and winked at the woman underneath him, whose eyes sprang up when he rid himself of his bottoms and his erect cock sprang free.

"Missed this darling?"

He teased her as he ran the head along her folds, coating it with her slick to act as extra lubrication for them. Propping herself up on her elbows to get a better view of him pushing inside her, both of them spewed out hisses and small mutters when his member was fully sheathed inside her walls.

"Ok hold on....give me a second....fuck! It's been way too long."

Y/N could only let out a groan in agreement to his words. Once they both settled down, San began a rather tame and mellow pace, pulling out completely before stuffing himself back inside her. Her legs were already trembling everytime he pushed back in, his tip rubbing against her g-spot due to the way he angled his hips upwards. His fingers were harshly digging into her thighs, surely about to leave tiny purple marks on the days to come. Y/N's hands reached upwards to grip on San's forearms as she looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"Sannie...please... faster."

Halting his movements briefly, San took hold of her legs and wrapped them around his waist, a sinister smile on his face.

"Don't say you didn't ask for it."

Her breath got caught in her throat when he began slamming his hips against hers, back arching and breasts bouncing with every thrust he was making. San felt like he was in heaven once more, feeling his lover clench around his length as the two became connected as one yet again. He missed the euphoric feeling of both giving and receiving such an overwhelming pleasure. He couldn't contain the heavy panting coming out of his mouth although he tried to keep his voice down so as to not wake up the baby sleeping in the next room. Thumb reaching down, he began to circle it around Y/N's pink nub, making her flinch and tremble at the added sensation.

"San! I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that!" She warned him.

"Oh? Yeah? Gonna cum all over my cock? Make a mess all over me?"

Throwing her head back into the pillow, Y/N shut her eyes tightly, mouth struggling to stifle back whimpered shrieks as San hit harder and deeper in her.

"San- don't t-tease me.." She said through tear stained eyes.

"Trust me I'm not love. Just wanna make you feel good, have you cum all over me and then spill my load into you."

Growling softly, he placed his hand on top of her stomach, gently caressing it with his fingers as he looked down at his partner.

"Gonna cum inside you once more love. Gonna fill this pussy up with my seed and get you knocked up again. Would you like that?"

"Oh my-" Y/N clutched at the sheets underneath her, feeling herself on the brink of toppling over the edge due to his dirty talk.

"Yeah you want that? I'll make sure you're pregnant again. Looking all pretty and cute with a swollen belly once again. Carrying another child of mine. Fuck!"

Unable to hold back anymore, San frantically plunged himself deeper in her walls quickly sending them both over the edge at the same time. Y/N's legs quivered and her body shook uncontrollably as the long forgotten feeling of a high took over her completely. San couldn't help but chant out a series of 'oh my gods' as his hips sputtered and he coated her pussy with his cum that gushed out and filled her to the brim, some of it spurting out as he continued to move inside her, helping them both ride out their orgasms.

Movements getting slower until stopping completely, San leaned down to kiss Y/N once again, fervently and passionately.

"I love you so much." He declared, a wide smile sprawling across his handsome face.

"I know....I love you too San."

San kissed her forehead before rolling over and pulling her on top of him.

"You're absolutely perfect darling. Don't ever forget that." He complimented her.

Although she felt embarrased and shy at his words, she played it off with a light scoff and roll of her eyes.

"Are you just saying that so that I'll agree to another round?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I mean...... I'm not saying no...and we do have all night." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"He might wake up at any moment now." She nudged her head towards the direction of the nursery.

"Oh don't worry about him, Byeol's taking over night shift tonight."

Y/N let out a squeak when San sat up and positioned her on top of his cock before sliding her down on it.

"And I'm not done with making love to the most beautiful woman in the world."

ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

I love bully shiggy, but i love shiggy angst more, so could you write some bully shiggy angst where reader goes to live somewere else or just...dies or something? I need the bully to suffer of a broken heart hehehehe thank you!

your wish is my command. TW: death, violence, slight mentions of past noncon and past dubcon, angst, drugs

Most, if not all throughout his life, Shigaraki has always gotten what he wanted. Rich parents helped. His absurd talent for computer science helped, and when his parents were being especially annoying and threatening to cut him off-well thank god his crypto is going to the moon.

No, he couldn't say he was happy. But he wasn't sad either. Objectively, he knew he had a good life. Happiness is foreign to him, but thrills aren't. Mindless enjoyment isn't. He smokes skinny Korean cigarettes, snorts cocaine off glass tables, places acid tabs under his tongue, and fucks girls when he's high, sober, coming up, or coming down.

You were happy though. You were the kind of girl to be very grateful to live, the kind of girl who walked through life like the sun was shining on her, the kind of girl he hated and wanted to crush under his thumb.

No, that's a lie. He's never hated you. He could never hate his favorite toy no matter how many times she misbehaves.

So when you fucking died, of course, he didn’t believe it. Not at first. Not fucking possible. Not until he saw your fucking body, all twisted into grotesque angles because you were trying to save a stupid kid who was on the road when he shouldn’t have been. Fuck, out of everyone, at least you deserved a peaceful death.

And it’s so like you to throw yourself into oncoming traffic, trying to save other people. Always other people. The complete and utter opposite of him. He wasn’t even aware he had a heart, the metaphorical one that felt emotions because his real beating heart was a jumbled-up mess of pounding and vessels.

But all that adrenaline is gone now and there’s a hole where his heart is. A you-shaped absence imprinted on his body and mind. He was already so so numb but the flashes of feelings, the memories hurt. He smells your perfume in the scent of wildflowers and it drives him insane.

His drug habit had gotten exponentially worse. Days and nights blurred into frenzied chaos. How could he sleep when your voice on discord wasn’t the last thing he could hear before shutting his eyes? The cocaine has probably burned off the inside of his nose, and acid flashbacks wouldn’t be so bad if the patterns didn’t spell out your name.

How dare you leave him alone? How dare you? You were supposed to die whenever he dies. Your existence was meant to be alongside his.

His last straw is when he finally shows up to school and everyone looks at him with eyes of sympathy. It doesn't click until a reassuring hand is over his shoulder, “It’s okay, Shigaraki. We know you were good friends.”

He can’t stop laughing. Laughing and laughing until his jaw is going to unhinge itself. Everyone looks uncomfortable, perplexed by the sudden onslaught of never-ending laughter. A know-it-all voice chirps in the background, “...normal traumatic response.”

He excuses himself to the bathroom much to the relief of his classmates because they were not used to a manic Shigaraki, the boy who was usually cold and aloof. He grips the porcelain sink, laughing. He wonders why there are water drops falling into the basin. He wonders why he’s crying. And once the first few drops fall, the dam breaks. He’s sobbing.

How brain dead does everyone have to be to think you guys were friends. Yeah, Shigaraki was a great friend to you as he forced you to jerk him off. He was a great friend when he threatened revenge porn if you didn’t break up with your doofus boyfriend. And he definitely was a great friend, when he stumbled into your house high as balls, fully knowing you’d be alone that night and fucked you until you bled on your sheets. Victory tasted like your virginity on his dick that seemed like it would never soften.

Was everyone that blind to what you were going through? How much he hurt you? He wondered what you’d say if you here right now. You’d probably laugh too, wouldn’t you? Laughed until you cried and couldn’t stop crying.

Dabi and Hawks tried. They did. But they weren’t friends who sat around talking about their respective traumas despite being well too aware of how fucked up each other’s home lives were. But Shigaraki’s grief was different. Dabi tried to put himself in his blue-haired friend’s shoes. If Natsuo or Fuyumi died, he probably wouldn’t take it so well either. Still, he couldn’t fathom why Shigaraki would be so sad over some pussy, however tight it may be. Hawks especially could not understand, girls being replaceable him too like model cars—infinitely less valuable of course. The golden-haired boy had no frame of reference, but he did crash his Audi R8 which was his favorite car. Maybe that’s what Shigaraki is feeling, the loss of something very precious. (Maybe Hawks wasn’t too far off. Shigaraki did treat you like a possession.)

He visits your grave often, every day if he can. It’s beautiful, encased in obsidian and marble, gold lettering announcing the tragedy of your short life. He never learned what your favorite flowers were so he returns with a different bouquet each time. Today’s were pink carnations.

Much to his surprise, there was a figure already standing there. Your father, he recognizes. “You come at a time when no one else does so it’s hard to get a hold of you.” That was on purpose of course. He didn’t want to complain to you with an audience.

“I’m sorry I don’t know who you are but the way you come here every day with flowers, spending hours at a time you must have loved my daughter very much.”

His throat closes. He doesn’t know what to say.

Shigaraki cries more when he goes home, an avalanche of memories saturating his brain. Memories of your smile, your sarcastic quips, how he could never shut you up when you were talking about your favorite manga.

There’s a revolver in his desk. He could do it. Shoot his own brains out. Be where you are. His hands are shaking. Is he this much of a coward? You don’t care right, you wanted him to die right? For all the shit he did to you? You told him you had nightmares, that when you closed your eyes, all you could see was him.

But you were a bleeding heart. You’d never wish that upon anyone. Shigaraki looks out the window, wondering that if he could do it all over again, whether he’d be kinder to you.

No, he wouldn’t be.

[qqueenofhades]

Modern AU Heartrender Husbands gives me the vibes of like they'll watch eurovision bc Fedyor wanted to and Ivan only begrudgingly agreed but in the end it's him who's standing really close to the TV with a bottle of beer loudly criticising the jury vote

Anon, your Mind. As 100% ever, I am so very easy to enable. As before, this is set in Phantom!Verse, and serves as a sequel of sorts to this (and as a further prequel to PEL).

Brighton Beach, 2014

It’s their first spring in their new home – they arrived in America in August 2013 and got this place, fittingly, right around Orthodox Christmas in January 2014 – and that means many things to them. Their apartment is in a formerly rent-controlled brownstone tenement right off the boardwalk, but prior to their arrival, it was occupied for fifty years by an old bat from Krasnodar Krai who apparently never, ever, threw anything away. (Fedyor is too scared to ask if she actually died in this apartment and her mummified corpse is lurking at the bottom of all the junk.) That is why he and Ivan were able to afford it, at least, but now that the weather is warmer, they have been spending all day cleaning, hauling boxes of crap to the dumpster, and trying in vain to get the smell of pickled cabbage out of the kitchen. It looks exactly like your Great Aunt Masha’s house, the one that traumatized you as a child and has never left your nightmares since. Home sweet home.

The upside is that the location is great, the apartment is surprisingly spacious and lovely – a big bedroom, a bathroom with two sinks and a deep claw-footed tub, a living room with high windows that let in lots of light, original crown molding and hardwood floors – and if it was located in the really chic parts of Brooklyn and inhabited by a tech-startup hipster rather than a Russian émigré spinster with definite hoarding tendencies, it would rent for some astronomical monthly sum. Fedyor has a three-ring binder full of paint swatches, sketches, furniture samples, and other plans to give it a total overhaul (he’s thinking a nice pale green for the living room?) But the one thing that spring definitely means is Eurovision, and it is just the ticket to relax from their grueling schedule of throwing boxes of junk away and hoping they don’t stumble upon a withered hand in a glass jar. He likes America and he’s excited for their new life, for all that they had no choice but to leave Russia in a hurry, but Eurovision is Eurovision.

Actually watching it, of course, is easier said than done. For one thing, Fedyor can’t find a blasted station that is airing it, when he could have just switched on the TV and found it right away back home. For another, Ivan is deeply dubious of the whole endeavor, having watched five minutes of it once when he was eighteen and turning it off in disgust, never to return. Fedyor spends a lot of time wheedling him to give it another chance. “Come on, Vanya. It’s fun!”

“It is a lot of homosexuals gyrating in leather to very bad music,” Ivan snaps. “They look ridiculous. And sound even worse.”

Fedyor glances at them – the fact that they’re sitting on the couch, he’s on Ivan’s lap with his legs draped over Ivan’s thigh, and Ivan’s arms wrapped around his waist – and coughs. “I’m not sure how to break this to you, darling,” he says, “but you are also a homosexual.”

“Maybe, but you would never catch me dead up there.”

“Of course not.” Fedyor rolls his eyes. “You might actually have to smile.”

Ivan makes a scoffing noise. Then he notices the full-on puppy-dog face that Fedyor is now giving him, and says, “Oh no. Oh no, Fedya. Do not look at me like that.”

“Why not?” Fedyor shamelessly snuggles closer. “Is it working?”

The predictable outcome is that Ivan grudgingly agrees to watch it with him, though they’re on American time now and Eurovision Song Contest 2014, held in Copenhagen, Denmark, is six hours ahead of them. Ivan thinks that it’s stupid to sit down and watch a lot of gyrating homosexuals in the middle of the day, when there’s still so much work to do, and tries to demand that they just watch the recording later. Fedyor says this is nonsense, you simply cannot watch a recording of Eurovision, and after a lot of investigation, finds the online streaming channel on his laptop and hooks it up to the TV so they can watch it there. Then he prepares his popcorn, his alcoholic beverages, and his glitter glasses, corrals his recalcitrant husband, and readies himself to experience pure joy. No wonder Ivan doesn’t get it.

However, the effect is both swift and remarkable. By the end of the first semi-final, Ivan is put out about the fact that Russia came seventh in the popular vote but was knocked down to eleven by the jury (this is evidence of an anti-Russian conspiracy, according to him) and when only Moldova, a tiny no-name non-EU former Soviet state, deigns to award them the full twelve points, he is openly incredulous. “Moldova?! That is all we get?! MOLDOVA?!”

