#ANYWAY i just get a lot of emotions thinking about how iruka lived that night and remembers it

[alichiraku]

I've been havin' dreams 

Jumpin' on a trampoline 

Flippin' in the air 

I never land, just float there 

As I'm lookin' up 

Suddenly the sky erupts 

Flames alight the trees, spread to fallin' leaves 

Now they're right upon me

You ever get haunted by a visual? Because I’m always thinking about Iruka during the Kurama incident.

[rinneganwritings]

Never Far Away; Chapter Twenty Three: You're Lost Little Girl

Word count: 3,254

Summary: Tamako returns to Konoha and finds herself struggling with how to cope.

Warnings: Angst

Masterlist

It was early morning when Tamako arrived in Konoha. She felt so ashamed when she walked through the village gates. It felt like everyone was watching her with curiosity, as if she was some sort of rarity that has never been inside the village. The guards at the gate narrow their eyes at her, and her face is flush when she looks down. Tsunade and Shizune are walking away from her, after a very difficult goodbye. While Tsunade didn’t want to send Tamako home, she knew it would be best for the young woman to be with her sister and her team now.

The walk to the Hokage’s office felt so long, and Tamako just wanted to run away again. She feels like she’s not meant to be here. It’s almost like now people would hate her even more. She figures Sasuke will probably never talk to her again, and she figures he has every reason to feel that way.

Finally, she makes her way into the Hokage’s office and Danzo is the first person to greet her. He’s got a sour look on his face, and he seems like he just wants to spit in Tamako’s face. Tamako barely looks into his eye before he begins scolding her.

“You think chasing after an international terrorist is a good idea? You so desperately wanted to desert your village, and you were almost branded a rogue ninja. Do you have any idea how much embarrassment that is for Konoha?” He’s yelling right at her, but she can barely keep her feelings under control.

Tears are brimming her eyes as she just continues to look down. She doesn’t even know how to respond to him. Her heart is so broken right now, and just returning home is making everything worse.

“If it were up to me, I’d have you--” Danzo is interrupted by Lord Third.

“Thankfully, it is up to me. Danzo, you may take your leave now.” Hiruzen speaks up as he enters the office. Tamako looks up at him with tears in her eyes.

Danzo wants to continue yelling at her, but he knows better than to overstep his boundaries with Hiruzen. It could turn ugly very quickly if he were to get too rough with the young woman. With a final icy glance, Danzo leaves the office and shuts the door behind him.

“Tamako,” Hiruzen says as he sits down. He lights up his pipe and watches the young girl.

“Please forgive me, Lord Third. I was foolish and I wasn’t thinking and you have every right to punish me. I’ve brought so much shame to my clan and to Konoha,” Tamako can’t stop the word vomit that comes forth from her.

Hiruzen sighs as she continues to blabber on. He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes with her as he did with other citizens of Konoha. Sometimes, they tend to defect because they are lacking compassion or love. With Tamako, she just needed a little guidance. He thinks she could learn a lot from her own sister.

“I’d like to tell you a story, if I could.” Hiruzen finally speaks, and Tamako shuts up immediately. She nods and he continues to smoke his pipe.

“Once, long ago, there was a team of three students. They all had different abilities, and they all grew up together. From the outside, it would almost seem like they were the perfect team,” Tamako is very attentive now.

Hiruzen comes closer to her, “There was one of the students who felt like they were alone. They had lost their parents, and felt like they couldn’t handle death any longer. They wanted to make sure that their comrades would never die.”

“Orochimaru,” Tamako responds, and Hiruzen smiles sadly.

“He went too far with his research. He no longer wanted to save his loved ones, he now wanted to have immortality and to know everything.” Hiruzen continues. He places his hand on Tamako’s shoulder and gives a comforting squeeze.

“Orochimaru thought he was alone, even though he had his teammates and the rest of Konoha and even students of his own. He went off by himself because he thought he was above all of that,”

Tamako raises her eyebrow, wondering how this has anything to do with herself. She’s just worried she might be in so much trouble right now, and she’ll never be able to do anything without supervision.

