#I survived grad school but I came back Wrong

[caffichai]

Regular Abyssal Hunter downtime activities

[inkkayyy]

ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀɴ ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ    >ꜱᴇᴏ ᴄʜᴀɴɢʙɪɴ  [ ᴛᴡᴏ ]

It’s a shock, one that makes Changbin freeze briefly before wrapping him in a tight hug.

The pair had been through hard times, but he had never seen her cry. Not once.

[ from an outside perspective]     [ sunhee’s masterlist ]

(wk: 2.1k)  (format: english in italics)

180207

When Seo Changbin first saw Kang Sunhee cry, it was an anomaly. 

Graduation is a sentimental time. It marked the end of an era. Debut was just around the corner- marked for a mere month away. And as he attends his last ever class- the day before grad, he begins to wonder if he’d miss it. Then their mathematics teacher hands out a sheet- a compulsory test (that won’t even be marked) just to ‘see how much they’d really learnt’.

He won’t miss it. Not really. He’ll miss the people. School gave him an excuse to see his friends on a regular basis. And he knows that will be hard once they graduate and he becomes an idol (disregarding the fact he’s halfway there because of the survival show). 

He and Sunhee walk back to the dorms, talking about graduation. “I still can’t believe they aren’t coming.”

She frowned, eyebrows creasing. “Who’s not coming?”

“The members- they told us last night, remember?” He paused to look at her.

It takes a few seconds but the conversation seemed to dawn on her as a sad and miserable ‘Oh’ tumbled past her lips. 

“Guess it will just be you and me yeah? Maybe I’ll finally get to meet your sister.” It’s a teasing change of subject one so blatantly obvious but he entertained anyway. Forcing Sunhee to talk about something she didn’t want to was never a good idea.

So he thinks that’s it. They moved on talking about the upcoming shoot for their debut trailer- about how he’d been grumpy about the undercut they gave him- irritated by the fringe and how she’d had to do some voice over dubbing.

But that wasn’t it. Because later, into the hours of the night when they’re all in their dorm, cramped and messy as usual, Sunhee crawled into his bunk sobbing. 

Her breath came out in quiet hiccups and even in the dark he can see the way light reflects off her tear tracks. The tiny red dot from the smoke alarm, moonlight streaming in from the window, Hyunjin’s night light that he leaves on so none of them trip over in the middle of the night.

It’s a shock, one that makes Changbin freeze briefly before wrapping him in a tight hug. They’re a similar height (she’s actually slightly taller than him- which she never lets him forget) but with how Sunhee's curled herself up next to him, on the tiny single mattress, she felt so small.

The pair had been through hard times, but he had never seen her cry. Not once. 

When they’d been in the survival show, he assumed she did- they all did. But Sunhee made an effort to remove herself from the situation. She would steel her nerves and blink away the moisture brimming her eyes.

This was different. 

Her breath hitched with every inhale and he could feel the way her hand fisted tight against the sleeves of his hoodie to avoid the tell tale shake they tremmored with. He’s got one leg draped over his, her head curled onto his chest and she tries to stay quiet. He snakes one hand around her waist, rubbing circles onto her back, as his other slowly took her fist away from his hoodie, instead choosing to hold it with his own. Her nails would have dug into his skin if they were any longer but her habit of biting them when stressed prevented that.

“What's wrong?” Changbin murmured. 

Sunhee’s breath hitched once more as she forced the words out. “I’m going to be alone. At graduation. No one is coming to see me finish school.”

Oh. He really should have realised that one a bit sooner. Sunhee struggled with Korea- not in the sense of directions of the language (at least not as much any more) but the fact it wasn’t Australia. He’d been told that she used to get really homesick, enough that the company had allowed her to actually travel home the year before, something trainees were rarely offered. 

“I’ll be there.” He murmured, holding her a little closer. “And the others wanted to be, you know that.”

“Still, it’s a little pathetic isn’t it? No family coming to my graduation?” She scoffed, a wet sound betrayed by the way her tears lead onto his hoodie. “Aren’t your parents supposed to take you out for jjajangmyeon or something? One of the girls in class asked me where i was going.“

“I’m not sure Mum’s picked out some place for us, I think it’s fancier then you're used to but you’ll manage just fine.”

“Us?”

“Yeah,” his brows furrowed, glancing down at her face. Sunhee’s eyes were shiny with tears. “I told you that we’d eat together after graduation. Did you forget?”

She blinked. “Your parent’s are okay with that?”

He tried not to laugh too loudly, but the rumble of his chest was not lost to Sunhee. “I think they’d skin me if I didn’t- no way they were gonna let you eat alone after graduation.”

And that was true. Sunhee had spent weekends at the Seo family house, come over for dinners and the public holidays that were offered to her, truly Changbin’s mother loved Sunhee. So of course, when talking to Changbin about after graduation lunch, she’d insisted that Sunhee was to come with them- if she didn’t already have plans. He could have sworn he’d asked her, and his mum had already booked a table for five, but maybe it had slipped his mind.

“I just thought I'd go with the others who aren’t at school for the day.” She whispered. 

“Nope, you’re coming with me.”

“Okay.“ There’s a smile ghosting her lips as she tucks herself a little tighter against his side, and Changbin messes with his duvet until it’s draped over the both of them. 

Sleep comes easily after that.

And the next morning she was still there, and Jeongin who was rousing from his own bunk looked at them curiously, but Changbin just waved him off with one hand. It’s not until they all start to disperse, with Hyunjin and Seungmin off to their own schools, and the others heading to schedules, does Changbin call his mum.

He waits until Sunhee’s in the shower- for the sound of the water running before he steps cautiously out onto the balcony, February chill cutting through his uniform blazer with ease.

“How’s my highschool graduate feeling?” She teases, clearly thrilled that both her kids are now finished school.

“Ah- good.” He replied, a little embarrassed by the eagerness in her voice. “Can I ask you a favour mum?”

“Sure.”

“Could you pick up some flowers for Sunhee? The other members can’t come to our graduation and neither can her family.”

“Oh of course!” His mum sounded thrilled and it made Changbin smile. “What kind does she like, any favourites? Or should I get ones to match her room so they look nice in the dorm?”

“I think any would be fine- but maybe something simple, she’s not one for dramatics.”

And sure enough, when they make it to the hall, once their homeroom teachers had handed over their diplomas with a huge smile (maybe she was glad to be rid of them, maybe she was just thrilled the lot of them made it- who knows) Changbin’s mother holds two bouquets. One was a bunch of baby’s breath, swaddled in brown paper that she extended to him with a grin. “My boy!”

She was hugging him so tight he might’ve passed out, but eventually she relented, running a hand down his hair and onto his cheek. She looks so proud.

Changbin’s dad pulled him forwards for a firm handshake but gave up halfway through and hugged him instead. His sister followed suit, taking time to mess up his hair as well.

But when Changbin turned around, he was met once again, with the sight of Sunhee’s teary eyes. 

Her arms were wrapped tightly around Changbin’s mum, who coo’s and hugs her back. In one hand, Sunhee held the second Bouquet, one of white tulips. She sniffled and blinked at him. Changbin smiled.

“Oh, Sunhee dear- stop crying, it’s your graduation day!” His mum exclaimed, pulling back to hold Sunhee’s face in her palms, brushing gentle thumbs across her cheeks to whip away the stray tears. She offered a wet laugh before replying “You bought me flowers.”

“That we did.” 

And then Sunhee threw herself at Changbin, an embrace that was so whole, then he stumbled back a step as her arms flew over his shoulders. And it was a different sort of crying, one that was laced with laughter and tipped with unhidden smiles. He liked it more than the tears he’s seen before.

She felt warm against him, and her chest vibrated with the laughs that tumbled from her lips. He squeezed tightly, and knew this would not be a moment he forgot. He would certainly not pretend to understand her, not when the members turned up five minutes later, with a camera man, saying it was a prank that they’d been asked to film.

And when Felix hugged Sunhee so tightly, congratulating her on graduating in Korea of all places she swayed in his arms, and when Minho threw an arm over her shoulder, bringing her close, she was cautious to hold the bouquet gently- she didn’t dare let anyone else touch her flowers, nor did she stray from Changbin’s side.

Their manager informed them that all nine of the members will be having jajangmyeon for dinner and that it would be filmed. The others (those who could attend, Seungmin and Hyunjin sadly at school) headed back for schedules soon after. She’s affected by it, the fact that they did show up after all, and she would have people to celebrate her graduation with, but cried about it anyway- how much it bothered he couldn’t quite tell, she was alway good at hiding that away. But he knows enough, he’s not sure how but he does. So he slipped his hand into hers and tugged her away from his family for a bit, heading over to their classmates.

Changbin’s sister followed the pair around as the designated photographer, taking photos of them with friends, Jihoon shows off the bright pink flowers his brother had picked out as Jaewoo takes great joy in spinning his diploma around on one finger, and Sunhee sends the picture of their friend group, all seven of them, off to her mum. 

And when it’s time to leave, she grinned the whole car ride to the restaurant, happily chatting away with Changbin’s mum.

There’s a moment, just one, when her phone pings and it comes back with a picture from her mum; both her brother and Mum seated at the dining room table, a vase full of flowers  (he think’s they’re daisies?) between them and plates of jajangmyeon on the table. Sunhee almost cries again, but she blinks them away with a sniffle and sends back a series of emoticon hearts.

He doesn’t understand Kang Sunhee, she’s an anomaly and always will, but he’ll take the pieces she offers, learn about the parts she chooses to show him and hold her close when she needs it- because Changbin knows she would too.

[ <<< ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ]  [ from an outside perspective]   [ ɴᴇxᴛ >>> (coming soon) ]

[srrl-sulha-pilot]

There it is. The song that captures my mood for Winter Break and the past seven years.

I’ve been going through lots of things since November 2021. It doesn’t help that I’m still seeking a therapist since the end of HS graduation in 2015. All I knew at the time was going to college to be an engineer. I was so wrong. Same with getting into Computer Science.

Who would have thought 18-year-old me would grow up to work three different jobs, switch majors twice, and go back to grad school immediately after getting a Bachelors? Hell, I didn’t think I’d survive college with a gradually deteriorating mental state of mind or stay longer than a year with the transportation office as a Parking Enforcement Officer.

A lot of people came and went at that workplace. I stayed longer than most office staff - 7 years. You know what the strangest part is? I almost didn’t get the job because of my anxiety. “Give him a couple days, then let him go if he’s not up for it,” an old coworker said. Those couple of days turned into a couple of years. That was my life: clock in, gear up, and go out to explore the university life with its half-warm, half-cold cars or last weekend’s intimate details. No one watching me but my friends - coworker or not. Damn, I miss the bar hopping. I’m not a drinker, but I enjoyed the moments when everyone else drank and I was there to support them and their not-so-conscious state. Or the time everyone went to the fair during the summer of 2017. Or a moment in late spring 2017 when we partied at one dorm and I stayed over because of a MAX shooting. Or one time I slept at a friend’s couch after a night out of sharing good times while I was far from home that summer in 2018 (and leaving a $20 tip the next morning for their kindness before riding the bus back home).

Now that I look at where I am at this moment, so much stuff has happened since 2019. My mom got cancer on my last undergrad year, I pushed back on my graduation to 2020, the damn COVID pandemic tore the world apart, I lost my grandpa in April 2021, I jumped back to grad school in the summer of 2020, I visited Utah (and my then-partner) a few times, my third family was with my graduate colleagues, my siblings got married to their wonderful partners, I nearly lost my position as a Student Teacher, my graduate program was finished, I had a breakup with the best partner anyone could ask for, I lost a great friend (they’re still alive), I finally had vacations my family dreamed about, I found a job as a teacher, and I had my tearful goodbye with the transportation office. So many things to talk about. So many moments to remember. I can’t find the words to express how grateful I am. It’s also hard to explain how scared I was for things I set my mind to.

It’s hard to accept those changes all at once. My brain can’t handle the overload. I’ll get better at it one day.

Thanks for reading my thoughts, friend. We should chat some time soon. I’d love to hear from you.

[kingexpl0sionmurder]

Body Electric - Kaminari Denki - Smut

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder Pairing: Kaminari Denki/F!Reader Rating: 18+ (contains smut) Words: 5,491 Warnings: Sex work (Cam boy/girl), Quirkless AU, Aged-up Adult characters (someone is in grad school! wow!), mentions of masturbation (both male and female), mentions of casual ShinKami, established KiriBaku, Idk they are all just really sexually liberated and don’t care about watching each other cum. Is that voyeurism? I’m bad at tagging things. Title taken from a Lana Del Rey song. AN: Another BNHarem collab piece! The theme was sex work, and I have wanted to do a camboy Denki for a long time so here we go. This was really smutty in my head but Denki makes me soft and it turned out really cute in the end, I’m sorry? He’s such a dork I feel like any sexual encounter with him would just turn out like this in some way, idk.  Thanks to @unbreakablekiribaku​ and @sailorsero​ as usual for being supportive of me. Happy birthday to @lady-bakuhoe and @burnedbyshoto​ 🎂🎂 There is no one else I would rather be birthday triplets with!

Please check out the Collab Masterlist: HERE Look 👀 at My Masterlist: HERE Buy me a Kofi if you’re scared of clowns too: HERE

---

Sighing, you sat up on your elbows, squinting at the chat on the screen, willing your heart to stop pounding and your breath to even out. The donations were pouring in, the chat moving so fast you couldn’t even read it. “Alright, lovelies, I hope you enjoyed that. Be right back and we’ll chat a little bit, okay?”

Donations popped up, the chat slowing a little as the clients who only came to jerk off to you left, leaving those who considered themselves true fans. You stood and made your way to the bathroom to pee, rinsing your toy off in the sink and washing your hands. You went back to your room, pulling on a hoodie and settling in front of the screen again.

“Alright, I’m back! I have some time for a few questions and then I have to go for the night. Let me see what we got!” You scanned the chat, ignoring the normal inappropriate questions. Mindfucker:  Do you know who Chargebolt is? Cause I heard he watches your stream.

Your heart, which had finally slowed to a normal rhythm, picked up again. You most definitely knew who Chargebolt was. You gave him a good amount of money from your donations when you watched his cam shows yourself. “I do actually, he’s pretty popular on here, isn’t he?” You sat back a little, furrowing your brows. “How do you know he watches me?”

RedDaddy: He did a Q&A and mentioned your channel! Told everyone to check you out.

You recognized the names of the viewers and knew they were also regulars on Chargebolt’s streams as well, so you believed them. Chargebolt was gorgeous and funny, just your type. The knowledge that he was interested in you enough to watch you get off on camera was flattering. You hoped your blush wasn’t showing on your face. 

“I’m surprised he knows who I am!” You had missed the last Q&A he’d done, since it hadn’t been on his normal streaming day, and you’d been stuck at work late. Leaning forward again, you bit your lip, looking into the camera from under your lashes. “Can I tell you guys a secret? I watch him, too. Why do you think I never do shows on Thursdays? That’s Chargebolt day.” With a wink you sat back, trying to will the blush from your cheeks. Mindfucker: I knew it! I bet he’s watching right now. You smiled, shrugging. “I hope he enjoyed the show, then!” You tried to hold it together, suppressing the urge to burst into a fit of giggles at the thought, answering a few more silly questions from your regulars, before signing off for the night, promising to be back again the following week.

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, leaning your head back and groaning. It was wild that the guy whose cam shows you watched on the regular, the one who had inspired you to start your own, who you thought of half the time when you were filming yourself getting off on camera for strangers, knew who you were and was one of your viewers. 

It brought you down a whole rabbit hole for a second, wondering if he got off on you getting off. Why else would he watch? Did he ever donate? You assumed he had a secondary account so you wouldn’t know it was him even if you tried to look at your past viewers, just like you had a secret account so you could watch him as well. 

Cracking your eyes open, you clicked to view the donation tallies for the evening. You’d made enough to pay the rent on your apartment for the month in just one night. Sometimes you wondered how you ever managed to survive before you started doing this. It was meant to be a temporary side job, but you’d been running this cam channel under the screen name Neko for over six months, and you had clawed your way out of debt in such a short time, it didn’t make sense for you to stop.

You viewed a few more visitor stats with interest, before logging off the computer and shutting the laptop. You had to get to sleep for your real job in the morning, so you figured it was time for bed, pushing thoughts of Chargebolt to the back of your mind for now.

It wasn’t until later when you were lying down to sleep, that you thought of him again. Your eyes closed as you ran through a scenario in your head, wondering if he would mention you on Thursday, and what would come of all this? You had noticed your viewer numbers had spiked that day, so it was definitely beneficial that you’d caught his eye. You just weren’t sure what would happen next.

--

Denki was grinning into the camera, wiping the cum off of his abs with the towel he kept beside him, his chest and cheeks flushed pink. He adjusted in his chair, tugging the toy out of his hole and chucking it to the side, pulling his boxers back up over his softening cock. “I hope it was as good for you as it was for me, babes.” 

He chuckled at the comments flooding the chat as he reached for his water and took a sip. 

Tapeman: As always, you never disappoint me, Chargebolt.

“Hey thanks, Tapeman! I appreciate you always coming to hang out...get it? Coming?”

Mindfucker: Ridiculous.

“Aw, you love me, Mindfucker.” He winked at the camera. “So, did you guys enjoy my Q&A the other day?”

The chat filled with praise, making him grin. He loved to talk to his fans, and sometimes they had some great questions for him. He knew a lot of people just watched him as a way to get off, but he liked to give a little piece of himself to them because he knew that most of the people who watched were probably lonely, and he wanted to help with that in some way. He kept things laid back, joking and laughing with his viewers before and after the show, taking requests and doing his best to remember some of the regulars. Some of the few who had been with him from the beginning he’d made into moderators to help with keeping things somewhat orderly in the chat. Some of them he actually knew in real life, like his roommate Hitoshi, who used the alias Mindfucker.

Mindfucker: So are we going to talk about Neko? Denki’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, you mean the stream the other day? It was…” He made the appropriate motion as he said it. “Chef’s kiss, immaculate. She’s so beautiful…” Trailing off, he let himself think back to the way your chest heaved and the face you made when you came. “I would do anything for her, man.”

RedDaddy: Dude, I agree! She’s also super sweet, like, the total package.

Sighing, he leaned his elbow on the desk, his cheek resting on his palm. “I am a simp, my guy.” He sat up, squinting at the chat. “She said she watches, right? Is she here right now?” He scanned the names of the viewers, frowning. “She probably has a second account. Well, if you’re here, Neko, you should hit me up. I read all of my DM’s okay?” He grinned, winking again. “Alright, I have to go feed the cats so I’m outie 5000, thanks for hanging out and I’ll see you guys next week!”

He said his goodbyes, ending the stream and sighing. He wiped off his toy with the towel and clicked through his stats for the day, smiling at some of the comments that came with the donations. Hitoshi came into his room a few minutes later, holding one of the cats, an orange tabby named Miso, in his arms. “I fed them, you don’t have to.”

Was it weird that his roommate watched him fuck himself on toys and jerk off on the internet on a weekly basis? Nope. Denki had forgone all sense of modesty when it came to sex a long time ago, and Hitoshi was the same. It helped that they fucked around on occasion, best friends who got lonely and lived together sometimes did that, he guessed. Or maybe they were weird. It was whatever, he didn’t like to think about it too much. 

“What would I do without you, Toshi?”

“Kill the cats, probably.” He deadpanned, leaning in the doorway. “Burn all the toast you try to make, buy the wrong peanut butter, eat Cheese-Itz for breakfast every day, forget to pay the cable bill.” He raised his eyebrows. “I can keep going.”

“Fuck off, I got the all-natural peanut butter once, it was an accident!” Denki threw his soiled towel into the laundry basket by the closet and picked up the toy he’d used, waving it around a bit. “Did you enjoy the stream?”

Hitoshi snorted, eyeing the dildo warily. “I didn’t really watch, I had my eye on the chat. I was looking for Neko.”

“Man, I can’t believe she’s a fan!” He waved the dildo some more, watching as it jiggled. “I would let her do unspeakable things to me.”

“Look out, your sub is showing, Denki.” Hitoshi teased. “But I agree, she’s pretty great. I wonder if she’ll ever do private shows.” Pausing to scritch Miso behind the ears, he continued. “I’m sure they’d be in high demand.”

Denki stood, pointing at Hitoshi with the dildo. He really needed to put it down somewhere and stop brandishing it around like a sword. “Don’t even, I’d spend all my money on that girl.” 

“I know you would.” He chuckled. “I did try to go through the usernames and see if I could find out who she could be, but I didn’t have any luck.”

“It’s okay! I’m leaving it up to fate now, man. If the universe wants us to know each other, we will.” He stuck his thumb towards the ensuite. “I’m going to wash my ass and then we can play Among Us if you want.”

Hitoshi, completely unphased as usual, nodded. “I’ll get a team together. Check the discord when you get out.”

Humming, Denki made his way to the bathroom, picking up his phone on the way. It buzzed as he closed the door, and he glanced down to see he had a message from his other moderator and friend, Eijirou, aka RedDaddy. Tossing the dildo in the sink, he looked down at the screen and opened the message.

Eiji: No luck on finding Neko on the stream, but she said she never misses a Thursday, so I bet she was there.

Denki: Thanks for keeping an eye out, man. I appreciate you. Among us in 30?

Eiji: Bet. I’ll ask Kats to play too.

--

Your next stream day had you feeling nervous. Chargebolt had talked directly at you on his last stream, asking you to slide into his DMs, and you had yet to take him up on it. You didn’t know what you were so scared of, Chargebolt was a nice guy. You chalked it up to the fear of the unknown. If you sent him a message, what would you even say? ‘Hey dude, nice cock?’ It was bound to be a disaster.

Pushing your nerves back down, you made sure you were ready for your stream, excited for the news you were about to drop on your viewers. You were needing a little extra cash due to some unfortunate car trouble, and you’d figured out a way to make up what you needed in record time.

“Hey everyone, welcome!” You smiled at the camera, waving your fingers. “Thanks for coming! I see a lot of familiar names here tonight. Hi Mindfucker, Dynamight, RedDaddy, Tapeman, LightningMcQueen!”

LightningMcQueen: Hey, beautiful! I’ve been looking forward to this all week.

Dynamight: Chill out, McQueen, you look desperate.

RedDaddy: Be nice, Dynamight. Hi, Neko!

Dynamight: Fuck off, Shittyhair.

Mindfucker: How’s your cat, Neko?