“Well,” Fedyor says delicately. “There is that little situation in Ukraine, so I’m afraid we are not that popular right now.”

“That is bullshit,” Ivan grouses. “This is a song contest. The Tolmachevy Sisters are not Vladimir Putin. I am sure they have worked very hard to be here.”

Fedyor glances at him and wisely decides not to say anything. He is likewise a little peeved when the Russian contestants get booed by the Danish audience, but Ivan looks like he’s about to leap through the screen and throttle every single one of them. He thrusts out a hand. “Give me a drink, Fedya. I need it to suffer this indignity.”

Fedyor cracks the lid off a cold one and hands it over – there is the Brighton Bazaar just a few blocks away, stocked with Russian goods, so they are spared the ordeal of drinking Yankee beer – and Ivan takes a long slug. He thinks they can skip watching the second semi-final two nights later, since Russia isn’t in it, but Fedyor puts it on anyway. They both like Austria and “Rise Like a Phoenix,” sung by the bearded drag queen Conchita Wurst (there have been a few dumb comments about her from the usual suspects), but Ivan hits a fist on the arm of the sofa. “She was not better than the Russian girls,” he says loyally. “I still think that they should be the ones to win.”

“Right, well,” Fedyor says. “I think the only ones less likely to win are the Brits, and they never win, so we might be waiting a while.”

The grand finale, on May tenth, is an inadvertently hysterical exercise. They get up early and put on the pregame show, like the Americans do with their bewildering fixation on the Super Bowl, and Ivan gets even more furious when the Tolmachevy Sisters are booed again. “Are they not supposed to love everyone at this glitter bacchanalia? So much for the Scandinavians being tolerant and accepting people! The song is nice! They are nice girls! What is wrong with them?!”

“Come over here and give me a cuddle, Vanya,” Fedyor suggests. “Otherwise you will blow a blood vessel long before the show starts.”

Ivan growls like an escaped tiger from the zoo, but consents to sit down next to Fedyor. They both drink copiously once the festivities get underway, singing along loudly (and not that melodiously) to the various entries, Fedyor’s arm draped around Ivan’s neck as he sits on his lap and critically judges the acts before the official results pop up. Once again, the only twelve-point awards Russia gets are from former Soviet countries (Azerbaijan and Belarus) and Ivan looks like he’s going to have a conniption before Fedyor kisses him and he gets distracted for the next three minutes. “This is disgraceful,” he mutters, when they break away. “Not you, Fedya. Just the horrible way they have clearly rigged this show against us.”

“You know,” Fedyor says. “That’s Eurovision. You declare war on your neighbors when they don’t give you twelve points. Now they have the EU, they’re not supposed to fight anymore, this is the only way they can get all those old rivalries out. Just be glad that Australia isn’t in this year. You might have really blown a gasket.”

“Australia?!” Ivan shifts Fedyor to a more comfortable position on his lap and grabs for his third bottle of beer. “AUSTRALIA IS NOT IN EUROPE! It is not even anywhere NEAR Europe! WHY DOES AUSTRALIA GET TO BE IN EUROVISION!?!”

Fedyor laughs out loud. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Ivan says. “But this is still the stupidest thing I have ever seen.”

“Shh.” Fedyor nuzzles him. “Just give in, Vanya. Just give in.”

Ivan consents to turn his grumbling down to a simmer, and is somewhat mollified that Russia comes in sixth overall, which is better than even Fedyor thought they were going to do. Austria takes the champion’s crown, they can both agree that Conchita Wurst deserves it, and get up and dance around their still-junk-cluttered living room as she gives her bravissima performance. A few things have been thrown during the judging, but they can’t add much to the existing mess, and in Brighton Beach, “damage caused to the apartment because Russia got shafted during Eurovision finals” might actually be a legitimate excuse. As he leans against Ivan’s chest and grins into his neck, Fedyor has to admit that this place may just feel like home yet.

[comradekatara]

here's your excuse to tell about arnook and pakku if you still want to, you're welcome. there isn't much discussion about these two for some reason. i will devour everything and anything you have to say, your blog is a blessing

lol this message is 7 months old (and i received multiple others like it) in response to something i offhandedly mentioned in a tag on a post i can no longer find, but yeah the gist of it is i think about the northern water tribe a lot. we only spend 3 episodes there (the first season is more about getting there than it is about exploring the nwt itself; it’s the journey not the destination or whatever), but those 3 episodes are some of the most compelling in the entire show, at least to me. of course, i’m biased, because katara & sokka are my favorite characters (shhh don’t tell aang & toph), not to mention yue is my favorite minor character (shhh don’t tell mai & ty lee), and these episodes allow them to shine in really special ways. so i often find myself contemplating what would happen after the war ends, in terms of katara & sokka’s relationship to arnook, pakku, yue, and the tribe as a whole. 

as you probably know, i am a big proponent of #fuck them comics (to be clear, because the themes presented are antithetical to what draws me to the show in the first place, not because the art style is ugly. i repeat, it is not because the art style is hideous and makes sokka look like a buffonish cheshire cat. obviously), and book 2 of lok is just.... a whole mess, so i choose not to consider these instances of – ahem – paratext canon. i am well aware that colonialism and industrialization are forces that cannot simply be stopped by the efforts of a couple of angry [indigenous] kids, only wait. katara literally did that already. time and time again. i find it hard to believe that she would allow colonialism in her southern water tribe. so excuse me if i’m not buying it! 

i think that instead, if katara and sokka are going to be in conflict with the northern water tribe, it would be at the source. as de facto world leaders (katara as (future) chief of the swt, sokka as .... holistic problem-solver), they would have to visit the northern water tribe eventually, as much as they would be reluctant to return to this site of injustice and trauma. not to mention that aang and zuko both experienced great traumas here as well (aang becoming the ocean spirit and causing mass destruction against his own volition, zuko nearly dying and watching zhao die) so upon their visit they too would be provoked to confront their demons. since sokka would naturally have reservations about the man, i think they would first approach arnook wrt striking an alliance between nations, since it would (ostensibly) no longer be in their best interest to remain isolationist (i doubt they’d be changing their minds on that without the avatar’s influence, since they didn’t even send aid to the south during the entirety of the war. no shade tho lol).

realistically, i don’t think that katara being allowed to train with pakku would herald some overnight feminist shift. certain women being granted exceptions is not productive feminism, and it’s certainly not equality. upon returning to the north pole for the first time since the war’s end, katara would witness this and be outraged. unlike her first visit, she would no longer have any compunctions about “causing a scene” (not that she had many to begin with), and i like to think know to be true that she would incite feminist revolution. because, that’s what she does. i really don’t buy that pakku read his bell hooks and finally won his way into kanna’s heart, because, while most of the time i laud the nuanced representation of gender in atla, that shit was written by men! (by “that shit” i specifically mean the scene in “sozin’s comet: the old masters” when katara congratulates him for marrying her gran gran. bc uhhhhh.....fuck no.) even if pakku had traveled all the way to the south pole, found kanna, proposed to her, and she accepted out of some resigned loneliness (an extremely bleak thought), the second her babies (katara, sokka, hakoda) return home she is dumping his raggedy ass, and he is returning to the north pole in shame (when asked, he says he helped with the rebuilding effort, but his home is here. no one questions it). so pakku proves kind of a roadblock for katara, as well as pretty much all the other men in the tribe, who make it their mission to passive-aggressively demean and belittle her. but the women of the nwt band together, and many of them become katara’s first waterbending pupils, returning to the south pole with her after katara is thoroughly satisfied with the progressive legislative change she enacted. 

as for sokka, his unfinished business with the north is more internal. i think arnook would really respect sokka, constantly showering him in paternal affection and placing in him unconditional (and (what sokka considers to be) unearned) trust. which really, really bothers sokka, because in his eyes, arnook gave him one (1) job, and he failed spectacularly. no matter that there was nothing sokka could have done differently, that it was zhao’s action, and yue’s choice (not that she really had a choice, but still); in “the swamp” we see that sokka carries that guilt of not having protected yue, and arnook, a father figure much like hakoda in many ways, tasked sokka with protecting her, similar to how hakoda told sokka it was his mission to protect katara. we know that is not a request sokka takes lightly. yue sacrificed herself because sokka could not save her, period, end of story. at least in his eyes. sokka has a debilitating fear of disappointing father figures, despite father figures historically adoring sokka, so his relationship with arnook would be.....extremely fraught, to say the least. especially if, on the offchance hahn survived (doubtful. he probably drowned in frozen water immediately), yue’s bitter ex-fiance is in the picture, and steamed as hell that he was forced to give up his opportunity to become the future chief (which begs the question, who does become chief? does arnook have another viable heir?). and of course, there’s sokka’s relationship with yue herself, which, as i have mentioned before (on many an occasion) is not (necessarily) the relationship one has to a dead loved one. we see aang talk to yue in the show, and we have no reason to believe that sokka wouldn’t find a way to communicate with her again. but you know what? that’s for another time... 

as for aang and zuko (respectively), their relationship to the northern water tribe has less to with the people and culture there, and more about the traumatic events that transpired. i think setting foot in the north pole (which is ultimately unavoidable, unfortunately) would be pretty triggering for both of them. aang becoming a vessel for mass violence, and literally everything that happens to zuko in the “siege of the north” episodes, are extremely traumatic events that would resurface in their psyches once they returned there. (i think sokka would also apologize to zuko for voting to leave him for dead, even though zuko would be like “don’t be stupid there’s no need to apologize for that.”) ultimately, i think the northern water tribe—its politics, cultural & spiritual worldbuilding, characters, and all the nuances in between—is really compelling and ripe for further exploration. but no i don’t think abt this a lot why do u ask

[supernatural-reacts]

Season 11 episode 22

- I love that y’all can see the time stamps on these bc it’s just Me: *visibly traumatized by an episode* Me: *immediately clicks next episode*

- Lucifer and God are both in the bunker. Theee biblical Lucifer and God are both on this show rn. Maybe if I keep saying it I’ll start understanding it.

- LUCIFER LOUDLY PLAYING MUSIC AND IGNORING EVERYONE AHJSKSL

- CROWLEY!

- ROWENA!

- I like this witch lady

- Dean Winchester is attempting to give Lucifer and God therapy. Supernatural really is a show huh.

- I just want Cas back

- “I gave you the mark because I loved you the most.” Why is this actually sad

- YES GO GET CROWLEY

- Misha Collins going from Lucifer to Castiel in 0.3 seconds is so impressive

- “hello brothers. Sisters.” I MISS HIM SO MUCH

- “I’ll turn you into a moose. An actual moose.” I love Rowena

- “it’s destroying me, it’s burning through my vessel.” NO NO NO

- 🎵 dude we’re getting the band back together 🎶

- I’m really happy about all these characters being here I love them

- this Dean Amara stuff just gets weirder and weirder

- THIS MONTAGE OF EVERYONE AGREEING TO THE PLAN ✨✨ THATS MY SHIT RIGHT THERE

- “sorry about well... everything I’ve ever done in my life.” I love Rowena

- “what about Cas?” GOOD QUESTION DEAN

- SAM NO WHAT SAM NO

- hmm Amara snooping through Dean’s stuff that’s not weird at all

- THIS IS REALLY FUCKING COOL

- I love epic battles so much

- that was a pretty graphic stabbing

- idk if I’m supposed to feel bad for Amara but I do

- Dean don’t do anything stupid

- OH NO

- is God dead

- what is Rowena doing

- this is insane. this show is crazy. what the fuck just happened

[alderoo]

Nobody Real

This is from when I was bored awhile ago, and now, seeing as I have many other fics in the works i suppose i should get around to posting this here.

I was really angry when I wrote this. Like REALLY angry so uhhhhhhh have fun with my pain?

Description: Warriors says something that he shouldn’t have, and Legend gets upset. Then someone unexpected comes to help him.

A03 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27586058/chapters/67482725

Legend knew that he shouldn’t have walked out like that. He knew that he should’ve stayed and apologized and let the others know that he’s not that much of an asshole and that he knows how to treat people nicely and that he just snapped- no. He also knew that if he had stayed there any longer someone would’ve ended up with a black eye. 

The stream that he sat by did little to calm his aching body. The anger coursed through him and boiled his blood and stained every innocent part of his mind until he was so tense that he wondered how he didn’t pop a blood vessel in his hands or utterly shatter his teeth. 

Legend chucked another stone into the water. It made a loud plop. It wasn’t very satisfying, though. He wanted others to feel his pain. He wanted the heavens to open up and drown his sins in rain. For lightning to crack and for thunder to rumble and to show everyone exactly what was going on inside his mind. 

Footsteps distracted him from his thoughts. 

“Legend?” It was Warriors. The last man that he wanted to see at the moment. 

“Fuck off, captain. I’m not above slapping you right now,” Legend growled, but Warriors didn’t go away. 

“I came to apologize. I didn’t mean what I said. I should’ve realized that you were hurting from it,” The captain said with a gentle voice. Legend tensed even furthur, curling his hands into fists as he ripped the grass out from under them.

“How much longer do you think that we can do this?” Legend sneered, voice laced with venom. “How much longer do you think that I can stand being hurt by people who are supposed to be my family before I just quit it all? 

“Legend please, we don’t know what not to say unless you tell us about it! If we don’t work this out we’re just going to be skating on ice around you forever,” Warriors pleaded, taking a tentative step forward. 