“You and Orochimaru do share some similarities, yet I know that you were not trying to hurt anyone. I know that the loss of Itachi Uchiha has made you suffer, but you need to know that he isn’t the same person anymore.” Tamako lets those words weigh on her.

“Please, I’ll never do anything like that again. Itachi is different.” Tamako pleads, the tears returning.

“I know you won’t. I’d like for you to go home and get a good rest. Once you return to a routine, I’d like for you to start training to become a jounin. If you had a team of your own, I think this would help you.” Hiruzen mentions this, and Tamako can hardly believe what she’s hearing.

“Are you sure?” She asks.

“Yes. Now return home, and get rested up. You’ve got lots of training to catch up on.”

Tamako takes this as her cue to leave the office, and she bows to the Hokage before she exits the office. Her heart is heavy with emotions as she walks down towards her home. She’s not sure if she’d rather have Yumiko be home or not home. It’s just not something that she’s come to terms with yet.

She finds herself torn between relieved and sad when she finds the door locked. It doesn’t take her long to find the spare key under the mat, and she unlocks the door while continuously looking behind her. Tamako is feeling just a little paranoid.

A strong wave of emotions hit her all at once when she finally enters her room. It’s the same as it was the night she left. She lets her bag fall to the ground before collapsing on the bed. It too has not been touched since that night. Tears leak from her eyes as harsh sobs escape from her.

She’s breaking down and nobody is here for her. Nobody is here to console her when she needs it most. She’s blaming herself and thinking about how ridiculously stupid she was to leave the village for Itachi. He didn’t love her anymore, and he probably never even loved her anyways.

When Yumiko returns home with Iruka, she’s a little confused as to why her front door is unlocked. She feels a little apprehensive, until she hears crying coming from Tamako’s bedroom. Iruka gives her a confused look, and they both walk slowly towards the bedroom.

On the bed is Tamako, hitting her pillow and cursing. She’s crying and barely notices Iruka and Yumiko walking into the room. But when Yumiko gasps in surprise, Tamako stops everything and sees her sister for the first time in a long time. Her heart stops breaking for a moment.

“Yumi!” Tamako calls out, sobbing.

Yumiko has tears in her own eyes as she holds onto her baby sister. They both cry a little as Iruka gives them a moment to themselves. He’s happy to see Tamako has returned to the village.

“Yumi, I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have left the village, can you ever forgive me?!”

Yumiko rubs Tamako’s back soothingly as she tries to shush her sister. It’s so heartbreaking to see Tamako this way. It’s been so long since she’s seen her cry like this.

“You are not stupid, Tamako. Of course I forgive you. You mean so much to me,” Yumiko whispers quietly as Tamako continues crying.

“He never loved me, Yumi. He never loved me. I was an idiot to believe that.” Tamako continues crying, and Yumiko just does everything she can to comfort her.

“Shhh...Tamako, please don’t cry. You don’t need to worry about that anymore,”

Tamako hiccups a few times while she tries to get her breathing under control. She’s sniffling and her eyes are puffy and red. Yumiko chuckles slightly at her pathetic state, and Tamako laughs as well.

“I’m sorry I put you through all of this. It was so stupid of me to assume that Itachi was going to be the same person,”

Yumiko frowns, “Tamako, don’t worry. It’s all over now.”

It was Tamako’s thirteenth birthday. While most of her friends were present, Itachi Uchiha was the only person missing. Yumiko had tried to get in contact with him to come to the party, but she couldn’t reach him no matter how hard she tried. She found it so increasingly annoying seeing as they lived in the same village.

Nevermind that, Yumiko thought. He knows what day it is, he’ll show up.

But as the day continued on, it became apparent that Itachi had just forgotten or was much too busy with the ANBU to even make an appearance. Tamako tried her best to keep up appearances and seem happy, but inside she was breaking down. Yumiko was getting very frustrated by this. She expected that Itachi, of all people, would understand how important it was for Tamako.

When all the guests left, Tamako walked over to the bathroom. She started up the shower, stripped herself of her clothing and got into the warm running water. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the running water kept her sobs quiet. It was hard for her to keep up her facade all day, but she knew she had to pretend to be strong.

