#i haven’t read cyosa since i posted it like nine months ago or something so i do Not remember these freaks that well but hopefully it works

[lottiecrabie]

hello sweet lottie, I’ve just reread cyosa and I am back on my hands and knees begging for the alternate cuddle ending before you inevitably leave us (still can’t think about that without wanting to die btw xx). as a cuddle truther I must say there are not many days I go without thinking about what may have been hahaha. lots of love 4eva and eva ily

if i could directly send u this and Never give the shower truthers any resolution I would

you lay on the bed, still sweaty and panting, covers and limbs crisscrossing all together. your head rests on his arm, clutching his hand as though holding onto the buoyancy of him, as though you’d be drowning without. the room smells of sex. a grin teases your lips, too proud and fucked-out to be disgusted yet.

‘thank you,’ you speak, quiet and comfortable in the heat of the room. bone-deep happiness curls inside of you. you want to stick to him and the bed and never leave this moment.

matty presses the back of your hand with his thumb. ‘you’re welcome.’ you want to laugh at the absurdity of it all. ‘thank you for trusting me.’

‘of course,’ you say easily. ‘though, it’s not really a compliment on me. you did all the work; i just let myself trust a completely dependable person.’ matty hums, musing.

after a moment of silence, your eyes dropping with exhaustion, he finally asks, ‘so why did you choose me?’

you readjust in his arm, the pinpricks of discomfort on your skin. reality, and the immensity of the ignored, presses your chest. ‘i mean, as we’ve said, i trust you. and—‘ you bite your lip, wondering how much you want to share, how much there even is to say. ‘you’re a good person. a good friend. you never make fun of me for all my pro-con lists or my neuroses. i knew— i don’t know.’ he’s quiet, pensive, and it all feels too much. you force out a laugh, joking, ‘plus, you know, there were all these rumors on campus that you’re a sex god or whatever.’

matty laughs. ‘so am i?’

‘you don’t need me to answer that.’

‘oh, come on. i deserve a little compliment for that performance.’ you slap his belly, shaking your head, but he just laughs harder. ‘so that was all?’ he asks again. you wonder what he’s searching for.

you sigh. bite your lip. ‘well, i guess i found you pretty too, if we are being honest.’

‘glad to hear it.’

‘don’t let it get to your head.’

‘too late.’ you can hear the smirk. you tsk. ‘you know, you’re a very quick study,’ matty declares to the room. you flush, ego and pride curling pleasantly up your spine. your smile widens in earnest ways you’d bother to hide any other times.

‘you’ve a very good teacher,’ you praise back, tilting up to look at him. he still gazes up at the ceiling, hair sticking to his forehead, cheeks red and glistening. god, he’s so pretty. you bite your lip. ‘we’re very good at this,’ you try, dipping a toe in the terrifying.

‘yeah.’ he says, quiet, thoughtful. ‘too good. i think we’ll wake up to many complaints from your neighbors.’

‘oh, yeah. you’re about to have the most watched walk-of-shame ever.’

‘everyone trying to catch a glimpse at the talent,’ matty tsks, faux-mournful. you roll your eyes, vaguely slapping his stomach again. ‘y’know, it might be wise to avoid it altogether.’ again, his eyes stubbornly face the ceiling, but you can feel how his breath hitches and holds under your hand. your grin curls in your cheek.

‘right,’ you nod. ‘wait a few days. give them time to forget.’

‘exactly.’ his thumb rubs the back of your hand. from nerves or from the desperate need to feel you, you’re not sure. ‘and, while we’re here, we might want to check a few other items off your list. just to maximize our time.’

‘smart,’ you laugh. ‘two birds, one stone, and all of that.’

‘of course, i don’t want you to think i’m only using you for things related to your bed. i’m very open to having dinner and any other activities to pass the time as well.’

you can’t take it anymore. you flutter your eyelashes at him, teasing, ‘matty, is there something you want to ask me?’

finally, he looks down and locks eyes with yours. something gets relieved at the sight of you. his smile grows, his hand tightening in yours. ‘do you want to go on a date with me?’ your heart rushes, a flutter of feelings in the depth of your belly.

‘yes,’ you say, grin shining on your cheeks. he can’t hold back the joy either; his head dips down, catching your lips. you push against him to tease, ‘kissing me before our first date? what’s next, you think i’ll put out, too?’

‘oh, i’d never.’