Legend stood and whipped around to face him. His eyes were red and swollen from sobbing by the water and Warriors gasped in surprise. 

“I don’t care! For all the talking you do you can’t seem to tell when someone is seconds away from punching somebody?” Legend took a shaky breath to steel himself. “You all claim that we’re supposed to be like a family! But you all can’t recognize when one of your own is hurting! When they’re broken into so many pieces that there is little to no chance that they can put themselves back together!”

“You don’t think that the rest of us are broken too? There are things we’ve seen that would make us wake up screaming! Haven’t you seen the way that Wind screamed when he saw a Lofting for the first time? The way that Time had a panic attack when the moon was full for the first time in a few weeks?” Warriors retorted, having had enough of bullshit. His voice was cracking with emotion. 

“I know, captain. And I don’t care if what you said was a stupid joke! All those people I talked about, of course they aren’t real. They were never real! There’s no one who would be able to care about someone like me!” Legend yelled, voice echoing through the forest. 

The two stared at each other for a good long while before either of them said anything. Legend laughed a watery, broken laugh before shoving his hands in his pockets. He continued to wish that Hylia would let it rain from the heavens with all his unshed tears, how he wished for her to conjure volcanoes and storms to scream with the fright of his nightmares. But when had Hylia done anything for him?

“What a pair we are, huh?” Legend barked out another laugh. Warriors now had tears streaming down his face, and so did Legend. “Two weapons that were forged in blood only to fight and destroy everything they touch,”

“Legend-“

“I’ve heard enough, captain. I need time to cool off, I need time away from you. Tell the others to not come find me, alright?” Legend asked, looking up at the sky. “Just please, please go away,”

Warriors complied, sniffling like a child as he walked back to camp. Legend sat back down by the stream, and let his head fall down into his hands. 

After he was sure that Warriors was gone, Legend sobbed. He let out every cry that he held in, every little tear that begged to be let go. He felt every emotion he could possibly imagine. Hatred, at Warriors, at himself, and Hylia for making him go through this mess in the first place. Sadness, wishing that he could be in his Uncle’s arms when he was a child and was afraid of a thunderstorm. Grief as he longed to be back at Marin’s side, letting her beautiful voice lull him to sleep. 

But as much as he sobbed, one truth rang clear through his mind. No one could love someone like him. At least not anyone real. 

**********

When Wind saw Warriors dejectedly return to camp, he knew that he had to do something. What Warriors had said was crossing the line, sure, but none of them knew the toll that it would take on their veteran. And as much as Warriors wanted to apologize, Wind knew that it wouldn’t work until Legend calmed down. So when Wind said he was going to go talk to the fuming veteran, the strange looks that he got from the rest of the heroes were understandable. 

“He’s just going to yell at you, Sailor,” Warriors insisted, his face still red from tears. He was leaning against Time, who had his arm around the tearful captain. The Old Man had an unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes betrayed his facade, as they were clouded with grief. 

“No, he’s not,” Wind insisted, staying true to his decision. He glanced around camp, taking note of the expressions his friends bore. Twilight was holding Wild to his side, the champion having since drawn his hood, his eyes blank. Hyrule was clutching Sky’s tunic until the blood left his hands, Four sitting on his other side, eyes seemingly flickering in the firelight. “I need you all to trust me, please,” 

Time looked Wind in the eyes, before nodding. 

“Just be careful,” 

“I will,”

Wind then left camp and walked carefully through the forest in the direction that Legend stormed off in. As the sounds of a stream grew closer, Wind started to doubt his ability to calm the veteran. But he walked on, stepping on every twig and leaf in his path in hopes that he wouldn’t scare Legend. 

“I know you’re there,” A voice called, hoarse and choked with emotion. Wind couldn’t help but flinch, but he said nothing. He strode forward with a false confidence and sat himself down next to Legend, ignoring every impulse in his body that made him want to stare at the veteran. “Did the others send you?”

“No,” Wind answered, picking up a stone and skipping it across the shallow water. Legend watched it with little interest. They sat in silence after that, Wind occasionally skipping a stone and Legend trying to stifle his sniffles. 

“Then why are you here? Shouldn’t you be comforting your precious brother?” Legend sneered, but there was still no venom to it, just the voice of someone who was broken too many times. 

“Because I understand more than you’d think,” Legend scoffed. Wind didn’t take offense. He skipped another stone, this one bouncing four times before it sank to the ground. “After you, I’m one of the most experienced heroes. And I never told any of you how my second one ended, did I?”

Legend spared a glance at Wind, whose eyes were fixated on the water. 

“How did it end?” He asked, and was surprised at how young he sounded. 

“I woke up,” Wind admitted, and Legend let out a choked whine. Wind moved closer, and put an arm around the poor veteran’s side. “I conquered all the dungeons, forged the Phantom Sword, defeated Bellum, had the most traumatic experience in all of my adventures, and then I just… woke up. The Ocean King was there. He didn’t explain much,”

“Was any of it real?” The veteran wondered, wiping at his eyes. Wind shrugged.

“I have no idea. It’s real in my memories. But is it physically real? Who knows?” He said nonchalantly. Wind suddenly turned to Legend, looking at him with an intense stare. “That’s what happened to you, didn’t it?”

“They're all gone and it’s my fault,” Legend choked out, and Wind started rubbing his back, something he did with Aryll whenever she had nightmares about a certain bird. “You don’t know how much I’d give to hold her again, even if it’s only once,”

“I know. But you had to get home. Even if it was your fault, if she really loved you she would forgive you,” Wind insisted. “You knew what you had to do. And you did it. We all make choices, some are bad, others not so much,” 

“But it hurts so much,” Legend whimpered, a pitiful sound, but Wind didn’t mind. The sailor merely stood and wrapped his arms around the veteran, trying to reassure him that things would be alright. 

“We love you, Legend,” said Wind, and Legend sniffled again, hugging Wind even tighter.

“I know,”

[random-imagines-blog]

Dark Snow {Maria Hill x Reader Oneshot}

Requested by: Anonymous Wordcount: 2919 Summary: You’ve been acting really weird after getting back from an undercover mission at HYDRA. Notes: Takes place during The Winter Soldier; Character Death

Maria loved to go through your wardrobe. While in hers hung her SHIELD uniforms, neatly and organized of course, and one or two cocktail dresses for when she needs to be undercover, yours was a little more chaotic. You were an agent as well, but kept your dresser full of comfortable clothing, which is what you preferred to spend your time in. Over-sized sweaters, sweatpants, baggy jeans, vintage band t-shirts, you hadn’t changed your style much since you were a teenager. And there was the added bonus that everything smelt like the bodywash that you used on yourself each night when you showered. She’s been wearing your clothes a lot more lately, since you’ve been away on a mission. She hadn’t heard a word from you in over a month. Only Nick Fury’s word that you were reported as still alive was all she had for comfort.

As she curled up, watching something on Netflix that was going in one ear and out the other, she sniffed the sleeve of the sweater that she was wearing. It was yours from University, and had the name of it sprawled across the chest. She never thought she would wear this sweater, given that your schools were nemesis’s. In fact, it was at a school football game that you two had noticed one another. Sitting right across from one another, with the field between. You were wearing this very sweatshirt, rooting for your school’s team, being loud and proud about it. She had been dragged by a friend and wasn’t interested in what was going on at all. You caught eyes a couple of times throughout the game, and even ran into each other at the chip wagon when you both went to buy snacks. That was how everything started - over a cardboard container filled with fries.

You both ended up transferring to the Academy, which had been her idea at first. It had taken some convincing for you to apply, but you got in as soon as you did. She wasn’t ready to give you up. And a decade and a half later, she had no regrets about herself going to the Academy. But when you were off on a dangerous mission without being able to talk to anyone, she regretted getting you involved. She wouldn’t trade the years with you for anything, but she was greatly looking forward to when the both of you retired so she wouldn’t feel this worry anymore.

She was nearly falling asleep on the couch when there was a sound coming from the door of the apartment. With a smooth motion, Maria had the gun that she kept under the coffee table, holstered to the under side in case of emergencies. She clicked off the safety, and held it to her side. The door swung open, and she ducked down beside the couch, her head just poking over the top so she could see who it was that was approaching.

Once she saw that it was you, she put the safety back on and threw the gun onto the couch so she could run towards you with arms wide open. Her cheeks were flush with excitement, and before you could even brace yourself, she had embraced you in a tight hug. “I was so worried about you,” She said into your ear, breathing in, trying to get the familiar smell of you back on her. But you smelt different. Your body wash was still standing on the shower shelf, where it had been for the last month. You smelt like ... like nothing.

Even the hug that you returned, after getting your footing back, was lackluster. In vain, Maria tried to bring you in for a kiss, but you moved your head out of the way, avoiding her lips. “Give me a chance to put my bags down, at least,” You muttered. She slowly let go and you walked further into your residence, looking around. Maria hadn’t changed anything since you were last here, so she was a little confused at what you were looking at.

“I know you can’t tell me the details,” She said, using your rejection as an excuse to retreat into her work-like self. Straight and narrow. No room for emotions. You didn’t want to show her any affection, she would act like she had none left inside of her. “But can you at least tell me that you are okay? And if it was a success?”

“I’m fine, and it was a success,” You echoed. Maria clearly was not convinced, but said nothing more about it. You set your bags down next to the couch, and without another word, went into the bathroom, closing the door behind you. The sound of the shower starting up was heard over the sound effects from the movie that was still playing on the television.

Feeling dejected, Maria took off the sweatshirt that she was wearing, and tossed it into the laundry basket. She hoped that this was just you adjusting to being back home after being deeply undercover for Hydra for so long. But for now, she was very irritated and wanted nothing to do with your stupid sweater.

-

The next morning, nothing had changed. Nor did the next week. Or even the next few months. You still lived together, and you were pleasant enough, but there was no affection. You stayed up after Maria went to bed, and you were up and out by the time that she woke up. Only the rustled sheets gave any indication that you had come to the bed at all. She didn’t suspect an affair, which was the reason why most people stopped giving affection. Rather, she thought that something traumatizing had happened on your mission. You never spoke of it. Whenever she pestered you about it, you just told her that it was classified information, and she should know better than to go digging. After a little while, she gave up on asking you.

She attempted to get into the records, but they were sealed, which was very odd because she should have all of the clearance in the world given her position. But it locked her out when she tried. It even implemented a virus on the computer that she was using, and Stark had to be called in to help fix it. It felt shameful to even call him in, but at least you weren’t in the headquarters to notice.

She soon grew distracted, as it became obvious that Hydra had infiltrated SHIELD. There had been an attack on Nick. She had to lie to everyone that he was dead. She even had to lie to you, which was a very hard thing to do. It was something she vowed that she would never do, but she found herself doing it anyway. Something in the back of her mind was telling her not to trust you with such sensitive information. She hoped it was just because it would put a target on your back if you knew, not because she thought you might use the information in a bad way.

You were spending more time out of the house as all of this was going on. As there was a war against Captain America. As someone called The Winter Soldier had come out of nowhere and tried to attack him. It kept Maria extremely busy, but even she was home more than you were.

And she was terrified.

Alexander Pierce was not working with her, having named Nick Fury a fugitive. But Pierce had kept you on, and you were spending a lot of time with him lately. Every time that she saw you, you were by his side or leaving one of his meetings. Something was going on. Something that you weren’t telling her.

She lost her faith in you, slowly but surely, and you weren’t even around for her to confront you about it. It went beyond the relationship, now. It was about loyalties. It was about life and death. She had sworn her life to SHIELD. She would die defending it, if needed. She no longer knew where your loyalties lied.

-

Project Insight was taking off. Romanoff and Fury were against Pierce. Rogers and Wilson were replacing the chips in the Hellicarriers, but it wasn’t coming along quickly due to the Winter Soldier’s involvement. Maria was in the safehouse, ready to take control and force the vessels to turn against one another. She was waiting on just one more, the last of the carriers. Her fingers were at the ready, prepared to program.

A click shocked her out of it. She immediately reached for the gun in her holster, and pointed it at the sound. Standing behind her, with a gun aimed at her, was you. “What are you doing. Y/N?”

“I’m afraid that I have to stop you from interfering further, Maria,” You said, completely calm despite the circumstances. Maria thought that she was going nuts. She knew you were growing distant, but she never thought you would turn against SHIELD.

“Answer my question. What are you doing?” She repeated, her hands trembling.

“What’s best for the world,” You said, with no emotion showing in your face. “Hail Hydra.”

Somehow, you missed. You were excellent with a gun, Maria knew that much from going to target practice together. The bullet whizzed past her shoulder and embedded itself in the wall. She managed to duck away from it, but it wasn’t hard for her to do so, since it would have passed by her anyway. Though it was close enough that she could smell the metal of it.

“That was a warning,” You said, blinking a few times at her, but didn’t shoot again. She aimed her gun at your chest. “I don’t want to have to kill you, Maria.”

“You -” She breathed, hair hanging her face. “- you joined Hydra? When? Why?”

“Those aren’t the important questions that you should be asking,” You said, taking a step towards the computer. She blocked you, still holding the gun in front of her. “What you should be asking is, what will SHIELD have to offer you now? And the answer is nothing. Because there is no more SHIELD. But there is, and always will be, Hydra.”

“You need to leave,” Maria said, her face hardening. She had to remember that this was part of her mission. Whatever they said to get you on board with Hydra must have been good, but she would not fall for it. She knew the dangers of the underground organization, and would fight them until her last breath. “Because I will complete this mission, and I will kill you if that is what it means.”