Why Itachi never made it was beyond her comprehension. He had been busy with the ANBU and some rising tensions within the Uchiha clan, but she never suspected that he’d miss her birthday. Even Sasuke showed up, but he had no excuse for his older brother.

She sat in the shower, allowing the water to wash away all her pain. It was devastating enough that her best friend and crush didn’t even have any time for her anymore, but for him to completely miss her birthday was almost unforgivable. She wished that Itachi had never joined the ANBU. It seemed so pointless to Tamako.

When Yumiko knocked on the bathroom door, Tamako didn’t answer. She knew her sister would worry, but she also knew that her sister would understand why she wasn’t exactly in the most talkative mood. Yumiko did worry, but she tried to give Tamako all the space she needed.

It was so bittersweet to Yumiko. Her little sister was a teenager now, and she really was starting to grow into a young woman. It seemed like only yesterday she was a little baby in their mother’s arms. Yumiko remembers that day very fondly. But on the other hand, her heart hurts a little for Tamako. Being rejected by someone you love isn’t exactly the best birthday gift to receive.

Finally, Tamako gets the courage to turn off the shower. She slowly dries herself off and gets dressed in her comfiest pair of pajamas. She makes her way towards the living room, where Yumiko is just reading a book and sipping on some tea.

“Yumi,” Tamako says tentatively. Yumiko looks over at her sad little sister.

“Yes, Tamako?”

“Do you think Itachi hates me?”

Yumiko frowns when she hears this, but she opens up her arms to allow Tamako to come snuggle with her on the couch. Tamako lays her head on her sister’s lap while she struggles to not cry once more.

“You know that Itachi doesn’t hate you. He’s just been very busy lately, and I’m sure he’ll make it up to you.”

Tamako looks up at her, “Really?”

Yumiko smiles, “Of course.”

Tamako is feeling very similarly to the way she felt that day. It’s been hours since she’s been home, and Yumiko has been taking pretty good care of her since she got home. Things are a little awkward, but they manage to talk about what’s been going on since they last saw each other.

“I just don’t understand what’s happened with Itachi,” Tamako mutters to herself as they eat dinner that night.

“Tamako,” Yumiko says in a firm tone. Tamako looks at her plate. “I told you not to dwell on that any longer. It’s over now, you are home.”

“But I just---” Yumiko won’t even let her finish.

“I told you to stop it. It won’t bring Itachi back. He’s chosen his own path, it’s time that you move on and do the same!” Yumiko is already regretting raising her voice.

Tamako starts crying once more, “Maybe I should have just stayed gone. Nobody cares that I’m home anyway!”

She runs to her room, locking the door behind herself. As she tumbles onto the bed, she finds the stuffed animal that Itachi bought her years ago. It’s a little worn from the years of love, but she holds it to her chest as she cries herself to sleep.

It’s hours later, and she’s awoken from a terrible nightmare. She keeps dreaming of Itachi ever since he told her he never loved her. That scene keeps playing over and over in her mind. It hurts her so terribly.

She makes her way over to the window, looking up at the moon. It’s bright and beautiful. The perfect backdrop to this melancholic night. Tamako looks everywhere in the night sky for a sign of a crow. If only Itachi would give her a sign that he was lying to her to protect her.

And yet, the moon just stays the same. It’s like it's mocking her. She wants to run away again, but she knows it’s not the right answer. Tamako feels like she’s never going to know what the right answer is when it comes to Itachi.

Yumiko, in her own bed, is tossing and turning as she realizes how tough she had been with Tamako today. She just wants her baby sister to stop worrying about something that cannot be remedied. She wishes that Itachi had never broken her heart like he has. It would just be so much simpler if she had continued to hate him after he left. When Tamako hated Itachi, things were a little easier.

After the years went by, her heart melted and she found herself longing for her first love. It would be sleepless nights and lots of arguments while Yumiko tried to talk sense into Tamako. It wasn’t going to bring back Itachi then and it most definitely would not be bringing him back now.