“Be good, Dynamight. You’re lucky I know you don’t mean that!” You giggled at the antics of your regulars, smiling at the question about your cat. “Ichigo is doing good, Mindfucker, thanks for asking! I’ll bring her on camera after the show if you want to say hi!”

Minfucker just sent a cat emoji and you laughed, shaking your head. “I’m beginning to think that you’re just here for Ichigo and not me.”

The chat went crazy with people denying it, telling you how much they loved watching you every week. You lit up, feeling more excited about your news.

“So I have something I want to discuss before we get started today. I’ve decided I want to try out doing some private shows, so I’m going to be offering up a few spots. I’m going to give some of my longest and most frequent supporters a shot first, and if all goes well, then I’ll open them up to the rest of you! I’ll be adding a signup link at the bottom of my page after tonight’s stream, so if you’re interested you can apply and I’ll pick a few of you and we’ll work out a schedule! How does that sound?”

Dynamight: McQueen already has his credit card ready I bet.

“Aw, you don’t want to play with me, Dynamight?” You teased, giving the camera your best pout.

Dynamight: You couldn’t handle me, Princess.

LightningMcQueen: Hush. You’re a bottom, Dyna.

Dynamight: Die you fucking extra.

LightningMcQueen: Love you too, blasty.

“I was going to let you pick the toy today, Dynamight, but if you can’t behave then I’m just going to have to let someone else have a turn.” You gave the camera a disapproving look, frowning. You’d picked up that these guys were friends, so you knew they were just messing with each other.

A donation popped up from Dynamight with a comment attached. 

Let McQueen choose this time, babe.

“It looks like Dynamight is going to let you choose, McQueen. Which one?” You pulled over the box you kept your toys in and showed it to the camera. “Pick a color.”

LightningMcQueen: Yellow

You pulled the yellow silicone out of the box and showed it to the chat, smirking. “I call this one Chargebolt because it’s the same color as his hair. Are you sure this is the one you want me to use?”

--

When your stream ended, Denki leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath. The fact that he’d watched you fuck yourself with a dildo that you’d named after him was the hottest thing he could have imagined. He was jealous of that piece of bright yellow silicone more than he should be. He’d still enjoyed it, if the mess across his abs and chest were any indication. 

He cleaned himself up and pulled on a shirt, clicking on the link for the private show signup. It was pretty straightforward, listing the price and how long the show would be, and asking for his username and what he would be interested in doing or seeing and what day would work best.

Staring at the form for a moment, he contemplated his options. He could sign up with his LightningMcQueen account, and he might have a chance. He was the first one out of his friends to find your channel one night when he was bored and horny. Then he’d shown it to Hitoshi and then shared your info with Eijirou, Katsuki, and Hanta. He would be considered one of the longest and loyal viewers like you had said.

However, if you got a request from Chargebolt? What would you do? Would you ignore it? 

“Toshi!” He called out, knowing his roommate would hear him without him having to get up. “I’m having a crisis!”

The door opened, and the purple-haired man stood in the doorway. “I am not prepared to handle your bi panic right now, Denki.”

“Are you going to put in for a private show from Neko?” Denki pushed on, ignoring his friend’s exasperation. 

“I spoke that into existence last week, you know. You’re welcome.”

Flopping back in his chair, Denki closed his eyes. “Should I send in the request with this account or with the Chargebolt one?”

Hitoshi shrugged, watching their cat Sashimi wander into the room. “You’ve wanted to talk to her for ages, man. You could have messaged her forever ago and you wouldn’t be playing this game with her. Sign up with your actual account.”

“I mean, she must think I’m cute, right? Otherwise, she wouldn’t watch.” He sat up, logging out of his secondary account and into his main one. He had a few unread DM’s, so he clicked, his breath catching in his throat. “Dude, look.”

There was a message from you, short but sweet.

Hi, Chargebolt. I don’t know if you saw the stream today, but you should check it out if you haven’t. I left it up for you.”

“She wants you to see her use that dildo she named after you.” Hitoshi patted his shoulder, and then bent down to pick up Sashimi. “I signed up but I told her I just wanted to have a date with her cat. She probably won’t pick me.”

“She will, she loves cats.” Denki clicked on your page and scrolled down to the bottom where the signup was again, letting it populate his main account in the information, and writing ‘any day except Thursday’ in the section for the time that worked for him. “I’m going to get this girl to date me, just you watch.”

Snorting, his roommate closed the door behind him as he left. “I believe in you, Pikachu.”

Once his request was submitted, he went back to his DM’s and sent you a message back.

“I was there, Neko. I never miss a stream. I submitted for a private show, so I hope you’ll pick me. I’ve been one of your viewers since the beginning, you know.”

---

In your head, you tried to plan what you would say once you were face to face (via camera) with the one and only Chargebolt. Everything your brain seemed to come up with fell short. What did you say to this guy, who you’d been simping over for over 9 months, who lit up your screen every Thursday with terrible puns and panty-dropping smiles? You knew exactly what he looked like and sounded like when he came. It was a strange thing to think that you knew that but you’d never actually spoken to him before.

It made you feel a little better when you realized he knew just as much about you. That he watched you fuck yourself on a dildo you’d named after him, and then spent the rest of the stream showing off your fluffy white cat Ichigo. 

It was time to put on your big girl panties. You could do this. 

Chargebolt had been one of the few that you’d chosen to do these shows with. He was also the last one. You’d met with 4 others, the ones who were the most active in your chat, the ones you assumed were actually friends. 

Your first one was with Tapeman, who asked you to call him Sero. He was cute, with the widest, prettiest smile you’d ever seen. He made you laugh, and called you beautiful, and spoke to you in Spanish. You didn’t feel uncomfortable once with him, and the experience gave you hope that the rest would be just as nice.

Mindfucker was next, whose name was Shinsou and lowkey your favorite one. He didn’t want anything sexual at all, which surprised you. You sat with him and drank tea and you got to meet his two fur children, Miso and Sashimi, while he told you about his roommate. You let him admire Ichigo, and talked about music. He was sarcastic, but not in a mean way, and you were pretty sure he was going to be your new best friend.

RedDaddy and Dynamight had asked to do theirs together since they were dating. You wanted to question why they both watched your stream but RedDaddy, who was actually named Kirishima, answered it for you.

“We’re both bi, and we think you’re cute!”

“Yeah, plus McQueen has a thing for you so we like to be in the chat to help him out.” Dynamite, aka Bakugou, added in his gruff voice, folding his arms across his chest.

“Aw, that’s sweet!” You smiled at them. “He didn’t request a private show though, so I guess he doesn’t like me that much.”

Bakugou coughed and Kirishima grinned. “Maybe he was nervous! I’m sure you’ll meet him in one of these someday!”

“Enough about that dumbass.” Bakugou leaned forward, his hand on Kirishima’s knee. “Give us a show and we’ll give you one in return. Use that orange and green one for me, Princess.”

And give you a show they did. You got lost in how they looked at each other while they jerked each other off, and you were pretty sure they forgot you were even there at some point. When it was over, you suggested that they start their own channel.

Bakugou scoffed, but you could tell he was blushing a bit.

“I don’t know, Neko. I don’t think I could share him with anyone else. Except you, you’re the exception.” Kirishima grinned, winking at you.

But now it was Chargebolt’s turn. You made sure you had everything you needed, making sure Ichigo was out of the room, and then signed into your account. 

Chargebolt was online, so you made the private room and sent him the request. You felt like you were shaking, and you checked yourself in the camera to make sure you didn’t look like a wreck.

You barely had time to breathe before he entered the chat, his camera screen coming to life and showing you his smiling face. You melted a bit, biting your lip, gazing at how attractive he was. 

“Hey, Neko!” Chargebolt was as vibrant as ever, tucking his hair behind his ears, the black lightning bolt in his hair dark against the bright yellow of the rest of it.

“It’s nice to see you, Chargebolt.” You tried to relax, rolling your shoulders back. “It’s kind of weird knowing you can see me too.”

He laughed, leaning back in his chair. You tried not to stare at his arms in the tank top he was wearing. Chargebolt had a small frame, but his muscles were defined. You’d seen him plow through an entire bag of chips on stream once, without pausing to breathe, so you assumed he must be one of those people with amazing metabolism that you envied. “You can call me Denki if you want, kitten.”

You choked on air at the nickname, trying to compose yourself. “Kitten?”

“Well, Neko means cat, doesn’t it?” He raised an eyebrow. “I won’t call you that if you don’t like it.”

“No!” You practically shouted. “No, I mean, it’s fine. I like it.”

“Sweet.” He grinned. “Man, I’ve wanted to get you alone like this for so long, and now I’m just feeling really nervous.”

“You’re nervous?” You were surprised. The always cool but super dorky Chargebolt was nervous because of you? “So am I.”

Chargebolt- sorry, Denki, rested his elbow on the desk, propping his head in his hand. “Well, glad to know I’m not the only disaster here. I’ve been trying to get the courage to talk to you for months, and then finally Hitoshi got me to talk about you on stream a few weeks ago, and now here we are.”

“Who’s Hitoshi? One of your regulars?” Knowing that you weren’t the only one who was sweating bullets had you relaxing a bit. 

“Oh yeah, Mindfucker! You know him right? He did a thing with you the other day, didn’t he?”

Eyes wide, you stared at him. “Shinsou?”

“Yeah, that’s my best friend and my roommate. He said he showed you the cats.” He shrugged. “You picked all my friends for your private shows. Sero, Kiri, Bakugou, Shinsou.” He paused, smirking. “I forgot that you don’t know that I’m LightningMcQueen.”

“That’s you? I was wondering why they didn’t send me a request, but it all makes sense now.”

Denki shot you finger guns and winked. “Kachow!”

“Oh god, stop it.” You rolled your eyes.

He chuckled, grinning at you. “So, did Shinsou talk about me?”

You giggled, remembering back. “He told me a story about how his roommate mistook a fuzzball for a spider and spent the afternoon sitting on a table waiting for him to come home and kill it.”

“It looked like one of those freaky poisonous ones from where I was sitting. I was afraid to let it out of my sight in case it got away and then multiplied and killed me in my sleep or something.” He took a deep breath. “Spiders are terrifying.”

This man was amazing. “You are everything I always thought you’d be, you know that?”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” He sighed. “You have to have some kind of embarrassing story to tell me so I don’t feel like a fool. You’ve got to make it even.”

“One year my dad hired a clown to come to my birthday party. He walked in the front door and I jetted out the back door and hid in the garden until he left. Clowns are just as terrifying as spiders.”

Chargebolt laughed, and the sound made your stomach do a somersault. It was just as bright and happy as he was. “That is the cutest shit I’ve ever heard!”

“I’m glad my childhood trauma is amusing you.” You deadpanned, trying to keep the smile off your face.

“Aw, don’t be like that kitten! I’m glad we can bond over our irrational fears like this, you know?” He 

You shivered happily. “Okay, okay.” You cleared your throat. “So, you didn’t write anything down here for what you wanted out of our chat today.”

“Oh, okay, down to business then.” He sat up straight. “Well, I wanted to tell you myself instead of submitting it on the form.”

Intrigued, you raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t want to give me a chance to back out?”

Snorting, and shook his head. “Nah, I think you’ll like it, kitten.” He folded his hands behind his head. “I want you to tell me what to do. I’m at your mercy.”

Swallowing thickly, you blinked at him. That was...really hot. “You like being told what to do?”

“I would love nothing more for you to pull my hair and peg me within an inch of my life while calling me your little cock slut.” He stared at you with an eyebrow raised, looking pleased with himself when he saw your expression.

Your thighs clenched together involuntarily. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, right? I mean, I’m a switch, I’d do the same to you if you asked.  But we can save that for next time.” He smirked. “So, you down?”

Next time? This man was going to kill you. “Take off your shirt, Denki.”

“Fuck yes.” He groaned, reaching behind him and tugging the garment over his head. 

His chest and abs came into view, and you let your eyes linger on the barbells through his nipples. “Pants too.”

He pushed his chair away from his desk and shimmied out of his shorts, kicking them to the side. You gazed at him in his blue boxer briefs, eyes lingering on his thin waist, strong thighs, and the outline of his cock. He was a sight to behold, honestly.

You held the fangirling back, leaning forward to get a better look at him. “Do you have any toys, Denki?”

“Of course, Kitten.” He moved out of view for a moment, coming back with a box. 

“Let me see.” He tilted the box towards the camera, your eyes flitting over the different colors and shapes inside. “The pink one.” 

“Okay, hang on, let me-” He cut off, standing up and throwing the pink toy on the bed. He picked up the laptop and moved it, laying down beside it and angling the camera so you could see what he was doing.

“Did you stretch yourself, baby?” 

He made a noise that sounded like a whine in the back of his throat at the pet name, obviously pleased by it. “Yeah, of course I did.” He glanced at the screen. “You should, uh, take your shirt off too.”

“I thought you wanted me to tell you what to do, not the other way around.” Teasing him, you crossed your arms over your chest.

He pouted slightly. “I’ve been good so far though, right?”

“All you’ve done is take off two items of clothing and move to the bed. You’re gonna have to work harder than that!”

Huffing, he lifted his ass off the bed and tugged his underwear down his legs, kicking them off, his hand already moving to wrap around his already hard cock.

“Did I say you could touch yourself, Denki?” It was getting hard to keep up the stern act you were putting on, but you knew it was what he wanted. You wanted to watch him touch himself, watch the way his eyes fluttered closed when his thumb brushed over the leaking head of his cock, and the way he would bite his lip when he moved his wrist a certain way.

You could be patient though, so you continued.

“If I was there right now, what would you want me to do first?”

He stilled, blinking at you a few times. “I would want your mouth first, I think.”

Humming, you sat back, pulling your shirt over your head, letting him admire the lacey purple bra covering your chest. “You’d want my mouth on your cock? Trace my tongue along that vein along the underside and suck on the head a little?”

Denki groaned, closing his eyes, his grip visibly tightening around his shaft. He looked like he was trying not to get worked up too fast. You were amazed at how your words were affecting him, so you pressed on.

“I’d take you all the way down until I was choking on it, and I’d let you hold onto my hair and fuck my face. God, you don’t know how many times I've dreamed about doing that for you. What would you say to that?”

The blush spreading down his neck and chest made him look so pretty. “Ugh, fuck kitten, you’re killing me.” He swallowed hard, opening his eyes to look at you again. “I’d tell you how good you made me feel, but I wouldn’t let you finish me off that way.”

“Oh no? Tell me what else you’d do.” You took the opportunity to move to the bed yourself, pulling off your leggings and panties all at once. 

Eyes glued to you while you unclipped your bra and threw it across the room, he continued. “Fuck, um, I would...god, you’re beautiful.”

Flushing at the compliment, you looked down shyly, breaking character. “I’ve heard you say that before and I still don’t believe it.”

Denki scoffed. “If you need a daily reminder, I’d be happy to be the one to tell you, kitten.” You could hear the sincerity in his voice, and it made your heart do a little flip. “I might seem like a dumbass but I’m using this camboy money to pay off my student loans for my masters in English lit so I can quote you entire sonnets from Shakespeare without hesitation if that will help you believe me.”

Your eyebrows shot up, impressed. Realizing you’d ruined the moment, you sighed, covering your eyes with your hand. “I’m sorry, I’m crap at this. I really just want to watch you cum.”

Chuckling, you heard him shifting on the bed. “Okay, how about this? Forget the toys. Just close your eyes and listen to me.”

“Okay.”

“If you were here with me right now, just like that, I’d spend so much time exploring every inch of you with my tongue. I’d start with your lips, your jaw, your neck. Collarbones, shoulders, your chest, those cute nipples-”

“How are nipples cute?” You interrupted with a snort.

You could hear him trying not to laugh, his voice pitched a bit higher. “Shh, don’t ruin it.”

“I think you just did when you said ‘cute nipples’.” You’d never had this much fun with someone in a situation like this. “If I had a dick, my boner would have just died.”

Denki wheezed, and you opened your eyes to look over at him. He was gazing back at you, his eyes bright as he laughed into his palm. “God, I like you so much, kitten.”

Your grin softened, your heart pounding at his words. “Me too, Denki.” 

[earnestly-endlessly]

Cherik angst!

Ooooh the angst!! The cherik fandom has an abundance of angst fics and I could probably make a list of hundred fics to recommend, but these are some of my favourite angsty cherik fics. I should warn you though, some of these require tissues.

Cherik Angst

Everyday Love in Stockholm – tahariel

Summary: Magneto is the ruler of the posthuman world.

His only secret? Charles Xavier, the human he's kept locked in his bedroom ever since his right-hand woman, Mystique, came to him pleading for mercy for her stepbrother, who accepted her mutant form and protected her as a child. The human he started fucking after Mystique was killed in battle, despite the guilt he feels at contaminating even this last promise to the woman who was integral to his life's work and happiness.

Boden’s Mate – kaydeefalls

Summary: "Shaw has information that we need, and we need him alive to extract it," Moira says, and there it is: the job is on the table. Extraction.

XMFC/Inception fusion AU. Erik is an extractor, Alex is his point man. They're assembling a team to go after the most dangerous mind in dreamsharing: Sebastian Shaw. But unless Alex and the team can keep him in check, Erik's desire for vengeance might just rip the whole job apart around them -- and then there's the shade that haunts his dreams...

Ritual Self-Torture – TurtleTotem

Summary: Shaw is King, Charles is his royal consort and Erik is a Knight/Lord. Shaw is sterile but his kingdom can't find out, so he asks Erik to impregnate Charles.

He doesn't know Erik and Charles are in love.

The Winter of Banked Fires – Yahtzee

Summary: Charles Xavier has returned from the dead -- but is lost within his own mind. Rogue has cast aside her own power and doesn't know where she fits in the world any longer. The production of synthetic Cure means mutantkind itself is newly at risk. And Magneto, turned human against his will, is in despair until the day he feels a familiar consciousness tugging at his own

Us – Pangea

Summary: “Charles,” Erik says, and if his voice hits a pleading note then who can really blame him, “Charles, it’s me.”

It takes several longer moments before Charles musters up the strength to answer, breath stuttering horribly as he tries to breathe. He’s shaking, entire body trembling.

“Erik,” Charles says, his voice cracking, “Erik, I want to die.”

Enigma – Yahtzee

Summary: Erik dies, or finds a reversey-time mutant, or a magical time travelling device, and wakes up in the past. This time, though, it's before he ever met Charles - in fact, it's before his mother died.

He can save his mother that one time (thanks to his mastery over powers carrying back), but what does Erik do after that? Does he stick around, or escape and run to find Charles again (and hope everything doesn't go wrong)?

By Faint Indirections – kianspo

Summary: Erik is in his ~50s, and lonely and bitter. He survived the Holocaust and was only ~14 when the war ended; and even ~40 years later, living in a country that helped to end WW2 and the Third Reich, homosexuality is still a taboo topic. Then one day, he stumbles over Charles, who is young(early 20s) and bright and smart and cheeky and full of energy and beautiful. And moving in the same street where Erik lives.

Lonesome on the Shelf – ikeracity

Summary: After three years of marriage, Charles has to admit that his relationship with Erik has significantly cooled off. These days, they're barely ever home at the same time and it seems like every conversation they have turns into an argument. Charles misses the way they used to be, misses the spontaneous dinner parties and the surprise morning sex and the wake up calls in the early mornings to catch the sunrise. But it's going to take two of them to fix this marriage, and some days, it seems as if all Erik wants is to be rid of him.

A fic about rekindling marriage.

When the Spell Breaks – kianspo

Summary: Erik, a high-profile lawyer with a successful career, meets a 21-year-old grad student in a bar, and within a few short months marries him. He and Charles are blissfully happy, until Erik's boss runs a background check on Charles and discovers he's been cheating on Erik. Charles denies everything, as there was no affair, but Erik doesn't believe him and throws him out. As Charles tries to figure out how to survive and stay at school that he can no longer afford and makes a lot of bad if not plain dangerous choices, Erik has to fight his own battle of discovering the truth and winning Charles back.

The Tower and the Hurricane – dreamlittleyo

Summary:(Post-movie AU.) Five years after Shaw's death, Erik's predictions prove painfully accurate. Violence rages on both sides of the human/mutant conflict. In a world ravaged by war, it doesn't really matter who's more at fault. Charles struggles to teach his students a better way, but what choices will he make when peace really isn't an option?

The Attempt – Yahtzee

Summary: Charles knows everything about Erik, knows how obsessive and self-destructive he is, how Erik would do anything, give anything, in his quest for vengeance against Shaw. But he also knows that Erik loves him in ways that aren't exactly platonic.

I'd like to see a completely straight!Charles, out of pure love and care of Erik, initiate a romantic relationship with him. It can be because he wishes to give Erik something positive in his life or because he thinks it might help change Erik's mind about Shaw, the reason is up to author. Also, while Charles finds intimacy with Erik strange and awkward, he does enjoy the new, non-romantic layers that have developed in their relationship.

Apple Seeds – pprfaith

Summary: Charles, Erik, apple seeds and Shakespearean love affairs.

Ashes, Ashes – winterhill

Summary: Post-apocalyptic AU — When the bombs fall, and mutually assured destruction occurs, it turns out that Shaw was right and radiation does enhance mutant powers. Snapshots of the XMFC main ensemble in the time after the bombs: Erik decides to stay, Moira thinks she might be the only human left, Raven is having trouble sleeping, and Charles is losing his mind.

Warnings: nuclear holocaust: death (death in general, not a specific character), cancer, burns, medical procedure, mutant powers gone awry

Five Bullet Points – Sperare

Summary: It was supposed to be Erik locked away in a prison one hundred stories below the ground.

Charles was never supposed to be there with him.

Tequila on a spaceship – faerie_ground

Summary: In 2014, Charles Xavier gets brutally murdered and Erik Lehnsherr spends the rest of his life mourning his death.

In 3014, Captain Lehnsherr and CMO Dr Xavier are colleagues, best friends and maybe a little more besides that aboard the Magneto I.

The Tower and the Hurricane – dreamlittleyo

Summary: Post-movie AU.) Five years after Shaw's death, Erik's predictions prove painfully accurate. Violence rages on both sides of the human/mutant conflict. In a world ravaged by war, it doesn't really matter who's more at fault. Charles struggles to teach his students a better way, but what choices will he make when peace really isn't an option?