“I don’t think that you have it in you,” You said with a smirk. “I’m offering you a new life, Maria. With me - things can go back to the way that they were. But we won’t be on opposite sides anymore. We can be united together, under Hydra. The winning side.”

She let out a shaky breath, but did not move the aim of her weapon. She started to shake her head vigorously.

“Maybe it isn’t too late for us,” Maria pleaded. It felt like you weren’t even looking at her, but through her. Like you were so focused on the computer, that it didn’t actually matter whether you two got together or not. She had never known you to be so singularly-minded, especially with her around. “Come back with me. Pierce might be bringing the headquarters down, but SHIELD will always prevail. We can rebuild it from the ground up. Whatever you had a problem with-”

“I’m done with talking. You’re either with me, or you’re against me, Maria. What’s it going to be?” You questioned, gazing still at the computer. She let out a sigh this time, feeling her heart breaking in two.

“Against,” She said, startling you with a high kick that nearly knocked the gun out of your hand. You fumbled with it, but by the time you got it under control in your palm, she had fired off two shots. One had grazed the side of your head, while the second had gone straight to your hand.

Grimacing, you held your bad hand to your head where blood was starting to spurt. Only once you realized that you weren’t actually touching the wound did you realize that three of your fingers, your index, middle and ring - the same one that had your wedding band on it, still attached to a stub, were gone. You brought your hand down in shock and the ring slid off, bouncing off the ground with a metallic ringing.

“Now!” Steve shouted, and Maria turned back to the computer and input the code that would turn the hellicarrier against itself and finally be destroyed. The mission was complete, but at a cost.

A sharp pain went through Maria’s hip as she started to turn to face you. Never turn your back on an enemy, that was SHIELD 101. But the main mission had been important enough for her to do so, and she was paying for it now with a bullet embedded in her bone. It still didn’t clue into her mind that it was you who had shot her, and she went straight into defensive mode. As she started to fall to the ground in pain, she let off another shot, this one going into your chest. You fell back onto the hard ground, and you didn’t get back up again.

Weary, Maria fell onto the floor, landing on her ass harshly. She leaned her head back against the desk that the computer systems were on, and pressed a hand to where you had shot her, putting pressure on the wound. Nick would be back soon, she had to tell herself.

She shuffled over to where you were lying. Your chest was still rising and falling, proving that you were alive, but the puddle of blood beneath your body didn’t look good. It was thick, and dark, nearly black rather than red.

“Why, y/n? Why would you turn against us?” Maria asked, looking at your hand. The discarded fingers lay a couple of feet away, shot clean off. If you survived this, you wouldn’t be able to shoot again. At least, not without a fancy prosthetic, and since you have been labeled a traitor, it seemed unlikely you would get one.

You coughed, blood coming out of your mouth. It wasn’t merely a shoulder shot. She had hit an artery. Despite the pain, you managed a smile, which made her heart started to beat faster.

“I’m so, so sorry,” You said, turning your head to try to look at her better. “I - Bucky -”

Maria’s fingers went to her mouth as you said the name. Bucky. Steve’s friend. The Winter Soldier. The name Dark Snow had come up as well in the records, before the virus was put in that locked Maria out. Everything was coming together.

“It wasn’t you, I know,” Maria said, moving some of the blood saturated hair out of your face. It was in large clumps due to the shot that had nicked your head, causing quite a bit of trauma to the skull. You were going to die, and Maria was half responsible. Hydra had the other half of the blame.

Taking some of the best soldiers and brainwashing them. It was brilliant. Horrific, but brilliant.

“I love you-” You said, snapping Maria back into the moment. She kept her hand on your cheek, comforting you as you passed from this world into the next. It was only a minute later that all of that light that she had loved so much disappeared from your sight, and you only had a blank stare left for the world.

-

When Steve, Sam, Natasha and Nick returned to the safe house, Maria was still in the same position. She was next to you, hand on your cooling cheek. She explained to them how she had come to the realization that you had been brain washed, like the Winter Soldier. Nick opened up about the mission that you had been on, though he himself only knew of a few details about it. Operation Dark Snow.

You were buried in a cemetery not too far from the football field where you two had met. Maria had you cremated, then your ashes interred into the ground, but not before she took a small amount of them, and had it wrapped in resin, which was then attached to a ring. She wore that ring every day, no matter if she was on a break, or if she was on a mission.

Knowing what HYDRA was capable of, and how they integrated themselves into high society like a parasite, did not bring fear into her heart. Instead, it bought anger. As long as she was working, she was pushing to make sure that no one else lost their love the way that she did.

She kept wearing your sweaters, curling up in them every night, feeling like they were a warm hug against the cold nights. Even the sweater of the opposing University.

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

Little Ceremonies: A Critical Role Fanfic

So I have a lot of feelings about Beau, and she has feelings too that she needs to work through. Honestly this fic just came from my desire to shake this girl and force her to talk about her issues with SOMEONE, literally anyone would do.

Alright BeauYashter fans who love a dash of hurt/comfort/angst/pining, come get your juice. Enjoy!

Read on AO3

Preview:

Before Beau almost fucking died she realized she didn't know what TJ's favorite color was. 

They had gotten attacked by some asshole bandits, which wouldn’t have been too big a deal if they also hadn’t had some wolves with them too. One of them was buddy buddy with animals Beau guessed. Things were going rough anyways, and Beau almost wasn’t surprised when she was full-body slammed by an orc and smashed her head on something hard. Another hit and she was out. So long, farewell, no one home, lights completely off unconscious. It sort of sucked, but it wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before. This time felt different for some stupid reason having to do with her brother. 

It was a stupid fucking last thought before she went unconscious, but you can't help what springs to your mind in your last moments of consciousness. And that was it. She saw TJ's face in her mind as she came crashing down, as her vision wobbled and went grey at the edges like she was tripping balls again or it was being eaten in a haze of ash. She realized she didn't know TJ's favorite color. And then there was nothing for a long moment. It wasn't unlike falling asleep in the way that there was nothing. Most nights Beau was so exhausted that she didn’t have time for dreams. (The other times she dreamed of impossible things she could never admit but wanted so bad she wished she could break open her own skull to inspect and commit them to memory. But she wouldn’t admit those ever.)

And then, just as quickly, she was jolted away from the depths of her sleep. Divine light pierced the darkness that had settled quiet and peaceful over her like the waves from the ocean lapping at her toes. She saved me, Beau thought literally breathless, she-

"Beau!" Fjord gasped. Beau desperately tried not to give in to her disappointment. And then immediately she resisted the urge to slap herself because no, she shouldn’t be thinking it. It wasn’t any of those things and she shouldn’t be thinking that way. 

“Oh Beau!” Jester cried as she rushed over. Her hands were first-snow cold against Beau’s suddenly feverish skin as Fjord helped to settle Beau more firmly against Jester. “Oh I’m so sorry, I don’t have...I only have Healing Word prepared and…!” 

Beau felt another jolt of the divine spread through her at the brush of her fingers that fluttered like snowflakes. They felt good...Jester felt good. She was soft and even though she was washed with rain water and gore, somehow, her arms felt safe. Beau wanted to feel more. She wanted to sag against Jester, to melt into her arms and never leave-

“It’s okay,” Beau managed to croak, her ribs still didn’t feel great by any means. It was more like when Dairon had first knocked the shit out of her with her staff. But she was feeling far less...almost dead so it was a marked improvement at any rate. She could just file this away into the same place that she had put all her recent horrible traumatic encounters and everything would be fine. “Just...it’s alright, Jessie. I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay, you look like shit!” Jester said, sounding half angry and half breathlessly relieved. It just made everything hurt even more somehow, though Beau didn’t know how that was fucking possible because she felt like complete shit. 

“Sorry, I’m fresh out of healing,” Caduceus apologized, hauling a ghostly pale looking Caleb with both Yasha and Nott’s help. Caleb swayed in their arms, looking like a bloodless ghost that haunted the halls in a shitty novel that Jester might read them all. Beau hoped she didn’t look as bad as Caleb, though she didn’t have much hope. 

“I’ll be alright,” Beau promised, gritting her teeth and forcing her legs up. Pain was a constant bedfellow. Usually she liked pain, it helped her feel alive and grounded, but this was a pain that was ripping deeper within her at places that she was refusing to face. Not now, Beau ordered herself. You can fall apart later. Not now-!

“Beau no-”

“I’ve got it!” Beau snapped at Jester, desperate to get out of her grasp. She was crawling out of her fucking skin. Jester flinched, and Beau felt her blood curdling in her veins because why? Why had she done this? Why couldn’t she just be good to those she loved instead of ruining it every time? 

“Okay,” Jester said, quickly rearranging her face so that the hurt dwelled somewhere deep where Beau couldn’t see it any more. It made Beau want to grab something with her hands and rip it apart right there and then. 

“There should be the inn a mile or two away,” Fjord said, voice even and as always the steady captain in the storm as he referred to the map. Lining up the troops, focusing them on an achievable goal. Beau could have hugged him for this gentle understanding. 

“I can help you into the cart,” Yasha offered both Caleb and Beau, her eyes dark and drawn with worry. 

“Ja, please,” Caleb asked, as Yasha better arranged him on her arm with Veth’s help. Veth kept glancing at Beau and Beau wanted to scream at her to knock it off. It wouldn’t change anything, none of this would, and in fact it was only making it worse. But Beau had always considered herself to be the worst kind of coward, so instead of saying all of that she set her jaw.  

“I’m fine,” Beau said gruffly to everyone, no one, and herself, gripping her side. “I’ll be fine.” 

As they walked along, Beau could feel Veth’s gaze digging into her skin. She pointedly ignored it. 

“I’m sorry,” Fjord murmured to Beau as they walked. He reached an arm around her to steady her, and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly as he did. Beau half wanted to punch him, and half wanted to turn her head into his shoulder and cry. 

“Why are you sorry?” Beau snapped though it felt half-hearted. She had always had a hard time arguing with Fjord, and even as wounded and skittish as she was feeling she couldn’t muster real anger at him.  

“You know why,” Fjord said as he continued to look forward and help her without saying anything. 

Beau knew why, but it didn’t make it any easier. 

“Are you mad at me?” 

They had found the inn and with little ceremony they had separated out to their rooms for the night. It was the usual arrangement, but Beau felt anything but normal. 

She was thinking about TJ again, thinking about her feelings that were all over the place, thinking about the stupid pain in her side that refused to just dim enough for her to sleep. Eventually all of those things had curled together until any outside stimulus had her startled half out of her skin. 

Jester’s voice was quiet in the darkness of their room. It stabbed into Beau like that shitty dagger the bandit had stuck into her not so many hours prior. Beau was wide awake now, curled into her side. Her breath was drawn so tightly that she was afraid that something inside of her would snap. And maybe it should. Maybe things would be better if they did. Maybe she wouldn’t have to deal with Fjord’s quiet concern and Cad’s long looks, and the quick glancing gazes that Veth peppered against her skin like freezing rain. It was because everyone knew the secrets that Beau was so terrible at keeping...everyone except the girl who could miss that point but tell she wasn’t asleep from the irregularities of her breath in a dark room. It would be hilarious, if it wasn’t so fucking tragic. 

“ ‘m not mad,” Beau said, hoping her voice sounded sleepy and that was enough to discourage this conversation. Beau could hear Jester shifting again in the darkness, and new that hope was a dream to be dashed on the rocks with the coming tide. 

“If I did something wrong…” 

“You didn’t, Jessie,” Beau said, finally rolling over. She didn’t have her goggles on and so she could barely see in the darkness, but the lump she assumed was Jester moved in tandem with her. Beau had spent enough time gazing at her to know the curve of her horns...her artist’s hands...the freckles that dusted her skin and nose. Beau colored in the lines like she was a child, and didn’t need her sight to tell her what she would see. “I was just upset at having been stabbed. It hurt. And it was lame.” 

“It was a little lame,” Jester said, a half-hearted laugh in her throat, a pout forming on her mouth. 

“Not just a little,” Beau said, self-depreciation a comfortable skin to slip into. This was charted waters, this was safe with Jester. This is what she wanted, she told her errant heart. She wanted her heart and her friendship to be safe. If it was safe, there would be nothing precious to lose. Beau didn’t think she would be able to stand that. 

“A lot a bit then,” Jester corrected. “But I am sorry anyways I...I’ll try to be a better cleric I swear.” 

“You are already the greatest cleric,” Beau promised her. “After all, there aren’t many clerics who make their own gods.”

“The Traveler and I are cool like that,” Jester said and Beau could hear the smile on her voice. She could see it in her mind’s eyes, the way it drew across her face and just brightened her and everything around her. She was precious and sacred and Beau was none of those things. Not for me, a part of Beau cried with hot, childish tears. Not for me, never for me. Why would she ever want me? She is a vessel for a power greater than I can understand...why would she ever want someone who uses all their strength to simply not fall apart?

“Yeah, you guys are,” Beau said as she drew in her strength to sit up despite the way her muscles and bones protested. “I’m gonna go for a quick walk. I’ll be back.” 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Jester asked her, sitting up suddenly. 

“No,” Beau said, doing her best to smile for Jester. After all, only one of them could really see in the dark. “I’ll be back.” 