Yumiko wonders what she could do for her sister to change her view on life, but she worries that there might not be anything she can do. Yumiko has her own life now, and Tamako is going to need to figure out her own as time goes on. Yumiko can no longer baby her. She’s a full grown woman now, and she’s going to have to accept the consequences of life.

The next day, Tamako makes her way into town. It’s awkward because everyone is watching her as if they know what’s happened to her. She tries to seek out Sasuke, but she’s immediately shut down when she finds him.

“How could you think it was a good idea to come talk to me after you left to find Itachi?” Sasuke asks her in a cold voice.

“I-I don’t know, Sasuke. I was a fool to believe he was the same person we knew before.” Tamako offers as an explanation, but he’s not impressed with her. Sasuke frowns.

“You are a fool! I trusted you, and all you do is go find the one person that I completely despise? As far as I’m concerned, you are dead to me now just like everyone else in my clan.”

And this is what fuels Tamako to make her way to the training grounds and begin her jounin training. She’s all by herself, and she’s working herself very hard. She keeps doing the same wind style jutsu over and over again, hoping it’ll make her feel better in the long run.

There’s only one person who’s noticing what’s going on with Tamako right now, and it’s Iruka. He just happened to walk by the training grounds and noticed her working at that same jutsu. He’s worried she’s going to hurt herself or someone else. He knows she’s been in a lot of pain since she’s come home.

When Tamako takes a break, she looks around at all the damage. That’s when she spots Iruka. He gives her a slight wave, and when she doesn’t attack him, he makes his way over to the woman.

“Tamako,” he says to her. She’s looking so angry at the moment, he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing that could set her off.

“Iruka,” she says in a similar tone. They are both at a standstill.

He starts rubbing his hands together nervously as she catches her breath. They are looking at each other for a few moments before Tamako starts to feel a tightening in her chest. The tears come next.

“Iruka, I am an idiot. Nobody cares that I’m home, Yumi hates me and so does Sasuke!” She cries. Iruka is a little flustered by this outburst, but he places his hand on her back. He rubs soothingly.

“Shhh, don’t you worry about those things right now. Nobody hates you,” he says in a calm tone.

“You don’t understand. Everyone hates me. I should have just stayed away from the village.” She continues to worry. He brings her into his arms, enveloping her in a warm and protective hug.

“You need to stop doubting and worrying, Tamako. Everything is going to be just fine,” he starts. She sobs as he tries to give her a pep talk.

“Yumiko does not hate you. She is your sister and she loves you dearly,” Iruka says as he holds Tamako at arm’s length. Tamako chuckles softly with tears still in her eyes.

“I just feel like an idiot around her now. She trusted me and believed in me, and I just threw everything away to be with someone who doesn’t love me.”

“And as for Sasuke, I know he’s hurting...but he will come around eventually. You two have been best friends since you were both children, and I think Sasuke can find it in his heart to forgive you.” Iruka explains. He’s not sure what to say about Itachi, but he wants to say something that will uplift Tamako even more.

“Are you sure? I think he really does hate me now.” Tamako asks, wiping her tears away.

“He’ll most definitely come around. Sasuke is just in a difficult period of his life, and when you ran away, it really affected him.” Iruka is a little glad that she didn’t continue to mention Itachi.

There’s a comfortable silence before Tamako says something else.

“Lord Third says I should train to become a jounin. Do you think I’ve got what it takes?” she asks him, smiling slightly.

Iruka brushes a hair from her face, “Of course you do. I believe in you, Tamako.”

He brings her in for another hug, holding her close as she continues to cry. He doesn’t know what to do that would make her happy, but he knows that he’s going to be here for her every step of the way. She needs guidance now more than ever.

[thekatthatbarks]

Shikasaku

Did you mean this for the headcanon game? I’m going to take it as you did, if not let me know.