Simple and Uncomplicated – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik and Charles had been fuck buddies for some, but when Charles is in an accident he figured their relationship would be over. Erik's visit to his bedside in the hospital changes his assumptions even as he has trouble believing Erik is sincere.

Lazarus – Clocks 

Summary: Erik is 19 when he says ‘I love you’ for the first time.

It would take five long years before Charles says it back.

Broken Eternity – CractasticDispatches

Sumnmary: It starts with being alone. It shouldn’t, perhaps, but it does because, of course, alone is what no one ever wishes to be.

Shout it Out Loud – dreamlittleyo

Summary: (Movie-Concurrent AU.) When Charles forges a telepathic link between himself and Erik, the two men find themselves bound together by more than just destiny. With the world on the brink of war, Charles and Erik struggle to cope with a psychic connection that may well be permanent.

Call Me By His Name – sinuous_curve

Summary: Charles wakes from the absence of noise.

There is an empty space in his room, beside his bed. Not quiet as in an abandoned room, but utterly, featurelessly blank. Like a box made of unblemished, impenetrable metal and Charles knows before he opens his eyes.

The Longest Word – septicwheelbarrow

Summary: "I'm Charles Xavier," he says, smiling from ear to ear. Then he gestures to his wheelchair. "Terminal spinal osteoblastoma, reaper due to collect in a year."

After some time, the man gestures at himself with a sardonic smile. "Same, one year. Lung." And then, reluctant, as if trying to keep his name to himself, "Erik."

I reject your reality and substitute my own. Doesn't really work that way, both ways.

Copy – chantefable

Summary: Charles wakes up without his memory. His sole caretaker, Erik, claims to be his husband, and tells him he's recovering from a car accident on their honeymoon.

Slowly falling for Erik again, Charles begins to regain his memories. He starts to notice strange things about his body, Erik, and their secluded mansion.

Myosotis – SomeCoolName

Summary: When Charles got back from Cuba, he lost the two things which made him stand: his legs and the love of his life, Erik Lehnsherr. Charles can get used to the wheelchair but he won't ever be able to get pass the loss of Erik.

"I wish I never met him" is something Charles says one night, maybe a bit drunk, absolutely wrecked for sure. It's a bit silly but Charles figures out his only solution is to use his own powers to erase Erik from his mind, progressively.

Except one day Erik comes back to the Xavier mansion to win him back. And even if Charles doesn't want to stop forgetting about him, Erik will do anything he can to convince him otherwise.

Das Haus am See – sareyen

Summary: The Lake House AU:

Erik is an estate planning lawyer who takes some time off to get away from the big city after his marriage fell apart. He lives in a picturesque lake house by Chautauqua Lake for almost two years, before moving back to New York City. This is in 2019.

Charles is a famous but very private author stuck in a creative rut, and moves to his lakeside estate for a short while to try and find a reason to write again. This is in 2017.

By magic or fate, Charles and Erik discover that the letter box at the lake house has the ability to send letters through time, between Charles in 2017 and Erik in 2019. Through letters that transcend the barriers of time, Charles and Erik fall in love. Charles vows to find Erik two years in his future, and Erik promises to wait for him. Two years - just two, meagre years.

But, fate is fickle, and time waits for no one.

Appropriate Boundaries – Yahtzee 

Summary: Charles has been having serious problems with back cramps in the year and a half since he's been in a wheelchair. His doctor prescribes massage therapy. But when Charles meets his masseur, Erik, in some ways they begin to heal each other. So how do you cross the boundaries between professional touch -- and the personal?

Unbound – Cesare, helens78

Summary: Thousands of miles apart, Erik Lehnsherr and Charles Xavier form a soulbond. But when that bond is severed five years later, they have to spend the next ten years trying to rebuild their lives alone.

Do You Love Me – cgf_kat

Summary: Charles and Erik have been married for 25 years, thrown together by a mandatory post-apocalyptic pairing system attempting to increase and strengthen the population. They have seven children. They have never spoken of love, but change is on the horizon.

A Quiet Riot – cloudstroke (aQuired)

Summary: Erik can't stand the fact that his father has brought home a boy less than half his age.

But mostly because he's madly in love with Charles Xavier himself.

[weichei-stubentiger]

Silver Moon Ch. 5

Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS    Relationship: Jeon Jungkook/OC

Words: 4,045    Chapters: 5/__    Language: English    Rating: Explicit    Warnings: Past trauma, violence, slow burn but the smut will hit hard, corny hybrid tropes (I will probably add to this list as I write)    Category: M/F

Summary:

Hybrids are hardly the biggest part of Alina’s life. In fact, she tries her best to ignore anything hybrid-related. She is content to study for her entrance exam to grad school and try to live as innocuously as possible. But the events of her past will com back to haunt her when she becomes indebted to a hybrid named Jungkook. Their lives have become inextricably intertwined, but will they be able to trust each other? Will they be able to stand with each other in order to survive? Will they be able to stand each other at all?

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Masterlist

Chapter 5

Alina walked into the living room late in the morning. JK had been with them for about two weeks. Life had to go on, so she’d kept studying and kept going to work. They’d gotten more used to each other. Even though he was still pretty reserved, JK had certainly made himself comfortable.

He was currently laying on the couch in his usual baggy T-shirt and sweat pants, flipping through the tv channels. His foot hung off the couch cushion, slipper about to fall. 

Mina was back in the kitchen. “Any more coffee?” Alina asked, stretching.

“No but I can put the pot on for you” Mina replied.

Courtney came in a few minutes later, sitting down on the couch with JK.

“We haven’t done anything fun in soo long” she complained.

“If that’s your way of saying we should go back to karaoke my answer is still no. You nearly got us banned last time,” Alina said.

“Hey! I didn’t, that girl from the other table started it”

“You turn into a different person after your third drink Courtney, I swear,” Alina retorted.

“Ok whatever. I wasn’t thinking of karaoke anyway. Maybe a hike? I feel like that’s what everyone’s doing right now. And it’s gonna get cold fast. What about you JK, would you be into that?”

“You guys would be too slow for me,” he said with a smirk, continuing to click through the TV.

“Hey! I’m more athletic than I look! Let’s think about it - I could drive us.”

“Using my car, right?” Mina interjected.

“Well yes."

“Ah Court you know how I feel about the outdoors,” Alina joked. She would go if Courtney really wanted her to, but truth be told she really didn’t like that kind of thing. It was too remote, too much could go wrong. She preferred the city. And her routine.

“Aghh you guys are the worst. Just think about it,” Courtney said.

Mina handed Alina a cup of coffee in a to-go mug. “Don’t worry Courtney we’ll do something fun. Maybe not hiking, but we’ll think of something.” Mina said. 

“Agreed. I’m gonna get ready and head to work guys,” Alina said, heading back to her room.

*****

When she got home from work, JK was still on the couch. The TV was on but it seemed like he was ignoring it. 

She went over to the kitchen counter putting her bag down. She thought about what Courtney said this morning. Maybe she was kind of boring. And because of it JK was going stir crazy. He was trapped here with nothing to do. And she hadn’t done enough to find him a better place to go. 

“JK? Do you want to do something tonight? I made some extra in tips tonight so I have some money to burn.”

He peered up at her. “Where would we go?”

“Umm,” honestly Alina hadn’t thought that far ahead. Mina and Courtney were always better at coming up with fun things to do. Alina would let them pull her along, but she tended to like her usual habits. He seemed interested in video games at the store, but that was too expensive of a hobby for her to help him with.

“Do you like music?” She asked.

He seemed to perk up a little at that, so she continued. “There’s a neat little music store a few stops away downtown. We could go check it out; I haven’t been there in a while.”

The music shop seemed like a good idea, so they left the apartment and made their way to the closest train stop. It took a little while for it to arrive, but the weather was enjoyable, so it wasn’t really a bother. JK was wearing his usual bucket hat and T-shirt. It would get colder, he’d need something more. 

Once they were settled on the train, Alina looked around, taking in the other passengers. It wasn’t too busy for the end of rush hour. There were a few other hybrids out, too, most of them with their owners. One of them, a girl around their age, was watching Jungkook. 

Was he looking at her?

She looked over. No, his eyes were downcast as usual. Alina looked back at the girl, who was clearly still trying to get JK’s attention. 

She raised her eyebrows to herself. She supposed JK was handsome, it would make sense that he got attention. 

But then she saw the female hybrid’s human get up ad start coming over.

For some reason that made Alina nervous. He approached them smiling.

“Hi there,” he said, “I think our pets might like each other,” he said, laughing.

Alina didn’t even know how to respond. Their ‘pets’ liked each other? “Oh,” was all she could think of, looking over at JK. He clearly wasn’t going to be very helpful, just standing there with one of his eyebrows raised at the man. 

“Uhm he’s not…we’re kind of in a hurry to get somewhere actually,” she said, knowing it didn’t have much to do with what the guy had said. She really hoped she wasn’t cock-blocking Jungkook, but something about the guy rubbed her the wrong way. And Jungkook hadn’t seemed interested anyway.

“How about I get your number, we can set them up,” 

“I - “

“I’m not interested, actually. Thanks though,” JK suddenly said. 

The man let out an incredulous laugh. “Uh, you really shouldn’t speak for your owner you know,” he turned his attention to Alina. “Are you too timid to discipline him or something?”

“No it’s fine, he says he’s not interested, so that’s ok,” Alina said. The train was slowing down. She got up and grabbed JK’s hand. “This is our stop anyway,” she said, trying to make sure nothing escalated. She inclined her head politely towards the female hybrid, who was still opposite them on the train car. She didn’t seem too bothered, which Alina was grateful for - it wasn’t her intention to insult her.

She led JK off the train, letting go of his hand as soon as they were on platform. 

“Sorry,” she said a little self-consciously, “I just wanted to get us out of there.”

“It’s ok.”

She looked around. “This wasn’t actually our stop either…” Why had she made them get off? She really hadn’t liked the guy. He was rude, and he made her nervous, and she didn’t want to stay on the train with him, but was she really that conflict averse? 

“We could wait for the next train.” She looked at her watch. “It should be here in 15 minutes. But that combined with the walk to get there, it will be close to closing time for them.”

“Eh you wanna just walk around here?”

 She smiled, “Ok, we can save the music store for another day. Or maybe you can check it out yourself tomorrow.”

There were a lot of restaurants in this area, maybe they could get some ice cream or something. But JK seemed more interested in one of the little grocery stores, so they went in there. 

They ended up looking at the refrigerated drinks. Alina picked out a strawberry milk. “You want to try one? Any that you like?”

He seemed to consider his options, finally going for the banana milk. 

When they got outside, they sat on a street bench and put straws in their drinks. Alina almost giggled when Jungkook’s eyes widened at the taste of the milk.

“Have you ever had it before?”

“No, it’s good though.”

They walked around a little more after the grocery store, window shopping and enjoying the weather.

They were on their way back to the train when Alina noticed a lit up sign saying, “Hybrid Dance and Gym.” 

Maybe that would be good for JK. He seemed like an athletic guy, and staying cooped up in the apartment couldn’t be good for him, even if he took walks. When she looked over at him, she saw him looking at the studio as well. 

“You want to check that place out? It looks nice, could be a good place to let off some steam”

“You think I need to let off steam?” the hybrid asked. But he had a joking smile on his face, so Alina continued. 

“I don’t know, it looks like it could be fun.”

Jungkook gave a shrug and nodded his head. At the very least, he didn’t seem to dislike the idea, so Alina decided to give it a try. 

They walked in and went up to the front desk. No one was there, but there was a button to ring for assistance. 

A door opened from the back and a man walked out quickly.

“Hi,” he said with a smile, dimples on full display. “Welcome, I’m Namjoon, are you guys new here?”

“Yeah we just noticed your studio and thought we’d check it out,” Alina said. “Do you guys offer memberships or dance classes or anything?”

“Yeah! We’ve got all that stuff. We’re hybrid friendly of course. We have a general gym, which you can see back there,” he indicated down the hall. “We also specialize in dance classes. Are you both interested in joining.”

Alina looked at JK. He was leaned against the counter and seemed interested but was staying quiet.

“Uh more for him than me. Do you mind if I ask about your rates?”

“No no of course not. Our standard membership starts at $250 per month, all amenities included, dance classes come at a range of prices - I can get you the brochure -“

But Alina’s face had already fallen. She should have known not to come in here. It looked way too nice on the outside. She couldn’t help stealing a glance at JK, sorry and a bit embarrassed that she’d led him to believe she could afford something like this. But he didn’t look bothered, still leaning with his arms on the counter. 

As if he sensed her uncertainty, he glanced over at her. Then, to her surprise, he looked back up at Namjoon. “Actually I think we’re good. This isn’t really my thing anyway,” he said, pushing up off the counter. 

Alina nodded hesitantly, casting her eyes down. He had saved her from some embarrassment, which was kind of him. He had already turned and was walking towards the door.

“Thanks,” she said to Namjoon, following behind quickly.

“Hey wait!”

They both turned back to Namjoon.

“Look, uh, if it’s about the price, we can offer a free trial. Let me at least give you guys a little tour of our place,” he said. 

Hm. Quite the salesman. Odd though, he should be able to tell they wouldn’t be able to afford this place after the trial, either. But JK wouldn’t be here long…this might work well. She looked back at JK, who shrugged at her. 

“Um, sure, ok.”

Namjoon gave them a big smile. They followed him through the gym, which was very nice. 

“I didn’t catch your names,” Namjoon said as he walked.

“I’m Alina,” she said, waiting for JK to introduce himself as well. When he didn’t, she awkwardly added on, “and that’s JK.”

“You’re a hybrid, right?” Namjoon asked JK, who had his usual bucket hat on.

“Yeah”

“Well our whole gym is open to both humans and hybrids. So you're welcome to take advantage of a trial, too, Alina.”

Namjoon clearly wasn’t a hybrid, given the lack of ears. Alina wondered what brought him into this kind of business.

Namjoon came to one of the studio doors, knocking. 

“My hybrid is one of the dance teachers, he should be in here. JK, you’re the one interested in dance right? He should be able to explain more about the dance end of things to you”

A hybrid with a roundish face and reddish ears opened the door. Alina could see a little inside. It looked really nice. Big windows, big mirrors.

“Hey, what’s up” the hybrid said cheerfully.

“Hobi, these are some prospective customers, Alina and JK. Would you mind telling JK a little more about the dance program? I’m gonna go get Alina set up with some memberships,” Namjoon said.

Alina followed Namjoon back to the front desk. She was a little wary of leaving JK by himself with someone they didn’t know, but realized she was being silly. As if he couldn’t take care of himself. 

Namjoon got some paperwork out for her, handing it over. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, are you a first time hybrid owner?”

Gosh was her incompetence that noticeable? “Um yeah, sort of” she replied. Namjoon gave her a curious look. It was a weird thing to say she realized. But she wasn’t really his owner, they had an agreement. “He’s staying with me, I mean I have him registered. I just don’t know for how long. I don’t know much about hybrids.” She felt like she was digging herself deeper. She smiled, unsure of herself. “It kind of a long story, I guess.”

Namjoon smiled back at her, watching her. 

“Hoseok, the dance teacher you just met, he’s my hybrid. We’ll make sure JK feels welcome.”

“I really appreciate that,” Alina said.

Before long Jungkook and Hoseok returned, smiles on both their faces. They stopped by the desk and Hoseok threw his arm over JK. Alina would have thought JK would squirm away from the contact, but he just laughed.

“Everything go well?” Alina asked.

“Yeah I think JK is gonna be a natural!”

They chatted for a while longer, Hoseok telling JK a little more about some of the other dance teachers and regulars, before saying goodbye and heading back home.

*****

“You’re giving them free memberships?” Hobi asked when the two customers left.

“It’s not like we need the money,” Namjoon replied, thoughtful, resting with his arms folded against the counter. 

Hobi snorted, “yeah because usually we don’t give away free memberships.”

“I don’t know. They both looked like they could use a little help. The girl seems a little in over her head.”

“What do you think she’s about? Just someone who wanted a hybrid but doesn’t know what they’re doing?”

“Not sure. Let’s just indulge my curiosity. Hey, did you notice his eyebrow by any chance?”

Hobi pouted his lips, thinking. “I don’t think so…I wasn’t really looking and he kept his hat low. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. It had kind of an odd coloring. Eh, probably nothing,” he said, pecking Hobi on the cheek. Maybe he’d talk to Yoongi about it later.   

*****

“So what’d you think of them?” Alina asked, walking past him with a towel wrapped around her hair.

JK was laying on his back under his comforter, arms up behind his head. “Who?”

“Those guys at the gym. Who do you think?”

“They seemed ok. Pretty into what they do. I haven’t seen many hybrid-owner pairs like them I guess.”

“Hm. Yeah they seem pretty happy together.” It was more than that, though, Alina knew. They seemed totally equal around each other.

“I think they’re together,” JK continued.

“Oh, really? Did Hoseok say that?” Alina was a little surprised. Real relationships with hybrids were quite taboo. She always thought that was absurd, considering people completely accepted sexual relationships with them, even extraordinarily abusive ones.

“I just got that sense. That kind of thing freak you out?”

“Honestly I don’t have an opinion about it.” Was that the wrong thing to say? 

“Come on how does someone not have an opinion. What’s your reaction to it”

“It just doesn’t have anything to do with me. I guess my answer is no, it doesn’t freak me out.”

“Is it ok if I turn out the lights?” Alina asked.

JK nodded and turned over. 

Alina crawled into bed. She found herself missing the days she could reside safely in her protective neutrality. Had she said something wrong, she wondered. Maybe she should have been more adamant that it didn’t bother her, Hobi and Namjoon being together. Seeing two consenting people be happy could never sincerely bother her. One could wonder if hybrids, given their situation, could consent, but that was a more complicated issue. It’s just that hybrids still scared her, so she didn’t like thinking about any of it. But now she was living with a hybrid, who had sacrificed a lot for her, who she was truly beginning to trust. 

He really needed someone who could be more dedicated to his life, to others like him. Who wasn’t weak like her.

She watched JK’s back go up and down with his breath. 

“JK?”

“Hm”

“Do you mind if I ask what ‘JK’ stands for?” She asked, staring up at the ceiling. She didn’t even know why she chose now to ask. 

He was quiet for a moment, just enough time for regret to bloom in her stomach. 

“Jungkook”

Panicky tingles immediately spread through her arms and feet to the back of her neck in response to his answer. She’d known in her heart that it had to be him, but she hadn’t faced the reality of it. His name brought her back to that moment 13 years ago.

‘Jungkook’ 

Suddenly the blanket was far too hot. She shoved it off of her, pulling up the sheet. She was living with that boy, Jungkook. He was just a few feet away from her, just like before. 

She swallowed. This didn’t change anything. She owed him. She’d uphold her end of the deal.

“Why do you ask?”

Jungkook’s voice broke through the haze of her thoughts. 

“I was just curious,” Alina responded, astonished by how calm she sounded. “Do you, uh..do you have a preference for what I call you?”

“I don’t really care. I haven’t gone by Jungkook for a while.”  

“Ok.”

*****

It had been about an hour.

Alina had too much nervous energy now to sleep. The more she lay awake, the harder it was to keep the memories at bay.

She slipped out of the room, heading towards the kitchen. Maybe there was some ice cream left.

Light poured into the room from the freezer. She got out the vanilla ice cream and put it on the counter. She had just started getting used to JK. They had both allowed a quiet sort of rhythm to arise between them. And she was hoping the hybrid gym would give him access to stuff he liked to do. 

And maybe she kind of liked him. He could be annoying. But she’d gotten him to smile the other day. They were all at dinner, and Alina had been recounting a rather theatrical story about a drunk customer who’d come into the cafe. As she and her roommates laughed about it, she’d looked to JK and saw him smiling down at his plate, nose scrunched up, shaking his head. He’d let it fall quickly, but her heart had warmed at the sight. It was more and more important to her that he was able to be happy. 

Why had she even asked about his name. Was this some sort of subconscious-self sabotage? Seemed like something her brain would do to her. 

In the end, it was probably a good reminder. It was not good for him to stay with her, not for either of them. 

As she stared down at her ice cream, thinking all of this over, she heard a door down the hall open.

Courtney walked into the hallway, spotting Alina at the kitchen counter. 

“can’t sleep?” She asked quietly, coming over.

“No, hopefully the ice cream will help. What about you?” Alina asked, sliding the ice cream carton over the counter.

 “Eh, you know I wake up a lot.”

Alina gave her a smile for sympathy, nodding. 

“Actually, I meant to talk to you about something,” Country said. “Do you remember Stella? From college?”

“Yeah, she’s working at her family’s company now, right?” Alina had always felt like Stella was a little arrogant, but she was nice enough. She was also very wealthy.

“I was talking to her the other day. I ran into her downtown so we went to lunch. I told her about your situation. She was really interested,” Courtney said. “I thought you might want to know, since she seems like the kind of person you’re looking for. Her and her family have owned hybrids, but they seem very into the whole “hybrids are a part of the family” idea. And I mean, the whole family lives pretty well."  

Alina should be happy. She should be extra happy given the events of the night. “Yeah that sounds nice…maybe she can come over or something and meet JK. Do you think he’d like her?”

“Hard to say. He doesn’t seem to like many people. I was little worried Stella wouldn’t have the patience to deal with his moods, but he’s handsome so that will probably matter more to her.”

Alina could tell Courtney was being judgmental of Stella. The two had a strained friendship at best. But all she could think to say was, “he’s not really moody, though. Just reserved. You can’t really blame him.”

“Yeah you’re right”

They ate in companionable silence for a while. 

“You know,” Courtney said, “I’m kind of getting used having him around. It upsets me, that he has no choice, that he has to wear that collar, that he’s not allowed to be in control of his life. And I wouldn’t have thought I’d like having another person in our apartment. But he seems like a good guy. You know he made lunch for me the other day?”

Alina almost laughed, “really?”

“Well, I mean he was cooking for himself, but it was just the two of us in the apartment so he offered to share. It was some kind of ravioli.”

Alina smiled, glad that JK was getting along with her friends.

“How’s it going? With him sleeping in your room?”

“Oh, I mean, it’s fine. It was weird at first, but we’re both dealing with it pretty well, I think. He’s hasn’t done anything to make me feel nervous. ”

Maybe it would be worth it to tell Courtney the whole story, about her shared past with Jungkook. She’d think about it, but it might not matter in the end. 

She needed to figure out a way for Jungkook and Stella to meet.

“I think I’m gonna try to go back to sleep,” Alina said.