“Alright...if you are sure,” Jester said, not sound happy about this arrangement. Just that was enough to almost send Beau back, but she didn’t. She steeled herself and moved forward instead. Beau fumbled for the door, groping for the knob in the darkness. She opened it and was out in the dark, empty hall. She almost made it all the way down the hall when the pain in her side forced her to stop. She crumbled against the wall, her eyes burning with tears that she refused to shed. She smacked her hand against the wall as she slid down, the dull ache doing nothing to distract her from the pain in her chest. No one else was there...it was far too late for anyone to be wandering the halls anyways, and Beau had never been more grateful to anything in her whole life. 

Make me understand, her mother had once whispered to her. Why can you not just behave? It will be so much easier, was what her mother hadn't said but it had been written all over her face. 

Marry a nice boy from a good family, have your dalliances quietly on the side, shit out kids because that's your job and it has worked for a million women before you and it can work for you. Why can't you just accept the things that are settled in front of you for the way they are, was what her father had meant when he refused to look at Tori as Beau was hauled from that jail cell that night. 

Beau felt the urge to cry again. How much more orderly...how much smaller was she going to be forced to make her feelings? She simply couldn't force them into any more boxes to be labeled and filed away when they were pounding at her ribcage...bleeding out all over her like a fresh wound. It was bad enough that she had fallen in love for the first woman who hadn't cringed at her touch, but now this? Where was the fucking justice in this? She was supposed to be made of stronger stuff than this, but apparently all she had done was gilded her ribcage without accounting for the things within it.

“Beau?” Yasha’s voice was quiet and worried as she peaked out of the door of the room she was sharing with Fjord and Caduceus. Her dark hair swept out like a curtain as she did, and Beau wanted nothing more than to tuck it behind her ear. Was Yasha’s hair soft? And though those thoughts were surely not practical at this moment, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking them. “Beau...are you alright?” 

Beau startled in spite of herself. She was usually so much better than this, but that night she was scraped from the bottom of a barrel. Yasha was standing in the hallway. Her figure cut imposingly, but as soon as she saw there was no danger she almost shrunk into herself as she usually did. Her shoulders rolled in on themselves in an attempt to be smaller...less obvious, despite the fact that such a thing was impossible. Beau had the urge to gather Yasha up in her arms and...no. It was bad enough that her heart was bleeding out for Jester, she didn’t need anything else confusing her already blurry perspective. 

And you almost threw it all away, and you think you deserve anything? What a joke, a vicious part of her snapped, tearing at her already shredded insides like she had swallowed daggers. You may as well just walk back to that hag in the woods and offer all of your happiness. 

Why couldn’t this just be a problem she punched away? It would make everything so much easier, Beau thought beyond frustrated with herself. She had more important things to worry about. She had almost died and left them behind, but she was crying over this? Pathetic. 

“My shitty cracked ribs fucking hurt,” Beau said sniffing as she angrily swiped her hand beneath her nose. Yasha looked down the hall, before settling next to Beau on the floor. Yasha held out her hand timidly, like Beau would shy away at the touch. When Beau instead settled her hand in Yasha’s they were both surprised. Beau felt Yasha’s magic move through her, hum against her skin the way that the scent of a thunderstorm carried in the wind on a summer night. This time, the pain substantially subsided, and Beau found she could breathe in deep and even hold it without her breath stuttering in her throat. Unfortunately, her breath caught on her jagged-edged sadness and she let out a half-sob half-chuckle. 

“Beau?”

“I’m sorry, Yasha,” Beau murmured and she settled her head against her knees. “It’s my fault, not yours.”  

“Being hurt is never fun,” Yasha observed, her expression smooth and revealing nothing. 

“No, being hurt fucking sucks and I hate it,” Beau said, not willing to admit she was talking about more than just her stupid ribs. From the look on Yasha’s face, she understood what she meant intimately. 

And of course Yasha did. Yasha wore her pain like a mantle of wings that spread out from her shoulder blades and cut across the sky. And she was beautiful for it. She was beautiful for how she continued to rise up and survive with such grace and fortitude, while Beau clawed and screamed and brought everyone else down with her. Beau broke the precious things in her life, while Yasha did everything she could to save them. And Yasha would understand...Beau knew she would. And the desire to spill everything was building in her throat hot and fast again. But with those feelings came others, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to face any of them yet...not when Yasha’s eyes were the blue-violet of a twilight in the darkness. Their eyes met, and the moment was alive. 

“Are you tired?” Yasha asked softly. Her voice had always been quiet and hushed, almost like the sound of the wind through the grass. But now in the quiet and the dark the tones of her voice were resonating deep in the marrow of her bones. 

“Yeah...I think I’m just tired,” Beau admitted and just like that the moment was past. Tired of this. Tired of her traitorous heart that swung like a pendulum between her desires and didn’t settle. Tired of the fact her family could still hurt her even though she was done with them. Tired of this love that would only hurt her. Tired of knowing that she wouldn’t give her love up for anything regardless. Tired of herself. Tired of everything and nothing all at once and the fact that this just kept happening. She would have hoped that something would be different this time. 

“Rest then,” Yasha said, patting her own shoulder. “You can rest here, and I’ll keep you safe.”

You can’t, Beau wanted to say as she met Yasha’s knowing eyes. You shouldn’t. It’ll just hurt us all. There was a heart breaking there and Beau couldn’t understand it. Why? How could Yasha keep giving despite it all? Though maybe it shouldn’t be surprising, Yasha had always been able to carry her and Jester and everyone else.   

“Okay,” Beau said instead, leaning against Yasha gingerly. “Thank you, Yasha.”

“You are welcome Beau,” Yasha said quietly in return. 

And so Beau drifted off again, but this time, the darkness welcomed her warmly into its arms. 

[multisfabulis]

Love’s Descent into Madness

Dethronement (Chapter 3/3)

Word Count: 3627

TW: Graphic depictions of violence, gore, decapitation, and major character death

Happy holidays!

I hope everyone likes the ending because writing this was suffering. Winter decided to come early this year and I absolutely hate the cold so a lot of this was written with numb fingers. The past few days have also been tiring and, because I wanted to get this out before Christmas, I had to pull an all-nighter to finish this and rewrite it to make it look pretty so this was a sleep-deprived fic.

Okay, so I have some things I need to explain:

First off, that line about Ayano needing to apply herself more to her schoolwork was actually a reference to a piece of fanart I saw of Saeru (in disguise as Kenjirou) helping Ayano with her homework and subtly taking digs at her the whole time. I just thought of it while I was writing that paragraph and thought it'd be a neat reference. I can't find the Tweet but I'm hoping someone has a link to it!

Second off, that instance of Kenjirou almost ruining Saeru's plan is a bit of foreshadowing to another Kagepro fic I'm in the works of writing. It may not be the next Kagepro fic I write but it IS coming.

Thirdly, the whole meaning behind Azami not being able to die but still being killed. I know it sounds like the "People die when they are killed" meme but let me explain. I needed to think of a way Azami could still die but without anyone telling me "She's immortal, she can't die" so the way I went about it is, the Queen Snake was what let her be immortal. Because that was the snake that, in my fic, marked her as a god, she couldn't die. Once she gave that snake to Marry, she lost her god status, bringing her down to our level. However, because she was still a Gorgon, I made it so that she couldn't die by natural causes, I.E. starvation, sleep deprivation, etc. She was now an immortal mortal, meaning she couldn't die from natural causes BUT she could now be killed. I don't know if this makes a lot of sense but this is the best way I can describe it.

Finally, the ending. It only occurred to me when I was writing the build-up to it that I wanted to make it a sort of dark twist on Kagepro's themes of moving on after a loved one's death. Saeru decides to move on after Azami's death but he regarded her as dead years ago and was the one to kill her. I don't know if it worked the way I wanted it to but I tried my best.

I'm happy this didn't take that long unlike another past project of mine and I hope everyone who's read this enjoyed it!

Read on AO3 | Read on DA | Support me on Ko-fi!

     The never-ending world, or the Daze as it was now called, had undergone many changes over the years. It was only natural since it was ordered to swallow up any unfortunate souls that were unlucky enough to die on August 15th and the world needed to accommodate for its ever increasing number of occupants. Yet there were some things that never changed, no matter how much time had passed. Absence truly did make the heart grow fonder.

     He was in very familiar territory. Casually strolling through the dark woods revealed a large clearing where a small decrepit house stood. The moon’s radiance acted as if it were a spotlight, shining down upon it to let him know she was here. It may be an inferior replica but there was no mistaking it. Saeru was home.

     It had been several years since his departure from the Daze. The rest of his siblings were gone, having ventured out to the real world in their human vessels and he couldn’t blame them for leaving. Who’d want to stay in a place where the only company you had was a good-for-nothing has-been of a queen? That’s why he followed the example his four siblings set and escaped when the opportunity presented itself. He really wanted to thank them when he had the chance.

     The body he left in was a person by the name of Tateyama Kenjirou. A hardworking teacher and devoted family man, he and Saeru met when he and his wife were caught in a landslide. Saeru promised to bring her back if the man allowed him to reside in his body and he accepted his terms of the bargain. That was how their unlikely partnership began, union between human and snake.

     It felt simply amazing to have a body to control. While it had taken him some time to adapt and familiarize himself with human behavior, he nevertheless reveled in it. No longer was he a snake relegated to devising plans. He had the means to carry them out himself and no one would be none the wiser. At least, that’s what he believed before a certain idiotic girl proved him wrong.

     He had to give her some credit. Not only did she figure out most of his plan just by reading her father’s research but she learned of his existence all due to a small yet sloppy mistake. If she only applied that amount of effort into her schoolwork, then she wouldn’t have been as stupid as she led herself to believe. There was, however, one thing she didn’t take into account.

     She thought killing herself would stop him from going after everyone. What she didn’t think about was the advantage her death would give him. One less person to worry about ruining his plan and she left behind a perfectly traumatized helper. The damn brat was like putty in his hands; a few convincing threats to his precious “family” and a deal with the devil was made.

     But then the dear old professor kept butting into his business. There were several times over the past two years where he came out because he wanted to spend some “quality time” with the remainder of his family. There was one instance he could recall in which his plan was almost thwarted but Saeru was able to take back the reins. It was too easy to pull the wool over his partner’s eyes and trick him into thinking he was dreaming. It wasn’t like he was lying to him, he was just using the information he knew about humans to his benefit.

     Today was when his plan was truly enacted. All the necessary people had arrived, including his traitorous sibling. Konoha, as they were now called, seemed to have forgotten what the humans did to their real family all those years ago and had allied with them. Their compassion for them had its perks, though. It only took one well-aimed bullet to strike them down, leaving them open for a permanent takeover.

     The resulting bloodbath was nothing short of marvelous. Having a body, especially one such as his, meant much more fun and creative ways to play with his toys. Spines breaking as they hit concrete walls and organs hitting the floor with a wet slap was like music to his ears. He even ripped out a pathetic shut-in’s throat with his bare hands just because he could and it was oh so enjoyable to hear him choke on his own blood. Too bad it was over all too soon.

     The crybaby brat was left as the sole survivor. He knew what she was capable of and she was the essential component. Yet, he couldn’t help feeling a small sort of kinship with her, which he found funny. He was, in a way, her subject and she his queen but it felt as if they were equals. Perhaps, if he had her powers, he too could rewind time to the point he would’ve taken a different path. To spend more time with the one he loved above all else… That was a dream best left in the past.

     He decided to leave her be so she’d be able to mourn her losses. He needed to use the little time he had to take care of unfinished business. He fled from the scene by going through the portal she created in the midst of her despair.

     He found himself in what seemed to be a white void. The floor beneath him rippled when his feet touched the surface and he realized he was standing on water. His reflection stared back at him when he cast his eyes downward. The body his sibling graciously gifted to him allowed him to change it however he wanted and he liked the changes he made. A vessel specifically tailored just for him was such a wonderful thing and it was a shame to have to give it up.

     A pair of small black horns stuck out of long dark hair tied into a braid. Black scales painted the edges of his face and eyes, trailing down his neck before concealing themselves under the layers of clothes. He kept his red eyes and fangs from when he was a snake so he’d still be recognizable. Blood coated his hands and stained the only article of pristine white clothing he wore, which he hoped would intimidate his prey. She’d never see this coming.

  ��  Finding an exit out of the void was simple. All he had to do was take a step and he was in an entirely different place. There were an endless amount of stairs and corridors leading to doors, most of what he could see on fire. The heat was surprisingly pleasant as he wandered around the seemingly limitless labyrinth. It was then he spotted a tangle of black hair with a sliver of red hastily entering one of the doors. With a rush of adrenaline running through his veins, he ran towards the door. It had been so long since he played his favorite game of cat and mouse.

     He chased her through many areas of the Daze. One was of a ruined city where the setting sun gave way too many shadows for her to hide in. Another was of an urban landscape, not unlike a major street intersection, where there were dozens of blood splatters decorating the asphalt. It was after he cut across a nighttime city he arrived at his destination.

     Mother was inside. The house she and her wretched human “family” lived and laughed in for the few years they stayed there. It was fitting for her and him to settle their issues in the same place their troubles began. She’ll regret leaving behind the ones that truly loved her.

     He walked up to the house. Overgrown grass crept over the foundation and ivy crawled all along the flaky walls. There were broken shards of glass inside the windows, which would make it hard for trespassers to sneak in without alerting anyone. Parts of the roof had collapsed inward and the front door was hanging on by a thread. Mother’s really let the place go, hasn’t she?

     He stopped just before the door. How did he want to approach this? She had to know he was here so there was no need in being stealthy. He then did the next best thing, which was to kick the door down till he was inside. He smashed through it, reducing it to mere splinters. That was easy.