Shikamaru

Headcanon A:  realistic

Shikamaru gets anxious at night on missions. He’s always looking at the moon, at the light of the campfire. If it’s a new moon, he’s antsy the entire time. Sure, he’s a great strategist and could figure something out. But there’s something terrifying to him about not being able to use his shadows.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Shikamaru has the worst sense of humor. He laughs at the stupidest things, puns, dad jokes. And he has one of those contagious laughs, where you just hear him laugh and you can’t help but laugh with him. 

You could tell him this super intelligent joke, a long joke with a riddle, and he’ll offer a smile. But no, Sakura tells him a pun and he loses his shit.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Shikamaru is clearly depressed and no one ever talks about it. Like mental illness doesn’t matter in Naruto world, yeah I get it, whatever. But like! He is pointedly incredibly intelligent and just doesn’t ever have the drive for anything until he’s older - which is about things that he has to do, just daily life in shinobi land. He has clear markers for a depressed child and it makes me so sad. He was labelled as lazy, he slept in class, he didn’t see the point in even picking up his pen to take an exam even when he knew all the answers. And Asuma knew he was smart, his father knew he was smart. Iruka probably knew also, but no one ever cared further than calling him lazy. Like I could go on for hours about mentally ill children getting labelled as “lazy” - any age really - and expected to act just as the other children do.

Everything is a drag to him, all he has the energy for is to lay around and watch clouds. And yes, he gets up, he becomes a chunin, he shows effort in doing missions and living his life. But that doesn’t mean he’s not depressed. 

To me, Shikamaru has high-functioning depression by his teens. 

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Shikamaru goes to the Yamanaka shop to help out a lot. He’ll make some random comment about having not seen Ino in a while but she knows the truth. Shikamaru loves working with the flowers, he likes planting them and watching them grow, tending to the gardens. He finds it so calming, something about it that just makes him feel good. 

Ino never tells anyone about it nor how she likes to make flower crowns and drop them on his head when he’s working at the shop. Even in their twenties.

Sakura

Headcanon A:  realistic

While Sakura has a confident air to her and doesn’t back down from her fears, she is still incredibly anxious about marrying into a clan because she has no idea how they work. She’s worried she’ll do something wrong. That fear of being accepted so much larger with how many people there are.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Ino bought Sakura a radio for her birthday and Sakura turns it on while she cooks. She’s developed a love for cheesy pop songs and sings them without shame. She’s always off key and her hips don’t move to the rhythm as she dances in the kitchen.

She likes to point  at Shikamaru when love ballads come on and sing to him until his smile is wide and he’s shaking his head in amusement.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Sakura will always be resentful of being born into a civilian family if only because her chakra pool isn’t very large. She has amazing chakra control and it more than makes up for it. But she can’t help but envy someone like Naruto or even Sasuke. 

She thinks about it, bitterness on her teeth, as she uses up almost all of her chakra to heal her dying team. Two out of the three make it and Sakura is looking helplessly at her fallen teammate, still wishing she was stronger, that she was enough. Two of her ribs are fractured but Sakura can’t heal herself until her team’s okay. Tsunade is screaming at her inside her head that if she dies then she failed her team as a medic anyway. But it’s too much guilt for her, too selfish, and Sakura makes it a bad habit. 

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Sakura has a bit of a power kink. She loves moving up the ladder in the hospital. She loves getting promoted to jounin. She loves it when she’s captain of a squad. People looking up to her, following whatever she says. That trust and faith. After so many times of being pushed back with someone jumping in front of her, Sakura loves being in charge. Of being someone to count on.

Shikasaku

Headcanon A:  realistic

They’re that couple. It seems like they can get anything they want when they’re together. Both of them are frustrating to argue with separably, but together, you might as well give up the fight. They’re too quick on their feet, manipulating their friends into agreeing to whatever they want with a few choice words and a smile.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Shikamaru sleeptalks and Sakura is amused when she finds out. At first, he just says random words, sentences that don’t really make any sense. But some nights, she catches him just mumbling about how much he loves her.

Other nights, stupid confessions fall from his lips to land on the sheets between them - about how he made up a headache so they didn’t have to go to that clan dinner, how he hated the pattern she picked out for their dishes. 

Sakura still finds it adorable, though, and finds it hard to be mad.