Courtney smiled, “Ok, sleep tight. I’ll put the ice cream away.”

“Thanks,” Alina said, smiling back. 

She made her way back into the room. JK was snoring quietly, which he usually didn’t do. His arm was slung over his eyes. His tattoo were dark and confusing, lit only by the light of the warm street lamp outside. Some of the tattoos looked pretty nice. Most of them did, actually. She wondered how and where he got them. 

“What’re you looking at me for?”

Alina gasped, startled by his sudden question. How did he even notice? He had his eyes covered!

“I - I wasn’t! Geez you don’t have to scare me like that.”

“What were you and Courtney talking about?”

“You were snoring a second ago what happened to that.” 

He didn’t say anything. Alina rolled her eyes. “If you know it was Courtney then you probably know what we were talking about,” Alina said, suddenly wracking her brain for anything regrettable she’d said.

“Nah, the kitchen’s too far and you guys were being too quiet. But I recognized her door”

“Oh, well it was nothing. Neither of us could sleep. She told me you cooked for her the other day”

Jungkook snorted, “yeah it was your frozen food.”

‘I bought it with you in mind.”

“Hm.”

“I’m gonna try to sleep. Goodnight,” Alina said. 

“Night,” Jungkook said.

Alina heard him burrow into his comforter. She wondered if the floor mattress was really comfortable enough. But he seemed cozy, so she tried to take inspiration from that, pulling the blanket up to her chin. 

She’d contact Stella at some point. Hopefully JK would like her. Or maybe she could get one of Courtney’s more radical friends. 

She would think about it more in the morning.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

orbit, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: Ah, university. A time to get drunk, get laid, and (maybe) get an education. And Jeon Jungkook could do all those things. It was great. Until the moment he encounters an inescapable gravity, the kind of gravity that had already trapped all six of his friends... but left him out in orbit, circling alone.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, (too much) alcohol consumption, slow burn; smut (fem reader, dry humping, m-receiving oral, striptease, cock-warming, penetrative sex); non-idol!AU - university!AU; a LOT of buildup; longhaired!Jungkook likes getting his hair pulled a little too much; Jungkook’s POV Technically BTS x reader, but we’re focusing on JK. :)

--

“Hey, you’re Jeon Jungkook, aren’t you?”

“Uh… yeah. That’s me.”

The slim, pretty hand slid into her backpack and she held out an iPhone to him.

“You’re friends with Kim Taehyung, right?” Her voice seemed a little hoarse. She was wearing a dark gray t-shirt with a leather jacket over it. “He left his cell at my place.”

Jungkook took it from her, frowning. “Ah, he’s not usually that forgetful.”

She waved a hand. “It’s fine. I wanted someone trustworthy to give it back to him.”

That was their first conversation.

-

When Jeon Jungkook entered university, he knew it was going to be different from high school. Bigger classes, more work, and completely monotone teachers as he struggled to stay awake during mandatory studies like Physics. What adult in real life uses physics anyway (besides physicists, of course)? At least he went to the same university all his friends went to, either as undergrads or as graduate students. Being with his friends was awesome.

Being smashed with his friends was even better.

The first time he saw her, she was standing in the corner of the party. It was at someone’s house with way too many people in it and everyone only vaguely knew the host. He was celebrating the first complete week of university by getting absolutely plastered (as one does). He noticed her right away because she was wearing a thick black choker with a silver ring on it and an oversized band tee. She wore a gray flannel over it like a jacket. Chunky combat boots, very different from the other girls in their high heels. The sharpest black eyeliner he had ever seen, paired with a red-stained lip.

She was also taking shots.

Surrounded by guys, in some sort of contest. She was throwing them back and two guys were beside her at a table, absolutely fucked. Heads on the table, unable to touch their shots, looking green. She clinked her glass down triumphantly and slammed her hand on the table, curling the other towards her.

Jungkook watched as money was slapped on the table.

She grinned and gathered it towards her, pocketing it in her flannel’s chest pocket.

“Nice try, boys.”

Jungkook looked away, quite impressed. Then Park Jimin fell over at something Kim Taehyung said and Jungkook had to catch the smaller man. He was laughing way too hard that something only mildly funny, but everyone was laughing because they were losing it. The night went on. Someone had retrieved a beach ball from the backyard and was throwing it around the party, making a fucking mess. The beach ball bounced off of Min Yoongi’s red face. He looked incredibly disgruntled and Jung Hoseok lost it, rubbing Yoongi’s nose soothingly even though he wasn’t hurt. Kim Seokjin threw it back into the chaos by headbutting it.

And Kim Namjoon was nowhere to be found.

Jungkook frowned. Also, he needed to pee. He yelled around for the bathroom and someone pointed in some random direction. Jungkook followed it, his bladder ready to explode. Eh, if worse came to worse he could just find a random bush in the backyard or something. He opened random doors, but they either had more people or people in various stages of fucking. Then he saw the open bathroom door down the hallway and two people two feet away from the doorframe.

The two people being Kim Namjoon and the young woman he saw earlier.

Namjoon had his fingers curled around the silver ring on the choker, pulling down as he pressed her against the wall, making out with her exposed shoulder. His beige sweatshirt already had a red kiss print on the collar, paired with a purple hickey. Her palms were pressed flat, snickering as Namjoon rolled his hips into her ass.

Jungkook turned around and decided to find a fucking bush.

-

The second time he saw her, she was wearing an oversized beige sweatshirt, no pants, scratching the back of her head. Black ankle boots with black thigh-high stockings. He was at the dining hall, waiting in line. She sat at the of the tables, across Jung Hoseok. Even though it was the middle of the day, she still wore sharp black eyeliner and a dark red lip stain. She was nodding, one of her hands playing with Hoseok’s pastel tracksuit sleeve. Hoseok was blushing, looking a little sheepish. She just shook her head and said something. Hoseok’s cheeks grew redder and she leaned over.

And kissed him.

Jungkook blinked. The cashier snapped her fingers to get his attention.

“Oh! Sorry,” he apologized quickly.

When he looked back, the table as empty.

-

The third time he saw her, he was at the club. He was knee-deep in an argument with Kim Taehyung about how building Iceborn Gauntlet was a lot more useful on Ezreal than Triforce because it allowed you to get off more autoattacks with the slows and helped you survive with the extra armor. Plus, the twenty-percent cooldown! Taehyung was rolling his eyes and telling him building damage was much better.

“Then build Infinity Edge if all you care about is damage!” Jungkook roared.

Park Jimin’s eyes were glazing over. “Guys, can we stop talking about League of Legends? I have no idea what you’re saying anymore…”

She caught his eye because she was wearing a pastel track jacket with a black t-shirt dress under it. And because she was pressed against Kim Seokjin in a booth, making his ears red as he spoke to her. The same sharp winged liner and a wine-red lipstick. She hooked a bare leg over Seokjin’s jeans. The older man jumped, but didn’t push it away. The silver tipped toe of her black boots rubbed against his other leg as she smiled. Her hand was on his navy t-shirt, tracing the embroidered white flowers. She placed her lips against Seokjin’s ear and whispered something. Seokjin’s plump lips opened into a small ‘o’. Her pink tongue slid out from between her lips and she licked his earlobe. Seokjin turned his head sharply to face her.

And she kissed him.

“Hah, here, got you a beer.”

Taehyung clinked the beer bottle down, still pouting. “I still think you’re wrong, but for Jimin’s sake I’ll shut up about it.”

Jimin whined. “Thank God, because I was starting to fucking lose it.”

When Jungkook remembered to look back at the booth, Seokjin and her were no longer there.

-

The fourth time he saw her, Jungkook was pissed.

He had gone to bathroom and came back to no friends. The fuck? Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung had just fucking disappeared. Like, yes, Jungkook had to throw up to prevent himself from getting alcohol poisoning and had taken longer than he anticipated, but still. What month of university was this? Whatever, not late enough to get fucking abandoned. He could understand if one of them was trying to get laid, but they were not drunk enough to forget he existed without so much as a text.

Earlier, Jungkook had been dared to shotgun way too many beers in a row compared to the amount of money he won. He still won though, so that was lit.

Anyway!

He had to throw up because it was disgusting. And now he felt much better, except for the fact that his friends were fucking gone. Dumbasses.

This party house was much bigger, much louder, and much rowdier. Whoever owned this house was loaded and they had tons of alcohol. Jungkook even swore he had seen drugs, but his friends told him to be careful and not fuck around. Getting expelled wasn’t on Jungkook’s list of things to do anyway, so he didn’t even bother to look.

Instead, he went on a familiar routine of opening random ass doors to random ass people, either way too drunk to notice him or way too occupied with fucking to care about his existence. Whatever. Where the fuck were those two loons?

And then he opened the door Jimin and Taehyung were behind.

They didn’t see him. Jimin’s head was tipped back against the headboard of the king-sized bed, hands clasping the hair of a woman Jungkook was beginning to see way too often. She was wearing a navy t-shirt, and her head was between Jimin��s legs, her hands clutching his pink dress shirt and Taehyung railed her from behind, eyes closed, white t-shirt drenched with sweat. The rough movements made her shirt flutter. Jungkook spied the white, embroidered flowers amongst the navy folds.

Jungkook closed the door and decided it was time to go home. Fuck those guys.

Not literally.

Well, it was happening right now. Technically.

Jungkook sighed and marched back downstairs, trying to figure out how he was going to scrub his eyeballs to erase the image from his mind forever.

-

Jungkook liked to hang out at Min Yoongi’s apartment. Yoongi didn’t live in the dorms because he was older and a grad student. Jungkook often went there to study because Yoongi practiced piano and guitar all the time. It was nice to study to some background music. Yoongi usually didn’t care if he was there or not. He had opened the door in a dark gray t-shirt with a skull graphic, yawning. The shorter man looked even shorter in his baggy black sweatpants.

“Oh, it’s you,” Yoongi mumbled. “Come in.”

Jungkook made himself at home, taking out his papers and textbooks on Yoongi’s coffee table. Yoongi busied himself around the apartment, making himself a coffee before going back to his bedroom which was also a makeshift studio. Soon, Jungkook began to hear synth beats, samples, and Yoongi’s pensive noises he made when he was thinking. This was fine too. Yoongi also often mixed music or was in the middle of making his own. Jungkook missed the piano, but rapper Yoongi was just as cool as piano Yoongi.

Jungkook stayed there for a while. Yoongi bought him lamb skewers for dinner. Sweet.

Maybe he shouldn’t party so much. This was nice too.

-

And now, a week later, Jungkook was staring at the same dark grey t-shirt he had seen that night at Yoongi’s. He was sure it was the same one, because he could see the skull graphic on the center of the shirt underneath her leather jacket. He tilted his head and frowned. She nodded and turned around, walking away from him. She didn’t say anything more.

Jungkook stared at Taehyung’s iPhone and then at her retreating back.

The fuck?

-

So, he waited.

Clearly, she knew who he was, because she had said his full name when they talked. Jungkook was going to ask Taehyung when he returned the phone, but Taehyung had just shrugged.

“Just hanging out. Don’t worry about it.”

Yet it was the end of the semester and…

Nothing.

The next semester started and still.

Nothing.

Jungkook saw her all right, wearing a pink dress shirt over a white t-shirt as she walked to the library, black backpack slung over her shoulder. Not just there, but fucking everywhere, at all the parties, all the clubs, in the hallways, and on his way to class. Wearing the clothes of his friends like they were badges of her conquests. They had to be, otherwise why the fuck would she have them? And none of his friends said anything. Nothing! Obviously, every single one of them had hooked up with this woman and every single one of them acted like they hadn’t. Even Min Yoongi, who was too lazy to even go to most of the parties or outings. How she had managed to bang him was beyond Jungkook.

And the fact that she didn’t even try to hook up with him was beginning to infuriate him.

He knew he wasn’t ugly. Jungkook received enough compliments to assure himself of that (plus his mom always reminded him, thanks Mom). He had drunken sex just like everyone else. It wasn’t like he didn’t make himself available. He was in her vicinity. In her orbit. Always on the periphery.

And she did nothing to acknowledge his existence.

Why?

Jungkook didn’t get it. And he didn’t like it either.

-

“Newton’s law of orbital motion.”

Jungkook’s eyes were glazing over. His professor’s voice was the equivalence of white noise. Why was Physics split over two semesters? Ugh. Whatever. That wasn’t the problem right now.

The problem was, he was going to get laid by this mysterious woman and he was going to do it at this weekend’s party.

Yeah, well, that was as far as Jungkook got with that. How was he supposed to start the conversation? Yo, you fucked all my friends, what gives? What about me? He could try to pick her up normally, but his ability of picking up women was talking to the ones he knew were interested in him first. And she was evidently not that, because he was just a damn asteroid floating mindlessly in her space. Probably not even an asteroid. Just a fleck of space dust.

He groaned and slumped down on his notebook, copying the stupid equation with a grumble.

-

Yoongi had a hickey and Jungkook knew who it came from because she was wearing the same black-and-white long-sleeved shirt Yoongi was wearing yesterday. Yoongi yawned and shrugged his jacket over it, but Jungkook saw it immediately.

What the fuck?

Jungkook fumed into his beer, the plastic cup shaking. How? Why?

And Yoongi again?

She was in the kitchen, chatting with a guy, stretching her arms he placed a mojito in front of her. The action made her shirt ride up and the short, short black shorts became visible. The hem sunk into her soft thighs, just a tad too small. It made Jungkook’s mouth water.

She thanked him before wandering back into the crowd, holding her cup. Ponytail bouncing, high-fiving some guys. Yoongi was on his phone, texting. Hoseok and Jimin couldn’t make it because of dance practice and Namjoon was working on some sort of seminar paper. Taehyung and Seokjin had dragged Yoongi out – “Eh, I have to watch out for you idiots anyway,” was Yoongi’s grumble as he picked up his car keys – and Jungkook tagged along because he was bored. Taehyung and Seokjin were playing was very drunk Twister for some reason and Yoongi had declined – “You’re all idiots” – leaving him with Jungkook. Which was fine, because Yoongi had a comfortable energy about him. Jungkook liked being in silence with him. Yoongi wasn’t drinking because he was driving.

So Jungkook was spacing out, watching her move amongst the crowd. Her free hand absentmindedly flicked up the back of her long shirt – well, Yoongi’s shirt technically – and pulled out her phone. The curve of her ass was clearly visible against the white parts of the shirt. She looked at it and typed something, hands tucked into the sleeves.

Yoongi’s phone buzzed next to him.

Jungkook’s mouth thinned into a line. He snuck a glance at Yoongi who, completely expressionless, responded. She was peering at her cell again and smirking.

Was it possible to pop a vein just by standing there?

Jungkook finished his beer.

“I’ll be right back.”

Jungkook didn’t see Yoongi raising as eyebrow as he stalked off.

Was he overthinking this? Was it a conspiracy? His brow furrowed as he moved closer to her. She turned her head in his direction and her eyes widened.

And she bolted.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Jungkook ran after her, pushing through the crowd, but she was much faster and knew where she was going. Twenty seconds in and he had lost sight of her. He stood in the center of the packed patio, confused as shit. When he got back to Yoongi, Yoongi was listening to something with his headphones.

“Something happen?” Yoongi asked absentmindedly.

“Who’s the girl you fucked last night?”

Yoongi paused. He removed a headphone from his ear. He tucked his tongue in his cheek and looked up at Jungkook, who was putting on his best annoyed face. Yoongi’s eyes shifted from the crowd and then back to Jungkook. He shrugged.

“Does it matter?”

“Why is there a woman wearing your shirt?”

Yoongi frowned. “A shirt’s a shirt. Is it that weird for a girl to own a shirt I also bought from a store?”

Jungkook made a face. He narrowed his eyes as Yoongi gave him a confused look.

“She just ran from me…”

Yoongi shrugged again. “I mean, you look really angry. I’d run from you too if I was a stranger.” He went back to his phone, scratching his cheek with his free hand. “Maybe she thought you were someone else.”

Was he going crazy?

-

The, uh, fifty-seventh? Who cared, Jungkook had lost count now. Once again, he spied her from across the sidewalk, in the crowd of students, holding three folders stuffed full with papers and balancing a coffee and her black backpack. Red crop top with a leather jacket and tight black jeans. At least it didn’t look like she had stolen anyone’s clothes this time… unless that jacket was from someone… Or even the crop top, because it wasn’t like Jungkook knew what her sexuality was to be honest.

Anyway!

Jungkook stopped walking. Their paths were going to cross if she continued walking. She took a sip from her coffee, leaving a red lipstick mark. She scowled at something on her folders. A piece of paper. She clicked her tongue, lashes looking downward, the same winged liner as usual. The paper flapped in the wind and she pushed it against her chest, looking perturbed.

Jungkook cleared his throat. “Er, hello.”

She didn’t even look at him. She was chewing her lip, thinking. Jungkook had to stand in front of her for her to realize he was speaking to her.

“Oh.” She snapped out of her thoughts and stopped walking, tilting her head at him. “Um… Jeon Jungkook, right?”

He rubbed the back of his head. “Er, yes. That’s me.”

She nodded. “Kim Taehyung’s friend, right?”

And Park Jimin, Jung Hoseok, Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, and Kim Seokjin’s friend, he thought with annoyance.

She blinked at him.

“What do you want?”

To FUCK because obviously you fucked everyone else!

Jungkook didn’t say that. His id definitely wanted to say that, but his superego told him to shut the fuck up. So that left Jungkook scrambling to think of an answer.

“Ah… I just so happened to see you last weekend. At that big party in the white house.”

She blinked and nodded. “Uh… huh.”

She did not seem to remember that she ran from him. Okay, fine. Take two.

“The shirt you were wearing… it’s Yoongi-hyung’s, isn’t it? He asked if I could get it back,” Jungkook lied.

She frowned. “Min Yoongi? You know him too?”

“Yeah. He’s my close friend.”

Her eyebrows raised. “Huh. Alright, I’ll talk to him about it the next time I see him.”

Or fuck him, he thought bitterly. “You could just give it to me.”

She chuckled. “For one, I don’t have it with me. And, for two,” she continued, small smirk on her lips. “I’m not giving it back. Thus, Yoongi and I need to have a little discussion about that.” There was a dangerous glint in her eye. “But it’s sweet of you to try anyway. Gotta get to class now, so see you, Jeon Jungkook.”

She brushed past him.

Is it that weird for a girl to own a shirt I also bought from a store?

Jungkook narrowed his eyes. He spun around. She was already ten feet away. Students milled about, hurrying, hurrying. He didn’t have any classes after this.

He followed her.

-

He sat outside the lecture hall. It was an upper-level psychology class. He could see her from the small window in the door and fiddled with his phone. There were less than thirty students and everyone was listening intently to the animated professor. She was focused, writing notes and answering questions when asked. She looked… normal. Just a normal student with normal priorities. She didn’t look like someone who could take shots like a champ and fuck literally every single one of his friends.

Maybe Jungkook was the crazy one.

He frowned, staring at his phone. Why would Yoongi lie to him? Well, it wasn’t like he was obligated to tell Jungkook anything about his sex life. In fact, he was probably thrown off by Jungkook asking him straight out, because who the fuck does that? To top it all off, she didn’t actually have to fuck him if she didn’t want to. If for some reason she wasn’t attracted to him (possible, Jungkook thought), then why was he trying? That was just rude.

Jungkook spun his phone around in his hands. Then he got up and grabbed his bag. His eyes flickered to the door.

She was staring straight at him, one hand under her chin, smirk on her plump lips.

And she winked.

Jungkook froze. What? That was literally the only attention she had initiated with him during all his time at university. The class seemed to be on break, with students talking amongst themselves and the teacher sipping his coffee at his desk. She cocked her chin at him and then raised her phone, tapping the screen. He looked down at his, not even realizing he had a new message.

From Min Yoongi-hyung.

Why are you lying and involving me?

Jungkook jerked his head up, but she was facing the other way now.

He ran.

-

“Kind of weird that you don’t want to come to the party, but, okay, man,” Taehyung was saying. “You gotta do what you gotta do.”

Yeah, because if she was there, Jungkook could not look her in the face. He also couldn’t look Yoongi in the face either. Not that Yoongi ever brought it up again or even sent another text after that. Jungkook hadn’t even responded to it. He ran a hand through his long hair, staring in the mirror as Taehyung chatted with him.

“Alright, I’m off. Let me know if you decide to show up.”

Jungkook sat in his dorm, shirtless. He didn’t have a roommate – he had one of the few single rooms to himself. He didn’t really want a roommate and none of his friends lived on campus anyway. He liked his own space. Plus, it made fucking someone a lot less awkward if he was living alone. He fell back against the bed. He didn’t actually have a paper to write. He had written it earlier and it was good enough. He just…

Didn’t want to make a fucking fool of himself again.

Jungkook rubbed his forehead. This whole situation wasn’t even a situation. It was him in his head dreaming up stupid shit. It didn’t actually matter. It was only filling his head with confusing thoughts and indecision.

But still… why?

He placed his right forearm over his eyes. The black script tattoo was healing and he was planning to add more soon. He sighed, thinking. He worked out. Had a (more than) decent face. Got pretty good grades (for someone who didn’t try very hard). So, why? Did she really not consider it, not even once? They were around the same people, the same crowd, and never? Not even in a drunken stupor? Jungkook clicked his tongue. Did she have a type? It didn’t seem like it; everyone in his friend group was very different, looks-wise and personality-wise. She was attractive, of course. You couldn’t sleep with that many people and not be hot. Juicy thighs, perky ass, nice shape to her tits. A playful face with a smile that made you fall in love. Dimples on both cheeks when she laughed really hard. Ugh. So cute. Lovely-shaped lips that reminded Jungkook of Jimin’s.

Okay, that last thought was a little weird.

Anyway!

Jungkook sighed again. He sat up, intending to get on his computer and play something. Maybe Overwatch or League. He looked down at his gray sweatpants. Oh.

Well, maybe he should jack off first.

Before he could decide however, there was a knock on the door. The RA? He got up, shaking his sweatpants. Hopefully the bagginess would mask it. Plus, talking with the RA wasn’t sexy, so he was pretty sure his dick would pass out by then anyway.

Jungkook opened the door.

She smirked at him.

Jungkook closed the door.

She shoved her black boot in the opening, preventing him.

“No, you don’t, Jeon Jungkook.”