     The room he was in now was the same room he proposed the idea of creating this world to Mother. It was empty, save for a few pieces of overturned furniture scattered about the place and debris from the roof. Moonlight shone down from above, illuminating the room, though it wasn’t necessary. He could see perfectly well in the dark, despite the limitations of his “human” body.

     There were two doors that stood in front of him. Beyond them were bedrooms, one being that brat Shion’s and the other Mother’s. It was a coin toss as to which room she was hiding in and he hated wasting time with trivial matters like this. Besides, even if he did end up picking the wrong choice, she wouldn’t get away undetected. His hearing was almost as good as hers and she knew that.

     An idea sprang into his mind to try luring her out. He stood at the wall separating the two rooms, wound up his fist, and punched it. The sheer power in the hit caused a crater to form in the wall as dust sprinkled down from the ceiling. He heard something fall from behind the left door and a sharp intake of breath. The corners of his mouth curved up as he tried to fight back a laugh. There she was.

     Keeping his excitement in check, he pushed open the door. Inside the room were the remains of a bed with two nightstands on either side of it and an empty window over to the right. He didn’t need the light coming in from a hole in the ceiling to see her. Mother sat in a corner of the room, her whole body shaking.

     She hadn’t changed at all. She still had the same cascade of raven hair tied up with a red ribbon, the same black dress. The same red eyes resembling his own were now staring at him in pure fear. It must’ve been quite the shock for her to see Saeru walking around and being able to express his moods in a more effective way. She’d finally know how much and how deep his feelings ran.

     “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, Mother?” he asked, putting on a fake smile.

     When she didn’t respond, he continued on with, “Nothing to say to me? Not even a welcome home? I know the last time we talked was years ago but I thought you’d still have some love in your heart for me. But I guess not.”

     She still hadn’t said anything. He was getting rather annoyed at the silent treatment, even if it did bring him a modicum of amusement. Does she really think staying quiet in this situation will save her? Well, he had a way of making her talk and he deserved to brag about his accomplishments.

     “If you can’t already tell, I paid a visit to the real world,” he said, noting the sudden pique of interest. “It’s changed so much since our time out there. I’ve met so many interesting people during my trip, including the kids my siblings are inhabiting the bodies of. I even got the chance to meet your successor, what was her name again? Ah, right, Marry.”

     He saw the quick flash of anger across her face as she asked, “What did you do to her?”

     “You can rest easy,” he replied, his temper beginning to flare up. “I haven’t laid a finger on that crybaby brat’s head. She’s all right, physically, at least.”

     It was then her eyes wandered down to his blood-soaked hands. Gone was the anger as horror came to replace it at the grisly sight. He wondered when she’d notice that and he was pleased to know her reaction was how he predicted it to be. Her imagination had to be running wild with all the ways that blood got on his hands. The temptation of telling her his gruesome acts was there but this was more fun.

     “Her mind, though, must be forever scarred,” he said with a dissonant smile. “I imagine her heart shattered to pieces after I killed her friends.”

     “Why are you doing this?!” she demanded, her teary eyes full of fury. “Why must you hurt me so?”

     All the fun he was having at her expense evaporated. Was she being serious? Did she really have the gall to ask why he was doing all this? Maybe it was time to remind her of the fault she held in this.

     “I think the better question is, why did you choose them over us? Why did you abandon us?” He crouched down and rested his cheek on his hand.

     “What are you talking about? I never abandoned you or your siblings! I tried my best to have the two most important things in my life get along without any issue.” She gestured to him with her hand. “You were the only one who had a problem with it!”

     His eyes narrowing, he asked in indignation, “How could you expect me to not have a problem with it? How could you forget all the pain, all the suffering, all the torment the humans dealt on to you? How could you run off with that man and bear his child after everything they’ve done to you?”

     It was at this point she stood up. He did as well, noticing the hard glint of stubbornness in her eyes. He already knew what was coming and he didn’t want to hear the same old, tired speech.

     “Tsukihiko was different. He was kind to me, he cared for me.” She put a hand on her chest, where her heart was. “He loved me. He was treated the same way I was so---”

     “So you thought you and him were the same? Please,” he interrupted, scoffing at the ridiculousness of the thought. “You and that man were never the same and you know why? He was but a mere mortal and you a god. You will never belong with the humans, no matter how much you try and forget that fact.”

     “What do you want from me? An apology, is that it?” she asked, exasperated. He wanted much more than empty platitudes.

     “What I want is for you to understand exactly how much you’ve hurt me.” He took a couple steps toward her, causing dust to rain down on top of him. “You refused to heed my warnings, took that brat’s side over mine, and you tried to leave me behind in this world. Who does that to someone they once claimed to love? Someone whose only crime was loving them?

     “You’ve become the very thing you’ve never wanted to be.” He locked eyes with her and gave voice to all the pain and scorn he felt. “You’re a monster.”

     It was as if he stabbed her through the gut with a knife. Tears spilled over as she fell to her knees, holding her head in her hands. It was bad enough for the humans to call her that when they knew nothing about her. It must’ve been like a betrayal to hear that come from someone she once considered to be her closest friend. Still, he got a dark sense of satisfaction seeing her break down. It served her right to feel only a fraction of the pain he’s dealt with for years.

     “And yet--” he paused as she looked up at him-- “despite everything you did to me, I still love you. I was created to serve you and be with you for however long you wanted but I grew to genuinely love you. How could I not?”

     She withdrew further into the corner after he stepped closer. The question he wanted, needed to ask leapt into his mind. A simple yes or no question and whatever her answer was would determine what he’d do next.

     “It’s because of my love for you I ask,” he began, paying close attention to her face, “if you still hold some fondness for the humans. Do you still love your family?”

     Without any hesitance in her voice, she replied with, “Of course I do. I’ll always love them. Tsukihiko, Shion, Marry…I love them all from the bottom of my heart.”

     That was the answer he feared to hear. Her saying that proved to him she was too far gone and needed to be put out of her misery. They took everything away from her, from her happiness to her sanity. It’s because he loved her he’d be willing to give her the sweet release she deserved.

     He started walking towards her. She tried to crawl away from him but found herself cornered with no means of escape. A wicked grin split across his face as he came into the moon’s silvery ray of light. He stopped just short of her, towering above her small, trembling form.

     “What are you going to do to me?” she asked, scared for her life. “Whatever it is, I can’t die.”

     “Oh, Mother…” He knelt down in front of her and cupped her cheeks. Her scales were smooth to the touch as he wiped away her tears. “You’re right in that you can’t die. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be killed.”

     His smile growing ever larger, he said, “You lost your immortality the moment you passed on your crown.”

     Her eyes widened in horror as his hands slid down to her neck. He could feel her pulse thudding against his palms, his slender fingers wrapped around her throat. She softly whimpered and he leaned in close. He whispered into her ear his final words before her denouement.

     “Goodnight, Mother.”

     It wasn’t hard to crush her windpipe. Her nails dug into his arms in a desperate attempt to fight back but he merely brushed them off. He knew she was close to death when her eyes started to roll to the back of her head. Then he had an idea to end this in something more similar to his style.

     Her skin began to tear apart as he pulled her head up like a weed. The sound of her neck breaking echoed in the empty house. He finally ripped her head off her shoulders, blood pouring out of the stump as he stood up. Her body slumped onto the floor, the moon’s light reflected off the crimson pool.

     Mother’s bright red eyes were now dull and lifeless. Her mouth lolled open and what little saliva she had trickled out of the corners. He could see just a sliver of her vertebrae sticking out of the bottom of her neck. He untied the ribbon holding her hair up, wiped the spit away with his sleeve, and shut her eyes. Her dark tresses felt soft on his skin as he touched their foreheads together.

     “We’ll be together forever, right, Mother?” he said with a depraved smile before crazed laughter spilled out of his mouth like a stream.

     It was only a matter of waiting now before time was reset. How far back it’d go, he didn’t know. Even if it was as far back to the beginning, he’d remember the events of this loop an do them again. He’d do them again and again to his heart’s content and no one would be able to stop him.

     The only thing he wouldn’t commit again was his act of matricide. It was a one time thing and it was done to give him “closure” or whatever the humans called it. Mother warped into someone he didn’t recognize and he needed to accept that the person he knew had died a long time ago. At least he’ll always have his memories of her kept close to his heart.

     It was time to look forward and move ahead to the future. Whatever the next summers brought, he was sure to enjoy every last bit.

[dat-town]

fallen kingdoms sequel: rising courts

Characters: fae!Changmin & You

Setting : fae au, royal au

Summary: You should have known better than to trust faes. Yet, you seemed to forget how cunning creatures they could be. You couldn’t defeat them at their own games. [continuation of fallen kingdoms]

Warning: mentions of violance, war

Words: .6.3k

Dedicated to my dear @restlessmaknae​​ to whom I wish the happiest birthday ever and to have her dreams come true ♥ #BethDay (credit to @lily-blue​)

You swore you tried to adjust back to your mundane human life after getting back from the fae land but it was harder than you had thought. After experiencing the wonders of that world, this realm felt duller and emptier. You missed having magic and nature constantly around you so much that sometimes you found yourself wandering through parks for hours searching for miniscule signs of the footsteps of fairies. But the news about kids getting lost near the riverbank or coming back traumatized stopped, so it must have meant the gate was still sealed and everything was slowly back on its track.

Despite the magic on the borderline between the two worlds, you believed you could stumble upon something to feel closer to their world because the faes you had befriended in the Dawnblooming Court found little windows in the invisible wall between the Earth and their kingdom. At least you were sure that was the reason behind the sudden blooming plants in your apartment. Even your most sensitive plant that was on verge of dying suddenly came back to life and the fireflies outside of your window reminded you of a green world and smiles that tugged on your heartstrings.

You barely spent there days but it felt much more and out of all the things you suddenly missed, you had been missing Changmin the most. His consideration, his soft smiles, and even the mischievous glint in his eyes when he was being funny. You wished you could have gotten to know him better even though you were well aware that he was way out of your league. He was a king after all, a royal, a fae blessed with eternal life. So no, you weren't delusional, you knew his smiles weren't supposed to mean anything, that there was no future for the two of you. Yet, it didn't stop you from daydreaming.

Maybe it was because of your eagerness, that was your downfall. How naive you were and how much you wished for a reason, or even an excuse to go back. So when a letter made of pergamen miraculously appeared on your dinner table from thin air, you merely gulped at the sight and grabbed it with both hands, keen on doing something, anything. You folded the letter out, so you could read the pretty handwriting. Its content was sparing words yet those had terrible impact on you, sending your heart to palpitate.

Changmin is in danger. We need you. Please come. We will be waiting for you.

You didn't even think, you didn't need to. You got up, dressed up comfy and left your apartment, going back to the park by the Han river, following the same path you had taken with the dethroned king all those weeks ago. You knew that if weeks passed in the human realm, it meant months in fae land, so a lot must have changed. And it seemed like, things weren't back on their track as you had assumed, not entirely and you were willing to help with anything you could.

It wasn't easy to find the entrance. You thought it would be but the trees must have had some kind of charm on them because you lost your way in the woods multiple times before you found the familiar little fountain by the rocky hill. You fished out the golden coin Changmin had given you and took a deep breath before you threw it into the pool. Everything that followed fell like déja vu: the water filling up the tank, the crack in the rock, the wound on your palm, the pull from the other side.

But this time, you were alone.

There was no Changmin there to protect you when you were surrounded by shadow soldiers and Mavoc, grinning devilishly at you.

"So we meet again," he stepped closer and you wanted to pull away only if the closed gate behind you let it. "Lovely of you to come back after leaving without a goodbye. I have been waiting for this for too long," he said sweetly and blew some kind of pollen into your face that made you weak in the knees in an instant.

Then, everything went dark.

Faes couldn't lie, you knew that. That was one of your advantages as a half-human. However, you were stupid enough to not think of the possibilities. After all, Mavoc didn't lie. Not exactly. Changmin was in danger just not the way you imagined. Maybe he was in an even bigger danger because of you. Because you were a liability, you knew that and you hated it. You didn't want him to come and save you. You didn't deserve that after walking into a trap oh so naively.

However, it seemed like Mavoc had other plans. For one, this time, you weren't alone when you woke up. You weren't even in a cold iron cage. You were tied to a chair, sitting across the pointy eared monster drinking something that you hoped was red wine. He seemingly had the time of his life, while your head ached and the ropes were uncomfortably digging into your skin, burning your fragile human vessel when you moved.

"I underestimated you last time, I won't make the same mistake twice," the fae explained to you, elbows resting on the table as he leaned closer. He smelled like blood and death, like rotting trees. You gulped to suppress a disgusted grimace.

"What do you want from me?" you asked, voice wavering more than you wanted although you were determined not to give him what he wanted.

Mavoc looked you in the eyes, dark irises reminding you of moonless, hopeless nights.

"Oh I have big plans for you! You will be the queen on the chess table, darling," he laughed but you hated every echo of it. Turning your head, you saw the shadow soldiers by every gate and window of this hideout. It was dark, only lit up by the fire cracking a few feet away from you but it didn't warn you up enough to stop the shiver.

"How?" you gritted your teeth. When Mavoc smiled, you hated it.

"You will be the one who helps me destroy the king at his own coronation," he laughed, looking down on you. "Because Ji is just as stupid and naive and weak as you. He trusts you and that will be his downfall."

Oh. So Changmin was getting crowded again? That was the only positive thing you gathered today. Everything else scared you to the core.