Sometimes.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Sakura has to be the one get their relationship off the ground. Shikamaru has more insecurities than he lets on and doesn’t think they’ll make it. He likes her for a long time before Sakura catches feelings. He can’t see why she’d ever want to be with him, having stood beside Naruto and Sasuke all her life. He’s not all powerful, he doesn’t share important memories with her, he doesn’t have a lot of energy. He thinks he doesn’t have anything to offer. He doesn’t want to be a substitute either, inevitably waiting for her to leave him. So, he just doesn’t do anything about it. Sakura hints that she likes him and when he doesn’t do anything, she hints harder, until she’d demanding they go out on a date. He still thinks it’s a bad idea but can’t say no. They go out on more dates and it takes Sakura months to convince him that she wants to be with him. Then, it takes even more months for Shikamaru to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Sakura doesn’t want kids and Shikamaru lets go of the daydream, he hadn’t felt too strongly about it anyway. They don’t tell anyone about it, though, and get married. Years pass and the Nara clan elders start getting more impatient about it, waiting for a clan heir. Sakura snaps in a meeting and tells them there will be no heir coming from her. It tenses the relationships she’d built with the elders but she can’t regret it, not going to be forced to have children she doesn’t want. Not wanting to do that to a child. Shikamaru defends her until his tongue runs dry, showing the most emotion he ever has in those later clan meetings. Yoshino backs them up and is the one to offer the idea that Shikamaru can pick the next clan head from another Nara family.

Sakura’s stubbornness and fuck you I’ll do what I want attitude has rubbed off on him and Shikamaru goes and gets a vasectomy so it can be a mute point.

The clan elders have pulled their hair out by then and agree to let Shikamaru pick the next clan head.

So I realized too late that you meant shikasaku headcanons but I had already written the character ones, so more treats for you! Thank you for the ask!

Send me a character for a headcanon!

[ladyxxdaydream]

8, 17, and 20 for the ask meme~💕

(17) Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write scenes out of order?

I definitely do NOT write from start to finish lmao. I usually start somewhere in the middle. For Night At The Aquarium, which is my longest fic (and still a WIP heh… O.o), the first scene I wrote didn’t even appear until like chapter 5 or something. It’s on chapter 13? (fuck I need to get back to this i’m sorry) out of like 21… and I already have chapters 15+16 written, but not the ones in between. My brain works in mysterious ways.

(20) Describe your perfect writing conditions

Mmm. Either early morning, right when I wake up, with a cup of green tea + mint. Or late at night with a candle/incense and an herbal tea picked from my garden (current fave is lemongrass and a tiny bit of rosemary). Whatever the case, there’s always tea. I tend to write with music a lot, too. Once I find the song for the fic, it’s usually kept on low, on repeat.

(8) Share a snippet from one of your dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Tav, this was HARD. THANKS A LOT. j/k 💗💗I sorta had a crisis over it tho tbh lmao. At first I thought I should chose something ~deep~ and ~smart~ to prove my skill but then I thought about some of my favorite humor and UGH IT WAS HARD. So, I had to ask the other half of my brain @tea-blitz about what SHE thought I should be proud of jsdksgjks I cheated. In the end, I chose two snippets because whatever, I do what I want. One was picked by Tea, and the other by me. Putting them under the cut because this is already long ksjdgkshgj.

my pick—a snippet from the NATA universe, from the prequel I’ll Fall If You Do.

Forewarning. This isn’t a snippet. I have no self control SORRY

“So…” Iruka began, when the silence stretched on, unable to handle it, but Kakashi surprised him, by speaking at the same time.

“Do you believe in karma?”

“What?” Iruka asked, stifling a laugh.

Random.

“Yesterday. At the lake. You said that some people have a hard time in this life but all the progress they’ve made will transfer over and they can try again. You were implying reincarnation, right?”

Iruka stared at Kakashi in disbelief, trying to understand the person in front of him, but failing miserably. He really did remember everything, and with amazing accuracy.

He took another sip of his drink.

“Yes.”

“And if you’re talking about the Buddhist idea of reincarnation, then you must believe in karma, too.”