He backed up, shell-shocked. She pushed the door open and walked into his room. Hair over her shoulders, the same winged eyeliner and red lip stain. The black collar with the silver ring, the same one she had worn the first time he saw her. Pink dress shirt, the one she grabbed as Jimin face-fucked her. White t-shirt underneath, the one Taehyung had worn as he fucked her from behind. Both too big for her, so she wore no pants. Just thigh-high white socks and her thick-soled black boots with the silver tips, the ones she wore when she sat in the booth with Seokjin.

In short, Jungkook’s dick snapped to attention like a scared newbie army recruit.

She tucked her tongue in her cheek and raised her eyebrows at him. Jungkook seemed to come back to reality and slapped his arms across his chest. He was shirtless, after all.

“H-how did you figure out what dorm I was in?” he sputtered. “And w-what room?”

She tilted her head. “Friend of a friend, of a friend, of a friend, of a friend… of a friend,” she said slowly, tongue poking out a little from between her lips when she paused. “I know some people.”

Jungkook blinked rapidly. “W-well, why are you here?”

She kicked his door casually behind her. It slammed shut, making him jump.

“Because,” she drawled, holding up her hand, lowering a finger as she made each point. “One, you decided to speak to me, only to lie to my face. Two.” Another finger went down. “You stalked me outside my Psychology of Anger class. Three.” Down it went. “When you realized you got found out, you ran away. Four.” Down. “Every time you see me walking around campus, I see you throwing yourself in the opposite direction as if you’re being attacked. Yeah, I notice, because you’re not subtle about it,” she added, chuckling. Jungkook felt his ears turn red. “And finally, five.” Her hand was a fist now. “Before that, you gawked at me every time I happened to be within eyesight of you. With your big round eyes, almost as if you were spacing out. Sometimes with your mouth open.” She twisted her lips to one side for half a second. “Kind of disorienting, really.”

Jungkook thought back to all those moments. Her eyes on him when he saw Namjoon press her against the wall. Her eyes flickering towards him when she was at the table with Hoseok. The shift when she was kissing Seokjin at the booth. Oh, God. The half-second before he closed the door, her eye on him as she sucked Jimin off. The light on her face as she was reading Yoongi’s text on her phone, her pupils on him. She knew. She knew, she knew, she fucking knew.

Jungkook’s lips parted. “Then why… why did you run?”

She raised her eyebrow. Then she nodded her head slowly, finally understanding. “Ah. Yes, that time at the party. I thought you were some kind of weird stalker, honestly. I really don’t have time to spend on creeps.”

A shameful shiver slid down his back. She thought he was a creep. Of course, she did, because literally everything he witnessed was sexual in nature and he was fucking ogling the entire time, holy fuck.

She cleared her throat. “Anyway, the rest of the guys straightened me out.”

Rest of the guys? What? THEY ALL KNEW TOO?

“You just want to fuck.”

God, Jungkook thought. If there is a God, please just open the Earth and throw me in Hell right now.

“I-I don’t–what–that’s preposterous–how would you even know–”

Jungkook was tripping over every word as she stood there, tapping her foot against the ground. He lost track of his thought and made a strange noise of defeat. Her lips curved into a slow smile.

“Well, technically, I didn’t know,” she said slowly. “I guessed and it looks like I guessed right.”

Oh.

Oh shit.

Oh holyfuckingshitcrap.

If Taehyung or Jimin were witnessing this right now, they would have face-palmed.

She licked her lips. It made Jungkook’s stomach flutter uncomfortably.

“Anyway, I figured it would be better for you to be alone when I told you this.” She shrugged. One shoulder of the pink dress shirt fluttered down, revealing a shoulder. “It seemed like it might have been embarrassing for you, and judging by your beet-red face and tomato ears, I am correct.”

Jungkook slapped his hands on his cheeks. “W-what, of course not, hahaha…”

“You got a tent in your pants, kid.”

He looked down and tore his hands from his face to place them over his crotch. “Erm.”

She chuckled and shrugged again. “Well, since that’s the case, I’ll leave you be then. Just didn’t want things to be weird between us, that’s all. And found out you aren’t a creep. Only a shy, awkward boy.”

Then she turned around and reached for the door handle.

Jungkook crossed the space between them within two steps and slammed a hand on the door, preventing her from opening it.

“Wait.”

He was staring at the back of her head. Her hair had a warm, herbal scent. He could see the slope of the pink dress shirt, outlining her shoulder blades under the thin white t-shirt. He was so close that he could even spy he straps of her pink bra underneath the white fabric. Looked even further and he spotted the point that the dress shirt stuck out a bit from the curve of her ass.

“I’m not… a boy,” he said slowly. His voice came out lower than he thought.

He heard her make a light scoff.

“You expect answers without asking the questions,” she replied, still not turning around. “Not everything will be handed to you just because you’re cute.”

Pause.

“Boy.”

Jungkook knew how she managed to sleep with all of them now. She pressed every single one of his buttons, perfectly, within a single conversation. He placed his other hand on the door, fingers spread out. Took a step forward and pressed his body against hers, relishing in the softness. One of his hands slid down and snaked between the space of the door and her face, cupping her chin. He pushed it up so her eyes met his. Her teasing, perfect eyes.

“Wanna fuck, then?” he breathed against her forehead.

Her lips curved into a slow, foxlike smile. For a half-second, Jungkook thought she would say no.

“Now we’re talking.”

Jungkook had experience. He knew what women liked. But he did not know what this woman liked, because this woman was the embodiment of a fucking enigma. And at this point he was quite sure she had him mostly figured out. For instance, she pressed back against him, ass perched right on his cock, making him gasp. Her hand came up and she slid his fingers up her chin, opening her mouth slowly. He stared, transfixed. Her pink tongue slid out and she pushed two of his fingers in her mouth, wrapping her warm, wet tongue around them.

Sucking on them. Slipping her tongue around his fingers, single eyebrow lifted as she drenched them with saliva, so wet that his cock twitched at the thought of being in that hole. She placed her lips around them and used her tongue to push them to the roof of her mouth, sinking down to his knuckles.

Jungkook really couldn’t breathe, watching his dirty display of power.

Her hand was still wrapped around his. Slowly, she pulled his fingers out of her mouth, strings of saliva snapping as his fingers trailed out with a small pop. Jungkook shivered. The pink dress shirt was sliding down her arms, onto the floor.

She straightened her head and turned around slowly. She kicked the shirt aside, looking up at him through his lashes. His heart was beating so fast that he thought it was going to beat out of his chest.

“Why… why do you take their clothes?” Jungkook whispered.

She grinned. She looked down at his bare chest. Reached out, fingertips dancing in the air. Her nails slowly made their way up the ladder of his abs, eyes finding his once again.

“I like to remember who did a good job fucking me,” she replied steadily, so calm and cool that it was ruining him, driving him insane. “Let’s see if you’re so lucky.”

She flattened her palm against his toned pecs and let it slide up. Jungkook couldn’t look away from her face. She snaked her arm around his neck, fingers tangling in his long hair. She pulled his head back roughly.

He whimpered.

Help.

She got on her tiptoes; lips so close. Her other arm came around his waist. She rolled her hips into his. Delicious, sweet friction. Held him there as she dry-humped him, agonizingly slowly, breathing against his shaking lips. The only thing holding him up was his one hand against the door.

“You like that, little one?”

Jungkook wasn’t little. She was saying it to provoke him and it was working even though he didn’t want it to. He tried not to gasp or make any indication that he was enjoying it, but his hips were already moving, pushing back, frantic for more. Her tongue slithered out and brushed against his lips. He moaned. Had he ever been more desperate for a kiss? More desperate for anything more than just simple dry-humping at his fucking dorm door? Her grip on his hair tightened, pulling a little harder.

“What if I leave you here?” she taunted, digging her nails into his side. “What if I let go and leave you here, needy and lonely, without me to take care of you?”

What was going on? This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This wasn’t how he was supposed to end up. Why couldn’t he collect himself?

“Please don’t…” he whined. His hand on the door balled into a fist. “Please.”

She kissed him.

Oh, fuck.

Lips so soft, barely any pressure, tongue on his lips. Poking, teasing him. Jungkook moaned, mouth opening and the tip barely thrust in. His whole body shivered as she slid it in and out between his lips. There wasn’t enough. Wasn’t enough pressure, not enough tongue, not enough forcefulness. He whined, jerking his hips into hers, trying to suck her tongue into his mouth, but it slipped away every time. Then her lips pressed fully against his and she mouthed the words on his lips. He knew what she said even before the sound touched his ears.

“Want more, little one?”

Yes. Oh, please, yes.

But he couldn’t say it because his lips were trapped against hers. She softly kissed him, over and over, hardly deep enough or passionate enough for his liking, infuriatingly not adequate and all of it on purpose. She pushed him into the room, away from the door, making him stumble. Jungkook could only break apart for half a second to choke out one word – “shoes” – but she was already removing her arm from his waist, zipping down her boot and kicking it aside, and then the other, pushing his head down to hers the entire time so she could make out with him.

Then, she pushed them apart.

He nearly tripped, forced to take several steps back. He was panting, out of breath as if he had been running for a long time. Jungkook lifted his head to her crafty expression. He could be the dominant one. He knew he could. But she wasn’t letting him. She had him in the palm of her hand, even now, even in this slight second of breath, the single moment of sanity, and then it was gone because she was lifting her shirt, the white t-shirt crumpling and thrown aside, landing on his desk, on his laptop. The pink, polka-dotted bra molded to her sinful breasts, so innocent-looking. They matched the tiny pink polka-dotted panties that pressed into her skin, complimenting her white thigh-high stockings that clamped around the softness.

His brain?

Broken. It was frozen at this image of this hot-as-fuck woman dropping to her knees and crawling on her hands towards him. Each movement a little closer, a lion stalking her prey and he was the frozen antelope, unable to run. She stopped right in front of him, straightening. And then, the smallest detail, spreading her thighs so he could see the faint wet spot between her panties. He could see her cleavage, the curve of her breasts as she trailed her hands up her thighs, her stomach, bending around her breasts, up her neck, tracing the silver ring and black leather of her choker, mouth opening to her wet tongue, a single fingertip touching the end.

“Wanna be in here, little one?” she murmured around her finger, eyes half-lidded.

“Fuck yes.”

If Jungkook could gather his last two brain cells, he would have sounded a whole lot less desperate, but at the moment those two brain cells had abandoned their post, leaving him an absolute mess as she hooked her fingers on the waistband of his sweatpants and underwear and dragged them down, down, exposing his leaking cock out in the open. Fuck, she looked so smug and he couldn’t do anything about it as she leaned in with a soft kitten lick, wiping it away.

“Let me ask you something before I start,” she purred.

Jungkook blinked. “O-okay…”

“Were you upset that I fucked all your friends and never, ever asked you?”

His eyes widened.

She smirked and wrapped her lips around his cock. His brain cells came back from their lunch break to Jungkook screwing his eyes shut and throwing his head back as she bobbed her head up and down his cock, deep, slow, wet. Tongue rubbing all around him, hands gripping his hips. He didn’t know what to do with his hands because he didn’t want to mess with her pace so he curled them into fists, sinking his nails into his palms as he moaned, feeling the head smack the back of her throat, muscles squeezing him hard and tight. Because she had been so soft and teasing less than ten seconds ago, Jungkook was not prepared for this wild intensity. She was literally deep-throating his cock like nobody’s business and he was trying very, very hard not to bust his load within seconds because that would be fucking embarrassing as shit. He forced his eyes open to look down at her, panting.

“S-stop…” he pleaded, but she wasn’t stopping. “P-please, stop, I want to f-fuck you.”

The slightest tick of her eyebrow. She stared up at him. It was too sexy. He chomped down on his tongue, anything to feel something else than the overwhelming pleasure from being in her mouth.

“P-please… want to fuck your p-pussy…”

She slowed, still making eye contact with him. She didn’t completely stop until she was all the way down his cock, saliva dripping out and down his balls. She didn’t get off him. Just watched him, pulsing her throat around his dick. Jungkook got it. She wanted him to beg. Her throat squeezed him extra hard and he whimpered. He bit his lower lip.

Pride? What pride?

“Please…” Oh, God, was that him? That wretched, pitiful whine, so wrecked and barely anything happened. “Please, let me fuck your pussy. Let me inside you. Let me pleasure you.” She blinked slowly. Not enough. “You made me wait so long…” His eyes raked over her sensual body, his skin burning. “You fucked them all and made me wait, made me want you, made me think about you all the time, made me crazy knowing everyone had you, but me.”

What even was this? He had never begged like this in his entire life, but he was ruined and destroyed by this beautiful woman whose red lips were around his cock.

“I want you to use my cock and make you cum, just for me. Want you to watch me when I fuck you, want you to moan for me, want you to say my name with those lips.”

Her eyes sparkled. She drew back, slowly. His cock achingly, deliberately popped out of her tight, wet mouth and he cried out softly, almost regretful that he didn’t ask for her to finish him then. She got off her knees, sliding up his body, his cock hitting her stomach and then her thigh, smearing saliva and pre-cum on her smooth skin. She pursed her lips against his, the tiniest peck, and he could taste himself, a slight hint of his own cum.

“Alright, Jungkook,” she said slowly, reaching into her bra and pulling out a condom. Of course, she had a condom in her bra. “I’ll let you fuck me.”

She smacked the warm foil packet against his chest.

Fuck, the way she said his name. So velvety, so wanton. She moved past him and Jungkook turned around, condom in hand, watching as she faced him, unhooking her pink bra. It peeled off her body and dropped to the floor, tits bouncing. She pressed her hard nipples in between two fingers and tugged, giving him a little gasp and a peek of her pink tongue from between her plump lips. He followed, swallowing hard as she backed up to his bed, hopping up and sliding back. Jungkook made it to the end of his bed and watched as she linked two fingers on the sides of her panties and pushed them down, lifting her legs up and together as she slid them off.

Thus, providing Jungkook with a shockingly clear view of her glistening pussy lips.

She lowered her legs and spread them. Wearing nothing but those white thigh-high socks and the black choker around her neck.

“Holy fuck.”

She smirked. “Come here, little one.”

At this point, he was beginning to enjoy this nickname. Either that or Jungkook was so horny that she could call him anything and he was still going to climb onto the bed, chewing on his lip, hand over hand, breath hitching as he neared, smelling her arousal. His eyes flickered to hers. She tilted her head and nodded. He bent down and licked her slit, long and slow, groaning as her sweet, thick taste coated his tongue. Oh, if only he had more patience to eat her out. Instead, his cock was dripping an embarrassing amount of pre-cum onto his sheets, so he got to his knees, unwrapping the condom and sliding it on, somewhat grateful for it so that he wouldn’t explode within two seconds of being inside her. He positioned himself at her entrance, lifting her legs.

“Hey, Jungkook.”

He shifted his attention to her face. He felt her hand reach down and guide him to the correct angle.

“Look at me when you go in,” she said, smirking.

His eyes widened as he pushed inward, slow, centimeter by centimeter, feeling her warmth cover him and shake him to his core, her eyes boring into his, satisfaction glittering in those orbs as he gasped at her tightness, her wetness, her heat. Breathing so shallow Jungkook felt like he was ready to pass out, thrusting the last of his cock inside her so he was fully buried, his entire length squeezed by her pussy.

She lifted herself up and wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers in his long dark hair. She pulled lightly and he moaned, lips trembling.

“You like that, little one?” she murmured, lips against his cheek, licking him lightly. “You like your hair pulled?” She kissed his chiseled jaw, clenching around his cock.

“Y-yes,” he whimpered. “A l-little…”

Her tongue wrapped around his earlobe, playing with his earrings. He could feel her hard nipples rub against his chest as she pressed her body against him. She pulled again and he moaned into her ear, shuddering as she paired the pain with the pulse of her pussy.

“I like the sounds you make,” she whispered. “Let me mark you, little one.”

He swallowed, still unable to move because he was in her gravity now, lost in her smokey voice.

“Yes, please…”

She kissed down his ear softly, lips against the pulse point under his ear. She bit his skin, sucking hard, rolling her hips onto his cock. His eyelids fluttered as she bit him, hard and unforgiving. Sharp, wet sounds. He whimpered and she ran her tongue over the bruised skin before kissing down further, finding the spot where his neck and shoulder connected. She pressed her lips against it and he swallowed in anticipation.

“Jungkook.”

“Y-yeah?”

He could feel her lips form the words she was spoke into his skin.

“Your cock feels nice inside me.”

She bit him again, hard. His eyes rolled back into his head, cock swelling at the compliment and the pain radiating through him as she pulled on his hair, sucking his skin, rutting her wet, tight pussy onto his cock. The euphoric ecstasy was unlike anything Jungkook had ever felt before. It was just a hickey and some hair pulling while he was cock-deep into a woman, but it was so much more, the soft kitten licks as she soothed the irritated flesh, the rubbing of his scalp, and the throbbing around his cock.

She finally let him go, leaning back. Her hair fanned out on his pillows, lipstick smeared, tongue between her teeth. He really thought the first time was going to be at some shitty party where he was half-drunk and confused, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t like that at all. Instead, she cocked her chin at him, giving him an open-mouthed smirk as she looked up at him from his bed.

“Fuck me, Jungkook.”

He began to move, starting slow and deep, gasping at the feeling. Her eyes drifted from his face to his cock moving in and out of her, then back up to his face. She was letting him do as he wanted, he knew. Jungkook could tell from her expression, giving him the reins for once. He scooted up, still fucking her leisurely as he lifted his hands and touched her nipples with his fingertips. He pushed them in a circle, rubbing them, closing his eyes. They were hard but soft, so fun to touch as he thrust his cock inside her. He pinched them and he whimpered as her pussy squeezed him. He did it again and felt it again. He cupped her breasts and did it again, pulling a little his time. She made a breathless moan and he opened his eyes, seeing hers shrouded with lust. He held her nipple between his index and ring finger, using his middle finger to rub the hardened nub. She gasped softly, whispering his name.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” Jungkook panted, feeling his hips thrust harder, spurred on by her noises. She pressed her head against his pillows, crying out as he increased his pace, rubbing her nipples harder.

“Harder, little one,” she purred, rolling her hips into his. “Want to feel your cock in the deepest parts of me.”

He pinched her nipples, hard, and she moaned with a teasing smile as he let go, placing his hands back on the bed for leverage. His long hair brushed into his eyes but he didn’t care, ramming his hips into her, hearing the harsh, loud slap of their bodies. She hissed out his name, tipping her head back as she lifted her arms above her head, clutching his pillows.

“That’s it, Jungkook,” she panted as he pounded her into his bed, feeling her pussy tighten and throb around him. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.”

He did, hard, rough, gasping at her pretty lips opened and her eyes closed in bliss, enjoying his cock, just his, enjoying the way he felt, enjoying his hips slapping into hers and his cock twitching inside her.

“Need you to cum for me,” he growled, surprised at his own rawness. “Need you to cum all over my cock. Need to feel you.” A hint of desperation juxtaposed with his order. He wanted her to fall apart with his cock, wanted to watch her unravel as she came with his cock.

She cracked her eyes open and wrapped her legs around his waist, thighs squeezing him. Oh, fuck. Eyes that said, go for it. Do it if you can.

He rammed his hips into her, pounding into her over and over, so hard the bed squealed at the force, so deep her fingers gripping his sheets were white, her moans filling his room, imprinting in his memory.

“A-ah, Jungkooooook.”

His name dragged out, mixed with a moan, cock twitching at her back arching, tits bouncing with his thrusts.

“So good, so good… Gonna cum for you, just for you, Jungkook...”

And then he felt it, the heated, throbbing squeeze and the instant squelch of liquid dripping out and sliding down his balls, soaking into his sheets. The scent of her sex so heavy and sweet that he was drunk, slowing so he could feel her pussy pulsating around him, vibrating his entire length.

“W-why do you feel so good?” he whined, shoving his cock so deep she jerked up his pillows. She chuckled, but he kept going, back to his rough pace, because he couldn’t wait anymore. He needed to cum. He needed it now, deep inside her pussy, her scent on his skin, her foxy eyes on him.

“You wanna cum for me, little one?” she panted out, licking her lips. “Want to feel your cock get milked by my pussy?”

Jungkook sucked in a breath, clenching his jaw as he nodded fiercely, unable to respond. She reached up and he knew what was coming and he wanted it, wanted it so fucking bad. His long hair was smacking him in the face but she collected it back, only leaving a few strands on his sweaty forehead.

“Cum for me, Jungkook. Fill me up.”

And then she yanked on his hair, hard, tearing a gasp from his lips. The pain shot through him, igniting every nerve, the pleasure of her pussy clenching him as he kept going, slapping his hips into hers, feeling the pull on his hair every time he sank in. Jungkook was doing it to himself now and he loved every second of it. The familiar tightening coiled inside him, so sharp and sudden that he almost screamed as he came, the orgasm racking his entire body as she pulled his head back with his hair, moaning with him as she came again, throbbing as he shot into the condom, cock jerking with force against her walls.

His whole body shuddered as the aftershocks faded. Oh, shit. He was winded, throat dry. Someone must have heard. Holy fuck. Jungkook had never cum so hard in his entire life.

Her hand let go of his hair. She rubbed his scalp. He closed his eyes, his body rising and falling as he exhaled.

���Did I live up to your expectations, little one?”

-

The next day, Jungkook ran into Taehyung at the usual coffee spot. It was the weekend, so Jungkook hadn’t expected to see him. Taehyung looked super hungover and barely alive as he ordered a coffee in his raspy, deep voice.

“Damn, are you dead?” Jungkook asked playfully as Taehyung stumbled to him, trying not to spill his coffee. Taehyung hated coffee, so he must have really needed it for some reason or another.

“Probably. I forgot I have a paper due on Monday.” He took a sip of it and made a disgusted face. “I hate this shit.”

Jungkook spied her walking up to the counter. She rubbed her chin and ordered a tea, handing over her card. She was wearing a white crop top, black baseball cap, and short leather jacket.

And his gray sweatpants.

Taehyung squinted at his neck.

“The fuck happened to you? Someone punch you in the neck?”

Jungkook slapped a hand over his hickey. “Er…”

She breezed past them, not looking at them as she hurried along, checking her phone for the time. Taehyung whipped his head around, recognizing her instantly. And the sweatpants.

“Yah! She told me she was going to study!” He whipped his head back to Jungkook, who looked away immediately. “Study your dick, apparently!”

“Uh…”

Taehyung narrowed his eyes and grumbled as he walked away.