"I would never."

"Oh, of course, you would. Otherwise, I will kill your family back home and make a slaughter out of the coronation," Mavoc threatened but you doubted this was his only chance. Why didn't he send an assassin if he wanted to kill him with the crown on his head? Why did it have to be you? There was something he didn't tell you, something crucial why it had to be you and not just some random fae girl. You were deep in thought when the dark fae across you let out a scoff. "Come on, don't act as if you were so close. You only met once. And he was the one telling your mother not to come back ever when she got pregnant with you."

This burnt the words onto your tongue. He couldn't lie, you reminded yourself and you knew that Changmin knew your mother from before, before she had left this realm. Was this why? Because she wasn't welcomed? That was why she couldn't even visit Sangyeon, your uncle? But Changmin hadn't even been a king then... right? It couldn't have been that he was dethroned so long ago and he wanted to get it back now. Maybe he was just trying to protect your mother because no, he couldn't have been the bad guy in the story, you refused to believe that.

"You are just twisting the truth," you accused Mavoc of choosing his words wisely to make you believe what he wanted without saying that out loud. This was the closest thing to lying he could do. It made you feel conflicted, just as his calmness.

"There's no need," he shrugged but you refused to believe him. Your faith in and loyalty to Changmin seemed to surprise the fae though. "Hah, you are an interesting one, aren't you? A human in the humans' world and a fae among us. Spectacular. No wonder Changmin wanted to keep you for himself. One of a kind toy you are for sure," he said, wondering aloud and you hated the way he talked about you and you hated the assumption that the boy with sparkling eyes you had once sat on your couch thought the same. If he was, then he wouldn't have let you go, then he wouldn't have cared about your safety.

"I don't care what you say, I won't kill him. I can't. I'm no trained fighter and my reflexes are slower than his. This is the worst plan ever," you said confidently. These were stupid excuses. You wouldn't have killed him even if you had a chance. It was too absurd, you weren't a murderer and you wouldn't have become one. You merely hoped that your mother could get to a safe place and the others expected something like this at the coronation. They had to, right? This is a big thing, they must be super careful and that must have been why Mavoc wanted you to go: because you could get in and because you could lie about why you were there. It wasn't a bad idea to begin with but it was a crazy one and it absolutely didn't take your human heart into consideration. That you cared too much to kill, that you weren't his puppet, his plaything whatever he thought.

"You just need to pour this into his drink," he put a tiny glass jar on the table. "We will take care of the rest. You will just smile and knock your glass to his in congratulations," Mavoc rolled his eyes as if it was absurd of you to even consider that he wanted you to kill Changmin. Oh right, he probably thought you were weak too. Well, if caring about people and having beliefs were being weak, then so be it.

"How do you know that I won't betray you?" you raised a brow, hoping to find loopholes in his plan. A way for you to escape. If they wanted you to get into the castle alone then there would have been nobody around you, nobody to follow your steps. Or was it naive of you to think that he would let you go alone? But if he wanted to make Changmin believe that you came back on your own because of the coronation, then that wouldn't have made sense.

"I don't trust you, so I will have my eyes on you, I can promise that. One wrong move and more faes will die than necessary," Mavoc said and you finally understood why he wanted to get rid of Changmin quietly and by you. If you killed him with the poison and then denied your wrongdoings by claiming you were controlled by him, then nobody would have believed you. Not even a single soul since unlike others, you could lie. So if they blamed it on you, he would still have had a handful of powerful faes on his side. He would probably act as the hero of the night, being Changmin's old commander, claiming it was all because of you, a human witch that the king lost his trust in him.

So no, you wouldn't help in that. You wouldn't let him destroy Changmin. But...

"I don't care about faes here. I just want you to leave my family alone. That means, my parents and Sangyeon, too," you said firmly trying to negotiate, trying to buy yourself more time, trying to save those close to you. Or rather: everybody from such a monster. 

"If Changmin gets out of the picture, I will be too busy to deal with anything else than your pitiful family, you can be sure of that," Mavoc said with a grin but you shook your head disapprovingly. You needed him to say it, with words. Otherwise there was no guarantee he wouldn't kill you or anyone else. But if he promised then according to the fae rules, he couldn’t go back on his words. It didn’t mean that they would be safe from him, but it would have made you a bit more relieved. 

"No. I need you to promise me. Promise me that you won't hurt them."

"If you make the king drink what’s in that glass, then I promise I won’t bring harm to your family. Otherwise, I can’t promise anything," he nodded at you with his lips in a firm line then crooked an elegant brow at you. “Do we have a deal?”

"We do," you gritted your teeth. You didn’t really have any other choice. He might not have been capable of manipulating and hypnotizing you because of your fae blood but he could have kept you in a dungeon for all your life until you rotted away. That much of a time would have been only a dust grain in his much longer life. And you needed to get away in order to warn Changmin and the others about the attack. If you seemed cooperating enough, maybe you could have turned that to your advantage. Maybe acting like a fragile human being fearing her life could help you for the first time in your life.

The dress Mavoc had gotten you was dreamlike, it took your breath away. It was unfair, the silky touch of the heavenly material, the lightness of it and the way it sparkled under moonlight. It fit you perfectly, which must have been some kind of fairy magic because there was no way he knew your measurements. Two fae girls even helped you with your hair, so by the start of the show, it fell to your shoulder in soft waves and pearls with flowers in a high bun.

Mavoc seemed to like the irony of something pretty killing Changmin. On the other hand, you weren't so eager about that. You still couldn’t figure out how to pass the message to Changmin without being too obvious about it and hopefully without getting your family into trouble. 

You were just about to go, the fae palace of the Dawnblooming Court standing tall and white in the middle of the forest only a bit away. It looked magnificent in all its shine. Greenery running down and the moonlight reflecting on its walls. You could see families of faes arriving at the royal residence, handing their invitations to the guards by the door. Mavoc told you that you wouldn’t need that and for once, you hoped he was right. You hoped that the boys you had gotten to know a few months ago didn’t forget about you either.

“Here are the two drinks. This one is the poison, the other one is a simple sleeping powder. You should pour them into the raspberry ale and drink the latter, so they wouldn’t suspect you,” Mavoc told you and you were surprised that he even thought about that. But with a dry throat you’d rather not say anything and just nodded. You took the small glass phials and hid them in the secret pocket of your long and layered skirt. “And don’t forget: we will be watching you, so don’t you dare spill the beans.”

How could you have forgotten that?

“Understood?” Mavoc leaned forwards and you turned your head away. Didn’t he know that you could lie? So you just shrugged before nodding.

“Yes.”

With sweaty fingers and heart hammering, you couldn’t have thought of anything else while you were walking towards the big gates. You could hear eerie yet hauntingly beautiful music coming out of the palace and you felt as if just by one look at you, everybody could get see through you. You didn’t know what to expect, but when you reached the guards, you wouldn’t have been surprised if they wanted to check your belongings looking for weapons or anything that could have hurt the newly crowned king.

“Invitation?” One of the guards looked at you and you were taken aback by the emerald green eyes he had.

“I don’t have one,” you admitted truthfully but before you could have added anything else, the fairy shook his head and pointed away.

“Then you’re not welcomed, sorry. This is a closed ceremony,” he told you firmly but you weren’t going to give up that easily. You needed to meet Changmin and tell him that he was still in danger.

“I’m Lee Sangyeon’s niece. He said I’m always welcomed in the palace,” you argued and the eyes on you narrowed questioningly before he turned his head and with a swift hand movement he sent away one of the lower ranked guards.

“We need to confirm that,” he said and you straightened your back, waiting patiently but nervously while others were let inside. You needed to suppress the urge to pick your nails and show your very much not fairy self, so you let out a relieved sigh when you saw Sangyeon approaching. Finally! He was going to know what to do in this mess of a situation. You whipped your head towards him when he called your name with a bright smile on his face, waving at you and telling the guards to let you through.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you’re here! Changmin will be so thrilled! How did you know that the ceremony would be today? Gosh, you’re really pretty, I feel like a proud uncle for re–” he started to get really excited as you were walking inside and you grabbed him on the arm to halt his hasty movements. It was kind of sweet that he trusted you so much even though you appeared without as much as a warning sign but you wanted to yell at him for being so naive. He should have known better that Mavoc wouldn’t just give up like that.

“Can we talk alone for a bit?” you asked him in a serious tone and Sangyeon looked at you worried this time. But he nodded and led you away from the ballroom, into a room that smelled like lilies.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” he asked you and you gulped down your nerves before mustering up your courage to tell him all about Mavoc’s plan and asking him to let Changmin know and play along with the plan.

“The truth is I wa– I...” you coughed because your throat started to scratch. Suddenly you couldn’t breath, your lungs felt on fire. What the hell was going on?

Sangyeon looked at you with question marks in his caring brown eyes and you had a hand on your throat at the unfamiliar and scary feeling just before realizing what was happening.

Oh… you were a half fae after all. You might have been able to lie but you were supposed to keep your promises. At least, it seemed like that the promises made to faes definitely counted and now you couldn’t tell anything about Mavoc’s plan to your friends. This ruined your entire plan and at the thought you fisted your hand in frustration.

“I just missed you all,” you changed what you were going to say with a sheepish smile and it made Sangyeon grin.

“You’re cute,” he remarked endeared before telling you a dozen stories about what had happened in the meantime. Things had been looking up since Changmin got supporters from anti-Mavoc faes within the kingdom and apparently, he made peace with the Daffodilden Court and was going to marry their princess, Narcissa, in order to establish a long term alliance. When you heard him say that, you didn’t know why but you felt disappointed. Come on, as if there had been anything more between you just because he had joked that you should come back to check on his iron dungeon. But to mask your weird feelings about this situation, you pulled a smile and hoped it was believable enough.

“I’ll let Changmin know you’re here,” Sangyeon told you once you reached the ballroom and while he was away, you were thinking hard how else you could cross Mavoc and his evil plan. You saw some faes dancing some kind of loose dance, others eating fruits and drinking by the table. Some of them seemed familiar, others didn’t. You wondered whether Mavoc’s men were among them. After all, he must have planned something after you would give the king the poison. He must have been close, too.

“What a pleasant surprise,” you heard an amused voice say next to your ear and turning around you faced Changmin, smile bright and dimples visible. His hair was still as burgundy as ever, eyes sparkling just like the stars you had seen on your way there and the glass crown on his head looked like it belonged there.

“Better than your last visit to me,” you reminded him and you couldn’t help it, despite the absurd situation, you reciprocated his smile.

“Oh, you wound me,” the king put a hand over his heart but let out a chuckle. You knew he wasn’t mad at you and admittedly, him fainting on your doorstep wasn’t the best entrées ever. But if he knew why you were there, then he might not have agreed.

“Congratulations on your coronation,” you told him because you knew how hard he must have worked to get here and unlike his first coronation which was basically forced because he was the last of the Ji clan.

“Thank you,” he smiled down at you and even just this, a smile and him looking at you like that, made your heart flutter. You were a lost case, even worse now that you knew that he was engaged. “I’m really glad you’re here though. Was it one of the guys who invited you?”

You could have lied, you knew but you didn’t have the heart to.

“Something like that,” your mouth twitched and you almost fell onto Changmin when a waiter walking around with the drinks bumped into you from behind.

“Are you okay?” The king steadied you with a held on your elbow, looking at you with worry in his pretty eyes.

“My apologies. Is everything alright?” The waiter rushed to your help as well but there was something dark in his eyes, something that made you uneasy. You felt like throwing up when you realized you had seen him at Mavoc’s hideout. His tray had exactly two glasses of ale on it. You gulped. It was a reminder, a warning, a threat all in once.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” you lied and let Changmin lead you to a side table a bit away from the crowd. The waiter kept apologizing to him and it was the opportunity you realised: the glasses were on the table and Changmin wasn’t paying attention. You even felt your skin prickling as if you were being watched and against your better judgement, you took the phials out of your pocket and quickly poured their blue contents into the dark pink drink. You remembered all too quickly that the lighter coloured liquid was the sleeping powder while the other darkened even the ale’s original colour.

“It’s really okay, Changmin, nothing happened,” you put a hand on the fae’s shoulder in a reassuring manner. He still seemed worried but got relaxed under your faint touch and forced a smile when he turned to look at you again. The waiter dissolved into the crowd in the meantime. 

“Sorry, I’m just still anxious about Mavoc being free other there,” he sighed and the familiar name sent creeps down your spine. When he reached for the drink closer to him on the table, you didn’t think, you acted on impulse.

“Let me have that, it has more ice,” you said and got the glass in your hand quicker. Changmin just laughed off your silly explanation but didn’t protest. He took the other and the two of you clinked your glasses. At that point, you just wanted to get over with it, so you drank in big gulps as if you had been thirsty for quite some time now and when you drowned all of it down, so there would be no drop left, you grabbed on the edge of the table. In the meantime the dumbfounded king in front of you only managed a few sips.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, feeling something heavy on your chest while dizziness took over your head. You felt unwell right away but before you would have blacked out, you still saw Changmin’s eyes go dark, hands trembling so hard he dropped his drinks. You fell onto the floor with full of glass pieces and the king saw nothing but red.

Silence fell onto the Dawnblooming Court’s palace.

Everybody stopped doing what they were in the middle of and their heads snapped towards the source of the clattering noise. What they saw was their new king on his knees next to a girl in a gorgeous dress lying on the floor, unconscious, around her shattered pieces of glass and red rose thorns blooming.