“Depends on how you define karma,” Iruka said, leaning back against the counter, crossing his feet at the ankles.

“From my limited reading of Buddhist texts so far, karma accumulates based on your actions—,”

“—actually, it starts at the intention. Everything begins in the mind.”

Kakashi gave a small laugh.

“Thank you, sensei,” Kakashi teased. “Shall I go on?”

Iruka blushed, nodding his head.

“Okay, karma accumulates based on your intentions. If you have good intentions paired with right action, you accumulate positive karma. If they’re bad, negative. Every action has a consequence. And your next life is based on the karma that ripens when you die. So, theoretically, if I did a bunch of terrible shit in my past lives, then the terrible shit I experience in this life, are a result of all the negative karma I’ve accumulated. Am I right so far?”

“Technically, yes. But I think there is one major thing that people misunderstand about karma.”

“Which is what?”

“Which is… that just because some terrible shit, as you so eloquently put it,” Iruka flirted, “arises in your life that might be a result of your negative karma, it doesn’t mean you should sit there and passively take it, if you have the power to change the circumstances. That’s not what’s going to purify a cycle of negative karma.”

“Then what will?”

Iruka placed his drink on the counter, before crossing his arms over his chest.

“Forgiveness. Either forgiving yourself, or others who have hurt you, or both. Because if you don’t forgive, you remain angry. You hold on to it. And anger is the ultimate enemy. The one true poison. It breeds negative emotions: retaliation, hatred, which spawns negative action. And there you are, back to accumulating negative karma, continuing the cycle. Or at least according to Buddhism.”

Iruka picked up his drink and downed the remaining sip.

Why I’m proud of it: Hrmmm. Well. I remember reading somewhere that in the datebook, Iruka’s intelligence level is like… super fucking high. Not that I’m surprised, but yeah. So I kinda always imagined him being well-versed in theory, or things that really require brain power, in this case, philosophy/wisdom. But what I really love about this scene, is Kakashi is trudging through his depression, digging for answers or reasons as to why he’s suffered so much in his life. Iruka and Kakashi are getting to know each other at this point, and Kakashi is masking his search for answers in a philosophical discussion. and Iruka basically blows his mind, and gives him his answer at the same time, while being oblivious to the effect he’s having on Kakashi, because he doesn’t know his trauma. The scene directly following this one is switched to Kakashi’s POV, and you can see how impressed he is—(Kakashi examined him meticulously. Iruka had a way of doing that. He’d say something entirely brilliant and breathtaking, and then he’d write it off at the end, like it wasn’t something entirely magnificent. // He was so captivated by Iruka’s way of thinking. He couldn’t get enough of it. He could listen to Iruka talk about anything, indefinitely. Sometimes, it felt like Iruka took his brain out of his skull, scrambled it around like a rubix cube, and put it back. He made him see the world differently, see himself differently. //And that was not an easy feat.) Anyway, I think it’s really sweet. And pin points exactly why they’re good for each other.

Tea’s pick—two bits of dialogue from this cracky piece I wrote called Konoha’s Krazy Kastle

Kakashi sulked. “I’ll be right back,” he said, giving Lee a high-five on his way out.

“No, you won’t.” Iruka said, as Kakashi merged. Kakashi’s brow was slick with sweat, and his breath short and shallow. “I rented that for Naruto and his friends, not you. They won’t go in, with you in there. You’re weirding them out.” Iruka’s lips quivered, as he fought off a smile.

“What do you mean?” Kakashi said, looking confused. “Lee’s in there.”

“Lee’s weird.”

“Hey, rude.”

“You’re the weirdest person I know, and I married you. It’s hardly an insult.”

**

“I’m serious, Kakashi. No sex in the castle.”

Kakashi pulled back slightly to give Iruka an amused, excited look.

“Don’t even try and roleplay this into one of your dumb icha icha plots.”

“How…” Kakashi laughed, in disbelief.

“Because I know you.”