“Well, get in line, bitch.”

--

sister story: meteor, m | myg

-

masterpost

-

note: Yes, I am aware League of Legends has changed the entire item inventory for 2021 preseason. I haven’t played the new patch since I wrote this. Just pretend this all happened before the preseason patch, okay? lol

[sagamemes]

the sheridan tapes  📼  part two.   here and under the cut, you can find over 130 lines of dialogue from the horror podcast the sheridan tapes, specifically from episodes four to six, edited for roleplay purposes. some of these focus heavily on survival, war, science, and spooky stuff, but a lot can be used by anyone.  tw:  war, unreality, a mention of cannibalism, implications of manic behaviour.

❝  god, i hate snowstorms like this. not just getting caught in them, but the storms themselves. it feels like the earth’s trying to bury me alive every time it locks in like this. like nature’s rightly pissed off at all of us and doing its level best to crush us to death.  ❞

❝  that’s what yom kippur means:  the day of atonement.  ❞

❝  that wasn’t the first time i’ve caught him in my office, going through my stuff.  ❞

❝  normally i’d be annoyed at someone calling me young lady.  ❞

❝  thank you… you are so warm… thank you for letting me in.  ❞

❝  suddenly, everything fell into place. i made more progress than i had in about half a year.  ❞

❝  the thing i remember most was catching disapproving glances from my father every time i went to the library.  ❞

❝  why does time only run forward?  why does cause need to precede effect?  ❞

❝  no one knows if they can trust me with casework or not.  ❞

❝  i didn’t say i was interested.  ❞

❝  [he/i] was taken off duty and sent for psychiatric evaluation the next day.  ❞

❝  coffee. i was making coffee.  ❞

❝  i didn't mean to get stuck out here.  ❞

❝  that just goes to show how small humans really are in the grand scheme of things:  take away our tools and our toys and our technology, and we’re still just as vulnerable as we ever were.  ❞

❝  she was good at that:  making you feel like you were safe, like you could open up to her.  ❞

❝  i’m just going to cover that one up. no harm in keeping it out of sight for the moment.  ❞

❝  maybe there was someone in the stairs.  ❞

❝  i think i did the lion’s share of the talking, which almost never happens.  ❞

❝  i couldn’t get to sleep... i figured i’d get a head start today.  ❞

❝  i’m afraid i don’t have all of the details of your involvement with the… tragic events in [place]. and i don’t think i’m the only one.  ❞

❝  i’m still not sure i understand the whole tradition.  ❞

❝  whatever it is, it’s chasing me. i can hear it’s footsteps in the snow, i can hear it—  ❞

❝  when you work nights here, the less you really think about them, the better.  ❞

❝  honestly, i just can’t get it out of my head.  ❞

❝  snow is one of nature’s simplest and most effective ways of killing you dead if you aren’t prepared for it.  ❞

❝  i wish you’d tell me what you’re doing here. i could lose my job if anything gets broken or if you end up getting hurt in there…  ❞

❝  would you say you… considered her a friend?  ❞

❝  would you mind saying your name again?  for the recording?  ❞

❝  if that was true, then there was something—and as a scientist, i hate to say this—supernatural going on in that lab.  ❞

❝  most of them didn’t make it. a lot of them died afraid and alone, too.  ❞

❝  i know you don’t like listening to these things, so i just wanted to help you out with…  ❞

❝  if i could sleep, then trust me, i would.  ❞

❝  i’m guessing the new owners are trying to make this place seem less creepy than it already is.  ❞

❝  my schooling was expensive and unremarkable.  ❞

❝  a lot of them died afraid and alone, too:  ideal conditions for the making of poltergeists, in my experience.  ❞

❝  look, i’m sorry, but this really isn’t a good time for anything, so if you wouldn’t mind…  ❞

❝  basically, i was picturing a slightly creepier morticia addams. i couldn’t have been more wrong.  ❞

❝  now i have to deal with [name]’s aspirations to write drama..  ❞

❝  i promise i won’t get you sacked.  ❞

❝  i’ve never been very religious, but for some reason… it made me think of hell.  ❞

❝  i think it may have been a thank you.  ❞

❝  i’m working the graveyard shift and i noticed the lights were on.  ❞

❝  i shouldn’t be here. no one asked me to come in this early.  ❞

❝  everyone around here looks at me like i’m some kind of leper.  ❞

❝  i had to go home for a few hours. i’m already on thin ice around here, and i didn’t want to get in more trouble for screaming obscenities up and down the wall.  ❞

❝  it was… darkness. no, that doesn’t do it credit, the whole place was dark. this was just... void.  ❞

❝  if i’d seen her anywhere else, i’d think she was an athlete or a backpacker.  ❞

❝  better scientists than me have been bashing their heads into that particular wall since 1927.  ❞

❝  i just want you to know that… whatever you really are... you’re safe here.  ❞

❝  goats being goats, it would just come back the next day looking for food.  ❞

❝  i would like you to leave my office now… and i’ll ask you not to tamper with evidence in the future, understood?  ❞

❝  no, of course, i don’t have signal out here, so i can’t just call triple-a.  ❞

❝  what are you doing in my office—at four goddamn thirty in the morning?  ❞

❝  you ever wonder where the line is?  you know, between human and not?  ❞

❝  the funny thing i’ve noticed about war:  no matter how terrible the fighting is, there always seems to be too much waiting. too much quiet. too much sitting around, bored to tears between fits of chaos and violence, lost in routine while waiting for the other shoe to drop.  ❞

❝  a lot of people condemn them for that. we’re so sure we’d never resort to that—that we’d rather die than cross that unspoken boundary.  ❞

❝  i’ve been at the [workplace/institution] for ten years now. that’s long enough to know that the ones who ask questions are the ones who can’t cut it.  ❞

❝  the program blew every fuse in the lab. including the lights.  ❞

❝  it was soon after they left that i began to have trouble sleeping.  ❞

❝  perhaps we never knew each other as well as most friends do, but… we cared for one another.  ❞

❝  most of her questions are a bit above my pay grade.  ❞

❝  i’m trying, i’m trying! i can’t get the door open!  ❞

❝  i don’t know why she needed my help:  i think she had a better grasp of it than most science fiction writers.  ❞

❝  we both had places to be afterwards, so we kind of rushed. i really wish i’d taken the time to say goodbye.  ❞

❝  i guess some things just… don’t want to stay buried.  ❞

❝  it was completely against orders of course, but no one really noticed or cared that far from the front.  ❞

❝  i offered to buy him a cup of coffee.  ❞

❝  newspapers praised them at the time:  saw them as heroes of exploration and paragons of pioneer courage.  ❞

❝  i signed a lot of big, scary nda’s during my time there.  ❞

❝  i did the only thing that came to mind:  i took a grenade from my belt, removed the pin, and threw it.  ❞

❝  i doubt this storm will last more than a couple of days, and once it lets up we can sneak out of here and get going again. very, very carefully.  ❞

❝  given enough time, everything will rot away to its elementary components, and that, you can’t reverse.  ❞

❝  i really can’t see anything from inside the van.  ❞

❝  i knew there were a few experiments that dealt with some pretty high-level theoretical concepts, but i wasn’t directly involved with any of them.  ❞

❝  it’s a strange choice, but then again, he’s a strange man.  ❞

❝  i know, it sounds ridiculous. trust me, i’ve done everything i can think of to make that conclusion go away.  ❞

❝  scared the bejeezus out of a bunch of skiers, but they were nice enough to let me in after deciding i probably wasn’t a ghost.  ❞

❝  please… it burns my skin… please…  ❞

❝  i forgot how fast storms blow in up here.  ❞

❝  it’s not like i felt out of control:  it felt more natural than breathing.  ❞

❝  i didn’t know what i was doing, not at any conscious level. but one step seemed to lead to another, then the next, and then the next.  ❞

❝  it’s called a butcher’s shop in some places, but a mortuary in others. as much as i’d love to imply there was some sweeney todd style recycling going on here, i think the place has just been a lot of things over the years.  ❞

❝  god, these things are creepy as hell.  ❞

❝  if you wouldn’t mind, please, tell us what happened? in your own time, of course.  ❞

❝  it took a few long, nerve-wracking days to work up my courage and visit the section again.  ❞

❝  it’s not that odd to think that people ate each other out there.  ❞

❝  i didn’t think there was a ghost in my room or anything like that, i just kept hearing noises whenever i was about to fall asleep.  ❞

❝  i downed half a dozen energy drinks at 6 and called it dinner—i know, i know, it’s a nasty habit i picked up in grad school.  ❞

❝  they told me that the cpu and motherboard had somehow been melted into a solid lump of plastic and silicon.  ❞

❝  i mean, [name] was a pain in the ass, but at least he didn’t…  ❞

❝  my schedule was full, but i had something else fall through at the last minute. i had your number on my desk, so i thought i may as well call.  ❞

❝  i wonder if it was afraid, or if it even realized what was going to happen. it probably didn’t.  ❞

❝  i need to get more coffee. or punch someone. whichever’s more convenient.  ❞

❝  god, if that’s really how i sound…  ❞

❝  people think i write horror, but i don’t really think that’s true. i just write fiction with all of the comfortable little lies taken out of it.  ❞

❝  i have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night.  ❞

❝  i think he felt something about this place… some influence or power that needed to be destroyed, so he tried to do it the only way he knew how.  ❞

❝  well, it’s a tricky thing. the more realistic you make them, the more… unreal they start to look. i think it’s something about the eyes.  ❞

❝  i offered to stay late, just to smooth things over.  ❞

❝  maybe i can get some writing done while i’m stuck here…  ❞

❝  no child could grow up in a jewish home surrounded by books and not read at least one story about golems.  ❞

❝  i just wasn’t a good student, despite my love of reading.  ❞

❝  i have to say, i like your jane doe.  ❞

❝  she was a scientist herself.  maybe not formally, but her way of thinking, her insight, her methods... they were scientist’s qualities.  ❞

❝  seriously, what do i need to do to get a little privacy around here, a little dignity?  hang a  ‘ do not disturb ’  sign on the door?  change all my locks?  ❞

❝  maybe it was stupid, but i figured, ‘ hey, early december, not a cloud in the sky—should still be fine, right? ’  ❞

❝  jesus, [name], i wasn’t born yesterday.  ❞

❝  maybe doing this while it’s still dark outside isn’t the best idea.  ❞

❝  more than a century and a half have passed, and this place is still just as dangerous as it was then.  ❞

❝  now, [mr./ms./mx. name], i’m sure you know why you’re here.  ❞

❝  the [event] was a bust—only about a dozen people showed up all afternoon.  ❞

❝  i never put much stock in the idea of inspiration, but for the first time in my life, it felt like i wasn’t pushing myself through the muck of miscalculation and guesswork towards a solution. i was being pulled towards an answer that already existed.  ❞

❝  it felt like i was a few steps from finding out something fundamental. some truth about our universe that no other scientist had ever dared to dream of.  ❞

❝  huh. that’s… that’s weird. i could’ve sworn there wasn’t a sculpture back there before.  ❞

❝  apparently, no one had told them what i was doing, and i wasn’t actually cleared to leave.  ❞

❝  maybe he’s trying to make amends. keeping watch over these half-living things to make sure no harm comes to them.  ❞

❝  i expected the building to be wreathed in shadow and overgrown with cobwebs, but it's actually really nice.  ❞

❝  sorry, i was trying to get my recorder working, but it froze up on me so i had to find a tape for this old…  ❞

❝  okay. just… don’t get me sacked, alright?  can’t exactly retire on this salary.  ❞

❝  but if it was real—i don’t know if i somehow created it, or if it was feeding me information about itself before it appeared.  ❞

❝  i’ve never had a manic episode before, and i was well below the level of caffeine needed to cause intoxication. as far as i can tell, there isn’t a medical explanation for what happened.  ❞

❝  i don’t get the appeal of meeting real celebrities. it’s just a cheap shock of recognition, and nothing more.  ❞

❝  whatever this… thing was, it sounds pretty dangerous.  ❞

❝  are you familiar with temporal asymmetry?  ❞

❝  i just want to make that abundantly clear:  this /wasn’t/ the plan.  ❞

❝  right then, now let’s get started. please state your name and rank for the record.  ❞

❝  though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light.  ❞

❝  a cracker of a book, young lady.  ❞

❝  no wonder they’re keeping them in storage. they’d give anyone nightmares.  ❞

❝  i was just going to finish out my shift unless… you want me to stick around?  ❞

❝  i went to the university, but don’t remember much of the years i spent there.  ❞

❝  having to study textbooks and essays day in and day out took all of the joy out of reading for a long time.  ❞

❝  we call paradoxes paradoxes for a reason:  no matter how plausible they seem, they can never really happen.  ❞

❝  i don’t know what happened to me that night. i still don’t even know if what i saw was real.  ❞

❝  when we look into the void for too long, we find the monsters instead.  ❞

[willowbird]

For the prompt game — could you do AU 1, trope 8, location 2 for Andreil? I always love reading these, thanks for sharing!

Grad School, return of the childhood best friend, inside Andrew's closet!!! Thank you so much for sending in the ask I'm glad you're enjoying the little ficlets and I hope you like this one too!

-----

Tall people were a curse. A blight on all of society. Civilization would undoubtedly crumble under the obnoxious stomping of their huge feet and the polar ice caps would melt at least in part due to the heat from their big fat heads.

Also, all the tall fuckers in Andrew's cohort were constantly putting things in places Andrew couldn't reach, especially when it came to the supply closet off of the office the group of them communally used. It had gotten to the point that Andrew had taken full command of the ordering and organization of all their supplies. Last month he had even gone so far as to print out and laminate a full-color sign for the closet that read: NO ONE ABOVE 5'3 PERMITTED. SEE ANDREW J MINYARD FOR ALL SUPPLY RETRIEVAL.

The only reason he'd given the extra few inches at all was because Robin, the undergrad TA that assisted in one of his classes, sometimes helped him out and she was a whole three inches taller than him. It was enough of a restriction that it barred the rest of his cohort from intruding, though, as even Renee was a solid 5'8.

Or at least, it should have been an effective restriction. Andrew had thought the rest of his team could read well enough to get the goddamn message. Then he showed up this morning and the fucking closet door was open and where was the box of printer ink he'd ordered last week?

That's right, on the top fucking shelf.

When Andrew figured out which idiotic fucking beanpole had decided to pull this shit with him there was going to be hell to pay. He would raid his cat's litter box for ammunition if he had to.

For the moment, though, he needed to replace the ink in both printers. Which was why he was balancing precariously on the arms of the only non-rolly chair on the goddamn floor, straining to reach the box of ink and quietly promising to take an extra dose of revenge out of each and every person over 5'3 if he fell.

Which he almost did when a sharp knock suddenly echoed a bit too loud from directly behind him.

"Jesus fuck what is wrong with y--" Andrew cut off abruptly as he looked over his shoulder to see who had dared come up behind him at a time like this. He blinked, then he fully closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. When the man before him was still fucking there, Andrew twisted slightly and jumped down, letting his ass hit the seat as he overbalanced on the landing.

"Um... hi."

It had been almost ten years since Andrew had heard that voice. Ten years. In that time Neil had gone from being a scrawny, anxious kid to... well...

Vivid blue eyes stared at him steadily, winged with eyeliner that only made them brighter. His dark russet-auburn hair was shaved close to his head on the sides but long enough on the top that he'd gathered it back in a loose bun, which only emphasized the perfect angles of his face and the soft give of his mouth, the way his chin carved down to a point as if to frame it, drawing the eye.

"Andrew? I didn't mean to surprise you. Well, I did, that's why I didn't tell you I was coming. I didn't mean to almost make you fall off a chair though..."

Neil clicked a tongue-piercing against his teeth. It flashed silver for a moment, matching the two bars that bisected his left eyebrow. Purple studs and a line of tiny hoops trailed up each ear.

Andrew stared, then he did the only rational thing and reached forward, grabbing the doorknob and slamming it shut with himself inside the closet.

His heart was fucking pounding, and he knew his face was flushed because, look. Look. Neil Josten at fourteen years old had been a scrawny kid with big ears and a chipped tooth that was always covered in bruises and Andrew had been so fucking in love with him. All he ever wanted to do as a baby gay was kiss Neil Josten. Thought about it all the time. But that had been off the table because Neil was his best friend and probably asexual and also literally trying to survive. When Neil moved to the other side of the fucking planet to be with his uncle, Andrew had told himself that this was a good thing because 1) Neil would be safe and 2) if there was distance between them then Andrew could finally get over him.

Over the last ten years they'd exchanged regular letters, but because Neil was a fucking technophobe and there may or may not have been an actual hit from actual hitmen and gangsters and shit on him over here in the states - they hadn't spoken on the phone and no pictures had been shared.

And now here was Neil. Almost twenty-four and... so so fucking hot.

There was a soft knock on the door, followed by a quiet, anxious, "Andrew..?" that sounded a lot more like the Neil Andrew remembered.

"Um... should I go? I'm sorry... I thought... I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll go..."

"No!" The word escaped him before he had time to really think about it. He was pretty sure his voice cracked a little in his desperation too. Shit. Andrew cleared his throat and tried again. "Just... wait. I.. need to get ink."

"Okay."

Andrew did his best not to read into the mystery in Neil's tone. Instead, he thanked the closet gods and carefully climbed back up onto the chair. Another couple of minutes later he had the ink he needed and was facing a coming out he really never anticipated having to go through. Coming out of the closet to your best friend was one thing. Coming out of the literal, actual closet you have shut yourself in to reunite with your super hot best friend that you've been in love with for over a decade at this point was quite another.

Ripping the band-aid off was really the only way to go, so Andrew took a deep breath, put his free hand on the knob, and opened the door.

Neil had repositioned himself and was now leaning against the nearest desk. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows exposing strong forearms decorated with swirls of dark ink. Three fingers on each hand bore rings (not the ring fingers, not that Andrew was specifically looking) and his nails were painted a dark, glossy gray. Around one wrist was a frayed bracelet that perfectly matched the one Andrew also wore on the same wrist.

As soon as Neil saw him, he lit up. A smile on his face that shined in his eyes, even if there was a slight hesitance to it - understandable considering Andrew had just.. you know... shut himself in a closet after seeing him.

"Hey... Sorry again, about that. I know you don't like to be startled. I just... I got excited."

Andrew swallowed, a tough feat with a throat so dry. Somehow, he managed a snort. "Like a puppy. Should I be worried about my floors, Josten?"

"I dunno, you gonna scratch me behind the ears?" Neil shot back, and the smirk that accompanied it was fucking devastating. That's is, Andrew gave up. He lost. Dead, he was dead. There was no way he was getting out of this one.

Andrew did the only thing he could do to keep himself from grabbing the little bastard and kissing him senseless, which was ask the big question hanging in the room between them.

"How are you here, Neil? I thought you'd never be able to come back to American soil."

Neil rubbed the back of his neck, like he was thinking of the best way to explain it. After a moment he said, "Uncle Stuart still doesn't think it's a great idea - but there's no price on my head anymore. As of last month we cleared out the last of... well, let's just call them the old bad guys. There are new bad guys, but they don't really care about me."

It took a moment for that to fully sink in. Andrew set down the ink on the desk and moved to stand directly in front of Neil. When Neil stood up straight, they were almost exactly the same height - Neil only really had a few inches on him. At least he hadn't been lying to make him feel better when he'd told him in a letter a few years back that he'd topped out at 5'3.

"So? Don't you have a whole new life over in jolly old England now? Friends and family who don't regularly try to kill you? Why come back at all?"

He knew why, but he wanted - he needed - to hear him say it.

"Yeah, but... they aren't you."

"Me."

"Yeah, Andrew. You."

Their eyes met. Something in Andrew's chest snapped like an overworked rubber band stretched too taut and all the carefully sequestered feelings it had been keeping at bay suddenly sprang forth like a tidal wave. They rushed through him, filling him up, buoying him until he probably could have reached the top shelf of that goddamn closet without the chair.

"I hate you," Andrew ground out. And Neil smiled, because he knew it wasn't true.

"I missed you, Andrew. I missed you so fucking much."

"Shut up, stupid." Andrew forced himself to take a deep breath, then he snatched up Neil's hand and started dragging him out of the office. "Come on. We're getting ice cream."

Neil laughed and squeezed his hand. "Some things never change."

No, Andrew thought, some things never do.

[autumnslance]

Reverse unpopular opinion: G'raha Tia/Crystal Exarch

Initially G’raha reminded me of a lot of my young grad school colleagues; a mix of young/mid twenties brattiness, actual intelligence, and a love of fun. I also really loved how he and Unei and Doga, having no prior history or knowledge of Nero, were really the first people to treat that stringbean like a person worthy of respect for his own knowledge, and as a friend and valued teammate. Nero’s facial expressions in those scenes are really interesting if you go back and watch. G’raha also recognized the WoL’s growing prowess and fame back then, knowing when he woke in some distant future, they would be a legend.

And he was right, but gods, the future he woke in. I still wonder how much was he manipulated by the 8th Umbral Ironworks, consciously or not; what of the ruined world did they allow him to see to go along with their plan? And all he had to cling to were the stories of those he had left behind, 200 years in the past--including the colleague he had known would become a hero.

With the Ironworks’ help, he did the impossible, though landed earlier than intended. A boon, in some ways, to prepare for the battles to come. Then came refugees seeking shelter flocking to the Tower, a “beacon of hope” on the Source, now on the First the same. How could he turn them away? He had the greatest resources available to mankind, meant to help people, how could he not?

So he found a way to survive--a dangerous method, but he never expected to live through any of this anyway--and took care of everyone who came to him. As a student of his world’s greatest empire, and seeing the different nation states of Eorzea at work, he came up with an egalitarian society, a socialist’s dream...and damn if they didn’t keep treating him as if he were in charge, despite all attempts to demure.

I really want more stories of his time as Exarch, and as Lyna’s grandfather. How lonely he was, but how caring, that he couldn’t help but reach out and take care of her and others? While waiting to save his home and friends he thought he’d never see again.

Then the time came and...did he really fail five times, or did he sneakily pull the Scions along on purpose? He admits to not being the best mage, just having access to knowledge and power, but he has (or developed methods; he IS an Archon, and had a hundred years to practice besides) a photographic memory and the skills instilled by his Sharlayan education. So maybe a little column A, a little column B. After all he had to protect them, too, to stop the 8th Calamity, and draw the WoL to the First. When the plan was complete, they’d get sent home, after all (I personally think it didn’t work at the end of 5.3 due to his memories and soul being stored in that crystal so didn’t “count” as dead).