“Who was it?” The king roared but nobody answered. He looked absolutely mad and it took Sangyeon to rush up to him, putting both of his hands over his chest to stop him from going closer to the guests as he was searching for the culprit.

“Changmin, calm down. Tell us what happened,”

“The waiter! Get that waiter here,” Changmin swiped his advisor’s hand away to go after the fairy who had bumped into them earlier. But his guards were quicker, so Juyeon and Sunwoo were already dragging him back to the ballroom. The king wasted no time to grab him by his collars and sneer at him through his gritted teeth.

“What did you give to her? And why?” he questioned in an authoritative voice.

“I didn’t give her anything. The drinks on the tray were the same as anyone else’s,” he said defensively and everybody around them knew that he couldn’t lie. Yet, Changmin didn’t believe him and a few surprised gasps were heard as ivy thyrses were creeping up around the boy’s body, tight against his chest.

“It’s not the time, Changmin. We should bring her to a safe place,” Sangyeon tried to calm him down with a hand pressing on his shoulder and pointing at you, however, the younger didn’t budge. As if there was nothing else he could focus on other than revenge and anger. He had this sick urge to kill this boy in front of him, to fill his chest with roses until he choked on petals.

“Something’s off,” Chanhee murmured as he looked at the alarmed guests. They were whispering among themselves. Changmin’s most trusted supporters were looking at him with doubt in their eyes and by the end of the table, there sat the princess of Daffodilden Court seemingly unimpressed by the turn of events.

“It must be Mavoc’s doing,” Sangyeon murmured under his nose, so that only they would hear. “She wanted to tell me something before but then she seemed weird, as if she was hurting. Maybe she was tricked into coming here.”

“But why?” Sunwoo furrowed his eyebrows, still holding onto the waiter firmly.

“Guys, this isn’t the most important now. We should find out what’s with her,” Joonyoung reminded everyone and the royal advisor was quick to agree. Two faes were carrying his niece’s unconscious body to one of the guest room’s while Changmin looked at the verge of breaking from the inside, it was almost like watching a lava boil. As if he could erupt anytime. He seemed even more hot-tempered than he usually was: he snapped at them for being slow, for being too rough with you or even just for staring too hard. Sangyeon found his behaviour strange, too.

“I’m going to kill Mavoc the next time I see him,” Tke king hissed and following his footsteps, withering flowers bloomed. That wasn’t normal either. So when they arrived at the infirmary, Sangyeon told Hyungseo about it who hummed to himself and nodded in understanding. After he diagnosed that the unconscious girl was merely sleeping with a great amount of jasmine in her system, he turned to Changmin who could barely sit still.

“Here, drink this. You will feel better,” Hyungseo pushed a glass of suspiciously looking green drink into the king’s hands. The royal looked disimpressed until Sangyeon promised him to search for Mavoc and his comrades, then he took the drink and gulped it down.

“So, can we go?” He started walking towards the door but then his steps got wobbly and he had to hold himself by the edge of a bed, faltering for a moment before falling head first onto the mattress made of soft plants. Everybody looked shocked, only Chanhee let out a laugh.

“He will sleep it off,” Hyungseo shrugged nonchalantly.

When you came to your consciousness, you were lying in a bed of flowers in an unfamiliar place but it was a lot more comfortable than the one you remembered being at Mavoc’s place. You felt as if you had been sleeping for days, so when you opened your eyes, at first you thought you were still sleeping. In the bed next to you, Changmin slept soundly but alive and breathing just as you did. His eyelashes casted a light shadow over his rounded cheeks, his lips rosy under the candlelight and your first thought was that he was unfairly pretty.

But then memories came back rushing to you and with a gasp you sat up in the bed, still in the dress that dark fae got for you.

“Oh you’re awake, good,” Sangyeon hurried to your side.

“What? What happened? How is Changmin?” you asked with an aching heart. You couldn’t have forgiven yourself if he had gotten hurt because of you.

“We figured out that Mavoc had been behind it all and we managed to find him. Your pearls helped too,” your uncle smiled at you kindly and you were glad that your silly idea to drop the accessories from your hair one by one on the way to the palace from the hideout could help. “And you know how he is, he told us how great his plan was: that he knew you wouldn’t betray him like that. He switched up the contents of the phials after showing them to you. That’s why you got the sleeping powder and Changmin some kind of potion that blinded him with anger. I mean, it was a fairly okay plan since he knew that if he died just like that, the court would have mourned him and searched for the culprit. But like this, they lost their trust in him after he almost lost his mind seeing you faint.”

Listening to the story, you suddenly didn’t know how to feel. You were relieved that Changmin was physically okay but at the same time, it seemed like you were just like a pawn on Mavoc’s chess board playing based on his plan until the end.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered but Sangyeon was quick to reassure you that it wasn’t your fault.

He told you that it was probably all actually the Daffodilden Court’s plan all along because all of a sudden they wished to dance back on their agreement about the peace. Along with dozens of complaints about the king’s unstable state and aggressive actions at the ceremony, there came the message from the neighbouring kingdom that Narcissa not only didn’t want to marry Changmin anymore, but they showed support towards the previous general, Mavoc, and they demanded the new king to step down from the throne if he didn’t wish to engage in war.

It was a whole lot of information and you only let a smile paint your lips when he mentioned how funny it was when the angry bean Changmin fell down like a bag of potatoes when Hyungseo’s potion hit. It sounded funny but soon enough, after eating and drinking some, you drifted back to dreamland.

By the time, you woke up again, it was daytime and the boy next to you was awake. Awake and staring at you to be more precise, only getting flustered because he was caught red-handed and clearing his throat he quickly looked away. You didn’t call him out though, after all you had done the same.

“Good morning,” he smiled at you as if nothing happened and you realized that he wore more comfy clothes by now but he looked really nice in a simple white shirt too.

“Good morning to you too. Are you okay? Did Sangyeon give you a briefing too?” you wondered aloud and sat up, so you could talk more comfortably. Weird, you had never woken up next to a boy, even if you weren’t sharing one bed now, but it didn’t feel wrong, not at all.

“Yeah and honestly, I should have known better. Narcissa was being weird about this engagement her father forced us into. But I wouldn’t have thought that she would become allies with Mavoc,” he sighed and even though he didn’t seem careful, there was less grieving in his eyes than what you had expected.

“Aren’t you… sad about what happened?” you asked quietly, tentatively.

“I’m rather disappointed. If I was a great king, my people would know I’m not like this, they wouldn’t turn their backs on me because of this. So I’ll be working on that from now on, to become a king that his people can trust unconditionally.”

It was a good attitude but you wanted him to know that he was still a good person and a good king.

“It wasn’t your fault,” you reminded him and Changmin must have seen the determination in your eyes because he didn’t even protest.

“And it wasn’t yours either,” he let a kind smile paint his lips.

This time you were sure that his gaze lingered on you longer than it was necessary. You must have looked terrible, tired and ridiculous in your bedhead. Yet, he looked at you as if you were a miracle in his magical world. However, you didn’t want to delude yourself and didn’t dare to hope. It didn’t make sense anyway.

“I wish you wouldn’t have to leave again. I missed you,” Changmin spoke up, breaking the silence and his words were soothing like a cold breeze in the hot summer, yet your heartbeat picked up its pace and you felt a blush creep onto your cheeks.

“I missed you, too,” you admitted with a shy smile which made him unroyally giddy. His glittering eyes narrowed as he smiled wider and you knew that you would like to see it more.

“Can you stay a little longer this time?” he asked gently, not forcefully but there was no way you would have told him no. You couldn’t.

“Yeah, I can,” you told him, thinking just a little longer to yourself but all that magic pulled you in.

You made a home in the fae land while the king with his smiles made a home in your heart. You got friends here and Sangyeon was your family, finding a way to communicate with your mother when you wished. The atmosphere in the kingdom was still tense, on the verge of a war, but with your nursing skills, you could be useful in the infirmary next to Hyungseo who taught you about the herbs and magical potions which you really enjoyed. In your free time you explored this world, sometimes alone, sometimes Changmin showing you his favourite places, telling you stories and before you knew a mortal year had passed.

It took three in total for the war to end, to declare peace, so that the kingdom would be at peace. You learned a lot about fairness and consideration while you were watching your friends going off to fight. You spent your nights fearing for their life but at least you could be there, helping, instead of being at home, unknowingly. Time had passed faster here though, and one thing became evident with the amount of years rushing by you: at the fae land, you didn’t age either. It must have been because of your blood, so sometimes you even forgot that you hadn’t fully belonged there.

“But you do! You belong here,” Changmin protested one time you were out on his balcony, looking at the fireflies. He was very fervent about this topic. “It’s you who always reminds me why this place is worth fighting for. Don’t look at me like that! I mean it.”

“But the boys...” you shook your head in disbelief.

“They keep me going forward but you, you give it meaning. Faes tend to forget not to live on autopilot after centuries but you made me want to live so that I could share it with you,” he bursted out and your mouth fell agapé, looking at him in shock. You blinked wondering whether it was a dream and you held your breath as the king leaned closer, eyes fluttering closed.

“Oh my sparkles, sorry guys, I’ll be back later,” Youngjae yelped and walked backwards comically after seeing you move away after his sudden entrance and he wasn’t discreet at all: you could hear him yell about what he had seen in the corridor until Sangyeon made him shut up.

With flushed cheeks you looked at Changmin and you both chuckled before he took your hand in his, reassuring you once again that you belonged there. And in his arms, watching the stars above, you really felt like it. You found home.

[a-hobit]

Hot Take and/or Controversial Opinion

I really genuinely hated the entire British Men of Letters/ Mary Winchester coming back/ John Winchester’s father being a Men of Letters guy

This is a rant but I’m not angry I just want to see if anyone else feels this way too

I will elaborate:

The reason I loved supernatural to begin with was because of the idea that the brothers were just two broken brothers who had been raised by a man driven insane because of loss. I loved it so SO much. Obviously my favorite character was always Dean and how he was his father’s “soldier” raised to be a killing machine but cared so deeply for his baby brother anyway. The idea of Mary Winchester as a martyr struck me as genius. The way that their protecter, their mother, had been striped away from Dean at such a young age that he became the mother figure FOR Sam. I don’t mean that Dean was being super femine - not that that is a bad thing for mothers to be or not to be - I mean that he was acting as the sole caretaker and loving figure that most mothers are for their children. Mary being a martyr was important so that Dean would be able to finally understand one day that Sam didn’t need Dean to be his mother anymore - that Sam needed Dean as a brother and then Dean would finally be able to live his life normally. So that’s when I saw that the Darkness brought Mary back I was super fucking confused. What the fuck. Also I just didn’t love the actress but I have no hate for her - I feel like the script was more to blame.

Next, the Men of Letters was an ok idea but was just awful. I loved the fact that Sam and Dean were “normal” people - people who weren’t born into a hunter family - who chose to live abnormal lives in sacrifice. That was thrown the fuck out the window when they introduced their grandfather as men of letters?????? What happened to being normal people? So both of their parents now were already connected to the supernatural like it was fate? What??? At least Mary being a hunter made sense because she had to make the deal with the yellow eyed daemon but John also being a part of that is so Romeo Juliet that I wanted to die. I was happy about the bunker until I realized that that would mean that it was no longer framed as a “road trip” that I had loved so much. I forgave that fact that Dean was the Rightous Man for heaven and Sam was Lucifer’s vessel because I feel like Heaven was just as surprised as Dean was that he was considered “perfect” and “rightous” enough to be the vessel of head honcho Micheal.

Finally, the stupid British Men of Letters that drove me away from the show and made me actively hate it until like a month ago. The British men of letters was such an Ex Machina. Like ok MAYBE I could’ve swallowed the idea that the Men of Letters existed and were just dead this entire time so Sam and Dean would’ve never heard of them but British Men of Letters????? Why?? Why was it important to throw in a not dead version of a thing that was already getting into Mary Sue territory for Sam and Dean. Also the fact that I don’t remember any of their names because all of the Men of Letters were totally ham fisted and writen like a drunk person thought “British people” talked and acted? I mean I’m very American and felt a physical cringe the moment any of the British characters walked on screen. Also the start of season 12 was basically my worst nightmare for the show I loved more than anything till this point - such a weird plot - like adding a kid when a show is starting to die. (Yes, Jack was that kid but at least he had a sweet personality and interesting plot/ character development - also he brought back Cas so...)

Bonus:

Also who thought it was a good idea to completely drop the plot point that John Winchester was a fucked up asshole? I mean John was complicated and I liked it. He was helping people to hide from the grief of losing the love of his life. Mary and John even had issues like a normal couple but the second she died she had become otherworldly to John - like an angel - someone to put on a pedastill. Then they bring John back after he died like he should have - as his character would dictate, saving Dean but also traumatizing Dean by begging him to kill Sam - like a complicated character would. Then he’s a normal dad??? What??? Shouldn’t he be worse because of hell? I totally agreed with Jensen that Dean would’ve felt robbed of his childhood. Why was Dean like “Oh that dad that totally ruined my self esteem and parts of my life? Yeah he really did the best he could and was a great dad! I have no issues with that guy!” WTF???? I do not understand, but you know supernatural is the King and Queen of having amazing ideas and plot until they overwrite their own good ideas with shitty fanfiction.

Obviously I’m writing this years after I’ve seen these plots and episodes so maybe I missed more stuff that was bad or even things that explain stuff better. You can rebuttle this if you like - I’d love to hear what you guys think about these things.