Why I’m proud of it: WELL. Humor is kinda hard sometimes and I like to think that I’m funny lmao. Sometimes, anyway. So, YEAH. I think these scenes are funny and endearing at the same time. Their love is still playful and everything that’s good in this world. The “play-fighting” in the bouncy castle is still one of my favorite scenes I’ve written to this day.

LMAO WELL THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO MY DISSERTATION. I BET YOU’LL THINK TWICE BEFORE SUBMITTING ANOTHER QUESTION, TAV. sjdgjksj thank you.

[uminosclassroom]

How does Iruka handle the more sensitive topics that come with being a shinobi in the Academy? Are there programs set up to speak on how to grieve your first kill, how to move on past assault (sexual or otherwise), and generally how to keep grasp of one's humanity when faced with the worst the world has to offer every day? Would these be concerns when he's in charge of the Academy? What would it take for him to open up to getting the help he needs for his own past trauma (Mizuki, etc.)?

To Iruka, the hard things come with the job of being a shinobi. For lack of a better term, Iruka is pretty brainwashed with the idea of what a shinobi is and should be, or at least the more modern version endorsed by Konoha (which seems to allow more emotions in a non-mission setting than the shinobi code would imply is traditional). The programs in place tend to reflect that both in his classroom and in the general curriculum. 

I headcanon that, since in canon prior to Sakura’s mental health clinic no one ever mentioned or made accommodations based on mental illness and so there weren’t support systems to assist with grief.  The programs in place teach students how to deal with things during a trauma rather than coping afterward. Duty, the idea that a shinobi’s job is to protect the village, is said constantly. If a student is afraid of an exercise like climbing a high tree or walking a tight rope or being near a spider Iruka isn’t necessarily unsympathetic or cruel, but he absolutely reiterates that they have to do it anyway because it could be part of a mission. 

A lot of what they do is conditioning. Conditioning that killing is duty. Talking about what needs to be done to kill someone as an everyday part of life. The fear of killing someone and the fear of dying is the same as the fear of spiders and high trees. The curriculum makes efforts to dehumanize enemies. They are not people. There is no mention that they are people, they are just the enemy when it comes to discussions about killing and fighting. The only caveat with that is that Iruka sets up a distinction between comrade fighting and enemy fighting. Students are only allowed to have physical fights with their classmates during scheduled sparring. There is no dissent among comrades, and there are no kill shots allowed when fighting them. Teamwork is essential. 

However, there are brief lessons on things like torture resistance and nature survival and when to retreat from a mission. They do exercises in class where they come up with three reasons to live, and they are advised to remember those during tough times. He intends this to mean during missions where your leg is broken, you’re stuck in a rock crevice, your team has continued on without you, and it’s easier just to lay down and die than to try and catch up. However, it is inadvertently a great suicide prevention tactic. 

 Iruka leaves sexual assault up to the Kunoichi Courses teacher because sexual assault is a “woman’s thing” and he doesn’t want to touch it. Maintaining programs like this though are important to him as he takes on the role of principal, but adding in programs about grieving afterward would need to be brought up to him. As for dealing with the worst society has to offer, I think that again goes back to conditioning. They go around the village and learn things about the people and civilians there and how great the village is and being a shinobi is framed in this context of helping this great place to grow and thrive. Konoha is trained as their ultimate number  one thing to hold on to. 

Iruka would not be averse to adding post-trauma coping lessons, but it’s not a concern of his upon being put in charge of the Academy. The culture is to ignore that, and his generation was “fine” without them. However, he is not averse to adding them in should it be brought up to him that someone wanted to teach it. Iruka just has no idea how to.

As for getting help for his own past trauma, someone would need to make him. I mean, not in the sense of dragging him kicking and screaming but it would need to be a very strong suggestion nearing an outright order to go and attend therapy from either a doctor or someone with direct authority over him like a team captain or the Hokage. Maybe a significant other could talk him into it, but that would depend on what background they had (ex: he won’t take a civilian suggestion to go to therapy seriously) and also when they got to him. If he’s dealing with chronic back pain that brings back his nightmares and it’s been three weeks without more than two or three hours of sleep a night, you’re much more likely to convince him to go than when he’s doing better.