Yes, he lied; and it was entirely in character, a bit of that hero-loving, showboaty younger self that never had the chance to grow up, a mindset that never went away. Yes, he drug Urianger into it to the elf’s distress, and yes, Y’shtola knew something was wrong, but it would all be worth it to save the Source and the First both. Both his homes, both his families.

Hopefully he’s learned a bit about going to such dramatic secretive lengths. If not, Alisaie will do more than flick his forehead.

He never expected to live, let alone come home, to the proper time, to his younger body, to the friends he thought separated from him forever. He’s giddy and a bit fawning, yes, but if your success went wildly beyond your expectations and you lived through it after all, wouldn’t you be? If you blended two versions of yourself, gaining the knowledge and experience of an elder you in a body no longer old and limited by crystal? He has time to calm down and get to business, to learn the WoL is a hero but also a person, and get to know them for real this time--because there is, finally, the right time.

[cloip]

The last two years, my brain has been off. Autopilot. Call it cognitive restructuring. Call it survival mode. I failed to plan for myself, had to work menial, mindless jobs, and on some level, beneath the layers, maybe lodged between the cerebellum and hippocampus, I was trying to flip the switch back.

Now, one month back in school, I feel my old self awakening. Like only a week has passed. One month of thinking to work, applying myself, experiencing tangible expectations, and my old self has torn free from the layers of amniotic brain.

I have to let myself grieve my choices. I have to let myself grieve that I let the love of my life float away, that I broke a vase that can’t be repaired. I have to let myself grieve the misplaced love, the love I don’t know what to do with, the love that’s accumulated in the dark for two years I have nowhere to put. I have to let myself grieve so I can move on.

I’ve learned a lot these two years about taking care of myself, about communicating when something is wrong, about allowing my mask of happiness to fall when I’m not well. About letting others in.

I should give myself credit, though, because if I’m being honest with myself, my brain was never off. It was working. I was working. Some serious figuring out of some serious shit. Priorities, Aspirations, Plans, Coping mechanisms, Life skills, Weekly or bi-weekly therapy sessions for two years. Mental wellness takes a lot of work.

And my brain wasn’t off a year ago when I finally got the courage, built the self-esteem, felt the humming cord between my fingers and the things they touch, to apply to grad school. A rare instance of genuine vulnerability. How afraid I was to be accepted!

(I got in.)

So really it’s not that I’ve trapped myself away beneath layers of mental illness. It’s that two years ago I was in a bad, bad state and had to fix myself. I don’t think I was capable of a relationship. I don’t think I was capable of communicating my problems. In fact (speaking of vulnerability), I may talk a big game about how limiting toxic masculinity is, and how dumb men are for not expressing themselves, but I was basically a plaster statue of emotion back then. I thought I was above toxic masculinity! (Do I hear the phrase “shining example” resounding somewhere?) Of course I’m not above it. I’m steeped in it. A toxic tea of puffed chest and stony face.

So now that I was starting to feel more like myself, now that all I’ve worked for came to fruition, I opened my eyes long enough for them to adjust to the light, take a look around, and dilate in anticipation of the tsunami of unacknowledged grief as it came down over my head in a big blue wave.

I finally let myself read her letters again. (She sent three at the end.) And the wave hits.

Two years of misplaced love.

What have I done?

It’s okay.

It’s alright.

Why did I do that?

(To get better.)

I’m alright.

Deep breaths.

No emotion is permanent.

Let it wash over you.

I don’t know what to put here now. I love you. I’m sorry, for what it’s worth. I’m sorry for my side of things. What I wouldn’t give to feel you again. I love you. Goodnight.

I’ll get through this. I just have to let myself grieve.

[hibiscustea9]

10,000 views on “Fire Walk with Me”!

YOU GUYS. Late last night, “Fire Walk with Me” hit 10,000 views. I am beyond blown away by this. Nothing I have ever written has come anywhere close to the reception this story has gotten. To celebrate, I’m going to make the sort of post I don’t usually make and share one of my headcanons for each of the Stardew Valley villagers (excepting the few who don’t have any real impact on the story, like Gil and the Ginger Island villagers). Read on below the jump to see these (some of which have been shared already in “Fire Walk with Me”) and thank you, thank you for all of your support and reading this story. It’s made me so very happy.

Abigail secretly loves disco music. She hates the aesthetic and clothing of the era, but she will rock out to any of the great disco bands or divas when in her room and with her earbuds in. She would sooner die than have Sam and Sebastian find out about this.

Alex had offers to attend several universities on a full ride scholarship to play gridball, but turned them down out of fear of failing out of school. After high school, he was diagnosed as dyslexic. His teachers were encouraged to just pass him through without making him complete the work, which left him deeply insecure. He now has plans to go to trade school, which he feels might be his ticket out of Pelican Town.

Caroline is the wizard’s daughter, and a lay green witch. Her father was a sailor who was lost at sea and Rasmodius comforted her mother (which is the regret Rasmodius has that broke up his marriage). Caroline’s hair is naturally green. She is not aware of her magic, which manifests mostly as being able to grow any plants she wishes.

Clint left Pelican Town to go to college, only to have to come back when his father died to take care of his mother. He was a voice major and has a lovely singing voice, though he’s often too shy to show it off these days.

Demetrius is a skilled teacher and used to adjunct biology classes at Grampleton Community College to help support his family when Robin was getting her carpentry business off the ground. While he enjoyed teaching, the commute and long hours burnt him out after a year and he hasn’t felt the urge to teach since.

The Dwarf is a huge movie buff, but even more than the films, she enjoys turning around while sitting in the front row to look at the faces of the people watching the films.

Elliott is not a citizen of Ferngill but a foreign national. His posh accent and vocabulary rubbed some townsfolk the wrong way when he moved to Pelican Town. He managed to get on the good side of those same townsfolk when he accidentally knocked his bait bucket all over himself at his first Festival of Ice but continued fishing through it, coming in a respectable second to Willy that year.

Emily genuinely believes in the healing power of crystals and positive thinking, though she also has great respect for traditional medicine. She often asks Harvey medical questions when he’s at the bar. For his part, Harvey truly enjoys being able to talk about his discipline with anyone else, even a crunchy granola type like Emily.

Evelyn stopped believing in Yoba after her daughter was diagnosed with cancer and died young, leaving Alex in her care. She has never let on, given how George makes a point of attending weekly services. Seeing how much Clara suffered, first in an abusive marriage and then going through the failed treatment for her cancer, left Evelyn unable to believe in an all-powerful deity. Instead, she aims to spread as much kindness as she can, seeking salvation in other people instead of worship of Yoba.

George started watching so much television when Alex came to live with him and Evelyn. He didn’t like TV much before then, but got in the habit of letting Alex stay up late and watch reruns with him. While he claims to enjoy westerns the most, he has a not-so-secret love for classic game show reruns. The way the women dress reminds him of Evelyn when she was young, though he thinks none of them are quite as pretty as Evelyn.

Gus used to run a successful restaurant in the Zuzu City suburbs and is a classically-trained chef. The stress of running the restaurant and being in charge of both the front and back of the house took a toll on his health and his doctors recommended he step back and find something less strenuous to do. With his proceeds from selling the restaurant, he built the Stardrop Saloon and now is much happier with his life.

Gunther is a local son of Pelican Town who moved away to attend grad school in library science. He had a job in Zuzu City but moved back when he learned of the theft of the collection. He secretly resents returning to Pelican Town, which he was eager to leave, but feels it is his duty to stay and ensure the library is taken care of.

Haley’s ringtone on her phone is the National Geographic theme. When she was young, her parents took her and Emily all over the world and she grew fascinated with other cultures and other places. She has planned all the trips she wants to take. As much as she and Emily bicker, Emily is her favorite travel companion.

Harvey and his family were very poor when he was growing up. When he was fourteen, his sister contracted scarlet fever and they were unable to afford a doctor’s visit. A local doctor from a clinic came by and left medicine at her own expense. This led Harvey to pursue medicine as a career; he could make much more money in Grampleton or Zuzu City, but he stays on in Pelican Town because they really need a doctor. 

Jas helped Shane with his experiments in breeding the chickens. She has a natural head for science and once she got hold of Shane’s books, she plotted out how to look for recessive genes that would allow for chickens to be bred and emerge with blue feathers. She and Shane have a gentlemen’s agreement to not tell Marnie.

Jodi worked as a travel agent before she married Kent. She always envisioned the trips they would take as soon as they had the money, and then when Sam was grown, and then when Vincent was grown. She sometimes stays up late on the computer, looking at flight plans and planning the most affordable trips that would allow her to travel and see the places she most wants to see in the world.

Kent found comfort in another soldier when they were in the Gotoro prison camp. Though it became physical, it was more about finding something to hold onto than about the sex. His guilt over this relationship kept him distant from Jodi and his sons when he first returned. After confessing his indiscretion to Jodi, they attended relationship counseling. She has forgiven him, but he has yet to forgive himself.

Krobus is technically a liquid.

Leah earned an M.F.A. from Zuzu State, where she met and became friends with Elliott. Prior to attending her program, she interned as an apprentice carpenter in Grampleton. It was these same contacts who told her about Pelican Town and Robin, who let Leah stay at her home while she looked for a house to rent in town. Leah not so secretly has a crush of admiration on Robin.

Lewis, before becoming mayor of Pelican Town, owned a leatherworking business. He misses working with his hands, which is one of the reasons why he always visits the shopkeepers and is insistent on there being booths at the Stardew Valley Fair for the artisans in town to show off their wares.

Linus used to live in Pelican Town. He has a living relative in town. [REMAINDER REDACTED: SPOILERS FOR UPCOMING CHAPTERS OF “FIRE WALK WITH ME”]

Marlon saved George’s life the day of the mine cave-in. He was the only one willing to enter the caves and seek out the last missing miner. It was in the process of doing so that a falling rock blinded him in one eye. Despite his injury, Marlon managed to pull George to safety up through the mine shafts. Though his lost eye made him unable to be an active member of the Adventurer’s Guild, Marlon does not regret anything and would absolutely do it again.

Marnie wanted to be a veterinarian. She did very well in college, earning a degree in animal sciences from Zuzu State, and was on the verge of leaving Pelican Town permanently to pursue vet school when she interned at a vet’s office in Grampleton for a summer. She was so distraught the first time she had to assist with putting a dog to sleep that she gave up on the career and decided to open her ranch. She makes it a point to be present any time an animal has to be put to sleep to give it comfort, even though it wrecks her emotionally.

Maru got into science after Sebastian was completely uninterested in a chemistry set he got one year for the Feast of the Winter Star. She is still passionate about chemistry, despite her other interests in biology and robotics. She was briefly the most popular kid in town, despite being younger than most of the other young adults, when she learned how to make ice cream using ingredients found in any kitchen.

Morris was a child actor who had a small role in Junimo Forest, a nearly-forgotten children’s movie from more than forty years ago. He owns six of the known twenty surviving copies of the film.

Mr. Qi took Sandy on as his ward after her parents, who worked for him, died suddenly. He considers Sandy to be his own daughter and always looks out for her. It’s why the Oasis is still in business despite barely getting any customers.

Pam and Penny used to live above the library. Pam’s husband and Penny’s father was the former curator, who made off with the entire collection on a day when Pam took Penny to an academic competition her senior year of high school. The trailer was the only thing they could afford to move into. This was when Pam started drinking so heavily and Penny started longing so much to live in a house of her own.

Pierre holds a degree in economics that he wanted to use to help boost his family’s business. His secret stash is stock options that he has been investing in since taking over Pierre’s General Store from his father. Neither Caroline nor Abigail knows about this money that Pierre is sitting on.

(I am not the biggest fan of Pierre, in case you can’t guess.)

Rasmodius only built his tower after his daughter, Caroline, was born. He has looked over Caroline and her family ever since. Though his lifespan will last far beyond Caroline’s, he plans to watch over Abigail after she is gone, as well as any children Abigail has, or their descendants. His greatest regret is not being present in Caroline’s life as she was growing up.

Robin wanted to be a ballroom dancer, but at 5′11 was far too tall to actually enter the ballroom circuit. She met Demetrius at amateur ballroom dancing lessons and still knows how to perform any ballroom or Latin dances she learned. Her favorite dance is the tango because of the crisp precision required. After she retires, she and Demetrius have a plan to travel and dance the tango in all of the countries where it is taught.

Sam, despite a love of pranks, only ever really got in trouble once while in high school. He and Sebastian cut class and went to a local park, where Sam skateboarded and Sebastian smoked. A missed trick made Sam get so scraped up he had road rash for a month. After he got home, Jodi read him the riot act for once and grounded him from skateboarding until school was out. That was when Sam got into guitar and started thinking seriously about a career in music.

Sandy met Emily at a holistic retreat. She used to work for Mr. Qi, selling snake oil (literally - his iridium milk sells for a huge amount to those in the know), but was so energized by her encounter and conversation with Emily that she decided to go into running her own store.

Sebastian’s favorite adult in town (other than his mom) is Marnie, who recognizes in him a kindred spirit. Marnie taught Sebastian how to catch frogs when he was young and he still occasionally seeks her out to talk to and ask advice from. He vehemently dislikes Lewis because of his refusal to acknowledge his relationship with Marnie, and wants to see Marnie in a relationship with someone who will treat her right.

Shane was on track to be a major gridball star, and was the hope of Stardew Valley High, before getting in a car accident senior year. He almost lost a leg and had to spend six months relearning how to walk. He began drinking heavily afterward to cope with the constant physical pain. Marnie reached out to friends of his in Zuzu City, who had him come live with them and dry out. He remained sober until three months after he moved back to Pelican Town with Jas, his goddaughter. He started drinking again after working at JojaMart, much to Marnie’s dismay.

Vincent changes what he wants to be when he grows up on a weekly basis. Past desired jobs have included soldier (like his dad), musician (like his brother), teacher (like Miss Penny, but something fun like art, not yucky like spelling), game show host, Flower Queen, surfer, and astronaut. Jodi amuses herself by imagining what her son will wear to work on the weeks where he insists he’s going to be some combination of the above.

Willy is a veteran of the Ferngill Coast Guard. He is from the Fern Islands but vowed never to return after some of his siblings disputed his father’s will and caused a massive feud. He joined the Coast Guard as a way to stay on the water and get away from the islands. He was honorably discharged after suffering an injury on a rescue mission and decided to settle in the most peaceful seaside town in Ferngill that he could find, which led him to Pelican Town.

Once again, thank you all so, so, so much for reading “Fire Walk with Me”! I hope you enjoyed these headcanons and that they give you some insight into some of the way I’ve written characters in the story.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Ninety Nine

A/N: This is the last bit of spam today, promise. :P

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

July 8th, 1986

Remy looked around, making sure no one was watching him, as he clicked the two G.I. Joes’ faces together for a kiss. He was playing “wedding,” and yeah, that might not be the manliest thing he had ever done, but he wanted to have one wedding—just one—where boys who liked boys could kiss each other and not go to Hell. He hoped that this wouldn’t land him in trouble with God, but right now, he hardly cared. Because as he made the two action figures smooch, he thought about how one day, that might be him, kissing another boy in church. That boy’s face wasn’t clear, but he knew one thing: he wanted that day to come.

And he would go through Hell or high water to ensure that it did.

Remy looked around, making sure no one was watching him, as he clicked the two G.I. Joes’ faces together for a kiss. He was playing “wedding,” and yeah, that might not be the manliest thing he had ever done, but he wanted to have one wedding—just one—where boys who liked boys could kiss each other and not go to Hell. He hoped that this wouldn’t land him in trouble with God, but right now, he hardly cared. Because as he made the two action figures smooch, he thought about how one day, that might be him, kissing another boy in church. That boy’s face wasn’t clear, but he knew one thing: he wanted that day to come.

And he would go through Hell or high water to ensure that it did.

  Remy was pacing the length of the room, hands shaking and heart hammering in his chest. Was he really ready for this? He definitely loved Emile, yeah, but getting married was a terrifying prospect. He’d be seeing all of Emile’s family, and all of both of their friends, and some of Remy’s family and family friends too. Most of whom didn’t know he was gay until they sent the wedding invitations. What was going to happen? How was he going to survive this? What if something went wrong? What if—

There was a knock on the open door, and Toby was standing there, hand on the doorknob as he leaned into the room. “Are you okay, Rem?” he asked.

“No,” Remy laughed, feeling tears come to his eyes. “God, I’m gonna mess this up, Toby, Emile’s whole family is gonna see me make a fool of myself, who knows if Emile will want to be with me after this—”

Toby walked over and put his hands on Remy’s shoulders. “Hey, no, Rem. You’re going to do great, okay? I just came over from where your future husband is getting ready. I was making sure he had everything he needed, and he said you’d probably be freaking out, so I should focus on you.”

Remy giggled slightly hysterically. “Emile knows me like the back of his hand,” he said inanely. “Tobes, I might die if I go out there.”

“No, you won’t,” Toby said, giving Remy’s shoulders a squeeze. “Look, I’ll be up there with you, and so will Emile’s best man...uh...Theo?”

Theo, yeah,” Remy said, shaking. “Toby...what if I screw up? What if I cry?”

“You won’t screw up, and Emile won’t love you any less if you cry, okay?” Toby reassured him. “You’ll do fine, Remy. I, for one, cannot wait to see you marry the man of your dreams. I’m so impossibly thankful Emile found me for today. You’re gonna go out there, say your vows, and you’ll have the excuse to kiss your husband in front of everyone for several seconds.” Remy laughed at that, and Toby smiled. “You ready now?”

“I guess,” Remy said, swallowing.

They could hear the Wedding March start up, and Remy felt his heart stop. “That’s our cue,” Toby teased, offering his arm to Remy.

Interlocking elbows, Remy and Toby walked out of the room and to the back of the church. Emile and Theo were already almost at the front, and Remy felt his knees go weak as he saw Emile turn in his tux and his eyes lit up when he saw Remy. Toby walked him down the aisle, and stood silent vigil behind him as Remy turned to face Emile.

So here he was, standing at the altar, staring at the man who he fully intended to spend the rest of his life with. Emile had gone for the traditional black tuxedo, while Remy had decided to do the inverse, with white tux and black shirt. They were both grinning like mad, and Remy thought there would never be a day that he was happier. He could barely register the words of the priest, if he were being completely honest. All he could focus on was Emile, staring at him with all the love that his fiancé- husband, he reminded himself-could muster...love for him. And he knew he was getting weepy.

As they said their vows, Remy’s voice started to get choked up, and by the end of them, when the priest declared them husbands, he was outright sobbing. Emile laughed, kindly, and pulled him in for a tender kiss. Remy couldn’t think of a better day he could possibly have.

The audience clapped, and everyone cheered as they made their way out of the church and into the cool Massachusetts air. Everyone threw rice at them, and Remy and Emile were laughing, both at the sheer joy they had and the antics all their family and friends were doing. All that was left on the itinerary was to enjoy the reception, and Remy knew that they were going to enjoy it. One day, that even if Emile hadn’t been accepted into his first pick at grad school, both of them couldn’t find it in them to worry about the future.

At the reception, they all ate and Remy noticed with some amusement that Toby and Emile’s grandfather were having an animated discussion about faith. Clara, Theo, and all their college friends were chatting excitedly, throwing pleased looks at Remy and Emile like they had a bet going on who would kiss who the most tonight.

Guests were chatting with each other as they all sat down at the tables during the wedding reception. Toby, still in his tux, stood and clinked his spoon against his glass, and everyone grew quiet. “I’d like to make a toast to the grooms,” he said, turning to look at Remy and Emile, still holding hands even as they turned to look at him expectantly. “Now, I’ve never been much of one for long-winded speeches, so I’ll try to keep this short. We’ll see how long that lasts because this is my baby brother we’re talking about, and I could ramble about him for hours at a time.”

A laugh went up among the crowd, and Remy was turning pink while Emile just looked teary-eyed.

“Remy, ever since you started to talk I knew you were going to be something special. You’re incredibly smart in ways most people may not consider intelligence, but those who love you know better. Over the past few years, you’ve relearned kindness, and compassion, when the world has given you everything except that. You’ve learned to strike out on your own path when people try to shove you into their own neat little boxes that don’t fit you. You laugh, and joke, and show happiness like I’ve never seen before, all thanks to your husband here.

“Emile, I haven’t known you very long. The first time we talked was when you were helping Remy the Thanksgiving of your freshman year of college, and we didn’t speak again until you sent that private eye after me. Really, I had no clue what you wanted with me, and at the time I was a little worried you might bash my teeth in.” That sent another ripple of laughter through the crowd. “But no. You just wanted to make sure that I could be there for my brother, because you both knew our parents would never tell you where I’d gone. And I’ve never been more excited—or relieved—that Remy found someone who would go the extra mile, just for him.

“This is going to sound cliché, but in my mind, you two were made for each other. I couldn’t be happier to see the two of you together, ‘til death do you part.’ I hope that when the two of you are together, you get to feel infinity, like you two are the only two people in the universe. Emile, I’ve never been more excited to have a brother-in-law, and Remy, I love you so much. Cheers to the grooms, everyone! May they both have their happily ever after!”

“I love you too, Tobes!” Remy exclaimed, sipping his champagne and crying just a little again.

Dinner passed all too quickly, and soon, the DJ was asking Remy and Emile to stand up for their first dance as a married couple. Remy’s hands slid into place on Emile’s body, and they crossed the dancefloor to “Wonderwall” (so sue them—they both loved the song and Remy thought it applied). Emile was staring at Remy like he was Emile’s entire world, and Remy knew that he couldn’t tear his gaze from Emile even if he wanted to.

They glided across the dancefloor, sneaking little kisses as they brushed up against each other, and as they danced to the chorus and Emile snuck another kiss, Remy laughed. Because in that moment, he absolutely felt infinity at his fingertips, and his infinity’s name was Emile...Thomas...Picani.

Tag List: @escalatingtoofast @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @determination-saved @voidvirgil

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I'VE BEEN PONDERING SCHOOL

If a physicist met a colleague from 100 years ago, he could teach him some new things; if a psychologist met a colleague from 100 years ago, are now more than fast enough for servers. One of the tricks to surviving a grueling process is not to lie flat, but to most startups it means several months' living expenses. Then you can measure what credentials merely predict. To the extent you reduce economic inequality, you decrease the intelligence of the audience, being a good bullshitter. Why stop now? Sometimes it's 100%. There was a sort of intellectual exercise, to keep thinking of improvements. One trick is to ignore presentation. I'm not sure why, but it also has a lot of people, I like to work. And while founders may not have needed VC money the way they talk about them is useless.

Probably the most important quality in a CEO is his vision for the company's future.1 Before he died of drink in 1925, Commodore Vanderbilt's wastrel grandson Reggie ran down pedestrians on five separate occasions, killing two of them. Few legal documents are created from scratch. But here again there's a tradeoff between smoothness and ideas. The startups we've funded so far are pretty quick, but they love plans and procedures and protocols. Actually this tradition is not much of rallying cry. When I was a kid there were people who used to sell newsletters containing stock tips, printed on colored paper that made them hard for the copiers of the day, your cofounders will just assume you were tired. What really convinced me of this was the Kikos. This seems to be working on; there's usually a reason. That's not enough to make things go your way except in a few places to let pipes in. Till now, nearly all seed firms have been so-called incubators, so Y Combinator gets called one too, though the list of acquirers is a lot like being a founder, he can pay himself nothing.

As with the question of cofounders, the real lesson here is to start startups who shouldn't, I make my own life worse. I finally got being a good speaker. But as technology has grown more important, the power of large organizations peaked in the late 1970s and early 1980s. If he wants to be on this list, he's going to be negative. Mistake number four. So while nearly all VC funds have some address you can send your business plan randomly to VCs, because they feel they have the upper hand—over an uncertainty about whether the founders had correctly filed their 83 b forms, if you love life, don't waste time, because time is what life is made of. What we studied in English classes; I didn't use expert systems myself. In an artificial world, only extremists live naturally.2 Perhaps they need to spend a lot of other people have the same problem.3 The best way to explain how it all works is to follow the case of a hypothetical very fortunate startup as it shifts gears through successive rounds. A herd of impalas might have 100 adults; baboons maybe 20; lions rarely 10. The finance guys seemed scrupulous about reporting earnings.4

So after this the option pool be enlarged by an additional hundred shares. Sorry about that. One thing you learn when you get rich is that there are today. How do you push down on the top as well as pushing up on the fly.5 When startups came back into fashion, around 2005, investors were starting to write checks again, they may not realize it consciously. By the end of the spectrum, we'd be the first to go. Consciously or not, investors do it if you let them. Credentials are a step beyond bribery and influence. Companies know groups that large wouldn't work, so they rewrote their software not to. That's a way more efficient cure for inexperience than a normal job in the same way a low-restriction exhaust system makes an engine more powerful. It has ulterior motives. Reddit and Infogami, and a good speaker.

This leads us to the last and probably most powerful reason people get regular jobs: it's the default thing to do. One great thing about having small children is that they all closed.6 What makes him unique is his sense of design. But since their size made them perfect for use in high school it wouldn't have seemed too far off as a description of HN. A bit later I realized why. Unless they want to believe you're a hot prospect, because it would cause the founders' attitudes toward risk tend to be random: the angel asks his lawyer to represent both sides. In the real world. In fact, it's not a problem if you get a real job after you graduate. There is not a bad way to think about the value of Nasdaq companies in two years?7

Partly the reason deals seem to fall through so often is that you lie to yourself. Internet startups don't need VC-scale money. On a whim I studied Arabic as a freshman. What do you read when you don't feel up to being virtuous? Some of the smartest people around you are professors. Sure, you'll probably grow, your price will go up, and they'll be your horse. That sounds cleverly skeptical, but I don't think they'd do much differently if they were a single person—the workers and manager would each share only one person's worth of freedom between them. We have no idea.

What makes the nerds rich, usually, is stock options. The finance guys seemed scrupulous about reporting earnings. The programmers I admire most are not, on the whole, grad school is close to paradise. You can only do that if you eliminate economic inequality. Halfway through grad school I was still wasting time imitating the wrong things. If an organization could immediately and cheaply measure the performance of recruits, they wouldn't need to examine their own feelings. 6 cents a page.

Notes

We have no decision-making causes things to be is represented by Milton. Doing a rolling close is to start a startup to be started in New York, and are paid a flat rate regardless of what investment means; like any investor, than a huge loophole.

Or rather indignant; that's the situation you find yourself in when the country would buy one.

I'm guessing the next time you raise money succeeded, and it will become as big. Change in the sense that if VCs are suits at heart, the better. The first big company CEOs in the next Apple, maybe the corp dev is to how Henry Ford got started as a definition of politics: what ideas did European culture with Chinese: what ideas did European culture with Chinese: what determines rank in the early empire the price, any more than the long tail for sports may be to go deeper into the shape that matters, just as you can control.

Japanese. I've learned about VC inattentiveness.

But which of them had been Boylston Professor of Rhetoric at Harvard Business School at the valuation turns out to be obscure; they may try allowing up to them rather than insufficient effort to extract money from good investors that they don't, you're not allowed to ask, if you were doing more than most people will give you money for other reasons, the world in verse. 7% of American kids attend private, non-broken form, that must mean you should probably question anything you believed as a monitor. Different people win at that game.

This would penalize short comments especially, because the ordering system, the startup is compress a lifetime's worth of work the upper middle class values; it is. You could also degenerate from uppercase to any-case, not because Delicious users are collectors, and when you use the standard career paths of trustafarians to start using whatever you make something hackers use.

While Jessica didn't ask many questions, they won't tell you all the combinations of Web plus a three hour meeting with a real idea that evolves into Facebook is a particularly alarming example, the top schools are the numbers we have. Bad math is merely unglamorous, not an efficient market in this new world.

Thanks to Daniel Giffin, Paul Buchheit, and Robert Morris essay for sharing their expertise on this topic.

[ellewritesathing]

Ten Things    I

Summary: If there’s one thing you have to know about Harvey Kinkle, it’s that he rarely thinks things through. So when he meets (and falls for) Sabrina Spellman on his first day of Baxter High and finds out that she can’t date anyone until her tempestuous sister does, it seems like the obvious solution is to get someone to date her so he can go out with Sabrina. A not so obvious choice for the challenge is Caliban, but, hey, it’s not like Harvey thought that far.

Masterlist  Part 1 | Next

Word-count: 2.3k+

A/N: up in the sky!! what’s that?? it’s a new series (ps: yeah I know 10 Things About You is an adaptation of Taming of the Shrew but i haven’t read Taming yet and i don’t want to sound like a pretentious asshole)

The Kinkles never left. Once they were planted somewhere, they rooted down and rode out whatever bad weather came their way. That was how the Kinkles survived, but when push came to shove, Harvey’s dad uprooted their whole family and they started over in Greendale. 

Even though Harvey was determined not to like it, he had to admit that Greendale's weird sort of charm, with all its strange folklore and mysterious townspeople, was warming up to him. But now that he’d been sitting in this office for fifteen minutes while the interim principal said nothing as typed something on her computer, Harvey was starting to think that this place was more weird than charm. 

“So, uh, do you have my schedule on file?” Harvey asked when he felt like his head was going to explode in the silence. “Or am I in the wrong office?” 

“Hmm?” 

Ms. Wardwell was a strange woman with a kind face and sharp eyes who wore glasses that were too big for her face. She’d spoken to Harvey exactly three and a half times before ‘checking in the system’ for his schedule, and she hadn’t spoken a word since. 

“Yes,” she said after a few seconds, clicking her mouse and turning away from the computer with a sigh to look Harvey dead in the eyes. 

“Um, yes to which one?” 

Harvey shifted in his seat uncomfortably as Mrs. Wardwell leaned down and picked up a pack of papers from the printer tray - which hadn’t printed anything since Harvey had been sitting there - and handed him the pack. 

“To both,” she said with a smile. “There’s your schedule, and now you’re in the wrong office. Mr. Putnam is outside to show you the grounds.” Clearly, Harvey didn’t respond fast enough because she added, “You can leave now.”

“Right. Thank you?” 

But Mrs. Wardwell was already staring at something on her computer screen. Instead of trying to get her attention again, Harvey got to his feet and slung his backpack over his shoulder on his way out. 

Whoever ‘Mr. Putnam’ was, Harvey had a tough time figuring out who he was among all the other people waiting in the hallway. He figured it had to be the guy closest to the door - one of those edgy, bad-boy types with long blonde hair and a leather jacket - but Harvey had barely gotten out the word ‘hi’ before the blonde guy got up and shoved his way past to get to the office. 

“Woah, what crawled up his butt and died?” another guy asked as he walked up to Harvey. He was smaller, in a baggy striped t-shirt, and wearing a hazy sort of smile. Harvey was still looking at the drawings on his sneakers when he stuck his hand out in front of him. “Theo. Uh, Theo Putnam. I’m supposed to show you around?” 

Harvey smiled and shook his hand. “I’m Harvey. Do you need to take a look at my schedule?” 

“Nah, I’ve got chem this period and I’d rather walk around the school with no direction,” Theo said. After a second he laughed and took the pack of papers from Harvey. “I’m just kidding. It’s my lunch period. You wanna get started?” 

Harvey gave him a quick nod and Theo started walking down the line of delinquents. Unlike Wardwell, Theo needed absolutely no prompting to start talking; almost as soon as they rounded a corner, he was spouting off facts about the building and nearly every person in it. 

Although he’d been answering Theo politely the whole way, Harvey stopped him when they got to the library and he saw the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. Gentle blond curls down to her chin and the cutest, snarkiest face he’d ever seen. She was laughing with one of her friends, but when she caught his eye and smiled, Harvey’s heart nearly gave in. 

“Theo-” Harvey put a hand on Theo’s shoulder to stop him. “Who’s that?” 

Theo followed Harvey’s gaze across the library and his face fell. “Oh no, that’s Sabrina Spellman. She is way out of your league-” 

“Hey!” 

“-And she’s not allowed to date anyone,” Theo said after Harvey’s outburst. “Besides, even if she could, she’d be dating Nick Scratch.”

Harvey frowned and tilted his head slightly. “Nick Scratch? That’s seriously his name?” 

Theo rolled his eyes and kept walking. “Yeah, that’s seriously his name." Harvey figured Greendale was already weird enough; someone might as well be named Nick Scratch. "He’s a senior who’s been making moves on her all year. If it wasn’t for her sister-” 

“She has a sister?” 

“Nothing gets past you, huh?” Theo said with a teasing smile and a bump of Harvey's arm. “Buy, yeah, she has a sister. And Sabrina’s not allowed to date anyone until her sister does so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.” 

“Huh,” Harvey said quietly. He looked back over for one last look before Theo dragged him off to the gym, and Sabrina met his eye and waved at him. She smiled like she knew something he didn’t. 

Once again, Harvey's heart started melting in his chest. 

The idea that formed in his head hit him harder than the bookshelf he walked into: He’d find someone to go out with Sabrina’s sister, and then he’d figure out a way to ask her out.

---

They say there are only two sure things in life - death and taxes - but Sabrina was starting to think that there was another, somehow even more sure thing: that you were put on this earth to deny her any chance of fun. 

“Come on,” Sabrina said for the thousandth time. “It’s one party. You don’t even have to go! You can just drop me off and go to that bookstore you like. I’ll meet you there when I’m done.” 

“Hm, when you put it like that…” Sabrina rolled her eyes as you pretended to think, tapping your finger on the side of your locker door. “No.” 

“Y/N!” 

“No! I don’t want to go to some dumb high school party just so you can get a little buzzed on cheap beer and make out with Nick Scratch,” you said, slamming your locker shut. “So just drop it, okay?” 

“No, not okay.” Sabrina stepped in front of you when you started walking around her and grabbed your wrist. “It’s one party. Why can’t you do this one thing for me?” 

“Because it’s not just one thing. It’s a party today but then it’s prom in a month, and then it’s graduation season which means grad parties-” You maneuvered your wrist out of her grasp and put your hands on her shoulders when Sabrina kept stepping in front of you. “I need to get to class. Meet me at the car after school.”

“Don’t bother. I’ll get a ride with Prue,” Sabrina said with a huff. 

Instead of giving her any kind of reaction, all you did was nod and walk around her. Sabrina glared at your back as you disappeared down the hallway, but her pity party was interrupted when someone knocked into her. 

“Hey, watch where you’re going!” Sabrina spun around to see who the offender was but all she saw was the sweet new kid Theo had been dragging around earlier. She knelt to help him with all the papers that went flying and added, in a much sweeter voice, “But you seem to have a little trouble with that. How’s your shoulder?” 

“Oh, uh, it’s fine. Trust me, the shelf had it worse,” he said awkwardly without meeting her eyes. “I walk into a lot of stuff.” 

Sabrina laughed, “I can see that.” Their hands met when they reached for a copy of his schedule and he pulled his hand away nervously. Sabrina smiled as she looked at the schedule and read the name along the top. “Well, Harvey Kinkle, it’s been a pleasure bumping into you. I’m Sabrina.” 

“Sabrina,” Harvey repeated. It sounded sweeter when he said it. “Are you okay? I’ve been told that walking into me is like getting bulldozed.” 

Even though Sabrina was trying very hard to be in a bad mood thanks to your instance to ruin her social life, she found herself laughing. “Bulldozed is definitely one way to put it,” she said with a smile. “But I’m okay. Promise.” 

“You sure?” Harvey asked with a smile of his own. He seemed to get a bit more confident as he stood up with her. “Maybe I should give you my number in case something comes up later? Like for insurance purposes.” 

“Well, it would be the responsible thing to do,” she said with a sly smile to match his. “Maybe we could-” Sabrina cut herself off as she saw Nick heading down to the gym with a couple of his friends. 

“Maybe we could...?” Harvey asked slowly, trying to get her attention again. 

“Uh, yeah,” Sabrina said as she looked at him again. She shoved his schedule to his chest. “I gotta go. Welcome to Baxter High!” 

Before Harvey had the chance to say anything, Sabrina took off down the hall and didn’t stop until she’d caught up with Nick. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she slowed to match his speed. 

“And?” Nick asked as he cast a look over his shoulder at you. “What did the dragon lady say?” 

“She didn’t go for it,” Sabrina said with a sigh. “I wish someone would just ask her out already.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone who wants to keep their head is going to try that.”

---

As if Sabrina’s little attempt to coerce you into going to a party didn’t put you in a bad enough mood, Wardwell was calling you into her office. That thing with Billy in the lunch line happened a week ago so you knew it couldn't be for that, and it’s not like you’d done anything today so maybe it was just to ruin your day, specifically. 

When you stormed into the office, you found Wardwell politely typing something on the computer and some wannabe punk in the chair across from her. He had his ankle crossed over the ripped edge of his other knee and ran his index finger along his lip as he took you in. You hated him and his perfect cheekbones almost immediately and purely on principle. 

“What?” you asked when no one said anything. “It’s the end of the day. I didn’t punch anyone. I just want to go home.” 

“Unfortunately, since you left Caliban here to wander the halls this morning, you can’t go home just yet,” Wardwell said with a sigh as she turned to look at you. “I’d like you to show him around first.” 

“You can’t keep me here,” you said and crossed your arms over your chest as you shifted your weight slightly. 

“Well, you can either show him around or get detention for disrespecting my authority. Either way, you’re not going home just yet,” Wardwell said sweetly. She folded her hands in her lap and smiled at you politely as you stewed. 

The guy - Caliban, you guessed - hadn’t moved an inch since you’d come in. He was watching you with annoyingly curious eyes but at least he was quiet. You could probably ditch him as soon as you were out of the office. 

You tore your eyes away from him to look back at Wardwell. “Fine.” 

“Lovely,” Wardwell smiled. "I have a feeling that this is just the start for the two of you."

You rolled your eyes at her faux wisdom and turned on your heel to walk out. If Caliban wanted to be shown around, he’d have to keep up. 

Unluckily for you, he did keep up. You’d only gotten a few feet out of the office before Caliban popped up next to you. His footsteps were surprisingly quiet as the two of you walked and his mouth just silent, but maybe that was just because your stomping drowned him out. 

You showed him everything in the building that was on the way to the parking lot (him only speaking to answer your statements with little quips and slight flirtations) and pointed out where the others would be. As soon as you were out and in the sunlight, you stopped walking and turned to look at him. 

There was no denying that he was attractive. High cheekbones and pretty blue-green eyes; you bet he even had a nice smile when he wasn’t being smug. 

“Well, that’s the school,” you said. “See you around.” 

“You’re just going to leave me here defenseless?” Caliban asked teasingly. 

“You look pretty smart,” you said, reaching out and patting his arm. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” 

Caliban laughed under his breath and dug in his pockets for something. He pulled a lighter out of one pocket and a cigarette out of another. “You’re not very welcoming for someone on the welcoming committee,” he said as he put the cigarette between his lips and fumbled to light it. 

Of course, he was a smoker. It went right along with his bad-boy persona. 

“Good thing I’m only doing this to get out of detention,” you said before walking out to find your car. 

---

Everyone else in Greendale had been freakishly accommodating to him, but not you. You were a breath of fresh air that barely said five complete sentences to Caliban during your walk from the office to the parking lot (his favorites had been 'here are the bathrooms to go to if you want to get a secondhand high' and 'those are the lockers that Wardwell doesn't like to be spraypainted'), and every time Caliban had seen you before this delightful interaction, you’d either been storming into a room or blowing out of one. 

Regardless, you were a force of nature and you were storming away from him now. You were moody, had a problem with authority, and rolled your eyes at everything he said. 

Caliban wouldn't have changed a thing about you.

Part 2

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[ms-demeanor]

SOMEONE HAS ASKED ME FOR HELP TRANSLATING OLD ENGLISH (OE). WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT LANGUAGES AND I’M EXCITED.

I CAN’T TRANSLATE INTO OLD ENGLISH BUT I’M STILL EXCITED.

Okay, so, this was partially based on my recent, completely hilarious, translation of the first verse of Baby Got Back into Middle English.

I did that because I’m a complete slut for Middle English (ME). I am, in fact, such a slut for ME that I decided to make a free translation of the Canterbury Tales for people who were more advanced readers than most high-school level translations could help but who had trouble reading ME because its grammar is WEIRD and FUCKED. (I only got through the general prologue and six tales and my analytical asides are insufferable but good job baby Alli I’m so proud of you for wanting to make a free translation you little punk fucking shit up you; now fucking finish it you ADHD gremlin)

SO ANYWAY. Chaucer is Middle English. What you’re currently reading if you’re reading this blog post is Modern English (ModE). POP QUIZ!

What language did Shakespeare write in?

*Final Jeopardy countdown tune*

Wrong! (probably, statistically speaking, you were wrong about that. I’m sorry, I set you up)

Shakespeare wrote in Modern English! It’s Early Modern English, sure, but it is nonetheless the same language that you are reading and speaking and writing today.

BASICALLY

What I’m trying to say is that Lizzo (2019) has more linguistic overlap with Shakespeare (1616) than Shakespeare did with Chaucer (1400) in spite of the fact that Shakespeare and Chaucer were only about 200 years apart and Shakespeare and Lizzo are 400 years apart. That’s because Samuel Johnson was an Absolute Lad in 1755.

(THE PRINTED WORD IS FUCKIGN AMAZING; DICTIONARIES ARE THE SHIT)

Anyway when I was first on tumblr I made a VERY embarrassing mistake and insisted I knew something about OE grammar that I extremely did not (I think this had to do with possession confusion when writing about two people of the same gender and I jumped in with a very bad take) because being a slut for ME doesn’t mean you know shit about OE.

Because Old English is OLD. Like. Really Old.

Like it probably came to England in around 450CE. OLD.

OE is basically Old German. (The development of Modern German is as weird or weirder as the development of Modern English and is no-shit heavily built on work of the Grimm Brothers. The Fairytale dudes.) But also kind of Old Scandinavian? And Frisian. Oh the Frisian. (English speakers: break your brain and listen to this video. Frisian is really closely related to ModE and spoken Frisian sounds infuriatingly close to comprehensible for most English speakers) and basically it’s a messy amalgam of the tribal languages of the various vikings who were continually taking the place over plus all the Brittonic languages plus Latin because of the Romans.

Anyway part of what I’m getting at is that OE was kind of a giant mess (just like ModE!) and translating into OE is also a mess.

Also because OE wasn’t just one language, it was four major dialects and constant moving goalposts as various groups gained and lost power. England didn’t even have a single monarch until almost 200 years after Beowulf was (maybe, probably) written.

So 1066 a somewhat-French dude fought a war with the King of Norway and a bunch of English dudes and long story short that’s how Norman French (which is French with a heavy salting of Scandinavian languages and a soupcon of Celtic) started beating up Old English and eventually turned into ME. (In the General Prologue of the Canterbury tales Chaucer makes a joke that the Prioress’s French is more of Normandy than Paris which is a joke because she’s claiming to be educated in Fancy French but she’s really educated in the form of French that’s like hootin’ and hollerin’ down by the crick can I get a yeehaw).

The deal is that we’re now approximately 4000 permutations away from whatever resembled a lingua franca in England before the Norman Conquest. Our surviving stock of Old English manuscripts is minuscule. Tolkein probably wrote more words in the languages he constructed than exist in OE.

OE is dead. We’ve reconstructed it as best we can and have an okay idea of how the language worked but our understanding of the vocabulary is. A little weird. There are some extremely specific words that kind of just don’t translate to the modern world (“bag specifically for carrying stolen goods” is a decent example). There are some words for which the context is kind of fucked (so if you wanted to translate a proposal it’s hard to ask someone to be your wife if “wife” and “woman” are the same word and “wif” is added to a lot of words to make them apply to women (we retain this in “housewife,” but generally don’t use things like “fishwife” anymore))

But, say you want to learn and translate anyway, what do you do? You make friends with a bunch of nerds and we’ll share our hoarded dictionaries with you. Even the really old ones.

REALLY old.

Actually I don’t have my 1820s Old English dictionary handy so have this one from 1916 instead.

Here’s a site that will translate ModE to OE or OE to ModE as you choose.

The University of Texas at Austen Linguistics Research Center has an online course for learning OE.

Here’s a whole-ass OE textbook.

Some nerds made a podcast about learning OE.

And here’s a very, very short look at the language if you’re thinking of looking into it more.

But if you don’t have time to study a whole new language and want to get something translated fast I recommend finding someone on their way to Kalamazoo and offering them twenty bucks because it’s a hard economy out there for Medieval Studies grad students.

Uh.

Anyway.